"You have one thousand words to live. Do entertain me!" I said, spreading out my hands dramatically, watching my favorite six characters' actions, while they looked back in confusion and astonishment.
Pinkie was the first to respond. "Oh! I get it! We're part of a story! And we need problem, resolution! But the only problem is, does he want adventure? Mystery? Romance? I'm not sure what he wants. Maybe comedy would work!"
I laughed, a dangerous grin spreading across my face. "Hah, always the optimistic one, aren't you Pinkie. Unfortunately for you, I am a big fan of suffering, of pain. The darker the story, the more I like it. So dance, dance little ponies! Dance so you may live a little longer..."
Twilight set her hoof down, though the prospect of being part of my story cause her voice to shiver in fear. Ah, how wondrous! "We... we won't back down! We'll show you what friendship is made of, no matter what problems you put in our way! Bring it on villain!"
The others cheered in suit, but I coldly replied: "Ah-ah-ah. I'm not the one who's going to create the problem. You are. That's what makes this so exciting to watch."
Twilight's face paled in reaction. As they whispered together a plan, I smirked from my chair, swishing my cup of wine around. "Delish," I remarked, smacking my lips, "but you do realize, the more time you stall, the less you have? We are already nearing 250 words..."
"Discord ought to do the trick," Fluttershy stated with a solemn nod, "he's the harbinger of chaos. There's no way he couldn't handle this 'author'."
I began standing up, a delight in my eye, glass still in hand. "Well planned, as expected. Show me what you got!"
As they narrowly made it to Discord's within merely fifty words, the draconequus himself was already being absurd. He was cloning himself in an attempt to clean the dust within the house, but he was debating over himself if dust itself was chaotic, or a problem. But I was a tad disappointed, to be certain. This was certainly nowhere near the destruction and insanity I had imagined. As I impatiently tapped on my glass, they quickly explained the situation, with Discord dismissing my authority instantly. "Ha! Don't make me laugh? Just because some strange creature calls itself your maker and demands you make a problem, do you really believe him? I bet he can't even clean the dust within my house!"
But with a sweep of my hand, his house was completely spotless. Worse, it was completely orderly, as if Twilight had made a complete make-over of the entire area. Discord nearly fainted as the mane six struggled to keep up, knocking things back into disarray in order to keep him well. "Alright..." he admitted, "You have power. But don't say you didn't ask for it, when things start going crazy!"
"You better hurry," I scoffed, finishing the rest of my drink, "we're already half way through."
As Discord snapped his fingers, he summoned chocolate rain over the area, making crazy creatures dance everywhere, using his standard tricks and gimmicks. However, I yawned in boredom. "Uh-- what in tarnation?" Applejack spoke up, clearly confused, "wasn't this what ya wanted?"
"Was I not clear? Pain and suffering, please," I duly stated, the mundaneness of the story slowly turning into anger as I gripped the glass tighter. "I thought you were good at creating problems, mane six. Don't make me end this story early."
As the mane six regrouped together, they thought up of another plan. "How about the Everfree forest?" Dash suggested, "there's plenty of danger to conquer there." The rest nodded in agreement.
And thus they made their way into the forest, with Discord mourning his chaos not being chaotic enough alone in his personal dimension. They soon reached the pits of lava among the infamous manticore that lived there. I shattered my glass on the floor as I watched them battle, relishing this moment. They weaved their way carefully around, using their usual wits and clever ways to take down the monster. Though they were minorly bruised, they were fine for the most part.
"Oh, darling, if I had to do any more I'd simply be unable to take any!" Rarity complained, somehow managing to lay down on a couch, despite none of them taking one.
"Ah yes," I said, stroking my chin, "Utmost excellent. You fulfilled my satisfaction at merely three-fourths way through."
As they breathed a sigh of relief, thinking it was finally over, I got a malicious idea. "But where's the fun if I don't participate? Wouldn't this be too easy?"
They groaned, knowing this was going to be tough, even as I stepped forward, raising my arms, directing the destruction around them. As the lava narrowly missed Fluttershy and Dash, the pegasi struggled to fly out of the way and into safety, and Twilight along with Rarity had already used up her magic taking down the manticore. Beyond exhausted and on the brink of death, they barely made it through to the edge of safety, with only Applejack on the unstable platform that was going to fall. It seemed too far for any of them to reach, and I laughed at the hopelessness of the situation. Especially now that they only had one hundred words left.
"I'm afraid yer gonna have to leave me," she said, with the lava crumbling her platform, knowing she couldn't make the jump, "it's been nice knowing y'all."
"NO!--" Twilight exclaimed, with all of them reaching forward, but unable to see through the smoke. Tears fell down her face. "No, no, no. Why did you do this? Why are you so cruel? Don't you understand? We don't suffer, and we don't let other ponies suffer if we don't have to. We reform those who wronged and give them a second chance. Can't you understand that?"
My expression remained neutral.
One Thousand.
"Excellent lesson," I remarked, pouring glasses of juice into some cups, "what did you think?" I asked calmly, once again sitting on the throne, face to face with the mane six, who looked at each other, unharmed in any way.
"WHAT?!" Twilight shouted, incredibly confused.
"I meant, how was it?"
Pinkie once again was the first to understand. "Ohhh! He put us through a story, a theoretical one, to get our point of view, to learn a lesson! That's why he acted so mean and unreasonable!"
"B-b-but Applejack... and the manticore... and the thousand words..." Twilight stuttered, struggling to make any words through.
"Oh, don't be such a bummer," I smiled, offering them some drinks, "those were just plot devices. I'm terribly sorry about making you go through all that, but... not too much harm done, eh?"
Applejack could only wince a little, having seen a blinding light but felt no pain. The others rolled their eyes. "That wasn't cool, dude!" Dash said, comforting Fluttershy who was still confused and shuddering in fear.
"There's probably better ways to tell a story," a certain dragon said, strolling through, having overheard our conversation, "and for once I'm glad I decided to sleep in instead of joining you guys..."
"Do not worry, I already have another story in mind!" I said, inspiration striking once again, dramatically pretending to be the villain, "You have one hundred thousand words left to live..."
But the mane six were already leaving, all of them sending me a glare. Man, being an author is difficult. Spike just stood there, as if saying, "really?"