Cheerilee knocked on Twilight Sparkle's front door. "I know you're in there!" she said sternly.
Inside, Spike walked towards the door. Twilight whispered, "Don't let her in!"
"But why not, Twilight?" Spike asked.
"I heard that!" Cheerilee said. "Now I DEFINITELY know you're in there."
Twilight sighed. "It seems like when you get enough foals together, there's usually somepony who's yelling or screaming. So why can't the ONE mare in Ponyville who works with foals all day long be half deaf when I need her to be?"
"But Twilight," Spike said, "she's not like you. She's really good with foals. It's not like you trying to take care of Flurry Heart."
"Yet again I'm reminded of my personal inadequacies," Twilight complained. "Okay, here's the plan. You stall her, and I'll run out the back door." Twilight ran out of the room.
A minute later, Twilight opened the back door, to discover Cheerilee waiting there for her. "If you hope to outwit me," Cheerilee said, "you'll have to be smarter than a six year old."
Twilight slammed the door shut, and stacked furniture against it. "It didn't work, Spike! She's too smart for me!"
Spike had caught up with Twilight. "Too smart for you, huh?" He looked thoughtful. "Is this some kind of flirting game, where she chases you, and you run away, and she shows you how smart she is, and then she finally catches you, and--"
Twilight blushed. "I don't have time to think about that right now." She ran away from Spike and up several flights of stairs. Finally she emerged onto the top of a high tower.
Applejack was there.
"What are YOU doing here?" Twilight asked.
"Fluttershy asked me to block this exit. And I might ask you the same question, Twilight."
Twilight looked confused. "You want to know, did Fluttershy ask me to block this exit?" She blinked. "Don't worry, I have this exit covered. So you can go home now. Anyway, this is MY home. I can come up here anytime I please."
"That's not what I meant, Twilight. But what I really want to know is, have you been doing secret experiments with foals?"
One of Twilight's special talents came into play, for looking nervous whether she wanted to show it or not. "Mmmmmaybe?"
"That sounds like an awful suspicious answer, Twilight. Would you like to tell me more about it?"
"Well...," Twilight asked, "have you ever heard of blinded experimental protocol?"
"What's that? Have you been makin' those little foals wear blindfolds?"
"No!" Twilight said. "That's not what it is at all. They can see just fine. So we're all done here, right?"
Applejack gave her friend a stubborn look. "Twilight, we can do this all day. Or you can just tell me what's goin' on."
"I suppose I could," Twilight said. "or I COULD just...look, an alicorn is climbing onto the railing!"
"Yes, Ah can see you just fine," Applejack said.
"If you keep badgering me about this...I'll jump!"
"Ah know you have wings, Twilight."
"Good, so you don't have to worry about me!" she shouted as she jumped off the tower.
Twilight brought her wings into play, and failed to crash to the ground. Fluttershy took off from a balcony and tried to follow the alicorn, but after Twilight's initial burst of speed, the yellow pegasus only fell behind. In time, Twilight lost her pursuer.
Finally Twilight landed on one of a large group of clouds.
"Hey, Twilight." Rainbow Dash greeted her.
"Oh, hi!" Twilight said, smiling nervously. "I'm just...hiding. I need to think. And hide while I'm thinking."
"Sure," Rainbow Dash said. "I know what that's like. I do some of my best napping by falling asleep while trying to think. It's very restful."
"Great!" Twilight said.
"So...Twilight," Rainbow said. "I don't really want to be nosy. But I've been hearing some weird things about you lately."
"What weird things?" Twilight grinned a big, fake looking grin. "Good weird things, I hope."
"Something about you doing experiments with a lot of foals."
"Only good experiments, I'm sure?" Twilight said.
"Experiments with their butts?"
Twilight made a tiny sound even stranger than the weird little sounds that a flustered Fluttershy sometimes made. The alicorn took a deep breath. "It's not like you're making it sound!" Twilight said.
"I'm listening," Rainbow replied.
"So," Twilight said, "isn't it great to have wings? Doesn't it make life at least twenty percent cooler?"
"Twilight? Are you trying to change the subject?"
"It all makes sense, I promise! You know there aren't a lot of alicorns in Equestria, right? But in the last thirty years, our alicorn population has doubled. That's, like fifty percent cooler! By the how many alicorns measure."
Rainbow laughed. "I'm still listening, Twilight."
"So don't you think it's a funny coincidence, that Equestria's first new alicorn in hundreds of years was my babysitter when I was a foal? And then I became the next new alicorn?"
Rainbow said, "That doesn't explain the butt stuff...oh GROSS! DOES it explain the butt stuff? Did Cadance do weird butt stuff with you? Did Cadance AND Celestia do weird butt stuff with you?"
"No! Nothing like that! She didn't do anything wrong! She didn't do any butt stuff with me that you haven't already seen!"
Rainbow said, "So it's only butt stuff that I've already seen. What butt stuff have I seen a babysitter do with a foal..." Rainbow tried to think. Fortunately, she didn't immediately fall asleep. "Is this something about an alicorn changing a foal's diapers? Because by the time they're old enough to be in Cheerilee's school, that's pretty weird."
"No! It's something you've seen me and Cadance do in public, in front of other ponies."
Rainbow thought some more, struggling to stay awake. Finally she started laughing. "Sunshine, sunshine..." she quoted.
Twilight pranced in place, then covered her eyes with her hooves for a moment. "Ladybugs awake." Twilight raised her forehooves like she was playing pattycake. "Clap your hooves..." Twilight turned around, waggling her hindquarters at Rainbow Dash, "and do a little shake!"
Rainbow rolled around on the cloudtop, laughing. "Your big secret is a nursery rhyme?"
"And the dance!" Twilight insisted. "The dance is important. We can't replicate the initial conditions without doing the dance! The butt wiggle is essential!"
"Now I get it," Rainbow said. "Now I see why you didn't want to tell anypony about your experiment."
"I'm so happy you understand!" Twilight exclaimed. "Here I thought you wouldn't even know about single-blinded studies, and that in order to keep other ponies from treating the experimental group and the control group differently, I have to keep secret which foals are getting which dance and which rhymes!"
"And here I thought it was secret just to keep other ponies from finding out how ridiculous you are," Rainbow said.
"I know," Twilight admitted. "It does seem pretty silly in hindsight. I don't want to face other ponies and tell them how silly I've been. Will you let me hide out with you?"
"On the one hoof," Rainbow said, "it might be fun to sneak you into my house and have a sleepover. Do you like pizza?"
"Sounds great!" Twilight said.
"On the second hoof," Rainbow said. "It might be too late. I think somepony's already found you."
"Oh...SUGAR," Twilight remarked. Something poked her in the flank.
"Hello, little filly," Twilight said. "I'm sorry, I feel like I should remember your name."
"I'm Grassy Fields," the light green filly said.
Twilight's forehead wrinkled. "With all the stress, I must be getting confused. I thought Grassy Fields was an earth pony."
Rainbow said, "Twi, it's no wonder you got confused. It's pretty weird that a pegasus family would give their pegasus foal a name like that." She eyed the pegasus closely. "Are you SURE your name is Grassy Fields? Or are you playing a prank on us, you cute little featherflanks?"
"Grassy Fields is my name!" the pony insisted. "And my parents are earth ponies, not pegasuses. And I didn't have wings either, not until earlier today."
Something landed on Twilight's shoulders. "Hello, Twilight!" somepony said, putting her wings over Twilight's eyes.
Twilight said, "I'm seeing a lot of red feathers. Does Ponyville even HAVE a little pegasus with red wings?"
"I'm not a pegasus, you silly!" the red-winged filly said. "I'm a unicorn! I just grew the wings last night."
Soon cute little fillies were crawling all over the cloud, and showing Twilight their new wings.
"Found you! Found you!"
"Look at me, Rainbow Dash! I'm gonna practice with my new wings every day, and someday I'll be able to fly as fast as you!"
"I'm scared! I've never been this high up before!"
"Twilight Sparkle, my mommy and daddy say they want to talk to you."
"Wheeeee!"
"Last night my little sister started flying in her sleep, and when she woke up she got scared and peed on the ceiling!"
"Look! Scootaloo can fly now!"
"Did you know," Rainbow said with a smirk, "we pegasi have a tradition. If you turn a pony into a pegasus, you're her new mommy! Congratulations!"
"That's not funny, Rainbow Dash."
"This is the cutest and funniest thing I've seen in a while," Rainbow said. "You know these fillies' parents are going to have some trouble adjusting to their foals' new...requirements, right? It's your duty to step up and accept your responsibilities."
AUTHOR'S NOTE
I blame Syke Jr, for trash-talking Cadance's role in MLP.
(Story image is a cropped still/frame from an MLP short.)
