Magical Mystery Molt

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Spike, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2197

In an alternative universe, Spike's transformation went a little... differently. One where there were less princesses and singing, and a big heaping dollop of sarcasm.

In an alternative universe, Spike's transformation went a little... differently. One where there were less princesses and singing, and a big heaping dollop of sarcasm.

Strictly for laughs, don't take it too seriously. Unless you want to.

Published 2020-08-15 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-15 22:50:01 UTC

"Everything will be just fine!... maybe."

This was it. The final jigsaw piece had been placed. The last brick had been laid. The masterpiece was complete, after so much blood and tears had been spilt getting there.

Well, lots of out-of-control rainclouds, hungry animals, unamused ponies, bruised apples and raggedy dresses later anyway.

The very worst part of each of Twilight’s ‘true true friends’ getting their Cutie Marks mixed up remained all the off-key singing though, but not to worry.

The many townsponies that joined in this syrupy medley weren’t exactly in tune either, so the only real victims here were the poor Diamond Dogs dwelling deep underground forcibly subjected to this cacophonous racket.

Put it this way: right now, those poor beleaguered pooches would trade all their precious stones for a decent pair of earplugs each. Arh-oooooooo-ouch!

Nevertheless, nothing now could stop unicorn librarian and resident geek Twilight Sparkle from putting quill to paper and completing Starswirl The Bearded’s long-unfinished spell that Celestia had ‘thoughtfully’ sent her way.

(Although, a warning would’ve been nice: ‘this enchantment could possibly permanently alter the identity of all your closest confidantes if not handled properly and throw Ponyville into complete chaos’. Something like that. But water under the bridge now… right?)

“From all of us together… together we are friends...with the marks of our destinies made one… there is magic without end!” That was the slightly corny, almost-rhyming magical couplet that Twilight committed to paper, and didn’t she look smug upon finishing it.

Who said narcissistic nerds can’t have their moment in the spotlight? Not I!

But then, just as Twilight got ready to bask in everypony’s admiration for writing down a greeting card-level platitude, something truly amazing happened.

Well, par-for-the-cause for this most weird of days, anyway.

First, Twilight’s crown thingie began to glow intensely…

Then, all the other Elements Of Harmony began shining too...

It wasn’t too long before a ray of pure energy began emitting from Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Rarity (in alphabetical order to avoid accusations of favoritism)...

Before long, Twilight was enveloped in a circular dome of the brightest light… Looking surprised at first, she eventually settled down when realising this must be destiny at play. Something incredible is about to happen, I can feel it in my pocket protector…

Indeed, her confident soliloquy was about to come true.

Just, not exactly in the way she predicted.

Spike, having had his nap from earlier rudely ruined by his BFF’s caterwauling at the break of dawn, was just about to complain about the distracting laser show going on downstairs which stopped him from mercifully nodding off…

When the ball of light gathered around Twilight suddenly took on a life of its own, hitting him square in a single beam before dissipating completely.

“Yeeeergghhh… silence”

When the blinding illumination and associated smoke had eventually cleared up, each equine that remained in that hollowed-out plant husk dared to sneak a peek at what had just transpired within…

And there was no sign of Spike anywhere. Not in the kitchen, the bathroom or his favourite place to shirk the responsibilities of his job whilst enjoying comic-related entertainment: under his blankie.

“Oh! This is terrible! Truly awful! My Number One Assistant, my Special Little Guy, my Regular Sarcasm Dispenser has disappeared… possibly forever!” Twilight attempted to hold in her tears, whilst the rest of her equally morose entourage tried offering some crumbs of comfort. “Even the special gem-encrusted pyjamas I knitted for him have vanished: I need a minute, girls.”

But as Twilight sadly made her way to the second floor to stare meaningfully at Spikey-Wikey’s now tiny empty bed, her dire prophecy wasn’t exactly true.

You see, Spike hadn’t quite made it to that big ol’ jewel cave in the sky just yet.

The unfamiliar locale where he found himself now was very blue and echoey, with glowing orbs that kind of looked like emeralds floating surreptitiously in the air…

Alas, they weren’t edible in the slightest. As his later gastroenteritis would conclusively prove.

Er, how do you spell that again? He’d ponder, even while throwing up.

…………………………………….

“Hello, hello? Is there a ‘way out’ sign anywhere around here?” Spike’s desperate calls in this sparse new environment went completely unheeded: which being the underappreciated working class stiff he was, you’d think he’d be used to by now.

Still didn’t make this desert of desolation any less depressing, though.

“Gee, guess I can cross ‘discover what it’s like to wander round a giant-size lava lamp’ from my bucket list.” the irritated dragon frowned, searching without success for any sign of life on the horizon. “I never asked for any of this. I was quite happy to stay in Canterlot: eating, sleeping, making the occasional impeccably-timed smart-alec quip, but no. I had to accompany Twilight halfway across the world in a balloon, to regularly put my life in danger and work myself to the bone trying to keep her neurosis from imploding. If all this nonsense is part of my existing contract, I want it renegotiated stat. I should begin composing a letter to breathe to my union representative straightaway…”

“Message received loud and clear, Spike. Although what lies in wait for you is clearly superior to any pay increase or compensation claims, mark my words.”

“Huh?!” Spike scratched his… spikes as he heard a strangely familiar voice boom all around his barren surroundings, finally spotting a pinprick of light get closer as it trotted majestically towards him. “Wait a second. You’re not Scales, my regular rep! You’re…”

“Princess Celestia, in the flesh.” The aforementioned sun-raiser curtsied to her own introduction. “Congratulations Spike! I knew you could do it!”

“ ‘Do’ what, exactly? Miss out on almost twenty-four hours worth of sleep? Get zapped to a featureless limbo where there’s nothing to do but walk for hours? Develop blisters over blisters on my poor, aching clawsies? Because from where I’m standing in agony, I haven’t ‘done’ very much at all.”

“Oh. but you have, ever since you were hatched…” Celestia gave the mollified dragon a brief hug, before a selection of squares with stuff happening inside them began appearing all around the previously empty background. “Take a look, if you don’t believe me. The lessons you’ve learned here in Ponyville have taught you well. You have proven that you’re ready, Spike.”

“Ready? Ready for what? Foot lotion?” Spike said confused, whilst gazing at the moving images contained within the static shapes.

There was one of him cleaning the treehouse from top to bottom without a word of thanks… another of him carrying everypony’s stuff on a day out as they blithely ignored his suffering… one of him receiving one of many ‘amusing’ slapstick-related injuries when nopony asked how he was… and many, many incidents of him bailing Twilight out of trouble with basic common sense, unacknowledged by the unicorn herself who always seemed too busy making lists or with her muzzle in a book to notice.

“It’s not easy being the little guy with the big heart, is it?” Celestia said somewhat sorrowfully, as Spike continued to watch countless examples of his valuable contributions to the lives of others going more-or-less unheeded. “Your friends love you, but sometimes they’re so caught up in their own lives they have a tendency to forget the blessing that lies right under their noses. Yet, still you persevere: your sardonicism shadowing your very real pain, your stoicism undeterred by the lack of recognition of your efforts. Well, today I plan to change all that. ‘You’ve come such a long, long way’…”

“I’ve walked such a long, long way more like…” Spike frowned as Celestia began singing. “...And if you really want to do me a favour, no more showtunes today. I had my fill of them back in Ponyville, if you please. And I’d quite like to get back there, once you’ve finished reminding me how overlooked and ignored I am. Thanks for the pep talk, though. Very useful.”

“Oh, but that’s not all I’m going to do for you today, despite your current spate of rudeness…” Celestia was unimpressed at being cut off in her prime when she’d warmed her vocal chords up especially, but she carried on regardless. “How do you feel about… body modification?”

“W-What? Who’s that? Mane-iac’s newest assistant, or something? I’m a bit behind on the latest issues, so please don’t tell me any spoilers…” Spike had been bewildered enough by a lot of the big words Celestia had used, but this particular phrase had him stumped.

“Oh for goodness…. here, take my gift with thanks and go back before I change my mind.” Even the ever-patient Celestia had begun to lose her rag with the clueless dragon, so with a single blast from her horn she sent him on his way. “...And tell Twilight if she ever wants anything similar, all she has to do is ask politely. Also, stop sending me requests for friendship lessons she already knows. Can’t a Princess get at least some time to herself to eat upside-down cake… oh, he’s gone. Never mind. Now, where’s the exit to this boring place again… Luna? Little help here?!”

……………………..

“Look harder, everypony! There must be something in this hunk of trunk that can tell me what happened to my best friend. Time could be of the essence here!”

“We’re lookin’ Twi, but we ain’t findin’ anything. Or maybe I’m just not the studious kind. Graduate from the university of life, that’s what I did.”

“Well, I found something Applejack… a box of chocolates put amongst the rest of the books by mistake. A short snack break, then it’s back to searching I swear!”

“Hey, save some for me Pinkie! Unless it’s something by J.K Yearling, I’m not used to being around so many books. Most of these don’t even have any pictures! It’s exhausting!”

“We can’t give up now, Rainbow. I’ll never be able to forgive myself if my darling Spike is gone forever… a-and I might have, albeit unwittingly, played a part in his disappearance…”

“There there, Rarity. We’ll find a solution, we always do. In fact, I can’t think of a time where everything has seemed hopeless and we haven’t been able to… wow, what’s that?”

Fluttershy was sorely tempted to run and hide when the intensely shining figure came crashing through the window to levitate over the wooden floor, but it soon became clear the mysterious figure posed no true threat.

Unless you count possible eye strain by staring at it too closely, that is.

When the uninvited presence had finally stopped illuminating the premises, the squinting ponies were at last able to get a good gander at it…

And holy moly, if they were ever surprised.

“Why… I’ve never seen anything like it!” Applejack commented, clearly as shocked as the rest of her friends at the dramatic new look of an old friend.

“Ha! Spike’s got wings! Awesome!! A new flying buddy!” Rainbow Dash announced the return of the dazed dragon, unfurling one of his attachments whilst doing so.

“Why, you’ve grown at least four… no, five foot as well!” Rarity cooed, clearly swooning over Spike’s hunky new physique. “I didn’t even think that was possible!”

“Woo! Dragon Makeover party!!” Pinkie Pie, as eccentric as ever screeched overhead from an elasticated suspension harness as balloons and confetti were released all around.

“Wow! You look just like a grown-up!” Fluttershy helped Spike to his feet, as the transmogrified reptile began examining his unfamiliar additions and ripped biceps with growing fascination and excitement. “What do you think, Twilight? T-Twilight?”

The lavender unicorn didn’t say a word. She just sauntered over to the now extra-large Spike, took out a measuring tape… squeezed his muscles… focused on his wingspan… studied his impossibly-angled new chin... before abruptly turning to make her way upstairs.

“Twilight?” Spike spoke for the first time since his evolution, and despite being much more adult in appearance (but not in age) he still had his original cute voice. Bless. “I-I hope this isn’t going to change anything between us, or our friendship. I’m still the same guy… but with power!”

“Not at all, not at all…” A smiling Twilight turned around briefly to address her Special Not-So-Little Guy. “I’m very happy for you! I’ll help you celebrate more later, I just have a lot to do right now.”

“Such as?” Spike wondered what the major emergency could be that would tear her way from his ‘big’ moment (in more ways than one).

“Well, I have to start authoring a paper on this unprecedented phenomenon, begin major revisions to your room based on your new bulk and appendages, and…”

“What?”

“Order in a whole new repository of books! Something tells me that stacking them in huge amounts on the topmost shelves will no longer be a problem…!”

Author's Note

Here’s another one of my twisted ideas brought to life, with a bit of bonus dialogue from the actual episode (Although changed in context to fit the new outcome).

I had a hoot writing this, and I hope you did too in reading it. Till next time then… :coolphoto: