Deadpool: Equestria's Daddy

by Merc_with_the_Mouth

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Zephyr Breeze, Romance, Original Character, Equestria Girls, Sex, Garble, Trenderhoof, Adventure, Violence, Death, Human, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 10770

A spin off from Spiderman: Equestria's Hero. Red writing is Deadpool talking to reader.

The merc with the mouth has found his way into the Adamverse, sparked a relationship with Sunset Shimmer and made his mark on this Eart....

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the fuck up, you really want to read what some old git put into my story? Just start the story already.

Published 2021-11-07 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-06 12:35:11 UTC

Chapter 4

Deadpool.

The merc with the mouth, sitting in the taxi car, driving through the streets of Canterlot’s neighbouring city; Fillydelphia, waiting to get o his destination. The back seat of the cab had some nice qualities; like the leaflets for the Friendship Land theme park that was re-opening next week.

He took the leaflet and hid it in his suit; he muttered to himself, “So going there after this. Maybe. Probably. Not.”

He did his best to pass the time; rolling the windows up and down, peeling gum off the top of the cab, even played rock, paper, scissors against himself. “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.” Both hands went for scissors. “Shit.”

Finally, when he’d had enough of being on his own, he decided to see what the driver was doing.

The driver was an adult male, green skin and blonde hair; he didn’t look that impressive, he was pretty skinny. He was muttering a song to himself when DP stuck his head through the seats and surprised him.

“Cause it’s all, all, all, all good; I feel abso, absolutely amazi…” he gasped when Deadpool’s head appeared.

“Whatcha singin’ there, my man?” the merc asked.

The taxi driver replied, “Oh, it’s just a song that some girl wrote.”

“Doesn’t sound like it’s just some girl.”

Deadpool then started climbing into the passenger seat; it wasn’t easy with the katanas on his back. The driver was just keeping his eye on the road, but giving DP the space he needed to move. “Okay, I have to keep my hands on the wheel.” The driver said.

After a bit of commotion, Deadpool landed in the seat; he then turned to the driver and introduced himself, “Hi, I’m Deadpool.”

“Zephyr. Zephyr Breeze.” The driver replied.

The merc then noticed a picture of a girl next to the steering wheel, she looked kind of hot; “Friend of yours; or stalker target?” Zephyr was too shy to answer. “Favourite hooker maybe?”

“No!” he shouted. Zephyr breathed and stated, “Her name is Rainbow Dash, and she’s my dream girl. Not kidding, I literally have dreams about her.” He explained. “But, she belongs to someone else; I guy who she’s been dating for a while. I lost my chance to make a move.”

Deadpool turned his head so he was facing Zephyr, “Baby, Boopy; love is a beautiful thing. You can’t let it go; you gotta grab it, by the dick sack, squeeze and never let go.” He explained. “Otherwise, life stinks.”

“What does it smell like, to make it stink so badly?” ‘Breeze asked.

The merc used his hands, “Man, like two pieces of cottage cheese, fucking in an old shoe. The point is it’s bad.”

There was a bit of silence in the car after that, DP went back to playing with the window and dancing his fingers on the clouds. To break the silence in the car, Zephyr Breeze asked where DP was going.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Mr Pool, where are you going in that suit of yours?”

Deadpool closed the window and replied, “Me, oh just your standard revenge story.” He then explained in more detail. “You see, I wasn’t always like this. I’ve got to find the person who did this to me, so I can make him undo it.”

“What, the one that put you in the red and black suit?”

“No, my son.” He replied. “This.” Deadpool lifted up his mask, revealing his face; when Zephyr saw his face, DP said, “Boo.”

The taxi driver was about to scream when he noticed, “Wait, you look normal.” It’s true, Deadpool’s face was unscarred and completely natural; just light brown skin and black hair.

“Well yeah, I didn’t want to rip off the Deadpool movie completely.”

Meanwhile, across town, a man with blonde hair and glasses was meeting with someone known by the Canterlot criminal underworld. The crime lord, Silvermane, had some business with this guy.

“Are, Trenderhoof, my old friend.” The crime-lord greeted.

“Uh, Silvermane, I kind of prefer, Ajax.”

Shaking his head and chuckling, Silvermane replied, “And I prefer it if you didn’t talk back to me. Trenderhoof.” The crime-lord snapped his finger, two sable agents brought a case forward; when they opened it, it revealed five sable guns.

“Your order includes twenty more of those cases; I’ll take my payment as usual.”

Trenderhoof examined the guns, he then looked up to Silvermane and replied, “I’d love to help you, but I’m a little strapped for cash.” He closed the lid of the case and two of his men took the case to one of their trucks. “How ‘bout an I.O.U?”

Silvermane was both amused and confused, “I don’t think you understand how these deals work, Trendy.” He stated. “You need to pay your way in this life or…” Silvermane was about to continue when his head started hurt.

He rubbed his forehead, trying to make the pain go away; his nose started bleeding, making him fall to the floor. One of his men ran over to help him; the goon looked up at Trenderhoof and shouted, “What the hell are you doing to him?!”

“It’s a special kind of telekinetic power; I’m crushing his brain with his skull.” Ajax explained.

The crime-lord couldn’t take much more of this, so he muttered, “Fine, take them.”

Ajax reached down to shake his hand, “Pleasure doing business with you.” But Silvermane just swatted his hand away. Trenderhoof told his men to load the crates into the cars; he then climbed onto his motorbike and led the cars back to his base.

Silvermane watched him leave, “Fucking Meta-humans.”

With the deal done, everyone left the area; now comes the good part.

“Oh shit!”

“What is it, Mr Pool?” Zephyr Breeze asked in response to DP’s sudden outburst, he’d turned his head so he was facing the direction they were coming from.

Deadpool faced forward and explained, “I left my, freaking duffle bag at home.”

“Should we turn back?”

The merc pulled out one of his pistols and checked the ammo, “No, no time for that.” He pulled the magazines out of both his guns. “Let’s see; five, ten? Twelve bullets.” He thought about it for a minute, “Fuck it.”

He then saw they were at his stop, “Right here.” Making Zephyr stop in the middle of the road; all the traffic behind him started honking their horns.

“Hey, come on.”

“I late enough as it is, man.”

“Move, Shit-Stick!”

The people were all yelling at the taxi; Zephyr wasn’t listening, he was too busy talking to his new friend. “Okay, that’ll be twenty two bucks.”

“Oh, I never carry the wallet with me in the suit.” DP whispers, “It looks like a boner.” The merc searched himself before suggesting, “How about a standard Deadpool fan high-five?” Deadpool raised his hand for a high-five.

Zephyr slapped his hand and said, “Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas.” DP replied.

“It’s not the holidays.”

Deadpool turned to him and explained, “Yeah, I never did find out if it was Christmas or Hearts Warming on this Earth.” The two of them thought for a minute. “Oh well, something to look up later.”

With that said, Deadpool climbed out the car and ran down the road.

Deadpool was sitting on the railing of a bridge the over looked some roads, his legs were dangling over the edge and he was drawing a picture of him cutting a guy’s head off.

Hi there, I know.

Can you believe this story’s finally out; don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the nine likes my Screwball and Mothball story got. But I think it was time I got my own story. Maybe this one will get me more followers; I know it doesn’t take that much to get them.

I mean look at all these other guys, CocoCandy, Darth Wrex and some other Mlp fanatics; they have like hundreds of followers and they barely have any stories.

Anyways, I have a girl to win back, a life to get back; and…

*turns to the road below him*

…bad guys to kill.

Two cars and two motor bikes were driving down the road; one car hand for guys, the other only had two. These were the same guys that had just picked up a weapons stash from Silvermane; now they were on their way back to their hideout. At least they thought they were.

“Maximum effort.” DP stated.

He then jumped off the bridge, and fell directly towards the first bad guy car.

The driver turned the radio on, the passengers in the car were enjoying listening to the music; one guy was tapping his finger to the beat.

When suddenly, a guy in a red and black suit crashed through the roof of the vehicle and elbowed the two backseat passengers in the face. One was knocked out, while the other went for the merc’s neck, strangling him.

DP just started joking around while he fought, “How’s it going boys?” he said before kicking the face of the guy in the front seat. “I’m looking for Trendy.” He then was pushed through the seats into the front of the car.

He quickly pulled out a childishly drawn picture of Trenderhoof and asked, “Have you seen this man?” the guy in the passenger seat punched him in the face, back into the grasp of the guy in the back.

The crook pushed him against the window, holding his face against the glass; “Hey, I think I see my granny’s house from here.” Then he made a bit of crude joke, “Ooh, she left the curtain open while she’s in the shower.”

Without any sign of warning, one of the motorcyclists drove by the car, holding a machine gun. Fired at the car, accidently killing the guy holding Deadpool and the guy in the passenger seat; the driver appeared unharmed.

Lucky cockhead.

Deadpool picked himself up and saw he needed to stop this car before anyone else got killed, and he didn’t get to kill them.

The driver saw the merc crawling towards him, and before he could pulled out his gun, Deadpool opened the driver’s door pushed him out of it; causing him to get run over by neighbouring vehicle.

With no other option, DP turned the wheel, making the car skid out of control; eventually, it filled over and started rolling down the street.

Sorry, would have worked in some kind of slow motion effect; but no one knows how to put that in words.

The car came to a halt when it landed in its side in the centre of the road; the other bad guy cars stopped and the men got out of them, with their weapons.

Meanwhile, on a parallel Earth, in the HQ of the O.S.C; one of its agents was called into the director’s office. They’ve been monitoring the multiverse, and a disturbance had come up on Earth-16.

“Jack-T, I’ve got an assignment for you.”

Jack came into the room and sat down at the director’s desk, he surprised with her words; he asked, “Why you talking to me like that, darling; I’m your husband, Olessia.”

“Yes, I know; but while we’re at work, we have to be professional.” She then printed out a piece of paper and handed it to Jack, a ‘most wanted’ document.

When he took a look at the paper, his smile went away, he knew this guy all too well. “Olessia, no; not him.”

Olessia replied, “He’s been on our books for months, he needs to be brought back.”

“How much trouble can a dog get himself into?”

“You seem to forget, he’s Adam’s dog.”

“Jack, wait up.”

Jack-T was followed to the Breech Portal room of the facility by another member of the hero factor; Heather, was her name.

Jack replied, “Come on, Heather; we have a mission.” He then thought about something for a sec, “Or should I call you Scarlett Witch?”

“Don’t make fun of my code-name; I don’t make fun of yours. ‘New Goblin’.”

Heather was wearing a red jacket, with standard clothes underneath; while Jack-T wore his classic black military suit, with a green face mask.

As they walked towards the portal machine, Jack was complaining about what they were about to do. “Adam said it would be easy to look after that stupid dog of his, now look what’s it’s done.”

Heather replied, “He did say that Spikey was special; in a sort of way.”

“When he said special, that should mean, ‘needs a special kind of food’ or ‘needs to be walked more than once a day’.” He explained. “No one told me he would turn into a human because he stepped through a magic mirror on a planet of ponies; then he’d put on a red suit and start killing people.”

They reached the machine and Jack-T opened the breech; before they went through, Jack handed something to Heather. “Here protein bar.”

“What do I need this for?”

“It’s give you strong bones.” Jack replied. “Spikey may try to break yours.”

With that said, they started their interdimensional travel to Earth-16, to put a certain dog back on his leash.

A squad of Ajax’s men approached the crashed car, all of them armed to the teeth with machine guns and other military grade weapons. One man at the front of the group told his men to stay back, he was gonna check it.

“Don’t shoot.”

The men suddenly opened fire as two hands emerged from the car wreckage, but they hid themselves when the shooting started. DP was hiding in the car, but we all know that’s not really his style.

Deadpool raised his arms again and explained, “Listen, I know that some retard named Trenderhoof is paying you guys to kill; but how much is he paying you.” DP’s head then emerged from the car. “You guys could at least afford some nicer outfits, what with the leather jackets?”

The crooks were now confused on what he was on about; so he explained, “I mean you would look nice with a top hat.” He said, pointing to a guy at the back. “And maybe you’d look nice in a pink skirt, princess.” DP joked, pointing to the guy at the front.

When the he heard that comment, he pulled the trigger on his gun and started shooting at the merc again; Deadpool was just about done with this.

“Fine, I only have twelve bullets, so you’re going to have to share.”

Deadpool emerged from the car and shot a round into the skull of the leading crook; he fell to the ground, dead. Other crooks readied their guns, and that’s when an idea came to DP.

He stated, “Wait a minute.” He then picked up the dead guy’s machine gun; once he had reloaded it, he open fired. Deadpool gunned down the remaining men, with no struggle; they barely had to time to get out their spare mags.

One guy remained, he charged at DP from the side; the merc had noticed this, and put one between the guy’s eyes, with one of his pistols. “Ah, still good for something.” He then turned away from the dead guys.

What? You think I was going to start summersaulting around, taking out three guys with only one bullet? I just started doing this a few weeks ago.

Either grow up, or go read something else.

Suddenly, one of the crooks got back up; he was wearing a bullet proof vest, he knew something like this would happen today. He reached for the back of his belt and drew two military knifes; all while, he had a smile on his face.

Deadpool reached for his katanas, and drew them; he stated, “My name is Deadpool, you killed my father, prepare to die.” He joked.

Without saying another word, the two of them charged at each other; both gripping their blades. But the charge ended when DP plunged his swords into his chest, cutting right through the vest; then held him up like fish on a spear.

Holy shit.

I bet you’re glad this story’s rated M, because your favourite super-hero just turned this guy into a fucking kebab. But don’t get me wrong; this story isn’t just about mayhem and murder; no, this is a romance story.

For you guys to get a better understanding, I need to take you back; like a month ago.

Chapter 1

1 month ago

“Look, you want me to spell it out for you? I didn’t order the pizza.”

Thunderlane was standing at his door, Featherweight was delivering a pizza to him; but Thunderlane was trying to tell him he didn’t order one.

Featherweight asked, “Is this 222 Oakmen apartment?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t order the fucking pie.” Thunderlane replied.

“Well who did?”

Suddenly, the two of them heard a flush coming from the bathroom; when the door opened, they both saw a guy come out. He shook his hands dry and said, “I did.” Spikey said as he wiped his hands on his jacket.

The pizza boy stepped forward and showed him the pizza box, “Pepperoni and cheese?” Spikey asked.

“Yes, sir; and stuffed crust.” Featherweight replied.

Thunderlane was beyond confused, all he could ask was, “Who the fuck are you?”

Without warning, Spikey pulled a pistol out from his pocket; he ordered, “Spikey, nice to meet ya. Now, you sit down and shut up.” This made Thunderlane fear for his life.

He got out his wallet and handed it over to Spikey, he said, “Look if this is about that poker game, I already told Blue Blood I was going to pay him back.”

“I said, shut up; or I will shoot your fucking cat.” Spikey threatened.

But Thunderlane just thought for minute and replied, “I… what? What do you mean, I don’t have a cat?”

“Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?”

Featherweight broke the silence by asking Spikey, “Look, whatever you’re about to do to him; do you mind if I get, like a big tip?”

Spikey then said, “Featherweight, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s a no-go, on the tip.” Spidey then put his gun away and took out an army knife instead. “Because, you see; I’m not here for him, I’m here for you.” Spikey pulled out a gold card, with Featherweight’s name on it.

Featherweight suddenly got a little scared, this guy who clearly looked insane, was here for him. Spikey pushed the lid of the pizza box open and took a slice; he asked, “Tell me, what can’t be solved by a cheesy slice?” he took a bite of the pizza.

Spikey then went to hand it to Thunderlane, he reached out for it, but Spikey just dropped it on the floor.

The scared pizza deliverer muttered, “Mister, I don’t know what you’ve been told, but…”

“Do you know a girl named Diamond Tiara; pretty girl, nice hair, her father just escaped from prison and is one of the most powerful crime bosses in Canterlot City?” Spikey asked as he closed the box.

Featherweight simply muttered, “Look sir, I’m just a…”

“A stalker.”

“What?” Featherweight asked, trying to act innocent.

Spikey then explained he reason for being here, “You see, Diamond Tiara doesn’t like it when someone is taking pictures of her while she’s in the shower; peering through her house window and jacking yourself off while she’s asleep. You sick little fucker.”

“I…I… I wasn’t…”

“I’m going to make this, very clear.” Spikey pointed the knife at Featherweight’s nose. “Stay away from Diamond Tiara.”

Featherweight choked a little before saying, “O…okay.”

“Then were done.” Spikey replied, now acting calm. Both Thunderlane and Featherweight were confused, but they just smiled, no one got hurt. “You should have seen your face.” Spikey said, pointing at Thunderlane.

The scared guy just played along, “Yeah, he was coming at me; ‘Ah, what’s he gonna do to me’.”

Featherweight was enjoying the laugh, when suddenly; Spikey wacked the box out of his hands, grabbed him by the neck and pushed him against the wall.

“Listen to me, you little shit; if you even look in her general direction ever again, I will find you. I will eat both of your arms, and both of your legs; then I will eat f…” Spikey though for a minute. “Sorry, that’s from the Venom movie; but you get the idea.”

Spikey lightly kissed Featherweight on the nose, before saying, “Now I’m gonna need some insurance.”

Later that night, Spikey had to swallow his pride and meet his client in a kids roller park; sitting with her friends, Diamond Tiara was gossiping. Spikey walked up to the group and dropped the pizza box in front of her.

“You’ve heard the last of Featherweight, he’s sorry.” Spikey said.

Diamond Tiara opened the pizza box, she didn’t find pizza, but there were photos; pictures of Featherweight holding up a sign saying ‘sorry’. “No frigging way.” She said.

Without warning, the girl wrapped her arms around Spikey; he didn’t see that coming. All he said was, “Yeah, this is why we do it. That and the money.”

Then, one of Diamond Tiara’s friends asked, “Hey, you think you can fuck up my stepdad?”

“Give the guy a break, he probably hates you more that you hate him.” Spikey replied.

When Diamond Tiara let him go, he started to walk way; but she still managed to say, “Hey, you’re my hero.”

Spikey turned back to her and replied, “No, you see that I ain’t.”

Yeah, I might be good, but I ain’t no hero. My name is Spikey; you might already know this by now, but I’m a dog. And when I say dog, I don’t mean the term for ‘good in bed’; all though I am. I mean I was once literally a dog.

I came to this Earth through a mirror portal, I found it in a castle, in the Crystal Empire; I needed a quick getaway, so I jumped through and it spat me out here. I have hands and no tail, I learnt to adapt.

Spikey walked towards the bar that his friend owned, a safe haven for the guys like him; the guys that go after the punks of Fillydelphia.

Now, I work for the people of the streets; we’re kind of like tooth fairies. Except we punch out the teeth and take the money; and you better pray to the all mighty god in the sky that your name doesn’t appear on one of our gold cards.

The merc entered the bar and took a seat in front of the bar keep, also happens to be his friend, Garble. The bar keep turned to his friend and asked, “Hey, Spikey; what can I get for you?”

Spikey thought for a minute, “Well, I’d love a blowjob.”

“Uh, me too; I haven’t been able to hire a good hooker in days…”

“I mean the drink, dum-ass.” Spikey said, interrupting him.

Garble took out some alcohols and began making the drink; he said what they were as he poured them, “One shot of vodka, a small pour from the red wine bottle, top if off with some scotch; and finally, put some whipped-cream on top.” He put the can down and pushed the drink out to him. “There, I give you, a blowjob. Why did you make me make that drink?”

Spikey picked up the drink and stopped the waitress that was walking passed, “Hey, to me a favour, give that to Iron Will over there; say it’s from that guy there.” He said pointing at a random guy in the bar.

The waitress took the drink and did as she was told, Garble looked at his friend and said, “What are you doing?”

“Just watch.” Spikey replied.

Iron Will took the drink over to the guy that Spikey pointed out, he slammed the glass down on the table and yelled, “What the fuck you doing, buying me a drink?!”

The guy stood up and replied, “I didn’t buy you shit!”

To respond to that comment, Iron Will delivered a strong punch to his face; blood dripped from his nose as he was thrown to the ground by the force of Iron Will’s fist. Garble knew he was up, so he walked over the guy on the ground with a small mirror.

“Nope, sorry everyone.” Garble was holding the mirror to his mouth and seeing if he was still alive. “He’s still breathing; sorry, nobody wins today. Maybe next time, punch them harder Iron Will.” After that, everyone just went back to their drinks.

Spikey took the liberty of pouring himself a free drink, he then turned to Garble, “So no one wins, huh?”

“Yeah, no one of our best deadpools.” The bar-keep replied.

“Who’d you bet on?” Spikey then asked. Garble however, just looked at his feet; Spikey didn’t need to figure it out. He looked up at the chalk board and saw his name, “Son, of a bitch; you bet on me to die?”

Garble tried to defend himself, “Sorry, man; I needed to win some money.”

“You bastard.”

Spikey just went back to his drink, sipping the cold alcohol from the glass; he enjoyed the taste, but was then interrupted by something. He felt something from the room, like someone was looking at him; he turned around and saw a red and yellow haired girl staring at him.

When she’d seen that she’d been spotted, she got up out of her chair and walked over to him; when she came closer, Spikey got a better look at her. She was wearing a white tank top, a short one; the edge of her stomach could be seen above her belt. Along with some tore jeans and black leather boots; she looked kind of hot.

“Hi, I’m Sunset. Sunset Shimmer.” She greeted.

The merc replied, “Spikey, the dog.”

“Is that a real name, or a nickname?” she asked.

Spikey replied with, “It’s a bit of both.” He then took a quick look at her figure, he then asked, “What’s a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?” he joked.

“Needed a break from all the crap in Canterlot City; so I decided to see what Fillydelphia was like.” She then took a quick look at his figure, “What about you; why come here when you spend all that hit money on something more valuable.”

“Is that an offer?” Spikey asked, with a bit of a smirk.

Sunset then gently punched him in the arm, “Sorry, sweet heart; but I’m not for sale.”

The merc smiled at her, he smiled at her, “Shame, this last job made me two hundred; I now have seven fifty on me.” He showed her the money, “What would this get me, in your expert opinion?”

She looked at the money, “If I was selling you something, that would probably get you, forty-five minutes." Sunset then pushed his money away. “But like I said, I’m off the table.”

“Yeah, your right.” Spikey said. He then looked around, saw that this place wasn’t the best of places to be. “You wanna get out of here, I know a place that gives you free beers?”

It took some thinking, but then Sunset Shimmer said, “Fuck it, let’s go.”

Later that evening, the two of them arrived at Spikey’s apartment; when Sunset stepped inside, she wasn’t impressed. She looked around, a small two roomed apartment; one room has the bed and the couch, while the other is the bathroom.

“You live here?” she asked.

Spikey replied, “Yeah, sorry I don’t live in a five-star mansion like the rest of you people in Canterlot City. Down here, people have to work for what the need.” The merc then opened the fridge and pulled out a beer, “Go if you want, I just wanted to get you out of that rubbish bar.” He sat down on his couch and began drinking his beer.

“Okay, mind if I use your bathroom first; I’m desperate.” Sunset replied.

He then said, “Back there, don’t splash.”

Sunset set went into the bathroom and closed the door, she was in there for a while, however; when she emerged, Spikey turned around and looked at her, she was now wearing nothing but Spikey’s bath robe.

“What?” Spikey questioned.

Explaining everything, Sunset said, “I came here to see what Fillydelphia was like; and maybe this is one way to find out.” She pulled at the robe, giving Spikey a glimpse of what was underneath. “What do you say, can I make it up to you for being rude earlier?”

Spikey the asked, “I thought you weren’t for sale.”

“I’m not.” She replied. “Think of this as a charity donation.”

With that said, Spikey just thought ‘fuck it’; he was into it. He stood up and moved towards her, pushing her against the wall; the two of them started kissing each other on the lips. Suddenly, the robe Sunset was wearing, fell to the floor; revealing her naked body to her lover.

Spikey quickly reached over for his beer, he’d need to be hydrated for this; but Sunset snatched it out of his hands. She poured the beer onto her breasts, indicating she wanted Spikey to lick it off of her. He pressed his mouth against her tits, sucking the liquid off of her; she moaned from the pleasure she was feeling from his touch.

The two of them took this to Spikey’s bed, it wasn’t long before Spikey’s clothes on the floor; he sat on the bed as Sunset went down on him.

She stroked the tip of his penis, before putting her mouth to work; she licked the tip and teased him as much as she wanted to. Sunset eventually put the tip in her mouth and began sucking it like a popsicle; Spikey moaned and groaned like she did before.

Sunset tried to fit the whole thing in her mouth as she sucked and sucked him off; he laid back on the bed as she worked her magic. Until finally, it was time for the main event; she didn’t want him to cum yet, it would spoil the moment.

Spikey sat back up again, Sunset placed herself on his lap; the two of them began making out as the merc’s dick began to penetrate her womanhood. They both moaned into the pleasure they were both feeling, but Spikey wanted to be in control; he lifted Sunset up and pushed her against the window, then began humping away in her.

The two of them loved what they were feeling, Sunset looked into her lover’s eyes; she asked, “How long can you keep this up?”

The merc didn’t stop humping as he quickly turned to the small device on his nightstand, “Alexa, what day of the week is it?”

“It is Monday, today.” The Alexa replied.

Spikey then turned back to Sunset with an answer, “You wanna go all week?”

“Okay.”

Tuesday

Sunset was down on all fours on the bed, Spikey was behind her, humping and jack-hammering like crazy. Her mouth was wide open as she felt his cock penetrate her once again; Spikey also had his mouth wide open, with an added smile in the mix.

Music was playing from his Alexa, the perfect song to this moment.

They went at for the entire time the song was playing and came the moment the song ended; Spikey pulled out of her and crawled up next to her, “Not bad.”

“Yeah.” Sunset replied. “Your pretty good.”

Wednesday

Spikey and Sunset were back in the bedroom, the merc was lying on his back while Sunset was grinding her hips on top of him; he was already balls-deep inside her, the two were enjoying it.

While moaning from the pleasure, Spikey decided to get to know her a little; he said, “So, tell me a bit about you.”

“Well, I have six friends; seven if you count the newsiest one. My friend’s boyfriend.” She replied. Her head slightly leaned to the side while she rode him.

After another minute, Spikey asked, “So, that thing we did on Monday; was it your first time?”

Sunset replied, “No, I had a boyfriend back when I was in school; don’t worry, we were at the legal age.” She then grabbed his hands and placed them on her tits.

“Do you not think it’s weird, what you’re doing?” Spikey asked. “I mean, you meet a guy; he tries to buy his way into your pants, but you let him in for free, but you know nothing about him. Is that not strange to you?”

Sunset looks down at him and says, “Stop asking stupid questions and fuck me.”

Without saying another word, Spikey starts pushing up into her; she continues to grind and ride him, they both were getting close to their climax.

Thursday

The two of them were sitting on the couch, Sunset was leaning against his shoulder; they were just watching the TV.

Sunset asked him, “What’s this show called again?” Spikey didn’t say anything, he just pointed at the screen as the intro played.

Can’t wait to watch season eight; I’ve been binge watching to catch up, since I just started watching it a month ago.

Friday

The lights were out in the apartment, the only source of light was all the lit candles around the room; the two of them had decided to finish the week with something erotic.

Spikey was standing on one side of the bed, completely naked; the only thing he was wearing, was a blue eye mask. The bathroom door then creaked open, Sunset stepped into the room; the only thing she was wearing was a short skirt with nothing underneath and a red eye mask.

Sunset Shimmer walked closer to her lover, having to crawl across the bed to get to him; when she got to him, the two of them said nothing. The only thing that happened was that they started.

They both fell onto the bed, Spikey on top of Sunset; with her consent, he grabbed his already hard dick and pushed it into her; she quietly moaned as he fitted it in. The two of them would spend this time playing in all kinds of positions, some even represented the other days of the week they did.

Spikey would pound into her, doggy-style; or Sunset would push him down on the bed and ride him like a mechanical bull. But they would usually return to passionate sex in the missionary position.

The passionate week was about to come to a close, Spikey finally came inside her; Sunset had birth control, its fine. Spikey the rolled off of her as they both laid back on the pillow; they took their eye masks off and panted heavily.

Believe me guys, it’s much easier to do it, then right it; so just use your imagination.

After a few minutes, Spikey sat up and stretched his arms; he then said, “Wow, we work fast.” He turned around and looked at Sunset, who looked so hot, he smirked and asked, “You want to go another round?”

“Wow, that’s the first time you’ve asked for a second round; you sick or something?” Sunset asked as she sat up.

“To be honest, this is our final time; I kind of don’t want it to end.”

Sunset moved next to him and asked, “Are you asking me to stay?” Spikey simply nodded, he wanted her to stay here. So Sunset stood up in front of him, still basically naked and said, “Ask me to stay.”

“Please stay.” Spikey asked.

She then gave into him and said, “Let’s go another round.”

They both kissed each other, passionately and dirty; Spikey had to do a wee first.

You see this moment, this is the moment where it looks like the main character is gonna have a normal life, like there’s gonna be no bumps in the road. Grow up.

Spikey stepped out of the bathroom, drained of pee; but something felt off for him. He began coughing badly, until his vision went blurry and he couldn’t stay standing up; so like a freshly cut tree, he fell to the ground.

“Oh my god, Spikey.” Sunset said as she rushed to her lover’s aid.

Sunset Shimmer took Spikey to the doctor’s, they had taken a scan from his body; they had found the cause of him passing out and coughing.

The doctor explained, “I’m not quite sure how you got it, but it’s the Canine Parvovirus; which is usually only caught by dogs.” Spikey then thought about it for a minute, and then it came to him.

He looked at Sunset, who was trying to get help from the doctor, “Is there anything we can do?”

“Since he is the first human case of this virus, we made need some time to work things out; but, I’m sorry to tell you, Mr Spikey. The disease is fatal.”

Sunset and the doctor continued talking; while Spikey looked a Sunset.

This is one of the things I love about Sunset, when she wants something she fights for it; like the cure to a deadly disease that I must have caught from my dog days. However, I don’t think it’ll work on a human; so I’m just gonna do what I do best.

Fast forward time to the next chapter.

Chapter 2

Spikey was sitting on his bed as his girlfriend paced back and forth, she was on the phone to one of the doctors of Fillydelphia; trying to get her lover some good medical care. Judging by the look on her face, she didn’t seem happy with the news she was hearing.

“Look, you’re a doctor; can’t you help him. He’s a human being with some kind of fatal dog disease." Sunset then listened to what the doctor asked. “No I don’t think it would make a good TV show, no one would believe.” She then turned towards Spikey and continued the call, the doctor of the phone replied with…

“I’m really sorry, Miss Shimmer; but I’ve never seen a case like this before, it should be impossible. Sorry, but I can’t do anything to help him.” That’s when the doctor hanged up, causing Sunset to sigh.

Went she sat down, Spikey turned to her and said, “I’m sorry, baby; I didn’t mean to drag you into this. It was fun while it lasted, but I don’t blame you if you want to go.”

Sunset then replied, “Spikey, stop it; this hasn’t just been a whole load of one night stands. We have something special, I don’t want to lose that.” She rested her head on his shoulder. Suddenly, she started kissing his cheek and his neck; which made him instantly realise what she wanted.

“Really, you can’t fuck your way out of everything.” Spikey stated.

But she replied, “Try me.”

Later that day, Spikey decided to drown in pity in alcohol; he went to his friend’s pub to drink and drink, and drink.

“Canine Parvovirus; that’s what they call it. The most fucked up dog cancer; and now it’s genes are splashing about in my blood, fuck-a-doodle-doo.” The merc stated to the bar keep.

Garble replied, “Look man, I’m sorry; can I get you anything.” Spikey was about to take a sip of the strong alcohol, until Garble took it out of his hand. “I mean something other than the stuff that’s gonna kill faster the cancer will.”

Spikey didn’t want to be lectured, he just wanted to drink, then go home and fuck; doesn’t have to be in that order.

Iron Will walked past the two of them, turned to Spikey and said, “Fuck, dog; you look like you need a blowjob and a shower.” But the merc just ignored his comment. The big guy then said, “nay of you ladies want to buy some grade-A weed, good for the immune system.”

“Really?” Spikey replied, reaching for the small bag.

However, Garble just smacked his hand down and shooed Iron Will away, “No man; you knows rules, sell your drugs on the streets where its meant to be sold.” With that said, the big guy stomped away.

Suddenly, Spikey reached into his pocket and pulled out some leaflets, “Check it out, Sunset’s looking into all the clinics and free doctors we can check out; I’m sure they’re all NHS approved.” While looking through the leaflets, a picture of Spikey and Sunset fell out of his hand.

Garble picked it up and looked at it, “Mind if I keep this, something to remember you by.” He said, not waiting for an answer and just putting the picture on his beer fridge. “At least now, I’ll win the dead pool, since you’re gonna die tragically of dog cancer.”

Spikey just smirked at his joke, then Garble remembered something; he took a back card out of his pocket and gave it to Spikey. “By the way, the guy over there came in looking for you; real Grimm Reaper type.” The black card only had a phone number on it, written in white letters. He turned to see a guy in a ‘men in black’ suit; sitting with his back to them.

Seeing how he had nothing better to do, Spikey picked up his drink and walked over to the man in the suit. When he sat down, he greeted the guy with, “Sup, Agent K.”

“Hello, Mr… the dog, is it?” the man replied.

The merc then said back to him, “Look, man; as you can see, I’m very busy dying of a dog cancer, so what the fuck do you want?”

“I represent a secret group that works with the government, we specialize in cases such as your own.” He place his hands on the table and continued, “What if we were to tell you, we could cure you?”

Spikey thought for a second and then said, “I’d say call merlin, your stealing his act.”

The man then said, “Hear me out, not just cure you, but give you abilities that most men would only dream of. We’d make you a superhero.” Spikey suddenly chuckled at his comment, this was some grade A shit he was hearing.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’ve seen the whole hero thing; it’s not for me.” Spikey handed the man back his card, but he just put his hand up, gesturing him to keep it.

After the little meeting, Spikey walked back over to Garble; he started with, “His drink’s on him, and so is mine.” He said after slurping down the last of his alcohol. “I’m going home.”

That night as the rain came down, Spikey was lying in bed; Sunset lying naked, but covered by the blanket by his side. She was sound asleep, her head by his shoulder; while he was still wide awake, just staring out the window.

All night he had been thinking about what he had been told by that guy in the bar; ‘we can make you a superhero’. Back when he was still a dog, he knew all about superheroes; his owner was one.

Carefully, Spikey got out of bed; he walked over to the window and just watched the rain fall out to the city. He then turned back to his dream girl a thought; for once in his careless life, he actually had something worth a lot to him. After some much needed thinking, he came to a conclusion; no doctor could cure a human with dog cancer, he had only one option if he was going to survive this.

You see, this is the part of the story where the hero does something some noble; even though he’s as selfish as fuck. It’s where he decides he’s got a lethal problem, and he not going to drag something he cares about into the mud as well.

Spikey quietly go dressed, put his shoes and jacket on, and then left the apartment; he tried not to let the door make a noise as it closed. However, that didn’t stop Sunset from waking up after he’d gone.

Holding the covers over her body, Sunset Shimmer looked around for her lover; but he was gone. Suddenly, tears fell down her face; she was heartbroken, why would he just leave. I guess it’s back to Canterlot City then.

Spikey walked down the street, he pulled out his phone and the card that ‘Agent Smith’ gave him; he typed the number into his phone and waited for it to answer. When someone answer the phone, the merc was greeted with, “Hello.”

“This is Spikey the dog, I’m in.”

Chapter 6

And now, back to your regular old ass kicking’s.

Deadpool crashed into the front of a car in the middle of the road, he moaned in pain, even though it went away after a few seconds. The merc rolled of the car, and took a look at the people who were confronting him.

“Bad dog.” Jack-T said as he walked over to him.

However, Spikey held out his hands and said, “Nope, you don’t get to call me that anymore.” He began gesturing to himself, “Not since I got arms, and tiny ears; however I do miss my tail. I could chase that thing all day; just running round and round and round…” Deadpool started to feel dizzy.

New Goblin then said, “Spikey, snap out of it.”

Returning to reality, Spikey turned to the two heroes, “What do you want?” he said in a bored tone.

“To bring you back where you belong, Earth 1.” New Goblin explained.

Deadpool walked around them and said, “Sorry, not happening.”

Jack-T grabbed his arm and pulled him back, “You think you can be cocky just because you have thumbs now, it ain’t happening. You are no better that the criminals you’ve been murdering.” Using his Goblin Strength, Jack-T pushed him into the car again. “This is a reckless use of the powers you’ve been given.”

“Look, buddy; I don’t have time for the boy-scout pep-talk right now. I got shit to deal with.” He then looked at the girl that was standing beside New Goblin, Spikey said, “Didn’t you used to bone my owner.”

Heather just said, “Oh my god.”

Spikey walked back over to Trenderhoof and gave him a quick punch to the face, “I’m just going to pretend you guys aren’t here until you leave.” He said to the two heroes.

“Spikey, look at all this chaos.” Jack-T said.

“Please, no one’s getting hurt. Damn it, I broke character.” Spikey replied, Jack-T then gestured to the thugs that were lying dead in the street. “Would you believe that those guys were like that when I got here?”

New Goblin had tried the mean approach, maybe it was time to try the kind one; he explained, “Spikey, you could do some much more with these abilities; join us, the O.S.C, the Avengers. Be the hero Adam would want you to b…”

Deadpool then cut him off, “Listen Daddy’s boy; the day I decide to be a crime fighting, goodie-two-shoes. Taking orders from your ungrateful heartbeat of a wife, on that day; I’ll send your pumpkin throwing ass a friend request.”

No one seemed to noticed Trenderhoof start to get up, walk to an unbroken bike and mount.

“But in the meantime, I’m going to do what I came here do, and kick this guy right in the co…” Deadpool was cut off when all three of them could hear the sound of a motorcycle; they turned to see Trenderhoof get away.

Jack-T said, “Quite unfortunate.”

Spikey could not believe, they guy he had been looking for the last month; the guy that could fix what had been done to the merc, had just got away. And there was only one person to blame at the moment; he turned back to Jack-T and shouted, “That does it!”

Deadpool went to throw a punch to the side of New Goblin’s head, when the hero raised his left arm three hooked blades emerged from the flesh; Spikey ended up stabbing his right arm on one of the blades.

He pulled it free from the blades and tried to hide the pain; until he screamed out, “Ow! Oh Manchester!” he took a quick look at the wound, “That’s not good.”

“Spikey, stop.” Jack-T said to him.

“Cock-shot.” The merc replied, attempting to punch Jack-T in the manhood. But the hero fought back, kicked his fist away and punched him in the nose. “Ow! My beautiful use-to-be dog snout.” Deadpool then raised his fists as if he was in a boxing match.

New Goblin then asked, “Do you have an ‘off switch’?”

“Yeah, it’s right next to the prostate; or is that the ‘on switch’?”

“Enough!” the both heard Heather say; before she used her powers to lift Spikey into the air and throw him against another car.

Jack-T walked over to the broke merc and put a cuff on his wrist; he put the other cuff on his own wrist and started to drag him along. “Let’s go see Olessia.”

“How are you two doing by the way? If you have problems, I can convince ITV to put Jeremy Kyle back on the air.” Spikey joked. He then reached for the small knife that he kept in a pocket on his leg.

You may not want to think to graphically for this bit; we all saw how it looked in the movie.

Deadpool took the knife and began cutting off his own hand; Heather noticed him doing and stopped, she said, “Holy hell.”

The merc then joked, “You what this reminds me of, that bit in Futurama where Bender saws of the Professors hand to steal a doomsday device.” Just as he was finishing, he put his feet against New Goblin and pushed himself away, allowing the knife to cut right through the bone.

He fell off the bridge and landed in a passing by garbage truck; Jack-T held up the severed hand, he it was holding up the middle finger. “He is such a child.” He then looked around, but couldn’t find Heather. “Heather, where are you?”

“Over here.” He noticed her, being slightly sick on the road. She turned back to him and said, “Can you please get rid of that.” Gesturing to the hand.

Meanwhile, in the back of a garbage truck; Deadpool was just thinking about how he fucked a month long plan.

What? You want to know the rest of the story of how I got like this? Fine, next chapter…

Author's Note

I know I said I'd upload them all at once, but it was taking too long.

Chapter 3 part 1

Spikey was being wheeled down a dark hallway, two guys pushing the hospital bed along it. The merc looked around, all he saw were the two guys, darkness, and the occasional light above him.

When the two guys stopped, Spikey looked to his left and saw the guy he met in the bar, Agent K.

“Spikey, so glad you reconsidered.” The agent said.

However, Spikey’s reply was short and simply, “Look, I’m not interested in joining so super-cock boy band. I just want you to do right by me, so I can do right by someone else.”

Agent K replied, “Of course.” He nodded at the two guys, they wheeled Spikey through the door beside them.

“Please don’t make wear a cape.” Spikey shouted back to him. “Or really short shorts.”

As Spikey was being wheeled through the room, he looked around; he didn’t really like what he was seeing. Some people were strapped to hospital beds, others were in cages; in one of the cages, there was a guy standing behind the bars, his whole body was on fire.

He looked to his right, and Spikey saw a doctor working with a patient; the doctor was injecting him in the back, while the rest of his back was covered in spikes.

The two guys came to a stop when they reached where they were going. The wheeled Spikey to the side of a surgical table, they lifted him onto it; Spikey stated, “My first request is warmer hands.” The dropped him onto the table, “And god, definitely a warmer table.” The two guys began strapped him down, Spikey couldn’t help but make jokes, “Should we have a ‘safe word’? I’m think ‘berries and cream’.”

When the two guys walked away, someone else walked over to the table; a woman. A woman with pink hair, white skin; wearing tight black jeans, and black crop top. When she heard Spikey talking, she covered his mouth with her hand; “Please be quiet, the doctor is on his way.”

“Aren’t you a little too hot for a place like this?” Spikey asked, with the intent of being funny.

The girl was about to his him, but a voice stopped her, “Fleur, please. He’s a guest.” A man walked up to the table, dressed like a doctor; he looked down a t his latest patient and decided to introduce himself. “Welcome Spikey, my name is Ajax and will be your doctor today.”

“Do you have to say that every time to a new patient?” Spikey asked, now sounding confused.

Ajax just smiled at his question, “Tell me, do you know what a Meta-human is, Mr Spikey.”

Spikey pretended to think for a second and replied, “Is that a type of ice cream?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Fleur said as she put a strip of leather in his mouth to stop him talking. Ajax then pulled a test-tube out of his pocket, filled with a strange glowing blue liquid; he showed the liquid to Spikey.

“From what I understand, this is something called, ‘energon’. It created most those super-powered criminals that escaped from prison two weeks ago.” Ajax then poured the energon into a rubber pouch, hung on a metal pole; a drip. Ajax took the rubber tube connected to the drip and attached a needle onto the other end, he then stabbed the needle into Spikey’s arm.

“Ow!” Spikey muttered from under the gag.

Ajax replied, “Sorry, not sorry.” The blue liquid ran down the tube and into Spikey’s bloodstream, the merc struggled a little. “This liquid will activate any meta-genes in your system; unlocking any trace of super powers. Hard to say what you’ll end up with, the treatment affects everyone differently.”

Fleur stepped forward and Ajax explained, “For example, Fleur De Lis here, the energon enhanced her vocal cords; her scream can now smash through any solid wall or object, that’s why we sometimes call her ‘Shriek’. I’d give you any example, but we just had the windows washed.”

He looked back down at Spikey and said, “As for me, it amplified my mind; I can make anything move, happen or do anything I want, just by thinking about it.”

Spikey then muttered something from under the gag, Ajax was curious to know what he was saying; so he gave Fleur the okay to remove the gag. Once the leather was out of the way, Spikey could finally say what he wanted to say, “You have something in your teeth.”

Surprised by this, Ajax quickly checked the mirror; looking at his teeth, there was nothing there. Spikey then laughed, “Ha, ha; made you look.” Spikey turned his head and watched his ‘doctor’ start to walk away, “Hey, is Ajax your real name? Because it sounds kind of made up.”

The merc began trying to guess what his name was, “Is it Shaun, Simon, Nickolas?” He then thought of something funny to say, “Is it Basil Brush?” he then pretend to laugh, “Boom, boom.”

“You know, Spikey; the one thing that never survives this place, is a sense of humour.” Ajax explained.

Spikey replied, “We’ll see about that.”

“I guess we will.”

Ajax then nodded his head towards Shriek, she pulled Spikey’s hair back, and punched him in the nose; knocking him out.

“In order for the meta-genes in your system to work, we need primal instincts to activate them; and they only come whilst your stressed. So we’re gonna have to hurt you, Spikey; a lot.”

For an entire week, Ajax and Shriek spent the days, torturing and putting Spikey through conditions that would cause him stress or pain. And let’s just say, he was defiantly stressed out.

Monday

Spikey was dragged into a room by the same two guys that brought him to this place, he was wearing a hospital gown; that was until the two guys pulled it off him, leaving him naked. They left the room and locked the door behind them; leaving the merc alone in the metal room.

He suddenly heard Ajax’s voice from a speaker in the corner; the voice said, “Okay, this might sting a little.”

Without warning, the room became very cold; the thermometer on the wall showed that the temperature had dropped instantly. Frost started to form on the walls, floor and even Spikey; he sat on the floor and tried to cover himself.

Not having any clothes didn’t help, as they left him there all day.

Tuesday

They had allowed him his hospital gown back, but he was chained to a metal fence. Every so often, they would touch the fence with a jumper-cable; giving Spikey an electric shock of a powerful voltage.

Fleur was the one holding the cables; she would sometimes make jokes, by saying, “Clear.” Before electrocuting him.

Wednesday

Spikey was now in a dog cage; once again without any clothes, they were spraying him with boiling hot water.

Thursday

They hanged him from his wrists, and Fleur was using him as a punching bag; punching, kicking and head-butting him.

Spikey didn’t know how much more of this he could take; the worst part about this was, his two ‘doctors’ seemed like they were enjoy this. Enjoying the fact that they got to put him through all this pain.

Until finally, the last day of the tortures came… Friday

Spikey was lying on his hospital bed, he was talking to the guy in the bed next to him; he said to him, “You know, buddy; I only came here because I had some incurable disease. Just so I could get the cure and go home to my girl.”

The guy replied, “I know how you feel. I’m here so I can be cured of whatever I have; then I can go home to my wife and kids.”

Suddenly, Ajax approached this man, he suddenly got very scared; but Ajax said, “Don’t worry, I encourage this kind of thing; gives you guys some hope, if you have friends here.”

The merc could then be heard saying, “Don’t be scared, buddy; how bad could he be?” Spikey then delivered the best line of his life, “With a name like Trenderhoof.”

“Trenderhoof?” the patient questioned.

“I know right?” Spikey replied, while starting to laugh. “He got the name ‘Ajax’ of a soap box.”

Ajax approached Spikey and asked, “How did you..?”

“I noticed the name tag on the collar of your lab coat.” Spikey said before he could finish.

Fleur De Lis then approached them both, Ajax turned to his assistant; he said to her, “I think it’s time we give Mr Spikey our V.I.P treatment.”

She replied, “I couldn’t agree more.” She then nodded her head at two guys, signalling them to come over. The two guys grabbed Spikey by the arms and dragged him away, Trenderhoof followed them, as did Fleur.

The two guys once again took off Spikey’s gown and laid him down on a table that was hanging on chains attached to the corners; they then strapped him down, Spikey couldn’t move his arms.

Spikey then joked, “I know I have a nice penis, but do I really have to always be naked?”

Ajax was working the controls; he pulled a level, which opened a square vat. Pulling another lever moved the table Spikey was strapped to over the vat; Spikey could hear the liquid bubbling below him.

“This is our most power treatment; you’ll be submerged in this liquid energon until the meta-genes in your system activate.” Ajax explained. “However, if it doesn’t work, the raw energy will vaporise your body. But don’t worry; seven out of ten times, that doesn’t happen.”

The merc’s reply was, “Talk about the ‘bad news man’.”

“Do you know what’s really funny? You still think we’re making you a superhero.” Trenderhoof stated. “Well we’re not; once your powers activate, you be fitted with a special collar that will let us control your very thoughts. After that you’ll be sold off to the highest bidder; so guy who wants to conquer the world, but doesn’t have the balls to do it themselves.”

All Spikey could say in return was, “What the fuck is wrong with you people?”

Ajax replied, “Lots of things; enjoy your weekend.”

“Wait, what?” Spikey asked. “Weekend?” Suddenly, one of the guys put a tube into Spikey’s mouth, it was connected to an air canister; so he could breathe, he was no good to them dead.

But Trenderhoof had stopped listening, he pushed a button on the console; Spikey was lowered down into the vat, until the liquid reached over the table and he was submerged in the energon.

Whilst in the blue chemical, he was struggling to get free from the restraints; he could hardly breathe, the tube was barely working. But that wasn’t the worst thing that was happening to him, the energon was changing him.

Something inside of him was changing his DNA; he could feel it, and it hurt.

“Ah” he cried with what air he could.

Chapter 5

Deadpool still stood in place, holding the guy up who had been impaled by his two swords; after another minute, DP pulled his swords apart, slicing the guy in two.

“Okay, I’m touching myself tonight.”

Suddenly, he heard a noise from behind him; he looked round to see another guy on a motorcycle. DP pointed a finger gun at the bad guy and said, “Pew.” The guy cranked the ignition and drove forward, charging right towards the merc.

Just as he was getting closer, Spikey picked up one of the guns that the dead criminals had dropped; using it like a club, he swung it around and wacked the jerk off his bike. The biker said nothing, Deadpool just starting beating the shit out of him; he threw him towards the crashed car.

“Face-Slam.” Spikey said before kicking him in the face, knocking his helmet off; revealing Trenderhoof underneath. “Hello, handsome.” DP dragged him across the road and placed him against the wall.

Trenderhoof looked up at the merc, he muttered, “So you’re the freak that’s been screwing up my business.”

“That’s right, Trendy.” Spikey replied, pointing at Trenderhoof’s face. “And I bet you know who under this mask too.” DP lifted his mask, revealing his face. Seeing the face of his attacker just made Trenderhoof chuckle, like someone watching that video of the monkey with the machine gun.

He then replied, “Spikey the fucking dog.”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out; now it’s time for you to undo what you did to me.” Spikey stated. “Turn me back into that handsome dude who you said you’d cure his dog cancer.”

“Yes, and we did cure you.” Trenderhoof replied. “My talents made you immortal, invincible; unbeatable. And you want me to take that gift away; you really are as dumb as an ugly mutt.”

Deadpool then explained, “If this is a gift, then where’s the fucking recite; cause I taking this junk back to the supermarket.” Spikey the raised his fist, threatening to punch his enemy; when suddenly…

“Spikey.” A voice said, coming from behind him. DP didn’t turn around, he simple felt behind him; he felt something swishy and soft, a guy’s dick.

The merc turned his head to look at the person he was caressing the groin of, “Santa?” he asked.

However, the guy used his strength, grabbed Spikey by the collar and through him across the road; Deadpool went flying into a car. However, while he was airborne, he thought to himself…

You know, I’d tell you some more of the story; but I think it can wait until the next chapter comes out.