Thicc Dummies

by SunTwi06

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Profanity, Dazzlings, Comedy, Vice-Principal Luna, Equestria Girls
Length: 2225

A popular meme draws the curiosity of a bubbly teenage Siren... Shenanigans ensue.

An innocent debate over a popular meme leads to awkward banter between The Dazzlings. It's a case of misunderstanding and comedic banter, as they try to find a meaning in one of the strangest forms of slang they've ever heard of.

Edited by Dramamaster829

*Part of the Siren AU Continuity*

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Published 2020-08-04 23:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-04 23:40:00 UTC

Dummies Make Lives

Along a busy section of the city, there stood a humble mom-and-dad diner along the corner. While not among the most popular restaurants against the wide chain of facilities a few blocks away and not often packed with patrons, nevertheless the place has seen its share of loyal regulars or at least a few visitors aiming for a quick bite. On weekends, brunch was usually their busiest hour when the diner is close to being busy. Nowadays, most people rarely cook for themselves and instead preferring to either be served a plate of food or to get a cup of coffee for a few small bucks. There’s not been an hour of the day when the place hasn’t had its strange patrons coming in and out.

One particular trio was no exception to that note. From the other side of the world, these three seemingly typical high school girls were among the most powerful creatures ever known, as fierce in appearance as was their power of song to turn colonies against one another. But here, they were just three ordinary girls stewing over their plans to absorb the magic needed to feed themselves and store amidst their necklaces. They tried not to stick out too much, one of the girls reading off a magazine and another stirring a cup of copy with a spoon. Together, these three were known as ‘The Dazzlings’ consisting of their leader, Adagio Dazzle, and her two cronies, Aria Blaze and Sonata Dusk.

“Hey Aria,” The arctic bluish white toned girl spoke. “Mind if I ask a question?”

“Do you really need to, Sonata?” The pale, light grayish sister grumbled.

“Who’s the one asking the questions here?” Sonata countered.

“Fine…” Aria mumbled. “As long as it isn’t stupid.”

“Okay, so get this: ‘Dummy Thicc’. What does that mean?”

Aria didn’t quite answer the question, least not right away. But it was enough to take her mind off the stirring hot beverage in the cup to actually acknowledge Sonata. It wasn’t so much the question that made Aria raise her brows, Sonata has asked crazier questions before. Still, it was ‘how’ she asked the question, how ‘curious’ she was that baffled even a gruff Siren like Aria. She had to make sure she heard her just right.

“C-Can you repeat that?” Aria asked.

“What does it mean to be ‘Dummy Thicc’?”

“… Yea, that’s what I thought you said,” Aria nodded. “And I’m about five seconds away from walking out the door.”

“No really, is it slang for something? I can’t for the life of me understand the vernacular of this world. So many strange words.”

“Of all the morons of the world…” Aria mumbled to herself. “Why am I the one she asks the question to?”

Adagio, the older of the three with the poofy afro hair, having overheard the bickering between the two girls, would normally ignore any of their childish antics. Still, she wanted to see how far this would go.

“Sonata, why pray-tell is it that important to know?” Adagio asked.

“Well, I was just walking to my locker when somebody was checking me out and mentioned that I was ‘dummy thicc’,” Sonata explained. “I’ve already tried asking the teachers at school. But they wouldn’t tell me. I figured I could count on asking you girls.”

“And yet you ask me!” Aria points out. “Look Sonata, I don’t know how to say this without coming off as gay. But I might as well say it: It means you have curves.”

“Curves? Like the kind you encounter on the road?”

“Yes and no…”

“Oh, don’t stall Aria! Spit it out already; I want to know the truth.”

“No, you don’t… I don’t think you want to hear it.”

“C’mon…” Sonata whined. “I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

A sigh escaped Aria’s lips before she grabbed for her cup of coffee and proceeds to gulp down the hot beverage, straight. The scolding heat would normally bode unwell for a normal person, but Aria was never quite a ‘person’ technically. She places the cup down before turning straight to Sonata.

“… It means you have a ‘fat’ ass.”

“What did you say about my ass?!”

“No, no… It just ‘means’ you have a big ass!”

“Well… I don’t know whether to call this ‘awkward’ or ‘amusing’,” Adagio smirked, folding her arms.

A blush formed along Sonata’s cheeks, the reddish glow giving her blue cheeks a purplish glow. Aria merely rolled her eyes, over Sonata’s gullible nature.

“You wanted to know,” Aria pointed out.

“Well… They’re not wrong, are they?” Sonata asked innocently.

“You tell me! It doesn’t make any sense why your butt is large, but it is what it is.”

“Maybe… I was just made this way?”

“Since when did you become so smart?” Aria asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“Honestly… I have no idea,” Sonata shrugged, looking over herself. “Okay, sure… These cheeks are as large as they are. Least I don’t need to charge for any padding back. Because if I feel, then… I wouldn’t feel it… Wait, does that make any sense?”

“You’re getting more questions than answers, doofus,” Aria muttered. “Why bother wanting to know anything at all?”

“Well, I’m sorry if the rest of us are not fully aware of today’s trends. Okay? If people are going to be staring at a girl like me, for all the wrong reasons, I have every right to be worried. I mean I love the adoration and attention, but I want it to be because I’m a singer… Not those… Meme things…”

“Will you girls please stop talking about it?!” Adagio asked, irritated. “There are more important things we should be discussing. World domination, the suffering of human scum, and limitless power, our usual stuff. Some things are better off not to talk about.”

“I’m sorry Adagio, but I just can’t,” Sonata insists. “It’s an eyesore even for me; it’s not something to forget just like that.”

“Oh God!!!!” Aria groaned. “This is the worst conversation I’ve ever been involved with. I think I’m gonna go…”

“Wait! Just tell me what I should do?!” Sonata begged, standing up. “Come on, Aria. We’re practically family!”

“Bye Sonata!” Aria said, turning to leave.

“Come on, you can’t end the conversation like this…”

“WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!” Adagio shouted.

The two girls stopped arguing for a moment, turning to their older sister. Course, Adagio’s scream was so loud that all the waiters and customers turned toward their counter. As if this whole conversation wasn’t awkward enough already, Adagio lets out a sigh.

“… I know someone who can help settle this issue once and for all.”

Adagio takes out her cellphone as the two girls reluctantly sat back in their seats. Using speed dial, Adagio waits a couple seconds before someone picks up.

“Hi, this is Adagio Dazzle,” Adagio spoke over the phone. “We have an urgent appointment to make today… And today means today…”

<>

It wasn’t long before all three of the Dazzlings found themselves where they needed to be. In which case, it was at the house of one of the members of Canterlot High’s faculty: Vice Principal Luna. Of course, she was dressed slightly more casually than her usual attire at the school. A black button blouse and blue jeans, with crocs for shoes, but otherwise still presentable. She sat on her chair for a while, noting the three teenage girls sitting on her couch before her in the living room. An awkward silence took place amongst the four ladies, uncomfortably given their history…

“So, are you girls going to tell me why you decided to see me?” Luna asked. “… In my house?”

“My sisters and I have a situation,” Adagio said, bluntly.

“Yes, that’s what you told me,” Luna said. “What I want to know is how I can possibly help you?”

“It’s like this, Vice Principal Luna,” Sonata spoke up. “I’m dummy thicc and I don’t know why!”

“Frankly, we don’t really understand any of this,” Adagio shrugged.

“Dummy… Thicc…?” Luna asked, slowly.

“She means she has too much fat in her ass,” Aria answered.

“Aria Blaze! Language!” Luna shouted, appalled.

“Whatever…”

“Look, girls. I’m flattered you called me to settle whatever teenage drama you’re working on. I’m suspicious if your intentions are in the right place, but still… Since I must know… How do you expect me to fix this?”

“What?” Sonata asked.

“Let me put this in another way,” Luna shook her head, sighing. “Do you have a problem with being… Big, in that particular region?”

“Honestly, Vice Principal Luna,” Sonata answered. “I’m not sure. I’ve just never noticed it until today.”

“Frankly, it’s a miracle you notice anything at all,” Aria retorted.

“Stop it!!!”

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m even here,” Adagio replied. “I’m only around because somebody has to make sure these two don’t do something stupid… Again!”

“It’s not like this was my problem to begin with!” Aria argued.

“Like we don’t know why you’d really dive into this problem?” Adagio asked. “I don’t even think it has to do with Sonata at all!”

“Oh please Vice Principal Luna, you gotta help me!” Sonata begged. “I feel like my cheeks are trying to consume me!”

The back and forth arguments between all three of these girls was becoming too much for Luna to bear. And given that she’s had her share of arguments with her own sister, who was currently away on business, this was three times worse.

“Girls… Girls… Please!” Luna shouted.

Surprisingly, the Dazzlings actually calmed down upon Luna’s request. The Vice Principal took a deep breath, massaging her forehead as if trying to soothe a migraine from all their screaming. After releasing a sigh, she adjusts herself so she can face the three girls.

“Allow me to explain this in a way you all can understand,” Luna began. “Sonata, it doesn’t matter what size you are, in any part of your body. It doesn’t make sense why some things are bigger than others, but some things are beyond anyone’s control. And while I’m not the right person to say this, some women, whether its your sisters or perhaps someone else you know, they’d kill to have a figure like you.”

“Really?” Sonata asked, eyes widen.

“… Maybe. So, you’ll probably attract a lot of men if not how you want to attract them. But that’s okay. Even other girls may want to ask you out, take you to your favorite place, but it be no different as how a man would approach you. If you’re into that sort of thing, of course.”

“You really think they’d want to ask me out?” Sonata asked, gullibly.

“Speaking as someone who’s made her share of… Questionable decisions,” Luna admitted. “I believe everyone deserves a chance, for one reason or another. Instead of dwelling on what you have, that you may like or not, you should be grateful to have something folks are attracted to in the first place. Just don’t think about it too much and you’ll be fine.”

“Don’t think about it, huh?” Aria replied. “Well… That shouldn’t be tough.”

“Aria, you're so mean to me, you know that?!” Sonata pouted.

“Mm-hmm!”

“Well now,” Luna sighed, standing up. “If that’s all you wanted to know—”

All of a sudden, Sonata Dusk raced up and hugged the Vice Principal before she could finish. Luna had to admit this came as a surprise. Of course, it wasn’t because it came from Sonata, for the most part she was harmless. But being she is a member of a trio that tried to take over the school once… It was just so sudden.

“Thank you for your help, Vice Principal Luna,” Sonata said. “Thanks for listening!”

“Umm… You’re welcome?” Luna said, awkwardly.

“Great… Can we go now?!” Aria said impatiently.

“You’re excused girls,” Luna gestures to the door. “But just know that next time you have a problem, please feel free to visit the office at school. Frankly, I had nothing else to do today, but that’s beside the point.”

“I’d say we’ll come anytime… But that’s a lie,” Aria replied, walking away. “Later!”

“I’ll try not to think too hard on my thiccness, Mrs. Luna!” Sonata replied.

“Sonata… Seriously… Shut up!!!”

No sooner did the two sisters close the door behind them, as Luna looked on, she let out a sigh. She just turned when she noticed Adagio Dazzle, just laying back on the couch with a sigh.

“Well… Aren’t you going to meet with your sisters?” Luna asked.

“I’m not really in a big hurry,” Adagio sighed. “This was a whole waste of my time… I tell you, being the oldest really sucks!”

“Well, can’t say I completely agree with you,” Luna replied, folding her arms. “But growing up with an older sister who can be, for lack of a better word, a pill… It’s not easy being the youngest sister either. Perhaps that's exactly how Sonata feels given the way you treat her everyday.”

“Maybe… Although…”

“What?”

Adagio Dazzle turned toward her own waist, as if she were envious of her own figure. She then turns back toward Luna.

“You tell Sonata this and I’m going to deny it,” Adagio whispered. “I’d kill for curves like hers…”

“… Please don’t.”