This was a joke. Right? I mean, sure it wasn’t that illogical to think of, and that isn’t to say that this hadn’t of been the first time running into a situation like this, but surely there must be more to it than what the letter had said. This was, of course, the thoughts that were running into Twilight Sparkles head as she flew faster than ever to Ponyville. She was always known to act in such a manic disposition, but this time the two guards that were trying to catch up to the fast princess could tell why.
If you heard that one of your greatest and best friends were tried for committing (or as the letter stated, “causing inappropriate manners towards relations”) then most assuredly you would probably want to see what the commotion was all about. Maybe Twilight was overreacting, and this was just a big mistake. However, the fact that her friend being tried was Pinkie Pie, it wasn’t that hard to comprehend, since of all the mares that would most likely cause any raucous, everypony would instantly think of her. Holding Rainbow Dash as an incredibly close second. Okay Twilight, now you are just accusing Pinkie of committing another crime, you just need to get over there, see what the problem is, and figure out how to solve it without Twilighting, she thought, finding her verb to be more accurate every time she “went berserk” as Rainbow had put it.
Finally, Twilight had arrived at her destination, and immediately could see the bright and vibrant pink pony near the window, sitting down with her hooves in cuffs, yet still holding onto a large smile. Twilight entered the station, wherein many ponies began to stare at the newly crowned Princess of Equestria, causing her to blush, but also noticing some of the other ponies that were in the room starting to sweat a little at the thought of a princess needing to resolve their crimes. It also probably did not help that her royal guards were behind her looking as if the convicts were going to be taken away to the dungeons.
Twilight found Pinkie Pie who excitedly tried to wave but realized (most likely not for the first time) that her hooves were chained. Twilight looked at the officer. A cream coated mare with a coffee ground mane tied into a low tale, she also bore an authoritarian outfit fulfilled with a badge to display her position, she also seemed old, with dark lines covering under her eyes and a few on her forehead. She seemed to be filling out some paperwork on Pinkie’s case until finally looking up and seeing that a princess was present. “Ah, Princess Twilight! I’m glad you could make it!” The police mare said, gesturing towards the chair next to Pinkie Pie, “I do hope that we didn’t interrupt anything you were doing, but I asked if there was anypony that they would like to call out to, and she chose you,”
“I’m glad to be here… well not really, seeing as how one of my friends is being arrested… not that I don’t think it is your fault for her being like this! I just meant that it is uncomfortable to hear that your friend committed a crime. Not that you don’t make this place uncomfortable! I just meant… I’m going to stop talking now,” Twilight tried to smile, but it ended up awkwardly, she found that even the guards who were standing behind her were trying their hardest not to roll their eyes. She took a deep breath, “I just would like to know how this all came to be, the letter was done poorly and I only got the basics, but if I could get the full story then maybe we can figure something out?”
“I think that is fair but-“
“Ooh ooh ooh! Can I tell the story!” Pinkie Pie said, speaking for the first time most likely since Twilight got there.
“I told you to stay quiet!” the constable said, sighing an exasperating sigh. “You would not believe the amount of energy this mare has when it involves talking, I spent the last five minutes trying to write down everything she said in two seconds! So, I told her to be quiet until I was done, she sure knows when to listen to authority, however,”
“I just think that since I was the one who lived the crime, then mayhap I should retell it?”
The mare shook her head, “Alright fine,” she said in defeat, “I will let you just tell the story. But please do not tell it in fifteen words or less!”
“Oki-doki-loki” Pinkie Pie said, somehow moving upwards to a huge board with a white sheet, and a machine that seemed to present Pinkie Pie mid-bounce heading to Sugarcube Corner along with a thin stick in her mouth, pointing towards the picture. “It all started this morning and-“ soon Pinkie Pie began moving her whole body in a wave-like manner, and everything else was waving as well.
“What the! Pinkie Pie what’s going on!” Twilight said, unable to know whether her eyes were just seeing a picture up close or if she was actually there.
“Shush! You’re ruining the backstory!” Pinkie said.
…
Pinkie Pie bounced excitedly to Sugarcube Corner, it was finally the day that both Pound and Pumpkin Cake would return from their studies in Las Pegasus. She was holding a basket with a blanket to cover what was inside. She was also humming a familiar tune that she had sung once before. Entering the bakery, Pinkie Pie was greeted to Mr. and Mrs. cake, whom smiled at Pinkie Pie, knowing that today was the day that she would finally get some time with the twins, after their last visit being cut short due to a friend of theirs falling ill.
“Goof mor-ing Mishter n Mishes Cake” Pinkie said, putting the basket down on the counter, and causing curious glances between the couple.
“Good morning Pinkie Pie, what surprise do we have here,” Mrs. Cake said, barely lifting the blanket off from the basket, before Pinkie swatted her hoof out of the way, and looking quite serious.
“Don’t. Touch.” She said, giving Mrs. Cake an evil glare, then reverting back into her former self, “it’s a super big surprise that I don’t want to be spoiled, and I can’t have the parents of the best twins ever possibly reveal what it is! We don’t want this to end up like Sugar Belle’s bachelorette party now do we?”
“I only told her that she was getting a party, I had no idea what was going to happen, but I won’t spoil your surprise. Besides, it is for the twins, and not for us.
“Exactamentaly. Now, where are the little guys? Have they come yet? Am I too early? Does Gummy need to be involved? You know he is starting to get big enough to fit my entire hoof in his mouth,”
“Pinkie, I don’t think Gummy will need to be involved here,” Mr. Cake said, finding that the alligator growing made him want to start locking the doors at night.
“Alright, well if you need any intimidation, Gummy is your gator!”
“If you want to know where we are, why not try looking in the one place where we might want to be?” a voice said, causing everypony to look at the sliding pink doors that led to the kitchen, where a grown-up Pumpkin Cake’s head and hooves were being seen.
Pinkie Pie exclaimed in high pitched screams that caused everypony to turn their ears down until they all looked back to the kitchen when she toppled onto Pumpkin in an outrageously hard and long hug. “Look at you! So grown up and mare like! I can’t believe how long it’s been since I last saw you!”
“Nice to see you, Aunt Pinkie,” Pumpkin Cake said, trying to breathe through the breaking in her ribcage.
“What about Pound? Doesn’t he deserve love too?” Another voice said, making Pinkie Pie look up, and scream louder than before, also running up and tackling the other twin down to the floor, meanwhile still holding onto Pumpkin, now just crushing both of the siblings.
“I missed you guys soooo much!” Pinkie said, hugging harder at her exaggeration.
“We missed you too but remember what Miss Rarity said about holding ponies as if they were delicate pieces of glass!” Pound said, finding his voice cracking without the movement of airflow in his lungs.
“Oh, right” Pinkie Pie moved off from the Twins, who were breathing heavily, but smiling despite feeling like everything hurts. “Anyway, I was hoping that you had enough time to see what I got for you two”
“Presents? Aunt Pinkie, you shouldn’t have?” Pumpkin said, secretly hoping that when they had arrived home, Pinkie would get her that new blender she had talked about in her last visit.
“Yep! Though not just any present, this is the best present ever!”
The twins threw a few glances at each other, for every time they received a gift from Pinkie Pie, it was told to be the best gift in the entire Equestria, even when it proved otherwise. However, that still didn’t fail them from their curiosity. Now it seemed as if Auntie Pie had begun to get a bit more… adult in her gifts. This wasn’t entirely a bad thing, much better than that horrible silly string that had cost a fortune, and only worked five minutes before sticking towards everything, and seemingly unable to come off, no matter how many times Pumpkin had tried to lick it.
Despite it all, they followed Pinkie Pie up the stairs, noticing a basket that she was carrying, making assumptions that whatever was inside of that basket was going to belong to them. However, it was a small basket, only big enough to put in an apple or two, so either it was some sort of paper, treat, or something that the twins would have to share, which, as everypony from their seventh birthday party knew, does not bode well for anypony.
The trio entered Pinkie’s room, and she closed the door. Looking back, smiling brightly at the two siblings. “Okay,” she said, putting the basket on the floor, “Now, you need to guess what it is,”
The twins groaned, they hated when Pinkie tried to do this, mostly because it wasted time, and was infuriating when they never could get the answer right, which then causes them to competitively guess hoping that one of their answers are correct. However, it also psychologically causes anypony to grow curious about their gift, and somehow makes them appreciate it more after they receive it, as Aunt Pinkie had told them before.
“Is it… the blender that I had been asking for?” Pumpkin Cake said, deciding to get that out of the way, and just to see if there was any possible chance that she may be able to muster up enough begging to finally get the item.
“Nopey nope! But that will probably come by later,” Pinkie Pie said, causing Pumpkin to scowl. She had hoped for a better answer than that.
“How about tickets to the next Buckball game?” Pound said, secretly hoping that, along with Pumpkin, if mentioned, it would be put into Aunt Pinkie’s personal flyer of presents for the future.
“Nuh-uh,” Pinkie Pie said, giggling at how wrong they were guessing, while also figuring that they were hinting at something.
“Then it must be your next line of cupcake treats that you send to Cheese Sandwich for his parties, and you want us to taste test it,”
“Nine”
“Nine?” Pound said, never really hearing a numbered version of no that way.
“Never mind that! Is it a new product from Cheese?”
“ye-oh wait, nope!”
“Then maybe a balloon that needs to be blown up and it has certain things inside of it?”
“nay,”
Pound Cake was beginning to blow his head, he really just wished that Aunt Pinkie would tell them before his sister ran out of breath.
“Is it an object that looks small? What are some small things… pickles? A bouncy ball? Maybe some really small smelling markers? Or some tiny fruit?
“Nope, no, good choice but no, and also… no”
“Well how about-“
“for the love of the SUN PRINCESS could you just tell us what it is!” Pound Cake said, sure enough that he probably disturbed a few ponies passing by and inside of Sugarcube Corner.
“Okay, I see you two are done with the guessing game, so how about we play another game!” Pinkie pie said, lifting the basket and finally taking out what was inside. A circular piece of cardboard was displayed, along with an arrow that span along the circle. There were also certain body parts of the general equine painted on the cardboard. The display was questionable to the twins, even if it was Pinkie Pie. The two always were bombarded with different games of all types from Pinkie. Most of them were filled with multitudes of laughter and fun, while others included an embarrassing moment whether between themselves or in public. This seemed like no other exception, only it was strange that the only thing Aunt Pinkie took out was the circular cardboard game piece, and nothing else.
“Um, Aunt Pinkie… what exactly is that?” Pumpkin said, wondering if this was some sort of scavenger hunt, which seemed a little bit childish, even for the hyperactive party pony.
“It’s your present!” Pinkie Pie said, with a huge smile. However, the Cake Twins didn’t look as enthusiastic, which wasn’t a first. Pinkie Pie may have given more mature souvenirs, but her party games never changed. However, this was different. She had always invented games when they were little, but somehow going to the maximum extreme for them. This was just some lazy piece of cardboard that Gummy could make. Nonetheless, they were still pretty interested. It was Pinkie Pie giving them this gift after all.
“Uh, Aunt Pinkie, no offense, but that just looks like a lazy excuse of a science project, I know you may have tried, but usually there is a huge version of what your holding, and we would have to spin the smaller version just to get a chance at the bigger model! Besides, the games we played then were when we were younger, and now we don’t really need games to smile anymore, ” Pumpkin Cake said, hoping that she wouldn’t offend Pinkie Pie.
“Oh, I know that! Which is why this is a different type of game, one that you two can play with your friends in Las Pegasus!”
Pumpkin eyed Pound with suspicion, they had always known that Aunt Pinkie was one of the more rambunctious of her group of friends, but now she was acting a tad strange. Every time they had seen her, she always treated them as if they were still tiny foals ready to burp and emancipate manure at any moment, yet now she was acting as if they were back in Las Pegasus with their friends whom always took them to parties to “forget about their studies”.
“Well, you have us intrigued at least,” Pound Cake said, thinking that, with no other piece in the basket, that this “game” will most likely be fast and simple.
Oh, if only he were to know.
“Hurray! Now, who wants to play…” The twins looked around, wondering if there were other ponies that were hiding until the right moment and scaring the two half to death, which was an occurrence that most had realized and noted (including Pinkie) to never try again. It took a lot of ponies to clean up the mess.
“Um, us…”
“us?” The two said, after taking assumption that nopony else was there.
“Great, now for the rules,” Pinkie said, pulling out a list from her mane, “Number 1: there must be at least two ponies playing the game. Number 2: Both must each complete the challenge, Number 3: If one or both ponies decides to bail out she or he is considered a Turkey and must be called so for the rest of the entire week which also accounts for out of town because everypony will know who the turkey is by the turkey having to call him or herself that for the whole week unlike the other player who can openly mock the other because that is something that almost anypony would do in the case even if they were to be the turkey next, and once being called the turkey they have to divide their whole two names by 1/3 of their date of birth and if failed to do so then that pony will be considered a jerkey turkey! And will live down that name for a month instead!” Pinkie Pie gasped for breath, as the twins tried to gain the knowledge that she had spewed out of her mouth for the full three seconds her vocal cords had reached their ears.
“Any questions?” Pinkie asked as she still was trying to gasp for breath, finding it to be harder than she had remembered.
“um… just one, how exactly did those rules tell us how to play the game?” Pound Cake said, hoping that there wasn’t…
“Well that was just the first set of rules silly! I still have 5 other lists for the game!” Pound Cake slapped his forehoof on his muzzle, while Pumpkin felt his pain, and understood what he was wanting.
“I think what Pound meant is, we really just want to play the game, not read over the rules, so maybe you could just walk us through what you have to do and we can work our way towards there?”
“Ooh even better! Why not I play for you guys instead! That way you can see what to do, without getting embarrassed!”
Pumpkin began to turn pale, “What do you mean emb- “
Pinkie Pie didn’t give the Cake Twins time to understand what she meant, when suddenly a large mirror, similar to the one that they had seen in Rarity’s boutique, was resting on the wall with Pinkie Pie smiling on the other side.
“Now then, the name of the game is called Touch,”
“Touch?”
“Yes, Touch. First you spin the little game piece, and whatever it lands on, you have to touch,” Pinkie spun the small arrow on the cardboard, which landed on a picture of a forehead, to which Pinkie pushed her own puffy forehead on the cold shimmering piece of glass. She looked at the twins who were starting to understand, she began to spin the arrow again as its head moved onto a cheek, as she moved her head downwards to touch the mirror. “You get it now?”
The twins nodded their heads, now understanding, and starting to like what the game was going to be about. Sure, it was strange, but the duo thought that it could have been worse, it wasn’t like when Twilight or Fluttershy tried to impress the two with their own games. The quiet game was just unbearable.
“Really?” The mirror Pinkie said, with a skeptical look, “Do they know about the…?” Before the mirror could say another word, Pinkie threw a certain rock on the mirror, which caused the shards to collapse all around the room.
“That was strange right?” Pumpkin said to Pound.
“I know, usually she uses a hammer, but I guess a lot can change when your away from family,”
“Now then, time for the first round!” Pinkie pie said, as the twins looked toward each other, both unsure of what may happen when playing this game.
Pinkie Pie spun the arrowhead, and found what it had landed on, “Okay, you two need to touch hooves now!”
The twins touched one hoof on their limbs, it wasn’t as awkward as they had thought, it just felt like they were younger and remembering the good times they had playing together.
“Uh, how long do we have to do this?” Pound said, realizing that they were touching for quite a while.
“well… if you would have let me read on with the rules, I would have gotten to how long you touch! Ahem… you must touch for three seconds, and any amount less or more than that is strictly forbidden!!”
“Oh,” The twins said, realizing that they made the round awkward, this isn’t going so well the two thought.
Pinkie spun the arrow again, and smiled at what it landed on, “Alright, next is your forehead!”
The twins touched their foreheads together, but Pound Cake felt a sudden jolt that caused him to push back.
“GAH! Watch it with that horn of yours!” he said, rubbing his temples to wear the pain down.
“Well sorrrry, I thought you always buttheaded every stallion on the team?” Pumpkin said, finding her brother's pain to be insulting.
“Well most of them don’t have horns, which would be cheating, so no!”
“Okay guys! The next round is coming up!” Pinkie Pie said, breaking the tension the twins were giving. And spinning the game piece once more.
“Okay, up next is… ooh! Backs!” The twins felt a bit nervous at how Pinkie Pie was sounding, it was as if she was setting up something.
The twins awkwardly moved their backs to touch, Pound Cake found his wings to feel uncomfortable from the touch, but that was mostly because he was a pegasus and his wings were more sensitive than anything else. Still, some of that awkwardness fell towards his sister touching the wings, he knew from experience how far things could go when touching the feathery limbs, as his former marefriend had seen and reacted to. So, he didn’t really like it that they were touching, if only for a second or two.
“Pound Cake and Pumpkin have just finished their moves, the two seem to be in an awkward position, could this mean that the two will forfeit soon? Or will they stick it to the end?”
“Uh… Aunt Pinkie? What are you doing?” Pumpkin had asked, noticing her pastel aunt wearing a sporting cap with a checkered black and white pattern on the panels, and a bright red on the bill, and (in regular Pinkie Pie fashion) there was also a cupcake displayed as the button. She also wore a large microphone around her head, and pushed a button alongside her ear as if she was speaking to an actual pony on the other side, despite their knowledge of even knowing anypony that would work in that field. she also sported a small timer that she clicked off.
“Commentary! Every great game has them!” Pinkie Pie said, flying her hoof to spin the wheel before Pound Cake could ask why she would need to comment on a small game that should probably end now before Pinkie Pie goes too far and-
“Flanks!”
“What!?” Pound said, knowing what she meant, but finding it shocking that there would be such a piece.
“Flanks. That is what is next, go on, or do I need to get out the Turkey hats already?” Pinkie Pie said, smiling dangerously, knowing that the two would never be able to live down to what Pinkie Pie was holding. For she was holding the ugliest pieces of accessory that would make Rarity faint into a coma. Actual feathers were poorly thrown onto the hats, and large rubber turkey heads flopped down, almost as much as Twilights horn had when she had steadily walked into the Everfree, not noticing the Poison Joke, and having her horn floppier than a deflated balloon. The heads looked as creepy as they did real. They at least had to give that some credit, the details on the turkey heads were so well done, that when Pinkie Pie had brought them out of her hair, they at first believed that it was actual turkeys! But they knew that their aunt would never behave that crazy, despite her being hectic sometimes.
“Um… Aunt Pinkie you don’t really expect us to-“
What came next could only be described as the “do it or else” stare, because that was what Pumpkin felt as Pinkie Pie glared at her, almost as if she was breaking a Pinkie Promise, which both of the twins new not to do. So, after glancing towards each other and their gluteus maximi, the twins positioned themselves. Taking note on how immensely focused their aunt was watching, with a strange smile on her face. Anypony would immediately be able to tell what was going on… if of course this wasn’t Pinkie Pie, whom usually, when under an awkward situation, tends to smile through it.
“The twins are moving in, will they be able to pull through? They look veeeerrryyy uncomfortable right about now! I can rest assured that they will most definitely be staying awake tonight! Unless things get a little bit more serious,”
…
“Hold on a minute!” Twilight said, stopping the image and finding herself back near Pinkie Pie and the officer. “Pinkie… you have got to be kidding me!”
“Whaaat? I thought that it would be funny!”
“To sound like some sort of molester!” Twilight said in panic, hoping that perhaps Pinkie Pie was going over-extreme and all she really did was laugh about taking a picture for blackmail.
“I’m sorry Twilight,” Pinkie said in a morose manner, “At the time I thought I was just going to make this a we’ll-laugh-about-this-later kind of thing, but now hearing it I do sound like I was going crazy. But I can explain that more!”
“Well…” Twilight was unsure of what to say next. She knew that, while Pinkie went excessive, she would never intentionally try to hurt anypony. And she knew that most times Pinkie Pie’s ideas of fun reached far beyond what she knew. As the twins had reminded her constantly when she visited with them.
“I think it would be better to hear the rest of the story if you please, Miss Pie,” the police mare said, knowing that, while the first half might sound bad, she knew the princess was ready for one crazy ride.
…
“Okay, you two are in luck! But of course, you also are in danger,” Pinkie Pie said, ending in a sinister voice that caused the twins to squirm. Whatever is happening next, would probably be either the funniest thing that they would laugh at in due time. Or would be psychologically traumatized at what their experience would be.
“Is there good news and bad news?” Pound Cake said, hoping to get through the bad news, and also hoping that the good news wasn’t just a setup.
“Yes, to the good news, but the bad news has yet to be determined. For now, we must leave to a new location,” Pinkie Pie said getting up and abandoning Pound and Pumpkin Cake with major confusion on their minds.
“Come on! Let’s get going!” Pinkie said, her head pointing back in and her hoof gesturing for the twins to follow. The two looked at each other and wondered immensely why their Aunt was behaving in a peculiar manner. Not like the usual peculiar either, though this whole afternoon was one bizarre adventure for the twins.
The duo came outside of Sugarcube Corner, and noticed Pinkie Pie near the last steps, with a smiling face and a clipboard in her hooves. “Alright you two! Welcome to the last round! To complete it you must run to that tree in under 15 seconds (no wings included for Pound and no magic either young Pumpkin). And whoever can get back faster will be the one to… SPIN THE WHEEL!!!” she held the cardboard circle and it flashed under the sun, almost as if it was a long lost relic.
The twins found the racing odd, but it was nice to see the fresh daylight from being cooped up in their home. They also were unable to resist competition that involved physical sporting, given that the two ranked highest in their athletic abilities. Pound Cake always won when it came to speed, but Pumpkin could be as agile as a snake, so the two would always end up in ties and won major awards for their achievements.
Which is why when Pinkie Pie had begun the countdown, the two left dust prints of themselves. Running was overly exciting for both of them. It was free, it was fast, and it never was tiring. The wind that Pumpkin felt as she raced her brother to the dust-filled her heart with emancipation but finding Pound Cake two seconds later just up ahead. Suddenly a tree was found, and Pumpkin turned faster than the eye could see. Other ponies began to notice two specimens were racing and found the event intriguing. Despite being a short distance, the race felt longer, almost as if everything was moved into slow motion. The twins found their Aunt Pinkie coming closer into their view. Suddenly hearing her high voice talking and finding her with a large megaphone.
“They're coming back to the finish line everypony! It’s neck and neck as the two fight for whoever can SPIN THE WHEEL!!! Who’s it gonna be? Pound? Who is currently in the lead? Or Pumpkin? Who just sped up and is at a nose length! It’s Pound Cake! No Pumpkin! No Pound! NO…” Dust covered every inch of Pinkie Pie, who shook the dust off, and sneezed the rest out of her muzzle.
She then produced a coughing fit, finding that some dust was still stuck inside of her, but easily was back to her natural demeanor. She looked at the twins with a calm and blank expression. Not daring to show the twins her emotions just yet.
“Well… who won?” Pumpkin Cake said, trying to catch her breath. She must be out of practice; it never took that fast for her to lose her breath. Maybe she should ask Pound if he wants to start racing in the mornings together again.
Pinkie Pie turned her back to the twins, looking over the results, before turning back and displaying a sad frown to Pumpkin, who initially thought that she had lost.
“Going back over the results,” Pinkie Pie said, displaying quickly what was written on the notepad. While she was trying to make sure that they didn’t see. Pound and Pumpkin Cake were well aware that the only thing on that notepad were a few doodles of Gummy and a supposed game of tic-tac-toe that she must have played with herself. The two did, however, also find that there were numbers drawn on that paper as well. But of what? They were not sure.
“it’s Pumpkin,” Pinkie Pie said, quietly and calmly. However, it was barely even heard when Pumpkin Cake celebrated exteriorly to the entire public, who then stomped their hooves to commemorate the observance. Pound Cake looked disappointed, but he always was able to behave like a good sport as his father had taught him. So, he shook her hoof, knowing that she was going to further her behavior. Pumpkin, unlike her brother, could not let herself be defeated, and always tried to gloat when she could.
Pinkie Pie laughed in congratulations and found the entire moment to be hilarious at the fact that a whole new game was invented inside of her little masterpiece. Oh yes, this was definitely going to be in one of the greats. She was sure of it.
After the little disturbance was over, and Pumpkin was brought back into the game, she and her twin brother waited for Pinkie Pie to finally tell them what the next step was to finally end this seemingly never-ending game.
“Now that the winner has been presented, I bestow upon you the sacred piece of the puzzle, no pony can look at this piece unless they have passed the test, which you have done excellently. And now, you may finally SPIN THE WHEEL!” Pinkie Pie said as if she was handing Pumpkin Cake a medal of honor (and a Spike mustache). The small game piece was presented, and Pumpkin cake could now see that this little device was actually starting to be fun.
She spun the arrowhead and wondered in excitement at what it may land on… until she saw a certain image that caused her to turn pale. She noticed that there were different parts of the average pony. It included what she and Pumpkin had already touched, but it also had a few others that they never were able to include, such as muzzles, cheeks, and… no.
Oh, Great Princesses above please don’t be that one!
The sight of Pumpkin caused Pound Cake to rise with anxiety, what in the world would they have to touch for it to make her look like she wanted to hurl.
The arrow began to slow down from the friction of the cardboard. Everypony was tense and displayed different emotions. Pumpkin Cake, who was praying to almost every living thing above that it would notland on what she was dreading. Pound Cake, who was growing even more of a concern for his sister, and the thought of what her mind was thinking that caused her to look so pale. Pinkie Pie, who moved her eyes sideways a bit, and blinked to no one in particular. Some Townsponies, who were intrigued by whatever the hay Pinkie was dragging along, began to grow suspicious of what exactly was making this entire scene tense. Gummy, who somehow was in a dark void, stared off into space, and suddenly licked one of his eyeballs, to further complicate the rising tension that everypony had in this situation, and finding the entire debacle to be most assuredly devastation just waiting to happen. Boneless, who…
…
“Get on with it, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight Sparkle said, finding the moment to aggravate her.
“Sorry!” Pinkie Pie said.
…
It stopped, and it landed in the exact spot everypony was tensed up about.
“Now you have to read aloud what it says!” Pinkie Pie said, in a nonchalant voice, almost as if she was unaware of what the arrowhead was pointing to.
“ izlips,” Pumpkin Cake said, hoping that if she said it once, and was unable to be heard, then she could find a way to get out of the horrid action that she would have to perform… on her brother!
“Clearer please!” Pinkie Pie said, cheerfully.
“ izlips” Pumpkin said, a bit louder, but still unable to be heard. Hoping that everypony around her would just leave them alone. Why in public? Was this the plan all along?
“One more time please!”
“Its… lips” everypony gasped, including Pinkie Pie herself, but she did so more dramatically than anypony else.
Whispers were going around, some exclaiming of whether or not they would do what was told. Others were mentioning how unlawful a suggestion could be made. There were also a few other ponies who decided that their interest lie elsewhere and left to complete their quest for some other event.
Pumpkin Cake turned around to Pound, who was brightly blushing and astonished at a remark that a piece of cardboard could make. It was bad enough when they had to touch their flanks together, but this! Maybe they could just chicken out (or in Pinkie’s case, be known as Jerkey Turkeys) and go back to Las Pegasus with just their dignity left.
Or… they could just get the whole thing over with. Sure, excuses could be made, most being about how awful and disgusting the whole scene would be, but the twins knew that Pinkie Pie would always find a way through those excuses. They also couldn’t help but feel the shame and embarrassment of knowing that they would have to wear those horrid turkey hats which would ruin the reputations they both had tried to overcome for so long. It wasn’t merely because the two were thinking of their reputation at school, but also about the fact that they could never be shown in defeat (more specifically, Pumpkin could never show defeat).
Conflicted thoughts were definitely being thrown in everypony’s minds, all except for Pinkie Pie, who found the entire situation to not be so tense filled, and instead smiled in patience and wonder for what Pumpkin might say.
She went closer to her brother, and everypony gasped. They all knew what she had chosen. Pound Cake shook with fear, knowing that when his sister put her mind to it, she could never, and would never, back down from a challenge.
“Pumpkin, please reconsider! Do you really think that this is right?” Pound Cake whispered, hoping that everypony that was looking at the scene would find interest in some monster that rampaged here on occasion. Of all the days a Bugbear could attack, why not now! Pound Cake said, thinking for a few seconds that a monster was present when he heard a buzzing noise, but despaired when he realized it was just a simple housefly that found his ears interesting. At least they can find something else to focus on!
“I know, but the way I see it, we would be humiliated either way. When we get back we would have to wear those abominations (unless you know how to do everything else that Pinkie said we had to do if we passed) and embarrass ourselves so much that we wouldn’t even want to leave our rooms. Or, we do what the game piece says, and we suffer from ponies spreading rumors like wildfires, initially coming to Las Pegasus and we would have to explain everything. At least with the rumors, it would probably end in about two weeks, but with those hats,” Pumpkin said, pointing to Pinkie Pie, who once again held the Turkey hats and their explicit attention to detail, with an unnerving smile to her face, “We wouldn’t be able to live the mockery down for months!”
Pound Cake took the time to consider her response. She did have a point, and it would be better to explain everything without wearing a stupid hat that would make it seem like the two just had one wild weekend and were messing around. But at the same time what she was suggesting was something neither of them really wanted to do. He knew that this was a hard decision and tried to think about it more and figure out if there was any other solution. Unfortunately, Pumpkin Cake did not solve problems as he did and rationalized through action. Which is why the next three seconds of his life were forever set in stone.
In those three seconds, there was only one word that could be used to describe the occasion: Hectic.
During those seconds, not only did everypony scream and cringe, but Pinkie Pie was clapping happily and smiling wider, with eyes bulging out and tilting her head to see more through a different angle. Then for a sudden moment, the twins realized the chaos that was breaching. It turns out that most ponies didn’t take to the situation too well, with most running away in pure terror and screaming of the horror. One pony even fainted at the site, while another who stood on top of her shouted at the top of her lungs “Were all gonna die!”
What happened next, not even Discord could describe. It seemed as if after that civilian screamed, the panic increased, leading to houses burning and ponies screaming in utter terror. Pound and Pumpkin looked around and noticed that the town was in full turmoil. It was majorly extreme, but they had learned that with what this town has suffered through in the years, this was not majorly unnoticeable.
They heard their Aunt Pinkie laughing in hysterics at the entire scene and found it all to be unnerving. Then suddenly a siren was heard, and Pinkie Pie had stopped laughing, two ponies who were wearing badges showing off their professions and authority had jumped onto the pink pony, despite her already being on the ground from laughing so hard. A pony behind the authorities was standing near, she wore bland cloak on her back and a large hard hat that held a siren light that one would find on a police car. Her expression was emotionless, but her eyes had figurative fires in them. They realized that it was Maud, Aunt Pinkie Pie’s sister, and she didn’t look happy.
“Maud!” Pinkie Pie said, despite being held down by the two authoritarians. “What are you doing here?”
“Giving you a taste of your own medicine,” Maud said in an inaudible voice. And coming closer to Pinkie Pie, who began to grow pale.
“No, not that! Anything but that!” Pinkie Pie said, for once struggling to get out of the grasp that the officers had on her.
“There is no escaping this Pinkie,” Maud said, without any expression or tone, “Mother and Father would be ashamed of what you just did, and now I must punish you,” Maud then moved closer to Pinkies face, they were just mere inches away from each other, before Maud took an item out of her cloak. It was a small bottle that was labeled “Pinkie’s Medicine” and all ponies stopped and looked in sheer shock. Even the fires around the houses had suddenly stopped burning. And ways away in their retirement home, both of the Princesses felt a disturbance as their hair had stopped and they looked into an abyss of utter chaos. But gradually Luna looked to Celestia, who shook her hoof and signaled that Twilight could handle it.
Maud took two capsules out and proceeded to stuff them in Pinkie’s mouth. Wherein Pinkie Pie swallowed them (after being the world champion of swallowing things for ten years, before her last competition when Applejack had won from eating whole apples… it was a strange day for the doctors). Suddenly, she found herself looking around, and everypony sighed… before once again running around in a panic, fires blazing, and hair flowing once more.
The Cake Twins already wondered if one of them (or both of them) were in a type of fever dream. What the HAY was going on! They tried to understand by just wondering if they would hit each other and wake up moments later but decided that today was already weird enough. So, the two went up to Maud and tried to ask what was happening.
“Pinkie Pie was trying to go off from her madicine again,” Maud said expressionlessly.
“Madicine?” Pumpkin Cake said.
“Yes, Madicine. It is what keeps Pinkie Pie from going, as she puts it, ‘completely oogily boogily,”
The twins nodded, despite still having a few questions, but deciding to just leave the information at that and went back into Sugarcube corner, waiting until it was time for them to return to their studies.
“Pinkie Pie, you are under arrest for forced incest and causing mass chaos to the town, anything you say or do could be used against…” as one of the authorities read Pinkie her rights, the other began walking her to the station. They told her she had only one letter she could send to a friend. So, she chose Twilight, merely for the fact that she could probably be let go easier if she were to have a Princess who could brainwash everypony…
“Wait up! That is what you brought me here for!” Twilight said, feeling as if her friendship lessons with Pinkie Pie were all a lie.
“What? Can’t you? Come on Twilight, are you telling me that you can now raise the sun and moon, but you can’t brainwash anypony? How else did you get into Celestia’s school of wayward and expensive merchandised Princesses?”
“I thought I told you to never mention that again!” Twilight said through her teeth, before getting a few dirty looks from her royal guards, and laughing awkwardly.
“Well we know the story, but that still doesn’t make what you did wrong, and I don’t think even the Princess can help you with ‘brainwashing’, besides, you now have confessed your side of the story, so now we should figure out what exactly our next step should be,” the police mare said, looking towards Twilight and Pinkie Pie.
“Right, well maybe we can settle this now, how much to bail her out for the force of incest?” Twilight said, teleporting a sack of bits down that she remembered from her secret stash, in case of a big adventure that needed currency.
“I’m sorry?” the constable said, “The reason that Miss Pinkie Pie is here is not because of forced incest, despite what most ponies are saying,”
“Wait what?” said, not only Twilight but Pinkie Pie as well.
“But I thought that those officers told me that I was here for that reason!”
“Well, going back over it, it sounds as if those siblings had a choice in the matter, they just decided against the obvious thought (I am going to have a talk with those officers later), but you should note that you’re here because of the destruction of Ponyville. Did you not send a Princess a letter?
“Yes, but not for the destruction part! This system has got a lot of problems am I right?” Pinkie Pie said, moving part of her face to look towards the wall.
“uh, Pinkie Pie? To whom are you talking to?” Twilight asked.
“Nopony!” Pinkie Pie said, smiling back at Twilight as if nothing happened.
“Right… Well, I will have you know that charges for this specific crime can reach from one hundred to one thousand depending on the damage.” The sheriff said, eyeing Pinkie Pie with a dirty look.
“And how much damage did she manage to charge?” Twilight said, feeling as if the numbers weren’t going to be pretty.
“We have an estimated guess of nearly 4,568 bits if that doesn’t include the charges for her medical bills,”
“Wait what? I don’t have medical bills,”
The officer looked down in a serious face, she said nothing, but her tired eyes said everything, in which made Pinkie Pie start to sweat.
Twilight just smacked her face on the table, she teleported multiple other bags of bits while doing so, and found that she was going to have to stop visiting the Hayburger Hut for a while.
…
Pinkie Pie and Twilight exited the station, with Twilight producing a face of disappointment, and Pinkie Pie of shame. Both really didn’t know what to say, so they stood there for some time. Keeping the expressions, they held, only Pinkie Pie’s was growing with every second she looked at her winged friend.
“Thank you, Twilight,” she said, finally giving in.
“Your welcome, you were right in sending me that letter. I doubt anypony else would have had an easier time with those charges,”
“Are you kidding me! I didn’t choose you because of your title!” Pinkie Pie said, jumping up and returning to her natural, puffy self, “I chose you because you and I make the best dynamic!”
“Excuse me?” Twilight said as she and her friend walked away.
“Well yeah! You got Rarity and Applejack as the ‘tough and country’ mixed in with the ‘elegant and aristocrat’ and with Fluttershy and Rainbow as the ‘rough and rowdy’ and ‘meek but hopeful’, that leaves the two of us!”
“And what are they?” Twilight said, purely intrigued by whatever came out of the pink mare’s mouth next.
“Why the ‘scientist’ and the ‘theorist’ of course!”
“Theorist?”
“Yep!”
“But I have never heard you mention any theories outside of how great a chili pepper cupcake would taste,”
“Oh, Twilight, I have tons of theories! Like there is this theory that Fluttershy’s brother is actually an alien and he doesn’t know how to function here in Ponyville because he isn’t from this universe! That would also explain why he is such a lazy bone and can’t do anything right! And there’s this other theory that Cheese Sandwich is a different species! Kind of like an alien but different and he plays the accordion but also is really funny and mixes up different popular songs to sing! Oh, and don’t get me started on Opalescence! Where is she anyway? Do we ever see her or the other pets anymore? And why…” Pinkie Pie’s voice faded out as she and Twilight walked out into the sunset, away from Ponyville, which was still under destruction as the fires began to burn out and ash displayed everywhere in town.
And Gummy, in the middle of the town, suddenly grew 50 inches in just a matter of four seconds.
Author's Note
I did it! A funny random story that I wrote mostly late at night (where my inspiration flows sadly), I am one of those people that just sits down in bed, ready for a good night of sleep, and just when I think I am finally ready to drift unconscious, a strange thought pops into my head, this has happened nearly 3 other times, and I write down the idea on paper, type it up, and present. I have other works that I hope to complete (unless I think it stinks, but I’ll try). But for now, comment on what you thought and enjoy Derpy 
, who sadly couldn’t make it to this story because of illness, but don’t worry, she’s getting better! #bringmemorederpyemoticonsplease!.
