The Road to Healing

by The Dimension Traveler

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, Sex, Fetish, Suicide / Self Harm, Horror, Profanity, Non-consensual, Violence, Crossover, Death, Alternate Universe, Human, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 13275

Sanity was a nice Dream, but every Dream must end. With Madness devouring her every thought and directing her every move, will Duskfall ever be able to return to Equuis?

Duskfall tried so hard to make all the right choices and say all the right things. But deep down, Insanity bubbled within her. Now that Insanity has taken its rightful place, ruling over Duskfall, controlling her every thought and action.

The Doctor and Celestia have hatched a desperate plan. Leave Duskfall on a backwater world 100,000 years in the future and hope the fires of Insanity that lick at Duskfall's Mind and Soul will burn themselves out.

Will the plan succeed or will Duskfall lose her everything? Ending up as nothing more than a walking talking toy for the desires of others?

Takes place between Chapters 18 and 19 of Shattered Souls

Published 2020-08-08 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-23 04:02:48 UTC

The Start of Madness

The Road to Healing

Chapter 1: The Start of Madness

Duskfall awoke to the sound of the TARDIS’ brakes protesting their misuse. She opened her eyes just in time to catch the familiar blue box fade out of existence completely. Duskfall shook off the last vestiges of unconsciousness and looked around. It was nowhere she recognized and there was a weight of saddlebags on her back. She decided to see what The Doctor had left for her.

A pen, some paper, a few notepads, a regular paper journal, a canteen, and what looked to be some kind of money. There was also a note with Celestia’s Cutie Mark on the outside. She opened the note and started to read.

“Duskfall, much to my regret, we could not keep you on Equuis in your current state. Instead, you are now on a world where you are free to follow your twisted desires for as long as you feel the need to do so. The Doctor and I will return for you when the time is right. Until then, know that I love you.”

A world where she was free? Well, it wasn’t Equuis, but that could come in time. She could use this as a proving ground! Duskfall would show Celestia how much happier everyone would be if they could vent their frustration, sexual and otherwise, on a real pony! It would only be made easier with her body being female. It was so much easier to meaningfully rape a mare than a stallion, the penetration into her currently virgin pussy so much more visceral.

It was a good thing she wasn’t planning on living long enough to get pregnant. Nothing would get in the way of Duskfall’s plans faster than having to take care of a foal. She may hate herself, but that was no reason to take it out on an innocent baby.

Still, if The Doctor and Celestia thought this world would be more accommodating to her desires that probably meant it was at least Detroit levels of scum. Time for an experiment! Would the things she put in her personal magic pocket dimension stay there after she died or would they all come tumbling out into the real world again? She placed all the items The Doctor and Celestia had given her in the pocket dimension, except the saddlebags. They were reasonably well made and perfect for luring in a mugger if she placed some rocks in them to make it seem like they were full.

Once she had collected the rocks, she line-of-sight teleported to the town in the distance. Already her heart was pounding a little harder in her chest. It was a foolish, futile gesture of trying to keep her alive as she sought out the first of her hopefully many deaths.

Duskfall wondered briefly if her Alicorn body would attract attention. Then she dismissed the thought. If her body did attract extra attention, then that was so much the better for her plans, wasn't it? An Alicorn of 20 years old was sure to tickle at least a few fancies.

Duskfall purposefully walked directly into the dirty back alleys, doing her best to act like a lost tourist. A scrap of paper she could pretend was a map was the only prop she needed. Her efforts were soon rewarded with the feeling of a gun pressed to her head.

“Give me the saddlebags and no one gets hurt, pony,” A voice that sounded like he had been smoking straight out of the womb demanded.

“No, I don’t think I will,” Now her heart was really pounding. This was great!

“You think I’m playing games?!” The man demanded. Duskfall couldn’t quite tell his species from the gloom. He was too bipedal to be a pony. He was too short to be most humans. A Sontaran, perhaps? This was an extra thrill, being killed by an alien! Duskfall turned her head so she could get the barrel of the gun directly in her mouth.

“Go on, shoot me you pussy. Take what you want!” Duskfall egged her attacker on.

“Good idea,” He pulled the trigger.

Duskfall expected to die almost instantly. What happened was so much better. She could somehow feel her brain matter splattering against the nearby wall, the bullet passing through and shattering her skull. Oh God, it felt so good! She could still feel the gore that had been her brain dribbling down to the ground. It was absolute bliss! Her heart was slowly stopping, her muscles going weak, and her ability to think quietly leaving her. The rest of her body was catching up with the fact that she was already dead. Just before the end, she experienced an orgasm that shattered what little mind she had left.

Duskfall gasped for air. A quick hoof to the back of her head confirmed that her body was whole once more. She had no idea how long it had taken her to revive, but it was night now. That didn’t tell her much without knowing when she had arrived on this planet and how long the day/night cycles were. Her saddlebags were gone, of course, but a quick check of her pocket revealed that things did indeed stay put after death. That was quite useful, but Duskfall had a more pressing concern. She had to die again.

If dying was that orgasmic every time then Duskfall wondered how Celestia, Luna, and Cadence stopped themselves. Of course, it was entirely possible different deaths offered different levels of pleasure. Even if getting her brains blown out was the absolute best way to die, which Duskfall doubted, she could easily acquire a gun of some kind and happily spend some of her time shooting herself. Duskfall was addicted.

Still, dying was only half of what she was supposed to be doing. Unless her attacker had practiced a bit of necrophilia after she had expired, her pussy was still virgin. It was time to start learning how to be a proper cum dump and all around best sex toy she could be.

Duskfall returned to the main roads and saw she was absolutely spoiled for choice as to who she wanted to pop her cherry. Mares and stallions and aliens of every kind were walking down the streets. Well, as eager as Duskfall was to have sex with an Asari and maybe get lucky and find an Ardat-Yakshi, she overruled the male part of her libido and started focusing on the males. She would be an equal opportunity slut later. For her first time she felt like being a little greedy and having her tight little pussy stretched out by a meaty cock.

Although, that raised an interesting question, what state exactly would her body return to after death? It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that, no matter how many cocks she got fucked by she’d remain as tight as a virgin, provided she died regularly, which wouldn’t be a problem. The thought of having her cherry popped over and over by everything with a dick got her hot and bothered.

She made no effort to hide her arousal. She was sure she looked silly on her back with her legs spread and vagina exposed to the night air just begging for cock, but it was the best she knew how to do. Duskfall was just about to fall asleep on the side of the road when rough hands snatched her up.

“Don’t you know lying like that is dangerous, little pony?” He looked to be human, with sandy blonde hair and a five o’clock shadow. He was skinny, almost to the point of looking underfed. Duskfall wasn’t feeling particularly picky, anything with a cock and a pulse would do, but she could have done much worse for her first time. The hunger in his eyes belied the kindness of his words.

“I’m sorry, mister. I’m just a bad filly who needs a good cock,” Duskfall nearly choked on how cliché the words were, but they seemed to have the desired effect. A predatory grin bloomed on the man’s face.

“I think I can help you with that if you follow me back to my place,” Duskfall was sure he intended to sound smooth. Duskfall humored the man.

“Oh, are you going to fill me up with cum, mister?” Duskfall asked in her best cutesy voice.

“What a filthy mouth. I suppose I’ll just have to fuck some better manners into you~” He growled. Duskfall shuttered with pleasure. ‘Yes, treat me more like a worthless cock sleeve!’ she wanted to scream. That would have to come later. She didn’t know if voicing such a thing would scare him off or not. Probably not, but she wasn’t of a mind to risk it. Her pussy was already wet and her core hot with desire.

Duskfall eagerly followed the man back to a slightly rundown apartment building. It was the sort of building that was just showing its age, cheap but perfectly comfortable lodging. The apartment she was led to was a one room affair, but really, so long as the bed didn’t collapse in a heap that was all that mattered. Well, even if it did collapse, Duskfall was sure that would matter very little in a minute. The man caught her appraising the bed.

“Don’t worry; all the rooms have at least a basic soundproofing ward. We can be as loud as we like,” That saved Duskfall the trouble of having to cast one herself at least. Although to be honest, her head was so muddled with lust she wasn’t sure if she could cast at all. Duskfall hopped onto the bed.

“Your personal sex toy is ready to begin her duties, mister,” Duskfall happily chirped. The man quickly lost his clothes and grinned hungrily as Duskfall’s awaiting purple pony pussy.

“‘Personal sex toy’, huh? Now, how to best enjoy this fleshlight…oh, silly me, it is a fleshlight,” Duskfall nearly came then and there from being referred to as an ‘it’. Due to the size difference between pony and human, what was a slightly above average cock on a human man was definitely big enough to ruin Duskfall’s every hole.

“Beg me for it,” He growled as he placed his erection teasingly on Duskfall’s pussy lips.

“Please fill this fuck toy with your massive man meat and ride it to your heart’s content! It only exists for your pleasure!” The dirty words coming out of her mouth felt so good, but all that was pushed aside as he slowly inserted his cock into her eager marehood.

“Fuck! You’re such a tight little fleshlight!” He said approvingly. Slowly, ever so slowly, his prick was disappearing into her. It was like nothing Duskfall had ever felt before. It was as if she had been starving and was only now, for the first time in her life, starting to feel full. His cock was stretching her out to the limit. Then there was a flash of pain and pleasure as her hymen broke.

“You’re a virgin?” He asked as he spotted the blood trickling down his cock and onto the bed sheets.

“I was,” Duskfall replied cheekily, “Go on, and ram this fuck toy hard! Truly make me a mare tonight!” That was all the encouragement he needed. He pushed forward and Duskfall felt the tip of his cock touch something deep inside her just as he fully hilted. She squealed in surprise and pleasure. She couldn’t help but let out a noise of disappointment as he slowly withdrew.

He reinserted, and then pulled back out, slowly building up speed each time. Duskfall gave herself over to instinct and started thrusting her pelvis to match his skewering her. It took a lot of effort, but she also forced her hind legs to remain open, no matter how much she wanted to clench them. Her efforts were rewarded. With his hands free not having to hold her legs apart he was able to use one hand to play with her teats and the other went to her clit.

The instant he touched her clitoris she screamed as white hot pleasure shot through her and she had her first orgasm of the encounter. Twilight had sworn off masturbation as part of her ‘sex is icky’ campaign and Tom had only gotten himself off once. So she was utterly unprepared for the feeling of having her clit played with as the man settled into his top speed.

She could feel it. His cock was twitching inside her. He was so close to painting her insides white!

“Please mister, fill me with your hot, sticky baby batter!” Duskfall begged. That seemed to push him over the edge. A spasm ran through his body as he hilted one more time and Duskfall felt his cum fill her womb. It was such an amazing feeling she was overtaken by her second orgasm as he finished pumping his seed into her baby maker. It also felt good to have their mixed juices dribbling out of her cunt.

“Hmm, that was the best sex I’ve had in a while. I hadn’t realized how backed up I was,” The man mused as he pulled out of Duskfall’s snatch. Even though he had cum, his cock wasn’t completely flaccid. Duskfall turned herself to offer her asshole to him.

“Please use this toy until you are completely satisfied. Would you like to try my asshole?” Duskfall offered.

“I think I’d rather try another hole first,” He roughly turned her around so she was face to face with his cock.

“Yay! Mister is gonna face fuck me!” She didn’t have to fake her excitement.

“Well, I was just gonna have you give me a blowjob, but I like your idea better,” A quick spell Twilight had learned to stop herself from gagging when taking awful tasting medicine, and Duskfall was ready to have her mouth and throat violated to the man’s content.

He started out slowly, only placing half of his quickly returning to full mast dick in her mouth. Duskfall had to keep her mouth open very wide to keep her teeth from brushing his cock. The very small amount she knew suggested guys didn’t like it when teeth touched penis. Not hearing any protest or feeling any gag reflex, the man allowed himself to fully insert his completely hard rod.

Duskfall felt a thrill as she realized it was impossible to breathe when he had his cock all the way down her throat. Without those silly little survival instincts, she was able to fully enjoy her asphyxiation. Of course, the guy had no idea he was killing her as she looked lustfully up at him. Why would he suspect anything was wrong?

Duskfall’s heart beat harder and harder, wasting the finite air she had left all the faster, until its beating started to slow. Her muscles began to relax. Her vision went hazy until finally, for the second time, Duskfall died.

Like last time, some ghost in the machine persisted after her body perished. Duskfall could still vaguely hear and see and feel, even if that made no sense with all her nerves and brain dead. Her consciousness lasted just long enough for him to ejaculate. The feeling of his cum sliding down her unmoving throat and into her inactive stomach was delicious. Her body was far too dead to orgasm, but the last vestiges of Duskfall’s consciousness felt pleasure all the same. She was almost disappointed as he pulled out, her head flopping lifelessly to the bed.

“Pony? Pony?! Oh fuck!”

The first thing Duskfall noted when she revived was that everything reeked. A quick check of her surroundings made it clear her body had been dumped in some kind of landfill. At least he had taken the effort to bury her in a garbage heap and not leave her where anyone could have found her body. Although Duskfall had to admit that she was disappointed that she hadn’t been able to possibly experience vultures picking away at her flesh. It was something to try and engineer some other time.

Duskfall dug herself out of her trashy tomb and cast a quick deodorizing spell. Then she summoned a pen and notepad, as well as the journal.

Data Log #1

Died twice. Once shot from gun in mouth and once from asphyxiation. I appear to retain consciousness for some time after death. Need to time how long and if there are any factors to increase or decrease this time.

Feeling my brains painted against a wall was intensely pleasurable. Dying of asphyxiation was pleasant in its own ways. I was able to savor the feeling of dying a lot longer. It probably wouldn’t have felt nearly as good if I wasn’t ejaculated into after death and while my consciousness was still around.

Had sex once. No foreplay, my partner just wanted a quick fuck. Went directly for my vagina. Theoretically sex is supposed to be better after foreplay. How that could be possible is a mystery I look forward to solving. During intercourse, I misread the situation presented. He wanted a blowjob and I thought he wanted to simply face fuck me. Upon hearing me say such, he decided to go with the face fuck, for which I am grateful. The face fucking is what led to my second death.

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 1 Month 1 Day 1

Having been left to my own devices on an unknown world some unknown time in the future by The Doctor and Celestia, I immediately plotted my first death. I very much wish I could have been killed by one of Tom and Twilight’s friends, but I can’t deny there was a certain thrill to being killed by a complete stranger.

The feeling of a bullet going through my brain and the aftermath thereof was one of the most pleasurable things I have ever felt. Not that there's much competition in that regard... the intensity of the orgasm I experienced just before my consciousness vanished post death is something I will always remember.

Reviving is done with little fanfare. I simply wake up as if from a nap and my body is whole once more. It is a little disappointing that I did not get to feel my body put itself back together, but maybe that’s something I can fix later? In any event, I will need to get a stopwatch and kill myself in a number of ways to see how long it takes to revive and if the kind of death matters at all.

After reviving for the first time, I saw it was night time so decided it was as good a time as any to offer up my body for the sexual pleasure of another for the first time. I was honestly about to fall asleep. Either reviving takes some mental stamina or I was simply bored and tired. That is something else that will need to be experimented on. Then someone snatched me up and offered to make me his sex toy…well, maybe not in so many words, but that’s what ended up happening.

Part of me was apprehensive about letting a male stick his dick in me. A part of me was and still is a heterosexual male. By that point, however, I was too drunk on lust to really care and the feeling of his cock entering my pussy was exquisite. It was so big it very nearly didn’t fit. I wonder if I’m a size queen or if it just felt that good because I have no frame of reference?

Whatever the case, I was fucked mercilessly, first in my baby maker and then in my face. His cock was just big enough that I literally suffocated to death on it. I’m really surprised I didn’t orgasm until it was too late for me to do so. Being treated so roughly, used like nothing more than a toy…whoops, there’s that orgasm…

Well, I’m tired so I’m going to find a place to sleep. I’ll figure out how to split my time between dying and being a fuck toy as soon as I figure out things like how long days and nights are and how long it takes me to revive after dying.

The next few days are going to be so much fun!

End of Journal Entry

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption : 99.9%

Afflictions : Addiction to sex.

Addiction to dying.

Perks : Insanity [100%]

Darkness [15%]

Magic [110%]

Immortality

So... I'm writing shitty porn now...

Don't worry, this all will have a point. Ultimately Duskfall will get her Cutie Mark out of this and I even know what it'll look like. Which is just as well, as I had no clue what I was gonna do about her Cutie Mark before now and was kinda pushing it off until Book 3.

Anyway, this was surprisingly nice to write. It's not so much exorcising personal demons as much as... placating them, I guess? Oh well, we already knew I was fucked up in the head.

Most chapters from here on will be mostly journal entries and data logs with snippets of Duskfall's day to day sprinkled as needed. I'm not sure how long this is gonna go, but I don't imagine more than 15 chapters at absolute maximum.

First Steps

The Road to Healing

Chapter 2: First Steps

Data Log #3

For such an obviously corrupt world, it is remarkably difficult to acquire new ways to kill oneself. This is only made harder by the fact I have yet to find a drug that does more than mildly buzz my Alicorn physiology, even after taking doses that would be lethal to almost any other organic species.

What little I have been able to put together thus far paints an interesting, but horribly incomplete picture. Preliminary data suggests that time between death and revival is indeed impacted by the method of death. I was able to hang myself with a bed sheet and revived almost an hour later. When I overcharged a spell to the point where my head exploded in a fine mist of gore, I was dead for nearly three hours. I have yet to determine if repetition of the cause of death will lead to a decrease in time spent dead.

Speaking of killing myself, I really need to buy a camera so I can watch the process of my body being reconstructed. I’m sure it will be delightfully sexy.

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 1 Month 1 Day 10

I was doing some exploring of my new homeworld. With maps and some clever teleportation tricks, I’ve been slowly expanding the range of my teleportation. Ultimately, I hope to be able to teleport anywhere on the planet. That’s a thought for later.

I had been wandering about in a mountain range I had teleported to when a rockslide started. I was ecstatic, of course. I had blown off my head before, but having my whole body squished to paste by a boulder was something new and exciting. Even now the thought makes me extremely horny. Both fortunately and unfortunately, that is not what ended up happening.

Instead of my entire body being smashed, a particularly large boulder with sharp edges caught only my head and tore it clean off. At first I was disappointed and that disappointment expressed itself in my body language. I stamped a hoof in frustration. It was only after reviving that I realized what that meant.

Even with my head separated from my body, I could still move my body around until it died. This opens up some astonishing possibilities. Of course, there’s one thing I’m going to have to try before anything else.

When I get back to the shack I have claimed as my own, I’m going to find something long and sharp and decapitate myself cleanly. I can’t wait to see if my idea holds water~

End of Journal Entry

Duskfall appeared in a flash of magic. A quick visit to the nearby dump and she had discovered a piece of metal she had easily sharpened into a makeshift blade. Now it was time to test a hypothesis. Duskfall cast a number of blood coagulation spells on herself to give her the best possible chance of success. Deciding she might as well be lying down for this experiment, she placed herself on the mattress she had found and repaired. With one last excited smile, she chopped off her own head.

Time was of the essence. She willed her body to grab her severed head, which it did easily enough, and then lowered her head down to her marehood.

Even if it was her own scent of arousal, it was still a heady smell. One Duskfall wished she could appreciate more, but she was on a tight schedule as it was. Shoving her muzzle directly into her pussy, Duskfall licked.

The feeling was so strange. She had been eaten out exactly once during her stay thus far and it had been a wonderful experience. Now she was both giving and receiving and the sheer fetish fuel of the situation combined with the sexy sound of her own blood dripping from her severed neck caused her to orgasm almost immediately.

As her body died and her consciousness once more grew dark Duskfall couldn’t help but think she really needed to work on her hair trigger if she was going to use herself as practice for pleasing other females. She could also almost certainly increase the time her body survived.

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 1 Month 1 Day 12

I’ve slowly been refining both the spell to keep my body going after decapitation and my technique in orally pleasuring a mare or woman. I will admit to some embarrassment, as more than once I’ve dropped my head after orgasm and had to waste precious time coordinating my body retrieving my head. I really have to figure out how to cast magic while decapitated.

Of course, this is all well and good for my being a good sex toy for females, but I feel I’m doing a disservice to the males I could be helping. To that end, I’ve been visiting libraries and looking into transformation magic. Twilight knew some, but they came with limitations, such as needing a living subject to base the transformation on and being complete transformations. Fortunately I’ve been able to find several helpful books. I imagine in a couple of day’s time I’ll be able to grow a dick on myself and then I can start practicing blowjobs too!

Ideally I’ll be able to eventually transform myself at will. I am not so arrogant as to presume everyone will find a pony body attractive. If I can become even a close approximation of any species I want and any sex I choose, then I’m sure to be able to help lots more people! Even better, if I can transform myself into the image of someone my user hates, then I can offer relief by letting them kill me or hate fuck me! Wouldn’t that be wonderful?!

It’s all a matter of finding the right spells and practicing. Normally such magic isn’t practiced amongst ponies, both due to lack of power and because one wrong move can kill you. Fortunately, neither of those are a problem for me! I’m kinda looking forward to the first time one of my transformation spells goes catastrophically wrong.

Data Log #5

First attempt to give myself a penis semi successful. Cross-referencing Tom’s memories and what I have encountered since coming to Hell’s Armpit, I have created an average looking phallus. An average looking human phallus…with no scrotum. There is also the matter of how it feels. It does feel like it is attached to me, but beyond that I might as well be wearing a strap on for all the sensitivity it has. Getting an erection with it was difficult, but not impossible.

Review transformation matrix used. Maybe kidnap a male to attempt ‘copy and paste’ his penis onto my body? Maybe getting my magic familiar with a phallus will help fill in the missing pieces of this transformation spell? Erase memories of captured subject afterward, of course. Hopefully this will be a short term crutch. I’d rather not have to kidnap someone the first time I want to modify some part of my body every time I come up with a new idea. I could do it, of course, but it’d take time and effort I could be spending being killed or being used as a fuck toy.

Will hold off on kidnapping for two more days. If still not successful, then I will resort to drastic measures.

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 99.98%

Afflictions:
Addicted to sex
Addicted to dying

Perks:
Insanity [105%]
Darkness [24%]
Magic [108%]
Immortality

Out of sheer curiosity, I did a quick look into dullahan smut. Having a female dullahan eat herself out is astonishingly uncommon. You're welcome? :pinkiecrazy:

Melting Away

The Road to Healing

Chapter 3: Melting Away

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 1 Month 2 Day 3

I’ve finally found it! An acid strong enough to even melt through my Alicorn resistances! Fluoroantimonic acid! I was poking around some drug dealer’s warehouse and found vats of the stuff. I was originally looking to try and find a new shipment of drugs to combine to try and get a reaction, but this was so much better! What they were planning to do with the acid, I had no idea. I didn’t even recognize what it was at first, only learning when I saw a label on one of the vats.

Neither Tom nor Twilight had been chemistry majors, so I had no idea that I was right next to one of the strongest acids chemistry can create. To get anything stronger, you’d need some serious magic. All I knew was it said the word ‘acid’ so I thought I’d try taking a bath in it. It hadn’t worked so far, but I’m ever the optimist. (No Pinkie, I’m not lying. I am an optimist.)

So I jumped into the acid and oh wow. The feeling of the acid immediately getting to work on the soft tissue of my labia and eating away my clitoris hood was so good. Just the feeling of my flesh melting away was so all encompassing I loved every second of it. I could feel every individual feather being dissolved. It was bliss as my eyeballs turned into soup and flowing out of my eye sockets.

As I screamed in pleasure, I swallowed as much of the acid as I could so it could begin its work from the inside. I don’t remember when my body became too damaged to orgasm. Somehow that made the experience all the more intense. The pleasure all bottled up, unable to find release. Eventually all that was left of me was my skeleton, then my horn, then nothing at all. I’m so thankful I got to experience the whole thing.

End of Journal Entry

Data Log #16

Experiments with transformation magic are being with less success than originally anticipated. Attempts to even do something as minor as change the color of my coat have been met with resistance. I have a few theories as to why this might be.

-My natural resistance as an Alicorn: Unlikely. While my status as an Alicorn does afford me a fair amount of magical resistance to outside forces, there is really no reason I should have trouble using magic on myself.

Failure to understand some core tenant of transformation magic: Also unlikely. While Twilight never majored in transmogrification, she studied almost every kind of magic and was fully capable of transforming things. A quick test has proven I likewise still have the ability to turn things into oranges.

-A mental block: As much as I hate to admit it, this is likely the reason. Some part of me, even though I know I can’t bring back Tom and Twilight, still thinks of this as Twilight’s body. Thus I am subconsciously hesitant to make changes to it. If this proves to be the case, then it simply cannot stand! I have to be the perfect sex toy! Anything that keeps me from that goal must be discarded.

-My constant dying results in some kind of anti-morphic field: A possibility. Every time I die, no matters how brutally or how complete the destruction of my body, it is always returned to pristine condition. It may be that this leaves behind a magical residue that I am fighting against when trying to transform myself. I am loath to give up my suicide spree. I’ll just have to monitor myself for magical emissions as my body reforms.

It had taken a few days of scavenging and pick pocketing, but Duskfall finally had all she needed to find out if her transformations were being thwarted by some kind of magical residue. She had all the equipment set up, now it was only a matter of deciding how she died.

“Shut up, Pinkie, of course this will work!” Duskfall snapped at thin air, “I made sure they were all properly maintenanced and calibrated. And then, once I have my answers, nothing will stop me from being the most desirable fuck toy in all creation!”

Duskfall flicked her ears to some unheard voice.

“Yes, I’ll be even more fuckable than you are, Pinkie! With your sumptuous flanks and bubbly personality and… You’re distracting me! Shut up!” Duskfall ignored her unseen companion and contemplated the fact that she hadn’t had a female lover in a couple of days. No sense in falling out of practice. With that, Duskfall levitated the piece of sharpened metal she kept around and lopped off her own head.

After an enjoyable minute or so of eating herself out, Duskfall died fully. Once she revived, Duskfall checked over the data. As it turned out, there was a minor magical field that would make transformation magic more difficult to cast on herself. However, it wasn’t nearly enough to fully answer her abject failures to transform.

“Yes, I realized that Pinkie,” Duskfall grumbled. The only real answer was that Duskfall was indeed suffering under a subconscious reluctance. So now it was a question of how to convince herself that this body was fully her own? She needed to convince herself that this body was hers to do with as she pleased.

Suddenly, finding a drug that would get her high as a kite jumped on her priorities list. Supposedly some people gained great insight when drugged. Honestly, if the amount of sex and suicide she had done hadn’t convinced her that this was her body, she wasn’t sure what would.

“What do you think, Pinkie? An LSD trip for ‘spiritual enlightenment’ sounds like just what the doctor ordered, right? …Yes Pinkie, I know LSD doesn’t work for me. AHHH, Why do you have to be so contrary?!” Duskfall then blushed at something said that no one else could have possibly heard.

“Stupid, sexy Pinkie,” Duskfall sulked, “Now I’m horny again. I’m going to find someone to fuck me until my brains come pouring out my ears. Hopefully literally. Maybe I’ll even get gangbanged! Cocks in my every hole…”

Duskfall teleported into the seedy area of town and over the last month people had slowly started recognizing her. She was nothing more than a slut who did her work for free. Hearing what some of the other working girls called her made Duskfall want to jump them and let them hate fuck her. Unfortunately, nothing had come of that desire yet. Duskfall was just an annoyance. She hadn’t quite been around long enough to be considered a true threat. Hopefully that’d change soon and then they’d punish her like the naughty little cock sleeve she was.

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 101.2%

Afflictions:
Addiction to sex
Addiction to death
Schizophrenia

Perks:
Insanity: [143%]
Darkness: [32%]
Magic: [102%]
Immortality

So...why is Duskfall suddenly having delusions about Pinkie? Fuck if I know. Duskfall just started talking to Pinkie out of the blue and when I asked Pinkie, she said she wasn't using her 4th wall breaking to actually talk to Duskfall. So...I guess she's developed Schizophrenia.

Also, just for the record, there are tons of people who Duskfall finds more physically desirable than Pinkie. Duskfall just thinks Pinkie is super fuckable, whatever that means.

Kidnapped

The Road to Healing

Chapter 4: Kidnapped

Data Log #22

It has become distressingly clear that if I ever want to get high, I must learn at least some chemistry. Curse Celestia and her hatred of submitting herself to medical tests! There’s simply so much unknown about Alicorns. We are supposedly made up of the three separate pony races, but which ones affect which parts of our biology? Clearly the horn and wings are Unicorn and Pegasai respectively, but beyond that I have no answers. Do we have livers more akin to a hardy Earth Pony? Are our digestive tracks more similar to Pegasai who can more easily digest meat?

Of course, there are also traits that are uniquely Alicorn. I’ve ingested belladonna to no effect. Not just, I died from it and resurrected, but flat out nothing happened. If any pony had eaten belladonna, they would’ve died. So now I’m left floundering in pseudo-science and stuffing different chemicals in different combinations in my gob and hoping for a reaction between nothing and death. Fucking Celestia. (No, Pinkie, I don’t want to fuck Celestia. She’s the one pony who I don’t want to fuck).

Duskfall was starting to get something of a reputation. It had been just over three months since The Doctor and Celestia had dumped her on this rock. She hadn’t done anything in particular to stand out, but when multiple people say you’ve died and then you walk around the next day like nothing happened, people will talk. As far as the common person knew, Duskfall was just a pony.

Even the other ponies Duskfall had come across had barely reacted to her Alicorn status. Of course, Duskfall had seen more than a few pony prostitutes that pretended to be Alicorns. Hey, if word never got back to the federation or whatever that Duskfall was here, she wouldn’t risk bungling the timeline. One of Duskfall’s worst fears was an older version of her dropping by and trying to talk her down. Duskfall was just fine where she was! SHE LIKED BEING CRAZY!

Duskfall was currently sitting in a bar, downing ryncol like water, wishing desperately to get drunk, but knowing she wouldn’t. Still, bars were nice places to find people to fuck her. Even if Pinkie was trying to get her to approach someone. That wasn’t how sex toys operated. They didn’t hunt down a user. They were picked to be used. So in the mean time, Duskfall would just sit there, knocking back what people passed off as strong drink and looking as sexy as she could make herself.

A lesser sex toy might have been tempted to cast a want-it need-it on herself. But Duskfall was aiming to be the best! Even if her efforts at transformation magic were still being thwarted, she would endure and triumph! Then all would look upon her and use her for their own personal desires!

It perhaps spoke volumes to the state of the world when no one so much as looked up from their drinks when a pair of suits came up behind Duskfall and stuffed her into a burlap sack. Duskfall was thrilled. She thought these sorts of things only happened in gangster movies! Were they gonna fit her with a pair of cement bunny slippers? Duskfall was getting excited just thinking about it.

Pinkie was rambling about something or other. Well, Duskfall thought she was. It was almost like she was speaking in another language. Was Duskfall having a stroke? That was interesting to contemplate. Could Alicorns even have strokes? Oh well, nothing a quick case of death won’t fix.

“Is this the specimen?” Duskfall was dumped on a steel table and her hooves were locked down while an inhibitor ring slipped around her horn. Duskfall was utterly unconcerned. The ring was low quality garbage; she didn’t even need to try channeling to tell that. What did catch her attention was the stereotypical German accent the man had. Was she in the clutches of a true mad scientist?

“Yes, Dr. Bratwurst,” One of the goons responded.

“IT’S BRITWEIST!” The man shrieked in rage. Duskfall was trying not to laugh. Was she being pranked? Was this a recording of a Saturday morning cartoon? Although, according to Discord, MLP: FiM was a Saturday morning cartoon too, so she wasn’t exactly in a place to be throwing stones. The goons left and the man, dressed in a white button down lab coat, turned to Duskfall.

“My employers seem to think that there might be something special about you, little pony. You’ve reportedly come back from the dead one too many times. Personally, I think you’re just a group of clones someone is releasing as a joke. But I am not paid for my opinions. I am paid to find the truth. So, lay back, relax, and let your insignificant life fade away,” Duskfall barely resisted rolling her eyes. This man was so cheesy!

Obviously not caring for the welfare of what he thought was just a clone; he took a scalpel and sliced Duskfall open from breastbone to tail in a single surgical cut. Just like one might start gutting a fish. Duskfall screamed, not in pain, but in pleasure. To her surprise, the doctor made no comment on the noise she made or her squirming. Despite his hammy personality, it seemed once he got started, everything else faded away.

He passionlessly tore open the cut, exposing her innards to the light and air. Despite getting caught up in three landslides, Duskfall had yet to be properly turned to bloody paste. It was a point of contention with her. She was tempted to just levitate a huge boulder over herself and be done with it. But that was neither here nor there.

The man reached a hand into her open body and Duskfall made a very peculiar sound. Having someone root around in your internal organs without being in a drugged sleep first was certainly an experience. One by one organs were removed, going from relatively unimportant things like the livers and kidneys, to finally her heart.

Being filled during sex with a man was one of her favorite feelings in the world. The empty void that was left behind by her internal organs being removed was exquisite in its own way. So empty…so flat… Duskfall faded away just as the doctor brought a saw to her skull.

When Duskfall awoke, she was alone. Empty jars and containers surrounded her. Jars that had once contained her organs. Well, that was certainly an experience Duskfall would like to have again, on her own time. Still, the good doctor had probably spent quite some time properly preserving her body parts. It wouldn’t be right to just leave him empty handed. After taking a moment to think about it, she plucked a single feather from her left wing. She left it on the floor and teleported away. It wasn’t much and it would rejoin her upon her next death, but it was better than nothing.

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 1 Month 3 Day 12

Whatever criminal organization kidnapped me has yet to make any further moves. Honestly, I’m a bit disappointed. I was looking forward to the different ways they might try to contain and kill me. I wonder if someone flipped out when they realized I was a real Alicorn and not just a regular slut playing pretend? That…might cause problems down the road.

Other than that, I think I have an idea for this transforming magic mess. We had a funeral for Tom and Twilight already, but there had been nothing to bury or cremate. So, why don’t I try to fix that, at least a little? I’ll mix up some thermite, place myself in a ‘grave’, and record it as my body is turned to ash. Isn’t that a wonderful idea?! Now I just need to figure out how to make thermite.

End of Journal Entry

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 100.3%

Afflictions:
Addiction to Sex
Addiction to Dying
Schizophrenia
Body Dysphoria/Disassociation

Perks:
Insanity: [151%]
Darkness: [30%]
Magic: [105%]
Immortality

Yeah, Duskfall may be talking about thermite and shit now, but if she's going to do the funeral thing, she's going to do it all the way. It's going to be a trip.

Reborn in Flames

The Road to Healing

Chapter 5: Reborn in Flames

It had taken Duskfall a full week, but she finally had everything she needed for the thermite funeral. Enough red iron oxide and aluminum flake to bury her in and 40-mesh screen to sift the two together. Most of it was stolen, some of it was bought, but hopefully it would do the trick. Duskfall had dug a grave that was six feet deep, put all the fresh made thermite in the grave, set up a camera to record the whole thing, and now it was time for some final words for the dearly departed.

“Twilight, Tom, I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t save you. I’m not smart enough. I’m not powerful enough. All I’m good for is giving others carnal pleasures. As long as you haunt this body, I can’t even do that! Please, as I commit this body to the flames, let me be free! If I can’t be the perfect toy for others to use and break as they please, then I am less than nothing! I’m sorry I can’t join you in death or oblivion. Just let me do a little good in the world…” With those words, Duskfall let herself fall into the grave.

“Anything you’d like to say before I ignite, Pinkie?” Duskfall called up. Of course Pinkie had words. Duskfall listened intently as Pinkie rambled on. Under other circumstances, Duskfall might have become impatient, but if there was ever a time for long tangents and topics that were only barely related to the point, it was now. For all Pinkie could be a pest sometimes, she really was wonderful. Duskfall needed to do something nice for her later. Roughly fifteen minutes later, by Duskfall’s reckoning, Pinkie’s speech finally came to a close.

“Thank you, Pinkie. That was very sweet,” Duskfall said with tears in her eyes. With a final breath, Duskfall buried herself in the thermite and ignited it all.

In the three and a half months Duskfall had been on this world, she had died in many ways. Each one had its own flavor, each one enjoyable in their own way. However, Duskfall had found some measure of sexual pleasure in each and every one of them. Somehow, as she burned in the thermite, this death was different.

The burning fires felt like a warm blanket. It felt comforting. A strange sense of serenity and calm enveloped Duskfall. As her flesh burned, all she felt was peace. Duskfall didn’t question it, she just let it happen. Soon, all that was left of her was ash.

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 1 Month 3 day 24

Of all the places to have a pseudo-spiritual experience, there are stranger than a funeral. Although it took me a few hours to realize that fact, once I had come down off the Zen high. Once I had come back to my right mind, I tried transforming myself. It was as easy as breathing.

I’m not ashamed to admit I cried for quite some time after I changed. It meant I was free, but grief doesn’t go away just because a funeral happens. When I return to Equuis, there’s one last thing I need to try, but until then I will perform my duty to the best of my ability. I will let myself be killed and fucked over and over again until Celestia or The Doctor decides I can return to Equuis. Whatever random standards those two expect me to meet.

I’m so glad I have Pinkie with me. It’s not so much what she says, but more her general presence that’s important to me. She is my rock. I enjoy what I do, make no mistake, but having someone who will always greet me with a smile, even if she isn’t the real Pinkie, does make me feel better.

I think for today, I’m just going to relax and sleep. I want to savor this peace for as long as it lasts. Tomorrow, the new and improved Duskfall will take the stage and nothing will be the same! My next project will be creating body doubles of one kind or another. Even if they’re simply hard light holograms, I’ll be satisfied. After all, I want to be able to help as many people as possible. There’s only one of me and so many people who need my services.

End of Journal Entry

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 81.2%

Afflictions:
Addiction to Sex
Addiction to Death
Schizophrenia

Perks:
Insanity: [147%]
Darkness: [54%]
Magic: [104%]
Immortality

This turned into more of a watershed moment for Duskfall than I was expecting. She's taken a big first step towards Healing, instead of just wallowing in her Mental Corruption and Insanity.

I was tempted to represent this in an even more massive upswing in her Darkness, but upon reflection decided a 24% jump was sufficient. After all, her Darkness is playing a huge role in her Healing. Still, it's a little bit too early for her Darkness to make a big dent or for Duskfall to realize what it is, so it's still only just broken 50%.

A Numbers Problem

The Road to Healing

Chapter 6: A Numbers Problem

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 12 Month 3 Day 14

I have a tough decision to make. I’ve been around long enough that most of the people of this world know of me, at least. I know how to make clones, but none of them durable enough for any real use. At least, not unless I make clones that have far too high a risk of becoming independent. Still, I’m proud of what I’ve been doing. I’ve been a good little fuck toy for everyone who wants to use me. But now that I’m a known figure, which brings me to the choice I need to make. Do I settle down in one spot where everyone can find me if they need me or do I wander about, helping those as I come across them?

On the one hand, having a base of operations where everyone knows they can find me means that they can all come to me for the relief they need. However, there are those that won’t or can’t travel. There’s also the question of hiring some kind of staff if I set up shop somewhere. After all, if I’m constantly being fucked and/or dying, someone has to watch the place to keep rowdy customers from hurting each other.

On the other hand, wandering as I have been means I can appear before people who had no idea they needed to use me until I offer myself to them. However, it makes it more difficult for people who do know they need to use me to find me.

…Pinkie makes a good point. There’s no pressure to decide right now. I can just keep doing what I’ve been doing until I make a final decision. Of course, if I could make clones worth a damn, this wouldn’t be a problem in the first place! Over a decade of experiments and I keep failing! If it was just a matter of making a shadow clone, that would be one thing, but my clones need to be both durable enough and fragile enough to be able to provide all my services while also having enough intelligence to be a good partner while not being intelligent enough to become their own person!

I can do any one of those things, on a good day two, but I can never seem to get it just right. All of my spell matrixes collapse when trying to accomplish all four criteria. I just don’t understand why. They aren’t overloading, they aren’t incompatible, and they aren’t even from opposing schools of Magic! Everything I know says they should work perfectly. They’d be horribly inefficient, but there’s no reason for them to not work!

Pinkie says I should take a few days off from working on this. I don’t see how that will help. I’ve been working on this for TWELVE YEARS! I know it’s possible, but what am I missing?! I’ve tried every trick in the book and even a few I’ve picked up in my time on this world.

I just want to help. Oh, but for a day where everyone could have their own personal Duskfall Sparkle they could use to their heart’s content. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? No one would have to be lonely; no one would have to be ashamed of their tastes. I could serve them all forever.

Hmm, I wonder if I should look into a hive mind format? Linking the clones directly to my own consciousness would likely put a greater strain on the spells, but if I was in direct control of the clones it would bypass the intelligence problem. Of course, such a thing would be dangerous. I’m talking about eventually controlling potentially billions of clones simultaneously. However, the reward would be worth it. Not only would I be able to personally give everyone the care they deserve, but I would feel it all! That’s a win-win if I do say so myself!

I think that’s going to be my new project for the next little while. I’ll start out with some basic shadow clones and work on splitting my consciousness between them. I’ll leave the construction of more useful clones until I can keep control of, oh, 40 clones. If I really want to push myself, I’ll make it clones of different types. We’ll see after I’m done with preliminary testing.

End of Journal Entry

Data Log #1,242

First attempt to split consciousness. I’ve decided to use a shadow clone for this as it is the most flexible for how easy it is to make and replace. For now I’ve decided to use a hybrid mind swapping spell and attention splitting spell. It should allow me to partition only a segment of my consciousness for sending to the shadow clone. Then I add a modified version of the ‘see through another’s eyes’ spell and we should link up perfectly.

Obviously I’ll need to make modifications and maybe invent a whole new spell in the future, but for now I’m content with baby steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all.

Duskfall was lying if she said she wasn’t nervous. Pinkie babbling on in the background wasn’t helping matters either. Still, what was the worst that could happen? Duskfall was already insane, how could she go more insane? At least, that’s what she was telling herself. She knew full well that she could go from a functional insane person to drooling on the floor yelling about turtles carrying worlds on their backs.

Duskfall summoned the shadow clone. It was a trick she had mastered years ago and was one of her favorites. No other method of cloning herself came close to the ease and comfort that came with shadow clones. From shadowy impressions of herself to beings of pure Darkness in her shape to those that looked exactly like her, shadow clones were quickly becoming one of her bread and butter spells.

Carefully, the purple Alicorn crafted the spells she wanted to use. First, break her consciousness into two parts. A simple spell used to help Unicorns multitask. The next part was trickier. The mind swap spell was supposed to work with two complete minds, not half of one being transferred into a blank space. Still, an override trick she had picked up five years ago would suffice to make only half the spell trigger.

“Well, this is weird,” The shadow clone suddenly spoke.

“Guess the mind swap spell did work,” Duskfall was pleased with herself.

“Can you link us up please? It’s really weird only being half a consciousness,” The shadow clone shuddered. Truth be told, Duskfall was experiencing a similar feeling of ill-defined uncomfortable sensations. Duskfall quickly cast the modified version of the ‘see through your eyes’ spell.

Both Duskfall and the shadow clone dropped to the floor. The sudden onslaught of additional sensations was overwhelming the single pony in two bodies. The feedback only lasted for ten seconds before the shadow clone popped and Duskfall’s whole mind returned to being in a single body.

“That could’ve gone better,” Duskfall groaned. She had a lot of work ahead of her.

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 75.3%

Afflictions:
Addiction to sex
Addiction to dying
Schizophrenia

Perks:
Insanity: [155%]
Darkness: [121%]
Magic: [84%]

As it turns out, shadow clones are tied to Darkness. Duskfall's been making liberal use of shadow clones for 12 years now. She's unintentionally been hardcore feeding her Darkness.

We'll just have to wait and see where this hive mind business winds up...

A Setback

The Road to Healing

Chapter 7: A Setback

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 13 Month 1 Day 9

After continued experimentation, I believe I am ready to move on to the next step. Words can’t describe how excited I am. 9 months of practicing with Shadow Clones and I can successfully place my mind into 10 different bodies, including my original self.

That isn’t to say I’ve been neglecting my duties in the meantime. With my teleporting skills growing in leaps and bounds recently, I can now comfortably teleport a quarter of the way around the planet and almost halfway if I really push it. I’m not entirely sure why teleporting has gotten so much easier over the past two years or so, but I’m not complaining either.

With that boon, I’m able to extend my services to just about everyone who needs them. I’m quite proud of what a prolific sex toy I’ve become and I’ve even started picking up a few regulars. It’s nice to be able to help people with sexual frustration and aggression. With any luck I’ll soon roll out a worldwide service before spreading my services to the entirety of the galaxy and beyond.

Of course, before that, I’m at something of an impasse. I’m not sure how to continue my experiments from here. Do I simply continue to spread my mind to Shadow Clones, do I start practicing with more sturdy forms of cloning, or do I attempt to mix and match?

There are advantages of all three methods as well as possible drawbacks. I think I’ll move forward by trying to mix and match Shadow Clones and a studier magical construct type clone. With greater diversity comes a greater ability to tailor myself to the needs of my users. Wish me luck!

End of Journal Entry

Data Log #1,945

Prior to this experiment, I have taken the precaution of splitting my mind with one of the highest grade magical constructs I can feasibly mass produce. I had to tweak the spell I use with my Shadow Clones slightly, but otherwise it was a rousing success. For the sake of all due safety, I am only going to create two of each kind of clone.

Creating the Shadow Clones was easy. I’ve been doing it constantly for over a decade now. For the sake of thoroughness, I will once again note that they are highly adaptable, but fairly fragile. Good for popping like bubble wrap or some light one-on-one twincest fantasies.

The magical constructs I created were much tougher, but also much more robotic when left to their own devices. It was also quite difficult to change their appearance once they were created. I haven’t tested them myself, but they could probably withstand a decently rough fucking and with the right enchantments it would be almost like fucking the real thing.

With the pieces now in place, I will now commence the experiment!

Duskfall had been quite pleased with her recent successes. Even if the Shadow Clones she placed her mind into weren’t good for sex, she was perfectly capable of offering emotional support through them and the occasional death with no gore.

It was also great how much she could get done in a single day when there was ten of her running around. Now Duskfall was taking her next step towards being the perfect sex toy. Two magical constructs, two Shadow Clones, and herself. Today she would make history! Duskfall prepared the spells, cast them, and everything went black.

“Why does my head hurt so much? I…I…who am I?” With a growing feeling of horror, the Alicorn realized she didn’t remember who she was. Most other things seemed to be intact, but anything and everything pertaining to her identity had seemingly been scrubbed. No memory of where she went to school, nothing on friends or family, and obviously no name. There was, however, a very strong desire for sex.

“Am I a succubus?” Why her brain had chosen to remember that and not something important like her identity was a mystery to her. She looked over her body and came to the conclusion that she probably wasn’t a succubus. Not unless she had been using her demonic shape shifting powers to look like an Alicorn for someone’s sexual pleasure.

“Fuck. Fuck. And more fuck. OK, panicking won’t help. So remain calm…me… hopefully I can find some ID or something. Don’t the medical journals say all amnesia is temporary? Wait…that’s only if the amnesia isn’t caused by brain damage isn’t it? I don’t feel brain damaged. I’m an Alicorn, aren’t I? Doesn’t that make it kinda impossible for brain damage to stick? Hmm… should I kill myself just to make sure? Can’t hurt…” The Alicorn shrugged. Fortunately there was a sword on the wall, “Hopefully I really am an Alicorn and not a shape shifter in disguise.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Duskfall woke up screaming. Her ears flicked to the side and Duskfall immediately pounced.

“Pinkie! Pinkie! I couldn’t hear you! I couldn’t see you! I didn’t know who I was! DON’T LEAVE ME!” Duskfall didn’t even register she was hugging empty air as she screamed and cried herself to sleep.

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 174%

Afflictions:
Addiction to Sex
Addiction to Death
Schizophrenia
Possible Memory Leakage

Perks:
Insanity: [177%]
Darkness: [140%]
Magic: [70%]
Immortality

At first I was thinking about making the amnesia thing be the whole of next chapter, but then I decided that made very little sense going off the rules I've established and my own personal lore bible that I'm working off of.

Memory corruption and/or leakage however, would work and provide an amazing centerpiece for the ultimate climax of this fic.

If anyone's wondering what happened, the basics are that trying to sync herself into 3 different classes of things, in this case Shadow Clone, magical construct, and her flesh and blood body, caused a sort of overlapping dissonance between the three that severely damaged Duskfall's Mind and Heart. Thus the initial amnesia.

Dying allowed Duskfall's Alicorn nature to fix some of the damage to her Mind and it will heal properly in time, but her Heart is still damaged and will get worse unless something drastic happens. Duskfall is on a clock now. If nothing changes, given her almost overwhelming amounts of Darkness and Insanity, when her Heart breaks it will corrupt her Mind and even her Soul completely and absolutely.

She doesn't know it yet, but at this point Duskfall basically has two options: To embrace the Darkness and Insanity fully and be reborn in them or to utterly cleanse herself of them. Obviously you guys know what she ends up doing, but I hope the details are worth sticking around for.

A Quiet Thought

The Road to Healing

Chapter 8: A Quiet Thought

The Journal of Duskfall Sparkle Year 56 Month 4 Day 14

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written in this thing. Not because nothing has happened, but because too much has happened. This is the first time I’ve actually been home in 3 weeks. In one of the towns I frequent there was a family who was having…issues. It was a family of three, but the parents had been thinking about divorce for nearly a year now.

Such things are never easy for a kid, especially those who are only just old enough to really understand what’s going on and almost inevitably blame themselves for mommy and daddy not loving each other anymore. To make matters worse, the family dog passed away. I couldn’t stand seeing that kid so miserable, so I stepped in.

That’s where I’ve been. Part time pet replacement, part time marriage counselor, and part time stress relief toy. I’m not foolish enough to think a mere three weeks will fix their problems, but it’s stabilized to the point where I can continue my duties elsewhere and drop in every so often instead of being a live-in helper.

What none of them know, at least I don’t think they know, is that I attended the father’s baby shower. His mother had made use of my services some two years before meeting his father. I still remember the sex we had before she choked me to death. It was quite nice and for once in a very great while someone had just wanted to do me in my pony form.

She would later tell me that I had simply been an experiment. She had heard about the pony that went around letting anyone do anything they like to her and decided to see if she might be Bi. As it turned out, she was straight as an arrow. The choking was due to some personal stresses I won’t get into here.

Anyway, she was so grateful for my ‘help’ that five years later when she was having her first kid, she remembered me and sent me an invite to the baby shower. Originally I wasn’t going to attend, but Pinkie insisted. While I was in attendance that was the first and only time I’ve turned someone down, at least for the moment. I didn’t think it would be particularly appropriate to let myself be used as a public cum dump until someone killed me while attending a baby shower. The gang rape afterwards was amazing, but the point stands.

It’s so bizarre to see these people growing up around me while I stay the same. Some of the men and women who used me to satisfy their carnal desires when I first arrived on this planet are now old and gray. I’ve watched kids grow up and then call on my services when they were older.

I’m just glad there are some longer lived species kicking around on this planet. To them, I’m still little more than a child not even past my first century… doesn’t stop some of the Ardat-Yakshi from ‘visiting’ me. I digress. The perspective of some of these older beings is interesting, when I can get them to talk to me. The sex with them is even better, made more so by its rarity.

It’s fantastically satisfying to me that my usefulness has spanned generations now. Even in spite of certain…setbacks. But I mustn’t be complacent! I will continue to hone my craft! My next goal will be making myself so desirable that even those stuck up Vulcans will want to make use of me!

End of Entry

Author's Note

Duskfall Sparkle

Mental Corruption: 102%

Afflictions:
Addiction to Sex
Addiction to Dying
Schizophrenia
Possible Memory Leakage

Perks:
Insanity: [174%]
Darkness: [167%]
Magic: [43%]
Immortality

Duskfall, you do realize the event you've just written about took place 3 years ago, not 3 weeks ago, right?

So, yeah, we're coming on to the end game here. There's only 2 or 3 more chapters left. Then I can put this one as 'finished' and go back to only having 2 fics to actively worry about and another 3 I have in limbo.

Next chapter will have some people doing some very dumb things that will very much hurt Duskfall.

Healing

The Road to Healing Chapter 9

Duskfall knew she was falling apart. Her mind was unraveling. It was only by the grace of her journal that she knew something was wrong. So many memories swirling around in her mind, she remembered it all. The problem was there was no chain, no continuity. She remembered swallowing an explosive. It had been a fun death. She just couldn’t remember when it had happened or what she had done before or after.

Duskfall had also become very prone to starving to death, unable to remember when her last meal was and unable to care when she realized malnutrition was killing her.

A part of her wondered if this was a good thing. What did a sex toy need with memories? What did she need more than a body ready to be used and perhaps some basic personality parameters? If her memories left her completely…maybe that was her destiny?

Would anyone even care if she were consumed by this void in her Mind and Heart? She was nothing. An object to be used. All that mattered was fulfilling her purpose. Speaking of fulfilling her purpose, when was the last time she had gone out to do that? She couldn’t remember, of course.

So Duskfall wandered into a bar. She hoped her reputation would still be strong enough that someone would sooner or later show up to ask to use her. In the mean time, she ordered the strongest liquor the bar had. She wasn’t sure what bar she had walked into. Trying to sift through her memories for the right answer was an impossible task. She had been to so many bars and without a sequence of events to follow; there was little way of telling them apart, especially if she had been gone long enough for the interior to change at all.

Soon Duskfall had her drink and she started chugging. It wouldn’t get her drunk, but the searing sensation of the alcohol going down her throat was exactly what she needed.

“You look like hell, Duskfall,” A raspy voice suddenly said next to her. Duskfall choked on her drink and fell out of her stool.

“That was rude, Dashie,” If Duskfall had been shocked before, now she was terrified. An all too familiar looking prismatic mane. A laugh that had haunted her for centuries.

“STAY AWAY!” Duskfall screamed, her mind at war with itself. An urge to take both these ponies to bed. A desire to not let them see her like this. A fear they would hate her. A need for their faces to look upon her with disgust and distain. A want to be loved. A drive to be degraded.

“Holy shit, I knew it had been bad, but seeing it firsthoof…” Rainbow murmured.

“It’s worse than that, Rainbow,” Pinkie, the real Pinkie, replied softly.

“USE ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE!” Duskfall demanded, curled up into a ball.

“Duskfall, we can’t do that. You know I’d never give up on a friend and Pinkie’s not going to let you go until you’re smiling again,” Dash said firmly.

“No! I don’t need to smile! I just need to be used!” Duskfall insisted, her body refusing to move.

“Duskfall, I hate to do this, but you need to hear it: You’re defective,” With those two words, Pinkie shattered the broken remains of Duskfall’s mind. Rainbow turned to Pinkie in shock.

“What the hell, Pinks?!” Rainbow exclaimed, but the dominos were already falling.

“Defective?” Duskfall echoed.

“If you can’t keep your appointments and you can’t forge connections with people, you’re just broken trash. People would be better off with a dildo than you,” Pinkie insisted, ignoring Rainbow’s flabbergasted expression, her focus solely on Duskfall.

Pinkie’s words sparked something in Duskfall. Rage and Terror and Sorrow swirled in the ashes of her already failing mind. Under that, she felt…something. It was bubbling up through her subconscious. As it breached her conscious mind, Duskfall screamed in pain and ecstasy, her eyes screwed tightly shut.

Pinkie and Rainbow watched as black electricity started arcing across Duskfall’s body and her form seemed to blur around the edges.

“We should get her out of here before she hits critical,” Rainbow, ever a mare of action, decided. Snatching up her temporally displaced friend and ignoring the sting of the raw Darkness, Rainbow flew at speed to the closest barren wasteland. She wasn’t a moment too soon.

Duskfall had been drowning, fighting against the massive, incomprehensible things that were pulling her down. But then a single memory in perfect clarity floated before her. The day of Twilight’s ascension.

The moments after the Elements had vaporized her, but before Twilight had ended up on the Ethereal Plane with Celestia. Duskfall remembered the feeling of being bundled like a swaddling babe in a power far greater than herself, a feeling of safety and love and warmth.

This was different. Duskfall was feeling warmth, but that was where the similarities ended. Where Twilight felt as if wrapped in a blanket, Duskfall felt like she was in a suffocating cocoon. The Darkness was absolute. Yet, that inky blackness offered something else: Infinite Possibilities. Not in the same way a white canvas said that one could paint whatever one wanted on it, but true infinity.

What was being proposed to her would shatter most minds, but Duskfall’s mind was already broken. Somehow the pure Insanity of it all, translated in the Darkness, made sense to Duskfall. Duskfall stopped fighting to escape. She slipped beneath the waves of Darkness and Insanity and was reborn.

Rainbow and Pinkie watched as the Darkness smothered Duskfall’s form and the area around her started bending in ways that defied even Chaos. The Powers of Darkness and Insanity were claiming Duskfall as their own now and forevermore. They watched as with one last shuddering gasp, Duskfall died.

They could not see it with their eyes, but they both knew the Darkness was now healing their friend’s Heart while the Insanity rebuilt her Mind. Duskfall’s Soul, already one of impossibility, needed only to be baptized in Darkness while it was away from her body.

The pair stood vigil until the Darkness faded out of the visible spectrum and the Insanity abated. A moment later, Duskfall drew breath once more and her eyes snapped open.

“How do you feel, Dusky?” Pinkie asked hesitantly.

“I feel better than I have in… God, has it really been centuries already? I feel like me. I feel complete. Darkness has soothed my pain and Insanity has given that pain the proper perspective,” Duskfall giggled, a joyous smile lighting up her features, “I am the Alicorn of Healing Darkness, Wild Darkness, and Insanity, Duskfall Sparkle! I have friends who care about me! …I have friends who care about me.”

With these realizations, Duskfall was finally complete. A flash of light on her hindquarters and a brand new Cutie Mark appeared.

Author's Note

This is a fantastically bad picture of Duskfall's Cutie Mark I did myself. The triangle and the Riku Symbol are both copy and pasted onto a png file and then I painted the outline of the Riku Symbol red.

Anyway, The Road to Healing just has one chapter left and that's mostly an afterthought. Just Duskfall saying goodbye to Pinkie, Rainbow, and maybe stopping in on a few people. Then the Doctor and Celestia will show up to take her back to Equuis for Chapter 19 ofShattered Souls.

End of an Era

The Road to Healing Chapter 10

It had been three hundred and fifty two years exactly. Three hundred and fifty two years of Insanity and Lust and Self-hatred. Yet as Duskfall sat on a desolate cliff, looking out over the planet she had called home for all that time, she couldn’t bring herself to feel too much regret.

The time she had spent here had catalyzed her. Duskfall could now honestly say she was her own person. There was something liberating in that statement.

Did that mean she would give up on her efforts to bring back Tom and Twilight? Absolutely not, but now the motivation was different. Her rationale had gone from ‘I shouldn’t exist to begin with’ to ‘the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few’. She was just a single person and her continued existence stood in the way of a possible return for two people. It was just simple math.

Still, she was glad for the chance to live. She remembered all the people she had met on this planet. From that first Sontaran who had killed her to the idiots who had given her the kick in the ass she needed to get on with her life.

Speaking of Pinkie and Rainbow, the two had stuck around only long enough to give her a hug and tell her they’d see her soon and then left in a swirl of a Star Trek style transporters. After that Duskfall had spent a few weeks of self-reflection, a few more of going around Hell’s Armpit and saying her farewells to the people who had been forced to put up with her, and one final week of just wandering the lands, which led her to this cliff.

“I’m going to miss this place, but my time here has come and gone,” Duskfall said to the wind, her tail flicking across the dusty ground.

“I daresay you’re right,” The Doctor said as he sat beside her. A twitching of her left ear was the only indication that she heard him. They sat in silence for several minutes, just taking in the view.

“I wonder if I’ll ever return. It might be nice to visit, but I think I’ve had my fill of living here,” Duskfall said as she stood and brushed the dust and dirt off her coat.

“Anything is possible,” The Doctor remarked as he too stood.

“Celestia’s waiting in the TARDIS to smother me with affection, isn’t she?” Duskfall asked as she glanced at the familiar blue box.

“Do you even need to ask?” The Doctor chuckled as he started walking towards the TARDIS.

“Well, I suppose some small retribution is only to be expected,” Duskfall snarked as she made her way to the TARDIS. It was finally, finally time to go home and Duskfall’s weary Soul couldn’t have been happier.

Author's Note

...Why is it February 22nd? Where did the rest of the month go?