Searing Victory's Unusual Adventure

by blazikenking

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Warhammer, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Equestria Girls, Random, Discord, Crossover
Length: 73948

A forgotten unicorn goes on an adventure with Discord. This is the very definition of Sanity.

Mere weeks after being hired as a bodyguard/bartender by Yang Xiao Long, a hero of Equestria and owner of the Carne Den, Searing Victory contracts a mysterious, practically unknown magical disease: Background Pony Syndrome. Nobody really notices her, and it leads to a bad day.

Then Discord notices her and everything goes sideways during her treatment adventure. Really, the whole adventure is sideways, weird, bizarre, and strange. At least she doesn't have to worry about space for souvenirs and stuff.

New tags will be added as neccessary. AND YES! THE TITLE IS A JOJO REFERENCE!

Side story to I Burn.

Crosses over with RWBY for a bit.

Published 2020-07-29 04:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-10-21 02:56:07 UTC

Settling in

To say the place looked a bit abandoned would be one way to describe the bunker with a view's condition. Everything had a thick layer of dust on it. The chairs, the desks, the tables, the floor, everything. The dust was so thick, Searing could easily lift chunks of it up with her magic and just drop it into the chasm outside. The dust layer was, by her best guess, around five inches deep, and she could feel it get into the fur around her fetlocks with every step.

"How old is this place?" Searing asked herself as she kept excavating the dust, doing her best to keep it under control. Everywhere she looked, it was dust, dust, dust.

After cleaning out the first room, which looked like a cross between a workshop and a living room, Searing moved onto the next room, which looked like a kitchen. Excavation confirmed her suspicions.

She warily approached the fridge. She knew Discord had said there was fresh food and clean water, but anything covered in that much dust wasn't to be trusted so easily. After taking a cautious deep breath, she opened the fridge, prepared for mold, rot, and stink. Instead, she saw the groceries that were in her fridge, along with a dozen eggs, some hard drinks, and a couple Carne Den takeout containers. Front and center was a card from Discord. Naturally, she read it.

Dear Searing Victory,

The facilities this bunker is attached to are there for you to explore and, more importantly, loot. I have already found and restored some special saddlebags for you to use for this purpose. Anything you want, you can have. The only ones who would complain are Celly and Lulu, but they probably don't know about this place.

-Discord

"Loot, huh?" Searing looked back in the fridge and saw some oversized saddlebags there. "I don't think those weren't there a minute ago." She levitated the bags out and set them on a fairly clean section of the countertop. "I'd better finish cleaning first."

The next room she found, just as dusty as the rest of the place, appeared to be a dorm with four beds. The dust on them was incredibly thick, and she could feel what little was left of the bedding crumble in her levitation. The solid metal frames were intact, so she at least had somewhere to lay down. "What I wouldn't do for a cot around here. . . Why am I even going along with Discord's plan?"

Once the dust was dumped into the abyss outside, Searing continued her dusty exploration. She found a couple more easily accessible rooms. One was definitely a workshop of some kind. To her surprise, there were a few intact items, all gems of various types and shapes. The other one was a bathroom. Both got cleaned out.

Out of curiosity, Searing sent a small shot of fire at some of the dust that lingered in the air after she threw it out. To her surprise, it ignited, and she was briefly amused.

With the cleaning done and with nowhere to go, Searing was bored with nothing to do but try and lift more dust out of the place. "A small flood would work better. Or a broom."

Her gaze settled on the saddlebags and a heavy steel door that looked like something straight out of a tech fantasy comic. With a sigh, she went over to the door and tried opening it with telekinesis. Up, down, left, right, twisting, splitwise, none of it worked. "I guess I'll just have to cut it open. This won't be pleasant."

She stepped back, steeled herself, squinted, and sent a concentrated beam of heat and fire at the bottom of the door. Slowly, she worked the beam upward, doing her best to maintain her focus as the smell hit her.

After only a couple minutes and making it less than halfway up, Searing let the beam peter out. She was sweating, panting, and her horn was very hot. As much as she wanted to just turn on the cold water in the shower, she didn't. Memories of a cracked horn from similar experiences surfaced, so she did the next best thing: lay down next to the canyon and take a nap while her horn let off some steam.

Searing woke up thirsty. She stood up with a groan and went over to the fridge. With all the grace she could muster, she levitated the milk out and started chugging it right out of the bottle. Twenty seconds later, she put it back and licked the milk mustache off her lip, feeling much better. "Better get back to it."

Once again, Searing started working on the door with the cutting beam, picking up where she left off, slowly melting through the door. Just as she was about to reach her limit again, something happened. One part of the right side fell apart, landing with an echoing thud on both sides. "Well, that happened."

The opening was big enough for her to get through without the saddlebags on, but she knew getting her rear half through would take a bit of effort. She also knew that going through wasn't an option while the metal was still glowing. In the meantime, she would take care of some business.

Searing was not happy using a dusty toilet that had no seat, but she had no choice, as the only alternatives were to go in a corner of the room, which was not sanitary in the least, or hang her plot over the canyon and try not to fall to her death.

Without any toilet paper available to clean herself, the only other option was to take a shower. Thankfully, her horn had already cooled down to a safer level. "May as well get it over with." With a resigned sigh, she stepped into the open shower, pulled the door closed, and watched as it fell over and broke into lots of glass pieces on the floor. With a groan, Searing picked up all the fragments and shards, went through the bunker, and tossed them into the chasm.

The shower gurgled for a bit as the ancient enchanted pipes filled up with water. The water that came out, for a whole minute, was so full of dust and grime that it looked more like a mostly melted chocolate milkshake and was infinitely less appealing. Searing had the dubious honor of getting a facefull of the stuff as soon as it came out. As soon as it started flowing normally, and after washing the sludge down the drain, she finally stepped into the shower and started rinsing herself off.

With no towels available, Searing had to figure out some way to dry herself off. While shaking did get most of the water out of her fur, she was still damp. She did not want to become a dust rag and have to hit the shower again.

After a minute or so, she remembered that natural evaporation from heat was a thing, and she carefully started heating up her fur to get the water out. Once she was done, she looked herself over. "Well, it works, but it's just not the same as a fluffy towel."

When she left the bathroom, she checked the door and found that it had cooled down to a safe temperature. "May as well see what's in there." After levitating the saddlebags to the other side, she squeezed through, and swore she heard a popping sound once pulled herself across.

Author's Note

The ancient stuff may be tough, but it's not invulnerable.

Fun time loot time

The place she found was dark. Very dark. Searing cast a light spell and the darkness, for the first time in thousands of years, receded just a bit. She was expecting dust, and there was some, but not as much as the bunker she had been relocated to.

She stood on a catwalk that went over a chasm to an opening in the cliff on the other side. She looked down and, even with her light spell, couldn't see the bottom. "I'll just go across now." A moment later, she had the saddlebags on and was walking. "Don't worry about the fall, just go across," she repeatedly said as she walked over the chasm.

It felt like nearly an hour, but was really just over a minute. The sound of her hooves hitting the metal path echoing in the vast space did little to soothe her nerves. It wasn't until she was on more solid footing that she relaxed. "Okay, that was. . . Why would anypony build something like that? Must have been some geniuses that thought of it."

Long ago, in the very same spot Searing was standing at. . .

Five brilliant scientists and engineers looked out a window and into the darkness that was outside their underground lab. All of them were drunk. "Hey, guys. . . *hic* what if we build a. . . a. . . a um. . . over to there?" One stallion drunkenly said.

"A bridge?" A drunk mare suggested.

"No, no. . . Those things in the big big rooms. On the walls. You walk on them. Kittypaths. . ."

"A catwalk?" Another drunk stallion asked.

"That's what he said," a second drunk mare said.

"I'M DRUNK!" The third stallion drunkenly said. Have we mentioned that they're drunk scientists and engineers? Because they are. "LET'S DO IT!"

Searing looked around for something she could use as a landmark in case there were other stupidly placed catwalks. Finding nothing she could use, she did the next best thing and carefully burned her cutie mark onto the floor, along with an arrow pointing to the catwalk. "Okay. . . Which way to go?" She looked left and saw doors in a curving hallway. She looked right and saw doors in a curving hallway. She decided to go right.

Each door she tried to open was locked, and labelled with writing that she didn't recognize. "Why are they all locked? Buck it. I'm cutting through this one." She powered up her heat beam and started cutting around the door knob. When the cut was complete, the door slowly swung inward with a groan and the mechanism fell to the floor.

Out of curiosity, she picked up the portion of the door she'd cut out. The part that was inside had a little part that, when she turned it, unlocked the door. Well, it would have if it was still attached to the door. "Hmm. . . Nah." She set the piece down and went into the room.

It was very much a science room. Beakers, vials, tubes, pipes, all kinds of stuff. There was even a display of some kind against a wall, and it had a skeleton of some kind of creature she didn't recognize. Long hind legs, a pair of arms with claws, a decently lengthy neck with a long skull filled with pointed teeth, and a long tail to balance the pony height creature out. "What were you?" She did not know that it was a faux bone model of what some scientist dreamed up. She found herself strangely fascinated by it, and eventually decided to just take it.

To her surprise when she picked it up with her magic, the display case wasn't secured to anything. She still moved it very carefully, especially through the doorway. After setting it down, Searing went back into the room to look at a circular diagram next to the doorway that caught her interest. It looked like a series of segmented rings with a few lines coming off the outside, and a downward triangle in one spot near the outer edge. "Is. . . Is that a map?" Nobody answered her. "It probably is."

After checking the room for anything else of interest and finding nothing, Searing went back out into the hall and brought the skeleton display back to the mark she left. To her surprise, there was a bright red card there with her cutie mark on it. After setting her first piece of loot down, she opened the card.

Hey Searing, Discord here. I just realized I never told you how powerful those saddlebags of yours are. Just take whatever you get and stick it in, even if it's bigger than you. It won't add much weight to the bags.

Oh, stare at these blacked out words for a bit.

Once again, there is pain.
I bring flames, I bring cold.
I'm the blood red sandman, coming home.
On this unholy night, I will make you my own.
Blood red sandman, coming home again.
I'm coming home again.

As soon as that tingling feeling in your eyes goes away, you will be able to read everything here.

Fun fact! Yang can read everything here already because, conveniently, it's the same writing and language as where she's from. This means you two can share secret notes now, and isn't that just sweet?

Searing blinked repeatedly as the tingling feeling in her eyes slowly faded. Part of her wanted to scream from what she'd somehow read, but her boot camp discipline kept her from that. As soon as the feeling was gone, she looked at the display and read the placard on the bottom. "What's a. . . Velociraptor?"

Searing decided to leave the display where it was as a landmark. She went back to the room she'd gotten it from and saw that the circular diagram was a map of the Terra Technology and Science labs. She was on the bottom level, and the area she was in was the Artificial Genesis section. "What does that even mean?" Searing asked as she stared at the map, possibly hoping it would give her the answers she sought.

It never gave her any answers, but she did notice an adjacent area in the direction she was heading labelled 'Armor and Armaments,' and that caught her attention. It happened to be just a few doors down, too.

Searing read the doors out loud as she passed them. "Personnel Resources, break room, cryopre. . . Cryoprese. . . Cry-o-pre-ser-va-tion." If she hadn't already stopped to try and figure out the word, it would have frozen her in her tracks anyways. "I wonder what's in here?"

One cutting beam later, the door opened for her. The room had long lost most of its deeper cold, but it was still cold. Around the room were various pods that looked big enough to hold a pony, and all of them were closed. In the middle of the room were various frozen, legible documents on the theoretical uses for cryopreservation and cold. "Advanced computer cooling, trench reinforcement, waste management, wide area internal temperature control, weather manipulation, engine and machine cooling. . . I don't understand this."

She went over to one of the pods, labelled 'Stasis 1,' and got her magic under the lid. She had no idea what was inside, but feared the worst. With some effort, she broke the latch. After taking a breath to steel herself, she opened the pod.

The contents were not what she was expecting. Instead of a frozen alicorn made from stitched together ponies, she found a chocolate hoofball shaped trophy on top of five frozen pizzas. ". . . What?" The next pod she opened had a stack of frozen meals in it. The next, a colored ice sculpture of Celestia and Luna. A stack of cookbooks with easy microwave recipes. A busted can of smelly fuel. An alarm clock. An equinoid robot figure that looked like it was made of multiple vehicles. "Why are these all here?"

A scientist solemnly stepped into the Cryopreservation lab, his head hung in defeat and his hooves heavy with sorrow. "Bad news, everyone." He quickly had everyone's attention. "The stasis project is cancelled. Management says we've had too many shattered test subjects, so we have to repurpose or dismantle."

"I'm on it!" Another stallion said, quickly sitting down at the table and writing down ideas. "Hey, do you think we could get a kitchen installed in here?"

Searing decided to get the toy robot and alarm clock, putting both in the saddlebags. She also decided she'd had enough of the chilly room, went back to the hall, and continued on her way to her original destination.

Three doors and five minutes of walking later, she found the door she was looking for: Armor and Armaments. One cutting beam later, and she was in a foyer with a very secure steel door in front of her and a security booth behind a pane of tough looking glass. In the booth, she could see a regular door that was slightly ajar.

The choice was easy. The frame holding the glass in was weak, so it was easy enough to inflict a little damage and remove the glass. One jump later, she was on the other side and in the lab's reception area in short order. All around the lab stood mannequins of various species with armor on display, each one inside an intact display case and paired with at least one weapon. Some were even proportioned and built similarly to Yang, hands included. All of them had labels that the armor and weapons were not models or replicas, but fully functional.

Some of the armor sets had titles or names on placards. Charge. Discharge. Mach. Freeze. Artillery. Phoenix. Barrier. Spin. Stinger. Blade. Swarm. Copy. Caster. Stealth. Each one looked like something out of an action comic book.

One display case, more artfully made than the others she'd seen, stopped her in her tracks. The armor inside, titled Fireblast, looked like it was made just for her. Bright red metal over a black material, bits of gold on the armor, a few blue details, and sized perfectly, so she hoped. On either side of it were weapons. To the right was a sword grip and hilt with no blade. It looked more like a fancy metal club than anything, though. To the left was a pair of matching weapons that she did not recognize, though she knew what the black and yellow stripes meant, and that just made her want it more. The things looked longer than Yang was tall.

It didn't take long to come to a decision. "I'm taking you." The display case, like the Velociraptor skeleton's, wasn't secured to anything. Tentatively, she tried to put it in her saddlebag, and was pleasantly surprised to see it shrink down and fit with no problem. She barely noticed the weight it added either. "But why stop at just one? It's armor time!" Searing went around and gathered up the unsecured displays, sparing none. Every bit of armor and every weapon, even ones that she didn't understand, or weren't even for her species, was collected.

Searing was happy.

She was just about to go back through the security booth window when she thought she heard a growl. "That's just my imagination, right?" A mighty roar shook the glass that she'd removed. "Nope!" She zipped back inside and closed the door behind her. She took refuge behind the reception desk. "Okay, what exactly do I have?" She set her saddlebags down and fished out the Fireblast display. She had all of ten seconds to look at the shrunken display before it quickly grew back to its original size.

Opening the case was actually pretty easy, consisting of one long latch along one side. She floated out the club-looking weapon and inspected it. "Please tell me this isn't just-" She accidentally flipped a low profile switch and felt a sizable amount of her magic get drained into the weapon. When the drain was done, leaving her with only enough for telekinesis and light, a long, broad red blade and a few similar guards on the hilt appeared. "O-o-o-o-o-hhhhhh! It is a sword!"

Another monstrous roar shook the area, snapping Searing from most of her happiness induced high. She was fully back to earth when she heard something pounding on the steel door, shaking it with every impact. With the sword at her side, she peeked up just in time to see the door get pulled off by a pair of massive, shadowy hands before getting tossed aside.

What stepped through was a thing built like a gorilla, covered with bone armor and ominously glowing red. It roared again and pounded its chest, staring straight at Searing.

The unicorn did not hesitate to send her new sword forward, in spite of the fear coursing through her. The blade effortlessly slid into the shadowy gorilla's head, and it died on the spot. "Woah." She stepped out from behind the desk and looked over the dissolving corpse. "I think it's time to go back."

The blade, which she decided to call Crimson Breaker, stayed out as she put the rest of the display back in her saddlebag. She had no idea if another of those dark, shadowy creatures was lurking around.

She slowly left the lab. She looked to the left and saw nothing. She slowly looked to the right and came face to face with a shadowy equine head with bony plates and ominous glowing red eyes. Her gaze went upward and she saw what looked like a noodly rider made of the same stuff with a skull for a head. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Crimson Breaker's blade sliced through the wall and the creature's legs, then came down from above, bisecting it.

Searing took a moment to catch her breath and kept her head on a swivel. As soon as she had recovered some strength, she ran back the way she'd come. Along the way she encountered more of the shadow beasts, each one falling to Crimson Breaker with ease. Shadowy bears, wolves, even a manticore fell to the blade. The hallway also suffered burns and cuts from the sword.

Finally, she came to her skeletal landmark, packed it up, and after making sure the coast was clear, crossed the bridge, pausing at the far end just long enough to cut the path. Once she felt safe, she looked over the sword to try and figure out how to turn the thing off. After a minute of careful inspection, she found the switch and flipped it. The blade quickly disappeared, and she promptly crossed the catwalk. Once she was back in her temporary home, she collapsed in exhaustion. "I think that's enough excitement for the week."

Author's Note

More shadow beasts and Searing gets a Crucible blade.

I've already got a design for the armor, albeit in a human form, along with the weapons. BEHOLD!

Foreign Student

Someone was knocking on Searing's door. "Goh ahway," she muttered from her hard steel bed.

The knocking continued. "I dun wanna get up."

The knocking stopped and the doorbell started ringing. "Fine!" She gracelessly fell out of her bed and onto the floor. On wobbly hooves and with a pounding head, she stumbled through the bunker and to the source of the bell. She angrily opened the fridge door. "What are you shelling?"

"Nothing at all, my dear," Discord calmly said as he stepped out of the appliance and looked around, closing the door behind him. Empty glass bottles of various types of hard drinks were strewn about the place. "Looks like somepony had a party last night, hm?"

"I drank all the drinks! *hic* Three hours ago! I think."

"You've got some tolerance. Admirable. Dare I ask why you thought - why are you getting all huggy?"

Searing had as much of an iron grip on Discord's body as she could muster, which was more like aluminum foil. "I WAS LONELY-Y-Y-Y-Y!" she sobbed out before passing out against the chaos spirit.

Discord left the lower half of his body with Searing while his upper half floated around. The first thing he checked was the saddlebags he gave her, and they were full of goodies, mostly armor and weapons with a few other things mixed in. "Hmm, I can't let you have this where we're going next." He looked out the open end of the bunker and saw a slagged hole on the opposite side. "Well, somepony had fun shooting."

Deciding that things were good enough, he pulled himself back together, properly put the saddlebags on the sleeping Searing, and snapped them out of the world.

Someone was knocking on Searing's door. "Go away," she muttered from her warm, comfortable bed.

The knocking continued. "I dun wanna get up."

The door opened and someone approached her. "Wake up, Searing~" Discord gently said.

"No," Searing drowsily stated as she pulled the precious pillow against her face.

"Hmph. Seems I have to take more drastic measures." He snapped, but nothing seemed to happen. Satisfied, he grabbed the blankets and yanked them off the bed, revealing the humanized Searing Victory, wearing some light sleepwear.

"Yeeeee!" Searing immediately curled up, wide awake and feeling a chill on her bright red skin.

Discord, also human and wearing a tastefully mismatched set of clothes, put a pair of earplugs in, followed by earmuffs, and sat down on the ceiling. While the room was magically soundproofed, he would need to wait out the freakout.

Searing wiggled her toes first. "Wha-" She held a hand up in front of her. "What's going on?" Slowly, she started moving her fingers, then quickly felt her very much not unicorn face.

One relatively mild and loud freakout later

When it appeared that Searing was on the brink of calming down, Discord, standing with a stopwatch on the ceiling, walked over to her. "That behavior is very unbecoming of a young lady such as yourself."

"Why do I look. . . not quite like Yang?"

"It's just part of the trip, my dear. You still have Background Pony Syndrome, but you're not a pony now, so you should be able to interact like normal with people. Of course, you need to learn how to walk first, and you'd better learn fast."

"Alright, alright." Searing rolled out of bed and landed on the floor. "Ow! Why are these things on my chest so big?"

"They're the same size as Yang's would be if she appeared here instead of Equestria. In fact, you've been blessed with the same figure as her. 6'3", excellent physical shape, and an excellent physical shape. Anyways, to your feet, soldier!"

Searing tried standing, but couldn't find her balance and fell on her back. "How do you stand on only two legs?"

"A better question would be how minotaurs don't fall over on two little hooves, but who am I to judge?" Discord watched Searing try and fail to stand a few more times before making an offer. "Would you like some help?"

"No." Searing fell on her chest again. "Owwwww. . . Okay, yes."

"Excellent." Discord smacked her head with a giant foam sledgehammer with the words 'PLOT CONVENIENCE!' in bold red letters written on it in crayon, permanent marker, pencil, calligraphy ink, strawberry juice, and oil paint. "There we go."

Searing stood up and shot him a glare. "You think that works?"

Discord slid around the ceiling without moving a muscle, the former unicorn chasing him around for a full minute. "You know, I think it does work," he observed.

She stopped and looked around, then started consciously testing her legs and arms, now suddenly somewhat familiar to her. "Your teaching method needs work."

"Hmmm, nah. On a side note-" he flung a bundle of blue and maroon fabric at her. "You need to get ready for school."

Searing's breath caught in her throat. "School?"

"Are you afraid of a little edumication?" The chaos god taunted.

"Well. . . Um. . ."

"Dark and troubled past with staff that acted with questionable ethics and legality?"

"Ifellasleepallthetimeinschool." Searing's bright red skin almost hid the bright red blush on her face. Almost. "Or I got in fights. Sometimes both. I wasn't there for long either."

"Is that all? Well, I'm sure a good breakfast will help with that. Go shower up and I'll get started on it." Discord flipped over to the floor, walked through the wall next to the open door like a ghost, and whistled a merry tune. "Oh, you have plenty of time before you have to leave! Three hours! I need to go over some stuff with you too!"

"Alright alright!" Searing found her way to the bathroom and was soon in the shower. She quickly discovered her new sensitive areas, and the incredible dexterity of her hands. Despite some familiarity having been literally hammered into her head only minutes earlier, it was still a new thing, and she was getting a rush out of it. It was also a change of pace from being stuck in the old bunker.

After enjoying having a real towel again and getting dressed, Searing went downstairs, following the heavenly scent and sizzle of bacon cooking. "Well, you took your sweet time," Discord noted.

"Well excuse me for having to get used to a new body," Searing retorted as she sat down at the island themed island in the kitchen. It had a deep blue border, tan and green interior, and even the items on the island were island themed. She could even swear she heard waves coming from it and saw a colorful bird fly through the trees.

"Oh, I heard you getting used to it all the way from here." He was facing away from her, but she could practically hear the eyebrow waggle in his voice.

Her face went redder. "Discord!"

"I promise I won't tell anyone here about it." He quickly finished his cooking and set a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs, and fried toast in front of her. "More importantly, we have things to cover." He pulled a projector screen down from the curtains over the sink, then clapped and dimmed the room. The screen lit up with an amateur powerpoint opening slide. He picked up a spatula and began the presentation. "We will start with the biggest hazard you will have to navigate."

"You?"

Discord's hand shot to his heart. "Audible gasp! You wound me." He quickly went from dramatic back to serious enough and advanced the slideshow to a clipart picture of a road. "No, it's traffic. I'm sure you're aware of Yang's motorcycle, right?"

"She did let me see it once when I asked her. It looks fun."

"Those are not common, but not rare either." The next slide had pictures of a variety of vehicles. Cars, trucks, vans, SUV's, moving vehicles, semi trucks, and emergency vehicles. "These are the most common ones. They can all move faster than even the fastest earth pony can run."

"Except Pinkie Pie." Searing started on her breakfast.

"You learned fast in Ponyville," Discord said with a note of admiration. "Long story short, you do not want to get hit by one of these. The driver may not notice you in time, and you may not live. The lightest of them still weighs over a ton. And while we're here, I won't teach you how to drive any of these. Cue the disappointed groan!"

Searing shrugged. "I'll make do without."

Discord let out a disappointed groan. "Fine! Be that way. Moving on-" the humanized chaos spirit advanced the slide to one with a picture of a sleek computer. "-These let you, with the right connection, obtain any bit of information you want, play games, talk with other people, look up cat videos, buy stuff, and look at things that you wouldn't want your family to catch you looking at. You're probably better off learning about the internet by experience. It is a very chaotic place."

"Sounds like your kind of place."

The slide dissolved and melted into the sink. "Moving on from the computers and internet are phones, most of which are basically just mobile pocket size computers. Communication!"

"Yeah, I can do without that too."

Discord smirked. "Just wait until you try one." The slide popped like a balloon, covering the island and Searing with confetti. "Commerce! Shopping! Business! Meals! Spending money! Clothes! All the fun things a girl your current physical age stereotypically does! By the way, clothes are a bit of a big deal around here. Don't go out without any on, and make sure you choose your clothes well. You don't have any fur, so you'll need them. Fortunately, I've managed to. . . Acquire enough for you to last a while. You would not believe how cheap they were."

"You magically stole them?"

"I magically stole them."

Searing took a moment to finish her food and sighed. "How long are we here again?"

"The whole school year and then some. More slides!"

"-and those are the common wonders you'll see around here." Discord let the projector screen roll back into the curtains. There never was a projector, but that didn't matter. "Now for the cover story."

"Can't I just make something up?" Searing tiredly asked over her empty breakfast plate. The Carne Den's food was much better, but it would do for the time being.

"You are from a land called England, and you came here because I, your dear old single dad, had to move due to work. I've already set everything up at the school you will be attending."

"You're not my father," Searing firmly stated.

"Now where did I say anything about that? I'm your dad, not your father. Anyways, you grew up in the English countryside away from a lot of technology because you were a flower child or something like that, and I accommodated as best I could, complete with private tutors. As a result, you're somewhat technologically stunted, but we'll get that fixed soon enough."

"With what? Another foam hammer?"

"Pfsh. Don't be silly. No, you're going out there and seeing it for yourself." He hoisted a backpack onto the island, the impact shaking everything on it and causing ripples in the blue edges. "I'll take you to the school. It's only a mile from here, so you can walk on your own easily enough once u kno da wey."

Searing took the hefty bag. "What's in here?"

"Textbooks, folders, paper, pencils, everything you'll need for your classes."

"It feels like there's a whole tree in here. Isn't this supposed to be a high tech place with those. . . phones and tablets and internets?"

"Progress on integrating that is a bit haphazard. But enough talking! Let's get walking."

The walk in the morning sun was peaceful, though Searing was on edge the whole time. Discord was going to do something else chaotic at any moment, she was certain. The highly ordered alien surroundings, much more ordered than even some pony cities she'd seen, most certainly did not at all contribute at all to her nerves.

Along the way, Searing tried to use a little bit of her magic. She was able to feel it, as she always could, but drawing on any of it was nigh impossible. It quickly became apparent it was an exercise in futility that would only wear her out.

Even with the presentation and explanation, seeing cars in motion fascinated and scared Searing. She saw people passing by, looking at their devices and barely noticing anything around them. At the same time, she was working on committing the path to memory. "There's no way I'm getting out of this. Better just put my head down and trot right through it."

The walk turned out to be a straight line, ending just a couple blocks after a barking dog spooked Searing. "And here we are!" Discord cheerily announced. "Certified Public Accountants!"

"The sign says Crystal Prep Academy," Searing pointed out.

"Same acronym! We're a bit early because they need to finalize some stuff with us properly. You know what that means?"

"Let's get it over with." Searing went towards the school, leaving Discord's question to blow away in the wind.

The inside greatly contrasted with Searing's red skin and spikey blonde hair. The walls were teal and light blue while the floor and ceiling were different shades of lavender, all with a few well placed decorative lines. It all somehow worked out and looked okay.

Discord, needless to say, stood out like a tall unicorn in a herd of average earth ponies.

There were a few students inside, and it became readily apparent that Searing's given clothes were a uniform. The students were scattered around the common area, some going over papers, others playing a card game, and a couple catching some last minute shut-eye.

Discord caught up to her easily. "This way." He turned her head so she saw the administration office. "This shouldn't take long."

After a brief conversation with a secretary, they went to the principal's office proper. "Mr. Discord and Searing Victory, I presume? I'm Principal Abacus Cinch," the ice blue skinned woman greeted.

"A ple~asure to meet you," Discord responded with enough enthusiasm for all three of them before they sat down. "So, what needs doing?"

Principal Cinch was very clearly not amused, but maintained her professionalism. "We just need to give Searing her school planner, print her ID, and give her a quick tour. Before we do that, I want to make sure I have something right."

"Go on."

"You're absolutely sure she doesn't need a tutor for technology navigation and education? The offer is still available."

"Pfsh, naw," Discord casually dismissed. "She may have grown up in the English countryside away from it all, but I'm sure she'll be able to pick up on it on her own."

"If you insist. I will keep the offer available for her."

"Can we get it over with?" Searing asked.

"We can." Principal Cinch pulled out a spiral bound Crystal Prep Academy planner and printed schedule and handed them to Searing. "We'll take care of the picture for your school ID first. Searing, if you could just stand against the wall and face me, please?" Searing complied, standing still against a plain section of wall. Principal Cinch took her phone out from her desk and took a few pictures. "There we go." A few taps later, and she'd sent the pictures off in an email, followed by a text message. "Let's start the tour."

The tour went smoothly enough. Principal Cinch was professional, Searing paid attention, and Discord behaved well enough. They ended at the counselors' offices to pick up Searing's ID and make one last introduction. "In light of Searing's situation, I've arranged for someone special to be her counselor, should she need it." She opened a door to an office, revealing a pink skinned woman with three colors of hair. "Searing, meet-"

"Princess Cadence!?" Searing exclaimed, drawing everyone's attention, though Discord was trying to suppress a laugh.

"Well, that's the first time a student's called me that," Dean Cadence said with a hint of amusement. "You must be Searing Victory, right?"

"I. . . I. . . What. . . Discord?"

"Don't ask me, Searing," Discord said. "How could I have possibly known you would react this way?"

She gave him a flat glare. "You planned this."

"Nope!"

Cadence stepped up. "I'm not sure what's going on, but I believe it would be best if I took some time to talk with Searing. May I?"

“Classes start in thirty minutes,” Principal Cinch said before leaving to go back to her office.

“Don’t have too much fun, Searing,” Discord said. “That’s my job, after all.” A moment later, he left to go do whatever it was a chaos spirit does. Parcheesi roulette checkers, or something like that.

“Close the door and have a seat,” Cadence gently said, and Searing did as she was told. “I just have to know: Why did you call me Princess?”

“I. . . Well. . . Um. . .” Searing stammered out. “Because you look like one?”

Cadence politely giggled. “Searing, I am not a princess. I had dreams of it as a little girl, but I'm definitely not one. Those dreams are just happy memories for me now."

Searing's eye developed a twitch as she tried to process and separate the different Cadences. There was the one she was familiar with; the Princess of love, ruler of the Crystal Empire with her husband, Prince Shining Armor, mother of Flurry Heart, and, from what she'd heard, one of the nicest ponies around. The one in front of her bore many visual similarities, including the gold piece around her neck, sounded very nice, and even had a picture of herself with what looked like a human version of Prince Shining Armor and a little girl that looked like Flurry Heart. "I. . . I. . ." Searing slumped forward and hit the desk with her head. "I am so confused."

Cadence took action. She walked around the desk and, in one smooth motion, pulled Searing to her feet, pushed the chair away, and brought her charge into a hug. "Big changes are confusing. I heard about your life in the English countryside. I'm sure it's all like magic to you, isn't it?"

Searing couldn't find it in her to retort on the magic comment, instead slowly returning the hug. For a few minutes, they just stood there. "I've been so lonely. . ." Searing said after she managed to collect herself a bit.

"Lonely?" Cadence asked with concern.

Searing realized that she'd messed up and stiffened up a bit. "Well, the past week's been like that for me. Nopon - Nobody to talk to, just stuck in one place."

"What about Discord? What's your relation to him?"

"That's. . . Very complicated." Searing broke the hug and backed up a bit. "Everything's fine, it's just been chaotic."

"Well, you'll find some structure and order here. Having a schedule helps quite a bit with that. Speaking of schedules, what's yours?"

Searing looked at her planner. "Geometry, English, History, Biology, Lunch, Health, Physical Education, and Study Hall. What's this label down here?"

Cadence looked at the label in question. "That's your locker number and lock combination. Let me show you the way there. We can talk more if you'd like."

"Alright."

After learning how to use the lock on the locker and depositing her backpack, Searing went straight to her first class: Geometry. She chose a desk off in the corner of the room, away from the teacher's desk. She already knew she wasn't going to like it.

The teacher came in right after Searing sat down, and it wasn't long before more students started filing in and taking their seats as well. Searing watched them all out of the corner of her eye. Each one of the students noticed her, especially the guys, who couldn't quite seem to look her in the eyes, even when she was looking at them.

Finally, the bell to start class rang, and the teacher took his place in front of the class. After taking attendance, with Searing being the last one on the list, he introduced himself. "Welcome to Geometry. You can call me Mr. Angle. Today, we'll just review some basic terms to get everyone up to speed."

Searing's eyes started glazing over as he started listing various terms that she couldn't comprehend or understand. Hypotenuse, radius, diameter, circumference, and more all went over her head. "What good is any of this stuff?" She thought as it went on and on, the words, numbers, and minutes of the class all blurring together.

Towards the end of the hour long class, he handed out some papers for everyone. Homework, apparently. A minute after Searing stuffed it into her math binder, the bell rang, and she was more than happy to get up and leave.

Out in the hall, Searing was able to get a good look at the students wandering about. It was organized chaos with everyone chatting, walking, and using their lockers. She also noticed that she was very tall compared to the vast majority of the students, and even some of the teachers. As she switched out her math and English binders, two numbers came to mind. "How tall did Discord say I was? 6'3"? I think that's what he said. And excellent shape twice. I'm going to stand out a lot."

The English teacher was sitting at her desk when Searing arrived. "Your name?" She asked.

"Searing Victory," Searing said. No other students were in the room yet.

The teacher looked through the attendance list. "Ah, there you are. Have a seat." As in Geometry, Searing took the corner seat furthest from the desk. "You're very punctual, Searing."

"I am?" A brief glance around showed no other students.

"There's a ten minute break between classes, and it's only been three since the first class finished."

"Oh. Was I supposed to do something else on the break or. . ."

"Nothing's required. It's simply a chance for you to walk and talk with your peers, get some water, use the restroom, whatever you need or want to do."

"I see." A yawn escaped Searing's mouth. "Can I close my eyes for a bit? I got up way too early today."

"As long as you're awake in time for class. The bell should wake you up."

"Thanks." Searing leaned back a bit and closed her eyes.

A few minutes later, the bell to start class rang and Searing opened her eyes in time for the teacher to start speaking. "Welcome to English, everyone. I'm Ms. Turner. We will be diving into the elements of the plays written by Wobbly Javelin throughout the whole school year."

A chorus of groans and a series of slumps went across the class. Searing leaned to the blue student next to her. "Hey, why's everypo - everyone reacting like that?" She quietly asked.

"Hm?" Her face went from defeat to confusion and she leaned towards Searing. "You've never heard of him?"

"No. Should I have?"

Ms. Turner noticed the conversation. "Searing, Babbling, what are you two talking about?"

Babbling elbowed Searing, and the red skinned girl stood up. "I've never heard of Wobbly Javelin before," she admitted, earning confused looks from everyone in the classroom.

After a few seconds, Ms. Turner spoke with genuine confusion. "How is that possible, Searing?"

Searing shrugged. "It just is?"

"He's one of the most renowned playwrights in history. The scripts he's written are still performed to this day, and he introduced many elements of modern writing. There's nobody in the nation who hasn't at least heard the name Wobbly Javelin." Ms. Turner was clearly passionate about the topic.

Searing was getting a bit fired up as well. "Then I guess it should be 'almost nobody' in that case." As much as Searing wanted to continue, she quickly realized that there was no way she could really make a good point on the topic and quietly sat down.

For the rest of class, Searing held her tongue, but it did nothing to stop the confused looks occasionally directed at her. "Discord's probably laughing at this right now."

Discord let out a loud belly laugh as he saw the 7X13=28 skit. "I have got to try that sometime!"

After putting the English homework into its binder, the bell rang, and Searing followed the herd of students out of the room and into the hall. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Babbling join with some other girls and start talking with them.

"I wish I had some friends here," Searing lamented to herself as she switched things out for her next class. "Even that flirty waitress Honey Suckle would do. I don't know why Yang keeps her around."

She went to her next class at a more leisurely pace after switching the required materials. After all, she had time.

The history teacher was an interesting sight. Instead of looking like a skinny old balding man, he had a low mohawk, a good amount of muscle, and didn't appear to be very old. That alone got Searing's attention and interest. "Welcome to history class, everyone," he said. "You may call me Mr. Broden. In this class, you will learn some ugly history: War, and everything that's come from it." A student up front raised her hand. "Yes, High Note?"

"Aren't you a music teacher?" High Note asked.

"I am, and I will use music to help you learn history." A number of groans sounded out. "I know what you're thinking, and no, there will not be any childish cartoons with it. You're all mature enough to handle the music I will be using."

Another student raised his hand and didn't wait to be called on. "Didn't our normal history class cover war already?"

"Not to the extent I will. Those history classes cover a lot, but don't go in depth. For example, do you know why Napoleonic warfare ended, and what battle sealed its fate?"

"Ummm. . . No."

"Then the introductory lesson is decided. First, I have to take attendance." A couple minutes later, attendance was done. "The battle that truly sealed the end of Napoleonic warfare, and the single longest battle in history is the battle of Verdun in World War One. A three hundred three day battle of attrition - Yes, Searing?"

"What's attrition?" Searing asked. She'd heard the term before, but its meaning slipped her mind. Nobody shot her any odd looks this time, so it apparently wasn't a widely known term.

"A battle of attrition is where both opposing sides continue spending resources against each other. Money, arms, munitions, soldiers, food, water, anything you need to fight a war. Of course, that could be said for any war. Where it starts coming into attrition is when both sides are at a deadlock and continuously fighting in a single area. Neither can advance against the other, and retreat isn't an option because the enemy will advance."

"So, it's like a siege?"

"No. Sieges are large offenses against a heavily fortified location, often involving the offense cutting off supply chains. A siege could be the start of a battle of attrition, but a battle of attrition is not a siege."

The homework given out just before class ended was a lyric sheet for a song called Fields of Verdun. As she went to her locker to get ready for biology, she read the lyrics and found herself humming a tune. She had no idea if it was the right tune or not, but she hummed it out anyways.

As she was going through her backpack, a tall, dark blue skinned student with piercing yellow eyes came up to her. "You're new here?" He asked after a bit, his voice rather deep.

"What of it?" Searing retorted.

"And it looks like you're taking senior level classes."

"What of it?" Searing repeated.

"Hmmm. . . I think you'll do nicely. I'll see you later." With that, he left her and disappeared around a corner.

"That was weird." After dismissing the event, she finished switching to her biology material, closed the locker, and started the search for the classroom.

Ms. Featherbind finished checking her attendance list and turned to the class. "Welcome to biology, everyone. We'll be doing some refreshers for now to make sure everyone's caught up." A small chorus of groans echoed through the class while Searing did her best to care at least a little bit about the material. "Let's start with the seven kingdoms of life forms. Searing, would you like to answer that?"

Searing panicked. "Crap! Another thing I don't know! What's the best wording?"

"Searing?"

"I. . . Forgot," Searing said. "Things have been very strange for me recently."

"Would you like to at least try?"

"I'd rather not."

"Duly noted." She looked around a bit. "Zephyr, how about you?"

"Bacteria, Archaea, Protozoa, Chromista, Plantae, Fungi, Animalia," Zephyr said without missing a beat, and not quite looking at the teacher.

"Very good!"

It was then that Searing, only able to understand three of the seven terms, realized that Geometry and all its numbers really wasn't so bad. Biology was going to be a nightmare.

Searing looked over a sign listing what made up a free lunch: an entree, a side, and a drink. Anything extra would cost her extra, and she knew she had no money. She didn't even know what the money looked like in the strange world she found herself in. "At least it's better than biology. Simple, straightforward, and to the point."

The lunch she picked out was a cheeseburger, fries, and a carton of milk, all placed on a styrofoam tray. It looked like a popular choice, or at least a common one. After following the line past the lunch checker, she found a spot to herself, sat down, and started on her food. "I never thought meat could taste so bland," she thought as she chewed the first bite of the burger. "I miss the Carne Den."

She was halfway through the burger when a colorful group of girls approached her. "Hey, new girl, want to join the cheerleading squad?" one of them asked.

Searing looked over the group of seven that had approached her. Each one had a different skin color. Orange, yellow, green, teal, blue, violet, and pink. None of them could be said to have short hair. They also had a very different uniform on. The tops and pleated skirts were black with glossy crystal patterns tastefully placed all over. The two pieces didn't quite meet, leaving a couple inches of midriff exposed. Their sleek shoes also followed the color scheme of the uniform they wore.

Searing gave her answer. "No thanks." She went back to her bland tasting lunch.

The blue one sat down and put an arm across the former unicorn's shoulders. "Come on, you'll fit right in. We can have a full dark rainbow to cheer on the Shadowbolts when they beat Canterlot High again~"

Searing didn't let her surprise at the familiar terms show beyond a pause in her chewing as she quickly collected her thoughts. "Once again, no. Now, will you please let me eat?"

"Only if you say Yes~"

"What would Yang do in this situation? Call an authority? No, she practically is an authority. Punch her? No, that's only when she's attacked. Words?" Searing said the only thing she could think of that could work. "Let me think about it."

"That's the spirit!" The cheerleader gave Searing a not-so-subtle smack on her back and grabbed a few of her fries. "I look forward to your choice on Friday."

"Point taken," Searing thought as they left. “What does a cheerleading squad do anyways?”

Mrs. Snowheart, after taking attendance, delved straight into lecture mode for the health class. Searing tried to pay attention, but even with the slides and a packet with a copy of the presentation, she was having a hard time keeping up with some of the terminology. The basic stuff was easy. Diet, exercise, nutrition, day to day stuff she'd learned just by living. It was when the anatomical and chemical stuff came out that she really got lost.

Partway through the lecture, which had moved onto internal organs, Searing looked to the side and noticed her reflection in a big mirror that took up the whole wall. She looked between the detailed organ diagram and the mirror a few times. "How does all that fit inside me?"

Coach Isamu looked over the students standing before him at the track around the soccer field. "So you're my final pack for the day. Hmph. I see some of you actually came dressed for the class."

Searing looked around and saw that some of her classmates were indeed wearing a variety of lighter athletic clothes. "How did I miss that?" She had noticed a female coach with a black and white ball on the other side with students of her own putting on different color vests earlier, but not the students next to her, and she was momentarily confused at herself.

"Before anyone starts panicking, I will make this clear: wearing those kinds of clothes is not required. It is simply an option, but I highly recommend it, if only to save your uniforms. Today's exercise will be light: I expect you to do at least ten laps around the track by the end of class. Walk, jog, run, tap dance, I don't care. I will give you something to go over and keep at the end of class. Get to it!" Searing and a few other students promptly started walking in the direction Coach Isamu wanted them to while others groaned at the prospect of walking for the whole class.

"I can get behind this," Searing thought as she walked, already feeling better about the class than any other. "It's almost like boot camp."

It wasn't long before she noticed how far ahead of everyone else she was in the class, and she felt a glimmer of pride at being good at something in the school for once. Geometry, English, History, Biology, Health, all those classes could eat dust for all she cared. Getting out and moving was the best.

Just as she was coming out of a turn, someone on the soccer field yelled "INCOMING!" Searing turned to the source and saw a ball flying her way. Her first reaction was to try and catch it with her magic. That didn't happen, so she did the next best thing and put her hands up to try and catch it.

She missed, and the ball landed on her foot. She jumped around for a second out of surprise more than anything, since it didn't hurt beyond a brief stinging sensation. When she recovered, she saw the soccer playing students and their coach looking at her. Searing decided that the best way to return the ball was with a kick, so she kicked it.

The ball flew a fair distance into the middle of the field, and the players gave her some cheers for the kick before going back to their game. Searing went back to her walking, now imagining what it would have looked like if she had jumped and kicked it, complete with the fire magic she was already missing.

After eleven laps, she was feeling great, and stood at attention in front of Coach Isamu. Once everyone was assembled in front of him, he started handing out papers. "These are the various physical activities that we will be doing throughout the school year, and when they start. Except for the last one, you do not need to have any special clothes for this class, but like I said earlier, it is a very good idea."

Searing looked at the paper. "Walking, soccer, wrestling, acrobatics, swimming. Why would you need special clothes for swimming? I'll have to word the question carefully. . ."

"Hey, coach?" A girl asked.

"No time for questions today!" Coach Isamu barked. "Get going to your next class!"

"But-"

"Go!"

Searing was the first to recover and followed the order, her question unanswered and lingering in her mind. Not wanting to look or sound foolish, she kept it to herself. "I'll have to find out about swimming clothes later."

The study hall room, instead of having neatly organized desks, had a few circular tables spread out around it. Searing had opted to just bring her backpack there since it was the last class of the day, and not far from the entrance to the school either.

She sat and waited as other students filed in. A whole minute after the bell rang, Coach Isamu, wearing a normal teacher's uniform, ran up to the open door, leaned against the frame, and caught his breath for a moment, catching Searing off guard. "Hah. . . Hah. . . Sorry I'm late, everyone," he said as he came in and not so much sat down in his chair as he did drop into it. "And the whole pack is. . . You're here too, Searing."

"It's on my schedule?" Searing cautiously suggested.

Coach Isamu shrugged. "Well, if this is your class, that's how it is. Anyways, study hall is in session! Read, draw, meditate, chat, I don't really care, just don't disturb the class. If you need a hall pass or have any questions, just come up and ask me." A student raised his arm. "No, I'm not going to answer your question from here. You've got to come to me."

The student got up and walked over to Coach Isamu's desk. Searing kept an eye and ear on the conversation. "May I get a pass to go to the library?"

"Sure." Coach Isamu wrote something on a slip of paper and handed it to him.

"So that's how it's done," Searing thought. "I should. . . I want to talk to Princess. . . Dean Cadence, but I should probably look at my own books first." She pulled out one of her textbooks and promptly hit it with her face when she realized what she'd grabbed. "Biology. . . Sweet Celestia, why? That class is going to be the bane of my existence here." With a resigned sigh, she opened the book and started trying to understand what was inside. Thankfully, there were colorful pictures and diagrams. They didn't help her very much.

Searing walked out of the school in a daze. There was so much she was expected to know, learn, and do, it made her time in the minotaur rings as a foal look better and better.

"Heeeeeeeeeeey Searing!" Discord sang out, waving from the sidewalk with a lopsided grin. "How was my girl's first day at CPA?"

"Shut up, Discord," Searing responded without stopping.

"Hm, nah." He quickly started walking with her. "As your dad, it's practically my job. So, how was it? Did you get any boys clamoring over each other to be with you?"

"No. Shut up."

"Tell me how you feel?"

She shot him a sideways glare. "You really want to know?"

"Yes, do tell."

Searing's voice lowered and got a razor sharp edge. "I woke up one day and nopony noticed me. Then I spent the last week alone in some dusty old bunker with drafts like you wouldn't believe, then you show up again and I wake up like this, then I get dropped into a high school at the highest grade with a heavy backpack, no clue to what they're talking about, and no idea what to do, so you tell me how I'm feeling."

"A little agitated, perhaps?"

The rest of Searing's walk home had her directing an angry silence at Discord, who didn't seem bothered by it. The only interesting thing that happened was the dog a couple blocks from the school barking at them as they passed.

Searing walked into her room. "Why does my room look different?" The furniture was all different and was in different locations. The walls were magenta and the fan was a seafoam green. The windows and closet, at least, were in the same spot. "Discord!"

"Chaos, Searing!" Discord answered from downstairs. "I'm going to go get us some Chinese takeout for supper. I hope your homework is done before I get back kthxbye!" A door slam signalled his departure, and Searing soon saw him riding a regular bicycle along the sidewalk.

"Homework. Yaaay. . ." Searing groaned out as she set her backpack on her new desk, sat down, and fished it out.

Her eyes glazed over as she looked at the numbers and angles and word problems on the geometry homework. She set it aside and looked at the English homework, something about the old playwright named Wobbly Javelin. History was just the lyric sheet and listening recommendation, but she had no idea how to find the song Fields of Verdun. Biology had a cell diagram with blanks, a word bank, and no hints. Health made absolutely no sense at all.

On the bright side, none of it would count towards her grade, which she couldn't quite bring herself to care about anyways. It was all evaluative stuff. Even so, she wished she could just burn it.

Memories of the days encounters came to mind. Cadence, Shadowbolts, Canterlot High, and more. She knew it would get better eventually, and with phys ed, she would have plenty of time to walk her thoughts out.

Author's Note

This is going to be the longest arc of SVUA, at nine chapters total. Other stops will be shorter.

Agent of Change

After two weeks, Searing had settled into her routine. Wake up, shower, breakfast, walk to school, ignore the barking dog, and try not to draw any attention to herself during classes that were not physical education. One change that she liked was Discord no longer walking with her.

It was her third Monday in this world, and during the walk to Crystal Prep, she reflected on an encounter from not long before.

"So, Searing Victory, is it?" The blue skinned cheerleader asked as the former unicorn left study hall at the end of the first week. "Are you going to complete our dark rainbow for the Shadowbolts?"

"No," Searing said before trying to pass by the cheerleader.

Keyword: try. "You really think you can just say no that easily?"

"Yes. I don't want trouble, so just let me go."

The cheerleader stopped Searing again. "How about I sweeten the deal, hm? You'll have all of us to help you with your homework, especially if you help us in return. Anything you have trouble with, one of us will likely know. We can be your social circle."

Without breaking eye contact, Searing took off her backpack and dropped it on the cheerleader's foot. "I said no, and that's final." She picked up her backpack and successfully passed the surprised cheerleader, who was busy holding the foot Searing had targeted. "Have a good weekend."

She was brought out of her reminiscing by the barking dog. For the first time, she stopped and looked at it, an idea crossing her mind. "If I pet it, I'll feel better. If my hand gets bitten, I can get out for today." With the plan in place and plenty of time, as usual, she approached the brown dog and held out her hand. The dog stopped barking and started sniffing her hand before licking it.

Seeing that the dog was not dangerous, Searing moved closer and started scratching it behind an ear, eliciting a happy dog sound from the happy dog. "Well, you're actually pretty nice." Searing was definitely feeling better. "What's your name?"

An old man stepped out of the house. "Are you the one Buddy's been barking at every morning?"

Searing stopped the scratching, but left her hands on the dog's head. "Umm. . . Yes?"

The man looked at her for a bit before smiling. "Well, you seem alright. Buddy likes you now, so that's a good sign. If you keep showing him affection, he'll keep showing up for you. I don't mind as long as you treat him well."

"Thanks, Mister. . ."

"Mr. Trender. Everyone calls me that. What's your name?"

"Searing Victory."

"That's a powerful name. Anyways, I'm sure you have things to do at school, so don't let my prattling on stop you."

"But what about the dog?" Searing started scratching Buddy's chin, the dog accepting the affection.

"You can let him stop you," Mr. Trender playfully said. "But you probably shouldn't."

"Yeah, you're right." Searing withdrew her hands and Buddy started whining at the loss of incoming affection. "Have a good day, Mr. Trender."

"You too."

With a bright spot added to Searing's day, she went back towards school feeling just a bit lighter, though her backpack still felt like it weighed a ton.

Geometry was still a mess of numbers and formulas, but Searing was beginning to wrap her mind around the shape of things

The Wobbly Javelin plays confused Searing, from both the oddly formatted books and the stories themselves.

History opened with a song, Devil Dogs, which Searing liked, while the discussion that followed it was a tad dull.

Biology was still worse than Geometry.

A tall boy with dark blue skin, piercing yellow eyes, and smugness rolling off of him in waves was leaning against the lockers next to Searing's as she got her health class materials. "Hey, new kid," he said.

Searing stopped to look at him. "What do you want?"

"Want to be the president of the student council?"

"Huh?"

"I think you'd do a wonderful job there."

"What's this student council?"

"Think of it like the legislative and executive branches of government mixed together and downplayed to just the school level."

"Why - who are you?"

"Ah, how rude of me." The tall boy cleared his throat and went into an overly dramatic bow. "My name is Midnight Stroll, Vice President of the student council, and I'm looking for candidates to assume the role of President. It is a prestigious position."

"Why don't you take it?"

"I abide by the rules set by the council, and one of them is that in the event of the President permanently leaving Crystal Prep, the Vice President has to find candidates that can replace the President, at which point there's a debate and the student body votes to choose the new President. The Vice President also can't participate in the debates beyond moderation."

"Yeah, I don't want any of that. I just want to get the year over with and get out of here."

"Do you want to get back at the cheerleaders for the way they've been treating you?"

Searing paused as she closed her locker. ". . . You have my interest."

"Excellent!" Midnight pulled out a thick folder from his blazer and thrust it into Searing's grasp. "Here's some information for you. The debate's in the auditorium after school on Friday next week. If you change your mind, just text me. My phone number's in there."

"I don't have a phone."

Midnight's smug facade switched to one of surprise. "You don't? Not even a flip phone? Slider? The unbreakable Brickia?"

"No."

The surprise went back to smug. "Well, that may turn out to work in your favor. I'm off to my class now. I'll see you later."

Searing could only stand and watch him leave with confusion on her face. The thick folder certainly proved that the encounter was real. "I'd better keep this hidden." She quickly put it back in her locker and went off to health class.

Searing was distracted in health class by the encounter in the hall. To everyone else, it looked normal.

Physical Education was as much of a godsend as ever, and she got twelve laps in thanks to sprinting occasionally.

Study Hall went a bit differently. "Coach Isamu?" Searing asked.

"Yeah, Searing?"

"Can I go to the bleachers and study there?"

An eyebrow went up on the teacher's face. "You're serious?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No, you're just the first." He started writing out the pass. "That being said, I'm trusting that you won't take the chance to leave school early."

"No, of course not."

"I hope so." He handed the pass to Searing. "Just remember that you're on your own out there."

"Thank you." Searing picked up her stuff and went back outside. There was no real comfortable spot, so she just chose the top row and sat down there. She did not pull out any of her binders or textbooks to study. Instead, it was the thick folder from Midnight. "Let's see what's in here. . . Policies, policies, policies. . . Absolute zero tolerance on tardiness: no forgiveness for being even a second late, regardless of reason. Objections by other students in class will result in them getting marked as late as well." Her mind drifted back to the previous week, and an instance where Mrs. Snowheart marked a classmate late, even though he was only five seconds behind the bell due to computer issues in the library when he was returning a book. "What would Yang do with that?"

Some half an hour and five policies later, Searing was brought out of her intense thinking by a familiar voice. "Is everything alright, Searing?"

"P-Princess. . . Dean Cadence!" Searing said as the person in question sat down with her.

Cadence giggled at the mistake. "Searing, I am not a Princess."

"Sorry. What are you doing out here?"

"You haven't come to see me since school started, and I was worried about how well you were adapting. I was going to pull you out of study hall, but you weren't there. Coach Isamu told me you were studying out here."

"Oh."

Cadence smiled and looked skyward. "I honestly don't blame you. It's too nice to be cooped up indoors, especially in a room with no windows. But back on topic, how are you handling things here?"

"Well. . . I'm doing alright. I just want it to be done and get out."

"And what would you do if you did leave?"

Searing thought about it for a moment. "I don't know."

In the silence that followed, Cadence's attention went down to the open folder. "Searing, what's that?"

"Huh?" Searing looked down at the open folder, specifically the paper detailing a light green skinned student. "Oh! Uhhh. . ."

"You know what, don't tell me. I saw nothing. You were just studying your biology textbook and that's that."

"But-"

"Apapap! I don't want to hear anything either. I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing. New topic: have you used a computer yet?"

"No, I haven't."

"Are you afraid of them?"

Searing did a double take at that. "What? No, that's stupid. I just don't care."

"Searing, it would behoove you to learn how to use them. They make things much easier. Also, I've seen your handwriting." Searing put her head in her hands at that statement. "It's messy, to say the least. I don't think you could write a full paper that way."

"What I wouldn't do to get my horn back."

"So, I have a proposal for you: I can help you learn how to use a computer after school in the privacy of one of the library's computer labs today. All you have to do is ask and be open to learning the system."

Searing thought about it for a moment. "No thanks."

"Searing, it's better to learn it now than trying to figure it out when it's crunch time. In this day and age, computer skills are very important. You don't have to become a goddess of the keyboard, read binary, or be able to speak in computer code. If you can learn some programs and how to perform some basic operations for typing up papers, that'll be good enough."

"I'll think about it."

On the way home, Searing stopped at the fence where her new friend was waiting. "Hi, Buddy," she said as she started scratching his chin. "I'm glad you're here."

"Ah, you're here, Searing," Mr. Trender said as he came outside and up to the fence. "How was school?"

"Well, I got chosen as a candidate for student council president. Don't know why. I've barely been here for a month."

"That is strange."

"And I couldn't find it in me to really turn it down." Searing noted that Buddy, despite the tone of the conversation, was still happy. "And, unrelated, they want me to take some lessons on computer and internet use. I never had one where I'm from."

"Ah, those machines. They're a mixed blessing, like a lot of things. They're nice for looking things up, and there are kids who just play games on them all day, but sitting at one is no substitute for a good day's work around the house. My grandson actually set up a speaker system in my house so I can play my music and talk shows from my computer and hear it everywhere. It's pretty nice."

"You can do that with them?"

"No idea how he did it. It's like magic to me. Heh. Here I am teaching a high school student about computers. Never thought I'd see the day that happened."

"Sorry. . ."

"It's fine, Searing," Mr. Trender said with a smile. "I'm sure you've got homework to do. Best get along and do it."

"But. . . Buddy's stopping me. He demands my attention." Searing's hands had never left the happy dog during the whole conversation.

Mr. Trender looked at his dog. "Searing has to go, Buddy. Time to head in." Buddy whined for a moment before obeying. "One last thing: I've heard Principal Cinch is highly allergic to dogs. Just so you know."

"Thank you."

"See ya tomorrow morning."

Searing looked over the homework she'd spread across the mint colored and scented coffee table in the living room. Even focusing on only one subject at a time didn't help her understand anything.

"Is my daughter having trouble with her homework again?" Discord teasingly asked her.

"I'm not your daughter," Searing replied.

"As far as the paperwork and legal stuff is, you are. Do you want some help? There's a small cost, though."

"What would that be?"

"You just have to sit back, relax, and watch a few videos. How about it?"

Searing considered it for a moment. "Sure."

"Excellent! Just stack everything up and I'll get it ready." While Discord messed around with the TV and a phone, Searing neatishly stacked up all her books and binders. The thick folder got mixed in as well, but she wasn't worried about it. "Ready?"

"I suppose."

"Let the fun begin!"

"Are they all that weird?" Searing carefully asked after the short video ended.

"Oh, no no no, not at all," Discord assured.

"Thank Celestia for that."

"The rest are weirder."

"Can I work on my homework instead?"

"Nope! You made a deal, and I've already upheld my end of it. Onwards!"

When the last video finished, Searing felt like her brain had melted. "Those were all made by one guy?"

"Yep."

"What kind of drugs did he take to come up with all that?"

"Common speculation: all of them. Anyways, you should feel the knowledge coming into your cute little head overnight. Supper is pizza!"

Searing got up and went to the kitchen, where two Pizza Hut boxes were stacked up on the island. She opened the top box and saw a pizza topped with peppers, pineapple, and pepperoni. "Blegh!"

"That one's all mine." Discord yoinked the box away and started enjoying a slice. "Is nice."

The bottom one had a pizza covered in meat and Searing eagerly started eating a slice of it. She was hungry after watching all the confusing videos.

After going to her room and taking in the orange and blue plaid walls for a second, Searing changed out of her uniform and into some more casual and comfortable clothes. She decided to try looking over the homework again.

Geometry actually made some sense now, and some of the numbers were suddenly easier to understand.

Wobbly Javelin was still confusing, but Searing found herself better able to understand the material.

History wasn't much of an issue before, but she could better imagine the songs Mr. Broden presented. In fact, it sounded like the whole song in her head, if she focused a bit.

Biology was still as confusing as ever, but she was able to keep things straighter more easily.

Health started making sense, though she still had no idea how all the organs presented fit inside her.

Physical Education would still remain her favorite class.

She opened the folder from Midnight and started perusing the pages again. Strategies and plans started forming on each policy she read and reread, and she started writing things down. "Wait a minute. . ." She realized that it wasn't homework, yet she was going through it like the rest. "How did. . . The stack! . . . May as well go through with it."

Author's Note

Politics! Because what could possibly be more chaotic than that?

Talk It Out

Searing looked through her handwritten note cards again. She was offstage, along with her five opponents. All six were kept seperate, to wait for their cue to come onstage. The former unicorn held no doubts on her opponents' identities, and if her thick folder was anything to go by, neither did they. "It's probably a formality thing," she considered.

Finally, her signal came and she walked onstage, past all her opponents: Zephyr Breeze, Glacier Mist, Babbling Brooke, Terra Cotta, and Earth Shaker. All of them seemed surprised that she was there, but held their tongues.

When Searing reached her podium, she got a good look at the packed auditorium. All the students and staff were there, supposedly. Just below and in front of the stage, sitting at a small table with a microphone and cards, was Midnight Stroll, and next to him was Principal Cinch. "And that's everyone," Midnight said. "As per normal procedures, I will ask the question, and the candidates will answer from left to right, then the stage will be open for them to debate and argue with each other for our amusement I mean debate with each other to further enlighten us on their promises and policies."

Searing checked her cards again. "Why am I even going through with this?"

"First question: in ten words or less, describe your overarching theme with your agenda."

Zephyr started. "Convenience for students."

Glacier. "Fair enforcement of policies."

Babbling. "More budget and staff for the school newspaper in order to-"

"That's more than ten words, Babbling," Midnight said, stopping her mid-speech. "Moving on."

Terra. "Expansion of the art classes."

Earth. "More athletic stuff."

Searing. "Simplification."

"We have quite a variety here," Midnight remarked. "I hope everyone's paying attention to this. Earth Shaker, how about you start the debate by explaining your plan?"

The dark dark gray muscular guy started explaining. "A fit body is very important, there's a significant number of physically unfit students here, and I want to see at least this year's graduating class in good health." As some of the crowd booed his statement, Searing made a few notes.

"Earth, this is school, not a gym," the brown skinned Terra girl pointed out. "We are here to learn, and a fit, creative mind is what's needed in this day and age. Art is more important." Once again, Searing made notes.

"And how can you be assured either of those will happen without policies to ensure the safety and time to let those happen, or that someone won't hurt themselves while partaking in those activities?" Glacier asked, his voice as cool as the snow that matched his skin.

"Who cares about that?" Zephyr asked. "I believe I speak for most of the students when I say that we just want to come to school, do our stuff, and go home. Aside from the physical education classes, how about we have the teachers come to the rooms instead?" Searing noticed Principal Cinch write something down with a disapproving look on her face. "Let everyone stay in the same room, and students can form stronger friendships, not worry about being late, or having to deal with a locker."

Searing decided to join the discussion. "And how do you plan on getting that done? Not every room is set up for every type of class, and changing schedules for that would mess up the staff schedules. Not to mention that there are some people who can only see certain friends in passing between classes, or in certain classes. Changing that to a static class would destroy those friendships, not to mention that the world outside the school doesn't work that way."

"But-"

Searing felt driven as she kept talking. "I'm done with you." She turned her gaze to Earth and Terra. "As for you two, you're basically talking the same game in different directions. Not everyone wants to exercise, and not everyone has artistic inclinations. If you force those on them, there will be backlash against those ways of doing things. I don't want to try pottery, and as much as I like to exercise, I don't want to do all those super intense routines."

"Do you have any holes to poke in my case on policies?" Glacier asked.

". . . No, not yet. Keep talking, and I will."

Babbling took her chance. "Are you all really going to take that from a blonde English chick that didn't even know who Wobbly Javelin was when the year started? The same one who's gained a reputation for zoning out in class more than anyone else? She's a senior like us and, only this week, has miraculously started understanding the materials in her classes. In fact, after the first day of classes was over, I looked up Searing's phone number, called her, and-"

"I don't have a phone," Searing pointed out.

"But I called, and you answered. That English accent is unmistakable. You acted like you didn't know who I was, and you even said a few things that sounded like they came from one of his plays. It's like you're putting on an act here, an act of ignorance. What do you say to that, hm?"

Searing blinked owlishly as she collected her thoughts and refocused. "If that's true, I'm very confused. That aside, what about your thing for the school newspaper? I wasn't aware there actually was one since I haven't seen any issues, so I thought it might have come to an end before I arrived."

"It's called a newspaper, but it's actually a monthly publication, both in print and on the school's website. The first issue for the school year comes out on the first school day of the second month, which is next week. You're welcome for that explanation, by the way. You know, because you're the New Girl. Anyways, I'd get more students to join it, expand publishing to a biweekly schedule, and include more sections for topical matters. The reliable information that the paper presents needs to be distributed as well, so I would also increase distribution with stands full of the latest issue placed in the halls and cafeteria. Additionally, in order to help ensure readership, study hall teachers would be able to add or deduct points from other classes. What do you say to that, New Girl?"

"It sounds like an agenda for personal gain and empowerment. I recall hearing somewhere that you're the President of the school newspaper, and by becoming the President of the Student Council, you'd be able to do everything you want without too much opposition."

"Yeah, well. . . What about your agenda? What do you mean by 'simplification'? That doesn't explain anything at all!"

Searing picked up her note cards for the question. "Zero Tolerance Tardiness. Get rid of that, and there will be fewer cases of tardiness, as teachers will be able to forgive a student who's only behind by a few seconds, or has an actual reason for being late."

"Then how would you ensure that nobody's being lax and just taking the chance to exploit that window of time?" Glacier asked.

"Or you could go with my idea of the teachers going from room to room instead of the students!" Zephyr added. "No student tardiness there!"

"Students can still be marked late," Searing responded, ignoring Zephyr. "It will be up to the teachers to make the call on that." She switched to another card. "After School Time. Presently, the rules on that dictates that any students on campus after the last bus leaves are to stay on the premises until the last of the faculty leaves. Glacier, I ask you this: how is that enforced?"

"At least one teacher watching every entrance to make sure no student leaves," Glacier answered.

"But the rule states that it covers the campus, which includes the soccer field, track, lawn, and paths outside. Who watches those areas?"

". . . Nobody. We need more faculty to-"

"Wrong way. Rather than keep the students in after the last bus leaves, it's better to just let them go."

Midnight spoke up. "Well, this is all very interesting, but it's time we moved on. I think we all know the motivations behind your stated agendas, but for everyone's sake, let's clear that up. Ten words or less."

Zephyr started. "Better student life in school."

Glacier. "Maintaining order."

Babbling. "Spreading information to the masses so everyone knows exactly what should-"

"What part of 'ten or less' are you missing?" Midnight asked. "I mean, I've heard of living up to your name, but you take the cake and brag about it with that stream of consciousness. Continuing on."

Terra. "I want more art to enhance the drab halls."

Earth. "I want everyone to be healthy."

Searing. "Slashing pointless regulations and expenses."

"I will open the stage to debate behind the motivations everyone has stated," Midnight announced, eager for some more verbal bloodshed.

Finally, after two more questions and over half an hour of debate, it was time for the student body to vote. Projected on a screen in front of the curtain was a pie chart with green, white, blue, brown, black, and red sections. None of the candidates could see it.

The minutes that followed the vote collection were tense. Nobody on the stage dared say anything. Nobody off the stage dared say anything. Finally, Midnight dared say something. "Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in, and they are spectacular! Let's see the results."

Searing could only listen as Midnight narrated. "Why am I even doing this again?"

"And the initial tally has no clear winner! We do, however, have a clear loser. Zephyr Breeze, you came in last. Let's see the runoff. . . Glacier Mist, you're the next one off."

"I want to win, but I never really wanted to play. Sweet Celestia, why?"

Disclaimer: Celestia does not know Why, but has heard he plays left field pretty well.

"And now we're down to some odd fractions that I'm not even going to try and figure out. Earth Shaker, you're out. And the runoff is. . . Well, still close between two of you. Terra Cotta, the runoff from your numbers will determine the winner." Midnight let the silence reign for a bit. "And the student council president for this school year is, by a 65-35 runoff vote. . . Searing Victory!"

"WHAT?" Babbling exclaimed.

"Searing Victory, like Babbling Brooke, has lived up to her name and smoked the competition. Congratulations on your victory, Madam President Victory. Come by tomorrow at noon and I'll give you the orientation tour."

For the first time during the whole event, Principal Cinch spoke. "That pretty well does it for today. School is dismissed." As if to punctuate the statement, the bell rang and the students started leaving the auditorium.

Earth put a hand on Searing's shoulder. "Good job." He left without another word.

Terra mirrored the motion. "Good luck." She left and started debating Earth on whether art or body was better to focus on.

Glacier gave Searing a firm handshake. "You did a good job. I look forward to seeing your policies in effect." Farewell delivered, he left.

Zephyr didn't cross the stage, instead sending Searing a glare, followed by a shrug before leaving.

Babbling had no polite compunctions, and got as close as she could to getting in Searing's face, considering their height difference. "I was supposed to win this. I have the grades. I have the cleanest record. I have the networking. I know how the student council is supposed to be run. How did you beat me?"

"Is that an invitation to a fight I'm hearing?" Searing asked, tired and ready to leave. "Because if it is, you'll lose to me again."

"Ladies, as much as I would love to see this fight you both speak of, I must ask you to break it up," Midnight said as he stepped onstage. "Or at the very least, allow me to take you to a dojo with some safety gear."

Babbling gave Searing one last glare. "Don't think we're done yet, Searing," she said as she stormed out.

"She's going to be a pain in my side, isn't she?" Searing asked.

"Yyyep," Midnight said. He stood there with Searing until everyone else, student and staff alike, was gone. "Would you like to know something, Madam President?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I had my finger on the scales a bit."

". . . Explain."

"You know that thick folder I gave you? Everyone else got thin folders. You'd have to stack three of theirs to get the same thickness as yours. I gave you more information, in the hopes that you would look at it all from a different angle and present a new idea. Suffice to say, it alllll went according to plan."

"It. . . What? You planned for me to win?"

"Oh no, not at all. I simply gave you the materials you needed. The victory was all yours."

"What else do you have planned?"

Midnight shrugged. "Who can say? Maybe I have other stuff planned, maybe I don't."

"Hmmmmmmmmm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You know, I'm still confused about what Babbling said earlier. How she called me when I don't have a phone."

"Maybe she was just trying to get under your skin. That is a tactic in politics, after all."

"But she seemed so earnest about it."

"If I can get her cooperation, I could look into her call history and see if she told the truth or not. I do have some automatic publishing privileges with the school paper, so I could use that as leverage."

"You go do that, then. I'm heading home."

"One last thing, Madam President: your authority only has weight on school grounds. Nobody else really cares or knows about it."

"Noted."

Searing stopped at the fence that had become a regular stop. "Hey, Buddy," she said when the dog showed up. Naturally, she started showing him affection and both of them felt better. "Today was a day."

"Want to talk about it?" Mr. Trender asked. "Sounds like something got dropped on you."

"I became the President of the Student Council. I'm still not sure why I went through with it."

"Oh? Well, let me tell you about-"

"Please, no," Searing interjected. "I've had enough politics for today."

"But-"

"No. I'm sure it's a fascinating story, but I'm not in the mood."

Mr. Trender was quiet for a moment, then he started laughing. "Hahahaha! Talked down by a high schooler! You've got a spine, Searing. Don't lose it."

Searing was more confused than anything. "What's so funny?"

"Most of the time when I start talking, younguns like you tend to be all polite and attentive," he explained with a mocking tone. "Respecting and listening to your elders is one thing, and it's a good thing, but you have a life to lead, too. You don't have all day to listen to me ramble on and on."

"Actually, I think I do."

"Then I won't tell anyone." The two shared a quick laugh at the exchange. "But seriously, hear me out: do not let that kind of power go to your head."

"I promise I won't."

"Good."

Searing came home to the smell of. . . Something cooking. She didn't know what it was, and she didn't want to find out. Instead of going to the living room or kitchen, she went upstairs to her room, the walls and furniture now covered in diamond plated steel, both texture and gems. "So this is tonight's theme," she idly noted before dropping her backpack on the steel desk with a loud clang. "Agh!"

As Searing started on her homework, something she increasingly wished didn't exist, she could hear Discord singing something downstairs. Something about a Call of Cthulhu, including some odd beeping sounds. "I want this to end," she thought as she looked over her geometry work. "And I'm getting used to Discord. That's not a good sign."

Getting Started

Searing showed up at Crystal Prep at high noon, as Midnight had told her to. It didn't take long for Searing to find him leaning against the doorway. "And the President shows up right on time," he said as she walked up. "I suppose you walked here?"

"I live a mile away," Searing said. "Walking that distance is no problem."

"There are some who think otherwise, but-" Midnight sniffed the air for a few seconds. "Do you have a dog?"

"I'm friends with one that lives a couple blocks away. I pet him every time I go past."

"You do know Principal Cinch is highly allergic to dogs, right?"

"So I've heard. Can we just get this over with? I have a lot of nothing I want to do today."

"After you, Madam President," Midnight said as he held the door open for her.

One short and boring walk later

"So this is my office?" Searing asked as she entered the room.

"Our office, technically. Go ahead and have a seat, then we can start reviewing the existing policies to figure out what to simplify."

Searing sat down in the comfy chair behind the desk. "So what do you normally do?"

"Despite holding the title of Vice President, I'm really more of a secretary to you," Midnight explained as he set a stack of binders on the desk. "I do get a few of the same perks that you do."

"Like what?"

Another stack went on the desk. "The authority to forgive other students' tardiness within reason, though there's a policy in the way of that one." Another stack. "Being able to eat lunch up here away from the rest of the student body is pretty nice." Yet another stack. "Access to the teacher's lounge and office is very good." The stacks were piling up. "But the best part of all is having full, unlocked internet access in the library." One more stack got added.

"What. . . What is all this?" Searing asked with a degree of fear in her voice. "This can't be. . ."

"Oh, but it is. It's all of the policies that got enacted last school year!"

"Is that all I have to deal with?"

"There's two more school years worth of these as well."

"Give me the smallest one."

"This is the smallest one."

Searing slumped onto the desk in defeat, and one of the stacks fell over onto her. "Why so many?"

"So, did you get all that?"

"No, I didn't," Searing said. She'd been sitting still for over an hour, and they'd only gotten through half a stack, each rule in it deemed pointless, redundant, or harmful. The current rule she was working on made no sense to her. "You know what, buck sitting in this office! I'm going for a walk."

"Then I'll accompany you," Midnight said as he followed her out.

After a minute of silence walking through the halls together, Searing noticed something. "Why do you still have that binder?"

"Oh, this little thing?" Midnight asked as he held up the binder they were working on only minutes before. "I guess I forgot about it," he explained with a casual shrug. "Maybe we could go over it again while we're walking?"

Searing sighed. "Sure, not like we have anything else to do."

"Excellent!" Midnight opened the binder and began reading from it. "I'll give you the abridged version. Student Council elections are held every four years, mirroring that of the nation's Presidential election cycle, and only freshmen are allowed to run for Student Council. When the whole Student Council graduates, all non-procedural rules passed by them are removed. All procedural processes remain from year to year. In the event of anyone permanently leaving Crystal Prep early for any reason, an emergency election can be held. Any replacement candidates must be in the same grade as the one that left."

Searing thought it over a bit. "Freshmen are ninth graders, right?"

"Yep."

"And these elections are held only every four years, right?"

"Yep."

"So that means only a quarter of the student body is eligible for Student Council, based entirely on when they start here."

"Yep."

"How is that fair?"

"It isn't."

"Why is it still here?"

"Procedural rules are reviewed and renewed at the start of every school year. Thus far, they haven't been reviewed until now."

"Then we're getting rid of that procedure. Give me a minute to come up with a replacement idea."

After they walked around for a few minutes with no idea coming up, Principal Cinch appeared, stopping them. "Are you two done already?"

"No no no, we're just going for a walk," Midnight explained. "It's actually quite refreshing, and it seems to work for her."

"You do realize that one of the rules the Student Council passed three years ago expressly forbids working on these kinds of matters outside the appropriate offices, right?"

"What?" Searing asked. "That's. . ."

"It was passed in order to keep-"

"That's so stupid!"

Principal Cinch shot a cold glare at Searing. "If this were a regular school day, I would admonish you for interrupting me with such a childish choice of words."

"So what you're saying is that if we interrupt you with a more mature and adult choice of words, you would not admonish us?" Midnight rhetorically asked, earning him a glare. "Just saying."

"I will forgive this transgression if you go back to the office immediately."

"Fine!" Searing exclaimed. "We'll do that. Let's go, Midnight."

"But of course," Midnight said as they turned back around and went back to the office. "Of course, we still need to leave by three, but that shouldn't be a problem, right?"

"No, it won't be a problem."

By the time they got back to the office, Searing had figured out her replacement idea. Once they were inside, she started dictating it. "Student Council elections will be held every year, with nobody serving more than one school year on it. Anyone who hasn't held a position can run for the Student Council. If someone leaves, no emergency elections will be held."

"You are going to get so much hate from the rest of the Student Council on that," Midnight remarked as he dutifully wrote down her words.

"Why should I get hate? It's their last year here, so it won't affect them."

"It's part of the perpetuation of power. Personally, I'm fully in favor of this plan." He started looking through some of the older binders on the shelf. "I could have proposed it myself, but it would have gotten destroyed by the council or previous president faster than the truth at a congressional hearing."

Searing looked at him with a bit of confusion. "I feel like there's a punchline in there that I'm not getting."

"There isn't. Hmm. Which one is it?"

"So it's just another thing I don't get."

"Probably. Ah, here we go!" He pulled one of the binders out. "Oh, it isn't." The binder went back and he started looking again.

"How did you become the Vice President anyways?" Searing asked as she sat back down and picked a random binder from the stacks.

"I talked my way into it when the last guy was running. I had my own plans, but neither he, nor the rest of the council would consider any of my ideas. Then he graduated early and here we are now."

Searing looked past the binders in front of her as she thought about his answer. "So, am I. . . Which of us is really in charge here?"

"You're the president."

"But it's your idea."

"So it is."

Searing went back to the binder in front of her. "Monthly funds allocated for Pandora Music subscriptions for the various student clubs. . . Numbers number numbers. . . Yeah, no."

Searing came home feeling mentally drained. "How was the politics, Searing?" Discord asked.

"So much paper. . ."

Discord followed her upstairs. "You know, politics are a great source of chaos."

"I thought you didn't follow the rules."

"Only as far as I like. You would not believe what a few choice words from a person of influence can do within a system. Even the right words and phrasing, when spun the right way, can bring out so much vitriol. Why, I don't even have to do anything to cause chaos here."

"Yeah, yeah." Searing, upon entering her cloud themed bedroom, quickly shut the door behind her. "Worst. Vacation. Ever."

A Tale of Two Victories

Searing came home one Tuesday and was greeted with an unusual sight. There were people working on something in the driveway, and part of the outside of the house was opened up. "What's going on?"

Discord drove up next to her in a Lamborghini, and it looked like he had a flintlock pistol and piles of treasure with him. "The water heater kind of exploded, so it's getting repaired, along with some other pipes."

Searing eyed the loot. "And where, exactly, did you get all that?"

"All along I-95 on the east coast."

". . . Piracy?"

"On the road, no less! TCPQ FO' LIFE! Or until I get bored of it. Hey, since they'll be at it for a while, how about I take you to the mall?"

"No."

"I'll give you $1000 to spend there~"

Searing weighed her options for a bit. "Fine. I don't promise that I'll enjoy it, though." She got in the one open back seat, next to all kinds of gold, jewelry, gems, and boxed margarita mixes. "What's so special about this place anyways?"

"Buckle up, dear."

"Huh?"

"Look next to your left shoulder." Searing looked where she was told. "Take the metal and plastic thingy, pull it across your body, and click it into the plastic thingy with a red button in the seat."

Searing clicked the seat belt into place. "How am I supposed to wear this thing?"

"You've got it right," Discord assured.

"It's going between my-"

"That's perfectly normal. You'll just have to deal with it."

"It's weird. . . That means nothing to you, does it?"

"Nope!" Discord drove off, and the trip to the mall was soon filled with him babbling on about what was there while Searing was doing her best to both tune him out and listen to what he was saying at the same time.

"Here we are!" Discord said when he pulled up in front of the mall fifteen minutes later. Specifically, a store called Target. "Go on and have fun."

Searing got out of the car with her new wallet, leaving the backpack in the car, and as soon as she closed the door behind her, Discord drove off to do whatever it was he was going to do. Renaissance style graffiti of Wobbly Javelin in a slum, or something like that. "Have fun, he says. I don't even know what to do here." With a sigh, she made up her mind. "May as well head in." Choice made, she walked inside.

When she saw the sheer volume and variety of things available for sale, Searing slowed her pace. The amount of clothes alone looked like it would take a month or two for even a few talented unicorns to make, and that wasn't factoring in the jewelry, watches, and handbags that were on display either.

There were all kinds of cards available, both for greeting and for games she couldn't begin to comprehend.

There were medicines and household supplies. Office, arts and crafts, storage, kitchen, all of it was covered.

Groceries; fresh, frozen, refrigerated, and dry, all were available.

Sporting goods that she could kind of imagine the uses for, if only for the pictures on the packaging.

A mind boggling amount of toys and games she'd never dreamed of. Things she'd never had the luxury to get. The pink section didn't really appeal to her, though.

The electronics were mind boggling and full of numbers and terms she couldn't begin to comprehend.

Circling back through the clothes, she found herself back near the entrance and a coffee shop she hadn't noticed on the way in. "I need a drink." There was a line, so she got in it and waited. Being tall, she was able to look over some of the people in front of her to look at the menu. "What are all these drinks? Espresso? Cappuccino?"

Finally, her turn came. "Hi, Searing," the barista said.

Searing's attention was caught. "How-?"

"High Note. History class. What would you like?"

"Oh. Uh. . ." Searing quickly looked over the menu again and found something familiar. "A large hot chocolate, please."

"That'll be $5.14."

Searing paused as she was pulling out a $20 bill. "The menu says $4.79."

"Sales tax," High Note casually explained. "It's on everything."

"Ohhh." Searing wanted to know a bit more, but decided it could wait a bit. After getting her change, she went over to the serving side of the counter to wait.

She didn't have to wait long. "One hot chocolate, Searing," High Note said. "Have you really not heard of the sales tax?" She quickly asked.

"No, I haven't." The former unicorn took a sip of her drink. It was hot, but tolerable, and tasted pretty good.

"Just add 10% to the listed price on anything as an overestimate. I'd love to talk more, but I gotta go."

Searing decided to sit down at a nearby table to collect her thoughts. "Sales tax. How was I supposed to know. . . At least I found out about it on a small thing first. Silver lining." Once her drink was gone and she'd collected herself a bit, Searing decided to go back in and look at the toys. Surely, there would be something there that she would like.

The pink section full of girl toys, upon inspection, really wasn't Searing's cup of tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. She especially found the pony toys distasteful, and the irony wasn't lost on her, even if the terminology was.

The boy toys, funnily enough, had a greater variety of colors. Sure, a lot of them were darker, but it wasn't as much of an eyesore. The first thing she looked at were a group of figures called Transformers. "Robot to vehicle. Huh. Hmm. . ." She picked up a random one. "Starscream. He looks like a pushover. I bet Rainbow Dash could beat him in a fight."

Back in Equestria, Rainbow Dash felt an odd sense of pride swell up, like somepony had complimented her on something great that she had and hadn't done. "Huh." With a shrug, she went back to her bowl of cereal.

Looking down a few feet, past some weird turtles, she saw another colorful selection of toys, labelled Power Rangers Dino Fury. "Blegh. Weird name. What even is a Dino anyways?" Curious all the same, she glossed over the figures before seeing the megazords. "Rearrange for more power?" She looked over the back and saw how the parts could be reconfigured, and a couple other combinations using other zords. "Okay, that's actually pretty cool. . . Oooh, claw!"

Searing picked the claw weapon off the shelf and looked at the back. "Extra armor with the claw? Yes, please! . . . But it's just a toy." With a little bit of sorrow, she put the claw back on the shelf. "Maybe later."

The next aisle had Nerf guns. Searing's imagination started taking off, seeing a hybrid of her human and unicorn forms going around the battlefield with recolored versions of many of the guns and firing magically charged explosive darts at anything that moved. Sure, the number of darts and explosions that landed was much greater than the number she fired, but it was awesome nonetheless. "I wonder if anything I picked up in the bunker can do that?"

It wasn't long before she decided to walk around and see what else was in the mall. After all, she could always come back later.

The stores she saw as she strolled through the vast and crowded building's two floors were mostly clothing stores. Athletic, fashion, shoes, and, to her surprise, a few with women's undergarments as their main product, proudly on display. The last one greatly confused her, since those weren't supposed to be shown in public, at least as far as she knew. "Am I missing something here?"

A kitchenware store had a display of knives in their window. "I bet Yang would appreciate those. They look really good." The price tag caught her eye. "$339.99? And ten percent on top makes it. . . Um. . . Still too much."

A small jewelry store caught her attention for a bit, and Searing went in to look around at the products on display. None of it was on her must-get list, but it was nice to kill a minute or two in there.

She almost passed up a fragrant store full of body and hair care products when one label caught her eye. "Brave Phoenix? Buck yes!" The two sets of shampoo and conditioner she bought two minutes later came to over $70, and while she did feel a bit of a financial sting from it, she was still very happy with the purchase.

A store full of random sundries and knicknacks left her very confused.

After nearly an hour of walking around aimlessly and getting a couple other little things that caught her attention, she found her way to the food court. She was about to look around at all the options when a commotion close to one of the places caught her attention. "Don't tell me. . ."

As she got closer, she could tell that it was the cheerleaders that hated her accosting someone at a table. "So you're not saying anything, hm?" The blue skinned one asked. "It's surprising seeing you like this, but we can get you to talk." She gestured and the orange skinned one moved in. "You like those chopsticks, don't you? Well, let's see what happens when those sticks get chopped."

When the sound of snapping wood came, so too did Searing's patience end. She grabbed the purple skinned one's ponytail and harshly pulled her back, making the cheerleader elicit an oddly pleasing, "owowowowowowow. . . What the?"

Confusion settled over the gaggle of girls. The cheerleaders looked between their original target and Searing. Searing paid them no mind as she locked eyes with a kimono clad girl that looked just like her and was clearly on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Get out of here," Searing firmly told the cheerleaders. They promptly left, greatly confused. Searing, in her own confusion, turned to the seated girl and sat down with a sigh across from her and her sketchbook. "Okay, so, what's your name?"

"Searing Victory," the nervous girl said with an English accent.

The table promptly got served with one face from a former unicorn. "What even is this?"

"Is your name-"

"Searing Victory, yes, it is. And I'm sorry you got caught up in my mess."

"You know them?"

"Cheerleaders that don't like me for whatever reason. Probably some policy I removed. Maybe they're just the muscle for the school newspaper's president." The former unicorn picked her head up. "Crystal Prep Academy, if you couldn't tell."

"I go to Canterlot High. Does that make us rivals?"

"One topic at a time! And no." Silence reigned again. "I never thought meeting a double of myself would be so. . ."

"Anticlimactic?"

"Sure, that. What's your story?"

"Well, I grew up in an orphanage in England after my parents abandoned me at three years old. I got beat up a lot, until a woman adopted me when I was ten. She brought me here, and in spite of her. . . Quirks, she's actually pretty nice. I call her Mom, but her name's Eris."

Not-Unicorn Searing blinked at the name. "Why does it feel like that's significant somehow?"

Human Searing shrugged. "Beats me."

"What about the. . . Whatever you're wearing is called?"

"I like Japanese stuff, and mom gets me a lot of it. This is a layered kimono, and it's very comfy." Her gaze went to the broken items. "Those chopsticks were a gift from mom. One of the first. . ."

At the first sign of sniffles, Not-Unicorn Searing went around and pulled her counterpart into a hug. "Hey, it'll be fine. They served you well. Do you want to hear my story?"

"S-sure."

Not-Unicorn Searing went back to her side of the table. "This is probably going to be a really stupid choice." After taking a moment to collect herself, she started. "I was born a unicorn filly in-"

"Okay, stop right there," Human Searing said with a sudden edge that caught Not-Unicorn Searing off guard. "Unicorns aren't real."

"But-"

"If your next words have anything to do with having memories of or identifying as a unicorn, we're done." Not-Unicorn was left speechless, mostly on account of not knowing what to say in the face of such absurd phrasing and mood shift. "Now, what's your real story?"

"What's with the sudden change of tone?"

"You want that story? Fine. Last year, I went to an anime convention."

Not-Unicorn Searing interrupted. "What's anime?"

Human Searing blinked in confusion. "How have you. . . It's a style of animation associated with Japan. Anyways, I was there, and there were some people there that seemed to sincerely believe that they were the character they were cosplaying as."

"What's cospl-"

"Interrupt me again, see what happens, doppelganger. Anyways, I pointed out that, no, they weren't who they believed they were, especially the guys that were dressed up as girls and girls dressed up as guys. That happened on the first, second, and third days. On the fourth day, they found each other and confronted me. I don't remember the full encounter, but I managed to beat them up without ruining the kimono I was wearing. I think it was something like ten to one against me." She pulled out her phone and flicked through a few things. "Here's the video."

Not-Unicorn gently held up the device and watched the recorded security camera footage of the Searing across from her, wearing a smaller, white kimono, getting pushed around by ten other people while a crowd watched. After one push too many, she started going on the offense, practically dancing between them in a trance as they tried to land a blow. She evaded everything and efficiently seized upon the clumsy mistakes the cosplayers made. Right before security got through the crowd, she slammed the last one's back against her knee.

The security person made the mistake of putting a hand on her shoulder and promptly got flipped over. When she realized that it was a security person, all the energy left her body and she fell over.

Human Searing reclaimed the device. "All of us got questioned about the events, the footage was checked, and mixed opinions came in. Some said it was their fault for pushing me around and that I acted in self-defense. Others said I provoked them into attacking me with my words. A few people didn't care either way because the fight was worth watching by itself without context."

"Those were some good moves," Not-Unicorn said with admiration. "Can you teach me?"

"Well-" The phone started ringing, and Not-Unicorn Searing caught a glimpse of a picture of a woman with short white hair and a familiar color scheme. "Excuse me. It's mom." Human Searing answered it. "Hi, mom. . . I'm. . . Yes, I'm just outside the Chinese place in the food court. . . I guess you could say that? . . She. . . Fine, I guess I can." Human Searing held the phone out. "She wants to talk to you."

Not-Unicorn looked at the device. "So I just hold it and-"

Human Searing roughly put the phone in her counterpart's hand and moved it into place. "Just talk."

"Hello? . . Searing Victory. . . Yes. . . Yes. . . Yes. . . I know it's hard to believe but. . . How did you? . . Oh sweet Celestia no. . . Okay. . ." Not-Unicorn Searing held out the phone. "Your mom met my. . . dad, for lack of a better term."

"What?" Human Searing took the phone. "Mom? Mom?" She looked at the phone. "She hung up. Did she sound upset?"

"No, it sounded like they were on the path of friendship. What's Eris like?"

"She's. . . Odd. I've never seen her sleep, she's constantly changing everything in the house except my room, and she's strangely interested in chaos."

Not-Human Searing headdesked. "Sweet Celestia, there's two of them."

"Two of who, my dear?"

Both Searings looked to the side of the table the voice had come from. "Hi, Discord," Not-Unicorn Searing said.

At the same time a few seconds later, the red skinned girls looked to the other side of the table. "Hi, mom," Human Searing said. For a few seconds, she and her double looked between the eerily similar chaotic people. "All of a sudden, I'm rethinking your thing about being a unicorn."

"And she's a looker of a unicorn, too!" Discord said before dropping a small album in front of Human Searing.

Human Searing carefully opened it and started looking through the pictures. Not-Unicorn looked as well, mostly out of curiosity. Towards the end, Human Searing stopped. "Why does it look like you're friends with Yang Xiao Long from RWBY?"

"She employed me as a bodyguard and bartender after I got discharged from boot camp," Not-Unicorn Searing explained. "It was mostly bartending that I did, right up to the point where everyone except Discord forgot I existed and barely noticed me. I miss her. And what's RWBY?"

Human searing looked back at the album, disregarding the last question. "I'm not even going to question that."

Discord picked up the broken chopsticks. "Do you want to see a magic trick?"

"I'd rather-"

"Abra Kadabra!" Discord brought his hands together. When he pulled them apart, the broken sticks were gone. "Aaaaaaand Alakazam!" He brought his hands back together. When he pulled them apart, he was holding the chopsticks, undamaged and looking like new. "Do you believe in magic?"

"In a young girl's heart?" Eris seamlessly added.

"How the music can-"

Not-Unicorn put her hand over Discord's mouth. "Stop. Just tell me what you've got planned."

"We're thinking of encouraging your friendship," Eris said. "We've already decided to have supper at my place tonight. You two should be able to get along pretty well." Both Searings looked at each other. "Here's some extra spending money." Eris gave Human Searing a few hundred dollars. "Now go have fun confusing people while you're shopping." Eris and Discord got up and left them.

"Well, that happened," Human Searing said with a sigh. "They are way too similar for my liking."

"I'm just going to ignore most of what they said," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "So, do you believe my story of being a unicorn now?"

"I suppose. Those pictures were spooky, like I was looking at me. . . So, do you need some new clothes?"

"Well, not really. . . I have my school uniform and a few other clothes."

"What do you have?"

"Ahhh. . . I don't know what they're all called."

"How can you not-"

"Unicorn. Clothes were optional where I'm from."

"Then I guess I'm your teacher for now."

The next few hours were a sharp blur of names, descriptions, numbers, and fabric for Not-Unicorn Searing. It went fast, and there were a few things she didn't remember, but they were things that Human Searing said weren't super important. Human Searing wasn't excited about it herself, but teaching her counterpart about everything was an eye opening look into how much she did know.

Eventually, the phone rang. "Yes, mom? . . Oh, okay. . . Yeah. . . I was just about to do that. . . Half an hour should be plenty of time. . . I'm sure we have enough money between us for it. I stuck to items that were only on a good sale before this stop. . . We'll be waiting. Bye."

"What was that about?" Not-Unicorn asked with some exhaustion in her voice. If it wasn't for the loads of bags she was carrying, she wouldn't be tired from shopping at all. "And why am I carrying everything?"

"We have one last stop to make." Human Searing turned around with a flourish and gestured to the store next to them. "Behold, Japan Lifestyles!"

Not-Unicorn Searing looked to the colorful store, one of many she had seen, but not really noticed. "Is it more clothes?"

"Yes."

"Sweet Celestia why?"

Disclaimer: Princess Celestia does not know why, even if she was aware of the situation. At the time, she was busy having lunch with Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis. It was a simple Bitalian lunch Fleur had made, the talk was casual, and the whole thing was totally not planned as a two hour Noble Negotiation in order to get some extra time off the throne during the week.

"Before we go in, what is Celestia like for you? She's the principal of my school."

"She's one of the immortal alicorn rulers of Equestria, basically the highest authority in the land, if not the world, she moves the sun, and Yang is on good terms with her. Can we just get this over with?"

"Huh." Human Searing led them in. "Ohayo, Owner-San!"

"Ah, Searing-Chan," a foreign man said as he stepped out from the back and stopped. "And another Searing-Chan. I am confused."

"Believe me, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Anyways, do you have it ready?"

"It is nearly done. I just need to finish the sleeves. Why are there two of you?"

"Excellent. We'll be out here. And I'll explain later."

"Alright." The man went back to the back to do whatever he was doing.

"So, why are there two of you, Searing?" The guy behind the register asked.

Human Searing sighed for effect. "Well, if you must know, it's a cosmic coincidence so big and unlikely that I'm starting to believe it was planned. That, or we were identical twins separated at birth and given the same name, which I should have known about."

"How about I just say she's from the Mirror World and stay quiet about it?"

"That's a decent answer." Human Searing began taking her counterpart on a tour of the store. The first stop was, not to her counterpart's surprise, the selection of premade kimonos, and a short video guide there on how to properly wear one. One detail that got emphasized was to wear it left over right, as right over left was solely for the dead. As far as Not-Unicorn Searing was concerned, it was just a robe, or a dress, or some weird combination of the two.

After ten minutes, he approached the kimono-clad Searing. "It's ready for you, Searing-Chan."

"Sweet. It's actually for her, but it'll fit just the same. Come on!" Human Searing pulled Not-Unicorn Searing along to the back of the store, where a small workshop was located. On a mannequin was a kimono that immediately brought Yang to mind with its color scheme. "Mom suggested the theme and I had no other ideas. Owner-San, I'll help her with trying it on."

"Go ahead," the owner said.

Human Searing took the kimono off the mannequin and brought Not-Unicorn Searing to a small office. "Before we start-"

"Are you sure we should be back here?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

"I work here on the weekends and he likes me. It's fine. Anyways, yours and mine are made very similarly, so I'll take mine off and you can follow my lead."

Not-Unicorn Searing looked away as her human counterpart started disrobing. "You're sure we can-"

"Hey, eyes over here."

The former unicorn looked over and saw a surprising sight. Her human counterpart had a black and yellow sports bra and black ankle length leggings on, both pieces fitting her very well and highlighting a surprising amount of lean muscle. "Uhh. . ."

Human Searing sighed. "And that's one reason I like the kimono instead of more normal clothes. It helps keep eyes off of me."

"So should I. . ."

"Yes." After the order, Human Searing was soon out of her uniform, and nervously standing there in her undergarments. "Now, pick up your kimono and follow my lead." Human Searing slowly went through the motions she had mastered for putting the kimono on, explaining each step and guiding her counterpart as needed. "So, how is it?" She asked after they were done.

"It's. . . Not bad," Not-Unicorn said. "How did you get those muscles?"

"Eris has me exercise with her in some form or another on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school. It's intense, but I've come to like it. More importantly, is there anything that doesn't fit quite right? Anything uncomfortable?"

"Well. . . No, not really."

"That's good. Let's go pay Owner-San." After gathering Not-Unicorn's uniform, they left the office and quickly found him. "Everything fits her just fine, Owner-San. Another excellent job."

"Thank you, Searing-Chan," the store owner said. "So why are there two of you?"

"It's a cosmic coincidence that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I'm just saving the existential crisis for later and having some fun with her to help ward it off. So, how much do we owe for this fine piece of work?"

"$500."

Not-Unicorn Searing's jaw dropped at the price, and it would have dropped further when she saw Human Searing casually paying for it with their combined cash, were it not already at maximum drop. "F-five hundred dollars? Just for this?"

Human Searing put a hand on her shoulder. "For what it is, it's a really good price. You'd have to go all the way to Japan to get a kimono of similar quality, and it would cost more too. It's also custom-made. One of a kind. Tailored just for you. Us. Whatever."

"Well. . ."

"And the materials are top grade. Soft, durable, and easy to clean. A long kimono like that is good at any time of the year, even in winter. I don't know how Owner-San does it, but he's really good."

"Thank you, Searing-Chan," the owner said.

"Anyways, mom should be here any moment to get us. Let's go."

"A-alright," Not-Unicorn Searing said.

Exactly one moment later out in the store

"There you two are," Eris happily said as the kimono clad twins stepped out. "And you both look fantastic! I'll have to get a picture later."

Both Searings followed her out the store, through the mall, and to the parking lot. After putting the bags from their shopping spree in the trunk, they went to the back seat. Once they left the parking lot, Human Searing spoke. "Okay, I think now's a good time for the freakout." She slumped sideways onto her double's shoulder and went catatonic with a thousand yard stare.

"H-hey, are you okay?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

"She'll be fine by the time we get home," Eris assured. "It's her way of handling stressful situations after the fact."

"How often does it happen?"

"Only once every few months now. It used to be a weekly occurrence before I adopted her. I taught her how to handle it until we got home, or at least to the car. How do you handle stress, little Miss Not-Unicorn?"

Not-Unicorn Searing ignored the teasing nickname. "I tend to get frustrated. It's gotten me into trouble before."

Eris nodded. "I understand."

As soon as the car was parked and the engine turned off, Human Searing got back to a regular sitting position. "Okay, I think I'm good now," she said. "Nothing bad happened, just a lot of confusion."

"Excellent," Eris said. "You're helping move all the shopping bags for your double."

"Yes, mom." Both Searings got out at the same time while Eris opened the trunk. Human Searing picked up all the bags with a level of skill that Not-Unicorn Searing admired. "Let's go in." Human Searing led her counterpart upstairs to her spacious room, filled with all manner of Japanese items.

Not-Unicorn Searing went up to one display with things in them that looked familiar. "Is this Power Ranger-"

"Ryusoulger," Human Searing preempted as she set the bags down. "Similar, but different. That's the quality stuff in there, from Japan. I don't buy the American versions."

"I see."

Eris's voice came up. "Girls! Supper's ready!"

"Should I change back to my uniform or-"

"No, you're fine," Human Searing assured her as she went downstairs.

The dining room, unlike the normal looking house Not-Unicorn Searing had seen so far, looked like it was pulled out of a castle. Gray stone brick walls, sconces with torches emulating fire, a well lit iron chandelier, heavy wooden table, and electric candles flickering all over the place. Even the chairs looked like they'd come out of an old castle. "Well, this looks. . ." Not-Unicorn Searing started.

"It's just her taste for now. Last week, this room looked like it came from a space station." Human Searing took her spot at the table, and Not-Unicorn sat down across from her. "I have no idea where the stuff goes to or comes from."

Discord and Eris showed up a moment later with some loaded plates. "We're having Mexican food tonight!" He announced before they fluidly moved around the room and set the meals down in front of the girls, followed by their own spots.

Not-Unicorn voiced her confused thoughts. "So, we're having Mexican food. . . In a castle themed dining room. . ."

"German architecture," Eris supplied.

"While two of us are from England and another world. . . Wearing Japanese clothes. . ."

"And that's not as deep as it's gone before," Human Searing added as she started on her meal. "I think the record was Aztec temple, Indian music, Chinese meal, French dessert, both with Australian touches, Zulu furniture and decor, I was wearing a kimono, as usual, and she looked like she came right out of Oktoberfest, all here in America. That's ten cultures worth of stuff, with two people, one room, and one meal. It was good, but keeping track of all that intersecting stuff was a bloody headache."

Not-Unicorn began massaging her temples as she tried to figure it out. "So. . . What's the point of all that?"

Human Searing shrugged. "I have no idea what goes through her head. Maybe there is no point? More importantly, tamales!"

After the girls finished their homework, with Human Searing helping Not-Unicorn Searing a bit on each topic, it was time for them to go their separate ways. Discord's Lamborghini, however, had no seats available for any passengers, so Eris followed with both girls back in the backseat.

"So, do you want to join us in our workouts?" Human Searing asked her counterpart. "I think you'd have fun."

"That sounds like a good idea," Not-Unicorn Searing said after a bit of thought. "Monday, Wednesday, Friday, right?"

"Yes."

"I'm in."

The rest of the trip was quiet. Not-Unicorn Searing was worn out from the events of the day and Human Searing was watching the landscape go by outside.

When they arrived at Not-Unicorn Searing's place, Human Searing voiced an observation. "It looks like we won't have to go out of our way to pick you up from Crystal Prep."

"Huh?" Not-Unicorn asked as they started unloading the shopping bags from the car again.

"That last right turn we made to get here? We go left to get to the gym. I didn't realize it until a minute ago. Small world, huh?"

"Yeah, sure."

The two brought all the bags in and upstairs to Not-Unicorn's pipe themed bedroom. "So this is your room? Interesting choice of design."

"I don't know what it'll be tomorrow. Last night's theme was volcanoes and the furniture looked like it was made of obsidian. Discord changes it everyday while I'm at school or going for a walk."

"Every day?"

"Chaos magic."

Human Searing thought about the explanation for a minute. "I'm not even going to question that. It makes too much sense." She let out a short bark of laughter. "Ha! Chaos making sense! What a contradiction!"

"You're not even questioning the magic part of it?"

"I don't see any other way it can make sense."

Discord and Eris stood side by side in the doorway. "What fun is there in making sense anyways?" They said at the same time with perfect harmony.

Both Searings leaned away from them a bit. "That's creepy," Human Searing said.

"Yeah, it is," Not-Unicorn Searing said.

"Hey, let's get some pictures of you two together," Eris suggested as she pulled out her phone and started taking pictures.

"Excellent idea!" Discord said as he pulled out a Polaroid camera. "Strike a pose, girls!"

"Uh, no," Not-Unicorn Searing said before she was blinded by a camera flash. "Discord!"

"Please don't, mom," Human Searing said as Eris took some pictures as well.

After half an hour of reluctant acceptance and some posing, Eris and Human Searing left with the promise of picking up Not-Human Searing after school on Wednesday for the trip to the gym.

Not-Unicorn Searing, meanwhile, just plopped down on her bed once they were gone. "Water mattress. Not surprising." It wasn't long before she had gotten comfortable and was on the way to the land of dreams.

Author's Note

This chapter was so much fun to write. Of course, there will be more of both Searings together, but they won't be switching places anytime soon. Or anytime later.

Also, who saw this coming? Just curious.

Reception and Feedback

"So, you've got the rest of the student council turning against you for burning up their many, many rules," Midnight said. "The social studies teachers that support the student council don't seem too pleased either. They really want your head on a pike. All that in the span of a month. Why did you do it?"

"Do you want the noble reason or the real reason?" Searing asked as she slumped over onto her clean, empty desk.

"Give me both."

"More freedom for the students and less work for me."

Midnight put on his smug grin. "So what's the noble reason then?"

"Shut up. . . What about Principal Cinch?"

"Oh, I have heard that she is upset. Not livid, but we'll get her there soon enough. And when she gets there, we can play all the cards that are in your favor against her, then Dean Cadance can step in as Principal and then things will be much better."

Searing sat up and sighed. "Sometimes, I really wonder which of us is the actual president. What if this plan doesn't work?"

"Then we go out in a blaze of political glory. It's our last year here, we hold prestigious positions, and she is obsessed with image. We are perfectly safe."

"If you say so. How do people do this for a living?"

"Do you want the noble reason or the real reason?"

"Shut up, Midnight." With a tired groan, Searing stood up. "I'm going home."

"Want me to walk you there?"

"No thanks."

The walk home was perfectly normal. The weather was good, the birds were singing, traffic was low, and on the end of the second block from the school. . . There he was, as always. Searing smiled as she walked up to the white waist high fence and the big friendly chocolate lab on the other side. "Hey there, Buddy!" She happily said as she started scratching the dog's head. "Oh, you are just mad today, aren't you?" The dog happily leaned into her scratching and petting. "Yes, you are absolutely furious, aren't you?"

"Good afternoon, Searing," the not angry dog's owner said as he stepped out of the house.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Trender," Searing replied without stopping the stream of scratches for the visibly very not upset dog. "How are you?"

"I got up, so that's good," the old man said. "At my age, it's a blessing. How's the student council business going?"

"Oh, you know. . . The rest of the council doesn't like me, Midnight seems to have his own agenda, and most of the student body praises me."

"Sounds like you're doing something right."

"All I'm doing is getting rid of pointless, redundant, difficult, and stupid rules, like a time limit on water fountain use. Why would anyone get upset over that?"

"You're ripping power out of their hands. People in power love power. Take it away, and they will naturally object.”

"As I've noticed."

"Speaking of noticing things, I've noticed that you haven't been coming by as much. Why would that be?"

Searing considered her words. "Well. . . Would you believe me if I said I was hitting the gym with my double and her adopted mom?"

"I might. Certainly the gym part. Your sleeves seem to be fitting a little tighter. I can see some muscle already."

"It's very intense. I felt like I was going to die after the first session."

"And now?"

"The same, but a bit less."

"Improvement. Hey, winter's coming soon."

"Yeah. Any idea what day we're getting the first snow?"

Mr. Trender shrugged. "Dunno. It'll happen when it happens. Scheduled weather would be nice, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. A nice idea."

"Anyways, if the weather's really bad after school, you can hunker down here. A few minutes or through the storm, it doesn't matter. I have a guest room."

"Thanks for the offer."

After getting her homework out of the way in her currently ice themed room, Searing put her kimono on over her uniform for layers of warmth. For whatever reason, Discord had maxed the A/C in her room alone and she had no way to warm things up. She could, however, keep warm in her igloo styled bed.

The doorbell caught her attention. "Who could that be?" An English accent caught her attention. "Other Searing? Why would she. . . Supper! That's tonight?" Not-Unicorn Searing wanted to go greet her friend/double, but she was so warm and comfortable, she didn't want to leave. "Well, I see her multiple times each week. So what if I miss this one?"

Not-Unicorn Searing heard her door open. "Searing?" Human Searing asked. "Yeee! Why is it so cold in here? Turn up the heat!"

"I don't think I can," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "I'm in the igloo."

Human Searing poked her head in. "Why is it so cold in here?"

"Discord."

"Ah. Mind if I join you? We can watch some videos on my phone."

"Sure, why not?"

Human Searing crawled in and got comfortable next to Not-Unicorn Searing. "It's a bit tight in here. Didn't you have a bigger bed before?"

"Discord. Chaos."

"Oh yeah. Anyways, we're going to start with something Discord sent me." Human Searing pulled up her text messages and found the link. "He says it's a summary of every crime drama ever."

"What's it called?"

"Heavy is Dead."

"That was stupid," Human Searing said after she collected her thoughts. "What kind of. . . I mean. . . Just what?"

"I'm kind of used to that," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "You would not believe the number of crazy videos I've seen in exchange for his help with my homework."

"Let's go to something cute."

"Like what?"

Human Searing searched for a bit before letting out a gasp. "Kittens in slow motion!" Without waiting for an opinion, she started the video immediately, and much d'awwing happened.

"More kitten videos?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

"More kitten videos!" Human Searing agreed.

"Girls! Supper's ready!" Discord shouted. "I mean, it is Chinese delivery, but supper's ready!"

The two Searings looked at each other. Both were hungry, but they were also incredibly comfortable. To get to the food, they would have to go through the chilly room. They looked at each other and came to an unspoken agreement. The food was more important, even if they had to put up with their chaotic guardians. That, they could agree on without saying anything.

Author's Note

I'm not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but I want to get on to more stuff, so here it is.

It's Time for Christmas Time

Searing woke up and looked out her window at the snow covered landscape outside. In the light of a street lamp, she saw a snow sculpture in the shape of a '25'. "What a subtle reminder," she remarked with some snark. "Sweet Celestia, I wish I had something to do."

Disclaimer: Celestia, unlike Heavy, is not a wish granting fairy. If you come to her asking for something to do (not to be confused with asking if you can do something for her), she will redirect you to the nearest staff resources office. Ask often enough, and you will get sent to the minimally staffed Department of Defenestration.

Christmas Break hadn't been kind to Searing. Sure, nothing bad had happened, but she was at the point where that would be preferable. Nothing had happened at all. Her double was gone, off in a place called Texas. Discord had also been gone for a while, but her room still got changed everyday. The birdcage theme she had gone to sleep and woken up with felt oddly appropriate.

More and more, she'd been wearing her kimono. As with the outdoors, it had gotten cooler in the house, and the thing was very good at keeping her warm. At the same time, the coloration reminded her more and more of the kind woman whom she'd thrown into the dirt, then gotten a job from. The more she thought about it, the less sense it made and the more she missed Yang.

Eventually, the call of nature and the need for food motivated Searing to get up with a groan. She picked out some clean clothes and went to the bathroom to take care of the former issue and take a shower.

After getting dressed in her warm clothes for the day, Searing heard a tapping coming from the mirror. "What do you want?" She tiredly asked.

"Is that what you're opening with?" The Searing in the mirror asked. "Not freaking out over a talking reflection?"

"I'm hungry and I've been living with Discord for a few months. This is not the strangest thing I've seen. Now get to the point before I leave to get some cold pizza."

"Have you considered just leaving Crystal Prep?" The reflection teasingly asked. "There's nothing stopping you from spending the day somewhere else, having fun and, shall we say, enjoying yourself? Winning, perhaps?" The suggestion came with an eyebrow waggle. "Discord certainly wouldn't mind."

Searing considered her reflection's words. "Keep talking."

The reflection smirked as the warm clothes changed to the more form fitting athletic clothes Searing wore in the gym before it got cold. "With a body like this, who could possibly turn you down? Perfect chest, hourglass figure, lovely hips, and incredible legs, all highlighted with a luscious layer of lean muscle. If you were a looker as a unicorn before, you would be a model every filly would aspire to be like now. You could even get Yang."

"I'm going to get that cold pizza now," Searing said with the textbook example of a disinterested tone.

"Noooooooo!!!!!!" The reflection's shout faded to nothing as Searing left the bathroom and turned off the light.

When Searing arrived downstairs, she saw that the living room was festively decorated. There was a tree, covered in lights and glittery things, topped with a sparkling star that looked like Princess Celestia's cutie mark. Garland ran around the room. Little Santa models were placed on numerous surfaces. There was a lit fireplace she knew wasn't there the night before. Right outside, a snowstorm was raging.

Since she'd seen similar stuff around town for the last two months, Searing knew it was Christmas. "Discord!"

Discord popped his head out of the tree, a clearly fake white beard on his face and a floppy red and white hat on his head. "Yes, Searing?"

"Did you do all this?"

The chaos spirit rolled his eyes. "So much for the magic of Christmas." He opened the tree like a door and stepped out, dressed like Santa. At the same time, a number of presents tumbled out. Most were badly wrapped while some were neatly wrapped, and Searing could swear that they landed to spell '4U'. "Go ahead and open them."

Searing grabbed one of the smaller ones and tore it open, letting the black and light blue item unfold in her grasp. "Really? A swimsuit at this time of year?"

Discord was smiling like a loon. "I know, right? It's perfect!"

"I guess I'll accept it. Swimming's coming in a few months anyways." Searing folded it up, set it aside, and would have moved on to a smaller, more rigid gift, if not for a huge box suddenly falling in front of her. "What?"

"This one's from Eris and your double," Discord explained. "I may or may not have tweaked the stuff inside a bit."

Searing tore the gift open with subpar enthusiasm. Inside were a whole bunch of packages she couldn't read, but did recognize thanks to her counterpart. "Kamen Rider 01 stuff?"

"All the DX toys. Belts, weapons, and progrise keys."

"I guess you made it all able to actually work like it does in the show?"

"Not here. Just wait until you get back to Equestria, though. That's where the fun will really come to light."

Searing smiled at the implied promise of the gear working. Her counterpart had shared all of the show with her, so she already knew how to use it. "So much gear. . ." She started daydreaming about going into a fight with the Shining Assault Hopper form equipped. She wasn't stuck in an arena with a hundred armored raging minotaurs. They were stuck in an arena with her.

"Hey, snap out of it!" Discord said with a light smack across Searing's distracted face.

"Ah! Hey!"

One snap later and all the 01 stuff vanished. "Clearly, you can't handle that right now. You will get it back later."

"Awww. . ."

"How about, oh, something from home?" Discord handed her an envelope with Yang's emblem on it.

Searing tore the envelope open and found a 200 bit gift certificate to the Carne Den. "How did you. . . This is legitimate, right?"

"1,000% legitimate. You would not believe how tough the negotiation process was."

Discord walked up to the bar and sat down. "I'd like to get a 200 bit gift certificate, please."

"Okay." Yang, covering the bar for the time being, accepted 200 bits from Discord and gave him the gift certificate. "Anything else?"

"Apple cider with some Bloody Marey mixed in and a fruit assortment on top in a martini glass. Stirred, not shaken."

Yang set a plain glass of smoked ice in front of him. "No. Not after the last time you got that."

"Oh come on! It was one time, and the walls were back to normal by sunrise!"

Searing set the gift certificate with the swimsuit and moved on to the small gift she was after earlier. She carefully opened it and found a brand new phone, along with a case and stylus for it. "Oh, this is cool!"

"It has been bestowed with U N L I M I T E D high speed data," Discord said in a sagely manner. "Can't say the same for the battery, though. Now, let's go over the. . ." Searing was sitting in a chair, looking over the instruction manual and not paying any attention to him. "You're not even interested in the rest of your presents, are you?"

"I'll get to them later." She got the phone into its case, emblazoned with her cutie mark, and turned it on. A smile came across her face as it activated, and she started playing with it. "Now, what to do. . ."

Thanks to her double, she knew a bit about how to navigate a phone. She checked her contact list and saw a few entries already there. Discord wasn't surprising, Eris made sense, but Other Searing was the one that jumped out at her. A text message would have been promptly sent, but Searing didn't have much experience, so it took a minute for her to carefully type out her message.

A longer response came back seconds later, and thus Searing started down the path of the phone.

It took over an hour for the two to bring the conversation to an end. When Searing looked up, she saw Discord asleep on the floor in a doghouse made of the gifts she hadn't opened. She took a picture before quietly going upstairs to her room, bringing her swimsuit and gift certificate along. "And now it's a tropical beach theme," Searing noted. Her bed was now a hammock strung between two swaying palm trees, and a hidden speaker was constantly playing the sounds of waves and seagulls.

After putting the gifts she had opened on her coconut scented desk, Searing found her heavier winter clothes and started layering up. She was going to go for a walk.

The snowstorm, thankfully, was brief, and ended before Searing reached her destination. She knocked on the door and waited.

Mr. Trender opened the door. "Searing! What a pleasant surprise. Come in."

"Thank you." Searing entered the humble home and, within seconds, was under assault by happy dog kisses. "Buddy! Buddy! Yeah, I'm happy to see you too, but please stop."

"So, how's your Christmas Day been?" Mr. Trender asked as he went to the kitchen.

Searing finally got Buddy to back off a bit with the power of ear scratches. "I got a phone in my presents. It's nice."

"It took until Christmas for you to get a phone? How have you lasted this long without one?"

"Pretty well, all things considered. Routines, plans, and no desire to deviate."

"Sounds rather boring, to be honest. You want a hot chocolate?"

Searing was about to answer when her stomach spoke instead. She hadn't gotten around to the cold pizza and was hungry.

"How about some warm food too?" Mr. Trender asked.

"Thanks." A couple minutes later, Searing was presented with a hot chocolate and a big fluffy omelette filled with cheese, meat, meat, more meat, and a few veggies. It was far better than the pizza she had been planning on before.

When the clouds parted hours later, Searing decided it was just about time to head home. She wanted to get some exercise in before leaving, and decided to shovel the snow off of Mr. Trender's sidewalk and driveway. It was also just a nice thing to do, especially for the time, conversation, and warm food he gave her.

She had finished the sidewalk and was halfway done with the driveway when a random woman walked up to her. "Hey, why are you out here shoveling snow?" She rudely asked.

"Uh, because I want to?" Searing answered. "Why do you care?"

"Girls should not be out in the cold shovelling snow. That is a job for a man."

Searing was quiet for a few seconds as some gears started clicking, and a question came to mind. "So, why are you out here?"

"I'm part of the women's empowerment movement. Power to the ladies! Surely, you can get behind that?"

Mr. Trender poked his head out the front door. "Is everything okay, Searing?"

"Just fine, Mr. Trender," Searing said before turning back to the stranger. "You talk of an empowerment group? I'm the president of the student council at Crystal Prep."

"Then surely you know how tough it is to get to that position, right? Wouldn't it be easier if the guys got out of the way? If they saw you as more than just a pretty face and attractive body?"

"Are you trying to make a point or an offer? Because I'm getting tired of listening to you, I have a shovel, and I have some solid muscles to back it up."

"Just think of how much nicer life would be if the boys and men, guys in general, lived only to serve girls and women. It would be a wonderf-hrk!"

Searing pulled the woman closer with a tight grip on her collar. "You listen to me, you idealogue-" Searing hoped she used the word correctly. "-My name is Searing Victory. I have a talent for winning. If you try to push that kind of garbage on me, or try to get me to be a figurehead for your so called empowerment movement, you will get burned." Her grip loosened just a bit.

"B-but you would be adored by everyone!"

A few pieces came together. "So you came to recruit me because I look good?"

"Visuals are a very important part of-hrk!"

Searing tightened her hold again. "Weren't you saying the opposite thing just a minute ago? That guys shouldn't see me as just a pretty face and an attractive body? And yet you want me to join your cause just for that?"

"It's different because I'm a woman," the woman said through the tight grip on the collar.

Searing considered the argument for a whole second, and another whole second later, presented her clever rebuttal. "So?" When the woman's only response was an owlish blink, Searing continued. "If I punch you, and I really, really want to, would the fact that a girl did it be any different than if a guy did it? Or if anything was different?" She let go of the woman's collar. "Now get going or I will punch you."

The woman backed up. "You're being very unreasonable about this."

"I could say the same thing to you." Searing took a step towards her and the woman backed up. "Look at that. You learned something! Slow clap! Let me give you another lesson." After ending the slow clap, Searing got a shovelful of snow from the driveway and flung it at her. "Now get going." The snow covered woman gave Searing a cold glare as she left.

Mr. Trender started clapping from the front porch. "Not bad, Searing. You countered her points very well. The promise of physical force probably helped too,"

"Thanks, Mr. Trender." Searing let out a sigh. "I'll just finish this up and head home." She promptly got back to work. "Seriously, who does that on Christmas?" She muttered under her breath. "Nopony would ever think of doing that in Ponyville. Probably. Sweet Celestia, I miss that place."

Searing arrived home to Discord lounging on the couch with a bowl of what looked like shaped mac and cheese, watching something on TV. "Did you have a good walk?"

"Yeah, it was alright," Searing said as she went up to her room. It was still themed after a tropical beach, and her remaining presents were piled up in the corner. Also of note, her swimsuit was laying on the hammock. After tossing it aside and laying down, she pulled out her phone and started researching swimsuits. She'd never worked up the courage to ask anyone about them and their importance.

After the research, Searing still didn't fully understand the importance of swimsuits, but she did understand that not wearing anything while swimming was only acceptable in a very very niche area, which she wasn't in. If she was honest with herself, and she had no reason to lie to herself, she couldn't see herself going anywhere without clothes as a human.

Above so many other things though, she missed being a unicorn. Even with the regular gym trips, it felt like she still wasn't as durable as she was before the trip. She missed her magic. She missed the simpler world she had travelled and grown up in. There was one material thing she dearly missed, though. "What I wouldn't do for some of Yang's cooking," she muttered to the ceiling.

Author's Note

It is a little out of season, but the alternative would be waiting for a few months and I don't feel like doing that.

Prom Night

Searing, in a fancy dress, sat at a fancy table in a fancily decorated fancy place. It was prom, and as President of the student council, she had to attend. As much as she liked the finality of it, that her sentence at Crystal Prep was over, that she could finally, possibly, go back to Equestria, she also realized that she would miss some friends she had made.

"Well, look who's being a big bundle of joy," Midnight said as he took his spot next to her. "I thought you would be more excited about prom, honestly."

"It's just an endpoint," Searing replied, full of boredom. "I was hoping things would be quiet, but Babbling just HAD to get in my face as soon as I showed up."

"You handled it quite well."

"Only because I came up with a bit about Cultural Appropriation vs Cultural Appreciation. What kind of problem does she have with me wearing a Chinese dress?"

Midnight shrugged. "She was probably just going after you for some kind of last minute dig. By the way, I've heard rumors about there being two of you." He checked a notification that suddenly appeared on his phone. "Well, speak of the devil. I just got a picture of a girl at Canterlot High's prom that looks just like you. Same dress, even. Inverted colors though."

"Yep. Her idea, not mine."

"And just like that, rumor confirmed. How long have you known her?"

"No answer."

"No further questions, then." Midnight looked over the dancing graduates. "Are you going to go out there?"

"No."

"Are you suuuure?"

"Yes. I made my speech and I just want it to be done."

"I wouldn't call it much of a speech, really."

Principal Cinch stood at a microphone. "-and now, I present the President of the student council, Searing Victory!"

Searing walked onstage and stood at the microphone, Midnight next to her. "Thank you, Principal Cinch." She turned to the students, many of whom were taking pictures of her in her black and silver satin dress. "I will keep this speech simple and honest, like the policies I put in place." Searing took a second to clear her throat for effect. "Everybody have fun tonight. Enjoy yourselves. Or don't. It's your call. Thank you."

Principal Cinch blinked owlishly as the two walked past her and off to their designated table.

"Fair enough, but I've been sitting here bored for at least an hour-"

"Your speech was only fifteen minutes ago."

Searing buried her head in her hands. "How long do I have to be here?"

"They have about four more hours of stuff planned."

A quiet groan of frustration came from Searing. "I've made my speech, I'm not interested in the refreshments, I don't want to dance. . . Tell me at least one good thing, Midnight."

"Your simplification agenda definitely got under Principal Cinch's skin. Especially the changes to the operational procedures of the student council. It could be that she decides to get rid of it entirely."

"But your plan to get Dean Cadence to replace her didn't work out, did it?"

"Nope. Maybe someone else down the road will be able to do it."

"Could be." Searing glanced at the clock. "Hey, if I left early, do you think anyone would care?"

"Oh, I'm sure some people will notice, and there will definitely be those that care. But then again, what do you care?" Searing's resolve firmed up at that question, an idea formed, and she got her phone out of her clutch. "You know, for being so new to technology, you've picked up on it pretty quickly."

"Shut up, Midnight." It wasn't long before a text conversation was started up and a plan was formed. "If you're going to have fun here, you go ahead and do it. I'm leaving."

Principal Cinch, per the law of dramatics, walked by as the statement was made. "I'm sorry, Searing, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that. You are the President of the student council, and the student body seems to really like you. It would be a shame for them if you just walked out with no explanation."

Searing quickly returned fire. "And who's going to stop me? You?"

"Surely, you wouldn't want to disappoint anyone here, no?"

"If I stay, I'm going to disappoint myself, and a self-disappointing President would inspire less confidence than one that leaves on her own terms, right? I want everyone to have fun tonight. Put the school politics behind us, move on, and-"

"If I, the faculty member with the most authority, has to stay and supervise, so too does the student with the most authority. Besides, it's traditional."

"She makes some good points, Searing," Midnight said from behind his phone. "Whatever will you do?"

"And what have I done that's traditional?" Searing calmly asked. "I showed up in the senior year with no idea what anything was, and yet I got good grades in the end. I didn't have a phone until Christmas. I cut back on the rules and regulations from the student council instead of further adding to and complicating them. And I won the debate that got me the title of President. All that from an English girl who had never even seen a shopping mall when she got here. With that kind of record, what makes you think I'll follow the supposed tradition of staying through the whole prom?" Searing got up and made the walk to the exit.

Principal Cinch stopped her again. "How about this? If you can tell me one surprising thing about any of the notable students that are graduating, I'll let you leave."

"Hmm. . ." Searing thought back for a bit before coming up with an answer. "After the Friendship Games, I went with the soccer team and cheerleaders to celebrate their victory at Dairy Queen, mostly because I wanted something sweet after sleeping through the games. The captain was buying, with cash, and I tested myself by figuring out the change before the cashier entered anything, at my request. No calculator."

"And what's so surprising about this tale?"

"I got it right. He didn't."

Principal Cinch scoffed at the story. "Surely you jest. Any student of mine should be able to do that with no problem. There are more complicated things in all the math classes, after all."

"I have a recording." Searing got her phone out, found the video, and showed it to Principal Cinch.

"Your total is $115.47, please," the cashier said.

Just as the captain handed over six twenties, Searing stepped in. "Hold on a moment. I want to figure out the change first." A moment later, after a bit of muttering to herself, Searing had her answer. "$4.53."

The captain scoffed at that. "No way. It's $5.53 in change."

The cashier double checked the money to see if there were any bills he missed. After confirming there weren't, he entered the numbers. "And the moment of truth!" One dramatic key press later proved Searing right and left the captain confused.

Principal Cinch was left confused. "I. . . What? That doesn't make sense."

Searing reclaimed her phone. "You're surprised about a notable graduating student, I won, I'm leaving." Without another word, she left the fancy room.

A slow clap followed her. "Excellent work, Searing. Surely, that will be burned into Principal Cinch's memory for quite a while."

"I hope so." Towards the end of the hall, they came across a bored Dean Cadence, who was busy playing a game on her phone at the podium by the entrance. "Hey."

"Searing?" All traces of boredom turned into surprise. "You left the prom. . . I don't know why I'm surprised."

"Yeah. I decided to get milkshakes with a friend. She should be here any moment."

A moment later, a car pulled up and the silver and black clad driver came in. "Hello, Searing."

"So you got bored at your prom too, Searing?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked as she walked up. "I was on the verge of falling asleep when I texted you."

"Your text actually woke me up at mine," Human Searing said. "Go figure."

"Are you two twins? Seriously?" Dean Cadence asked.

Both Searings turned towards her. "It's just your imagination," they said at the same time.

Cadence was a little freaked out, to say the least. "Yeah. . . Hey, mind if I join you? I have, quite literally, nothing to do here and my husband has the car." Both Searings looked at each other, shrugged, and decided Cadence and Midnight could join them.

Midnight, in the back with Cadence, asked a question. "Hey, since I have both of you here, I just have to ask: do any skills one of you learn copy to the other?"

"Don't ask me to use chopsticks," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "I can't pick anything up with them and she can eat ice cream with the things."

"So there's no mystical twin connection or anything like that?"

"It's a cosmic coincidence," Human Searing said. "Any other questions?"

"Why was I not told about this, Searing?" Cadence asked. "Crystal Prep one."

Not-Unicorn Searing shrugged. "I didn't see any reason to tell you. Also, you never asked."

"Oh."

"Hm?" Human Searing slowed down and went to a Ruby Tuesday parking lot. "Huh."

"What?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

"Principal Celestia's car is here." She parked next to the modest light gold car in question.

The quartet got out and, led by Human Searing, went inside. The place wasn't busy, and she found both Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna at the bar, their backs to them. The doubles and their guests joined them.

Celestia looked to her right. "Hello, Searing."

Luna looked to her left. "Hello, Searing."

Celestia and Luna heard each other, then looked past each other and promptly doubled down on the double takes before double checking their non-alcoholic drinks double time.

"I assure you, it's just your imagination," Midnight said from Luna's side of the group. "They are totally different from each other."

"Who are you, anyways?" Luna asked. "I recognize Searing."

"Over here, Vice Principal," Human Searing said from Celestia's side.

"My name is Midnight Stroll, Vice President of the Crystal Prep student council," Midnight said. "The President, Searing Victory, is right here."

"I'm Cadence, Dean of Crystal Prep," Cadence said.

"So, why are you two here?" Human Searing asked. "We were just going to get milkshakes when I saw Principal Celestia's car here."

"Isn't Crystal Prep's prom still going on?" Luna asked. "They usually go until midnight."

"I got bored," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "It only took, what, fifteen minutes?"

"Approximately," Midnight supplied. "Hey, Searing?"

"Yes, Midnight?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

"I have an idea. . ."

Babbling Brooke, wearing a flowing water themed dress, was laughing it up with her friends and cohorts, especially the student council that Searing had so insulted with her rule slashing. "And look at that!" She said, gesturing to the empty table reserved for the President and Vice President. "They're not even here! They care so little for prom, they left. Who will the students turn to for-" Babbling's phone chirped. "Huh? I wonder what it is." She picked up her phone and checked the message. "What the? OH COME ON!"

Everyone gathered around to see the message from Midnight. "Hope you're having fun. We are." Attached to the message was a picture of him, Searing, Luna, Celestia, another Searing, and Cadence at a bar, all with milkshakes and grins.

"Why are there two Searings in the picture?" Someone asked.

"Must be an edited picture," Babbling concluded. "There's no way that-"

"No, there are two Searings," one of the cheerleaders said. "For real. It's what we've been saying all along."

"Then how come nobody got any pictures until now? Why couldn't we. . . She wasn't acting during the debate at all! It's the only explanation. The rumors were true."

And just like that, Babbling's night would be filled with introspection and fruit punch. So much fruit punch.

"Haven't gotten a response yet," Midnight said long after the shakes were finished off. "She'll probably reply at some point. So, Canterlot Searing, why did you fall asleep at your prom?"

"I was bored and didn't have any of my drawing materials," Human Searing said. "Didn't really want to dance. Wasn't feeling the mood, either." She turned to her school officials. "Why are you two here?"

"Truthfully?" Luna started. "Everyone was behaving very well, and we felt that, being young adults, they could celebrate responsibly. And we were bored."

"You can only keep up the celebratory mood for so many proms before they start to blend together," Celestia added. "Sure, the students are different every year, but. . ." She sighed into her empty glass. "Routine hosting gets to you, eventually. I remember my prom, and it was fun. But through all the lenses of hosting so many for so long, it's lost its luster." Celestia turned to Cadence. "Why are you here?"

"Nothing to do but stand at a podium in the hall, and my husband has the car," Cadence said. "Since Searing and Midnight managed to leave, they must have stunned Principal Cinch somehow. She loves keeping the valuable students at the proms."

"Video of the soccer captain not being able to figure out change at Dairy Queen while I got it right," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "No calculators."

Luna took her turn to sigh into her empty glass. "'Tis a sad fact of reality these days. Over a decade and half of education and there are graduates from our schools that can't balance their finances. I would love to bring those kinds of home economic classes back, and make them a mandated part of Canterlot High's curriculum. Cooking, cleaning, home improvement and maintenance. Reading an instruction manual. Celestia, please give our Searing a hug for me for not being one of those clueless types." Celestia did as was asked. "Thank you. What would it take to get that sort of plan in place?"

"Privatizing," Cadence said. "Of course, there's a whole lot of other stuff that goes with that. Admission fees, standards, communication with other schools, and so many other things."

"Sounds like you've done some research," Midnight said. "Are you thinking of becoming the Principal of Crystal Prep?"

"Well. . . It would be nice. How about we get some real food while we're here?"

Later on, Human Searing brought Not-Unicorn Searing home. "So you'll be leaving soon, huh?"

"So I've heard," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "I'm going to miss you."

"Yeah, I'll miss you too. Hey, do you think I'll be able to visit your world sometime? I'd love to meet Yang."

"She is pretty cool. I'll talk to Discord about it. I'll stay in touch as long as I can. See ya."

"See ya." Not-Unicorn Searing got out and waved as Human Searing drove off. Once the car was out of sight, Not-Unicorn Searing went inside. "I'm home, Discord."

"Well, it's about time." Discord ominously spun around in a chair that wasn't designed to spin and looked at Searing. "Wait a minute. . ." A full minute later, Discord seemed to realize something. "You're home early."

"So?" It wasn't long before he was up close, sniffing her. "What?"

"Did you. . . Have dessert before your meal?" Discord sternly asked.

"Yeah. So?"

Discord's mood shifted dramatically. "Oh, my little Searing Victory is growing up!" He pulled her into a hug. "You finally had a meal out of order. I'm so proud of you!"

Searing sighed and didn't return the hug. "Gee, thanks for the praise. Can I just go to my room and imagine burning all my school supplies?"

"A bit sour about that, are we?"

"A bit." Searing walked out of the hug and went upstairs.

A moment later, Discord, who hadn't undone the hug, fell forwards with a crash. "I'm okay!"

Searing, naturally, ignored him and went into her room, which looked like it was still under construction. She went straight to her scaffolding themed bed and lay down. The finality of her time in this world was really starting to come into view, and she could only wonder what everypony's reaction to her reappearance would be.

Author's Note

It's a sad fact of reality these days that being able to figure out change without a calculator can impress college students. Not anything advanced, just basic addition and subtraction. I speak from personal experience on that.

So Long, Farewell

Searing went downstairs when she smelled a breakfast pizza. On the other side of the island was Discord, as usual. Unlike usual, and oddly enough for a chaos spirit, there was something different about him. "Discord?" Searing asked as she put a slice of breakfast on a plate.

"Yes, Searing?"

"Why are you wearing a wig that looks like Princess Sparkle's mane?"

"Isn't it obvious, Searing?" Discord took a bite of the crust of his slice. "I need to channel her essence in order to make a checklist for you."

"What for?"

"Today is our last day here. We leave at sundown."

"Alright! Unicorn body, here I come!" A tangentially related question came to mind. "Say, where did you get that wig?"

Twilight walked into her bathroom in the middle of the night with a severe magical headache from one intense experiment too many. She saw her maneless head and blearily groaned as she looked through the medicine cabinet for something to help with the pain. The missing mane could be dealt with later, after she got a good long night's sleep. 3 PM sounded like a good time to wake up.

"I have my sources," Discord dismissively said. "Anyways, you'd better get packing. Don't want to leave anything valuable behind, after all."

"And what about the rest of the day?"

"Chill, relax, do whatever you want. I strongly recommend you pack up all your clothes. You may want them later."

"Yeah okay sure." Searing wolfed down the rest of her slice of breakfast pizza and ran back upstairs. Her room now looked like it came out of an airport check in area. For once, she didn't care what it looked like. There were empty suitcases laying open on her bed, just waiting to be filled. Instead of working on packing immediately, she got her phone and made a call.

"Hello?" A familiar English accented voice tiredly answered.

"Searing, today's my last day here," Not-Unicorn Searing said.

All exhaustion disappeared from the other side. "When do you leave?"

"Sundown."

"I'm coming over."

"When are you-" Searing looked at her quiet phone. "She hung up on me."

Not-Unicorn Searing, freshly showered and wearing her workout clothes, opened the bathroom door and saw Human Searing. "How long have you been there?"

"About five minutes," Human Searing answered. "Let me help you pack up."

"Thanks." They made the short walk to Not-Unicorn Searing's room and promptly got to work. "So, do you have any ideas for what to do after this?"

"Well, I was thinking of an endurance competition with some workouts, but it's your call."

"Hmmm. . ." Not-Unicorn Searing found her kimono and put it on, looking more like her double. "You know, I want to fight something. Are there any dojos we can raid around here?"

"If you're willing to take an hour long train ride, we can go to Little Tokyo."

"What's that?"

Human Searing thought for a bit. "Think of it like a Japanese cultural town. Eris only let me go once in a while, mostly because of school. But now that school's out, we can go."

"So, dojo raid is a go?"

"Dojo raid is a go. But first, packing."

On the train, Not-Unicorn Searing fell asleep on Human Searing's shoulder. Human Searing took a break from drawing in her sketchpad to take a selfie of the moment. Once she had a satisfactory picture, she went back to her drawing of a unicorn in battle.

Human Searing was awake and alert as soon as she stepped off the train. "Alright, where's our first dojo?"

"Before we get started, there's one thing we have to get."

"Can't be lunch, so what is it?"

"Different kimonos. Smaller ones that we can fight in more easily. I realized it on the way here."

"I yield to your reasoning," Not-Unicorn said with a sigh. "Let's get it over with."

One trip later, and the two had matching white short skirted kimonos with cherry blossom prints. Human Searing, by coincidence, also had her workout clothes on under her kimono. As a result, they looked fully identical.

"So, what's our real first stop?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

Human Searing checked her phone. "The Kirakil Dojo. All women, open to challengers, and I informed them of our challenge. It's just down the street."

"Sweet."

"And now, presenting the challengers!" An announcer said to those watching in person and online. "A tag team duo that wishes to face the whole Kirakil Dojo. Students, Sensei, and janitor alike. Unfortunately, the janitor isn't here right now. Instead of telling you about them, I'll let them introduce themselves."

Two pocket doors were slammed open simultaneously by Searing Victory and Searing Victory, standing side by side. "My name is Searing Victory," the left one said.

"And my name is Searing Victory," the right one said.

They struck a mirrored pose. "And I will live up to my name!" They called out at the same time.

"Standard rules will be applied," the announcer stated. "Any style is permitted. Chasing a retreating opponent is not permitted. All participants have one and only one retreat. Dirty moves will bring NO HONOR! Begin!"

Both Searings ran at their dozen opponents and were soon in the thick of it. They moved with great efficiency and speed, tossing opponents left and right. Some tosses went to the floor, but some landed one person on another.

After a mere two minutes, only the Sensei was left, and she was a tougher opponent. Eventually, her focus was stuck on one Searing for long enough that she could be suplexed by the other.

"And the twins have done it!" The announcer announced. "Call me crazy, but I don't think they got hit."

"Agh," one Searing said as she massaged a spot on her shoulder that had gotten hit. "That stings."

"Okay, not many hits. Still, quite impressive." The announcer turned to the challengers. "Ladies, the receptionist will have your reward."

"Thank you," the other Searing said.

Out in the foyer, the receptionist handed each Searing a coupon for two free mochi balls at a local mochi ball place. They thanked her and left.

"Phew," Human Searing said as she started checking her phone again. "That was. . . Actually pretty fun."

"It is a thrill," Not-Unicorn Searing agreed. "It's very different from fighting minotaurs as a unicorn, though. You got another one lined up yet?"

"One moment. . . And there we go. The Gurragan Dojo is next."

One triumphant challenge later

"Whoo! We're on a winning streak!" Not-Unicorn Searing cheered.

"Two consecutive victories is not a winning streak," Human Searing replied. "We should rest and get some lunch."

"Nah. We can handle a third one, and we will win!"

Human Searing sighed. "If you say so." She looked over the list of dojos and found one. "The Wanpan dojo is available and close by."

"Sweet!"

The third match did not go well. Human Searing got beaten very quickly, and Not-Unicorn had an opponent in her grasp when her stomach didn't so much grumble as it did roar. It brought the match to a halt and brought Not-Unicorn Searing down.

"I told you," Human Searing said from the sideline. "We concede!" She called as she went in and picked up her counterpart. "We accept this defeat."

"I refuse. . ." Not-Unicorn weakly stated. "I won't be beaten by hunger. . ."

"Apologies for this." Human Searing punched Not-Unicorn Searing's gut.

"Oof!" Not-Unicorn Searing lost the rest of her strength with the one move, but thanks to Human Searing holding her up, she only slumped instead of falling. "Okay. . . You made your point. . ."

With a few polite words, Human Searing thanked the dojo's members, adjusted her hold, and left with her counterpart draped over her shoulder. After collecting their items, Human Searing left and started walking somewhere with intent.

A few minutes later, Human Searing put Not-Unicorn Searing down in a chair at the Path of Heaven ramen cart. "Two heavenly bowls, please," she said as she sat down.

"Gladly," the cart owner said. In a matter of minutes, he had the two bowls out in front of the identical girls. "Here you go."

Not-Unicorn Searing seemed to perk up at the smell of the ramen almost a full minute later. "That smells good."

"Eat up." Human Searing put a fork in Not-Unicorn Searing's hand. "We're not challenging another dojo today."

"But-"

"No, and that's final." Human Searing skillfully went at her ramen bowl with her chopsticks, and was soon deep in the flavor with a smile. "Mmmmm!!!!! This is worth living for!"

"Thank you," the cart owner said.

Not-Unicorn Searing started on her ramen and soon discovered the miraculous flavor. "What she said!"

"Thank you," the cart owner repeated.

Both Searings left the cart with nearly full stomachs, wanting only their free mochi balls for dessert. Thankfully, it was a ten minute walk, so there was time for them to work up a bit of extra room for the sweets.

As soon as they went into the mochi ball place, Not-Unicorn Searing said, "I don't think Yang would like being in here for too long. It's a bit chilly."

"Maybe you could get them for her?" Human Searing teasingly asked as she got the coupons.

"Yeah. Wait, no, I mean-"

Human Searing chuckled at Not-Unicorn Searing's reaction. "Relax, Searing. Just look over the flavors and make your choice."

Between the identical girls, they picked out a whole rainbow of flavors and colors, buying four more of the small desserts on top of the eight free ones they'd earned. They took their time to share and enjoy the sweets, not only to savor the flavor, but also to actually eat them all. The ramen had taken up more stomach space than they had expected.

When they left, they were painfully full (painfull, if you will), and were groaning. "We should have held off a bit," Human Searing said.

"Yeah," her counterpart agreed. "Hey, what's our budget?"

"Well. . ."

"I'm going to go to Searing's, mom!" Human Searing said as she approached the door to the garage. "She's leaving at sundown!"

A credit card embedded itself in the solid wood door inches from Searing's face. "Use that and have fun doing whatever you want. Make it memorable. Adieu!"

". . .No? Yes?"

Not-Unicorn Searing gave a nonplussed look. "No limit?"

"No limit."

"Shopping spree?"

"Shopping spree."

One legendary shopping spree later

"Hey, Searing?"

"Yeah, Searing?"

"Do you think we should unbox this stuff and get rid of the packaging to lighten things a bit?"

"No. . ." Searing looked at their numerous items. "Not all of it. Maybe we could get rid of the internal packaging on the bigger items, then stick the smaller related items in with them, maybe some thin books too."

"Let's use that empty table."

One legendary tetris game later

"Oh wow. We got, what, twelve bags down to four?"

"Very impressive." Searing checked her phone. "Sundown's in a few hours. Let's go."

"Alright."

Before the two went to Not-Unicorn Searing's place, they made a stop not far away. It was a particular fence, and Not-Unicorn Searing was at it in a moment, struggling to defend herself from a happy dog. "Hey, Buddy," she said. "I brought a friend along. Do you want to say Hi to her?"

Human Searing came around and saw Buddy. She joined her double at the fence and piled on the affection. "Aww, he's so friendly. Oh yes you are~"

Mr. Trender came out a moment later and had to rub his eyes at the sight of the two girls. "Searing?"

"Yes?" They asked in stereo.

"Why does it look like there's two of you?"

"Oh, there's only one of me," Not-Unicorn Searing said. "This is my double. I think I mentioned her once or twice. Searing, this is Mr. Trender. Mr. Trender, this is Searing."

"So I'm not hallucinating?"

"Nope," Human Searing said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Why are there two of you anyways?"

"Some kind of planned cosmic coincidence, I think. However that works."

"Huh. So, dare I ask why you've come to visit?"

Not-Unicorn Searing paused for a bit before answering. "Well. . . I'm leaving at sunset, and I just wanted to say bye. I know the idle talks weren't-"

"You say those talks weren't important and I'll smack you," Mr. Trender firmly interjected. "You were the reason for me to get out of my comfy chair more often, and I enjoyed the discussions. You were open to what I had to say, and you weren't afraid to talk back either. Remember what I said about respecting and listening to your elders?"

"It's a good idea, but I have my own life to live, too."

"Hey, Searing?" Human Searing asked.

"Yes, Searing?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked.

"Do you want me to visit him in your stead?"

"What did I just say?" Mr. Trender firmly asked.

"Uhm. . . Ehe. . . Respecting and listening to your elders is good, but I have my own life to live."

"And don't you forget it. Come on in and play with Buddy for a bit." Both Searings went through the gate and were more properly greeted by Buddy.

Not-Unicorn Searing left Human Searing to get attacked by doggy kisses while she found a good stick. "Hey, Buddy!" She had the dog's attention. "Go fetch!" She threw the stick towards the far fence and Buddy left to go get it.

"Is that dog always so happy?" Human Searing asked.

"I've never seen him sad."

"Well, that's-why did he bring the stick to me?" Human Searing gave up on the question, got the stick, and took her turn to throw it. "Well, happy dogs are always a good thing."

"And he also knows when to just be there," Mr. Trender added as Buddy brought the stick to Not-Unicorn Searing. "Sometimes, that's all you need."

Half an hour later, Searing opened the door to Discord's place. "We're back - hng!" She promptly got hit with a beam of magic in the exact precise middle of her collarbone and had to lean against the wall, hand over the impact site.

Discord walked up as he tossed a nerf gun to the side. "That, Searing, will allow you to switch between-"

"Wrong one!" Not-Unicorn Searing shouted as she went over to Human Searing. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine in a bit." Human Searing said between slow and steady breaths. "Tell me how it looks."

Not-Unicorn Searing slowly removed Human Searing's hand. "Uhm. . ."

"Is it bad?"

Not-Unicorn Searing took a picture and showed it to Human Searing. "That's what my cutie mark looks like."

"A gold trophy, blue ribbon, and wings of fire? Huh."

Discord turned Not-Unicorn Searing to face him and hit her with the same spell, leaving her with the same mark in the same spot. "Both of you can now switch between human and unicorn form, though I wouldn't recommend trying that just yet. Give the magic a few minutes to settle down."

"What about our clothes?" Not-Unicorn Searing asked once she got a grip on the pain.

"You really think I wouldn't think that far ahead?"

"Yes."

Discord swooned. "Oh, you wound me with your words! Terribly so!" Then he fell over, suddenly holding half of a BLT sandwich over his chest.

Both Searings looked at each other. Human Searing was confused while Not-Unicorn Searing simply shrugged.

When they looked back, Discord was sitting in a chair next to the body, poking it with a stick. "I think Discord is dead."

"Discord is dead?" Human Searing asked.

"I'm not about to go into that skit," Not-Unicorn Searing firmly said.

"Party pooper." Discord pulled the toothpick from the sandwich and the dead body deflated like a balloon, flying all around until it disappeared. "Anyways, the switch comes with a nifty little trick: anything you wear in one form disappears when switching to the other, then comes back when you switch back, just like when you changed."

"So if I go unicorn, I won't have anything on," Human Searing said. "But when I go back to human, I'll have the same clothes on, regardless of what happened?"

"Exactly! Just think of all the time you can save when travelling!"

"You can't wear a suitcase."

"Correction: you can't functionally wear a suitcase."

The gears clicked in Human Searing's head. "Discord, I will always be grateful for this god-tier lifehack."

"You are welcome. Now, go upstairs and double check everything one more time, then pack it up. You don't have long."

Both Searings ran upstairs with their loot and to the airport terminal themed bedroom. "Alright, let's see if I can do this." Not-Unicorn Searing found her magic, then the new magic Discord had granted her, and tapped it. She lit up with a bright blue glow and a moment later, was a unicorn again. She even had the saddlebags from the bunker on her. "It works!" Unicorn Searing happily exclaimed.

Human Searing pulled her into a hug. "You're so cute like this!"

"You do know you'll look like this when you figure out the same thing, right?"

"I don't care! And I can say I hugged a friendly unicorn now!" Human Searing let go of the hug and started laughing. "When did my life become so weird that I'm not even fazed by my double turning into a talking unicorn?"

"There are no unicorns I know of that can't talk." Unicorn Searing started levitating things around and repacking them to make room for her newest gains. "This is so much easier than packing by hand." She even took the saddlebags off so she could better appreciate her return to form. Human Searing was speechless as she watched the magic at work. It wasn't long before everything was packed away, and Unicorn Searing went back to her human form. "Mind helping me hold everything for a moment?"

"Oh, sure." Human Searing started on her assigned task, getting all the suitcases and bags on Not-Unicorn Searing's arms and in her hands. "What about the saddlebags?"

"Put them on me like a belt. Quickly." As soon as the saddlebags were on, Not-Unicorn Searing went back to Unicorn form, bereft of all her luggage. "That's cool."

"Yeah, it is. Hey, umm. . . Can I. . ?"

"Yeah, sure, you can get on my back."

Human Searing mostly held back a squee of excitement as she did just that.

Finally, it was sundown. Eris decided to show up just in time to say her farewells and get some pictures of Human and Unicorn Searing together. She also mildly berated Discord for accidentally giving Human Searing the ability to become a unicorn and sticking her with a permanent, well placed, and very cleanly designed tattoo.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later," Human Searing said to Unicorn Searing.

"Save the sap for the trees," Unicorn Searing retorted.

"Oh alright."

Discord put a hand between Searing's ears. "Time for us to go. Toodles!" With a vertical beam of magic, he took Searing up, up, and up until they landed on the moon. "Alright, we're stopping here for a moment."

"How am I breathing?" Searing asked.

"Magic, Searing. Now hold still." Discord turned back into his Draconequus form, snapped a shoulder length rubber glove onto his talon arm, and reached deep into Searing's ear. "Let's see, we do a bit of this, a bit of that. . . And there we go!" He pulled his arm out, then pulled the glove out and threw it away, littering on the moon.

The mare rubbed her ear to get the feeling of the extraction out. "What did you just do?"

"Well, if you must know, I simply put a little spell on you. All that luggage you've got with your human form is locked away for now."

"WHAT? But. . . That means my cannons are still locked away. . ." Sad Searing was sad.

"Relax. The lock will be undone when we get back to Equestria. By the way, you still have BPS, so we're not going back to Equestria."

"Awwww. . . Hey, what's that thing coming towards us?"

Discord turned and saw the incoming thing. "Oh, that's Desmond the Moon Bear. Hi, Desmond!"

"How did you get here?" Desmond asked.

"Welp, that's it. Joke's over, we're leaving." Discord and Searing teleported away with a snap.

Author's Note

Credit to mustangdrew4 for suggesting the farewell scene with Mr. Trender and Buddy.

The next stop will be so chaotic, it may even be heretical.

Surprise Warp Drive

"Okay, so where are we going now?" Searing had, after the initial freakout, mostly gotten over the fact that she was breathing in space. The fact that she was stuck in a gaudy, cheap, and clearly used covered wagon that Discord was pulling with a bicycle was more irritating than anything in comparison.

"Somewhere that I like to visit occasionally," Discord said as he rang the bell on the handlebar. "I just need to get to the right section of space."

"Just pick one! It's all empty space and we're between galaxies. Why does it matter?"

"Because of inexplicable and arbitrary reasons. The best kind. Ah, here we are." Discord came to a stop and knocked on the empty space. "Hey, chaos buddy! I brought a friend!"

"Ohohohohohohohohoho!" A high pitched spinning laughter sounded from the other side. "Come on i~n!"

Discord opened the empty space and pulled his unicorn travel buddy out of the wagon and into it. "Here we are. A realm of pure chaos! A realm where the strongest can fall and the weakest could change anything. Perhaps. My chaos buddy lives here, and is one of the strongest in the. . . Well, you can't really call it land, can you?"

"MY EYES!" Searing shouted as she looked at the surroundings, where landscapes melded and broke like clay, where the future affected the past in the present, where absolutely nothing made any sense.

"Audible sigh. Must I do everything?" Discord pulled out an eyedropper and dropped some liquid into Searing's eyes. "That better?"

"What. . . What am I looking at?" Searing shakily asked.

"The Warp, my dear. You'll get used to it soon enough."

A blue humanoid thing suddenly appeared. "Discord! It is so good to see you! Or it isn't. Maybe I'm hungry. Who knows?"

"Hi Tzeentch!" Discord happily greeted with an ocean wave, soaking only the unicorn. "Searing, this is a fellow chaos god. Fellow chaos god, this is Searing Victory."

Tzeentch didn't so much move as he did distort around to look at Searing. "Oooooh! A sapient unicorn! And she's quoting Sly Marbo too!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Hm, tone's all wrong. Still, A for effort."

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Cut her some slack, buddy," Discord said. "We haven't been here for long."

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Her head's not going to explode, right?" Tzeentch asked. "I'd hate to lose something precious like her."

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"Don't worry, amigo," Discord said with an Italian accent. "I already gave her the Gellar eyedrops. She won't be exploding from The Warp by itself anytime soon."

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

Tzeentch scrutinized the screaming mare. "Good set of lungs on this one. Can you stop her though?"

"If I must." Discord snapped a blindfold over Searing's eyes.

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. . . . . . . . That thing's still there, isn't it?" Searing asked as she calmed down a bit.

"Tzeentch is still here."

"But really, what even is 'here' anyways?" the Warp resident asked. "More importantly though; Discord, it's about time we settled the score."

"What score?" Searing asked.

"I agree," Discord said in an uncharacteristically serious tone. "How are we going to do it though?"

Tzeentch giggled? "Why so serious? It's just a children's card game." A deck of cards appeared next to him.

"I take my children's card games very seriously," Discord, sporting some marx glasses, a rainbow afro wig, and a polka dot jacket, seriously said as he produced a similar deck of cards.

"What about me?" Searing asked.

"Get a mecha throne, sit down, and watch," Tzeentch suggested. "Or listen. Or go for a walk. Or don't. Whatever you want, really."

"I. . . I guess I'll just float here."

"Excellent choice!"

"Who goes first, though?" Discord asked.

"Let's get someone else to decide that. Hey, Nurgle!" Searing carefully pulled her blindfold down just a bit, and was rewarded with the sight of a toothy green blob behind a cauldron of something that made her feel sick just looking at it. She quickly put the blindfold back on.

"WhAt Is It NoW, TzEeNtCh?" Nurgle tiredly asked.

"Discord or me. Who goes first in our game?"

"DiScOrD. I hAtE hIm LeSs ThAn YoU." Nurgle noticed Searing. "NiCe UnIcOrN yOu'Ve GoT tHeRe."

"No, Nurgle, she's not yours to play with," Discord said. "That honor belongs exclusively to me."

"Hey!" Searing shouted with righteous indignation.

"Oh. WeLl, FiNe ThEn," Nurgle said as he left. "SeE iF I iNvItE yOu To My NeXt PaRaSiTe PaRtY."

"Well, now that the plague isn't plaguing us anymore, let's play," Tzeentch said as he drew seven cards.

Discord, likewise, drew seven cards. "Hmm. . . I put down an Island first."

Searing suddenly heard waves, smelled tropical fruit, and felt damp sand beneath her hooves. She carefully levitated her blindfold off and saw that she, Discord, and Tzeentch were on an island, complete with attractive beachgoers and shorefront storefronts. "What the. . ." With nothing else to do, she went over to one of the drink bars and got herself a smoothie.

"I'll put one card face down for now, and then the Ace of Hearts." Searing turned at the sound of the summoning and was surprised to see Kamen Rider Chalice standing there. "And with that, I end my turn."

"Aaaaalrighty then." Tzeentch drew a card and snickered(?). "A good one. I'll save it for later. Not!" He put down a blue Reverse card. "I switch your Ace of Hearts over to my side." Chalice disappeared, then reappeared on Tzeentch's side. "Then I'll have him move two green spaces towards you." A card with two green squares was put down and Chalice moved along a squiggly prismatically paved path that was suddenly there. "Now, Discord, do you have any rrrrrrrrolling pins?"

"Go fish."

Tzeentch distorted a shrug. "Oh well." He drew a card. "Okay, your turn."

Discord drew a card. "Hmm. . ."

As Searing sipped her drink, she turned to the bartender. "Hey, what are they playing?"

"Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker Electric Boogaloo Part 5: Limited Purple Tomato Edition," the bartender said without missing a beat. "Also known as a children's card game."

"Are they the only ones who play it?"

"There's an emperor, one of his sons, and one of his retainers that also play a version of it. The retainer's even beaten Tzeentch once. Don't know who else plays, though."

"Let's up the ante, Discord," Tzeentch firmly stated as he put a card down some turns later. "We're making it an Ultra Game!"

"Fine by me!" Discord lifted a plate of freshly cooked steaks up into the air. "Loser spends a month in Ultramar!"

A synchronized gasp came from everyone on the beach. "Why is that so bad?" Searing innocently asked.

The bartender answered. "It may not be bad for you, but for them, it's a realm of pure order. The Ultramarines would tear them apart in a week if they showed up in that system."

"That is going to be fun to watch!" Tzeentch proclaimed. "Anyways, that ends my turn."

Discord drew a card. "I play Charmander!" A little orange bipedal lizard with a flame on the tip of its tail came out of a red and white ball on Discord's side. "Now I'll put down a Mountain." As soon as the red card was down, a mountain appeared in the middle of the island, oozing lava and smoke. "Now I will tap both of my lands-" time seemed to pause around Searing as everything went gray. "And I will evolve Charmander to its Mega Charizard X stage." The little orange lizard suddenly became a big, black dragon with blue flames and big claws.

"Hey, you can't just skip the Charmeleon and Charizard stages like that!"

"Check the card." Discord tossed the card to Tzeentch.

"Oooohhhh. Okay." Tzeentch tossed the card back.

"Now I attack your Rider with Dragon Claw!"

"Not so fast!" Tzeentch put down a three star monster, Mysterious Fridge, in its defense position. A normal white fridge appeared in front of Chalice, and as soon as Charizard was close, a bunch of alligators came out to bite down on it.

"I have no idea what's going on," Searing said.

Over an hour and three smoothies later, Searing had, against all odds, gotten bored watching Discord and Tzeentch play their game. The terrain had changed numerous times, a few attacks had gotten through to each player, leaving wounds that were obviously just colored construction paper taped on them, and there was litter all over the place.

"I'll take a mug of. . . Something," the unicorn said. "The good stuff."

"Aye!" The bartender put the requested drink on the bar for her. "Trying to pass out while they keep playing?"

"Nope." Searing chugged the mug's contents. Twenty seconds later, she slammed and broke the empty container on the counter. "I'm going to *hic* oooohhhhhh. . . I'm going to join their game!" Discord and Tzeentch, both with an army of all kinds of things that were completely out of scale with each other (or maybe they weren't?), were so focused on each other, they didn't notice Searing toss their imp bouncer into the ocean.

Searing drew seven cards from a deck that wasn't there a moment ago and looked them over. "I have no idea what I'm doing. . . I'll start with this." She put down a card and caught the chaos players' attention. "I play Armored Paratrooper Battalion!" A bunch of soldiers appeared above the field, dropping grenades into the field and shattering much of the armies. As they landed, they formed a circle, pointing their guns all around. "And a Go To Ultrajail card!" Her soldiers were suddenly in Ultrajail.

"What is she planning?" Tzeentch asked.

"I throw in a bucket of fishing snacks!" The bucket of fishing snacks appeared on the jail, and every enemy with an appetite started scrambling over each other to get to them. "Done."

Discord drew a card. "Well, I think I can work with this. I summon the Negative Event Word Sayers." A television crew with an attractive female host suddenly appeared at the jail, blathering on with all kinds of hateful words and messages. "Hmm. . . Alright. Searing, do you have any anchors that can counter mine? If not, things will be very bad for you."

"VENGEFUL ANCHOR!" Searing threw a card in Discord's direction.

Discord caught the card and looked at it. "This is just a bullseye."

"Dheeeeeeelmiiiiiiise!" The anchor pokemon flew out of the card and into Discord's face with a vengeance. Tzeentch couldn't help but giggle(?) like a maniac as the NEWS crew lost morale, their network's funding having been totally wrecked by the anchor.

"Well played, Searing," Discord said with a slow clap, somehow calm in spite of the attacking anchor.

"I have no idea what I'm doing!" Searing shouted as she totally ignored Tzeentch's turn and drew three cards. "And you, you mollusk, you're getting. . . Uhm. . . This volcano I can't pronounce!"

"I already have five mountains, but thank you," Tzeentch said. "What's your named one done?"

"I don't know! I play TORGUE!"

Mister Torgue High Five Flexington suddenly appeared. "WOOHOO! ADVENTURE! MEEDLY MEEDLY MOW! HEY, POP QUIZ: WHAT EXACTLY IS A VOLCANO? TIME'S UP! IT'S A MOUNTAIN THAT EXPLODES! KABOOM!" All of Tzeetch's volcanoes exploded at once.

"What? Nooooo!" Tzeentch was disappointed. "I was saving those!"

"Now I cast *hic* firing squad!" Searing announced as she lost her balance.

Three men in nice suits walked up to Tzeentch. "You're fired," they calmly said at the same time.

Tzeentch twitched around in irritation. "What? Noooooooo! Why?"

"Failure to show up to work on time, numerous dress code violations, scaring and confusing customers, obvious computer hacking for personal gain, pretending to be management, placing derogatory posters everywhere, and leaving the break room fridge door open."

"Hey, the seal on that door was already bad when I got there!"

"That doesn't matter." With surprising speed, they loaded Tzeentch into a cannon, then fired it.

"I'll get you back for thiiiiiiis!" Tzeentch shouted as he blasted off into The Warp.

Discord took his turn. "I play Automated Car and Reference Material!" The two cards summoned the Tridoron. "What will you do now?"

Searing got back to her hooves. "Seven of Spades!" She threw the card down.

Nothing happened.

They stared at it for a minute longer, and still nothing happened.

Tzeentch suddenly fell back in out of nowhere, Discord serving as the crash pad. "I'm back, little unicorn!"

"Ace of Spades!" Searing shouted as she threw the card at Tzeentch. "Times two!" Another card was thrown at him.

"What's that supposed to do?" Tzeentch waited as nothing happened.

A minute later, and still nothing happened.

Then Shovel Knight fell onto Tzeentch from above, quickly followed by an orange bearded Trolldier wearing a tall orange and white striped hat with a purple aura.

"I win!" Searing happily shouted. "Now both of you can go to Ultramar!"

"What? Nooooooooo!!!" The chaos entities shouted in perfect harmony as the mess disappeared and turned back into normal(?) Warp space.

"Then do something for me!"

"Nope!" Tzeentch noped out of the scene.

"Discord. . ."

Discord nervously tapped his fingers together. "Ummm. . ."

Searing got tired of waiting a few seconds later and decided to start fighting him.

"I hope you're feeling better," Discord said from his full body cast.

"Oh yeah," Searing smugly said as she inspected one of her forehooves.

"Now we just have to wait for me to heal and then we can go."

Several boring hours later

Discord leapt out of the cast, good as new. "Alright! Onwards, Searing!"

The mare was asleep, and didn't wake up at Discord's proclamation.

"Oh alright." He wrapped her up in a blanket that looked like a tortilla, then teleported away with his Searing Victory Burrito.

Author's Note

Children's card games can be so much fun, especially when consistency is thrown out the window.

Do What You Want

Searing woke up in a tight space, her human arms and legs pressed against her. Wherever she was, the place was rocking back and forth, smelled of wood and salt, and it was dark. "Discord?" She quietly asked, the question yielding no response.

With nothing better to do, Searing started feeling out her outfit. It wasn't a dress and there was no skirt, which was fine by her. Her upper legs were covered in well-fitted velvety material, and when she got to her knees, she found leather boots. A bit of confusion came over her when she tried to flex her foot, finding some odd resistance. With a bit of inspection, she found out why: her boots had thick heels, taller than the width of her palm. "How did anyone walk with these at prom?" Going up, she found a leather corset, laced up the front and fairly snug without being too restrictive. Under that was a shirt with a low neckline and long, light, poofy sleeves.

Once again, Searing was bored.

A few hours later, a parrot started talking right outside the hiding place. "Look here, look here!"

"Alright, alright," a gruff Scoltish male voice responded. One wall in Searing's little enclosure turned out to be a pair of doors, and when they were opened, Searing tumbled out. "Well well well, we have a stowaway lass onboard."

Searing looked up at the tall orange skinned pirate captain looming over her. "Ummm. . ."

"Give me a good reason to keep ye among me crew and not throw ye off at the first island we see."

"I can fight?"

"Can ye? Well, we'll see." He turned to the open door leading to the deck. "Oy, Jabberwock! We got a lass that thinks she can fight! See if she can, would ya?"

"Gladly!" Jabberwock called back.

The captain roughly pulled Searing to her feet. "Right, off to fight ya go." The ship rocked on a small wave and Searing fell sideways, letting her see the blue velvet leggings, black leather boots and corset, and loose white top she wore. "Come on, to your feet."

"I'm not used to these heels," Searing objected as she tried to get back on her feet. "Or boats."

"It's a ship, lass!" The captain vigorously corrected. "Not some wee little boat for crossin' a gentle fishin' lake. And how did ye sneak onboard with those boots when ye're unable to stand with them?"

Searing gave the first excuse that came to mind. "I had a strong drink, okay?"

"Just one? It must have been really strong." Searing worked to conquer both her heels and the rocking ship as the captain continued. "Still makes no sense. Eh, whatever. What's yer name, ye tall lass?"

"Sear-" an unexpected turn caught her off guard and made her stumble around. "Searing Victory. What's yours?"

"I'll tell ye if me crew deems ye worthy. All ye have to do is knock ol' Jabberwock to the deck." The sound of Searing falling to the floor punctuated the statement. "Not quite like that, though."

After a few minutes of silence and attempted stabilization, Searing finally noticed the parrot on the captain's shoulder. She was no ornithologist (and didn't know what ornithology was), but she was very certain birds didn't have mismatched patterns or eyebrows that they could waggle, but this one did. It even waved at her, and she stopped her stumbling around to stare at it. "Where did you get that bird?"

"Oh, lil' Dizzy here? He perched on me shoulder back at port and didn't leave. Friendly lil' guy. Why ye lookin' at 'im like he's the devil?"

"Umm. . . Never mind. Hey, do you mind if I go barefoot?"

"Only if ye like splinters in ye feet. Doesn't matter how much we smooth the floorboards, they always get like that. It has saved us from bein' raided a few times." He looked Searing over again as she stood there, staring at Dizzy. "Seems ye found your footing, lass. I thought it would take longer, honestly."

Searing's attention was caught. "Huh?" Another wave rocked the ship, and Searing found herself barely needing to think to keep her footing. She sent a glare at the parrot. "I'm keeping an eye on you, bird."

"Well, enough of that. Time to go fight Jabberwock."

Searing felt a pit in her stomach form as she looked at Jabberwock. He was a big, dark yellow skinned man that looked like he spent too much time in the mess hall and galley, but the way he carried himself spoke of his confidence. The crowd around them, all hatted men, were cheering, eager for the fight. The sail fabric under her feet did not go unnoticed.

"Rules are simple," the captain announced. "No weapons, and ye go until I say stop or someone's out. Nobody goes overboard. Go!"

Searing managed to get the first blow in when she scored a punch against Jabberwock's jaw. It only stunned him briefly, and seemed to excite him more than anything as he went on the offense, throwing punch after punch. Searing dodged the worst of it as she backed up, catching a couple glancing blows on the way.

Her confidence in her heels (not much, if we're being honest) fell greatly when a bunched up bit of the fabric underfoot slipped, causing her to fall onto her back. Jabberwock jumped, ready to flatten Searing. Searing saw the move coming and got her feet up just in time for her boots to make themselves known to his big gut. She strained under his weight and the shape of her footwear, but managed to get enough power to kick out, sending Jabberwock flying back and eliciting cheers from the audience.

"Alright, that's enough!" The captain called out as he stepped between the combatants. "I think I know the answer, but I have to make sure. All in favor of the lass staying with us?" A huge cheer came from the crowd. "And against?" Utter silence except for someone giving Jabberwock a hand back up. "Alright, it looks like I will have to give this some thought. I want one of ye to give her the tour while I do the thinking thing. Powder Keg, you do it. Bring 'er to me when you're done."

A man smelling of gunpowder and stylishly equipped with six pistols on his vest, four on his belt, four more on his thighs, and a musket on his back walked up to Searing. He got straight to the point. "Have you ever been on a ship before?"

"Not really, no," Searing answered. She'd travelled on them as a unicorn before, but only as a passenger, and that didn't seem relevant to what was going on.

"This is the main deck." Powder Keg pointed around as he pointed things out. "Bow's up front. The captain's cabin is back there. Above that's the wheel and poop deck." Searing couldn't help but snicker at the term. "If you need to relieve yourself, there's two outhouses at the back of the poop deck."

"That's. . . Oddly appropriate."

"It works well enough. If you look up the mast, you'll see the crow's nest. Let's go downstairs." Powder Keg went downstairs, Searing carefully following him. "This is the fun deck. Er, gun deck. It's where the heavy cannons are. We have two more decks below for supplies, treasure, and other stuff. Crew quarters are below the forecastle, officer's quarters are below the captain's quarters, galley and mess hall are under that. You'll learn the ways around easily enough, I'm sure. Anyways, back up to the Captain's quarters with you. Tour's done, get going."

Searing left and carefully made her way back to the main deck, still wary of her heels. Even with the cautious walking, it wasn't long before she was in the captain's quarters. "You wanted to see me?"

"Aye," the captain said. "First, some names. I'm Captain Ship Bows, though the crew tends to call me Captain Chris for some reason. This ship is the Prickly Biter, and she was built by every man on this ship. We've been sailing the high seas together for years, plundering, pillaging, and having a good time. Here, let me show ye one of our first treasures." Captain Chris led Searing over to a pedestal displaying what looked like a big gemstone. "This is the legendary crystal coconut. It took six months of sailin' and searchin' to find it, but we did it. Some tales say it has a mystical power, others say it's cursed. I can't say anything about the mystical power, but we've had no curses yet."

"What about the floor?" Searing asked as she looked over the giant gem. She could feel something about it with her magic, but she couldn't tell what. "Could that be the curse of the crystal coconut?" She had to fight a bit to stop herself from snickering.

"Nae, it was like that before we found it. We do have a few pieces of cursed jewelry, too." Captain Chris led Searing over to a locked cabinet, inside which was a locked chest. He took a small cloth bag out and retrieved a gold pendant with a trio of blue water drop gems in it. "Looks innocent enough, yes?"

"What does it do?"

"It makes your feet all wet, even if you're stuck up in the crow's nest under the sun all day."

"That's it?"

"Don't take it lightly. If ye feet are wet long enough, terrible things can happen." Captain Chris put the pendant back in its bag, then switched the bag with another one, inside which was a gold bangle. "This one is much more dangerous. If ye dare to put it on ye wrist, ye will be starvin forever until ye die, even if ye eat and drink like a fat king at a feast. Ye can't take it off until ye're nothin' but a pile of bones."

Searing could feel the malevolent magics coming off the wrist piece. "So how did you get it?"

"I got it off a skeleton's wrist." He put the bangle away, then relocked the chest and cabinet. "Anyways, I have a job for ye while ye're on the Prickly Biter: Ye're in charge of' the cleanin'."

Searing was nonplussed. "Cleaning? Really?"

"Not the whole ship, lass. Everyone cleans their own quarters, Powder Keg cleans the cannons, and Salty insists on cleaning the galley himself. Ye get cabin 3, and ye'll have a bunkmate. Go ahead and meander around. Ye tasks start tomorrow."

"Alright." Searing left and took up Captain Chris's suggestion of meandering around, both to learn the layout of the ship and get more used to the heels. It seemed she was going to be stuck with them for a while.

A week or so later, Searing had fallen into a new routine. Wake up, find out what she needed to clean, and clean it. To her dismay, she had no modern tools to do it with, and no running water on the ship. On top of that, she couldn't do it as a unicorn, as the splintery floor hurt her the one time she tried to stand on it while she had a moment alone.

She had decided that, since being in her unicorn form wasn't feasible, to not use her magic around the crew. She did practice a bit when alone, and found that while she could focus her magic through her hands, it wasn't as powerful as when she was a unicorn. Whether it was rough compatibility between her forms or the same amount of magic through more foci, she didn't know. What she did know was that she would not be able to use it as effectively in a tight spot without practice.

It was just after a decent lunch that Searing found herself just lazing around in the crow's nest. "Hey, Spyglass?"

"Yes, Searing?" Spyglass, the crew's lookout, responded.

"How do you deal with having nothing to do?"

"Wrong person to ask. Hm?" Spyglass intensely looked through his spyglass.

"Hm?"

"Cover your ears, lass." A few seconds later, Spyglass shouted down, "ROYAL NAVY SHIP OFF THE PORT BOW!"

"DOES SHE HAVE LOOT?!" Captain Chris shouted back.

Spyglass looked back through the spyglass for a few seconds. "AYE, CAPTAIN! AND HER MEN ARE ROUND!"

"ALL HANDS ON DECK! WE GOT A GOOD ONE!" A bell rang out and everyone onboard started scrambling to their appropriate stations.

"What's going on?" Searing asked after the shouting ended and she'd uncovered her ears.

"We're about to raid a Royal Navy ship," Spyglass explained. "We're going to be getting treasure, munitions, food, and water from them. We're going to eat well tonight, lass."

"How can you tell?" Searing got up and made her way onto a shroud.

"When the men on a ship are round, it means they're eating well, which means they have plenty of food and drink. We're going to fight 'em, loot 'em, and then sink 'em."

"We're going to kill them?" Searing asked, aghast at the idea.

"It's either that, or they come back with more ships to get us. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not have to run from the whole royal navy. We have a few minutes before we raid, so if you have any concerns, talk to the Captain."

"I. . . I will." Searing carefully made her way down the shroud, cursing her boots all the way.

Finding Captain Chris was easy, since he was standing still amidst the chaos. "Lass, get ye a cutlass from Powder Keg and prepare to board."

"Are we really going to kill them?" Searing asked.

"We're just sinkin' their ship. Whether or not they live, well. . . That'll be up to them."

"That. . . That's cruel!"

"Welcome to the sea, lass. I dunno where ye come from, but ye have to do these things to survive. If ye not gonna fight, ye better do a lot o' lootin'. Ye will have to fight anyways, since they will attack ye. Now go get ye a cutlass and prepare to board."

"Y-yes, Captain." Searing left and went down to the fun deck gun deck, where Powder Keg was getting everyone armed.

"Have you ever fired a flintlock or musket, lass?" Powder Keg asked when Searing approached.

"Cutlass, please."

Powder Keg gave her two cutlasses. "Just to be safe. Whatever you do before boarding, don't make yourself visible. A good lookin' lady like you would do nothing but draw their attention even more."

"Ah. Alright. Where's the boarding party?" Searing idly swung the swords in slow, lazy arcs to get a feel for their weight.

"Main deck. Get back up there and remember to stay hidden from the Navy ship. Hide behind the main mast and you'll be fine."

"Okay." Searing left the fun deck gun deck and went back up to the main deck, taking Powder Keg's advice and staying behind the mast. The activity seemed to be dying down, but at the same time, she could feel either tension or excitement in the air, though she suspected it was both.

Finally, the tension broke. The gangplanks crashed onto the Navy ship and Searing followed the crew onto the other side. Already, she could smell the bloodshed from the battle, and she didn't like it. Nothing in her boot camp experiences prepared her for this, not that she ever got that far. She had to stop in the middle of the navy ship's deck to collect herself.

A hand landed on her shoulder. "And what is a fine woman like you doing-"

Searing did not take to the surprise all that well, turning around with lightning speed and swinging both cutlasses horizontally, catching the Navy sailor by surprise. She did not let up in her offense, even as he recovered enough to block and parry her attacks with a saber of his own.

It wouldn't be enough to save him, as Searing managed to back him into the mast and deliver one last series of slashes across his body, ending his life. As she stared at the body and collected herself, something caught her attention. Leaning down, she pulled back part of the uniform she had destroyed and found layer after layer of fabric, getting close to ten before she found the wounds she had inflicted onto a lean body.

"What is this?" Searing wouldn't have time to contemplate any further when a round landed in the body, knocking it over.

She turned in time to see another sailor with a smoking pistol. "Tch," he said before dropping the gun and drawing his own saber and charging at Searing.

Searing got her cutlasses up in time to block, block, parry, then take an opening and dash forward with both swords going into his side. When she turned around, she saw a bit of loose fabric fall from the sailor's uniform. "THEY'RE NOT ROUND!" Searing shouted as she resumed her fight with the sailor, her two unskilled swords clashing with his skilled one.

After some back and forth, the sailor knocked Searing's left sword out of her hand. Without her second weapon, Searing backed off into a small clearing in the fight. She blocked an overhead swing and, unlike the last few rounds, the sailor didn't withdraw to strike again, instead pressing down on her.

On a sailor to her left was a pistol, loaded and ready to be fired. With a hastily conceived idea, she reached out, grabbed the firearm, and spun, getting herself out of the blade lock and slashing the unaware sailor's back. She faced her own opponent again and resumed the dance of blades. With the pistol, she feigned aiming to get him to move out of the way, giving her the opening she wanted, going forward to the slashed uniform layers, jamming the pistol in, and firing up. The round came out the chest without any blood, but that wasn't Searing's goal.

It would take a few seconds before her idea would come to fruition, the fabric catching fire, causing him to start taking off the layers as he shouted "FIRE FIRE FIRE!" The battle was put on pause as he worked to get the burning fabric off of him.

"Well, that explains a lot," Captain Chris said, breaking the near silence. "WE'VE BEEN TRICKED! SHOW NO MERCY! KILL 'EM ALL!"

The violence became a lot more violent and a lot more brief as the Prickly Biter's crew got more serious, sailors falling left and right, now that their trick had been revealed.

"Well, if it isn't the infamous Captain Ship Bows," a haughty voice said from the poop deck. The Navy captain did not hide himself behind layers of fabric like the rest of the sailors. "I'll collect the bounty on your head soon enough." His gaze caught Searing. "And I'll be taking the woman too." Searing growled at the notion, switched her weapons around, and threw the spent pistol at the enemy captain. He dodged it. "Bit of a temper on her. No matter."

"The lass is part of me crew, ye git," Captain Chris retorted. "Now get down here and fight me!"

"If I must." The Navy captain grabbed a conveniently placed rope and jumped down, gently landing on the main deck and drawing two sabers. Soon, he was engaged in a duel with Captain Chris.

Searing joined the fight with her cutlasses after taking a minute to find her dropped one, and the Navy captain smoothly moved to block her without letting up against Captain Chris. "I am not some treasure to take!" She asserted.

"On the contrary," the Navy captain said as he spun out of a blade lock. "You would make an excellent handmaid, with the proper training, of course."

"NEVER!" Searing redoubled her offense.

Captain Chris took control of the fight from his side of the duel, and with a bit of fancy footwork, managed to turn the Navy captain around, and lead him up close to a wall. He gave no signal, and he gave no warning, but it seemed to be a practiced move when Jabberwock, somehow, quietly charged in and tackled the Navy captain in the back and into the wall, sending splinters all over the floorboards.

Safe to say, Searing was surprised. "What?"

"We're pirates, lass," Captain Chris said. "We don't fight fair." He picked up the dropped sabers and handed them off to one of his crew. "Start checkin' the ship for anyone else! We only start lootin' after that!"

"Aye, Captain!" The crew said before fanning out in teams and searching the ship.

"I can't feel my teeth. . ." The Navy captain groaned from his spot in the wall.

"Say, pal," Captain Chris started as he walked up to the pinned enemy. "What's the bounty on me head at?"

"250,000."

"Not bad. Finish him off, Jabberwock."

"Yes, Captain." In one swift motion, Jabberwock ended the Navy captain's life.

"Now, what loot do ye have in here?" Captain Chris carefully opened the door to the captain's quarters. "Well, this is disappointing." He went to a boarded up window and pulled on the board, a small amount of treasure falling to the floor. "Looks like this was a trap, lass. Still, we came through and we're getting something, at least. Grab a sack."

Searing looked around for a moment before finding a conveniently placed (or forgotten) burlap sack, retrieved it, and held it open for Captain Chris. The treasure held against the windows didn't amount to much, but they were still able to fill it with other things from the room. On the way out, Searing noticed a black tricorn hat on a hatrack by the door. She grabbed it and put it on her head. It felt. . . Right.

"Nice find, Searing," Jabberwock said. "Keep it."

"I will."

Later that evening, after sinking the Navy ship and having a feast, everyone gathered up in the captain's quarters around the rather mediocre pile of treasure and useful goods. "Men, this was a disappointing haul. We fell for a bait ship."

"Hey, we're all alive and we got something out of it," one of the crew members said.

"True, true. I think the lass should get first pick, since it was 'er first raid. Anyone against?" The only sound was someone scratching their shoulder. "Have at it, Searing."

Searing looked over the treasures and riches for a moment before something caught her eye, something that her double had taught her about. Partially buried in the pile was a katana. With a flick of the shark engraved hilt, it came out easily enough. The blade was not what she was expecting, though. The black steel blade had a serrated shark tooth edge. "Huh. That's different."

"Who puts shark teeth on a sword?" Captain Chris asked. "Well, it's yours. Anything else catch ye eye?"

Searing looked over the treasure again and was about to call it done when a piece of purple fabric caught her eye. She carefully pulled out the silk square and looked it over. "How is this treasure?"

"Purple is a hard dye to make," Spyglass said. "And that also looks like high grade silk. You could buy a tavern for the night with that alone."

Searing considered it for a moment before deciding to tie it around her left knee. "I'm good now." She chanced a glance at Dizzy, the bird looking like it was trying to suppress a laugh.

Under the moonlight, while most of the crew went to sleep, Searing practiced on the main deck with her katana, which she decided to call Sharkbite. She could feel some magic in it, though she wasn't sure what it did or how it worked. At least there was nothing malevolent about it.

One thing that Searing found interesting about the sword was the sound it occasionally made when she swung it. It wasn't a simple swinging sound, but more of what she would describe as a shark growl. She liked it.

"Looks like ye like that sword, Searing," Captain Chris remarked.

"I do like it," Searing agreed, since she did like it.

"Ye takin' it on the next raid or are ye gonna keep it safe?"

"I'm taking it. There's something special about this sword, and I want to find out what it is."

"Somethin' special? Like an enchantment?"

"Yeah." Searing caught the look Captain Chris was giving her. "What?"

"Ye can tell when somethin's enchanted, lass?"

"Yeah. . ."

"Ye just became more valuable. If ye can, keep that skill hidden. The less valuable ye make ye appear, the better."

"Good point. Where are we going next?"

"Who knows? Such is life on the high seas."

Author's Note

And so begins the pirate arc. Making references is fun.

Seawolves

After a month at sea and two more raids, each yielding more loot than the bait ship, the Prickly Biter pulled into port on the island of Tortuga. As soon as the ship was secured and the gangplanks were down, the crew went to work, ready to sell their treasure, maintain the ship, and have a good time. Or, as Captain Chris described it, have fun, get drunk, and make loads of money.

Searing (who had started keeping Sharkbite with her at all times) had a task of her own: taking a list of various fabrics, materials, and some of the finer pieces of jewelry to a certain store. This led into Searing's personal mission: more clothes. Her one set was getting stale, and she was still blocked from her accumulated wardrobe. Fortunately, both issues could be addressed by going to one place and talking to one woman. Her name was Silver Belle, and there was no piece of clothing she couldn't make, if she had the materials and a design, and she had a lot of designs.

Searing found the shop and entered. "Hello?"

"One moment, please!" A woman shouted from the back of the store. E X A C T L Y one approximate moment later, she came out. Her skin was a silvery white, her curled hair was a bright purple, and her almond shaped eyes were bright blue. "What do you need?"

Searing took a moment to get over the fact that the woman looked so much like Rarity before responding. "I've got some things to deliver to a Silver Belle. Is that you?"

"Who do you work for?" A hand went under the counter.

"Captain Chris of the Prickly Biter," Searing carefully said. "I've been with him for just over a month. I'm Searing Victory."

"Oh, him?" She relaxed after a moment. "Well, come on over. I'm Silver Belle. What does he have for me this time?" Searing handed her the scroll and Silver Belle started drooling. "Ohohohoho! He did good! Come with me and we'll go get them!"

The wagon ride from the store to the ship was yet another odd experience for Searing. She wanted to talk to the stallion that was pulling the wagon since she'd been without equine contact for so long, but at the same time, she knew he wasn't the same kind of equine she was. A one sided conversation like that would just be venting or something.

Captain Chris met them at the pier. "Ms. Belle! What a pleasure it is to see you."

"A pleasure as always," Ms. Belle said as Searing got off to retrieve the goods from the ship. "She's one of yours?"

"Aye, and the lass proved herself in her first raid. It was a bait ship, so there wasn't much loot. Still, she got herself a fancy sword she calls Sharkbite out of it, and that purple silk bit around her knee. Lass says it reminds her of a friend from her past."

"A Princess, perhaps?"

"Nae, me dame. Kept her vague, somethin' about her friend being wealthy, but not flauntin' it. No jewelry, worked hard five or six days a week, tougher than iron, and ferocious as a mewling kitten."

Silver thought for a moment. "I don't know of anyone like that."

"May not be a real gal. Only talked about 'er when I asked. Clammed up and went to 'er cabin real fast after that. Only saw her in passin' to the poop deck the next day. That aside, she gets along well with everyone and pulls her weight on the ship."

"Meet me at Nancy's tavern tonight and you can tell me more about her. You've never told me any new crew stories."

"She's the first new one since the Prickly Biter was built."

Searing returned a moment later with Jabberwock. Between them were two long chests with three smaller ones riding on top. With Silver's assistance, they got the load loaded onto the wagon. It wasn't long before the ladies took their leave.

Silver, in her generosity, let Searing take a long bath upstairs while she washed the salty clothes downstairs. It wasn't anywhere close to the kind of bath Searing wanted, but it had warm enough water, decent soap, and just enough space for her to almost comfortably lay down in, so she wasn't about to be too picky.

After less than half an hour, Silver walked in. "Your clothes are clean, Searing. Some of them are rather. . . Interesting."

"Can we not talk about it?" Searing asked from her sunken posture. "Just. . . Can you make me some extras?"

"Do you want them to be the same?"

"As close as you can."

"You're talking to the Carribean's greatest seamstress. I'll have them ready before sundown tonight. You won't be able to tell them from the originals."

"Thanks."

A couple hours of waiting and lamenting the lack of internet later, Silver presented Searing with two of the velvet leggings, two of the light shirt, two corsets, three sets of the undergarments, and a belt with additional straps, one of which was for her thigh while the rest were for holding Sharkbite's sheath.

"This makes things so much easier," Searing noted as she tested the belt, then carefully drew Sharkbite from the secured sheath. "Thanks."

"Consider it part of my payment for the goods." Silver handed Searing a small pouch of coins. "And this will cover the rest. Find Nancy's tavern after you put your new clothes away. Your crew's going there tonight."

Later that evening, Searing found the tavern. The storefront was a lot smaller than she expected, and the actual tavern was underground. As Silver had said, her whole crew was there, celebrating and getting drunk. After looking around, she found Spyglass off to the side on his own, and went over to him. "Hey, I have a question."

"Yes, Searing?" Spyglass asked.

"What exactly is Tortuga supposed to be? Aside from an island."

"The simplest answer is a haven for pirates. There are no Royal Navy people here anymore, and there's an agreed upon code among the pirates. Basically, you just have to treat the people here right. Save the raiding behavior for the high seas, pay for what you want, and don't cause trouble."

"And if the Navy attacks, help with the defense."

"That goes without saying. Pray it never happens, but be ready if it does. Go have some fun with everyone."

Searing took Spyglass's advice, relaxed, and joined the festivities. Just because she was so far from home didn't mean she couldn't celebrate, after all.

Searing woke up on the bar with a pounding headache and a coat over her body. "Oww. . ." At the very least, she could tell she was still clothed, thanks to the presence of her corset and belt, though her boots weren't on her feet at all.

"Oh, you're up," Jabberwock noted. "You've been out for a while."

"What happened?"

"It started after you decided to, for whatever reason, try to down a whole mug of the pegleg potion in one shot. And then you did it. Everyone was surprised."

"Ohhh. . . hhhhh. . . After that?"

"You were dancing like a loon, peppering your words with Japanese, and, I was drunk, but I could swear you turned into a unicorn for a couple minutes."

Searing was suddenly a couple steps closer to sobering up. "What?"

"Bright red hide, gold mane and tail, bright blue eyes, and definitely a horn on your head."

"Y-you must have been. . . Hallucinating from the booze or something."

"Rum don't do that, lass."

Searing was laying on the bar, but she still felt cornered. "And what about it?"

"If you have that kind of talent, you might want to let us know."

"I'll think about it."

Jabberwock shrugged. "Not like anyone here is in any shape to hear about it anyways. Captain Chris is on the ship. At least talk to him about it when you return his coat."

"Fine, fine. Where are my boots?"

"Behind the bar. Nancy always puts lost boots and shoes there. If you find a drink with your boots, have it."

"Alright." Searing rolled to the side -"GAH!"- and landed right on a barstool. "Owwwww. . . . . Okay, I'm awake." Remarkably, her little tumble didn't wake up anyone else.

One pair of boots, a recovered hat, and a tall mug of water later, Searing was on her way to the Prickly Biter, Captain Chris's coat hanging off her shoulders and dramatically flowing behind her as she walked through town.

After losing her way for a couple minutes (and being distracted by a smithy for part of it), she finally made it onboard and to the captain's quarters. "Captain Chris?"

The captain in question looked up from a map on his desk. "Morning, Searing."

She walked up to the desk. "Here's your coat."

"Hey, thanks." Captain Chris put the coat on a rack behind the desk. "Before I send ye off on some errands, I want to see if ye can confirm somethin' some o' the crew's been sayin'."

"Are they saying I turned into a unicorn?"

"They be sayin' ye turned into a unicorn."

Searing went over to a rug and turned into a unicorn. "There. It's true. I can turn into a unicorn. Happy?"

"Yes. And nae. So many o' me childhood fantasies have been ruined."

"Like what?"

"The legend tha' only a virgin maiden pure of heart can see a unicorn. I'm none of those and I see a unicorn."

Searing turned back to her human form. "Let's do the big reveal out at sea. Doing it here would make too many waves in town."

"Ha!"

"Wha. . . Oh. Just give me my quest."

"Out in the forest is a guy that has barrels o' clean water. We need three wagons o' the stuff. I've already got some men bringin' up the empty barrels, so just go talk to him."

"You need water?"

Searing skipped any niceties, ignored the odd enthusiastic greeting, and got to the point. "Three wagons of clean water, for the Prickly Biter. Captain Chris is getting empty barrels ready to exchange now."

"Alright. Come with me and we'll get to business. Go ahead and take a seat on one of the wagons while I get my horse over here." Searing did as she was told and found the wagons, taking a seat. Looking back, she counted twenty neatly stacked barrels of water, loaded and ready to go. It wouldn't be long before the man came over, hitched up the horse, and started for town. "So, what's your name? I'm Shady Oasis, but most people just call me Shade."

"Searing Victory."

A few moments passed. "Not much of a talker, are you?"

"Not in the mood."

The rest of the trip was silent until they got to the pier. A second gangplank was in place, empty barrels waiting up top. Searing, eager to do something, followed the lead of the crew and started rolling the barrels up to the main deck. It was not easy, and she found herself wishing for some kind of mechanical system to move the barrels, or even just a cart of some kind. As much as she wanted to try using some levitation to make her task easier, she wanted more to keep it secret.

Searing wound up going back and forth with Shade two more times, helping move the full barrels each time. Only once Captain Chris had paid him did he leave them. Meanwhile, she pulled herself up onto a shroud, got somewhat comfortable, and let out an exhausted groan. "That wasn't fun."

"Never is, Searing," Captain Chris agreed. "Take a few minutes to rest and I'll see about gettin' ye another task."

Searing wouldn't have time to rest. "NAVY SHIP SIGHTED! BATTLE STATIONS!" Spyglass shouted from above.

"Oh come ON!" Searing shouted.

The crew moved about like a well oiled machine, drawing up the gangplanks and distributing arms while other men on the pier got ready to push the ship out and sounded alarms. At a signal, they pulled out and, along with a few other pirate ships, went to face the enemy.

Searing, frustrated, got on deck and waited with everyone. Sharkbite, as always, was ready. "Why are they attacking?"

"The Royal Navy hates us pirates, and wants to extend the King's reach so that they have more power," a crew member said. "It's not the first time they've tried to take Tortuga. We've faced them down three times before and won."

"Is there a plan?"

"Same one as always. Take out their cannons, board, kill, loot, and take the ship to the hidden dock."

"So we're not sinking it?"

"Tortuga's a bit short on wood and other stuff. These deck rails actually came from a Navy ship."

Spyglass updated them. "MORE SHIPS SIGHTED! FIVE TOTAL!"

"They've never sent that many. Well lass, if we don't make it, it's been fun knowing you."

Searing felt more determined. "I'm not backing down. Even if I have to face a whole ship of them alone, I will not lose. We will make it." A crazy idea came to her and she acted on it, heading straight to the figurehead and standing there, arms crossed and death glare in full effect.

"What are ye doin' lass?" Captain Chris asked. "We're about to go into battle, and here ye are just standin' there instead of not making ye visible."

"I refuse to hide." Her voice had enough steel in it to make any manly metal band shed a single manly metal tear in pride. "Against these kinds of odds and worse, my friend would not back down, and there's no way I could show myself to her without doing the same. I would not be living up to my name or my talent. Besides, if just standing here is enough to distract them, then so be it." She could swear she heard the sound of Dizzy clapping his wings. Somehow.

"THEY'RE DOING SOMETHING ODD, CAPTAIN!" Spyglass shouted. "TWO ARE COMING TOWARDS US! NO CANNONS, AND THEY HAVE GANGPLANKS READY!"

Captain Chris looked between Searing and the two ships headed their way. "I think they want ye, lass." He turned back to the crew. "MEN! IT LOOKS LIKE WE'LL BE FIGHTING TWO ROYAL NAVY CREWS AT ONCE! GET READY!"

In some kind of unspoken agreement with the enemy, the three ships lined themselves up, the Prickly Biter sandwiched in the middle. On the main deck, the fighting began. On the gun deck, the pirates fired their cannons because pirates don't fight fair. Searing turned around and got in on the action, swinging Sharkbite at all foes who tried to get her. Occasionally, one of the shark teeth would break off, but like the sharks it was themed after, the teeth grew back.

It became clear very quickly that the Navy were after Searing like she was some kind of treasure, probably to take to their king. She decided it was time to get into the thick of it and crossed over to one of the other ships, the sailors there surrounding her. One had the audacity to speak. "You are surrounded. Surrender, and you will live."

"Why should I?" Searing retorted. "Over here, there's no way I can miss." She went on the offense, moving with great speed through the sailors.

As she worked through the swarming sailors, she started putting some of her magic into the sword, shaping the matrices to do what she wanted. It took about twenty seconds of focus for her to remember the spells she wanted and channel them into Sharkbite. Once it was ready, she changed her technique and took a risk on a new strategy.

A sailor that charged her would be her first test subject, landing a couple of the teeth in his ribcage and twisting the blade, breaking them off. After Searing had put ten feet between him and herself, the teeth exploded, making the sailors pause. "Groovy," Searing cooly said before going back into the fray with her new technique and a smirk on her face.

It wasn't long before she fell into a rhythm. Swing, break, move. Swing, break, move. Swing, break, swing, break, move. The sailors were quick to catch onto her pattern and start prioritizing themselves over capturing her. They weren't necessarily the sharpest knives in the drawer, but they quickly learned that trying to shoot a fast moving target in the middle of their crew was a bad idea, as they started taking themselves out. Searing was not bothered by them taking each other out like idiots, since it made her survival that much easier each time they did.

She felt a rush from the thrill of the fight, outnumbered so badly but still winning. She didn't pay attention to who she fought beyond friend or foe. At some point, she fought and killed the captain, but he just flowed with the rest of them in her assault.

"Oy, Searing!" Salty said as he, cutlass and pistol in hand, crossed over to the ship Searing had cleared and looked at the bodies on the deck. "I'm glad we're your friends."

"Are there more?" Searing asked with an unusual degree of bloodlust.

"No, we cleared out the other ship. We have some wounded, but nothing we can't handle."

"Ah. Well, that's good." Searing promptly fainted from exhaustion.

Searing woke up in her cabin. "Oww. . ." Her everywhere was sore, but she had to get out of bed. She was thirsty, hungry, and had to use the outhouse.

When she stepped on deck, she saw that they were still at port, and the sun was low on the horizon. The crew looked at her with a mix of concern and relief as she passed them, not exchanging any words.

After relieving herself, Searing saw Captain Chris leaning against the main mast. "Good evening, Captain," she said.

"Good morning, Searing," Captain Chris greeted. "And yes, it is morning."

Bewilderment crossed Searing's face. "Huh?"

He turned her head to face the sun. "That way's east."

"Oh. Oohhhhhhh."

"Ye did real well, lass. One Navy ship turned tail and fled, but we got the rest. There was some treasure, and after word got out about how ye cleared out nearly a whole ship alone, the rest o' the crews decided to get ye somethin' nice."

"If it's supper-"

"Breakfast."

"-I'll be fine with that."

"That's what Nancy has for ye. Ye other reward is at her tavern."

Searing shrugged. "I guess I'll go get it. Make everyone happy and all that."

Nancy the tavern wench saw Searing enter and got one of the bar patrons to vacate his spot for her, which he eagerly obliged. "Good morning, dear," she greeted. "Breakfast?"

"Please," Searing groaned out as she gracelessly sat down. "A big breakfast with all the good stuff."

"Can do." Nancy went to the kitchen to start on the order.

As the breakfast was cooking, the pirate to Searing's right turned to her. "So, you're Searing Victory, are you?"

"What of it?"

"You have a reputation. Taking on a whole ship of Royal Navy sailors and leaving none alive is something nobody's done without blowing up the ship."

"Thanks, I guess."

After a few minutes of no conversation, Nancy came back with a platter full of eggs, meat, bread, fruit, and potatoes, causing her eyes to widen. "Is that all. . ."

"All yours, Searing."

"Except for this bit." The pirate she had talked to speared one chunk of seasoned potato and quickly ate it.

Searing, in spite of her ravenous hunger, couldn't help but chuckle. Once the laughter was done, she picked up her own fork. One would be forgiven for thinking there was treasure under the massive mound of food with how quickly she was shovelling it in. One would also be forgiven for wondering just where it was all going.

Finally, and with a bit of offered help from the pirates on either side of her, the plate was cleared off. "Aaaahhhhh. . . Is nice."

"There's something else for you." Nancy came out from behind the bar and led Searing to a table with something covered by a white cloth on it. "Go ahead."

Searing pulled the cloth off and saw a treasure chest. She opened it and saw a folded up long coat made of black leather and yellow fabric, its pattern being reminiscent of hazard stripes, especially on the lapels. She put it on immediately and discovered a few features. There were a few metal clips inside that fit neatly on her belt and the top of her corset, and the lower half, on the left side, had an opening through which she could fit the straps that held Sharkbite. The bottom of the garment came down to just above her ankles, longer in the front than the back.

The coat fit her very well. It wasn't a perfect fit, but it was still very good, and most importantly, she felt awesome. "I have no complaints." At the statement of her opinion, a cheer filled the tavern. One of the patrons near her looked her over again, paused, and started laughing. "What?" The tavern grew silent.

"Sorry, sorry," the patron said. "I just realized that the coat doesn't go with the nickname you've gotten: The Red Mist."

"The Red Mist?"

"It was all anyone could see on that ship that you were clearing out. Not sure how you did it, but we're glad you did."

Searing considered the nickname. "Well, I like it." She turned to the rest of the tavern. "Thanks, everyone." With a tip of her tricorn and no further words, Searing left the tavern with a smile.

Author's Note

Searing's new technique is sponsored by TORGUE. Why? EXPLOSIONS, that's why.

Venture Towards Madness

Discord and Searing popped into existence in. . . Somewhere. It was a very strange place. "Discord?" Searing asked with an edge to her voice.

"Yes, little unicorn?"

Searing calmly reached out with her telekinesis and grabbed a random thing to hold at Discord. "Where. Are. We. Now?"

"If you'll just put down that chainsaw and listen to me-" Discord gently pushed the power tool down and out of Searing's magical grasp. "-It's time for us to join in the fight."

"What?" Searing caught a shotgun Discord tossed her. "What fight?"

Discord turned Searing to face the enemy. "That's the enemy."

Searing became confused. "That's a car."

"It's not just a car. . ." Discord conspiratorially whispered. "It's an eeeeeeeviiiil car."

"Why?"

"It's full. . . Of bedbugs."

Searing was not amused. She dropped the shotgun, picked Discord up, and put him in the car. "I'll let them bite you."

As Discord panicked in the car, child safety locks engaged, Searing turned around and saw a chicken coop that wasn't there a minute ago. A post fell from the sky and embedded itself in the ground in front of her. On the post, undisturbed by the landing, was a clipboard and basket. The clipboard had two tasks: collect all the eggs with the basket and count the chickens before they hatch.

"Chickens don't hatch," Searing said as she walked away into the forest. She started looking around, and was distracted enough that she didn't notice the stand in front of her until she walked into it. "Oof!" She stumbled and fell to the ground. From her position, she saw that she was behind the stall.

"Azcuse moi?" A Prench accented chaotic voice asked from the other side of the stall. When Searing got to her hooves, she saw Discord dressed up as a waiter. "I am in need of zome wine. Do you have any?"

"You can take my entire stock, Discord." As Searing left, Discord picked up the stall and ran off laughing in Prench. "What is with this place?"

A short distance from where the stall was, an intense itch came over one of Searing's foreleg, forcing her to stop and scratch it. Just as the itch was relieved, a pile of Charmin fell in front of her. Additionally, there was a sign that said, "Mr. Whimpole is not around."

She looked to her side and saw a kitchen counter with a microwave on it. She opened the microwave and saw Discord's head there. "Can't a guy get a tan in peace?" He asked.

Searing closed the microwave and looked around again. Not far away were two stallions that looked like they were from ancient Roam playing Chinese Checkers while a gold and silver robot T. Rex with a crown walked past. "Discord?"

"Yesh, Shearing?" Discord said around a mouthful of ramen noodles.

"Is this the Warp?"

"Nuh." Discord brought the bowl up to take a bite of it, and accidentally bit off part of his lion paw, though he didn't seem to notice. He seemed to consider something for a moment as he tried to chew what he'd bitten off, then tossed Searing a pouch.

Inside the pouch were a bunch of wooden nickels and a note telling Searing to look for a Mr. Goodbar. Searing, already beyond fed up with the weirdness, swung the bag of wooden nickels up at Discord's lower jaw. "DISCORD, WHAT IS THIS PLACE?!"

Discord rubbed his chin from the impact. "I could retaliate, but I'll turn the other cheek this time."

"Huh?"

"Fine, I'll give it up. Here. Take it." He gave Searing a ship in a bottle. "Oh, I had a bunch of really good sushi recently. Let me tell you, it was good, and the service was spectacular."

"Did you leave a tip?"

"Ah - no, I forgot to do that."

Searing shook her head to get the encroaching Stupid out. "What am I doing?"

"Relax and go with it, Searing," Discord said as he slid up next to her. "It's easy, and it's alright." He put a lime sherbet ice cream cone on her horn. "We can be stupid all night!" It suddenly turned dark and both of them got traffic cone hats. "Let's go!"

Searing tried to ignore the ever-shifting weirdly colored polygonal path Discord was dancing along with her in tow, the cones on her head falling off on the way. Eventually, some degree of normalcy returned in the environment when it became a lab setting, Discord making her human and putting a small clod of dirt in her hands. "What now?"

"It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill, my volunteer!" Discord pulled a growth beam cannon from the ceiling and pointed it at the molehill on the dirt.

"No." Searing threw the dirt at the machine, causing both to explode and turn into cold milk. "What?" A sad violin came from Discord's direction. He had a mug of beer and was crying into it. "Are you crying over the milk?"

"No, the time for that is over," Discord said between sobs. "But enough of that! Scene change!" Discord threw down a smoke bomb and everything changed to a normal living room. Searing was alone in it with cardboard cutouts of Yang and two kids. In one of her hands was a letter from a PTA. In the other hand was a receipt for a pair of Sensible Shoe brand shoes and the paperwork for a new Chevrolet, whatever that was.

"I need a drink." Searing tossed the papers aside, changed back to her unicorn form, went through a door, and found herself in a tabletop game store. None of the people cared that she was a unicorn. She shrugged. "Eh, good enough."

What followed was a very nerdy party, filled with cards, dice, miniatures, and Searing discovering she had a credit card. She did the only thing she could think of with it: buy everything for everyone. Then, after a few hours and who knows how much unreal currency, she was broke. At the same time, animal control showed up and, after a brief fight, ended with her tranquilized and being dragged away.

She wasn't taken far before they released her deep in the wilderness at the edge of a lake. On the shore next to her was a stranded fish. Dazed and confused as she was, she easily gave in to the urge to spit on the fish. Her spit happened to contain a lot of her confusion (somehow), and the fish became a confused fish.

She left the lakeside and quickly found Discord with two hammers and a bucket of nails by a tree. "What are you doing now?"

He put a rough brown piece of something on the tree and nailed it on. "Isn't it obvious? I'm barking up a tree."

"That's not what the expression means."

"Come on, Searing. If a dog can bark up a tree, so can I. Oh, you won't believe this, but one of these hammers was free. I did have to buy one so I could get one free, but hey, two hammers!"

Searing turned and walked away. A few minutes later, she came across a candle store. On display in the window were an assortment of candles, all mounted sideways, all lit on both ends.

After a moment of looking at them, Searing heard some discussion nearby and looked over there. There were two guys and a horse with a bow on its head. One of the guys was looking in the horse's mouth for some reason.

"Hey, do you want to be my friend?" A bubbling voice asked.

Searing looked to the side and saw a mound of mashed potatoes as tall as she was. "What?"

"Come on, we can play all kinds of games," the sapient mass of mashed potatoes said.

Searing ran away, going into a high speed gallop immediately and weaving through the trees until she was on pavement, and even then, she did not stop. She passed house after house, and only stopped when she stepped on a banana peel on an oil slick over a patch of ice. In all defiance of physics and a continued defiance of logic, she went sideways at high speed and was launched through a window, only to land on a couch next to another cardboard cutout of Yang and the real Discord.

Unbeknownst to Searing, on a shelf right above where she landed, was a coffee trophy. On the base of the trophy was a plaque that read, "Best cappuccino espresso brewer," and to each side was an arrow pointing down to her.

"Ah, you're just in time," Discord said as he turned the TV on. "The show's about to begin."

"What show?" Searing asked, still dizzy from the launch.

"Leave It To Beaver." A black and white show came on seconds later.

A minute later, Searing was bored, but couldn't get up from the couch. It had spontaneously grown a safety harness around her the moment she tried to get away. Changing to her human form didn't help, so she stayed in her unicorn form. Resigned to her fate, she closed her eyes.

"Hey, Searing," Discord said during a commercial break. "What are your plans for the future?"

"A nap," Searing answered without opening her eyes.

Discord decided that a napping Searing was no fun, but the things to do were done, so he reclined, using her as a pillow, and snapped them out before she could object.

Author's Note

This chapter is stupid, amazing, stupidly amazing, and amazingly stupid.

Turn Signal

Searing opened her eyes and shifted in bed just a bit. "Human," she concluded. "Why is Discord making me human so often?"

Just as she was pondering the question, the door to the bedroom she was in exploded, none of the shrapnel coming close to her. "Gooooooood morning, Searing!" Discord cheerfully proclaimed.

"Aaahh! Discord!" Searing was fully awake and upset at that.

"Oh, you're already up. That's good. It's time to start getting prepared for school."

Searing deflated at the proclamation. "Again? Actually, no. I'm not going to go through that again, no matter what you say."

"It's only for the summer, and there are dorms on campus. Besides, I'm sure you'll like the subject the school specializes in."

"Probably not."

"Combat."

Searing was suddenly in Discord's face. "When do I leave?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. Today is for preparing and packing. Technically, if you really want to get technical, your stuff is already prepared and packed." He pointed to a pair of packed suitcases with Searing's cutie mark on them. "I did some pockpicketing to get them from you."

"Then let's get going already!"

"In your pyjamas?"

Searing was suddenly aware of the loose fitting sleepwear she was in. "Oh." Secondary to that was her skin, now a tan color instead of the familiar red.

"I'm sure you can find or make something you like out of the stuff in the suitcases. If not, I can point you to a shop. I'll get some breakfast made while you do that."

After Discord left, Searing opened the suitcases, both holding a lot of clothes. Within them looked like all the clothes she'd accumulated during her trip, and so she started her clothing coordination quest.

Discord heard Searing approach the kitchen. "Well now, let's see what you-" He had to pause when he saw Searing's choices. Heeled boots, yellow leggings, red and gold ankle length qipao, the belt for Sharkbite, Sharkbite itself, and the black and yellow pirate jacket, all topped off with a tricorn hat. "Snnnk." He broke out in hearty laughter for at least ten seconds. "Oh, oh my. What is with that selection?"

"It's stuff I like," Searing said. "What, do you have a problem with it?"

"No, no. Not at all. It's just. . . Such a chaotic look! I mean, what are you going for there? If I didn't know better, I'd think you'd been tainted by my flavor of chaos. Certainly not Tzeentch's chaos. His brand of it is so boooooriiiiiiiiing."

Out in the Warp, Tzeentch glared(?). "Oh, it is on, Discord!" He proclaimed. "I will beat you in our next game for sure!"

"SHUT UP, TZEENTCH!" Khorne angrily shouted from his skull throne.

"Oh, Hello Khorne Flake. Are you looking for your chainaxe again?"

"YES."

"You need a wrist strap for it or something. I think Nurgle is using it in another of his brews."

"NURRRRRRGLLLLLLLLLE!" Khorne and his skull throne left the scene.

"Teeheeheehee! All according to plan~"

"Please tell me he's not here," Searing pleaded. "Also, why do I have four ears?" Searing took her hat off, revealing two bright red pony ears on top of her head.

"For now, you're not human. You're a faunus, basically a human with some kind of animal trait. Trust me when I say that it makes a difference with some of the people here. Also, your magic is locked for now." A ding sounded from a timer. "Ah, there we go." Discord opened the oven and pulled out a loaded tray. "Hot pocket? Careful, it's hot."

Searing reached to grab one and quickly pulled her hand away from it, seething in mild pain and surprise. "That's hot." The burn, thankfully, looked very mild, the kind of thing that she would forget about after a couple hours at most.

"I did say they were hot. Speaking of heat, are you sure you want to wear that jacket? It is summer here."

"Yes. It's awesome, I like it, and I sailed the high seas with it."

"If that's your choice." Discord set the tray down and rummaged through the fridge for a bit. "Where did I. . . Of course." He went to the freezer portion and pulled out a book. "Here you go. A little primer on this world. Nothing but cold, hard facts."

Searing took the cold book and opened it. Soon, she was learning about the world of Remnant.

It was early in the afternoon when Searing finished the book and passed a test Discord gave her. The two were not necessarily related. Still, she now had a bunch of Lien, and it was a short walk to town. From what she saw, it wasn't that much different from other places she'd been. Shops here, shops there, the occasional cafe or restaurant, and people walking around. Some of the people, like her, had some kind of animal characteristic.

More interesting though was that nobody really seemed to care that she had a katana at her side. "Is it affecting the people here?" She mused as she idly walked around. "They're not ponies, so it shouldn't. . ." Her thoughts trailed off when she saw a group of four men on the other side of the street walking by with very apparent weapons holstered on them in one way or another, and nobody cared that they were carrying a variety of weapons that also looked like they had gun parts. If anything, they seemed to be getting occasional praise for something they did, though Searing couldn't make out the exact words.

She came to a stop next to a shop called From Dust to Dawn. Remembering some stuff about Dust, she decided to walk in and take a look. Inside was one old man, busy at work cleaning the powdered Dust dispensers. He paused just long enough to look at Searing and give her a polite nod and grunt in greeting, a gesture Searing returned.

She walked around the small shop, and soon found herself towards the back of the sales floor, next to a set of shelves filled with a variety of informational pamphlets, gossip magazines, two kinds of gun magazines, weapon design and maintenance books, and comic books.

One magazine, the Monthly Fang, caught her attention with its emphasis on faunus rights. She started reading it out of curiosity, and found herself in a weird position of sympathy and disgust. "The harsh treatment is wrong," Searing considered as she read an article about the Schnee Dust Corporation. "But if this Dust stuff is so important for everyone's survival, what good would blowing up a Dust mine do? Why not cooperate? Talk it out?"

As soon as she set the magazine down, someone spoke up behind her. "You want to join the Fang?" Searing let out a shout of surprise, turned around, and was going to slap whoever startled her, were it not for whoever it was, some silver eyed girl wearing red and black, pulling out something metal and blocking her hand with it. She couldn't have been more than thirteen or fourteen years old. "Hey, this isn't the place to fight!"

"Ahh. . . I'm sorry," Searing sheepishly said as she withdrew her hand. "I just. . . I startle easily."

"It's fine. But are you really thinking about joining the White Fang? I have heard of humans joining them, but it's very rare. Like, finding a friendly Grimm rare."

"Well. . . Their cause sounds good, but their methods. . ."

"My dad says they were once peaceful, but they've been getting more violent recently." Her attention was suddenly caught by something on the shelf and she let out a gasp. "A new edition of Sniper's Sight!" She promptly forgot the conversation, zipped over to the gun magazine (not to be confused with a gun magazine), and was lost in its bullet loaded depths.

Searing left the girl to her literature and decided she'd had enough of the store. On the way out, she picked up a free newspaper.

Just down the road, she found a little cafe and decided to go in. It was a nice, cozy place with people chatting, working, and playing games. There was even an upstairs patio she could go to, though she would have to order at the counter on the first floor, so she went there.

"Hello," the barista, a young woman with decorated deer antlers, greeted. "What can we get for a huntress like you?"

Searing didn't feel like correcting her. "I'll have a mediummmmm. . . Golden cappuccino, and. . ." She looked at the pastry display. "A bacon wrapped breakfast muffin."

"Alright, that comes to 1200 Lien."

Searing pulled out the plastic cards that made up her budget and saw that each one was worth 5000 Lien. She handed one of them to the barista, she handed a few plastic cards back, and Searing dropped a few in the tip jar. "I'll be on the patio upstairs."

"Thanks for telling me." Just as Searing left, the barista continued. "No, seriously, thank you. You would not believe how many people go up there without telling us."

Searing simply nodded as she went up the stairs to get to the patio. She found an empty table and claimed it, sitting with Sharkbite out of the way against the railing. A minute later, the barista showed up with the cappuccino and muffin. "Here you go. Enjoy."

"Thanks," Searing said just before the deer faunus left. She took a sip of the cappuccino, sat back, and started reading the newspaper.

An hour or so later, Searing was done. The barista had collected the food waste at some point while she was reading the paper, and all Searing really got from the paper was a mess of political drama, financial market stuff she couldn't understand, a few comic strips, and some interviews with huntsmen and huntresses.

She threw the paper away on the way out and decided to just go home and get ready for the combat school.

The next day, Searing found herself at an elevated pier with an airship waiting. To her confusion, there were people of various ages getting on, including some kids as young as the red and black girl she'd met the previous day. There were even a few parents bringing toddlers with them.

"Discord?" Searing asked her "guardian".

"Yes, Searing?"

"Why are there - you know what, I'm not going to ask."

"That's the spirit. Now get going. I have some other things to do."

Searing didn't give him any farewells, instead just grabbing her suitcases and following the people around her. As soon as she was on the airship, she got in a line with other people carrying luggage of their own. Soon, she came to a counter, where she gave them the luggage, her name (which got her an odd glance), and left to the main floor of the airship.

The crowd, naturally, was quite mixed. Old, young, middle age, human and faunus alike. Searing did her best to keep to herself, mostly by staying by a window and looking out upon the edge of wilderness and civilization. It seemed like a good way to stay alone amongst a crowd.

"Heeeey, what's a fine lookin' lady such as yourself doing here?" A random guy asked.

Searing, surprised and upset at the approach, turned and grabbed the guy's arm before tossing him away from the window, sending some attention towards her. She said nothing, instead just shooting the guy a glare to get her point across before turning back to the window.

There was a small lurch as the airship took off, and the scenery slowly changed as the flight began.

Disembarking was a slow process, though it could have been worse. The luggage people had taken the time to sort everything by name during the flight, so they didn't have to search for long. Additionally, not everyone was getting off. Well over half of them were just giving their farewells to friends and family. Searing got her suitcases pretty quickly, thanks to her deciding to be one of the last passengers to get off.

When she got off the ship and onto solid land, she took a moment to marvel at Signal Academy. The buildings had a simple elegance and an elegant simplicity to them, the greenery in the courtyard was well groomed and maintained, and the weather was good.

"If I may have your attention, please?" A woman in a uniform of some kind shouted over the din of the decently sized crowd. "Before we start the Signal Summer sessions, please take your belongings to your dorms. As soon as you do, please head to the auditoriums. You will know which one to go to after you get your key. Dismissed!"

Once again, Searing followed the crowd, this time to one of the big buildings to the side. She looked around, and caught a glimpse of a shooting range, a few people there with some practice guns. Nobody around her paid any mind to the reports ringing out from the range, so she didn't either.

"Lines are a thing here too, apparently," she mused as she waited in line. Looking ahead, she saw the process of something going on involving a pair of devices, one staying with the staff, the other staying with the student.

When Searing's turn came, she recognized the parts, or at least what they resembled: the Assault Grip and a matching red Progrise Key. She kept her excitement in check as she held the grip portion, then the staff member attached the key. A few seconds later, the key portion lit up green. The staff member, with practiced ease, took the devices, removed the grip, and gave Searing the key portion. "Your room is number 503."

"Thank you." Searing put the key in her sleeve and started the quest to find room 503. Along the way, she caught glimpses of the other students using their keys to get in their dorms.

The dorm was a small affair, designed for only one person, with an attached bathroom. After putting the suitcases in a corner of the room, Searing lay down on the bed and opened the device, the screen coming to life with a number of preloaded apps, all related to Signal.

One notification came up, reminding her to go to one of the auditoriums, specifically auditorium B. With a useful map available, she took the initiative and went to her destination.

"Welcome, everyone, to Signal's summer session," the blonde man onstage said. Something about him seemed a bit familiar, though she wasn't quite sure what it was. "It's my job to make sure you're all in shape before I unlock your aura. Now, some of you are going to be attending Signal for the regular school year, and the rest of you are here for other reasons. You all know who you are and why you're here.

"Before we start on the fun combat part, I will tell you about aura and semblances. Aura is a manifestation of one's soul, and-"

Searing cut him off. "Come on, let's get to the fighting already!"

He looked at her. "You're that eager to fight? Well, I suppose a demonstration can be arranged. Come on up here."

Searing got on the stage and released Sharkbite's sheath from its spot on her hip. "Ready when you are."

"Oh, you won't be fighting me. You'll be fighting my assistant/daughter." He clapped twice to cue his assistant. Searing's breath caught in her throat when she saw just who the assistant was. She was tall, had long blonde hair, violet eyes, was in excellent shape, and had two gauntlets on her forearms, ready to go. The slightly younger appearance barely registered in her head.

"So, you're the first one I get to spar with?" Yang asked as she cracked her knuckles. "Come on, don't look so scared. I'm not going to hurt you that much. My gauntlets aren't even loaded. See?" Yang opened the gauntlets, revealing them to be empty.

"I. . ." She could feel her heart beating harder and harder the more she looked at Yang. It was like seeing an old acquaintance, but there was something more to it than that.

Yang got tired of waiting and kicked off, taking advantage of Searing's distracted state to launch the first attack. Searing barely managed to parry the punch with the sheath, and didn't have any time to think before the next attack came from the other direction, hitting her shoulder hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to do anything serious. "Come on, where did all that bravado go?"

"That's not my Yang," Searing told herself as she quickly recovered. "Looks like her, sounds like her, dresses like her, but not her." After collecting herself, she flicked Sharkbite out of its sheath and waited for the next attack.

Yang took the initiative again and threw another punch. Searing reacted, pulling Sharkbite out enough to get the pointed end of the teeth in the way of the punch. The teeth shattered when they got hit, surprising Yang just long enough for Searing to pull the sword out the rest of the way and take a swing, shattering more teeth on her opponent's upper arm.

Searing capitalized on the surprise, going on the offense with katana swings and sheath jabs. Yang, for her part, was actually enjoying the surprising challenge that Searing was providing.

"Alright, that's enough!" Taiyang shouted, bringing the fight to an end. He turned to Yang first. "You did a good job restraining yourself, Yang."

"Thanks, dad!" Yang happily replied.

He turned to Searing next. "And you had some decent swordplay there. Good footwork, too."

"Cutting edge skills for a newbie." Yang and Taiyang shared a high five when groans came from some of the audience. "You even had me on the edge a couple times." More groans.

"Thanks," Searing said before sheathing Sharkbite and smirking. "I hope I can sharpen my skills while I'm here."

"Wwhhyyyy-hy-hy-hy?" A guy in the audience cried out amidst the groans.

"Oh, she's good," Yang remarked.

"All joking aside, thank you for the demonstration," Taiyang said. "As you can see, Yang has no injuries on her hands, arms, or anywhere she got hit by that sword. That is all thanks to her aura protecting her body. While aura is durable and can protect you from all manner of damage, it is not infinite. If your aura runs out, your best defense is to run away.

"Aura also serves to reinforce your weapons and anything you're wearing. It's strong enough to tank small arms pretty easily, and even higher calibers can be stopped, but once again, it is not infinite. Having armor does reduce the strain on your aura, but it can have other drawbacks that have to be balanced out.

"Semblances are an innate aura powered ability that every huntsman and huntress possesses. For example, Yang's semblance allows her to get stronger with each hit she takes. There are some who have a telekinesis semblance, or one for speed. Whatever your semblance is, building a combat style based around it is always a good idea.

"For now, we're going to go out to the field and run physical evaluations. You need to be in good shape before anything else can happen. If everyone would follow me, please."

Searing found the exercises to be rather relaxing, even as she worked up a sweat. Out of everyone in her group, she was one of the most physically fit people there, a fact she took some pride in.

Even as fit as she was, the heat of the sun, combined with her black jacket, hat, and the physical activity made her feel the heat. Once everything was done, she sat down in the shade of a tree, took her hat off, and started fanning herself with it.

One of her classmates, a tall guy with short dark orange hair, noticed the extra ears. "What is a filthy faunus like you doing here?" He demanded.

"Cooling down," Searing coolly replied as she got to her feet and hung the hat on a stub of a branch. "What is it to you?"

"Faunus are no better than animals, and should not be allowed in these prestigious academies."

"Are you sure you want to provoke me?" Searing noticed a crowd forming around them. "I don't know if you noticed, but I have a sword. You're unarmed." She flicked the blade out. "But if you really want to get hurt, come at me."

"Your sword's no better than a stick since the teeth broke off. . ." He stopped when Searing slowly drew the sword, revealing a full set of new teeth on the blade. "Uhhh. . ."

"How about you leave me alone, and when we have our aura and semblances, we can properly fight? Put the hatchet on the shelf, and we can pick it up later."

". . . You know what, that's fine. I'll still beat you like the animal you are." With a huff, he stormed off.

Searing sheathed Sharkbite and went back to relaxing.

Two intense weeks later

Searing woke up to the sound of knocking. "What is it?" She blearily asked as she got up.

"Delivery for Searing Victory!" The delivery guy on the other side said through the door. "Is this the right dorm?"

"Yeah, yeah, one moment." She got to her feet and opened the door. Behind the delivery guy was a flat cart with four large metal cases on it. "That's all for me?"

"Yes, including the cart. Sign please."

Searing accepted the offered pen and clipboard, signed the paper, and took the cart into her room. "Thanks." After closing the door, she inspected the cases. Each one had a single electronic latch on it, and she couldn't figure out how to unlock them. Fingerprint, voice, even her room key/very useful device didn't do anything. After giving up, the key lit up with a message. By reflex, she opened it and checked it. It was from Discord. "The locks on the cases are aura sensitive. Until you get it unlocked, you can't unlock it."

Searing let out a groan before checking the time: a few minutes before her alarm was due to go off. "Better get started."

Once her morning routine was done, she made her way through the halls to the outdoor classroom/exercise area/agony inducer and waited. The first other student to show up was the one who had bullied her. This time, he had armor and a weapon on his back. "Today's the day, horse."

"Pony," Searing corrected.

"Whatever. I just got my weapon today, and I am going to put you down."

Searing scoffed and waited for class to start. "He's just being a bully. Aaaaand I just realized I don't know his name. Or anyone except Yang. I'll find out later."

The rest of the class showed up over the next fifteen minutes, along with Yang and Taiyang. When everyone was assembled, Taiyang started speaking. "Alright, the last two weeks have been rough, but you've all made it through, so now it's time to unlock your auras. Yang and I will go around to help you with this. Are there any questions before we start?"

A meek woman towards the front raised her hand. "Does it hurt?"

"It tickles for a moment. Anyone else? No? Then we'll begin." Taiyang and Yang left their area to go through the students.

The fact that Yang chose to go to Searing first did not escape her notice. "Hey," Yang said.

"So, do I have to do some kind of dance, or. . ." Searing trailed off.

"Just stay still, relax, and close your eyes." Searing did as Yang said, then felt a hand on her right shoulder and over her heart. "For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all, infinite in distance and unbound by death. I release your soul and by my shoulder protect thee."

Searing felt something inside her unlock, for lack of a better term. It was similar to when she could first use her magic again after her time at Crystal Prep. "Wait a minute." Searing kept her eyes closed, even as Yang disengaged and moved onto another student. "What's this?" She felt her new aura, and it was pretty good. Next to it, she felt her magic, now unlocked. She cracked an eye and conjured a small flame in her hand for a brief moment. "Okay, that's-" A third, smaller thing joined the magic and aura, all three linking together. "That's different."

"And that's everyone," Taiyang said. "Now, onto weapons. Ideally, you will want melee at the least, and mixing in some ranged options is a good idea that many take advantage of."

"Hey, I want to try my weapon out now," the bully guy said.

Taiyang sighed. "I knew this would happen. Alright then. I presume you have an opponent in mind, Cardin?"

"The horse girl, of course." Cardin pulled his mace, Executioner, from his back and pointed it at Searing.

"Pony!" Searing retorted as the class made space for the combatants.

Taiyang pulled out his scroll and brought up the aura gauge program. "You two can fight until I say to stop. Hopefully, I won't have to step in."

"Alright, a fight!" Yang cheerfully cheered as she walked up. "Ready. . . Go!" She punched skyward, firing a round from a gauntlet.

Searing and Cardin charged. As they approached each other, Cardin brought his mace up for a downward swing. Searing saw the telegraphed move and brought Sharkbite in its sheath up to block the attack.

As strong as Searing was, Cardin was stronger and had more weight to put behind the mace. She quickly realized that staying in that situation was a losing move and leapt back, putting some space between them and drawing Sharkbite, its teeth gleaming in the sunlight.

Cardin charged again, but this time, Searing was ready. When he was in range, he swung at a diagonal, and Searing blocked it with the flat of her blade. She focused her magic in familiar ways into Sharkbite, and when an opportunity presented itself, swung at Cardin. The teeth exploded on contact with his armor, stunning him.

She capitalized on the opening and got a few more explosive strikes in before backing off and sheathing the sword. The teeth needed a bit of time to regrow, after all. "You do realize I've had time to practice before, right? You're a novice, and I've got skills."

He didn't respond, instead going back in with the mace, swinging again, but this time not aiming to hit her. She responded as he'd hoped, moving back with each swing, now that the teeth were gone. One upward swing stopped just in front of her face, he pushed a button, and an explosion went off, stunning Searing, who heard it twice as much as anyone else. With the opportunity, he started landing a few good hits on her body.

Searing, painfully aware of her situation, managed to steel herself. "I won't lose!" She told herself. "I won't yield!" The hits started to hurt her less and less. "I will never break!" She caught the mace with her free hand mere inches before it would have hit her head, then swung Sharkbite upwards at his wrist.

Cardin reflexively let go of his mace, and as soon as Searing tossed it aside, she went in, swinging Sharkbite with reckless abandon. He managed to block some swings with his forearm armor, but Searing still brought the onslaught.

"Alright, that's enough!" Taiyang called out just as Searing got one last slash in, Cardin down to ten percent aura and Searing at a more comfortable thirty percent. "As you saw, Cardin was highly dependent on his weapon, almost too dependent. As soon as he was disarmed, he stopped attacking and went on the defensive. Searing, who clearly has some experience, was easily able to get through and land her attacks after that.

"We will be practicing unarmed combat so that, even if you lose your weapon, you aren't defenseless. Searing, Cardin, you two may skip this morning's lesson so your auras can recover. I expect to see you in class after lunch."

Searing respectfully bowed before taking her leave. Cardin collected his weapon and left in a huff.

Back in the room, Searing looked at the metal cases. She carefully put a hand on one of the locks and it clicked open. Inside the case was something that brought a big smile to her face. "Fireblast!" She eagerly pulled out the horned helmet and admired the long unseen armor.

After a minute (or three) of just looking at the helmet, she looked in the case and saw the rest of the armor, all recognizable, yet altered to fit her human/faunus form. Under all the armor pieces was the black bodysuit that would make it comfortable to wear. Within the folds of the bodysuit was a letter, which Searing promptly read.

Dear Searing,

Now that you have your magic and aura unlocked, you can really bring out this armor's potential. I have no idea what kind of semblance you've got, so it'll be up to you to figure out how to work with it.

Crimson Breaker and your cannons are just as overpowered as before, so be careful with them. Aura isn't exactly known for taking those levels of energy that well. The Grimm are fair game, though.

And as a bonus feature, the cart can transform and attach to your armor so you can easily carry your oversized and overpowered weapons. Now go show that Cardin guy who the real boss is.

-Chaotically, Discord.

To say Searing was happy would be akin to saying water was kind of damp. Without hesitation, she took the bodysuit, went into the attached bathroom for some privacy, and changed.

The only part left uncovered by the bodysuit was Searing's head. Everything else was covered in the easily applied piece, but for all the coverage it had, she felt more exposed when she looked in the mirror. The thing fit her like a glove, making each curve stand out all the better. "I think I understand Human Searing's modest choices now," she said to herself. "Ah, enough of that. It's armor time!"

Searing made sure the curtains were closed and the door was locked before she started sliding the armor pieces on, starting with her body. Each piece made a rather satisfying click when it secured itself, and with a little experimentation, she discovered that removing the armor was as simple as giving it a pull. "I hope it knows I'm the one pulling it off and not someone like Cardin, or a Grimm."

Once everything except the helmet was on, she went to the bathroom and looked at herself again. Overall, it was a big improvement, and it was something she wouldn't mind wearing to town. Proper armor was always a good thing to have, and the Fireblast set had the added bonus of easy application and removal.

"Now, let's see the weapons." Searing left the bathroom and opened the three weapon cases. Two of them had her laser cannons and the third one had Crimson Breaker, all of them polished to a shine. She gently picked up the deactivated sword and practically cradled it. "Ah, my favorite sword. How I've missed you." As much as she wanted to bring it up to nuzzle it, she forced herself to not do it, lest she accidentally activate the blade and decapitate herself.

She found herself to be less restrained with the cannons, embracing them like they were long lost foals. The power that each one held was spectacular, to say the least, and she knew it. She also knew not to fire them indoors.

She was pulled out of her reverence and adoration of her weapons when someone knocked on the door. After carefully setting the cannons aside, she opened the door. "How can I - Yang?"

"Hey," Yang casually greeted. "Sweet armor. A bit heavy on the red, but it looks good on you."

A blush came over Searing's face at the compliment. "T-thanks."

"Anyways, I'm here to check up on your aura." Yang pulled out her scroll and held it up. "And it looks solid. Also, it's just about time for lunch, too."

"It is?" Searing checked her key. "Wow. I'll just go change back to my-"

"Hey, you should wear that to lunch. Cardin would definitely have second thoughts on fighting you if you've got that much armor. And if he does pick a fight, your defense would be ironclad."

"Hey, don't steel my ideas like that."

Yang smirked. "It's nice having a friend who can take punches like a champ."

"Well. . . I got nothing." Both of them laughed at Searing's concession. For a moment, Searing forgot that the Yang in front of her wasn't the one that ran the Carne Den. "I'll see you in the cafeteria, then."

"Oh yeah. I have to go check on Cardin. I promise I won't tell him about your armor."

"Thanks." An idea planted itself in Searing's head, a devious smirk graced her face, and she ran to the cafeteria.

Three minutes into her plan, Searing was starting to rethink it. "Is this. . . It WILL be worth it. I just have to hold out a bit longer. . ." She found a second wind and steeled herself, ready to carry out her self assigned mission.

It was another two minutes before Cardin stormed in, and he stopped at the sight of Searing. "Uh. . ."

"Hi!" Searing, standing in plain sight with her hand up, waved at him. "I liked your idea of armor a lot, so I made some of my own. It does need a bit of refining, though, I will admit. Oh, I left the helmet in my dorm since it's lunch."

Cardin slowly walked away to get some food and a table away from the suddenly armored faunus. Yang failed to hide an unladylike laugh as she leaned against the doorframe for support, the display having been too much.

Searing wasn't done, even as she finally lowered her arm. "And I didn't even get to tell him about my cool new weapons," she said with enough volume to elicit the reaction of Cardin stiffening up a bit. "Oh well." She decided that enough was enough and sat down to enjoy her now lukewarm lunch, which was totally worth putting up with since she really got Cardin's pride and Yang was laughing on the floor.

Author's Note

And now the story is officially a RWBY crossover. Yay!

As for what Searing's semblance is? That will be displayed in the next chapter.

A Hunting We Will Go

Long before the end of the second month, Searing had replaced her qipao and pirate pieces with her armor. It was awesome, it kept Cardin from bullying anyone, and it had Yang's approval. The last reason was a big source of turmoil for her.

"Where's Discord when you need him?" Searing asked as she got in bed and opened her key.

Discord appeared on the screen. "Hi, Searing!"

"Oh, there you are."

"Is that any way to talk to your benefactor?" He chided.

"Yes."

Discord drew a line on his face with a red marker. "You wound me, Searing."

"What are you calling about?"

"Just to check up on you, of course. How are you doing? Having fun? Learning some good combat stuff? Any cute girls catch your eye?"

"Goodbye, Discord."

"You met Yang, didn't you?" His question stopped Searing from closing the call. "I knew it! And you've got feelings for her, don't you? The law of narrative causality or something has struck true!"

"Get to the point."

Discord put on a turban, summoned a crystal ball (complete with $5 price tag), and started looking into it. "You miss Yang, your savior. Every day that you're away from her, you find yourself wanting to be with her more and more. And the one you see everyday in your combat classes is an almost perfect copy in appearance. You can keep the two seperate, but it's not easy, and you often forget to do that."

"Are you saying that I want to spend my life with her?"

"You said it, not me. Also, I've noticed that you've only cracked puns around her here. Are you perhaps seeking her approval?"

Searing closed the call and closed her eyes. Her sleep would be plagued by Discord's questions.

"Alright everyone, this is the day you've been waiting for," Taiyang said. "Your first encounter with the Grimm. Since everyone is armed and trained, it shouldn't be that difficult. That being said, all of you are still novices, so don't get cocky. I've already drawn up a strategy." He pulled out his scroll and sent a message to his class's keys. "Find your position on the diagram. That is where you will be."

Searing opened her key and quickly found herself. "Professor, why am I all the way in the back?"

"You are the only one with long enough range to provide cover fire. You will be covering the front line's blind spots."

"But my semblance-"

"Isn't always necessary. Sometimes, your weapon is what gets the focus."

Searing wasn't happy with the explanation. "Alright."

"Now, the area we're going to is inhabited by simple Beowolves and Ursa. . ."

As soon as the class got off the bullhead at the designated area, they immediately followed Tai's plan and directions. Searing needed no instructions, as her spot was a tall tree marked with a red tag on its trunk. With the combined weight of her armor, cannons, and sword, she couldn't jump like her more lightly armored and unarmored classmates, but the branches were sturdy enough to support her all the way to a stand that had been installed in the tree a long time ago.

She unslung one cannon and watched her classmates through its scope, careful to keep her finger off the trigger. "Everyone's in position." She swept the area in front of them. "A few Beowolves, some Ursa. . ."

Her key rang and she answered, Yang's voice coming out of it. "Is there anything unusual ahead of us?"

"Nothing we weren't informed of," Searing responded. "Go ahead." The call ended and Searing watched as everyone but herself charged forward at the Grimm. The battle was underway in short order, and she watched as everyone attacked the shadowy beasts. She could barely hear the gunfire from her perch, and she found herself watching Yang more than anyone else.

Some minutes in, Searing was bored. Then, the key rang. She didn't look to see who was calling. "This is Searing."

"This is your pilot speaking," the voice calmly said. "There's a Nevermore heading your way. I've got it on my tail. If you can shoot it down, that would be very much appreciated!"

Searing drew back from the scope and looked around the skies, quickly finding the aircraft and giant bird chasing it. "Pilot, I can't get a good shot at it. If you can go straight up, I can get the shot."

"Copy that." As the pilot flew around, Searing turned up the power on the cannon, just to be sure. "Vertical in five!"

She found the bullhead, scoped in on where it would go, and waited. Seconds later, she took the shot. She felt the drain on her magic and aura when she pulled the trigger, and the Nevermore gained a nice, big flaming hole in its head. Only when it started dissolving did Searing report. "Kill confirmed, pilot. The bird is dead."

"Thanks, Searing. The skies are clear now." As soon as the call ended, another came through.

"Searing, what was that shot?" Taiyang asked with a hint of concern.

"A Nevermore chasing our ride," Searing reported. "The pilot was pretty calm."

"And that's the value of support fire. We're almost done down here." The crash of a tree falling came through, and Searing scoped in on the action. "Run, everyone!" Searing saw three kinds of Grimm, each in numbers. Rhinos, gorillas, and elephants, all running after the students and Taiyang. "Cover fire, Searing!"

"Better plan." Searing ended the call, jumped down, and stowed the cannon. After pulling the unpowered Crimson Breaker off, she set the ranged weapons and back holster armor at the tree trunk and ran towards everyone else.

She crossed the retreating line with a leap and flicked the sword on. The massive drain it demanded on activation briefly stunned her, but it did nothing to save the rhino grimm from being sliced in two. The gorilla behind it met a similar fate, and in that moment, the horde of powerful grimm decided that she was a threat that needed to be eliminated immediately.

Searing stepped further into the mixed pack, blade at the ready and semblance active. "Bring it on, you knockoff nightmare rejects!"

A rhino charged into Searing from the side and rammed her through three trees before tossing her into a fourth. Under the helmet, Searing smirked. "Didn't hurt!"

Up in the air, the students who had escaped (everyone that wasn't Searing) watched as Searing tanked hit after hit before effortlessly slicing some Grimm with her sword. "Professor?" One student asked.

"Yes?" Tai responded.

"I think my key's aura gauge is malfunctioning. Searing's aura is just sitting below half and not going anywhere."

Taiyang pulled out his scroll and checked it. "I'm seeing the same thing. Is it some feature of her armor or something?"

"Determination," Yang said.

"Determination?"

"I helped her name her semblance. Figured it out in our sparring sessions. The greater the odds against her, the more durable her aura becomes." Yang looked at the gauge as Searing tanked a Beringal slamming her face into the ground and a small sliver of her aura drained away. "I think she's enjoying it a bit too much, though."

"Maybe." The Beringal's arm was cut off by a lazy swing of the energy blade, and as soon as Searing was back up, she bisected it in full before charging at a Goliath's legs. "A better question would be what Sais, Beringals, and Goliaths are all doing here, and why they attacked us. Hey, cool pilot guy!"

"Yes?" The pilot asked.

"Got any cashews?"

"No."

"Nuts."

An hour later, Searing killed the last of the horde, depowered the blade, and opened her key. She was down to fifteen percent of her aura, and she started to feel the strain she had just put her body through. "Aagh," she groaned as she did some stretches and started walking back to the tree. When she got there, she saw everyone there, alive and well. "Oh, hi."

Taiyang stepped up and addressed the class. "Everyone, I'm sorry about the bad intel. We had no information on the big uglies there. But, thanks to Searing, they've all been dealt with. Let this be a lesson: there is no perfect plan, and you have to be able to adapt or be willing to run. Additionally, as our pilot explained earlier, communication and coordination is vital. If it weren't for that, we wouldn't be able to fly back to Signal.

"For our last week, we will be playing strategy games and you will be in groups of four. Yang and I will go around messing with the games, so you'll have to stay on your toes. Tonight, we will take it easy. Let's go."

The flight back was uneventful for Searing, caught up as she was with the growing aches and pains from the fight. Sure, she could have joined in the conversation, but her everywhere was hurting, even with her aura at work.

Behind the helmet, Discord's image popped up, and he was holding a sign that read, "Good job with your semblance out there." He flipped the sign. "We leave in two weeks, so you'd better give Yang a hug before then." He flipped it again. "I know you really, really want to." The last message was accompanied by him waggling his eyebrows at her.

Searing almost tore her helmet off to get him out of her sight. This brought Yang into focus. "Oh, hi," she got out with little energy.

"You okay?" Yang asked. "I mean, you're obviously alive and here, but what about up here?" She pat Searing's head just in front of the pony ears. "You were really taking a beating from those Grimm."

". . . Yeah. I was almost invulnerable."

Taiyang joined the conversation. "Not every wound is physical. Even with a defensive semblance as powerful as yours, cranial trauma is still something to worry about. That, and you seemed to be enjoying the Grimm beating you up."

"I'm fine. Really, I'm fine."

"I've heard veteran huntsmen and huntresses say that before. Look, if you need to talk things out with someone, Yang and I will be here."

A few days later, after the day's round of strategy games were done, Searing found Yang. "Hey, can we talk?" She cautiously asked.

"What's up?" Yang asked with a smile.

"I. . . I don't know how to start on this issue."

"Hmmm. . ." Yang thought for a bit. "Well, if you don't know where to start, how about figuring out where to end?"

"What?"

"My dad asks that when my sister or I have a problem. It usually works."

"Well. . ." Searing thought about it a bit. "I want to. . . I have a friend I haven't seen in years, and you remind me a lot of her. She's kind of a big deal, and she. . . She. . ."

"You have some feelings for her, don't you?"

A blush came over Searing's face. "Wha. . . Nononono, not at all."

"Yes you dooo~" Yang teased with a smirk. "I can tell~"

"You. . ." Searing gave a frustrated sigh. "Okay, yes, I might have some feelings for her. I just don't know what she'll think if - when I see her again. I don't want to just drop this on her, you know? But I don't want to let it gnaw at me when I get back either."

"Well, if you don't want to drop it like the bass, maybe you could just let it happen? Talk with her, see what she does, and be there for her. And hey, it could be that she likes you back. Just be confident and things should work out."

Searing took a moment to digest the words. "Thanks, Yang."

"Hey, no problem." Yang suddenly pulled Searing into a hug. Searing went stiff from the surprise hug, her thoughts racing as she panicked on what to do. Slowly, she returned the hug. "It's not that difficult. And hey, if she's like me, I'm sure she'd be fine with your cute pony ears."

"And if she isn't?"

"Just let her shout it out until she's a little hoarse."

Searing couldn't help but snicker at the pun as she broke the hug. "Is wordplay the mane form of comedy here?"

"If it isn't, it's certainly at the tail end of the show."

"Well, you've certainly left a mark on me."

Yang gave Searing a blank look. "I don't get it."

Searing took a step back to think. "Ah. Uhm. Well. . . How do I explain this?"

"Hey, not every pun is a winner." Yang checked her scroll when it pinged. "Hey, I gotta get going. My little sister's visiting, and she'll definitely keep me to herself if she can. Good luck with your girlfriend!" With that, she ran off.

Searing halfheartedly waved as Yang left. When the long haired blonde left, the short haired blonde sat down. "Girlfriend, huh," she quietly said to herself. "Yang Xiao Long and Searing Victory. I like the sound of that."

Off in wherever Discord was, the chaos spirit rubbed his mismatched hands together. "This is going to be great!"

The day to leave finally came, arriving with a chaotic knocking on the dorm door. "Yeah, yeah, I'm on my way," Searing groggily said as she got out of bed and opened the door. "Hi, Discord."

"Goooood morning!" Discord greeted with far too much cheer. "Got everything packed up?"

Searing looked back at her suitcases and the clothes spread out around them. "Not yet." Discord snapped and the suitcases came to life. Searing was mildly entranced by the one that was eating up all the loose clothes with both the utmost of care and a ravenous appetite. She became entranced when she saw it working on her armor and weapons. "Well, that's neat."

"Look at your feet."

Searing looked down and saw that, somehow, the other suitcase had gotten under her, and she was sinking into its fabric filled depths. It wasn't long before she was knee deep in it. "Discord!"

"Don't worry, my dear. It's totally harmless, I assure you. That being said though," -He pulled out a plunger from nowhere- "I do need to expedite the process." He planted the plunger on Searing's head and started pushing her down with it.

"Hey, stop. Stop stop stop STOP!"

"Okay." With one final push, Searing was fully in the fabric filled space and the plunger was off her head. Before she could do anything, Discord closed the suitcase, leaving Searing in the dark.

"Great. Stuck in a suitcase with no idea of my next stop. Sweet Celestia, I wish I had something to do." It wouldn't be long before she realized the comfort of her predicament and decided to go back to sleep.

Author's Note

Determination makes Searing's aura tougher when the odds are stacked against her. The greater the odds, the greater the toughness boost is. The main factors that activate Determination are allies and enemies. With more allies, the effect is lessened, further so if they are skilled, armed, and capable. The effect is also lessened if the enemies are weak and few. The opposite also holds true, as seen with her facing the horde.

Any armor and armaments Searing has does not affect Determination one way or the other.

Crimson Breaker and the Blasting Laser Cannons draw from her aura and magic. The draw bypasses Determination. Crimson Breaker takes half to activate, and stays active until turned off. The cannons draw a small amount for a regular shot, but can draw more for a stronger shot.

New Stuff, Flexible Wares

Searing woke up and looked around. She was still stuck in the spacious suitcase with her accumulated clothes, none of which she'd worn for. . . Who knew how long? There were no clocks or calendars in her plush personal prison, but if she were to guess, it had probably been a week at least. If nothing else, she could at least enjoy the fact that she was a unicorn again.

She went to her bathroom and, as happened every time she went in, was horribly confused by it. "Why is it all carpet? Why, Discord?" It wasn't just the floor that was carpet. The walls, ceiling, vanity, shower, shower curtains, pipes, faucet, sink, toilet, trash can, and even the lights were all made of carpet. The only things that weren't made of carpet was the water and Searing herself, along with the occasional meal in the full carpet medicine cabinet.

Just as she finished up in the full carpet bathroom, the whole area started shaking and growing dim. The floor disappeared, and she felt her body get humanized. "Here we go again."

She landed in (not on) a bed with soft, luxurious sheets, comfortable pillows, and an odd blanket. Before she could figure out what the smell permeating the air was, the blanket sprung to life, wrapping her up in a tight cocoon from the neck down. No matter how Searing struggled, she couldn't break free.

Discord suddenly appeared next to her and took a few pictures. "That is just lovely!"

"Let me out, Discord!" Searing continued to struggle, to no effect.

"Hmm, maybe." The draconequus considered her bound form. "How about you listen to me first, without struggling, and then I might let you out. Sound fair?"

She stopped squirming and sighed in defeat. "I guess I'll go along with it."

A big grin crossed Discord's face. "Excellent!" He picked her up, sat her in an office chair, and put a seat belt on her (safety first, everyone!). "Let's go for a drive." He sat on the empty air next to her and went through the motions of starting up a car. When he hit the imaginary gas pedal, they moved forward, though the only sound was the rolling of the wheels on the chair.

"So, what is this place?" Searing asked as she looked around at the empty road. There were no houses visible along the road, and her aura served as a neat personal windshield for her eyes.

"The theme of this world is tight, shiny latex. Made it myself. There is no outer space, just the planet and a simulation of the sun, moon, and stars. I'm sure you'll find something here that you'll like."

"The exit? How did you make this world anyways? I didn't think you were that powerful."

"I know someone. . ."

Discord reclined on a set of horns. "Hey, can I ask you for a little favor?"

"Maybe~" Slaanesh sang out. "What do you want?"

"You may have heard that I have a unicorn buddy. I want to make a special world for her to go to."

"Ooh! A real unicorn! Can I stick her horn-"

"No," Discord firmly and flatly said. "How about I give you an idea for your more. . . lustful followers in exchange for the power I need?"

"I'll listen." Discord leaned over and whispered something the author does not want to describe in Slaanesh's ear. He/she/it smiled widely at the simple idea, and wondered why he/she/it hadn't thought of it before. "I love it! I love it a lot!"

"So, that power I need?"

"Yes, yes, here you go." Slaanesh tossed a fist sized gem to Discord. "I'll be watching~"

"Sweet. Thanks." With a snap, Discord disappeared with the gem.

"I got a little loan. Would you like to know the rules of this world?"

"Not like I have a choice."

"First: everyone you'll see here is a healthy, curvy lady. Don't worry about reproduction issues, those are already taken care of, and no, it's not random pregnancy."

"I wasn't about to ask. I just want to get out of here."

"Second: this is a very safe world. No disease, no vicious animals, largely pleasant weather, and large scale combat isn't really a thing."

Searing looked at a large building as they went by. "So why are there hospitals?"

"People can still get hurt. And other reasons. One moment." Discord stopped talking as he put on some Eurobeat and drifted along a cliff face, soon leading to a road overlooking a beautiful beach and shorefront city. When the road straightened out, he continued. "Three: almost everything revolves around tight, shiny latex. It's very visually appealing, you know?" An eyebrow waggle conveyed everything he didn't say.

Searing looked down at her cocoon and finally realized what the permeating smell from earlier was. "Get me out of this world, Discord! Now!"

"Hm, nah. I have things kind of planned for you. You really should go out and enjoy yourself while you're here though. No shame, just good, healthy fun."

"The more I hear you talk, the less I want to stay."

"Audible gasp! You wound me with your words."

"Good!"

The rest of the drive was silent, save for the wheels on Searing's chair. As they went around, Searing saw things that supported Discord's explanations. Everywhere she looked, she saw healthy, attractive women clad in tight latex of various styles. High heels and higher platform heels were very common, and she saw plenty of mermaid tails being worn on the beach. Some had the angles of legs underneath, others were more naturally curved, as if it were an actual appendage.

Her observation session came to an end when Discord suddenly made a hard left turn and he crashed into a wall while Searing kept rolling forward through a pair of sliding doors and into a hotel lobby.

"Hello~" the tightly and tastefully dressed desk attendant said. "Do you have a reservation with us?"

"I don't know," Searing replied, going along with it. "Would it be under the name Searing Victory?"

The attendant checked her computer. "Oooh, there you are. We can take you to the penthouse right now, you lucky gal." She clapped and another woman, similarly dressed, came out from the back. "We have our penthouse guest. See to her every want and need."

"Of course~" The second woman left the desk and started rolling Searing along. "You are going to love the penthouse, Ms. Victory. A lovely view of the beach, plenty of space, a full kitchen, 24/7 on demand room service, and some of the best and newest technology in the world."

"Joy," Searing flatly said as she was rolled along. "Hey, do you think someone could let me out of this thing?"

"I'd be happy to help when we get to the penthouse."

"Thanks."

As soon as Searing was out of her cocoon and alone, she promptly went over to the wardrobe, since she had nothing on under the cocoon. All she found in it was a plain black latex swimsuit with blue highlights. Deciding it was better than nothing, even with the nearly chest height leg openings, she put it on. "Well, now what?"

The sound of a computer booting up caught her attention and she found it in a small room, the walls covered in pipes and hoses of different colors that all connected to a strange machine. She sat down and watched as the computer went through the last stages of booting up. The machine went straight to a program called Latex Printing, and presented an option for an interactive video tutorial. Curious and not wanting to go anywhere, Searing watched it.

"Welcome to the greatest advancement in latex yet!" The woman in the video opened with. "This is the, very simply named, Latex Printer. With this machine, you can design and print anything you want. In fact, everything I'm wearing was made on such a printer. Looks good, doesn't it?" The video paused and Searing was presented with three choices: Yes, No, and Get On With It. She chose the third one. "A bit eager, are we? I like that!

"To start, open up the design program. Duh!" The video shrank and moved to the corner while the modelling program opened up. "Now, to start off, let's get a scan of your body so we know just what shapes we have to work with." A tingling light came from the machine and a featureless grayscale model of Searing appeared on the screen. "Now we have our mannequin. From here, we can easily make skin tight pieces. Let's start with some simple legwear."

Searing followed the guide, and she quickly had some snug looking leggings on the screen. A few directions later, and the printer would go to work. A circular light blue field took up most of the surface, and a set of printing beams went to work. As the folded leggings were being printed, they stayed in mid-air, only falling when they were done and the field deactivated.

She was just starting to put them on when the woman on the screen spoke again. "Now that you've seen the printer in action, you should try your new item on to-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm already doing that!" Searing pointlessly retorted, though it did make her feel a bit better. It wouldn't be long before she had the leggings on, a process that went more smoothly than she expected. Her sides were still exposed, but she still felt much better now that she had some extra coverage.

When she was done thinking about things, Searing looked back at the screen. A multiple choice prompt was on it, asking how well the leggings fit: perfectly, adequately, or not really. Glancing at her latex clad legs for a moment, she chose, with some reluctance, Perfectly.

"Oh, that is just wonderful to hear~" the woman in the video happily said. Almost too happily. "Hahhh. . . Moving on, the latex printer can also work with select non-latex materials, such as metal and plastic, in order to enhance your experience further. Currently, leather and spandex can't be printed, but rest assured, my scientists are working on that! When they're not busy with their science fashion shows. Let's make something with one of those, shall we?"

Once again, Searing followed the directions on the computer as she designed some boots. Not wanting to deal with heels, she'd decided to make some simple knee height pieces with flat soles, zippers on the sides, and a simple buckle to keep the zipper from catching and coming down. "Yeah, this looks good," Searing said.

Before she could hit the print command, the woman spoke again. "Are you sure you don't want to give these some heels? Or a wedge? They would look really nice with some, you know." Searing ignored her and set the machine to print.

It wouldn't be long before the printer ran out of vertical space in its suspension field, but that had apparently been foreseen, and it went about lowering the partially printed pair of boots, keeping the uppermost section in a lowering portion of the field. Once it was as low as it could go, the full field came back and finished printing the rest.

Once the boots were done, Searing put them on. Even though she had no socks, they were still fairly comfortable, especially with her aura helping her. She got up and started walking around with them. They were basic in their design, but they worked.

In the middle of some kicks, a problem came to light. The soles were as smooth as the rest of the boots, causing her to slip and fall on her back, right onto the smooth stone floor. "Agh! Oohhhh. . ." She thanked her aura for its protection, though the semblance hadn't helped at all. "Okay, smooth soles are not a good idea." She took the boots off and went back to the computer with them.

Two new tutorials awaited her: Modification and Recycling. Knowing the meaning of those words, she chose Modification. Once again, the woman appeared, sitting on her desk and inspecting her nails. "So you have something you need to change to suit your tastes? Or maybe repair something that broke? Well, the printer can handle that, easy peasy. Mostly. It can only add right now, not subtract. I'll have the ladies in R&D work on that, at least once they're done with their fun time. Could be weeks. Anyways, start by hitting the R/M button on the front of the printer." Searing found it and pressed it, a green field filling the space. "You now have thirty seconds to put what you want in the field and press the button again." Searing did it in under five seconds. "You will find the model in the program. Just add what you want, hit Print, and let it do its thing."

Once again, Searing followed the provided directions. She added some heavy duty treads to the soles, making the material a tougher rubber than the latex that made up the rest of the boots. Once again, she hit Print, and watched as the soles were added. When they were done, Searing put them back on, went back out, and tested them again. This time, they served her much better.

After some hours, Searing had a decent selection of fairly plain latex clothes printed out. She'd learned how to recycle the things she didn't like, a feature she used a few times with unsatisfactory prints. She still would have much preferred regular clothes, and she was stuck in her human form again. If nothing else, the printer did give her a degree of agency over her time in the world.

She went to the bed and found a hotel guide on the nightstand. With nothing better to do, she read it out loud. "Moxxi Luxury Inn and Suites. Shorefront pleasure and service. Complimentary breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Full room service. Gyms and arcades available to guests. Open fashion shows every Wednesday night." She opened the guide and found the meal times, then mildly panicked and ran off. Supper was due to end in half an hour.

She made it down in ten minutes. Six were spent rushing down the stairs and four were spent looking for the place. It only took a moment for Searing to catch her breath after sitting down. It wasn't long before a waitress in a latex maid outfit showed up. "Good evening, Miss Victory," she said as she set a menu down.

Searing looked up at her with suspicion. "How do you know my name?"

"We make sure to know our penthouse residents by name. A bit of strategic hypnosis helps. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Just some water." As the waitress left, Searing took a moment to reflect on the casual mention of hypnosis, dismiss it, and look at the menu. To her surprise, the menu and everything on it looked and sounded positively normal. Sandwiches, pasta dishes, fish, sides, drinks, dessert, every bit of it looked like the regular stuff she'd seen before.

It wouldn't be long before the waitress came back. "Are you ready to order?"

"Chicken alfredo, please."

"A classic. I'll have it out in a few minutes."

Once Searing was alone, she started pondering the nature of the world she found herself in, and started to wonder how anything got done. Everyone seemed obsessed with latex, fetishes, and showing off, likely with some degree of arousal and pleasure, if the woman in the printer tutorial was any indication.

She didn't respond beyond a curt nod when her meal was delivered, and she took a cautious bite. Like the menu, it tasted pretty normal, though there was something a bit different with the chicken. It wasn't bad, and it tasted fine, but the texture was off just enough for her to notice it.

As she ate, she watched the people around her. Nobody left any tips, and none of the waitresses seemed to fret over it. Searing was perfectly fine with that, especially since she had no money available.

Closing procedures for the dining area started just as Searing finished her meal. The waitress showed up as if on cue. "I take it everything tasted good, Miss Victory?"

"It did," Searing said. "A bit different from what I've had before, but not bad."

"That's great to hear! Can I get you any dessert?"

"Well. . ."

"No pressure. You can have it here or take it back up to the penthouse."

"I'll pass. Thanks, though."

"That's alright. Have a good evening."

"Thanks." Searing got up and left the dining area, feeling weird about not paying and telling herself repeatedly that it was complimentary.

Back in the penthouse, Searing decided to put the TV on a random news channel. There was a pole in the middle of the room, obviously for the purpose of pole dancing. With nothing else to do, and with nobody able to see her, Searing started using it for her own exercising purposes. She quickly came to respect the amount of strength, stamina, flexibility, and dexterity it took to actually pole dance, especially after a few falls.

She kept at it through aches, falls, and other fumbles until she was exhausted. Once she was done, she turned the TV off and went to the bedroom to call it a night.

Author's Note

Why did I decide to write this kind of stuff? Three chapters of it, no less? For fun.

And no, there will be nothing explicit beyond the brief bit after Searing was freed from her cocoon.

Horsing Around

Searing was bored. This was nothing new, since she'd stayed holed up in the hotel for over a month, leaving the penthouse only for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and the workout room. The printer was fun, but she wasn't patient enough to really get creative with it. She was getting better with the pole workouts, and had even managed to stay off the floor with it for nearly an hour a few times.

"I'm bored," she said to herself as she lay on her bed. She was already used to the way the world seemed to work, and the constant smell of latex had faded to the background. She looked to the side and saw a phone guide that had been a constant feature on the nightstand. With nothing better to do, she picked it up and read it. "Pizza, seafood, clothes, enchantresses? Huh. Plumbing service, electrical service, room service, someone to talk to? Well, I could use that." She quickly dialed the number.

"Hello, Searing," the woman on the other side said with a mature, yet sweet voice. "How can I help you?"

Searing gave the phone a suspicious glance. "How did you know my name?"

"This is an internal hotel line, Sugar. Naturally, we have caller ID for that, and since you're the only one in the penthouse, it wasn't hard to figure out. So, how can I be of service? Need a sub? Dom? Maybe you want me to teach you some tricks?"

"What? No no no, I just. . ." Searing let out a sigh. "I just need to talk to someone."

"Would you like me to come to you or would you like to come to me?"

"I'll come to you. Where are you?"

"Just come to the front desk and one of the fine ladies there will show you the way. See you soon, Sugar."

"Alright." Searing hung up the phone and shuddered a bit. It sounded like the woman on the other end was flirting with her or teasing her. She hoped it was neither.

The dim office Searing found herself in was, to her surprise, homey, simple, and rather devoid of anything fetishy. She felt a bit better just by being there. At the back of the room were two high back chairs facing a faux fireplace. "Hello, Sugar," the woman from the call said. "Take a seat." A silhouette of an arm told her which chair was occupied. "Either one is fine."

Searing took the open seat, and she got to see the woman. Like every other woman, she had a healthy figure and the showy, yet professional outfit she wore fit her very well. Searing really didn't care all that much, though she suddenly felt a bit underdressed in only her regular athletic attire. "So, who are you?"

"I'm Moxxi, the owner of this hotel. Sorry for not introducing myself earlier. I'm used to everyone knowing who I am, and I'll admit that you not knowing is a bit exciting. But! We're not here for me to talk to you, you're here to talk to me. And I promise that nothing you say will leave this room. So, what's troubling you?"

"Well, it's a long story," Searing said as she gathered her thoughts, tried to organize her story, failed repeatedly, gave up, and went with the abridged short version. "I'm from a different world, I have no idea why my. . . Benefactor sent me here, though I have my suspicions, and. . . It's all so different here."

"How so?"

"Well. . . The latex everything, for starters. Then there's all the fetish stuff everywhere, and. . . It just makes no sense to me, which I should be used to by now, but no, I'm not. I just. . . I want to go back home, where things were so much simpler."

"Simpler or more familiar?"

Searing had to consider the question for a moment before giving a rather Discord-like answer. "Yes."

"I see. Maybe you just need to get out and do something."

"I don't have any money."

"Well, someone paid for your penthouse for quite a while, so you could get a job somewhere and earn some money that way." Moxxi spent a couple seconds admiring Searing's exposed body. "How about you go to the gym down the road? You look like you would make a great instructor there."

"Well. . . I. . . I kind of like fighting a bit too much to just instruct, if I'm honest."

"There's a dojo next to the gym. If you want to try for a position there, they might accept you."

"Thanks. And. . . What can you tell me about enchantresses? I didn't know magic was a thing here."

"It is a gift few possess, and it's never clear if someone will get it. My mothers are both top notch enchantresses, as are my sisters, but I wasn't. They all got easy jobs, and here I am, the richest of them all. Anyways, an enchantress can enchant clothes to work a certain way. Let's say you wanted to replace your legs with cat legs. You can get some tights or boots with the right design enchanted, put them on, and you'll be walking with cat legs. Simple, really."

Searing made a mental note of the description. "I'll have to look into that. Which way to the dojo?"

"Out the front door, go left, and follow the road. It'll be on the beachside."

"Thanks, Moxxi."

"It's no problem, Sugar. Good luck~"

When Searing walked in the dojo, she saw a class in session, practicing kicks, punches, and other moves. Inside, she smiled. "This is going to be great!" She thought as she walked up to the front desk and remembered her mission. "Excuse me, are there any job openings here?"

Everything went silent at the question and the receptionist looked up at her. "You want to teach here?"

"Oh yes," Searing said with an eager nod. "I'll do whatever paperwork I need to for that."

"Go to the training floor. Raven will conduct your interview."

Searing went to the mat covered floor, the women all letting her pass by. All except for one, whom she stood eye to eye with. Something about the woman's facial features and wavy black hair reminded her a bit of Yang, but she set those thoughts aside.

"So, you're looking to become an instructor here?" Raven asked. "Let's see if that toned body is the real deal or just for show. Class! Test her, and show no remorse."

Searing turned around just in time to get a fist to the face, the surprise staggering her more than anything. She recovered quickly, just in time to brace for a second punch to the face. "Is that it?" Searing boredly asked before going on her own offense. Grapples, punches, kicks, human shields, she used every trick she had, and she was smiling the whole time.

Once the whole class was down on the floor, Raven landed a surprise attack with a kendo sword, knocking Searing off balance and to the floor. "Is that all you have?" The tip of the wooden practice weapon hit the mat right next to Searing's face.

Searing did not answer with words. Instead, she grabbed the wooden weapon and rolled into the woman's legs, knocking her over and allowing Searing to claim the weapon as she got to her feet. "No, not really. Truth be told, I wasn't even trying that hard."

Raven suddenly started laughing as she got up. "You weren't trying? And what would that look like?"

"Hospital trips."

All mirth disappeared from Raven's face at the flat delivery of the answer. "Seriously?"

"Yes. So, the job?"

"Yeah, I guess you earned it. Go to the reception desk to get the paperwork done."

And now, a bunch of stuff

Searing decided to expand her horizons some more and see what else was in town. She had the day off and some money to spend, after all.

Her first stop was a dance club. The bouncer, a rather muscular woman that stood over Searing (mostly on account of some ridiculously tall platform heels) stopped her. "Hold it. Do you have a dance outfit?"

"Uhh, can't I dance in anything I'm wearing?" The bouncer pulled Searing over to a window overlooking the dance floor. Confusion overtook Searing as she tried to figure out the outfits everyone was wearing. The tight latex was no surprise, but the inflated hands, lower legs, and feet that every outfit shared was. "I. . . I don't get it."

"We have some to rent or buy if you're interested."

"I think I'll pass on that." With that, Searing left the dance club.

"Ooh, a petting zoo!" Searing went in with visions of petting all kinds of different animals and possibly even reconnecting with her inner equine, which really hadn't been allowed to show much thanks to Discord.

Her daydream came to a crashing halt when she came to a split. Off to the right was the actual entrance to the animals, and she could see some just past the admission booths.

On the left was the metaphorical reinforced brick wall that had made her stop. Just past the admission booths, Searing saw women, arms and legs bound so they were only walking on their elbows and knees, clad head to toe in animal themed outfits.

Searing let out a breath, turned around, and left. "Nope. Not happening."

"I hope this place is normal." Searing entered an aquarium and her hopes were quickly dashed. At the far end of the room was a group of visitors being suited up with mermaid outfits. When one of them was fully dressed up, she was put on a water slide that went down into the wall. Through the floor, she saw the woman land in the water and start swimming around. "Why did I hope for normalcy again?" She asked herself as she left.

An advertisement came up on the TV as Searing was doing a pole workout. It was one she hadn't seen before, so she paused to watch. "Do you need a contract written? Or maybe you have one you want looked at? Well, we here at Dewie, Cheetum, and Howe would be glad to help you with all your legally binding contracts." The woman walked over to a chair that appeared to be (and most likely was) a woman bound in a chair frame and sat down on the lap-cushion. "We break down the legalese into simpler terms that anyone can understand, even if they're fresh out of the tube. There is no contract we can't decipher or write, no loophole we'll leave open, and no possibility we won't consider. We can even help issue gag orders. Oh, those are so much fun~"

"Why am I still surprised by this world?" Searing asked herself as she went back to her routine. Before she could really get back in the rhythm, the lights flickered, then everything went dark in the room, the only illumination coming from the full moon outside. "That's not right." She went over to the phone, which still worked, and dialed the internal number for electrical service. "Hi. The power in the penthouse just went out. . . Oh. . . Okay. . . No, I don't. . . Yes, I can wait. . . Thank you."

Almost half an hour later, there was a knock at the door. Searing answered it and saw a woman clad head to toe in black latex with yellow lightning patterns placed around it to emphasize her shape. The woman's whole head was hidden inside a smooth helmet, concealing all her facial features. Behind her was a loaded utility cart, and as Searing looked over the myriad of tools and parts, she noticed the lightning shaped heels on the woman's feet. "Electrical, I presume?" Searing asked.

The woman nodded, said nothing, and brought the cart in. She started looking around the room, like she was scanning for something. It wouldn't be long before she got a lock on one wall, went over, and got to work.

Searing watched over the woman's shoulders, an easy task since whatever went wrong was near the pole. A section of the wall was cut out with a glowing knife and set aside. Searing was no electrician, but she could tell that the mass of sparking wires was very dangerous. "So, are you going to cut the power or-" Searing's question was answered when the woman started handling the live wires like they were plain strings, not bothered by the arcing electricity. It took a bit for Searing to make the connection. "Full rubber insulation. Of course." She looked the electrician's outfit over again. "That's actually a pretty good idea."

Searing picked up the phone and dialed. Naturally, someone picked up on the other end. "Hi. The water in my bathroom isn't flowing. . . No, nothing. . . The kitchen water works. . . Not super urgent, but I would like it fixed quickly. . . Yes, I'll wait for her. . . Thanks."

Twenty minutes later, Searing opened the door. The plumber was there, and she was clad head to toe in black latex with blue water patterns all over, from the fully concealing helmet to the heels on her feet. Behind her was a utility cart full of plumbing parts and tools. "Why am I not surprised?" Searing quietly asked herself. "Come on in."

The woman brought the cart in and started looking around as she made her way to the bathroom. When she got there, her body language suggested a sigh. She pulled out a tablet, typed out a message, and presented it to Searing. "Have you done any activities with these fixtures outside of regular use?"

"No, I haven't," Searing said. "Is that a common problem?"

The plumber nodded before typing out another message. "If you need to use a bathroom or take a shower, use another bathroom. This is going to take a bit of time to fix."

"Thank you." Searing picked up a bundle of her latex clothes and started making her way down to the pool. She knew there were showers in the changing room down there that she could use.

Half an hour later, Searing returned to the penthouse and heard running water. Curious, she went to the bathroom and saw the plumber in the shower, cleaning her outfit of a bunch of muck she could smell all the way from the open door. The plumber noticed Searing, held two fingers against the side of her helmet, and the tablet lit up. Searing picked it up and read the message. "Simpler fixes than expected, but very messy. Will freshen up the bathroom after cleaning up."

Searing gave the plumber a look, nodded, and went back out to the main area of the penthouse. "Well, I guess that's an advantage to latex suits for plumbing work."

Searing realized that she was about ten minutes early to the dojo, so she decided to take a look at the Fembot Gym that was next door. The gym was split into two areas inside, both with their own counters. To the left was a normal enough gym, packed with women working out. To the right, Searing saw something similar, though the women there were all moving rather mechanically, had a blank look to their eyes, and were all wearing headphones with an antenna on top.

"Are you interested in our hypnotic workout program?" The woman behind the right counter asked.

"Kind of? How does it work?"

"Well, you choose your workout regiment, put the headphones on, and let yourself slip back as your body goes on autopilot, letting you get all the workout without having to focus on it. Of course, there are numerous safety measures in place and you can cancel at any time you want."

"Ah. Huh. That's actually pretty clever," Searing admitted. "Not my speed, though. Thanks." With that, Searing left to go to work.

"Happy Hooves Trail Travels," Searing read when she saw the sign. "Enjoy a week with hooves on a venture through the forest." Not seeing anything with hooves, or a stable, Searing went in for information.

She got all the information she needed when a centaur woman approached her. "Hello. Interested in a travel session?"

Searing looked at the woman's lower half, and tried to figure out how her human legs fit in the equine legs, and how the back legs moved. "How does that work?" She asked.

"It's enchanted," the woman easily answered. "We have our own enchantress who customizes each set of centaur legs to your liking before the hikes, if you book far enough ahead of time. All hiking tour legs are equine, but we can make more individualized ones for personal use."

"Hmm. . . When's the next hike?"

"Hikes start every Sunday and last for a week. The centaur legs for the hikes have a special lock system in them that can only be engaged or disengaged here, so once you start, you're stuck with them until you return."

"Huh. That sounds interesting. How far ahead do I need to book for the customization?"

"Two weeks minimum."

"Thanks."

One Sunday a few weeks later, Searing returned. She'd done some research and had packed some snacks ahead of time. She even printed up a bright red sleeveless leotard with her cutie mark right between her shoulder blades just for the occasion. "Searing Victory?" The desk attendant asked.

"That's me," Searing said.

"Alright. Go talk to Vanessa and she'll go over the centaur legs with you."

Searing went in the indicated direction and found a woman waiting for her, already wearing a set of shiny black centaur legs. "Are you Vanessa?" Searing asked.

"I am," Vanessa said. "And you look like one of the hikers. Name?"

"Searing Victory."

Vanessa checked a tablet. "Alright, there we are. If you'll follow me, please?" Searing followed her, noticing how smoothly Vanessa was walking with the centaur legs, though the sway in the rear legs was a little too pronounced. "Here's your set of legs, Miss Victory."

Searing saw the bright red centaur legs with a blonde tail and knew she'd done well on the description. The legs were suspended in a rearing stance, and a set of stairs to the side lead right to where she would get in. She took a breath to calm her nerves at the mixed feelings she had about the situation.

"Nervous?" Vanessa asked.

"Just a bit," Searing replied. "Well, I'm here, better get it over with." She set the backpack on a side table and ascended the stairs to the opening. The area for her to get in had a silky texture, and felt nice on her legs as she went in. She tried not to think about how the enchantments worked. "Alright, now what?" She asked once she was in.

"Things are going to move for a bit. Stay calm." A moment later, Searing felt the opening close up against her. Glancing down, she saw it meld with her leotard, making one smooth surface. After that, she felt some kind of magic at work around her concealed hips and legs. It only lasted a few seconds, and once it was done, the machinery lowered her onto all fours. "That's all there is to getting the legs on. Now, let's go over walking, once you're ready."

"Just a moment." Searing experimented with her new lower half. She was taller than before and could still feel her human legs in the outfit. The front equine legs moved in response to her own legs' movements, in spite of the shape differences. They weren't as flexible as her unicorn forelegs, but they didn't need to be for this. Once she got a feel for her rear legs and moved them a bit, she stepped out. "I think I'll skip on the walking lessons."

"Sounds like you're taking to the legs pretty well. Head on out to the pasture and I'll get you when it's time for the trip to start."

"Alright." Searing picked up her backpack and put it on as she went outside. Having four hooves, even if they were only a facsimile, felt great. While she was waiting, she walked, trotted, and galloped around the large pasture, old motions coming back with ease before long. She actually found the legs to be easier to run in since she didn't have to breathe as hard or as much. "I could get used to this."

An hour later, Searing stood as part of a herd of hikers. Vanessa, sporting large saddlebags on her lower half, was on top of a rock in the pasture, giving out directions. "Here are the rules of the hike. First: everyone stays close together, within sight of the herd, especially me. Second: we will not deviate from the path I will be leading us on. If you want to see the sights at your own leisure, you can come back on your own time, buy or rent some legs, and go out on your own. Third: there are no bathrooms. If you need to go, you can step off the trail, let it out, and come back. Yes, the legs have that kind of function, and they are self-cleaning.

"Before we head out, everyone will get their own set of saddlebags. They are loaded with camping gear, water, and enough snacks for the week. We will set camp at different sites each night, pack up in the morning, and start hiking immediately. Are there any questions? No? Excellent, follow me." Vanessa leapt off the rock and led the herd towards a gate at the rear of the pasture. The gate was only wide enough to allow single file movement. Each hiker was given a set of saddlebags, which turned out to be rather easy to put on and take off without assistance, and was sent on their way.

Everyone was smiling as they headed out to the nearby forest, but Searing's smile was the biggest and most genuine. For her, things were going great.

Searing was one of the few not tired out by the hours of walking through the wilderness once the herd reached the first campsite, near a river. As those who were worn out rested and caught their breath, Searing started up a conversation. "Vanessa?"

"Yes, Searing?"

"Are there any dangerous animals out here?"

Vanessa hid a dainty laugh before answering. "Dangerous animals. Oh, that's cute. There are no dangerous animals out here. Why, there's a fuzzy bear just over there, coming this way."

Searing quickly turned around and saw the wild bear approach a bunch of the worn out hikers, then lay down next to them. They didn't bat an eye. "I. . . What?"

"Aww, it's adorable~" Vanessa casually approached the bear, lowered herself, and started giving it some ear scratches. "Oh yes, you are just so adorable~ Yes, you are~ You's a good little bear~"

Searing was grievously confused. "Do you. . . Know that bear?"

"Nope! I couldn't tell you one from the other out here."

"I. . . I'm just going to go stand in the river for a bit." Searing left to do just that.

As she stood in the waist deep part of the river, the sheer dissonance of what she'd seen wracking at her mind. A bear in the wilderness was no joke. A bear in civilization, except for Asada, was no joke, and even Asada was no joke on the rare occasions she got serious, so she heard. Bears in general were no joke. She'd never fought one, but she knew enough about them, and yet there was a wild bear in the camp. By the light of the campfire, Searing could see some of the other hikers playing with the bear and giving it snacks like it was just a giant dog.

The adrenaline rush from the sudden bear presence took a long time to fade away. Every fiber in her body told her to fight it, to neutralize the threat. The confusion, the sight of her temporary herd mates having fun, and the fact that nothing had happened, even after half an hour, did a very good job of holding back the impulse to fight.

"Why do I keep getting surprised?" Searing splashed her face with the cool, fresh, clean water of the river.

As she stared at her reflection under the full moon, Discord's reflection, and only his reflection, joined hers. "Having fun yet?" The reflection asked.

"Not now, Discord. Where have you been?"

"Here, there, somewhere, nowhere. You know, all the places that make sense."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Hey, why the long face? I'm the draconequus, so that should belong to me." He got no response except for a tired look. "Come on, open up. I'll listen."

"I just. . ." Searing sighed before talking. "I'm tired of this trip. I'm tired of the distractions. I'm tired of being human so often. I'm tired of this weird fetish world. I just want to go home and see Yang again. I want to go back to Ponyville. Is that too much to ask?"

"Even if nobody can notice you?" The reflection put a talon over her reflection's lips before Searing could answer. "Give it some thought before you answer." Searing decided to make a biting motion and Discord's reflection reacted to it. "Ow!" He pulled his talon away and inspected it. "Words, Searing. Words!"

"You want words? Okay. Am I cured yet? If not, how much longer? If I am cured, how long have I been cured? How long until I can go home? Am I just some kind of plaything to you?"

Discord's reflection was full of arrows. "You have some pointed questions there, Searing. First, I'll have you know that, being a chaos spirit, deity, god, whatever, I am rather inclined to play with those around me with the same kind of discretion as a foal choosing which toy to play with. Well, more like a collector that brings things off the shelf regularly, but you get the idea."

"Cure. Update. Now."

"Alright, alright." The reflection pulled out a clipboard and looked at some papers on it. The back of the clipboard had a label on it from some proctologists, Proba, Kiester, and Wince. "Hmm. . . You're getting better. Bit by bit, you're getting better."

"How much longer?"

The reflection shrugged. "Who knows?"

Searing punched the water. When it smoothed out, Discord's reflection was gone. "Is a simple answer too much to ask for?" Away from everyone, Searing locked her legs and let the tears flow.

During the next day's hike, Searing stayed at the back of the herd and stayed quiet. After the bear and Discord's talk, she didn't sleep well or for long, so she was feeling too drained to enjoy her centaur legs or the scenery. She was able to, at the least, take a small degree of comfort from the fact that she was able to stay with the herd easily enough. Rough paths, small rock formations, hillsides, she handled it all as if she'd spent years with hooves.

Before she knew it, it was sundown and they were at the second campsite. Some of the hikers collapsed in exhaustion when they arrived, and Searing only afforded them a passing look of disapproval. While she was at it, she looked at the human halves of her centaur herd mates and what they were wearing. There was full latex coverage from the neck down, very low necklines, bandeaus, tube tops, athletic tops, various length dresses and skirts, corsets, side exposing cuts, and more in various colors, patterns, cuts, and combinations.

She set up her tent, which was more like a covered stall, and kept to herself as she had some trail mix and water. Even when the smell of s'mores wafted in, she didn't leave.

The third day started out sunny, then it became rainy before noon. Searing was one of the few hikers not complaining about the rain as they made their way up a trail along a mountain. Sure, it was cold, wet, and miserable, but it was better than cold, wet, and miserable with fur. Her human legs, which she'd forgotten about a number of times already, were well protected by and kept warm in the enchanted centaur legs. It was just a theory of hers, but the warmth in the legs may have been just the thing keeping her from feeling super cold.

Just as the storm intensified, Vanessa located a large, dry cave and ushered everyone into it. It wouldn't be long before she had some fires going, with everyone huddling around them for warmth. She had a phone and was texting with someone. After a bit, she addressed the herd. "If I may have everyone's attention, please?" She had everyone's attention. "This unexpected storm looks like it's going to last for a couple days. We'll rest up here, and once we're all ready, we'll make our way to the original campsite we were supposed to reach the day after tomorrow."

Searing's voice was not among the complainers. She was warming up, she had some snacks, and she'd faced worse things, though the echo of voices in the cave was quick to become a headache.

Before the hiker herd left the cave, Vanessa gave everyone a set of blinders. Searing was a little hesitant to put hers on, but when she did, she would see a bright yellow outline around everyone except Vanessa, who was highlighted with orange. Outside, the rain was falling in sheets, cutting visibility down quite a bit.

Searing was quick to blame Discord for the weather.

"Everyone, listen up!" Vanessa had everyone's attention. "We are going to power through this storm. I will lead the way, so keep me in your sights at all times. The ground will be wet, but that shouldn't stop you."

Someone raised a hand. "What's our route?"

"We are going to head further up from here, gather on a road, and take it towards our pickup destination. Getting up there is the tricky part, but I know we can make it. Now, let's go!"

Searing followed the herd. Even in the heavy rain on the trail, the blinders lit everyone up very well, so she wasn't lost for directions. The panicky screams and loud complaints, she could have done without.

They were walking through a partially flooded section of the trail, each miserable step slowed down by mud, when one of the women near Searing broke down. "I can't take it anymore!" The herd stopped to look at her. "It's cold, it's dark, it's raining, the water's running into my bodysuit, we're wading through mud, and-"

Any further complaints were cut off by a fast backhand to the face from Searing. "And what is complaining about it going to do?"

"H-huh?"

"We're all miserable, cold, wet, and mucking through mud. And now, we're all stopped because you decided to introduce some drama. Now shut up and get moving so we can get back sooner, or would you like to actually fight me on that and delay everyone even more?"

"You know what, I will fight you on that."

Searing responded quickly. After a slap to disorient, she hooked her arms under the woman's arms, reared up with her, and tossed her down on her side. Before the woman could start to get up, Searing firmly pressed a muddy forehoof on her ribcage. "No, you can't fight me." She took the forehoof off, got down, and pulled the woman to her hooves, her side covered in mud. "Now get back to walking."

"Y-yes ma'am. . ." The woman got back in the group and everyone was back to trudging through the weather.

Eventually, they came across a road. After a quick headcount and doing something with her blinders, Vanessa led everyone along the road at full gallop. Searing had no idea what their destination was, but she was ready to get there.

Their destination turned out to be an orchard. Vanessa led them to a large barn near the house, closing the large door once everyone was inside. "Everyone, I'm sorry that your hike turned out this way. When we get back, we will give out partial refunds to anyone that asks. We have a ride on the way to take us back to the shop. For now, let's rest up, rinse off the mud, and dry off. There are stalls further down that you can use, and they have shampoo and polish if you want to use them. I'd also like to collect the blinders while we're here."

Searing was quick to take her blinders off, return them, and head back to the stalls. The stalls only had enough of a wall to conceal the equine half of Searing's form, leaving her human half visible above the walls. She didn't really care and chose a random stall.

She was quick to rinse the mud off her hooves, and was just starting on washing her hair when Vanessa entered an adjacent stall. "Miss Victory, thank you for handling the complainer in the rear out there."

"Thanks."

"I couldn't see the whole thing, but the way you put her on the ground? So hot."

Searing leaned away from Vanessa a bit. "Uhhh. . . It was just a quick stun and grapple."

"And the way you move so. . . Naturally with those legs. I'll admit, it turns me on a bit when I see you moving with them."

Searing rushed through washing the rest of her hair, got out of the stall, and sat outside on the covered patio. The storm was still raging, though it had lessened a bit, but she didn't care about that. She'd just gotten a cold, hard reminder of what the world was about, and she didn't like it.

When Searing, back to her human legs, walked into the penthouse, she saw an unexpected, but really not surprising occupant laying on her bed. "What do you want, Discord?"

"Not even a friendly 'hello'?" Discord asked. "And I even went through the trouble of getting you a not really little gift." He pointed to a gift wrapped box in the corner of the room. "Go ahead."

"I'm going to take a shower." After picking out some clean clothes, she went to do just that.

In the shower, Searing relaxed. Taking the latex leotard off after being stuck in it for nearly a week felt really good. The mere sensation of air on her skin was blissful enough, and the warm water simply made for an exquisite experience of a mundane action. She knew she was succumbing to the ways of the world, but in that moment, she didn't care.

It would be over an hour before Searing came out of the bathroom wearing her preferred athletic set. "Well, it's about time you got out of there," Discord said.

"Shut up, Discord," Searing said with no force. "That gift?"

"Still there, but now a few smidgimeters to the left."

Searing went straight to the gift and started tearing it open. After some effort, she saw the present: her own set of bright red centaur legs. They looked sleek, strong, and were boldly emblazoned with her cutie mark on the flanks. "I'm not sure how to feel about this."

"What if I told you it had a battle mode?" Discord snapped and the piece started transforming. Parts of the body swung around to the forelegs and where Searing's waist would be, forming armor and giving the forelegs a humanoid shape. The rear portion of the lower half spun around before swinging up to the back and continuing to transform, the rear legs becoming arm and shoulder armor while the tail and a few other parts became a crested helmet and upper body armor. The cutie marks were proudly displayed on the shoulders, and the only gap in the armor that Searing could find was the partially open face. "Do you like it now?"

Searing poked the rubbery armor. "How tough is it?"

"Asks the one with aura and a durability semblance."

"What if I run out of aura?"

"Well, it's not going to stop much, but it certainly will protect you from the elements. And with a bit of work from the printer, why, you could make it look however you want." He snapped and the armor turned back into centaur legs. "Easy on, easy off with this piece."

"I'll try them later." Searing picked up the legs and moved them to a more discreet part of the room.

"You're sure you don't want to try them now?"

"Yes. Now get out, Discord. I want to take a nap."

"Make me."

*Fight scene redacted*

"And stay out!" Searing threw the beaten Discord into the toilet and flushed, the draconequus weakly laughing as he went down the drain like it was a water park ride. Once he was gone, Searing realized she would not be getting her nap. With a groan of frustration, she went out to the main room of the penthouse, turned on the TV, and started on her pole workout.

Author's Note

The Fembot Gym is a reference/shoutout to a cool guy who's done some art for I Burn: SuperTechno324.

Holiday Season

Searing looked around at the festive green and white decorations around town as she went to the dojo. It was obviously a holiday, but she wasn't about to ask what it was. The Gardevoirikkah signs told her enough. Additionally, it had been getting cooler, but not to the point where there was any hint of snow or ice. Still, she'd adjusted her growing latex wardrobe for it, switching the athletic top for a more normal long sleeve top. She'd also noticed a very visible change in what everyone was wearing, as the sudden proliferation of ankle length split front skirts was hard to miss.

Even Raven was wearing such a skirt. "Good morning, Searing," she said.

"Morning, Raven." Searing was quick to go on the defense as Raven started fighting her, as usual. They went at it for a couple minutes with neither yielding or falling, stopping only at an unspoken agreement, mostly based on Raven's arms stinging from all the impacts and Searing pretending that the same happened with her. "Good match."

"You too. I've got something special planned for today's classes this afternoon."

"Does it have anything to do with your recent absences and students skipping sessions?"

"Maybe." Raven went back to her prep work. "I definitely want you there."

The morning and afternoon classes went as they normally did. Thirty minutes after the last class, while Searing was doing some sweeping by herself, it happened. Raven and every single student made a dramatic entrance. "Searing! You have gone undefeated here for too long! It is time for us to claim victory over you!"

Searing was quick to get in her battle stance, then she took note of the menagerie of enchanted outfits everyone was wearing. Raven had a pair of wings on her back, talons on her fingertips, and tall heels on her feet. Some students had tentacles coming off their shoulders. A few had cat themed bodysuits, complete with digitigrade legs and claws. One even had a set of centaur legs on, paired with hoof shaped gauntlets on her arms.

"Well, if I'm going to be outnumbered like this. . ." Searing kicked the broom and spun it around like a staff before suddenly striking the centaur in the side, and like that, the fight was on. In the initial rush, Searing dashed forward, planted the long broom handle on the mat, swung up onto the centaur's back, and allowed the handle to come around and bonk her platform on the head.

Six tentacles from two opponents came up from her platform's rear and grabbed the broom. With Searing's aura reinforcing it, it did not bend or break, but if she did nothing, she would lose it. So, she did something: she stepped back onto the centaur's upper body, forcing her to tip forward. At the right moment, Searing let go of the broom. The tentacles, now with no resistance, pulled the broom right into the centaur's elevated flank, eliciting a reflexive dual kick that sent both of them flying into the wall and releasing the broom.

Searing righted her platform and recovered the broom in time to swing the bristle end at an approaching cat woman's head, sending her to the floor. From the other side, another tentacled woman grabbed Searing's ankles and pulled her off the platform. She didn't think it through and was rewarded with Searing rolling with the fall and right over her.

A trio of cat women pounced at the opportunity, quite literally, leaping at her from one direction, landing three flying kicks on her and sending Searing flying against the wall without her broom. "Heh. You've learned well." Searing got to her feet and turned around. "But you still-OOF!" She was interrupted by a hoof gauntlet to the gut, which surprised her more than it hurt her. Searing steeled herself as more punches came and she started to slump over.

"It's over!" The centaur woman proclaimed as she reared up to drop her forehooves into Searing's back.

Searing, naturally, did not let that happen. She quickly got back up and caught the cannons on the forelegs, stopping the attack. With a push and a twist, she dropped the centaur to the mat.

Raven launched herself forward, landing on the centaur's side and starting her attack. She and Searing fell into a familiar rhythm, then it changed. Raven brought a wing between them, keeping Searing from seeing the fist aiming for her face until it was too late, sending her staggering back. "Why won't you go down?" Raven ferociously asked as she leapt forward again and resumed the attack.

"I'm really tough," Searing said as she went on the defense. "You would not believe the things I've faced before." The wing blocked Searing's vision again, and it was quickly followed by a different attack, sending her back again. Raven advanced, aiming her heel clad foot at Searing's foot. Searing sidestepped the move before responding with one of her own, her flat soled foot landing hard on the side of Raven's ankle, forcing the winged woman down and getting a pained yelp from her. "Now fighting in heels, that's dumb."

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. . . . . . . ." Raven breathed out. "Oooooowwwww. . ."

"Hey, are. . . Are you okay?" Searing let her foot off Raven's ankle and noticed that the angle was just a bit off. "Okay, fight's over! Let's get Raven to the hospital." She went over to the centaur and helped get her to her hooves. "Hey, we're counting on you."

"I'm on it," one of the cat women said, quickly retrieving her phone. "Hi, yes, we need an ambulance to the dojo. . . Something with her ankle. She was fighting and her opponent stepped on her ankle. . . From the side, yes. . . Thank you." She hung up. "The ambulance should be here soon."

And soon, it was. The EMS women, clad in the usual tight latex of the world, gently got Raven into the ambulance. Searing dismissed the class, did some closing stuff, and, after locking the place, hailed a cab to go to the hospital.

Searing waited while the doctors did their thing. After an hour or so, Raven was wheeled out, her injured foot in a medical boot and the wings wrapped around herself. "Hey," Raven tiredly said.

"Raven, I'm so sorry," Searing said. "I've been-"

"No, I'm sorry," Raven calmly interrupted with a raised hand. "I should not have done what I did. Getting everyone some enchanted pieces in the hopes of finally beating you, and then. . . You were acting in self defense, you neutralized your opponent, and I remembered why I don't like fighting with heels. I can respect that, and the lesson from it."

"But I should have-"

"None of that!" The sudden firm tone stopped Searing. "You're in the penthouse at Moxxi's, right? I'll organize a Slaaneshmas party, and everyone will bring something. I look forward to seeing your purple and pink."

"Uh, okay? How about we get you home?"

"I'd like that."

As soon as Searing was back in the penthouse, she got online and looked up the two holidays she'd heard about. Sure, she could have asked Raven, but that would have been dumber than asking about swimsuits back at Crystal Prep.

Gardevoirikkah was a quiet week long holiday, honoring the goddess Gardevoir, the patron of clothing, construction, and discipline. To Searing's surprise, art was also associated with Gardevoir, but the way it was presented made sense. It took focus to make art, it was constructive, and it could be in the form of clothing.

Slaaneshmas, on the other hand, was a one day holiday honoring the goddess Slaanesh (something about that description didn't feel quite right to Searing), the patron of the body, senses, and pleasure. To Searing's disgust, the best way she could sum up the holiday from what she read was a day long orgy with seductively designed outfits and bindings, and she was not about to partake in that.

There was also something about a mysterious unknown goddess, who supposedly created the world just for the people, providing abundant land and bountiful harvests of all that could be desired. She also apparently got Slaanesh and Gardevoir to stop arguing and start cooperating with each other, allowing balance in everyone's lives. Being an unknown goddess, she had no holiday associated with her.

Searing suspected that she knew the unknown goddess's identity.

After reading more about Slaaneshmas, Searing went to the phone and dialed. "Hello?" Came a response after a few rings.

Searing spoke. "Raven, I'm going to be honest with you: I just researched Slaaneshmas and I do not want to celebrate it, so please, please, PLEASE, do not bring everyone over for it. Or anyone. Including yourself."

"Aww. . ." Raven pouted. "So you'll be celebrating it alone?"

"I want to spend it alone."

"Even if I let you have your way with me? I can bring all kinds of fun toys."

Searing pinched the bridge of her nose. "Raven, I said No. If you insist on coming over, I'm just going to tell you to go home."

"And if I insist on staying?"

"Then you wouldn't be letting me have my way with you."

"That. . ." Raven's tone changed as the words hit her like a bucket of cold water. "Huh. Hmm. . . What if I just come over to visit?"

"I'd be alright with a casual visit. CASUAL."

With the dojo closed, Searing found herself bored with nothing to do and no desire to go out. Sure, she could have gone to the gym, but the sheer abundance of Slaaneshmas stuff was disgusting, especially with all the things that were on display and on sale.

During the month between the end of Gardevoirikkah and Slaaneshmas, Searing did not leave the hotel. She still had regular Slaaneshmas reminders, with the hotel and its staff being redecorated to fit the theme of the holiday. Even the maids had a layer of purple and pink on under their uniforms.

Eventually, there was a knock on the door. Searing answered it. "Raven," she flatly said as she took in the woman's outfit from the ground up. Her feet were in six inch tall heels, attached to transparent purple and pink latex stockings. Up top, Raven wore more transparent pink and purple latex, covering everything but her head. The only thing keeping her somewhat modest was a purple monokini with pink mesh. Around her neck was a collar with a cleanly integrated digital timer, counting down to midnight. The collar also held the monokini in place, essentially locking the outfit on her. Her hair was very glossy and held back in a ponytail, a departure from the usual loose style.

"Merry Slaaneshmas, Searing," Raven said as she took in Searing's outfit: plain black latex. No heels, no fancy designs, nothing.

"Are you sure you should be wearing heels like that?"

"The doctors said my ankle was fully healed last week," Raven casually dismissed as she entered the penthouse with a noticeable sway to her whole body. "Besides, I'm not fighting you." She handed Searing a small remote. "I'll let you have this."

"What's this for?" The sides had a feminine outline on them, and in between them were a pair of sliders, each with a button next to them.

Raven draped herself over Searing. "I'm dressed and prepared for some good vibes~"

"No." Searing put the remote down on a desk. "I said casual, remember?"

"But it's Slaaneshmas. What fun is Slaaneshmas without a bit of fun?"

"We have different ideas of fun." Searing sighed and gently extracted herself from Raven's embrace. "Is there anything you do today that isn't related to. . . Fun?"

"No, not really."

A frustrated growl left Searing's mouth. "Well, let's figure something out." She looked to the side and saw the printer.

Raven saw the printer as well. "You have a latex printer in here?"

"Yeah. Use it if you want."

Raven giggled like a little girl as she dashed over to the computer and plopped herself in the chair with a little too much energy and enthusiasm. She was quick to boot it up and go through the tutorial.

Searing, happy that Raven was distracted, grabbed a room key and went downstairs to exercise. That room, at least, had minimal Slaaneshmas decorations, and with everyone busy, she would be alone.

A few hours later, Searing returned to the room. Raven was still at the printer, and based on the very faint buzzing, the woman had taken the remote and was using it on herself. "Raven?"

Raven turned around. "Hey, Searing~" she lazily said. She had a lopsided grin on her face and a long stream of drool that had puddled on her outfit. "I had fun. Good vibes are gooooooood~"

"Yeah, sure."

"I just wish I could try my new stuff now."

"You locked your outfit on yourself. Now cool down, clean up, get your new stuff, and get going."

"Yeah, yeah." Raven hit the buttons on the remote and the buzzing quieted down. She got up and went to the bathroom.

Searing pushed the chair aside before looking at the designs Raven had made. Each one was WAY more creative than anything Searing could have come up with, and she was impressed. There were even multilayer outfits, and she was very much impressed by those. "I bet Yang would-" Searing smacked herself before she let that train of thought go any further. "No, she's too good for this. Then again. . ." Another smack.

Raven returned a minute later, now a bit more composed and cleaned of her drool. "What do you think of those designs?"

"They're. . . They're nice."

"Thanks. I'm waiting for the printers to become better before I get one. Thanks for letting me take it for a test run."

"You're welcome. Now please, get your stuff and go."

"Alright, alright. You'll be back at the dojo next month, right?"

Searing considered the question as Raven collected her stuff. "I don't think I can. Not after that brawl."

"Alright. No hard feelings, right?"

"Yeah. I'm. . . I'm feeling tired right now. Have a good day."

"You too. Bye~"

Searing waited for the clicking of Raven's heels to disappear and the closing of the door before she relaxed at all, letting out a sigh of relief once she was alone. "When can I go home?"

A couple months and an upgraded printer later

Discord was waiting in the penthouse when Searing got back from breakfast. He had a black bowtie on. "Guess what today is?"

"Is it my last day here?"

"Yes, yes it is."

"SWEET CELESTIA YES! PLEASE, LET'S GET GOING ALREADY!"

Discord held his hands up. "Easy, easy. Just let me pack your things up first." He went around picking out and packing up all the things Searing had accumulated into a suitcase. "Be honest with me for a moment: is there anything here that you did like?"

"Well. . . The printer is pretty nifty."

"So you do like the latex clothes?"

"No, I only got used to them. The printer let me make whatever I wanted."

"A degree of agency, eh?"

"Hey, what about the BPS?"

"Just a few more stops to go."

Searing gave Discord a flat look of unamusement. "You're just doing this for fun now, aren't you?"

"I will neither confirm or deny that accusation." Discord loaded the printer into the suitcase. "I'm sure you'll like having this later."

"Just get me out of here."

A few minutes later, Discord had packed up all the goodies in the penthouse. With a snap, he vanished the suitcase away. "There we go. And now, it's time for us to leave." He put an arm across her shoulders and with a snap, they vanished.

Author's Note

Journey is ending
Fetish world behind us
There is more to come

A Series of Events

Searing marched up to Discord. "Discord, what's going on?"

"Hmm. . . It looks like the street is crawling with soldiers."

Searing looked back at the street, which couldn't actually be seen due to all the soldiers crawling across it. "No, not that. I thought I asked you for a surprise."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. Some kind of Spanish Inquisition?"

Discord looked around as nothing new happened, and he shrugged. "Well, what are you going to do about it?"

"Discord, why am I a stallion?"

"It's simple, Mr. Scorching Triumph," Discord said to the unamused unicorn. "It had to be done at some point. Anyways, enough of that, onwards!" With a snap, they disappeared.

Searing looked across the yard at the plants guarding her house and the oncoming zombie horde. She'd been holding them off for a few weeks that way, but there was no end to the invasions and the planting. "Wait, why am I doing this?" She asked before going out, lighting up her horn, and engulfing the encroaching zombies in fire, incinerating all of them. "There, that's better."

Elsewhere, Dr. Zomboss's dreams of obtaining a unicorn brain went up in smoke.

Searing approached a giant red and purple robot. "Excuse me, are you. . ." She looked at the notepad Discord had given her. "Alpha Trion?"

"Hm?" The old robot looked around. "Who said that?"

"Down here!" Searing waved her forelegs to get his attention.

Alpha Trion looked down. "Oh, there you are YYYYOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUNG WAAAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIOOOOOOOR! Do you know where my soup is?"

"Huh? Wha. . . No, I just got sent here to get some of your wisdom."

"Oh. Well, I guess I can do that, Young Warrior. Heed these words, and hear them well. When the ketchup laughs at the rain, the tripod fish will write a song."

Searing wrote down the advice, then looked at it. "When the ketchup. . . Wait, what does this have to do with anything?"

"If a scorpion stings you on the finger, the rainbows will cry tears of jelly."

"I have hooves, you know."

"If the air smells of caramel, the donkeys will weep into the big dipper."

"I saw that once. I think it was an allergic reaction."

"A watched pot never boils, but if you throw it against a wall, it will make a hole."

Searing was able to glean a message. "Patience, got it."

"Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and Wednesday is the Thursday of last week's Tuesday."

"I, um. . . I think I have everything I need. Have a good day, Mr. Trion." Searing quickly left the robot.

"She was nice. And very small." Alpha Trion went back to looking for his soup.

"SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!" A man with a blonde afro shouted before two long whip-like strands of hair came out of his nose and knocked away a whole bunch of bald foot soldiers and a pig.

"I'm not even going to try to figure this one out," Searing said to nobody.

Searing looked at the goth girl in front of her. Both of them were in a castle. "Who are you and why do I want to punch you in the face?"

The goth girl answered. "I am Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and I-"

Searing punched her in the face. It felt like the right thing to do.

"Why are you sparkling?" Searing asked the. . . She hesitated to call him a man. He seemed more like a fairy.

"I am a vampire," Edward Cullen dramatically said. "It is part of who I am. It is-"

Searing pointed her horn at him and set him on fire. It felt like the right thing to do.

"Discord?"Searingaskedthroughgrittedteethfromherstuckposition.Shecouldn'tmoveaninch.
"Yes,Searing?"Discordaskedfromnexttoher.Hedidn'tseembotheredbythesituation.
"Whyisitsocrampedinhere?"
"There'snospace,that'swhy."
Searingsighedasmuchasshecould.Shewantedtobeabletomoveagain.

Searing busted through a door with two other people behind her, all three wearing nice red uniforms. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" She shouted before pulling out a scroll. "You are hereby charged with heresy of the highest degree!"

"Do you have any idea who I am?" F*****g Horus demanded. "Do you have even a hint of the level of heresy I operate on?"

She had to stop once she realized the sheer size of who she was facing. "Uhhhhhh. . . ."

"I have pictures of ugly kittens. I like pineapple slices instead of sauce on my pizza. All pop music is good. Shotguns are not awesome, especially the pump and lever action ones. Bacon is disgusting. Fantasy is pointless and dull. I shower exclusively with cold water. I even eat Kit Kat bars without breaking them apart. Now, do you want me to continue, or should I just liquify you where you stand?"

Searing turned tail and ran. The heresy was too much for her to handle.

Later, she stood with her back against the wall. Vostroyan soldiers stood with rifles facing her. At the commissar's command, they fired.

The commissar looked at Searing, then turned to the soldiers. "How could you miss?"

"She moved," one of the soldiers said as they inspected their rifles and the bullet holes around Searing. Her aura hadn't been touched.

"Do it again. Ready. . ."

A messenger ran up. "Wait! Waaaaaiiiit!" He held out a sealed piece of paper.

The commissar accepted the paper. "An order? From Holy Terra?" He opened the message and read it out loud. "It says. . . carry on with the execution. Right. Ready! Fire!" The commissar looked at Searing again and held up his chainsword. "Fix bayonets! Charge!"

Searing ran instead of fighting. "Why did I think this was a good idea?"

Author's Note

Just a bunch of short scenes I came up with.

Web Wandering

After taking a moment to enjoy being a unicorn again, Searing looked around at the strange environment she and Discord were in. It was mostly a black void, filled with giant glowing green grasshoppers made of 0's and 1's jumping around, fading in and out of existence while ignoring Searing and Discord. "Where are we?"

"We're deep in the internet," Discord said. "Pure binary code, not even processed into pictures, text, video, whatever it is. Somewhere in here is our next destination. Well, not so much somewhere as it is someone."

"Who?"

"I think it would be best for me to show you. Come." He jumped onto Searing's back. "Onwards, to victory!" Searing gave a resigned sigh before trotting forward. It wasn't long before she felt Discord fall off after hitting his head on a bridge or something neither of them saw. "I'm okay!"

"Of course you are," Searing muttered. She waited until he was back on before resuming her resigned trot in. . . Whatever direction she was going. There were no landmarks, just the digital grasshoppers. It felt like she was walking on a very hard surface, yet her hooves made no noise. "Do you know where we're going?"

"I most certainly do."

"Which way is it?"

Discord shrugged. "I dunno."

"How could you. . . I'll just go ahead and give up now. Before I get a headache."

"That's the spirit!"

A few hours of aimless walking, pointless discussion, and three fights later, there was a change in the landscape. There was a large dark zone that the digital grasshoppers avoided. While it was mostly pitch black, there were a few spots of light that still managed to shine through.

The anomaly put Searing on edge. Something about it felt beyond wrong and just straight up Weird, which was saying something with a literal chaos chaos spirit sitting on her back and playing with her mane like it was an action figure. "Discord, what is that?"

Discord put Searing's mane back on her and looked at it. "We're here." He slid off her back and stepped in front of her, posing as if presenting a product. "Behold, Searing!" He grandly announced. "The source of some of the craziest stuff on the internet! None other than The STBlackST himself. And some other people."

Searing squinted and looked into the void to make out the speck of light Discord was referring to. "It's just a bunch of people at computers."

"There's more to it than just computers. We are just past the minimum safe viewing distance of 1000 feet. If you want to get closer, you'll need some protective gear."

"Armor?"

"Chemical gear. You do not want to accidentally inhale any of the drugs good stuff STBlackST uses. That stuff scares me, and I'm a chaos spirit. You remember that one confusing playlist I had you watch?"

"Which one?"

"American Boot, bread tank, space cakes, that stuff."

"Ahh, that one. He made all that?"

"Yes. I suppose a closer look is in order?"

Searing gave him a resigned look. "We're not getting out of here without getting closer, are we?"

"Nope."

The mare sighed. "Do you want me in unicorn or human form?"

Discord thought about it for a full minute. "Let's go human. The payoff will be spectacular!"

"Payoff?"

"You'll know later. For now, you need to get dressed." He tossed her some shiny, tight looking latex clothes, and a booklet with a picture of the full outfit on it. "Let me know if you need any help." With a snap, the full carpet bathroom appeared around Searing, and after going to her human form, she started on the outfit.

Before putting anything on, Searing looked at the booklet. The cover described the outfit as a chemical and biohazard protection set with full filtration, full coverage, and easy breathing. She looked between the description and picture a few times. "I'd rather have function only. Still, it does look good."

The first piece to go on was the mostly transparent bodysuit, with some opaque bits to preserve some degree of modesty. To her irritation, the wedges on the feet were attached, but they weren't anything she couldn't handle. There was a zipper on the back, and it closed very smoothly.

The second piece was the dress, and it was a snug fit, though not restrictive. While straightening and smoothing it out, Searing noticed that the back felt clean and smooth, with no trace of the zipper underneath.

The gloves were a trivial matter and fit like a glove, barely worth mentioning.

The fourth part was a dual hood and collar, with one snug hood that went over her head and a larger loose one like one would find on a winter coat. The mask's tubing attached to the back of the larger hood, but there was nothing to see or feel on the inside. The filtration process was likely all magical, and she was fine with that.

The last piece was the mask itself, which fit neatly on and sealed well with the latex on Searing's head. Securing the straps behind her head was a bit tricky, but she got it secured with some effort. To her relief, she could still breathe easily enough, and while everything was a bit darker, it was simply like looking through tinted sunglasses instead of a near-blinding darkness.

She didn't have long to look at herself in the carpet mirror (however that worked) before the bathroom disappeared. Where her reflection was, Discord now stood, three gas masks over his face and wrapped head to tail in clear stuff. "Okay, I have some questions," Searing said.

"Is one of them why you get the lovely set that you're wearing now and I only get the saran wrap?" Discord asked. "If so, it's because I got scammed by the design team. The result is very nice, but they charged way too much to design and make it. Took up almost the entire budget. All I could afford for myself was the saran wrap, and even then, I had to negotiate on the price."

"What design team?"

"The team of Scetchie, Shaddi, and Skamm." He paused after saying the names. "I really should have seen it coming."

"Yeah. And maybe you can have the Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe contract attorneys look into it."

Discord snapped and nothing happened. "That's an excellent idea, Searing! There's no way that could possibly go wrong. Now, onwards, into the black!"

Searing followed Discord into the murky sphere. The data grasshoppers were no longer visible. As they approached the center, the motes of light became clearer. Each one was a set of monitors on a cluttered desk, and each desk had someone sitting at it. Each person, their faces rendered featureless, had a vest with a name on the back. Doctor Lalve, Eltorro64Rus, LazyPurple, SoundSmith, BruvaAlfabusa, and more that the author either doesn't know, can't think of, or just doesn't feel like listing.

As they approached the middle, a haze filled the air, blurring what few things could be seen. Finally, they found their guy. STBlackST, like everyone else, was at a cluttered desk. The surface was covered in open TF2 medkits, and there was a white powder over everything. "Is that. . . Cocaine?" Searing asked. She'd learned enough in Crystal Prep to recognize the stuff.

"No. It's the drugs good stuff. No sane man can make the kind of stuff he does, and this is the answer to how he does that. That is the stuff that scares me."

"Can't you just, I don't know, choose for it to not affect you?"

"This stuff is so powerful, I can't do that."

STBlackST paused from the train scene he was working on and slammed his face into the drugs good stuff, kicking up a cloud of the stuff.

"It's that potent?" Searing asked, keeping her distance from the drugs good stuff.

"It is. And I'm going to get some for myself." Discord carefully went around the desk, sneakily grabbed a bottle with a pair of long tongs, and put it in a glass jar. After securing the lid, he teleported it away.

"What use would you have for that?"

"Souvenirs are a thing, you know. I just need to carefully rinse it all off before putting it with the rest of my stuff."

"Yeah, sure." Searing's face suddenly itched and she brought a hand up to scratch it. Not only did she fail on account of the latex, but she suddenly started seeing weird things. "Discord. . ."

"Yes, Searing?"

"Why is. . . What is. . ." She suddenly collapsed.

Author's Note

The picture popped up once in a Discord server that I'm part of. Liked it, saved it, and put it in my dA sta.sh so I can embed it here.

There's only one chapter left after this one, then SVUA will be done.

Remember

Searing opened her eyes and saw a wood ceiling. She flexed her fingers, a clear indication that she was still human. "Where am I now?" she blearily asked. She could still feel the effects of the drugs good stuff she'd caught a whiff of, her everywhere feeling normal and strange at the same time.

"We're further back in time," Discord replied from his chair on the wall. "We're in a quaint little cabin in the woods, 1683, just outside Vienna."

"Neighenna?"

"No, Vienna. It's a different time, a different culture, and a different place. Also, I have an update on your condition."

"Which one?"

"BPS. You're almost completely cured."

"Thank goodness." Searing got out of bed and started taking in the details of the cabin. There really weren't many things to notice. Basic furniture, wooden walls, a couple small windows, and an open door revealing more of the same in more of the cabin.

"This should be our last stop. Go ahead and get dressed. We're going for a sunlit walk after you make lunch."

"Why am I making lunch?" Searing found her clothes and was disappointed at the dull selection of dresses.

"Norms of the time. Toodles!" Discord dropped through the floor. A moment later, the sound of a chair hitting the floor and breaking was heard. "I'm fine!"

Searing served some slightly salty seared smoked salami sandwiches. "So, what happened during the last stop? I don't remember much after putting on that. . . Safety gear."

"Well, you scratched your face, and that allowed some of the drugs good stuff in the air to get past the hood's seal. I swear upon the element of honesty itself that I did not intend for that to happen."

Applejack felt a fleeting feeling of oddness wash over her as she roamed the orchard. Just as quickly as it came, it left, and she went on with her farm business.

Nothing happened to Discord, so Searing tentatively believed him. "If you say so."

"In addition to being our last stop, this will also serve as a chance for you to detox from the drugs good stuff. That's going to take some time."

"Why would-"

Searing woke up with a groan and a pounding headache. "Owww. . . . What happened?"

"Drugs good stuff," Discord said. "I have no idea what effects it'll have on you. Last I saw, you just stopped moving and had a distant look on your face. Your eyes twitched like crazy, then you passed out."

"Ohhh. . . I don't feel so good." She started shivering, feeling cold despite being fully clothed and in bed.

"You will be miserable."

All Searing could do was groan.

As the days turned into weeks, Searing kept herself busy by keeping house between blackouts, chills, fevers, hallucinations, and other unpleasant experiences. Discord regularly brought in the essentials and made sure she didn't wander far from the house. She was miserable and desperately wanted for something, anything to happen. At the same time, nothing particularly interesting happened, until one day in September. . .

"DISCORD, WHAT IS THIS?" Searing shouted over the din of thousands of sets of hooves shaking the land and thunder cracking in the sky.

"A moment that, in 330-something years, will become a meme," Discord calmly explained, his voice not impeded at all by the roaring cacophony of hooves and battle cries.

"THAT DOESN'T ANSWER ANYTHING!"

"Did you not pay attention in history class?"

"YOU MEAN MY METAL CLASS?"

"Well, this is the moment-" An electric guitar sounded out of nowhere. "-WHEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVED!"

"Oh, now I remember." Searing watched as the Winged Hussars went down the mountainside. Down in Vienna, they turned the tide. "DID YOU PLAN THIS?"

"A front row seat to the greatest cavalry charge in history? Yep. Your detox and BPS ending right abouuuuut. . . now? Not so much."

"OH COME ON wait a moment. . . I'M FULLY HEALED?"

"Yes. Now, there may be some lingering effects from the drugs good stuff, but-"

"I DON'T CARE! JUST GET ME BACK TO PONYVILLE! GET ME BACK TO YANG!"

The charge came to an end just as Discord responded. "With that kind of attitude? You need to calm down a bit first." He started the walk back towards the cabin. "How about you take some of that excitement and energy and organize your luggage? Maybe even pick out something different to wear."

Searing eagerly followed Discord back to the cabin, thinking about what to wear for her return. All the individual pieces she'd accumulated went through her mind, along with various ensembles. "All that latex stuff is a no go, even if I pair it with something else. Especially that biohazard set. I could go with the armor. Armor is always cool, but that could be a bad impression. Hmmm. . ."

As Searing was organizing her stuff, she came across a set she'd almost forgotten about: the crystal prep uniform. She decided that it was perfect for her return, so she quickly changed into it. She felt much better wearing the modern clothes than the stuffy old dresses, which she was quick and eager to discard. She would not be bringing them with her.

After she had everything packed, Discord shot a foam dart at her. "Headshot!" He happily exclaimed.

"What was that for?"

"Just restoring full access to your magic so you can turn back into a unicorn. Before you do that, you'd better get those suitcases on."

"Oh, right." Searing, with Discord's help, got all the suitcases on her arms. Once they were all situated, she turned into her unicorn form and they vanished. "Can we go now? Please?"

"Only because you asked nicely." He reclined on her back and snapped, making them vanish.

The duo appeared in Ponyville. "I'm home!" Searing happily exclaimed as she bounced in place. She quickly collected herself after a pony gave her an odd look before going into the nearby building. "But how long have I been gone?"

"About four months," Discord said. "Or a few years. Both are true. It's a matter of perspective, really."

"Well, I'm healed and I'm back. Where's the Carne Den?"

Discord turned her head towards the building next to her. "Right there. Now go on in and ask for Yang. I'm sure she'll be happy to have a bartender back in the fold."

"What about you?"

"I have to go run an errand. Toodles!" Discord zipped off into town.

Searing sighed and went into the Carne Den. Gilda was waiting there. "Welcome to the Carne Den," she said with routine cheerfulness before she noticed Searing. "You look kind of familiar. . ."

"Can I speak with Yang, please?" Searing asked. "My name is Searing Victory."

Gilda glanced over the filled dining area. "Wait here and I'll get her for you." The griffon went into the kitchen.

After a minute, Yang came out, and she looked nervous. "Searing, I. . ."

Searing held up a forehoof. "Don't worry, Yang. I forgive you."

Author's Note

And so Searing Victory's Unusual Adventure has come to an end. It was both challenging and fun to write this.

What is with today?

In Ponyville, the sun rose and a mare by the name of Searing Victory woke up, a yawn escaping her as she sat up in her comfy bed. The mare, a bright red unicorn with bright blue eyes, lean figure, and a blonde mane and tail that she kept fairly short and spiky, did some stretching as her routine started.

First, it was some mild pangs of hunger. She dismissed them as she stretched and started doing her hundred pushups for the morning. “One, two, three, four, five. . .” The hunger was quite normal, as was her workout and accent that her employer, one Yang Xiao Long, described as English. However, something felt a bit different.

The regular aches that she felt after the hundred pushups were normal, along with her losing count at some point. She felt irritated and not being able to pin down what felt different, even as she went through another series of exercises.

“I wonder if I should see a doctor?” Searing asked as the warm water of her shower soaked her fur and she started lathering up. Her magic worked just fine, as it always had. She could still smell the signature scent of her Brave Phoenix shampoo just fine.

She tested her magic again after getting out of the shower, heating up a towel and running it over herself to dry off quickly. As before, everything felt fine, but she was getting more irritated at not knowing what was different.

While making breakfast, she started thinking about her situation. "My magic works fine. My body is as fit as ever. I'm not in heat yet. I can see and hear just fine. I smell burning toast." She looked down at the skillet. "Ahh! My toast!" With some practiced levitation, she pulled a plate over and put the toast on it for inspection. "Okay, it's not a lost cause. It's just. . . Very well done. The minotaurs gave me worse stuff than burnt toast before."

A few bacon strips went into the skillet, and if Searing had any doubts about her sense of smell before, the GLORIOUS fragrance of bacon would have dispelled them. There was no normal pony food that quite matched the meat she was cooking. Sure, there was hay bacon, but it just wasn't the same.

After the bacon went onto the toast, it was time to make some bacon grease infused fried eggs. Searing checked her fridge and was soundly disappointed that she was out of eggs. With a resigned sigh, she decided to see what would happen if she used cheese instead.

The bacon and cheese sandwich she created was both novel and a little disappointing. While the cheese did add some flavor, it lacked the substance that an egg provided, and was much harder to clean from the skillet.

With breakfast done, Searing started on her list of errands. Her employer, none other than Yang Xiao Long, had insisted that the unicorn take a day off from bartending and bodyguarding. "Let's see. . . I need eggs. . . That's actually it for groceries. Bills are already done. Umm. . . Oh, a sundae sounds good! I'll get one if Sunny Scoop's open today. Celestia knows I could use one."

Disclaimer: Celestia does not actually know if Searing Victory needs a sundae. Celestia does, however, know that the five one slices of cheesecake she had last night were was delicious.

"And I think that's it. Short list. Huh. May as well get started." Searing grabbed her saddlebags and bits, left her home, and took a moment to bask in the warm sun and fresh air. The weather pegasi had done an excellent job of placing the clouds, leaving the sky tastefully decorated. Her worries disappeared for a bit, and she felt at peace with the world.

The peace didn't last long. Something wasn't right with the ponies and occasional griffons. Normally, she would catch someone looking at her every few minutes. That was fine by her; she had a great figure and she knew it. Above average height, excellent shape, and a nice amount of lean muscle under her well kept fur. Searing didn't mind being looked at, but she didn't revel in or take advantage of it.

It didn't take long for her to find Sunny Scoop's sundae stand. The pegasus mare was, in fact, just finishing the setup work for the day. The idea of dessert, even so shortly after breakfast, was a nice one. She walked up to the stand as soon as it was open and Sunny. . . Didn't seem to notice her. Right across the counter. "Hey, Sunny?" Searing waved a hoof at the dessert mare.

"Hm?" Sunny looked around for a bit. "Oh, hi. Didn't notice you there. How can I help you?"

"You didn't-" Searing gave a frustrated sigh before placing her order. "I'd like a two scoop banana split with mango chunks, lemon peels, and some honey drizzled over it."

"Eight bits, please."

Searing levitated the bits out as Sunny turned to start on the sundae. Sunny suddenly paused, as if she'd forgotten what she was doing, then turned back to the counter and looked like she was waiting for a customer. "Sunny?" Searing's inquiry went unnoticed. "Sunny?" Unnoticed again. "SUNNY!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I must've. . . spaced out or something. What was it you wanted again?"

"Two scoop banana split, mango chunks, lemon peels, honey on top."

"Right." Sunny repeated the order and got as far as the two scoops before turning back to her customer. "What was it you wanted again?"

"Aaaaaaaggggghhhhhhh…………"

Five minutes later, Searing was sitting on a fountain with her sundae. She knew she couldn't really be mad at Sunny. The cheerful mare seemed to honestly forget she was there whenever she turned away, and she'd been helpful before. Still, Searing felt some anger towards the mare. The sundae, at least, was as good as usual.

Watching the crowd, she saw nobody looking at her. Griffons, ponies, male, female, none seemed to see her. Discord pedalling at high speed on an invisible bike and slowly going backwards also seemed to cause nobody to bat an eye. "Is Ponyville just that strange? That Discord can do whatever it is he does and it's treated normally?"

As Searing made her sundae disappear, she shifted positions to some of the more inviting ones she'd learned over the years. Still, nobody seemed to notice the shapely mare with her ice cream on the fountain.

After throwing the trash from the sundae away, Searing slumped onto the fountain's edge, her gaze resting on the water. She started to drift off a bit when Discord, with goggles and a snorkel on, popped out of the water. "Well well well, look who's feeling all lonely and forgotten."

"What do you want, Discord?" Searing tiredly asked. "I'm not having a good day."

"What do I want? Now isn't that the question of the year? What if I told you that I know why nopony's noticing you?"

Searing's interest was caught. ". . . Go on."

"You have a very. Very. VERY. Rare magical disease that has almost no documentation: Background Pony Syndrome."

"Get to the point." Searing could feel her temper start to rise a bit.

"Feisty. Basically, you just kind of fade into the background. Tell me, do you notice every single instance of trees rustling in the wind?"

Searing was suddenly aware of the trees around her gently rustling in the wind. "Well. . . No."

"It just fades into the background, and that's what BPS does to you." Discord disappeared and was suddenly lounging along Searing's back and neck. "You just faaaaade into the background."

She turned in his general direction. "Then what?"

"You want the details? Or should I cut straight to my cure for it?"

"Tell me about the cure."

"Details it is!" Discord snickered at Searing's unhappy groan. "Long, long, loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong ago, ponies were not as colorful as they are now. It was much more common then, and was one cause of ponies just disappearing. Because of how few colors they had, it wasn't as easy to notice if one pony in particular was missing. Then colors started happening, and it became much less of a problem because in a world of tan and brown ponies, a blue one is hard to miss."

"Get to the cure already."

"Fine fine. But I warn you, it's going to be a bit. . . Chaotic." Searing suddenly found herself sitting in a comfy chair (the same kind that the unexpected Equish Inquisition used, not that she knew). On the other side of the desk in front of her was Discord dressed up as a doctor looking at a clipboard. On the desk itself were a variety of travel brochures that almost hurt to look at. "I can make you the last ever case of BPS and cure you, but you'll need to take a little trip. Time and space may not make sense while it happens. As your travel advisor and doctor, I prescribe taking the Craymaxamyarc trip package."

"Is that even a word?"

"Spirit of chaos, my dear. Our first stop will be a local attraction: Ghastly Gorge!" With a snap, they disappeared and were in an opening in the wall of the gorge. "Ta-da!"

Searing looked down into the deep, black abyss. "Has it always been this deep?"

"When a huge weather machine rises from here, it kind of has been. It also just so happened to conveniently open up this deep underground science bunker OF SCIENCE! Anyways, toodles, gotta go finish organizing some chaos things. I'll be back in a week."

Being full did not stop Searing from thinking about food in the situation. "What will I eat?"

"There's a fully stocked fridge and the water is perfectly safe. Don't worry, it's all fresh. Ciao~" With a snap, Discord disappeared.

Searing sighed and went inside. "Well, not like I've got anything better to do. May as well explore a bit."

Author's Note

And so it begins. The unusual adventure, full of strangeness, weirdness, and bizarrity. We start off with a dose of isolation.

Treasure Hunt

Out at sea, in the mess hall of the Prickly Biter, Captain Chris turned to Searing. "Lass, I think it's time for ye to do ye trick."

"Alright." Searing got up and went over to the rug by the entrance to the mess hall. "Everyone, may I have your attention?" In a moment, she had everyone's attention. "I'll keep this brief." She turned into her unicorn form. "I am a unicorn, and I can use magic." The only sound that could be heard was the creaking of the ship as they crossed the waves. "Are there any questions?"

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Jabberwock asked.

"Have you ever tried to walk on this ship barefoot? Same thing with hooves, but worse. Also, I didn't know how you would react, especially considering my first encounter on this ship." A sideways glare was directed at Dizzy, who acted perfectly innocent.

Jabberwock was about to counter, then thought better of it. "I think I got it. So what can you do?"

"I'm very good with fire, and I'm also very good at winning with fire." She turned back to her human form. "I also have an array of basic spells." She pulled a cut of Jabberwock's beef to her with a display of levitation.

"Can ye undo curses?" Captain Chris asked.

"I doubt it. You would need a more educated unicorn for that. No more questions."

The two weeks of sailing that followed had Searing's idle time filled with questions from the crew, or Captain Chris presenting treasures for her to analyze. Searing couldn't tell much beyond whether something was benign, benevolent, or malevolent, though. Her analysis of the crystal coconut's enchantments: incredibly benevolent.

Finally, they found a place to drop anchor and head ashore. Searing was more than happy to go with them. "What are we looking for again?" She asked as their rowboat made landfall.

"A stash of Spanish gold," Pick Rickle, the chosen head of the expedition, said. Dizzy, for whatever reason, had decided to perch on his shoulder. "The Mayans took it from them and put it in one of their tombs many years ago, so the story goes."

"Are we going to have to fight them?"

"Hopefully not, but we do have The Red Mist."

"Yeah, you do."

The trek through the forest was neither particularly easy, nor particularly difficult. After a couple hours of slogging through the greenery, they came across their goal: a lone Mayan tomb, complete with guards. Lots of guards. "Okay, what now?" Searing asked.

"Hmm. . ." Pick looked over the scene before drinking some beer. "Think you can turn them into red mist, Searing?"

Searing looked the guards over. "Not easily. It looks like they have wooden armor, and the whole Red Mist thing is better for cloth. We should be stealthy. And no, I'm not going to set them on fire."

"What if you seduce them?"

Searing punched Pick in the gut just hard enough for him to get the message without blowing their cover. "No."

"I think we'll have to fight them," a crew member said. "They're in the way of our treasure, we have the advantage of surprise, and we have Searing."

"Hey, the Red Mist thing-"

"Can work on their legs. No armor there."

Searing looked at the guards again and gave a quiet sigh. "We're going to use brute force, aren't we?"

"Yep."

"And I'm the one best suited for it, aren't I?"

"Yep."

After a few minutes of quiet debate, Searing trotted out of the forest in her unicorn form and stopped a distance from the guards. "Neigh," she flatly said.

The myriad of Mayan guards had no idea what to make of her, and were distracted. They were not distracted enough to not notice the rest of the crew running up to them with their swords drawn, and were able to get their axes up in defense. They could not, however, stop the flintlock pistols, and went down after a few rounds each.

"Whoo, we got past the guards. Yey." Searing levitated the bodies out of the way when she approached. "Let's get this over with."

The party made their way up the tomb, and at a plateau halfway to the top, a muscular Mayan, sporting heavily decorated heavy armor and hefting a heavy turquoise bladed axe came out of an opening. With a mighty battlecry, he charged at the group, causing them to scatter. When he swung the axe, it left arcs of electricity in its wake, and Searing could feel the power radiating from it. She wanted it.

When she had an opening, she went human, drew Sharkbite, and engaged the muscular Mayan. Instead of the hit and run tactic, she stayed close in order to get as many charged teeth into the armor as possible. Once her sword had only a couple teeth left on it, both near the tip of the blade, she quickly disengaged and let the explosions go off.

A mighty battlecry came through the smoke cloud and the warrior came out of it, his armor cracked, fractured, and broken, but still hanging on. The crew, being no slouches, capitalized on this and brought their swords and pistols up, stopping him with their blades before firing point blank at his head.

"Well, there goes my plan for a spectacular slice move," Searing said as the warrior fell to the ground and she sheathed her sword. She picked up the heavy axe and felt the power in it. "I'm keeping this."

"But can you use it?" Pick asked.

Searing didn't answer, going back to unicorn form and discovering that holding something didn't count as wearing it. With a sigh and an eye roll, she floated the weapon to the side and cast a light spell, illuminating the hall the warrior had come out of. It was very plain and unadorned.

At the end of the trapless hallway stood a stone door with a myriad of carvings on it, including a serpentine one that Searing had to do a double take at. It made her look between the carving and Dizzy a few times. The bird whistled an innocent tune under her glare.

Pick pulled out a chisel and hammer, went up to the door, and started working on breaking through it. Searing reluctantly stayed by him as everyone else meandered back to the entrance.

A few hours, three chisels, and one wave of warriors later, the door was finally opened. Well, it was more like it fell backwards and onto a bunch of stairs where it crumbled apart. Searing got rid of the rubble and the crew went down.

The worst hazard was the darkness as the stairs went down, down, down, down further than the base of the tomb. It took quite a few minutes to reach the bottom, and what they found was rather underwhelming: plain stone caskets. "You're sure we got the right place, Pick?" A crew member asked. "This is a little less than I was expecting."

"Of course it's the right place!" Pick proclaimed.

Searing went forward with her light, and the crew followed, not wanting to be left in the dark. After a few rows of plain stone caskets, they found something else: a large treasure chest in the clutches of a strange skeleton. Some of the men went ahead to get it, but stopped when the skeleton asked, "and what, pray tell, are you doing here?"

The men backed off. Searing did not. "What are you doing here, Discord?"

"Ah, Searing. I would say it's good to see you, but I'm just a skeleton right now. No eyes."

"Then how can you hear me without ears?"

Discord was about to answer, then realized he had no answer. The dust around his skeleton moved back into place and he was his draconequus self again. "Fine, you win. What would you like?"

"I want to go home."

Discord put a monocle on and looked her over with a magnifying glass. "Hmmm . . . No can do. You still have BPS."

"Ragh!" Searing pulled him into a chokehold and seethed out "How. Much. Longer?"

Discord shrugged. "Dunno."

Searing's temper got the better of her and she started pummeling Discord for all he was worth, until he was a much smaller size, then opened the chest and put him in it. "Let's go."

None of the crew, not even Pick, objected.

Captain Chris welcomed them back. "Ah, I see ye found the treasure." He then noticed everyone's moods. "Somethin' happen?"

Pick delivered the report. "There was a weird skeleton holding the treasure chest, and Searing apparently recognized it. Called it Discord. Then the thing came back to life, they talked, she beat him up and stuffed him in the chest. Seems there's some history between them."

Captain Chris looked over Pick's shoulder and saw Searing in her human form wrestling Discord, getting him down and very forcefully rubbing his face on the deck boards. "Looks like it."

"-And if you cause any trouble on this ship, I will personally keelhaul you like the landlubber you are!" Searing proclaimed as she stood up over Discord, who's serpentine body was tied up in a knot and his tail fluff was tied around his deer antler. "And I'll sell tickets to the crew so they can participate."

"Okay, I yield!" Discord proclaimed.

Captain Chris wiped a single manly tear of pride from his eye. "She's come so far."

Spyglass walked up to the captain. "Oy, Captain? You get the feeling she might be a wee bit too much into being a pirate?"

"What are you talking about?"

Later that night, as the Prickly Biter sailed northwards, Searing found herself sitting across from Captain Chris in the captain's quarters. "Lass, I need to talk to ye."

Searing shrunk a bit at the tone of voice. "D-did I do something wrong?"

"Nae, ye haven't. Spyglass voiced a concern he has about ye to me. Ye seem to have a bit much bloodlust and temper for a lass who's only been on the seas for a couple months."

"But. . . I'm a unico-"

"Lass, I don't care what ye are! Ye have a temper, ye have a deep bloodlust, and as the captain, I have to discuss this with ye before it gets out of hand!" Searing found that all the wind had vanished from her sails. "Ye be a valuable crew member, make no mistake, but I need to look out for everyone, as I always have. I'm not askin' ye to not be The Red Mist, but maybe ye could start leavin' Sharkbite in ye cabin a bit more."

Searing found her hand resting on the sword. "But. . . What if the Royal Navy ambushes us?"

"Out here in the open sea? Impossible. We got Spyglass. Close to shore? Maybe. If ye just leave ye sword and coat in ye cabin during the day out at sea, that should be fine."

"Alright."

Captain Chris figured it was time for a new topic. "So what's the deal with ye and that chimera?"

"What chimera?" Searing was now slightly confused.

"The one ye beat up and stuffed in the treasure chest. The one that's been entertainin' the crew. Colors like Dizzy, ye threatened to keelhaul him. . ."

"Oh, Discord? Yeah, we have some. . . History. Travelling. . . Kind of. He can tell you more. I'm not."

Searing's hat suddenly went up, and a pair of mismatched legs filled her vision. "Hello, captain," Discord said from his seat on Searing's head, her hat now on his.

"Discord!"

The chaos spirit gently pat Searing's head, freezing her in place. "Hush, Searing. The adults are talking." He turned to the captain. "If it pleases you, I'll tell you a bit about Searing."

"I'll listen," Captain Chris warily said.

"You see, she's fought quite a bit in her past. Why, she was fighting minotaur calves and beating them before she was five years old. It was when she started burning them with her magic and she found her talent that they started having some beef with her." A groan could be heard from Searing. "After they quite literally threw her out, well, she had to survive on her own. She grew up fighting, and she eventually found herself in military boot camps."

"Military?"

"She got kicked out of every single one after a few weeks for her jumpiness." Discord took a bit of joy in her worthless struggle to shout him down. "After one in particular, she met a person of importance by throwing her against the dirt. She bore no ill will towards Searing, and even offered a hand to her when she got booted from the camp. It wasn't long after that when she became almost unnoticeable, except to me. Since then, we've been on an adventure while she heals from the magical disease she caught. Don't worry, it won't affect you or anyone else here."

"I hope not. Now both of ye get goin'."

"Aye aye, captain!" Discord pulled Searing's hat back down onto her head and disappeared.

Searing shuddered for a moment when she was unfrozen. "Yes, captain." She got up and left the captain's quarters. It was going to be an early night for her.

The next day, Searing went without her jacket and Sharkbite. She felt more exposed without them, but at the same time, she also felt unburdened. She also wasn't getting as hot as fast, which was good too.

Discord had secured himself a position in the crew by determining exactly what the enchanted treasures they had could do. The crystal coconut was overflowing with good luck, the magic from it having permeated the ship and her crew over the years. It was a treasure worth defending.

After just over a week, they found themselves near land again and dropped anchor close to where a river met the waves. Nobody wanted to go exploring it, though. It looked like a swamp and there were crocodiles on the beach. They decided instead to stay for a bit.

A couple days later, some other pirates showed up, stopping within shouting distance of the Prickly Biter. "Ahoy!" The other ship's captain shouted. "Are you here for the treasure in the swamp too?"

Captain Chris stepped up to talk with them, but had to stop himself from laughing at the sight of their ship. Discord, meanwhile, slid up to Searing, who was having an even harder time trying to contain her laughter. "Hey, do you want to insult their ship?" He asked as Captain Chris started talking.

"W-Why?"

"I know of a song that's perfect for this." Without asking, he started talking with the crew, a simple enough task.

After talking with Captain Chris, Discord went back to Searing. "You'll feel the music in a few seconds."

A few seconds later, the crew, with Discord's help, sang a very insulting song.

Once the song was over, the other ship's crew was flustered and had no response. The captain did, though. "You dare insult my ship? Fire the cannons!" The cannons fired, the shots going just shy of twenty feet before falling harmlessly into the water. "We'll get even with you for this. Men, onwards! Treasure awaits!" The Prickly Biter's crew watched them pull anchor and sail upstream into the swamp. The other ship hadn't made it far when zombies came out of the water and started eating the ship.

"Captain?" Searing asked.

"Yes, Searing?" Captain Chris asked back.

"I want to leave, but I don't want to stop watching this either."

"Ye ain't the only one, lass."

Salty eventually chimed in. "Why, oh why, did he jump into the swamp?"

Pick followed it up. "He got mauled to death by alligators."

Discord finished the lines. "All singing chomp chomp chomp."

Silence reigned as everyone watched the zombies eat the ship while the big death lizards ate the crew. Once the crow's nest was gone, there was an unspoken agreement that it was time to leave and find somewhere a bit safer.

Two plunderings of Royal Navy ships and a few weeks later, the Prickly Biter pulled into port at Tortuga again, just as the sun was coming up. Searing was awoken by Discord after the ship stopped. "Gooood morning, Searing!"

Searing slammed her hand on his head. "Five more minutes," she sleepily said.

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One hundred."

"Now that's just not fair."

"Shut up, Discord."

"Today's your last day here."

Searing was awake. "Wait, what?"

"We're moving on. New adventures await, after all. We leave this golden age of piracy at sunset, so you'd better make your announcement and get one more party in."

"Alright. How's my BPS, by the way?"

"Oh, that?" Discord snapped on a doctor's outfit and clipboard, then read the attached paper that was supposedly on the clipboard. "Let's see, you've progressed to a new stage, doing better, getting over it, blah dee blah dee blah, whatever, who cares?"

"Seriously?"

"I am not this Sirius Lee person you speak of. I am Discord. See?" He gestured to his nametag that read, "Dr. Discord (of theoretical heresy)".

Searing rolled her eyes. "I'll go get some breakfast."

As Searing went about her day on the ship, clad in her coat and carrying Sharkbite, she spread the news of her upcoming departure. It didn't take long for the news of her leaving with Discord to spread like wildfire.

Hours and hours later, but still ahead of sundown, Searing made her way to Nancy's tavern. Captain Chris hadn't exactly been subtle about it, and she strongly suspected it was a farewell party for her.

Her suspicions were proven correct the moment she stepped foot in the underground tavern. The whole crew was there, and they let out a raucous cheer upon her arrival. It wasn't long before the festivities and feasting began, the atmosphere one of both cheer and sorrow.

Later on at the pier, Searing found her ride: a small one seat pirate ship shaped pod thing attached to a wooden jet ski. Discord was already sitting on the jet ski and was wearing a disgustingly bright neon green life jacket. "Time to set sail, Searing."

"Are you ever going to give me a more. . . dignified ride?" Searing asked as she stepped into the pod and went unicorn.

"Yes? No? Mayyyybe?"

Searing sighed before turning to the crew. "It's been fun, guys. Good luck."

Captain Chris wove through the crew. "Ye forgot this, lass." He held out the turquoise axe from the tomb raid.

Searing considered it for a moment. "Keep it. Consider it a memento."

"Well, if ye say so."

A clear plexiglass dome suddenly appeared over Searing's pod, sealing her in. "Discord!"

"Ciao!" Discord throttled the jet ski and took off with Searing in tow.

Searing resigned herself to her fate. "Is there going to be more fighting wherever we're going next?"

"Who am I to say?"

"Fair enough, I suppose." Searing settled in for the ride and closed her eyes for a nap.

Author's Note

I wanted to work in a Pirates of Penzance reference, specifically the song With Catlike Tread, but that idea came after this was done. Maybe I'll use it in the future.