Books, Bats, and Bad Mojo

Chapters

Bad Business
Beginning from the Bottom
Best Bets
Brand New Bookworm
Bedside Bedlam
Bandaid Blues
Bouquet Buddies
Breakfast in Bed
Bounty Bouncing
Baffling Breakdances
Books, Brawn, and Booms
Bad Brunch
Big Brain Bargins

Bad Business

"You're fired," not the first words you'd like to hear on a Monday morning, but honestly it was far from the worst sacking Desmond had so far.

Calm, take a few deep breathes, and let it out. The young man thought to himself as he sat in a squeaky fold out chair in the back office of the, now apparently, previous work place. The tiny room was lined with shelves overflowing with piles of paperwork, order forms and miscellaneous office paperwork from so long ago the pages had turned yellow. It smelt of cheap orange aerosol, mostly to hide the stench of mildew and body odor from the owner of said office. Just breathing the air stung his nose, not that it helped with the breathing exercises.

"Can I ask why?" He finally asked, given himself enough of a pause to not immediately curse out loud.

The man sitting across the plain office table in the relatively more comfortable swivel chair glanced briefly at the pale face looking back at him, before returning his attention back to his computer. Mr. Flemming often did this, kept trying to pretend to be busy with "work" while in his office. If only he knew the glass from the picture frame behind him showed a reflection of exactly what he was doing. Apparently he wasn't that very good at Minesweeper.

"Sales are down so far this quarter that the regional manager has been asking why." Mr. Flemming reached for his lunch, scattering crumbs all around as he took a bite from his Double BigWac. After chewing on it for a bit he looked back across at where Desmond sat, a frown on his eyebrows. "Now, why is that?"

Desmond bit down hard on any snip at how it really wasn't his fault...They were just accidents.

"You seem like a decent guy Desmond, but I can't have a clutz spilling coffee all over my customers. Third degree burns are bad for business, I hope you understand that. You're just lucky none decided to sue."

Lead weights sunk even deeper in the man's stomach, for no matter how much he wanted to protest and claim he was innocent, there was no denying he had accidentally hurt people. There was only so much you could blame on slippery floors or chair legs catching your foot.

"I'll give you your severance pay until the end of the week," Mr. Flemming pushed an envelope across the desk next to the other papers, "Best of luck in your next job."

Desmond felt numb as he picked up his papers and left the tiny back office behind, the smell of freshly ground coffee and sounds of the café greeted his senses on the other side. Normally Des would enjoy the atmosphere, of people chatting or reading in a corner while they relaxed, the many different aromas of mocha, chai, and espresso. Or even just the warm glow of the lights of a coffee shop in the evening, as if such a place offered shelter from the downpour that was happening outside.

It hadn't been that long since he had started working here, but with how much had enjoyed it more than most of the previous jobs it would be something he'd miss. Pale green eyes started to itch and Desmond knew it was best that he leave now, before I make a show of it.

A few people had turned their heads as the tallish man had entered, but after seeing who it was they lost interest and resumed what they had been doing before. The only farewell was one of the girls behind the counter smiling weakly at Des with a tiny wave.

I think her name was Beth? She had been friendlier than most, even after I had kept messing up. He mimicked her smile and wave and quickly moved through the doors.

What greeted Desmond outside was a typical late autumn evening in Vancouver, biting cold air and a torrent of rain. At least the weather matched how I feel at the moment.

A short buzz rumbled in his jeans, alerting Des to a new message. Please, don't let it be from who I think it is...

Taking a second while he was still under the protection of the store's awning to pull out the used Samsung, it was an older model and cracked in many places, but it still did the job.

Turns out it was exactly what he had imagined, as the text message simply read "Payment is due soon. Don't miss it. Find something else or you're done." Desmond involuntary swallowed as he read the message over again. How did they know?

Looking up he spotted a black Cadillac parked across the street, the windows tinted, but with the drivers side rolled down enough to see the man behind the wheel. He waved in Desmond's direction with a phone in hand, before he rolled his window back up and sped off down the street. Desmond shivered at the realization that they were still keeping tabs on him.

Man, I don't think this day can get worse...

Taking another second he plugged in his headphones and started listening to A-ha. At least Manhattan Skylines matches my mood for the moment. I'll have to figure out a new job before the end of the month. Christmas season is coming soon, so there should be a lot of places looking for bodies to fill spots behind a cash register...

Along the way to the bus stop Des's luck didn't improve much, as a passing car plowed through a deep enough puddle to send a wave crashing over the curb, completely soaking his lower half with gutter spray. "C'mon! Really?!" An irate wet Desmond shouted after the driver. A few passerbys snickered at his overreaction.

Feeling the heat rising in his cheeks Des hurried along further to the bus stop. His pace wasn't quite fast enough to catch one of busses as it pulled away before he could get there.

With a tired sigh Des sat down inside the tiny shelter and folded his umbrella. He sat there for minutes, or maybe hours, just staring out from the little island of dryness. Dim emerald eyes watched the busy street slowly drain of all the traffic, the lights in some shops flickering off one by one as they closed for the night. Soon it felt like it was just himself and him alone in that tiny bubble of the world. The next bus sure is taking its time.

But he wasn't alone for long, Desmond saw some movement out of the corner of his eye and watched as an elderly man shuffle under the small bus shelter. At first he had thought it was his imagination, but as he looked at the other man further Des noticed more than a few things wrong with his appearance.

His long coat seemed to be made up of a patchwork of different clothes, different splotches of colour mixed with different materials. His umbrella was much the same, with parts missing or bent in an unnatural way. Even as Desmond thought this the man seemed to struggle getting the ruined thing closed. Then he saw his face.

It was like looking at several portraits at once; his mustache was missing half of itself on one side, with the remaining bit sprung upwards like Salvador Dali's. Thick bushy white eyebrows seemed to bounce around as the man continued to struggle with his umbrella. His tanned skin was blotch and molted in with what looked like birth marks pot marking his face. A wispy goatee dangled from his chin and even seemed to curl around at the end. Even his hair was in disarray as it spiked and knotted in odd places, as if he had once wore an afro and it had fallen apart. To top it all off his eyes were quite yellow, like his liver was failing, but the man made no indication that he was ever in pain.

With a huff the man eventually gave up his attempts to put the useless umbrella back together and eventually decided to just toss it in the bin... Which for an old man was quite impressive since he threw it like a spear into the bin across the road.

Des huddled further into his corner of the shelter and made a silent prayer that he didn't get mugged again.

It was only then that the stranger seemed to notice that he wasn't alone. "Oh, how rude of me!" He slapped his forehead with a wet sleeve, "I should have asked if this place was occupied! Hope you don't mind an old man like myself taking shelter from the rain for a bit?" The 'friendly' grin he gave showed a dentist's worst nightmare, with yellowed teeth crooked at every angle. Even an overgrown canine sprouted from his upper lip.

"NO! Um, s-sorry I meant n-no, go ahead..." Des cringed as he forced himself to meet the elderly man face to face. He unsettled the young man more than anyone he had ever met before, as if the man carried 'wrongness' with him. It was hard to explain, but the fight or flight instant in the back of Des's mind was going off the walls being near the man. Please let the bus come right now, please.

With an exaggerated pirouette, with the coat flapping about spraying water in every direction, the man sat himself down on the other side of the bench. With a start Desmond felt the bench rise slightly beneath me, but it didn't go more than a few inches. I could have sworn this bench was bolted to the ground...

For a few minutes more it passed just like this, the stranger would do something odd or unsettling and Desmond would keep to his corner hoping to be as small as possible. Evidently it didn't matter how much he kept to himself, as the man soon found his attention back to where Desmond sat. He stared so hard Desmond thought it would burn a hole in his head. "Well?"

It took a second to register that he was being talked to, so of course it took another second to realize that he had already answered back. "W-well, w-what?" Not the politest answer, but Desmond didn't know where this was going... Please don't stab me or kidnap me, I don't want my kidneys taken from me.

The stranger just laughed, a good hearty laugh like had just heard the best joke of his life. Des didn't like where this was going, and if it wasn't for his legs refusing to budge he'd have ran for it already.

The laughter died down and the man spoke to me again, "Aren't you going to ask?"

"W-what do you want?" Des stammered, his throat feeling dryer than the desert, "I-Ive got nothing of value."

"Oh, I don't know about that, but then again I don't know a great many number of things!" a Cheshire grin split the sea of yellow teeth again, "That's what makes it so interesting."

"I-I've got only enough change for the bus ride, if you want it you can have it!"

At this the creepy man seemed rather bored, "I don't want your chump change, they taste awful anyways. No, I want something more, hmm, intangible."

I knew it... He was going to take my organs! If only I had taken an Uber instead! Sweat dripped down his forehead as Desmond backed up further, pressing himself against the plexiglass side panel of the bus stop. He reached into his pocket and gripped a little rosary tightly. He wasn't really Catholic, but it gave him a little comfort. "P-please, don't hurt me!"

"Hmm, I think you're mistaken, I don't hurt beings for my amusement, that's someone else's schtick," the man huffed as if offended. "No, I get my kicks from watching other kinds of drama, B-rate RomComs at the moment, but that can change." He shrugged his shoulders, moving back his side of the bench, it was only then did Des realize how close the lunatic had gotten without him noticing. He had been mere inches from my face with his yellow eyes staring through me...

"...Then what?"

The man looked a little perplexed, as if he had just realized he didn't know either, "I really don't know? Hard to say which way the wind blows; it's a fickle thing, hard to pin down really. And trust me, I've tried to, there's just no amount of thumb tacs that'll do the job!" The grin returned to his face as he bounced up and down on his side of the bench.

I'm dealing with a madman... Or maybe an addict, hard to say.

"The only thing I'm addicted to is chaos, you humans can keep your pathetic poisons." Did...Did he just read my mind?

"Nope, I get into people's heads, but reading them can be quite hard. Too gray and squishy for my liking." The man hummed as he reached into a pocket and started eating... Something. "No, you just said that part out loud my lanky bipedal chum."

"Oh... Umm, I'm sorry?" A nervous laugh left Desmond's lips as he sheepishly grinned back.

"No, you're not, but I'll forgive you, this time. To make it up, why don't you tell me what's been eating at you for the past while." The strange man took another bite from his... wax doll? It looked like one of those Mexican Day of the Dead sugar skulls, except it was a whole doll. Maybe he just enjoys other people's discomfort?

It took a moment of deliberation, but Des eventually decided what the harm could be in telling this stranger his problems, it wasn't like he knew him or would ever see him again, so what was the harm?

"Well, I've just been having a bad day," the man stopped his meal and looked rather unimpressed at that explanation, "Okay, maybe more than just a bad day, more like a bad decade."

"It's not like I'm saying nothing's my fault, I won't run from that, but... it just feels like I've never had any decent amount of luck in my life. As if I was destined to have the worst luck imaginable. It's hard to explain, and I probably sound like a whiny looser for it. But, I just can't shake this feeling, like something keeps placing me in these kinds of situations.... Sorry if I sound boring."

The man had evidently finished his 'meal', with a thoughtful expression he rubbed his spindly goatee. "That's hardly anything to worry about, lots of people have bad luck or live worst lives than yourself. You could be in a lot worst spots imaginable, trust me kiddo, I've seen the darkest pits things can pop out from."

This stranger, who looks like a mish mash of Salvation Army clothing sewn together had a point, it could be worse.

"I suppose you're right, but now I'm out of a job and soon to be out of a home. Again. Except this time if I can't pay up the money I owe to the mafia I'm dead meat, literally if they decide to sell my organs..."

A sputtering sound came from the man opposite Desmond, as he spat out what looked like chocolate milk like a morbid fountain statue, some even reached Des's side. The younger man stared in shock and disgust as he quickly tried to wipe some of it off.

"HOLY MOLLY! How did you manage to get balls deep in the blender like that?! Everyone knows not to take money from El Capone unless they can pay it back!" He sounded halfway impressed as he laughed in Des's face once more.

Des was starting to get used to the absurdity of the man well enough that he could start feeling anger and frustration instead of terror. The familiar burning returned as the heat began rising to Desmond's cheeks, "I know it was stupid, okay! I just... Broke something of theirs with my clumsiness, and they said I'd just needed to pay them back in installments."

"Oh, and what was it exactly that you 'broke' of theirs? Hmm?"

The steam had since left Des's sails as he once again looked down at his hands, unable to meet those yellow eyes. "I kinda, sorta, crashed the boss's Mercedes into the river."

A deep rumbling shook the bench and as Des turned his head back all he could see was the face of the madman, cheeks puffed out, tears in his eyes, fist shoved deep in his mouth to stop himself from laughing right in my face. He physically shook from the effort. Apparently there was no holding back the tide of gut wrenching laughter.

The pouring rain and ankle deep puddles in the street didn't stop the madman from keeling over and rolling this way and that, laughing hysterically while holding his ribs in. The whole street echoed with the sound of an old man puking his guts out giggling. It was a wonder that nobody stopped to see what all the commotion was... On second thought, it was weird how nobody had driven past in the last few minutes.

"Tee-hee hoo ho haahah! HIS MERCEDES! HA! Or should it be a 'Mer-seades! Ho, that cracks me up! Boy, those cars don't come cheap! How in the universe did you pull that chaotic little stunt?"

Seeing a crazy old man act out like he was a child really made Des wish he never lost my mind with old age.

"It wasn't intentional, just coincidental, I swear! ...I was biking over a bridge when I saw a family of ducks in the middle of the road. Couldn't help myself, by the time I realized I had stopped to move them out of traffic the car had already swerved to avoid running me over. The next moment they were in the drink, I'm more thankful that nobody was seriously hurt."

The man had stopped rolling through puddles and stared back up at Des, for the first time since he had the unpleasant chance to meet him the old man was genuinely smiling. "You remind me of someone I know back home, she would have done exactly that. Do something dangerously stupid to save some dumb animal." He tutted to himself as he rose back up, for all rain that had poured on him and the muddy puddles he went through not a spot of grime or wetness blemished his coat.

"Tell you what, if you're hankering for a job to pay the bills, and maybe fix that poor luck of yours, I've got someone who's looking for... an assistant." From inside the quilted breast pocket the old man pulled out a business card, with an outstretched hand he offered it to Desmond. "They owe me a few favors, and I suuupose I should cash one of them in before his memory fails him."

Accepting the card Des flipped it over, a little stylized dragon covered one side holding a book open. "The Dragon's Keep, bookstore and Café?"

"Just remember, nothing in this world is free. They'll help you get back on your two feet, and in exchange I'll have your word that you'll help me out should I ever decide to ask. Who knows when that might be though, could be tomorrow, next year, or even yesterday! Hard to say when something might crop up, chaos really doesn't like to follow it's own schedule."

"Umm, thanks? I guess?" Desmond pocketed the card, if the card was still in his pocket by tomorrow morning he'd believe he hadn't hallucinated this whole event.

"Don't mention it my boy!" Then a darker tone came across the madman's face, "No seriously, don't ever mention it. If word got out I give out helping hands I'd be up to my arm pits in beings begging for my help."

"Then why bother?" For the life of him Desmond couldn't help but ask more dumb questions, there were just too many to count at the moment.

The old man just waved a hand dismissively, "Bah, it's something inane to do with giving out free help and a quota I should fill. Nothing for you to worry your puny mind about. Just go see the owner of this bookworm factory and tell him 'Discord sends his regards!' He'll know what it means... Hopefully. If nothing else he'll probablymaybeshouldsorta hire you on the spot."

For a moment Desmond just glared at this strange man, every syllable was like a nail in his forehead, half of what he was saying sounded like jabbering nonsense. However, it was true he seemed more lucid than most drug addicts and mentally unstable people he'd met. It was probably just some elaborate joke, maybe he'll end up on YouTube in a prank compilation.

"I won't say I believe you, cause I don't, but I'm not going to be picky with how I get a new job. If you're a recruiter for some weird cult you better work on your people skills, cause I'm not going to drink any Koolade after this."

"Ah, that's actually quite a common misconception, that was Favor Aid. Still, this is more for your sake than my own, so if you do anything with this information then that's all on you kiddo."

From around the street corner a tiny car cane speeding toward the bus stop, it reminded Des of Mr.Bean's old mini, except instead of a beloved British actor there was a girl with frizzy purple and white hair wearing a beanie. "Ah, seems my ride has arrived!"

The odd man strode out into the middle of the road and tipped an imaginary hat back where Des still sat. "To you Mr. Mallory, I wish you best of luck! May we see each other soon! Ta ta!" And with that the mini drove right into him, sending him flying over the bonnet. Des stared mouth agape in shock as he witnessed the creepy old man become roadkill!

It all seemed to be planned however as the old man grabbed onto the roof and waved back, as if was the most normal thing to do. He looked like a disfigured windsock as he was dragged into the night. Desmond could still hear is laughter from several blocks away.

The young man couldn't think for several minutes straight after that, he couldn't trust himself not to run off to the hills and become as nutty as that weirdo after seeing all that, it seemed to have really messed with his head enough to almost believe it was all just a dream. If it wasn't for the card still in Desmond's jean pocket did he not just discard it all as a dream.

"-board, Sir? Sir?" Des looked up from his daze to realize his bus had pulled up, a worried looking bus driver looking down at him from his seat. "Are you okay there?"

Desmond swallowed a lump in his throat and shook his head, "I-I'm fine, just give me a second to get on." Nobody would believe me if I told them about the stranger, but maybe there was someplace that knew...

A trembling hand gripped the business card still in his pocket, they might at least have some answers waiting for him.

Author's Note

I know Desmond seems a bit too gloomy at the moment, but hopefully that can change pretty soon! After all, we need to have some ups and downs to this Rollercoaster!

Here's also some fabulous art of Discord's... Erm... "Greeting" Desmond is how we should say! Drawn by the amazing Mix-Up! He really caught the essense of meeting otherworldly magically mad strangers at the midnight bus stop!

https://www.deviantart.com/amalgamzaku/art/Books-Bats-and-Bad-Mojo-Com-Vid-899031612?ga_submit_new=10%3A1638074913

Let me know if there's any way I can improve my work, haven't been writing in awhile and figured I should exercise the Ol noggin for a story or three! :twilightsmile:

Beginning from the Bottom

There were certainly worse ways to spend an evening, though going though Craigslist and other job sites looking for entry level spots to work all the way back from the bottom certainly wasn't Desmond's favorite.

His eyes started to itch and feel the heavy weight of the day, reaching up behind his glasses he gently rubbed the tiredness from them with the back of a sleeve. The cot beside the desk beckoned like a siren, promising a temporary solution for a permanent situation. Des held off as best he could, the numbness of sleep would only be a band aid fix, in the morning he'd still be jobless and almost due on his debts.

Bloodshot eyes kept glazing over as he skimmed each listing, none of them seemed to be what he needed. Not like Desmond expected to earn a decent salary on the first day, but if he crunched the numbers hard enough it would never be enough to meet the minimum for the payment by the end of November.

This shit sucks... Des flopped back down on the cot in resignation. He had sent out a few emails with a resume attached, but he didn't hold out much hope I'd get him many responses back. I'll have to go out in person to see if I can jump the hiring queue that way. I'll have to burn up my bus money doing it, but I don't see much of an option.

Tired green eyes stared out into the tiny room, barely large enough to fit the few possessions and furniture Desmond still owned. There was only a thin strip of bare wood flooring to walk to the door and back. The room must have been a walk in closet at some point in time, but it had been renovated for students and other low income tenants. Shared kitchen laundry, as well as a "living room", but none of the other tenants bothered to use it. Most of the other boarders had kept to themselves for as long as Des had stayed here, but he didn't mind too much.

Desmond scanned the wall at his feet, admiring the small collection of posters as well as other bits and bobs. The range of poster art ranged from Rolling Stones to Metallica, with even a few more modern synthwave bands in the mix. Some were just from old magazines or dollar store quality.

There were a few newspaper clippings posted together with mementos of the past, some were from 'mystical' magazines with leads into how to cure misfortune or just latest horoscopes. None of them had worked out too well, as each time something bad had happen the rabbits foot, pennies, or horse shoes never made a difference. None of those remedies seemed to prevent buckets of paint falling on his head or being chased by dogs, none except for the rosary.

Pulling it out from his pocket a practiced hand thumbed the amber beads, giving the Hail Mary prayer as he went along. Desmond wasn't exactly Catholic, though he was raised with it on his Mother's side, but keeping her Rosary and praying each night with it was about as far as he went. The rosary gave him a sense of calm that couldn't be explained, maybe it was just because it was one of the few possessions he still had from his family.

I'll try again in the morning, I know you guys are looking out for me somewhere, so I hope I don't disappoint any of you. Des gently tucked the cross back into his desk beside the cot and felt the exhaustion from the day finally grab hold.

Without realizing it Des had grabbed ahold of the business card still inside pants pocket. As he drifted off to sleep a feint glimmer of a shooting star crossed the dusty window pane.

Melody never understood why everypony was in such a rush to go nowhere.

Perhaps it was because of how recently she had moved to the big city, or how wings meant she didn't need to stick it out in the roadway clogged full of carriages. Hard to imagine back home getting this populated, maybe in a few hundred years, doubt I'd live to see it, though the Princesses might.

Celestia had started setting the sun over the horizon, turning the vast ocean to the West into a dazzling spectrum of oranges and pinks. Melody loved one thing about the cities, it was that their tallest buildings offered some spectacular views! Might have to take some parchment and a quill next time, I'm sure I can get some great inspiration up here!

It wasn't long before the last rays of the sun vanished below the ocean waves, leaving a glowing purple sky in its wake. I should head to work soon, before I get docked bits for being late.

Melody stretched herself out atop the marble banister she had claimed as her personal relaxing spot, looking much like a cat waking up from it's afternoon nap. A powerful yawn flashed two elongated canines not typical of the Pegasi tribe. In the growing darkness her yellow irises narrowed as she adapted to the time of evening. A quick flare of two leathery wings told her enough that she was ready to take off in a moment if she wished.

From the ground most ponies couldn't spot her, after all she was nearly at the peak of the stone and glass skyscraper, one of the many that had sprung up in recent years. It would take a passing pegasi to notice her spot, which made it quite valuable since it offered just about the only place to get away from all the noisy distractions of city life.

With a leap the Testral dived down between the massive walls of steel and glass, the hot air and smells of the city rushing past her. Many of Vanhoover's lamps were lit along the streets, making it seem like the whole place was one giant landing strip to Melody, not that she had any intention of putting her hooves on solid ground, not if she could help it!

Flying wasn't exactly her talent, but it was instinctual to feel at home aloft, even if Thestral wings couldn't keep up with a Pegasi's, they couldn't be matched in their element: Night flying. The lower light and massive glass obstacles never phased anyone who used echo location to mark out the safest route to soar through the maretropolis.

Pegasi would often complain about the amount of glass, as there were many stories of them crashing into their reflective surfaces, but a solid object still bounced sound waves just as much as anything. In fact, that was actually one of the main reasons not many Thestrals had moved into the big cities, there was too much noise pollution for their sensitive ears; Melody didn't mind that as much, to her the noise of so many living together had it's own rhythm, as if the harmony between everything was enhanced into a crescendo the likes she had never heard before!

A shiver of excitement rushed down her spine as she glided above jam packed restaurants and movie theaters, the heavy beat of some far distant club echoed through the lower level, the rhythm was familiar enough that she could guess it was that DJ from Ponyville, Vinyl Scratch if she had guessed right.

There were so many conversations from the crowd on the sidewalk that it could have been mistaken for the gentle hum of raindrops hitting soft ground. The smells too were an intoxicating mix of spices from far off ports and culinary dishes the mare had no name for. Even the worst smells of the city had been taken care of by the city's diligent cleaning services, leaving only the aroma of baked asphalt as it steadily cooled off in the night.

I'll take this to living out in the sticks any night! Though, all the sensations of a crowded port city brought excitement to the batpony she had never once gone down into the fray and mingled with any crowd. Truth be told it was one of the reasons she had made the move, to get over her social anxiety.

It might sound a bit oxymoronic for somepony to love being in the middle of a city, while at the same time being afraid of interacting with anypony, but that's just how it went. Sure, she wasn't necessarily afraid of being around so many others, it was more like it felt like there was a barrier between herself and making connections with those she didn't already know. Part of growing up in a rural hamlet deep in the forest near Hollow Shades, you didn't get to interact with many outsiders often.

That's why you gotta work on your interponyal skills, so that you can go out there and actually meet new ponies and make some actual friends! The bat pony grimaced slightly as she recalled some of her past attempts ...Just gotta work on actually saying more than a syllable at a time first.

Within a few more blocks the familiar signage of a little known store caught Melody's eye. The sign was relatively miniscule compared to the giant neon lights all over the street, but that was what had given the shop it's charm, it was humble and never bragged about its merchandise or services. The perfect spot to start, quiet enough that I can work and with just enough customers to get me started on being sociable!

The wooden placard outside displayed an elongated dragon holding open a thick tome. The Dragon's Keep written in Equis beneath it.

Melody took a moment brush down her midnight blue mane into it's normal straight cut, making sure she looked as presentable as she could. With everything in place she pushed in the ancient looking door and stepped inside.

"Ms. Bluebell, you're late, again," came the unamused stony voice from the back of the bookstore.

Melody winced, Welp, better face my own music. And with that the solid wood door closed behind her.

Best Bets

It had taken nearly a full day of going back and forth across the city, and Desmond had nothing much to show for it except an empty folder where he had kept the resumes and the vague promises of being notified 'the next time they were hiring.' He didn't need to be a guru to figure out that sign didn't mean he'd be working for any of them soon.

Des let out an exasperated sigh, I don't know how many times I can do this song and dance.

He was sitting outside of a WacDonalds after being told the same lines as earlier, munching on a small basket of fries, pretty much the only thing within the meager meal budget at the moment. With an inward sigh the man contemplated how he had gotten here to begin with; all the different choices he could have made before it reached the point where he was turned down by Wac'D's and with only enough pocket change to afford some deep fried carbs for dinner.

Suddenly the world was filled with white and gray feathers, with an alarmed squawk Desmond jumped back from where he sat on the curb, nearly falling on his back as he scrambled to his feet. A juvenile gull stared back at him with glassy black eyes and a bunch of fries stuck in its beak.

"Great!" He hissed through clenched teeth, "Now even flying bin scavengers are taking advantage of me..."

No longer feeling all that hungry he kicked the remaining fries into the grass, letting the young gull's friends get a fair chance at the remaining scraps. It didn't take long before it had all disappeared except for the cardboard box.

A few of the birds scattered as he reached down to retrieve the empty dinner box.

Looking back down at the gulls spurred a realization of sorts. Spotting the gray gull who first knocked the fries out of his hands Desmond knelt down beside it. It was staring back at him with beady eyes, it tilted its head to the side as if puzzled, probably seeing if the human still had more fries on him somewhere. These birds don't just wait for opportunity to come along, they seek it out, even making it if there's none...

Pulling the card the crazy old man had given Des last night from his pocket, it's corners now felt blunted by how often it had been held, as if it had been drawing him in... He didn't want to try and tempt more trouble by getting involved with the stranger or his 'friend', but if it meant an opportunity to fix things in his life Desmond really couldn't afford to not jump at the chance.

Flipping the card over to see the details on the back there was something a bit peculiar, there was no email address or company website to follow. Odd, most small businesses have at least something more than a telephone number and address...

One quick Google search left nothing that quite matched the name or description on the card. The address however had been legitimate though, as it pointed at a real street, one that was apparently close enough that he only needed to take a single bus ride to it from Des's apartment too... A coincidence maybe but how would the stranger have guessed at where I lived?

A tingling sensation crept along freckled forearms as goosebumps sprung up. This felt like it was some kind of sick elaborate prank... but he couldn't not take the risk at the moment. If Desmond didn't get anything worthwhile to show before Fernando or any of his goons showed up looking to collect he was good as dead anyways.

The bus ride was rather uneventful, mostly due to how quiet things had gotten once the sun had set in this part of town. The route brought them past his tiny home and through another neighborhood until they was across the bridge and closer to the heart of Vancouver.

Anxious eyes gazed upwards as he watched the bright city skyline illuminate the low hanging clouds above, they didn't look too bad but he hadn't brought any umbrella this time so Des hoped they didn't release their payload too soon, the news report had said they weren't expecting any showers until tomorrow morning after all.

Turns out the news was completely wrong, again, as the moment he stepped off the bus the sky opened up it's waterworks. There wasn't many overhangs or awnings from the shops nearby to offer much protection, so as a last resort Desmond just dashed in the direction of where this illusive bookstore might be.

There wasn't any solid guarantee that it even existed, just an address and a promise from a madman that the owner was looking for someone like him to hire.

Maybe if I run fast enough I won't get as soaked?

By the time Des reached the location from Google his jacket had already soaked through, both arms were clutching a backpack between his arms in a vain attempt to keep the more delicate stuff dry. I probably look like a drowning rat clinging to a piece of flotsam...

Well, at least there was one thing going right today, the shop did in fact exist. It looked like something from Diagon Ally, with some signs about selling magical books and other nonsensical things. Must be advertising for children's books, who else would buy a book about Griffin Poetry?

Through the large glass windows a warm glow emanated, the soft orange light that cascaded onto the street seemed in stark contrast to the rest of the buildings nearby with their harsh florescent and neon.

As Des peered in all he could see were mounds of books piled nearly as high as the ceiling, most of them obscuring the shop's furthest interior, but it looked like there were many more shelves that reached well beyond sight.

Inside the window there was a brief glimpse of movement, it was only after Desmond looked harder at the pile of books did he realize that there was someone hidden behind the stack. Only the top of their hair could be seen above the tower, but as their head bobbed around for a bit as they finished with their task did they finally emerge.

From around a heavy stack of manuals emerged a slim looking girl, probably about the same age as himself, carrying a small stack of tomes back to the front desk. Desmond's eyes couldn't help but be glued to her as his own breath caught in his chest.

Her hair was a deep blue, near black, with a length that reached her lower waist, swaying back and forth like a gentle wave as she walked by. Her bangs perfectly framed her soft features, with pale skin and rosy cheeks she looked almost like a porcelain doll.

Her clothes were rather plain in comparison to the rest of her, but they had their own charm in a way. A black button up blouse with long sleeves matched the silver skirt that wafted back and forth with each step. Between the gaps of the skirt made with each step a pair of colorful patterns flashed, of small moons and stars along her leggings.

She carried herself with a sense of elegance, each movement careful and in smooth motions, as if moving a few books was no more than a graceful dance. None of the jerky or fumbling movements Desmond so often caught himself making.

As the young woman dropped off her delivery onto the wooden countertop she briefly paused, reaching up with a slender hand to brush away a lock of hair that had fallen out of place. Two perfectly shaped golden eyes looked down at something on the table, perhaps a list she was picking books from, long eyelashes fluttering as some dust from the ancient tomes settled, though that only made her seem more angelic, as if she had a pair of blurry wings behind her.

She's beautiful...

Realizing he was probably acting like a total creep Des briefly stepped back from the window before the girl or anyone else saw him gawking.

A steady heart beat pounding in his ear, but if that was from the girl inside or his own embarrassment at what he felt like was peeking in a way he really shouldn't have done he couldn't say. He wasn't a hormone ridden teenager anymore, his twenty third birthday was coming up for Christ sake!

Maybe he was coming down with a fever and his reaction was spurred on by some delusion, it was a sure bet that all the running in the rain and bone chillingly soggy clothes didn't help out his health. Pressing the back of a hand to his forehead confirmed that his temperature had risen a fair bit too.

Taking another look in the glass to see his reflection Desmond saw a pitiful sight of a soaked fool, as if he was dredged from the bottom of the Fraiser river. His short auburn hair had clamped down on his forehead, turning darker with its weight of water, making himself look like was an extra for the Adam's family. His glasses dripping with moisture had fogged up slightly, keeping his eyes partly clouded. He noted that his face had gone a rather bright shade of crimson, well enough to nearly hide his freckles.

I look like a creep...

Thankfully when he looked back inside there wasn't any sign of the girl from earlier, she had moved off to sort a different pile in the maze of books inside.

I hope she didn't see me out here! What even came over me like that? What if that was the owner's daughter and you just ruined your chance before you even stepped inside!

However no angry looking parental figure or anyone for that matter seemed to come rushing out of the store, ready to kick his scrawny ass into the ocean. For the moment it was just himself and the cold late autumn rain.

As he clutched at his bag he realized how stupid he was making this all out to be, it could be over in a few minutes and then he'd be back home in a nice dry cot.

Ah screw it, I'll just pop in, say 'hi', and check out if it seems too fishy. Yep, nothing can go wrong if I just check it out. How bad can it be?

Brand New Bookworm

The familiar jingle of the front door opening rang out across The Dragon's Keep, the chime slightly echoed as the gentle notes reverberated off century old oak shelves. The little bell bounced around a few times on it's hinge before finally settling.

Melody's ears twitched as they strained to hear anything else, from where she was near the back of the store most noises were somewhat dampened by the thick walls of texts that surrounded her, which would have made a great spot for any studious pony wanting to find some respite to learn. Had there been anypony else back here with her they would surely have raised an annoyed eyebrow or shushed the Thestral for the alarmed ultrasonic screech she had made a moment earlier.

For the moment there wasn't any other loud sounds that reached the back end area, only the pitter patter of rain drops hitting pavement outside.

Odd, I could have sworn the Pegasi teams were planning on a clear sky for tonight.

Carefully placing the stack she had been sorting on a nearby table Melody made her way through the catacomb of paper stacks to the front, it took some special care not to knock into any of the piles, all it would take would be a careless brush of a wingtip to send an avalanche of books down on anypony in its path. A shudder at the thought of being trapped beneath a mound of heavy hard covers kept any wing or hoof from straying out of line.

A tremendous crash followed by a startled yelp meant that somepony else wasn't quite as lucky however. Oh ponyfeathers!

With greater haste Melody weaved and ducked through the obstacle course until she arrived at the scene of the disaster. She squeaked at the sight of the khaki coloured hoof springing out from the pile on the floor, looking like a zompony rising from the grave!

A low groan emanated from the pile as several lighter novels slid off. Something was moving down there!

With a great flap of leathery wings the mare was instantly safe up above in the dusty rafters, far out of the reach of any brain munching monsters below.

Melody's heart hammered against her chest, pupils shrunk to a razor thin edge as they darted over the interior of the shop. Panicked thoughts ran wild between her flattened ears as she imagined the worst case scenarios.

Should I warn Biblious? He'll probably come back and be bitten by the zompony! Then there'll be two of them! Melody's mind was racing with the possibility of a major outbreak of undead in Equestria. How would anypony even counteract a plague of undead? Civilization might have already just ended, and right here is the last spot they'll be searching for any living pony to devour!

Over active imagination and fantasies about the horrors that awaited outside were quickly dashed as a tiny voice called out from beneath the pile. The words were mumbled and course, but none of them seemed to be about a craving for brains or the flesh of the innocent. They even sounded a bit like pleas for help...

Oh Luna... Somepony is alive down there!

Like a high diving swimmer Melody bounced into the air, leaving a contrail of cobwebs and dust particles in her wake. Using her expansive leather wings to air break at the last moment the pewter gray mare landed next to the outstretched hoof.

Judging by the bass like rumble of each groan as well as the relative size of the fetlock the unfortunate pony was indeed a stallion, though there wasn't much to go on with only a single hoof and pained moaning.

Oh right, I should probably help him out from there before he gets more crushed... Guilty grey ears flopped to the side as she realized she was just adding her own weight to the pile she stood on, I Hope standing on top of him isn't hurting him any more anything else.

In times like these Melody really wished she'd have practiced more with strengthening her voice, as any words that she might have said to comfort the distressed stallion died on her lips. Tarterus to me and my stupid anxiety...

It took awhile and many trips to remove some of the heavier tomes off the mound, but it paid off once an auburn mane along with a horn broke the surface. With access to the surface it wasn't long before a muzzle shot out from beneath a few lighter paper backs.

Letting out an ultrasonic shriek the mare dropped the novel she had been lifting off the pile, making a hasty retreat out of hoof distance and into the gloom where the gas lamps didn't quite reach. Though, the bat pony remained on the first floor this time instead of flying off to higher ground.

It was instinctual to cling to the shadows for most Thestrals growing up deep in the woods near Hallow Shades; monsters prowled the forest and more often than not the safest place to hide was in the darkest shadows. Even with no major threat to herself being out of the spotlight settled her heart more anything else could.

Narrow slit eyes cautiously watched as a full head emerged from beneath the mountain, hacking and sputtering as the stallion greedily breathed in fresh air. With the amount of dust and grime from all the ancient books in the pile it would have been like drowning in quicksand. Melody shudder at the thought of going out like that, fortunately for the stallion his breathing sounded like it was calming down with each inhale.

Watery eyes soon opened to reveal two of the most colourful emeralds Melody had ever seen! Despite the tears and blood shot veins the buried stallion's eyes glimmers with a bright green, like tiny gems.

The disembodied head stared out at its surroundings, unfocused eyes soon rolling around in their sockets like loose marbles. "Dids amyone git teh bumver of zat bus?" The tan coloured unicorn slurred out before promptly going unconscious.

Cautiously Melody stepped out from her shadow to get a closer look at the trapped pony, his breathing has calmed down to a shallow tempo, but judging by the growing lump next to the horn it was a safe bet that there was a concussion. He needed some first aid, but there was still only Melody in the store until Biblious came back, so that left him with the mare's rusty skills with medical care.

Oh ponyfeathers... Well, at least he's not another evil invader here to conquer the world.

Desmond was having one of the worst dreams, in it he was being chased by a horde of flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz. They kept demanding in their hoots and hollers that he pay their mistress the Wicked Witch of the West a mountain of gold, which of course he didn't have.

Through dense forests and valleys filled with painful thorns they chased him, the thick trunks of dead trees or mountainous boulders never impeded their efforts unlike the lanky human. The wave of flying minions hounded Des relentlessly, they threw rocks and grabbed with their boney hands when they got close enough to reach. Soon the scraggy underbrush thinned out into hard packed ground leading up to a steep cliff face.

There wasn't any time to change course as a wall of blood thirsty apes crashed into Des, sending him toppling over the edge. With a hoarse scream he watched as deadly sharp stone spires rushed up to meet his doom...

...Except there was no torturous pain as his body was torn to shreds, only the soft comfort of cotton sheets embraced him. With a start Des sat up wide eyed, teary eyes struggling to see in the dim room, it had just been a nightmare after all. With that thought he settled back down on his soft pillow and closed his eyes, he remembered that he was coming down with a fever from standing out in the rain last night before he had gone in to visit that strange bookstore. After that it seemed a bit of a blur.

Man, fever dreams are the worst.

Then something moved under Desmond, something alive and warm...

The young man's heart stopped then and there. A single eye opened slowly, from the low light he observed his surroundings, many of them seeming familiar, though nothing reminded him of his cramped bedroom; books of all shapes and colours stood stacked in massive piles all around him, the low orange light from several hundred year old looking lamps were definitely from that weird bookstore... The name escaped Des at the moment, something to do with lizards and keeping? The other familiar thing in the room was a pair of bright yellow eyes that stared down at him... But there was something wrong with them.

The eyes blinked and soon it became apparent the reason for the uneasy feeling Desmond was getting in his gut: the pupils narrowed into diagonal slits.

More and more things started to become apparent as his eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light. The eyes reminded Des of a predatory feline, as even in the darkness they seemed to reflect enough light to shine like beacons. Two pointed ears twitched atop the head, turning this way and that as if picking up the slightest vibrations in the air. Behind the creature two leathery bat wings were held on either side, tiny movements as they shuffled opened confirmed that they were indeed part of this monster. Pearly white fangs pointed out from the upper lip of the creature, much too big to fit properly inside it's mouth. The body they all belonged to was covered in a soft grey fur... Fur that Desmond finally realized was what his pillow was made up of...

"#^$%E@*G%!!!" The unintelligible high pitched scream that came from Desmond would have woken the dead from their slumber. The monster for it's part matched by the yell, however no sound seemed to come out of it's mouth aside from a dull ache in the back of the man's head, though with it's mouth now open wide the rows of razor sharp teeth only encouraged Des to scream even louder.

With the slits of it's eyes now as thin as needles the monster extended it's wings to their maximum length, had the man been in any state to judge the wing span he would have guessed that they would have reached about two meters across. With a mighty flap of it's appendages the thing leapt into the air, this however meant tossing Desmond nearly across the room as his head was still resting on the creature from before. The world became a blur of sheets and book covers as his body continued to roll over the piles of paper, eventually coming to a stop before he could slam into a solid looking shelf.

"What the actual fuck is going on?!" Des panicked as he hurried to untangle himself from the sheets, his body felt sluggish and weak, the fever hadn't gone away it seemed. "What was that thing?"

Eventually the sheets were torn off, though it was a lot harder to accomplish with numb hands, the fever must have been worse than he imagined if his body was going numb like this. The nightmare didn't seem to have ever ended yet, as soon as the white cotton was removed what the frightened man saw beneath only inflated his growing dread and didn't seem at all possible.

He had hooves. Stocky cream coloured hooves with fur where his arms had been.

With too much to process at the moment Desmond's tired human brain did the only thing it could think of; it shut off. With a thud the unconscious body feel back down onto the scattered novels.

A hearty laughter filled the messy bookstore, a pair of mismatched hands began clapping together, one lion paw with the other an eagle's foot. "Oh, I knew this would be a fun little endeavor!" Reaching down the being dragged the sheet back over Desmond's twitching form, "However it seems my little human got a little too dizzy his first day here."

As Discord stood back up to his full height he turned his attention up to the ceiling where tiny motes of dust drifted down. With a finger of his lion paw he pointed to his mouth and made a shushing motion, far above in the rafters a frightened squeak was his only reply. Satisfied with things the God gave a wink and soon disappeared with a 'pop' in a cloud of bubbles.

Author's Note

Two whole times I've had to rewrite this chapter and edit it, hopefully there will be no more accidental deletions in the future, but oh well. :pinkiecrazy: If you see any errors or mistakes please feel free to let me know.

I don't know how long it'll be until the next chapter, but maybe soon. Thank you all for the positive encouragement and corrections, I hope I can continue to tell an interesting story! :twilightsmile:

Bedside Bedlam

Vanhoover General Hospital was one of the newest buildings in the city, though 'Newer' in this case didn't necessarily mean the prettiest when it came to architecture. The concrete slabs of its exterior clashed with many of the sleek glass sky scrapers and even the older brick buildings that surrounded it. It's construction wasn't designed around aeasthics, instead it's massive size was out of a utilitarian goal; to care for the growing influx of patients as the city expanded.

It wasn't long ago since new trade deals between Equestria and other nations began through the small Western city, bringing it onto the map. The shipments from the port brought many things through, everything from fabrics and spices from across the ocean, and in exchange many ponies grew wealthy through the exchange; and where there was bits to be had there were those to jump on the chance.

That was nice and all, but that also Blooming Jubilee had to contend with the influx of every Pony, Griffon, Zebra, Yak and even the occasional dragon (if they could not be so stubborn and admit they needed medical attention). Through the front doors many beings called out for attention, to heal their broken wings or lacerated hooves, and sometimes their pleas for help got to be too much. There was only so much one pony can handle.

That was why the teal unicorn nurse had opted for the night shifts; with a city like Vanhoover things never seemed to end when the Celeatia set the sun, but at least the flow of patients was a lot less than the daylight hours. The trade off though? Besides having to become basically nocturnal, was that you always got the weird ones late at night.

Sitting across from the her desk was a rather peculiar Bat Pony, outwardly she appeared normal for a mare her age; her mane and coat was neat and tidy, no obvious injuries or maladies afflicted her, aside from the occasion nervous glance or twitch at any loud noise she seemed fine. Except she hadn't spoken a single word the entire time she had been here.

At first Jubilee had thought the mare didn't speak Equis, but that notion flew out the window after every pony and griffon in the hospital had tried all the language they knew, only for the mare to stubbornly refuse to answer them. It wasn't until somepony had suggest that she was a mute did they move onto sign language, and although the mare didn't know a lick of ESL she was pretty good at charades. Turns out she wasn't completely mute, just with a severe anxiety disorder causing selective mutism.

The mare had come along with an unconscious unicorn into the emergency room earlier, though when initially asked about who she was in relation to the patient the paramedics had just shrugged their shoulders, they hadn't even known she had followed them to the hospital.

The note pad the nurse had levitated in front of herself had been making notes throughout the interview, and from what she had learned she slowly put the pieces together.

"So you're saying this unicorn came into your store, had a couple hundred dusty old books fall on him, and when he briefly woke up he screamed bloody murder until he fell unconscious again?" Jubilee rubbed a hoof along her temple, feeling the headache already forming.

Ms Bluebell simply nodded her head once in confirmation. Well at least that explained the mare's nerves being a bit frayed, she probably felt guilty for causing the stallion to wind up with a wickedly huge goose egg on his noggin. She might be worried she'll get sued or worse.

"Well, I can assure you Ma'am that we'll take good care of him until he's ready to trot on out." Jubilee put her notepad down next to her little desk plant, "If you'd like we can take down your contact information and inform you should anything arise or-" Just then a loud crash came from down the hallway, followed by several ponies shouting.

Oh boy, sounds like another nut case on the loose again...

Desmond wasn't having a good time of things, nor a great or fantastic one either, in fact you could say he was having one of the worst times of his life.

Imagine if you had your skull drilled into by a medieval surgeon and then filled your head filled with angry red ants. Suffice to say the mind shattering headache was now on his top ten list of worst experiences.

The world was now pitch black to Des, but that would easily be explained by the cotton wraps that swaddled his head. Whoever put them on seemed to have done an awful job of it, as they probably wasted an entire roll of gauze when all he needed was just his forehead wrapped. But then again, his whole body felt off, so maybe it was called for, for all he knew he could be suffering from massive disfiguring burns to his whole body. Nothing felt right.

With a throat feeling like dry sandpaper the only thing the unfortunate man could do was groan out in agony.

There was a near constant electric beeping of a heart monitor to keep him company, but other than that no other sounds entered his world for the longest time.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that, holding his sanity together with loose threads, maybe it was hours, days, or even minutes. At some point Desmond realized that he wasn't alone anymore, they must have been wearing some weird high heels, because their shoes made a click clacking sound with each footstep.

Swallowing a bit the cotton mouth feeling away Des tried to call out to them, but to him he just sounded like gibberish. His tongue probably wasn't in the right spot or something.

The croak had its desired effect however, as whoever had the loud shoes came closer. "Hello?" He tried again.

This time he must have sounded more like a human than a dying opossum as his company replied back, "Shh, don't talk too much," the voice was soothing, like a gentle bubbling spring, "You've got yourself a nasty hit on the head. The doctor should be here shortly."

The owner of the voice drifted away as Des's head swirled, "W-wait! Don't go!" But they must have been too far for his brittle plea to reach them.

Soon enough more high heels clicked on the floor, with the number it sounded like a dozen of them all together. If I'm in a hospital, that's one weird dress code.

"I can't see who you all are, but if you're patching me up I guess I owe you my thanks."

A deep baritone chuckle came from what sounded like a middle aged man, "No thanks needed, it's what we're here for. My name is Dr. Greenline, my staff and I will help you through this."

A twinge of shame made Des realize something, "Ah, I still appreciate it... I'm not sure if I'm covered by this, but as soon as I get my next paycheck I'll pay back any medical fees."

Another good natured laugh came from the man, "You don't need to worry about that! Just focus on resting up for now. You took a pretty heavy hit to the head, nearly broke broke your skull too! You're lucky nothing seems to have permanently damaged your horn."

The gears in Desmond's head stopped turning then, almost enough that he could ignore the splitting throb in his head. Did...Did he just say I had a horn?

"P-pardon me Doc, but am I able to see? I think I need a mirror..."

"I don't see the harm in it, nothing's wrong with your eyes, I'll remove those wraps for you. I will warn you, your horn has a magical seal placed on it until we can be fully asses the damage, so you'll need to get used to not using any magic for a bit." As the bandages were gently moved out of his eyes Desmond could only look on in horror.

All around his bed were giant bug eyed horse creatures, each stared down at him with colourful irises the size of grapefruits. They all had four legs, with one having a set of wings on it's back and another a spike jutting out of its forehead. Their fur coats came in a rainbow of colours, with hair on top their heads and tails being an equally dizzy array of hues.

They all stared down at him from where he laid back his hospital bed.

They reminded him a bit like that monster from the bookstore, with one with the sharp fangs and glowing predator eyes.

A few other things immediately popped out about himself as being unnatural too; the Human's nose stuck out further and seemed much rounder. His arms were covered in a light cream coat of fur that stretched out over two stubs where his hands should have been. Wires and tubes were attached to the amputated limbs, they hooked back up to a wall of machinery next the cot.

The EKG machine started to beep loudly as the graphs went erratically up. One of the creatures wearing a white medical coat and stethoscope around its neck immediately sprung into action. "He's going into shock, nurse get the defibrillator ready! I'll need him held steady."

"Get your hands off me you damn dirty horses!"

A swift kick from one of the Human's mutated limbs sent a brown misshapen horse reeling backwards, knocking over a machine on a dolly. Another soon replaced its alien friend's spot beside the hospital bed, where several of the creatures attempted to hold Desmond still with their blocky limbs. The few things within arms reach were tossed around, a lamp was shattered and a tray of medical tools was soon scattered on the floor.

The green coated one that had been standing near the back had a glowing horn on it's forehead; a needle encased in a similarly glowing aurora floated next to him.

"Hold him steady!" the green one shouted once more, "strap the patient down if you need to!"

The whole room was in chaos as half dozen ponies in scrubs attempted to contain the thrashing limbs. Then the flying needle plunged deep into one of Desmond's new arms and released its payload, a wave of numbness spread up the "leg" as the fight soon left the human.

Everypony still standing blew a sigh of relief, many of the more bruised ones rubbed at purple jaws or left to seek immediate care. The green unicorn sat down on his haunches and proceeded to dab at his forehead with a handkerchief. "There, the tranquilizer should leave him sedated. Nurse Tulip, please see that he's restrained before he can cause more damage than he already has."

With a grimace one of the pastel pink creatures moved closer to the bed, where she began to attach several hefty straps across Desmond's ruined body.

"Hehe, your name is Toolipp, like a flower," Des giggled like a moron, the drugs already taking full effect, he could barely even feel his face anymore. "Didja parents mame yus like dat?"

The nurse didn't say anything, but her ears did slightly flatten as she finished with the straps. Once sure no limbs could move more than necessary to prevent the cutting of circulation she made a hasty retreat to the other side of the room, where's she joined her fellow nurses in hushed whispers.

Dr. Greenline looked at the ruins of a once pristine medical wing with a heavy sigh; many of the equipment had been overturned and shards of glass crunched underhoof. Luckily nothing looked seriously damaged, but it would still cost a small fortune to replace anything beyond repair. Thank Celestia we're insured for... Incidents such as this.

A knock from the doorway drew the unicorn's attention away from thoughts of how he would have to report this. Nurse Jubilee stood there with another mare Greenline didn't recognize, though the latter seemed to take shelter behind the teal nurse when she was being looked at. Both seemed to stare slack jawed at the carnage. "This all wasn't from the patient that came in earlier, right? It looks like a stampede came through here..."

The doctor shut his eyes and willed himself together, "That would be one way to say it, yes..."

"...W-why would he act like t-that??"

The question was spoken in such a soft and wispy voice that it took awhile before both doctor and nurse found the source. That was the first words anypony had heard the timid Thestral say all evening, even she seemed just as surprised at her newfound voice.

Greenline would have loved nothing more than to have the answer to such a simple question; what would cause a pony have such a violent mental break? Though a solid diagnosis was premature at this point until many variables were eliminated there was always the possibility that the cause for the break was due to an environmental exposure, possibly when the patient had received his concussion...

"Nurse, I know you were busy interviewing this mare for information about our patient, but what exactly is her relation to my patient?" The doctor fixed his gaze to Jubilee and her notepad that she had brought along, though he watched the bat pony out of the corner of his eye, "I cannot break any patient confidentiality in the matter without their permission, unless they are a spouse or next of kin."

The reaction from the strangely quiet grey mare was to shake her head in denial and returned to her spot behind Jubilee's tail. The nurse too nodded her head from side to side as she made a motion towards her notes. That was all the confirmation Greenline needed in the matter. "I see, well ma'am you may hopefully hear the answers from our young unicorn friend here once he's well and able to do so."

A low groan came from the hospital bed, though it seemed more due to the drugs working though the stallion's system than any pain. One of the nurses set about reconnecting several of the still functional machines up to the patient, while another fastened an oxygen mask above the muzzle.

Greenline grabbed a privacy curtain and drew it closed to give the poor pony some privacy as he was being tended to, no need for anypony unaffiliated to watch. Turning his full attention back the bat pony the doctor gave as gentle a smile he could, "Now if you'll excuse us ma'am, we're got some work ahead of us."

Bandaid Blues

Time seemed to come to a crawl after that first incident at the hospital, the sedatives they dished out seemed to help out with that. Whatever 'they' were, their medical facility seemed to be well stocked on painkillers.

Desmond laid there in his bed staring up at the ceiling fan as it lazily spun around in circles. Mind numbing substances sure do take the edge off of being mutilated into an alien horse.

The meals too were typical hospital gruel, tasteless yet somehow nutritious. Eating said meals was a bit of a chore, as having your limbs tied down to the sides of your bed frame somewhat limited the options on how to go about eating it, even with hands it would have been difficult.

An all too familiar clacking of hard hooves hitting linoleum flooring along with the squeaky wheels of a dolly meant it was once again dinner time. Tilting his head to the side the human saw his predictions came true once again. "Afternoon Tulip, how's things?"

The trolley came to a stop at the foot of the bed, the pink creature who pushed the dinner cart wore an expressionless mask as always. Not that Desmond cared too much if his captors were happy or not, but it was a bit rude to ignore the attempts at small talk for this long.

"I bet it's a real bright day outside! Real shame I can't see it from here... If only I could walk up to a window to see..." a few tugs on the restraints added some emphasis, "Would you be a dear and untie these?"

The mare only gave Des one of her usual deadpan stares at the theatrics, "No."

"OH C'MON! Pretty please with sugar and cherries on top! I promise I won't run away like last time!"

At this the pink creature rolled its big blue eyes before she began preparing the dinner tray from the cart. "We made the mistake of removing those before, your head injury hasn't healed and you're more a danger to yourself if we let you go trotting through the hospital again. Not that you could have gotten far, you didn't seem capable of even standing on your hooves last time we caught you."

That was another thing the human had noticed; these aliens had some of the most human like expressions, even on one that kept acting so cold towards him. It was a bit odd getting used to the abnormally sized eyes, but their faces moved in a similar enough way that a smile was a smile and a frown a frown. Add in the ears and tail acting very much like a dog's and it was relatively easy to understand what each of them were feeling.

At the moment Tulip wasn't very amused with Des's antics.

Picking up the tray in her teeth the nurse moved beside Desmond placing it down on the beside table, the man looked on in disgust at the tray, "Do you really need to carry it around in your mouth? That's highly unsanitary, especially for a hospital."

The pink animal shrugged her shoulders at this, "Can't help it, I'm not a unicorn like you or some of others."

"Ah, but see that's where you're wrong, I'm a human being! Homosapien Sapien. A Huuumaaan." There was actually a small giggle at the exaggerated name from the lady horse dog.

"Riiiight. And I'm a magical undersea princess from Saddle Arabia," she picked up a spoonful of mashed potatoes and brought it forwards. Des didn't protest as he chomped down on the mash, he was hungry after all.

"Don't know where you got that name from, but as far as I can see you look like an average Unicorn stallion to me."

Swallowing the slightly salty mush Des had already prepared for this, "Ah, but see I wasn't one of your people until I ran into that bat at the bookstore. She must have changed me into this while I was knocked out!"

"Ponies," the mare corrected, "And calling somepony just a 'bat' is a little derogatory. Also, Thestrals can't preform magic like that."

"Well that's all I can recall from that night, one minute I was fine and healthy, the next I briefly woke up with a 'Thestral' standing right above me. I'm just telling it as I saw it."

Nurse Tulip was a decent judge of character, her family liked to say it was due to some ancient ancestral link to the world famous Apple family, but really she didn't buy into that, seemed too fake to her. No, just growing up on the streets of Manehattan meant learning how to judge at a glance, or else you'd wind up with all your bits stolen. That gut intuition never lied to her, but now she couldn't say... What this loopy unicorn was saying was too far fetched to be real.

"Well, that certainly is a mystery to solve, but too bad that's not really my problem," she shoved another spoonful into the stallion's open gob, he seemed to have been about to say something, but the look on his face as he was forced to bite down on the plastic spoon was satisfying enough for her.

Soon the tray was empty and the earth pony cleaned up any of the mess her charge had made. Before she left with the cart a thought did cross her mind, "You might just get some answers sooner than you think, I hear from Jubilee your mysterious marefriend might be coming to visit this evening."

"She's NOT my 'marefriend' or whatever you ponies call it!" Tulip giggled behind her hoof as she left the room.

Melody hadn't heard the end of it when she had eventually returned to the shop, Biblious had left her ears raw with the ranting he gave her. "What were you thinking leaving the door unlocked?! Of course a pony would walk in and get their head caved in, that was why there was a sign out front saying we were closed! What do you mean you left work to visit him at the hospital, without telling me about it first?!" And so on and so on.

She knew Biblious was just showing her he cared, that deep down beneath his grump old exterior he cared for his employee, but 'tough love' like that reminded Melody too much of her grandfather. He was one of the reasons she had left her hometown to begin with.

I suppose that's why I'm taking the night off as well, to get away from cranky old fossils who yell too much. This time she made sure to get the okay from her boss before she left.

As she flew through the city skyline Melody tuned out most of the negative thoughts that had been clouding her head as of late. Night flying really did put her in a good mood, even when she knew she was about to confront something that would definitely sour her night.

In her hooves she carried a small wicker basket, filled with things you would give to somepony in a hospital; an assortment of flowers, a 'get well soon' card, and a jar of Melody's favorite mango jam. The last one she wasn't too sure about, but if anything was true about hospitals it was that they lacked flavour in their meals, hopefully it would help make it go down easier.

Soon the blocky concrete of VGH emerged amongst the sea of taller buildings, the mare's nerves reacting at the sight by causing her ears and tail to flick uncontrollably. Well, here goes nothing...

The receptionist that greeted the bat pony on the other side was different from last time, but that was to be expected since Melody hadn't taken the emergency entrance this time around. A bored looking cinnamon brown griffon sat behind the desk filing her talons.

The receptionist never heard the doors slightly opening, nor the feint hoofsteps that approached her counter, she continued to maintain her talon without a clue. It wasn't until the third time somepony had made a fake coughing noise did the griff realize she wasn't alone anymore, she looked up but didn't see any pony or being at her eye level "Somebody there?"

"Umm, down here..." it came from below the sil of the reception desk, Matilda had to lean over to see the basket carrying Thestral below.

"Oh, sorry about that, how can I help you this evening?" The griffon smiled politely.

Instead of replying back the bat pony put down the basket and pulled out a form from inside, without a word she placed it up on the desk for Matilda to see. Slightly puzzled at the quiet mare the receptionist quickly read the paper over. "Permit to visit after regular visiting hours are over..." realization dawning on the nurse, "Ah I see, you must be from the other night! I remember the girls talking about it, your friend here has been a bit of a troublemaker!" The eagle lion chuckled as if remembering some old joke.

Melody cringed at that last part, what kind of trouble did she mean?

As if reading her thoughts the nurse just smiled and gently shook her beak, "Don't worry about it too much, nobody was hurt and I'm sure your friend isn't in too much trouble. I'll just page somepony down and they can take you right too him."

It wasn't long before a familiar light blue mare came through the doors. "Melody?" Blooming Jubilee rushed over to the mare with a broad smile on her face, she looked better than the last time, "Oh its good to see you again! Are you doing well?"

Melody met the other mare's smile without as much energy, but she did feel genuinely happy to see the familiar face. She nodded back in response to the question, with a hoof she pushed the basked over to show Jubilee.

"Oooh, carnations and hyacinths?" the mare gingerly picked up the basket to admire the white and indigo petals, "They're gorgeous, I'm sure our little friend will love them, I know they taste great too."

A warm toothy smile beamed back at hearing that about her choice of flowers, Melody wasn't used to making such presents and to have another pony find it pretty filled her with joy!

"Oh, what's this flower in the middle?" Jubilee peered into the basket, "Is that a bluebell?"

"Oh, umm yes... I grow them on occasion..." the nurse turned her attention away from the bouquet in her hooves and stared at the Thestral before her, even though they had communicated a bit since a few nights ago it was more words than she had ever heard be spoken by the dark grey mare.

"Melody... These flowers are pretty, but they're also not really something to go handing out willy-nilly."

The look the mare gave Jubilee told her that she was sure, she smiled as she took back her basket.

"Well alright, let's just go see if our friend upstairs appreciates it just as much."

Bouquet Buddies

Desmond wasn't nervous, why would he be? All Tulip had said was that he was getting a visitor soon, someone that admittedly hadn't left with the greatest of impressions on him.

Still, with nothing better to do than to contemplate his current predicament the human turned... horse abomination could only think of all the worst scenarios. None of the outlandish possibilities seemed so far fetched when you've already been turned into a miniature unicorn after all.

Okay, scenario one: I'm stuck in some sort of VR simulation, like what happens in an anime or something sci-fi. This idea was shelved almost immediately, as Desmond couldn't have ever afforded to buy something so costly while he was indebted to the mob.

Here's probability numero dos: I've been abducted by aliens, where they're experimenting on my mind and body to see how a human would react to being placed in one of their bodies. This seemed a bit more plausible, though from every interaction with the creatures they seemed to have not a clue about Humanity or they were playing dumb, and if they were they were professionals at it. However, the level of technology in the room suggested at a civilization only coming into the mid twentieth century, they still used Nixie tubes on their machinery and an unused
CRT TV hung in the far corner of the room.

Brain storm three: I'm actually dead and this is some weird purgatory. In which case I'm already fucked and doomed to an eternity of this nonsense. The crack in his noggin would corroborate this theory, as well as the faint memory of a ton of books falling on him; but then what would the point of a hospital in the afterlife?

I'm going to put that down as a strong 'Maybe', since they did strap me down to this bed and haven't been the nicest spirits. Yet, I thought there would be more fire and brimstone in hell from what the Bible said... I wish I still had Mom's Rosary for a time like this.

That was another thing to take into account, none of his stuff was with him in the hospital, not his bag or even his clothes had made it with him. When asked about it Tulip just shrugged and said he was in his birthday suit when they had brought him into the emergency room. Not something Desmond wanted to think about too much... Fortunately he had been fitted with a patient's gown and the bed sheets helped cover his dignity up.

That was another thing being trapped here in Pony Purgatory, the fact that everyone seemed to be perfectly fine with going full nudist, it bothered the human quite a bit. The fur and tails hid most of it, but all the 'equipment' under the hood was still the same. There was probably some sort of social etiquette about not staring at someone's ass... or maybe there was none since every one of the ponies had tattoos on their rumps.

It confused Desmond more than he'd like to admit, at least he didn't find any of them weirdly attractive, now that would have been a fresh slice hell.

"-llo. Equestria to Mr.Notapony," a pink hoof waved in front of his eyes, Des blinked a few times before his brain registered that he wasn't alone anymore. Looking down a familiar vermilion bob cut mare sat with her trademark deadpan stare. "I was nearly worried we'd lost you there. Nearly."

Desmond rolled his eyes, at least he wouldn't have to worry about growing any feelings for this little rude thing. "Can't seem to have a moment to myself these days without someone ruining it by thinking I've kicked the bucket."

"Well don't do so just yet, Jubilee would be rather upset if her new pen pal trotted in to find you croaked from boredom."

Glancing at the analogue wall clock found that it was late in the evening, most of the hospital would have closed down for the night by this point, leaving only the night shift staff and most of the patients to rest. "That time already, huh?"

"Yes, now sit still, I'm going to undo those restraints." Beyond what would normally be possible with without fingers the pastel pink creature manipulated the straps on either side of the bed until they were loose, "In return I want you on your best behavior around Jubilee and her pen pal."

Relief came as blood circulated unimpeded though the stubby limbs, Des rubbed the red marks that were left behind, "You didn't have to tie me up in a tourniquet like that, I could have lost more than just my hands you know."

The mare rolled her eyes, it wasn't the first time she had heard the story of being a "Human" or whatever, it was all the cracked unicorn would talk about some days. "Also, no talk of being anything other than a pony, I don't want you freaking out my friend and your visitor while she's here. I hear she's real skittish, so... Act less like a jerk and you'll be fine, I think."

"I make no promises about the second thing, but I'll mind my p's and q's, have some faith."

Tulip looked like she was about to say something but a knock by the door stopped her short.

Normally visitors weren't allowed in past sundown to keep the noise down, but somehow Jubilee had worked some paperwork magic to get this visit approved. So it was no surprise when the other nurse popped inside the room, though her shadow seemed to be a bit larger than usual.

Tulip actually smiled for once as she saw her friend arrive, "Hey Bloom, did you bring the goods?" This seemed like an entirely different mare than the sharp mouthed one a moment earlier, which only led credence to the man's feeling the nurse was only sour when dealing with him.

Her friend giggled back at the pink earth pony, "She's not some 'goods'," the unicorn chided, "Melody is here for her scheduled visitation. She's a sensitive soul, so don't start acting up around her."

"Yes Mom, I'll play nice," Tulip mocked pouting like a foal for about a second before both mares burst into a fit of giggles.

Desmond watched the exchange with a curious fascination, it was one of the few time's he'd seen any of these creatures interact so casually. At a glance, or maybe had they been human, they would have seemed to have been close good friends.

"Who are you and what have you done with Nurse Tulip?" Des found himself quietly asking himself.

Evidently not quiet enough as Tulip's ears flicked backwards at the whisper. Over her shoulder she fixed the bed bound invalid with her usual glares, "Don't you worry Sweety, I'll be back in the morning before this witchpony spell wears off, you better prepare yourself then."

Jubilee playfully kicked a hoof into her friend's shoulder, "Quit it already will ya? I've reserved some hayburgers in the fridge, but you might want to hurry before Dr.Featherstien decides to takes his midnight snack break a little early!"

"That Cloudsdale clodbrain always eats stuff that ain't his..." Tulip pulled a face as she thought about the notorious fridge thief, she turned to Des before she left the room, "Don't try anything while I'm gone, or else..."

The sound of hoofsteps echoed in the darkened hallway until they disappeared entirely. Nurse Jubilee turned her focus to the main tenant of the room, and the only current patent, "Sorry about Tulip, I know she can be a bit... Rough."

Desmond shrugged his shoulders, "Eh, it's no biggie. She seems more bark than bite."

The look the light blue unicorn had was that of... Sympathy? She rubbed the back of her neck while not meeting his eyes. "Yeah. Um, I don't think she'll appreciate me saying so, but I did grow up with her on the same block; back then she often put ponies into the hospital rather than putting them out of them." Des gulped as he recalled the look Tulip sometimes wore when she was upset with him, Maybe I'll try not to cross her too much in future.

"Ah, I almost forgot myself there, where are my manners? My name is Blooming Jubilee, one of the nurses here during the night," The teal pony smiled brightly once more, she moved away from the door and closer towards the bed, her 'shadow' not straying far behind. "We've met once before, but I don't think you'd be able to remember that, Dr.Greenline hit you with a real whooper of a tranquilizer back then."

Meeting her smile with as polite a gesture he could Des replied in kind, "Likewise, a pleasure to meet you. My names Desmond Mallory. Glad to see there's at least someone here that's not all business or... Whatever Tulip is."

The pony looked like she was trying to parse the name in her mouth, "Derert Moundy?"

"Haha, not quite. I know you ponies seem to have names that are tied to either a noun or an adjective, but mine's just... Well mine? Hard to explain I suppose. If you'd like just call me Des, it's what my friends used to call me."

The single syllable seemed to be more comfortable for the nurse as she too right to it, "Alright, Des it is!"

"Well, that's one of you, but I heard that the Thestral from the other night was here with you..." the shadow clinging to the other side of the nurse had vanished completely, "S-she did come in with you, right?"

The rattling of a wicker basket being put down came from behind Desmond, causing him to nearly jump right out of his skin at the unexpected direction it came from. There on the opposite side of the bed sat a wooden basket filled with purple and white flowers along with a few other goods nestled inside.

"H-haha, you got me good there," Des turned on Jubilee, he felt sweat start to drip down his khaki fur coat, "Did Tulip sneak back in when I wasn't looking?"

Jubilee giggled from behind her hoof, apparently enjoying the scene unfold. "Nope, those are from our guest this evening." The teal nurse pointed a hoof straight up, "She's over there."

The man jerked his head upwards and screamed.

There on the ceiling in a dark corner stood upside down a creature from a Stephen King novel; bright yellow cat eyes peered down at him, shining even in the gloom. Long black hair fell from its head like a curtain, making it resemble making it resemble Sadako. Large leathery wings sprung out to either side of its
inky grey fur, possibly in response to the high pitched noise.

Desmond inhaled for another scream that definitely was not effeminate or girly, no matter what Jubilee might say to the contrary, when a hoof was jammed in his gaping mouth. The nurse looked a bit cross, but more annoyed than mad, "Oh hush, I know how you feel but there are other patients that need their sleep, so keep it down. Alright?" Only after she received a quick nod from a teary eyed unicorn did she remove her hoof from his mouth. She tasted like hand sanitizer and blueberries.

Nurse Jubilee looked back up to the shadow on the ceiling and waved her hoof, "It's alright you can come down now, he's just a little jumpy." The blonde mare side glanced back to Des and giggled behind her hoof once more, "Plus he doesn't bite, too hard at least."

A red heat broke out across Des's cheeks, but the protest he was about to make quickly died on his lips when the creature above him started to move.

With a flutter of wings the bat pony gracefully jumped from the ceiling. A short spiral through the air and she land near the foot of the bed, partly out of sight. From over the edge of the baseboards two large golden orbs framed by neatly trimmed bangs peered over at Desmond.

Jubilee waltzed on over to sit casually next to the creature, "I'd like to introduce you to somepony Des. She was actually the first pony to come to your rescue when you hit your head, and she's got a few things she'd like to say to you."

The nurse lightly patted the pewter grey mare on the shoulder. She even bent down and whispered something into an ear, causing the little tuff on the end to flicker. Curiosity was beginning to win out inside Desmond's head, as he leaned in a bit to try and catch a word that the two were sharing. He didn't need to wait long as the spooky looking pony nodded back up to the taller mare with a smile.

What came next surprised the man a fair bit, as he finally could hear what the mare sounded like, and it didn't match her foreboding outward appearance at all. "Upmm... H-hello. My name is Melody Bluebell." If there was a way to describe the notes in her quiet voice it would be in soft, gentle, and silvery. There were parts were her nervousness caused her voice to crack and hitch upwards.

It took a moment before Des could reply, briefly caught off guard by the difference in Melody's clashing characteristics. "W-Well, it's a... It's nice to meet you Melody. I'm sure you heard earlier, but my names Desmond, or Des if it's easier for you."

The teal unicorn beside her gave her an encouraging expression, as if a parent trying to be supportive of their kid. The company seemed to help the Thestral out as she found the courage for what she wanted to get off her grey furred chest. This time she raised her voice loud enough so the whole room could hear.

"I-I'm here to apologize f-for what I've done to you. I'm s-so sorry!"

Breakfast in Bed

Melody didn't know what she was really doing, not like she'd had experience with these sorts of things before.

Most adults probably did it often enough to know how to properly make it feel not so clumsy and forced, however this was her first time. She had read how these things go in her novels, in them it had sounded so easy yet dramatic enough to keep the reader wanting more. Those books didn't help much though when she had attempted the same in the flesh.

The apology that had come forth, the one that took a great deal of courage for her to say had left the pony in the hospital bed staring at her as if she had spoken complete gibberish.

"Wah?"

The dusky mare squeaked and ducked back into cover behind the foot of the bed, a few charts on the end fell off their hook to scatter over the floor. Melody could feel the heat burning her ears with embarrassment. I must have said it wrong! You stupid filly!

Luckily for her Jubilee was there to lend a hoof in the matter before more of a misunderstanding could take place. "What I think Melody here is trying to say is that she feels responsible for your head injury. She was the pony stacking all those books that fell onto you."

There was a brief moment before anypony said anything more, time the oddly named stallion used to mull over what he had just been told. "Ah hmm, so you're apologizing just for the books? Just the books?"

It sounded like he had been expecting something else, but what that was Melody couldn't guess at. Was there something else she did to hurt or offend him? She thought back to the events of that night, recalling how she had heard the crash and rushed to pull him from beneath the sea of hard covers. Melody remembered the panic she felt, the adrenaline and uncertainty of how to preform first aid. She had hoped her boss Biblious would return in time, the old book sage would have known the proper way to treat such wounds.

That's when she remembered that while she waited she had wrapped a dusty old tarp sheet around the unicorn, as she had vaguely recalled reading it in a book, something about shock? At the time she had his head resting on her lap while she was examining the bump next to the horn. The stallion had woken up so fast it had startled Melody enough for her flight instincts to kick in... Which forced the pony to roll into the wall with a sizable amount of force...

"Umm... I-I-I'm also s-sorry for knocking you int-to a w-wall!" Melody blurted out from behind her cover, she couldn't tell what 'Des's actual reaction was, but from the laugh she heard from the other end of the bed it seemed to have made it's mark.

"Yeah, alright I forgive you for that too. Honestly, those bruises don't really sting anymore anyways." Melody blew a sigh of relief at that.

The sound of her wicker basket shuffling about caught her attention, "So... I've never gotten 'Get Well' flowers before, would you mind telling me what kinds they are?"

That got Melody's attention enough that she peered over the edge of the baseboard and back into view of the red headed unicorn. The harsh judgement the mare had expected to see on his features was absent, with instead only curiosity held in his green eyes. When Desmond saw his visitor's head reappear he smiled awkwardly.

The anxiety Melody had felt welling up in the pit of her stomach was still there, although not over boiling like it had been before. Social interactions had always been her biggest fear since she was a filly. However, something about the feeling of mutual nervousness she could sense from this pony made the phobia slightly muted.

Getting up onto all fours Melody shuffled over to the basket, carefully explaining each flower and what they meant. "T-the white flowers are carnations, they come in m-many different colours, b-but if they're white they mean good luck."

Desmond snorted at that and rolled his eyes, "I haven't been blessed good luck in years. Hard to believe a flower would change th-" A light punch in the side of his hoof by Jubilee stopped him short, the fiery glare she gave him told him to shut up before he said anything worse. Melody had wilted a bit at the bitterness in his voice, with her ears pinned back, yet she still stuck in her spot by the bed instead of running off. The unicorn seemed to realize his mistake and mimicked Melody's sad expression, "A-ah, I'm sorry for being rude, just... Me and Lady Luck don't see 'eye to eye' per say."

Melody had never heard of such a mare before, but from the way he talked about it it seemed they weren't on such good terms. She made a mental note not to bring up this mare again anytime soon. She nodded and resumed her showcase of the small flower arrangement.

"Umm, okay... T-these indigo flowers are hyacinths, which represent sorrow and apology..." Melody took a moment to breath, this had been more than what she normally spoke, and it was starting to tire her out. "I-I thought I'd make you this as a token of my sincere apology and to wish you a sp-peedy recovery."

She waited for a harsh rebuttal for how it was corny or how he didn't like the flowers she had picked, that he still resented her. The rejection she expected never came though, as Desmond picked the basket up to admire the flowers more closely. "They're lovely, thank you... Melody was it?" The mare simply nodded, a smile steadily spreading across her face.

"Though, it seems there's another in here," a cream hoof gingerly poked at a stem with a few deep blue flowers hanging off it, it matched the same bluebell in Melody's cutiemark that was fused together with an eighth note. The stallion looked back to her with those bright green emeralds, "What does a bluebell mean?"

The mare could feel a twinge of heat in the tips of her ears, "T-t-they mean lots of di-fferent things, but I wanted them to m-mean humility..." She busied herself by absentmindedly straightening out her hair with a hoof.

Turning to the teal unicorn that was watching them both with an amused grin Des put the flowers down, "Would it be possible to get a vase for them, nurse?"

"I don't see why not, I'll be sure they get plenty of water soon. It'd be a shame if they wither too soon."

The rest of the evening passed by relatively peacefully, most of the conversation was carried by Des and Jubilee but Melody didn't mind that much, she was content with just being included in whenever they asked her a question. The get well card and gift of mango jam went over well with the stallion who looked about ready to cry after taking a taste. "My god... It's been too long since I've tasted anything."

Nurse Jubilee pretended to be offended with a mock indignation, "My cooking isn't that bad. Maybe you just can't appreciate the high quantity cuisine we offer here!" They all shared a laugh at that.

Soon enough the time passed when the visit should have ended, with Tulip returning to help escort Melody out. "I see didn't burn the place down while I was away. I'll be sure to reward you for being such a good little colt." The way she teased Des sparked an irritated glare from him, yet he kept what quip he wanted to say back with just merely grumbling instead.

The pink nurse then turned to the bat pony, "Well hun, it's time to head on out. Time to say your goodbyes."

Looking across at the large wall clock Melody realized they had been there for at least a couple hours. Time seemed to go out the window after hearing stories of Des's far off home; it seemed to be a fascinating place filled with nothing but hairless monkeys, yet still somewhat similar to Equestria in many ways. Maybe she would go visit sometime.

The dusky night pony got up from beside the bed, facing Desmond with a small bow. "Thank you for having me tonight... I'll be sure to write soon..."

The freckles on his muzzle seemed to glow just a bit as the stallion returned the gesture with a smile, "Likewise! I'll send a letter as soon as I get out of here."

"Don't be too optimistic there pal, Dr.Greenline still needs to give you the all clear first. That noggin jogglin still left a few screws loose up there, you might be here a bit longer still."

"I resent that you think I'm crazy," Desmond glared at Tulip, "I've just been put in a different body and am in a world that I don't belong in. Simple as that."

Tulip scoffed, "You're right, you may be simple, but that's still a load of ponyapples if you ask me."

Nurse Jubilee gasped and immediately thwacked the pink mare over the head with a magazine. The other nurse winced as she rubbed her head. "Tulip! What did I tell you about cussing at work!"

"Aw c'mon sis, no need to hit me like that!"

"Wait... You two are related?" Desmond glanced between the two mares, both opposite in colour pallet and personality.

The sisters momentarily looked at each other and shrugged, "Different mothers, same deadbeat dad. At least Bloom here got her horn from him, all I got was his pink fur."

"Oh don't say that Toffy," Jubilee put a hoof around her sibling, "Pink suits you. Makes you seem more sweet, sis."

Tulip rolled her eyes but didn't retreat from the hug, "Yeah yeah, just don't call me Toffy here either."

Melody watched the sibling nurses with a gentle smile, wondering if what her life would have been like with such a sibling.

"Ah! I almost forgot!" Desmond abruptly shouted gaining half a dozen ears to swivel back to him at his outburst. "Melody, I think I was supposed to meet your boss for a job interview... But then a lot of things have happened since. Would you tell him I'm sorry I couldn't arrive in a more normal way? I'm sorry if any of those books were damaged."

"O-oh... Sure, I could pass that along." Melody nodded, "Though, I'm certain Biblious is just as worried about you as he is about his books... He's been fretting about the incident and has since cleaned up the shop somewhat."

"Good... Also, I've seem to have lost a few of my things, they might still be back at the shop under a pile of books, but I'd really like my bag and clothes back. I... I had a rather important family heirloom in them."

Melody approached the bed once more and laid a hoof on top of Desmond's, who at first flinched from the contact but kept his foreleg there when the mare's hoof felt oddly soft and comforting. "I-I'm sorry to hear you've lost something so important... I'll keep an eye out for it."

"Thank you," some of the tension in Des's back left him and he sank deeper into his cushions. A yawn escaped his mouth and the two nurse sisters knew it was about time to actually leave so their patient could rest. Quietly together they left the odd stallion to rest and recuperate.

That night Desmond dreamed of flying through the clouds on top of a giant book like a magic carpet. Strangely enough he swore he heard a gentle lullaby his mother used to sing to him during the dream, he couldn't remember the words but the tune kept his dreams peaceful until the morning.

Author's Note

Apologies for the late delivery of this chapter, I've been dealing with exams and some other recent stuff. I'll be posting a bit more infrequently for awhile.

Bounty Bouncing

It was roughly three in the morning when a pair of heavy boots climbed up a set of ancient wooden stairs, despite the weight of the shoes and their owner they barely any sound was made from the normally creaky boards. Dressed in a black suit the giant shadow stalked the halls of the cheap apartment until they reached their intended destination.

In front of the man was a door labeled "313", the room of one soon to be dead man unless he had his money ready.

Pulling a copied key from his pocket the enforcer unlocked the door, stepping inside the walk in closet of an apartment. There would be no room to run or hide this time...

However, nothing but a few old posters and an empty bed greeted the shadowy figure. Desmond wasn't here.

Flipping out a phone the man dialed up a number, sure it was late as it was, but he knew his boss never slept anyways. "Hey boss, it's Maul."

"...I take it you were unsuccessful in finding our little duckling?" The man on the other side sounded like he sucked on cigarettes made of sandpaper, that didn't stop the disappoint from his voice.

"No Sir, he's fled the coop."

There was a pause as the mob boss mulled something over, weighing up his options. "Find out where he flew off to, search every speck of dust until you've found something and report back."

The mountain dressed in a suit nodded even though he knew his boss couldn't see the motion, "Yes Sir."

"Good. Good, I know I can count on you Maul to find our missing fowl... Because when I see him again I will pluck every feather from his twitching corpse! Nobody can fuck me over and get away with it!"

Internally Maul groaned at his boss's theatrics, but he wisely kept it inside, if there was one thing the mob boss was it was that whatever he said he meant with absolute certainty. "Yes Sir, he'll be found in no time. He doesn't have any money or friends, so he couldn't have run far. You have my word."

The line was eerily quiet for a few moments, and Maul could have sworn that his boss was staring directly into his eyes at that moment. He involuntarily shivered at the thought.

"...I better."

"Well Mr.Mall Berry, you seem well enough to me." A graying unicorn doctor squinted through a pair of coke-bottle glasses as he read Desmond's medical charts.

The man turned mythical horse coughed into his khaki cream hoof, "Um, it's Mallory... Desmond Mallory."

Dr. Pallineightion briefly looked up, the movement causing his glasses to slide down his muzzle. "Oh? Pardon me Mr. Mallard! My eyes ain't what they used to be."

Internally groaning, yet deciding to let the matter slide, Desmond laid back in his hospital bed.

"According to Dr. Greenline and the rest of the nurses, aside from believing you're some bipedal ape creature and loosing your touch with your thuamatic energy you seem to be all healed up from that bump to your noggin."

Desmond had to take a minute to process what the good doctor just said before finding the proper response to eloquently summarize his understanding. "...Wat?"

The doctor calmly placed the clipboard down on the bedside table, glancing over his patient once more. "Well, as far as myself and everypony else can see you're a unicorn stallion. We did do some scans to check for any magical tampering, such as transformation or memory manipulation spells, but nothing of the like was cast upon you. We have some concerns with your inability to willingly preform magic, but that can sometimes happen to unicorns after sustaining a serious concussion."

Dr. Pallineightion reached into a pocket of his white coat and pulled out a soft red ball, which promptly began to glow with a grayish blue aurora. Desmond watched in fascination as the red ball floated in the air, it was his first experience watching magic up close and without sedatives fogging his mind.

It was all the more shocking then when the ball was flung right into his face. "Gah!" Shutting his eyes the man tried to duck, but it would be too late.

...Except there was no sudden impact, no feeling of pain, or even the sound of a cloth ball hitting anything. Instead there was a warm and ticklish feeling on Des's forehead.

Opening one of his eyes to squint Desmond saw the ball a mere inch from his face. It was covered in a lime green glow, held aloft and floating suspended in mid air by the magic that surrounded it. Glancing up at the constantly heated sensation on his forehead Des saw that a similar green glow was coming out of his horn.

In partial shock and amazement at the impossibility of breaking Newtons laws with his skull the stallion didn't notice that the glow on both the horn and ball ceased to be, causing the ball to fall to the sheets.

"See? You've still retained function of your traumatic energy, you've merely lost your ability to concentrate your mind through your horn, your reflexes are still intact. It's a temporary matter and should resolve itself in time." The doctor picked up the ball in his own energy once more and placed it back in his pocket.

Desmond didn't pay much attention to the rest of the doctor's synopsis of his physical condition, as his mind was latched onto one thought. "I can do magic?!?"

The day passed relatively normally after that, both Bloom and Tulip stopped by Desmond's room. Though they showed nothing but smiles, or in Tulip's case frowns, they didn't voice their opinions on how soon their mystery patient was leaving. There were only so many single bed rooms in the hospital and other more critical patients needed the space. Still, they made sure their patient could walk out of their ward at least all in one piece.

CRASH

"No no no!" Tulip shouted as she dove for the vase, that was knocked over in their patient's latest attempt to walk in a straight line. The pink mare had managed to make the saving dive on the ornamental flower pot, but her momentum had thrown her body into a wall, causing a sea side picture frame to come off it's hook and crash down on top of her.

"E-eh heheh... Sorry..." Desmond sheepishly rubbed his fetlock with a hoof, wincing in sympathy as he saw the goose egg sprout on Tulip's noggin. His attempts at locomotion hadn't progressed much from the "newborn foal" level.

"SON OF A WHO-" a teal hoof abruptly shot into her sister's mouth, cutting off the curse.

"Ap ap ap! There's foals in the next room over, keep the cursing to a minimum Tu." Jubilee admonished.

Tulip pushed away the frame and shot her fiercest glare yet at the stallion among them, to Desmond's shock she actually growled like a dog at him!

"I-I'm real sorry about that! Honest!"

Before the enraged Earth pony could strangle her patient and loose her nursing license Jubilee stepped in again. "Oh hush! He said he's sorry twice already. It's not his fault his horn isn't screwed on right, he's like a helpless foal right now."

Not sure if he should be thankful or insulted by his savior's words Des wisely chose to keep his trap shut, but he would remember to ask later on if horns could actually could be screwed on or not.

"Oh really? Since when is acting like a foal after taking one hit to the head a thing? He's clearly acting!"

The unicorn sister looked thoughtful for a moment "Well... What about Uncle Pearbottom?"

Tulip made a disgusted grimace and shook her head, "Bloom, that's because he's a creepy old pervert."

"Oh."

Not sure what to make of the scene Desmond instead returned his focus to his efforts in mobility. So... Just one hoof in front of the other... Just like an AT-AT walker. With that mantra repeating in his head the former human did a short lap around the room. Walking with an extra set of legs was highly disorientating though, as each step was a concentrated effort and it wasn't long until he crashed into the bed frame once again.

"Hmm, this might take a bit longer than an afternoon to remedy." Jubilee sighed, "We'll see about fitting you into some physiotherapy, can't let you leave if you'll just come back in through the ER with more injuries."

Desmond didn't complain with that... He felt more helpless than any point in his life, any chance of regaining some measure of control of his life was welcome... Even if it meant learning how to control the body of a magical alien four legged puppy horse.

Author's Note

Wow! Two chapters in two days! Don't let lightning hit me, because I'm on a roll!
(Yuri was promtly struck with a thunderbolt and died)

Baffling Breakdances

The taste of floor polish was now fairly familiar to Desmond; it was tangy like citrus cleaner with a hint of gritty dirt brought in from all the hooves that had trotted over the surface before... How a hospital ran by four legged creatures kept sterile was a mystery to him. Or, maybe it was just magic again, that seemed to be catch-all for anything that didn't make sense in this world.

With a grunt Desmond pulled his legs up underneath his barrel and pushed upwards. Shakily the stallion wobbled on all four of his blocky cream furred legs, before a high pitched voice spoke up behind him. "Whatcha doin?"

The scream Desmond made was neither manly nor dignified, but seeing as he wasn't the former anymore and never the latter it was appropriate... Right?

Regardless, the sudden shock turned Des's wobbly legs even more into jello, with a meaty thud roughly two hundred pounds of pony kissed tile once more. Yep, still tasted like dirt and orange soap.

From behind the sound of a child laughing their head off only further embarrassed Desmond, he could feel his face heating up against the cool tiles. "Gee, didn't mean to scare the living daylights outta you Mister!"

Peeling his face off the ground Des came face to face (or is it muzzle to muzzle?) with the new voice, which turned out to be a verdant green foal with a shock of straw yellow hair, a nub of a horn sticking out through the mess of cow licks. The child was sitting up in it's bed watching with an amused grin plastered on it's mug.

"Well, my fault to begin with, should have seen this room was occupied first," Desmond sat back on his haunches, trying to dust himself off as much as he could with his fingerless appendages. "Hope you don't mind, was just trying to learn how to walk straight before dinner. Thought this room was empty."

The younger pony's face became scrunched up in slight confusion, "You don't know how to walk?"

"Weeeelll... Yes? And, also no. It's a long story." He reached out a hoof to offer a handshake, until he realized he didn't have hands anymore. "Name's Desmond Mallory, former Human and local bad luck factory, at your service!"

The foal snorted as they began to laugh once more, "And I'm Lil Lamplight! I don't know what a 'hyuu-mane' is, but you sure seem to be right about the last one!" The foal wiped some tears away with a hoof, which at that point Desmond realized that the young pony only had it's right foreleg... The left one was just a stump covered in bandages.

Lil noticed the attention to their missing limb and sheepishly pulled their sheets up to cover themselves. Desmond quickly snapped his head to anywhere but the bed Lamplight was laying in. "...S-sorry, didn't mean to stare."

The foal shook it's head back and forth, "NO! N-no, don't be! I mean, I should get used to ponies staring at me from now on, gotta get used to living like a freak..."

It was Desmond's turn to vigorously shake their head in refusal, "Nah, you're no..." He was about to say 'freak', but decided that steering the conversation away from that potential landmine. "Well, you've been through a tough time it seems, everybody can loose something dear to them at any time, happens to the best of us I suppose."

Lamplight sniffed, "You suppose?"

"I guess it's hard to explain, but in my own recent experience I've lost four of my limbs only to be replaced by these... Hooves..." Desmond made a wiggling motion with his new unfamiliar appendages, similar to one of those 'inflatable tube men' seen at used car dealers. The fact that at random times they seemed to loose all the bones inside them unnerved the young stallion somewhat.

The action though seemed to get at least a chuckle out of the injured foal. "Ha! You should work for a used carriage dealer! You'll wiggle right in!" Huh, so some things are similar in this world.

"Maybe it's my true calling in life," the former human chuckled and struck a pose with a hoof in the air "Desmond's Downtown Dealership! We don't give bad deals, only sick wheels!"

Lil Lamplight burst out laughing at Des's theatrics, unfortunately it was too loud as a passing orderly stopped to check up on their patient. "Everything alright in here?" The stallion asked, quirking an eyebrow in suspicion at the other adult pony who was currently inside a child's room alone.

Immediately realizing how this all looked Desmond fumbled for an excuse "Uuuuhh umm, I was just-"

"-Just trying to cheer me up Mr.Tourniquet, he saw I was bored so he was just giving me an improv show!" Lil Lamp quickly covered.

The larger stallion took a moment to stare straight into Desmond's eyes, the fact that he never even blinked for a solid half min as he judged him caused a twinge of actual fear in Des's mind. With the amount of muscle the orderly had twisting the lanky unicorn into a pretzel wasn't all that far fetched...

"Okay, I think it's time to wrap up this performance for the night." Mr. Tourniquet moved into the room and next to where Desmond was sitting. "You can meet again for another 'show' in the morning, maybe with everypony else to watch along with. Wouldn't want anypony missing out, now would we?"

Desmond gulped, "S-sure! I'd love to! ...A-also, would you mind helping me outta here? I seem to have lost all functions in my legs you see..."

The ash coated Earth pony gave another silent stare before slowly nodding, without much effort the orderly picked Desmond up like a sack of pony potatoes and threw him over his withers.

"See you in the morning Mr. Mallard!" Lil Lamplight waved their one good leg in goodbye.

"It's Mallory! But yeah, you too Lil Lamplight!"

"Come again?" Nurse Tulip's eye twitched as she listened to the orderly report him finding Desmond in another patient's room.

"Well, aside from being incredibly nervous, patient Mallory didn't seem to do anything untoward Lil Lamplight." Tourniquet sipped at a mug of coffee as he filled out the report, "Apparently he just stumbled in there when he was 'taking these new legs for a test drive. He didn't believe it was occupied at the time, but Lil didn't seem to mind."

Tulip internally groaned, she much prefer when her patients had been strapped down and immobile, made much less of a headache.

"Oh don't make that face, Desmond and Lil seemed to get along fine." Tourniquet rolled his eyes at the grumpy expression the nurse made, "In fact, I'm actually a bit glad he crashed into their room. Gave the foal something to smile about for once."

"Really?" Tulip was actually a bit surprised at that bit of news, "No damages to hospital equipment or black eyes involved?"

"Nope."

Tulip sighed and sat down in a chair across from Tourniquet at the break room table. Truth be told she didn't really know what to think about Desmond; he was a clearly loopy stallion who on his first day at VGH had made quite a mess, and since his admission was adamant that he was some sort of weird alien ape creature. It also didn't help that when the hospital had gone searching for his records nothing had come up; no insurance, no identification, no place of work or address, no record of his cutie mark, not even a birth certificate! No pony or creature could live as long as Desmond had without making at least some imprint on society, but all evidence (or rather the lack thereof) stated that 'Desmond Mallory' didn't exist! It was maddening!

Tulip reached for a box of donuts, staring at the caramel glaze in her hoof with an intense expression, as if it was the unicorn instead. "I just don't know Tourn, how can I trust somepony that on paper doesn't exist to be around other vulnerable patients?"

A moment of silence passed between them as the grey stallion contemplated the question, eventually he just shrugged. "I dunno Tulip, but my advice is to always trust your gut. It hasn't let me down yet, and it says that Desmond is harmless."

To his credit Tourniquet was right, Tulip was second guessing herself too much to actually get to the root of the mystery. She needed to go with her instincts, and they told her she could find a clue at the scene of the original incident, where the pony called Desmond first came to be.

"Thanks, that's actually kind of helpful." The mare then peered over the table to actually look at Tourniquet's stomach, "Though, your gut may be giving you some sage advice once in a while, I'd suggest giving it something more than donuts all the time."

Grey fur turned bright red as the stallion covered his stomach with his hooves, "HEY! That's harassment! After I helped you out no less!"

"Oh come on, lighten up, I'm only teasing" Tulip giggled as she stood up from the table, "Though, personally I don't mind a bit of softness to a stallion." With his fur nearly as pink as her's Tulip left the room to see about visiting a book store.

Author's Note

Who knew taking a vacation could be helpful for writing?

Books, Brawn, and Booms

Cool winds and rain laden clouds brought in straight from Cloudsdale signaled the beginning of the several months long rainy season in Vanhoover. From now until mid Spring the city would become a bit more damp and chilly, which wasn't great flying weather but perfect for staying inside with a good book weather.

Melody didn't mind being cooped up during this season, being inside just reminded her of home back in Hallow Shades... If her home was covered in a gigantic landslide of books.

Gah, why did I have to go and say to Desmond that we've 'cleaned up' the store?! The mare grabbed another bundle of books in her hooves that needed sorting, each flap of her leathery wings created eddies of dust like miniature dust devils. Stupid liar... Now he's gonna be mad that you didn't tell the truth when he comes by. The thought of the odd yet admittedly cute red headed unicorn visiting spurred Melody to increase her pace.

Glancing over the still unsorted mounds to go dropped the mare's spirits further, Oh Luna! I'll never get this done in time...

A gentle rapping at the store's glass door caused the bat pony's ears to immediately swivel to it, turning the rest of her head to the entrance Melody saw only a stack of dusty books blocking her view. Anxiously the mare dropped off her bundle and flew through the hard cover maze, desperately wishing it was only the wind, there shouldn't be any customers after the incident made Biblious put out a 'closed for renovation' sign.

Feeling her blood grow increasingly colder as she rounded the last obstacle Melody saw a pony was indeed standing out front, though the raincoat covering them up disguised who they were at a glance.

Taking a moment to compose herself Melody stopped just short of the door, It's okay, you've got this, just tell them that the store is closed and send them on their way... Easy as moth pie... Just don't let your anxiety freeze up or scare them off. Easy...

The pony on the other side of the door was about to rap the glass with her hoof once more when the door suddenly shot open. From inside the gloomy storefront two bright yellow slit eyes shone like torches as they began to reflect the light from the street lamps. Caught off guard by the sudden appearance and the predator like eyes the pony shrieked as their back legs gave out. "SWEET CELESTIA!"

The Thestral covered her sensitive ears and dropped to the ground as her head kept ringing from the sonic attack.

With both ponies unable to move, either due to their legs loosing all their strength or their hearing being scrambled they at last had a good chance to see who the other actually was.

"Melody?" the pink mare asked, pulling the hood down from her locks of magenta hair.

"...N-urse T-tulip?" Melody asked back in recognition of the sister of her new pen pal Jubilee.

Since the first time she had visited the hospital the calmer of the two sisters had kept in touch with writing letters back and forth; turns out Blooming Jubilee was quite the avid gardener, in the letters they both shared tips and progress they each made with their respective flower beds. Though, the act of writing out each conversation helped Melody greatly in getting past her communication disorder they never really connected personally or met outside the hospital. So to see the Earth pony sister of the two at the bookstore was a bit of a surprise.

Tulip recovered fairly fast, standing back up on her hooves and shaking the rainwater off her coat, much like a giant yellow rubber puppy. "Jeeze! You scared the life outta me! Suddenly popping out of the dark like that! And why don't you have any lights on?"

The still reeling from seeing an unexpected acquaintance and the shock from a mere moment ago the other mare chose to default to her normal response to too many things happening at once: retreat.

A powerful flap of her wings gave Melody enough lift to bring her about a few feet in the air. With a further aerial flip of her body turned the bat around to face the opposite direction, she was about to zip off into the safety of the book store before something abruptly halted her momentum. Turning her head around Melody saw that Tulip had jumped up and had bitten into a mouthful of midnight blue tail.

"eeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Melody's frightened shriek made the pink hair clip flatten her ears in discomfort, but otherwise she kept her grip on the hair.

"Iou rgn't grrttnn uaai hkaat eeelii!" You aren't getting away that easily!

It wasn't much of a contest, as even though Melody's wingspan would normally mean she could have carried a pony of similar weight with ease... Except she hadn't been keeping to her normal training regime and quickly became exhausted from the effort of holding a full pony aloft. It also hurt her tail tremendously to be pulled down so hard.

Halting her flapping wings the bat pony landed back on the ground at the entrance once more. "A-all right! All right! Just let go already!"

Spitting out the hairs still left in her mouth Tulip gave a glance, "You know Ms. Bluebell, for somepony that seems to scare others a lot you seem to be the most 'flighty' mare I know!"

Rubbing her tail Melody glared tearfully back at the aggressive Earth Pony, "T-that hurt..."

Looking at how the all played out Tulip wasn't sure she had handled that correctly, normally she was used to other ponies going along with her phyical nature, that or they got what was coming to them. But Melody wasn't like those colts, she was obviously a much more delicate case. "Alright, that was uncalled for and I'm sorry I hurt you... Just didn't want you flying away when I desperately need to get some answers about one of my patients..."

At that the tuffs on the bat pony's ears flicked back up. There was only one patient that she could have been referring to that both of them were involved with.

"O-oh... Well, in that case I'll accept your apology, but on the condition you promise not to bite my tail again."

Tulip gave a quick nod and placed a hoof on her chest, "I swear it!"

Over the next few moments both mares awkwardly re-introduced themselves, with Melody offered the nurse to come inside but one look at the state of the floor blocked by tomes and soft covers made her counter with a proposal to head across the street to the local food joint.

"O-oh I-I couldn't!" Melody stammered, "I-I've got work to do!"

Tulip quirked an eyebrow up, "You really think a few minutes away to take a break is going to matter to that mess? Besides, it'll be my treat for what happened earlier."

Melody didn't have a solid argument against that train of logic, so she sheepishly grinned and told the mare she would be right back after informing her boss she'd be out for a few minutes.

Not too long after both were sitting down at a dinner table at Big Bill's Queso, a Marexico themed joint staffed mainly by... Rather muscled Minotours.

Melody wasn't too good around crowds to begin with, but the sight of the towering bipedal Minotours didn't help her anxiety, she felt too helpless and fragile next to anything twice her height.

Tulip on the other hoof was enjoying herself a little too much as she eyed up a passing dark brown furred Mino, grinning like a schoolfilly as she observed all the toned muscles to her heart's content.

A black and white spotted Minitour came up to their table with a pen and paper in hand, giving a winning smile of perfectly white teeth, "Hola and welcome to the BBQ! What can I get you lovely Señorias?"

"WOOF! I-I m-mean, we'd like some water for now! Thanks! We'll order some muscle-! I MEAN our meals in a bit!" Tulip's fur coat glowed a brighter shade of red after she caught herself.

The Minitour raised his eyebrows somewhat but kept his professional act up. "Oooh kay... Just let me know when you'd like to order."

As the sligtly disturbed bull left the table Tulip face hooved herself. Hard. "...Celestia damn it..."

Melody for her part was just staring in abject shock at the brazen sexual harassment. If her jaw was any lower it would have hit the table.

The nurse noticed her companion's silence and took stock of her reaction. "...I'm sorry, I've just been a bit stressed lately. Unfortunately I haven't had any chances to unwind in... Ages now."

"Oh. OH!" Melody's fur coloured and she had to fight the wing reflexes as she could imagine how Tulip usually 'destressed'. "Umm, not my place to judge really... But as long as they're consenting I guess..."

Tulip stared for a moment at the quietly fidgeting Thestral before bursting out laughing, "My oh my! Aren't you just precious!" Leaning over the counter to rest her head in her hooves Tulip gave a sultry wink, "Whatever you were thinking Mel is a league away from how I actually unwind. Who knew a book worm would have such an imagination?"

"H-hey! I-I'm not the mare that's ogling her w-waiter!"

Leaning back the pink mare shrugged in indifference, "'Not my place to judge?' Well, I'll let you know I'm in it purely for the muscles, nothing more."

It was Melody's turn to be shocked once again, "What? B-but you said-"

"-And I was joshing with you!" the smugly grinning nurse interrupted, "I'm actually into sports and training muscles for athletes, my dream is to become an Equestria Games certified orthopedic specialist one day. I just have a big passion for well trained muscles."

"Oh!" the Thestral's eyes went wide with realization, then made a wince at how she'd over reacted. "Sorry."

"...Looking at all the hunks along the way doesn't hurt the eyes either," Tulip admitted with a wicked grin. Melody gave her an earful after that.

Soon enough another waiter passed by and before they knew it two plates loaded with cheesy goodness brought out piping hot. Tulip dug into her cactus flower quesadilla with gusto while Melody nibbled on her plate of nachos with mango salsa.

It wasn't until Tulip finished her margarita did she decide to start asking some of the real questions she had for the timid bat pony. Sure, her sister Blooming had gone through the official hospital procedure and filled out the forms as best she could, but the real answers might come out after a few mango daiquiris were offered to butter her target up... And by the amount of empty glasses that were pilling up it was about time to strike!

"So Melody, what do you think about Desmond?"

Several blocks away and in a hospital room eating his platter of hospital gruel a certain unicorn stallion could have sworn he hear a high pitched screech. Reaching up with a cream coloured hoof he tried to dig at his new ears on his head. "Huh, am I getting tinnitus?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-!" Tulip shoved a hoof into the source of the sonic assault, halting the screech but not the ringing she still felt in her ears. Looking over the face she currently had her foreleg planted in Tulip observed the wide eyes with golden irises like pinpricks, the massive blush radiating heat like a furnace, and the taut leather bat wings on either side of the pony... All because she asked about what she thought of that weirdo... No, that couldn't be...

"Oh. My. Faust." Tulip's mouth twisted into a shit eating grin, "You like D-" Turns out putting your hoof inside a bat's mouth was a bad idea, as two fangs bit down on the pink limb. The glare Melody shot at Tulip was unfocused and not at all threatening, but the message was conveyed well enough. "Alright, alright! I'll step off that, but for now we gotta scram! I think you broke every champagne glass from here to Baltimare!"

The other patrons and staff in Big Bill's were still clinging to their ear drums in pain and picking up the shards of glass all across the floor. Luckily enough no pony or mino were in any state to stop the pair of mares as Tulip slapped down a bag of bits and practically dragged a drunk bat out the front.

Author's Note

Boom baby! Another chapter down! Only a few more before we get out of that dang hospital and get some dang answers! Like, how's Discord involved? Did that mob guy find a clue? Was there really a second shooter at the grassy knoll? Can adults see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?!?

Find out in the next chapter of Bat Ball Z!

Bad Brunch

"So at last, we meet again!" The breakfast had arrived as usual, and as usual the bowl of bland porridge didn't make any witty quips back. Despite the warm bowl of oats inanimate nature it's silence mocked him, egging him on, taunting him with his inability to even hold a single spoon!

Not even the plate of toast would provide asistance, only the tempting aroma of freshly reheated bread with a healthy dollop of Melody's mango jam, the fruity sweetness made Desmond's mouth water... If only he wouldn't get all sticky after he ate it.

It wasn't his fault he had to eat straight out of the tray like a dog for the past week. What was crazy was for a whole society of fingerless creatures to somehow use cutlery! How do they even grab things without hands?!

The silverware only glistened as the sun continued to rise outside the window, it wouldn't share it's secrets to pony etiquette so easily. Slamming a hoof down on the spoon only served to jostle the TV tray table and spill a bit of water sitting in a paper cup. "I'll master your dark arts one day, and then you shall rue the day you slipped from my grasp!"

All the while as Desmond faced off against his arch nemesis with a heated glare Nurse Jubilee rolled her eyes at the foalish display.

It had become fairly common knowledge that meal times were a... unique experience with this particular unicorn. They usually involved a mop afterwards too.

"I hate to repeat myself... but what exactly are you doing?" The teal unicorn was busy jotting down notes in her magic grip. Observing her patient had cost her several notepads filled with Desmond's antics already.

Snapping his head to where Jubilee sat in the far corner Desmond let his emerald green eyes blink back owlishly; he obviously had forgotten about his room's current company. Minus his neighbour in the other bed, that poor stallion was in the middle of getting his wing bones reset in a different section of the hospital.

Didn't help that Blooming Jubilee's teal light blue fur coat seemed to blend in with a lot of the hospital's colour pallet.

"...Sorry, keep forgetting this isn't all a weirdly lucid dream I'm stuck in." Desmond had the decency to at least look a bit embarrassed.

Jubilee slowly nodded back, never leaving eye contact. Note, patient still believes he's in a sort of dream state and has vague connection with reality. Ask local therapist if they can take on an extra case.

As the nurse continued to jot down notes Desmond continued to watch the glow surrounding the pen and paper floating in mid air. The gravity defying magic enthralled the stallion, he watched with great interest and a bit of jealousy as the mare didn't so much as flinch with her use of magic.

"How do you do that by the way?"

The sudden question caught Bloom off guard, she flicked her eyes back to her patient. "How do I do what?"

"Y-you know... Uuh..." Desmond waved his hoof in a vague motion of someone casting a spell with an imaginary wand. "Do magicaly stuff?"

...magicaly stuff

Oooh Jubilee was so not going to go through this right now! It was bad as it was already with Desmond's messes, adding magical damage to the hospital's insurance bill was NOT something they could afford. Blooming Jubilee was patient, accepting, and willing to put up with a lot more nonsense than her sister Tulip, but there was a limit to everything, and that was with helping an amnesiac accident prone patient become a serious health liability to themselves and her job.

"Nope..."

"Nope nope nope!" Jubilee shuddered at the scenes of carnage that might ensue as a fully grown adult pony goes through their magical surges all over again. "NO! Desmond, don't even THINK about it! Magic isn't a toy you can just pick up willy nilly! It takes YEARS of practice and with an untrained hoof at it you'll cause so much chaos and destruction, even if you don't mean to!"

Desmond's anxious expression morphed into shock at the outburst before lowering his gaze to stare at his hooves like he had just asked if it was alright to trample a puppy. His light tan ears folded back as he slumped deeper into his sheets.

"...I just wanted to try floating some things to make my life a bit easier, like writing or using a spoon..."

Seeing the crestfallen unicorn Jubilee felt a stab of guilt in her heart, maybe that was too harsh..."I-I mean, an untrained and inexperienced magic user would cause all that... But with enough training and practice you'll get the hang of it again."

Standing up the nurse quickly moved over to Desmond's bed, placing a comforting hoof on the stallion's shoulder. "I'll check to see if there are any way we can help you remember how to safely use basic magic... No promises though."

Glancing up at the mare through several locks of auburn mane Desmond allowed a bit of life back into his body. The half smile he gave back was reassuring at least. "...Thanks Bloom, I appreciate it a lot."

A comfortable silence passed between them, only broken as Desmond stared down at his breakfast one more "Could you at least teach me the magic behind grabbing things with these hooves?"

Elsewhere in Vanhoover two mares were taking turns at puking violently into a toilet.

Melody would have given a leg or three to stop the constant ringing between her ears as wave after wave of nausea came over her... and into the toilet bowl. The mare whimpered as she clutched her stomach as another cramp twisted her guts. Her brain felt much the same, like a sponge being wrung dry of all it's fluids.

"T-there there," Tulip gently rubbed the other pony's withers with one hoof while the other held back her midnight blue mane out of the way, "Just let it all out..."

Melody shuddered as another wave of vertigo swept over her. "Urp... N-n-never d-drinking again..." A choked sob came out of the young bat pony. How was she supposed to know her limit? She had barely had a sip of mango wine back in Hallow Shades, and since moving to the coast this had been the first time she had ever gone out drinking.

The previous night was still a bit hazy, but from the brief flashes of her memories... and the assortment of greasy tastes in her mouth, Melody and Tulip had found some other restaurant or bar to visit after... Melody felt her face heat up as the memory of Big Bill's Quesos resurfaced. Why the BUCK did I shriek like that?!

Tulip chuckled as she saw the expression on Melody's face, "Ah, reminds me of my days back in university. I swore off drinking several times in bathrooms like this. Obviously, 'never again didn't stop me from partying it up, much like how you did last night. Very impressed with how you kept slugging back those shots like a champ by the way."

"Arg... Please... Stop talking about drinking... uRP!" A fresh new orange stain was added to the basin, "I-I think I'm going to die..."

Tulip barked out a much too loud laugh and slapped the sick bat between her wings. "That's the spirit! Oh, how I missed those absolute benders, nice to have a friend that can keep up now!"

It took a moment for Melody to process what was just spoken, fighting another shooting headache and all, but a word clung to her mind. Friend...

It had been a chaotic week so far with ponies dropping in and getting books dropped on their noggins, hospital visits and sincere apologies, with making up with Desmond and having her first pen pal... To making her first actual 'friend'.

She had nearly forgotten why she had even moved out to Vanhoover to begin with: to make some friends.

It felt... Nice. The thought of Tulip considering her a friend, with hopefully her sister too, brought some warmth to her chest... Now if only it didn't cause her so much barfing and pain. Turning back to the pony next to her Melody beamed up at her, showing off her pearly white fangs in a massive genuine grin. "T-thanks Tulip! I'll-" Melody quickly turned her head back to the toilet to expunge more mango flavored alcoholic beverages.

For her part Tulip just laughed hard enough she burst her gut, following the Thestral in emptying last night's binge drinking.

An hour later, half a bottle of Advil, and some ice packs for their heads both mares laid on the large sofa in the Tulip's livingroom. An empathic silence followed hovered between them, as at the moment any loud noises would have been mutually painful.

Mug in hoof Tulip sipped at some herbal tea her sister gave for such hangovers. Glancing over to her company also enjoying a hot cup of tea Tulip couldn't help but feel like she was forgetting something in her tired mind, something important that had happened last night and was possibly the catalyst for everything... then it came to Tulip like a smack across the face: Desmond.

"Ah, I remember now..." Tulip smacked her lips, placing her mug down on the table. She tilted her head to look directly into Melody's eyes with a mischievous grin, "You never gave me a proper answer for what you think about a certain somepony."

It took Melody all of two seconds to make the connection to whom she was referring to, it only took her half that amount of time to spit out her tea. Luckily this time the hyper anxious mare didn't blow out everypony's ear drums within a five mile radius. Instead she merely squeaked as she covered her reddening face with her forehooves. Her longish ears flattened against her head as the tuffs on each end quivered. Tulip had to admit, if she wasn't already attracted to stallions she'd have found the display of shyness incredibly cute.

"Out with it already girl! It's painfully obvious you've got some sort of bad crush on the weirdo, just tell me why already!"

"...I-I-I dunno..." her words were nothing more than a whisper, if Tulip wasn't already sitting right next to her she would barely have heard it at all.

"You... 'dunno'? No past connection, no love letters, no confessions from him? You just... Caught some feelings at first sight? Straight out of a fantasy story book? As if that EVER happens!" Tulip was starting to feel her blood pressure rise. Not even when she was a foal did she ever believe such bedside story nonsense, loving somepony off the bat (pun not intended) wasn't something you just DID, it took whole lot more time and effort. So something had to be going on here, Tulip knew it.

"F-fine!" The bat threw off the ice pack from her head and gave a hot glare. Tulip had been repeatedly asking something that wasn't even her business, but running away from the topic hadn't solved anything. As much as she would hate to open herself up like that to a pony she just met the constant pressure was too much. "I-it's just... each time I th-think about that poor stallion my heart starts racing! I keep picturing him smiling one moment, and then the next I see him crushed under all those books again!" Melody screwed her eyes shut as she imagined the painful experience all over again.

"D-Desmond is a nice pony, and I'll... I'll admit he's handsome in his own adorable way even, but there's nothing going on! I like him, but that's it!" By the end Melody was panting with how much the shouting and effort of suppressing her twisting social anxiety which threatened to tighten around her throat like a noose.

Suddenly two warm limbs wrapped themselves around Melody's barrel in a gentle hug. At first Melody tensed up and thought about breaking from the contact... But the embrace was pretty comforting. "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay." Tulip gently stroked her hoof through the long strands of dark indigo mane. "I'm sorry for pushing you outside of your comfort zone like this... And for all of what happened last night; I was trying to figure out if Desmond was a just a clueless moron or something dangerous to ponies around him... Turns out I'm the monster here..."

Melody decided then to break out of the hold, though gently as Tulip seemed to understand and let the young mare go. With a fetlock the grey night pony wiped away some fresh tears.

"Thanks for being honest Tulip... And I am a bit mad you were trying to trick me into giving you a confession about Desmond." Melody's golden eyes were bloodshot, dark bags hung under her eyes, but there was a warmth to them as she looked at her friend, "...But I guess I can forgive you if you promise to just be up front with me next time instead of dragging me across the city getting me drunk."

Tulip reached out a hoof and Melody looked at it for a moment before it clicked that she was supposed to reach out as well, "I promise on my sister's prize winning germaniums that I'll be more forward and honest with you." They both shook on it.

The mares sat back down on the couch, sipping their now cold tea. "By the way Melody... Do you think we're forgetting about something here?"

"No? I don't think so, why?"

"Well... Didn't you technically skip work last night?"

"OH BUCK!"

Author's Note

Hey ho, hey ho!
How many errors did I make today?
More than a few in a row I can say!
Fiddle fiddle fe, fiddle fi, fiddle fo!

Hey ho, hey ho!
The plot progress is too slow!
The characters, they didn't grow!
Fiddle fiddle fe, fiddle fi, fiddle fo!

Hey ho, hey ho!
The writing is just bland!
The story I cannot stand!
Fiddle fiddle fe, fiddle fi, fiddle fo!

Away to the writters gulag I go!
Fiddling all the way!

Big Brain Bargins

Desmond was dying of boredom. It was a terminal case of the "Outta shit to do".

Once upon a time the television in the ceiling corner had kept him entertained, but with how tepid daytime cable here in Ponyworld was it became too much to keep it on. There was only so many baking shows and news stories about recent "Friendship" schools opening up across the country he could take before it got plain annoying to watch... He hated to admit it, but the bloat of positivity and good news stories made the young man miss the News from his world.

A story about some unfortunate tragedy in the world or the political unrest at least kept you hooked, like watching a car crash in slow motion.

The only redeeming show was one about the local celebrity gossip. Despite it mostly being average gab, with most of it being tame stuff your run of the mill Human would go through on a day to day basis, it gave an insight into what these ponies thought and how they acted at least. Currently there was a special on who's secretly dating who within the Royalty. Huh... So this country is run by a monarchy, or least a constitutional one maybe.

"You'll hear it first from us at Canterlot Celebrities Tonight! We bring you all the hottest takes and the most juicy mistakes!" The TV played the signature catchy jingle as it went through the show's intro. A dashing long haired stallion in a gold sequin suit sat behind a news counter, he gave a wink and a wave to the camera as it zoomed in on him. "Hello everypony and everybody! This is Ziggy Starburst! Bringing you the latest from Canterlot Stardom!"

Desmond laid back in his bed listening casually to rumors of some Prince and Princess of another empire going through a rough patch in their relationship after one of them had been caught red hoofed fraternizing with an enemy of the state, and in a rather steamy way too. Looking at a picture of the ex-Bug Queen in question Desmond briefly wondered what other species of pony existed in the world, if there were bug horses out there stealing some self proclaimed 'Princess of Love's husband. Seeing that picture I could guess why he did it; that sultry glance the Queen gave in the mugshot reeks of whips and leather.

"Trust me, it's actually quite the opposite really," an eerily familiar voice spoke up from the speakers...

No... It couldn't be...

Desmond scrunched his face into a shocked grimace as 'Discord' appeared on screen, his body more twisted and creepy in this world with random body parts sewn on like Frankenstein's reject bin came to life. "Chryssy is hardly as kinky in the bedroom as Cadence, poor Shining is probably just exhausted from all that emotional torture."

Ziggy leaned forwards with his eyebrow raised, "Really now? The Royal Bedchambers are hardly open to the public, how does one such as yourself learn such 'habits' behind those closed doors?"

Discord gave a chortle as he turned to the camera to give an over exaggerated wink that would make a baby cry, "Oh, let's just say their room is bugged in more ways than one!"

The television went black as a hoof slammed into the remote, even though Desmond merely wanted to change the channel to anything else but that the result was still thankfully the same. Discord disappeared and the world was bereft of his horrid puns.

"Aww, it was just getting to the good part toooo!" An unavoidably recognizable voice cried out to Desmond's left.

Oh shit.

The creak of Desmond's spine was as audible as a rusty door hinge as he slowly craned his neck to view the mad interloper. Desmond stared wide eyed at the somewhat familiar and yet alien abomination before him.

Laying back lazily in the room's other hospital bed was none other than the trickster himself. He wore a red velvet bath robe over top of his gangly serpentine figure, one of his bird clawed hands rummaged around in a bucket of popcorn before popping a fist full of buttery junk into his disfigured equine head.

The stallion gawked at the monster, his jaw flapping uselessly as it couldn't decide if it should scream in terror or bombard the chaotic bastard with a million angry questions swarming in his mind. Eventually Discord took pity on Desmond and spoke first. "Oh it's been awhile hasn't it! So good to see such a fine young man like yourself making so many new friends!"

"Y-you!" The trembling jaw managed to croak out a word.

"Yes, me?" Discord innocently asked batting his eyelids, which seemed to become quite long all of a sudden.

"YOU! YOU!!" An anger unlike any other Desmond had ever felt surged through his new body, the searing heat of his emotions coming from inside his chest and branching out through every limb. His body shook as the adrenaline and blood pressure soared.

Snarling Desmond shot a hoof straight at the creature of Chaos, pointing his new stubby equine limb at Discord but never actually reaching him. The beds were too far apart. "You devil! You caused all of this horse shit! You turned me into a four legged bug eyed girl's toy! You caused me to be locked up here to be treated like I'M the one insane! If I still had my hands I would coke you, you demon!"

For a few seconds after that tirade there was only the sound of heavy panting as Desmond caught his breath. His tan fur on his face was flushed beet red as he stared murder into an unexpectedly stunned Discord. Normally ponies never lost their temper quite like this so suddenly, sure they were emotional creatures more so than any other on the planet but they never turned to immediate rage, it left Discord on his back hoof so to say. Perhaps that was the human still left inside of the young unicorn, or some other mental affliction.

"Correction!" Discord suddenly snapped his fingers and in a flash his robe was gone to be replaced with a white toga with a wig of long golden locks tied back in a pony tail, on top of his head sat a laurel and in his lion's paw he held a golden apple. "I am no such blasphemous being! I am purely a god of Chaotic Causality! I generate the dice that the Universe uses to roll your stats. I'm neither strictly Good or Evil, merely the arbitrator of random events."

Desmond wasn't having any of it however, throwing off his bed sheets he made to advance on the otherworldly being... Only he forgot he was still a miniature horse and couldn't use his legs well enough to jump from a bed let alone fight. The pile of pony limbs crumbled onto the floor with a squawk.

Dusting himself off as best he could Desmond sat back up, from where he was at the side of his bed the stallion had to look up even more to glare at his enemy. "Fuck you! Don't give me that 'impartial' crap, you still gave me that damn business card!"

Desmond spat, furrowing his eyes until they nearly became slits, only the sliver of shining emerald passing through. "If you hadn't shown up I wouldn't even be here looking and acting pathetic... Now I have nothing, not even my humanity." The khaki furred unicorn slumped somewhat as he spoke aloud what seemed to be hurting him the most.

He maintained the fire in his glare, but Desmond's voice became deathly even as he spoke next. "It's all your fault."

The Draconiquus didn't very much appreciate being talked back to, or even yelled at, but he was used to that already. No, what really got his goat's beard was that one of the few creatures he'd ever tried to help, aside from Fluttershy and Twibunkle, had slapped it all back in his face. The nerve!

"No no no! This will not DO!" Discord sneered back, crossing his miss matching limbs. "You've got it all wrong! I pushed you out of the burning airplane, it's your job to pull the parachute cord! You shouldn't snap at someone whose given you a new lease on life! I've given you the once in a bajillion trillion quadrillion chance to explore a new world full of love and... eugh, 'Friendship'. Can you even realize how much of an opportunity this is?! The nerve!" Discord harrumphed and turned his head away.

"That doesn't even make sense! How is taking me away from the life I had and throwing me unprepared 'helping'? If I had been tossed anywhere away from civilization I would have likely died of dehydration before I learned to walk straight! Your plan to help isn't at all sane, you never even ran this by me to make sure it made sense!"

Discord facepawed and dragged his rubbery face down. "That's because it's not supposed to! I'm the god of Chaos! Not Clarification! If you wanted all the answers then I'm sorry to say but I am no cheat sheet!"

"Well, you seem more like the god of Dumbasses to me." Desmond flicked his ears in annoyance, another display of pony emotion he was learning.

Probably sensing that this was going nowhere with each other butting heads Discord had finally had enough, a drawn out joke stops being funny if you need to constantly explain the details. But, I also hate spoilers... What to do? What to do?

Suddenly an epiphany came and struck Discord, with a wooden mallet to be precise, the lightbulb wielding the hammer had walked up the side of his head with tiny wire legs. The gong sound as the instrument stuck between his horns echoed through the room.

Reaching up with both hands Discord clasped each side of his noggin to steady the vibrations. "Okay... How about this, we make a deal."

Desmond already didn't like the sound of this, "...What kind of deal?"

"One where I help move this plot along, that's what kind." With a snap of his fingers Desmond was back in his bed with his sheets neatly tucked in, but before he could protest the sudden movement Discord placed a giant lion's paw over his mouth to shush him, "You want your old life back, and for some semblance of 'control' over your life right?" With the paw in place there wasn't much more Desmond could do but nod, though his narrowed eyes never stopped boring into the Draconiquus.

"I propose a compromise, as such a benevolent being that I am, I am willing to aide you by giving you a special access portal back to your dreary little world." Discord burped up a roll of parchment, unfurling it showed a door that opened up to what looked like a world that wasn't full of pastels and mythical beasts but concrete and cars. "All I ask in exchange is for you to apply for a job here in Equestria. You go back to Biblious's bookstore, you work there for about a year tops, and prance around with all the colourful joyful ponies. You work here, you live over there, simple enough for even a child to follow."

Desmond was actually taken slightly aback by the sudden proposal, it seemed like a decent offer this time, though nothing was ever simple around Discord it seems... "And what if I don't? What if I just go through that door and never return?"

Discord laughed, and Desmond did not like the way it sounded, "Well... Hard to say what happens when you break a deal with a God of Chaos, but it's never good, usually fatal even. Wouldn't want to end up a toad next time or have a piano dropped on you, either way would be... messy."

The former Human turned pony gulped as his throat suddenly felt very dry at that moment.

Taking a few seconds to mull over the pros and cons of accepting the new offer Desmond found that he had little choice but to accept the deal. If he wanted to get back to the 'Real' world and have any chance of having a life he'd need to agree to Discord's terms. However... Even though it seemed simple enough, just working part of the time here in Ponyland for about a year, simple things with Discord always had a catch it seemed...

"A-alright... You've got a deal." Desmond reluctantly reached out a hoof to which Discord shook with his mighty talons gleefully.

"Haha! Splendid! I knew you would see things my way eventually my dear Des! Things'll turn out for the better for the both of us! Just you wait!"

...There was definitely something up with this creep, it was just a matter of finding out what sort of new Hell he had just unwittingly agreed to.

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Discord exclaimed in glee, "There's one more boon I wish to provide!" From nowhere and everywhere jazz started to playall of a sudden.

"What?"

Discord jumped into the air and clacked his hoof and dragon foot together, a magical fairy wand and top hat materialized out of thin air to which the mad being grabbed it and made a little jig while twirling said wand as if it was a baton.

"Oh really I shouldn't, nay I couldn't! But really, I must confide!
My plans for you and me are one and the same on this one wild ride!
There is so much to do, so much to see, in this glorious fantasy!
Oh sit back, relax and take it all in all this wonderful ecstasy!"

With that Discord swung the little wand around and bopped Desmond on the head, a miniture cloud of golden glowing dust flew off the end of which and circled the bewilderd pony's head. The dust went into Desmond's nose and mouth, causing the red maned unicorn to cough gag.

"WHAT THE FU-*hack*CK DID YOU JUST GIVE ME!?!"

"Your mind may be small for now, in time it'll grow!
So take this gift, from me to you and before you know it that horn will glow!
So take this chance, and learn to dance! Before you know it you'll be a star!
Take this leap of faith and together we'll find out what you really are!"

Discord grabbed the still wheezing Desmond's hooves and hoisted him into the air, he twirled the dazed and confused patient around in circles.

"Opertunity awaits only for those who've tried!
Curse your luck, call yourself a smuck, or you can look on the bright side!
Nothing's impossible, improbable, or imprudant with me as your guide!
Just call me your Deus Ex-Machina Fairy Godfather, on this road with you in stride!"

At the end of the music there was a bright flash, with a jolt Desmond found himself back in his bed, dazed, confused, and wanting to throw up.

A thunder of hooves from down the hall brought a small army of hospital staff. All that shouting seemed to have sounded the alarm somewhere.

At the head of the herd was Nurse Tulip, who despite her best efforts to keep a hard glare on her face went slightly bug eyed at the sight of Equestria's most notorious trickster. Her eyes flicked between the god and Desmond sitting in his bed, "What the hay is going on in here?!"

And with that Desmond passed out.

"So... Let me get this straight," Tulip rubbed a hoof to her temple, clearly repressing a growing headache. "A God of Chaos who's pals with every Royalty and Heroes of Equestria, just so happened to come across some random stallion, gives him directions to a book shop ran by an 'old acquaintance' of his, and due to said store's poor safety regarding stacking of their merchandise caused all of this to just... Happen?"

"Yes."

There were no words to describe how done Tulip was. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled in a drawn out sigh. When she opened her eyes the look she gave both Discord and the ponies present shivers down their collective spines. If Discord hadn't known better he'd hazard to guess the pink little Earth pony was using some sort of pseudo 'Stare'.

"Discord, I will ask you politely to leave and come back while it is visiting hours," Tulip's voice was icy as she marched up to the Draconiquus. "You are causing a disturbance and upsetting my patients. So leave. Now."

"Well, I'll have you know I've been keeping myself on the up and up! Wouldn't want dear Fluttershy to be upset, now would I?" Discord tisked as he shook his head, "Such prejudices! Just because I am a God of Chaos and nearly caused the destruction of Equestria a few times doesn't mean I have no 'Good' in me! You should maybe think about talking to HR, they have sensitivity training for that sort of biases."

Tulip glared up at the smug god, her jaw opening up for her to say something she was sure to regret. Before she could put her career in danger one of the doctors that had come along stepped forwards. "H-hello, I-I'm Doctor Greenline. I was just curious, but what are you really doing here then? And what was all that racket we heard?"

Discord looked down at the lime green middle aged stallion, he gave a bored looking shrug in response. "I was merely helping out a dear friend of mine. Celestia knows a spot of my magic does magnitudes more than what your 'modern pony science' can do. I merely fixed him up."

"I-I wha- I beg your pardon?" The doctor stumbled on his words as he gave an affronted look.

"I said I fixed up up. Brand spanking new! Straight outta the box! Smelling like cheap plastic and sweatshops in the East!" Discord rolled his eyes as he rattled off expressions. "Don't believe Ol' Discord? Take a scan or two and you'll find not even a hairline fracture on his little bone head."

Another unicorn nurse who had skipped around the argument was at Desmond's side, she had just finished up her own magic scan. "He... He's right... It's as if there no sign of previous trauma or scarring along the hairline. The patient is healed?"

"See? You ponies really need to start trusting in some of the old ways, back in the good old days of magic ponies would have seen ACTUAL Unicorn physicians, though I'd hazard a guess you'd label them as "Witch Doctors"! Humph!"

Doctor Greenline wiped his brow as he felt the heat start to rise under his collar, "W-well, all in all I'm glad you could help treat our patient. Now... if that would be all-"

A snap of his fingers and Discord reappeared muzzle to muzzle with the doctor, his red and yellow tinged eyes staring point blank into the terrified blue. Separated only by a pair of glasses.

"Since you agree that my friend here is all healed up, there should be no issue with getting him back home... Right?"

"I-I uhmm, well..." The doctor stumbled his words as his eyes darted to anywhere but the yellow eyes boring into him. "I guess I-I c-could give a conditional discharge. Desmond has shown multiple signs of lingering head trauma, such as amnesia, loss of mobility, and a complete disconnect from his magic. He'll need to return twice a week for evaluation and therapy by our specialists."

Discord eyed the trembling physician up like a hawk to a caterpillar, before he opened his mouth to a wide Cheshire grin. "That sounds like a wonderful arrangement Doctor Flatline! I'm glad you could see reason to this!" Said the god of all things unreasonable.

Author's Note

WOOO BOY! Call me a landscaper, because I'm MOVING THIS PLOT ALONG! YEAH BABY!

I've also commisioned Mix-Up for some arto f the first chapter! Go check it out!