Lonely Times Call For Unorthodox Measures
It was all quiet at the Equestrian School of Friendship.
It was a Saturday afternoon, so understandably, none of the students were lingering in the halls, opting instead to journey into town with their friends. Headmaster Starlight Glimmer practically had the place to herself.
The unicorn was taking advantage of this fact by strolling through the empty hallways, a book suspended in her magic and eyes skimming through the lines of text as she walked. She had to stifle a yawn several times as she made her way back to her office, and soon her eyes were starting to lose focus on the words in front of her, the phrases blurring together inside her mind.
"...Maybe I need to take the rest of the day off," Starlight thought aloud, though her words were immediately cut off by a loud yawn. "Celestia knows I need it. These curriculum changes can surely wait until tomorrow..."
However, she wasn't allowed to enjoy the peace and quiet for very long. Before she could reach her office door, Starlight was suddenly brought to a halt by a force grabbing onto her tail, drawing a squeak of surprise out of her. After several tugs didn't free it, she looked behind her to see an aura of magic grabbing the end of her tail and pulling it taut, locking her in place. Seconds later, the force pulling her increased tenfold, yanking her off her hooves and dragging her flank-first down the hallway.
"W-What the hay?!" Starlight sputtered as her hooves clawed at the smooth tile underneath her, but she was unable to find enough purchase to stop herself from sliding away, soon yanking her out of the School itself and across the bridge connecting it to the Castle of Friendship.
Starlight was on the verge of panicking — was this some kind of plot to kidnap her? Was it changelings? Was it Discord? — but a closer inspection of the aura enveloping her tail calmed some of her fears: the color was the same brilliant violet as her mentor's magic. This was more than likely Twilight's doing... which meant she had a reason for doing so.
After this revelation, Starlight just sighed and let the magic take her wherever it desired, and soon, she busted through the doors of the Castle itself, which was just as empty as the school she had just left. However, a sharp turn to enter the library revealed that there was still one other life form in the building; Twilight was standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by books, her horn aglow with that familiar purple hue.
"Starlight! There you are," the alicorn exclaimed as her magic cut off, freeing Starlight's tail. "I need your help."
"Twilight..." Starlight replied as she climbed back to her hooves, dusting herself off with a huff. "You know you could've just teleported me here, right? Or called me? Would've been a much more comfortable journey."
"No, no, the point of that spell wasn't just to get you here... I'm trying to figure something out here. Something big. Like, really, really big. Something that could change society as we know it if I get it right-"
"Whoa, whoa. Twi, slow down," Starlight cooed, putting her hooves up in a calming manner.
"Okay, okay..." Twilight responded with a shake of her head as she began to pace. "So, I've been... trying out those stupid games where you go around a room meeting ponies, right?"
"You mean... speed dating?"
"Yes, that. Whatever. Total waste of my time. How in Celestia's name am I supposed to figure out if a pony's my soulmate in just 30 seconds? There are too many variables to consider! I need to figure out their personality type, their love language, their favorite food, their pondiac sign, their friend groups, their compatibility with my-"
"Okay Twi, I get the gist of it. No need to keep going."
"I tried a bunch of different groups, different methods, even a couple different apps, if you can believe it or not... it's all not good enough. I'm getting older, Star! I don't have the luxury of waiting for love to come to me anymore!"
"I-I mean... you've still got some time..." Starlight rubbed the back of her head with an uneasy chuckle, suddenly feeling a twinge of panic in her own chest at Twilight's words.
"That's a risk I'm no longer willing to take. So I'm making a new spell," Twilight replied defiantly as a hooftip poked at the spell sheet in front of her. "Arcesso Verus Amor. It's going to be revolutionary."
Starlight grimaced. She wasn't an expert in Old Equestrian, but the root words of the name made the spell's purpose easy enough to decipher. "A... love-summoning spell. I... How would that even work?"
"Oh, I just used a basic summoning spell and altered the criteria so that it will bring me the pony most compatible with me. But there lies the problem. I can cast the spell just fine, but nothing happens when I do, and I can't figure out why. I need a fresh set of eyes on this, Starlight. Can you help me?"
"Er..." Starlight stammered, but her mentor's puppy dog eyes were impossible to turn down. "Fine. If you insist."
"Yay! I can always count on you, Star," Twilight squee'd as she pulled Starlight into a tight hug.
"I'm glad. Heh," Starlight responded before pushing her way out of the hug after it continued for an uncomfortably long time. "Just, uh, walk me through what's going wrong, and I'll see what I can do."
Twilight nodded and trotted back to the spell sheet to look it over. "Well, the base summoning spell is easy enough to use, right? Just insert the name of what you need, and it comes to you. I was even able to summon you here just fine!"
"So that's what the whole dragged-by-the-tail thing was about," Starlight mumbled under her breath, rubbing a hoof against her sore tail base.
"Yes, sorry. Normally I would've teleported you, like you said, but I had to make sure I wasn't just messing up the base summoning spell. But no, summoning ponies by name works just fine... it has to be the alterations I made."
"Okay. Um... how about you try casting the spell again while I tap into the output, and I'll see if I notice anything amiss?"
Twilight nodded. Allowing another pony to tap into a unicorn's — or in this case, alicorn’s — magic stream was a very risky thing, but Starlight knew that Twilight trusted her not to do anything nefarious. Both mares ignited their horns; Twilight's magic focused on reciting and casting the new spell, and Starlight's was monitoring the surges of magic coming out of Twilight’s horn, feeling and reading the energy with a frown of concentration on her muzzle.
This went on for several minutes as the spell ran its course, and the silence was finally broken by Starlight severing her connection to Twilight's horn. "Weird... The spell's definitely working, I can feel it going out... but it's not finding a connection on the other end."
"What are you saying? That it can't find any matches for me out there?" Twilight asked with a gasp, before it was replaced with a rather crestfallen expression.
"No!" Starlight immediately replied as damage control, before hastily backtracking. "Well, yes, but... not like that. It can't find any matches, sure, but not because you don't have a match. It's more likely that your search criteria is too... arbitrary, so the spell can't find anything. What were your specifications again?"
"Erm... Summon My True Love is what it was."
"Exactly! Everypony's definition or idea of what true love is is different," Starlight replied, waving a hoof in front of her as she searched for the right words to say. "Love is... about building a relationship and making compromises with someone you really like to be around, not just a magical connection that appears at first glance. It requires time, commitment, trust... not just a magic crutch to make happen. That's why your spell isn't working. It doesn’t know what to look for."
Twilight blinked. "You're... you're right, Starlight. Thank you."
"Don't sweat it," Starlight replied with a reassuring smile. "Hey, at least that means you don't have to worry about the spell anymore-"
However, Twilight cut her off with a comment of her own. "...Which means I can change the criteria to something more specific and actually get results. Thanks Starlight!"
Great. She really was determined to finish this, wasn't she? Starlight could feel her hopes of a relaxing afternoon slipping away by the second. "Er... great. What, uh... what were you thinking this time?"
"Well, odds are somepony who's a good match for me is somepony that already has a crush on me, right? So, I just rewrite the spell so that it's looking for the pony that has a crush on me, and we're golden! It'll be much easier dating a pony who already likes me and actually wants to be with me."
"That might be a bit too arbitrary as well... but hey, it's worth a shot. Just uh... consider restricting the criteria to ponies you already know by name? As Princess, I'm sure there are a lot of random ponies that have a crush on you, and I don't think rabid fanponies are what you're looking for."
"Good idea. Modifying this should only take a couple minutes..."
Twilight’s magic floated out a blank spell page and expertly copied over the Arcesso Verus Amor sigils from the previous spell, but with a few alterations that would change the search specifications. As promised, she was finished in barely any time at all — a fact that made Starlight extremely jealous — and she looked it over for any errors before charging her horn.
“Looks good to me! Here goes nothing… Mind tapping in again, Star?”
“Of course,” Starlight agreed as she ignited her horn as well, and the process started over once again.
Almost immediately, Starlight could feel a difference. The invisible tendrils of Twilight’s magic sprung from her horn, but they actually had intended targets this time, rather than the blind and unsuccessful searching of the previous spell. Starlight felt them shoot out of the library and out into the open air, followed by the successful grip on the target.
“I… I think it’s working, Twi!” Starlight called out.
“Really?” Twilight asked, her excitement almost causing her to prematurely end the spell. “Who’s it bringing in? Can you tell?”
“I can’t tell that, obviously… just keep holding it out. It could take a little while for the pony to make it here, depending on how far away they are.”
The two mares waited in anxious silence, the only noise coming from Twilight’s horn as it buzzed and hummed with her violet aura. By the increasing energy and closeness of the magic readings that Starlight was parsing through, she could tell the target was getting close, so she turned her attention to the same doors she had been dragged through, expecting to see the pony come flying in any second…
However, both mares were taken by surprise when the target smashed right through the stained-glass window above them.
Starlight shrieked as colored glass rained down around her, her own magic throwing up a turquoise shield to protect herself. Twilight was luckily far enough away to avoid most of the damage, though she did leap away in fright as her horn threw up sparks. After the shock had passed, both mares turned their eyes upwards to see the newcomer.
Floating above them was a familiar prismatic pegasus, her cerulean wings flapping hard to fight against Twilight’s magic that was tugging her in by her tail. Despite her struggles, she was slowly dragged down to the earth, soon setting her rump right onto the library’s floor with a soft thud.
"What the hay, Twilight? This magic thingy nearly yanked my tail off!" Rainbow Dash squeaked out in her usual raspy voice. “I should be used to it at this point, but it still hurts!”
“Rainbow! You have a crush on me?” Twilight exclaimed with a bit of disbelief, looking her friend up and down.
Rainbow’s cheeks immediately blushed bright red as her eyes darted around the room. “W-What? Who said anything about having a crush?”
“I did! Now do you have one or not? I need to know if it worked!”
“I-I don’t get it, why are we talking about crushes? I wanna know why I was dragged in here!”
Starlight raised an eyebrow, but before she could open her mouth to interject into the conversation, another slamming noise caused all three ponies to jump in surprise. Now something was coming through the main library entrance rump-first: a white unicorn with her usually-curled purple tail pulled taut by a magical grip.
"Ow ow ow! My tail! My poor, beautiful tail... I just had it styled too!" Rarity whined as she clawed at the floor to no avail, sliding to a stop at Twilight and Rainbow’s hooves.
"Rarity? You too?" Twilight asked incredulously before glancing back at her spell sheet in confusion.
"What do you mean, 'me too'? I always get my tail styled! I'm sure none of you ruffians care to,” Rarity replied with an indignant huff as she rose to her hooves and brushed off her pristine white fur. “Now, what's all this fuss about?"
However, Twilight wasn’t paying any attention to the newcomers anymore. “I-I don’t understand. How can there be-”
“Twilight… your horn,” Starlight interrupted, a hoof pointing to the pointy appendage. “It’s still going.”
“Huh?” Twilight drew her attention away from the spell sheet long enough to see that her horn was indeed still glowing with magic, humming away as the spell continued to work.
“When you cast your spell… you called in everyone that has a crush on you, didn’t you?” Starlight deduced with a groan.
Twilight’s eyes widened. “...Uh oh.”
Right on cue, the back doors of the library swung open this time, revealing a pink party pony that was managing to hop in place despite being dragged along by her puffy tail.
“Oh, hey Twilight!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie as she turned her head to look at the assembled group while she slid towards them. “I met this awesome new friend today, and he brought me over to see you! He won’t tell me his name for some reason, and all he says is weird buzzing and sparkling noises, and he looks strangely like your magic aura, but he’s very insistent that I need to see you, so here I am! Also, I totally have a crush on you and want to date you! Wait, why did I say that?”
Before the assembled group could even begin to decipher what Pinkie had said, they were all distracted by the rapidly approaching sound of a very angry mare, her voice echoing down the crystal hallways before her blue and silver form appeared in the doorway.
“SPARKLE. TRIXIE KNEW YOU WERE BEHIND THIS. RELEASE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE FROM THIS VILE SPELL AT ONCE OR YOU WILL FACE HER WRATH!” Trixie cried out as she was dragged in on her back, all four limbs flailing at the air in futile resistance.
"Trixie?! I thought you had a crush on me!" Starlight squeaked in hurt disbelief.
"TRIXIE DOESN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON ANYONE BUT HERSELF, NOW RELEASE HER AT ONCE!"’
Soon, the ponies were coming in too frequently too fast to keep track of. Starlight turned her attention away from Trixie to see ponies sliding in from every doorway, every window, in a relentless surge. She watched as Spike slid by her with Flash Sentry right behind him, knocking over the ponies that had already arrived like bowling pins. Through another door came Fluttershy and Applejack, and… Celestia and Luna? The spell had dragged them all the way from Canterlot? Dear Goddesses, they were going to be in a lot of trouble for this.
A flash of light from the corner caught Starlight’s attention through all the commotion, and she looked to see that the mirror portal that Twilight had jury-rigged to working order was flashing with energy, causing the mirror’s reflection to swirl and distort as the portal activated. Then, the pony form of Sunset Shimmer popped through the mirror’s surface, sending her flying across the room and crashing on top of Fizzlepop Berrytwist. The spell was working across dimensions as well? This whole situation was getting worse and worse.
If this is what the spell looked like when the criteria was restricted to ponies Twilight knew by name… Starlight shuddered to think of what would’ve happened if they hadn’t. They might have brought in half of Equestria’s population to Twilight’s castle.
After the initial shock and commotion of the spell’s summoning had faded, the ponies crowded into the library slowly began to turn their attention to the authority figure in the room; however, Twilight had fallen into a silent state of shock, and when everyone’s eyes began to focus in on her, she began to shiver with a squeak of disbelief.
"Well... looks like you're back to square one again, Twilight... and you've got a lot of explaining to do,” Starlight sighed before she patted her mentor on the shoulder and trotted off. “Good luck! I've got curriculum to rewrite."
