Bird is the Word

by Thunder Seethe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Other, Random, Crossover, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3080

No, PEGASUS IS THE WORD!

A simple day in Ponyville for the six friends, Applejack working the fields, Rarity tending to her needy clients, Twilight reading as many books as she can... Again, Fluttershy tending and caring for her many woodland critters, and Pinkie Pie making, and designing new types of parties for the future, or occasionally breaking the fourth wall. So what was Rainbow Dash doing when she had a day off on this particular day?

Published 2012-08-29 14:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-30 02:48:18 UTC

NO IT'S PEGASUS!

On The Episode of Bird

"Brian, can I see the paper for a sec?" Brian handed him the paper from his chair and stared at him as he awaited for his paper to be returned. Stewie was sitting on the table aside of Brian and was eating his meal. The table cloth was weighed down by a specific contraption with a record in it.

Peter quickly scanned through the paper, not finding what he expected. "I thought this would've been big news..." He flipped through another page, unsatisfied from not seeing what he should have be seeing.

Brian lifted an eyebrow and widened an eye. "You thought what would be big news?" Brian asked in a monotonic voice.

"Well there seems to be an absence of an... Ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a massive Avian variety." Peter explained still reading through the paper more thoroughly than the last time, just in case he skipped his prize.

Brian rolled his eyes, and his dog ears flopped slightly as he moved his head back. "What are you talking about?"

Stewie, who was eating his bowl of cereal and ignoring the conversation that was at hand, now stood still and eyes wide. He slowly edged his face toward the two in active conversation and was studying Peter. His spoon fell out of his hand and back into the bowl, sparing the cereal to be eaten at a later time.

Peter let the paper down on the table not seeming surprised. "Oh you haven't heard? It was of my understanding that everyone had heard." While Brian's eyes remained unchanged, Stewie's expression was as if he was witnessing an innocent lady being mugged, or perhaps, Godzilla was a real creature and was heading towards Quahog while eating buildings for small snacks. That would be an accurate description of his face.

"Heard what? --"

"BRIAN DON'T!" It was too late.

Peter kicked his way off the seat while simultaneously slapping the record player on playing the song, "Surfin' Bird." Stewie looked horrified as if the apocalypse itself had begun, and Brian still had his same expression. The "I really don't care," expression, but he was still not familiar with the previous incidents of this, so called, bird out.

"A-wada bird bird bird, b-bird is the word-a-wada bird bird bird, b-bird is the word wada-wada bird bird bird, bird is the word! Wada-wada bird bird bird, bird is the word! Brian! Don't you know, about the bird? Well Peter's gonna tell you about the bird! Bird bird, wada bird!"

He froze in a position that looked like he was surfing a wave, then he acted as if he went off balance and sang, "Suurrrrfffiiiiiinn' BLRBRLBLRBLRBLBRLBRLBLRBLRBRRBLLRBBRLBLRLRBBL" He froze once more, and started to enter a spasm, but still attempted to sing whatever he could. "WAHACK FAFHCA HACK ACK EFHACK ACK HEFAFRFRRRR...!"

It turned out to be a seizure.

+++

"It's fat!" A raspy, but feminine voice echoed through Peter's ears. He could feel the grass on his back. It was soft, and delicate to the touch; one might say heavenly. The wind whistled through the trees, a single cricket chirped in the distance, and it was cold. "Fluttershy, you should get some help, I'll stay here and keep watch." The raspy voice continued, which was followed by a disturbance in the air that sounded much like flying.

Flying... Peter's eyes shot open and he slurped the foam that was seeping out of his mouth, then swallowed.

The female with a raspy voice noticed that and asked him a question that should've been obvious. "Oh my gosh, fat thing! Are you alright?"

Peter said nothing. Instead, he sang, recovering from a seizure quicker than anypony could. "Ba-ba-ba-ba ooma mau mau. Omau ma- mau mau! Omau mau, omau mau ma-mau! Ba-ba-ba-ba ooma mau mau. Omau ma- mau mau!" Peter jumped back up and continued his monkey dance. Peter had already took notice that this wasn't his home, or really anywhere near his city since he was now near a forest. He already noticed the certain... Avian creature behind him, but he was too caught up in his song to take in the deep thought that he may not be on Earth anymore. With that song, he was practically emotionally driven to happiness, which was abruptly ended when the pegasus made a swift kick right where it hurts.

He had no reaction to the pain that he should have be feeling. Instead, he turned around and stayed quiet with a blank expression on his face, not seeming to blink, or even tempted to- by the dryness of his eyes. He just seemed to be... Listening with attention.

He seemed to be staring into the cyan pegasus' soul, which creeped her out. "Uh..." She rubbed the back of her head, very confused as to what was going on. "Sorry about the... kick, you startled me and I just figured that would be the most effective spot." She turned her head to where Fluttershy had taken off and thought to herself When is Fluttershy getting back? This thing is starting to creep me out!

She turned her head back to the thing and observed that he had his hand up while his thumb and index rubbed his chin, and his other arm providing weight relief by tucking his hand under his shoulder, and allowing his elbow to rest on it. He was intrigued.

Of course, the pegasus did the same thing, but with hoofs and in midair. It was like a long staring contest.

"You know something?" Peter finally spoke up, not changing his position at all.

"Uh -" The Rainbow maned pegasus was cut short from answering, which did annoy her, but she didn't quite want to mess with an alien creature from another universe just yet.

"You're not possible." Started Peter. "You are not relating to anything ornithological, so you shouldn't have wings, so you are not possible or pertaining to any avian." Peter said factually. "My name is Peter, and you are not real.

The pegasus seemed offended, but somewhat glad that she got his name, but yet, she was being unusually shy and remained silent; despite the offense given.

"You wanna know something else?" Peter continued, "maybe, you are..." His eyes sprung open, more than before, and his arms went straight like two pencils taped to a large eraser. His eye twitched slightly and he grew a smile. Even without his record player, he did it anyway.

"B-b-b-b-bird bird bird! Bird is the word!" He sang loudly through the dark starry night.

The pegasus shook her head and exclaimed, "No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. It's Pegasus. You know the song right? Surfin' Pegasus?" She frowned at the expression Peter made. Instead of explaining, she started singing it. "P-P-P-pegasus-sus, pega-sus-sus pegasus-sus, pegasus-sus, don't you know about pegs? Well Dashie's gonna tell you about the Pegs! Pegasus-sus-" She was cut short by Peter who seemed almost infuriated by the impostor song. The blasphemy of a song rang through his mind.

"No. You've gotten it all wrong. It's bird. Pegasi like you aren't real, and you are nothing but a figment of my imagination." Peter tried to reason with the pegasus, but she wouldn't let up. It became a back and forth argument between the two, and it didn't seem like it would stop anytime soon.

The argument lasted for hours, and they both shared their piece of its origin; both pegasi and birds, but none would let up.

"Hey Rainbow Dash I- BWAAH!" Twilight edged back when she saw the round figure with the legendary fingers, only heard from the tales of Lyra. "R-Rainbow Dash, what is this exquisite creature!? LEMME LOOK!" Twilight's terror on first sight turned into an anxious need to study the creature. Peter on the other hand, just stared and pointed at the horn.

"You." Peter started. "Are possible." His finger turned back to Rainbow Dash as he made another conclusion. "You, are not possible."

Twilight made a few recalls from Lyra, and remembered that the human shouldn't be possible either. So for some reason, she found herself point with her hoof at Peter and say the obvious. "You, are not possible. You are supposed to be a fairy tale in one of Lyra's stories-"

"I must be here for one reason." Peter interrupted Twilight. Rainbow Dash started feeling a bit left out, but she didn't really care, she only wanted him to go away with his stupid song, to which she recalled very well, Surfin' Bird. "I must be here to spread knowledge and ornithological research."

"What?" Twilight said now interested in the creature. She was dealing with something clearly sophisticated that had some intelligent thoughts to share.

Peter put a blank expression on his face. "Oh you haven't heard? It was to my understanding that everyone had heard."

Rainbow Dash saw an opportunity to join back in the conversation instead of remaining the third wheel, which was gladly intercepted by Twilight.

"It's everypony in Equestria." Twilight said. "So tell us whatever secret alien information you may have! Please please please-"

"TWILIGHT DON'T!" Rainbow screamed in hopes of mercy from Peter which was ignored as usual.

Peter jumped back from them, almost nearing the forest and started singing and dancing the monkey. "Bird bird bird, b-birds the worda worda bird bird bird, hey! Don't you know about the bird? WELL PETER'S GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THE BIRD!" He sang it joyfully.

Rainbow Dash seemed to get infuriated and attempted to buck him in the face. Peter's hands were thrashing around wildly when he was doing the monkey, and it deflected her back to the sky. Twilight had no idea what to do in this situation, so she decided to dance too.

For Rainbow, it was just... awkward. His eyes were closed, so if she couldn't get to him by hitting, she would just have to push him down. After all, he is fat, and is likely to roll into the forest where he belongs.

She flew back so she could gain enough momentum to knock him off his feet.

He must be at least thirty times the weight of me! I'll need to reach Mach Ten to knock him down. She flew far and high, and just as she was about to lose sight of him, she dove down, gaining speed. Cutting through the cirrus clouds, and blasting her way through the ozone. A white cone started forming around her hoof, and tears starting forming and leaving her eyes due to the intense speed. The cone formed more of a vertex point, and she knew what this meant. She was about to perform a Sonic Rainboom!

She kept her concentration focused on Peter. She didn't really hate the thing, but he was very obnoxious and refused to learn that PEGASUS IS THE WORD!

With that final thought, she gained an immense amount of speed and with a large explosion and beautiful rainbows everywhere, she collided into Peter who seemed to disappear in front of her.

+++

A few years after the random incident, news spread about the Bird, which was widely rejected by the public. However, not loosing fate, griffons and other pegasi began believing that the bird really was the word.

The world of Equestria had split into two. North, and South, both named differently due to their beliefs. The birds; North, contained Ponyville, Canterlot, Manehatten, and Maneopolis. In the pegasus; South, contained Fillydelphia and many other smaller towns and cities. The Princesses however, had different beliefs too in which word was truly the word. Princess Luna had separated from Canterlot and moved to the pegasus, while Princess Celestia stayed in Canterlot, loyal to the bird.

Everypony knew what was coming, and nopony liked it. They, however, were willing to fight for their beliefs, whether it's the pegasus being the word, or bird being the word.

There was a war.

Everypony got involved.

Then somepony did a peace thing and gained freedom of speech.

Equestria became America in pony version.

Idea made when eating Pizza.
Written when sleep deprived.
Also written when very hungry.
Both of those situations are the reasoning for my hyperness.
Reminds me that this was written when I was hyper, and still am.

Epilogue: Peter Diaries

On The Episode of Bird

Dear Diary,

Today was very strange. Remember last time how I talked about the study of ornithological creatures? Well, it turns out that I may be wrong. Remember the last time when I told you about birds being the only winged creatures that fly? Well, I woke up in this place that I haven't gotten to know very well, and a certain type of equine was flying! Peter stopped to fantasy the moment again to renew his memories of that rather fun and exciting moment in his life.

It told me... That bird was not the word. I had been very confused at that time in my life, it was like my life had lost all meaning. Like everything I knew was a lie, so I protested and insisted. It kicked me in a place where Quagmire has been once or twice, but we're never sure. He seems to be there twenty-four seven, but you get used to it. (And he never leaves)

Anyway, back to the point. The female equine told me that bird was not the word. Hopefully you can understand why I haven't been writing here for a few days. It still confuses me, but maybe pegasus being the word isn't such a bad idea after all... Surfin' Pegasus... Peter abruptly stopped his writing, and stared blankly into his notes, almost as if he had an epiphany. He did.

He quickly stared back into his diary and started slapping himself in the face. His head did a complete three-sixty, and he grabbed his pencil and finished his entry, and as a matter of fact, this was his first completed entry - adding to the excitement!

With Love and All My Heart,
Peter

P.S If you see a blue pegasus, tell her that Bird really isn't the word she was right all along! I need to spread this information to all the people and animals who really thought bird was the word! I need to thank her by singing this on T.V!

It was at that moment, when Peter closed his diary and tucked it in his pants, forever to be lost and forgotten. It would be such a shame if for some reason nobody knew about the pegs!

He ran out of his house and screamed, "EVERYBODY! I HAVE COME WITH GREAT NEWS THAT WILL AFFECT YOUR EVERYDAY LIVES!" He paused for dramatic effect with his arms still flailing in the air like a madman, or a guy with a brilliant idea, then he continued. "BIRD AS WE KNOW IT, IS TRULY NOT THE WORD!"

The neighborhood was crowded for some reason, making Peter's statement even more conspicuous. People stared at him awkwardly and dropped their jaws while staring at the person next to them. A single person in the unusually crowded neighborhood spoke up.

"Hey! What are you talking about!?" Called the man who was in a wheel chair on the other street, whom Peter recognized as Joe.

Peter raised his right hand as if he were saying a pledge. Back straight, head up, eyes forward and he said, "I hereby claim that Bird is not the word."

Doubts were being whispered throughout the crowd, Peter noticed this and he spoke up once again. "A blue pegasus told me."

Just as he said those five words, containing twenty-three characters and seven vowels, made the small but crowded neighborhood go silent. Then it abruptly turned into havoc, to which Peter gladly joined in. People randomly got hold of gas and lighters to which they started burning down buildings. Joe had gotten up from his wheelchair and started spinning it around hitting and knocking people out with, almost threatening their lives with the hard metal frames. It also randomly got dark. Peoples cars began to crash, and the news aired on all stations all saying the same thing from the same broadcast with the headline, "Bird is not the Word!"

In the middle of the town, a blimp showing Peter's picture pledging the new propaganda across the United States of America, pronouncing that Bird is no longer the word, and it is indeed, Pegasus. Everything had changed.

The town they had once known had been burnt to the ground. They had to start from scratch to make things right. All of the science and knowledge gained were all lies or faulty, and must be renewed, redone, and rehabilitated.

"Brian, can I see the paper for a sec?" Peter asked politely.

They were back on their dinner table eating in silence watching television. Their room was the same as usual, but it lacked bird, and had more blue pegasus with rainbow mane and tail.

Peter quickly scanned through the paper, not finding what he expected. "I thought this would've been big news..." He flipped through another page, unsatisfied from not seeing what he should have be seeing.

Brian lifted an eyebrow and widened an eye. "You thought what would be big news?" Brian asked in a monotonic voice. Having this all seem to familiar, but nobody noticed.

"Well there seems to be an absence of an... Hippological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a massive pegasi variety." Peter explained still reading through the paper more thoroughly than the last time, just in case he skipped his prize.

There was a long pause between the two. Stewie remembered, and time seemed to slow for him. Brian's paw slowly edged up from his lap, and as Stewie can predict, he was going to ask what he was talking about. He can't let this happen again, especially because he managed to not commit suicide the first time, the chances of him not doing it now with an even more annoying song just puts him at extinction.

With no time to waste, he pulled Brian back from his chair and covered his mouth, just as a smile began to grow on Peter's large head, he yelled, "BRIAN DON'T!"

As if you had to be told, it was too late.

Added an Epilogue because I'm procrastinating on homework and making a music video. Go figure! Have fun reading this unedited!