Misconceptions

by MLPchan_write-off

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random
Length: 29320

An anthology of stories with the Prompt: Misconceptions

This is the anthology for the Write off hosted by MLPchan's /fic/ board. This round's writing prompt was: Misconceptions.

If you'd like to vote on these stories, follow this link.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-31 12:24:02 UTC

Spar Day

Rarity enjoyed taking long walks through the park in her spare time. She found something special in the peaceful serenity of the calming atmosphere. The grass was a dark green that made it look delectable to even the most high class pony, and Rarity was, of course, one of the few ponies with any class in Ponyville. The sky was the deepest shade of blue which, Rarity was certain, matched her eyes perfectly. The sun beamed happily down on the park’s inhabitants, making Rarity’s own coat shine a grade above everypony else’s, she thought.

            Often, during these rare occasions where she had free time, Rarity would stare longingly at the love-struck ponies that filled the benches of the park. Making eyes at each other, holding hooves, giggling at unspoken words… Rarity sighed. One day she would have a stallion of her own. The only reason she didn’t have one yet was because she was holding out for somepony special.

            After all, there was no way a pony of such high caliber would settle for anything less than spectacular. Rarity was in a completely different league and there were few colts that would ever suffice to stand in her presence, let alone touch her silky, smooth mane. The white unicorn had read enough romance novels to know exactly what she needed in her mate.

            ‘They must combat my fabulousness,’ she reasoned. ‘Opposites do attract, after all.’ Rarity passed the flocks of happy couples that seemed to stampede to the park on warm and inviting days like these. As she went, her eyes began to glaze over dreamily. Soon, she was no longer seeing the interlocked manes of the ponies around her, but instead found herself in an unknown pony’s embrace.

‘My pony must be strong. Very toned and muscular, but not too bulky, or else they would never fit in my better designs. Of course they must be brave and honest, capable of defending my honor when danger, like ponies with bad fashion sense hitting on me, strikes. Color matters, too. Oh yes, they must go with my own style. Perhaps something bold and brash. Blue, to match my eyes? And their mane…’

Rarity was contemplating the more intricate details of her ideal mate when something fluttering in the distance caught her eye. It was the flicker of a rainbow. ‘Yes!’ Rarity thought, concealing a goofy grin. ‘A rainbow mane. How bold! How brash! How daring! And it will clash with everything, yet somehow it seems to match everything. It’s just the sort of spice that will complement my own regality. It’s everything I need in a mare! Wait, I mean…’

Before Rarity could analyze her own thoughts, the rainbow she had seen a moment ago zoomed into view once again. Then, the light from the sun seemed to fade away. Rarity blinked and looked up. Looming in front of the sun was the sleek and athletic body of a pegasus. They were shrouded in darkness, positioned directly in front of the sun, but Rarity found her mouth opening wordlessly at their impeccable figure and the dazzling charm and confidence that seemed to emanate from them so mysteriously.

‘The perfect stallion,’ she thought to herself with a small smile. ‘Oh, I must find out who that is at once!’ She was sure that the pony was looking right at her. There were a few tense moments where their eyes were locked and Rarity could hear nothing else but their hearts beating in perfect harmony. And then, as if the pony blocking the sun had read her thoughts, Rarity watched as they dropped carelessly out of the sky, nose-diving towards the ground. All that was left of the beautiful creature was a streak of rainbows.

Rarity gasped and ran towards the direction of the plummeting pegasus. She couldn’t quite see where they had landed, or if they had touched down at all, but she was determined to find the daring pegasus with the toned body and obvious courage. Only a colt befitting of Rarity could ever pull off a stunt so dangerous.

As Rarity continued running in the direction she had seen the pegasus drop, with no sign of the pony anywhere, she began to get worried. ‘What if they didn’t pull up in time?’ she thought, biting her lip. ‘Oh, how tragic, my love! We are destined to only remember each other in those last moments, where we looked lovingly into each other’s eyes and –’

Any thoughts Rarity had were immediately cut off. There was a moment of pain and confusion where Rarity’s vision became blurred and she was physically knocked off her feet. It only lasted a second. She blinked and she was on the ground, covered in mud. All she could see was the sky. Wait, no, that wasn’t the sky. It was blue fur. Somepony was laying on top of Rarity, dripping mud all over her combed mane.

Angrily, Rarity pushed the pony off of her and jumped up, assessing the damage done to her glowing pelt. Clumps of brown entangled her fur, her cutie mark was invisible behind the splatter, and her purple mane was dripping wet with her normally luxurious locks looking flattened and bland.

“Ugh!” she cried out, turning on the cyan pegasus that had landed on her. “Rainbow Dash! Just what do you think you’re doing?!”

Rainbow Dash stood up and stretched out, shaking herself free of the muddy ground. “Heh. Whoops. Sorry.” She gave her friend an apologetic grin and shrugged. “I was practicing a new move. You kinda got in the way and I didn’t have any time to stop.”

“I got in the way?!” Rainbow Dash took a step back. She didn’t like the crazy gleam in her posh friend’s eye. Rarity took a step forward to match the distance. “I was enjoying a quaint walk through this park, like everypony else! You came out of nowhere and ran into me!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you.”

“Didn’t see me?! You should look where you’re going when you’re flying around an inhabited area!”

“Okay! I said I was sorry.”

Rarity was about to make another comment when a third voice cut through the park. “Wow, Rainbow Dash! That was so super duper cool!”

Rarity and Rainbow Dash both turned to see Pinkie Pie hopping over to them with a wide smile on her face.

“I see you brought your cheering squad,” Rarity deadpanned.

“An athlete needs her fans,” Rainbow Dash replied with a smile and a wink. Rarity rolled her eyes. She watched in disdain as Pinkie Pie immediately jumped on top of Rainbow Dash and pulled her into a huge hug.

There was definitely something up between them, Rarity thought through narrowed eyes. Rainbow Dash was always a little tomboyish and she never seemed interested in the colts around Ponyville the way Rarity was. In fact, Rarity was certain she saw a sly gleam in Rainbow Dash’s eyes as she struggled halfheartedly out of Pinkie’s death grip. And didn’t it seem like Pinkie’s hug lasted a little too long for it to be considered purely friendly?

It was one thing for Rainbow Dash to strut around with that masculine body and rainbow mane, practically shouting her preferences, but it was another thing to drag one of their very good friends into a meaningless relationship filled with frivolous antics and wild behavior! Rarity would be the first to admit that there was a certain charm, perhaps a quality that drew ponies in, that Rainbow Dash possessed. But Rarity knew her blue friend well enough to be sure that Rainbow Dash wasn’t a pony that dwelled on the more intricate feelings and aspects of relationships. She would never make a good marefriend to anypony! If Pinkie thought getting into a romance with Rainbow Dash would lead to anything more than a fling, then she was sorely mistaken.

There was definitely something between them, though. Rarity hid a subtle smile as Rainbow Dash pushed Pinkie off and gave her a glare. Just as the unicorn thought, Pinkie Pie was nothing more than a good time for the pegasus. There was certainly nothing more than that. If Rainbow Dash ever were to settle down, she would need somepony more stable and elegant to tame that wild mane of hers. That beautifully bright, colorful mane…

“Rarity, are you even listening?”

“Hm?” Rarity blinked and moved her eyes from her friend’s haunches, she had momentarily been interested in her friend’s rainbow tail, to her cerise eyes. ‘Such an interesting color,’ Rarity thought, finding herself looking deeply into them. ‘A reddish pink. It goes well with my own deep blue.’

“I was saying I could give you a quick blow job to make up for getting you all muddy.”

Rarity felt her entire face redden. “A blow… What?” Her friend was so crude, so sexual, so rugged, so incredibly open about matters that should be private! How could she go around messing with her friends and not even have the common courtesy to court them like a proper stallion would? The frivolities of mares was one of the many reasons Rarity stuck to colts. Rainbow’s brusque behavior was one of the many indicators of her own preferences.

“It’s my own patented move,” Rainbow Dash replied, looking proud. She didn’t seem to notice her friend’s embarrassment. “I call it the Rainblow Dry! Cool, huh?”

“Err…”

“Here, lemme show you!”

“Oh no, I think I’d rather not –” But Rainbow Dash didn’t listen. Within seconds, she was circling Rarity and creating a rainbow-colored tornado to form. Instantly, it sucked all traces of the mud from Rarity’s pelt. Rainbow Dash landed next to Pinkie, who was giving Rarity an odd look. Rarity blinked and glanced at herself. Rainbow was true to her word; the mud that once covered the white unicorn’s features was gone. Instead, Rarity let out a little squeal as she realized her carefully styled mane was reduced to a frizzy afro.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie looked at Rarity and exchanged looks. Then, simultaneously, they fell into each other laughing.

Rarity bit her lip and felt her eyes watering. She wasn’t sure if her sudden outburst of emotion was from the atrocity of her current hairdo or the very blatant sexual tension between her two friends. She quickly decided it had to have been the former.

“I’m ugly!” Rarity cried out.

“N-No,” Rainbow Dash tried to assure her, biting her lip and squinting to keep from laughing.

“You look…” But Pinkie couldn’t finish her sentence. She fell into another giggling fit. Rainbow tried hard not to break, but soon she was rolling on the floor next to Pinkie, laughing just as hard.

“Ugh! You two are perfect for each other!” Rarity snapped. She ran off before either pony could reply. But they hadn’t heard her anyway. As she streaked towards her boutique, the pair of pranksters continued drowning in their own laughter.

***

            Rarity was having a terrible day. It was supposed to be her day off, which meant absolutely no work. Rarity normally began her day by dolling herself up so that she looked absolutely delightful. The goal was to appear as if she was not trying at all and she was just naturally beautiful. The effect was always perfect, as was everything else Rarity did. Then, she would stroll through the park and look longingly at the loving couples while rejecting the advances made on her by the many less-than-satisfactory suitors that surrounded her. It was an exhausting, yet flattering activity.

            The beginning of her day had gone just as planned. Unfortunately, the unwanted company of a certain cyan pegasus ruined the latter part of her morning. Rarity had spent the rest of her much-deserved contemplative walk back at Carousel Boutique, fixing her horridly disfigured mane.

            The entire mess had made Rarity quite distraught. In fact, she was certain the stress of being forced out in public while that monstrosity sat on her head earned her normally clean and smooth skin a few undesirable pimples. Thankfully, the next item on Rarity’s list was a relaxing afternoon at the spa with Fluttershy. Surely some time with her demure friend would erase all signs of anxiety from her face. Unlike the encounters spent with a certain rainbow-maned pegasus, which threatened to knock Rarity off her very hinges.

‘Don’t think about her,’ Rarity advised herself wisely. ‘No need to waste your thoughts stressing over a pony with so little tact. It does not matter how much style she possesses, or how brave and courageous her stunts tend to be, or even how she can corral a group of ponies with so few words. Her mannerisms are crude and she wraps ponies around her hooves and tosses them out again. Look at what she’s doing to Pinkie! The poor pony is completely taken by that wild pegasus. No one can blame her, of course. But I’ve never seen a hint of stability in that wild pony. Pinkie is just going to get hurt, succumbing to a pony like Rainbow Dash.’

            Rarity found herself in front of Fluttershy’s door. She hadn’t even registered that she had arrived, being so lost in thought. Normally the pair met at the spa, but the unicorn was uncharacteristically early after having her walk through the park cut short that she decided to meet Fluttershy at her cottage. Besides, Rarity could use the excess time to vent her feelings about Rainbow Dash to the timid pony. That is, vent about her anger towards the brash pegasus pony.

            Unfortunately, even that plan seemed destined to be ruined.

            “Come on, Fluttershy!” came the raspy voice Rarity knew all too well. “It’ll take, like, ten seconds.”

            “Oh, I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. Rarity is expecting me at the spa any minute.”

            The voices were coming from inside. Rarity pushed her ear against the door, all thoughts of knocking and letting her presence be known abandoned. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash together? Now that was an odd pairing, Rarity mused. What could Rainbow possibly get out of the yellow pegasus?

            “You guys just lay around in mud with cucumbers in your eyes,” Rainbow Dash complained. “She won’t even notice you’re gone.”

            “That’s not true,” Fluttershy said quietly. Rarity nodded her head vigorously in agreement, pouting. “Rarity talks a lot, too.” There was a hesitant moment where Rarity narrowed her eyes. She was sure the pair were exchanging some sort of look on the other side of the wall. Finally, Fluttershy added, “A-And I listen. Sometimes I even give my inputs.”

            “Wow, fun.” The comment was dripping with sarcasm. Rarity ground her teeth and rolled her eyes. Rainbow Dash knew nothing about the wonders of the spa. Somehow, she maintained a smooth body without the assistance of Aloe and Lotus. Perhaps it was the wind that gave Rainbow that ruggedly sleek appearance.

            “It’s very relaxing.”

            “Just push it back, like, an hour. The mud’s not gonna go anywhere.”

            Rarity’s mind had momentarily stopped listening to the words being spoken and instead was focusing on the quality of Rainbow Dash’s unique voice. The deep, raspy character of it with the occasionally cute little squeak. It was just another reminder of Rainbow Dash’s obvious boyishness. A common trait, Rarity assumed, of mares that were interested in mares, as Rainbow Dash was.

            “W-Well…” Fluttershy appeared to be giving in. Rarity snapped to attention. She should have realized that Rainbow’s charisma and appeal would get the best of Fluttershy, ensnaring the impressionable pony in Rainbow’s lewd grasp.

Quickly, Rarity knocked on the door. In the momentary silence that preluded Fluttershy opening the door, Rarity fussed over herself. She had to look perfect for… well, there didn’t have to be a reason to look perfect. Rarity always conducted herself under the veil of perfection. This moment was just like every other moment.

The door opened to reveal Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash standing in the doorway. Rarity noticed how close they were together and she grimaced slightly. ‘How quick,’ Rarity thought, ‘she went from Pinkie to Fluttershy. Just as I suspected. She has an hour of fun with one friend, which I’m sure meant so much more to Pinkie. And now she’s working her magic on poor Fluttershy, too. Fluttershy, of all ponies! The poor, poor dear.’

“Oh! R-Rarity. Hello,” Fluttershy greeted the white unicorn, glancing away guiltily. Rarity watched her friend’s reaction, wondering exactly what gross act she had prevented from taking place by intruding on their peace. Fluttershy would thank her later for stopping Rainbow Dash from acting on her wily impulses. Rarity could not blame Fluttershy for perhaps being taken by the pegasus pony for her looks and, yes, even her personality. But giving into these temptations would always be regrettable in the morning.

“Long time no see,” Rainbow Dash said with a grin.

“Yes,” Rarity replied curtly. “It’s regrettable we could not have met under better circumstances earlier, Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. But you look really good, Rarity. In fact, you look even better than usual.” Rarity felt a small blush from her friend’s compliment. Especially coming from an unsentimental pony like Rainbow Dash, her words meant a lot. “Maybe it was the mud bath from this morning?” Rarity glared at Rainbow, who gave a snort of laughter, any sign of a blush immediately dissipated.

“That was not a proper mud bath,” Rarity snapped. It was only Rainbow Dash who could send Rarity into fumes this quickly. “In fact, I was just here to get my dear friend Fluttershy for our weekly spa trip.”

“Oh! Um…” Fluttershy receded behind Rainbow Dash, obviously abashed at being dragged into the heated conversation.

Rainbow Dash was undeterred by Rarity’s glare, though. In fact, she gave a scowl that nearly matched Rarity’s own. “Fluttershy was actually saying she wanted to spend some time with me today.”

“Did she now?” Rarity said, staring into Rainbow’s eyes. She found her own resolve wavering for a moment as she noticed the passionate rose-colored tint of Rainbow’s irises, but shook her head and continued. “I’m sure you convinced her of the perks to spending some time with you.”

“Yeah, I did,” Rainbow Dash growled.

“Fluttershy!” Rarity snapped, stomping a hoof on the ground. Fluttershy whimpered and peered out behind Rainbow Dash’s strong legs. Rarity was taken by the fact that Rainbow Dash made a good protectorate, but only for a moment. Just because she had a myriad of good qualities did not make her a suitable mate for anypony. Rarity reminded herself that she had just seen Rainbow Dash undoubtedly fooling around with Pinkie Pie, and now she was already making advances on the unwitting and prudent yellow pegasus.

“Y-Yes?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Do you want to ‘hang out’ with Rainbow Dash, or would you rather accompany your best friend to the spa?”

“Um…” Fluttershy bit her lip and began to retreat behind Rainbow Dash once again. Rarity let out a frustrated scream. Rainbow Dash’s smirk was quickly wiped off her face by one wicked glare from the white unicorn.

“Fine! I’ll make this easy. Celestia knows Rainbow Dash is.” Neither pony noticed the jab at Rainbow Dash’s promiscuity. “Fluttershy, you can have Rainbow Dash for the day. Go to town. I suppose you could use the fun, anyway. I’ll visit the spa by myself. Like Rainbow Dash said, I won’t even notice you aren’t there.”

It was a flatout lie, but Fluttershy was more embarrassed at the realization that Rarity had heard what they were saying about her behind closed doors to notice the crack in the prim and proper unicorn’s voice.

“O-Okay,” Fluttershy said softly. “If you’re sure…”

“Oh, I’m positive!” Rarity chimed, a nasty undertone in her voice. She looked back and forth between them. Fluttershy couldn’t meet her eye, but Rainbow Dash looked as confident and sure of herself as ever.

‘Such a good quality in a pony,’ Rarity thought. ‘If only she had the proper mate to put her multitude of positive traits to good use. Instead, she’s wasting her time with meek ponies like Fluttershy and star struck ponies like Pinkie Pie.’

Rarity gave a little ‘hmph’, whipped her nose into the air, and stalked off. She wasn’t sure why, but she gave her rump an extra little shake as she walked off. That’d give Rainbow Dash something to think about while she took Fluttershy away from her.

As Rarity left, Fluttershy turned to Rainbow Dash and said, “But we aren’t going to town, are we?”

“Well, we’re going above town,” Rainbow Dash replied, also trying to make sense of Rarity’s phrasing. “The clouds are the best place to practice my tricks, after all!” And with a grin, Rainbow Dash blasted into the air. Slower and less sure, Fluttershy trailed after her rainbow-maned friend.

***

            The solo trip was just as horrible as Rarity expected it to be. It was true that Rarity often went to the spa alone; this trip was a lot like those other ones. But it was the principle of the matter that sent Rarity steaming. This was supposed to be her day with Fluttershy. It was embarrassing to go to their usual appointment and tell Aloe and Lotus that today’s spa was only for one when they had prepared for two.

            Still, a spa day was a spa day. No matter how much Rarity wallowed in pity, she could not suppress the ‘ahh’ of relaxation that escaped her lips as she sunk into her mud bath. She even left the place with a smile and a little trot in her step. But even though she was smiling, she was not happy. And she hoped nopony would mistake her chipper exterior for true bliss.

            Because Rarity was angry, very angry. She was fine with Rainbow Dash liking mares. It was a completely acceptable and common thing in Equestria. Just because Rarity was only attracted to colts and stallions didn’t mean she was narrow-minded about the whole thing. The problem was that Rainbow Dash was going around and making all of their friends fall for her; she didn’t even have the decency to date just one pony like a traditional, well-cared for relationship deserved. It seemed more and more like Rarity was the only sensible pony who was not falling for Rainbow’s dashing good looks and smooth talk.

‘Well, Pinkie Pie has always been the crazy one of the group,’ Rarity reasoned. ‘It’s completely understandable why Rainbow Dash would go to her for a good time. And why Pinkie Pie would comply so heartily. And, as much as I love her, Fluttershy gives in very easily. Even without Rainbow Dash’s irresistible charm, Fluttershy would have a very hard time saying no if asked politely.

            ‘Applejack, though, is a very sensible pony. Twilight is, too. There is no way Rainbow Dash will throw herself at either of them and have such an easy time.’ Rarity smiled, and this time there was a hint of relief behind it. ‘I think it’s time to pay my favorite farmpony a visit.’

            Rarity wasn’t completely sure what she would accomplish from this visit; she trudged along the path to Sweet Apple Acres with only Rainbow Dash on her mind. She found herself recounting the moment when she first realized Rainbow Dash was into mares. It wasn’t exactly a specific time or event that Rarity could pinpoint. She just began to notice Rainbow Dash more. The way her eyes seemed to linger over Rarity for maybe a half a second too long, or the closeness of her breath when she would put her face in one’s personal space. There was even that time Rainbow Dash saved Rarity’s life from plummeting to her death during the Young Flier’s Competition. Rarity was certain that Rainbow Dash groped her flank and chest in a surreptitious manner.

            There was no doubt in Rarity’s mind about Rainbow Dash’s sexuality. And while Rainbow Dash never openly said anything, she didn’t try very hard to hide the fact from Ponyville. Rarity could see the growing crush that Rainbow Dash was developing on her, and she couldn’t blame her for it. The white unicorn was, after all, one of the finest specimens to ever grace Celestia’s earth. She even teased the cyan pegasus a little bit, just for some fun. Sometimes, Rarity would graze Rainbow Dash’s toned flank with her tail as she passed, or sidle up close and whisper her words alluringly into her perked ear.

            It was obvious to Rarity how enticed Rainbow Dash was by these encounters. It was almost cute that Rainbow Dash was too nervous to actually act out on her feelings. Of course, Rainbow must have been aware of the fact that Rarity was not into mares in that way. Unfortunately, she would be forced to reject any attempts made by her incredibly attract female friend. Because of this sad realization, Rainbow Dash was left to fill her growing desires with second-bests, like Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. It was sad how Rainbow Dash was leaving a string of heartbreaks behind because she couldn’t have what she deeply wanted.

            While there wasn’t much Rarity could do to combat the bad choices that Rainbow Dash was making, she could protect her other friends from being trapped in the downward spiral of Rainbow Dash’s life. Applejack, Rarity was sure, would see reason and be able to help her stop their friend from ruining her life. As she came into view of the Apple family farm, she scanned the fields for the orange earth pony.

            “Yeehaw, Rainbow Dash! Tha’ was some mighty fine buckin’ fer a pony with her head in the clouds.”

            Rarity felt a knot tightening in her stomach. It had already happened. In the span of the couple hours that Rarity had spent her pampering session at the spa, Rainbow Dash had went from Fluttershy to Applejack. And now, it seemed, Rarity was intruding on the end of the pair’s… bucking.

            “Hey, I’m an athlete,” came the undeniable reply of Rainbow Dash. Rarity searched for any sign of the two ponies, but they weren’t anywhere to be found. “You don’t have to be an earth pony to get down and dirty.”

            “S’pose not,” Applejack mused. “But what it mus’ be like fer you ta do what we do in the clouds. Sometimes Ah wouldn’ mind havin’ me a pair of wings.”

            “It’s totally awesome, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash said, her voice bubbling with excitement. Rarity was drawn to the voice; it was one of child-like wonder and excitement. She found herself moving closer to the sound, hiding herself behind the many apple trees. But still, she couldn’t see a single sign of either Applejack or Rainbow Dash. “But you’re really good at what you do. No pegasus pony can work the way you do. You’ve got that magic touch.”

            “Magic’s fer the unicorns,” Applejack said with a laugh.

            “Whatever. You know what I mean.” And then Rarity saw them. The pair were walking out of the barn, completely alone. Rainbow Dash gave Applejack a playful bump on the rump. Rarity watched, hidden behind a tree, with a frown growing across her face.

            “Oh, Ah know,” Applejack replied with a wink. “Yer callin’ me stronger than a pegasus.”

            “Stronger than any normal pegasus,” Rainbow Dash said quickly. “Remember who’s the Iron Pony here.”

            “Sure, sure.” Applejack rolled her eyes, which turned into a grin that looked rather mischievous to Rarity. She shifted uncomfortably as the ponies she was spying on came rather close to her location. “Ah’ve got some real delicious apple pie waitin’ inside if you wanna stick around for dinner.”

            Rarity stuck out her tongue in a disgusted manner. ‘Applejack!’ she silently chided the earth pony. ‘I suppose I shouldn’t expect subtlety from you, but you could at least find a classier euphemism to use in such a public setting.’

            Rainbow Dash didn’t answer for a moment, presumably weighing her options carefully. Rarity felt her heart flutter in anxiety waiting for Rainbow’s response. She definitely looked enticed by the offer. Rarity gave an annoyed pout. Knowing Rainbow Dash’s need to constantly fill the void made by the looming threat of rejection from Rarity, she was sure to accept Applejack’s crude offer.

            Finally, Rainbow Dash said, “Sounds great, Applejack, but I’ve got an appointment with Twilight. Save me some for later, though!” And with a wink to her friend, Rainbow Dash exploded into the sky.

            Applejack grabbed onto her Stetson to keep it from flying off her head upon the impact of Rainbow Dash’s takeoff. Then, she chuckled and called after her friend, “No promises!”

            As Applejack turned to head back inside, she noticed a white and purple figure out of the corner of her eye. She did a double take and found herself staring at a frozen, blanched Rarity.

            “Howdy, Rarity!” Applejack chortled, walking over to her friend. “Ah didn’t see ya there. Uh, you okay?”

            Rarity blinked and shook herself, regaining her composure. “Um. Why yes, of course! Why wouldn’t I be fine? Quite a nice day, Applejack… Yes, indeed…”

            “Uh, right,” Applejack said hesitantly. “Didja need somethin’, Rare?”

            “Hm? Oh. Right.” Rarity bit her lip, thinking. Her mind kept flashing back to Rainbow Dash and Applejack. ‘She was supposed to be smarter than that,’ Rarity thought unhappily. ‘And Twilight’s next! Rainbow Dash is making appointments with them, like some common whorse! Why I could just… kill her! Or kiss her! No, that doesn’t make any sense. Kill her, definitely.’

            “Yes?” Applejack prodded.

            ‘Then again, she’s only doing this because I don’t like her in that way,’ Rarity continued thinking. ‘Perhaps kissing her would help the situation. Giving her a little taste would subdue that subconscious need for me. Then she’ll stop with all of this nonsense and things can go back to normal. Yes, that’s definitely an option.’

            “Alrigh’, Rarity,” Applejack said, a little confused, “if ya think of wha’ ya’ll wanted, Ah’ll be righ’ inside.”

            As Applejack walked away, Rarity snapped out of her stupor. A new idea was forming in her head. “Wait!” she called. “Applejack. Could you gather the girls and meet me at Twilight’s in a few minutes? I have something incredibly important to announce.”

            “Uh, sure, Rare. Ah s’pose Ah could do tha’ fer ya. Mind tellin’ me what all this is abou—”

            “Oh, thank you, Applejack!” And Rarity ran off with Applejack left completely in her dust, watching in bemusement.

***

            “Aha!” Rarity barged right into Twilight’s tree house, looking slightly manic as she did so. She was breathing heavily, her hair thoroughly disheveled, and a wild glint in her eye.

            Twilight immediately jumped up from her seat at her desk and gave her friend a surprised look. “Rarity, you startled me! What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”

            “Oh, fine, fine,” Rarity replied, walking inside and glancing all around. The place seemed to be empty except for the purple unicorn. “Had any visitors today?”

            “Oh yes, quite a few!” Twilight said happily. “Cheerilee stopped by to add more books to the school library, Mayor Mare checked out a few political essays, and I even had a few foals come in looking to read –”

            “Anypony special?” Rarity prompted.

            Twilight deflated slightly. “I thought all of those were pretty special.”

            “Oh yes, quite,” Rarity agreed distantly. She stalked all through the library, checking every nook and cranny.

            “Are you sure you’re okay?” Twilight asked.

            “Is anypony else here?” Rarity countered, her face suddenly inches from Twilight’s.

            “Uh, Spike’s upstairs…” Rarity’s eyes narrowed, probing Twilight for answers. “Rainbow Dash is here, too.”

            “Aha!” Rarity said again, jumping into the air. “Where is she? Is she in your bedroom? Am I intruding on something?”

            “No?” Twilight responded, a little uncertain. “You’re welcome here anytime. You know that, Rarity.”

            “Hey Twilight, Spike found the book. It was in your… Oh, hey Rarity.” Rainbow Dash flew down to greet them, a Daring Do book wrapped carefully in her hooves.

            “Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, nodding. “Fancy meeting you here.”

            “Not really,” Rainbow Dash said casually. “I’ve been running into you everywhere I go today.”

            “Yes,” Rarity muttered. Then, under her breath she added, “You’re like a stalker with a crush.”

            “What was that?”

            Before Rarity could respond, the door opened up once again and Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all trotted inside.

            “Howdy, y’all,” Applejack said. Her eyes met Rarity’s. “Ah gathered everypony up jus’ like ya asked, Rare. Now what’s this all abou’?”

            It was finally here. The moment of truth.

            “Rarity asked you to bring everypony here?” Twilight asked.

            “Yeppers!” Pinkie Pie chortled, hopping up and down. “Applejack came by Sugarcube Corner saying Rarity had some super duper important secrets to share with all of us at Twilight’s!”

            “Are you alright, Rarity?” Fluttershy asked, floating gently over to her friend. “You look… tired.”

            “I’m quite fine!” Rarity snapped. “Why does everypony keep asking me that?”

            “Well, your hair is a little out of place,” Twilight said nervously.

            “And you’ve got an evil-ba-deevil look in your eye!” Pinkie added.

            “You sound kinda outta breath, too,” Rainbow Dash noted.

            “Did you get your spa treatment today?” Fluttershy asked. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t join you, I was–”

            “I know exactly what you were doing!” Rarity yelled. “I know what all of you were doing today!”

            “Oh, good,” Fluttershy said, breathing a sigh of relief. “So there’s no hard feelings, right?”

            “Hard… feelings?” Rarity blinked. Her confession didn’t have the desired effect she had hoped for. “Of course there’s no hard feelings. If I had hard feelings, that would imply I cared. And I don’t care! I don’t like her like that. I never did. She can do whatever she wants with all of you. I just don’t want to see all of you wasting your time fooling around with a pony that doesn’t have one hundred percent good intentions with you.”

            Everypony stared at Rarity. The looks on their faces told her that they were completely unaware of what she was talking about. ‘Oh goodness, of course,’ Rarity thought, mentally slapping herself. ‘None of them must know that Rainbow Dash is fooling around with all of them. And I’ve been put into the situation where I must carry the bad news to each and every one of them.’

            “Rainbow Dash has seen every single one of you today,” Rarity said slowly, choosing her words carefully. It was followed by silence. ‘Shock, I’m sure,’ Rarity thought with an inward sigh.

            “Yeah, so?” Rainbow Dash finally said, breaking the silence.

            “You can be so dense sometimes!” Rarity said angrily, turning on her friend. “You don’t see that your actions might be hurting somepony! There might be a pony out there that actually cares about you, and you’re going around with multiple ponies and none of them even know they aren’t the only one!”

            “I don’t mind,” Fluttershy said quietly. “Rainbow Dash can hang out with more than one friend a day.”

            “Ah don’ see a problem with havin’ multiple engagements arranged fer one day,” Applejack said, nodding in agreement.

            “Well, of course a crude farmpony like yourself might have that sort of mindset,” Rarity said huffily. “And Fluttershy’s too much of a doormat to even realize she’s being stepped on. The poor dear doesn’t even have the confidence to stand up for herself when her little heart is being stepped on!”

            “My heart isn’t being stepped on,” Fluttershy assured her.

            “Yeah,” Pinkie piped up. “Dashie isn’t the only pony I saw today. This party pony saw plentiful plucks of ponies at the bakery today, too. And I’m hanging out with all of my friends right now.”

            “But you have that pet name for her!” Rarity said, turning on Pinkie. “Surely it must hurt to find out that after reaching a stage in your relationship where you have sweet names for each other, she still goes around with other ponies?”

            “Just because Pinks calls me something different doesn’t make her my only friend,” Rainbow said.

            “Dashie’s my bestest best friend!” Pinkie shouted happily, jumping onto Rainbow Dash. They fell into a clumsy heap on the floor. Strangling Rainbow Dash in her grasp, Pinkie continued, wisely, “But it’s like fudge. I love fudge, but if I eat too much I get a pudge and I can’t budge. So I can’t have it all the time or I’d never get to experience anything else. And I’d never move!”

            Rainbow pushed Pinkie off and shook herself off. “Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. Besides, all of you guys are different. I like you all for different reasons. If I only had one friend, I might not get the athletic challenge I get from Applejack. Or I might have never learned how much I like reading from Twilight. And Fluttershy shares my wings. Pinkie’s just crazy.

            “Look, Rarity, I’m sorry I didn’t hang out with you today, if that’s what you’re upset about. But you’re an important friend, too. If you want, we could get breakfast or something tomorrow.”

            Rarity didn’t even know how to respond. It was finally happening. Rainbow Dash had just asked Rarity out on a proper date. She felt herself blush. ‘But of course I can’t accept. I don’t like mares! And besides, she is still continuing these relationships with our other friends. It wouldn’t be a real relationship. Not like that matters, because of course I wouldn’t accept it either way. I don’t like Rainbow Dash like that.’

            “But,” Rarity began, “you are all okay with this polygamous relationship?”

            There was a chilled silence. Then, finally, Rainbow Dash said, “A what?”

            The break in the hush that had followed Rarity’s question sent Twilight’s brain back into action. “A polygamous relationship?” she repeated, completely dumbfounded. “Rarity, just what in the hay are you talking about?”

            “Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie! And then Rainbow with Fluttershy! And don’t you pretend you were offering Rainbow Dash regular apple pie, Applejack! And now you, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash! Together, here! She’s just been going all around, fooling around with all of you!”

            “What? I have not!” Rainbow Dash yelled, her mouth dropping. “That’s just gross! Why would I do something like that with my friends? They’re mares!”

            “Exactly my point!” Rarity cried out. “You’re… You… You like mares, don’t you?” Suddenly, Rarity found herself drawing into herself. Something wasn’t right here. This was not at all how Rarity planned her big reveal to go down.

            “No!” Rainbow Dash said loudly, completely shocked by what Rarity was saying.

            “Wait,” Fluttershy said slowly, catching up with the conversation. “Y-You thought that Rainbow and I were… Eep!” Her entire face turned red and she hid behind the curtain of pink that shielded her from the threats of the real world, like Rarity’s accusations.

            “Well, I… Yes… But, come on! Rainbow Dash is obviously a fillyfooler.”

            “Actually,” Twilight said, “I thought you were, too.”

            “You what?!”

            Applejack chuckled. “Ah thought it could have gone either way. Maybe ya liked ta dip yer hooves in both waters.”

            “Why were you guys even speculating any of this?” Rainbow Dash asked, defeated.

            “I wasn’t!” Pinkie chirped. “But now that you guys mention it –”

            “Don’t even start, Pinkie.”

            “But it’s obvious!” Rarity whined. “Your rainbow mane, your muscles, your voice… Everything points to you being into mares!”

            “I’m well-toned,” Rainbow Dash defended herself, bristling slightly. “I can’t control my voice. I didn’t choose my mane color, either. So what if it’s a rainbow color?”

            “And you have a very tomboyish attitude,” Twilight said, thinking.

            “My personality makes me into mares?” Rainbow Dash said flatly. “You’re just basing this on the way I act or look. When did I ever show any interest in a mare?”

            “Ooh, ooh, what about the Wonderbolts?” Pinkie piped up, hopping circles around Rainbow Dash.

            “What about them?”

            “That’s right!” Rarity gasped happily. “You’re always going on about Fleetfoot and Spitfire and…”

            “And Soarin’,” Rainbow Dash snapped. Suddenly her entire face turned red. “Actually, I, uh…” She looked down at her feet and began shuffling her hooves.

            “Yes?” Rarity asked, leaning closer to Rainbow Dash. She was waiting for it, she knew it was almost there. Perhaps she was incorrect in her assumptions about Rainbow Dash having some fun on the side with her friends. That was an unfortunate miscalculation. But she was at least getting the confession she had been waiting to hear! So at least today wouldn’t be a complete waste of time.

            “I…”

            “What? What?” Pinkie asked loudly.

            “I’m kind of…”

            “What is it, Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asked, peering out from behind her bangs.

            “Well, remember when Soarin’ and I kind of hit it off at the wedding?”

            “Sure do, Sugarcube.”

            “We kinda, uh… Ugh. This is so embarrassing. We started talking after that and now… I guess we’re sorta dating.”

            The silence seemed to stretch on for ages for Rarity. In reality, it was only a brief couple of seconds. And then a chorus of congratulations rang out from every side of the room. It was deafening. Rarity thought she would vomit from the obnoxious sound of happy ponies. For Rarity, this was the worst possible thing. How could she have been so wrong?

            “Darn tootin’! Tha’s mighty fine, Rainbow Dash.”

            “Oh, wow! I can’t believe you didn’t tell us earlier. I’m so happy for you guys! I’m sorry I just assumed you liked mares like that. It was wrong of me.”

            “Omigosh! I need to throw you guys a party! This is so super duper awesome!”

            “That’s really wonderful, Rainbow Dash. I’m sure you make a very adorable couple.”

            “Aw, cut it out, you guys,” Rainbow Dash said with a small chuckle, her face redder than ever. “It’s not a big deal, really.” And then she turned to Rarity, who remained completely still with a shocked smile on her face. “I just can’t believe this one thought I was screwing around with all of you guys behind her back! Rarity, you might be even crazier than Pinkie Pie.”

            “Aha, ha ha, ha, ha.” Rarity laughed slowly. “Ha ha, ha, ha ha ha, ha… Yes, crazy… Me… Of course… Wow, Rainbow Dash. I… I had no idea that you and Soarin’ were… were an item. This is… quite the news.”

            “Lookit her,” Applejack said, chuckling. “Ah think she’s goin’ into shock from the relationship overload. Y’all know how Rarity gets over relationship stuff.”

            “Maybe we should give her a moment to herself,” Twilight suggested nervously as she watched Rarity quietly laugh to herself, her eyes moving in opposite directions.

            “I’m sure when she’s processed it, she’ll want to design a whole line of outfits for you to wear on your dates, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said. Rainbow groaned.

            “Yeah, let’s get out of here before she starts suggesting romantic stuff for me to try,” Rainbow Dash said, gagging.

            “But now you have to bring Soarin’ around Ponyville!” Pinkie said. “Pinkie promise! He’s gonna be invited to all my parties, and you guys better make kissy faces all the time, and have inside jokes, and be all cutsie-wootsie around each other!”

            Rainbow Dash chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, Pinks.” The five of them all began walking out of Twilight’s tree house together. As they left, Rainbow Dash said, “You know, I’m glad Rarity had this whole misunderstanding. It actually feels pretty good to finally tell you guys about Soarin’ and me. I’ll definitely bring him around now. I can’t wait for you guys to meet him, too. He’s totally awesome!”

            And then Rarity was left all alone to wallow in her thoughts.

            ‘Rainbow Dash likes stallions and colts. Like me. Oh, we’re so similar in so many ways. I don’t have to worry, then. Rainbow Dash is dating Soarin’. She doesn’t have some sort of childish, unrequited crush on me. Everything’s fine then. Everything is quite fine.’ Rarity smiled, but it was far too wide for her own face.

            “Okay, Twilight, I finished cleaning the upstairs… Hey, where’d everypony go?” Spike walked down the steps, looking all around. His eyes fell on Rarity and a blush encompassed his entire face. Immediately, he ripped off his frilly, pink apron and coughed in an attempted manly way.

            “Rarity!” he greeted her, trying to make his voice sound deeper. “Hey. What’s up?”

            “Oh, Spike, hello,” Rarity said quietly. Then she sighed. “Today has been a very long, stressful day. I believe I’ve garnered a few unwanted pimples from these needless hassles. I think another spa trip is in order.”

            “C-Cool,” Spike said lamely.

            She glanced at the green dragon like she was seeing him for the first time. “Oh, Spike, would you like to come with me? You look as if you could use a day of relaxation as well.”

            Spike’s smile widened and he mentally congratulated himself. He was totally in, all that was left was sealing the deal. “Sure,” he said, trying not to sound too eager. “That sounds great.”

            “Wonderful,” Rarity said. “It’s a date.”

“A d-d-d-ate?” Spike felt as though his entire body was going to rocket into the sky at any moment from the ecstasy he was experiencing. He pinched himself but, for the first time during one of these types of encounters with Rarity, it really wasn’t a dream.

The white unicorn walked out of Twilight’s tree house, with Spike running to keep up with her. He had a glazed over look in his eyes and couldn’t stop a goofy smile from spreading across his face.

‘So what,’ Rarity thought, not paying much attention to the baby dragon walking next to her, ‘if Rainbow Dash isn’t into mares. It’s not like I care. It’s not like it will effect my pursuit of the stallions in Equestria. Yes, that is one more mare to add to my list of competition, but it’s not like Rainbow Dash is much competition. She’s in a relationship after all.

‘Sure, if I were into mares, Rainbow Dash might have potentially been my type. But it’s not like I’m a fillyfooler or anything like that! I don’t like Rainbow Dash like that. And it’s only a relief to discover that she hasn’t been messing around with all of our friends. It’s even better to hear that she isn’t into me, either. That just makes everything much less awkward.

‘Still, it is rather upsetting that I was so sorely mistaken with all of this business involving Rainbow Dash. I suppose I did jump to conclusions a little too quickly. Perhaps it was wishful thinking… I don’t see why I would care if Rainbow Dash was into mares or not, though. That kind of information would not effect me in any way whatsoever. The entire affair is just so frivolous.

‘Perhaps Spike and I can talk all of this over during a relaxing evening at the spa. I’m sure he’ll have some astounding insight into my inner psyche. After all, he is gay.’

The Chuckleberry Chive

"Isn't it amazing, Pinkie?" Twilight nodded, her horn pointing towards the Ponyville Rest Inn as they passed into the outskirts of Ponyville.  "All this recent construction is bringing lots of progress to Ponyville!  With a hotel in town, we can attract visitors, who'll bring more revenue so Ponyville can grow even more!"

Pinkie squinched her mouth up into a frown.  "I don't know, Twilight.  I kinda like Ponyville being all small and cozy.  I mean, I know everypony here!" She hopped backward and bounced on her tail.  "If there's lots of ponies coming and going all the time, how can I give them all a real welcome to Ponyville?"

It was Twilight's turn to frown.  "Hmm.  I hadn't thought about it like that.  I guess parties would be more difficult for you if Ponyville got too busy."

"And another thing!  Construction is dumb!" Pinkie reared up on her hind legs and pointed an accusing hoof into the middle of town, the fourth story of a half-finished building peeking up above a skyline otherwise composed of thatched roofs.  "All the noise interrupts my singing, and the dust gets into my cooking, and I tried to talk to the construction site ponies once but they were boring meanie-pantseseses!  So there!"

Twilight gave a rueful smile.  "Well, unfortunately there's not much we can do about all that except wait it out.  Don't worry, Pinkie," she continued, laughing softly, "I'm sure Ponyville will continue to be the cozy little town you've always loved for quite a long time.

"...Uh, Pinkie?"

Twilight turned to see just what had caused her friend to grow so suddenly silent.  Pinkie stood beneath the hotel's sign, eyes fixed upward.  Twilight followed Pinkie's gaze and noticed nothing odd, save that the "No Vacancy" sign was lit, glowing warmly against the fading evening sun.

"That's strange," she said, tilting her head to the side.  "They just opened this place.  I wouldn't think it'd be full already.  Well, maybe that's a good sign!"

Pinkie said nothing, only continuing to stare at the sign, eyes wide.  Twilight's hooves shifted to the side.

"Umm, well... I've got a new book on the plant life of southern Equestria, Pinkie, so I think maybe I'll head home now and start reading it." She paused.  "If that's okay.  Pinkie?"

"Go ahead," Pinkie murmured, waving a hoof in Twilight's direction.

Grateful for the dismissal, Twilight powered up her teleportation spell and vanished in a flash of light.  Only then did Pinkie move, her eyes tracking the fall of the light down the sign to the ground below.  It shone upon a large bush, covered in small pink berries, planted near the base of the pole that supported the sign.

Pinkie's pupils dilated to pinpoints.  With a gasp and a sharp scream, she sprang into the air and tore off into Ponyville.

The bush didn't seem to notice.

Twilight wished the pirate captain would shut up those stupid birds and focus on keeping his ship steady.  Every time he sent her to walk the plank, it listed to the side and she had to teleport back.  Honestly, the nerve!

As Twilight's eyelids cracked open, she realized two things.  First, that the rocking motion was actually her bed jostling up and down, as though somepony were jumping on it.  Second, that the chirping birds were actually a voice, and that it wasn't chirping, but yelling at her, high-pitched and panicked.

"Twilight, you gotta wake up, there's were-bushes and curses and chuckleberries afloat!  Twilight, come on!  Come on Twilight, wake up!"

"I'm up, I'm up!"

Jerking upright from drowsiness to screeching wakefulness in a moment, Twilight levitated Pinkie off the bed.  She was just awake enough to make sure her friend's landing was gentle.  Pinkie immediately zipped back to the bedside and shoved her face in Twilight's.

"Pinkie!  What in the hay is wrong with you?  Do you have any idea how early it is?"

"I know, Twilight, which is why I had to wake you up before anypony else gets up and eats them!" Her eyes were wide and earnest, and filled with just a bit of fear, a strange emotion to see on Pinkie's face.  "I was up all night drinking coffee and trying to figure out what it was that I saw and then I figured it out and I had to come straight here and tell you because you're the only one who can help me stop them!"

"Stop who?" Twilight rolled off the other side of the bed and clomped downstairs.  "Eat what?  You're not making any sense and all I want to eat is breakfast!  Spike!"

Spike scratched his side and rolled over, mumbling, "Mm, pizza..."  Pinkie bounded over him and down the steps, keeping pace with Twilight as she made for the kitchen.

"There's no time, Twilight!  C'mon, you gotta come with me!  I brought muffins so we can eat on the way!" Pinkie stopped between Twilight and her kitchen table, giving her a face full of watery eyes.  "Please?  They're fresh!  And cherry!"

Despite the annoyance of having been awoken at such an awful hour, and in such a violent manner, the concept of fresh cherry muffins was just tantalizing enough to push Twilight's irritation to the wayside.  She let out a huff.

"All right, Pinkie.  I will join you for muffins on the way to whatever it is you're talking about.  But you'd better have a darn good explanation by the time we get there!"

Pinkie did not, in fact, have an explanation befitting Twilight's criteria by the time they arrived at their destination.  Mostly, she got distracted in talking about coffee and all the joyful ways it kept her up at night and gave her energy to do the things that she needed to, and Twilight found herself wishing that it did not in fact exist.  Especially when she realized their destination was the Ponyville Rest Inn.  As they approached the building, Pinkie grabbed Twilight and pushed her behind a stand of trees, as though she was afraid of being seen.

Twilight sighed disparagingly.  "All right, Pinkie, I give.  What was so freaking important that you had to drag me out of bed to see?"

"Look!"

A shaky hoof pointed to a black-maned blue stallion bent over beneath the still lit "No Vacancy" sign.  He faced away from them, but Twilight could see a small gardening trowel in his mouth.

"I see a gardener," she said plainly.

"That's just what he wants you to think, Twilight!" Pinkie's voice lowered to a hiss.  "He's one of them!  He's a were-bush!"

She grabbed Twilight's face, directing her gaze just to the left of the stallion.

"Last night, I saw it, beneath the light of the No Vacancy sign: a were-bush, just laden down with chuckleberries!"

"He's just planting flowers, Pinkie." Twilight tried and failed to wrest herself from Pinkie's grasp.  "I don't see any bushes."

"That's just it, Twilight!  The bush is gone because he is the bush!  Now do you understand?"

Twilight moaned and grimaced.  "Not in the least.  Pinkie, I've never heard of chuckleberries, and I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a were-bush.  Now would you please let me go?"

Pinkie released her grip with such ferocity that Twilight's head vibrated up and down.  "You mean you've never heard of chuckleberries?  Well, Twilight, let me explain!"

The light in the area dimmed, save for one beam that shone down upon Pinkie.  Twilight looked around, slightly confused as music started up, drawing the stallion's attention, and Pinkie began to sing.

"Oh in the dark of night, beneath the light of a hotel No Vacancy sign, please do not eat anything that you meet, growing on branch or vine!"

Pinkie drew down a branch of one of the trees, upon which hung an apple.  Turning it around, she revealed it was half-rotted and full of worms.  Twilight stuck her tongue out, getting the hint.

"Beneath that glow, chuckleberries grow, so sweet and temptingly small!  But eat one and you're cursed -- any more and it's worse! -- to be a were-bush once and for all!"

Twilight rolled her eyes.  "I still don't get it."

The music halted for a moment as a number of ponies from around Ponyville popped into the stand of trees and surrounded them.

"What's it all fer?" cried an older stallion.

"Is there any cure?" wailed a trio of mares.

A large stallion prodded Pinkie in the side and intoned in a deep voice, "It sounds pretty serious, we oughta be sure!"

Pinkie nodded and leaped onto a stump, pointing at the various assembled ponies in turn.  "There are things you'll need, if you just take heed, you can make it out alive!  Listen well my friends, for this spells the end of the Chuckleberry Chive!"

Twilight fell back onto her haunches, face twitching as she stared at the spectacle before her.  "Chuckleberry what?"

Pinkie hopped down onto the ground and began dancing while producing items from out of nowhere.  The ponies formed a circle and joined in the dance.

"Three-cheese pizza!"

Together, the ponies chorused, "The Chuckleberry Chive!"

Twilight narrowed her eyes.  "Oh, come on."

Pinkie held up the next object.  "Rooster feather!"

"The Chuckleberry Chive!"

"Please, stop," Twilight moaned, but Pinkie was undeterred.

"Daring Do book!"

"The Chuckleberry Chive!"

Twilight teleported directly behind Pinkie, stood, and slapped her hoof around Pinkie's mouth, cutting off her next words.  She shouted, "Knock it off already!"

A record skipped.  The ponies, halfway through a synchronized dance step, lost their tempo and faltered, collapsing into a heap.  At the back of the crowd, a white unicorn wearing sunglasses pouted and began to wheel her portable record player back to town.  Taking her place was the blue stallion gardener, who had been watching the entire scene from the hotel.

"What in the hay's goin' on here, eh?" he asked as the ponies picked themselves up and, grumbling and muttering, followed the unicorn back into Ponyville.

"Fess up!" Pinkie cried, wrenching herself free from Twilight's grasp.  "You're a were-bush!  We all know it!  You're down with the Chuckleberry Chive!"

The stallion shook his head pityingly.  "Miss, I got no idea what you're on aboot.  That No Vacancy sign's on the fritz.  Brand new and already got problems with it!  Go figure, eh?  Anyway, I ain't no were-bush or whatever you said.  I'm an earth pony like you.  My name's Night Keys, and I own the hotel.  Just been doin' a bit of landscaping to clear out the unwanted plants afore we start gettin' busy is all."

Twilight cleared her throat and stepped forward, offering the stallion her hoof.  "Mister Keys, I'm very sorry about all the bother.  My name's Twilight Sparkle, I'm Ponyville's librarian, and this is my friend Pinkie Pie."

A glance back at Pinkie showed her baring her teeth and growling.  Twilight quickly continued, "She's usually very nice about welcoming new ponies to town, I promise!  It's just that sometimes she gets weird ideas in her head and it's hard to convince her otherwise, heh heh!"

For the second time that morning, she scooped Pinkie up with levitation and began to trot off.  "We'll leave you alone now, sir.  Again, we're very sorry for all the noise!"

"Eh, it wasn't too big a bother, eh.  Get your friend some help, though, that's my advice."

Twilight gave a nervous laugh and took off in a run for Ponyville, while Pinkie blew a raspberry to Night Keys.

"Come on, Pinkie."

Neither noticed the bushes rustling in the clearing they had been in.

"Would you mind explaining what that was all about back there?"

Twilight didn't set Pinkie back on her hooves until they were back on Stirrup Street and headed for the library.  Pinkie huffed and turned her nose up.

"I seem to recall having explained everything very clearly, Twilight!"

Twilight sighed and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.  "No, Pinkie.  No you didn't.  I get that you think there was something weird about a bush over at the hotel, but that was no reason to disturb a legitimate businesspony early in the morning.  Not to mention I don't think you know what the word 'chive' means."

"Fine." Pinkie whirled on her.  "I'll lay it all out in words you can understand!"

Pinkie began animatedly gesticulating and hopping about as she explained.

"Chuckleberries are little pink berries that taste really good and only grow on were-bushes by the light of a hotel No Vacancy sign.  Anypony who's tempted into eating them is sure to be cursed by the Chuckleberry Chive, and will turn into a were-bush themselves under that same light!  Then they'll grow lots and lots of chuckleberries, and entice more ponies into eating them, and then the cycle starts all over!"

She began pacing back and forth.  "And I think Mister Night Keys, if that's his real name, is actually a were-bush!  And there's only one way to cure the Chuckleberry Chive!  You need an eight-inch three-cheese pizza, a cockatrice feather, and the latest Daring Do novel!  If you get all these things together and combine them, you can remove the curse and turn the pony back to normal!"

"Pinkie..."

"I know what you're going to say, Twilight." Pinkie frowned, her eyes casting groundward.  "That there's no such thing as curses.  But it doesn't matter what you call it, it's just like Poison Joke!  It's as real as real can be!  Like the parasprites!"

That took Twilight aback.  She cleared her throat.  "Pinkie, the difference between that and this is that the parasprites were real.  They were a real problem, that we could see, and we were wrong to ignore your methods for getting rid of them.  But there are no such things as chuckleberries or were-bushes.  I would have read about them in my book on plant life!"

Now it was her turn to pace.  Pinkie's head swivelled back and forth as she did.

"Not to mention you've got no evidence whatsoever that they do or ever have existed, or that Mister Night Keys is one of them!  You're jumping to conclusions!" Twilight paused, frowning.  "Pinkie, I hate to say this, but I think you need to learn the difference between what's in your head and what's real."

She immediately regretted having said it as Pinkie's face fell and her eyes began to water.

"Pinkie," Twilight whispered, "I'm sorry, I..."

In a burst of sobbing and tears, Pinkie dashed off toward Sugarcube Corner.  Twilight stretched a hoof out after her.

"Pinkie, wait, please!  I... I didn't mean it..."  She sighed.  "Way to go, Twilight."

Then her stomach growled.  It didn't seem like she'd had breakfast all that long ago, but then again muffins were not the most filling of treats.

"I'll have some brunch and then go talk to Fluttershy," she said to herself.  "She'll know what to do."

"And then she ran off crying."

"Oh dear, that's awful!"

Twilight stood outside the little tree cottage as Fluttershy flitted about, feeding her bird friends.  She'd been most attentive as Twilight laid out the entire story.

"And I just... Fluttershy, I don't know what to do.  I've really never even seen Pinkie cry before.  How can I take back what I said?"

"You can't," Fluttershy said, looking over her shoulder with a sad smile.  "But you can show her that you're sorry, and that you care.  You should probably wait until she's ready to talk to you, though.  It was a good thing you didn't run off after her immediately, or it could have made things worse!"

Twilight groaned.  "Well, that's the last thing I want to do right now."

Fluttershy alighted on the ground as the birds circled overhead, chirping happily, and nodded, smiling.  She gave Twilight a soft hug.

"You might also try seeing things from her perspective."

Twilight made a face.  "What?  But how?"

"Well, what if there really were were-bushes?"

"Uh..." Twilight shrugged.  "Then I guess it would be parasprites all over again and I'd owe her two apologies." She began to pace.  "But there aren't were-bushes, Fluttershy, that's the point.  I even have a new book about plant life!  There's no mention of chuckleberries or any of this other nonsense.  It's just Pinkie being Pinkie."

Fluttershy's smile turned sad again.  "What's wrong with being Pinkie?  She sings songs and throws parties, and maybe she says something silly now and then, but she never hurts anypony."

"But..."

"Twilight." Fluttershy placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder.  "You've got to learn to appreciate Pinkie for who she is, not who you want her to be.  Even if she's a little, um, silly sometimes, that's a part of her.  She'll always be Pinkie, and you can be her friend as long as you can accept that.  It doesn't matter what's real or not."

"Actually, I beg to differ," said a cultured voice from below.

Twilight and Fluttershy gaped down the path at a pony who looked like Pinkie, but could not possibly be Pinkie.  She was a pink earth pony, yes, with poofy magenta mane, but she wore a modest high-necked lavender party dress, of a style fashionable in Canterlot high society, and a wide-brimmed white hat.  A pair of square spectacles perched upon her nose, which she looked down as she gazed upon them.

"Pinkie?" Twilight gasped.

"My name is Pinkamina, do please use it," Pinkie scoffed.  "Miss Sparkle, I just wanted to say thank you."

"W-what for?" Twilight glanced to Fluttershy, who seemed just as lost.

"You see," Pinkie said, continuing with her high-class airs, "what you last said to me began to make sense after a while of thinking upon it.  I've realized that I have been approaching life in entirely the wrong way all this time." She sniffed haughtily and smiled.  "Which is why today is the first day in the life of the new Pinkamina Diane Pie!  No longer shall I fritter away my time with frivolities.  From now on, I shall focus only upon that which lies before me!" She made a sweeping gesture with one hoof.  "Reality!  It's truly wondrous!"

"B-but Pinkie!" Twilight choked.  "I mean, Pinkamina, what about your parties?  Are you giving those up too?"

"Oh, dear girl, perish the thought!" Pinkie gave a high-pitched chuckle.  "No, I am still quite enamored with party planning, you see.  As a matter of fact, I am about to meet our good friend Rarity for a tea party!  I simply thought to stop by and ask if Fluttershy or yourself would like to attend."

"Um..." Fluttershy looked helplessly at Twilight.  "I-I'd love to, Pinkamina, but you see, I, uh... Still have a lot of animals to feed, yeah!"

"Ah well," said Pinkie, and shrugged.  "There shall be other times for such travails.  Until then, my dears!  Ta!"

She turned and, swishing her bustle, sauntered off down the path in the direction of Carousel Boutique.

Twilight stared, open mouthed, first at Pinkie, then at Fluttershy.

"We've got to do something," she said, "and fast!" She dropped to her knees.  "Or we'll never see the old Pinkie Pie ever again and it'll be all my fault!"

Just at that moment, somepony near the center of town screamed so loudly and shrilly that they heard it from Fluttershy's house as clearly as if the screamer had been standing next to them.  They looked at each other, panic written on their features.

"Sh-should we go see what that was about?" Fluttershy asked, shaking.

Twilight took a long glance in the direction that Pinkie had gone, then steeled herself.

"Let's go."

It was easy to find the source of the trouble: just follow the screams.  Getting there was another matter.  They had to dodge a continuous stream of frightened townsponies in order to make it in.  Fluttershy's panicked mantra of "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!" did nothing but keep Twilight on edge.  By the time they had found the source of the confusion, she was wishing she'd teleported and left the pegasus to arrive under her own power.

A flash of six colors caught Twilight up short and interposed itself between her and the moving shapes in the distance.

"Twilight, what in the hay is going on?"

"If you would move, Rainbow Dash," Twilight growled, shoving her friend aside, "I'd be able to... Oh no!"

Lumbering up Ponyville Square were a quartet of large, shambling plants.  They lurched forward on a trio of stubby roots jutting from large boles, a motion which caused them to sway back and forth in a manner that was nauseating to watch for long.  Long stalks surrounded by branches and branches of bushy leaves comprised their bodies.  At the top of each stalk was a large flower, of a washed-out puce with vomitous pink spots, from which emerged a long, snaking and obviously dextrous tendril.  The plants all made intermittent screeching noises as they wobbled toward the ponies, and Twilight found herself frozen in place.

"Are they..." Fluttershy gulped loudly.  "W-w-were-bushes?"

Twilight's mind leapt like a snapping rubber band, from point to point to point.  The only conclusion she could reach was, Yes!

"Run!"

"Come on, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said as she followed them away from the plant monsters, "those things are as slow as Tank!  I don't think we really need to be afraid of them."

"We have to find Pinkie," Twilight panted.  "She knows... how to stop them.  She's... with Rarity!"

"Do you have a plan, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.

Twilight only stared at Fluttershy as though her head were made of cheese.

"Plan, haha!" Her eye twitched.  "Right!  Plan!  Fluttershy, you and Rainbow Dash head for the library.  I'll go to Rarity's and find Pinkie, then meet you and we can... Uh, do something."

Rainbow and Fluttershy exchanges glances.  "Something?"

"I'll know what we're doing when I find out!" Twilight shouted, and in a flash, she was gone.

She materialized outside the Boutique, in an area of town somewhat quieter than where she had just teleported from.  Heedless of decorum, she burst in through the doors, to find herself in a warmly-lit, cozy parlor, filled with the soft sounds of a string quartet and the polite laughter of two female voices.

"Goodness," said a voice that she instantly identified as Rarity, "it seems somepony has decided to ignore my lovely 'Closed Today' sign!"

"Rarity!" Twilight called.  "Pinkie...amina.  I need your help!  There are plant monsters in Ponyville!"

"Yes, dear," Rarity said calmly, coming out from around the corner.  She was wearing a lilac dress that was almost more ruffles than dress, and a hat with a thoroughly ridiculous number of feathers in it.  "There was so much screaming, we had to turn the record up."

Twilight boggled at her friend, then lowered her head and marched past her.  "Excuse me."

The tea party itself was being held in the plushest den Twilight had ever seen.  Everything that wasn't covered by drapes was heaped with pillows.  In the middle sat a short table with an elaborate ornamental tea set.  Pinkie sat to one side, casually sipping from a white porcelain teacup.  She did not react to the intrusion until Twilight cleared her throat.

"Yes?" The question was languid.

"Pinkamina, I need your help."

"I heard you the first time, dear girl." Pinkie sipped once more at her tea.

"You were right about the were-bushes, it's parasprites all over again!  I need to know the song, the lyrics to the song!  I can't remember them, and they're the only thing that can stop these plants!"

Pinkie turned her head slowly, and peered over the top of her spectacles at Twilight.  "Why ever should you wish to know something as silly as that, Twilight my dear?"

A lump formed in Twilight's throat.  She felt tears sting the corners of her eyes.

"Pinkie, I want to say that I'm very, very sorry for what I said to you today.  I'm sorry I made you think you had to be anypony else at all.  You're my friend, and I appreciate you for who you are."  Twilight leaned forward.  "And right now, I need some of that amazing, outlandish, completely free-wheeling Pinkie thinking to help solve this problem."

Pinkie smiled demurely.  "Oh.  Is that all?"

In a single motion, she whipped off her dress, balloons and confetti bursting out from beneath it.

"Apology accepted!"

With no further prompting, Pinkie recreated the dance and chorus that Twilight had witnessed that morning.  When it was done, Twilight threw her arms around Pinkie and hugged her tightly.

"Pinkie, you're back!"

"Silly Twilight!" Pinkie laughed, her voice back to normal.  "I never left!"

Rarity rejoined them, smiling broadly.  "I suppose we'll have to cancel the tea party," she said ruefully.

"Not cancel," Pinkie replied, "just postpone to a time when there aren't horrible plant monsters marauding through downtown Ponyville!"

"Right!" Twilight said, grinning.  "You two meet us in Ponyville Square in five minutes.  I have to go prepare some ingredients first!"

With a thought, she was in the library.  Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were frantically searching the shelves, leaving a large pile of books on the floor, and didn't notice Twilight until she spoke.

"All right, girls," said Twilight resolutely, "we need a three-cheese pizza, a cockatrice feather, and my copy of Daring Do and the Quartzite Question!"

"Oh man!" Rainbow cried.  "Twilight, don't tell me how it ends, I haven't read it yet!"

"Sorry, Rainbow, but you may have to wait a while longer.  Fluttershy, do you know where I can get a cockatrice feather?"

"Um..." Fluttershy glanced to the side.  "No."

"That's all right.  See if you can find my Guide to Plant Life in Southern Equestria instead.  It should be filed under Nature.  I want to see if I can't find these things in it once and for all!"

She rushed into the kitchen, because there weren't many other places she could think to rush to.  The first problem was that neither she nor Fluttershy had any cockatrice feathers.  The second was that she really had no idea how these disparate elements were meant to stop plant monsters in the first place.  Asking Pinkie that detail had sort of been pushed to the wayside, as all her concentration had been spent in just keeping herself together enough to teleport.  So she focused on the task at hoof: pizza.

"Oh hey, Twilight," said Spike cheerfully.  "You're just in time for lunch!"

"Lunch!" Twilight's eyes grew wide.  In his claws, Spike was holding just the thing she needed: a piping-hot cheese pizza, and just the right size for a single dragon to consume on his own.

"Spike, I need to borrow that!" She scooped the pizza out of his grasp and galloped for the door.

"Hey!  I've been waiting since yesterday to eat that!"

"I promise I'll get you another one!  Bigger, even!"

"Aw, man." Spike sat down on the floor and crossed his arms over his growling stomach.

Twilight carried the pizza outside as Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash emerged with their books.

"Is that everything?" Rainbow asked.  Twilight could only shake her head.

"I don't have any cockatrice feathers and I don't know where to get any at short notice.  We're going to have to hope this is enough."

The plant had made a turn in midtown and were now lumbering directly for them.  Fluttershy squeaked in fear and clutched the book of plants to her chest.

"D-do you know what to do next, Twilight?"

Twilight squared up against the plant creatures.  She narrowed her eyes.  The pizza floated menacingly nearby.

"I have no idea.  Charge!"

She lowered her head and did just that, Rainbow Dash hollering and whooping beside her as she brandished the book like a shield.  Twilight let the pizza fly and it sailed into the midst of the plants, landing in a squishy heap.  The three of them skidded to a halt.

"I don't think it's supposed to work like that," Rainbow Dash remarked.

The plants seemed drawn by the pizza, however.  They leaned over, tendrils unfurling to curl over the hot, cheesy surface.  As they fed, or whatever it was they were doing, the cheese began to come apart and stick to them.  After a few moments, the four monsters were entangled with one another.  The screaming reached a new, higher pitch, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy covered their ears as Pinkie and Rarity emerged from a side street, likewise shielding themselves from the keening..

"Well, that turned out all right, I'd say," Twilight said, and drew the book of plant life to herself, opened it and flipping pages quickly.  "Now to find out what you all... What?"

There, in the third section, near the end, was a picture of the very creatures Twilight was staring down.

"Triffids?" she exclaimed.

"You mean they aren't were-bushes?" Pinkie asked, disappointed.

"No!" Twilight stared at the page.  "And they aren't hostile, either.  In fact, it says here that triffids are shy and very intelligent.  They tend to stay near the edges of forests and don't venture into populated areas.  So why are they here?"

She furrowed her brow and flipped to a marker in the final section in the book that indicated the talk to plants spell.  After a moment to refresh herself on the mental components, she cast it at the triffids.  Their screams immediately became intelligible to all in the area.

"Hot!  So hot!"

"Make the pain stop!"

"It burns, it burns my tongue!"

"Please, let us go!"

Twilight dropped the book.  "Oh my gosh.  Rarity, help me!"

Together, the two unicorns used their magic to delicately lift the molten cheese from the four creatures, whose wailing was reduced to mere whimpers of pain as they were freed.  Once the task was finished, Twilight and her friends gathered around the triffids, who swayed drunkenly and clung to one another.

"We're sorry," said one.  "We're sorry for scaring ponies."

"We're the ones who should be sorry," Twilight said solemnly.  "There was no reason to attack you.  But what are you all doing in Ponyville?"

"We wanted to talk," said another.  "Wanted to talk to ponies, but they don't understand."

"Ponies took our land," said a third, its voice filled with regret.  "Made stone houses, no good to live by."

Twilight and Pinkie looked at one another.  "You mean all the new construction at the outskirts of town is pushing you out of your natural habitat?"

The puce stems bobbed forward.  "Yes, yes, yes," said the voices, and the gathered ponies all looked shamefully at the ground.

"I don't know how we can make it up to you," Twilight said at length, "but you have my word that we will try and find a way to compromise, and make sure you have access to the land you need."

"Thank you!  Thank you!"

"Ponies are good, we knew it."

The swaying motion calmed then, and one triffid bent down, brushing the edge of its flower gently against Twilight's horn.  The action released a small cloud of pollen, and she sneezed, then laughed.

With the triffids seen safely back to the edge of the Everfree Forest, and both Mayor Mare and Night Keys briefed about the impact the construction was having, Twilight and her friends at long last had a peaceful evening together, laughing and relaxing in the library with juice and cookies.  Spike got his large pizza, and a stomachache afterward, and Rainbow Dash got her Daring Do book.

"I really do want to apologize to you again, Pinkie," Twilight said.  "I still feel awful for what I said to you."

"Water under the bridge, Twilight," Pinkie said with a large grin and a hug.  "I'm the one who should apologize.  If I hadn't spent so much time telling you about chuckleberry bushes, you might have remembered about the triffids sooner!" She snickered and rubbed her hoof against Twilight's mane.  "You really need to learn to tell the difference between what's real and what's in my head!"

They shared a laugh at that, as their friends looked on.

"But there's one thing I simply do not understand," Rarity said, sipping at a teacup she'd brought from the boutique.  "If, after all of this trouble, were-bushes and so forth simply do not exist, why did the pizza stop the triffids?"

Twilight gave Pinkie a confused look.  "That is a good question."

Pinkie shrugged.  "Chalk it up to luck, I guess!"

"Or a little of the old Pinkie-style lateral thinking," Twilight added.  "You know, this gives me a great idea for a letter to write to the Princess.  I've learned to really appreciate other ways of thinking, especially when they come from my friends."

"That sounds wonderful, Twilight," Fluttershy said quietly.

"But don't write that letter just yet, Twilight," Pinkie said suddenly, and all eyes turned to her.

For a moment, nopony spoke.  Then Twilight asked, "Why not?"

Pinkie grinned and hopped up on the coffee table.  "Because we need a reprise first!"

With a laugh, she launched into song, and her friends joined in.

Three-cheese pizza!

The Chuckleberry Chive!

Rooster feather!

The Chuckleberry Chive!

Daring Do book!

The Chuckleberry Chive!

Put 'em all together, and I guarantee

That's how you get out alive!

Yeah!

All the Colors of the Rainbow

Wind whipped at Rainbow Dash’s mane, tossing it about in a wild frenzy. Rainbow could feel the cold rush making her eyes water and drawing a thin stream of tears back from the corners of her eyes. Not fast enough. She flapped harder, squinting into the airy blast as her tail flailed around in her slipstream.

This was it. That familiar sensation. Warmth building on her muzzle, the trickle of tears freezing in place, clouds of water vapor forming around her shoulders and wings. Each wingstroke brought fresh protests from her muscles, but she pressed on, knowing she was almost through the worst of it. Optical distortions danced in front of her eyes as Rainbow fought to keep her body from wobbling, then finally...

Resistance dropped away as she surged forward, one hoof extended in front of her. Stretching out in her wake, rings of color spread across the sky, and a low rumble swept over the crowd below. Rainbow could hear their gasps as she rocketed back and forth, leaving bright, layered bands for all to see. Flashbulbs ignited, reporters scribbled away on their notepads, and a white stallion screamed, “Yeah!”

That applause! She lived for it! After a couple more victory laps, Rainbow settled into a slow glide and headed toward the royal palace’s largest courtyard, where a small space had opened up in the middle of her audience. She touched down in the clearing and trotted up to the couple that had otherwise commanded everypony’s attention. At least until Rainbow had taken to the sky.

“How was that, Princess? Awesome, huh?” Rainbow folded her wings neatly and put her full effort into holding them steady. A star had to make it look effortless. It wouldn’t do to have all these bigwigs see how spent she was.

Cadance leaned forward to hug her, but froze for a moment when she felt Rainbow’s invisible trembling. Her mouth hanging open a little, Cadance pulled back and searched Rainbow’s eyes, but the set jaw and gritted teeth told her all she needed to know. She gave Rainbow a tight squeeze and whispered in her ear. “Thank you. That was a wonderful wedding gift.” Patting her on the shoulder, Cadance motioned toward the French doors leading into the ballroom. “Open bar’s in there. You look like you could use a cider.”

Rainbow smiled and rubbed a hoof on the back of her neck. “Well... that does sound good.” She took a step in that direction, but Shining Armor blocked her path.

“Don’t think you’re getting away without a hug from me, too.” Hooking a foreleg around her neck, he beamed at her. “It means a lot that you were willing to do this for us. This is the first wedding in centuries to have a Sonic Rainboom.”

“Heh. Well, I’m not gonna turn down a princess.” She hugged him back and walked toward the bar, but managed to intercept a server carrying a tray of full glasses, saving herself the trouble. Taking a long pull, she drained half the glass before coming up for air.

“Good show, Rainbow Dash!” She looked up to see Fancy Pants smiling at her. “I have the name right, I trust? I remember you from my little soiree.”

“Uh... yeah,” Rainbow said, wiping the foam off her upper lip with the back of her hoof. “I like somepony who can appreciate a good light show.”

“Oh, no doubt. No doubt. You could be the next big thing.” His attention was briefly diverted by an officious-looking pony beckoning toward him from across the courtyard. “Unfortunately, moving in these social circles means just that—moving. Frequently. I regret that I can’t be as attentive a conversationalist as I should, but I’d wager I haven’t heard the last from you.”

“Of course not! I’m always working on bigger and better things,” she replied before emptying her glass and setting it on a vacant table.

“Good! I shall have to see more of these... Sonic Rainbooms. Exquisite. But I must take my leave. Not good-bye, though—Au revoir,” said Fancy Pants, bowing his head and waggling his moustache back and forth.

“Um... Oh reservoir to you, too.” As she trotted over to join her friends, more praise floated out from the crowd. It was wonderful.

“Way to go, Rainbow Dash!”

“Spot on, young lady! Spot on!”

“Very expressive—reminiscent of a Manedrian.”

One scratchy voice in particular caught her attention.

“Nice going, kid. You’re making quite a name for yourself.”

Rainbow gave a friendly smile in reply, but when she reached her friends’ table, her jaw dropped. “Omygosh omygosh! Did you guys hear that? Spitfire congratulated me!”

“That’s great, sugarcube!” Applejack said, giving Rainbow’s shoulder a playful jostle.

“Yeah! Everypony wants to see more!” A spark igniting in her eyes, Rainbow stood up and scanned the crowd. “Hey!” she shouted. “I practice those on Wednesdays over in Ponyville if anypony wants to come watch!” A few cheers rang out, including another “yeah!” from across the square.

“Hold on, sugarcube. You practice over Sweet Apple Acres, right?” Rainbow nodded and raised an eyebrow. “S’pose somepony were to charge admission to your practices...”

A familiar boom rang out over Sweet Apple Acres as yet another rippled pattern of color floated along with the clouds. Rainbow Dash pulled up before the crowd and hovered in front of her creation with her forelegs crossed and her chest puffed out. It was the perfect photo opportunity. Except she couldn’t hear many of the characteristic snapping noises. In fact, quite a bit of the crowd looked like they were waiting for something. She turned around to see the display in the sky behind her. No problems there.

Glancing down at Applejack, Rainbow squinted and shook her head. Applejack nudged her hat upward a bit, scratched her head, and shrugged. Rainbow flew down to confer with her business partner, but as soon as she’d moved, a whole volley of clicks sounded. “Must be a lighting thing,” Rainbow said as she looked around for any clouds that may have kept the sun from making her Rainboom brilliant, but the sky was clear.

She flew back up to strike a pose again, but heard only one more camera, from the edge of the crowd. The assembled ponies muttered among themselves, then started milling about to head back to their coaches for the return trip to Canterlot. Only the one who had snapped that last photo kept watching: Scootaloo.

“Hey, Scoot!” Rainbow said as she flapped down to her side. “You can see me anytime. Why’d you pay to get in?”

Flinging her forelegs around Rainbow’s neck, Scootaloo giggled. “Applejack lets me in for free. I wanna see you all the time!”

“Free, huh? She must really like you,” Rainbow said with a chuckle of her own, her ears pricking toward her little friend.

“Quickly now, quickly! Before it goes avay! Ve must have... ze photo!”

Rainbow turned abruptly at the commotion and saw Photo Finish wading through the sea of ponies. She ran up to Rainbow and looked her over.

“Ve need you... a bit to ze right,” Photo Finish said, giving a rapid nod.

Taking a couple of steps over, Rainbow reared up, pointed a hoof to the sky, and donned a winning smile. “Is this good?”

“Hm? Yes, yes. You vere standing on de spot I need.” Photo Finish shouldered past her and set up a tripod where Rainbow had been standing. She cast an anxious glance toward the sky, where the shimmering spectacle was just starting to fade, then toward an assistant, who was consulting a light meter. The assistant shook her head. Photo Finish gritted her teeth as the rainbows above became a bit paler. Finally a nod, and the camera clicked.

“Ah! Ze magics!” Exhaling sharply, Photo Finish folded up her tripod, paused to give Rainbow a quick look from head to hoof and back again, then motioned to her assistants. “Ve go!”

Rainbow slumped her shoulders and stared after her.

The crowds were as full as ever, but Rainbow Dash had lost some of her enthusiasm. She stood up on top of the barn roof, situated in the center of a perfect trio of Rainbooms. In her usual spot, Scootaloo took another picture and jotted a few notes down in her scrapbook.

“Miss, could you please move?” called a well-dressed mare from below. “You’re blocking my view.”

Rainbow dropped to all fours and trudged to the end of the barn, where she would be out of the way. She held her ears flat, but they perked back up as a new voice rose above the jumbled conversations.

“Excuse me, ma’am?”

Her wings popping up inquisitively, Rainbow stood and looked for its source.

“Would you mind coming down here for a moment? I would love to use you as a model,” Hoity Toity said, his hooves clasped together.

Rainbow glided down to a landing beside him and wrinkled her brow. “Um... What kinda stuff are we talking about here? Like fashion shows? That’s not really my scene.”

Waving a dismissive hoof, he chuckled. “Oh, there are other ponies to handle that. I need you for your wonderful colors.”

“Oh... Well, I guess that’s okay,” Rainbow said, cracking a smile. “What do I do?”

“Splendid! You just stand there.” Hoity Toity held up some fabric samples to her mane and hemmed and hawed at length about each one. After scratching a few notations on his pad, he started packing his gear.

“So... what now?” Rainbow turned to follow him. “Do you need me to stop by your studio? Wherever it is...”

“No, no. All I need is the color. It’s going to be just fabulous for my new spring collection next year.” He smirked as he gave an infuriating little chuckle. “It’s just much easier this way than trying to hold my swatches up to the sky.”

“Oh. So you’re done with me?” she asked, hanging her head. When she looked back up, he had left. She trudged toward the barn, but an orange streak nearly bowled her over.

“Rainbow Dash! You’re gonna inspire a whole fashion line! You really are the coolest!” Scootaloo shouted as she hopped up and down and buzzed her wings.

“Well... not exactly,” she said, halfheartedly returning Scootaloo’s hug. “These folks are more interested in the Rainboom, not who makes it.”

“But Dash!” Scootaloo’s grin faded and her ears drooped.

“It’s alright, Scoot. Don’t sweat it,” Rainbow called back as she took off at a lazy pace toward Cloudsdale.

Rainbow Dash was running ten minutes late, but she didn’t care. She was almost at her practice area, but chose to zigzag through the groves of apple trees instead of zipping there as quickly as possible. When she finally arrived, she found the place deserted. No carriages full of high-class spectators, no flanks in the bleachers, nopony telling her to get out of the way so they could see the pretty colors.

She came to a landing in front of the seats and blinked, looking around again as if the scenery might have changed in that brief moment. Her jaw dropped and she shook her head. Sinking to her haunches, Rainbow stared at the empty stands until she heard soft hoofsteps behind her.

“Hey, sugarcube!” Applejack said, patting her on the shoulder. “What’re you doin’ here? Didn’t feel like enjoyin’ the show?”

“Show? I... What are you talking about?” Rainbow asked, half-listening as she continued sitting in a daze.

“You didn’t get an invite?” Applejack rummaged around in her saddlebag and pulled out a postcard. “See here? Rainboom art show, it says. I figured you’d be the main attraction.” Giving her friend an encouraging smile, Applejack wrapped a foreleg around Rainbow’s neck and tugged at her to follow.

Rainbow dug her hooves into the dirt a bit to offer some token resistance. “Oh. No... I haven’t checked my mail today.”

Nodding smartly, Applejack flashed a toothy grin and dragged Rainbow along. “No problem. Says here that I can bring a guest. That’d be you. C’mon! You don’t wanna see what you’ve inspired ponies to do?”

“I... guess it wouldn’t hurt. Sure.”

Rainbow trotted along behind Applejack until they reached the town square, where rows of racks and easels stood, displaying a wide variety of artistic creations. Rainbow split off from Applejack and wandered down an aisle of photographs. Each hung from hooks in a piece of white pegboard, and a number sported prize ribbons of various colors.

Leaning in to peer at the many Rainboom photos, she pointed at one and turned to the mare next to her. “Oh, I remember this one. It was two weeks ago! Here I am right below...” She squinted at the picture for a moment, then let her shoulders droop. “Oh... It looks like I’ve been airbrushed out.”

“You were in the audience. I can’t believe the photographer managed to airbrush out all those ponies,” the mare said. “Wow, that’s a wonderful job of it. I like your dye job, by the way. Did you get an advance look at Hoity Toity’s spring designs or something?”

“No, it’s... Never mind.”

She walked over to the next row, lined with paintings. The first one was flecked and splattered with a mix of colors on a white background. It had a large blue ribbon affixed to it.

“Amazing vision, isn’t it?” asked a bearded stallion. “It really takes an artistic mind to come up with something so bold.” He puffed out his lower lip and gave a pretentious little nod.

“But... I did that! That was me!” Rainbow insisted, jabbing a hoof toward the canvas.

He levitated a pair of glasses up to his face and examined the loopy signature in the lower corner. “No, this is a Jackson Paddock. I don’t know whom you think you’re trying to impress by passing yourself off as him.” He knit his brow, clicked his tongue, and stalked off.

Stepping down to the next one, Rainbow looked at an odd pattern of dots. It looked a bit like a Rainboom, but it was a bit hard to make out. She cocked her head to the side and held a hoof to her chin.

“Try backing up,” suggested the portly mare that had ambled over.

Rainbow tried it, and soon the individual points had blended into a familiar wavy ring of rainbow stripes. “Hey, that’s a neat effect! I made that, by the way,” she said, raising her head up and wearing a proud grin.

“Hmmph! You don’t even know how to view an impressionist work, and you expect me to think you’re the Reinoir?” She chuckled as she watched Rainbow slink away.

After making her way out of the crowd, Rainbow sat on a bench and rested her chin on her hooves. She sighed and cast a searching glance around the square to see if Applejack might be ready to leave soon. A few minutes later, a small voice sounded beside her.

“Rainbow? You okay?” Scootaloo said, gazing up into Rainbow’s eyes.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m fine, Scoot,” Rainbow replied as she tousled the filly’s mane. “It’s just... all these uppity Canterlot types love the Rainboom, but won’t give me the time of day. A little recognition would be nice.”

“But all your friends like you!”

“I know. But I’m not trying to impress them, y’know?” Rainbow shrugged and looked at the ground. “It’s different with them.”

“I think you’re awesome, Dash,” Scootaloo said, smiling at her idol.

“I appreciate the thought, kid, but you probably just like the Rainboom, too. I don’t hold it against you—it’s natural for a young filly to be like that.”

“No, Dash, I—”

“Not now, Scoot.” Rainbow reached over to pat her on the shoulder, but she’d already run off. Rainbow’s mouth hung open as she watched her go.

“She was just tryin’ to help, sugarcube,” Applejack said as she strolled up and sat down beside Rainbow.

“What’d I say...?”

“Give her a bit o’ credit,” Applejack replied, leaning forward so she could see her friend’s face. “I’m around their clubhouse enough to hear ’em chattin’. She really does think the world o’ you.”

Rainbow let her ears droop as she looked over at Applejack. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t sort out what to say.

“Maybe,” Applejack said, “you’d better go talk to her. Might do both o’ you a bit o’ good.”

Nodding slowly, Rainbow gave a grim smile before winging off toward Sweet Apple Acres. She set down on the elevated front porch of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse and pressed her ear to the door. A faint rustling noise emanated from within, but no voices. She walked in quietly and saw Scootaloo huddled over a table, scribbling away at a sheet of paper.

“Hi, Scoot...”

Scootaloo’s eyes shot wide open as she hid the page with her forelegs. “No! It’s not ready yet!”

“What’s not—?” Glancing down over Scootaloo’s shoulder, Rainbow held a hoof to her mouth. “Oh...”

Scootaloo reluctantly uncovered her picture. It was a drawing of Rainbow Dash, her coat already filled in with the sky-blue crayon stub that lay on the desktop. “I’M SORRY” was scrawled in black across the top, and an array of hues colored Rainbow’s tail and a series of Rainboom rings. But something was wrong. It looked off somehow...

“Scoot, how did you pick those colors?” Rainbow asked as she knit her brow. The yellow and blue were right, but there was a dark green where the purple should be, tan in place of the orange, brown for the red, and gray for green.

“I... I had to guess,” she answered, rolling her eyes up at Rainbow as if she were about to be lectured. “I usually just grab whatever the other girls use.”

“You’re... colorblind?”

Scootaloo drew her eyebrows together and hung her head, but didn’t answer.

“The Rainbooms don’t look all awesome and colorful to you?”

Scootaloo shook her head faintly. “I like them ’cause you make ’em. You’re the only pony who can.” She slumped forward onto the desk. “That’s why they’re cool. Because they’re yours.”

Rainbow froze in place for several minutes while everything clicked into place, then wrinkled her nose to fight off the tingle that was threatening to become a sniffle. Stepping over to sit on the floor next to Scootaloo, Rainbow wrapped a wing around her. “You’re pretty cool yourself, y’know? I wasn’t fair to you. Here—let me help you with the crayons, and then I’ll take you for a flight. Okay?”

Scootaloo blinked away her tears and nodded vigorously as she broke into a wide grin. “Thanks, Dash. But what are you gonna do about your shows?”

“Those are so cancelled,” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes upward. “I don’t need those ponies to make me feel good about myself. I’ve got you.”

Closing her eyes, Scootaloo leaned in to nuzzle Rainbow’s neck, but she soon pulled back as her face fell. “What’re you gonna tell Applejack? She was making some good money.”

Rainbow shot a blank stare at the wall for a moment. “Let’s finish this ‘sorry’ note. I think I’m gonna need it.”

The Hounds

I stifled a laugh. I just couldn’t help myself, you know? I just couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that they have no idea what is coming. They’re simply oblivious to what it’s going to happen to them, safely inside their houses,

Locked you’re locked and can’t get out

    living their everyday life. Outside.

Up above the world so high…

    I laughed again. I can’t stop. The guard hit my cell and asked me if I was okay. I only kept laughing. He’s one of them too. He’ll follow them all. I’ll just stand here and watch while it happens. It’ll be like looking at broad daylight again.

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down

    Oh yes. Yes they will.

***

    I’m writing this on the walls. You know this, don’t you? But you’re probably asking yourself why, my good reader, I am confined to such a state, maybe? Oh I hope you do. I like to tell my story to all the good little fillies and colts, even though I haven’t seen a foal in years. They’re so small. So fragile. I feel sorry for them, they have done nothing wrong. But they don’t forgive anyone, may it be a foal of a strong stallion.

    I’m hungry. How did you get here anyway? Am I here with you? I don’t have food for the both of us. I keep splitting my rations into two and then I hide them in a rip of one of the pads. It hurt my teeth to do that, but at least they can’t see me storing all away. I’m always hungry, but it’s for the better. They’ll stop serving soon.

    Very soon.

    I feel a little bad for that nurse though, the grey maned one. When she saw my ribs sticking out she started giving me a double ration. That was good. More food in the pad. I don’t care for the flies and maggots, the more the merrier. I might actually last even longer.

    I’ll miss that nurse.

***

    Today they tried to wash it away. I gnawed at them as long as I could until two others came and pinned me to the floor. When I saw biting wouldn’t solve the problem I begged them not to. I had to get on my knees and beg crying not to wash away my last words for this world. They left me alone, but they took out the food. All my food. It had taken me months to collect it. It was all black and crawling, green in some places. I probably couldn’t have eaten it when the time would have come.

Maybe.

    I’ll have to keep scavenging. At least they let me keep my writing. My beautiful writing. Not everything is lost.

***

    One day one pad. Soon the whole room will be covered with my beautiful writing, but I won’t stop then. I’ll write on the floor. I’ll write between the older lines. I need to keep writing. By the way, they call me Screwloose. It’s not my name you’ll understand, but appropriate if you have to recognize me by just looking at my flank. My real name is Grasshopper, which by itself seems a nickname. Isn’t that funny? I feel like laughing again, but I don’t want the guard to interrupt me.

    Am I dead in an angle of the room? Am I still there? How did you get here?

    So many questions. But you’ll have all the time in the world to answer me them when you’ll come here, whether to my corpse or to me. Not that in this place it makes such a difference to be dead or alive. I’ve seen ponies that just stare in front of them breathing. Skeletons. They eat nothing. They drink nothing. Have they seen the same things I have seen? Am I one of the lucky ones? The ponies outside of the cell think we’re insane. Are we really? Maybe we’ve just accepted reality the way it is. Then again, what is reality…

    So many questions, so many questions. I hope you’ll be a good talker, it’s been a while since I have talked to anyone that isn’t carrying a baton or a straightjacket… and we both know that a dead mare is a poor conversationalist.

    I was sent here because I told of their arrival and tried to save them. They didn’t want to believe me, you see. They didn’t want to see the truth that lies behind my words! Oh, but they will regret it. I may not be perfect, but my words are wise and when the time comes they’ll be sorry they haven’t listened to me. They tossed me in this hole with nothing but a basin of water and a loaf of bread each day, never letting me see the glorious light of the sun, always playing those stupid songs that want me to rip my eardrums off!

    I need to calm down. You might get a wrong impression of me, dear reader. I really like you, you know? You’re taking your time to read this. Please don’t go. This cell is secure. We can have fun together, we could play games! It’s been so much since I had a good game of chess with someone. Of course, you’ll have to move the pieces for me, but it’d still be fun, right? And while we’re playing you can read my entire story. All my life written on these walls, white to black and never washed because I begged and begged and begged. They have even read it, in the beginning. They said something about delusional and schizophrenic. I let them talk, as long as they don’t touch my beautiful words.

    I was once Grasshopper, as I said before. I was a history teacher, oh so long ago but there’s no reason to delve in the good memories, they always make me sad and angry and when I do that I start hitting things and then the guards come by and I’m scared because I don’t want them to erase my life and my work and everything was fine back then-

    I can’t make things go back the way they used to be. Not after what I have discovered. I indulge in the path of madness too often. Sometimes I have these moments, I don’t quite know how to call them, and everything seems melting, the bounds of reality become no more than the weak and helpless grasp of a foal. In those moments I wish I were dead, because I know I’m becoming like the skeletons. Constantly staring. No movement.

    I need to keep writing.

    I had to keep them safe. I was the only one that had foreseen their coming. What I have done has only been an act of mercy. It would have only been slower that way, I made it quick and easy. I couldn’t stop one from escaping. He didn’t understand and knocked me to the ground. I tried running after him but he was too fast.

    I look back at what I’ve done and I don’t see anything wrong. No one wants to see a foal in pain.

    No one.

***

    They sedated me. My hoof still hurts, though. They cleaned the blood on the door and read everything. I know that because they took me out of my cell after all these years.

    I screamed and kicked until they sedated me again. When I woke up I was in another padded cell, but there was a thick glass in front of me. They asked me if I really believed I had killed them to save them.

    I said yes.

    They asked me who I was saving them from. To that I could only laugh.

    And laugh.

    And laugh.

    They took me back to my cell after that. They don’t know I’m trying to save them too. If I told them the name of the things that will come for us they might turn insane too. I don’t even want to think of that name, but it’s etched inside my skull. I can barely see it shimmer in front of me when I’m losing it. I don’t want that knowledge, but it’s not like I can just forget about it now. My only future is in this cell. With the food I keep storing until they come. They keep cleaning there but I keep doing it nonetheless. One day they’ll surrender.

***

    I woke up today in the large room with the glass again. They kept asking me questions and stayed there even though I kept laughing and I started hitting the wall with my head. They kept me still, but I didn’t answer. No one should have it as bad as I

We? Are there more prophets of the coming?

    do. They keep giving me crayons though. Black crayons. They asked me if I wanted some sheets of paper and I said no, because paper fades. The humidity of this chamber is controlled, just like the light. My writing will stand as long as this cell stands.

***

    There have been more attempts of trying to “understand my case”. Some of the doctors say it’s stress. I don’t believe their lies. I don’t want to believe their well-prepared questions. They’re rats trying to corner the cat, but I’m an old cat. I can feel it in my bones. One of these days I could snap and tell the name. I’d love to see their reactions.

    I can’t, though. If I remember the name they will come. I’m not prepared yet. I need to finish telling my story for everyone. Maybe they’ll be able to hold them back to where they belong and I’ll be finally understood. They’d understand why I did that merciful act and say they’re sorry. These pads will be put in a museum and I will be finally at home. No padded cells. No soothing music that makes me want to stab myself. Unluckily, it’s impossible for them to stop them. Nothing can stop them. Ponykind will only be a fairytale by the end of their reign. But a fairytale told by who? My head hurts. I wish they could just stop it with this damn music.

***

    The music is gone. I looked up and they had taken out the speakers. They are reading. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. One of the ponies even called me Grasshopper in the big mirrored room.

    I want a place to store my food. I don’t know if they will do this, since it’s a padded cell, but it’s worth a try. Maybe they understood my importance? Maybe they’re trying to understand the name of the thing so that they can fight it? It’s useless. But it’s still worth a try.

Maybe.

    I don’t hate the ponies out of my door so much now. They’re nicer.

***

    They gave me some small packages where I can put the rest of the food I don’t eat. I’m crying right now. I’ve never felt so happy in years. They listen to me. I will write a letter of name down on the wall every day, so I’m probably not going to feel it too hard.

    The first letter is T.

***

    The doctor asked me to finish the name, but I didn’t. I told him to wait another week. I don’t want to look at the letter. I tried to cover it with some of the sheets, so I won’t think about it. He didn’t get mad. Instead he just smiled at me and said we have plenty of time.

    The fool. We don’t have time. I can hear them barking already. My head hurts and the name is moving before my eyes. I looked at the second letter and I head-butted the floor. It hurt, but at least the word wasn’t there anymore. Please make the pain stop. It hurts to think about it.

    The second letter is I.

***

    I don’t want to think about the name. I don’t want to think about the name. I don’t want to think about the name. The hounds are coming.

They will get here. I’m not safe. I thought they couldn’t get me inside, but I saw one. Watching me. If I finish the name,they will kill me.

    After today I will wait. If they retreat then I’ll talk to the doctors and tell them I can’t do it because I can’t remember.

    The third letter is N.

***

    They moved me to the glass chamber again today. They told me to stay there and say the fourth letter. The hound was there always by my side, but they couldn’t see it. I didn’t want to say the letter.

    I’m not insane.They are real.

    I don’t want to die. All my work can’t have been wasted like that.

    The hospital staff is good but I prefer them to be mad if the hounds leave me alone.

    I’m not going to say the name.

***

    Two. Two came around today.They’re not pleased.They will come and get me. I’ve been marked. They’re staring at me right now. I see them. I keep seeing them. They’re behind me. They’re in front of me. Even if I close my eyes I can hear them. I can’t do this. If I’m going to die I’m at least going to tell their name. I press my hooves against my eyes as deep as I can until it hurts and I can still see it.

    The fourth letter is D.

They’ve started barking louder.

    I hope I survive the night.

***

    I’m still alive, butthey didn’t stop howling all night.They kept doing it over and over. There are three of them now. They keep staring. I found myself barking too after some hours. I slapped myself and I started talking to myself. I mustn’t cross the line. I mustn’t. I’m the only one who knows. If I hit it the bottom they won’t listen to me. They’ll treat me like one of the other insane patients.

    I asked to be brought to the glass room I saw some others come around from the corners. They followed me. Grinning.

They’re toying with me.

    I’m an easy prey, but it wouldn’t be fun just to end it, would it? No. And moving through time and space must make anyone hungry. I know my days are counted. I just want to understand if they’ll let me finish the name.

    A. The letter is A.

***

    There are four now. Growling. I can’t do anything.

    I found myself in a fetal position writing “mommy” on the floor. I want my mommy.

    I’m hitting the bottom. Please save me. I want the music back. Anything but the growling. Make me deaf if you have to. Deaf and blind. Just make it stop.

    Make it stop.

    L.

***

    The music is back. Glorious hated music. It stops the growling a bit. I’m a foot away from the edge. The doctor told me I started growling in my sleep. I asked him how did he know it was me and not them.

    The hounds of-

    I can’t do it. I can’t put those letters together. One at a time.

    One at a time.

    I get nightmares every night. They follow me and get me. I try to crawl away but even when I close a door behind me I find them in front of me. I have seen myself dying in hundreds of horrible ways. It’s hilarious sometimes. It almost makes me want to laugh.

    Sadly, I cry every time I try to.

***

    Almost all the walls are covered. I found some strange doodles and drawings on the sheets of paper that I can’t recognize and understand. They told me I made them while doing the sounds. I start growling and barking sometimes. I hit myself every time it happens. My face is becoming a canvas of bruises. They stopped giving me food. I have enough for me in the bags though. They’re afraid to get inside.

    O. what a beautiful round letter. Full of perfection. Nothing can get inside that small circle. Not even the hounds.

***

    I have to I don’t have to I need it I don’t need it they’ll get me anyway they’ll get me I can see them I can see through them they’re beautiful we should accept to be devoured and become part of something so beautiful I never want to be me again me is bad they are good

    S

    I am them and they are me and we are all together

    We are TINDALOS

***

    “How is 623 going?”

    “Unstable, doctor. I don’t know what happened, but she snapped. She only barks and growls. The nurses say she’s a real biter, too. She refuses the food and keeps eating that… stuff in the plastic bags. I’m surprised she hasn’t died of food poisoning already, that food is mostly mold.”

    “She stopped writing?”

    “She ate the crayon. When we gave her another one she ate that too. She acts like a rabid dog, hitting the door every time she sees somebody. We will need to move to another cell if she keeps going like this, one that has a padded door, but the tricky part is moving her without getting hurt.”

    “Yes, I understand… keep giving her water. She’ll weaken sooner or later. I will be needing photos of those writings too, when she has cleared the cell. Do you know what the name on the wall means? ”

    “I don’t know sir. It’s something I’ve never heard before in my life. Some…  dogs of tindagios or timmagros. I don’t know.”

    “Please report to me if there’s any kind of behavioural improvement. I don’t know why the damn video feed is no longer working.”

    “Yes, doctor.”

    As the intern walked off the door, Shrinking Cog sat down and poured himself a glass of bourbon.

    “T-I-N-D-A-L-O-S. Tindalos.”

    He shook his head and got his coat. He’ll look at that tomorrow in the public library, but he was sure it would be a fictional name invented by the mare. Schizophrenics tended to do that. Sometimes they create an imaginary friend, sometimes another identity, sometimes a pack of hounds.

    As he opened the door he noticed a strange smell and a hint of smoke coming from behind him, the smell of… rotten meat? What?

    He turned.

    He didn’t even have enough time to scream as the grinning monstrosity teared off his jugular.

    In a room, Grasshopper was howling. It almost seemed like a crack of laughter.

A Research Note

“Spike!” Twilight Sparkle yelled, annoyed.

    No response.

    “Spike!”

    Again, no response.

Huh. Maybe he’s in the kitchen.

    Twilight walked over to the kitchen’s doorway, and decided to try her luck one more time.

    “Spike!”

    No more than a few seconds later, Twilight heard footsteps behind her, and turned to face the source of the sound.

    “What?” Spike asked, rubbing his eyes with his claws as he spoke.

    “Ah, there you are. Could you come down here, please? I need some help with the cleaning.”

    “That’s what you woke me up for? Cleaning?”

    Twilight recoiled. It wasn’t like Spike to behave like this. Then again, she had just interrupted his favourite pastime, for the sake of a chore she could quite easily do by herself.

    “There’ll be gemstones waiting for you when you’re done,” Twilight mused, trying to bribe him.

    “Tempting,” Spike said, as he raised a claw to his chin in mock thought. “But the nap still sounds better. Have fun cleaning!”

    “Wait!” Twilight yelled, much to Spike’s annoyance. “Could you at least tell me where this book came from? I haven’t seen it before.”

    Twilight’s horn lit up, and not too long thereafter, a massive green book floated past her. It was almost the same size as Spike, he noted, and didn’t feature any images on the cover. The only noticeable part was the gold printing, and how damaged it was. The Pony’s Skeleton, it read. What Spike could only assume was the author’s name had once been written below, but some kind of stain prevented him from deciphering what it said.

    “Huh,” the dragon said. “It looks...”

    “Interesting? Intriguing? Captivating? Mysterious?”

    Spike shook his head. “Damaged.”

    “I can see that,” Twilight frowned. “But that’s not what I wanted to know. Have you seen this book before?”

    Again, Spike shook his head. “Nope, never seen it. Can I go back to bed, now? Napping is important business, after all.”

    “Are you sure you don’t want to help me clean up? I wasn’t joking about the gemstones, you know.”

    It didn’t take Spike very long to think of an answer. “No, I think I’m just going to go back to bed,” the dragon replied, almost instantly. “I’d rather sleep.” The dragon turned around and dashed away as fast as his little legs could carry him.

    Twilight shook her head, sighing, then let go a yelp as Spike slammed his door shut. She looked around the library, trying to determine which area would benefit the most from her efforts. The area around her desk looked the messiest, she thought. She set green tome she was still levitating down on her desk, taking one last glance at the title.

I’ll have to take a proper look at it, to determine on which shelf it belongs. Too bad the author’s name is damaged.

    Luckily, most of the books on Twilight’s desk had all come from the same shelf. They were sorted by category, after all. Using her magic, Twilight sorted the books into neat piles, and would soon begin of sorting them on alphabet. The shelf she’d have taken the books from would have empty spaces where the books had once been, so the only thing she’d have to do is take the top book from the pile, and return it to the first vacant spot on the shelf she’d see.

    No more than a few moments later, Twilight had successfully sorted all of her recently used books, and was in the process of returning them to the shelves, rather than just leaving them for Spike to clean up.

    With the last book safely on its shelf, Twilight turned to her desk. The Pony’s Skeleton was still waiting for her, as expected.

Well, the book isn’t going to read itself, and I’m going to have to decide in which bookcase it should go, Twilight thought.

    Opening the book to the first page, she noticed that the contents were damaged even worse than the cover was. Fearing the worst, she decided to open the book to a different page, hoping that the damage would have affected only the first few pages. Sadly, this was not the case.

    It looked like somebody had spilled water on it, or perhaps even dropped it in a lake. The edges of almost all of the pages were ragged, and the ink that had once formed coherent sentences and perhaps even beautiful writing had started to run down the pages, causing irreparable damage to the writing that hadn’t been submerged. Twilight cringed as she noticed the damage, as any librarian would have done. Seeing a book in such a state pained her, but the damage had been done.

    Twilight sighed, and lifted a hoof to close the book, when a sentence caught her eye. “Ponies today are much smaller than they ought to be,” the sentence read.

Huh, Twilight thought. Now why would that be the case? Ponies have been the size they are for centuries now, as far as we know. Why would they grow larger?

    Intrigued by the sentence, Twilight tried to continue reading. Sadly, most of the page had been damaged so badly that Twilight couldn’t even begin to decipher what it had once said. The words she could read left Twilight wanting more, however, so she turned the page.

    Much to her dismay, this page had only three decipherable words on it. Ponies are changing, they read. Twilight hastily flipped through some more pages, growing progressively more annoyed with each page she turned. That the book was damaged had been obvious from the very beginning, but the extent of the damage was a rather unpleasant surprise.

    Page after page she turned, each new page more illegible than the last. Angrily, Twilight tossed the book aside. It wasn’t something she’d normally consider doing, but the book was a lost cause already. Any more damage really wouldn’t make a difference.

    As the book soared through the air, a note fell out of it. It drifted easily to the ground, landing on top of the book from which it had come. The book itself had lost some of its pages upon collision with the wall, but the note didn’t look anything like a page from the book. It was folded, and for some reason not damaged at all.

    Twilight picked the note up using her magic, and examined it. She was pleased to see that the writing on the note had indeed been spared, and was still completely legible.

As we all know, ponies’ bones begin as cartilage, and are hardened by assification. Osteoblasts invade the cartilage, and form a matrix or cancellous bone, with the cartilage still inside. The cartilage matures over time, and becomes calcified, resulting in bone formation. Yet, why do bones stop growing? The equine skeleton as we know it is incomplete; the epiphyseal plates ought to continue growing far longer than they do, until the cartilage cells stop multiplying, and the fusion of the epiphysis and diaphysis takes place.

Judging by the rest of the skeleton, the last growth plates to fuse in what ought to be a growing pony are located in the vertebral column. Yet, for some reason, this fuse never occurs.

Of course, the timing of this can only be determined depending on the bone itself, but as I’ve already said, this never occurs in ponies. For some reason, a pony’s skeleton will stop maturing when it reaches a certain point. I think the appearance of a cutie mark may have something to do with it, but further analysis is necessary to confirm my suspicions.

    Twilight looked up from the note, frowning yet again. Ponies growing larger than they do? Well, it sounds like nonsense, but even I have to admit, this is convincing stuff.

    Deciding that this was definitely deserving of some more attention, Twilight levitated what remained of the book from which the note had come back onto her desk. She winced as she noticed that the already fragile binding had now almost given up completely. Several pages had gone missing from the book, and were now lying on the floor where the book had come to rest after its flight.

    “Spike!” she called. Minutes went by, and no response came. “Spike!”

    “Wha~at?” the dragon’s voice came, from atop the staircase.

    “I’m going out for a bit, can you take care of yourself while I’m gone?”

    Spike sighed, apparently making an effort to be loud enough for Twilight to hear him. “I’m going back to bed.”

    “Is that a yes?” Twilight called out to him. No response came, so Twilight decided that she’d just have to assume that he’d manage.

    The librarian levitated her saddlebags over to her desk, and carefully placed the remainders of the book inside. The pages on the floor were damaged, Twilight noticed, so she didn’t bother to take them.

    With the book and note tucked away into the pockets of her saddlebags, Twilight left the library. She’d want to find somepony with some medical know-how to answer some of her questions. The Ponyville hospital would probably be her best bet, she thought.

    After making her way to the hospital, through a blend of teleporting and galloping, Twilight

entered, and was immediately blinded by synthetic light. She was used to candlelight, and the fluorescent lamps used to illuminate the hospital were quite a bit brighter than that.

Directly opposite the entrance was a desk, occupied by a single, grumpy-looking secretary. “If you need immediate medical attention, tell me now, and I’ll see if I can find somepony to help you. If your injury isn’t an emergency, take a seat and we’ll call you when somepony is ready to help,” the nurse mumbled, as she noticed Twilight approaching. She hadn’t even bothered to make eye contact.

    “And what if you’re not injured at all?”

    “The door’s behind you,” the nurse replied, still not looking at Twilight.

    “Very funny,” Twilight frowned. “I was just wondering if I could ask a few questions about the skeleton. Is anypony around here not too busy to help me?”

    This time, the nurse looked Twilight in the eye. “All surgeons are in surgery right now, and most doctors have taken the day off, or weren’t scheduled to work today. We’re understaffed, today. I can show you to Nurse Redheart, but she only ever deals with newborn fillies.”

    “Perfect!” Twilight exclaimed, realizing exactly how useful somepony with knowledge of a newborn’s skeleton would be.

    The secretary sighed, and got up. “Follow me, then, and don’t get lost,” she grunted.

    Twilight nodded, and followed quietly, the sound of her hooves being the only one she produced. Nurse Redheart was quickly found, and the secretary wasted no time in getting back to her desk. Procrastinating was important to her, it seemed.

    Nurse Redheart herself was, in contrast to the secretary, extremely busy. She was standing in the midst of a room filled with newborn fillies, quite a few of them crying loudly. Twilight cringed when she first heard the noise, but decided that for the time being, her research was more important than her eardrums.

    “Nurse Redheart?” she yelled, trying to make herself heard over the crying newborns.

    The nurse looked up, and appeared to be speaking, but Twilight couldn’t make out what she was saying.

    “Nurse?!” she yelled again.

    This time, Nurse Redheart saw fit to approach Twilight. “You had better have a good reason to yell at me like that, in particular when I’m trying my very best to calm these newborns down!” she fumed.

    Twilight recoiled at the Nurse’s yelling. In hindsight, she had been impatient indeed, but this reaction was definitely not what she had been expecting. “I was justing wondering if you wouldn’t mind explaining a few things about the equine skeleton to me,” Twilight mumbled, afraid to induce even more rage in the already fuming nurse by speaking too loudly.

    Nurse Redheart simply sighed, raised a hoof to her forehead, and shook her head.

    “Nurse?” Twilight asked, when no response was forthcoming.

    “You come here, you disturb the sleeping newborns even more than the crying ones already are, you distract me from my job, and now you want me to teach you? Go back to school, lady. I don’t have time for this, she snapped, before turning around without even bothering to announce her departure.

    "Wait, Nurse Redheart!"

    Nurse Redheart turned around once more, and shot Twilight a venomous glance. "This had better be good," she said.

    "I found this book in my library... It says that ponies ought to grow much larger than they do today. Do you think you could explain what the author meant?"

    "Don't be stupid," Nurse Redheart barked. "If ponies ought to grow larger, they would. You're spouting nonsense."

    "But, the book..."

    "Do you have it with you?"

    "I do, actually!" Twilight smiled, as she levitated the book out of her saddlebags.

    Nurse Redheard took one look at the damaged book, and instantly started smiling. "Ah, I see. Well, let's just say that the author did his research, and definitely accomplished what he wanted to."

    "Excuse me?"

    "Sorry, I have to go. Newborns crying."

    "Aren't you at least going to explain the purpose of the book? Did the author ever manage to discover something significant? Did the theory amount to anything?"

    "Well, it made for an interesting read, if you're into those kind of books."

    "Huh?"

    Nurse Redheart smiled one more time before turning around, and walking away. "That's all I'm going to say," she smiled. "You're wasting my time, Miss... whatever your name is."

    Appalled by the nurse’s attitude, Twilight decided that she’d be better off trying to study by herself, in her library. Spike was napping, so he wouldn’t be a source of disturbances. Not that he usually was, but the napping provided Twilight with an extra sense of security.

So much for the hospital being helpful, Twilight thought, as she left the hospital.

    A short trip and a few teleportation spells later, Twilight found herself back at the library’s front door. Twilight heaved a sigh of relief as she entered, but was immediately disturbed by Spike. “Hey, Twilight!” the dragon greeted her. “I was just wondering if--”

    “Not now, Spike! I have research to do!” Twilight yelled, before marching over to her desk, and starting to take notes. "The nurse at the hospital didn't give me any direct hints, so I'm going to have to figure out what she was talking about."

    Spike glanced over her shoulder, wondering how Twilight could be making notes whilst not even reading. What he saw puzzled him greatly; Twilight was writing down titles of books, all of them seemingly related to medicine.

    “You trying to get a job in the hospital, Twilight?”

    “After seeing how ponies are treated there? No chance. No, I’m just trying to study our skeleton.”

    “‘Our’ skeleton?”

    “Ah,” Twilight laughed. “Ponies’ skeletons. Sorry, Spike.”

    “That’s alright. I’ll just leave you to your research, then. Still have some sleeping to do, after all!”

    Twilight nodded, then realized that Spike would be able to help her find the books she needed. “Wai--”

    Her sentence was cut short as she once again heard Spike slam his door shut.

I’m going to have to tell him to stop doing that, sometime soon...

    Shaking off the thought, Twilight wrote down the last of the books she’d need, and immediately began to scan the shelves of her “Science” bookcase for the titles she’d written down.

    Moments later, Twilight was sitting at her desk, completely engrossed in her studies, taking notes for every page she read.

    She had already discovered numerous flaws in the note’s theory, but despite this, it was still possible. The joining of the growth plates in the vertebral column did occur, it just never finished. Then again, she may have been looking at an outdated book. Or perhaps the note was outdated?

    Twilight continued unfazed, fascinated by what she was discovering. As it turned out, the theory was largely incorrect, but there was a core of truth to it. Ponies’ growth plates did fuse, and many of them finished fusing before the pony himself stopped growing, but there were exceptions. The only problem was determining exactly how common these exceptions were.

    Studying picture after picture, taking notes, and reading entire books in a single sitting, Twilight managed to study through the entire night. It wasn’t until Spike came downstairs in the late morning that she finally looked up from her studies, if only briefly.

    “Twilight? Can I go visit Rarity?”

    “Hmm? Yeah, sure. Whatever,” Twilight replied, not paying attention to what she was being asked.

    “But why no-- what? Okay, bye!” the dragon yelled. He knew all too well that Twilight was far too engrossed in her studies to be paying attention to what was going on around her, and wasted no time in rushing through the front door before Twilight would realize what she’d done.

    The door slammed shut, and Twilight was left to her studies. It wasn’t until half an hour later that she finally looked up from her book. “Wait, what? Spike!” she called, turning faster than she should have to find the dragon. She felt the world spin as she turned, and felt dizzy shortly thereafter. A sign of fatigue, or perhaps a lack of sustenance, she knew.

    Realizing that Spike would be long gone by now, Twilight decided to sit back down. Her stomach disagreed, however, as it decided to growl louder than Twilight had ever heard it do before.

Maybe I should get something to eat, she thought.

    After making her way over to the kitchen, Twilight started to check her cupboards, only to realize that she didn’t have anything decent to eat. All she had was a slightly moldy slice of bread, and a leftover leaf of lettuce.

    Deciding that the bread would probably end up making her ill, Twilight threw it into the bin. The lettuce was probably the healthier choice, she reckoned.

    Twilight returned to her desk, munching on the single leaf of lettuce as she walked. She returned to her desk just as she swallowed the last bite of lettuce, and was eager to return to her studies when she heard the front door slam open violently.

    “Darling! Get away from that book!” Rarity yelled.

    “What? Why?”

    “Because you’re making a mess of yourself! Look at yourself, dear!”

    “How did you...?”

    “Spikey-Wikey told me, and it’s a good thing he did! No friend of mine is allowed to look like... that. Oh, no offense.”

    Twilight frowned. “Some taken, but why is my situation an issue? I always do this, when studying.”

    “No longer!” Rarity exclaimed. “Your mane is a mess, you look like you haven’t slept in weeks, and you’re studying by a lit candle, despite it being midday!”

    “Oh, come on. I was just getting something to eat! Here, I'll blow out the candle.”

    “And what, pray tell, were you eating?”

    “A... leaf of lettuce.”

    “And?”

    “That’s it. Just a leaf of lettuce.”

    Rarity frowned. “Darling, this has to stop! This isn’t healthy! To think that this could have carried on for weeks, if Spike hadn’t told me!”

    Only now did Twilight notice the vigorously blushing dragon who was hiding behind Rarity.

    “Spike! Why did you-- Oh, never mind! Rarity, I always study like this, I have done for years, and I plan to continue doing so. Now, if you don’t mind, this is important.” Twilight shot Spike an angry glance. “Spike is going to spend the rest of this day in his bedroom, and I’d really, really appreciate it if you left me to study.

    “I’ll do no such thing!”

    Twilight sighed, “Yeah, I figured you’d say that.” Her horn lit up, and a pink glow started to envelop Spike. No more than a second later, a flash blinded the two onlooking ponies temporarily. Spike had vanished, Rarity noticed.

    “As I said, Spike is going to spend the rest of the day in his room. Now, I’m going back to studying. Maybe you can visit again when I’m done?”

    “Please, Twilight,” Rarity said, this time trying to persuade Twilight, rather than force her. “Would you at least go to sleep, and continue studying when you wake up? You’re worrying me.”

    “Well, stop worrying, then. I’m fine,” Twilight smiled.

    Rarity’s expression changed, but not for the better. Her frown lightened up, and turned into a look of genuine concern. “Please, Twilight?”

    Twilight, now starting to get tired of her friend’s complaining, frowned. “I’ll be fine, Rarity. Now, I’m going to ask you one more time to please leave me alone. Are you going to listen, this time?”

    Rarity paused, considering her options. Twilight, growing more impatient with every passing second, decided that she’d spent long enough waiting for her friend to make her next fruitless attempt at persuasion.

    Twilight’s horn lit up, and the door to the library slammed shut. “Sorry, Rarity, but I need to return to my studies.”

    "Please, Twilight," came Rarity's muffled voice, from outside. "Get some sleep."

Sorry, Rarity, but I'm too busy to be sleeping. This is important research, after all.

    With that, Twilight returned to her desk. Using her magic, she picked up the damaged green book one more time. Whoever the author of this book was, he had made a definite medical breakthrough. She started flipping through the book one more time, hoping for some more hints as to what had led the author to believe what he did. His theory was flawed, Twilight knew, but there was still a slight possibility that he had been onto something.

    Twilight’s thoughts were once again interrupted, as she heard what could only be Spike, descending the stairs.

    “Spike, I thought I told you you’d be staying upstairs for the rest of the day.”

    “You know,” Spike replied. “Rarity isn’t the only one who’s worried about you. Why do you think we were talking about you?”

    Twilight couldn’t help but feel sorry for the little dragon. “I’m sorry, Spike, but this research really is important!”

    “Rarity was right, you know. You should go to sleep.”

    That was it. Twilight had had enough. “Seriously, Spike? Here I am, on the verge of a breakthrough, about to change our understanding of our very own anatomy, and you want me to go to sleep? No, Spike, I won’t go to sleep.”

    The dragon cringed as Twilight continued her ranting.

    “Did you really think that I’d just give up and go to sleep? This book... it’s fascinating! We shouldn’t be ponies, Spike! We should be... I don’t know what, but larger! Don’t you understand how important this is?!”

    “Twilight, you’re taking this too seriously. Please, just go to sleep. Your research won’t be the same if you’re tired when you do it.”

    “Oh, nonsense. I’ve done plenty of research when tired, and I’ve always been correct. And taking it too seriously, Spike? Really? I’m talking about medical breakthroughs, about a fundamental change in the way we think of ourselves, and you respond with “taking this too seriously”? Go back upstairs, Spike. I have research to do.”

    Spike opened his mouth to protest, but quickly realized that doing so would only annoy Twilight even further, and would probably end with him getting teleported again. Reluctantly, the dragon backed away, and climbed up the stairs once again. He gave Twilight one final glance before he went back upstairs, but she had already returned to that damned green book.

    “Taking this too seriously,” Twilight imitated Spike’s voice. “Just go to sleep. Your research won’t be the same.”

I’ll show him. They don’t realize exactly how important this is, but they’ll see. Whoever wrote this book didn’t understand what he was on the verge of discovering, but I do. I just need to find one more--

    Twilight’s thoughts were interrupted as she reached the final page of the book. Miraculously, some of the printing was still legible. Twilight’s heart skipped a beat as she started reading.

...to thank Masato, for his continuing support. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been able to write this hopefully realistic piece of fiction.

    Twilight looked up from the book, shook her head, rubbed her eyes, and checked again.

...piece of fiction.

    She sat back, unwilling to believe what she had just read. All of that fuss, all of the arguing, and the entire two days of studying, had been because of a work of fiction.

    "But... it's still possible, isn't it?"

Of course, the story is based on nothing more than an exception to an otherwise unyielding rule in medicine, but I hope that my more educated readers will be able to see past this. It's been a pleasure to write this book, and a challenge to keep it as realistic as possible, whilst still twisting the facts I started with.

    Twilight shut the book, and dumped it in the trash without hesitation. As she climbed up the stairs, Spike’s words echoed through her mind one last time.

    “Twilight, you’re taking this too seriously.”

    Rather than going straight for her bedroom, she decided to visit Spike's first. After knocking to make sure he was still awake, she entered.

    "Spike?" she asked.

    The dragon sat up in his bed. "Twilight? Finally decided that you need sleep, huh?"

    "Do me a favor, Spike?"

    "Uhh... sure?"

    "The next time I research something, remind me to check the book's source."

    Spike nodded once, but quickly stopped, and frowned. "Wait, what? Why?"

    "Let's just say I suddenly hate fiction," Twilight mumbled, before leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind her.

    Spike simply smiled once, and lay back down.

I knew she was taking it too seriously, he thought to himself, smiling.

The Retelling of Myths and Legends

An explosion of silver fire blasted the majestic double doors off their hinges, laying the evil sorceress' inner scantum bare at long last. “This ends here, Countess Uldavrazen!” Star Swirl roared. The light flooding in from the open doorway made his enchanted mage-armor glitter harshly and throw sparks into the poorly lit room, but the sun itself was a pale lantern compared to the fury of the elderly spell-weaver's eyes and horn. “I, Star Swirl, have crossed oceans, scaled cliffs, laid waste to armies of your minions, and carved a swath through the perils of of your labyrinthine lair, and still you raise your muzzle in defiance? Face it, Countess! Your reign of terror is at its end!”

With a flowing, almost sultry sway to her movements, Countess Uldavrazen unfolded her legs and rose from the velvety red cushions she had been resting on. At first, the only indication that she had even taken notice of her nemesis' presence was the fact that she was moving. Her head was hooded and her face was obscured by a curtain the color of midnight, and a cape in the same color was draped across her back. ”Like a child,” Uldavrazen said with a dark chuckle. Power coalesced around her into a gliztening haze of purple. Though Uldavrazen's face was hidden by the silken folds of her Shadowdark Veil, the evil in her voice alone was more than enough. “So the ancient and powerful Star Swirl turns out to be nothing more than an arrogant foal.” She let out a gentle laugh, almost a giggle. “You played all my games, passed all my tests, and now you barge into my personal sanctuary asking for a prize for being a good boy.”

Was the Shadowdark Veil hiding a wicked grin, or a venomous scowl, or was there another mask beneath the veil, a deadened expression of unimaginable suffering? Nopony knew, and it was likely that nopony ever would. The Countess lifted a few inches off her hooves, suspended by her own magic. The aura that surrounded her was a dark purple—an evil, forbidden color. Her black cape billowed in a strong wind that only it observed. She spoke again, in a tone dripping with murder and domination. “If only you had followed me down the path of darkness back in our apprentice years,” Countess Uldavrazen sighed, lifting higher into the air until her personal misama of magic blocked out the skylights. As the room was plunged into a kind of rippling violet dusk, the Countess' voice also darkened until it was a low growl. “Now, feel the power that you refused so long ago! Wither before the unquenchable fire of pure hate!”

“Really? The power was sorrow, not hate!” Twilight sneered at the Countess, whose hooded head glanced both ways in confusion. The aura of darkness surrounding the Countess winked out as if a switch had been pulled, though her cape still flapped about, tossed by the pair of wings underneath them. Twilight lifted the jeweled battlemage's helm off her head as she rubbed her temple in irritation. “I'm sorry for being like this at every rehearsal, but all of Ponyville is going to see us perform, and I have to insist upon some level of historical accuracy if we're supposed to be honoring the legacy of Starswirl the Bearded!”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow Dash snapped, flipping the Shadowdark Veil away from her face with a flick of her head. “Sweet Celestia, I knew this would happen, even though I went egghead just for you and researched the whole thing.” She said the word re-search the way a schoolfilly might call a classmate stoo-pid. “You know what, it would have been just as easy to just make up some cool villain with a cooler name than Urlda-vazlen here!”

“Let me guess,” Twilight returned acidly, glaring up at Rainbow Dash where she still floated, “You got your ideas from a Marevel comic series? Let's see... Ultimate Star Swirl issue thirty-six?”

“Well, uh,” Rainbow Dash faltered, losing a bit of altitude as her wings got tangled in the cape. “I only used some of-”

“I read that series as a filly!” Twilight yelled. “Where did you think the library's comic book collection came from? Those old comics were mine!”

The extras and bit actors—mostly the corpses of the Countess' minions—were starting to mutter to each other. A bright voice sliced through the growing tension in the air. “Dashie! Go take ten with the rest of everypony. Heard that, fillies and colts? See you in ten minutes, and make sure you're ready to look even deader than last time! I'll have notes for how you did when you come back!”

The corpses picked themselves up off the ground and headed for the dressing rooms, the techponies put down their headsets, and Pinkie bounced across the stage to join the two bickering archenemies.

“What are you doing, Twilight?” Pinkie said, a severe look in her eyes. “Star Swirl and the Countess are supposed to be blasting each other to bits, not arguing! Look how much you distracted the rest of the cast!”

“Pinkie, the rest of the cast were pretending to be dead,” Twilight monotoned.

“And they were doing a really good job of it! I just hope they can recover in time to make the most of this reheasal.” Pinkie gave Twilight a look. “What are you arguing about, anyway? Dashie helped me to write this script, Twilight! Be nice!”

“I can tell from the dialogue that she helped to write it,” Twilight sighed. “And from the historical inaccuracies. Look, I'm just saying that there are things in this script that can be changed to make the encounter more like it was in real life. It should be an easy fix!”

Pinkie glanced over at Rainbow Dash, who was pouting, then back to Twilight. “Well I think Twilight's accuracy and stuff could be just as fun as Dashie's comic books!” Neither party looked impressed by this statement, so Pinkie continued: “What do YOU think should happen, Twilight?”

Twilight did a very poor job of hiding how gratified she was by this chance to share her opinion on the matter. “Well, I'm glad some of us care about properly honoring Starswirl's memory. All the historical records say that Starswirl defeated Countess Uldavrazen with a single spell and then had her banished to the Badlands.” Twilight gave both of her friends a highly significant look, to make sure they could see how serious she was about the subject of Starswirl, before continuing.

“In this script, the Countess gets blasted with some non-specific spell and laughs it right off! Starwirl has to use this imaginary Amulet of the Sun to beat her by draining her power or something, and there isn't even any mention of the exile! Besides, everyone knows that Starswirl's actual powers were linked to the stars, not the Sun!” A pause, in which three ponies simply stood blinking at each other. Actually, only one of them blinked—one of them had a grin of superiority, and one of them glared. “Also, the script you gave me has Star Swirl as two words, like the comic. It's one word, not two. Starswirl.” She made sure to let the name run together when she said it, because it was one word and not two.

“Oh, come ON!” Rainbow Dash jeered. “I wrote out all that great stuff about Olda-vulva-whatever's cool powers, and now you're telling me that I don't even get to pose onstage with you making that awesome glowy effect around me? This is a play! People are supposed to have fun watching plays! They're not supposed to get bored to sleep by stuff about history!”

“We are supposed to be honoring Starswirl's great contributions to the study of magic, not making up some wild story about a minor conflict in his life! Besides, the truth is much more interesting than just comic book nonsense.”

“The comic said it was based on-”

“On scraps from the Countess' diary, I know! I read that comic years before you did! Rainbow Dash, do you know what the words 'based on' mean?”

“This sounds great!” Pinkie piped in, quickly sliding in front of Twilight and bumping Rainbow Dash out of position. “How about this. I'll tell the rest of the actors and crew to take a little extra time, and you can rewrite this scene the way you think it should go, okay? Then maybe we can see if historical accuracy really is fun!”

Rainbow Dash gaped, too stunned at Pinkie's foolishness to really feel wounded about the scene being cut. Twilight, meanwhile, had already appropriated pen and paper from a techpony's workspace and started to write.

“A'right, Twilight, run this by me one more time so I can tell the other techponies. You've gone and confused 'em all real good.” Applejack spit out her hammer and beckoned to the stage manager, who wore a black vest and trousers and a headset. “You've ditched the beard because...”

“Starswirl didn't always have a beard.” Twilight nodded sagely. “He was just famous for his ability to make it appear or disappear at will.”

“Right. And you're wearin' last year's Nightmare Night costume because...?”

“Because,” Twilight said smugly, “It's an almost perfectly accurate reproduction of the outfit Starswirl is depicted as wearing in most of the portraits made of him.”

“Twilight, Dashie looked sort of upset about this whole thing. Are you sure this is-”

The stage manager shushed them both as the lights in the theater faded to black. In the near-total darkness, the stage manager nodded to Twilight, who took a deep breath, then trotted out and away from the safety of the wings, across the dark stage, and into a pale spotlight.

“Countess!” Twilight boomed, raising a hoof for emphasis. “Art thou present in this place, Countess? Thy tardiness reflects poorly upon already tarnished honor!” She'd been given excellent lessons in projecting her voice for stage presence, and Twilight felt a little flutter of nervous excitement at the idea of performing this part in front of an audience. With the glare of the spotlight blocking her vision, she could almost imagine that they were there, sitting in enthralled silence, all eyes on her...

“Countess!” Twilight said again, crossing the stage and making a show of glancing towards the dark recesses of the empty stage. “Thy agreement to this meeting was made on thy name and honor! Show thy face, lest these transgressions be reported to a higher auth--!”

A voice sounded from everywhere at once, loud enough to shake the surface of the stage. “That will not be necessary, Starswirl!”

Twilight faltered. She cut me off early! Didn't she read the script? At least she pronounced it right this time. She inhaled slowly as a spray of different annoyances spun through her head. Then she thought, How did she manage to amplify her voice? She didn't quite have time to get to Wait, that actually didn't sound like Rainbow Dash's voice at all, because that thought was interrupted by the ceiling being blasted open in a deafening crash of stone and metal.

Cast and crew were momentarily stunned, shielding their eyes from the sunlight pouring into the room—but that sunlight was soon dulled by a swirling aura of dark magic. The mare who descended through the gaping hole in the ceiling was taller than Rainbow Dash, and much more slender. Her coat was bone white where it showed from underneath her flowing dress of pure black. She wore a hood, but no veil, so the twisted smile on her emaciated face and the sickly, clouded green of her eyes were all too plain to see.

Shock and amazement lasted for a solid five seconds before giving way to sheer, animal panic. Backstage turned into a scene of complete chaos as techponies and extras fought each other all the way to the exit. The streets outside were little different; the assault on the theater had not gone unnoticed by pedestrians and onlookers. A few heads poked out of windows and doorways, but most doors had already been slammed and barred.

All of Ponyville scattered and hid from the evil descending upon them, except for one young unicorn, illuminated by a now-abandoned spotlight aimed at front center stage. Twilight Sparkle wasn't sure herself if she was afraid—all she knew was openmouthed awe.

Even the dust from the Countess' explosive entrance made way for the ancient evil descending through the ceiling. “Starswirl,” she rasped, through vocal cords ravaged by time. “Do my fading eyes deceive me? Or are you truly Starswirl the Elusive, alive and well?” Her hooves finally met the surface of the stage, though she did not dispel the pool of shadowy purple surrounding her.

Despite everything, a rational thought crept its way into Twilight's head. The Elusive? Before she could speak, a cerulean thunderbolt clad in black hood and cape streaked from left stage, straight into Countess Uldavrazen's magic shield—and was effortlessly spiked to the floor by a sudden burst of energy.

Rainbow Dash screamed as she impacted the stage hard enough to warp the floorboards where she landed. The Countess turned her head towards the fallen pegasus with murderous glee in her eyes, and lashed out with a second bolt of power, which was stopped halfway to its mark by a blink of light and a dome of silvery violet. Twilight Sparkle, teeth gritted, stood between her wailing friend and her improbable enemy. She panted faintly from the sudden teleport as well as the effort of shielding off a blow so forceful that felt like it had resonated through her shield and struck the back of her skull.

Rainbow Dash's agony had made Uldavrazen smile, and Twilight's defiance made her openly cackle. “What's the matter?” Uldavrazen pressed shrilly, advancing by a single step. “I could have shorn your pegasus friend's wings from her body before she even reached my shield. Surely you, of all ponies, know that if I had intended to end her, she would have no chance of survival. Tell her that, won't you?” The Countess gestured dismissively to Rainbow Dash, who didn't look up.

The disc of power between Twilight and Uldavrazen stretched itself into a bubble. A glimmer of magic formed around Rainbow Dash and slid her off stage right, where she was quickly surrounded by friends—her truest friends, the ones who hadn't run.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Applejack raise her head and start to advance, leaving the others to attend to Dash. That wouldn't do. Without taking her eyes off the Countess, Twilight exhaled a glimmering shield the size of the entire stage from her horn. It was a simple spell, one that the dark sorceress in front of her would have no trouble breaking—but the objective was to keep bystanders out, not to cage the monster in. Applejack reared angrily and smacked the shield with a forehoof, yelling something in protest. Twilight didn't even trust herself to answer. The others would know what to do. They would find Spike and tell the Princess. Maybe they would be fast enough.

Twilight spoke, and her voice was the restrained might of the sun and moon. “Leave, or suffer the consequences.” She didn't know if she could defeat a unicorn hundreds of years her senior, whose magic had somehow sustained her throughout all these years. She didn't know if she could even draw the fight out long enough for help to arrive. She did know that she would try. There had never been any question of that.

“Interesting, Starswirl. You've expanded your magical vocabulary.” Uldavrazen started to pace, circling downstage, upstage, and then back again. “The force field is a noble, if empty, gesture. I'm much more interested in your vastly improved disguise.”

“How did you get here?” Twilight demanded. Keep talking, Countess, she thought. Tell me everything. Give the others more time. Maybe the fact that she was supposed to be Starswirl would make Uldavrazen more willing to talk, instead of simply striking her down the way she had Rainbow Dash. A chill ran down her spine as, unwillingly, she replayed the scene in her head. Rainbow Dash would be okay, she told herself. She believed that. She had to believe that. “How are you still alive?” she said, still periodically turning so as to be able to see Uldavrazen wherever she was.

Uldavrazen just sneered. “Has your memory failed you in your old age?” the decrepit old witch growled. “It was you who first called me a necromancer! I remember it clearly—you accused me of desecrating the natural order and stealing life from the world! You said that my power was blasphemy, as if the inevitability of death were some sacred code to be upheld!” She just circled for a moment, then asked a question of her own: “I should ask the same of you, dear Starswirl. You once pretended to power over time itself—even your Cutie Mark suggested as much. Did you perhaps learn how to live on only one day out of every hundred? Or have you perhaps begun to walk backwards through time, only to reverse the spell just before taking your first breath?”

Twilight didn't respond—didn't even move except to turn her head and watch her adversary's movements. “How many did you fool with your disappearing beard act over these last centuries, Elusive One? What name does your pegasus friend know you by? Does he truly believe that you are a mare? What would she think if I told her that the one that she would so gladly die for was actually a walking lie?”

“I am no walking lie,” Twilight hissed. She was finished with wondering whether or not she should reveal the fact that she was not the real Starswirl. That little case of mistaken identity was the reason Uldavrazen was willing to face Twilight like this, as a single adversary, rather than charging off and leveling the town in a horrible storm of vengeance. The real Starswirl wouldn't use time magic to persist forever after calling Uldavrazen a blasphemer for doing the same, Twilight thought angrily. The real Starswirl would want Twilight Sparkle to stand here, facing death itself, placing her own body between Countess Uldavrazen and Ponyville.

“Do you think yourself a hero? Perhaps time has changed you, old friend.” Twilight let out a little hiss of rage. Did Uldavrazen have some ability to read minds? That was beginning to seem like a real possibility. “Oh, I've had time to read what the books said about you in the few short years since waking up from my slumber. Starswirl the Bearded! Father of the aminomorphic spell! Even honored by a wing in the Royal Library now. How very quaint.” The evil Countess finally stopped pacing and simply stood upstage, treating Twilight like her audience. “The books document your betrayal very well—how you turned on me, foiled my plans to ursurp the throne, robbed me of power, and exiled me to the Wastes. It is a testament to your talent for deception that none of the books seem to mention how instrumental you initially were to my plans.”

This time, Twilight could not contain her shock. “Oh, don't worry,” the Countess said quickly. “I haven't revealed the truth of our little arrangement to anypony just yet, but I will.” Starting with a growl like the roll of distant thunder, a deep thrumming rumbled through the walls, growing louder until it was physically painful. Somehow, the Countess' words still managed to slice through the horrible, crushing din. “I'll tell the world, as soon as I've finished writing the final page in your life!”

The first attack came from directly behind. Twilight almost didn't even see it, and when she did, it was far too late to defend herself. A pitch-black surge of evil, as empty and as cold as a scar torn through the flesh of reality itself, slashed easily through Twilight's shield and sank into flesh without resistance. The ice-cold magic pierced Twilight to the core. She let out a horrible sound, somewhere between a gasp and a sob. It was as if a jagged laceration had been torn on her soul.

“It is curious that your history books called mine the power of sorrow,” Uldavrazen intoned. Twilight wanted to drown her out with her spherical shield, but unfortunately, her force barrier blocked neither the chest-pounding thrumming nor the slicing rasp of the Countess' voice. “I understand, of course, why one might feel something similar to sorrow when subjected to my power, but I hadn't realized that it ever left survivors.”

The second, third, and fourth blasts issued from the flanks. Twilight reinforced her shield, so that it would refuse the forbidden energy of Uldavrazen's lashes as well as simple matter and unicorn force. The black void broke against her shield, then regrouped and came again. The fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth assaults flew from random directions, making no attempt to deceive her or catch her off guard; what difference would that make?

“I would have gladly given you a place in my new world, if only my first failure hadn't been your sole responsibility,” the Countess said, between the twelfth and sixteenth blasts. Despite her intense focus and the toll that maintaining her shield was taking, Twilight could still hear every damned word that Uldavrazen was saying. There was no doubt now that if help didn't arrive soon, Twilight would die here, the first casualty at the hooves of of a reawakened evil more malevolent than Discord, more devious than Night Mare Moon...

The twentieth attack broke against the top of Twilight's bubble. “You lied to history. You lied to the world. You thought you could redeem yourself. You thought you could hide it from your friends. You are no hero, Starswirl!”

No. The twenty-sixth strike hit the front of her shield. No! The twenty-eighth strike lashed against the left side, nearly breaching it. Twilight thought of lashing out against Uldavrazen, but focusing on a strike heavy enough to damage a well-trained unicorn's shield would be too much of a risk. She had to keep biding her time. She had to keep her shield strong, and resist all attacks, both magical and mental. The thirty-first and thirty-second lashes struck the same spot on the front of Twilight's shield. She thought she could feel their chill creeping into her spirit as they dissipated inches from her face.

Uldavrazen spoke again. “I know why you are so willing to wait for death instead of striking back. You are a fool, Starswirl! Help is not coming! They immortalized you as a hero, so that they would never need to become heroes themselves!” Twilight lost count of how many bolts of suffering had broken against her barrier. “I understood this truth about ponykind long ago! That is why I chose to enslave them instead of waiting for them to make a statue of me!”

NO!! Did Twilight simply think it, or did she let it out as a howl? A surge of power flooded her body. Was it just her own determination, or something else? She realized that her stance had been slowly dropping as her knees weakened, so she straightened. Her shield was starting to wear thin, so she shattered it. Dozens of tendrils of darkness came in a mad rush. Twilight's magic parried every single one with a swift, precise burst of magic. Sparks danced around her, and her horn blazed with unconquerable fury, but her face was a stoic mask.

“What is this?” Uldavrazen spat. “One final act of defiance? You don't even have enough power left to damage my shield, Starswirl the Elusive!”

“It's Starswirl the Bearded!” Twilight roared. She continued to block and parry every incoming attack while she unleashed a wave of pale magenta that broke against Uldavrazen's defensive haze like a great wave. Despite her prior confidence in the power of her shield, the Countess instinctually raised a hoof in defense.

“I will defend Ponyville and Equestria with my life!” Instead of a massive wave, Twilight's next attack took the form of a swift, solid telekinetic strike, then a right hook and an overhead hammer blow, all in the span of less than a second. The final hit ruptured something in the magic shield, converting it to so much glittering mist. The flurry of energy-draining lashes stopped as the Countess focused on recovering her shield. For once, she had nothing to say.

When the theater get so bright? Twilight wondered. For most of the fight, the only light had been from the dueling mages' horns, the hole in the ceiling, and the one working spotlight. Now it looked like the doors had been thrown open to let the light of the sun in, and a thunderous pounding of hooves was echoing throughout the entire place. Even though it was a huge mistake, Twilight allowed herself to glance around. It looked like half the town had shown up. She saw Raindrops, Colgate, Blossomforth, Bonbon, Ditzy, Time Turner, entering from side doors... and charging in from the back were her five closest friends. Rarity and Fluttershy supported Rainbow Dash between them.

Twilight was fairly certain that she was yelling something about her power being the power of Friendship, as she hurled a blunt attack against Uldavrazen's new shield that might have had as much force as a speeding train. Of course, her words were mostly blocked out by the din. Unfortunately, Twilight didn't quite hear what it was that she had said, because at that moment, she blacked out.

The next morning, a particular patient in the hospital stirred. Six thirty—thirty  minutes later than usual, but yesterday had been a long day.

“Shh. Rest now, Twilight. You've earned it. All is being attended to. You have done more than anypony could have asked of you.” Twilight opened her eyes and found herself staring into the face of the divine.

Twilight started to speak, but Princess Celestia shushed her, running a hoof delicately through a length of violet mane. “Your body and spirit are both exhausted. Ponyville is safe. Rainbow Dash is recovering well. You honored Starswirl and his legacy yesterday, Twilight.”

“What the Countess said...” Twilight croaked, trembling slightly. She wanted to sit up, or at least to reach out and touch Celestia's hoof, but she found that she couldn't even lift a forearm.

“Starswirl was a great and illustrious stallion who lived a varied and fascinating life,” Princess Celestia said. “He was many things, but a hero was indeed one of them. Your admiration of him is curious, but not completely undeserved.”

Twilight just nodded slowly.

“Now that you're awake, I must take my leave. I've asked the hospital staff to notify me of when you are released, so that I can invite you and your friends for tea at the castle. We have much to discuss concerning your courage.” Princess Celestia retreated and headed for the door. “Oh, and I should warn you that a set of visitors were waiting to see you after me. I think they wanted to talk about the script for the play you were planning, and they brought Rainbow Dash with them.” The Princess winked on her way out.

Almost before the door could even close behind the Princess, a multicolored explosion of ponies fought their way in through the tiny door—Rarity with chocolates and flowers, Applejack still dressed in her work clothes, Pinkie Pie with a basket full of sugary food, and Fluttershy pushing Rainbow Dash in a wheelchair. Before they even made it to her bedside, Twilight was sniffling. She couldn't raise a hoof to wipe away her tears, so Rarity did that for her.

“Next time,” Rainbow Dash said, wheeling closer so that she could lean forward and hug Twilight, “We're sticking to my script.”

Countess Uldavrazen never spoke to the guard assigned to her room, though she was encouraged to. It was a comfortable room, if simple. It had a bed with soft sheets and a fluffy pillow, a mirror, her own bathroom, and a reinforced, soundproof, and no doubt magically warded window. She was allowed her own clothes and could buy trinkets if she wished, so long as they had no sharp edges. She did not speak to the workers who delivered her food. Sometimes they took her on outings—likely in some ridiculous attempt to rehabilitate her—and of course she refused to speak to anypony on those days, as well. Countess Uldavrazen, a vengeful spectre of darkness hundreds of years removed from her own time, seemed to have every intention of simply shriveling up and dying the most mundane death possible now that she was no longer able to sustain herself with stolen life.

When they locked her in for the night, however, she brought out her aeons-weathered diary from its hiding place and wrote. Although the binding was weak in places and some of the older pages were missing now, the thing was nearly as old as Countess Uldavrazen, and preserved by the same magics that had preserved their master until recently. Unlike its master, the diary didn't need to regularly be renewed, so it was now almost certain that the little thing would outlive its owner by many years.

The first thing she wrote about was Starswirl, and what she had seen of Starswirl in what looked like it would be their final encounter. The old magician had been in the disguise of a mare, and had stubbornly clung to that disguise throughout the battle, even when under extreme stress. Starswirl, she wrote, had also discovered some way to permanently cheat death, much like her own method. Her former associate, she continued, seemed to be making an effort to abandon the type of life he'd lived while helping her build her dark empire...

Cautionary Tale

It was believed that they were as

wondrous as they were mysterious…

Kept safe by their vast, watery

surroundings, the Seapony Kingdom flourished in peace and harmony with the

other creatures of the sea. Then came a time when the light that shone down

from the surface was blotted out by a newcomer: something large, round, and

dark, that glided over the water’s surface. Its passage overhead disrupted the

Seaponies’ activities momentarily, but like a passing shadow the pause ended

with no lingering effect.

However, what had been one grew

into several, and soon several of the objects glided overhead on a regular

basis. The Seaponies became curious, and eventually that led them to

investigate. Some chose to observe the objects from a distance, while some

braver ones decided to get much closer. Those brave few told the others that

the objects were the size of whales and made entirely of wood, yet hummed with

life like any other creature. The answer for this came at a much later date,

when a Seapony on a night venture to the surface saw one of the behemoths’

upper halves. What they saw were lights and structures similar to houses, and

from them there stirred creatures that looked a lot like Seaponies.

Curiosity became fascination

among the Seaponies, as did the numbers of these large vessels as they were

revealed to be. Stories sprung up amongst the youth as to what the creatures

that inhabited them could be. Some speculated that they were phantoms, others

thought them as a higher form of Seapony, free from the bindings of the ocean

depths. There were even some Seaponies who claimed to have spoken to them,

though they were the least to be taken seriously.

Though the Seaponies remained

cautious and observed the creatures from a distance, they began viewing the

mysterious beings as something amazing, mostly due to the stories that had been

circulating even amongst the adults. Murmurings began among the populace that

they should make contact with the creatures, to learn of their fascinating

lives above the water and solely in the realm of air and land. There were even

rumors that the ruling party was set to consider sending a diplomatic envoy.

That was about the time the hooks appeared.

They twinkled like stars as they

descended from the wooden vessels, and this beset the Seaponies with newfound

wariness. However, a particularly curious Seapony found themselves caught in

one of the hooks and taken away to the surface, never to be seen again. They

wouldn’t be the first victim of those dreaded hooks.

A week after the disappearances, one

of the missing Seaponies was discovered floating on the surface and in a grisly

state. Maimed, drained of their blood, left to float as a rotting husk. More of

these awful discoveries were made in the coming days. The fascination turned to

fear, and then into anger.

It was decided unanimously by the

ruling party that the wooden vessels and their inhabitants spelled doom for the

well-being of the citizens, and they had to be removed. The Matriarch,

harnessing her powers of the sea, willed the currents to swell and drive away

the sinister vessels, and kept battering them even as they attempted to return.

Soon the vessels stopped coming, and the sea regained its former peace, but at

the bitter price of wisdom. What the creatures really were, that would never be

known, and all for the better. Such tragedy was more than enough to deem these

denizens of the surface.

It was believed they were as

wondrous as they were mysterious.We were only half-mistaken in that belief.