A Derpy's Goodbye

by Dream Searcher

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Dinky Hooves, Other, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, Sad
Length: 24174

What if Derpy's happiness is just a mask to cover up how she truly feels?

We all know that happy, somewhat silly mare, Derpy. We always see her when she's smiling and in a good mood, but what if that was just a mask to cover up her true feelings? What if the ponies turn against her due to her clumsiness and cross-eyedness? Will they push her to the brink of suicide or will her loyal friends help her with her life? What kind of impact will this have on her children: Dinky and Sparkler? This is story about Derpy's depression.

It's not that sad, but it does have a kind of depressing feeling.

Image: Derpy Hooves by HereticOfDune

Published 2012-08-27 01:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-31 13:33:44 UTC

Goodbye

A Derpy’s Goodbye

Chapter 1: Goodbye

There was that feeling again, that pain. She felt the pain, it was inside her. It was in her bones, in her brain and, more importantly, in her heart. Yet, this pain was well known to her, she had experienced it firsthoof on multiple occasions. When she fell out of a tree, when she crashed against the ground or when she did something embarrassing, the list goes on. That was the worst feeling, embarrassment. It was the shame that came with the pain and these two mingled together until they formed a cocktail of misery. She would laugh it away and she would tell herself that it was nothing, but deep inside her it hurt. The walls that she had built inside her were slowly, but steadily succumbing under the weight of the pain and shame.

Her friends would describe her as a lovely, kind and happy mother who loves her two daughters, Dinky and Sparkler more than anything. They would also describe her as a clumsy mare, but who was fun to talk to. Yes, her friends would say that, but they were also beginning to distance themselves from her.

Other ponies would describe her as a clumsy cross-eyed freak that would destroy everything that landed in her hooves. They would insult her for her clumsiness and she would apologize, but that wouldn’t help, they would just keep bullying her. Recently Diamond Tiara insulted Dinky at school. She told Dinky one of those ‘yo mama’ jokes she found in a book and this one was directed to Derpy. She said “Yo mama’s so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone”. It wasn’t exactly a good joke, but it was still a sting in Dinky’s and Derpy’s heart.

But Sparkler was also being targeted. Sparkler was looking for a job and on job interviews they would do a medical check-up to see if she didn’t inherit the clumsiness of her mother. Ponies would also eye her strangely, like she was the daughter of an abomination and… Derpy was actually beginning to believe that she was an abomination. Ponies tried to avoid her and her family… and Derpy believed that it was her fault. Her daughters helped her through difficult times and she was them very grateful for that. They were her light source in the dark and endless tunnel of life. Yes, Derpy had days where she was really depressed and she would wish that she was dead, but her daughters always supported her and they would never let go of their mother.

Today was one of those days where her depression decided that it was time for a free-fall. Her body felt apathetic, it just wanted to go back to bed and soak her pillow with her miserable tears. She would have done that, but Sparkler decided that enough was enough and had quite the talk with her mother.

“I don’t care if you feel miserable and sick, just go outside and have a fun day with your friends!” The shouting between her and her mother had been going on for almost half an hour. Sparkler wanted to see her mother happy and the best solution was socializing with her friends. Derpy, however, had other plans and just wanted to be in her room with her self-pity. The housemate, Carrot Top, left the house with Dinky, because she knew that the words that were going to be used weren’t exactly good for a young filly.

“They don’t want me anymore, don’t you see it?! I lose friends every day and do you know why?! Because I’m a clumsy cross-eyed freak, that’s why!” Derpy had tears in her eyes, but so did Sparkler. Derpy’s depression was worsening every day and that was taking its toll on the family.

“We both know that’s not true! You’re only losing your friends because you stay inside! Now go outside and socialize!” In a desperate attempt to make her mother go outside Sparkler levitated her mother of her bed and began to trot with her to the front door.

Derpy knew that she couldn’t escape now, but she wasn’t going down without a fight. “Now listen here, young lady. I’m still your mother and you shall obey me when I tell you to put me the buck down.” Sparkle obeyed and threw her mother through the open door and onto the street, and then she smashed the door shut and magically closed every opening of the house, so her mother couldn’t come back inside. Derpy grumbled to herself. She knew that her daughter tried to do well, but she couldn’t help but feel that her daughter also began to push her out of her life. Her last desperate attempt was pounding on the door. “Sparkler, open this door right now!” There was no answer, but she kept shouting and pounding on the door. The ponies around Derpy were now looking at her in either curious or disapproving looks, but Derpy didn’t care about them, the only thing she wanted was her bed. After five minutes Derpy stopped the pounding on her door and sat down with her back against the door.

She looked up at the sky, it was cloudless and it was the perfect time to fly, but due to her depression Derpy had lost her motivation to fly. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander. First she heard some voices and she felt the ponies staring at her, but she didn’t care about them, they could go buck themselves for all she cared. Her mind blocked out the voices and began its trip through her memories. It stopped in a class, she was sitting at a desk and her eyes were looking at the blackboard. Suddenly she remembered it; this was psychology class from when she was studying in flight school. The subject of today was depression and how to get out of it. The teacher had told her class that antidepressants only worked for a small amount of time, the real solution was your own willpower and the help of your friends. Her memories began to move again, this time to a few months later. A filly had killed herself on campus, in her goodbye note was written that she was being bullied and that nopony did anything about it. The bullies were found and later accused of involuntary ponyslaughter. Derpy used to have nightmares about that and the same thought always went through her mind: What if I was that pony? She knew she wasn’t that pony, but right now she was in the exact same situation as her. Funny how things can turn out, eh? Her mind turned back to the present and she opened her eyes. The sun had moved a bit and her tears were dry, she instantly realized that she had slept against her door and visible for the whole world to see. But she didn’t care about that; she was an embarrassment just by walking in the streets. Eeyup, her memories didn’t really help her depression. She got up and thought back at that psychology lesson; it said that willpower and her friends were needed.

“Okay, let’s go to my friends.” That was all the willpower she had, an unconvincing line of garbage. Slowly she sat a hoof in front of another, no real destination in mind. She didn’t know who wanted to talk to her; maybe they were scared that she was going to break something. Her willpower floated away like air from a leaky balloon. She stopped in the middle of the streets and looked around to see where her hooves had brought her. She saw that she was in the outskirts of Ponyville and 100 feet to her right was the library. Her mind instantly changed plans. “Maybe it’s best to read some books about depression first.”

Her mind now had a clear objective and her hooves led her to her objective: the library. Derpy didn’t use the library that much; last time she lent a book was right after Dinky’s birth. Dinky was harder to take care of than Sparkler and she needed some books for extra information. She also had to take care of Dinky and Sparkler alone because her husband had left her for a mare in Canterlot. No Derpy, think happy thoughts, happy thoughts. She suppressed the thoughts about her used-to-be husband and knocked on the library door. Derpy could hear some groans from inside the library and began to turn around. When Twilight was in a bad mood then the best thing you could do was running away and certainly if you’re in a depression, because insults would only make the depression even worse. She was starting to trot away, but then she heard the door opening and a familiar voice spoke.

“Oh Derpy, I’m sorry if you heard that, but I’m actually busy with an experiment.” Derpy turned her head and was greeted by Twilight’s wide, but genuine smile. It was warm and comforting, like Twilight didn’t have any worries and could enjoy life to its fullest. It actually made Derpy a bit jealous, but she knew that it wasn’t polite to be jealous… but still.

“Hey Twilight, I just wanted to read some books, but I see that you’re busy so I’ll come back another time.” Derpy gave Twilight a small smile, it was all she could summon in her current state, and started to trot away. She kept trotting away until one point where her hooves didn’t respond anymore and she saw that she was being lifted off the ground by a magenta glow around her body. She saw that Twilight was levitating her towards her, but Twilight still had that smile on her face.

Twilight sat Derpy down on the ground in front of her. “I can put my experiment aside for a moment. I’m always glad to help another soul in their search for knowledge, now come inside so we can talk about the books you want to read.” Twilight stepped aside so Derpy could walk inside. Derpy, for once, actually felt some joy in the presence of another pony. Maybe things aren’t so bad. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get out of this depression. With this newfound willpower she was going to tell Twilight about her depression, maybe the smartest mare in Ponyville could help her.

Derpy trotted inside and sat down on the couch that was placed in the public part of the library. Twilight closed her door and sat down next to Derpy. Derpy gulped and looked away, the sadness returning in her expression. “There’s… something I need to talk to you about.” Derpy took a quick look at Twilight. Twilight’s expression was one that said ‘go on’. Derpy nodded to nopony in particular and sighed. “Twilight, I’m in a deep depression and I need your help.”

Derpy expected that Twilight would gasp or stumble out of the couch, but Twilight kept sitting where she was and smiled again at Derpy. “Well, I’m no psychologist, but I know that acknowledgement of your depression is one of the first steps towards recovery.” Twilight jumped out of the couch and trotted to one of the many bookshelves in the library. Derpy now had a moment alone with her thoughts. She has taken it rather well, better than I thought at least. I do hope that she and this library have the answers that I seek. She saw that Twilight was still busy searching for the correct books, so Derpy decided to close her eyes for a moment. Her mind wandered now to a memory from a couple of months ago. She was helping Rainbow Dash with the preparations for Applejack’s return from the rodeo. She and Rainbow Dash had to decorate the town hall, but she made a mess of it and practically destroyed the town hall. That was the date that her depression really started. She was upset with herself and some ponies started to blame and insult her for all the damage that she had done and the only thing she could do was accepting the blame, because she really is the clumsiest mare of Ponyville.

Derpy opened her eyes and saw Twilight sitting next to the couch while gently stroking Derpy’s mane. Derpy’s eyes were watery and occasionally one of her legs would twitch. “Shh Derpy, it was just a nightmare.”

Derpy rubbed her eyes with her hoof and got up. She knew that she had slept, but her body still felt as exhausted as in the morning. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

Twilight nodded enthusiastically and Derpy again felt the happiness that was radiating off Twilight. It was nice to see other ponies happy, even if she couldn’t feel the same way. Derpy cared about others; even in this miserable state she would place other ponies above herself. If only other ponies cared about her and accepted her, because that was the only thing she wanted: she wanted to be accepted. Was that so much to ask? Derpy didn’t realize that she actually forgot about Twilight, but she did manage to pick up the last piece of her explanation. “… And this is Treud’s guide to recover from a depression. He was one of the founders of the Psychoanalysis. This theory and book will try to discover things in your subconsciousness and it will also search for conflicts in your subconsciousness that can lead to a depression. You need to do this with two, so take this book with you, read it a bit and tomorrow I’ll help you with your depression, alright?” Twilight placed the book in a saddlebag and placed it on Derpy’s back. “There we go, now don’t forget to read or Miss Sparkle will be very mad.” Twilight joked and Derpy chuckled very lightly, it was almost so light that it could be labelled as unnoticeable. Still, the chuckle was there and it was her first chuckle in many days. Derpy promised Twilight that she would read the book and said her goodbyes. Things are going to be okay.

*****

Things are definitely not okay. Derpy was galloping through the streets, tears streaming down her face and her mane ruffled. Ponies were again looking at her, but she really didn’t care about them, the only thing she wanted was her bed. Her flank still hurt a bit from the kick she received and deep inside herself she blamed herself for not standing up for herself, instead she just ran away like the coward she was. Her thoughts went back to how the day had started after her visit to the library.

Derpy trotted outside the library. The weight on her heart had been lifted a bit and a small smile was visible on her face. She really thought that everything was going to be okay, but then she ran into Flitter and Cloudchaser. These two bullied Derpy since the beginning of Flight School. Even now, when they were grown mares, they still bullied her. Derpy tried to get away before she was noticed, because she knew that these two bullies certainly weren’t good for her depression. But luck wasn’t on her side today and she was noticed by Flitter.

“Look Cloudchaser, it’s our favourite freak.” Flitter nudged Cloudchaser and pointed her hoof at Derpy. Derpy knew that she couldn’t escape anymore and just continued her path towards her home, but she knew that these two would keep following her.

“How’s it going freak? Ran into any buildings recently?” This time it was Cloudchaser who spoke, but Derpy knew better than to answer to that question. She continued her way towards her home, but then she received a kick against her flank from Cloudchaser. It hurt… a lot and Derpy stumbled, the book falling out of her saddlebag. She wanted to get up, but Cloudchaser kept her pinned to the floor with a hoof. It was then that she realized that it was David against Goliath, only this time Goliath would win. “I asked you a question, freak!” Derpy had been in similar situations in flight school and this time it was flight school all over again.

“No.” Her voice was barely audible and it could even make Fluttershy jealous. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes, but she refused to let them go, it would only make the whole situation even more embarrassing.

Cloudchaser lowered her head so she could hear Derpy better. “Speak up, unless you’ve lost your voice, just like your eyesight?” Derpy knew that this sentence actually didn’t make any sense, because her eyesight was just fine, but it hurt her nonetheless. Derpy was nearing her breaking point, she could feel it and it would only take a small push to send her over the edge.

“No.” Derpy said a bit louder. This time Cloudchaser heard her reply and patted Derpy on the head like one would do with her pet. She raised her hoof of Derpy and took the book that had fallen on the ground.

“Oh, what’s this? Treud’s guide to recover from a depression. Well, is somepony here the victim of a depression?” She asked teasingly. Derpy wanted to keep it a secret; basically nopony in Ponyville knew about her depression, she had locked herself up in her house to avoid any form of contact.

Derpy decided to tell the truth, maybe then she would get her book back. “Yes, I have a depression, could you give back?” Cloudchaser looked at the book for a moment and then back at Derpy, a mischievous smirk formed on her face. Meanwhile Derpy managed to get up.

“Beg.” Cloudchaser commanded. Derpy shot her a look of confusion, but received a slap on her cheek as a return gift. “Don’t just stand there you imbecile; beg for your stupid book.”

Tears were starting to escape her eyes and Derpy couldn’t hold them back, not anymore. She slumped to the ground and began begging. “P-please Cloudchaser, please *sniff* give me my book back, I need that book.”

This seemed to please Cloudchaser and she tossed the book towards Derpy’s head. “Here, I don’t like reading that stuff anyway.” Cloudchaser lowered her head again and grabbed Derpy’s head between her hooves. She looked straight into Derpy’s eyes. “Do know that we’ll be back, don’t you forget that.” She let go of Derpy’s head and it smacked back on the ground. Flitter and Cloudchaser began laughing and flew away without saying another word to Derpy. The only thing that Derpy could hear was: “She’s such a freak.”

She then lay there on the ground for ten, twenty, maybe thirty minutes. Derpy didn’t care, she cared about nothing. The dams in her eyes were broken and the tears left her eyes without any opposition. Most ponies would ask her what was wrong, but not the ponies of Ponyville, for they knew better than to mingle themselves with the affairs of a cross-eyed freak. She was technically an outcast; civilization had spit her out like she was garbage. That thought was all it took to break the defensive wall Derpy had built in her mind. Her walls finally collapsed under the weight of pain and shame, they had sent her over the edge.

She picked up her book, threw it into the saddlebag and galloped as fast as she could towards her house. Originally her plan for today was to find Rainbow Dash, talk with her a bit and then go home to read the book. But fate had other plans for her; she just wanted to be alone. She arrived at her house and noticed a lack of magical activity, which meant that Sparkler had left. She opened her door, tossed her saddlebags against the wall and slammed the front door shut. She searched for a piece of wall without decorations and bucked against it with all the power that she could muster. She was angry, no… furious, but surprisingly enough her anger wasn’t directed towards Flitter and Cloudchaser. No, her anger was directed towards herself, for she was a coward and she knew it. These were the thoughts that occupied Derpy’s mind: coward, freak, why didn’t you fight back? Her whole life she was being pushed around by bullies, she had been betrayed by her husband and she had been made an outcast by society.

Derpy was now lying on the ground; the only sound in the house came from her crying and sobbing. She got up and looked at the damage that she had done on the wall, but luckily there was only a pair hoofmarks visible, no real damage had been done. Suddenly a strange thought crossed Derpy’s mind: you have to feel really depressed if you think that the wall is even more important than you and strangely enough, Derpy had to agree that she found the wall more important than her.

She trotted to the couch, sat upon it and thought for a moment. Twilight had agreed to help Derpy with her depression, but that wouldn’t change the thoughts ponies had about her. Even if she managed to get out of her depression, then ponies would still either ignore or bully her. They wouldn’t change, as much as Derpy wanted it to happen, they wouldn’t change. She had to live the rest her life in shame and she knew that they wouldn’t accept her for who she was, never ever. Then a more grim thought crossed Derpy’s mind: suicide. It was rather selfish thought and she was going to leave her children alone, but Derpy honestly doubted that things would start changing to her favour. Never accepted, always alone, made fun of her in public and the lack of friends, things really weren’t in her favour. She needed some rest, maybe her mind would then be clear enough to think about suicide. She nestled herself comfortable on the couch and slept with dried tears on her cheeks.

*****

Derpy awoke a few hours later. Instead of having a nice and refreshing dream, her mind decided it was time for another nightmare. Another nightmare than the one she was currently living in, yet it still had quite the connection with her current state. In her nightmare ponies had started throwing tomatoes at her and tried to force her to leave Ponyville. Real life Derpy knew that it was only a matter of time before the real life ponies would start to do that with her. She basically knew that there was only one way to get out of this nightmare and that was suicide, for she knew that even if she changed, the other ponies wouldn’t change. She also knew that she didn’t want to leave this world before she had said goodbye to everypony, so she searched for a video camera. While she was searching her mind was still nagging to her whether this still was such a good idea. She still wasn’t fully convinced to commit suicide, but she did know that it was the only escape route to a better world, one where they loved her for who she was.

Derpy found Carrot Top’s camera in one of her closets and pressed the REC button. A red light indicated that it was recording, but Derpy totally missed it. “Is this thing on?” She looked deeply into the lens of the camera and then noticed the little red light. “Oh it is on, silly me.” She chuckled lightly at her mistake, like she used to do before her depression. The real Derpy made a small appearance, maybe because she knew was going to be happy again. She trotted a few feet away from the lens and sat down, then there was a silence, because she hadn’t prepared a little speech. Instead of speaking, she took a radio and pressed play. The moment after she pressed the button, Moonlight Sonata began to play. Derpy always relaxed and thought better with some classical music, it was her favourite kind of music.

“Well… uh, I guess should just tell you guys. Oh, but before I do, make sure that Dinky doesn’t see this video until I say so, it would break her heart and she’s too young for this kind of video.” The happiness that Derpy had disappeared was replaced with sadness. She was really going to do it, she was going to say goodbye. “Is Dinky gone? Good. I think it’s best if I just get straight to the point. This is my goodbye video and with goodbye video I don’t just mean a vacation, I really mean gone… forever.”

Tears were beginning to form in her eyes once again. This was really harder than she first thought, even if there wasn’t a real audience. “The thing is that I can’t live anymore with the shame and the pain of being humiliated every day, again and again. I always tried to tell myself that things would get better after some time, but I now realize that it was just a lie to delay the inevitable. You’re probably thinking right now: ‘Why does she want to commit suicide?’ Well, I’ll tell you why.”

Derpy closed her eyes for a moment and organized her story; she then opened them again and looked straight into the lens of the camera. “I’ve been picked on since the start of flight school many years ago and mainly because of these.” She pointed with one hoof at her eyes. “But also my clumsiness was something the bullies liked to use against me. Occasionally they made fun of my eyes, stole my lunch or even hurt me in a physical way, but that was flight school and I thought it was normal because they didn’t know better. Oh boy was I wrong. It didn’t stop after my graduation. No, even Ponyville was starting to turn against me and to make things even worse; they were starting to humiliate my children.”

Derpy’s wings extended from anger, but she managed to control her anger and they folded back into their original place. “Sorry for that, I lost my temper for a moment.” Derpy was silent for a moment and looked at her hooves. “I am a real wreck, eh? All these emotions I can’t control… it’s really starting to take a toll on me and my family and it’s starting to become unliveable. Anyways, let’s get back to the story.”

She looked back into the lens. “Today I went to the library to search for some books about depressions and Twilight offered me her help. That’s still the good part of the story, now comes the bad part. So I left the library and ran into Flitter and Cloudchaser.” She spoke those two names with a little bit of venom in her voice. Derpy isn’t a hateful mare, but she really hated those two. “Those two bully me whenever they got the chance, and today wasn’t any different. They started calling me names, physically hurt me and I had to beg before I got my book back. After that little humiliation something inside me just snapped and all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, it was like a revelation that came to me. I realized that even if I changed, the other ponies would still pick on me. I realized I can’t do anything about it, it’s like fate decided that suicide was the only way for me to be happy again and, honestly, I’m also beginning to see it that way. So that’s how I came to realize that suicide is the only way.”

Derpy took a tissue to blow her nose and to wipe some tears away. “Now I’m going to address some of you individually. The first one I want to thank is Carrot Top. Carrot, you’ve been an amazing housemate and an even more amazing friend. You were one of the few who kept sticking by my side no matter what, you were always there for me when I needed you and I really want to thank you with all my heart.” Derpy gave a warm smile to the camera for the first time, but then her expression turned into a more serious one. “Now there’s another matter, namely my children. I still feel a bit guilty for leaving them like this, but I don’t have any more options left. I hope you’re not upset, but I want to give my children to somepony else, mainly because right now you hardly have time to help me take care of them, so it’s illogical if I keep them under your watchful eye. Carrot Top, it was very nice knowing you. Now I want to talk to Rainbow Dash and Twilight, together.”

Derpy waited for a moment so that future Twilight and Rainbow could take their place behind the screen of the camera. “Twilight, I appreciate it that you wanted to help me, but like I said it’s not going to work. No matter what I do, I’ll always be bullied. You know, I didn’t tell you this, but I was kinda jealous of you. You always seem so happy and content… and I’m sad and miserable, but I guess that wasn’t right of me, because I’ll be in a better place soon. Twilight, you’re a good mare and very smart and don’t let anypony tell you otherwise, okay? Good. Now it’s time to talk to Rainbow. Rainbow, you were the most loyal of my friends; you protected me whenever you could and I’m very grateful for that. I’ll never forget the times we flew together, just soaring through the skies, always laughing and no worries, now those were the good times. You know what I most appreciated in our friendship? Trust. I could always come to you with a secret, I knew that you wouldn’t betray me when I accidently did something stupid and you would take the blame for it. You were also very forgiving towards me. Like the time during Winter Wrap-up that I flew north instead of south. You weren’t even angry at me; you just pointed me in the right direction and even gave me a pat on the shoulder. Honestly Rainbow, I couldn’t wish for a better friend.” Derpy gave again her warm smile, but this time mixed with her tears. It was really hard for her to say goodbye, but it had to be done. “Now I want to ask you both something. Could one of you take care of my children? I know that you two never had any real experience with children, but Sparkler is a teenager so she can take care of herself and Dinky doesn’t really ask so much. It’s my last wish before I die, that one of you takes care of my children. Please think about it, I don’t want them to be sent to the orphanage.” Derpy let out a big sigh, she had said goodbye to her friends, now only her children were left. “Now I want to talk to Sparkler.

There was again that moment of silence before Derpy spoke again. “Sparkler, I know that today wasn’t really a good day between us and I honestly wish that things were different, but I’m no time lord who can go back in time. I also wish that I could say goodbye to you in person, but that would only make things even more difficult. I still remember the day that I brought you home from the orphanage; you were scared and excited at the same time. It was a lovely sight to see and it was also a lovely sight to see you grow up. You were an amazing daughter and an amazing sister for Dinky, she couldn’t be happier with a sister like you. Now behave yourself and don’t forget that I’ll always watch over you, no matter what.” Derpy went silent and looked at a picture of Sparkler. Her heart broke that she had to say goodbye to her daughter, but it had to be done. She took the frame, showed it to the camera and held it close to her heart while drawing a heart with her hoof on the picture. “Goodbye Sparkler, please show the camera to Dinky now.”

She placed the picture back on the shelf and prepared herself for the hardest part, telling Dinky that her mother was gone. “Hello Dinky, my sweet little muffin.” Her tears were still clearly visible on her face, but she smiled nonetheless. Dinky wasn’t really familiar with the concept of death, so she had to tell Dinky that in a way she’d understand. “Mommy will be gone and I’m not going to return, so I want you to listen to your future guardian, okay? Sparkler will tell you where I am when you’re a bit older, alright? Just know that mommy will always love you even if she isn’t with you. I’ll watch over you and protect you from all kinds of monsters; nopony is going to hurt you. The only thing I can still tell you is: follow your dreams, my sweet little muffin. Follow your dreams and be happy. Goodbye Dinky.” She took Dinky’s picture from the shelf, showed it to the camera, held it close to her chest and drew a heart with her hoof. “Now Dinky, go to your room and stay there until the others come and get you.”

She placed the picture back on the shelf and was again silent for a moment. The hardest part was over and she was ready to stop the recording, but not before she asked them a question. “I fear it’s almost time to go, but what can I expect after this life? Is there really a heaven where I can rest on a cloud and look at the lives of my loved ones or do I get sent to Tartarus and roam forever with the demons? Maybe I’ll become a part of the stars or maybe I roam through Equestria in my ghost form. But all these things don’t scare me. No, what scares me is that I have to spend a long time without you guys and I’ll miss you. Just… don’t forget me, because I’ll never forget you.” Now she was ready to say her last word. She put on her warmest smile and looked again straight into the lens. “Goodbye.” And with that she pushed the Rec button and the red lamp switched itself off.

*****

Song: Chicane - Windbreaks

Derpy was now standing next to her bed, her sleeping pills on her bedside table. It had taken some time for her to decide what kind of method she would use to… end her life. In the end she decided the best idea was to pass in her sleep, painless and in a dream. She had placed the camera on the table in the living room with a note that said: watch me, I love you. She had also made one last stroll through the house, just for the sake of nostalgia. She had so many memories in this house, but luckily most of them were memories from before her depression. She took the bottle of pills in her hoof and tried to guess how many she would need. In the end she thought that 6 pills would do the job. She looked at the pills, those would end her life and if she swallowed them then she had crossed the point of no return. She sighed; she knew that there was no other way. In one swift motion she placed the pills into her mouth and drank from the bottle of water that was also standing on her bedside table. She figured that the best way to take in the pills was to do it fast and now she had done it, she had officially put a point at the end of her story. That reminded her of a quote that she read in a book. There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story. –Frank Herbert.

Her story in this world was over, but that didn’t mean that it was completely over.  She knew that there was something after this world, but she just didn’t know what. With her curiosity peeked she got into bed and began imagining what could lie beyond the horizon. For once she wasn’t afraid of death, she was actually eager to see what would happen. Maybe the stories about heaven were true and then she would find eternal happiness. She dismissed the thought about happiness and focused on the present. She looked at the picture on her bedside table and smiled at it. She didn’t cry, she wasn’t sad anymore, just happy and relieved. She took it into her hooves and looked at it. It was a picture Carrot Top had taken a couple of years ago. The picture showed Sparkler and Dinky sleeping with Derpy tucking them in, she was the perfect mother in this picture. She laid the picture on her chest and closed her eyes.

She imagined herself in a large field just outside Ponyville. She was sitting on the grass while Sparkler and Dinky were playing with each other. She loved to see that those two were such good sisters and it made her heart warm from joy. She knew that she wouldn’t be there in person at Dinky’s graduation from primary school or when Sparkler found the love of her life, but she would be there in memory and being there in memory was enough for her. A black stallion sat down next to her and she instantly knew who it was and so did Dinky, because she ran towards her mother and hugged her.

“Goodbye Mommy.” She said, still hugging her mother.

Derpy lowered her head and gave Dinky a kiss on her forehead. “Goodbye, my sweet little muffin. She left the embrace and embraced Sparkler who had also come towards her. “Goodbye Sparkler.”

A single tear left Sparkler’s left eye. “Goodbye Mom.”

Derpy kissed Sparkler on the forehead like she had done with Dinky and left the embrace. The black stallion extended his hoof and she took it. She waved at her daughters and disappeared with black stallion. She never felt happier in her life than now.

Author’s note: Now before you all go apeshit because I killed Derpy, reread the last part. She was merely imaging that, so there’s a 50% chance that she’s dead and a 50% chance that’s still alive. Place your bets mares and gentlecolts.

Photo of Dinky.

Photo of Sparkler.

Family Photo.

Fate

A Derpy’s Goodbye

Chapter 2: Fate

Fate can sometimes be a real asshole, eh? Let’s take this as an example: You really want an ice cream, but when you open your freezer you see that all the ice creams are gone. Fate decided to screw you over. Or when you really need to pee when you’re in a restaurant, but you see that the only toilet is occupied. Fate again decided to laugh at you. Well, the same happened to Derpy.

You see, Derpy really wanted to leave this world. She had enough of it, she had enough of all the insults and one day she decided to end it all. So, she made a goodbye video and she took some sleeping pills. She was ready to leave this world, but fate didn’t want to hear any of it. Fate didn’t allow her to die, but instead fate had put her into a coma. That was three months ago.

Now Derpy was lying on a bed in a room in the hospital. The room had a light green color that matched the curtains, which currently blocked the rays of the rising sun, and Derpy’s hospital pajamas. She was lying on her bed, the machine that measured her heartbeat to her right and a small bedside table with a lamp on it to her left. The chamber also had an oak wardrobe, with nothing in it, and a small chair near the window that was currently occupied by a sad and worried Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash was the pony who had found Derpy three months ago. She went to Derpy’s house, because she had heard from Twilight that Derpy had visited her to talk about her depression.  Rainbow Dash knew that Derpy wasn’t faring so well, but she didn’t know that Derpy had a depression.

When she heard that Derpy had depression she immediately went to Derpy’s house to check up on her and that’s when she made that awful discovery. Derpy was lying on her bed, her left foreleg was hanging out of the bed and Derpy’s family picture was lying on the floor, shattered glass next to it. She immediately flew to Derpy and felt for a heartbeat on her artery. It was there, but it was slow and very faint. She knew that Derpy was hanging by a thin thread, so she wasted no time and threw Derpy on her back. She always had to be cautious when she was flying with a passenger, but she had to be very cautious when that passenger was unconscious. She made a mental note to warn Dinky, Sparkler and Carrrot Top about Derpy, but that had to wait until Derpy was safe.

After double asking the doctor that Derpy was in a stable condition Rainbow Dash flew back to Derpy’s house and waited there. While she was waiting she looked around in Derpy’s room. It was old and lifeless without Derpy, even if Derpy was lying on the bed half an hour ago.  She took a trash can and threw the shards of glass in it. She lay the broken frame on the bedside table, maybe Carrot Top could still fix it. Then her eyes fell on the photo. She had mixed emotions immediately. She was happy, because Derpy was such a good mother for her children. She was angry, because she just couldn’t comprehend why Derpy would leave them and she was sad, because she had almost lost her best friend. If she hadn’t talked with Twilight then Derpy would have died for sure.

She abruptly ended the memory there, she didn’t want to relive the reactions of the three who entered the house after She cleaned Derpy’s room. She didn’t want to see Sparkler’s, Dinky’s and Carrot Top’s reactions when She told them that Derpy attempted to take her own life and that she had put herself into a comatose state. It was too much to see the crying Dinky, it was too much to see the angry Sparkler and it was too much to see the baffled Carrot Top.

Rainbow wiped some tears away. Even if that was 3 months ago, those wounds would never heal and she couldn’t even imagine how hard it was for Sparkler and Dinky. They had almost lost their mother, but even now it felt like Derpy had left them.  She hopped out of her chair and walked to Derpy’s bed. Every step she took was a hard one, every step she took made more tears appear in her eyes. When she reached Derpy’s bed she rested her head on Derpy’s neck and opened the flood gates. “W-Why did you l-leave us?” She silently asked Derpy, but there was no response, only silence and Rainbow’s crying.

*****

Meanwhile in the library Twilight was trying to wake up Dinky. Ever since she saw Derpy’s goodbye video she had taken the role of temporary mother, mainly because she didn’t think that Rainbow Dash would be such a good mother and Rainbow Dash was very grateful that Twilight decided to play mother.

Twilight didn’t have any real experience with raising children, but she did read some books about taking care of children. She wasn’t really ready for children, but she didn’t have a choice right now. Luckily for her Sparkler could take care of herself so she could turn her full attention on Dinky.

Dinky was really somber about her mother’s coma. She had cried three days non-stop and Twilight tried everything to cheer her up, but nothing worked. She really missed her mother, but weeping wasn’t going to bring her back and she knew it. So after those three days her mood began to brighten, but only slightly.

Sparkler was a different story. Twilight had given her her own room in the library and she had locked herself in there for a whole week, she only came out of it to eat, drink, do her business and to wash herself. She was angry with her mother, because she thought it was selfish that her mother tried to take her own life. If her mother just calmed down a bit and tried to rearrange everything in her mind then that fateful action wouldn’t have happened.

But no, her mother thought that taking her own life would solve everything, that everything would be alright. But she didn’t think about the possible consequences for her children and her friends. She didn’t think about Dinky, who was crying her eyes out. She didn’t think about Twilight, who now had to take care of Dinky and Sparkler. She didn’t think about Rainbow Dash, who hadn’t left the hospital in 3 months. She didn’t think about Carrot Top, who couldn’t stand the silence in her house and so she moved in with Roseluck. And she didn’t think about Sparkler, who now held a giant grudge against her mother.  Her mother thought she had done good, but instead she made things even worse, like she always did. All of this reminded Sparkler of a quote from a book. ‘Every action we take has a consequence. Sometimes it's best to consider the consequence before we take action.’

Sparkler knew that her mother didn’t mean all of this to happen, but that feeling of resentment still kept being stuck in her mind. Still, there was a bigger feeling in her mind, it was a feeling of abandonment. Her mother had left her without even saying a proper goodbye, she just gave a Derpy’s goodbye.

After a week, Sparkler’s rage against her mother began to slumber. She was still angry, but at least she began to leave her room more often. Once or twice a day she would talk to Twilight, but no more than 5 minutes. Before her mother’s attempted suicide Sparkler was actually a very sociable pony and the occasional prankster, but now she was withdrawn and quiet when in the presence of other ponies. She had built walls around her so that she could protect herself from other ponies who wanted to hurt her. The only ponies she did talk to were Dinky, Twilight, Rainbow Dash and sometimes to Carrot Top if she came to visit Twilight. That was all three months ago.

Back in the present Twilight was trying to wake Dinky up. She lay in a small bed that was placed next to Twilight’s bed, because since her mother’s attempted suicide she had more nightmares than a normal pony and then she would get into Twilight’s bed and try to fall back asleep in Twilight’s warm embrace.

Dinky was still trying to hold on to her sleep, but Twilight was constantly nudging her with her head, careful to avoid poking one of Dinky’s eyes out with her horn. “C’mon Dinky, it’s time for school.” She said, trying to pull Dinky’s blanket off with her teeth, but Dinky kept a strong grip on it.

“I don’t wanna, I don’t feel so good.” Dinky said and pulled the blanket out of Twilight’s teeth and over her head.

Twilight sighed, she had been in this situation numerous times. “Is it one of those days again?” She asked, but she only got a light sob as a response. She pulled the blanket off Dinky, this time using her magic, and stared at her. Dinky had her eyes closed, but Twilight could see the little tears on her cheek. It always broke her heart to see Dinky like this, to see a filly who had practically lost her mother.

She levitated Dinky of her bed, who was struggling against Twilight’s magic, and placed her on the ground. She placed a hoof under Dinky’s chin, made Dinky look up at her and she produced the warmest smile known to Ponykind. “I know that you’re still sad about your mother’s coma, but would she want you to skip school just because of her?”

Dinky was silent, her tears hitting the floor was the only sound in the room. She finally opened her mouth. “Yes,” She silently said, maybe with that little lie she wouldn’t have to go to school. Twilight’s glare, however, told her otherwise and she immediately regretted that lie. “No…” She said and Twilight’s gaze softened.

“Hey, I know it’s hard, but school is very important even if your mother is in a coma. Tell you what, why don't you make a beautiful drawing for her when you’re in school and we’ll show it to her after you’re done with school.”

Dinky’s expression immediately turned upside down and her tears magically stopped. “Really? Do you think she’ll like that?” The enthusiastic little filly had returned.

Twilight chuckled. “Of course, she’ll love it. Now go downstairs and eat your breakfast, school will start in half an hour.”

Before she could even register it Dinky began to hug one of Twilight’s forelegs. “Thanks Twilight, you’re the best 2nd mommy I’ve ever had.” Dinky said, still hugging Twilight. Twilight smile was so wide that her mouth began to hurt. She didn’t care about that, because a little filly just told her that she was a good mother. She hugged Dinky back and Dinky went downstairs soon after.

Twilight just sat there, in her bedroom and still enjoying the compliment she just received. She was really starting to get a hang of being a mother and she enjoyed it more than else. She enjoyed listening to Dinky’s stories about school, she enjoyed helping Sparkler if she wasn’t feeling very well and she definitely enjoyed the love that Dinky and Sparkler gave her. She knew that she had to give them back to Derpy when she got out of her coma and that it would be a hurtful process, but until that day she could enjoy motherhood to its fullest.

Sparkler stood in the doorway of Twilight’s bedroom, a small smile visible on her face. She had heard the whole conversation and she was really proud how Twilight managed that situation. She knew that her sister was still a bit somber, but Twilight managed to make her smile again. Twilight was a really good mother and her future foals would be very lucky with that kind of mother.

Sparkler cleared her throat to make herself more noticeable. Twilight jumped a bit from the sudden sound, but turned around soon after that. “Ah, Sparkler and what made you leave your room?” Her joke was rather harsh, but they were laughing nonetheless.

Sparkler sat down next to Twilight, while staring at the rising sun that was slowly beginning to warm their coats. It was going to be a warm day, but her mother wouldn’t notice that. The smile faded from her face. “Twilight, do you think my mother will ever wake up?”

That question struck Twilight like a slap against her cheek. She didn’t know how to answer to that question, because she simply didn’t know if Derpy would ever wake up. So, she did what every mother would have done in her situation: she lied. “She will wake up, I’m sure of that.” She said and pulled Sparkler closer to her. She really didn’t like to lie to her and Applejack would have given her a glare, but it was for the best.

Sparkler rested her head on Twilight’s shoulder and began to sob quietly. “I’ve done some research in those books of yours and I’ve read that ponies who awaken from a coma have a possibility to wake up with a disorder in their brain, like a speech disorder or not even aware of their surroundings. So even if my mother wakes up, it’s possible that she won’t be the same.” Her sobbing became crying. “I-I’m just s-so scared, T-Twilight. I’m a-angry with my mother, b-but I don’t want to lo-lose her.”

Twilight slowly began moving her hoof through Sparkler’s mane while trying to comfort the mare. “She’ll be alright, I promise you that.”

It was another lie.

*****

“Now, do you remember what you need to do today?” Twilight asked Dinky.

After comforting Sparkler, Twilight went downstairs to make Dinky ready for another day at school. Dinky reminded Twilight of herself when she was her age, because Dinky liked to read and so did she. She wouldn’t be surprised if Dinky’s cutie mark would be something that had to do with books.

During the trip to school She and Dinky spoke about the things they would do after school. They would pick some beautiful flowers and with Sparkler they would visit Derpy. Dinky was very enthusiastic that she could visit her mother. Normally she could only visit her mother 4 days a week, because Twilight still had a library to maintain.

They were currently in front of the school and the bell would ring in about five minutes. Twilight was busy making sure that everything was in Dinky’s saddlebag. When she was sure that they didn’t forget anything at the library she placed the saddlebags on Dinky’s back.

Dinky giggled. “Yes Twilight, I need to make a beautiful drawing for mommy so that way she’ll smile in her dreams.” That was the phrase Twilight used when Dinky asked her why she had to make a drawing. The real reason was that a drawing would make Dinky happy again, because it was something for her mother.

“Good, I’ll ask Ms.Cheerilee to give you some time to draw.” She nuzzled Dinky like a mother would do to her foal. “Now off you go, it’s time to learn.”

Dinky gave Twilight a hug and ran towards the school. Just when she was going to enter the school she turned around and waved at Twilight. “Bye Twilight. You’ll pick me up after school, right?”

Twilight nodded and waved back. With a smile on her face Dinky entered the school and Ms.Cheerilee left the school. She smiled at the little filly that almost ran against one of her forelegs and trotted to Twilight. “Hey Twilight, how’s it going?” Cheerilee asked while stopping in front of Twilight.

Twilight smiled at Cheerilee. Cheerilee became one of her best friends when she found out that Cheerilee was a very smart mare. They would come together on an afternoon and then they would talk about books and studies. she really appreciated it that she could communicate with somepony who had an equal IQ. She pushed away her memories and focused on the mare in front of her. “Hey Cheerilee. I’m fine and the kids are starting to get over the shock. It took them three months, but finally they’re making progress.”

Cheerilee smiled back at Twilight, finally Twilight was starting to get some peace. “Well that’s good and how’s Derpy?” She asked with her smile still on her face, but Twilight’s smile faded and she began to frown.

“I don’t really know. According to the doctors she’s still stable, but her brain activity is starting to lessen. I still haven’t told the kids, because all their progress would be for nothing.” Twilight hung her head, sighed and sat on her haunches. She looked up at Cheerilee and saw her worried face. “Cheerilee, I’m scared. I don’t want to live through all of it again, I don’t want to see Sparkler angry again and I don’t want to see an inconsolable Dinky. I don’t want to see all of it again, but there’s a possibility that Derpy won’t make it. We’re losing her, Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee sat down next to Twilight and placed a hoof on her shoulder. Twilight looked at her and Cheerilee smiled. “Twilight, it’s going to be alright.”

Twilight snorted in response and shook her head. “I said the same thing to Sparkler this morning and you know what?” Cheerilee shook her head. “It was a lie.”

It was silent for a moment, neither of them knew what to say. It was Cheerilee who tried to return to the conversation. “So…um, do you know how long…”

Twilight finished her sentence. “How long she has left?” Cheerilee nodded. Twilight looked at the Ponyville Hospital that was visible in the distance. In one of those rooms lay Derpy, with a worried Rainbow Dash sitting next to her. “The doctors give her 2-3 weeks.” She began to sob quietly.

Cheerilee pulled Twilight closer and she rested her head against Cheerilee’s shoulder. “Don’t worry the doctors will find a way. Now, go back to your library and take a bath, it should help you in calming down. I’ll watch over Dinky.”

Twilight nodded slowly and got up. She was wiping the tears out of her eyes when she remembered something. “Oh, I told Dinky she had to make a beautiful drawing for Derpy, so could you help her with the drawing?” Cheerilee nodded. “Thanks, and please don’t tell Dinky about her mother’s condition. I want to do it when the time’s right.”

Cheerilee nodded again and got up. “Of course I won’t tell her that.” Twilight and Cheerilee gave each other a hug, after their hug they went their separate ways. Cheerilee went to her students who had probably made a mess of the classroom already and Twilight went to her library where there was a bath waiting for her.

*****

7 Hours later Twilight stood with Sparkler on the path that lead to the school. They were both waiting for the bell so that they could pick Dinky up. She and Sparkler walked to a bench and waited. Eventually her mind began to wander off to the things that happened today.

When she came home she followed Cheerilee’s advice and she took a bath. It wasn’t a normal bath. No, it was a bubble bath created with the shampoo she bought from the spa sisters. The shampoo was named ‘Le Tranquillité’ and it really made her very relaxed and peaceful. After 30 minutes of lying in bath and almost drifting off to sleep she heard a knock on the bathroom door.

“Twilight, are you done? I really need to pee.” It was Sparkler’s voice and from the light pitches in her voice Twilight could deduct that Sparkler was going to burst any minute now.

She cursed in herself for forgetting that Sparkler was also in the library. She stepped out of the bath and began dry herself off with the help of her magic. “Yes I’m done, I’m just drying myself off. I’ll be out of this room before you know it.” She said, drying her mane off with the towel.

“Please hurry, It won’t be long before I… y’know.” Sparkler said. Twilight could hear the clopping of hooves against the wooden surface, Sparkler was really going to burst any minute now.

When she saw that she was completely dry she opened the door. She began to apologize. “I’m sorry-“

Twilight didn’t have time to finish her sentence, because she was pushed out of the bathroom and the door closed immediately. She could hear Sparkler yelling. “No time for apologies, gotta pee.”

She stared at the door for a moment and then walked away, she didn’t want to hear Sparkler’s moans of relief. (Minds out of the gutter, you dirty readers!)

The rest of the day progressed calmly. Sparkler had asked Twilight to go with her to the park so that they could feed the ducks and just enjoy nature. Twilight agreed, she’d do anything for Sparkler and it might help in the healing progress.

The walk to that park was a quiet one. She knew that Sparkler just wanted some peace and quiet and so she gave it to her. She had some pieces of bread in her saddlebags and a book to keep herself busy while Sparkler was feeding the ducks or just enjoying nature.

She debated with herself during the walk to the park. She wanted to tell Sparkler about her mother’s condition, but she also wanted to protect Sparkler from that pain. She could lose Sparkler’s trust completely if she didn’t tell her about her mother, but in the end she just chose to be safe than sorry. She was going to tell it later.

In the park Twilight settled herself in the shadow of a tree and began to read. Meanwhile Sparkler was busy feeding the ducks near the lake. She enjoyed it to feed the ducks, she always did it with her mother when she was little. It had a rather therapeutic effect for her, but the memory of her mother in a coma wouldn’t leave her mind until the day the day she died. It had scarred her for life and it was something she had to drag with her for the rest of her life.

After the spending the day in the park Sparkler felt relieved and refreshed, it was even better than awakening after a good night’s sleep. She knew that she could handle seeing her mother. She had to, for her mother.

Twilight and Sparkler walked to the library, tossed the saddlebags into the library and made their way to the school. They just had to pick up Dinky and then they could go and visit Derpy.

They didn’t have to wait long on the bench, because two minutes after they sat their rump down on the bench the school bell rang. Twilight and Sparkler both got off the bench and gazed at the doors of the school. Just seconds later the door opened and giggling schoolfillies and colts ran out of the school. They all ran towards their parents or towards their homes. Dinky was the last one who left the school and she had a paper sticking out of her saddlebags.

She galloped towards Twilight and Sparkler and tackled them into a hug. “It was fun today, Ms Cheerilee helped me with my drawing and Fluttershy came over and talked about animals.” She happily said. In the morning she didn’t want to go to school, but now she was very grateful that Twilight had ushered her to go to school.

“Well that’s nice,” Twilight said while breaking the hug. “And what did you draw?”

Dinky put her saddlebags on the ground and took the drawing out of it. She unrolled the paper and showed it to Twilight and her sister. “Ta-da” She said while Twilight levitated the paper towards Sparkler and herself.

She had drawn her mother sleeping inside a heart and there were two little hearts at the sides of the larger heart. In those two little hearts lay Sparkler and herself who were looking at their mother, but they were smiling. Under the larger heart was a little sentence: ‘Wherever you may be right now, you’ll always be in our hearts.’

Twilight smiled and kept her tears under control. Dinky would keep loving her mother, no mather what and with that though alone She knew that Dinky was probably the strongest of the group. She’d make a fine mare when she grows up. “It’s beautiful, you’ve really outdone yourself Dinky.”

Sparkler couldn’t keep her tears under control and let them flow freely, it were tears of joy after all. She hugged Dinky and almost suffocated her in the process. “Mother will love this.” She said while wiping her tears away.

Twilight put the paper back into Dinky’s saddlebags and began levitating the saddlebags. She turned to Dinky and Sparkler who had just stopped hugging. “Let’s go, your mother is waiting.”

*****

“Who is it?” Rainbow asked when she heard a knock on the door of Derpy’s room. She had a strict list of who had permission to enter the room. The only ponies allowed in the room were Twilight, Dinky, Sparkler, Carrot Top, the hospital staff and of course herself. The rest of ponykind wasn’t allowed in the room, because all of them didn’t help Derpy. Even Fluttershy, one of her best friends, wasn’t allowed in the room, but Fluttershy said she understood why Rainbow was so protective. She was the element of kindness, so she respected other ponies wishes.

“It’s Twilight, the kids are here too.” Twilight answered, slightly annoyed of Rainbow’s over-protective treatment.

“Okay, I’m coming.” Rainbow Dash hovered to the door and unlocked it. She really wanted to be sure that nopony would hurt Derpy ever again. She opened the door and hovered  back to her small chair near the window. When she sat down upon it she could feel the heat of the sun on her coat even though the curtains were mostly closed. It was a very warm day and Derpy wasn’t awake to enjoy it.

Twilight sat down on the ground next to Rainbow while Sparkler and Dinky sat down on the floor next to the bed. “So how is she?” She asked with full concern. She didn’t really know Derpy, but Derpy came to her three months ago. If she didn’t send Derpy to her house with that book then Derpy would still be awake. She felt that she was part of the blame, but Rainbow Dash knew this and always told her that she couldn’t do anything about it.

Rainbow Dash sighed and looked at Sparkler and Dinky who were both trying to hold back their tears. “I don’t know. The doctors came over this morning, did some tests and they will come back later today with the results.” She whispered, she didn’t want that the kids heard it.

“That’s… good, maybe Derpy has made some improvement.” Twilight whispered back. She didn’t know what to say, so she just said something to make Rainbow feel better.

“Or maybe she’s just at the end of her life.” Rainbow replied. Those dark thoughts of losing her friend became more common every day, she was really losing hope for Derpy’s survival.

Twilight hit Rainbow on her shoulder. It wasn’t playful, it was serious. The hit made Dash look at Twilight. “We don’t know that and we can’t say that. As long as we aren’t sure that she’s dying, then she’s still fighting for her life. I also thought about losing Derpy, but Cheerilee opened my eyes and made me think more positively.” Her tone more than furious.

“And what if she dies? Then what?” Rainbow shot back. She actually knew that Twilight was right, but everything that transpired the last three months has made her pessimistic.

Twilight fumed with frustration. On some days she was also a bit pessismitic, but not always and now she had to make sure that Rainbow Dash was going to start seeing things from a different angle. She had to make sure that Rainbow realized that it’s fate that decides what’s going to happen and that ponies just have to accept it. “Then we just go on with our lives and try to build a good future for Derpy’s children. Right now those two are the most important sentient beings on this planet, even more important than Derpy and she would have wanted it this way. She would have wanted a nice future for her children, even if that meant not being with her children.”

Rainbow Dash wanted to scold Twilight. She wanted to tell Twilight that she didn’t know Derpy. She wanted to tell her that Derpy’s children weren’t her children, but before she could do that Dinky stood at her chair. “Is everything alright?” Her eyes were slightly watered, but she had kept herself strong. Even after 3 months her mother’s coma still hurt her, but she wanted to show everypony that she was a strong pony.

Twilight shot Rainbow a look that said ‘Don’t tell her anything’ and smiled at Dinky. “Yes, everything’s fine. Why don’t you show your beautiful drawing to your mommy.”

Dinky smiled and galloped to her saddlebags which lay next to the door, but she stopped immediately after the start of her gallop and turned back to Twilight. “Mommy can’t see right now, but can she hear it when I tell her about it?”

Twilight didn’t think about that and now she had to do the thing that she hated. She had to lie. “Yes, she can hear you and I’m sure she’ll like it.”

Dinky nodded enthusiastically and continued her gallop towards her saddlebags. She might have been sad just a few seconds ago, but telling her mom about her drawing would make things better and maybe that was the key to get her mother out of that coma. That was what she thought, but we all know that only time will tell if Derpy will ever get out of her coma.

She took the drawing, with her mouth, out of her saddlebags and trotted towards the bed of her mother. Sparkler levitated Dinky on the bed. Sparkler was too big to climb on the bed, but Dinky could still lay against her mother’s side… and she did. She laid herself down against her mother and placed the drawing on her mother’s chest.  She began to nuzzle her mother’s  chest. She was desperately trying to wake up her mother, but it was to no avail. Her mother wasn’t going to wake up, no matter how much Dinky wanted it, her mother wasn’t going to wake up. Only when Sparkler placed her hoof on Dinky’s back she stopped and began to sob against her mother’s side.

A couple of minutes later Dinky’s sobbing died down and she looked at her mother’s expressionless face. She looked calm, like she didn’t have to worry about this world. Dinky cleared her throat and spoke quietly. “H-hi mommy, sis and I are here. I just wanted to tell you that today was a nice day. Ms. Cheerilee told us about Zebrica and she helped me draw. I know you can’t see right now, but I’ll describe it to you. Well, in the middle of the paper is a giant heart with you sleeping in it and next to that giant heart are two smaller hearts with sis and I in it. We’re all smiling, because we know that we’re together. I also wrote something under the hearts. ‘Wherever you may be right now, you’ll always be in our hearts.’” When she said that, both Sparkler and Dinky once again broke down.

30 minutes later Twilight had cleaned Sparkler’s and Dinky’s faces and everypony in the room was just staring at the sleeping Derpy. The staring contest was broken when a unicorn opened the door, which was still unlocked, and entered the room. He was a light brown stallion with a gray mane and it seemed that the doctor was somewhere around 55 years old, so he had a lot of expertise.

“Hello everypony.” He said with a low baritone voice. “I’m here with the test results of Miss Hooves. I hope you all don’t mind, but I have to ask that the children leave the room.”

Sparkler immediately shook her head. “No way, I wanna hear what will happen to my mother.”

The doctor regarded her for a moment and immediately knew that she wasn’t going to budge. He had been in this situation countless times and he knew how stubborn family members could be. “Very well, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He warned while he levitated his notebook towards his face. He took a quick look at it and placed it on the ground. “I’ll start with the good news. Miss Hooves is making improvement and we are certain that she still has a month to live instead of two weeks and according to our tests it seems that she’s slowly getting out of her coma. We don’t know what caused the sudden improvement, but I guess you’re all happy to hear this news.” Everypony, except for the doctor, began to cheer and hug each other, but the doctor interrupted this when he raised his hoof. When everything was quiet he continued. “But. The longer a pony stays in a coma, the higher the risk that something will be affected in her body by her coma. This can go from some walking issues to living in a vegetative state.  Miss Hooves has already been comatose for three months and it will take at least another month for her to wake up, so all of the doctors in this hospital are certain that something in Miss Hooves’s body will be affected by the coma. Sadly, we don’t know what will be affected.”

All the ponies were quiet, but then they all hugged the doctor. They knew that Derpy was going to have some problems after the coma, but she was going to wake up and for once in those three months Sparkler smiled genuinely.

A/N: There ya go. It’s a bit late, but here’s the next chapter. Every chapter I’m going to try to smash a quote through your throat.

E/N: I blame the author for telling me to enjoy myself before editing. Also, Didn’t cry. Much. Only the teeniest bit.

Answer from me to my editor: I'm surprised that people cry to this story. It's not that sad from my point of view.

Healing (Unedited)

A Derpy’s Goodbye

Chapter 3:Healing

Timeline: One month and a half after Derpy's awakening.

Silence reigned, just silence and nothing else. No beeping of the machines, no rain hitting the window, not even a word. The chamber was filled with silence and it had been since Derpy’s awakening.

A normal pony would be happy to get out of his or her coma, but Derpy wasn’t happy. She wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t angry either. She was just… empty. She had no life goal, she abandoned that when she took the pills. She didn’t want to talk to ponies. She wasn’t angry at them, no not at all. She just felt like a burden to them, they didn’t need her.

And then there were her foals: Dinky and Sparkler. Every day they came to the hospital together with Twilight, but she always found it difficult to look at them. She could see it in their eyes, the hurt she had caused them and that only weighed even more on her guilt.

She just wanted to be left alone.

But they didn’t leave her. Rainbow always stayed in her room constantly watching her like a lion watching his prey. Twilight always came over with her two foals and tried to ask questions, but she didn’t answer them. She just didn’t feel like answering them.

Today wasn’t any different than the other days. Rainbow was still sitting on the chair in the corner of the room while staring out of the window. Derpy could see it in Rainbow’s eyes, she wanted to fly. Her wings were also flapping in place, but not hard enough to hover her body. That really didn’t have a good effect on Derpy, now she felt even guiltier. It was because of her that Rainbow couldn’t enjoy the sky; she had grounded Rainbow.

But Rainbow Dash wasn’t the pony she had hurt the most. No, her foals had been hurt so much that it just wasn’t ethical anymore. They had lost their mother for over three months, but luckily Twilight was so kind enough to take care of them. That was also something she hated. She didn’t want to be dependent of another pony, but now she was dependent on practically everypony.

Now that she had a second chance, which a part of her still didn’t want, she had to try and glue things back together. She wasn’t going to do it for her own good, but to make the lives of others easier. That was Derpy, always trying to help others even if she’s a bit clumsy and even if most of the other ponies don’t appreciate her.

She sighed and stared at Rainbow Dash who was still sitting at the window with an expression that said: ‘I wanna get outta here.’ She figured that it was best to start with helping her. “Rainbow Dash” She silently said. She had to speak rather silent, since her throat hurt from not using it for 4 months and a half. She figured she needed a drink before she could really speak to Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash suddenly flew out of her chair and hit her head on the ceiling. Derpy knew that she had startled Rainbow, but for once she didn’t care, it was rather funny and for the first time in one and a half month she let herself smile.

Rainbow, however, wasn’t smiling. She hated it when ponies startled her, most of the time she did something embarrassing as a reaction to something and this time wasn’t an exception. But all of that didn’t matter. A wonder had happened, Derpy just said something. She instantly flew over to Derpy’s bed and sat down on a chair beside it while looking at her with hope in her eyes. “Did you just talk?” She asked Derpy. She just wanted to be sure that she didn’t imagine her talking.

Derpy made a ‘come closer’ gesture with her hoof, her throat needed water badly. Rainbow obliged and came a bit closer to her, she was now 20 inches away from Derpy’s head.

It was still not enough and Derpy made another ‘come closer’ gesture. Rainbow again came a bit closer to her, just 10 inches away from Derpy.

Now it was enough for Derpy. Rainbow just didn’t get the hint, so she had to make it clear. She grabbed Rainbow’s head between her hooves and pulled Rainbow closer to her so that Rainow’s ear was near her mouth. “Water.” She whispered, her voice a little hoarse.

Rainbow nodded and pulled her head free from Derpy’s grasp. She began to search behind the curtains, in the closet, under her chair and even in the bathroom, but the bottle of water was nowhere to be found. She went back to Derpy to tell her that she couldn’t find the bottle of water, but when she looked up she saw her unamused face and her hoof was pointing at a bottle of water on the bedside table, but the bottle was just out of her reach. Rainbow facehooved herself. “Sorry,” She said. “I think I’m still a bit shaken up from hitting my head against the ceiling.” Rainbow would normally try to play it casual and do as if nothing had happened, but she knew that she didn’t have to do that around Derpy. Derpy was like a sister to her. They would laugh at each other and they had a bond nopony could break, not even an attempted suicide.

Rainbow gave the bottle to Derpy and she began to drink from it like a pony who had been walking in a desert for three days. After she was done drinking she gave the bottle back to Rainbow. That water was like heaven to her, a colorless liquid touched by the Gods and cooled in their refrigerator until somepony needed it. It was even better than a muffin.

Rainbow placed the bottle again on the bedside table and stared at Derpy. Nothing seemed wrong. She still had the same eyes that were looking at two things at once, a trait only Derpy possessed, but a rather embarrassing one. Same blond mane and tail with a nice gray coat to accompany it. She wasn’t ill on the outside, but on the inside and Rainbow had to make her better. “So,” She started. “Why did you wait so long to make yourself audible?”

Derpy looked at the window, the window Rainbow Dash was watching trough just a few minutes earlier. She sighed and knew that Rainbow wasn’t going to take this well. “Because I want you to leave.”

Of course Rainbow didn’t take that well, she almost fell off her chair. “What? No way, you need constant supervision. I’m your friend and I’ll always stay with you.” She said and for once no ego was mixed in the sound of her voice, she had spoken directly from her heart.

Derpy knew this and she had to use all her persuasion power to convince Rainbow to enjoy herself. “Rainbow, I care about you and I see that you want to fly, so go outside and fly. I’m not going anywhere, trust me.”

Rainbow looked at Derpy with an uncertain expression, but Derpy just smiled at her and that was something she hadn’t done in one month and a half. “What about suicide? How can I know that you don’t try to take your own life again?” She asked with a bit more power in her voice. Those four months and a half were an emotional rollercoaster for her and that was beginning to weigh on her.

“A part of me still feels miserable and wants nothing more than to end my life, but I see what kind of pain I caused to other ponies, you included, and if I take my own life then it will get worse. I don’t care about myself, I care about others. My healing process will be a long one, but you and my other friends will help me. There’s one thing I learned in those one month and a half and that is that I still have friends who care about me. When I took my own life I thought that I was alone and that nopony loved me, but I was wrong.” She began to tear up, her emotional barrier had broken down. “I was so wrong, my mind just made assumptions based on what I felt and not on facts and that almost costed me my life. I-I’m so sorry, I was being stupid and I-I…” She couldn’t finish the sentence, it just became too much.

Rainbow was touched by Derpy’s talk from her heart. Now she needed to do what every loyal friend would do, she needed to comfort her. She got off her chair and stood on her hind legs, her forelegs resting on the bed. She grabbed Derpy’s body with her forelegs and pushed Derpy’s head against her chest; it was a warm embrace. “Ssh, I’m here for you. You aren’t alone, I’m here.”

They stayed like this until Derpy stopped crying and that was just a couple of minutes. Derpy looked up and saw Rainbow’s comforting smile; it told her that everything was going to be alright. “So, you’ll go outside?”

Rainbow nodded. “Yes, I trust you enough to leave you alone for a few hours, but don’t forget that Twilight is coming over with your foals in about two hours.”

That was something Derpy actually didn’t look forwards to, but it was going to happen nonetheless. She decided not to worry about it, it was for her own good.

Rainbow let go of Derpy and walked to the door. Just when she was about to open it she turned back to Derpy. “Oh Derpy?” Derpy opened her eyes, she decided to sleep a bit before her foals came over. “Thank you. My wings were beginning to hurt and my urge to fly became almost unbearable.” She then walked through the doorway and closed the door behind her.

Derpy rested her head on the pillow and a tear escaped her eyes. There was something she hadn’t told Rainbow. Yesterday, when she had her weekly private conversation with the doctor, he had told her that her wings were paralyzed. Three months in a coma had ensured that she couldn’t fly again. She wasn’t that good at flying and she didn’t enjoy flying as much as Rainbow, but it still gave her a sort of freedom and now that also had been taken away from her. Life just became even more miserable.

*****

Two hours later the door opened and two foals stepped through the doorway, Twilight just behind them. She closed the door as silently as she could, Derpy was still sleeping and she didn’t want to wake her. It had been a hectic month for herself, but also for her foals… um, Derpy’s foals. Derpy didn’t want to talk to them and that frustrated Sparkler and saddened Dinky. They just wanted their mother back, but it seemed that she wasn’t coming back. She had been scarred for life and that had an effect on the two foals.

Now they were all sitting around Derpy’s bed, all waiting for her to wake up. It was also then that Twilight noticed something wrong. Rainbow wasn’t in the room. Almost immediately she began to make assumptions. Had Rainbow finally collapsed and did she just leave Derpy? Had the bottle of loyalty been drained? Twilight didn’t know, but to her surprise she couldn’t blame Rainbow. Derpy just didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to go on with her life; she was empty inside.

Twilight looked at Derpy’s sleeping form. Nothing on the outside seemed wrong, but it was the inside that had been affected. She didn’t know why Derpy wanted to end her life. To her, Derpy was a friendly mare who was always in a happy mood and she always wanted to help her friends, even if she was a bit clumsy. But last year everything went downhill, last year she received unfriendly notes and some ponies avoided her. Twilight didn’t think that Derpy was so sensitive about that, but she was wrong and now they all had to pay the price.

She shifted her gaze on the two foals who were, once again, looking at the sleeping form of their mother and hoping that today was the day that she would talk. Derpy’s refusal to talk was a slap in their faces, it gave them the feeling that they weren’t loved anymore. Honestly Twilight didn’t know if their mother loved them, but she would try to love them as much as their mother.

It was then that Derpy began to stir and she slowly opened her eyes. Her brain was still in start-up process, so she didn’t register the three ponies sitting next to her bed. After a few seconds her eyes she tensed up and it finally registered that she had company. The only thing she wanted to do right now was getting the heck out of there, but she knew that wasn’t an option. She had spoken already to Rainbow, but talking to her foals was a different story. They would ask why she had left them and if she still loved them. The answer to the last question was yes, she still loved them. She loved them more than anything, even more than muffins.

Dinky jumped onto the bed and nestled herself near her mother’s side, which she then nuzzled. She did this every time they visited her mother and every time she hoped that her mother would talk. Today was no exception. She looked at her mother and saw that there was a small smile visible on her face. This gave Dinky hope, maybe today was the day that her mother talked for the first time after waking up. “Do you want to talk now, mommy?” She asked her mother.

Derpy chewed on her cheek for a moment, a part of her was still doubting, but she knew that she had to go through with it. She needed to give her foals some comfort, she had hurt them enough. She made a ‘come closer’ gesture with one of her hooves and Dinky’s face lit up. She wasn’t like Rainbow Dash and immediately got the hint. She positioned her head next to her mother’s mouth and listened to what her mother had to say. After a few seconds she nodded, jumped off the bed and walked out of the room.

Sparkler just stared at the door with a half open mouth. She couldn’t believe that her mother had talked, but she didn’t talk to them. Instead, she just whispered something in her sister’s ear and she just walked off. Oh, she was going to give her mother a piece of her mind. She turned back to her mother and readied herself to shout the air out of her lungs. But then she saw her mother or what was left of it. Her eyes told Sparkler that her mother was actually a plant, she had no life purpose and then there were those wings, that looked awfully limp. Sparkler hung her head and sighed. “Why did you do it?” She asked, not really expecting an answer.

Derpy knew that she was going to get that question, but she didn’t really have an answer to that. “I-I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea at the moment, my only way out of misery.” She said and watched Sparkler’s reaction. When she saw that Sparkler’s eye twitched, she knew that she had fucked up.

“Misery?! Good idea?! Are you really stupid or what? Suicide is never the answer! What about Carrot Top and Twilight or Rainbow Dash?! What about Dinky?! What about me?! Do you know how I felt those three months?! DO you have any idea how much you hurt me?! You probably scarred Dinky for the rest of her life! You don’t care about others, y-you just c-care about y-yourself!” It was then that Sparkler broke down and she ran out of the room, smashing the door behind her.

Derpy felt the tears going down her cheek, but she didn’t care about that, she just wanted to be reunited with Sparkler. Her attempted suicide had made a large gap between herself and Sparkler and it was going to take a lot of effort to fix it, if it could even be fixed. She had her eyes closed and wasn’t really paying attention to her surroundings, but she could feel a hoof on her shoulder. She opened one eye and saw that it was Twilight’s hoof. She immediately saw it as lighthouse for a lost ship and she grabbed the hoof, not wanting to let go.

Twilight saw how much Derpy was hurt and she hugged her, she knew Derpy needed that right now. “Shh, she’ll come around, the shock is just a little bit too much for her.” She said, she needed to comfort Derpy right now.

It took some time, but after a few minutes Derpy stopped crying, she just hadn’t any more tears left. She had done it, she had finally done it. She had talked to her foals and lost one in the process. She and Sparkler would always have a bad relationship, she just knew it. “Twilight?”

Twilight let go of the hug, sat back down next to the bed and smiled at Derpy. “Yes?”

Derpy smiled back. It was  just a little smile, but it was all she could muster in her current state. “You really know how to handle those two, I’ve heard some stories from Nurse Redheart and I have to thank you for that. I knew you would make a good mother, even if it’s just temporary.” She said. She was really happy that Twilight had cared so well for her foals, she had to repay it back later.

Twilight, however, wasn’t really happy. That word ‘temporary’ had reminded her that she had to give those two back and it was going to be a real hard thing to do. She had grown to love them and soon she had to say goodbye to them. They had to be returned to their real mother, whether she wanted it or not. “Thank you, but it was nothing. They were always nice and they like to help me in the library, so it actually wasn’t a real burden.” She said with an undertone of hurt in it, but she hid it behind her joyful personality.

“Still, your future foals are going to love a mother like you.” Derpy said, completely oblivious to the fact that she had just hurt another pony.

Twilight decided it was time for a change of subject or otherwise she too was going to break down. “So, why did you send Dinky away?” That was something really curious and Twilight wanted to know why Derpy did that.

“Ah, because I had a feeling that Sparkler was going to run away, it’s in her personality. So I asked Dinky to wait outside in the hallway until she saw Sparkler running out of the room. Then she had to follow Sparkler and try to comfort her.” She explained. She had created that plan in her dreams and it worked.

Twilight nodded in understanding. “Clever, really clever.” She had to admit that not even she herself had thought about that.

“Thanks.” She waited for a moment. “Twilight, are you alright? You seem to be in pain.”

Twilight just shook her head. “Yes, I’m alright, I’m just a little sleepy.”

She was not alright…

A/N: There it is, chapter 3. Only one more chapter to go.

E/N:

Confrontation

A Derpy’s Goodbye

Chapter 4: Confrontation

One week after Derpy’s discharge from the hospital

“I don’t know, Rainbow. Is it really such a good idea?” Derpy asked Rainbow, at the same time looking at the clouds above her; the clouds that were out of her reach now that she was handicapped. She had told Rainbow about her wings a few days ago when Rainbow had asked her to fly up to Cloudsdale, but of course she couldn’t. Rainbow had reacted with compassion and had given her a hug, but that wasn’t going to bring the wings back.

“Aw come on, Derpy. You need to face your fears one day. You need to look them in the eyes and tell them you aren’t a helpless mare anymore. The doctor said so himself.” Rainbow said as she stood at Derpy’s side. She’d rather fly, since it was in her nature to fly, but decided against it. She had to take Derpy’s handicap into account, and it wasn’t exactly nice to fly around a pony who couldn’t fly anymore.

“But what if they bully me again, what if I can’t take it… what if nothing has changed at all, and I just want to commit suicide again?” She stared at the ground and made a little hole in it with her hoof. She didn’t want to commit suicide again, she really didn’t want to hurt Sparkler and Dinky anymore, but she just didn’t know if anything had changed during her time in the hospital.

“They won’t bully you anymore, I’ll make sure of that.” Rainbow tried to encourage Derpy, but when she saw that Derpy kept staring at the ground, she let out a sigh and placed a comforting hoof on the mare’s shoulder. That made Derpy look up, and she made eye contact with the sympathetic look in Rainbow’s eyes. “Look, we’ll take it really slow. Today they’re gonna apologize, and we’ll see what happens after that, alright?”

Derpy kept her gaze locked on Rainbow’s eyes and knew that Rainbow had spoken the sincere truth. She nodded and managed to form a small smile on her face. “Alright Rainbow, but only because I trust you and because you’re my best friend.” She once again stared at the clouds and tried to move her wings, but she just didn’t get any motion in them. “So, how will we get to Cloudsdale?” She questioned, once again looking to her right, but she was met by an empty space.

She suddenly felt a weight on top of her, and a pair of hooves grasping her chest. After that sudden movement, she felt Rainbow speaking very close to her ear. “I’ll carry you.” She said with her voice as sweet as possible and with that tone in Rainbow’s voice, Derpy knew that Rainbow wasn’t going to let her down, not even once.

Derpy gave Rainbow a nuzzle as a sign of gratitude and off they went, towards Cloudsdale. She looked below her, at the ground and the ponies who got smaller and smaller. It made her somewhat sad and gloomy because she knew that she couldn’t experience this on her own anymore, and she wasn’t going to ask Rainbow to carry her every time she wanted to enjoy the feeling of flying. She had to give up her wings, but she received something better in return, namely her life and the opportunity to hug her daughters again. Before she could do that, however, she had to talk with Sparkler first and try to glue things back together.

She could see Cloudsdale coming closer to her; the inevitable was coming closer, but it was still some distance away, and thus she could still turn her thoughts to something else. Her thoughts went to Twilight, and how she had cared for her foals during the time she had to reside in the hospital. A few days ago, she had picked them up from Twilight, since she deemed herself healthy enough to to care of them, but she could see something in her eyes, a kind of sadness. She didn’t think much of it at the moment, because she had her hooves full with Sparkler who still refused to talk to her, but now that she had some free time, she started asking questions about it. She made a mental note to talk with Twilight after this whole ordeal had ended.

Cloudsdale was really close now, and Rainbow began her descent. It was good to be in her hometown again; it had to be two years since she last set a hoof in this city, but everything just seemed exactly the same as two years ago, she could even see the small candy shop at the corner of Cumulus and Stratocumulus Street. That shop gave her a nostalgic feel because she bought her first piece of candy, and a visit to the dentist, there when she was just a filly. Her mother didn’t like it that she ate candy since she always found it bad for the teeth, and Derpy smiled at that memory, because her mother was right. It’s a natural fact that mothers know what’s best for their foals.

Her gaze turned to the cementery she could see in the distance, the last resting place of her parents. She had let them down; her mother had probably turned around in her grave, not wanting to face the mistakes of her daughter. Her daughter had left her foals behind, just for her own sake. No reasonable mother would do that because your foals always come before your own needs. She brought one of her hooves to her right eye and wiped some tears away. When she saw those tears, she made a promise she wasn’t going to break until the day she was reunited with her parents. She would be there for her foals. From now on, she would be a good mother for them; they came first, and she came last.

Rainbow let go of Derpy just above the clouds of Cloudsdale and landed. She looked around and saw that Rainbow had brought her to the main street of the city. “So this is where they are right now?” Derpy asked as she saw that Rainbow had folded her wings.

Rainbow nodded and pointed with a hoof at one of the many café’s located on Main Street, this one was called Altocumulus café. The outside of the café wasn’t that large, just a normal house like any other in Cloudsdale. It was made of clouds and reeked of booze, not exactly a place Derpy wanted to have the meeting. In fact, she didn’t want to meet them at all. “Yep, they’re in that café and I personally set the meeting up.” Rainbow answered with confidence and pride in her voice, her boasting nature once again showed itself.

Derpy nodded and began a slow walk to the café, Rainbow walking right beside her and giving her some support by draping a wing of her body.  She appreciated Rainbow’s moral support, she really did, but she knew that it wasn’t going to change the situation; she had to face her fears, even if she didn’t want it. The door of the café came closer and closer, like a predator slowly closing in on its prey. She sighed and shook her head a little to dismiss that thought. As long as Rainbow was with her, everything was going to be alright.

Rainbow opened the door and let Derpy in and once Derpy was inside, she too stepped through the doorway. The café wasn’t that big, to her left was the bar where ponies could order drinks and to her right the tables were they could drink their beverages. The cloudy wall was decorated with medals and photos of the many races held in the arena of Cloudsdale. This café was also the favorite one of the Wonderbolts, so it wasn’t a surprise to Rainbow that she saw several pictures of the Wonderbolts gathering dust on the bar.

Rainbow nudged Derpy forward with her wing, but she didn’t move, she was like a living statue. Rainbow sighed and tried the more caring approach. “I know you’re scared, but you have to take the plunge and I’ll take it with you. I’ll always be there for you, no matter what.”

Derpy nodded but kept her gaze focused on the ground. She just didn’t dare to look at the tables and thus at Flitter and Cloudchaser who were probably sitting at one. “I know and I appreciate it, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m terrified. I just managed to build a small shell around me but with one hit it can easily shatter, and then everything starts anew.” She could feel a small tear falling down her cheek, and she hated herself for crying so much, but at some moments she just couldn’t control herself.

She suddenly felt Rainbow hugging her and whispering to her. “But if you overcome this obstacle, then that shell will be stronger.” She let go of the hug and looked Derpy firmly into the eyes, not one second breaking eye contact. “You will get stronger, Derpy. After this, it will get better, and that I promise. Do you trust me?” She asked, still not breaking eye contact. Rainbow knew eye contact was very important if you wanted a pony to calm down.

Derpy nodded with all the power in her neck. “Of course I trust you. What kind of a question is that?” She would go with Rainbow to the pits of Tartarus because she knew that Rainbow would protect her.

“Let’s go then.” She said as she began to walk towards the table at the back of the café, the table where Cloudchaser and Flitter were drinking their lemonade.

Derpy reluctantly followed Rainbow towards the table but there was one  little sentence that always kept replaying in her mind: ‘She’ll protect me.’

After a few seconds, they arrived at the table in the corner of the café. Rainbow had explicitly asked for this table so that they could talk in private, no unnecessary ears were needed in the soon-to-be conversation. Rainbow nodded at the two sisters, a stern look on her face that told them that she wasn’t going to allow them hurting Derpy ever again, and they understood it because they nodded back with an expression on their face that had a mixture between fear and sadness. Derpy, however, didn’t dare to look at them and kept looking at the ground, biting her lip at the same time and her face full of fear.

Rainbow guided her friend to one of the chairs opposite of the two sisters. When she saw that Derpy, who was now looking at the table, was sitting comfortably, she sat down on the chair next to her friend. She cast one last look at Derpy and cleared her throat. “We all know why we are here?” She received nods in return and continued. “Alright then. Derpy, please look up.” She received a slow shake in return.

“I… can’t.” She answered as she felt a tear going down her cheek, and her stomach began to turn upside down. She just wanted to get out of there, fear had made its way into her heart, and now she just wanted to leave the café and never come back; she wanted to run away from her problems, like she had done before.

“Please Derpy, otherwise I can’t help you, and I really want to help you. I won’t force you to look up, but it’s better if you do.” Rainbow said as she wiped some tears of Derpy’s cheek with her hoof. It pained her to see Derpy like this, but it was a necessary pain to ensure progress in her friend’s healing process.

Derpy sighed, she knew that there was no way out. She had to look up and face her fate. She nodded very slowly. “Al-alright Rainbow, I trust you.” After she had said that, she slowly looked up and saw the two sisters. Cloudchaser was staring at her with fear and sorrow while Flitter was just crying and not even trying to cover it up.

Flitter sniffed and slowly took a tissue that lay on the table. “I never knew… I never knew we had hurt you so much.” She broke down, brought the tissue to her nose, and blew in it. It just didn’t seem so bad at the moment when she and her sister had bullied Derpy, but now she saw that her actions had really big consequences. One of those consequences was that she had almost taken a mother away from her daughters. During the months Derpy had to reside in the hospital, she had to live with the guilt of causing an attempted suicide, and it had been eating her up from the inside out, but now it all came out because she was confronted with her guilt.

Cloudchaser nodded in agreement but kept herself strong. She was a bit like Rainbow Dash, she still had a reputation to uphold. “Yeah, we’re very sorry for the pain we’ve caused you, your family, and your friends. If I could go back in time, I would have stopped all of this from happening. We were stupid, and we’re very sorry for that. Can you forgive us?” She asked with a hopeful tone while slowly rubbing the back of her sister, trying to calm her down.

Derpy stared at the two sisters, not knowing what to say. She had entered the café with the fear of getting bullied again, but now they were apologizing for their behavior. Still, could she really forgive them so easily and continue life like nothing had ever happened? One side of her wanted to forgive them, so she could end this chapter of her life, but the other side of her told her that she couldn’t forgive them so easily, nopony could after what they and the other bullies had done. In the end, she just stayed indecisive, she just wasn’t ready to decide. “I-I don’t know. What you two and the other bullies have done to me isn’t something to be taken lightly. I want to forgive you, I really want to, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Derpy thought that Flitter was going to break down again, because she had technically said no to them, but to her surprise she tried to stop crying. After a few seconds of wiping her tears away, she spoke. “We knew you were going to say that, and you have all right to say no because we also aren’t proud of our actions.” She stared Derpy firmly into her eyes, her pair of puffy red eyes making eye contact with Derpy’s pair of puffy red eyes. “We know we can’t change the past but do know that we are very, very sorry for what we’ve done, and we wished it had never happened.” She lowered her gaze and stared at her pack of tissues. She took one out and shoved it across the table. “Here, looks like you need it.” She gave Derpy a small smile.

Derpy looked at the tissue in front of her and accepted it. “Thanks.” She said, returning that small smile. This whole situation between her and the sisters might not heal right now, but maybe, in due time, things will change to the positive side.

Flitter then looked at Rainbow and saw one tear going down her cheek. A small grin formed on her face, and she shoved one of her tissues to Rainbow’s side of the table. “Do you also want one, Rainbow?” She knew Rainbow wasn’t so fragile as Derpy, so she could tease her a bit.

Rainbow brought a hoof to her face and felt the tear on her hoof. Immediately afterwards, an irritated expression formed on her face. “Darn it, I don’t act sappy, just so you know it.” She then took the tissue and wiped the tear away. “Thanks.” She said as she heard a small laughter coming from her right. She looked at Derpy and saw that she was trying to stop giggling. “Glad to see you’re happy again.” Her voice wasn’t angry or annoyed, but instead it was cheerful and happy. Even if she had just embarrassed herself, she was glad that Derpy was feeling alright again.

After that embarrassing moment, Rainbow nodded to the barman, who was waiting for his sign, and he nodded back. He went to the radio and placed a CD in it, immediately after he had hit play, a song came out of the speakers, a very happy song. Derpy turned to Rainbow with a smile on her face but mixed with confusion. “Rainbow, what is this?”

Rainbow smiled back. “Don’t you hear it? It’s something to make you happy.” Rainbow began whistling the tune of the song, the two sisters soon following.

Derpy laughed, for the first time she actually felt really happy again, and all her worries seemed to disappear like snow before the sun. She couldn’t contain herself any longer and hugged Rainbow. “You’re the best” She said, giving Rainbow a little peck on the cheek. She needed to show Rainbow how grateful she was.

Rainbow broke the hug and looked at Derpy. The smile on her face, the tears that were drying, and the occasional laugher; she knew that Derpy was going to be alright. She motioned for the barman to bring in the drinks, and he did. In less that a minute, four sarsaparillas stood on the table, ready to be consumed by the four ponies. Rainbow took her sarsaparilla and raised it in the air, the rest soon followed. “Cheers,” She said. “To a life without bullying.”

"To a life without bullying.” The three others repeated, all delighted that this whole problem had been resolved.

Derpy beamed, maybe things weren’t so bad after all. Flitter and Cloudchaser were sorry for their actions, they weren’t going to bully her again, and although she can’t forgive them now, doesn’t mean she can’t forgive them in the future. And then there was Rainbow who had set this whole meeting up, and it seemed that she had confidence in it from the beginning. She was really glad she had Rainbow as a friend, because she couldn’t wish for a better one. Finally it seemed that things were looking up for her. Now the only two issues she still had to address were Twilight and Sparkler but for now she just needed to do like the song told her: ‘Don’t worry, be happy.’.

*****

“Thanks, Rainbow. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” She asked Rainbow as she was set down on the ground in front of the library. The whole meeting had taken two hours, so it was around four in the afternoon by the time she arrived at the library. It was a nice meeting and she had seen the good side of the two sisters, but forgiveness still had to wait until she was ready for it.

“Yeah, fine. I’m gonna nap a bit.” She said, and she gave Derpy a hug. The whole meeting was actually a wild guess to make Derpy happier, and she wasn’t sure if it would work, but it worked very well. Derpy was happier than ever, and thus she was making progress. “I’m proud of you.” She said as she let go of the hug and ruffled Derpy’s mane, which, in turn, elicted a small chuckle from the wall-eyed mare. Rainbow spread her wings and took off, her destination a fluffy looking cloud above her. “See ya!” She yelled as she disappeared behind the clouds.

Derpy kept staring at the clouds for a few moments and shook her head, a small smile forming itself on her face. She was really lucky to have a loyal friend like Rainbow, a friend who would go through fire and ice and all just for her. Derpy made a mental note to buy some chocolates from Pinkie, that way she had something to give to Rainbow as a ‘thank you’ present.

She turned her gaze to the tree in front of her, Twilight’s library. Now it was time to talk with Twilight about her rather weird behavior. Ever since she had picked up her children, Twilight had been a bit downcast, but when she and her children saw Twilight on the market, then it always looked like she tried to avoid them, and that was starting to worry her. Not wanting to wait any longer, she walked to the door and knocked on it. She fixed her mane, trying to make it look the way it was before Rainbow ruffled it while waiting for the door to open.

After a few seconds she could hear a voice coming from inside the tree, and she immediately connected it to Twilight. “Come in, the door is open. Seriously, this is a library, the door is always open, from morning until evening.”

Derpy opened the door and closed it behind her, her response ready. “Well, this is also a house, so I guess privacy is one of the norms.” She replied as she saw Twilight sitting at her desk, scribbling with her quill on a piece of parchment.

Twilight put her quill down and looked up. “Well, it’s… oh, it’s you, Derpy. How’s it going?” She said with an uneasy smile on her face. Immediately when she saw Derpy, she pictured the faces of Dinky and Sparkler in her mind, and her smile began to waver. It was still a giant pain, thinking back at one of the best months of her life was a pain and torment.

Derpy began to eye Twilight a bit suspiciously but soon hid it with a smile. “I’m fine, thank you. Rainbow took me to a café in Cloudsdale, and Flitter and Cloudchaser have apologized to me, but I’m not ready yet to forgive them.” She said, her eyes first scanning Twilight’s face and then the ground. She had a little bit of guilt for not forgiving them, but she knew it was better to wait a moment; the whole situation needed some time to digest.

Twilight walked from behind the desk and to the gray mare who was still standing at the door. She was sure Derpy still needed some help in her healing process and now that she was here, Twilight was going to do everything to help and in the process trying to burn the image of those two beautiful foals out of her mind. “Why don’t we sit on the couch for a moment?” She suggested while placing a hoof on the gray mare’s back. Rainbow had told her that Derpy couldn’t fly anymore, since she was also part of Derpy’s healing process, but she still wanted to see it herself, and thus she moved her hoof to the place of the pegasus’ back where the two wings came together. When she saw that Derpy’s wings didn’t make any motion, she mouthed an ‘oh’ and placed her hoof on the ground again. She stared at Derpy and Derpy stared back, a sad expression on her face, and her head slowly nodding.

Twiligh’s sighed. “Come on.” She said as she guided Derpy to the couch that was placed in the main part of the library, where all the books on the shelves stood, that way ponies could read in the library while sitting on a comfortable couch. Sadly, the couch wasn’t used that much, since the ponies of Ponyville didn’t have a huge interest in books, and thus she was considering to sell it, but not now because now she was going to have a talk with a friend on that couch.

Moments later, they were sitting on the couch, neither of them saying anything and just staring at various things in the library. The open book on the ground, the statue of Star Swirl the Bearded, or the book on the shelve called ‘Past Sins’. It all seemed so appealing to stare at, and yet they knew that one of them had to break the everlasting silence.

Twilight shifted her gaze to Derpy, who was sitting next to her while staring at one of the things in the library, and wanted to open her mouth, but just as she was about to that, Derpy spoke. “Twilight, why are you sad?” Derpy asked her, still not pulling her gaze away from the object that had caught her attention.

Twilight was flabbergasted, to say the least. She hadn’t expected that, and now she couldn’t form a response. The only thing that came into her mind was that she was busted and that she knew she couldn’t hide her emotions so well; she didn’t have a good façade. She lowered her head, not wanting to look in the eyes of Derpy if she decided to look at her, and did nothing,  just trying to formulate a reply. After a few seconds, she sighed and got off the couch. “Follow me, please.” She said, still not looking at Derpy and making her way to the stairs.

Derpy’s gaze followed Twilight’s movements and after a few seconds she too got off the couch, thus following Twilight. She knew she had caught Twilight off guard but it was necessary if she wanted answers and, at the same time, returning the favor by helping Twilight with her problem.

Twilight opened the door of her bedroom and walked through the doorway, Derpy following soon after her. She was afraid, really afraid. She didn’t know how Derpy would react if she told her that she missed the foals, that she actually  missed ‘her’ foals. She had created a bond with them, a mother-daughter bond, and now it had been ripped out of her life. She walked to her bedside table and stared at the three photos in their respective frameworks. Those pictures were three happy moments in her life, but now they served as a painful reminder of what had been, but is no more.

She gave the first picture to Derpy while holding back her tears, this was going to be one of her worst days ever, and she knew it. “What- what do you see?” She asked, the dams in her eyes almost starting to break.

Derpy took the picture and stared at it. Twilight could deduct from Derpy’s smile that she found the picture heartwarming, but it didn’t calm her nerves, not one bit. It was a picture with Dinky sleeping in her bed while Twilight was tucking her in. It reminded Derpy of herself because she always tucked Dinky in. She shifted her gaze back to Twilight and saw small tears were beginning to escape her eyes. “I see you tucking my daughter in.” She said, not sure where Twilight was going with all of this.

Twilight nodded, sniffed and gave the second picture to Derpy. “Well, what d-do you see i-in that picture?”

Derpy once again stared at the picture and laid eyes on a more comedic sight. This picture showed her foals sitting, and laughing, at the kitchen table while Twilight was trying to bake muffins, although it wasn’t going very well since she had batter on her coat and in her mane. It brought a smile to Derpy’s face, but it quickly disappeared given Twilight’s current situation. “Apparently you were trying to bake muffins.”

Twilight gave a light chuckle, tears streaming down her face, and nodded. “Yes, trying.” She turned her gaze to the last picture on the bedside table and gave it too to Derpy. “And what do you see on that picture?”

Derpy looked at it, and her heart almost couldn’t take the cuteness that she saw in the picture. Twilight was smiling at the camera while Sparkler was kissing the left cheek and Dinky the right. After a few moments of thinking and making the connections between the pictures, she knew why Twilight was so sad. She laid the three pictures on the bed and stared at her while giving her a warm smile, one that was trying to tranquilize the violet mare. “Do you miss them?”

Twilight was once again stupefied, this time because she had never thought that Derpy could make the connection that quick. Still, it is rather obvious if one saw how her mood worsened after giving Dinky and Sparkler back. She swallowed the lump in her throat, which was rather audible, and nodded slowly. “Yes.” She murmured, not even higher than a whisper. She had told Derpy one of her deepest secrets, and she really hoped that she could help her.

Derpy knew that something was eating Twilight up from the inside out, and now she had received her answer: she missed Dinky and Sparkler. She slowly began to walk towards Twilight who was now lying on her bed and weeping into her pillow. She knew Twilight had pent up her emotions in that studious mind of her, and now she had to let it all out. When she reached Twilight, she placed a hoof on the mare’s shoulder and began to stroke it while softly whispering to her. “Shh, it’s alright.” That was one of the techniques she used when she had to deal with her daughters when they were sobbing.

After ten minutes, Twilight stopped crying, but not because she wasn’t sad anymore, but because her eyes couldn’t produce any more tears; they were empty. She had expected to be shouted at or to be insulted, but she didn’t expect Derpy trying to calm her down. Maybe she had misestimated that gray mare, and maybe her mind had once again failed to relax and to see things how they actually are. With some hesitation, she dared to look at Derpy and sniffed. “Are you not mad?”

Fear and pain was present in her voice, and Derpy was slightly insulted that somepony could think about her that way. She had no reason to be mad. What Twilight was going through was normal if somepony had to give up his or her foal, she herself had to do it once, but it was too painful to think about at the moment. “I’d never be mad at you because you helped me out when I was going through a living hell. Tell me, what do you think of my foals?” Derpy was beginning to formulate a solution to Twilight’s problem, but first she needed to know Twilight’s opinion about her foals.

Twilight floated a tissue to her, wiped her tears away, and blew her nose in it. Afterwards, she threw it into the small dustbin next to her bed which was only used when she was reading a tearjerker and now of course. She once again laid her head on her pillow and enjoyed the feeling of Derpy stroking her coat. It just felt so good to know that there was somepony with you, and who was caring for you. She briefly wondered if this was the feeling Derpy felt when she was lying in the hospital and knowing that Rainbow and herself were caring for her but after a second, she knew that was not the case since it was probably suppressed by the depression.

“Well, Dinky is just so adorable. She especially enjoys reading with me and studying the secrets of magic, and she also likes to play hide and seek with me. It’s just… You don’t have to do much for her, and yet you receive a lot of love in return. Sparkler is a bit harder to handle, but that’s mostly because she’s in her puberty, and she had to go through a hard period. But there’s a sweet, nice mare hidden behind that emotional roller coaster of her. She especially enjoys to feed the ducks, it gives her a feeling of relaxation, like she can escape the world for a few minutes. She isn’t so affectionate like Dinky, but she shows her love in very small and indiscreet ways. What she really enjoys with her whole heart is that you’re there for her when she’s in need of a listening ear. Your foals… are two beings sent by the heavens.” A dreamy smile appeared on her face when she had finished speaking. It felt good to talk about them, even if she knew she couldn’t raise for them anymore.

Derpy smiled and put her solution into action. She enjoyed it that Twilight talked about her foals like that, and she knew Twilight would make a good mother. “It’s settled then, you’re going to live with us, or we’re going to live with you. Your choice.”

Twilight nodded, still thinking about Dinky and Sparkler, and thus Derpy’s solution didn’t fully register into her brain. “Yeah… wait, what?” She was once again surprised for what had to be the umpteenth time today. “What do you mean live with with us?”

“Like I said, you’re going to live with us, or we’re going to live with you in the library. Listen Twilight, I can’t stand to see you depressed, and I know what I’m talking about.” That elicted a small chuckle from the violet mare, but she quickly covered her mouth with her hoof. Derpy just waved a dismissive hoof and smiled, clearly not offended by the chuckle. “What I’m trying to say is that you’re feeling miserable, and it’s only going to get worse. If I reunite you with my foals, then you’ll start feeling better, and I’ll have an extra pair of hooves that can help me with caring for them.”

Twilight liked the solution. Hell, it was like a gift from the Gods. To be reunited with Dinky and Sparkler, it was like a dream come true. Still, there were a few issues that kept bugging her, though. “Well, I’d like it if you could come and live here, this tree has enough rooms for all of us, but what about Carrot Top?” She really wanted to have Derpy, Dinky, and Sparkler living here in the library, but she didn’t want to take them away from Carrot Top.

Derpy’s smile faltered slightly but returned soon afterwards. “Don’t worry about her, she and Caramel are going to get married, and then they’re going to buy an apartment in Manehattan.  She’s leaving in two weeks.” Derpy could feel a tear beginning to form in her right eye and quickly wiped it away, but Twilight still caught it.

“Oh, I guess I have to congratulate them. But what about us? I mean, we’re not even in a relationship. How can two foals have two mothers who aren’t in a relationship?”

Derpy crawled onto the bed and turned Twilight around so that she was lying with her back on the bed, eyes staring at the ceiling. Then she positioned herself above Twilight and stared her firmly into her eyes, even with her eye condition. It was a technique she had learned from Rainbow. “Do want to take care of my foals?” A stern tone in her voice.

Twilight nodded quickly and said, “Yes.” In a tone that reminded Derpy of Fluttershy.

“Then what’s the problem? You want to take care of them, and I want to help you. You don’t have to be in a relationship to raise foals. But…” Derpy came closer to Twilight’s nose and gave it a little peck. “What isn’t now, can still be in the future.” Derpy couldn’t lie to herself, she found Twilight absolutely attractive, and she had eyed the mare under her quite some times in the past.

Twilight’s eyes first widened from the sudden move, then a blush began to form on her face, and lastly she smiled. “Thank you. For everything, I mean. For calming me down, for reuniting me with Dinky and Sparkler, and for finding me attractive.” She wasn’t ready to be in a relationship right now, but like Derpy said: ‘What isn’t now, can still be in the future.’

“Hey, it’s only fair. You took care of my foals when I wasn’t capable of doing it. It’s only fair to return the favor… and more.” She answered as she got off the bed. Normally, she was never so bold, but she had a special bond with Twilight, one that could grow into something more. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I still need to pack a lot of things.”

Twilight got off the bed and galloped to Derpy before she could go down the stairs. Once she reached Derpy, she gave her a big hug and whispered into her ear. “Hurry.”

Derpy nodded and went down the stairs. This day had been going really well, come to think of it. Rainbow had helped her with her problem, and now she had resolved Twilight’s problem, at the same time creating the start of what she knew was going to be a wonderful relationship. Now she only had to deal with the worst problem of them all: Sparkler.

*****

“Sparkler, open the door!” No response. “Sparkler!” Again there was no reply, not even a step on the ground or a mumble.

Derpy sighed and rested her head against the closed and locked door of Sparkler’s room. Why had she given Sparkler the only key of the room? Now she had to convince her daughter to open the door, and it looked like she wasn’t going to comply with her mother’s demands. Still, Derpy knew she deserved it. Due to her attempted suicide Sparkler got a feeling of abandoning, she thought her mother didn’t want her anymore. Derpy cursed herself for acting so stupid. She had hurt her foals beyond measure, and now she was slowly losing one.

She cast a glance at Dinky who was sitting next to her, a worried expression on her face, one that didn’t fully comprehend the magnitude of the problem. Derpy knew that the problem had a very big consequence if she didn’t manage to have a talk with Sparkler: the loss of a daughter. Sparkler had locked herself into her room and only came out to drink and eat, to go to the toilet, and to wash herself. During the time she left her room, she didn’t talk to her mother, she didn’t even look at her; it was like she was air for her daughter, and that had hurt her straight in her heart. If she ever wanted to repair the bond between them, it was going to ask a lot of work of both ponies, but first she had to open this damned door.

“Dinky, get the crowbar, please.” She ordered her daughter, who cast a look at the door and got up, getting a crowbar for her momma.

Derpy sighed once again, she had to break down her own door in order to have a talk with Sparkler. That was going to lessen her selling price of her house.

Five minutes later, Dinky returned with the crowbar in her mouth and from the looks of it, she didn’t enjoy the taste of it. “It tastes yucky.”

Derpy chuckled and ruffled her daughter’s mane with her hoof. “I know, muffin.” She then took the crowbar out of her daughter’s mouth, stood on her hindlegs, and placed the curved end of it between the lock and the door jamb. She placed her forelegs on the flat end of the crowbar and warned her daughter. “Alright Sparkler, if you don’t open the door by the count of three, I’ll break it down with the crowbar. Your choice. 1…2…3. Fine.” She began to push on the damned thing with all her might, and slowly the door began to crack. She began to push harder and harder, even Dinky began to push with her, a bright smile plastered on her face. After a minute of hard work, the door gave in with a crack and opened. What Derpy saw inside wasn’t expected.

Clothes were sprawled across the whole surface of the floor, the doors of the closet still open. Everywhere lay pieces of glass and a broken frame of a photo. The photo, or what was left of it, was lying on the ground near the closet, just to the right of the door in the rectangular room. Derpy quickly saw what important date the photo had captured. It was Sparkler’s tenth birthday, and she had a little bit of cake on her nose. Derpy was wiping it off and just at that moment, Carrot Top decided to take a photo. It was a really memorable date, and her daughter had torn it to pieces. She wasn’t mad or angry, not at all, she was just heartbroken. Now she saw she had caused her daughter much suffering, but she was going to make it all right, if she just wanted to listen and talk.

She saw a little form moving under the blankets of Sparkler’s bed that stood just opposite of the door. She ordered Dinky to wait at the door, then she began a slow and cautious maneuver though the glass shards. When she reached Sparkler’s bed, she placed a hoof on the blankets, but it was quickly pushed away by Sparkler’s right foreleg. She sighed, she could label today as ‘sighing day’, and saw that she had one major wound to heal. “Listen Sparkler, I-“

She couldn’t finish her sentence because in less than a second, a fuming Sparkler stood in front of her face. “No, you listen! I’ve been worried sick about you for four and a half months! Four bucking months! And now you’re acting casually like nothing ever happened. Nothing may have happened to you, you can say yourself, but to me?! I’ve almost lost my mother, I’ve almost lost the pony I love the most! I-I’ve been an orphan once, I d-don’t want to become one again! I-I cared abo-about you and- and loved you, b-but you just g-gave me a slap in my face!” When she said that sentence, Sparkler broke down and began to weep into her pillow, just like Twilight did. All the bitterness and hatred towards her mother had formed a cocktail of nothing good, and now she had let it go in a giant waterfall of tears.

Derpy could feel her heart being ripped out of her chest and being stomped upon by her own daughter. The wound she had to heal in Sparkler’s heart had begun to fester. She could place the blame on Discord and his disharmony, but she knew that she had caused all of this; for once, she was Discord. “Sparkler, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had caused you so much pain.

Sparkler raised her head and stared at her mother, her face full of hatred. “Lies! You knew damn well how much pain you’ve caused me and Dinky, but you just don’t care! You just take action without even considering the consequences of said action! You just care about yourself and nopony else, not even your own daughters!” By now Sparklers voice had become hoarse, and she knew she had to stop shouting to spare her voice, but she was just so angry with her mother. Deep within she knew she wasn’t thinking rationally, but she just didn’t care about that, she just wanted to let her mother know the pain she had felt during those four and a half months.

Derpy was tearing up even more than in the café. Two bullies she could handle with Rainbow’s support, but a daughter that hated her, she could not. “I’m sorry, I know it w-was stupid of me to take my own life and if I could turn the clock back, I would have done so, but that just isn’t an option. I want to make it right, Sparkler, I really do, but you’ve got to let me make it right.” She pleaded, her teary eyes staring at the hatred filled ones of Sparkler, but she could see something also, almost something like remorse. Maybe there was still hope, maybe she could still make things right.

“Easy for you to say, you aren’t as hurt as me.” She blocked her mother’s apology attempt with a calmer voice.

“That’s not true,” Derpy objected. “Because you just showed me how much pain I’ve given you, you did the same to me now. That feeling of not being loved anymore, of ponies turning their backs to you. It hurts, I know, but it was never my intend to hurt you. I want to make it all right, please let me make it right. You might not see me as your mother anymore, but you are still my daughter until the end of time. I still love you with my whole heart, and nothing is going to change that, not even this.” She placed her hoof on Sparkler’s right hoof, but now she didn’t pull away, the hatred was also gone from her eyes and replaced by sadness.

Sparkler began to move and threw her forelegs over her mother’s head, locking them in a deep hug while both of them cried into each other’s shoulders. “Oh momma, I was just so scared you didn’t love me anymore, that you didn’t want me anymore. I’m afraid to be alone.”

Derpy could feel that her shoulder was beginning to get wet, but she didn’t care since she was doing the same to her daughter. She began to whisper, trying to calm her daughter and herself down. “Shh, momma’s here. I’ll never leave, don’t ever forget that.” After a few minutes of hugging and weeping, Derpy let go of the hug and stared at her daughter. Her mane was a bit unkempt, but the rest was fine. She then stared into her daughter’s eyes, not firmly like with Twilight, but one filled with love for her daughter. “Are you still mad?”

Sparkler nodded. “Yes, but not as much as I used to be. I’m just glad you aren’t abandoning me."

Derpy gave her daughter a nuzzle to reassure her that abandoning wasn’t going to happen. “Hey, that will never happen.” She turned her attention to the door. “Dinky, you can come in, but be careful because there’s shattered glass on the floor.” She said while giving her daughter a poke, that way Sparkler knew she wasn’t in any real trouble, but that her mother was not pleased about the shattered glass and the whole mess in her room.

Dinky made her way through the labyrinth of glass, careful not to step on the glass, and when she arrived at her mother, she smiled. “Everyting okay? No more sadface?”

Derpy laughed at her daughter’s use of vocabulary and found it cute at the same time. “No more sadface. Are you going to help Sparkler and me with cleaning this room up?” Dinky hesitated but reluctantly nodded, not wanting to upset her mother. Derpy smiled and gave Dinky a quick kiss on her forehead, which was answered with that sweet chuckle Dinky had. “Oh, and I have a surprise. We’re going to move in with Twilight, she just couldn’t let you two go.” Derpy could only laugh at the amazement that spread on her daughters’ faces and a second later, she had to gasp for air because her daughters were giving her a bonecrushing hug.

*****

Two months later

“Twilight, I’m home.” Derpy announced as she closed the door of the library behind her. She had just finished her shift in the post office. She wasn’t a mailmare anymore, but now she sat at the desk, helping ponies who have questions or sorting mail, and she actually liked it. It wasn’t the same as being a mailmare, but it was a good replacement.

Her problems had also disappeared into the background of her life. The bullying had stopped, Twilight was okay, and Sparkler loved her mother like she used to; everything was back the way it used to be. She still had one little issue that needed to be resolved, and she was going to take care of that now.

Twilight came down the stairs, that lead to her bedroom, and walked to Derpy. Once there, she gave the love of her life a kiss and hug. “So, how was your day?” She asked as she let go of the hug, eager to hear about Derpy’s day.

Derpy chuckled and shook her head. Ever since she and her two daughters moved in with Twilight, the violet mare was really protective of her special somepony and her daughters, maybe even overprotective. She didn’t mind, not at all, it actually felt rather good, knowing that there’s a pony who really cares about you and expects you home at exactly five PM. “Good, but could you show me where you keep your parchment and your quills?”

Twilight had a look of confusion on her face, but it quickly disappeared and was replaced by a smile. “Of course, follow me.” She began to walk towards her desk that had now been placed in her study, the room just behind the main part of the library. There she kept her records of the books that had been lent to ponies and the due dates of said books. She also studied there when she was in the mood to study or when the Princess gave her an assignment but caring for two foals had taken up a lot of her free time, so the room was used less than it used to.  She opened the top drawer of her desk, took out a quill and parchment, and placed it on the desk, ready to be used. “So, it’s ready. Why do you need all of this?” She asked, her curious nature just couldn’t keep quiet.

Derpy walked to the desk, sat down on the chair, and studied the parchment. “I need to write a letter to somepony.” She picked up the quill and began to write.

Twilight stood there for a few moments, awkwardness hanging in the air, before finally walking towards the door of the study. “Okay, holler if you need anything.” She said and closed the door behind her. Once the door was closed, she shook her head and went back upstairs to continue helping Sparkler and Dinky with their homework.

*****

Ten minutes later, Derpy stood in front of a house, the house of that gray Pegasus with the green mane; the Pegasus who was also being bullied. She stared at the envelope that was held in the grasp of her hoof and sighed, she wasn’t going to let this pony suffer like she had suffered.

She walked to the brown front door, waited for a couple of seconds and eventually knocked on it. She placed the envelope on the front step and walked away.

Seconds later the door opened and  the gray young Pegasus stood in the doorway, clearly surprised that nopony stood in front of him. Something in the street caught his attention and he looked at the point of interest. It looked like a gray Pegasus with a blond mane and bubbles as cutie mark; he had seen this mare several times sitting at the desk in the post office, but why was she waving at him? She continued her walk and he looked at the ground, labeling this encounter as coincidence, but then his eyes saw the envelope lying on the ground in front of his hooves. He picked it up and opened it. It read:

[Isn't it great to be different?

Isn't it wonderful to be exactly who you are?

When you learn to start accepting yourself](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ_jdruQca0)

You'll become a shining star.

Love Derpy.

He smiled, connecting that name to the gray mare and went back inside. He isn’t weird, he is just being himself, and it’s great to be different.

The End