Forced Retirement

by DwarvishPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1199

Celestia has a hard conversation with Luna regarding her upcoming retirement.

Sometimes ruling a kingdom comes with difficult decisions, like who will lead once you're gone.

Celestia has someone in mind, she just needs to fire Luna first.

Published 2020-07-23 22:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-23 22:10:00 UTC

About your retirement plan...

Princess Celestia, the soon-to-be former ruler of Equestria, had faced many foes in her lifetime. King Sombra, Chrysalis, and even Discord had eventually fallen in line when push came to shove.

She’d watched empires rise and fall, chaos give way to order and hope, and her kingdom had become a beacon of prosperity under her rule.

All of that paled in comparison to what had to come next as she sat alone in her royal office.

A lump formed in her throat as a knock came from the door.

She swallowed it and spoke.

“Enter.”

“You summoned me, sister?”

Luna stepped into the room and smiled that brilliant smile that seemed to always ignite the constant ball of guilt in Celestia’s gut.

It had been years since Luna’s return, though. Surely Luna had forgiven her by now.

It didn’t make this any easier.

“Have a seat, sister.” Celestia nodded her head towards the plush chair on the opposite side of the mahogany desk.

“My, somepony is serious this morning.” Luna let a small chuckle escape her. “Is this about me finishing off the coffee again?”

Celestia paused, carefully weighing her next words and speaking deliberately.

“This is in regards to my retirement, actually.”

Luna slid into the chair across from Celestia and bit back a grin.

“I see. I assume you’ve picked out a replacement?” Luna asked coyly. “Somepony with years of experience in handling dire situations and court drama?”

“I have...” Celestia started.

“Well, I must admit, you did leave big horseshoes to fill. I’ll have my—“

“I chose Twilight.”

“—work cut out…” Luna trailed off, letting the sentence hang in the air as her face fell. “I’m sorry sister, but did you say young Twilight?”

“I did.”

“Forgive me for asking, but don’t you think there’s a certain royal pony who could step up into the role of leading Equestria?”

“About that,” now came the hard part, “After careful consideration of your duties and role in Equestria, I’ve come to the decision that we’re going to have to let you go.”

Luna blinked at Celestia, her expression flat.

“I’m sorry, Celestia, but I have surely misheard you. It sounds as though you’re trying to fire me from being a princess.”

“That is what I’m telling you, Luna.”

“Surely this is a jest.” Luna scoffed. “That one earth pony with the travelling show is going to jump out soon and say ‘Haha! Thou hath been prankethed!” Luna stood and began searching the room, presumably for hidden cameras. “Come out, Bastion Suture. We have figured out your tricks already.”

Celestia let out a long sigh.

“Luna, please stop. Bastion Suture has been dead almost a thousand years.”

“Now I know you jest.” Luna shot back, forcing a laugh.

“Luna, I took you to see one of his shows when we were fillies. Please have a seat and be rational about this.”

“Rational?” Luna growled at her sister. “Rational is appointing your sister your successor when you step down, not some upstart young noble you’ve developed a soft spot for!”

“Now,” Celestia continued without acknowledging Luna’s outburst, “regarding your 401k, I’m afraid you haven’t put in the required number of hours per year for you to have earned it, so unfortunately we aren’t able to release those funds to you.”

Luna paused and eyed her sister. “What is this For-Oh-Won Cay you speak of? I don’t recall purchasing an island.”

“401k,” Celestia corrected, “it’s a retirement package.”

“But you said you were firing me.”

“That’s correct, dear sister.” Celestia was beginning to regret handling this situation on her own. “Though, I prefer the term forced retirement.”

“Because that is so much better than being a fired princess.” Luna said, narrowing her eyes at her sister. “‘What do you do with your free time, Princess Luna?’, ponies will ask me. ‘Nothing,’ I say, ‘I’m forcibly retired!’”

“I apologize for the inconvenience, sister, but you haven’t worked enough hours to qualify.” Celestia picked up a stack of papers with her magic and shuffled through them until she found the one she was looking for.

“Here. This shows the number of hours you’ve put in since your return,” Celestia tapped a hoof to the paper where she wanted Luna to look, “and this is the average you need to qualify.”

Luna stepped closer and peered at the paper. “It says I have put in almost a hundred thousand hours since I returned.”

“That’s correct.” Celestia perked up. Maybe Luna could see reason after all. “You technically work all day.”

Celestia watched her sister’s gaze moving over the paper and waited for Luna to respond.

“Tell me, sister, how is it that I am supposed to put in one million hours of work in the decade or so since my return?” Luna’s voice was cold.

“Actually, you weren’t.” Celestia felt the lump forming in her throat again. “Unfortunately, I may have accidentally signed a law that considered every year you were designated as a royal princess to be a work year—“

“I don’t see how that’s a problem—“

“And you may have been considered a royal sister even while you were on the moon.”

Luna’s brow furrowed as she glanced upward, presumably to run the numbers in her head.

“Celestia?”

“Yes, Luna?”

“That is by far the dumbest law you’ve ever signed! Why would you do something like that?!”

“Luna, please let me finish.”

“Finish? I think you should have been finished ruling long ago if you were so incompetent as to require work from me while I was imprisoned on the moon!” Luna snapped. “Were I a different mare I’d have…”

Celestia let out a long sigh and let Luna’s rant fade into the background..

She had expected this sort of resistance from her sister. It was the sort of thing that Luna had every right to be right to be upset about. Being forced to abdicate the throne without any sort of monetary package in place would ruin most of the nobility.

Thankfully, she and Luna were not most nobility.

Celestia calmly fished out another small stack of papers from her desk and placed them in front of Luna.

“...and if you think I’ll step down so that Twilight-flipping-Sparkle can take over you’ve got—what is this?“ Luna asked as she finally noticed Celestia’s smug smile and the new papers in front of her.

“Your bank account statement.”

Luna’s eyes started widening as she read, finally taking her seat again.

“Part of the law requiring us to be considered working while we are considered princesses also means a royal account. One with a royal interest rate, if you catch my drift.” Celestia’s smile widened. She should have led with this part.

“That is quite a few zeroes.” Luna said, flipping to the next page. “A lot of zeroes!”

“And it’s already all yours.” Celestia reminded her gently.

“You mentioned something about retiring with you?”

“I did.”

“I’ve always said Twilight was a lovely choice for a successor.” Luna paused for a fraction of a second as a grin spread across her face. “We should go on a vacation, I hear For-Oh-Won Cay is lovely this time of year.”