The Magicless Adventures of Anon

You are Anon, the great and awesome! As you are showered with praise for your most recent defense of the realm, you notice an Alicorn flying over to you. Oh, it’s just Princess MoonButt.

“Hi MoonButt, what can I do for ya?” MoonButt freezes and starts to turn a shade of dark violet in her cheeks. That is not the normal MoonButt reaction.

“G-Greetings Anon. I-Is this your dream?” MoonButt asks as a flying hamburger passes by.

“Wait, my dream? Is this a dream?” You ask to your assembled friends.

They shrug in response. “Hmm, I’ll check.” You pinch yourself and feel nothing. You think MoonButt may be right. You concentrate, focus on getting what you want. A large, double cheeseburger with bacon appears in front of you. Yup, definitely a dream.

“Yup, this is my dream alright. Need anything? I can make anything in these.” You demonstrate by taking a bite of the burger and having a soda appear to drink from. MoonButt stairs in surprise.

“We-We are honestly surprised by your control of your dreams. Can all hoomains do that?”

“Oh, I thought a figment of my imagination would know that about me. Or is this all some weird dream logic?”

“W-We are not of your mind Anon. We are the real Princess Luna. I have the ability to enter the dreams of others and… Ah! I must inform you that your nightmares are escaping into the dream scape! We have tried to put a stop to them and only found your dream by tracing the source.”

“~Mhhmmm, mhm… Wait, WHAT!” You clear all the clouds, all the scenery until you see nothing but a white void with MoonButt, or Princess Luna rather, and a small group of nightmares cowering in fear as they attempt to slowly inch closer to a small portal that was apparently hidden by clouds before.

“You think you are good enough to survive outside my head?!? I let you live in my subconscious and only hunt those that rear their heads, and THIS is how you repay my benevolence!?!?!”

You were fuming mad. You enlarged yourself to a gigantic scale, summoned the door to your subconscious then added metal and padlocks, and you put a shredder door over the portal. To make it worse, you made it so it was an atomic shredder that would vaporize them completely.

“Be. My. Guest!” You gesture to the portal. The nightmares cower and shake their heads back and forth.

“No? You don’t want to leave anymore?” They frantically nod.

“Tell the rest, there will be no second chances!” You pick them up, toss them into your subconscious and lock the door behind them.

“Sorry they bothered you Princess. I doubt it will happen again.”

You look over to Princess Luna. She’s just, floating there with her mouth hanging open.

Oh crap! Did you do something wrong or offensive?!?

You shrink down to your normal size and float over to Princess Luna. Her mouth is still agape.

“A-Are you ok, Princess?” She blinks a few times and you stay quiet, hoping that she will recover.

“T-That, T-That… How? H-HOW DID THOU DOIST THAT?!?” The Princess asks in the Royal Canterlot voice

“… It’s called ‘lucid dreaming’ Princess Luna. Have you never seen it before?” You respond after recovering from the shock.

“Nay!” Oh god… it takes everything in you to not start laughing. The pony Princesses just said ‘Nay’ like an actual horse!

“Anon? What bothers you?” You suddenly realize that you are hunched over, and you can feel the cringe of your face muscles fighting back the smile. Stupid dream being more realistic at the worse times.

Regaining some composure, “I-I’m fine Princess. I-I just thought of something odd is all.”

“Thou need worry not. We are used to seeing many an odd phantasm through our duties. Still, We have never seen one with such mastery over their dreams. This ‘lucid dreaming’ must be some powerful spell.”

“N-No Princess, It’s not magic. I cannot use magic, at least according to the experiments with Twi-f, with Princess Twilight.”

“Oh? Then pray tell Us how though do this? An innate ability perhaps?”

“Hmm, I don’t honestly know if it is an innate ability, though if it is then, maybe it is one that requires practice to master? Though, it honestly feels more similar to a skill that some are faster at learning than others. From what I remember anyways.”

“Intriguing! A skill which allows one such total control over a dream, without the use of magic no less! Pray tell kind Anon, would thou teach to Us thine special skill?”

“Lucid dreaming? Sure, I don’t see why not.” Suddenly, Princess Luna starts spinning in a small circle doing this little happy dance with a full smile across her face. She lets out a happy squeal and then, she suddenly leaps to you and embraces you with her wings.

Your eyes are filled with constellations and you feel a waft of lavender as soft feathers gently wrap around your back and Princess Luna’s ethereal mane blocks your view. Her chest fluff collides with your chest in a soft ~poof~ as the fur absorbs the impact.

You freeze at the sudden assault of sensations, until you hear a quiet, “Thank you…”. You relax and let the warm feeling last for what seems to be minutes. Slowly, Princess Luna backs away from you. Her cheeks are dark rose to violet in color from a blush.

“W-We shall begin lessons on the eve of the maro, if that is acceptable to thou, T-Teacher?”

You blink at that for a second then nod, unable to articulate well the feeling of being called teacher by a pony Princess several lifetimes older than you.

You see Princess Luna light up her horn with a smile on her lips. However, the light soon dissipates. After a few attempts, she looks back at you sheepishly then looks at the exit portal.

Taking the hint, you snap your fingers and the shredder disappears and is replaced with what looks like a TSA check point for an airport. You even put a small sign that says ‘Nightmares will be shot if attempting to leave! Princesses Welcome!’

You see Princess Luna off with a wave and a smile. Both of which she returns before cautiously leaving through the checkpoint and only slightly jumping as a ~ding~ and green light go off as she passes the scanner.

After she leaves and you are sure she is out of your dream, you break down laughing! “~HAHAHHAHHA! ‘NAY!’ Pfft! HAHAHAH….”