Twilight Spiteful

by thiswasamistake

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Dark, Main 6, Drama
Length: 9704

What if Twilight Sparkle hadn't been such a pushover in The Ticket Master? What if she had been just a little bit more...spiteful?

What if Twilight Sparkle hadn't been such a pushover in The Ticket Master? What if she had been just a little bit more...spiteful?

Remember S1E3: The Ticket Master? It bothered the hell out of me that Twilight just let her so-called friends walk all over her like that, so...call this a dark humor catharsis fic.

EDIT: Featured on 08/14/2020 - Thank you so much!

Published 2020-08-14 06:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-04 03:37:30 UTC

The Ticket Bastard

"A-ha!"

Ceasing his rustling-about in her baskets at last, Twilight turns her head just in time to see Spike pull out the most delightfully red, plump, and juicy apple she's ever laid eyes upon. Her aching stomach twangs, as if to remind her that it's painfully empty.

"Oh, Spike, that looks delicious-"

And then it disappears from her gaze forever as Spike manages to shove the entire thing into his knife-toothed maw, chewing it up into a fine paste and then swallowing it with a rather exaggerated 'gulp!'

Great.

"Spiiike!"

He raises his claws in a clear display of confusion, though the sheepishness in his drawn-together shoulders renders the facade ultimately useless.

"Wha-" But his speech is cut off as those same apple juice-coated claws abruptly rush up to clasp over his mouth, cheeks puffing out before a loud belch forces its way out between them, the green swirls of sparkling smoke quickly coming together to form a scroll neatly tied off with a red ribbon and Princess Celestia's recognizable golden seal atop that. Once it floats low enough, Spike grasps it in one claw, uses the other to clear his throat, and unfurls the letter to announce its contents.

"Hear ye, hear ye! Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot on the 21st day of...ugh...yadda yadda yadda..."

It takes a considerable amount of Twilight's already waning levels of self-control to resist snatching the scroll out of his grip to read the date for herself. She wouldn't have been sent the invitation it weren't imperative for her to know the exact time, date, and place that the event were being held!

"...cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest."

She can feel her face lighting up at the exact same moment she can see Applejack's doing the same, and it doesn't surprise her in the least as they both exclaim in perfect synchrony:

"The Grand Galloping Gala!"

Eyes shut tight from how wide their overjoyed grins are, they begin to bounce up and down, the action only interrupted as Spike burps once more.

"Look, two tickets!" He announces, rather pointlessly, seeing as how the foil-coated slips of paper are grasped tightly in his claw, sunlight glinting off of them and making them quite hard to miss.

"Wow, great! I've never been to the Gala. Have you, Spike?"

"No, and I plan to keep it that way. I don't want any of that girly, frilly, froufrou nonsense."

Twilight just barely avoids rolling her eyes, choosing not to mention his heart-spotted apron laying on the kitchen counter back home.

"Aw, come on, Spike! A dance would be nice."

It's at this point that Applejack chooses to butt in.

""Nice?!" It's a heap good more than just "nice"! I'd love to go...land's sakes!" Her mind's eye fills with visions of countless ponies lined up for her food stand as she monologues. "If I had an apple stand set up, ponies would be chawin' our tasty vittles 'til the cows came home! Do you have any idea how much business I could drum up for Sweet Apple Acres? Why, with all that money, we could do a heap of fixin' up 'round here!" As she speaks, Fantasy Applejack fills up a large chest with bits. "We could replace that saggy old roof. And Big Macintosh could replace that saggy old plow. And Granny Smith could replace that saggy old hip!" Every time she talks about another thing that could be fixed if the Apple family simply had more money, she imagines the worn-out parts being replaced with new, fresh ones, and grins wider and wider. Her eyes are practically shimmering as she leaves her imagined world of Rich Applejack, heaving a wistful sigh when she does.

"Why, I'd give my left hind leg to go to that Gala..."

Throughout all of this, Twilight Sparkle simply isn't sure what to make of Applejack practically frothing over her imagined sales, but she seats herself on the packed dirt path and listens all the same. Once she's sure the farmer won't start drooling, she walks over with a smile that's only slightly tinged with pity.

"Oh. Well, in that case, would you like to-"

"WOAH!"

And then something slams into both of them, sending apples flying everywhere and worsening the steadily growing hunger-induced headache that had just begun to thrum behind Twilight's eyes. When her vision stops swimming, she realizes that there's two legs across her back, and a few strands of multicolored hair floating in front of her eyes.

Rainbow Dash.

"Are we talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?"

"Rainbow Dash!"

Applejack's voice is as reprimanding as Twilight's own would be, at least, the unicorn grumbles internally as she shoves the pegasus off of her and gives a half-hearted attempt at dusting herself off.

"You told me you were too busy to help me harvest apples. What were you busy doin'? Spyin'?"

"No." With a too-smug flick of the tail, she turns and looks pointedly up at a tree with a pillow and blanket draped over one of its branches. "I was busy...napping. And I just happened to hear that you have an extra ticket?" Hovering upside-down, she flies in juuust close enough to Twilight's face to make her feel pressured and a little bit nauseous...or maybe that's just the hunger pangs. She really needs to get some lunch.

"Yeah, but-"

"YES!"

It's a wonder that the krrk-krrk of her teeth grinding together isn't audible, even over Rainbow Dash's elated aerial loops.

"This is so awesome! The Wonderbolts perform at the Grand Galloping Gala every year!" Her eyes defocus as she stares into the sky, her imagination filling the fluffy white expanses with visions of her hopes and dreams as she, too, begins to monologue.

Silently, Twilight Sparkle laments her inability to simply walk away when her newfound friends are starting to become both intolerable and a danger to her blood sugar count.

"I can see it now...everyone would be watching the sky, their eyes riveted on the Wonderbolts. But then, in would fly...Rainbow Dash!" The athlete's wings flare out as her eyes widen, pupils enlarged and nearly overtaken by white stars as she sees herself flying in to interrupt the Wonderbolts' performance, somehow being met with adoration and praise instead of fury and security guards. "I would draw their attention with my Super-Speed Strut!"

When Rainbow's legs twitch as she recreates the vision she's "viewing" in the clouds, Twilight is vaguely reminded of when sleeping dogs are dreaming of chasing rabbits. She stifles a snort.

"Then, I would mesmerize them with my Fantastic Filly Flash! And then, for my grande finale, the Buccaneer Blaze! The ponies would go WILD! The Wonderbolts would insist that my signature moves be incorporated into their routine. And then...welcome me as their newest member." She's rather abruptly thrown out of her fantasy as she attempts to push both hooves out in front of her to replicate the position that Fantasy Rainbow Dash is flying in, but her grin doesn't shrink.

"Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff. You've gotta take me!"

Right as the mage opens her mouth to respond, though, Rainbow Dash's face begins to rapidly shrink as Applejack takes ahold of that rainbow-colored tail and yanks until they're only a few feet apart.

"Hold on just one pony-pickin' minute here." She spits the other filly's tail out with a rather rude sound. "I asked for that ticket first."

Chest puffed out pridefully, however, Rainbow Dash presses her face right up into Applejack's own challenging one and sneers out, "So? That doesn't mean you own it."

Applejack matches the sneer with a scowl of her own, nearly knocking foreheads with the pegasus as she retaliates, "Oh yeah? Well I challenge you to a hoof rassle. Winner gets the ticket."

Both of them zip to a nearby tree stump, elbows pressed into the wood there as they lock hooves and begin to struggle to pin each other's arms to the relatively flat surface...for about three seconds.

"GIRLS!" Flinging the two apart with a little bit of magically-assisted strength, she ignores another painful squeal from her stomach - fighting down a grimace as she does so - before taking a deep breath and continuing. "These are my tickets. I'll decide who gets it, thank you very much!" She breathes deep once more to calm herself down, then forces a light but (mostly) believable smile. "Whoever has the best reason to go should get the ticket, don't you think?"

'Maybe now they'll calm down,' she thinks to herself, the smile growing just a little bit more genuine. It lasts for less than a second as Applejack rushes up to her, and she narrowly avoids falling flat on her flank to avoid getting headbutted by the overenthusiastic farm pony.

"Drummin' up business for the farm?"

Now it's Rainbow Dash's turn to invade her personal space. She has half a mind to form a solid barrier around herself.

"A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?"

As orange and freckles dominate her vision, she resigns herself to the fact that this is one loss she'll simply have to take.

"Money to fix Granny's hip!"

Rainbow hairs and nap breath tickle her face. She manages to force the gag from escaping the back of her throat.

"Living the dream!"

It takes her a few moments to realize that they're now awaiting her answer, seeming to have recognized that, just short of actually entering Twilight Sparkle, they can no longer get any closer.

"Oh, my." Her head is swimming; what had Rainbow Dash eaten before napping?! "Those are all pretty good reasons, aren't they?"

As her stomach rumbles so loudly that it visibly undulates, she's never been gladder in her entire life for her stress-induced acid reflux. Forcing out a laugh that's more irritated than pseudo-embarrassed, she starts to slowly back away, the base of her skull now absolutely pounding.

"Ahahaaa...listen to that. I am starving. I don't know about you, but I can't make important decisions on an empty stomach. Sooo, I'll, uh...think about it over lunch, and...get back to you two, okay?" The look she gives Spike must be pleading, because he crawls up onto her back without a snarky comment, and she turns around to start speed-trotting away before she's even finished speaking, not giving a single indication that she hears nor cares about the dejected pair of "okay"s she gets in response.

Nothing Is Free...Except When It Is.

"So who are you gonna give the ticket to, Twilight?"

'Because obviously the ten-minute walk into town from Sweet Apple Acres was enough time for me to make that decision,' she snarks to herself with an eyeroll so strong that it nearly cricks her neck.

"I don't know, Spike, but I really can't think straight when I'm hungry. So, where should we eat?"

As if on cue, the moment that she's finished speaking, Pinkie Pie comes flying out of Sugarcube Corner's side door and directly into Twilight's ribs. Two golden tickets float gently down to rest on either side of the party pony's muzzle, and when she opens her eyes, for some reason she thinks that two-dimensional, reflective golden bats with fanciful cursive scrawled across them exist, so she chooses to spring up and run around whilst screaming about bats on her face.

On the plus side, this wakes Twilight from her stupor, though it worsens her headache.

When Pinkie Pie next approaches the tickets, however, she pauses and takes a good look at them.

Disoriented as she is, Twilight can't teleport them away from the frizzy-maned pony fast enough for it to matter.

"Wait...these aren't...tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?!"

Normally, Twilight Sparkle might make a stronger attempt to be polite and stick around for the upcoming monologue and borderline-hallucinatory episode, but she's starting to shake and her ability to act like this royal skirt-chaser behavior isn't getting on her last, starving nerve is very rapidly fading away. So, she walks away.

By the time Pinkie's done rambling, she finds that Twilight and Spike are just about to enter the nearby Prench restaurant and that the tickets in her grasp have been replaced with napkins. She bounces up to the two despite the clear "leave me alone" behaviors, and offers up her biggest puppydog star-filled gaze as she begins to beg for Twilight's plus one. Her squealing cries are loud enough that the restaurant's most frequent customer, Rarity, catches wind of the words "the Grand Galloping Gala," and soon two of her...friends...are cajoling her for th-

...no. She absolutely refuses to acknowledge what she's seeing right now.

And yet, her intelligent and ever-logical mind so helpfully reminds her, it doesn't matter whether or not she acknowledges it or not. It's still a fact of life that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are approaching the already-crowded table with clear, jealous intent in their gazes, their coats and manes still tousled as if they'd been following her via hiding in bushes this entire time. She doesn't even need to ask them; the sudden twinge of guilt in their gazes as she levels her own accusatory glare upon them is more than enough confirmation.

"Pleeease pleasepleaseplease Twilight, I have to go! It's the biggest party in aaall of Equestria!"

"Twilight, darling, surely even an...ahem...bookish pony such as yourself would support true love such as Prince Blueblood and I's, yes?"

"Granny's hip's been troublin' her for a mighty long time!"

"C'mon, Twi! It's the Wonderbolts! When am I ever gonna get a chance like this again?!"

The familiarity of the voices and the volume of their combined pleas brings in the final filly of their little group, and as Fluttershy comes closer, Angel Bunny resting on her back, Twilight's heart lifts as that quiet voice rises just enough for everypony else to quiet down so that they can hear what she has to say concerning the matter. Her heart quickly sinks into the depths of Tartarus as Fluttershy is overtaken by the same mental images and monologues that have tormented Twilight Sparkle for the past several hours.

Her horn glows, the energy gathering at her own throat into a tiny, condensed sphere, and when she next opens her mouth, her voice booms out so loudly that it quite literally flips several tables and chairs over from the sheer concussive force of it.

"QUIIIEEET!"

Mane now thoroughly disheveled, she glares at all five of the ponies that have been consistently interrupting her increasingly desperate attempts at getting some food into her positively vibrating stomach. They look shocked, as though they can't quite believe that she would yell at them, despite the fact that they've been doing the same to her for hours now.

Without bothering to explain herself, she stands up with an abrupt and ear-wounding scrape of the chair against the polished granite floor of the outside patio, and walks away. Again. Spike can probably run fast enough to keep up with her trotting at this point. When she hears nothing following after her, save for the frantic slap-slap-slap of dragon feet against cobblestone, she looks behind herself just long enough to pick Spike up, plop him down on her back, then resume trotting away.

When they reach the hayburger joint on the other side of town, she orders the largest family deal they have, the cashier blinking and asking for confirmation on the size of the order and hurrying to put it in when Twilight practically seethes out that yes, she does, in fact, want four oatburgers with extra lettuce, cheese, mayo, and tomatoes, and that she does want four orders of large hayfries, and that she does want two large sodas to go with it. When she gets her order, though, it's in a...rather large bag, and she feels self-conscious enough that she doesn't want to sit inside and scarf it all down in three seconds while everybody watches the town nerd doing so, so she takes it and begins the walk home...

...and almost immediately gets slammed into by Pinkie Pie, who decided to throw her a surprise street party.

She tunes out the lyrics, the music, the party horns, and the confetti. The only thing she can see is her wasted food laying on the ground, dirt and germs getting all over it. She can't salvage any of it. The Pinkie Impact was so powerful that the bag may as well have been rigged with a literal bomb.

Her subconscious activates her magic before she has time to even really think about her actions, and she slaps Pinkie Pie out of the air, mid-trampoline-bounce, so hard that she's thrown face-first into the mess of ketchup, oats, and hay, before she storms off.

Spike stares at the stunned party pony, throwing a few napkins at her before running after Twilight and very quietly asking, "Twilight...? Um...are you...are you...alri-"

"NO! I'm NOT "alright"! All of these- these- PONIES are just trying to get into this stupid fucking Gala! Meanwhile, all I've wanted for the past seven Celestia-damned hours is some LUNCH!" Orange hooves reach into her vision for just long enough to yank her towards a wagon piled up to overflowing with apple-based treats, and she doesn't need to face the owner of it as a proud country-accented voice begins to list off its contents. Anger tints her face redder and redder, her muscles winding up tighter and tighter, and she feels something about to pop, when suddenly, everything just...releases.

A genuine, pleasant smile lazily makes its way across her lips, and she looks at Applejack with her head tilted slightly, like she's just making an inquiry. She really is just asking a question here.

Despite this, Applejack gets the distinct sense that she's in danger.

"So, what do I owe you for all of this food, Applejack? It must be at least one hundred bits' worth; you must've gone through an awful lot of trouble to make all of this food, and fast enough to keep it all warm enough to still be steaming."

She shakes the feeling off; Twilight would never hurt her, or any of her friends. She's just being silly. Must be all the stress from arguing with Rainbow Dash over that ticket.

"Aw, shucks, Twi. Ain't no thang. Free of charge! Anythin' at all for my beeest frieeend, after all!" Must. Resist. Wiggling. Eyebrows. Can't come on too strong.

"That's so sweet of you, AJ! Thank you, really. I appreciate the favor. Spike?" Upon being called, he takes the hint and hitches himself up to the wagon. "I'll just keep the wagon, then. I'm sure you don't have any use for a sticky, food-coated mess, anyways." And without so much as a backwards glance, she walks away, Spike hurriedly following after her.

Eyes wide, Applejack stands in the middle of the road wondering what to make of the interaction she just had with Ponyville's librarian.

On the walk back home, she notices ponies starting to run about with a panicked air, shuttering windows and pulling in welcome mats. The only relatively calm-looking ones are those with hats, coats, and...umbrellas...she has just enough time to glance back at the uncovered wagon full of piping hot pastries before lightning arcs through the sky, thunder booming a split second later, and fat raindrops begin to pelt her.

...

Why isn't she wet.

She looks up directly at the sky - now full of dark grey clouds, though no less fluffy than their white counterparts - and finds Rainbow Dash (badly) hiding behind a hole in them. She looks like she's expecting another...volume incident.

"Rainbow Dash!" When she calls out, though, she only yells loudly enough to be heard over the sound of rain against various surfaces, and to make up for the distance. In response, the pegasus flies down to greet her with an expression that's almost half as apologetic as it should be. It quickly fades into a sleazy grin more befitting of a used car salespony.

"Hey there best friend forever that I've everever had!" She gives Twilight an almost too-strong hug, quickly backing off when she notices that the unicorn is unable to breathe from the force of her embrace.

"So, are you responsible for my meal and I not being soaked right now?" Her voice is perfectly neutral. It could even be interpreted as friendly, or even grateful, if somepony wanted to.

The athlete being addressed nods her head so fast that something rattles around in her skull. "Of course! I just saw the smartest, most generous pony about to get rained on, so I thought I'd kick a path in the clouds for you while you walk back to the Golden Oaks Library!"

Twilight Sparkle gives the other mare a smile that's...distinctly off, but inexplicably so. She doesn't care enough to fix that. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash! I appreciate the favor. Well, have a nice day. I'll contact you when I've made my decision. I'd like to be alone, now. Spike and I were in the middle of a particularly invigorating conversation, and I'm afraid it was quite private." Once again, she doesn't bother to wait for a response, nor does she look back as she walks past the pegasus, Spike straining to pull the heavy wagon fast enough to keep up with her.

She blinks once. Twice. Once she's sure she's flown far up enough that the unicorn won't hear her, she mumbles to herself, "What was that all about...?"

Despite Rainbow Dash's oh-so-generous favor, the wind blows enough that she's quite damp once she's within sight of her home. She can't find it in herself to care. The scent of those apple-flavored goods has been tormenting her for this entire walk, and she can't wait to dig in! Unfortunately, somepony does care that her coat is damp, and perfectly manicured hooves flash into her vision for just long enough to yank her into the Carousel Boutique before the door is slammed shut.

She decides to shake herself dry like a dog, instead of asking for a towel. If Rarity didn't want to get wet, she shouldn't have grabbed a wet pony and pulled her inside.

When her head stops spinning from the act, she finds Rarity somehow dripping wet, even though she herself had only been damp. Strange. Either way, she pulls together a convincing enough sheepish smile, topped off with a soft, regretful little "Sorry!" to complete the facade. She wonders what the fashionista will pull in a desperate attempt to gain her favor.

"Oh, it's quite alright! After all," she says while drying herself off with a monogrammed towel before flinging it into the nearby laundry hamper so that she can focus all of her energy into cuddling right up against Twilight, "we are the best of friends, are we not?"

In less than ten minutes, she's decked out in a gorgeous outfit, composed of Equestria's finest and rarest textiles and crafted together by Ponyville's most talented seamstress, decorated with just enough gems to enhance but not overwhelm the eyes with the sparkle. As Rarity tightens the corset on the back, then attaches the accompanying saddle, she picks out a glass bead necklace from the drawer that the other unicorn had directed her towards, and puts it around her neck. The cool weight is comforting, and it really does compliment the outfit. Not something she'd wear every day, but she can definitely see the appeal in dressing up all pretty every now and then.

As Rarity once again enters her fantasy world, however, she gently presses a hoof to the other's lips and offers an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Rarity, but I really have to get going home now. I'm starving. I've got that wagon full of goodies waiting for me. Plus, Spike looks bored to tears!" She turns around, flicking her masterfully coiffed tail just to enjoy the silken-smooth feel of it against the backs of her legs and rather enjoying the feel of silk and lace upon her fur. Yes, she really could get used to being spoiled like this.

"O- Oh, of course, darling!" Covered in sweat, her own mane frazzled, mascara smudged and one false eyelash dangerously close to falling off, for once in her life, Rarity cannot even begin to compare to Twilight's beauty. 'But,' she thinks to herself, 'it will be all worth it when I get that ticket! It's SURE to be mine now.' Though, her vanity does force her to at least begin gingerly patting the worst of the sweat off of her brow with a silk hoofkerchief. "See you at the Gala, then?" She says it in a half-joking tone, doing her best to avoid coming off as too pushy. She doesn't want to ruin her chances, not after coming so far!

"If I decide to give it to you, sure! You've got just as much chance as the others. I really appreciate the favors all the same, though." If she can hear Rarity's heart shattering, she either doesn't hear it or doesn't care as she exits Carousel Boutique and resumes walking to the massive tree that she calls home.

When she opens the doors to the Golden Oaks Library, she's not nearly as surprised to see Fluttershy singing and dusting off the already-immaculate shelves as she might have been if the stress hadn't snapped her mind earlier. All she does is ignore the pegasus, unhitch Spike from the wagon, sit down at her kitchen table, and begin mowing down everything from the wagon indiscriminately. Halfway through, she leans back in her chair to let out a burp loud enough that Spike takes it as a challenge, and that leads to a belching competition that leaves half of the kitchen either scorched or completely ashed. By the end of their meal, the wagon is entirely emptied out, crumbs and all - thanks to Spike's disconcertingly long tongue - and it's in pristine condition. It looks to be brand-new, too. It must have cost the Apple family quite a bit of money.

"Fluttershy? Would you be a dear and clean this mess up for me?" Though her voice is nothing but friendly, there is just a hint of vindictive pleasure that shines through in her eyes as she sees Fluttershy fly in only to drop to her hooves at the sight of the partially-destroyed room.

"O- O-Oh, um, of- of c-course...!" Offering Twilight a weak smile, she gets to work, scrubbing wholeheartedly at the scorch marks and removing maybe 10% of them before giving in to her frustrated, helpless tears and simply sweeping up the piles of ash that she can deal with.

Twilight lets her keep at it until well past sundown, until finally she uses a bit of her new nifty stealth magic to fix everything while Fluttershy's in the restroom. While the...grateful...smile she gives the other mare is nothing but kind, there's a certain glint in her eyes that dares the shy pegasus to say something about the fact that Twilight just let her toil and suffer for several hours for absolutely no reason.

She doesn't say anything.

It's as she opens the door to let Fluttershy out that she sees her four other...acquaintances...on her doorstep, Applejack's hoof raised as if she had just been about to knock. All of them look like they're about to burst with anxious anticipation.

"Hello, girls! Did you need something?"

For some odd reason, everypony seems almost afraid to bring up the ticket again. Despite this, Rainbow Dash steps forwards, her chest puffed out - as if she's trying to fake her bravery until she believes it to truly exist - as she blurts out, "So, who's the lucky gal?!"

"Ohh, you're here about that!" She puts a hoof up to her chin, brow furrowing as she looks up at some meaningless point in the sky in a quite convincing approximation of deep thought. After several moments, she puts her hoof down, and returns her gaze to lock eyes with all five of the ponies she'd been harassed and borderline stalked by all day long.

"Spike. Goodnight!"

And with that, she slams the door shut, locks it, and turns to find Spike smiling up at her hopefully, a very worn copy of Burnferno: Warrior From Within clutched tightly within his claws.

"Again, Spike?" Despite the "reprimanding" words, there's a fond laugh in her voice.

"It never gets old!"

Another soft chuckle escapes her. "If you say so. C'mon, let's get you tucked into bed, and I'll read it for you. Do you want me to do the voices again?"

Outside, all five ponies remain frozen in shock, unable to process what just happened. Slowly, their manes begin to fall off, hair by hair.

Their wigs have been snatched.

Alternate Ending: The Ticket Bastard Pt. 2

When Pinkie Pie next approaches the tickets, however, she pauses and takes a good look at them.

Disoriented as she is, Twilight can't teleport them away from the frizzy-maned pony fast enough for it to matter.

"Wait...these aren't...tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?!"

She announces Twilight Sparkle's possession of the oh-so-desirable glimmering golden slips of paper loudly enough that everypony within a half-mile radius hears it. The sound of the bouncy pink pony's voice echoing off of several walls of various buildings sinks into the purple unicorn's spine and sends a shudder of dread up it, until she feels that her very soul is soaked in the ghastly feeling.

The earth rumbles.

A fine sheen of sweat breaks out upon her brow.

Her eye twitches.

She doesn't need to look up to know what's happening. Distantly, the cut-off cries of Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash meet her flattened ears as they're pushed aside by what she knows must be a massive crowd of ponies that are now just as interested in gaining her favor, all for the chance at that accursed plus one.

A surge of adrenaline rushes through her, pumped throughout her body with every single increasingly-fast heartbeat, but she pushes it away with a rapid series of brain-rattling head shakes. Running won't help; she's one little unicorn with no food in her belly and an already less-than-peak physique versus a veritable mob of earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi, at least some of which must be well-fed and thus, full of energy to chase her down until they manage to back her into a corner, where she must then teleport into her home, or perhaps into a hole in the ground for the unforeseeable future.

No. This is her home town just as much as theirs.

A squiggly-lipped smirk breaks out across her face.

She has a better solution.

"HEY!"

Most of the crowd comes to a screeching halt about ten feet away from her. The rest that were either too slow or stupid enough to ignore her call slam into the force field she'd erected around herself and Spike with a series of muffled thumps and grunts. Her smirk widens just a little bit.

"I do, in fact, have a ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala. But demanding it in an unruly mob is no way to go about getting at that ticket, now, is it?"

Several murmurs of assent greet her ears. Perfect.

"So, here's the plan. I'm going to go home, I'm going to finally eat some lunch, then I'm going to sit outside, and you're all going to explain why you think you deserve the ticket best." When Spike starts to speak up in protest - he's witnessed her stress levels skyrocketing with every single pleading, desire-filled demand for long enough to know that this sounds like a horrible idea - she raises a hoof in a silent request for him to stop talking, and when she glances down at him, there's a kindness directed towards him, along with a mischievous spark within her eyes that's bordering on cruel as she grins conspiratorially.

Despite the slight worry that that look spurs in his gut, he can't help but to return the grin. He knows that look.

Although several ponies argue against the plan - most notably her...friends...still battered from the crowd - due to their absolute impatience, for the most part, they agree to this and begin to disperse.

"Great. See you all in about an hour, then! Right in front of the Golden Oaks Library."

She hears a dainty voice, a country-accented one, a raspy boisterous one, and a high-pitched enthusiastic one all starting to rabble and talk over each other, very rapidly growing closer and louder, but before they can get near enough for her to really care, her horn glows, and she and Spike vanish from the outdoor eating area of the Prench restaurant, popping back up inside of the kitchen of her home. Twilight gives herself just a few moments' rest from the teleport before her horn glows once more, and with a series of clicks and muffled slams, she locks every single door and window latch in the Golden Oaks Library. She does feel a little bit bad for locking Owlowiscious out like that, but he knows how to get her attention, and she's pretty sure he won't be back until much later in the day.

"So...daisy sandwiches, and I was thinking some hay and cucumber salad, maybe with some tomatoes and gems thrown in there? You could always try some, y'know. Maybe then you'd see why I'm so fond of them," Spike says with a teasing prod at Twilight's cheek.

Her stomach growls loudly as Spike discusses meal plans, and she giggles at his words, shaking her head as she starts to get out the ingredients for their food. "No thanks, Spike. Some ponies might be able to eat rocks, but I'm preeetty sure that even gems are off the table for them. Besides, you still refuse to try my so-called 'horrible' junk food. Frozen pizzas and cup noodles are not that bad!"

As she passes the ingredients to Spike, he quickly whips up the sandwiches first, slathering mayo on top of the bread before heaping daisies onto each slice of bread, making four sandwiches in total. After a brief period of contemplation, though, he brings that total up to eight, shooting Twilight a sympathetic smile as he does so.

Then the salad. It's not that Twilight refuses to help him cook - she'd be more than happy to - but as they've learned many, many times (the hard way), her skills in the kitchen amount to being an ingredient-passer, putting things in the fridge, and chopping vegetables. She's been banned from everything else. A ban that she's been very happy to abide by, especially ever since they'd made the humiliating and shocking discovery that she can somehow manage to burn salsa.

Finally, after what feels like eons, the food is done. They sit down at the table, Spike portions out roughly half of the salad for himself, throws in several large handfuls of assorted gems, tosses it, then Twilight inhales four sandwiches at the speed of sound. Quite literally inhales. She coughs out pieces of a half-chewed sandwich as it goes down the wrong pipe before, with watering eyes, she runs over to the sink and shoves her head under the running faucet, gulping down water until her coughs abate.

Snickering behind her draws her attention to a dragon that's trying hard to conceal his laughter behind a forkful of hay, tomatoes, and sapphires.

"It- ack!- it's not funny, Spike!" But his giggles are infectious, and she finds herself joining in as she sits back down, resuming her eating at a still faster-than-is-probably-safe but not-quite-inhaling pace. Soon, the sandwiches are gone, and she looks over to find Spike's bowl empty.

"Did you want the rest of the salad, Spike? I'm not hungry anymore, and it's scientifically proven that eating until you're full isn't health-"

"Oh shush Twilight. Today's been your personal Tartarus; I think you're allowed to be "unhealthy" just this once. Besides, I'm full, so now you have to eat 'til you're full, otherwise I'll feel bad." He grins smugly up at her, face smeared slightly with balsamic vinaigrette dressing.

She lets out a laugh before nodding, pulling the bowl over to herself and finishing her half off before leaning back in her chair with a content sigh, patting at her stomach which is now gurgling but for a good reason as it works to digest her first meal of the day.

Unfortunately, the peaceful air is soon broken by the steadily rising sound of voices accumulating just outside of her front door.

"She said an hour, has it been an hour yet?"

"Almost! Fifty...fifty-six minutes."

"Well she should hurry, I have an appointment at the spa soon!"

"Hey, shut it! If she heard that, she'll never give you the ticket!"

"Fifty-seven minutes!"

She groans and lets her head fall onto the table with a low 'thunk!' before getting out of her chair, straightening her mane and tail with her magic, then adopting an expression of calm blankness. No fake smiles for this crowd. Yet.

"Twilight? Do you...want me to help?"

The purple unicorn turns to give her most helpful assistant a fond ruffle of his head frill, shaking her head. "No, buuut...I could use some moral support from my Number One Assistant. That is, if you don't mind being bored to tears; I imagine this is going to take quite some time."

He grins and hops off of his own chair - nearly faceplanting in the process due to the eagerness with which he performs the action - before running over to her. "Nonsense! I'll be your faithful bodyguard through these trying times, m'lady!"

She giggles and crosses a hoof over her chest before bowing low to him, holding the hoof out in front of her to complete the action. "But of course, oh Great and Honorable Knight Spike! This Princess is always safe with you protecting her!"

And with that, they walk out of the door.

It's a simple process for her to drag a wooden chair from the kitchen table out to the front...yard? (She's not really sure whether she can call it a yard or not, seeing as how it's...literally a part of the street.) The vocal amplification spell glows at her throat once more - albeit a much weaker version of the one that she'd used against her friends - and she clears her throat to get the crowd's attention.

"Ahem! If everypony could please arrange themselves into a single-file line, that would be great. Anypony that is unable to keep in an orderly fashion will be immediately eliminated from the consideration pool. If you have somewhere to be, I suggest that you leave now, because I'm not going to give special consideration to anypony that's in a rush. This ticket is for the Grand Galloping Gala, after all, so if you truly would like it, then reschedule."

Her voice turns cold at the end, and she can see shudders run throughout a few ponies - most notably in one stallion; she has a sneaking suspicion that he was the one whining about his oh-so-precious spa appointment - before the mob begins to arrange itself into the line that she had requested.

"Great! Now," she points a hoof at the one in front, "you. Come up, let's talk. I don't want us to have to shout at each other from all the way across the street."

The mare walks up with a nervous air to her, suddenly doubtful without the presence of countless ponies behind her to chase down Twilight Sparkle. She offers up a weak grin.

"So, what's your name?"

"Oh, uh, i-it-" She gulps. "It's Merry Rose, Miss Twilight."

She laughs and shakes a hoof carelessly. "Please, just Twilight is fine." Her face grows more serious. "Now, what is my name?" At the look of confusion on Merry's face, she shrugs. "Just humor me."

"Um...your name is Twilight Sparkle, Mi- uh, Twilight."

"Good, good...now," and now there's a definite edge of something not quite dangerous, but something that could become dangerous within her voice, "how do you know my name?"

As Merry Rose wracks her brain, she finds that she...can't really recall how, until...

"Oh! I-I was at your "Welcome to Ponyville" party! Though, I'm sure you don't remember me, haha."

She doesn't lose that dead monotone. "And have you heard my name anywhere else?"

"Well, o-of course! You're Pri- I mean, you're the protégé of Princess Celestia!"

Now she smiles. A thin-lipped, barely-there smile, where just the corners of her lips barely pull up, but a smile nonetheless. "And have we ever spoken before this? Have you ever heard my name from any of your friends? Have you ever considered me your friend?" When she sees Merry's mouth open, she cuts her off with an almost-snarl. "And don't say "yes" for the hell of it, Merry Rose. A friend is someone that you both see and talk to on a regular basis. Someone that you know. Someone," and here her eyes search the line for a moment before they meet Pinkie Pie's, who visibly wilts at the glare, "that you can depend. On."

Merry Rose flinches at the curse word, finally seeming to realize just how much trouble she's in, and what an absolutely massive mistake she'd made when she had first joined the mob.

"I-I-" Her eyes well up with tears of both regret and fear as she strains to retain eye contact with Twilight Sparkle before she finally must bow her head so that she's staring down at the dusty ground. "...no, Twilight. You're not my friend. A-And I'm not yours, either."

"Then I believe we're done here. Surely you understand that my plus one to the Grand Galloping Gala must be a pony that I'm close enough with to consider a friend, do you not?"

She can only nod before silently trotting away, hooves trembling with every step she takes.

Twilight's expression brightens right back up as she gestures out with a hoof. "Next in line, please!"

Despite the absolute destruction of the pony that had come before him, Vinyl Scratch feels just a little bit more confident in walking up to Twilight Sparkle than Merry Rose had.

"And what's your name?"

"Vinyl Scratch, and your name's Twilight Sparkle."

She nods, smiling again with that almost-danger in her eyes. "Good, good. Now, how do you know my name, and have you ever heard it elsewhere?"

"Same as Merry; heard it at your party. Who d'you think was blasting those wicked jamz after that cutesy music Pinkie had on was over?" She tosses her mane with a grin before continuing. "And yeah, I've heard it here and there. Again, same reasons as Merry. You're the Princess's protégé - congrats, by the way - and that's a pretty big deal. Also heard it occasionally from Pinkie Pie. I dunno if I'd say we're friend friends, but we're at least casual acquaintances."

"Thank you. I'm very proud of myself for having managed to both attain and retain that title; it's something I work very hard to keep. I'm also glad that you're friends with Pinkie Pie. She knows how to make any party fun." She leans in slightly. "Now...have we ever spoken before you decided to come up here and demand access to my extra ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala?"

The first bead of sweat builds up on her brow, but she pushes through the anxiety. "Y-Yup! We- uh- heheh, it's...probably not the greatest first official meeting, but uh...you have come over once or twice to ask me to turn my music down. A-And, eventually, I told you to just give it a shot, so, you did! And, you came into my place with an open mind, and we jammed for a bit."

She nods once more, leaning back and seeming satisfied. "I'm glad that you were happy enough with that afternoon to remember it in such vivid detail, Vinyl. Now, tell me...you heard what I said to Merry Rose. Do you think that we're friends?" She pauses, her smile adopting a cynical tinge to it. "You know what? Let's expand our horizons a little bit. I'll say that acquaintances will be considered, too. So, would you consider us acquaintances, Vinyl Scratch?"

The big question. She pores over the question for a moment, a few more beads of sweat accumulating upon her brow, before she hesitantly nods. "I-I believe so, yes. We, uh...we did bond a fair amount over music. I know that, even though you weren't really fond of my harder-core wubs, you did like some of my trance music, and you had a blast playing around with my DJ gear!"

"I did indeed." She leans forwards again. "So, acquaintance...what's my favorite color?"

She blanches. Light grey skin pales until it's bone-white, and the first rivulet of salt-soaked water tickles its way down the side of her face. Shit. That's...something that an acquaintance would know. And it's something that she doesn't know. "I-I- I- y-you- it- uhm-" Her desperation to play at the Gala overpowers her sense of self-preservation. "R-Red?"

Relief floods her whole being as a soft smile spreads across Twilight Sparkle's lips, a tinge of something like acceptance coming into those cold violet eyes...

...and then that smile widens into a too-wide grin and she shakes her head.

"Nope! Don't feel bad, though; that was only one of many things I told you about myself that afternoon. Have a nice day, Vinyl."

With a wave of her hoof, the musician is sent away. Then she turns to the next pony in line, and she's greeted with a very familiar orange, freckled face.

"Howdy, Twilight. Ah already know yer name, Ah kn-"

Twilight holds up a hoof, demanding silence.

"You're not allowed in this line, nor are any of you," she says, turning her gaze upon Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. "Frankly, I'm a little bit offended that you'd even try this, since I said that I would consider all of my friends, a group which I still consider you all a part of, despite the stress and borderline torture that you've put me through today."

She sits up straight in her chair, her gaze hardening into a glare.

"So get out of line. You can stick around, or you can get back to your lives. But I will keep you all in mind even as I deal with all of these other ponies, because I keep my promises."

They stare at her with their mouths agape before, one by one, they walk off to their respective abodes, heads hung low in defeat.

Finally, finally, the trials are over. When the last pony disappears from her view - she's still vaguely in shock that that Carrot Top mare had had the audacity to try and bribe her with carrots of all things - she slumps back in her chair, letting her neck bend back until her head's hanging over the back of the chair at a superbly uncomfortable angle. With a loud, groaned-out sigh of relief, she sits there like that for a few moments before the sound of several sets of clopping hooves, quiet at first then steadily increasing in volume, assaults her ears.

She stretches one more time, then straightens up, half-rolling out of her chair to find herself face-to-face with the five ponies that had been cajoling her for that extra ticket for the better part of the morning. She feels her face already beginning to pull into a scowl, but the expression drops as she registers the looks on their faces.

There's differences in-between the presentations of emotions on each individual's face, of course, but for the most part, the body language and facial expressions each of them are displaying are the same: Tails tucked tight in-between their hind legs, heads slightly lowered, eyes flicking up to meet hers for a split second before lowering back to the ground, and ears flattened. Fluttershy in particular is rubbing one foreleg with another hoof sheepishly, over half of her face hidden behind her silky pink mane.

"Er...Twilight, A-Ah know yer prolly sick t' death of us by now, but-"

"-just hear us out, okay? We're really, really-"

"-so so super duper duper so so so so really really sorry! I mean, how we were acting was just-"

"-absolutely dreadful. I, in particular, should have known better than to act in such a-"

"-rude...way...w-we should have trusted in your judgment, Twilight."

Fluttershy's words ring throughout the now-empty air of the streets of the slowly-darkening town of Ponyville, and for a moment, they're afraid that they'll simply be ignored away instead of lectured, but then Twilight's stone facade cracks and the first genuine smile - tiny though it is - ever since all of this has started breaks onto her face.

"It's...it's fine, girls." She trots over to the door of the Golden Oaks Library, opening the door and holding it open, nodding towards it to indicate that the other five mares (and Spike) should walk in before her. She follows after before shutting it behind herself with a soft click.

With a soft, tired sigh, she sits on the ground of the main browsing area, chewing on her bottom lip as her expression grows pensive, her mind searching for the right words to use. Now that anger isn't fueling her, she really...isn't quite sure how to express her thoughts.

"...if you don't mind, Applejack," and here she offers the farmer a weak smile, "I think I'm going to steal your Element for just a moment." She straightens her back just a bit, gesturing the others closer with a forehoof before continuing.

"Look, girls, I'll be honest with you. I'm...I'm really...upset. I was so thrilled to get those invitations from Princess Celestia, and at first, all I thought about was Spike and I going. But then, almost immediately after, I thought about all of you. I thought about all of you, how close we've gotten in just a few weeks, and how, even with spending all that time with Princess Celestia, I didn't think I would've been able to have any sort of fun without my best friends at the Gala right next to me." She pauses to chuckle. "Though, honestly...I'm pretty sure the most time I'd get with my mentor is a few minutes here and there, so, I was probably being a bit self-centered too, when I thought about wanting you all there with me."

She's broken out of her thoughts by a sniffle from Fluttershy, and that's all the warning she gets before she's nearly knocked over by a warm and fuzzy pink blur of speed, followed by a much gentler pair of yellow hooves and wings wrapping around her neck.

"Oh, Twilight, I'm so sorry...we should have trusted that you'd have kept us in your thoughts, even with something as exciting as a Gala invitiation," the shy pegasus mumbles into her fur, a damp spot quickly forming there as a few tears drip from her eyes.

"Yeah! I mean, I love parties, but not even the biggest most bestest most superest most awesomest extremest bestestest everever party in the whole Gala-xy is worth hurting your friend!" Strong pink forehooves squeeze Twilight so tightly that she feels a few tears spring into her own eyes before they release her.

Applejack seems averse to the idea of physical displays of affection, but she does at least give Twilight a token pat on the back, tipping her hat in agreement. "Yeah, uh...what Fluttershy an' Pinkie said. Ah'm mighty sorry, Twi. T'wasn't right of us ta try an' force ya like we did. Like Ah did."

A glass bead necklace encased within a shimmering, turquoise aura floats over to Twilight's head, and after (briefly) pulling the two mares off of her, it slips itself over her head so that it can rest against her neck. "Twilight, darling, I...this was originally meant as a bribe. I refuse to trot daintily around the issue. However, I do hope that you will now accept it as an apology gift. I will also be the first to say that I honestly and truly do not care whether I get the ticket or not. As the Element of Generosity, nothing would please me more than to see any one of my other, dearest friends experience the joy of attending the Grand Galloping Gala, especially if it means easing the pressure of decision, even if just by one pony."

"Yeah, uh..." Rainbow Dash sheepishly rubs at the back of her head with a hoof, slowly descending until her hooves hit the ground. "It wasn't cool of me either, Twi. Even if I didn't say it out loud, the fact that I kept pushing you so hard to give me the ticket meant that I was implying that I'd stop being your friend if you didn't. That's the exact opposite of loyalty, and I'm sorry." She smiles encouragingly at the unicorn. "I don't want the ticket. That's not some big talk to make myself feel better. If you try to give it to me, I'm just gonna throw it right back in your face, so don't go gettin' all mad at me if you do try and I throw it!"

Twilight can't help but giggle, holding up her forehooves in surrender. "Alright, alright! I promise that you are officially not going to get the ticket." She turns to Pinkie and Fluttershy, opening her mouth, but before she can say anything, a pink hoof clamps itself over her muzzle, effectively cutting off her words before they can even start.

"Nope nope and double and triple nopeity nope! I am not going to a party without all of my friends, and besides, it's not right to make you pick me over anypony else! I'm out too, Twilight, no ifs, ands, or buts about it."

When she looks to Fluttershy, all she gets is a resolute shake of the head 'no'.

Which leaves Applejack.

She looks over to the last of her friends - and the current, sole (pony) candidate for her plus one - and receives a simple but determined response: "Nope."

A giggle bubbles up from her chest, steadily rising in volume and intensity until it's full-blown, hearty laughter, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes as she trots over to rope Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash into the hug with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.

"Spike, take a letter, please!"

He whips out a parchment, feather quill, and pot of ink, smiling brightly at her as he holds the quill above the parchment. "Ready!"

"Dear Princess Celestia...today I learned that friendship isn't always perfect. Sometimes it takes some really big stress to learn more about your friends, and to get closer with them. Today, that big stress was facing the fact that nopony is perfect, and seeing as how all of my new friends are ponies, that means that they aren't perfect either! Sometimes, they're prone to thinking only about themselves. But that's okay, because good friends will always talk it out with you afterwards, and your friendships with them will be stronger than ever. The reason my friends were thinking about themselves is because they learned about the two tickets that you sent to me for the Grand Galloping Gala. I appreciate the gesture, and I'm happy that you wanted me there, but I know that I could never have fun there without all of my friends there. It's my turn to be selfish," and here she giggles, shooting her friends a wink before continuing, "and when I think about only myself at the Gala, it seems like the worst party ever, even with you there (no offense!). Therefore, I will be returning both tickets to the Gala. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

At the announcement of her plans to send back both tickets, the other five ponies in the room gasp and give out various cries of protest, but she speaks over them, loudly enough that they stop talking. "Nope! If my friends can't all go, then I don't want to go either." She offers them a small smile. "Besides, you heard what I said. Even with Princess Celestia there, all I'd really be able to think about is you five, and that would ruin the whole night for me. I'd much rather be here with you."

She nods to Spike, waiting there with the sealed scroll. "Go ahead and send the letter, Spike!"

He does so with a salute, breathing out a green flame that sets the parchment aflame, the fire quickly feeding upon the fibrous material until it's completely evaporated and with Princess Celestia.

Applejack's just about to offer them all a hearty Apple Family Style dinner at her place when Spike starts gagging, and Twilight whips her head around, a concerned look on her face, before his maw opens wide and he belches out a letter with Princess Celestia's royal seal upon it.

"My dearest Twilight," he orates, "I'm so proud of you for learning from what sounds like a very rough day! But if you wished for more tickets, why didn't you say so in the first place?" Magically 'taped' to the scroll just below Celestia's signature lay seven tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, shimmering still with residual magic.

As the mares all squeal with delight, Spike groans with over-exaggerated disgust, holding his ticket out and away from his body while exclaiming, "Gross! I have to go to the Gala too?"

Soon, though, his facade drops under Applejack's raised brow, and he breaks off into a series of giggles, following after the six mares, tummy rumbling at the promises of all sorts of apple-related goodies that the Apple family will be cooking for them. Rarity even promises to locate a few gems to throw into his dessert at the end of their meal.