“Oh come on! Just because I blew up part of Stilwater by accident doesn’t mean what’s coming is my fault,” Pinkie complained.

Pinkamena awoke from her slumber the next morning to find her sister ranting about something. She really didn’t want to deal with her first thing in the morning, but Pinkie was not likely going to shut up until her problem was addressed.

“What are you going on about now?” Pinkamena asked blearily.

“My Pinkie Sense is telling me something is coming to Steelport soon and it’s a doozy. A charley horse in all four of my legs tells me that I had something to do with this.”

Pinkamena slowly woke up and thought clearly enough to know why whatever was coming was her sister’s fault. “Sounds like your actions pissed someone off. When I tell you not to detonate a bomb, there’s a good reason for it. Anyway, do you know when we can expect this doozy?”

“No, all I know is that it will be soon, maybe in the next few days.”

“Well, I guess we can finish taking Downtown Steelport today so we can focus on the other three districts. Channel six wants to film two episodes of Genki today.”

With that, Pinkamena began assigning tasks to her friends. Since Gilda could find nearly anything from above, she was tasked with finding any packages of drugs, cash or Pierce’s sex dolls in Henry Steel Mills. Octavia and Treehugger volunteered to scour the neighborhood for any remaining Morningstar activity.

In the meantime, Pinkamena had a show to commentate, starting with the one in Loren Square.

Playa and Johnny had plenty of fun murdering mascots while being careful of where they shoot because neither of them wanted to feel a hoof slam between their legs, Playa especially as he still felt the pain from when Moondancer hit him with a pipe.

Meanwhile, Pinkamena was watching from the commentator’s booth with Zach and Bobby while mentioning how bad his driving was which made the other two imagine the untold destruction he caused because of it.

Once Johnny and Playa made it to the end of the course, the two of them and Pinkamena hurried to the next course that was set up at Henry Steel Mills.

On the way, the three of them participated in two photo ops that the fans almost got themselves run over for.

The second episode of Professor Genki’s Super Ethical Reality Climax went about the same as the previous episode except that the brutes were especially aggressive this time as they came with mini-guns and flamethrowers. Playa tasted flames a few times while Johnny was smart enough to not get hit by things easily avoided.

The two contestants reached the end with Playa looking ragged. Pinkamena snapped a photo of the ragged Saints leader for the sake of remembering how much he sucked at avoiding things.

Pinkamena, Johnny and Playa returned to the penthouse to recover while Gilda, Treehugger and Octavia returned shortly after to report their findings, Gilda only found a money pallet and a box of sex dolls in Henry Steel Mills while Octavia and Treehugger reported eliminating three gang operations in the same neighborhood.

With that, the Saints had fully wrested Downtown Steelport from the Syndicate. Pierce decided to celebrate the achievement by throwing a party at the crib later. Meanwhile, he decided to take some time to study for some trivia contest at the Broken Shillelagh. The subject was eighties sitcoms.

However, while one district was fully conquered, three more remained. Pinkamena estimated that the Saints had taken about a third of the city at this point in total.

Since there was time before Pierce and Zimos started the party, Pinkamena decided she and her crew would get some progress made on taking New Colvin. While she wanted to get Moondancer into the field at some point, she knew that such a task would not be easy.

She would need to find a way to encourage her to get out of her shell.

For now, Pinkamena had assignments to give. This time the search area was limited to Espina and Rosen Oaks. Gilda was once again given the task to locate more of the Morningstar plane cargo while the others accompanied her to the various stores and properties in the designated area, stopping to eliminate groups of Morningstar as they went.

Espina, being a small neighborhood, was easy to fully take over. While the group took out two groups of Morningstar, Pinkamena bought a tattoo parlor and a service station. Pinkamena was forced to take part in two more photo ops which really tried her patience and Gilda located a drug package in the neighborhood.

Rosen Oaks wasn’t any more exciting than Espina. While she didn’t mind the increase to her cash flow, the act of buying the stores and properties in the larger neighborhood had left her extremely bored and on edge toward the end. Slicing and dicing the four gang operations there did help to relieve the boredom a tiny bit, but she needed something more interesting than the daily grind. The two photo ops only made her boredom worse.

Once Gilda reported marking one drug package, one money pallet, and two boxes of sex dolls, the Equestrians returned to the penthouse.

Pinkamena was bored and whenever she was bored, horror scenarios happened. Such an instance occurred during the party that Pierce and Zimos planned in their crib as they invited a number of prostitutes to make their party fun.

Shaundi had no interest in partying so she just walked off to an area with few people. Pinkamena joined her. The two hardly spoke for a few minutes before Shaundi snapped at the madmare, “What does Johnny even see in you?”

Pinkamena turned her head to the lieutenant and tilted her head. “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I mean. I heard it from Aisha years ago before she left Stilwater. She told me Johnny has feelings for you but neither of you have made a move on each other. Why haven’t either of you tried anything when you two have known each other for years?”

“That’s what you’re upset about? I don’t feel that way about Johnny. It may seem that way but that’s because he has a fetish for murder and my way of slaughtering people simply tickles his fetish. He has told me that he was interested in fucking me, but I have no interest in cross-species sex. I do take blame for Johnny’s and Aisha’s relationship falling apart though. Sex between them got awkward as he imagined me on a killing spree.”

“Huh. So, if someone were…”

“I already know where this is going. I’ve seen it before. You’re interested in him, right?” Shaundi nodded hesitantly. “Johnny seems to have a thing for badasses, so prove to him that you’re a far cry from the helpless stoner who ended up a hostage to some feeble and flammable DJ.”

Shaundi covered her face in embarrassment. “Do you have to bring that up?”

“Yep. Now, if you’ll excuse me, one of two things are going to happen tonight. Either this party goes off without a hitch or the penthouse becomes another of my bloody horror scenes.”

Pinkamena left Shaundi to think while pulling one of the hookers away from the main party to address her.

“Listen, I know what’s about to happen and right now, I’m hoping you try because I’m very bored. But if you decide to call off the attack, I’ll just go on being bored but if you choose to continue, I’ll unleash the knightmare.”

“That’s cute, sweetie,” The hooker said before pulling out an assault rifle. “But we’re here to send a message from the DeWynter sisters.” She attempted to aim her rifle at Pinkamena, only for the mare to disappear. She knew nothing a moment later as her skull and brain splattered against the wall by a hobby horse constructed of bone and the head looked like a unicorn skull with white antlers wielded by a psychotic pink mare with her trademark evil smile.

The other hookers reacted by drawing their own hidden weapons. The Saints noticed this and prepared for battle. “OH SHIT! These hos ain’t hos,” Pierce screamed.

It was then that the lights went out. While the hookers used night vision goggles to see in the dark, it only caused pandemonium to spread among them as a pony moved at blinding speeds, bashing each hooker one by one. Each impact shattered bones and drilled holes in the bodies of the prostitute assassins.

Pinkamena called to her allies, “Octavia, Gilda, make sure we don’t have any unwanted guests outside.” Pinkamena continued her slaughter. The Saints near her became nauseated with each impact as they left a crunching sound or a squelching sound, often both.

Octavia and Gilda worked together to eliminate the snipers on the nearby rooftops before turning their attention to the Morningstar attack helicopters. Octavia shot the pilots while Gilda slashed through the metal of the vehicles.

When the lights came back on in the crib, many of the Saints were horrified when they saw their penthouse painted in blood with bone fragments, and viscera splattered all over the place.”

“Did you have to make such a mess, Mena?” Playa asked.

“Blame Pierce and Zimos for not checking their credentials,” Pinkamena countered.

“Good point. Pierce, Zimos, you two are headed to the store and buying the cleaning supplies.” The two of them groaned. “The rest of us are cleaning this mess up, Pierce and Zimos included when they get back .” The sound of groaning could be heard for several floors beneath the penthouse.

The next day, after a vigorous night of cleaning the scent of death from the penthouse, the Saints took some time to watch the television which was broadcasting some breaking news.

Monica Hughes, former mayor of Stilwater, now a US Senator, made a special announcement about the explosion that sank part of the city and nobody took the credit for it. She announced the STAG Initiative that would take back the streets of America.

“What the hell is the ‘STAG Initiative’?” Playa asked.

“If it’s free porn for everyone - I’m down,” Zimos said.

Pinkamena sighed in disbelief at the ignorance of her leader and his lieutenant. “Think about the context you two. It’s coming from the US Senate, which means that it’s something a bunch of uptight assholes would come up with. No way would that be free porn. If they intend to ‘take back the streets of America’, it’s going to be through a show of military force.”

Playa and Zimos stared blankly at the mare for a few seconds like a deer in headlights. “Meaning?”

Pinkamena facehoofed. “These two cannot be this dense. Sometimes I wonder if I should just take the leadership of the gang for everyone’s sake,” she thought to herself.

“It means that Steelport is about to have some company; the kind that is going to seriously complicate our efforts against the Syndicate. The STAG Initiative is likely a branch of the US military created to deal with gangs like the Saints.”

“Oh…” Playa and Zimos said in unison. Playa continued, “Anyway, we’ll deal with STAG when they come. For now, we need to make the Morningstar pay for the trouble they sent our way.”

“I agree, and I know just the way.” Zimos presented Playa with an invitation to a Morningstar auction at Safeword. “That’s an invitation to kick the Morningstar right in their collective pussy. They’re having an auction tonight. Flash the card, and you’re in.”

“So what, I pretend to be an eccentric millionaire?”

“Kind of. I’m gonna auction you off as a sex slave.”

“Fuck. That.”

“Oh, quit being a bitch and come with me to my van. If you’re feelin’ nervous about this whole thing, Treehugger has just the thing to help take the edge off.”

Playa woke up completely inebriated and naked. He was inside a room in the BDSM club. As he tried to stand up, the room spun around him and he fell to the floor. He tried to get up several times while vomiting twice in the effort.

When he finally managed to stand up. The only door in the room opened to show Zimos and Pinkamena on the other side.

“Oh hey Shaundi, why do you taste like fuzzy?” Playa asked.

Zimos stared at Pinkamena, “Damn girl, how much did your friend give him?”

“Not much, I told you he’s a lightweight.”

“Johnny? Weren’t you supposed to be in candyland licking clothes?” Playa asked.

“Good thing we went with your plan in the end. Rushing in and killing every Morningstar inside was a simple but effective plan. But why did we go through with drugging him in the first place?” Zimos asked.

“Because intoxicated Playa is hilarious.”

Zimos shook his head, “Anyway, now that the place is ours, we should get a crew in to secure it.”

“Pierce, what did I tell you about fucking that zombie…”

Playa passed out again.

While Playa was busy recovering from his intoxication at the penthouse and fully clothed again, Pinkamena considered what their next move against the Morningstar was going to be.

While Zimos had a few ideas on how to do so, a mysterious phone call to Pinkamena caused a change in their plans. “Who is this?”

“Viola DeWynter. If you want to hurt the Morningstar, they have a shipment of girls coming in soon. I’ve sent you the boat information.”

“Wait, Viola? If you’re so desperate as to sabotage your own gang, Killbane must have really pissed you off. Also, why call me instead of Playa?”

“Because you’re the more competent of the two of you. As for why I’m doing this…” There was a long pause. Pinkamena could hear faint sniffles from Viola. If she was crying over the reason there was one very likely reason…

“He killed your sister, didn’t he?”

Viola gasped but said nothing as she ended the call.

Zimos walked over to Pinkamena after the call ended. “Who was that?” he asked.

“Viola just gave away a vital shipment of girls in an act of spite against Killbane who I can only assume killed Kiki. Worst part of this is that Killbane ruined my plans for a project I had in mind when we captured the twins. It was going to be amazing too.”

“Well, at least we can seriously hurt the Morningstar by stealing their bitches.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get this over with.”

Pinkamena, Octavia, Vinyl, Treehugger, Gilda and Zimos travelled to the ship transporting the women who were being held in shipping containers.

The Morningstar didn’t see them coming which gave Pinkamena a chance to take out as many of them as she could with stealth tactics. Once she was finally discovered, heads started exploding when sniper rounds met their skulls.

One of the brutes on board was lifted into the air by magic and spun around while flames roasted him evenly.

The other brute, who carried a mini-gun, had his neck snapped by a pair of talons before the griffon responsible decided to pick up the mini-gun.

Once the boat was cleared, the Equestrians opened the shipping containers to find weapons, girls who were directed to Zimos, and a number of sex gadgets that raised a few eyebrows.

Pierce warned everyone about a number of Morningstar headed their way.

Pinkamena tossed a number of her party charges into the water while Gilda flew ahead to spray the Morningstar in mini-gun fire. Vinyl used the Reaper Drones to assist the griffon in demolishing the water and aircraft. Boats that got too close ended up blown into the air and the passengers ejected. The survivors of the blasts ended up sniped.

Once the incoming defenders of the shipment were routed, Pierce flew in with a cargo helicopter while the girls were herded into one of the shipping containers. Another helicopter showed up to help Zimos and the land-bound Equestrians provide support as Pierce transported the container into the city.

Vinyl used her RC controller to cause pursuing boats to crash into the land while Octavia, Pinkamena and Gilda used rocket launchers or, in Octavia’s case, sniper rifle to deal with Morningstar specialists who landed on the roof of tall buildings.

Pierce eventually landed the transport and the Saints moved the girls into a delivery truck. Zimos took the wheel and drove the girls back to Saints HQ.

Meanwhile at Saints HQ, Playa’s phone rang with a mysterious caller on the other line. The hungover Saints leader groggily picked up the phone to answer. “What do you want?”

“You have something that belongs to me…”

“I have a lot of things, but you being cryptic ain’t narrowing it down.”

“Bring the girls back to the Morningstar and I’ll pay you top dollar a head.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t know about any girls and I have no idea who you are. If you’re trying to sell me something, it ain’t working.”

Playa ended the call and went back to sleep.

Author's Note

People can say the funniest random things when they're intoxicated.