“So, when can I get in there?” Pinkamena asked.

“I wouldn’t recommend it. Right now, there’s no way in or out of the simulation short of Zinyak himself letting you in. I’m working on a solution for that right now but I need the boss to disrupt the system enough for me to create a hole in Zinyak’s precious little simulation.” Kinzie explained.

As they spoke, Playa was exploring virtual Steelport. While most of the digital city was the same as the actual one, there were some major differences. For one, most of the old Saints cribs were in a constant state of deconstruction. The Syndicate Tower was replaced with one of Zin construction which was connected to the massive Zin mothership hovering over the city. There were large red domes in six places throughout the city as well as five towers. All Planet Saints stores had been replaced by similar stores called Planet Zin and Image As Designed stores by Imagined as Edges. The Magarac Statue was replaced by a giant Zinyak statue.

Seeing Zinyak’s face all over the simulation only showed Pinkamena how vain the Saints’ newest adversary was.

Since Kinzie wouldn’t do anything about Playa’s appearance that made him look like the host of a certain children’s television series that started up in the 60s, he headed to one of the Planet Zin stores to get some different clothes. Given what he was wearing, he wasn’t too picky. After that, he hijacked a car and customized it at the nearest Rim Jobs because despite being in a virtual reality, he still wanted to drive around in style.

For some reason, or because Kinzie was in the mood for some sick humor, she generated a bat for Playa to use as a melee weapon. The bat was made from a living tentacle.

Once Playa’s vanity had been satisfied for the time being, Kinzie was able to get Playa to focus on his escape from the simulation.

While Playa was exploring the city, Kinzie noticed blue glowing clusters of data all over the city. Given the number of data clusters she saw in one area, she estimated that there may be hundreds of them throughout the city.

“Actually, there are one thousand two hundred and fifty-five data clusters in the simulation.”

“Pinkie said that there are one thousand two hundred and fifty-five data clusters in the simulation,” Pinkamena relayed.

“How does she know that?” Kinzie asked.

“Probably looked at a strategy guide or something.”

“How is that possible?”

“If I were you, I’d ignore the reasoning before you fry your brain trying to make sense of it.”

Kinzie had been with the madmare long enough to know not to use logic with her. At one point during Playa’s presidency, she tried to make sense of the mare which resulted in her going into a logic-induced coma for a few days. Since then, the ex FBI knew better than to try to understand “Pinkie Logic.”

“Anything else she wants to say?”

“Nothing that would spoil upcoming events. I don’t even know what they are.”

“Okay then,” Kinzie said as she turned her attention back to her computer and explained the data clusters to Playa and instructed him to pick them up. She wasn’t sure of their use just yet but figured it wouldn’t hurt her to let him experiment with collecting them. Besides, just seeing them was fuelling her obsessive-compulsive side.

Playa grabbed one of the clusters near Kinzie’s warehouse. When he did, he felt a small surge of power go through him. The feeling quickly subsided before he drove off to the next cluster.

On the way to the next cluster, Playa tried to get Kinzie or Pinkamena to sing along to “Opposites Attract” but was disappointed when both adamantly refused.

When Playa collected the second cluster, Kinzie was able to get a better idea on how the clusters worked when she discovered that the clusters were merging into his avatar’s programming. Kinzie discovered that the clusters could be used to give him abilities or improve upon existing ones.

After three clusters, Playa asked why Zinyak left them lying around while Kinzie explained that the Zin didn’t need them. Playa in his limited understanding was still confused by Kinzie’s explanation until Pinkamena tried her hoof at explaining things.

“Basically, these clusters are coming from Zinyak’s proverbial trash can. Zinyak doesn’t need them because he’s the simulation’s admin. He’s like Matt Miller in the cyberverse: he can just wave a hand and it happens in the simulation. These data clusters are like pieces of trash to Zinyak and no one thinks twice about a piece of trash. This oversight is something we can use to even the playing field against the Zin.”

“Oh, I get it, one’s trash is another’s way to fuck up the other guy,” Playa figured.

Once Playa collected a fourth cluster, Kinzine had him access his HUD and use the clusters to unlock some new abilities. He soon felt the surge of power again and discovered that he could jump much higher and run faster than humanly possible.

To help Playa practice these powers, Kinzie set up a training program. Pinkamena watched him practice and she started developing an understanding about how the powers worked.

Once practice was finished, Kinzie decided to really test his powers by making him race through the district which would cause a disruption in the system.

Just as Kinzie had hoped, Playa’s disruptive behavior had slightly weakened Zinyak’s control over the simulation enough for the hacker to make a little headway into taking control of the reality from the alien overlord.

Now that Playa had some superpowers in the simulation, Kinzie wanted to test them further. The first thing she had the Saints leader do was ascend one of the five towers in the simulation, specifically the one in Ashwood. The trek up the tower took longer than it should have because whether it was driving cars or running and jumping at high speeds, Playa was simply bad at navigating. Pinkamena and Kinzie took turns keeping watch on Playa while the other went to the fridge and enjoyed a nice, cold beverage.

After half an hour of the Saints leader rising and falling to the ground, which led the two to learn that one could not get hurt by falling in the simulation, he finally made it to the top and slammed his fist into the summit which activated the tower.

Pinkamena noticed that Playa had also missed a number of data clusters during his ascent. She would pick them up later when she managed to get in there.

After that, Kinzie wanted to test the lengths that Zinyak would go to make sure the Saints leader stayed alive by using a method that had become a tradition for the Saints: playing in traffic.

The simulation strained itself to make sure Playa stayed alive as he was run over by numerous cars which was what Kinzie was hoping for as she was able to gain a little more control over the simulation.

Another stress test Kinzie had in mind was to find out how much chaos the system could take. The hacker generated a Zin Destructor Tank for Playa to use on a rampage throughout the Bridgeport neighborhood.

The sheer mayhem caused by the tank also placed a strain on the system just like when Playa was taking damage from being hit by cars.

“So, have you come to a conclusion with your tests?” Pinkamena asked.

“I think so, Zinyak built his simulation to be as orderly as it can be. But when chaos is allowed to happen, the simulation is programmed to restore the area to original functionality or reset damaged avatars which takes up processing power. That power is diverted away from its security protocols which gives me a window to take away from the administrator’s influence.”

“I see, and since Zinyak is all about order, he’s unlikely to fix this oversight which means that we can keep causing havoc throughout his precious simulation and there’s little he can do about it except send more of his troops to try to correct the source of chaos.”

Kinzie sighed, “Sometimes I wish you were the boss instead of the simpleton in the simulation.”

“I heard that!” Playa called out.

“Here’s a new toy,” Kinzie said as she generated a semi-auto shotgun for Playa to use. “Have fun.”

“Uhh...thanks?”

While Playa was playing with his new superpowers, Kinzie was hard at work making an exit from the simulation for the Saints leader.

Unfortunately, this left Pinkamena with nothing to do except lounge around and talk to Keith and Johnny for a while. Neither of them had much to say that the madmare had heard before.

Pinkamena was considering pranking the guys before Kinzie made a discovery. The others ran up to the hacker to see what she found.

“These shielded areas are actually large scale versions of the device that the Zin were guarding earlier. The shield probably means that they’re also the more important hardware in the simulation. Each shield generator needs to be shut down before the main hub can be taken out. The generators should be easy to find.”

As Pinkamena watched the screen, Pinkie asked a question. “I don’t get it. How do you find the generators?”

“See those beams heading toward the shield? The beams are redirected through relays. If you trace the beams back, you’ll find the generators.”

Pinkie looked through Pinkamena’s eyes and eventually made the connection, “Ohhhh…I kinda get it.”

“Don’t worry about it. Once we start dealing with hotspots ourselves, I’ll handle things.”

While Playa was alone against a large number of Zin guarding the generators, he was still a decent fighter. After clearing each generator of Zin, he reached his hand into the generator’s control console and started pulling out whatever he could get his hands on.

Once both generators were disabled, Playa leapt off the building he was on and ran toward the central controller of the main hub. The hub had more security than the generators so it took Playa some time to clear out the guards. Once that was done, he started rapidly punching the controller before one last hard punch shut the hotspot down.

However, Playa’s victory was short-lived as the sky turned a deep orange and fire started raining from the sky as a dark-skinned, hulking creature in Zin armor with sharp claws and purple glowing patterns on its skin landed from out of nowhere.

The creature roared in challenge toward Playa. While the Saints leader was eager for another challenge, Kinzie suggested weakening the creature and getting close enough to absorb it. Playa made a sex joke about the creature being inside him in response.

The beast was surprisingly agile for its size which meant that Zinyak had likely given superpowers to it. However, the creature gave Playa plenty of opportunities to use his guns against it and while he used a lot of ammunition, the creature was finally on its knees before the Saints leader literally dove into it and dominated it from the inside.

When the creature was fully dominated, it exploded, leaving an unharmed Playa in its place. The Saints leader received another rush of power for his troubles. “Now that was a rush!” he said.

“Hey it worked,” Kinzie said in surprise.

“Yes, bravo...Perhaps my Wardens underestimated you. I won’t let them make the same mistake twice,” came the voice of Zinyak from nowhere.

The alien overlord was ignored as Playa requested another training simulation so he could test his new power which involved releasing a blast of ice that would freeze people and objects in the blast area, leaving the option to kill someone by shattering them open.

Pinkamena was eager to try the superpowers herself once Kinzie found a way into the simulation. Of course, after what she saw and her experience of being abducted and waking up in a tank, only one sentence could fully describe it.

“Is this entire arc a ripoff from ‘The Matrix’?”

“Now that you mention it, there are a number of similarities to that series based on what we’ve seen so far.” Kinzie noted.

“I hope you aren’t planning on using landline phones to get Playa out of there.”

“No way, if the Zin discovered that method, Zinyak would delete all of the phones from his simulation. Besides, I already have a way to get him out. Thanks to the disruptions in the system, I was able to program a hole into the simulation that can get the boss out and any of us in.

Playa was directed to the gateway in western Stanfield. When he reached a door, he tried opening it to find it locked. When Kinzie told him he was kicking the wrong door, a bright white rectangular object appeared to his right.

“Did you delay the appearance of the gateway on purpose just to mess with him?” Pinkamena asked.

“Maybe…” Kinzie said, trying to look innocent. Pinkamena snickered in response.

Playa was skittish about touching the gateway but Kinzie got impatient and used the gateway to disconnect Playa’s mind from the Zin network.

“That’s done, think your other personality can get us to the boss in time?” Kinzie asked. Pinkamena gave her companion a deadpan stare. “Hey, science still hasn’t proven that two complete minds can co-exist in one body so I want that proven before I accept that.”

Pinkamena rolled her eyes before she allowed Pinkie to take over and take the controls. Kinzie handled navigation while Johnny handled the weapons and Keith monitored the systems.

It took them a few minutes to find the loading dock that Kinzie told Playa to meet them at. The Saints leader was fighting off a large number of Zin before the ship opened fire on the alien horde. The ship turned around and the cargo bay door opened up with Keith ready to grab Playa.

Once aboard, the naked and drenched Saints leader headed to the control room to take control of the ship, only for Kinzie to get in the way.

“Ohh no, you are not going anywhere near the controls as long as Pinkie is here. You march into the bathroom, wash up and put on a jumpsuit.”

While Pinkie was performing evasive maneuvers to escape the Zin ships, Playa was tumbling around the bathroom trying to wash the fluid off. Kinzie cringed as she heard her boss’s shouts of pain. “Probably should have said he should do that after we escape pursuit.”

Despite the tumbling, Playa still managed to get washed and struggled into his jumpsuit.

By the time Playa left the bathroom, the ship had already escaped the Zin mothership. He joined everyone as Keith stated his concerns, “We’re not really leaving the others are we?”

“Hell no,” Playa responded. “But if we’re taking the fight to Zinyak we’ll need all the help we can get. Kinzie, can you get in touch with Oleg?”

“Yeah, we should be in range.”

Inside the Broken Shillelagh, an empty table with a phone on it was ringing with no owner to answer it. A shrouded figure watched the phone with a sad look. He picked up the phone and with a sigh, put it back on the table.

“I wish I could have done better to avert this tragedy. Alas, I can only save a few. It is truly unfortunate that she must share this world’s fate. At least she will be with her sister.”

With sorrowful resignation and a snap, the figure disappeared.

“Voicemail?!” Playa shouted.

“You want me to leave a message?” Kinzie asked.

“Ugh, fin-”

And that was when Earth exploded.

Everyone expressed surprise, including Kinzie who was saddened at the realization that Oleg was dead, before Zinyak sent a transmission to gloat, “Well I’d say this was a productive day.”

“You’re a fucking monster,” Playa growled.

“Oh don’t act surprised. I told you this would happen.”

“You killed seven billion people,” Keith shouted.

“Whoops. Anyway, that takes care of that. When I find Equus again, I shall do the same thing. Of course, for some reason the planet disappeared somehow. No matter, it’s bound to turn up eventually. For now, I will delight in your torment and savor your despair.” The transmission ended.

“Zinyak will be my crowning achievement in the art of murder,” Pinkamena growled. Putting her in that nightmare was one thing, doing the same to her friends only made her want to torture the alien overlord even more. The destruction of Earth and the deaths of several of her human friends made her want to give Zinyak a slow and painful death. Becoming a threat to Equus meant that she would find a way to make Zinyak suffer in the worst way possible.

The Saints returned to the Zin mothership, bent on seeking revenge for Earth. They knew that the key to their revenge and saving the rest of their friends lie within Simulation 31.

Little did Pinkamena know that she would soon be reunited with some important ponies. When she finds out who they are, Zinyak will learn what kind of enemy he made and the Zin empire will tremble.

Author's Note

For anyone who played the Saints Row series, it's not hard to figure out which character died with Earth.