Come Dine with Me

by spike the lone wanderer

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Spike, Pipsqueak, Rarity, Profanity, Random, Violence, Human
Length: 6854

Five inhabitants of Ponyville will compete to find out who among them is the best amateur cook.

Come Dine with me, the new cooking show arrives in ponyville for a crazy week ... of cooking! Five inhabitants of Ponyville will compete to find out who among them is the best amateur cook. The winner will take home a thousand bits and the title of king of cuisine!

Published 2020-08-11 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-11 17:00:01 UTC

1-Chic and elegance-1

Author's Note

Thank you for reading this garbage!
This is adapted from the french version of the British show'' come dine with me''
Please don't sue us we don't have the budget for it!
Anything to say, Spike
''Viens diner chez moi...fils de pute!''
Splendid!

1-Chic and elegance-1

Hello young and old!
It is my pleasure to bring you the brand new cooking show ''Come Dine With Me ''! This week we are in the beautiful town of Ponyville, famous for its unusually high rate of women, and 1 episode villains. Our five contestants this week are well-known members of the community, fashionista Rarity, the most dangerous pirate of the playground, Pipsqueak (Child labor is allowed in Ponyville), The beautiful Fallout Shieldhunter, The sublime Prince Blueblood, and Spike ... he's a dragon

'' Man fuck you! ''

They will compete by cooking dishes according to their themes, some will be good

'' This is the best fucking Avocado toast of my life!'' Spike praised Rarity's dish.
'' Not gonna lie, his beef wellington is amazing!'' Fallout complimented.

And some less,

''Her toast smells like poop!'' Pipsqueak said.
'' I'm deeply sorry but Who threw up on my Toast!'' Blueblood added.

Applicants will be scored on three criteria;
The animations between the meal:
'' For my animation, we'll throw peanuts at poor people!''
The decoration of the table;
'' This table fits perfectly my vision of Spike, dirty and wild!''
And the meal;
'' Finally some good fucking food!''

The three scores will count towards the candidate's final score.

Enough talking, it's time to COME DINE WITH ME!!!

Our first candidate is the Fashionista Rarity, let's go!

The cameraman knocks on Rarity's door,

Rarity opened the door'' I'm busy so go away you and your stupid reli-oooh it's you, darling!'' A (fake) smile appeared on Rarity's face'' Please come in my humble house darling!'' This wasn't a humble house, there are pictures of her everywhere, even on the ceiling and High-Quality dresses scattered on the ground.

'' Welcome to my place or as I like to call it '' The Manor of Elegance! ''

Well this is quite a small manor if you ask me

'' This is where my immense imagination operates to make the ugly beautiful, darling! ''
Rarity claps her hands'' Sweety?'' But nothing happened, ''Sweety?'' She did it again yet nothing changed.

Is she trying to dance Flamenco or what?

''SWEETY BRING YOUR UGLY FACE HERE!'' Rarity yelled.

Did she just call her face ugly? That's not very nice if you ask me

'' What do you want, Rarity? I'm busy spying on Spike - I mean looking at the birds!'' Sweety replied.

Rarity took a white dress that was lying on the floor and put it next to her sister, '' You see this beautiful dress, darling? If my stupid and ugly sister tries to wear it, it would god awful! But on me on the other hand!'' She pushed away her sister and did a 360, and now she was wearing the dress, '' See! it's fucking gorgeous on me, darling! I'm beautiful and you are not, darling!''

Look like someone's ego is bigger than the pile of shit in Jurassic Park

'' Anyway, there is not only in mode that I am a queen, darling!''

Stop saying darling every two damn words, please!

'' I'm also a queen in cooking, Darling! And those tools are my best allies!''

Please tell us more about your allies, big ass head red queen

''This is my kitchen scissor! With it, I can cut everything, especially those who don't like me!'' Rarity began to cut the photo of her old boyfriend.

That is one Taylor Swift coming up

'' I also love my big spoon, darling! She is always there for me when I'm sad!'' Flashback of Rarity eating a shit tone of ice-cream after she broke up with her boyfriend.

This is just sad...Anyway, with this in mind, we can say that Rarity is elegant, Narcissistic, cruel, egocentric, has trouble forgetting her boyfriend, ice cream eater when she is sad and loves dresses and herself.

It's time for the contestants to discover her menu for tonight

Different shots of different candidates discovering the menu,

'' Chic and elegant ... what the fuck is this two bits theme!''
''Chic and elegant, it's sound rich...I like it!''
''Chic and elegant...This is the very definition of Rarity,''
''I'm a pirate!''

Yes, yes you are kiddo.

'' I've chosen this theme, obviously because I'm a queen and a queen must be chic and elegant darling!''

What did I say about the darling stuff, girl?

'' Parade of amuse bouche on the carpet''

'' Do I look like french to you?!
'' This is definitely Rarity!''
''I love parades! Especially! when they' are for me because I'm a prince, not you!''
'' Ehehehe this is a funny word! Amuse-bouche!''

'' Parade of amuse bouche on the carpet will be the aperitif. it will consist of a variety of canapes, darling! Some will have salmon in it, blin with creme fraiche on it, darling,''

This sure looks fancy!

'' Green dress on it crispy bed''

''Shit, I eat no greens".
"I have no idea what this could be."
"Ooh, I hope it is a king-size bed, otherwise, I won't sleep on this peasant shit."
"Sometimes Miss Luna sniffs me when I sleep."

Ahahaha... what?

" Green dress on its crispy bed is the name of my first dish or like the French say " Le Entrée" it is an avocado toast, voila."

Simple but effective.

"The queen and her green friends''

'' I've already eaten a queen before if you know what I mean ... I'm talking about chrysalis's pus-''
'' I have no idea what the dish might be?''
''Queens are better than princesses! Everybody knows that, you puny peasant!''
''I'll be the next pirate king!!!''

So freaking cute

'' The main dish will be a fillet of salmon with bundles of green beans wrapped in a slice of bacon, darling! It will be delicious! FUFUFUFUFUFUFFUUF!!!''

Okay, I can't wait to see how Rarity is going to cook the salmon! And what is your dessert, miss?

''When the Lemon meets Mr and Ms meringue''

'' I fucking love lemon....It's ironic you dickhead I fucking hate it!''
''For me, the dessert is a lemon meringue pie,''

Hush, Fallout! You're going to blow the surprise away!

'' I do not like the taste of lemon in the mouth, it is too poor for my taste!''
''Fruits are good for pirates! A lemon a day, keep the scurvy away!''

'' My dessert will be a lemon meringue pie! I love pies, darling!''

'' We can see that!'' Sweety added, pointing her finger at her sister's hips.

Rarity slapped her sister real hard, so hard that she fell on the ground,'' What did you say you stupid cunt - I mean my sweet little sister! Are you ok?''

Sweetie Belle wasn't moving, she wasn't moving at all, '' Stop trying to get intention from others and get up!''

'' Is she still breathing?'' The cameraman asked.

'' Eh! Who is the star of the show here? Her or me?''

''You,'' He replied

''Damn right I am! Alright, it's is time for me to get the ingredients for tonight! Just give a moment to get my phone and, ''Rarity locked herself in her kitchen, leaving the cameraman alone, yet he could still hear Rarity's voice '' I want the pie to be ready for 8:30 p.m. tonight! I'm taking part in a competition and if I don't win because of your cake, you'll hear from my lawyers! Got it? Good! Now excuse me, I must call a ride!''

''I wonder what would I do with the 1000 bits if I'm the winner, "Fallout's phone rang," Excuse me! Hello ... Oh hi, Rarity, how are you today? You want me to go with you to the store to get food? Okay, I'll be at your house in five minutes. '' Fallout left for Rarity's house.

''Alright! It's is time for me to get the ingredients, darling!''

Looks like Fallout, one of the candidates is her driver for the day! I can't wait to see her reaction when she sees him at her house tonight!

''Fallout, Darling! Drive me to the Super Duper Mart, chop-chop!'' She clapped at him like he was a dog or something.

''Okay,''

Fallout dropped Rarity off in front of the supermarket, "Okay, it would be best for you to stay here, the sight of cameras makes the peasants around here nervous, bye darling!"

I swear to Faust I'm going to kill if she continues with the darling...Anyway, we have decided to follow her using hidden cam.

Rarity made her way to the frozen food section where she picked up a box of 24 appetizers, along with some green bean fagots. She then went to the fishmonger, she looked at the beautiful salmon preserved in the ice cream then she turned her head and saw thin slices of packaged salmon, "Meh they won't see the difference!"

She took the packed salmon and went to the cash register to pay. We leave the store without being seen, and she comes out a minute after us, smiling, '' I have all my ingrédients for tonight, victory will be mine tonight, darling!''

I'll get her and make this look like a bloody accident!

''Time to cook, darling!''

We are back at ''Rarity's Manor''

Rarity is going to cook us her famous appetizers for the other contestants. "Don't look at me it's a family secret," The cameraman turned and Rarity opened the box of appetizers, "You can turn around," the cameraman turned. turned around and saw the amuse bouche in a glass dish, "Voila! Gaze upon my army of amuse-bouche,"
Rarity said with a smirk on her face.

With an army like that, victory is assured.

"Now it's toast time, darling"

Rarity rummaged through her shopping bag and realized that she had forgotten the avocados.

Oh no, it's big brain time, how do you make avocado toast without avocado and .... what the fuck is she doing?

Rarity searched her fridge and pulled out a jar of guacamole from the back, unscrewed the lid and sniffed it and looked at it, "Meh! Mold have never killed anybody,

I'll call the police.

Rarity took out an old loaf of bread from her bread box and cut thick slices from it, "Now you need to spread the guaca-thick, darling." Once the toasts are done, she put them in the fridge.

I pity the poor souls who are going to eat this shit

'' Now that my entrée is done, I'm going to dress my table, darling!''

'' But what about the salmon?'' The Cameraman asked.

Rarity looked at him with contempt in her eyes, [color=#5e51a3'' Shut it, you! Time to dress my beautiful table! FUFUFUFUFU!!!

Rarity went to her living room, stood in front of her table, and clapped her hands.

Sorry DARLING but this is not Fantasia! Plates will not fly to the table and -Oh you gotta be kidding!

Sweety Belle, now dressed like Cinderella started putting plates on the table. She put the fork the right side of the plate which made her sister angry,'' "We've never taught you that the forks go on the left side of the plate and not on the right side, you dirty little bit-" The camera was still filming and Rarity realized it just in time, "I mean, it's okay my little Sweety, look that's how we put them!''

Rarity took the cutlery and put them correctly, the forks on the left and the knives on the right, "Now my sister is going to fold the napkins, take a good look at how I fold the napkin because after all, you wouldn't want big sister to lose her. competition! that would be bad, very very bad! "

I'm afraid for the life of the little one

Rarity folded the napkin in half, then folded it again to form a perfectly symmetrical white square which she set on the black plates contrasting with the white tablecloth. So Sweety did the same, trying to hold back her tears.

''Very good! Big sister is proud of you ... NOW OUT OF MY SIGHT !!!'' Sweet ran away to her room without saying a word.

''Alright, darling! My table is beautiful, yet there is one thing that needs to be added to my table to be PERFECT!!!

And what is the thing that will make you table perfect, miss I love beating my little sister

''Pictures of yours truly, darling!'' Rarity put pictures of her in various outfits on the table, ''Perfection! My table is ready, darling''

Great! Just in time because I can hear your first guest on your doorstep!

Meanwhile, the first guest to arrive is...

"Damn I hope the food is good because I'm fucking hungry right now! However, if the food is disgusting I swear to burn the house to the ground and ..., '' Spike stopped talking and walking when he saw the house of the one who haunted his wildest dreams. Silence reigned in the street, he put his hand on his chest, unable to breathe, he wanted to speak but instead, he sang,

''What is this maaaadnessssss right before my very eyeeeeeeees?
This cannot be reeeeeaaallll!
Who is the deeeeviiillll in charge of this iluuuusssiiooooonnnn?!
This house is the one of the woman who live inside my dreeaaaammssss!
I Am not worthy of her beauuuutttyyyyyyy!''

What the fuck is going here

''TONIGHT WILL BE THE NIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTTTTT!
HISTORY WILL REMENBER MEEEEEEEE!
CAUSE I AM THE ONE KNOCKING ON HER DOORRRRRRSTEEEEPPPPPPP!
AND SHE WILL FEEL THE WEIGHT OF MY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICTIONNARY!!!

''SHUT THE FUCK UP!'' A neighbor yelled at him.

''GO FUCK YOURSELF MATE! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT OF SPIKE MOTHERFUCKING DRAKE!''

Spike walked slowly to the door of the one he loved, spat in his hands and applied it on his hair to make it look like he put some gel, and finally knocked on the door.

Knock-Knock

Rarity slowly opened the door, her beauty lit up Spike like a lighthouse in the middle of the night.

"Hello darling" Hailed Spike with a flirtatious smile.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Spike! I'm about to receive very important guests so buzz off!"

Rarity waved her hand to tell Spike to leave but Spike grabbed her and said in a sweet voice, "But honey, I'm one of your guests tonight.

I think we lost her.

The pain and hate could be read on Rarity's face, it was all pure silence when suddenly Sweety Belle came down the stairs and saw Spike on the doorstep, "SPIKE" Sweety Belle yelled in happiness.

It's getting interesting.

'' Oh, shit your sister is here! Hey girl, how are you today? ''

'' I'm great! '' Belle replied with a huge smile on her face.

'' Nice! ''

Look like Fallout has arrived too

'' Look like the first night of the show will happen at your place Rarity ... Rarity? Are you okay girl?

Rarity was still paralyzed by the surge of hatred in her body due to Spike. Her face was cut in half, one side showing anger, the other side showing sadness.

"Are you okay, Rarity?" asked Fallout Shieldhunter, the third participant.

Another voice was heard in the night, this voice was distinguished with a strong haughty accent.

"So you live in this lousy neighborhood, little pirate," Blueblood asked the child from whose he was holding his hand because despite being a rich son of a bitch, he has a heart.

"Yes sir, oh look it's Spike," pointed the little pirate.

'' First of all, hi kid and second, damn cousin what the fuck are you doing here ?! ''

"I'm on the show because Celestia ordered me to spend more time with peasants like you, cousin!"

So the dragon is the cousin of the prince, what a family we have here tonight!

"Cool, looks like everyone's here, we can come in...please," Fallout asked as the sky grew darker and darker.

Everyone looked at Rarity who seemed lost, but she quickly pulled herself together, took a deep breath, and said in a weak voice, "Please ... come ... in!"

'' As you wish, my dear queen!'' Spike walked in while stroking Rarity's arm who replied with a horrified look on her face

'' Thank you!'' Fallout did the same thing, but this time Rarity was blushing like a school under a cherry tree.

''Buccaneer! This sure is a nice boat you have there!'' Pipsqueak complimented while coming in.

''Thank you...I guess?''

'' Take my jacket, woman!'' Blueblood threw his jacket over rarity, burying her face underneath.

''(Sight)This is going to a long night!'' Rarity sighted as she closed her door.

All candidates are now present and the topic of conversation seems to be focused on Rarity's entry,'' Silence you imbecile! You are a Dragon! A wild beast shouldn't be allowed to eat sophisticated food! You should be eating raw meat on a stick, you savage!''

'' I'm going to punch you so hard on pretty bitch face that you will have to have a surgery to fix your fucking nose, bluebitch boi!'' Spike threatened his cousin.

'' Calm down, guys! Spike was just asking'' why do we call it amuse-bouche?!'' Fallout tried to calm the tension between Spike and his cousin.

'' I Heard that a lot of people are having fun with Button's mom's bouche! ''

It is true that her bouche is very good for having some fun

'' No one asked for you to speak you flying fuck!'' Blueblood insulted Fallout.

'' Imma beat your ass!'' Fallout was about to jump on Blueblood when Rarity finally arrived with her entrée.

'' Parade of amuse bouche on the carpet!'' Rarity put down a plate full of burnt appetizers in front of the boys. The boys looked at the amuse bouche with questioning eyes,'' Darling...are you trying to make us eat charcoal?''

off Zone

'' When I first saw the apero, I was like...okay girl, are you trying to poison me because I'm for more important than you?!''

Off Zone

''What?! Noooo?'' Rarity tried to remove the burnt part of the appetizers by rubbing the blade of a knife on it but without success.

'' It is true that they look a bit...burned!'' Fallout added while examining one.

'' I'm done!'' Blueblood got up and was about to leave only for Spike to hit the small table with his right fist.

''Enough of this! Rarity did us the honor to receive us and cook us magnificent appetizers with her delicate velvet hands! '' The cameraman zoomed in on the box of appetizers which was still visible in the trash, '' The art of the cuisine is a complicated art, you spoiled little whore! So lay your ass on the couch and eat her gorgeous and lightly caramelized appetizers! ''

Blueblood was about to speak when Spike interrupted him,

'' You fucking disgust me you product of the bourgeoisie! You don't deserve to eat this little amuse-bouche! You know what? Imma eat it !''

'' Don't do it, bro!'' Fallout begged Spike.

''Fuck the bourgeoisie!'' Spike put the appetizer in his mouth and started chewing it with a satisfied smile when all of a sudden he stopped chewing and smiling. He looked at his cousin, shed a tear, and swallowed the amuse bouche,'' Delicious!''

''Thank you, Spike...it was...nice!''

AWKWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

Blueblood was so shocked by his cousin's action that he sat down again among the others, avoiding his cousin's gaze.

''MY TURN!'' Pipsqueak took a amuse bouche only for Spike to take it and to eat it too,''Mine!''

Spike hugged Pipqueack and whispered in his ear, "Don't eat that kid, it's fucking disgusting mate!''

''But I'm hungry!'' Pipsqueak replied while trying to get another amuse-bouche.

'' I'll take you to burger king!'' Spike proposed.

''OkAY!!'' Pipsqueak agreed with joy.

Crunch-crunch

Spike turned to see Fallout eating an amuse-bouche without making a scandal, '' despite the burnt top, it's pretty good!''

''REALLY! This is wonderful, darling! You are the best!'' Rarity hugged him in front of the other contestants.

Look like someone know how to please the sole lady of the show

Hatred started to fill Spike's gaze. He looked at his friend with a death stare, "So you've chosen ... death!"

'' I'm not going to eat this, no fucking way!'' Blueblood mumbled with his arm crossed.

''Your apero was delicious, Rarity!''

Off Zone

''It was fucking disgusting!''

'' So why did you say that it was good?'' The cameraman asked.

''Because I want to eat her pu-

Love is tasteless we all know that

Off Zone

''I'm glad you liked my entry! Now is the time for my animation!'' Rarity clapped her hands, and Sweety Belle came to clear the appetizers as Fallout watched in shock as he noticed the huge black eye on her left eye.

''Let's go to the living room, gentlemen!'' They all got up and went into the living room where Rarity's animation awaits them.

I wonder what our favorite fashionista has prepared for us?

'''' for the animation, you will put yourself in the shoes of a model by parading in my beautiful dresses!''

What the fuck!

''This is a wonderful animation, Rarity! I love it!'' Spike worshiped Rarity's animation.

Simp

'' I don't want to wear the rags of some two-bits fashionista! No sir!''

Off Zone

''I'm a pirate! I'm no model!''

Off Zone

'' Come on Blue, it will be fun! Plus those are handmaid dresses! Touch it, it's so soft!'' Fallout admired the quality of the dress under Rarity's flirtatious gaze.

'' I made them and I even wore.... them...all!'' Rarity added, licking her upper lips.

''That's nice....Wait what?''

SNIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFF

Everyone turned to Spike and saw him sniffing the robe, "Snifffff'' ... AAAAAHHHHH .... Lavender!"

This is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire life!

Off Zone

''I don't regret a damn thing!''

Off Zone

''Miss Purple hair?''

''Yes, Kiddo?''

'' Your dress is too big for this little captain!'' Pipsqueak explained to the fashionista.

''I see this, but don't worry I have a solution, darling!'' Rarity walked into the kitchen and a few minutes later reappeared with a strange grayish robe in her hands, "Here you go, kiddo!"

She threw the "dress" at Pipsqueack's face, "Thank you!"

''Is that a potato bag?'' Blueblood asked in disgust''

''Enough mate! It is time to parade for the glory of love!'' Spike was putting on some lipstick to be beautiful like the one he loves.

Off Zone

'' I'm going to put on this transparent dress I've found hidden among the other! She will see how buff I am!''

Off zone

"Pirate, your first!"Rarity ordered.

" Okay!"Pipsqueak put on his potato sack and paraded into the living room. "Shame on me, I'm a pirate!" With his little arms, Pipsqueak made circular movements with his arms before tripping over his "dress", making him fall on the ground.
He was laying on the ground, then he raised his head a bit Pipsqueak started to cry

"Waaaahhhh !!!"

"So that's how pirates cry ... I'm disappointed I thought there will be more buccaneer and less whining, ohohoh!"

Bam

Spike punched blueblood so hard that he made his nose bleed, '' Sorry!'

Fallout hugged the little pirate, "SShhh It's gonna be okay, little one! Give me your hurty so it won't hurt you anymore,''

This Fallout is nothing but sweetness and delicacies.

Rarity did the same and consoled Pipsqueak the teacher putting next to Fallout, "Its gonna be fine, little pirate! Fallout is here for you !," She turned her gaze to Fallout, and love could be seen in her yex, " You are really good with children, you will be a fantastic father!" Rarity said putting her hand on Fallout's hand.

''You think so?''

''Absolutely!'' Rarity gazed at Fallout with passion and love in her eyes.

Awwwww! Look like love's in the air

Off zone

"Not going to lie to you, when I saw Fallout and Rarity holding hands, I was about to go full Tarantino on his little bird ass!...Bird looking motherfucker!"

Off zone

Once Pipsqueak calmed down, Rarity stood up and spoke to her guests, "Perhaps it is time for us to eat and to forget about it."

"Great idea Rarity, I can't wait to taste your delicious cuisine!"

"Simp" Blueblood whispered.

Good idea but first you had to rate the animation between 0 and 10.

Off zone

"I gave her a 6 because I thought the animation was a good idea ... but not the crying child,''

"1, these rags are only good for wiping the blood,"

"0, the animation was poop!"

"9, because when I saw you holding Fallout's hand, you broke my heart ... Fuck it! I give you a 10 I can't blame you!"

Off zone

Rarity gets an average of 4 out of 10 for her animation! Let's hope that her table decoration and meal will allow her to gain more points to win the competition and becoming the queen of cuisine!

''Please, have a seat at my wonderful table, gentlemen!'' Rarity showed her guest her table and of course, Spike played the simp card.

''By Gabriel's trumpets! Your table is the very own definition of splendor! Its noble whiteness represents the chicest simplicity and the black plates on the white tablecloth are so ... elegant that I see in them the original sin with eve showing to the world her body so pure, and yet so dirty at the same time! We cannot sit at this table, it is this table that chooses us! I-I am nothing more than its slave, your slave''

'' A white tablecloth with black plates with folded napkins on it ... Are you fucking shitting me right now, darling? '' Blueblood commented, ignoring Spike's speech.

Off Zone

'' Her table is not a chic and elegant table! That's all I have to say!''

Off zone

'' Shut up, Blue! Your table is...'' Rarity looked at fallout with puppy eyes, ''Is fantastic, darling!''

'' Really? It's nothing really, just hard work and a slave- I mean a wonderful little sister!'' Rarity explained.

'' Those pictures of you are weird, why are you dress like a cow?'' Pipsqueak asked, looking at the picture in question.

Rarity snatched the image from Pipsqueack's hands and quickly tore it apart, "What photo? I don't know what you're talking about and I believe it's time for you to rate my table, '' said rarity as she pushed Pipsqueak into the off zone.

Hey that my line...bitch

Off Zone

'' For me, her table deserves a 5. Nothing personal girl, but your table is...meh,''

''1 because I feel generous tonight!''

''I give her a 5 out of 10 because for once, I get to eat at the adult's table,''

Let me guess Spike, Her table's a 10 out of 10?

Spike looked at a picture of Rarity then began to lick it before swallowing it without even chewing it, "GULP" ... She lives in me now! " Spike said with a sinister grin on his face.

Are you for real...Anyway, for her table, Rarity gets a score of 3 out of 10! Pray for her meal to be a game-changer.

Off zone

With the guests now settled in, Rarity imported her entree, '' the Green dress on it crispy bed!'' She put the dish in the middle of the table so that everyone could help themselves.

''This is home-made guacamole carefully spread on a slice of homemade bread, grilled over a wood fire! Enjoy!''

This is one hell of a lie if you ask me

Off Zone

'' Her green dress on its crispy bed is just a freaking avocado toast...Do I look like a hipster with a dirty bird and a man bun?''

'' Her entree reminds me of a fat guy on youtube who always cry for nothing,''

'' Her entree is just guacamole thickly spread on a toast, need I say more?''

''I love her but her entre looks fucking disgusting!''

Off zone

''Well, who wants to try my entree?''

Spike, having a better-than-average sense of smell because he's a dragon, sensed that the Guacamole had reached its expiration date, "All Aboard !!"

Pipsqueak was about to have a toast when Suddenly Spike took his toast before him, "Silly Pirate! You gotta let the big boys dig in first ''

'' But I'm hungry !! ''

“I'll take you to Disney Land if you let me start!” Spike said.

'' YEAAAAHHHH !! ''

"Well, time to dig in!" Spike took a bite of the toast and immediately regretted his gesture, The guacamole burned his puck and the pieces of hard bread were stabbing his tongue, but it was too late, Spike had to swallow it for the love of his (pathetic) life.

The fool

“So how is it?” Rarity asked.

"It's... delicious!" Spike said, otherwise his eyes were telling something else, everyone could see his pain in his eyes.

Ding

"Oh, the oven is ringing, I'm going boys, don't mess around," Rarity walked over to her kitchen.

Spike, listening only to his cowardice, took all the toast and stuck it under the table like chewing gum, leaving only an empty plate.

"I wanted one," Fallout said.

Spike slowly turned to Fallout and said in a soft, creepy voice "It's too early for you to meet your creator in heaven, my friend!"

Everyone looked at Spike weirdly except Pipsqueak who is daydreaming about Space mountain

Off zone

"Spike probably saved my life by depriving me of that stocky toast ... I don't like it!"

"I think Rarity's toasts weren't very fresh anymore."

"Space Mountain!"

What an evening full of twists and turns.

Off zone

"Here is the Queen arriving and..." Rarity stopped speaking when she saw her guests' plates empty, "Look like you've loved my toast so much that's you didn't leave crumbs behind!"

"It was deli-huh" Spike felt a surge of vomit in his throat, he refrained himself not to spill it all on Rarity's table.

"It was really delicious Rarity! You really are the queen of the toats!" Complimented Fallout.

"Oh thank you, you really are my little angel, Fallout!" Rarity blushed.

Spike had only one urge, he wanted to regurgitate his toast on Fallout to turn him into a vomit angel

What a magnificent lie!

''“Here is The queen and her green friends!” Rarity placed in front of each guest a plate with a single thin slice of salmon with a bundle of burnt green beans next to it.

''The queen is the salmon and her green friends are the bundles of green beans, darlings, '' Rarity explained with pride to her guests, '' Bonne Appetit!''

Rarity took her knife, cut off a piece of her slice of salmon, did the same with her oddly intact bundle, wrapped the salmon around the piece of her bundle and put it in her mouth, "Hmmm ... delicious! You should all give it a try!"

Blueblood looked at his plate contemptuously, he lifted it, moved it off the table while still seated and spilled its contents on the floor, "Deeply sorry, my hand slipped and...oh Who am I kidding anyway? Your salmon and your bundle look like horse shit! I'm leaving you dirty wanna be me!"

Blueblood got up from his seat and then left, leaving everyone shocked at his inappropriate action. Everyone looked at Rarity who was on the verge of tears, "Excuse me, I have to powder my nose!" Rarity got up from her chair and locked herself in the kitchen

I don't know what to say anymore...this is just sad.

''Mister Spike...Your cousin is a big piece of poop!'' Pipsqueak gave Spike a piece of his mind.

''Yeah dude, even if her meal is awful, there's no need of being this mean!'' Fallout added.

''What can I say?! blueblood is a bitch and we all know it! Now excuse me but my cold slice of salmon is waiting for me,'' Spike took his knife, cut off a piece of her slice of salmon, did the same with his burnt bundle, he wrapped the salmon around the piece of his bundle and put it in his mouth.

''Sooo?'' Fallout asked.

Spike looked at his friends with a big smile, then, he gently took his napkin, placed it over his mouth to spit out the burnt-tasting salmon, '' Not a word!''

Look like Simp-Spike cannot handle the powerful taste of the salmon

Off Zone

''God I love her but damn, this taste like shit!'''

''I'm sure Rarity is trying her best tonight, but to be fair everything is awful!''

''Pirate life for me!''

This is only the first day of the show yet everything suck ass!

Off Zone

After a few minutes, Rarity returned to the table, "I'm sorry for that, I'm trying to do my best, but I can't! I feel like since the start of my meal, nothing has gone as planned and I get criticismes from everyone, ''

"I said nothing wrong!" Spike defended himself.

“Shut up simp!” Fallout said.

"I'm a bad cook ... uh heueheheuehue!" Rarity started to cry in front of her guests who didn't know what to do except the little pirate.

He walked over to her and hugged her on the leg, "I like salmon, especially yours!" Rarity wiped away tears and looked at the little pirate with a smile on her lips.

"Thank you kid, you are so sweet!" Rarity stroked his head affectionately.

Off Zone

`` I hate this kid! ''

Off Zone

“The kid's right, Rarity! You are perfect tonight! '' Fallout added, making her blush more.

Off Zone

`` I hate both of them! ''

off zone

“Damn right! Your fucking salmon is fucking disgusting-I mean delicious! '' Spike said, hoping to get a smile from her

“Simp!” Both Pip and Fallout said to Spike.

'' Thank you very! You two are wonderful and ... '' The front door opened, and Blueblood reappeared in the living room.

"I forgot my jacket, you dirty peasa-" Spike smashed his chair over his cousin, knocking him out.

"God I needed that!" Spike turned and saw the shocked looks of his friends, "Euuuuuhhhh .... It's dessert time!"

Everyone was at the table again, blueblood had just woken up and everyone was waiting for Rarity's dessert, "Are you ready for my dessert, boys?"

''Yes, miss purple hair!''

So adorable

'' I'm always ready for you, girl!'' Spike said, licking his upper lip.

''Yes, ''

''I want to live so yes!'' Blueblood mumbled.

''This is fantastic! I'll be there in a minute with it!''

Rarity went into the kitchen, closing the door behind her,only in truth, the door didn't close properly, revealing an opening. The four guests rushed to the door and saw Rarity receiving a glass bell with a cake in it from Pinkie Pie's hand.

“What a bitch!” Spike mumbled, “Your stupid ass girlfriend is cheating!”

'' You better watch your mouth before I close it for you, mate! ''

''I like pink! ''

“With this, this is an absolute win!” Pinkie said, rubbing her hands like an old movie villain.

'' Thank you, you really are the best pony! '' Rarity acclaimed her pink friend.

“You're welcome if you try to steal fallout away from me i'll kill you!” Pinkie said at full speed as she disappeared into the street.

Rarity closed the window and walked towards the living room. The boys rushed to their seats just before Rarity opened the door, "Here is my homemade dessert!"

Rarity went to the kitchen, closing the door behind her, knowing it didn't close, revealing an opening. The four guests rushed to the door and saw Rarity receiving a glass bell with a cake in it from Pinkie Pie's hand.

“What a bitch!” Spike mumbled, “Your stupid ass girlfriend is cheating!”

''You better shut your damn mouth before I close it for you, mate! ''

'' I like pink! ''

''I want to go home!''

“With this, this is an absolute win!” Pinkie said, rubbing her hands like some old movie villain.

'' Thank you, you really are the best pony! '' Rarity acclaimed her pink friend.

“You're welcome if you try to steal fallout away from me i'll kill you!” Pinkie said at full speed as she disappeared into the street.

Rarity closed the window and walked towards the living room. The boys rushed to their seats just before Rarity opened the door, "Here is my homemade dessert!"

Spike whispered to the others "The first one who opens his fucking mouth, I bust all his fucking teeth, capiche,!"

"Yes"
"Yes"
"Yes"

yes

"So here is when the Lemon meets Mr and Ms meringue! This is a lemon meringue pie made by yours truly!

Off zone

"I hate Rarity!"

"This is a cake made by Pinkie, it can only be good... right?"

'' I want mom's rum baba! ''

''The cake she baked looks delicious! ''

"You know she didn't do it, man?" The cameraman pointed out to Spike.

'' You want me to rock your head with a chair like I did to my fucking cousin? Is that what you want? I'm trying to convince myself that the woman I love made this fucking cake and not my buddy's crazy girlfriend! Is it too much to ask? Do your fucking job and film her big ass! film his ass which will be mine at the end of this shitty contest and which I would eat like this lemon cake! ''

'' It's a lemon meringue pie, '' the cameraman corrected spike.

"I WILL KILL YOU !!!" Spike jumped at the cameraman's throat.

Off Zone

"Make room for that baby and-" Unfortunately for her she, knocked the cake over on the floor, smashing it into small pieces.

Everyone looked at who was left of the cake, "Fuck this! I'm too rich for this! '' Blueblood took his jacket and left.

BRRRR BRRRR BRRRR

Fallout picked up his cell phone and looked at the message Pinkie sent him, "Go home, I'm completely covered in chocolate- Ok I'll have to leave you!" Great dessert Rarity! I'm out! '' Fallout left the house.

Pipsqueak got down from his chair, walked to the front door, waited, turned around, stood in his chair, picked up the silverware, and left, "Bye Spike!"

'' Bye kiddo! ''

There was only Spike and her left at Table, mascara running down her cheeks. She sat up silently and Spike stood next to her with a drink in his hand and a flirtatious smile on his face, "Sooo, do you often come here?"

Rarity looked at him with blank eyes, then she turned to see her sister on all four eating the cake like an animal. She then turned to the cameraman and looked at him lifeless.

This first day is a disaster ... it's time to write it down!

Participants will have to rate the rarity meal and thereafter, the three ratings will be accumulated and divided to get the final rating for Rarity's meal!

''0!''

Thsi guy is truly a mean son of a gun!

''I'll give her a 5! This was one hell of a night if you ask me!'

Fallout is really a nice guy!

''I'll give her a 2! Miss purple hair's meal was,''

Awww, he's going to say poop

''Big ass shit!''

DAMN YOU SPIKE DRAKE!

''I cannot do it!''

What do you mean?

I can't judge her! I could never judge the one who lives in my heart! I love him and I would be faithful to him forever! There is no evil in my heart for her, there is no pain for her, there is no sadness for her when I am with her! I'm her noble knight in shining armor slaying those who wants to take her away from me! I'm the sword of heaven, blessed by the angels who will sing the song about my triumph in the garden of evil! I ... SPIKE DRAKE ... WILL .... give her a 3 because shit man! Her cooking skill is weak, nig- ''

What a thrilling evening filled with emotions! We have all the candidates' scores, calculate to find out their final score with a simple, basic method!

So, she got a 3 out of ten for animation, then a 4 for her table, and a 2 for her meal. I add it all, I get 9 and I divide by 3 ... For this evening, Rarity gets the score of 3 out of 10!

This marks the end of our first day, let's hope the others will do better than her! Thanks for watching '' Come dine with me ''
In the next episode

"Welcome to the wonderful world of piracy, freshwater sailor!"