Twiastasia

A distant argument carried through the stale air of the hovel. In Cabalan slums, creatures hadn’t the money nor the care to have the desolate and abandoned demolished, instead opting to simply build overtop of what most locals would consider “an already stable foundation,” which meant two things:

“... Scoot over Gile.”

There were many forgotten and (relatively) safe nooks and crannies to bundle into when without a home in Cabaluus, and…

“Would if I could, Anon.”

They were almost all very cramped.

“Those two creatures out there have been arguing for a while now… You think they’ll stop soon? It’s kinda distracting.” Twilight, being the small pony she was, took up little room in comparison to her newly met companions: The beefy griffon, and the tall human.

“It’s two griffons and a pony. Listen to the timbre of the two voices, you can hear a difference in deepness now and again, and how they don’t talk over each other, but they do over the less gravelly voice.” Gile spoke in monotone, barely paying attention to the pony as he flicked a bit about in his claws.

“And, judging by the rising tone of the stallion’s voice, he’s probably about to get shut up.” Anon added, getting an angry look from Gile.

“Shut up? You don’t think they’ll hurt him right?”

Anon was about to answer, but a building shout of rage from the unseen stallion, and the immediate silence that snuffed his shout before it’s peak, gave Twilight all she needed to know.

“... They probably just beat him up, Twilight. Nothing major.”

“N-nothing major? Being beat up is pretty bad!”

Anon shifted about on the concrete floor, his only comfort being the makeshift pillow of his bag. “Cabaluus is a bad place, Twi. I’m sure you know that. The last thing we need is to butt in on some other creature’s issues and become targets too.”

“But you two are heroes!”

Anon was really starting to regret going along with that. “... Heroes pick their battles. If we went around helping everyone in need, what would the guards do?”

Gile turned onto his side, clutching the single bit close. “Preach brother! Heroes also need their sleep. Early to bed, early to rise.” This felt wrong to Twilight, but she didn’t question further, though her thoughts about that unseen stallion would keep her up through the night.

“... So, you think somepony used a psyche hex on me, and that’s why I don’t remember anything?”

“I thought Gile said it was time to sleep, Twilight.” Anon still felt strange finally directing that name at a living thing. For so long, it seemed synonymous with a word to describe a hopeless dream. It felt exciting, but... wrong.

“I know he did, but I just… Why me? I guess me not remembering is kinda the intended effect, but I’m so… plain. Who was I before?”

“From what we know, Twilight, you are apart of some elite league of ponies with a very special purpose. A, uh... “

As usual, Gile picked up Anon’s slack. “A very important diplomat of Equestria. Whoever did this to you needed you gone as a part of a probably devious plan. Very malicious stuff. That’s why we need to get you back, and... “ He cracked open a predatory eye at the pony “... Why we need to sleep now. Equestria’s a long trot away and we don’t own a carriage.” The thought of a carriage quickly captured the griffon’s interest as once again shut his eyes, hoping to dream of riches as usual. Twilight sighed. Perhaps with time, she thought, her new friends would open up to her more.

…

Sunlight broke through the cracks of splintered wood and crumbling cobble that surrounded the trio’s ramshackle bunker. Predictably, it was Twilight up first, nudging the thieves awake. Gile was less than thrilled.

“... Mmmgh, what the hell lady... “

“Come on you two! You yourself last night said that Equestria is a long ways off! We’re gonna have to get moving if we want to prevent whatever catastrophe is coming! Oh gosh, what if it’s already happened!? Let’s go, let’s go!” Twilight dropped Anon’s bag onto him with an unceremonious flop, earning a groan from the sleepy human.

“Ugh, she’s right, Gile. C’mon now, the sooner we leave Cabaluus, the better. Barely got any sleep on this dingy floor anyway…”

“Woah woah woah. Without even hitting the uptown? I wanna see how the place has, um, grown!”

Twilight cocked her head. “You two have been to Cabaluus before?” Gile snickered. Anon punched him in the shoulder.

“We’ve… been all across Echidna. Partly because we were raised here, mainly because we were looking for you.”

“Ah, of course! Adventurers like you must’ve been all over the world! Tell me, where was the most interesting place you’ve been!? I read about the Yak lands of northern Equestria in the Royal Library! Have you been there!?”

Anon waved a hand dismissively. “Not to any Yak lands, no. I do recall a run in with a buffalo at a tavern once though.”

Gile smiled. “Oh yes, poor Anon got thrown through a table after he insulted the size of the buffalo’s, how you say, ‘lower member.’ “

“ ‘Lower member?’ What is-” Anon quickly cut Twilight off before she could question further.

“THAT- Ahem... That’s not what happened. It was a stranger we’d never met who fought the buffalo. He did however pay for our drinks that night.”

“How’d he pay for your drinks if you had never met him?”

Gile shot Anon an angry look as he unruffled his feathers and stretched. “W-well, you know how taverns can be. Ponies coming and going so soon and such. Let’s get moving yeah?”

“But-”

Gile wrapped an arm around Twilight’s neck, knocking their heads together. “To Equestria we go!”

‘... What’s a lower member?’ Twilight thought to herself.
…

‘Look at us’ Gile thought. ‘Cabaluus truly is a place of riches unknown. In only a day, we found our prize and snatched right from under their greedy clutches.’ He smiled longingly, looking out across the sunny horizon. ‘... And none were the wiser.’

Once again on the unkept trail, map navigation was delegated to Twilight, as she was understood to be smart, and she feasted on the knowledge of previously unknown geography and landmarks. Plus, the other two really hated doing it. Gile leisurely flapped himself forward only a few feet above Anon in the air, listlessly following the human leading the pack, thinking himself an actual leader in his head.

This most recent win had done wonders to their morale, even if they couldn’t truly be sure they had found their target. Through windy nights and cool afternoons, over rolling hills and craggy mountains, the newly formed trio cut a jagged path across the Echidna countryside on their inevitable march toward Equestrian shores. The thieves felt on top of the world now, and nothing could break their resolve. So untouchable, did they feel, that they got lazy. For so long now, they had been skilled enough to dodge the common guard, or the dull peasant farmer as they committed their minor crimes. Snagging such a coveted bounty was way beyond any heist they’d ever done.

Creatures would take notice.

And as the trio hopped from village, to town, to city, rumors of the long-thought fake Twilight Bounty rose to the ears of fellow unsavory types once again.

Fate would have it no other way.

…

A striped hoof stamped into the dingy floor of the tavern. An exotic voice hissed to the bartender. “So you swear it’s true? Of the gangly ‘human’ and his retinue?”

“Not much of a retinue, but yes. Hard to forget a creature lookin’ like that.” The bartender snorted. “They were good for a laugh, but still thievin’ creeps at the end of the day.” Under her breath, she mumbled “Not all that different from you…”

The zebra spat, earning another look of powerless anger from the bartender. “Fizzy Taps, you’d be wise to tell me all you know, lest you end up like that fool Swing Low.”

Fizzy looked away, a pang of fear shooting through her. Swing Low was a stallion she always had hated, but to know he was actually, or, more correctly, finally dead, and that these scum were behind it…

“I’ve told you all I know. Last I saw of them, they went over to talk to him,” she motioned at the shivering old stallion, “then they got drunk, stared out the window longingly together, then started a fight with some griffons.”

“... That sounds like a fake story, boss.”

The zebra nodded soberly, and in a flash, revealed an iron-tipped arrow, which she held jabbed against Fizzy’s neck.

“Our humble booze whore here tells no lies, yes? You’ll lose more than your tavern, if you try to pull the wool over my eyes.” The zebra’s hushed, rhythmic cadence did little to hide her smoldering rage, nor did they conceal the dripping venom from each syllable.

Feverishly, Fizzy nodded her head, gasping for what could be her last breath.

“Any idea where they went then, booze whore?” One of the zebra’s lackeys spoke up.

The zebra spun on her hooves, gashing her subordinate across the cheek. “I DO THE TALKING!” A deathly quiet settled across the room as she collected herself, turning back to Fizzy, silently imploring her to answer the question regardless.

Between ragged breaths, she lied. “C-Cabaluus? T-they must’ve went to Cabaluus! Big city, lotta ponies, it’s an idiot’s search anyway h-haha!”

The zebra leaned in close.

“Twilight is real. And that bounty…”

The noise fled Fizzy’s ears as the arrow was lodged into her chest.

“IS MINE TO STEAL!”

Gasping, Fizzy crumpled to the floor.

The zebra quickly composed herself. “GIRLS! Patch up this booze whore and put her on the carriage with the old one! We must leave now, the human on the run!”

A trusted friend of the zebra trotted alongside her as the gang left the bar. “I know you won't swing on me, so I’ll say it. I know you just didn’t want to tell that mare about your gem, but really? The Twilight Bounty? Nopony believes in that shit. What makes you so sure these clowns are the ones who took it anyway?”

“It’s all that remains to remind me of home… I’ve been without it too long even now, so we must roam. That ‘human’ stole it while I made my rounds, and while I didn’t notice astounds, but… They will pay for their actions that day. Besides, who’s to know? Mayhaps they’ll prove the Bounty true, and our influence may grow.”

“... Whatever you say, Zara. Not like a powerful unicorn like that would ever come to Tamar anyhow. We’re just bringing our elites, right?”

The zebra nodded. She couldn’t just uproot her whole syndicate here. It’d cost a fortune to feed those mouths, and she’d lose too much money from the populace. She gave a signal to the mare beside her.

“Alright! Silver Tongue! Gwen! Let’s move!”

Many eyes, watching in awe from the safety of windows and alleyways, watched as the boss of The Black Stripe and her closest soldiers left the dying city of Tamar. They knew what this meant, they had seen it before. Crackdowns in her absence. Without their leader to crack the whip on her lower, baser subordinates would run rabid. She’d be back too. She always came back.

…

The sun was nearing its descent below the horizon, and a familiar dark, cool sky began to be clouded and signalled to the troupe that it was time to rest.

“Deadmare’s Gully should be just around here…” Twilight stretched her words, as if the secluded location would reveal itself to her the moment she finished her sentence.

“I dunno Twi. I always made a point of not hunkering down at places with scary names like that on the map.”

Anon punched Gile in the arm. “That’s because you are a little bitch, hatchling.”

“My shrewd decision making is what’s kept us alive this long, jackass.”

Twilight gasped. “Language you two! You know, I never pictured heroes having such colorful vocabulary!”

Anon shrugged. “You learn it on the road. You’ll be doing it like us in no time Twi.”

The unicorn rolled her eyes, but couldn’t keep the smile from her face. She’d grown fond of the pair’s banter. That is, after they taught her what banter was. She was absolutely mortified at first.

Distant lightning, far too distant to hear, silently shocked the skyscape as deeply somber clouds snuffed out the stars. The clouds were massive, booming things that needed not the rumbling thunder to be imposing. Up here, along the edge of this dusty plateau pass, the beautiful cool and quiet of far off storms brought calmness of mind to Anon. Moments like this put him at truly at ease. He’d never liked the sun or it’s heat. He interlocked his hands behind his head, and sighed contently.

Twilight, reminiscent of her old self (not that her companions would know), was too caught up in her map to take in the beauty around her, and was becoming increasingly more agitated. “Ugh! Unless I’m reading this map wrong, and I know I’m not, there should be a gently sloping pass downward along the side of this plateau! There should be a series of shallow caves there, assumedly hollowed out by the normally ripping winds during the summer seasons that we could camp out in! But where is it!?”

Anon clicked his tongue in disapproval, lazily walking along with closed, happy eyes. “You gotta learn to not sweat the small stuff, Twi. We’ll find it when we do, complainin’ won’t help anyone. Get your snout out of that scroll and enjoy the scenery. We may not always have such calm in our lives.”

“Shut up Anon, I don’t know how you’re not tired, but the rest of us are. This weather is deceptive. It’s trying to get us to stop here now because it feels nice, then boom! Two hours later we’ll be soaking wet and miserable in the howling wind. We’re easy targets out here too. Damn plateau may be high up, but there’s nowhere to hide out here…”

“It’s the quickest route to our destination, so we’ll take what it gives us. Besides, no bandits are stupid enough to scale a plateau to look for unsuspecting travelers.”

“That’s because it’s stupid to do so at all…” Gile grumbled.

With an annoyed sigh, Twilight pocketed the map in her light saddlebags. Saddlebags Gile claimed to have ‘bought for a fair price.’ Twilight was ecstatic to have been given what she remembered as ‘her first gift.’ Smug smiles were exchanged between the thieves that day. “Why are you two so afraid of bandits anyway? They’re always, like, the first thing you guys mention.”

“Echidna is a bad place, Twi. Thieves and their ilk are crawling everywhere here, and two friends can only do so much. Besides, one should never actively seek out danger in the pursuit of violence. It’s not the hero way.” Anon found it funny to talk high and mighty on how heroes ought to behave, and it was really starting to grate on Twilight.

“It’s not the pursuit of violence! It’s the pursuit of harmony!” Twilight felt a strange flicker in herself at that, but knew not why.

“Hm. How about something else then? We’re all tired-” Gile groaned hearing that. “ -maybe we should tell some stories to pass the time?”

Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Oh! I have a good one! B-but I’d like to hear both of yours as well.”

“Shoot.”

Trotting with pep now, Twilight cleared her throat. “Ahem. So! One time, when I broke into Caballuus’ library, I found this great tale of Ardent Bulwark, and how she was defeated by a gang of friends. The scholar claimed the mare had created an impenetrable shield, light as a feather, but could protect it’s user from even the hottest of dragonflame. She was going to somehow mass produce the shields for her slowly amassing army, called the Ardent, but the brave adventurers infiltrated her mountain hideout while she only had the first one completed... ”

Anon’s plan to shut Twilight up had backfired in a… nice way. He let her story of the six heroes battling through desert and mountain ranges drown out the calm wind.

“... So after the run in with the gang at Appleoosa, the Sherrif told the adventurers that The Ardent were hiding out in the caldera of a long-dormant volcano, deep in The Badlands, but it’d be suicide to go with just their group. The adventures didn’t care for danger however, and beelined there! Along the way, they met up with Ardent goons and wild Badlands creatures, but they were no match for their friendship!...”

“Eventually they found Bulwark deep in the inner magma chamber of the caldera. The magma that still flowed through there was the only thing hot enough to craft her perfect shield, and it was her mighty forge. Her plan was to arm her legions all with this shield, then woosh! Conquer Cloudsdale and reinstate pegasai superiority across Equestria! Luckily, the heroes were able to stop her, but just as they did, the chamber began to fill with lava once more. Bulwark wished to be left behind, and d-die with her life’s work, but the heroes knew she could be redeemed. They carried her with them and barely escaped the eruption in time!”

The adventure had even enraptured Gile, who seemed less blurry-eyed. “... Is that it? What happened next?”

Twilight shook her head. “I don’t know. T-they lived happily ever after…? It was a written as a firsthand account by one of the heroes, I believe her name was Recon or something. The library didn’t have anymore of her works. I checked, heh...”

Anon sighed. “Well, it was a good story regardless. Got anymore?”

“Eh… There was another, about this creature named Chaos or something, and how it escaped it’s prison of stone. It was stopped by another group of ponies... but it wasn’t very captivating. Apparently it was written by some noble visiting Equestria, not a literary scholar, so it seemed pretty all over the place and not very descriptive. Very fluffed.”

“Hm. Probably had to be there, huh?”

Twilight puffed her cheeks. “Probably. Hey! Maybe there will be a better telling of the story in Equestria’s Royal Library! I mean, they gotta have one too right?”