It’s NOT CoNtAgIoUs!

by Element of Malice

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character
Length: 4373

A pony just wants to enjoy his vacation, but we don’t always get what we want.

The sky is perfect, the resort has five-star service and no pony can possibly not enjoy it here... well except maybe that pony over there, they look hot.

This story has nothing to do with COVID-19 whatsoever.

(Cover art provided by Uz Naimat)

Published 2020-07-27 18:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-27 18:50:01 UTC

It’s NOT conTAGIOUS!!

Soft white sand, crystal clear ocean water, surrounded by exotic flora, and the perfect sunny weather. Coconut Tropics Resort was by far the best vaca getaway ever. I sighed in relaxation before rubbing my beach towel deeper into the dry sand to make a back-shaped crater for better support and comfort. I put my hooves behind my head and also pressed them into the sand. Enjoying this warm weather, I gave another, more prolonged, bliss-filled sigh.

Ah, the life.

As I laid there, feeling the rays of the sun beat down on me, I was reminded about something I saw earlier, something I almost forgot about.

I turned my head and glanced to the right. Yep, still there. I though to myself. A pony sat under the shade of a palm tree, looking out into the horizon. How long have they been there? They were there when I arrived, and that was forty-five minutes ago, it had to be at least an hour by now, more possibly?

What I couldn’t wrap my head around was what they were wearing. Sunglasses, boots, a beanie, scarf, and what I could only guess was winter gear, but in this heat? They must be crazy. I couldn’t tell if they were mare or stallion, every last inch of them was covered in one thing or another. Being taught it was rude to stare, I looked away.

Okay, so this day was almost perfect. If I could only not pay attention to the pony risking his or her life by succumbing themselves to heatstroke, it would be hunky-dory. Being a doctor, and a good one at that, I couldn’t overlook the risks they were putting themselves in. I rose from my spot and stretched my legs before I trotted towards the mystery pony.

They saw me coming, but pretended not to by trying to avoid looking at… well, anypony really. “Hi there, how are you doing today?” I said as friendly as I could, but ended up sounding like I was talking to one of my patients. Not that it was a bad thing, but I was on vacation for a reason.

They shuffled in place, showing signs of social defense, clearly not having planned to converse with anyone. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.” They said quickly, obviously a habitual response. The tension I was getting from them felt like they were ready to dart under a rock at the first sign of danger. But they also looked like they weren’t prepared to give up their spot.

Definitely a mare, I thought to myself, no stallion would be caught dead with a voice like that. Except, if they were dead, who would know?

Her voice was… Attractive? Is that even possible for a voice to sound attractive? Focus, I only want to ask them a few questions, I cleared my throat and continued. “I~ couldn’t help but notice that—” She raised a hoof cutting me off.

“Please, just… Just don’t, okay? I don’t want to hear it.” She put her hoof down, sighed, or was she panting, before returning her attention to the horizon. “Yes, I’m overdressed. Yes, it’s hot, and I’m sweating, but I’m used to it. No, I’m not taking it off. No, I’m not going to tell you why. And finally yes it’s uncomfortable but well worth it… to me.” She turned her head towards me and ended with saying, “Now if you don’t mind, I would like to enjoy the rest of my day in peace.”

Sheesh, they must get asked about that a lot. “Uh, okay, then. I’ll stop bothering you.” I turned away and started walking back to my towel, “It’s just being a doctor, I was concerned about your health and safety.”

They froze with a stunned response, before promptly snapping their attention back to the scenery with a huff. I could almost picture her blushing under the outfit when I saw her reaction from the corner of my eye.

Before I made it back to my spot, which was surprising considering how close it was, a unicorn resort staff member intersected me. “Hello, are you enjoying your time at our magnificent tropical resort?” She said, smiling, before standing on her hind legs and doing a small dance to shake her grass skirt uniform.

I never understood why they had their employees do that, or keep doing that. It was like that was a leftover standard when they started as a knock off vacation spot because they were a hotel with beach access. But now they had everything.

If you wanted to, had the bits, and signed the waiver, you could ski into a paraglider. Then, once you are high enough over the ocean, skydive into the most epic cannonball. Afterward, you would scuba dive into their underwater spa, housing their lava heated, ocean cooled hot springs. All of which could be done before lunch. I’ve only gone as far as transitioning from skiing into the paraglider to waterskiing before going to the hot springs.

I’m a Doctor, I know my limits.

“Absolutely, I always love spending my vacations here,” I answered.

“Wonderful! Is there anything I can do for you to make this day even better?” She did an excellent job hiding it, but I could tell she sounded... desperate, perhaps? “Recreational reservations, spa appointments, weather rearrangements?”

Diagnosis, she’s had a very long… morning? It’s barely past noon, a long week, maybe? Stop it! Bad doctor, I’m on vacation!

“Uh…” I rubbed the back of my head, trying to think of a reasonable response. In doing so, I slipped a glance at the mystery mare. That’s when I knew my answer. I turned back to her to make my request. “Can I get—“

“Two drinks?” Said the staff member, gesturing towards the mare with her eyes and bouncing her eyebrows. Noticing my look of dismay, she returned one that held the impression that she had just gotten fired. “Oh, I’m sorry I couldn’t help overhearing, but I didn’t hear much, I only know—” I silenced her by putting a hoof to her muzzle.

“Three drinks… For her… ice water. And one Tropical Dream Punch for me.” I put my hoof down, and she gave a wink.

“No problem, That’ll be a total of fifty-two bits. Would you like to have it billed to your room?” the staff worker said with the typical ‘service with a smile’ face.

Fifty-tw—! Oh, whatever I can afford that, “Yeah, I’m fine with that, my room number is Q262, let me show you my room key to confirm.”

I carefully set down my half-finished drink in the sand, smiling as I once again enjoyed my sunbath. The moment didn’t last very long though, as I felt a shadow block out the warmth of the sun. My expression fell as I casually opened one eye partway with a feeling of carelessness.

It was the mystery mare.

“Can~ I help you?” I said, knowing perfectly well why she had come over to me.

She was heaving. Thanks to her clothing, I wasn’t sure if it was from exhaustion, the heat, or worst-case scenario if she was angry. “I wanted to say... thank you… for the water,” Just saying that made her sound like she was winded. “I needed it more than I realized.”

“I know you said you weren’t going to take your outfit off but, hear me out,” I paused for emphasis. “If you were to pass out, as a doctor, the first thing I would do if that were to happen, would be to tear your clothes off so you can— OOF!” She jammed her boot into my gut. Hard, “Cool… off...”

“First of all, these clothes STAY ON! No matter what!” She put more force onto my gut, “And second... I already said I was used to this heat... and I’m not going to let it get to me. Not now or ever!” She applied force for a second time before releasing me.

“Oh,” I groaned in relief, “Do you suffer from polymorphic light eruption?” I inaudibly wheeze out, rolling to my side clutching my stomach. That was when I noticed my drink had been knocked over.

“What?”

“Solar Urticaria,” I coughed out, “I told you… I was a doctor. A dermatologist, to be specific,” I said, finally getting my breath back.

“I don’t mean to pry, all I’m trying to do is help, but first, I need to understand your condition. Are you allergic to sunlight?”

There was a break in the conversation, silence reigned in those few moments only broken by the gentle sound of the distant waves. The mare started… it sounded like coughing, but it was muffled. It wasn’t until it gradually grew loud enough that I realized she was laughing.

“Is that really a thing?” She said, sounding amused, “I’ve never heard of that before, and trust me, I’ve heard just about everything in the book and then some.”

I rubbed the back of my head, chuckling to hide that I just had a micro-heart attack. I don’t want to think of what I would have done if this situation went into a nosedive. “Uh yeah, coincidentally, it’s most commonly found in bat ponies than in any other creature. It’s actually considered one of the rarest conditions in the medical field in Equestria.”

“Bet I can beat that,” she responded under her breath, but I ended up hearing it as clear as day.

“Is that so? Well, in that case, I’d love to hear more about it, and don’t worry I won’t judge you, I promise.” It was then that I felt like I pushed too hard.

Another moment of silence followed. This time it felt uncomfortable. Eventually, she spoke, sounding disheartened, “Meet me inside. I... need to get out of this heat, and I want to at least repay you for the water.”

Now I felt like a jerk, butting in where I shouldn’t have, “Oh… uh okay, let me just get my stuff packed up, I’ll be right there.” I could have the staff deliver it to my room, but having had issues with ‘property misplacement’ once before, I was a pony who liked to handle his own things.

I grabbed the bag I carried everything in and then realized how nice it would be to be a unicorn right about now. As a non-magic user, I was prone to pick up things via mouth… this is a beach… with sand… I quickly learned that the hard way. Just to add to the excitement, the moment I felt sand on my tongue, I instinctively tried to wipe it off with my hoof… yeah, that went well.

As I was trying to spit sand from my mouth, I realized I was being laughed at by the mare. I realized just how goofy I must have looked, and her laugh sounded so adorable I couldn’t help but start laughing myself.

“Here, let me help you,” She said as there was the sound of a spell being cast. My things were packed away and then placed on my back.

“Thank you,” I said with my sand coated tongue still lopping out the side of my mouth. “Go on ahead, I’ll catch up in a moment.”

“Okay, but I don’t like to be kept waiting.” She said, starting to look off-balance and swaying like the palm trees in the light breeze as she made her way to the cool indoors.

I had to get the sand out of my mouth, and I knew just how to do that. I waved to a resort worker and asked them for a simple glass of water, “That will be twelve bits.”

I gave a disbelieving look of shock, I swear, every time I come here they raise the price of—. I look at the sand, reflect on my situation, then I look at the expensive surroundings. Oh... that makes sense, what is this extortion?

What started as a simple repayment of overpriced water turned into a real date. The mare and I talked until the sun began to set. All the while, she stayed in her outfit, paying no mind to all the stares she was receiving from other ponies and creatures alike. I learned her name was Color Palette. She loved painting colorful landscape sceneries. According to her, her artwork was well known for fetching a high price.

The most challenging part of her line of work was her unusual situation. Whenever she went out to look for new inspirations, she had to make sure she was completely covered with a thick outfit as to avoid it being easily torn.

I will admit that I did pry a little thanks to my sheer curiosity. In doing so, Palette shyly informed me in a low whisper that her skin condition was most commonly mistaken with Cutie Pox by every doctor she had gone to for a solution.

That was briefly followed by her levitating a knife to my throat. She harshly whispered through clenched teeth to not be overheard by others. “There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s about this. I’m only going to say this once, so you better engrain it into your skull. It’s NOT conTAGIOUS!!” she then slammed the knife blade down on the table, making it stand upright. “If anything, it is nothing more than just a genetic mutation.”

I gulped, realizing what I had gotten myself into and mentally kicked myself, “I understand your frustration, Cutie… that condition isn’t one to be talked about lightly.” I said, treading more carefully now, knowing that she had a potentially traumatizing history of many false accusations. “I’m going to take your word for it and believe you. But, I’m going to have a hard time convincing my stub—”

Having said the word ‘but,’ Palette rose, taking an offensive stance. That’s when this perfect evening took a nosedive.

A resort staff member who was transporting a freshly brewed scalding hot tea was passing from behind when they got bumped into by Color Palette, tipping over the teapot and spilling the entire batch straight down the scruff of her coat. It took all of two seconds to sink in before Color Palette shrieked in agony from the broiling hot liquid drizzling down her bare neck and back under all her protective layers.

Already having a mental escape route in case of this kind of emergency, Color Palette made a beeline to the restrooms. Palette proceeded to purge the powder room from the plethora of ponies populating it purely for the purpose of her own personal privacy.

“Out out, OUT! ALL OF YOU OUT!!” Ponies were involuntarily flung out of the restroom door so fast, one was still holding a toilet paper roll. Once the Restroom was cleared out, Palette slammed the door closed and started making pained grunts and groans.

I rushed to the restroom door and was about to knock but hesitated, be it from self-blame or anticipating what her response would be. I knew that Pallete needed to remove her clothes. I saw the unicorn staff member from earlier that day, who had watched the whole ordeal, and called out to her. “Hey, I’m a doctor, and I can help her, but I need you to go to my room and—”

“Room two… no Q… uh, six-two… wait ahh,” She was flustered and panicky from the stress of this situation, but I didn’t have time to wait for her to try and get it right.

“Q262, I need a bag that—” She teleported away only to reappear seconds later.

“Which one?”

“The black one, I have—” Again, she teleported then reappeared.

“There’s two of them.”

“Let me finish. There are wheels on it and—” I grunted as she went against my request, teleporting and returning once again.

“Here,” she said, holding out the bag she grabbed from my room.

“That’s dark blue.” I promptly responded with a deadpan look. As predicted, she made another trip.

“Is this it!?” now looking both exhausted and desperate. Not too surprising seeing as how much magic she had to have used.

“Yes!” I grabbed the bag and instantly knew something was wrong. I opened it and looked inside, “Thank you for getting the right one, but it would be more helpful if I had what was in the bag!?” I said while holding the lid open to the empty carrier and pointing inside.

With an unprofessional moan, she made yet another trip to my room. They returned with a miscellaneous of items raining down on my head. “Sorry! I-I grabbed everything I could.”

“Thanks, you need to get some rest, doctor’s orders, take a vacation. You look tired,” I said, easily restocking and organizing my bag with what I needed. Doing so, I noticed contents belonging to the first bag she had brought. Holding back my frustration for now, I calmly continued, “But I’m definitely going to need a lot of ice. Have somepony else grab it.”

I knocked on the door to the mares room, “Color Palette, I’ve got some medications to treat that burn with. You know I’m a doctor, and as far as I know, I’m also the only one here who’s aware of~ that…” With the crowd standing around, I didn’t want to say more than I needed to.

After a brief stillness, Palette responded, “Do you promise me that if I let you in, what you see will stay in this room?”

“You have my word. Besides, if I break the doctor-patient confidentiality, I will be at risk of losing my license.”

After another pause, Palette spoke, “Okay, I’ll let you come in… alone!”

I turned to look at the gathered crowd, “Give us some space, will ya, my patient is asking for some privacy here.” I opened the door and proceeded to enter the lioness’s den. I made sure to close it as quickly as possible to avoid the curious prying eyes waiting outside.

As it should always be, the room was immaculately cleaned with spotless mirrors, mopped floors, and polished sinks and countertops. A small assortment of items, ranging from lipstick to eyeliner, laid scattered in small sections, most likely belonging to those defenestrated out the door from earlier.

On the ground lay a pile of coats and other clothes, but Color Palette was nowhere to be seen. That was when I felt the reflective eyes of the huntress staring down at me from behind. How she had balanced herself up on the doorframe was beyond me. But that no longer mattered, because she landed on top of me, knocking the wind out of my lungs.

“Last warning,” she said while putting me in a chokehold. “If I hear so much as a rumor about what I have, then so help me I will hunt you down to the ends of Tartarus if I have to, and break... your... legs.” She released her grip and got off of me. When she spoke again, it had a more emotional feeling behind her words, “like I already told you, it’s not contagious.”

This was the moment of truth, my nagging curiosity would finally be satisfied. I turned around and looked at her. What I saw took my breath away. She looked like a perfectly normal lime green colored unicorn with a color wheel for a cutie mark.

My mouth acted before I could think, “Dang you’re cute.” I realized too late what I had just done, famous last words.

When she heard what I said, her face… and coat turned… hot pink?

“What?”

Her coat color changed again to a dark red, expressing her anger, “Not a word!”

“Whoa… that’s amaz—” I shot a hoof into my mouth. Listen to the lady you nimrod, or she’ll kill you where you stand!

Her red color lingered before it shifted to yellow, shaking her hoof in the air out of frustration. She then pounded her hoof to the ground as she changed back to pink, slowly followed by blue. “This is why I can’t ever be seen like this. They take one look and go ‘look! She must have a cutie pox mutation. Run!’ then they all treat me like I have the… the plague.”

Stop staring! Think of something to say, why was I here again? I could feel my brow starting to perspire with sweat. “Uh…”

There was a knock on the door causing Color Palette to turn a pale purple and dart behind me. “I got the ice you asked for,” Said a robust feminine voice on the other side, “Is everything going okay? I’ve just been informed about the situation. As the head manager of this department, I can provide you with whatever else you might need.”

I gesture to Palette to get behind the door and out of sight. I cracked it open, on the other side, stood a tall, thin, stern-faced dark gray-blue unicorn in a business suit, “Yes, everything’s fine,” I responded, “hand me the ice… and no eavesdropping, keep everyone away from the door for a while. She definitely needs her space right now.” I grabbed the large bag of ice and pulled it in, then I lowered my voice to a soft whisper, “You could say she’s being a bit moody.”

“I heard that!” Palette gave me a swift buck to the flank.

The manager chuckled, “I understand, I know I would be if I was in her position,” then she spoke in a more serious tone, “Try not to have too much fun in there you two.” Upon hearing that, Color Palette became so bright pink, she actually started glowing, causing me to slam the door closed.

Right, I need to focus on treating her burns… Focus… Focus… Focus!

I turned to Color Palette but needed to hold up my hoof to shield my eyes. “I’m going to apply the burn medication…” she was still glowing, making it hard to look straight at her.

“Normally I would do it visually, but seeing as you, uh, yeah that,” she turned away from me and glowed brighter, “You’re just going to have to tell me where it hurts while I feel around your…” Without prior warning, Color Palette rushed at me and locked her lips with mine.

I froze.

That moment seemed to last forever. During that moment, her coat started rippling inconsistently with every shade and hue of every color on the spectrum. When she finally pulled away, I stuttered out the words, “uh… burns? Your back… I—” Palette silences me by putting a hoof to my mouth.

“I’m a unicorn, and this isn’t the first time I’ve been injured like this. I know a few healing spells.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Is my line of work even worth anything these days? This day just keeps getting better and better. It was easy to hide my frustration behind my shocked expression still plastered on my face. I stammered a response with, “As... the doctor, let me be the judge of that.”

I instructed her to turn around, then I began looking for any signs of burning, feeling about, and asking where it hurts. My eye began to twitch when I found she had been true to her word and already healed her injuries.

“Everything seems to be fine, but just to be safe, I’ll apply some ointment for treating burns.” I pulled out the tube of medicine, squeezed it into my hoof, and rubbed it on her back.

“Do you want to know why I kissed you earlier?” I didn’t say anything, but she continued regardless. “You are the first doctor, heck one of only a few ponies I’ve met who hasn’t treated me like I’m a pandemic on legs. Even after knowing what I have, you still treat me like anyone else. And for me, that feels like a dream.”

I could hear a slight trembling in her words as she spoke, perhaps from resurfacing past memories on the issue. “There were even times I forgot about what I had while we were on our date as if it didn’t matter anymore.”

It was then that it occurred to me how late it was, “You know, there’s a reason for that. To tell you the truth, we’re actually not all that different from one another.”

Palette turned to look at me, the look of confusion written all over her. I just grinned, “Wait for it…” Like clockwork, the sound of a cork being twisted from a bottle was heard. A dull thunk followed as a horn popped up on my forehead. “There it is.”

Color Palette’s mouth dropped to the floor as her eyes widened in bewilderment. “Wait… you… wha-hu? I… but…oh ho ho I get it. You used some kind of spell, didn’t you?” She said, proudly grinning at figuring out what she was seeing.

I shook my head, “Believe it or not, each and every morning I’m a pegasus, then after the sun rises, I become an earth pony. The reason I’m a unicorn now is because the sun has finally set.” I said, telling her my daily routine, “Been this way for as long as I can remember, you would not believe the… never mind, I suppose you have quite a few stories of your own.”

I watched her coat color change with her mood, remembering her situation, “I actually lost track of time, so I guess it was a good thing that I was in here. Like you, I’m not very open about what I have, but if anyone asks, I have two brothers.”

She gave me the most prominent look of confusion I had ever seen as an awkward silence came between us. Palette finally spoke, “You said you’re a… pegasus... in the morning? That I want to see. But how are you going to explain... this...” Palette said tapping her hoof against her horn, “when you leave the mares room?”

...

“Eh... oh~ Horse apples.”

Author's Note

(*edit: not exactly my best work, I’ll admit the ending was a bit forced out, but regardless I found it fun to write) I may or may not edit in the future.