Rescuing the Pie sisters from their location on the Zin mothership wasn’t difficult as Zinyak didn’t consider those three much of a threat. However, most of the Zin forces in the sector of the mothership were focused on Pinkamena.

The madmare had a feeling that the alien overlord was starting to reconsider his priority list of threats.

Pinkie remained behind on the Saints ship while her sister and her friends attacked the Zin forces on their way to Maud, Limestone and Marble. Pinkamena smashed her way through some locked doors.

As she got close to her sisters, she heard some heavy impacts on the other side of a door as a door on the far side of the next room she was about to enter was smashed in. This was followed by more lasers firing.

Pinkamena smashed her door before she and her friends joined the fray. The Zin never stood a chance as they were caught in a pincer maneuver between Pinkamena’s group and the Pie sisters.

Once the Zin were dealt with, the two groups met. The first words spoken between them came from Limestone, “Where’s Pinkie?”

“She’s on the ship with the rest of the motley crew. You didn’t honestly think I would bring her with me on this dangerous rescue mission, did you?”

Limestone looked away. Pinkamena rolled her eyes before she continued, “Anyway, let’s get back to the ship. This is hardly the place to discuss family matters.”

The mares nodded in agreement and returned to the ship.

Pinkie, Pinkamena, Maud, Limestone and Marble shut themselves in one room on the ship. The more curious of the Saints stood next to the door to listen in while the other Saints shook their heads in disappointment.

Pinkamena began, “So, are we going to discuss my behavior up until Pinkie was born? My murderous tendencies that I honed while I was with the Saints? My love of torturing flankholes to death?”

The gray Pies looked at each other for a moment. It was Marble who broke the silence, “Umm...could you tell us how you forgave Pinkie for holding you captive in her mind for ten years?”

Pinkamena sighed, “It wasn’t her fault. I admit that I was mad at her at first for that, but the freedom to be myself while I was with the Saints helped me to throw away that silly notion pretty quickly. At first, I envied her for being the pony who got so much love and adoration and a great bunch of friends, but I got over that too as I became friends with Treehugger, Gilda, Octavia, Vinyl and Moondancer. So now, I see her as much as a sister as you three do.”

Pinkie hugged Pinkamena in response. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that, Mena.”

Pinkamena rolled her eyes, “I can only guess.”

Marble smiled at the display.

“So what do we do now?” Maud asked. “We have an alien overlord bearing down on us and no idea how to get home. As for the other stuff, me, Limestone and Marble have accepted that you are you. As long as you care for Pinkie like we do, you could be an escapee from Tartarus for all we care and we’ll still love you.”

“I have an idea,” Pinkie declared. “Let’s have a party to celebrate us saving everyone from those icky nightmare simulations.”

“Party after Zinyak is dead, remember?” Pinkamena reminded her.

“Oh yeah, how about we get everyone together and watch a movie?”

“Any suggestions?”

“How about the last movie that was ever made on Earth?”

“You mean that one the Saints starred in with a title that sounds like a mix between a rip-off of an existing movie with some kink?”

“Yupperoonie!”

Pinkamena thought about it for a moment then shrugged, “Eh, why not. We’re getting close to the end of our war against Zinyak anyway so taking some time off to watch a movie might not hurt.”

After the meeting, the Pie sisters headed out of the room to meet the other Saints.

Limestone stopped Pinkamena from leaving to ask an important question in private, “So what about inheriting the rock farm?”

Pinkamena raised an eyebrow, “Do you seriously believe in that fortune nonsense? Here’s the thing sis, it’s a bunch of malarkey. Maud left home to get her rocktorate because she didn’t believe in that nonsense. I don’t know what Marble plans to do. And when I get back home to Equus, I’m dealing with Celestia’s little detrot gang problem by taking them over and starting my own criminal enterprise. You can inherit the farm if you want, but that’s your choice. But If I were you, I’d forget that fortune nonsense and get my bartending license like I always wanted and open that bar somewhere.”

Limestone no longer barred her sister as the facts slapped her in the face. Her sister made a good point, she didn’t believe in the fortune as much as her sisters did. Limestone couldn’t believe how foolish she was.

The grumpy mare resolved to get that license the moment they return home, if they did.

After the movie announcement was made, Asha and Ben asked Pinkamena and Octavia to help them with their tasks while Asha also had a training scenario prepared for herself and Octavia.

While Kinzie was searching through the Zin archive for the movie, Pinkamena and Octavia entered the simulation to deal with their tasks.

Ben wanted a second act to write about and Pinkamena was tasked with making it exciting. “Hope he doesn’t mind horror with his action,” she thought.

Her first task was another virus injection. Using her Singularity Gun, she gathered her enemies around her before she used her new Blast on them. The blast took the shape of a knife that stabbed one enemy in the chest before he exploded into a wide assortment of knives in all directions that caused each victim to explode into blood and viscera.

She grabbed another enemy in her Telekinesis which drained them of their life force. She held her victim next to another group of attackers who were blown away by the explosion caused when the held victim expired.

Pinkamena was unable to test out the rest of her powers because the virus injection completed too quickly.

She moved on to her next task which was the assassination of another rogue program that went by the name Zinnimda. Once spotted, Pinkamena decided to kill the program in style by jumping as high as she could before diving toward the unsuspecting program. She pulled out her Knightmare and splattered the program over the pavement and created a huge crater in the process.

Pinkamena tested her modified Stomp ability on a Zin patrol in The Grove. The entire patrol was instantly impaled on a variety of knives that rose from the ground.

Another virus injection awaited the madmare. This time she tested her Buff power. Things became horrific for the next few seconds as the area around her turned monochrome, her coat, mane and tail turned various shades of gray, black and white. Her mane danced outward in numerous directions. Her eyes became pitch black, as if one were to look into them and see nothingness. Her teeth were sharpened to points where the tips were soaked in blood.

The enemies that showed up froze in fear while some that were able to move ended up shooting themselves so they wouldn’t have to feel such terror anymore. Those who remained melted into blood and guts.

When the Buff wore off, Kinzie screamed through the audio, “Warn us next time you do that! Matt fainted and some of us nearly had a heart attack, me included!”

“In my defense, I had no idea my Buff ability was going to do that. How did Ben take it?”

“He’s scribbling vigorously about what he saw. I swear, for him to see such horror and write about it, he could give Stephen King a run for his money.”

No more enemies showed up after that scare so the virus injection finished with no problems.

Pinkamena returned to the ship to prepare the popcorn popper.

Octavia had no problem with her tasks.

She started by taking out one of the few remaining Zin patrols remaining in the simulation from a distance with her sniper rifle. She defended another virus injection point by distorting time in her favor. To the naked eye, it would seem like groups of enemies were each shot in the head in an instant.

Octavia’s finesse and speed as well as her temporal abilities made the task of stabilizing CID’s last rift, which was a speed rift, trivial.

The musical mare finished Asha’s list with a light jog through the airport, which translated to a simple race through the system.

Instead of returning to the ship however, Asha directed Octavia to a place on Carver Island near the coast. The musical mare had a feeling that this matter had to do with the scenario that Asha had set up so she headed directly there.

Asha briefed Octavia upon arrival. “Maybe you’re familiar with this type of scenario, A VIP is in town and it’s our responsibility to see she safely arrives at all three spots on her route. Along the way, we will encounter scenarios typical of a VIP escort job.”

“Yes, I am familiar with such tasks. I have been called upon to escort Canterlot nobles through the...less savory...parts of town. Most of the time nothing dangerous happens, but I take care not to let my guard down.”

“Aces! Then let’s see you put those skills to the test. For the duration of the scenario, Matt has disabled your powers.”

“That is acceptable, I must take care not to be spoiled by such gifts.”

Looking at the VIP, Octavia recognized the face of Tammy Tolliver, a host of Genkibowl.

“I’ll drive, be on the lookout for hostiles,” Asha ordered. Octavia nodded.

The drive to the first store was uneventful. Asha drove Octavia and Tammy to a Planet Cyber. The musical mare rolled her eyes at Vinyl’s hoofwork.

Asha pointed at some random tough-looking person and asked her to evaluate him as a threat. Octavia couldn’t sense any hostilities from the person but for some reason Tammy walked up to the guy and beat his face in.

“Well, that happened,” Octavia commented.

“Indeed,” Asha agreed.

On the way to the second store, a Friendly Fire, Asha warned of possible danger at the next stop.

Asha stayed close to the VIP while Octavia found a vantage point on a nearby roof. She stayed vigilant for a few minutes as the VIP made her purchase. Asha asked if the coast was clear. Looking around, Octavia spotted snipers on the roof getting into position.

“We have snipers on the rooftops. Do not leave the store until I say so,” Octavia warned.

The musical mare began shooting the snipers one by one. Her excellent vision made spotting the snipers effortless. Once the snipers were dead, she called Asha and the VIP out of the building while she got off the roof to join the two in the car.

“You have good eyes,” Asha complimented.

Octavia smirked, “How did you think I was able to shoot that lookout way back then?”

The next stop was when things really became intense. An enemy ambush turned into a problem when a large number of enemies attacked. Asha tried to contact Matt to find out why he intensified the resistance but it turned out that Zinyak decided to tamper with the scenario as he bragged about his alterations.

Octavia and Asha dealt with the ambush while the MI6 agent called in a rescue vehicle. It turned out that the rescue vehicle was also hostile so Octavia shot it down with her AT rifle.

The helicopter destroyed the VIP’s car so they took another car to the extraction point.

However, instead of an extraction, they got a large gift box. From the box, emerged Genki. The man-cat pointed a rocket launcher at Tammy’s car and blew it up along with Tammy. Once that was done, Genki started glowing with the usual indicator of having a shield and had an aura of rainbow lights and stars.

Asha cursed as the cat proved invincible.

“In this situation, superpowers are definitely necessary,” Octavia commented.

“Oh, yes. Matt, can you hear me? We need some powers ASAP.”

“Coming right up,” Matt said just before Asha and Octavia were empowered.

Using a Blast, Octavia knocked out Genki’s shield and slowed him while Asha unleashed her arsenal on Genki. Between the two of them, Super Genki was quickly put down.

After congratulating each other for a job well done, the two returned to the ship to get ready for the movie diversion.

Everyone gathered in the cargo bay around a large screen that was built by Vinyl. The Saints gathered every seat they could from all over the ship. Once the cargo bay had been converted to an indoor theater, Playa grabbed the remote and started the movie.

The first thing they saw was a few interviews with actors, including Zinyak.

“Wait, if Zinyak is the enemy, how did he get a part in this?” Limestone asked.

“Because this is what Saints Row 4 might have been if Volition didn’t decide to scrap the project in favor of the scenario we’re in now,” Pinkie answered.

“That doesn’t make any...whatever, what’s this supposed to be about anyway?”

“Trust me Limestone, you do not want to take this movie seriously,” Pinkamena warned. “It’s pretty much incomplete content that displays an alternate scenario where the Zin attack the real Steelport after Playa decided to go after Killbane and left Shaundi to die.”

“Who’s Killbane?”

“No one important.”

The first actual footage was of the Saints fighting off an invasion of Zin in Steelport. Zinyak was demanding the city’s surrender and Josh Birk sacrificed himself to kill some giant one-eyed Zin.

Limestone was still confused by what was going on while Pinkamena tried to assure her that the whole thing was intentionally nonsense. Everyone knew that the movie sucked but the purpose of seeing it was to make fun of how bad it was.

“Did the directors not have time to film the rest of the scene?” Johnny asked.

“You get what you get with a low budget,” Pierce said.

The next scene involved getting to Mayor Pierce Washington’s office while inside a vehicle with a giant head resembling Johnny on it.

“I’d say they got the proportions just right for that vehicle,” Pierce commented.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Johnny asked warily.

Once at the office, Pierce directed Playa to his car which was a tank. Playa went on a rampage in the tank while asking how Pierce found Zinyak. Pierce told him that he hacked the Zin network.

“They really need to get their facts straight,” Kinzie commented.

“So, if you were involved in these events Pinkamena, where were you?” Marble asked.

“I didn’t want to take part in this stupid version so the directors retconned me to where Discord decided that he would take me and my friends home without showing that in any of the content.”

The first part ended when Playa drove the tank to Zinyak’s headquarters and killed the alien overlord using a series of unnecessary button prompts that didn’t make the fight look any better.

“Kinda lame, he didn’t even put up a fight,” Limestone said.

“I know, the least they could have done was jazz up the fight a little,” Gilda added.

The next part involved the Saints being in the simulation somehow. Donnie was also involved and he was playing the role of some kind of guru who taught playa how to use superpowers.

Playa and Donnie tracked down the Dominatrix, an A.I. who took control of the Zin fleet and the simulation, and fought, only for her to disappear and split herself into multiple forms to capture Pierce and Shaundi.

Playa had to fight off the Dominatrix’s forces composed of gimps with dildo bats. He also encountered tanks with dildos on the main barrel and dildo-shaped VTOLs.

Limestone raised an eyebrow about what she was seeing before looking at the Saints, “You humans have no self-control.”

Pinkamena started laughing uproariously when she heard that. Limestone tilted her head in confusion as she saw her sister laughing. Pinkie addressed her sister’s confusion. “It’s funny because she said the same thing a few years ago. Pierce even had a sex doll collection at one time.”

Limestone couldn’t stop herself from laughing when she heard that. Maud cracked a noticeable smile.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” Pierce sighed. “Ponies…”

After Playa saved Shaundi, Pierce and Donnie, who failed miserably at saving Shaundi, Kinzie called Playa to her location where she had a plan to trap the Dominatrix into one body so she couldn’t clone herself anymore.

While Kinzie was making her long-winded explanation of her plan, Pierce fast forwarded the movie to get past the jargon. That earned him a slap in the back of the head by the female hacker.

Once the A.I. was drawn to the location, Playa activated the nodes around him and trapped the Dominatrix into one form.

Kinzie didn’t specify which one.

The Dominatrix disappeared to an unknown part of the simulation, ending part two.

The next part showed the Saints continuing their interview with Jane Valderamma. They discussed the various nebulous tasks needed to find the Dominatrix until finding the A.I. in a sex club and the hoops they had to go through to meet her.

When the scene played, Playa was in BDSM gear carrying a dildo bat. In order to meet the Dominatrix, he had to please her right hand man, Dom Inator the Dom. His first task was to put the subs in furry costumes in their cages.

Next, he wanted Playa to service a client. When he found out it was Zimos, things got really awkward.

Most of the movie’s audience cringed when they saw what might have happened but was thankful that it didn’t happen.

“Ugh, as curious as I am to see two stallions fucking one another, I’d rather not have it involve old stallions,” Gilda commented. “It’s like watching Grandpa Gruff doing it with Gallus...eww.”

“Anyone have some brain bleach?” Limestone asked.

“I’d watch that,” Maud said.

Pinkamena rolled her eyes, “Of course you would…”

Playa was next tasked with taking out the competition for a chariot race. Playa went from room to room bashing subs with his dildo bat. When he went back to Dom, the Dom laughed and gloated that the Saints leader made it easier for him to win the chariot race.

After that, the entire club attacked Playa. He pulled out his guns and started shooting down the army of subs before targeting the Dom and killing him.

Playa still had a chariot race to win so he called Zimos to be his pony for the race.

After a brief period of the movie displaying colored bars, the scene changed to the chariot race with Zimos pulling and Playa shooting the competition. He targeted the pullers and caused chariots to explode. Once the last chariot blew up, Playa won the race by being the only one left.

“Exploding chariots?! That doesn’t make sense!” Limestone shouted.

“Apply the same reasoning here that you would for Pinkie’s antics,” Pinkamena advised.

“I didn’t think there could be anything in this universe that could be as nonsensical as Pinkie.”

Pinkie ate a cupcake as big as her in one gulp without her gut expanding. The Saints paid it no mind.

The next part involved the Dominatrix sending Paul, the titanic soda can, to terrorize the city. The Saints’ plan was to drive a ship inside Paul’s body and destroy his brain with a cargo load of pop rocks.

The scene was a typical body adventure where they blasted cells from Paul’s immune system before they made it into his brain, dumped the cargo where they had to shake the ship to get it out, and desperately escaped to reach Paul’s lid so they could blast it open and escape.

The escape was a no budget rendition of a stage crew member playing with a toy ship and a toy Paul that was pouring purple liquid.

The Equestrians each had an expression on their faces that mimicked Maud’s expression. It was Octavia who spoke first, “Whoever was in charge of managing the budget for this movie was a complete novice at financial management.”

“Or a complete slacker,” Vinyl added.

“There weren’t a lot of applicants willing to be a part of the making of the movie so we were scraping the bottom of the barrel to get the movie made,” Playa said.

“Those toys probably cost about ten percent of their budget at least,” Treehugger commented.

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

The fifth and final part of the movie involved one final fight with the Dominatrix and her dildo tanks and VTOLs. While the fight was okay and the Dominatrix was finally defeated, the ending was completely unexpected as they were visited by alien velociraptors who the Saints rode out of the collapsing simulation.

What followed was the Saints being rewarded by the Velociraptor King, Cirano. Pierce got a dinosaur with guns. Donnie got respect. Kinzie got vengeance, for what or against whom was never mentioned. Shaundi married Cirano and Playa just wanted to go bowling with the king.

With that, the movie ended.

“I’m pretty sure whoever wrote that movie was on crack,” Pinkamena commented.

“C’mon, dinosaurs are awesome,” Pierce said.

“What’s a dinosaur?” Treehugger asked.

“You know about dragons?” Playa asked. The Equestrians nodded. “They’re like dragons but they dont breathe fire and most don’t have wings. Those velociraptors are examples of their kind.”

“Sounds made up,” Limestone said.

“Actually, they used to be very real until millions of years ago when an asteroid hit the Earth and altered the climate. The surviving dinosaurs couldn’t adapt to the new climate so they were all wiped out,” Ben explained.

“How awful,” Marble whimpered.

“How do you even know they were even real?” Limestone asked.

“Museums. Lots of them had their skeletons on display,” Kinzie explained.

Nothing else was said. With the movie over, the Saints left the cargo bay to get ready for the next phase in their plan to eliminate Zinyak.

Author's Note

Seems like I go further down the rabbit hole when it comes to Pinkamena's abilities. Especially since I based her Buff form off of Alice's Hysteria mode. As I said in the last chapter, results may vary. Among them are fear-induced suicide, Arc of the Covenant style melting, traumatization, heart attacks and any other fear-based effects.