The Best Butt in Equestria
"I'm sure you could knock all the apples in the east orchard outta the trees with just one rainboom, but we're sellin' apples, not applesauce!"
"Aww, AJ! It would be, like, a really gentle blast. Hardly any bruising at all, honest!"
Applejack shook her head as they walked up the lane leading to the family barn. "It ain't worth the risk. Besides, if'n by some miracle ya didn't turn them apples to mush, it'd take days to get 'em all picked up and into baskets, and layin' on the grass that long, they'd get plum fulla bugs!"
"Yeah, I guess—but it was still a great idea, right?"
Applejack couldn't help smiling at Rainbow Dash's earnest expression. "One o' your best, Dash. Woulda saved me a heap o' bucking, that's for sure."
"Hey, I help sometimes, too!"
"'Course you do!" Applejack nodded. "And I appreciate it a whole heap, Dash, I truly do!"
"Really? Because I have to admit it…" Dash sighed. It was a sign of her trust in her partner that she could open up to her in a way that she couldn't with any other pony. "I'm… I'm not exactly great at it. I know you or Mac usually go back for the stubborn ones that just don't want to fall for me. You could hire a local Earth Pony that would do a better job, or—"
"Nope! Ain't gonna happen," AJ said emphatically. "I like it when you're buckin' apples beside me better'n just about anything else, and goin' back for the clingy ones is a special treat fer me."
Rainbow Dash gave her a quizzical look. "I believe you, but… why?"
Applejack flicked her a shy look and cleared her throat. "Well…"
A huge grin spread across Dash's muzzle. This was going to be good, she could just tell. "C'mon AJ! Tell me! What's got you all… omigosh, I think you're blushing!"
Applejack cleared her throat again. "Mebby."
"Don't go all Big Mac on me! What is it? Tell me! C'mooooooon!"
"Okay, okay! Just hold yer horses!" AJ cleared her throat for a third time. "It's 'cause when I go back and I'm behind you… I, ah, I get to watch you buckin' ahead o' me. And… and all o' that work sure keeps you in pretty nice shape, if'n you get my drift."
Dash frowned and cocked her head in puzzlement. "Yeah, but I've always been in good shape, AJ. What's so different just because I've been doing a lot of…" And that's when it clicked for Rainbow Dash. "Omigosh! You like staring at my butt!"
AJ sighed and admitted it.
Dash laughed and whirled around like a dog chasing her own tail, twisting her head and neck in a futile effort to get a direct look at her own rump. After a few orbits she settled down and grinned at her sweetheart. "I can't see it, but if you say so, then I guess my butt is pretty fine!"
AJ just said, "Yep," again.
Dash sidled over to her and gave her a quick hip-bump and a nuzzle, and then pranced ahead of her on the path, swinging her hips as she went and chanting in a sing-song voice, "My sweetie likes my butt! My sweetie likes my butt!
Applejack pulled her hat down, half-way over her eyes and muttered, "Dash, I swear to Celestia, if Mac or Bloom hears you…" But she didn't look away.
Dash slowed down and let AJ catch up. "Aw, come on! Let me enjoy this! You just gave me a really nice compliment." Dash glanced back towards AJ's tail. "And coming from the mare with the best butt in Equestria, that's something!"
"I.. wait, what?" Applejack stopped dead in her tracks and stared at her partner in amazement.
"What, what?" Dash countered, coming to a stop alongside her. "From you, it's like a professional assessment or something."
"You think… my rump is…?"
Dash stared at AJ, confused by her confusion. "Well, yeah! You started off with Earth Pony muscles and then spent, like, your whole life bucking solid oak! Of course you've got the most amazing rump in the kingdom!"
Applejack still couldn't quite regain her mental footing. "First off, Dash, apples don't grow on oak trees and second, my butt is 'bout as wide as a barn door. How does that qualify as good, let alone best?"
Dash gaped at her. "You're kidding right? AJ, your ass is solid muscle! Look at those curves! Look at those dense, firm, tight…"
"Huge," AJ added with a grimace.
"Perfectly proportioned!" Dash countered. "Look at the way those thick muscles weave down into your lower legs! And how they tie into your back and flanks! Your butt is exactly right for the rest of that gorgeous, powerful body of yours!"
Applejack sputtered a bit at the exaggerated enthusiasm of her lover's praise. She could see that Dash was completely sincere, but couldn't believe how off the mark she was.
Dash went on. "And when you compare that physical perfection to my square, skinny little ass—"
"Now wait just a durned minute! Have you been out in the sun too long, Dash?" AJ felt herself getting angry for no reason she could comprehend. "There are mares who would set fire to an orphanage to have a lean, tight butt like yours! Jes look at that razor definition! Those muscle fibers ripple like wind on a pond when you shift your weight even a little bit, and if'n you couldn't feel how much I appreciated that the last time we got up to some hanky-panky in the hayloft, you're plum nuts!"
"Oh come on!" Dash shouted back. "It's nice you like my butt, sure, but I might as well be a colt back there! You're built like a mare should be! Thick, taut curves that I can hardly keep my hooves off of—" True to her words, Rainbow Dash had stretched out a wing to stroke the curve of AJ's rump.
For her part, Applejack thought it was completely unfair that Dash got to fondle her without some sort of reciprocity. Of course, AJ wouldn't have known the word "reciprocity" if it had dropped out of an apple tree onto her head, but "tit-for-tat" was folksy enough for her lexicon. That being the case, she turned around to where she could fasten her mouth on Dash's posterior while being careful to keep her own fundament well within her partner's reach.She mouthed and gripped Dash's steel-hard haunches with her lips and teeth, muttering unintelligible praises around the admired anatomy.
Dash gave a happy little sigh of pleasure at AJ's loving massage, and before long had both wings and forehooves wrapped around her beloved's rump. "I would move in here if I could," she muttered as she stroked and squeezed. "I would frikkin' live here!"
They both retained just enough sense to get off the path and into the orchard before going any further. It wasn't quite a rainboom-level event, but they shook the ground enough to dislodge a few bushels of apples from the nearby trees.
"I'm sore in places I didn't even know I had places," Applejack grumbled.
"You bit every square inch of my butt, AJ!" Dash replied. And then after a moment's pause. "Pretty cool, actually."
Applejack grinned back at her. "Every ache is someplace that had you wrapped around it one time or other, so I guess I can live with it."
Dash gave her a smug smile. "So I guess after the way I showed you how gorgeous your rump is, you gotta admit it's the best in Equestria right?"
AJ snorted in disdain. "Not hardly! I'm more convinced than ever that the east end of a certain westbound pegasus is 'bout the most beautiful thing in creation!"
Rainbow Dash growled slightly as she stepped forward and shoved her forehead against her lover's. "Now look here, you stupid, sexy farm pony—"
Applejack twisted her head slightly and planted a firm, open-mouthed kiss on Dash's muzzle.
Dash responded by wrapping one foreleg around AJ's neck and opening her own mouth. For several minutes it wasn't clear if they were in an impromptu wrestling match or their own particular, athletic form of foreplay.
A good long while after that, they rolled apart and lay gasping and sweat-soaked amid the fallen apples.
"We ain't never gonna get no work done at this rate," Applejack said between ragged gulps of air.
"Just... " Rainbow gasped. "Just admit that you've got the most beautiful butt in Equestria and—"
"No, you admit that yours is the best."
"No, you!"
AJ flopped down on her back. "Okay, I admit I ain't gonna get you to see sense. What we need is a totally impartial judge."
Dash thought about it for a second. "So, like, a contest, right? Have to be the mayor or somepony important."
"Yep."
"Huh. I never thought about entering a contest I knew I was going to lose before!"
"Don't be too sure about that, sugarbuns."
Dash chuckled. ""But having my gal's butt officially be the best in Equestria really means I'd win, so…"
"Is there anything else on the schedule, Spike?" asked Princess Twilight as she shuffled through a stack of documents on her desk. He didn't say anything immediately so Twilight looked up from her paperwork to discover her dragon brother staring intently at a small scrap of paper. He seemed to be blushing for some reason.
