Don't cry when I'm gone

by LilyT

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Death, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Suicide / Self Harm, Tragedy
Length: 2330

How can I go on knowing that they're not standing beside me?

It's been almost over half a century since the bearers of the elements of harmony defeated nightmare moon. Since then, times have changed. Age has snuck in, for all six ponies.
No, all five ponies.
Being the alicorn ruler of Equestria, Twilight has watched her friends grow old whilst she stays youthful.
Today, the last one of her friends was buried, and Twilight has had enough.
Prequel to https://www.fimfiction.net/story/482796/hello-again

Published 2020-07-28 09:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-07-28 09:40:01 UTC

Good friends are hard to find, even harder to leave and impossible to forget.

Dear Princess Celestia,

First of all I just want to say I'm sorry if the paper is smudged. I haven't written manually for a long time, and the tears are still dripping down my face.

Today, the kindest pony you could ever meet has been buried. Fluttershy was easily one of the sweetest mares you'd ever find, and I'm glad that she managed to make a mark on this earth before she came to pass.

It's been hard, harder than I'd ever believe possible. Oh man, I'm not used to writing this sort of thing. I don't really know where to begin.

The point is... I'm immortal. I stay young forever, whilst my friends grow old, and one day, perish. You already knew that, of course.

I never thought it would get to this point. Where I'm standing all alone. It was okay, at first. I ruled Equestria, but I didn't do it alone. My friends were always beside me, helping me, laughing with me, making me feel... whole. Happy. Like I could do anything. I was in Canterlot, they were in Ponyville, but it still worked. I was an important figure, and as the years went on, they were forgotten, yet it still worked. They grew up and had families, whilst I was alone, but it still worked. Yet there was one thing we could never get past.

Age.

Slowly, they began to grow older. Rarity dyed her mane at first, but it would sneak back in quicker than before, until eventually she just had to let her beautiful mane go grey. Applejack, although stubbornly refusing to retire, grew weaker, and didn't have to same energy to buck apples as she used to. Rainbow's coat - well, I'll get to that later.

They'd always moan and complain about stiff knees and creaky bones, whilst I sat, slim as I was in my twenties, with flowing mane and a youthful face. I always caught Rarity looking enviously in my direction.

It was almost like when Discord separated me from my friends, having all these adventures and then shoving them down my throat. That was a long time ago, of course. I was no longer jealous when they talked about what crazy thing Derpy dropped today, or where Cranky Doodle lost his wig. But age? No input. It was a subject we steered clear of, after a while.

But then... oh jeez, I can barely see the page now. But anyway... Rainbow never really got to that stage. Her coat began to fade, just like everyone elses, but she continued training, harder than ever. She wanted to break some record. Some diving thing, I'm not really sure. She practiced so hard, you'd never believe. Well, actually Princess, you knew Rainbow Dash quite well, so maybe you can.

I'm getting off topic. The day arrived, and Rainbow bullied us all into coming. Just like in the Young Flyers competition, I had to cast a spell so everypony could sit on the clouds thoughtfully provided. There were some good ponies there, too. One pulled off a 500 meter dive in under 30 seconds. In fact, as the competition went on, I began to wonder if Rainbow Dash could best them after all.

Rainbow Dash must have had the same thought process. So she changed her course. She decided, as she was waiting to go on, that instead of just a plain ol' 500 meter dive, she wanted to add something into the mix - a sonic rainboom.

Rainbow Dash had done this before. She'd done it at the young flyers competition, she'd done it at my big brother's wedding, she did it in a race against those bullies when she was a filly, you get the gist. But it had been years since a rainboom had graced the skies, and although she'd never admit it, she was getting on. She flew up, until she was a mere silhouette against the sun's glare, and began to spiral back to Earth. Her arms out in front, she flew faster and faster until we all saw the pressure building up against them. Rarity gasped, Fluttershy cheered quietly and Pinkie was practically screaming. I don't remember what Applejack was doing but I was just sitting there, my heart in my mouth, feeling scared and not knowing why.

Rainbow's cheeks were flapping in the screaming wind. She pushed harder and harder, fighting the pressure until-

BOOM!

The whole sky was lit up with rainbow colours. Ponies were screaming and cheering and we all knew right then and there, that Rainbow had won the competition.

Then a whole new kind of yelling erupted. Not the happy kind. The scared kind.

Finally, everypony grew silent, and as the dust cleared, we realised why.

Rainbow Dash, the element of loyalty, quite possibly the best flyer in Equestria, had made the Sonic Rainboom happen. But the burst of speed and power, the loss of concentration, gave her too little time to pull up. On the ground, her beautiful rainbow body lay, her face in a sort of smile, blood seeping out of her body.

Her funeral was a week later.

After this incident, Pinkie became even more animated than before. She would never stop smiling. It was quite annoying, actually. We were all still mourning for Rainbow Dash, but she was throwing anniversary parties to Rainbow (one day of being dead, on week of being dead, a week and a half of being dead - because she couldn't wait for the two week marker) and cracking jokes. She was bodily encouraging everybody to keep smiling, keep laughing, and keep living our normal lives. Obviously, being in Canterlot meant that I didn't get it as bad as the other three did, but I still got invitations every day and on their visits, they'd quietly complain when Pinkie went to the bathroom or something.

I remember being so confused as to why Pinkie was like this. Rainbow was her best friend, and the two were super close. When she'd died, for a few days Pinkie was like a ghost, wandering round town, as we planned her funeral. Then one day she just woke up... happy again.

On several occasions, I'd ask her why she was doing this, and the answer would always be the same: "Because we have to keep smiling,"

I'd ask Pinkie Pie what she meant, but that was all I'd ever get out of her. I never understood what she meant, why she meant it. But I do now.

Maybe a year passed after our friends death, and it was slowly coming back to normal. We still missed her, every day, but time had blurred the edges of our grief. We could talk about her without dissolving into tears, and would laugh about her jokes and her stories, and her obsession for Daring Do. Sometimes, we'd visit her grave, and just... talk to her for a bit. Say hi and all that. Pinkie threw a one year anniversary for Rainbow Dash, and we all attended. It was... nice. It was good fun, and as always, Pinkie had come up with the trumps.

And then... that night. I was staying with Starlight in the old castle, and heading back to Canterlot tomorrow. Spike was there, too, and although it was mid-spring, we were huddled by a fire, for it was a chilly night. Then, the phone rang. Starlight got up to answer it, and when she heard Rarity's voice, she put it on loud speaker for us to all hear.

Rarity's words made the room ten times colder:

"Twilight, Starlight! Pinkie's in hospital!"

That night was probably the worst of my life. Pinkie was lying in bed, her mane flat, her eyes dull. The doctors said that she'd die within the hour. The lump that was in my throat was like a massive gobstopper, preventing me from speaking or breathing. Fluttershy was sobbing into her long mane. But Pinkie was smiling. She sat us down, and spoke to us.

"So... this is the end, huh? I always knew it would end this way. Lying in a hospital, with all my friends at my side," she smiled.

"Don't you... don't you say that, Sugarcube," Applejack choked.

"It's okay, AJ, I know I'm dying. I've known that for a loooonnnggggg time," Pinkie Pie said. I tried to open my mouth to say something, but the gobstopper could only allow me to croak.

"Pinkie... you can't die, you're... you're my best friend! Please!" Applejack burst out, tears lighting up her emerald eyes.

"It's okay, AJ. I'll always be here," Pinkie Pie still had a ghostly smile on her face, even through the seriousness of the situation.

"Now listen, girls. I don't have long left, and I need to tell you something. Don't cry when I'm gone. Don't mope about or mourn me. Remember me. Remember all the fun we've had together, all the things we've done, and smile. That's the point of life - never stop smiling."

And with that, she closed her eyes, her smile still etched on her face.

I never understood why Pinkie had been so gosh darn happy all of the time, even with a terminal illness in her mind. She'd known about the tumour that robbed her of her life for ages, but how could she have smiled through all of that?

Well, now, after so many years of thinking of her, I think I know. Pinkie Pie didn't want to mourn, or mope or sit around and cry about it. She wanted to make the most of her life whilst it was still there. She kept smiling, all through the pain, and didn't change her view on the world. She made friends, she threw parties, she even saved the world - multiple times! And when her best friend passed away, she didn't let that stop her, she kept smiling, just as she knew Dash would have wanted her to do, and what she wanted us to do.

And so we did. We cried and mourned, but we smiled, too. We shared stories about our mad-maned friend, and even if those stories ended in tears, it felt good. It felt right. It brought us closer together, and it was an important lesson to learn, to never stop smiling.

Even so, the realisation that one day, I'd be alone, began to weigh heavily on my mind.

The death of Pinkie Pie brought Rarity and Applejack closer together, and although Rarity had to spend long periods of time away from Ponyville attending to her other boutiques, they had a long distance relationship working. Fluttershy kept mostly to herself, although I noticed that she was closer than ever to Discord.

Discord was heartbroken when...

Anyway, my mind is wandering again. I'm happy to say, that after the first two, the other three had normal deaths. Well... if death can be considered like that. I wasn't there for either Applejack or Rarity's passing. They were both so quick, so quiet. Applejack, underneath her favourite apple tree, watching the sun set on her birthday. The very next day, Rarity fell asleep on her fainting sofa, with Opal purring next to her. It kinda reminds me of that saying, you know:

"I want to live to be a hundred!"

"Well, in that case I want to live to be one hundred, minus a day, so I'll never have to live without you."

Maybe that's why Rarity didn't cry. She knew that she'd be seeing her again soon.

I'm running out of paper to write this on. I only wanted this to be a brief letter, but I'm nearly on two thousand words - and counting.

Remember the day you sent me to Ponyville to make some friends? I was angry and foolish, and as I jumped out the carriage, I said to Spike, "The fate of Equestria does not rest on me making friends," when, in reality, the friendships I've made not only saved Equestria, but me, too. I couldn't be here without my friends, I couldn't have become the pony I am today without my friends, and I couldn't have been so happy without them.

That's why I can't do this anymore.

Just like my wise friend once taught me, Never Stop Smiling. And so I won't. I'll die happy, knowing that even if I'm not to be reunited with them, I'll be ok. I'll be happy. Fluttershy's passing was the last straw for me.

It's complicated trying to die whilst you're, well, immortal, but not impossible. Well, actually, technically it is, which is why the spell I'm going to use will strip me of my alicorn powers and turn be back to unicorn. If that doesn't kill me, then... well, I guess we'll see where it goes.

I'm signing off now. I was going to ask Spike to deliver this to you, but Spike isn't the baby dragon he used to be. Over the years, we've grown apart as he drifted further towards his dragon species.

I don't even know where you and Luna have been for the past years. The last I ever saw you was at my coronation, where we were all laughing and dancing and having fun. Such a long time ago now... yet it feels like yesterday.

I've decided just now that I'm going to leave this in the castle of the two sisters. If you're to be anywhere, it's there. Whoever picked up this note, don't be sad for me. Don't mourn me, or cry about me, or mope about. Cherish the days we lived, the memories we made, instead of mourning our passing. Be glad that I'm happy, that I'm free, and keep on smiling.

Because that's what I'd want you to do.

That's what we'd all want you to do.

Signing off for the very last time,
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle