Ranger Takes on Equestria

by I aint no damn brownie

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Changelings, Prince Blueblood, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Death, Human
Length: 16470

Ranger finds himself in the mystical land of Equestria, where horses talk and nothing makes sense. Gee, he’s sure in a pickle this time.

Quake, Ranger, Quakeguy, all these names for one guy. That guy being Trent McClane, last remaining warrior from Operation: Counter-Strike.

After he ends up in the Everfree when taking the wrong slipgate, he ventures into town. Knocking on the library door, he’s met with a spell from the resident Alicorn.

Sent somewhere, he just goes with the flow.

Hey. This story has Human/Pony, but only in the epilogue. It’s kinda hinted at in the main story, but there isn’t any explicitly romantic stuff. But if you ain’t into that at all, I’d suggest you not read.

Hey, me again. This is an old story and needs tune up. I’m not sure when that’ll happen but you’ve been warned. I may have already put this warning somewhere but if I did I can’t remember.

Published 2020-07-25 14:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-11 07:16:09 UTC

A Weird Start

‘The Slipgate Incident’ was an incident that occurred on November 21, 2045. The United States Government was testing a new technology that they had named ‘Slipgates.’ These slipgates were what is commonly known as a ‘Portal’, to use layman’s terms. Capable of teleportation and long distance travel, the slipgate was revolutionary.

Then the unthinkable happened.

An alternate reality, codenamed ‘The Quake Dimension’ was sending monsters through the slipgates, using their own technology. Supposedly to test the limits of humanity. Operation: Counter-Strike was put into place. 20 soldiers will enter the slipgates and defeat the source of the beasts.

19 soldiers perished. One remained, codenamed ‘Ranger.’

Civilian name: Trent McClane.

Ranger fought the monsters, and was able to find the source, and exterminate it. The source had been a being known as Shub-Niggurath. Ranger had emerged victorious.

Somewhere on the journey back, Ranger went through an unmarked slipgate, and was never seen again.

Or at least, that’s what is speculated.

Every year on November 21, Earth honors the brave soldier that saved the human race.

“HUAGH!” I breathed out as I jumped. Landing with an ‘OUF’, I continued running.

I blasted a limping ogre in the face with my double-barrel. 3 more shots and it went down. I guess I had missed one. I pulled my rocket launcher and rocket-jumped to a higher platform.

I picked up a box of nails, and jumped into a nearby slipgate.

The first thing I noticed was that I wasn’t in an HP Lovecraft inspired dungeon-castle-environment anymore. I was in a dark forest.

I looked up to the sky. It was night time, clearly stated by the presence of the moon. I looked around my environment some more.

The trees were surrounding me. Their branches, arcing over me like claws. I heard a howl, and I got a bad feeling.

Wherever I was.. it wasn’t safe.

I had to get moving.

NOW.

I turned around.

There was.. no return slipgate. Just more forest.

Looking around I every direction, I desperately hoped to find it. But I never did. I started running, pulling out my double-barrel for if someone tries something. I jumped over unturned logs, dodged tree branches, and ignored the burning in my legs.

I had been running for hours. Or what felt like hours.

Run.

Don’t stop.

Never stop.

If you stop, you will die.

That’s all that went through my head. I hardly noticed the cuts and lacerations on my arms from the tree branches and rose bushes anymore. I just needed to find somewhere safe. Somewhere away from here.

There were many apple trees in the distance. A barn, and a house. An orchard maybe?

Whatever! It was shelter!

I ran up to the house, and took a breather. I turned around.

Roughly six wolves had followed me. All made out of.. wood?

One snarled. Shit.

I pulled out my double-barrel, and loaded it. One lunged at me and I shot. It’s head was blown to pieces. The other wolves looked at their fallen comrade, and ran with their tail between their legs.

A wolf no longer chases it’s prey once it feels like IT will be the prey.

“Now what the hay was-“ I heard a person with a southern accent speak before hearing the door open. I turned to face the person, only to see an orange horse with a brown Stetson.

A horse? Or maybe it was a pony. It looked too small to be a horse.

“W-What in tarnation...” The pony said, backing up slightly. I then recalled that I an covered in blood, and holding a shotgun.

I put it away and put up my hands. I also ignored the fact that a horse was talking. I was in an alternate dimension, was I not? It wasn’t as weird as someone with a chainsaw for an arm that could throw grenades.

“Hey, I won’t hurt you.” I said softly, trying not to scare her. “I’m just a normal guy.” I said, and took off my helmet, letting my long hair out of its prison.

“Y-You’re anythin’ but normal!” She shouted. “W-What are you?!”

Ah. They probably didn’t have humans in this universe, did they?

“I’m a human. My name is Trent McClane.” I explained.

“What’s a human?”

“Me.”

“Well, yeah. Ya’ know what ah mean!” She huffed.

A small smile graced my lips, but I quickly turned serious-man again.

“Where is the nearest town?” I asked. I shouldn’t bother this perso- pony by asking if I could stay.

She clearly wouldn’t let me. She was terrified.

“I-it’s uh.. ‘bout a mile down that way.” She said, pointing in a direction. I looked to where she was pointing and saw a path.

Turning back around to thank her, I was greeted with the slamming of a door.

“Figures.” I muttered, turning around. I put my helmet back on and began the journey.

I looked over my body as I walked. Cuts littered my arms and hands, while my armor was scratched up. None of the cuts were too bad, nothing a little dirt and spit wouldn’t heal. My armor was in great shape considering everything I had just done in the Quake dimension, what with all the explosives.

Weapons were all in order and working, and I had plenty of ammo for each.

If someone were to try taking over the world at this moment, I would be able to fight. Knock on wood of course.

I started to see what looked like an old-timey village in the distance. Roofs made of hay, candle lanterns and all that. Everything had a certain.. aura to it, that I couldn’t place. It reminded me of a cartoon. Like one of those ones where everything is solved through ‘Teamwork and friendship!’

Yeah, nice try, but in the real world, problems are solved through the end of a barrel. Just the way the cookie crumbles, sadly. If I could have befriended Shub-Niggurath instead of exploding her from the inside-out...

I probably wouldn’t have. Fuck that. How am I gonna talk with a being hell-bent on torture and destruction? No thanks.

After all, the easier solution is to just pull out the good ol’ RPG.

Oh, no more time to think. I’m here.

I read the welcome sign.

Welcome to Ponyville. Population: 2304. Enjoy your time here!

Ponyville? Really? In the world of ponies? That’s like naming a place ‘Person-Town.’

Although I don’t doubt that exists.

Now let’s see. Is there an inn or hotel nearby?

I couldn’t ask a local, as it was night time. I assume everybody has gone to sleep. Speaking of night time:

Jesus H. Christ.. the night sky is beautiful. It’s like a painting. Each star dotted in the sky, like the dash of a brush. Constellations littered this sandbox, getting more and more complex the more I looked. I was awestruck.

I rubbed my eyes and continued onward. I need to find a map of this place. But where can I look? A library? Or maybe town hall.

I looked at the welcome sign on a large tree. Apparently this tree was a building. Awesome!

Golden Oaks Library.

Well, this is the library. Is it open?

The lights are still on. Here’s hoping.

I knocked on the door, and waited. I heard the sounds of glass breaking, things crashing, a train horn, a cat meowing, and then the door opened. Standing in the doorway was a lavender pony that had.. wings? And a horn? What the fuck?

“Ah! Demon!” It yelled, before something fired from its horn. The voice was feminine so I assumed it was a female.

I couldn’t dodge the light in time, and as soon as it hit me, my vision went black. My body compressed and decompressed. It felt like I was being sucked into the tube of a vacuum. Before I could even yell, the feeling ended.

I opened my eyes, and saw black. My face was pressed against something. Bringing my face back, I took notice of some things.

One! I had been leaning into something furry and black.

Two! It was comfortable.

Three! My arms were wrapped around it.

Four! It was breathing.

“Curious... who art thou, and why art thou in our bed?” A voice asked, sounding regal. And intimidating. And old-timey.

I looked up, and came face-to-face with another one of those ponies. This one was black, and had a pretty big horn. It had wings too, just like the lavender pony.

I immediately let go of her, and shot up. I jumped out of the bed quickly.

“Woah woah! Calm thyself. We mean thee no harm. Thou art not in trouble.” The pony quickly explained. I calmed down slightly, but was still on edge.

How the hell did I get here in the first place?!?

I can understand horse dimension. A faulty slipgate. Happens.

But being teleported into someone’s bed! That was not on my ‘List of things I want to happen’ list!

And how had she done it?! A spell?!

That made sense actually. She was clearly a unicorn, and those were known for magic correct?

“Are you well, Subject?” The pony asked again, clearly seeing the anguish and confusion on my face.

“S-Subject?” I asked.

“It talks!” She smiled slightly. “What... are thee? We don’t think we’ve ever seen something like thou before, in all our years of life.”

“Why are you talking like that? Is someone else there?”

A noticeable blush came upon her cheeks. “Ah.. n-no. We-I.. am still not used to the dialect of today. But back to the question.. what are th-you?”

I weighed my options.

Converse with harmless horse lady?

Or jump out that window and run for it? We are however many stories up.

“I’m a human.” I said. “My name is Trent McClane.”

“A.. human. Odd. We’ve never heard of one of those before.”

“I get that a lot now, heh. I’m not from this dimension.” I explained.

“W-Wow.. dimensional travel? How did thou achieve such a thing?”

“Slipgate. It’s technology I don’t want to get into right now. Anyway, my turn! Where am I?” I asked.

“Thou art in Canterlot. In the Castle of The Royal Sisters. In o-My living chambers.”

“You.. you wouldn’t happen to be..”

“My name is Luna. Princess of the Moon, and Princess of the Night.” She said. Oh, shit.

“And I was just..”

“Cuddling with royalty? Yes, you were.”

“Ah, fuck.. I’m not going to the dungeons for that am I?”

She gained a surprised look. “Oh, heavens no! It was not intended. No need to punish a mistake.”

A weight was lifted off my shoulders that I didn’t know was there. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yes, Yes. We were just reading a book, and imagine our surprise when bam! Alien creature holding onto us!” She giggled.

Ok, she’s adorable. The goth Princess is adorable. What? I know cute when I see it, damn it!

Just because I’m a warrior doesn’t mean I hate cute things! Even Flynn had a rabbit!

I’m off topic.

“Anyhow, dost thou wish for me to send you home?” She asked.

“You can do that?” I asked. She can send me back to earth?

“Yes! Where dost thou live? Fillydelphia? Coltifornia?”

“Uh, Elm Street. Oregon.” I said.

“I.. have never heard of such a place.”

“Ah. Yeah. That’s the problem! I think I’m stuck in this dimension for a while.” I rubbed my head to try and look innocent, but I remembered my helmet was on.

“Let me guess, you need a place to stay?” She smirked.

I sighed.

“You may stay here, alien. BUT!” She raised her voice. “You are going to work for it. Just because you are in an unfortunate situation, does not mean you will be given special privileges!”

Okay. Fair enough.

“Alright. What do I gotta do?”

She was clearly caught off-guard by that. I guess she didn’t actually have a job to give me.

“Hm..” she rubbed her chin with a hoof.

“Aha!” She said. I looked into her eyes. “I am going to be entering the land of dreams soon, to watch over our little ponies. Are you a soldier?”

“Guess you could say that.” I replied.

“Lovely! I have one simple request.”

I nodded, urging her to go on.

“Protect us as w-I do this. When I go into this state, I am left completely vulnerable.” She lowered her voice. “To be frank, I don’t trust my guards. They’ve never encountered any real conflict, so I worry they’ll run off if anything dangerous actually occurred. You seem like someone who has been through a lot. I can see it in your eyes.”

She continued, “You have the eyes of a stallion who has faced the spirit of death, and spit on him.”

I looked at her incredulously. Really? I rubbed my eyes.

“But.. just so you know.” Her horn lit up, and I felt myself be lifted into the air.

“If thou tries anything... we will know.” Her tone grew deep.

She then lied down, and instantly fell asleep.

I fell to the floor, unceremoniously. I groaned as I stood up. I pulled out my axe, and looked around.

...

What the fuck just happened?

I... guess I’m defending royalty now.

And all this happened in a single night?

Good lord.

Author's Note

Hello. New story time.

Got into old FPS games. Noticed a significant lack of Quake stuff, even though that game literally was the base for all 3D FPS games. (Half-Life, Serious Sam, Unreal.) without Quake, those games wouldn’t exist.

Hell, the Half-Life engine is an altered version of the Quake engine.

Anyway, enjoy whatever the hell this will turn out to be. I haven’t made my plot outline yet but I’m getting started on it right quick.

Thanks for checking this out. Leave feedback, of course.

Tour!

I rubbed my eyes as I tried to stay awake.

I haven’t gotten a good nights rest in days, and now that I’m brutally aware of the time passing, I’m even more tired. Back in the Quake dimension, there wasn’t really a day or night. Mostly just dusk.

Whenever I was outside, it wasn’t pleasant. I definitely preferred the murder dungeons over the mysterious forests.

After all, you know what you’re getting into in those dungeons. Ogres, Changelings, Knigh-

Sqeeeaa~

I jumped up into standing position and pulled out my double barrel. Adrenaline pumping, I looked around. My eyes settled on the Princess.

She had moved.

I sat back down, sighing. The bed creaked. I thought someone was going to commit a murder-death-kill on Princess Luna, but NO! JUST THE BED!

God, I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m grumpy. A bad combination, but one is usually a side-effect of the other, so it’s a double-dick-super-combo-value-pack at Costco.

Man, I could really go for some Costco deli food right now. Their hot dogs are lovely, and they just recently brought back chocolate frozen yogurt, so I should check that out-

They don’t have Costco in horse dimension, do they?

...

Horses are herbivores..

There’s.. there’s no meat in horse land.

I put a fist to my head and hit it a couple times. FUCK!

Calm down, calm down. No reason to get so worked up. They probably had good substitutes here.

Do they eat hay like french fries? Heh. Maybe.

Doubt it, but that’s a pretty funny thought. You go to a restaurant,

“Hey, can I get a grass burger and some hay fries?”

“Sure, would you like some bucket water to go with it?”

“Yes please.”

“What size?”

“Large.”

I giggled to myself. Horse land is weird. Or at least, I hope it’s weird. If it’s not weird then that would be a big let-down.

But it’s a dimension of horses. It’s guaranteed to be weird. Especially because this one in front of me has a unicorn horn and pegasus wings.

You know, two fictional accessories. On the same horse.

Or is it a pony? It’s a little small to be a horse.

Fuck it, she’s a pony now. I can ask her in the morning.

Or, whenever she wakes up. Fuck, what time is it?

I looked to a nearby wall clock.

5:00 AM. Okay. It’s early morning.

“Yaaawwn... mhm. Good day, Trent McClane. I am back from my daily patrol of the realm of dreams.” Princess Luna said, rubbing her eyes.

I looked up at her, and I sighed.

“Can I go to sleep now?”

“Yes. Take your rest, We shall go have a meal.”

I fell asleep not 10 seconds after she said that.

“Trent McClane, wake up.” I heard someone say. My eyes slowly opened, and I looked up at Princess Luna.

“Wakey wakey, sleepyhead. We figured thou would like to know where you are staying, so We are going to give thee a tour of the castle.” She said. I nodded and sat up.

“How long did I sleep?”

“Two days.”

“Two days?!” My eyes widened at the news.

Had I really been that tired? Why didn’t she wake me up? She had to go to sleep and patrol the dream realm, right?

Did she just trust me to wake up if she were in danger?

That’s stupid.

“Yes. Two days. Anyhow, let’s give you a tour!” She said, and put out her hoof.

I grabbed it and used it to stand up.

I didn’t, really. It looks like she would fall over if I were to do that.

“There’s my bathroom, if you ever need to use it.” She said, pointing her hoof to a door that had a moon emblazoned on it.

So, I slept for two days, you can probably guess what I did with that knowledge.

A little later, she opened the door to her chambers and the guards turned to look. They saw me and raised their spears.

“At ease. He is with me.” Luna commanded, and the guards turned back around.

It was that ea- shut the fuck up brain, of course it was that easy. She’s the Princess.

“Well, come along!” She said, noticing I wasn’t following. I shook my head and ran to catch up.

The castle was... huge. It was clearly a castle.

Well god damn. We’ve got a genius on our hands.

“Over there is the break room for the royal guards. And over there is where the barracks are located.” She said, pointing to two different doors. I nodded.

“Now, see, a lot of this castle is just guest bedrooms and closets. There is really no reason to live in a place so big other than status.” Luna muttered.

We continued our long trek. Thankfully, we haven’t encountered any stairs yet. Because I doubted those would be anything but cardio.

“Over there is the kitchen. Are you-“

My stomach grumbled. Right, two days without food. Luna chuckled.

“Alright. I’ll get you some food.”

“Thanks.”

Hey wait.

“Wait a minute..” I said.

“Yes?” She questioned, stopping.

“Why are you being so nice to me? You gave me a place to live, you gave me a job, hell, you’re going to give me lunch! What’s up with that?”

Luna pondered, searching for the correct thing to say.

“Well, We are a Princess. Despite the fact that some ponies grovel at our hooves, We don’t necessarily rule with an iron horseshoe. We do have laws, and discipline of course, but we still help our people in any way we can. I would have done the same had you been anypony else.” Luna admitted.

I raised my eyebrow. Huh, Princesses sure are a lot nicer here than back home.

That’s why we have democracy, after all. But it seems these people can live just fine under a monarchy. I envy you, horse land!

“Well, thank you for it. I really appreciate all you’ve done for me.”

“You are welcome, Trent McClane. But We haven’t done much, I assure you.” She smiled slightly.

“You can just call me Trent, you know.”

“Okay Trent. Anyway, back on topic! Would you like some lunch?”

I nodded.

Celestia put down the letter, raising her eyebrow as if she had one. Twilight had written to her about this beast that had shown up at her doorstep.

She described it as tall and bipedal, holding a weapon that was covered in blood. She said the weapon looked like a mix between an axe and a hammer.

Twilight said she used a random defensive spell, but she doesn’t know which one. It could have been a vaporization spell, or a random teleportation spell.. But he had disappeared immediately after being struck with the spell.

Celestia pulled out a piece of paper and a quill.

Dear Twilight,

First things first, I am disappointed in you. It may hurt to hear but you must realize that you have made an error.

Instead of taking the time to think of something to do, you decided to immediately resort to using force. That is unacceptable. It could have been just a scared animal.

But with that out the way.. I wish to let you know that I shall look out for this creature. If I see anything, I will alert you.

Your Teacher,

Princess Celestia.

Rolling up the piece of paper, she sent it off.

She rubbed a hoof on her forehead.

“She can be quite the bonehead sometimes.” She chuckled to herself.

“And over here is the throne room. This is where me and Tia spend most of our time together, whether it be reading letters, or just sitting and being intimidating.”

“Tia? Who’s Tia?”

The door opened and in-walked Princess Luna and I.

I looked over to the set of thrones on the other side of the room. A white Alicorn sat in one, and the other one was just empty.

“This is my sister, Celestia. She is the other Princess of Equestria.”

“Oh, right. You said this was the castle of The Royal Sisters, didn’t you? And... since you’re the Princess of the Night, I can only assume...”

“I am the Princess of the Day, and Princess of the Sun.” Celestia said, staring intently at me. What’s her deal?

‘Is that the creature Twilight mentioned? It has to be, right? I can see it has the axe-hammer-thing on its back..’ Celestia thought.

I turned to her and bowed. “Greetings, Princess. My name is Trent McClane.”

She nodded her head. “Rise, Trent McClane.”

“Just Trent is fine.” I said, raising my head.

“How are you this evening, Trent?” She asked.

“I’m doing okay.”

“That’s good. So, how did you arrive in Canterlot?”

“Hm.. well, I knocked on the door to a library and some unicorn blasted me into Princess Luna’s.. bedroom.” I caught myself. Had I said ‘Bed’ I doubt it would have ended well.

“Hm. Was she purple?”

“Yeah.”

“So it was you she was talking about.. interesting.”

“Yes, Yes. Anyway, back to the tour!” Luna said, turning around.

“Now wait a minute.” Celestia said. She stopped.

“Yes, Tia?” Luna groaned.

“You, Trent.” She said, pointing a hoof at me.

“Yes?” I asked.

“I ask for you to relinquish any weapons on you.” Celestia demanded.

...what?

“Uh... and if I refuse to comply?” I asked.

“You will be banished from this realm.” She said all serious. Then giggled. “I’m just kidding. But not about the weapons. Seriously, hoof them over.”

“...no..?”

“Excuse me?”

“Trent, just do it..” Luna whispered. I sighed.

I pulled out each weapon. My thunderbolt, my grenade launcher, my rocket launcher, my super nail gun, my normal nail gun, my double barrel, and my shotgun.

I...

really?

Was I really going to do this?

“Good, Good. Thank you for complying.”

Heck no.

“I’m gonna keep this one. It’s sentimental to me. Plus, it doesn’t even work.” I said, grabbing my normal shotgun.

A bad lie, but I need to have at least one weapon on me. Call it paranoia, I call it being prepared.

Please don’t ask me to prove it.

“Prove it.”

Fuck!

“Uh.. Alright.”

What do I do? Should I just unload it? No, that’s too obvious! Then-

That’s it!

I turned on the safety. Inconspicuously, of course.

“Look.” I said, and took aim at her. Her eyes widened.

I pulled the trigger.

Click!

I gotta prove myself some more.. make it seem more convincing.

I opened the ammo slot.

“It’s fully loaded, as you can see.” I said. I closed the ammo thing and fired again. Click!

“Okay, I believe you.”

Thank the lord.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked with Luna through another hallway. Just the same as the other ones..

“Auntie!” I heard someone say behind me.

Turning around, I saw a white unicorn with a blonde mane. They were walking towards us.

“Oh, that’s Prince Blueblood. Our nephew.” Luna almost growled out that name, but quickly got ahold of herself.

What was that about?

“Auntie, do you- oh, hello. Who are you?” He asked me.

“My name is Trent McClane. Nice to meet you.” I said.

He held out his hoof. Ah, is this some sort of handshake?

I grasped his hoof in mine and shook.

“My name is Prince Blueblood. It’s nice to meet you as well, Trent McClane.” He said. He then turned back to Luna.

“Luna, do you know where Brush is? I’ve been looking for her all morning.”

“Brush? Hm.. I think I saw her in the east hall earlier.” Luna replied.

“Ah, thank you!” He said, and walked away. Luna flinched.

“Still not used to that..” She muttered.

“What do you mean?”

“Hm? Oh. He used to be.. well, rather insufferable. A spoiled brat. We guess somepony taught him a lesson in manners, heh.” She chuckled slightly.

I nodded. Yeah, rich guys. I see it.

Glad I met the guy when he had already changed. Probably would’ve punched him in the mouth, and that wouldn’t have gone over well with...

The whole world.

“So, that’s the majority of the castle. But... it’s time for me to... hit the hay (heh), sadly.” She said.

“What? Wait, what’s your sleep schedule? No wait fuck that, what’s your life schedule?” I asked.

“Well, I go to sleep at 12:00 PM. I then wake up at 8:00 PM. I raise the moon, and then I go into the dream realm. I exit the dream realm at 5:00 AM, where I then lower my moon.”

I count on my fingers.

“So that leaves you with.. 7 hours of you time, and 8 hours of sleep. Which means... my schedule is now like that, isn’t it?”

“No. You stay awake when I go to sleep or enter the dream realm. Your job is to be my guardian.”

“So.. when do I sleep?”

“During the me time, or just whenever I’m not sleeping.” She replied.

“So that leaves us with no time to spend as friends?” I asked. Damn, I was starting to like her.

“You can take days off every other day. I don’t need protection always, after all.” She said, smiling a little bit.

Okay, at least she’s fair.

Wait, this is hardly fair!

Well at least I’m not homeless. That’s a plus..

Right?

Author's Note

Hey, second chapter! Crazy, right?

Make sure to leave some feedback! Thanks for reading!

The Dreamscape

“You may rest now, Trent.” Luna says, as I yawn.

“Cool.” I replied.

I stood up, and held onto the wall for support until the dizziness died down. That’s what happens when you stay in one place for a long time. Your blood doesn’t flow as much.

I waved goodbye to Luna as I stepped out of her chambers. I nodded to the guards and they nodded back.

I trudged down the hallway at a snail’s pace, trying to preserve the exhaustion. Walk too much and you get re-energized, and that’s something I didn’t want. I want sleepy time, damn it!

I took out the key to my bedroom, and jammed it into the hole. I turned it and opened my door, and I tossed my helmet onto my dresser.

I removed all my armor, along with my undershirt and combat pants. I climbed into bed and got all warm. Ah dammit.

I sighed, and got up.

I used the restroom and on the way back, turned on my fan. You can’t sleep without a fan! It’s impossible.

I climbed back into my bed and relaxed my body. I turned my head to the side and quickly fell asleep.

I fired a rocket at the shambler. He geared up to fire his lightning, so I hid behind my pillar. The lightning hit the pillar instead of my bones.

I turned out from my cover and fired three rockets. He charged it up again, and I hid.

After a bit, I turned out of my cover and was hit by a bolt of lightning. The bastard! He was waiting!

I fell to the floor, my limbs not responding. This gave him time to charge up another attack.

He fired more lightning, burning and paralyzing me again.

Is this it? Is this how I die?

He walked closer, preparing to (I’m assuming)eat me alive. What the fuck else are those razor teeth for?

I felt muscle control slowly coming back, so I grabbed my shotgun and fired, hoping to do something. It just fired another lightning bolt as my buckshot did nothing to harm its tough hide.

I narrowly dodged said lightning bolt. It roared and stepped on my leg, shattering the bone completely.

I yelled in pain as it also stepped on my hand, rendering both limbs completely unusable. I tried to move my other hand, but it stepped on that too.

I couldn’t feel anything. Too much pain coursed through my body as I lay there, broken. Why. Why won’t I just die? KILL ME YOU BASTARD! DON’T PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!!

“Enough!” I heard a voice yell.

I couldn’t tell how far away they were. For all I know, they could’ve been right next to me. I wasn’t focusing on much.

The looming shadow of the shambler was blasted away by an unknown force.

“Trent, are you alright?” Someone asked. I cracked open my eyes, and saw that it was Luna.

“L-Luna? What are you doing here?”

“I got a bad feeling, and I had to check on the dreamscape. It seems I made the correct choice.” She explained.

“This is a dream?” I asked.

“Affirmative.” She replied.

You know, now that I think about it, I’m not actually in any pain. I feel completely fine.

Dreams are fuckin weird. BUT! Dreams can be controlled too, right?

I willed my limbs to reform, and they did. I mean, my leg didn’t come back correctly (I had two left feet now, sick) but it worked.

“So, how do I wake up?” I asked Luna.

She shrugged her.. shoulders? What the fuck did she just do? I’m pretty sure ponies can’t do that.

“Usually you can just will yourself awake. But come along with me, I wish to show you something.” She said, and held out a hoof.

I grabbed the hoof immediately. This is always what you want to do in these situations: Trust everything you see. That’s never ended badly.

She closed her eyes in concentration, and when she opened them, we were in a completely different environment. I looked around, spotting various bubbles. All of them were green, but one was red. There weren’t that many bubbles, but there was still a considerable amount.

“These are everypony’s dreams. Each bubble represents an individual subconscious. I do not know who’s subconscious each dream represents, but I can usually infer. The green ones are what I like to call ‘Happy dreams.’ While the red ones are nightmares. It is my duty to go to the red ones, and help the poor soul face their fear. I saw your dream as red, and I acted.”

“Thank you for that.”

“You are welcome. Would you like to help me face the fear of... Twilight Sparkle?” Luna said, acting all dramatic.

I gasped, my hands going to my face. “Twilight Sparkle?!?”

“Yes!”

“Who the fuck is that!?” I asked.

“She’s- wait, what? She was the one who teleported you into my bed.” Luna raised an eyebrow.

What the fuck! Ponies don’t have eyebrows!

“Oh, that purple horse was this Twilight person?” I asked. Luna nodded.

Luna walked over to the bubble and took it in her hands. She walked over to me, and guided my hand on top of it.

Her horn lit up, and I felt the weird sensation of teleporting again. It was like being squeezed through a key-hole.

After getting over my shock and motion sickness, all I heard and saw was destruction.

Is that... me?

I’m chasing the purple horse around the tree library, axe in hand. This copy of me is swinging at her repeatedly, but she’s dodging each time. This causes the axe to go into the floor, bookshelves, and even a poor purple and green dragon.

“Luna! Thank Celestia you’re here- AH!! THERE’S TWO OF THEM!!” She ran up some stairs.

“Well damn. Guess I made some sort of impact on her.”

“She’s been staying up for days on end. I would guess it’s because she thinks you’re going to somehow come back and cause harm, but that’s merely speculation. The reason she’s dreaming at the same time as you is because she got so exhausted, she just fell asleep. Your dream was at around.. 9:00 AM? That’s a time where most of the population is already awake.” Luna explained to me, and I looked at the floor.

“Well damn, now I feel bad. Maybe I shouldn’t have been holding my axe when I first knocked on her door.”

Luna giggled. “You think? Come now, let’s help her out.”

“How?”

“Just beat his.. ahem. Excuse my language.. just beat his flank. And then apologize.”

I held back a laugh. Flank? Is that a bad word here? Heh.

“Yeah, I got it.” I said, and cracked my knuckles. “Hey, bitch!” I yelled.

He turned to me, and raised his axe.

I raised my fists. “Let’s go.”

He charged, and slashed vertically. I dodged, and threw a right-hook. It slammed right into his armored head. Fuck!

Oh wait, dream.

I willed my double-barrel into existence.

“Groovy.” I said, quoting Evil Dead for no real reason.

Using the boomstick, I just shot the guy. Took a couple shots to pierce the armor, but I did eventually get him.

I rubbed my eye. Damn, itchy.

“Did you take care of him?” Luna asked from upstairs.

“Yeah. I forgot this was a dream.” I said, turning the gun into a candy bar and taking a bite. No taste, as I thought.

The dream realm was almost perfect.

“Come up here and talk to Twilight. Let’s clear your name, yeah?”

I nodded, and went to the stairs. I walked up, and took notice of the bed that had a quivering lump.

“That her?” I asked. Luna nodded.

“Twilight, come out. It is I, Princess Luna.”

The lump stopped quivering, and a head peeked out. She took one look at me, and got back under the cover.

“You lied!”

“No, I did not. Princess Twilight Sparkle, meet Trent McClane.” She said, and pointed a hoof to me.

Twilight looked out, and saw that I wasn’t immediately charging her with a weapon.

“Is.. is he-“

“He is a human, and is very nice.”

“Nah I’m kind of an asshole.” I interjected.

“He is a human, and he is nice in my eyes. You have nothing to fear. After all, he should fear USrather than us fearing him.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

Twilight shakily got out of her bed, and walked over to me. She held out a hoof.

I looked into her eyes. Hm.. they were purple, but.. there’s some sort of sheen on them. Like a glaze.

Probably just weird dream stuff. I shook her hoof, and gave her a smile. She smiled back.

“See, he’s not that scary, is he?” Luna said, like a parent to a child.

“No. Not really.”

Luna smiled.

“Well, we must be off. Goodbye, Twilight.”

“Bye Luna!”

We left the subconscious, and returned to the dream realm.

“Something was off about her.” Luna stated. I looked over at her.

“What do you mean?”

Luna stood for a moment, probably thinking of an answer.

“She.. never calls me just ‘Luna.’ Usually Princess Luna. And.. she’s never that scared. That’s something I can see Kindness doing, not Twilight. She’s usually the one that ‘Leads the pack’ so to speak.”

I thought it over.

She’s a Princess, right? Sending danger away at first glance seems highly irresponsible, especially if you’re just going to use a random teleport spell. What the hell is going on here?

“Hm. I’m probably overthinking things. You may leave the dream-realm, if you wish. Simply will yourself awake.”

And that I did.

At this point, I didn’t know what fucking time it was, all I knew is that I was hungry. And the first meal of every day MUST be breakfast. No exceptions. Even if you wake up at five, a good bowl of cereal will start your day off just right.

I groaned. I didn’t want to get up though! My bed was so comfy!

Someone knocked on my door. Fuck my ass dude.

I got up, and opened the door.

Luna stood there, and blushed. Oh wait, I’m not wearing a shirt. Or pants.

A girl is at my door.. and I’m in boxers.

Reminds me of High School.

I closed the door, and ran to my clothing. I tossed it on, but decided to leave the armor there for now.

I re-opened the door, leaning on it. “Heyyyy...”

She coughed. “H-hello, Trent. We were wondering if you wished to join us for Dinner? Or, well, Lunch for you, dinner for me. Would you like to come along?”

I nodded. “Sure. Let’s go.”

I sat down in the dining area, Celestia on my right. Luna in front of me. Blueblood to the right of her.

A chef pony brought out a salad for Luna, a salad for Celestia, and.. a salad for Blueblood. Damn, horses and their veggies. Someone set down just a bowl of cereal in front me. Frosted Flakes. Mmm.

I took a bite, and took a deep breath. This was SO MUCH BETTER THAN AN MRE!

I quickly ate the remaining cereal, and called for more.

“So, Trent.” Celestia asked. I looked over to her. “Would it be wise to reveal you to the public?”

I thought about it. I put my hand on my chin for emphasis and everything.

“Hm, well. Basically everyone in the castle already knows I exist, along with some ponies from Ponyville. I doubt it would make a difference. I doubt somebody will riot because a different species was discovered.” I chuckled.

Celestia smiled. “That is true. Well, how would we go about this?”

“Just don’t care. Live life as normal, and if someone sees me, explain it.” I said.

“Alright. As long as you’re prepared to answer to absolute bombardment.” She responded.

“I do not know, my Queen. He seems to be called a ‘Human.’ But he doesn’t seem to pose much of a threat.”

“Okay. Continue with the plan, then.”

“Yes, my Queen.”

Author's Note

Oh damn, THOSE RANDOM VILLAINS? how original, author.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always, make sure to give me some feedback!

Fun fact: I ate a grilled cheese during the production of this chapter.

Also, gave the story a well-fitting ‘Comedy’ tag. Don’t know why that wasn’t the there in the first place.

Only the Beginning

“Hey, Fluttershy?” Twilight said, knocking on Fluttershy’s door.

After the sounds of multiple locks unlocking, a butter-colored Pegasus is at the door. “Yes, Twilight? What is it?”

“May I come inside? I think I left something here last time I visited.” She explained, blushing slightly.

“O-oh, well, sure. But.. hasn’t it been a couple days since you last came over?” She asked. Twilight coughed nervously.

“Oh, yeah. I just remembered it was here. I had been distracted.” She said on the spot.

“That.. makes sense. I can understand that. So where would it be?” Fluttershy asked, taking a glance around.

“Well, you check that room, and I’ll look over in this one. I don’t actually recall where it is. All I know is that it’s here.” Twilight said, turning around. Fluttershy did the same.

Twilight turned back around, and shot a spell at Fluttershy.

“Eep! Twilight, what... what did.. you..” She fell to the floor, unconscious.

A sleep spell. Relatively easy to learn. Actually, dangerously easy to learn. That should be a more difficult spell.

“Ay, Ricky!” ‘Twilight’ yelled, and a bug-looking pony came through a nearby window.

‘Twilight’ pointed to Fluttershy, and Ricky nodded. He took the form of the Pegasus.

“Ay, Bubbles!” Ricky yelled, and another changeling came through the window. Ricky pointed to the unconscious pegasus.

Bubbles nodded, picked up and cloaked Fluttershy with his magic, and flew off. Not before smashing into the windowsill though.

Fuck!

‘Twilight’ nodded to ‘Fluttershy’, and they left the house. The animals had all been outside, so they didn’t suspect a thing.

“Hey, Rarity?”

“H-Hello, Rainbow?”

“Applejack! Open up!”

“Pinkie Pie? Yah in there?”

Each one had been taken out, replaced by their own Changeling.

The ‘Mane Six’ walked out of Sugarcube Corner, smiling. It was all going as planned. ‘Fluttershy’ turned to ‘Twilight.’

“Alright, Twilight. It’s all up to you. Think you can do it?” ‘Fluttershy’ said, patting ‘Twilight’ on the shoulder.

“Tartarus yeah I can.”

Anyone in the surrounding area stared at Princess Twilight, most gaping, while some applauded. They had heard the Princess swear! Incredible!

Jirard turned to the ‘Guard’ next to him.

“You think everyone is getting their job done?” Jirard asked.

“Hopefully. The Princesses haven’t called any national emergency yet, and no explosions. So I’m guessing nobody’s been caught. Our Queen will be so happy with us.” He said, smiling slightly.

Jirard smiled too.

They had been working on replacing the royal guard, from the inside and out. It wasn’t... it wasn’t that hard. They were all so separated that it wasn’t hard to knock them all out and replace them.

Something was up. It was too easy.

Jirard knocks on a wooden desk right next to him. Lorenzo, the ‘guard’ next to him, tilted his head.

“What was that?”

“I don’t wanna jinx it.”

“Good call.”

“There’s this really good coffee place down the street that I wanted to show you.” Luna said to me as we walked through Canterlot.

“Hm. The Princess is trying to take the weird beast on a date? How scandalous!” I joked, chuckling slightly when Luna blushed. She punched me.

Some nobles started muttering to each other.

“This is just a friendly outing!” She insisted. The nobles shrugged.

I started laughing even more.

“It’s not funny!” Luna said, blushing even more.

It’s quite funny.

“Whatever! Anyway, this is the place.” She said.

I looked up at the sign. ‘Corsage Café’ it read.

What the fuck is a corsage? Is that one of those prom flower things? I never went to prom.

Luna started walking inside, and I ran to catch up. I opened the door for her.

“Thank you. What a gentlecolt.” She joked. I raised an eyebrow.

“You mean Gentleman?” I asked. She tilted her head.

“No? Gentlecolt. Oh, whatever. Cultural differences. You understand.” Luna said, and walked up to the cashier. I followed.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, dumbass. Of course she meant Gentleman.

“May I please get a coffee and one blueberry scone?” Luna asked the Stallion behind the counter. He nervously nodded his head.

“O-of course. Anything else, Princess?”

“No thank you. Trent?” She asked. I nodded, and stepped up to the plate.

“Can I please just get a coffee?” I asked. Simple request. If they fuck it up, somebody is getting an ass-whooping.

He nodded, and Luna took out some gold coins. Is that their currency here?

The stallion left to go make the drinks, and I sat down with Luna.

“So, Trent, have you been having good dreams recently?” Luna asked.

“Luna, you can see my dreams.”

“I know!” She giggled. Damn, that was pretty cute.

“So how’s this whole Princess thing going?” I asked, knowing what I just got myself into.

“Well.. it’s nice. Stressful, but.. nice. My subjects don’t really, well, respect me as much as Celestia. But I don’t blame them. I did turn into an evil monster for a while..”

“Wait, what?” I asked. Evil monster? I doubt it. Luna’s too nice.

“Did I not tell you?”

“Fuck no you didn’t tell me!”

“Oh, well. It all started when...”

Luna proceeded to tell me the story of Nightmare Moon.

Now, I’m not gonna go over that. It’s in the history books if you wanna look for yourself.

“And that’s the whole story.” Luna finished.

I stared in shock. Damn, how was I supposed to process this? That was a huge knowledge bomb.

“You.. you don’t think less of me, do you?” She asked, her eyes gaining a sheen. She looked like she was going to cry. Fuck!

“No, of course not. Sure, that’s a lot of info, and I kindof think differently of you.. but you’re still my friend. You’ve proved to me that you’re nothing like this ‘Nigtmare Moon’ through your actions. I teleport into your bed out of nowhere, and instead of being angry, you help me out. You give me a job and a home. No matter what you do, no matter what your past looks like, I’ll be your friend.” I finished. Luna smiled, wiping away a tear.

“Thank you.”

“Hey, Hey. Let’s not get all sappy, yeah? Let’s just enjoy the coffee.”

I took a sip. Damn! It’s cold!

Luna fired a spell at the coffee, reheating it. How the fuck- oh wait, magic alicorn horse lady. She can do pretty much anything.

Damn, I need to get a real head on my shoulders. Most of my time here has just been spent with me getting confused at everything.

I should read up on magic or something.

Prince Blueblood put the toothbrush back on his bathroom counter.

Wiping his mouth on a nearby hoof towel, he exited the restroom. He walked over to his bed and switched off the lights with magic.

Climbing into his blanket, he sighed.

KNOCK KNOCK

Oh, damn it.

He groaned, got up, and walked to his door. He opened it to find one of his guards.

“North Star? What is it?” He asked, slightly annoyed.

“May I come in, sir? We got reports of something trying to sneak into the castle, so I was ordered to investigate your room for any sign of the mystery guest.” North Star explained.

Blueblood nodded. “Of course, go ahead.”

He stepped out of the way, and closed the door after North. North Star turned around and fired a spell at Blueblood, who dodged it.

“What the buck?!” Blueblood yelled.

He scrambled to his feet, charging up a spell of his own. Blueblood wasn’t that well-versed in magic, but he knew defensive and offensive spells. He was just hoping to put North to sleep, to hopefully figure out what was up with him.

North fired another blast. Blueblood dodged one more time, firing his own spell. North ducked under it.

Blueblood fired to the right of North, and North luckily took the bait.

North dodged right into the sleep spell, and tried to keep his balance. He failed at this task, and fell to the floor.

Suddenly, he changed. Going from a white-colored royal guard, into a bug-like creature.

“No... no way! They’re back!” Blueblood yelled. “I have to warn-“

CLANG!

Blueblood fell to the floor.

‘Twilight’ stood behind the body, levitating a shovel.

“Let’s go. Gene, take his form, and Bobby?”

“Yes?”

“Take his body to base.”

“Aye-aye.”

Bobby flew out of a nearby window, holding Blueblood while cloaked. Ricky nodded to the ‘Mane 6’, and they ran off, looking for a certain Blue Alicorn’s chambers.

“First Luna, then Celestia. At that point, we’re home free!” Ricky said, leading the group to her bedroom.

...

Blueblood crawled out from under his bed.

Dead ringer. A spell that allows the user to fake their death/fake unconsciousness.

He heard the hoofsteps from a mile away. It wasn’t hard to know that there were more ponies coming from behind.

“Alright.. I have to go help the others!” He said to himself, charging through his bedroom doors.

“Lyra, look at him. He’s harmless.” I said, picking up the spider. I held it in my hands.

Lyra shook where she stood. “Harmless.. harmless..” She muttered, taking deep breaths.

“Hold out your hoof.” I asked. She complied.

I set the spider on her hoof, and it crawled around a little bit before settling down.

“See? It’s just a little guy. They can’t do any harm.”

“I don’t-“ she shivered when it moved slightly.

“Lyra, have you died?”

“N-no?”

“Has it bitten you?”

“...no.”

I raised my eyebrows at her, and gestured my head to the spider.

“Hehe.. haha!! You’re right! What was I thinking?!” Lyra laughed. “Thank you, Trent!” She yelled.

I nodded, and turned to Luna.

“Good job, Trent. I-“ she stopped talking, her ear twitching.

“Somethings happening up there. and it doesn’t sound good.” She said quickly.

I nodded, an I willed myself awake immediately.

I tossed on my armor, grabbed my shotgun, and rushed to Luna’s room. I heard the clattering from across the hall.

I busted down the door, and cocked my shotgun.

Luna stood there.

“Ah, Trent McClane. How nice to see you. Did you need something?”

“Luna..? Are you alright?” I asked. Something was off.

“Never better!”

She looked at my shotgun.

“What’s that?” She asked.

I looked into her eyes. They were glazed over, and had a barely noticeable green tint.

Okay.

I turned off the safety and blasted her head off. Green blood sprayed on a nearby wall as her body fell to the floor.

She changed into a bug. As I thought.

When I had read up on magic, I also took the time to study other creatures from Equestria. There were these things called ‘changelings’ that could take the form of anybody, with the only difference being the eyes.

Although, I felt sick thinking about the fact that I basically just shot Luna.

“Trent!” I heard someone yell. I turned to look at where the voice came from. I spotted a white stallion with a blonde mane.

“Blueblood?” I asked. He tackled me to the floor, just as a spell flew over our heads.

“Get to cover!” He yelled.

I crawled over to Luna’s bed and hid behind it, Blueblood following soon after. I looked over the bed and saw that it was a couple royal guards.

I was about to call out to them, but Blueblood stuck a hoof on my mouth.

“Those aren’t guards!” He whispered. I nodded.

The guards kept firing, and I jumped up from my cover.

I shot one of them in the head, and the other tried to hit me again. I ducked back under the cover as he fired the spell. I jumped out of cover and shot one more time, hitting the other guard in the leg. He fell to the floor, clutching it. I walked up to him and blasted his head away.

Both turned into bugs. Shit. How many guards did they replace?

And where was Luna?

“Oh, guess my help wasn’t.. needed.” Blueblood breathed heavily, clearly exhausted. Had he ran the entire length of the castle to this room?

Blueblood’s room was on the opposite side of the castle!

“No, I’d say you were pretty helpful. But let’s go! We have to go warn Celestia!” I yelled, and ran out of Luna’s chambers.

I feel bad that he had to run more, but this was pretty important. Luna may have fallen victim already, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help the other Princess.

Blueblood groaned, and followed after me.

Author's Note

LOOK Gordon! A Rope! We can use- HELP ME GORDON!!!

sorry for all the line breaks

there were too many transitions and perspective changes in this chapter

From Dusk til Dawn

I ran up to Celestia’s chambers and I kicked open the door with the force of 10 Gods.

Or at least, tried to. The door was metal. I was a man of average strength.

“AGHHHH!!” I yelled, clutching my foot. I think I broke something.

“The door is solid steel, Dumbass!” Blueblood yelled, and pulled me up. “But it’s also soundproof. Thankfully, nopony inside can hear you yelling.. so we can use the elements.”

“The Elements of Harmony?” I asked, shaking my foot to dispel the pain. (It wasn’t working.)

“No. Surprise and strength!” He yelled, and threw open the door.

Twilight.. and her friends?

Blueblood shot a spell at Twilight, but she dodged it easily, hiding behind Celestia’s bed. The rest of her friends followed. Damn it, this was the plan we used. It was foolproof!

I wish I had a grenade. Fuck Celestia dude, stealing my weapons.

I pulled out my shotgun and ran up to the bed, doing a sick slide over the covers and blasted the nearest guy’s head off. It was the pink one.

Immediately regretting my decision to get so close, I blasted two others away before getting thrown back by a spell.

I slammed into a nearby wall, pain erupting across my back like a million tiny needles.

“AGGHHH!!!!” I yelled, falling to the floor unceremoniously.

Blueblood continued firing at the bed. What is that going to do man!? They’re hiding!

Blueblood teleported behind them and shot three spells in quick succession, knocking out each changeling.

“...oh.” I muttered. I forgot some unicorns could teleport.

And this guy lives in the castle, so he clearly has some experience with magic.

I heard the bed shift. I slowly stood up and saw that Celestia was still sleeping soundly.

“H-how..”

“Soundproofing spell on her head. She does it every night. She really needs her sleep, I guess.” Blueblood explained. I nodded along. Made sense I guess.

...

“We should’ve left one awake!” I yelled, slapping a hand to my head.

“What, why?” Blueblood asked.

“Questioning! To find out where the others are being held!” I yelled out, punching a nearby wall.

All I did was injure my hand a little bit. No damage to the wall.

“Oh, horseapples!” He said, hitting the floor with a hoof.

Horseapples? HORSEAPPLES?!

I burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, genuine confusion present on his face.

“H-Horseapples!”

He blushed. “Hey! That’s a common swear!”

I wiped a tear from my eye as I calmed down. Okay, we need to wake one of these guys up.

I walked over to some random one and slapped his face.

No response.

I slapped it again. No response again. I slapped it again. I slapped it- Blueblood grabbed my hand with his magic.

“That’s not going to work.” He said. Like I knew that!

He used a spell on him, and he woke up immediately. I grabbed his hoof. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hey! Let me go!” He yelled, flapping his wings. I slapped his horn. He instantly shut up.

“Where is everyone?” I asked, reaching for my shotgun. Blueblood walked over and kicked it to me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said.

I fired a shot at a nearby lamp. He looked incredibly frightened.

“W-What do you wanna know?”

I smirked.

I ran out of the room, determined.

“Trent! Wait- who’s gonna watch the Princess?!”

“She’s a big girl!” I yelled. “Others need help more than her right now!”

“But-oh Celestia damn it Trent!” He yelled, and ran after me. He cast a locking spell on the door before exiting.

He teleported to catch up to me, but it didn’t work as all it did was make him more tired. But he did catch up. I slowed down a little. I felt bad.

“So... where is it..?” He asked, panting.

“Somewhere.. in the outskirts Ponyville. It’s some big cave.” I responded, more focused on how to get out of this damn castle than the conversation.

“This way!” He said, and ran down a nearby hall. I followed. He knew his way around more than I did.

I continued to follow Blueblood as he led me out of the castle. The gate was guarded by two men, but I shot them both in the head.

Thankfully, both were bugs.

“Grab onto me!” Blueblood yelled, stopping. I stopped too and grabbed his mane.

A bright flash, and the feeling of being squeezed through a tube of toothpaste later, and we were at the train station.

....With no train.

“Buck!” He yelled.

“Well, Yeah. It’s like what, 12 at night? People are usually in bed by now. And that includes train conductors.” I said.

Blueblood growled.

“Come on, we’re walking.” He said. I widened my eyes.

“But-“

“You have endless stamina Trent!” He yelled.

“No I don’t! I’m super tired right now! I’m literally running on fumes!”

“So am I! Let’s go!”

I started running. He followed.

I started singing a song. More specifically, King of the Road by Roger Miller. My Dad’s favorite song from when I was a boy. This trip was more boring than anything.

Blueblood replied to my singing, with another line.

“Holy shit, you know that song?” I asked.

“Of course. Princess of the Road by Dodger Mill, right?”

“...no. King of the Road by Roger Miller. How do you know that? I didn’t take you for a country fan.”

“Hm. Well, there was this one stallion that used to guard my chambers who would listen to it constantly. Eventually it grew on me, and I was singing it with him every time he played it.” Blueblood replied.

“What happened to him?” I asked. He die or something?

“He.. unfortunately, passed during the first changeling invasion. That’s part of the reason I came with you on this journey. They’re going to pay for Cold Breeze.” He said, determined to avenge his friend. That was a quick 180.

Oh shit, he DID die.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” I replied.

“Thank you. Think we could go back to singing?”

I chuckled. “Sure buddy.”

“Copyright infringement...”

Many long, grueling hours later..

“We’re here.. finally..” Blueblood croaked out, voice dry.

We were at the Ponyville station.

“I’m just glad to be able... to stop running.” I chuckled. Wait.. is that?

“Water fountain!” I shouted, spotting one. We both ran over and drank to our hearts’ content.

After that little escapade, we continued walking. The station was empty, not a soul in sight. We walked through it, not really talking to each other. Sometimes Blueblood would make an off-handed comment about something he found interesting, but that was it. Very awkward.

We walked into the heart of the podunk.

It was a ghost-town. Everyone was asleep and it felt... eerie.

“So... where was this cave again?” Blueblood asked.

“The outskirts. Somewhere by Sweet Apple Acres.” I said. He nodded.

...

“So where’s Sweet Apple Acres?” We both asked at the same time.

“Ayyy!!” We pointed at each other.

“I think.. it’s over there.” I said, pointing to the apple farm I had first gone to when I arrived.

Made sense. It’s the only ‘Acres’ in Ponyville, and it’s got apple trees! I started running, Blueblood following along. As usual. Back on the grind.

“HUAGH! HUAGH! HUAGH!” I yelled as I hopped repeatedly forward, gaining speed and keeping it constant.

“What... the hell are you doing?” Blueblood asked, following me.

“It’s called B-Hopping. It’s something my Commanding Officer taught me. If you jump constantly, you can gain a small amount of speed. It’s not really useful, just fun.” I explained.

He nodded. “Well do you have to make that sound every time?”

“It’s mandatory!” I said, doing an impression of a 12th century King. Blueblood shook his head, chuckling.

The apple farm wasn’t too far, so we arrived at our destination quickly.

We both ran into the.. outskirts, of the farm. Which was really just behind the barn and in the hills.

We both split up to start looking for any sort of cave entrance.

I was looking at a pretty flower when Blueblood shouted for my attention.

“Over here! I think I found it!” He yelled. I dashed over.

“Where?” I asked. He pointed to a crawl space.

I looked at him. “You’re joking.”

“I am not. I used an illumination spell. It widens the more you go in.” He explained. I sighed, and dropped to my knees.

I lied down completely and began crawling in.

Blueblood was right about one thing, it did get wider. I stood up and looked around.

Do I have a flashlight?

....I do not. Awesome.

“Hey, Bl-“ He wasn’t behind me.

“Blueblood?” I asked out loud.

“I’m just gonna wait out here.” He said.

“Oh no you aren’t! Get in here, Pussy! Don’t you wanna avenge your guard friend?”

“Of course I do!”

“Well you can’t do that without swallowing your fears and getting in the death cave!” I explained. Was he an idiot? How did he not understand that?

“....Fine!” He said, and dropped to the floor.

I could tell because of the pained grunt.

I saw his tiny horse-head poke out, and then his whole body. He brushed himself off, cringing at the mud that was caked on his coat.

His horn illuminated the area, and I saw that it was just a cave.

“Come on, no time to waste.” I whispered, walking slowly ahead. He followed.

Sudden encounter: Changeling!

I shot it.

Although, maybe that wasn’t the best decision. It alerted many other changelings.

The first one flew for a head shot, but I shot it with my shotgun. Did I ever say how useful this thing was? They didn’t know what it was, but I did, and that helps me.

The second one fired a spell. I dodged and fired.

The third one charged again.

Plenty of wasted shells later, a pile of dead changelings lay at my feet. A scarred Blueblood stood next to me.

“Let’s go.”

“Y-Yeah.”

We walked further into the cave. I looked around.

Stalactites hung from the ceiling, and bats hung from said rock formations. The walls were a dirt brown color, although it was hard to tell with Blueblood’s aura making everything teal. Water was dripping from somewhere.

So, a cave.

“Stop!” Blueblood shouted and put a hoof in front of me.

I kicked a few rocks.. into a pit below.

I waited.

And waited..

Clack.

“Oh, shit. Thanks.” I said. I would’ve died!

Blueblood nodded.

“So how do we get across?” I asked. He shrugged.

“I don’t know where the other side is, so teleporting is out of the question. I can try to levitate you, but you might be a little heavy.”

I nodded. Made sense. He wrapped me in a magical aura, carrying me across the pit. I felt his grip loosen a few times and I swear I almost had a heart-attack, but I did eventually make it to the other side.

Not too far of a distance.

“Jump it.” I said.

Blueblood shook his head rapidly. “Are you insane?!” He yelled.

I chuckled. “Yes! I am!”

“Damn it! You weren’t supposed to answer me!”

He took a deep breath, and walked back a few steps.

He ran ahead, jumped once, and jumped again, pushing forward. He stretched out his arms, and I did the same.

He missed.

Blueblood’s face changed into one of fear as he fell into the pit below.

I fell to my stomach and reached down, barely grabbing his hoof. He slowly opened his eyes, and after seeing me holding onto him, began to chuckle.

It turned into manic laughter. “I’m okay! I’m okay! I’m okay- Wah!”

I pulled him up quickly, and put him on the ground. He jumped to his feet, wobbling slightly.

“I’m.. I’m okay.” He whispered, a tear coming to his eye.

“Yeah, but our friends aren’t. Come on.” I said, rushing off.

“But I’m so tired!!!” He groaned out. God damn it. Fine!

“I guess we can rest a bit.” I said, stopping. I walked back to Blueblood and over to a nearby wall.

I slid down, pulling off my helmet as I did so. My hair was soaked with sweat.

“Woah.. that comes off?” Blueblood asked.

“Yeah. It’s just a helmet.” I explained. Had he not seen me without it?

“Huh.”

We both sat around.

“Hey, do you have any food? Anything at all? I’m starving.” He asked.

I nodded. “I think so.”

I reached into one of my back pouches and pulled out an MRE. Ripping it open, I pulled out each food item.

“Okay, you can have the... potatoes and bread. I’ll take the brisket and cranberries. We can split the tootsie roll.” I said. He nodded.

I ripped open the heating pouch and stuffed both main courses inside. I folded it over and put it in the cardboard pocket.

“That’s gonna take a while.” I said. “So, whaddya wanna talk about?”

He shrugged. “Do you love my Aunt Luna?” He asked. I shook my head.

“As a friend, yeah. Romantically? No. Species is a problem. I’m a human, she’s a horse. But also, I just don’t see her as a romantic interest.” I explained. He nodded.

“That makes sense. But why should species matter? You’re both intelligent beings.”

“Well, see that’s the thing. Where I come from, ponies aren’t intelligent beings. They can’t talk. They can’t even take a shit without being told where to go.” I said.

Blueblood gasped, “Really?”

“Really.”

Blueblood pondered on that.

“You bring up many good points. Fair enough. I won’t push the topic.”

“Thanks dude.”

He nodded.

After about 10 minutes, dinner was ready.

I pulled out the individual meals and cut them open. There was only one spoon, so I just gave it to Blueblood. I handed the bread to him along with the peanut butter and jelly.

I cut my meat open, taking a big whiff. Mmmm...

Blueblood looked at my meal in shock.

“W-What are you eating?” He asked.

“...Brisket.” I said, reading off the pouch. I tilted my head back and poured some in.

“M-meat?”

Shit.

“No. It’s vegetarian brisket. Fake meat.” I lied. He visibly calmed down, nodded, and continued with his meal.

The rest of the night was a blur.

Eventually, we were both sleeping in a dirty cave.

Us, eh?

Author's Note

Put off writing this because I’m a lazy fuck

Going to my Grandmother’s house this Wednesday, expect slower updates. Sorry.

Leave feedback as always! I love getting comments, it fuels my ego.

We Shall Engage in Hoofsticuffs!

I woke up with a snort.

“I literally have the smallest dick in the world.” I muttered to myself. Damn, horse world has some drawbacks.

No, I’m not telling you what I was dreaming about.

I nudged Blueblood. “Hey, let’s get going. We’ve got ass to kick.”

He slowly woke up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. No homo, but that’s kinda cute. He nodded and stood up.

I did the same, stretching my body. Cracks and pops echoed off the cave walls. Blueblood did the same, and I started walking. Blueblood lit his horn.

“Morning.” I said.

“Good morning.”

No conversation followed. We were mostly just tired.

Until I heard a faint buzzing.

“Hey, do you here that?” I asked.

“You mean hear? You spelt that wrong.” Blueblood corrected. “But yes, I do.”

“Wait, what? Whatever. Yeah, that’s weird. I wonder what it is.”

As we were walking, the sound of buzzing became louder. It reached its peak when we ran into a wall.

“Is.. is it a dead-end?” Blueblood asked.

I looked around.

“Up there!” I whisper-yelled, pointing to a tiny opening about 5 feet above me.

“What is it with Changelings and crawl spaces?” Blueblood sighed.

“Get on my shoulders.” I said, and got on my knees. He climbed on.

I stood up slowly. Damn, this guy’s heavy.

“What do you see?” I asked.

“Go left a little bit.” He said. I followed the request.

“Oh...oh my Celestia..”

“What? What do you see?”

“There’s.. so many!” He yelled. Dude!

I walked backwards and fell down. He fell along with me, and when I righted myself I glared at him.

“Don’t yell! You almost gave us away!” I scolded.

“Well sooooorrrry! I was shocked!”

“Ugh, whatever. It’s fine. Let’s hope that nobody-“

“Hey, who are you guys?” I heard.

I looked up to the hole. A changeling sat in it.

I pulled out my gun and pointed it at him. “You saw nothing.”

“I saw something.” He replied. Smartass!

I shot the gun. Since I was a little far away, all it did was give him multiple wounds, not blow his head off. He yelled in pain and fell back through the hole.

“Well, shit! Look at what you’ve done! He’s definitely getting backup!” Blueblood accused.

“What I’ve done?! Eat my dick, dude! The root of this issue started with you!” I pointed a finger.

That’s when I noticed that the buzzing had stopped.

“Wha-! I will not... eat your.. phallus! You-!”

“Shshs shut up!” I whispered. He shut up.

Then the wall collapsed, revealing roughly 800 changelings.

“I don’t have enough ammo for this shit!” I groaned.

They charged.

I ran circles around them, shooting constantly. Blueblood saw my tactic and was doing the same, except he didn’t have a weapon. He was using a bone fixture.

Many died. And it was too easy.

Nobody was using magic. Just fists. And last I recalled, you don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. You don’t bring fists to a knife fight. And you definitely don’t bring fists to a gun fight.

But then I realized that I was the guy that brought the gun to the fist fight. Oh well! They’re evil, morals are out of the question. I declare thy world: Black and white!

I looked over at Blueblood. He was slowing down. He looked exhausted, and his spells were coming slower and slower.

Click!

Click!

And I am out of ammo.

Think, Trent! What can be used as a weapon? You were in the United States Military, you were taught to be vigilant!

I looked over the room, and noticed that all the dead bodies shared a feature...

A horn.

I went up to the closest one and grabbed hold of it. I twisted and pulled, the horn coming off easily.

I swirled it in my hand. Sharp.

A changeling jumped at me and I stabbed the guy with the horn. Jesus! Talk about brutal!

I picked up a body and swung it in circles like Mario. It knocked out plenty of bugs.

I swung it around some more until the body detached from the legs. Yuck.

“aGGHHHH!!!!!” I heard someone yell.

A giant wave of blue wiped out each changeling.

I looked over at Blueblood, who was on the ground. I ran over.

“You alright man?” I asked, leaning down.

“T-tired... AOE spells are taxing..” He muttered, before starting to lightly snore.

Fuck, bro down. He was like the only one keeping me sane.

I CAN DO ONE DEATH MISSION ALONE... BUT NOT TWO!

NOT TWO!

Fuck this.

I grabbed another changeling horn and shoved it in my pocket. I propped Blueblood against a nearby wall.

“Alright buddy. Stay here. I’ll be back.” I whispered.

I walked through the collapsed wall.

...woah.

It’s like.. a changeling civilization in here.

And up at the front of it?

The lady in charge.

Wow, what’s up with this world? Why is every single member of royalty a girl? And why is the population mostly women? I swear, Blueblood is like the only guy I know besides the guards. But I’m pretty sure the guards are clones of each other.

Wait, I’m off topic. I need to commit a hate crime, not discuss women.

“Well, who’s this? It seems you’ve... TAKEN OUT MY ARMY?!” She yelled, horn flaring. “What the buck?!”

I scratched my head awkwardly. Oh wait, helmet.

“You... you insolent WENCH! You will pay for that!”

She fired a spell, but since she fuckin’ telegraphed it for 22 seconds before firing, I easily dodged. I started sprinting towards her.

She fired more and more spells, each attack being telegraphed. How have people even lost to unicorns in fights?

Dodge, dodge, roll, dodge, roll- ow, sharp rock, dodge-

Oh, I’m here.

I took out the changeling horn and swiped, cutting a bit of her cheek. She hissed and jumped back.

“Okay. It seems magic is useless. We shall engage in hoofsticuffs!” She yelled, putting up her hind-legs,

How is she-? Whatever.

I threw the horn away and put up my fists. “Let’s go, she-bitch!”

She growled and jumped at me. She threw a punch, and it connected.

See, I’ve never actually been in a fight. I had siblings growing up, but I never threw punches. I’m used to guns.

I threw a right hook. She dodged effortlessly. Dammit, maybe I shouldn’t have thrown away that horn. I threw a left hook, but at the last second I pulled it away and went for an uppercut. She attempted to dodge the left hook, which left her open for said uppercut.

“OOUGH!!” She yelled as the punch connected. She went through the air and landed hard on the ground.

I waved my hand around a little. That stung.

She stood back up and charged. I jumped right to dodge but then dodged left instead. I stuck out a leg and she tripped.

I ran over and put my foot on her neck.

“Where is everyone else?” I demanded. “Tell me or I’ll snap your neck right here, right now.”

“They’re... up there..” She whispered. I looked up.

Oh.. good lord.

Pods. Many, many pods. Each holding one or more ponies.

Fuck..

“H-how.. how do I get them down?” I asked.

I heard a gasp. I looked down at her.

She’s looking over at.. sunlight? It’s coming through some holes in the ceiling.

She started to laugh.

“You... you left her unguarded, didn’t you?” She whispered.

“Wait, NO NO-!” I raised my leg to step on her neck.

Her horn flared and she teleported away.

“DAMN IT!” I yelled. I looked around in a panic.

RUMBLE...

I looked up.

The roof was collapsing.

I was going to be crushed if I didn’t start moving.

I started running through the civilization, going back to the cave wall.

“BLUEBLOOD!” I yelled, running over to him. Still sleeping. “Fuck.”

I grabbed him and put him on my back. I sprinted over to where we first started, completely forgetting about the pit.

“oh, SHIT!!” I yelled, falling to (I assume) my FUCKING DEATH.

..

So, uh.. this is it I guess.

Sorry, Blueblood.

Sorry Celestia.

Sorry, Elements.

And... I’m sorry, Luna.

We didn’t have much time together, but it was fun. I’ll miss-

ker-SPLOOOSH!!!

I coughed.

Water?

Water!

I’m alive!

But, IN A LOT OF PAIN! I BELLY-FLOPPED WITH CLOTHES ON!

I quickly swam to the surface. I gasped in a breath when I felt my head reach air, and I looked around. Two bodies were floating in the water.

I swam over to them, and tore the horns off.

I stabbed one into the wall, and then the other. I hoisted myself up.

Wait.. I should be dead, shouldn’t I? The roof was falling, right?

Nothing. I guess it was just in that area.

I stabbed the wall again, beginning my ascent. I tried to put as little weight on them as possible, resting in every divot.

“This.. is fucking.. stupid.” I muttered.

“I should be at home.. eating my Mother’s pork roast. Why.. did I come to horse world..?”

Eventually, I did reach the top. One horn had snapped in half, and the other was barely clinging on. I pulled myself up and breathed heavily. I.. I did it.

But I’m not done yet.

I touched my back to make sure Blueblood was still there, and I dashed off towards the entrance. I fell to my stomach and crawled through the hole.

I stood up on the other side, breathing heavily. I covered my eyes as they adjusted. The fresh air was nice.

I started running back to town. I needed food, and definitely some water. Hopefully they would give me some charity. I didn’t have any bits on me.

Okay, so nobody wants to give the alien some food. But... there were water fountains. So I didn’t go thirsty.

Also, they saw me with Blueblood and thought I was kidnapping him. Nobody seemed to care about that.

I walked up to the train station and sat down. I pulled off my helmet. I didn’t want to do this.. but..

“Spare change?” I asked the crowd, waving it around. I really should’ve grabbed some bits from the castle.

Maybe then, I would still have my pride.

Although.. maybe I forgot about how nice this universe was. The first person that came up to me dumped enough bits in for two train tickets.

“Thank you, ma’am.” I said to the maroon pony. She nodded.

“Of course.” She walked away.

Huh.

I pulled out the bits and ran to the stands, putting my helmet on.

“Canterlot.” I said. The guy at the stands nodded, handing me tickets. “Thanks.”

I looked at my ticket. The train should be leaving.. right now.

I ran to the train and jumped on at the last moment. The doors shut and the train started moving. The guy checked my ticket and nodded.

I sat down in a chair, taking off Blueblood and putting him next to me. I relaxed my shoulders and let out a deep breath.

“Okay.. looks like I’ve gotta play the hero some more.” I muttered. I took my helmet off again and put it in between my legs.

I ran a hand through my hair, pulling out the knots. Fuck. What am I going to do? Chrysalis is definitely already at the castle.

Yet, Celestia is already awake. The sun being raised is a sign of that. I hope she’s holding her own in the fight.

You’re just gonna have to hold out for a little bit longer, Celestia. I’m coming.

Chrysalis teleported into the throne room, where Celestia sat.

Instantly, a beam was fired from the Alicorn’s horn.

Chrysalis shot a beam up above her, but soon fired back with a counter.

The beams clashed. The green was easily overpowering the yellow.

But at the last minute, the yellow fought harder and won.

Chrysalis was blasted into a nearby wall. She slowly fell off, groaning.

A changeling-shaped dent was left in her place.

“What.. have you done?” Celestia asked, calm tone betraying her honest feelings.

“The.. plan.” She coughed. She nodded her head above Celestia.

Celestia looked upwards, and didn’t have time to stop the stones that fell on her from the roof.

She was knocked out instantly.

Chrysalis breathed deeply, and stood up. She walked over to Celestia, who was making a weird snoring noise. Chrysalis hit her in the head and she stopped.

She levitated the stones and her body away. She sent out a location spell to the remaining changelings.

One instantly flew inside, taking Celestia’s body away. The rest gradually arrived.

Chrysalis sat in the throne, sighing. “We’ve done it, my children. We’ve taken over Equestria!” Chrysalis yelled, which caused the small crowd to start cheering.

“That insolent beast is dead, and everypony who could’ve stopped me is in comatose. The plan.. has succeeded.” Chrysalis muttered. The crowd cheered louder.

Chrysalis concentrated on a certain spell.

“Dear Everypony..

It is I, the Queen of the Changelings. But now?

The Queen of Equestria..

That’s right. Your leaders are gone. Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Shining Armor. My army took them all out...

Enjoy your new life!”

Chrysalis stopped the spell and groaned, rubbing her growing headache. That took a lot of effort. For such a small message, you’d think it would be easy, but no.

I ran through a panicking Canterlot. What do I do? I can run into the castle, but I will quickly be overpowered. I am at a huge disadvantage without my gun.

Wait, I can try to find my original arsenal-! Wait, no. They’re probably all destroyed or locked away.

So.. what the fuck do I do? I can’t just go in there. Huge nuts can only get you so far.

And then I spotted a weapons shop.

“Oh, that’ll work.” I muttered. I ran inside.

No guns, but blades galore. I grabbed a few knives and one sword.

I put said sword on my belt for easy access. I turned to the guy hiding behind the counter.

“I’ll pay you back one day. Scouts honor.”

I wasn’t a boy-scout.

I ran out of the store. I looked over at the castle.

Let’s do this.

Author's Note

Writing this at my grandmas house. 3:13 PM, my brother is right next to me. Let’s hope he doesn’t get curious and look at what I’m doing.

Give me some feedback as always!

OH, also: I have an insta for this account now.

Instagram!

Follow me if you want like, background info or behind the scenes or something.

The Final Countdown (AN UPDATED ENDING)

This is an edited version of ‘Storm the Castle’. If you have already read it, skip to the Chrysalis fight. That’s when the changes start.

“Let’s go, Bluey.” I said, and ran towards the large structure.

Time to...

Storm the castle.

I dashed through the streets of Canterlot, dodging screaming ponies. Some stopped to look, but most continued with their yelling. My head was starting to hurt.

“H-Huh? T-Trent?” I heard someone ask. I looked behind me.

Blueblood was awake.

“Ah, you’re up. Okay. We’re going to kill Chrysalis and save Equestria.” I said. Blueblood’s eyes widened.

“K-Kill?” He gulped. I nodded.

“Yep, kill. It may be hard to believe, but sometimes-“

“I’ve killed hundreds of changelings, as have you. I just didn’t think w-we were going to attempt something so... dire. She’s a QUEEN!” He explained, voice raising.

“I punched her in the face, dude. We got this.”

“YOU PUNCHED HER?!” He yelled in surprise.

“Yes..? Is this so hard to believe? Have a little faith!” I said in mock hurt.

“Oh.. we’re so boned.” He put a hoof to his head.

Whatever.

I continued running until I reached the castle. Two guards stood outside who instantly went to attack, but I pulled out a knife and slit one’s throat. The other attempted to flank me and fire a spell, but I rolled out of the way and stabbed him in the back. I kicked him over and pulled the knife out.

I ran up to the gate and jumped on. I scaled said gate with relative ease, and fell onto the other side. I jumped up...

...And I pushed Blueblood off me. He landed gracefully, and nodded at me. I nodded back and we both started running.

I ran up to the doors and pushed them open. Two more guards hissed at us, and charged.

I punched the one on the right. In his shock, I quickly pulled out a blade and swiped it along his jugular. He grasped at his neck as he fell to the floor, slowly bleeding out.

I looked over at Blueblood and saw a changeling with a broken neck. Nice.

I ran off, Blue following. I opened the nearest set of doors.

“Where’s the throne room!?” I asked.

“Follow me!” He yelled, running off.

I nodded, and chased after his sprinting form. He opened one door, and then another. Two more guards. These ones decided to use magic. I jumped behind a pillar, Blueblood doing the same.

I looked around. What to do..

Ah.

I grabbed a shield off the wall and ran out from my hiding place. They fired spells and I reflected them back with the shield. The first spell ricocheted, hitting the changeling. The second one melted the shield, so I ditched it.

I swiped at the throat of the melt guy, but he jumped back. He fired a spell and I took it head on.

I collapsed to the floor, paralyzed.

The guy was about to fire another spell, but he was blasted into a nearby wall. His back shattered on impact, rendering him completely crippled.

Blue lent down a hoof, and I grabbed it. I stood up and we continued running.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S STILL ALIVE!?!?” Chrysalis yelled, standing up. The changeling guard quivered in fear.

“H-he, he’s fine.. and he’s t-taking out our men!” The guard replied.

“Find. Him. AND KILL HIM!” Chrysalis demanded. The guard nodded.

“I won’t let you down!”

“You better not..”

The guard dashed off, only to be hit by an opening door. He fell to the floor, unconscious.

Two bruised and beaten men stood at the door. One human, the other a pony.

The human was in worse condition. His helmet had several dents, and his armor had suffered severe chemical burns. Any skin showing was covered in several scratches and 3rd-degree burns.

The pony wasn’t in very good condition either. He walked with a noticeable limp, and he was squinting one bleeding eye. His fur was ruffled, and once again, burns and scratches littered his body. Not as many as the human, and the burns weren’t as bad, but he wasn’t considered ‘Healthy’ in the slightest.

The human and the pony..

Were Me and Blueblood.

“I-I’m.. fucking done with your SHIT!” I yelled. “I’m gonna kick your ass!”

“I’d like to see you try.” The Queen said calmly.

I charged her. She easily blasted me back with magic.

Blueblood charged and fired a spell. She blocked it and fired a return spell. He fell to the floor next to me.

I got back up and charged again, this time dodging a magic attack. When I got close, I swiped with a dagger. She put up a shield and fired another spell.

Once again, I flew backwards.

I got up again.

Landed on the floor once more.

Blueblood did the same as me, but this time he put up a shield. It was destroyed quickly, and he was once again blasted back.

I could hardly move. Pain was all I could feel. I had tunnel vision, and I was partially deaf. But I knew I had to keep going.

I crawled over to a nearby pillar, hiding behind it. Blueblood followed.

“We.. n-need.. a plan!” I said, wheezing.

“Okay.. h-how about this?” Blueblood said, leaning to whisper in my ear.

...

“Come out.. come out.. wherever you are!” Chrysalis said, blasting the pillar with magic. It took damage, but stayed up.

Blueblood finished telling me his plan, and I nodded.

“Alright.. it’s... a good.. plan.. but how.. about.. we change.. it up?” I said, breathing heavily. I whispered my part into his ear.

“Are you.. sure?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Come on!” Chrysalis yelled, blasting the pillar again. It’s now or never.

I took off my helmet and chest plate. I counted to three and tossed them out.

They were incinerated quickly. While Chrysalis was confused, I ran out of the cover and over to a different pillar, dodging shots along the way. I grabbed the shield off the wall.

I nodded to Blueblood. He nodded back.

I ran out from the cover at the same time as Blue. He fired a shot into my shield.

“What-“ Chrysalis started, before noticing that the spell was coming for her. She didn’t have enough time to put up a shield, so she took the full brunt of the attack.

She was paralyzed. I ran at her, pulling out my sword. As I got closer, she attempted to put up a shield. Magic still worked during the paralysis spell.

Just as planned.

I tossed the sword behind me, Blueblood catching it in his mouth. He ran up to her.

Since she was distracted with me, she didn’t expect Blueblood, so she turned her shield the wrong way on accident.

Blueblood hit it away, and raised the sword. He jumped up and lodged it in her skull.

He jumped off, landing on his back. He scrambled to stand up.

Chrysalis looked up at the sword. “No, NO! IT CANNOT END THIS WAY! I AM GO-eughhh..”

She fell to the floor, dead. I looked over at Blueblood.

He smiled, and started to laugh.

I joined in on his laughter. It was over. We fucking did it.

WE FUCKING DID IT!

I ran over to him and he ran to me. We both had the same idea, it seems. He ran up to me and I grabbed him in a strong hug. He quickly returned the gesture.

“We.. fucking did it, man. We saved horse world.” I said. My eyes started to glaze over.

No, don’t fucking cry.

..

Maybe it’s alright to cry.

A tear fell down my face. I was so happy. No more fighting, no more death, no more almost dying.

“Wait!” I yelled out loud.

“What?” Blueblood asked. I looked down at him.

“We have to go get the others! They’re still in the cave!” I said. He nodded.

Blueblood’s expression hardened as he concentrated on something.

“G..grab my mane.” He said. I quickly did so.

A flash of blue, and we were inside the cave. Blueblood collapsed to the floor, unconscious. I guess that took a lot out of him.

We were in front of the collapsed wall, right before the civilization. I walked slowly inside. As I took in the sights before me, I looked up at the ceiling.

The pods were slowly cracking.

The first one burst open, and a royal guard member fell out. He landed on a roof somewhere.

Everyone else slowly followed. The Pegasi could correct themselves. The unicorns and earth ponies? Well, not so much. But the Alicorns?

Well, one of them has tackled me to the floor and is now hugging me tightly. All I could see was blue as the sound of crying filled my ears.

“Th... thou are okay! Thou did it! Thou saved Us!” She said, switching back to her ‘Ye olde’ dialect.

“Well, I had help.” I muttered, rubbing her back. She purred slightly. Heh.

“From whom?”

“Prince Blueblood.”

She looked me in the eyes.

“Did he really help you?”

I nodded.

“Guess he really has changed.” She chuckled.

I scratched behind her ear, and she collapsed on me, purring loudly. Wow. Didn’t know horses shared things in common with cats.

Although, FUCK this is adorable.

“T-Trent..?” Luna spoke slowly, yet seriously.

“Yeah?”

“...Thank you.”

I nodded.

“Anytime.”

She nuzzled her head into my chest, and quickly fell asleep, judging by the light snoring.

“Trent McClane.” I heard a regal voice ask. I looked to where it came from.

Princess Celestia stood there, looking a little miffed.

“I cannot thank you enough for what you and Prince Blueblood have done today. You have saved my kingdom, and subsequently, every Equestrian resident. You saved my little ponies. If there is anything, ANYTHING AT ALL, that you need.. tell me. But.. what do you think you’re doing with my little sister?”

Oh, shit.

“Uh, nothing. She did this.” I said.

Celestia squinted. She judged me silently. A bead of sweat dripped down the side of my head.

“Alright, I believe you. But just so you know..”

She walked up to me and whispered in my ear.

“If you ever hurt her.. I will break every bone in your body. VERY slowly. Got it?”

I nodded quickly.

She stepped back up. “Wonderful!”

That’s creepy as hell. How she can just switch like that.

“Anyway, I must be off. Everypony else must be quite scared, and they need to see that their Princess is okay.” She said, stretching out her wings and taking flight.

She flew to the cave entrance, and out of sight.

I rested my head against the floor. I rubbed Luna’s back, and I closed my eyes.

It was over.

We had won.

I noticed a lot of you were unhappy with the original ending.

I was too.

It was rushed. And I felt that you guys didn’t deserve that. I put some time and care into this one. I hope it meets your expectations

The End

Author's Note

Well, here it is. I deleted the old chapter so I could publish this one and get you guys the notification that there was a new chapter. I’m sorry that I put that shitty excuse for an ending in Storm the Castle. You guys didn’t deserve that.

I love you all, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my story. But.. I should probably get a beta reader.

If you want updates on things/behind the scenes junk, follow my Instagram!

Once again, I’m SO sorry. I should’ve been thinking more about you guys, and less about “Woah twist!!1”

Epilogue

I crawled into my bed, pulling the covers lazily over me. Fuck.. I’m tired.

I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sat in some sort of ballroom.

I was wearing a nice tuxedo, and there was classical music playing. The ballroom didn’t house many tables, just this one. I was gripping a glass of wine.

I took a sip. No taste. This is a dream, isn’t it?

“That it is, Trent.” I heard someone say. Turning to meet the mystery person, I saw Princess Luna.

But..

She was wearing a dress. It was dark purple in color, and it went well with her coat. Her mane was still it’s usual clear and blue sparkles, but it looked wavier. The dress was simplistic in design.. but it fit her perfectly. She was.. damn, really? She was beautiful. There.

“W-well? What do you think?” She said, blushing.

“Uh... never thought I’d say this about a pony, but you’re.. stunning.” I breathed out.

Fuck, my life has gone down the shitter. First thing, I get enlisted in the marines when I’m eighteen. They send me on this mission when I’m only twenty-two, and I end up being the last one left. I kill hundreds of monsters, and two big ones. On my way home I take the wrong slipgate and end up in some forest, where I’m now in an alternate dimension. I get blasted into someone’s bed, I take a job, changelings invade, we win the fight, and now..? I’m calling a horse pretty.

Okay, maybe I exaggerated. Calling Luna pretty wasn’t really that weird. After all, it’s not like she was a horse from earth. She’s intelligent, has free will, and can talk. She just looks like a pony.

And really, the inside is what matters, Yeah?

“Trent..? Are you alright? You’ve been staring at me for two minutes now.” Luna said, batting the floor with a hoof.

I snapped back to reality. “Oh, yeah! I’m fine. Anyway.. what is all this?”

“Oh! Uh.. would thou.. be interested in uh... willyoudancewithUs?” She said quickly.

I raised an eyebrow. “Dance? Like, the Macarena? Or like a slow dance.”

“Uh... slow dance..?” She chuckled.

Okay, let’s weigh my options. Dance with Luna, and be an almost Zoophile. Or don’t dance with her and break her heart.

It doesn’t really count, does it? She’s an intelligent species. If aliens existed, humans would definitely fuck them, and I don’t think that would be zoophilia. So.. this is fine, right?

“Uh.. Okay. Sure.”

She put her hooves together. “Wonderful! DJ!”

The music changed. It was more fitting for slow-dancing now. I looked around, but didn’t see a DJ. Dream magic.

I walked up to Luna slowly.

“I’ve.. uh.. never actually danced with anybody before.” I admitted.

Luna nodded. “Neither have We.”

“Neither have I.”I corrected, snickering slightly. She blushed and playfully hit me.

She stood up on her hind legs and grabbed my shoulder with one hoof. With the other, she put it on my hip. I grabbed her barrel with one hand, and put the other on her shoulder.

“Is this how we do it?” Luna asked.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’m clueless here.” I replied.

Luna started moving slowly.

Eventually, we got into the groove of the music. Our movements weren’t super fluid, but sometimes we had a good thing going. And then one of us would mess it up. There would be no hard feelings about it, we were both just having fun.

I twirled her around, which kind of worked. She wasn’t used to standing on two legs.

But the spin did work.

After dancing for a couple more minutes, Luna looked into my eyes. I looked back.

She leaned in slowly. Wait.. what is she-

She put her lips against mine.

Initially, I tried to pull away. But.. I slowly found myself enjoying it. Her lips were soft, but they were slightly furry. It wasn’t the weirdest kiss I’ve ever had.

This is weird.

But sometimes...

Weird isn’t so bad.

She pulled away, blushing hard.

“Oh, We’re sorry! We didn’t- uh, We didn’t mean to- Sorry!” She tried to explain herself.

I put a finger over her lips, shutting her up.

“I don’t care. I.. actually kinda liked it.”

Her eyes widened and she smiled.

“Really..? This... this is wonderful news!” She yelled, her royal Canterlot voice shining through. I held my ears in pain.

“Oh, sorry!” She giggled.

“Don’t worry about it.” I chuckled.

We stood in silence for a little bit, until Luna spoke up.

“Trent?” She spoke softly.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for being my hero.”

She leaned in, her lips touching mine once more.

I can get used to this.

Good Ending

Author's Note

There it is. Hopefully your Luna romance cravings are satisfied?

This isn’t fan service. I put the epilogue in the plot outline. This is the true ending to the story. Always has been.

Thank you all so much for coming on this journey with me. Expect another fic soon, maybe starring someone whose name rhymes with Bordon. Hopefully by then I’ll have a beta.

Anyway, I’ll see you all later. Goodbye.