Discord's Gift

by Speccer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2014

Twilight is bored with work. Discord 'helps'.

Discord offers Twilight a gift: a simple die. She probably shouldn't accept.

Written for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Hot off the Press contest, with the prompt 'Roll the dice'.

Published 2020-08-04 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-04 17:00:01 UTC

Discord's Gift

Princess Twilight Sparkle, the ruler of Equestria, and former faithful student of former Princess Celestia, (yes, that title is just as important) was sitting behind her royal desk, flooded with stacks of paper.

It was still about an hour before she had to lower the sun, although she felt like doing it at that very moment and flopping onto her bed. The legal jargon was exciting the first time she’d read it, and perhaps the second. But once you’ve read the line “will hereby be granted permission to” for the three-hundred and fifteenth time in a row, anyone would feel like rolling their eyes.

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” Twilight called, her newfound interest not quite making it into her tone.

“Hey, Twi!”

Oh, it’s just Spike, Twilight thought, signing another form, which she totally read and comprehended. “Hello, Spike, what’s up?”

“Uhh, nothing. What’s up, yourself?”

Twilight shifted a stack so she could actually see the dragon. “Well, as you can see, I am kind of busy, so if you need anything…”

“Oh, no no, I was just bored and thought maybe we could, I don’t know, hang out, or something,” Spike said with a sigh. “But I see that you’re having fun with all of that--” he gestured to, well, at least half of the study.

“Fun,” Twilight snorted. “I’m So bored that I’m not even reading half the stuff I’m signing. And no, admitting it doesn’t make it any better. I have no idea how Celestia dealt with this for a thousand years.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Spike said, raising his arms. “Princess stuff takes priority. I’ll just go and--”

“...I mean, really! Why do I even have to look through all of this? Shouldn’t I have some ponies who are hired for this sort of work? I swear to Celestia, if I see another stray police report in here, I am going to have words with somepony!”

“Twilight,” Spike said calmly, “you’re starting to freak out.”

Twilight drew in a long breath since she’d forgotten to do that earlier. “Sorry. I’ll just have to get done with some of this. I’m sorry, Spike, just go and read something, or do whatever else you want.”

“I will,” Spike sighed, leaving the room. As the door closed, Twilight turned back to the documents on her desk. She almost fell out of her chair as she spotted something on her desk, which certainly hadn’t been there before.

“Huh, funny,” she muttered, “I don’t remember ordering a miniature Discord figure.”

“Call it a special delivery,” the figure spoke in a smooth, familiar voice.

“Go away, Discord,” Twilight said, trying to sound annoyed. Although, she had to admit she was at least a little curious as to what was going to happen.

“Oh, you’re no fun,” Discord pouted, poofing out of existence, and reappearing in all his normal-sized glory. “But I couldn’t help but overhear you say the B-word.”

Twilight looked at him, confused. “I didn’t say bi--”

“No, not that,” Discord snapped her mouth closed with his talons, “we are trying to keep this G rated.”

“Wha-”

“I meant bored. And guess what? So was I! So how about I make you a deal, and we both get some enjoyment out of this.”

Twilight pushed Discord away. “I am not giving Equestria to you, and the only way to bring enjoyment to me right now is to make this paperwork disappear,” she grumbled.

“As you wish, Your Highness.” Discord snapped his talons.

“NOT LITERALLY!” Twilight stared at the now-empty desk in shock.

“You Princesses never take the easy way out, do you?” With another snap, the papers were back, curiously many landing on the princess herself. “But, I offer just a little gift.”

“Unfortunately, I’m listening,” Twilight said, trying to clean up the mess with her magic. She had moderate success.

A single die rolled onto her desk. She looked at it curiously. “This is it? A die?”

“Well, what did you expect?” Discord scoffed. “That I would get you some millennia-old book, and watch you read it for hours on end, please. But this isn’t just a die, take a closer look.”

Twilight did. Discord was right. Instead of dots, there were small words inscribed on each side. She spotted ‘yes’, ‘no’, and ‘maybe’.

“So, if you were to accept my humble gift, if tomorrow somepony asked something of you, the die would decide the answer. Doesn’t that sound exciting!”

“What reason would I have to accept?” Twilight frowned.

“What reason do you have not to?”

“Well, for one, I am the princess, so anything I say will have higher consequences than normal.” Twilight looked at Discord’s expectant expression. Then again, this would bring some variety to her work. “This seems harmless enough,” she murmured, grabbing the die with her magic and examining it closely. “Fine, I accept. After all, what’s keeping me from just tossing this thing?”

“Spectacular!” Discord smiled and summoned a bucket of popcorn before disappearing altogether.

Twilight shrugged and moved back to paperwork. At this rate, she would institute elections.

Twilight yawned. She’d just gotten out of bed and brushed her teeth. Now she was moving through the castle hallways towards the royal dining room. Or breakfasting room, whichever was more imminent.

“Morning, Twilight Sparkle!”

“Morning, Luna,” Twilight groggily replied. “Wait, Luna!” Her eyes shot wide open as she stared at the blue alicorn. “What… are you doing in here?”

“Oh it was umm, a dream emergency,” she replied quickly.

“And how did you get in? Aren’t you legally a civilian now? Why did the guard let you in?”

“Oh, the guards didn’t give me much trouble. I just asked nicely,” Luna shrugged.

“Why am I not surprised,” Twilight sighed.

“Yes, the Royal Canterlot Voice is immensely useful. But could you accompany me to my tower? My voice is starting to give out,” Luna asked sheepishly.

“You expect the ruler of Equestria to do that?” Twilight asked.

It took a few seconds for Twilight to catch up to what she’d said. The words had come out of her mouth on their own accord. All the while, Luna stared at her with a shocked expression.

“Well, uhh,” Luna stammered.

Twilight was horrified. Was she so out of it before getting coffee? “No! I mean, of course, I’ll come with you!”

“Is the stress of being a Princess getting to you?” Luna asked.

“I guess… Let’s just go.”

The two alicorns walked away towards Luna’s old tower. Luna was trying to pick up a conversation, but Twilight was too distracted to listen to most of it.

As the echo of their voices fell distant, only a bigger-than-normal die was left lying on the floor. The top side read, ‘You expect the ruler of Equestria to do that?’

Twilight was eating breakfast. Luna was already off to Luna knows where. She’d just wanted to grab some of her comics, and ‘classified stuff’ from her tower.

She was eating hayburgers for breakfast, and nopony could stop her. Just as she was finishing, a maid walked in.

“Do you desire anything else, Your Highness?” She asked, giving her a slight bow. “Perhaps something our qualified chefs could prepare?”

Twilight could tell there was a hint of disapproval, but she chose to ignore it. What she didn’t ignore was the die, slowly rolling to a stop on the table. “I have a better plan,” she blurted out.

“Oh?” the maid, Silver, asked. “Please, Your Highness, do tell.”

Twilight was staring at the die, her face expressionless. At least she now knew what was happening to her. This was not part of the deal, Discord! she cried internally.

“Ahem.”

Right, what did I say again? “Uhh, yes, I think we should, uh...” She looked around the room in a panic, trying to draw inspiration from… something. Unfortunately, whoever designed the palace was very fond of light colors, and not much else. “I think we should hold a feast,” she said in a panic.

“A feast?”

“Uhh, like a party. With lots of fancy food,” Twilight tried to give a convincing smile. Ugh, Luna has been rubbing off on me. “...For the castle staff, to celebrate their amazing work.”

Silver looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, I think this is an excellent idea, Your Highness.”

Twilight let out a sigh of relief, before going back to finishing her food.

She was definitely going to have a little talk with Discord after this. Now, as long as nopony asks me any important questions--

“Morning, Twilight!” Spike strolled into the room. “Ready for court?”

Ah. That.

“The court is now in session,” Twilight announced. She was sitting on her throne, regal as ever, but in her mind, alarm bells were going off left and right. She had already run through several scenarios in her head, which would either lead to a war or possibly a collapse of the government.

“Alright, let’s get started with the petitioners,” she sighed, looking to Spike for support. The young dragon was totally oblivious to the situation, so there wasn’t much support coming from him. She didn’t want to tell him either, because ironically, getting lectured isn’t fun.

“First up is Velvet Pages. Representing the Manehatten central library.”

The light blue mare walked up to the throne and gave a slight bow. “Ahem, yes, we have a bit of an issue with the funding from the crown. It seems the last month’s funds haven’t come yet. We would request that the crown make sure that the funds arrive in time this month, and also for the last month.”

Twilight thought back to all the papers lying around on the desk. Did everything in Equestria go through her now? And she saw the die. It came to a stop just before the throne. Twilight’s eyes went wide as she read what was written on it.

“No.”

Audible gasps could be heard from the court. Velvet Pages took a step back, her face portraying more than just shock.

Oh crap, oh crap. Twilight’s breathing quickened. She needed to say something fast. “I mean… no library shall be left unfunded!” she exclaimed, raising a hoof for extra effect. “This issue will be addressed as quickly as we can ma’am, I’ll make sure of it.” She gave a nervous smile.

“Of course, Your Highness. Thank you.”

Twilight leaned back in her throne as the mare left.

“Next up is Chancellor Neighsay.”

This was gonna be a long day.

“Our final petitioner for tonight. Uhh... Discord?” Spike showed the scroll to Twilight, who just sighed.

“Ahem.”

“The lord of chaos.” Spike rolled her eyes.

“Thank you. I do hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have,” he smiled.

“Oh, I have not,” Twilight frowned. “It would’ve been nice to know that I didn’t have control of the dice. Or my mouth,” she added quietly.

“Well, yes, details,” Discord waved his paw. “Honestly, I have never seen you so flustered; I wish I had a camera. And telling Neighsay to ‘stop whining’. Absolutely priceless.”

“Yeah that part was pretty cool,” Spike said, receiving a glare from Twilight. She was forced to explain things to him after having told that one stallion to ‘just run along’. He was in crutches…

Thankfully, other than a little bit of awkwardness, and the zebra incident where she’d almost prevented a student from entering the School of Friendship, the day wasn’t too bad. She was still mad about the zebra thing.

“I guess you’re going to get away with it. It did solve some situations rather nicely. It’s rather easy to say no when you have literally no choice,” she shifted her glare to Discord, who was looking rather smug.

“So, will you do this again?” Discord asked.

Twilight watched the die roll. It was Discord’s magic, so him being actively in control of it was not too much of a stretch. As it came to a stop, and when Twilight read what’s written on it, she smiled.

“Kiss my flank.”