Murder Time, Fun Time

After Pierce had left Pinkamena to her own devices in favor of peddling more Saints wares around Loren Square with Treehugger, Pinkamena decided to take the time to boost her personal income a little more by spending five thousand dollars buying up a few properties in Loren Square and Sunset Park. She bought four properties for that five thousand in the form of the Odyssey Hostel, High Rise Condos, Stikit Inn and the Fill-Her-Up Super Toy Shop. This increased her periodic income by five hundred dollars.

Pinkamena had Gilda keep an eye out for large bundles of drugs and cash as well as crates of sex dolls. Gilda was confused about the last part but after Pinkamena explained Pierce’s guilty pleasure, the griffon laughed uproariously to which the madmare joined in the amusement.

“These humans really do have no self control,” Gilda commented.

“Don’t be so quick to judge these humans so harshly,” Pinkamena admonished. “I’ve seen sex dolls in Equestria too, except ours are mainly stallion variants. They’re mainly for mares who can’t get off on dildos alone.”

“I think I could have gone through the rest of my life without knowing that bit of trivia.”

“Maybe, but knowing it’s a thing would reduce the shock value if or when you find out that truth for yourself.”

Gilda focused her search pattern to Loren Square and Sunset Park. Her search had proven fruitful as she located and marked four drug packages, three money pallets and three crates of sex dolls for the Saints to collect later since she wasn’t about to lug around that kind of cargo.

While she was on her way back to the headquarters after her recent string of investments, Pinkamena received a phone call from Pierce who informed him that part of being a celebrity was to sometimes cater to the fans. He informed her of a few fans in the area who would like to take some photos of her and Playa.

“It’s not like I asked to be a celebrity, Pierce,” Pinkamena said.

“Fame doesn’t last forever. You gotta flaunt it while you still got it,” Pierce countered.

The madmare rolled her eyes and resigned herself to taking part in the impromptu photo ops throughout the city. Pierce directed her to three within Loren Square and Sunset Park. She donned her lab coat and posed for the street photographers while trying not to act on the impulse of taking a before and after photo of them getting maimed by a city sanitation vehicle.

Pinkamena had a feeling that if Pierce weren’t a loyal gang lieutenant, he would have made for a decent talent agent.

Pinkamena had returned to the headquarters shortly before Pierce and Treehugger returned from their latest venture of selling the Saints brand to the people of Steelport.

Pierce was looking at another pile of documents that the Syndicate had kept at the bank when he discovered something important. He found the main route that the Morningstar used to deliver their goods to the people of Steelport.

At first, he considered just letting Pinkamena cause some havoc along the route but decided that the message wouldn’t be as effective with just one mare blowing stuff up around town. After thinking about how the message could be made effective, he decided on something big to deliver the message.

Pierce called Pinkamena to request her assistance once again. “Hey, you feel like blowing shit up?”

“After the day I had, I feel like I wanna blow up the whole city,” Pinkamena responded.

Pierce chuckled, “Well, I don’t have anything that grand in mind, I found the route the Morningstar uses to deliver their goods in the Syndicate files.”

“And you want me to blow them up?”

“In a way, but I want your message to have some real impact. For that, I’m thinkin’ tank.”

“Tank?”

“Yeah, using somethin’ big and imposing would really send a message to the Morningstar that the Saints ain’t fuckin’ around.”

“This looks like a job for my party tank,” Pinkie said.

“I’m not even surprised that you would bring that thing up,” Pinkamena commented.

“Of course, I only use it in the most extremest of extremely extreme party emergencies when I have to cheer up a whole town of depressed ponies with a party. Ponyville was a town of sad sacks before I used my party tank. They had to rebuild the whole town afterward.”

“I saw that, that was probably the most exciting thing you ever did while I was locked away in our head for ten years. Nothing cures depression better than triggering one’s survival instincts. It was hilarious when Celestia actually made a royal decree forbidding you from using that tank again.”

Pinkamena headed to the designated area to begin her assault. Once there, she pulled a box out of her mane with a button on it. She pressed the button and the box unfolded into Pinkie’s party wagon. After inspecting the wagon further, Pinkamena found the button she was looking for; one that was labeled, “DO NOT PUSH, BY ORDER OF PRINCESS CELESTIA.” Since the Princess had no power in Steelport, nothing was going to stop her from pushing the button. Once she did, the wagon unfolded further and reshaped itself into the form of an M1 Abrams battle tank painted pink with Pinkie’s signature blue and yellow balloons.

While the tank was designed to make use of Pinkie’s specialized party shells that blasted an area with confetti and party decorations, Pinkamena added her personal touch to the shells for use in the destruction to come.

Once her tank powered rampage began, Pinkamena drove the tank down the target street and fired at everyone and everything in sight, blasting them with deadly blasts of confetti and party favors. Vehicles that exploded from the shells also sent waves of confetti everywhere.

Pinkamena laughed maniacally at the mayhem she was causing, but all too soon the fun had to end as the street was cleared of Morningstar and she had caused the target amount of costs in damages.

The madmare pouted as she felt that she didn’t have enough fun with the tank while Pinkie assured her that there would be more opportunities for that kind of fun later. Her assurance was enough to mollify the madmare.

However, a call from Pierce had lifted the madmare’s spirits again as he informed her of a couple more locations around Loren Square that needed to be blown up with her tank. The other locations had a lot more to destroy and a lot of angry Morningstar and police wanting to destroy her tank.

By the time Pinkamena was finished tearing through Loren Square, nobody could go anywhere in that neighborhood without seeing vehicle wreckage and bloodstained streets with unrecognizable human remains.

“Feeling better now?” Pinkie asked.

“Much better,” Pinkamena responded, letting out a sigh of contentment.

Feeling satisfied, Pinkamena hit the button that ejected her from the tank and transformed the vehicle into its box state before she put the box back in her mane.

Pinkamena received a call from Pierce. He informed her that Playa and Johnny were going to be co-contestants for a season of Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax. He also informed her that the studio wanted him to tell her that it was time for her to take her spot as guest announcer for the game show. The last thing he mentioned before hanging up was taking Treehugger with him on one last run through downtown to clear out the merchandise inventory.

After what she did in Loren Square, Pinkamena was charged up and ready to watch Playa get abused for her entertainment.

It didn’t take long for Pinkamena to arrive at the site of the first game of the season. She headed up to the commentator booth and saw Zach and Bobby ready to go. She donned her lab coat and took her spot near the other commentators.

“Glad you could make it, Pinkamena,” Zach said.

“You ready to see some action?” Bobby asked.

Pinkamena nodded, “Mmm-hmm, I’m now motivated and ready to go.”

“I would hope so after the mayhem you caused in Loren Square before you got here. Professor Genki was all charged up from what you did,” Zach commented.

One of the camera crews told them that they were about to start rolling. The trio prepared themselves as the cameras began rolling.

Zach began, “Hello Steelport, and welcome to Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax!”

“Time to see how the game is played,” Bobby said.

“Fight your way through Professor Genki’s Super Sparkle Lab for fun AND profit!”

“Now, with every man, woman, and tiger shot, your prize money goes up. But look out! No one likes it when you shoot a panda!”

“UNETHICAL!”

“Once you’ve collected enough money, the door to the Lab opens up, and you’re free to go.”

“But if you think it’s that easy - you’ve never seen Genki before!”

“Oh, and one more thing. On this show, no one gets to take a break. If you want to stay in the fight, be sure to shoot the First Aid target.”

“And now, without further ado, it’s time to introduce our guest commentator for the season.”

“She single handedly - or should I say single hoofedly - wiped out every mascot and hunter we had on call during the season that we had to postpone Genkibowl VII.

“Her creativity in her kills made me feel like I was taking a college course in murderology just by watching her.”

“Now here she is, the infamous Butcher of Stilwater, The Cheshire Pony, and the first and only living creature that Professor Genki himself acknowledges as his colleague in murderology and rival at the same time…”

“PROFESSOR PINKAMENA!” the two said in unison.

The camera turned to Pinkamena. “Glad to be here you two. I’m looking forward to seeing a lot of carnage tonight, and some contestants get abused.”

“I’ve heard that you know our contestants, Pinkamena?” Zach asked.

“Yeah I know them, one is the leader of the Third Street Saints who I work under. The other is one of his lieutenants who has a much higher kill count than his companion.”

“So what are you expecting from these two, Pinkamena?” Bobby asked.

“I have a side bet going on with these two, something to motivate them. Every time one of them shoots a panda, I get to punch them in the balls after the show. These hooves alone can break bones so imagine how that would feel in your nether regions.”

The two instinctively covered their crotches with their hands while making sour faces.

Zach recovered in time to get the show started. “Let’s get the festivities started. Its Murder Time! Fun Time!”

“He said it! He said the thing!” Pinkie yelled.

Playa and Johnny began navigating the labyrinth of mascots, fire and electrical fields. Both of them timed their movements with the lethal obstacles while watching each other’s backs against the mascots.

Every now and then a present would get dropped into the maze which gave Johnny or Playa a new toy to play with.

Playa would sometimes miss his timing and get a little burnt by a flame wall or electrocuted by an electrical field. Because of this, he had to keep an eye out for health targets.

Johnny made sure to keep a calm enough mind to not shoot a panda target because he really did not need the mare’s hooves smashing his junk before he had offspring.

Thankfully, the two managed to avoid hitting panda targets as they cleared the maze.

“Looks like your motivation helped them avoid being trigger happy,” Zach commented.

“The carnage that I’ve seen here is why I love this show,” Bobby said.

“Too bad, kinda wanted to test the durability of a person’s organs. Oh well, there are plenty of Syndicate that I can use as my test subjects.” Pinkamena shrugged.

“A promise of carnage to come if I ever heard one. That’s all the time we have for today. This has been Zach...”

“And Bobby…”

“And Professor Pinkamena…”

“See you next time.”

After Zach’s final line, the camera stopped filming as the show ended.

“Nice work, Pinkamena. Most guest commentators we get are usually camera shy or trip on their words,” Zach said.

“What can I say? I like to show off.”

Pinkamena bid the announcers farewell as she, Johnny and Playa returned to the hideout to rest after the long day they had.

Meanwhile…

A pair of Decker specialists were dashing through the streets at unbelievable speeds while investigating some dimensional anomaly that appeared in their territory and vanished as quickly as it came.

When they arrived at the scene, they didn’t find anything noteworthy but looked around anyway in case whatever turned up from the anomaly walked off somewhere.

The two split up to cover more ground in hopes of finding something to report to Miller.

One of the specialists investigated a nearby building. Her search bore fruit as she discovered a white unicorn mare with a mane and tail of differing shades of blue. She was wearing sunglasses and had a smirk on her face.

The specialist frowned, wondering what was going through the pony’s mind.

That hesitation cost her her life as a bullet flew into and out of her head.

The other specialist heard the faint sound of gunfire and moved quickly to investigate. The last thing she saw was her partner’s shock hammer floating in midair before it slammed hard into her chest and shattered her ribs. The bone fragments pierced her lungs and heart as she slowly died from internal bleeding.

“Finish her,” a grey pony said.

The white unicorn nodded and brought the hammer down on her head and smashed her skull.

“You know, they could have been good guys,” Vinyl commented. “And didn’t you tell me that you had no ammo in that thing?”

“We know nothing of where we are Vinyl, and I was not going to trust some strange people wearing something I’d have expected you to wear.” Octavia then smirked, “Also, I never tell any potential eavesdroppers that I have a round in the chamber.”

“Aww, you do know what fashion I like, Tavi,” Vinyl cooed.

Octavia shook her head. “Regardless, we need to find someone we can trust. I’ve heard that Discord sent some Equestrians to this world a while back. If they are still alive, I can only hope they are in this city somewhere. For now, we need information and a safe haven. Who knows what dangers exist in this world.”

Vinyl didn’t argue and kept the shock hammer for safekeeping.

Moondancer groaned as she woke up. She felt an unpleasant rocking sensation beneath her hooves. It took her a couple of minutes to stand up to check her bearings. Her lifestyle had not been kind to her. She looked around and discovered that she was in a cabin of what reminded her of a boat. She looked out a window and saw buildings that were similar to if not taller than the ones in Manehattan. She was obviously looking at a city.

As much as she wanted to get off the boat though, a city meant other ponies and she was among the least social ponies out there. She really didn’t want to be near other people right now.

However, that hope was dashed as she noticed a strange looking creature who looked like it was tied up. Moondancer didn’t know enough about the creature to tell whether it was male or female. However, the creature didn’t look responsive. She crept slowly up to the creature and gently tapped her with a hoof.

The creature jolted awake which caused Moondancer to yelp and back away.

“Keep it down in there,” someone from outside the door yelled in a Trottingham accent.

Moondancer didn’t want to risk more annoyances so she remained quiet for a few minutes before curiosity overwhelmed her fears and asked the creature, “What are you?”

Strangely enough, the creature showed no surprise to find that Moondancer could talk, instead she gave the strangest explanation, “Human, Homo Sapien, evolved from primates over thousands of years, developed civilization…”

As fascinating as the female-sounding human’s explanation was, Moondancer was disappointed that she didn’t have paper or a writing utensil on her so she could only commit it to memory. The human eventually introduced herself as Kinzie before she started analyzing Moondancer based on what she was looking at. Some of her analysis was guesswork but most of it was correct. “So what’s your name? Based on that mark on your flank, it has something to do with the moon I’m guessing,” Kinzie finished.

Moondancer nodded and introduced herself before asking where she was as she finally decided to untie the human.

“A barge in the middle of Steelport. Currently, I’m being held captive by the Deckers who have the tackiest fashion sense ever.”

The conversation continued between the awkward human and the awkward pony for some time.