One could say a lot about Pinkie Pie. She was odd, even by her family’s standards. She was hyperactive most of the time. She ate several times her own body mass in food and burned off the calories in seconds. She had unexplainable abilities, some of which were inherited by her big sister Pinkamena. She shattered the fourth wall so often that others may question whether or not she had a deep-seated hatred for that particular piece of storytelling. Finally, she didn’t know the meaning of “personal space”.

But if there was one part of her that was loved the most by everyone, she really knew how to throw a good birthday party.

Today was a special day for two of the Saints who shared the same birthday. While the two of them were away on a different part of the ship which served as their new home, the others were getting into position to surprise the two.

Standing behind a large cake that was in the shape of a giant teacup were Shaundi, Pierce, Johnny, Asha, Matt, Playa and his new majordomo, Zinjai. Johnny and Pierce were holding pool cues. Unfortunately, Ben and Keith were unable to attend because someone had to manage the Zin Empire, but they did send their regards.

Standing in front of the cake were Gilda, Treehugger, Octavia, Vinyl, Pinkamena, Maud, Limestone and Marble who was shyly hiding behind Maud.

Kinzie and Moondancer soon entered the rec room and saw the group briefly before they shouted “Surprise!!!” Pinkie appeared out of nowhere, mere inches from the birthday girls as she shouted.

When Moondancer saw the setup, seeing that even Pinkamena was in attendance, she smiled as a single tear rolled down her right eye. They remembered her birthday and the one pony that she cared about most in her life was there with her. This was already shaping up to be the best birthday she ever had.

“What is all this?” Kinzie asked as if she had never seen anything like she was seeing before.

“It’s your birthday, Kinzie...” Johnny answered.

“Yours and Moondancer’s,” Pinkie added.

“Wait,” Moondancer turned to Kinzie, “You have the same birthday as me?”

“So?” Kinzie said, still not getting what the big deal is.

“You’ve never been to a birthday party?” Shaundi asked.

“No.”

“Like, not even growing up?” Playa asked.

“I went to the School of the America’s since kindergarten, we didn’t really do ‘birthday parties’.”

“But you celebrated Christmas?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Kinzie snapped. She started to walk away. Pinkie was beginning to feel sad for Kinzie.

Matt stepped in to save the party. “Oh Kinzie, this is going to be so much fun: Pinkie made a cake, Jane Austen is here, we’ll play some games…”

The last part caught Kinzie’s interest. She paused and turned to look at Matt. “What sort of games?”

The festivities were in full swing. Pierce was giving Jane Austen a manicure. Zinjai and Asha were playing Pin the Tail on the Pony with CID who had her sensors disabled.

CID was spun around on her torso so that her upper body was facing a random direction. She was unable to detect the error in her positioning and ended up moving forward before crashing into the board with the picture of a tailless pony. She fell over with the board.

The other human Saints were around a table with a ouija board in the center while the Equestrians were near them. Moondancer was looking at the presents her friends had gotten her. Gilda, with Pinkie’s assistance, made her a batch of her grandmother’s secret recipe biscuits. Thanks to the party mare, they were quite flakey. Treehugger gave Moondancer a bong. While the book-loving unicorn was usually not one for drugs, she had to admit that there were times when she needed to de-stress. Octavia played one of her favorite songs to Moondancer with her cello. Vinyl downloaded a number of songs that were taken from the Zin archive and placed on a miniature storage device. A music player that could use that device was also included in the package. Maud sculpted a small statuette of Moondancer. Limestone, practicing for her bartending license, mixed her first drink. When it was acceptable, she made enough of it to fill a bottle and gave the bottle to Moondancer. Marble gave Moondancer a potted plant that was starting to sprout from the soil. Pinkie, somehow knowing what Moondancer’s favorite foods were, gave her a basket of those foods.

Pinkamena’s gift was an interesting one. The madmare didn’t want Moondancer to reveal to the others what the gift was because it would make the party atmosphere take an awkward turn. Moondancer knew what it was and hugged Pinkamena tightly. The madmare was tough enough to withstand the squeeze and returned the hug.

It was then that Pinkie started shaking violently, her Pinkie Sense was alerting her to a real doozy of an event about to happen. “I wonder what this could be?” Pinkie wondered.

“Seriously?!” Pinkamena shouted. “Earth blew up and you never vibrated like that even once. Only now are you having one of your ‘doozy’ moments?”

“I can’t control how it works, Mena. Whatever it is, it’s big.”

It was then that everyone at the nearby table stood up. The Equestrians looked at the group. “Jezebel? Who the fuck is…” Playa was interrupted when a fiery rift opened behind him and sucked him inside. The ouija board landed on the floor where the Saints leader was.

“Is that not normal?” Kinzie asked.

Johnny grabbed Matt by the collar and demanded to know where the board came from. Matt claimed that it came from Zinyak’s artifact collection. He claimed the board once belonged to someone named Alister Crowley.

Kinzie noticed that the board was laughing at them as the cursor on the board was repeatedly moving between the letters ‘H’ and ‘A’. Johnny didn’t like the board’s sense of humor so he shot the object with his gun. “I think you’re a smart enough piece of wood to see where this is going...you ready to cooperate?” Johnny threatened. The board moved the cursor to ‘Yes’.

While the Saints were ready to mount a rescue of their boss, Johnny would not accept any of their help. Matt tried to protest but withdrew the protest when Johnny put him in charge. He secretly told Shaundi that he wasn’t serious about that.

Kinzie, however, was adamant about going with Johnny. Since he was unable to dissuade her, Johnny gave in to her demands.

“We’re going too,” Pinkamena declared.

“No chance,” Johnny said. “It’s bad enough that she’s coming with me, there’s no need in putting the rest of you in danger.”

The board said otherwise as it moved to the letters, ‘T,H,E,P,O,N,I,E,S,M,U,S,T,C,O,M,E,O,R,N,O,D,E,A,L’

“Since when was the board in a position to make demands?”

“I don’t think we have much choice,” Shaundi said.

“Fine.” Johnny put the cursor back on the board while Johnny, Kinzie, Shaundi and Pinkamena put a hand or hoof on it. “Do you know where my friend is?”

‘H,E,L,L’

It was then that another rift opened and sucked in Johnny, Kinzie and all of the Equestrians into it.

Johnny landed on a slab of rock with a large red star on it. He soon had the wind knocked out of him as he was suddenly piled on by Kinzie and a bunch of ponies. Gilda was able to land nearby thanks to her wings.

Everyone quickly got off of Johnny so they could look around them. There was fire, lava, rock and tall buildings as far as the eye could see.

Octavia spotted a billboard that advertised Ultor with a man’s face on it along with the slogan, ‘A bright future and a better afterlife’. “Gilda, do you remember that person?” She pointed to the billboard.

Gilda looked at the billboard. “Yeah I remember him. He’s the asshole who moved his company into Stilwater to renovate the slums and hired some former Saints who betrayed us. Worse, was that when we eliminated the gangs that took over Stilwater after Playa fell into a coma, he tried to take us out with his private army. Me, Huggs and Mena encased him in cement and buried him in the remains of the church he renovated.”

“So, this is Hell, huh?” Pinkamena mused. “Not a bad place, but too much of one theme. Could use some more variety.”

“We need more information,” Octavia said. “It would be unwise to roam through this realm blindly. Perhaps that man might have information that we might be able to use to locate our missing Saint.”

“Or maybe Dane Vogel’s behind it all,” Johnny offered. “Wouldn’t put it past him to pull this shit.”

“I would think he would have more of a grudge against me than Playa. Wouldn’t make sense to kidnap Playa when I would simply take over the Saints should anything happen to him,” Pinkamena reasoned.

“True. Either way, let’s go pay Dane a visit.”

With a direction to take, Pinkamena focused on the state of the group. Kinzie was looking around in curiosity. Most of her friends and family seemed to be taking the change in atmosphere pretty well except for Marble and Pinkie. It was understandable with Marble but Pinkie was looking very uncomfortable. “What’s the matter, Pinkie?” the madmare asked.

“This place feels like every party foul imaginable is happening at the same time. So much sadness and suffering in the air. It’s like happiness doesn’t exist here.”

“That’s kinda what Hell is,” Johnny explained.

“This place is kinda what I always imagined Tartarus would be like,” Pinkamena mused.

“Hey guys, there’s roads here. Let’s find some cars and go find Vogel,” Kinzie offered.

Gilda flew upward to get a better view of the area. She spotted their destination to the northeast, a large building that said ‘Ultor’ on it. She landed and relayed the information.

The group found a few cars on the road, worn and very beaten up. They looked like they could fully break down at any time. With few options, the group took the cars and headed toward the Ultor building. Kinzie, Johnny and Pinkie were driving the other ponies while Gilda flew close behind them.

On the way, they noticed a number of monster trucks with wheels that were almost as big as Celestia. The red and blue lights atop the vehicles indicated that they were the local law enforcement. Despite making sure to leave them alone, some of the vehicles were tempted to crush them. Octavia noticed their unprovoked attack and destroyed one of the vehicles with her AT rifle while Gilda started blasting some from above with her RPG.

“If they wish to behave this way, then we will need to find an alternate means of travel,” Octavia offered.

“That will be put on our list of priorities,” Pinkamena answered. “For now, let’s find Dane and get some answers.”

After some harassment from the locals, the group arrived at the entrance to the Ultor building. Once inside, Dane was waiting for them in the lobby, leaning against the reception desk. “Welcome to Hell,” he greeted.

Noticing the distinct lack of staff, Kinzie wondered about that but figured that since they were in Hell, Dane likely had to do everything himself.

“Where’s the President?” Johnny demanded.

“Straight to business, I see. I like that. Let’s talk in my office.”

Onice in his office, Dane explained the political climate of Hell and how messing with Satan’s belongings would easily get them land rights in Hell.

“You seem to be skipping some transitions, Vogel,” Pinkamena stated. “Since we seem to be going from Playa’s location to taking Satan’s lands, am I to assume the action relates to rescuing him?”

“Very astute, I’m actually less miffed that you killed me.” Vogel showed a black card with gold inscription. It read,

Dane Vogel,

you are cordially invited

to the black union of

Jezebel

Mephistopheles

&

the President

of the United States

held in traditional custom

at Great Serpent’s Chapel

The happy couple is

registered at

King Herod’s

“First, can you tell me who Jezebel is?” Pinkamena asked.

“Satan’s daughter. He’s wedding her off and my sources say that she has no choice in the matter.”

“Sounds about right for someone like him. Since we’ve been talking about land rights earlier, what does that have to do with the wedding?”

“I’m glad you asked. These invitations are tied to the soul. You can’t get into Satan’s castle without one. But you can get in if you piss him off enough by destroying his stuff, killing his minions, and disrupting the flow of currency around here. I know of key people in the five districts surrounding Satan’s castle who will be able to help. Two of them you may be familiar with. Other things I can tell you is that Satan leaves the day to day to five Archdukes. You’ll find them at the marshalling grounds at each of the districts.”

“In other words, yet another city takeover…” Pinkamena groaned.

“Actually, there’s more. But this is a matter that concerns you more than anyone else in this room. It has to do with that matter Santa tried to dodge.”

“He never did explain that whole ‘candidate’ thing. He used Zinyak as an excuse to avoid the subject.”

“Well I’m not under any oath of secrecy. So how about a deal, I give away what Santa’s been hiding, and you help me establish Ultor in Equestria.”

“I take it that you know the way back.”

“Of course I do, but it relates to the subject so I’m gonna need an agreement. I can assure you that there’s nothing underhanded about this. I’m a progressive man and I want to expand Ultor into as many markets as I can. I don’t care if I have to become a pony to expand my corporation.”

Pinkamena put a hoof to her chin as she thought about Dane’s offer. There were likely other ways for her to obtain the info so he wasn’t really in a good position. She could beat up Satan for the info. On the other hoof, it might be interesting to see what Ultor could do in Equestria and to see a battle between Dane’s progressive corporate mind versus Celestia’s thousand years of political experience. Even Discord would love to see what became of that. Frankly, she would too.

“I think I know of a place where you can set up. I intend to bring the gangs of Detrot under my control. From there, the criminal underworld. Assist me with the endeavor and you will have your corporate headquarters.” Pinkamena held out a hoof. Dane reached a hand out and shook Pinkamena’s hoof.

“Hey Mena, are you really gonna trust this guy?” Johnny asked.

“Not entirely, I’m not a fool. If he does step out of line, I’ll rip him apart, piece by piece, and make sure he is alive and conscious to feel every moment of pain that comes with it.”

“Noted,” Dane said with a gulp. “Onto my part of the deal, I’m sure you’re aware of the realm called Tartarus, correct?” Pinkamena nodded. “The gate on your world is actually one of four that once existed on Earth. In fact, Hell was actually a byproduct of the creation of Tartarus. The two realms are connected and you can get to Tartarus if one of the three existing Underworld Gods lets you in there.”

“So how did our gate end up in our world?”

“A long, long time ago before humanity’s existence, God created the Earth and mankind in seven days. He left the building blocks of the future but no means to set humanity on its course to today. While Satan bestowed knowledge upon humanity through treachery, what really shaped the world in its early days after God left the material on Earth were the Titans: colossal beings that shaped the land into what Earth was before Zinyak blew it up.

“However, those things decided that they wanted to rule humanity since they felt like they did all the work. God couldn’t have that so he created numerous pantheons of lesser gods to watch over humanity. He created Tartarus and sealed the Titans away. Three of the doors were watched over by pantheons: the Greek, the Egyptian, and the Norse. While there are other pantheons, they are irrelevant in this discussion. The fourth gate was underneath a doomed little island that was later settled by the Greeks. They called it Atlantis.

“Each of the three relevant pantheons had one Underworld God to guard their gate. Hades guards the Greek gate, Osiris guards the Egyptian gate and Hel guards the Norse gate. Atlantis never got an Underworld God and Hades couldn’t guard both gates.

“This all happened during an age that was magically wiped from humanity’s minds, an age where magical creatures roamed the land. The folly of mankind revealed itself when they were tempted by one of the Titans, Kronos, to break open the gates to Tartarus. The good of mankind, backed by the gods, were able to thwart their attempts at the guarded gates. However, they nearly succeeded with the Atlantis gate and so Zeus and Poseidon had to work together to sink the island and drown the bad guys under the waves.

“When God found out what happened, he couldn’t risk a repeat in the future so he stripped the world of its magic and magical creatures and relocated each gate to four different worlds. The pantheons went with them. The irrelevant pantheons, without magic in the world, faded away to nothingness. While memories of the gods remained, the magic associated with them didn’t and they were remembered as mere myths.

“As for the Titans, the spatial disruption that occurred during the transfer tore them apart and they all died. The realm is now a glorified prison for wicked souls nowadays.

“The current problem is that since the Atlanteans were originally Greek by origin and at some point worshipped the Titans like a bunch of idiots, There was no pantheon to guard the Atlantis gate and the world that it got sent to, Equus, had to create its own gods from among the magically uplifted species among that world. The first two are your princesses.

“What about Discord?” Pinkamena asked.

“About that, Discord was originally a creation from the Greek pantheon. Apparently some goddess named Eris created an apple that was made to sow discord among her fellow gods. While the apple was locked away for a time, Zeus decided that he needed a pair of eyes in Equestria to view Celestia’s and Luna’s progress. He took the apple and had it transformed into the draconequus that you know of. Zeus transferred Discord to Celestia’s pantheon but since Celestia’s still a young goddess by god standards, she is known for her young and foolish ideas such as when her sister was throwing a fit about not being loved, she got sealed away in her moon for a thousand years while Discord was young too and his ways got him sealed in stone.

“The fact that no progress had been made for her to grow her pantheon for a thousand years, the leaders of the other pantheons, Zeus, Ra and Odin, were growing impatient with her. What the old fogeys don’t understand is that Celestia doesn’t have the experience that the other gods have while they are expecting her to just know what to do. Celestia wasn’t blessed with knowledge from God unlike the others.

“The situation she’s in now is that the others have lost their patience with her and are now demanding that she appoint an Underworld God or Goddess to guard the Atlantis gate. The other pantheons have agreed to back off and let Celestia handle her own pantheon if she can at least do that. Right now, there is one potential candidate who can fill that role; some pony who can witness the horrors of Tartarus and smile as if she were right at home with it. Somepony like you.”

“Are you serious!?” Pinkamena yelled in anger. “They want somepony like me to become an alicorn just so they have a goddess protecting their precious gate? Why can’t they just create an Underworld God and transfer them to Equus like with Discord?”

“It’s one thing to create a god and put them in charge of a concept, it’s another to create one and put them in charge of a prison that was created by a being higher than them. Among the pantheons, there are three primary gods each while the rest are secondary. The Greek spots are filled by Zeus, Poseidon and Hades. The Egyptian spots are filled by Ra, Isis and Osiris while the Norse ones are held by Odin, Thor and Hel. The Atlantean three are Celestia, Luna while the third is currently vacant. Even the other pantheons are incapable of creating a primary. This is because primaries are, as a rule of thumb, the most powerful members of their pantheon and they can't create anything that equal themselves. In the case of Equestrians, one must ascend to the position.”

“What about that one Celestia appointed recently, Mi Amore Cadenza?” Pinkamena asked.

“Because that isn’t allowed. The third seat must always be filled by an Underworld God or Goddess. Unless Celestia or Luna give up their spots, Cadenza will always be a secondary.”

“So basically, they want a psychopath like me to fill the last primary slot.” Pinkamena sighed. “They're a bunch of idiots. I’ll think about it but there are no guarantees that I will agree to this. If I refuse and the other gods decide to intervene, I’ll just have to tear their armies apart.”

Dane chuckled, “Yeah, good luck with that. For now, you have some associates of mine to save and a city to take over. Shouldn’t take you as long as it would in your previous endeavors since it wouldn’t take much to piss off the big guy.”

With that, the group prepared to leave the Ultor building and raise hell in Hell.

Author's Note

One last bit of world expansion to add to a Saints Row expansion.