Get With The Times And Get That Hiney Clean
Celestia let herself go with a deep breath. The lustrous pool of water brought on a euphoria that she desperately needed after the travesty she endured last night.
She had the ambassadors from Griffonstone and the Dragon Lands to blame for the stress that had haunted her sleep. To think it took all of her cunning to stifle tensions over a mere philosophy of stonemasonry. Who cares about the efficiency between rock picking versus rock shearing? They didn’t have to get into a heated argument over some silly rocks. Thank goodness it was all behind her now.
The fragrance of mango-scented oil imbued the steamy air as she soaked her face with another potful of herbal water. Her body brimmed so light and warm that she could fall asleep any moment now. However, all great things must eventually end.
After leaving her royal bath chamber, robed in pink towels, she strolled into the dining room for breakfast. She took her place at the table where a voice welcomed her, “Dost thou choose to dine in that attire?”
“Oh, Luna, what’s the harm,” Celestia replied. She rested her head atop her hooves above the table. “The key to relaxation is to free oneself from conventional standards.”
“Many meanings can be perceived from thy words,” Luna stated. She sat at the opposite end from Celesita with a bowl of sliced fruits before her.
Celestia couldn’t help raising a brow. “Another bowl of fruit? You know I could always make pancakes for you.”
“If we wanted that, we would ask thee.” Luna whisked a small stack of the sliced fruit into her mouth. The crunching resembled that of a gorging mutt. Unrefined with the times as always, Celestia noted.
“Fine.” Celestia pouted. “Then why not learn something new to cook for yourself? There are all sorts of recipe books in the library to choose from.”
“If we desired a prepped meal, we would leave the task to our chefs,” Luna remarked again before tossing yet another stack of sliced fruits into her mouth. “Is that not why thou hast hired them?”
“Hmm, a fair point,” Celestia admitted. “Then I would urge you to make use of them if you desire another meal than my pancakes. I’m sure our cooks would like to be worth the bits they are paid.”
“Ugh,” Luna groaned. “Must thou question everything we do? Thou dost realize we art an adult?”
“I only ask out of love.” Luna rolled her eyes at Celestia’s caring words. “Perhaps I should ask our chefs to prepare breakfast for us henceforth. I know a small mare that has been dying to share a recipe of hers with us.”
Luna perked at her sister’s offer. “We were not aware of this. It would be rude to ignore a kind offer from our ponies.”
Celestia smiled. “Then I shall make the arrangement. She will certainly be delighted, just as I am right now. Ooh, speaking of which, shall I share the story of my bath?”
Luna scowled at her sister. “Art we free to say no, or will thou proceed without our—”
“There is nothing quite like a hot bath to whisk all the weight off of you,” Celestia began. Luna did not even bother to let out an exasperated sigh. “As an admirer of tropical lands, I like to imagine myself bathing in the freshwaters of a forest. It is why I furnish the chamber with arrays of orchids and foliage. Oh, it sets my body aflutter like a flock of breezies.”
“Breezies would die under that kind of heat,” Luna pointed out, but of course she knew her sister ignored her comment.
“Tell me, Luna, can you guess the scent on me?” Luna shrugged and sniffed towards her sister’s direction.
“We smell a faint sweet fragrance,” Luna said. “We believe it’s familiar, somehow.”
“It’s honey, Luna.”
“Thou slathered honey onto thyself?”
“No, Luna.” Celestia rolled her eyes with a chuckle. “It’s from a popular line of bath products. The scent is lovely, isn’t it? It’s like I’ve become a sweet nectar flower blooming on a meadow.”
“Thou dost view thyself as sweet nectar?” Luna raised a brow. “We did not know thou like to attract bees into thine pistil?”
Celestia twitched her eyes. “Oh, Luna.” She chuckled. “I see that your quips have not left you over the years. Although don’t you think it’s a bit crude to describe your elder sister that way?”
“’Twas merely a guess.” Luna smiled at her offended sister before taking another bite of her fruit slices. This stack happened to send her aflutter as well. “Heaven knows thou has claimed the hearts of many back in the millennium.”
“Oh please,” Celestia hissed. “Don’t tell me you haven’t done the same.”
“Nay.” Luna shook her head. “We have not. However, we cannot blame our ponies for falling for thine open warm invitations into thine chamber.”
“Do not start accusing me as a succubus!” Celestia exclaimed. Luna did not think her meal would be this delectable before going to bed. “That was a long time ago.” Celestia placed a hoof on her chest. “You will find that I am now a princess that embodies self-control.”
“With a body as flaring as the sun. We art doubtful,” Luna mumbled.
“If you’re done with your interruption, I would like to return to the topic of my relaxing bath.” Luna lazily waved her hoof. “Good, now where was I… Oh yes, the setting. In the most stressful of days, I like to add scented Epsom salt into my bath. I just adore the ones with mixtures of pineapples and coconuts.”
“All for thine illusion of a tropical feel, we can presume.” Luna sighed.
“You know, there are also times I like to treat myself to a bubble bath as well. It’s not something I often take solace in, but when I do, I am reminded of our youth when we used to bathe together.”
Luna’s eyes twitched. “Sister, let us not discuss this. That is a rather troubling memory we would rather not tread.”
“I can still remember it like it was yesterday,” Celestia continued to Luna’s dismay. “Our mother used to rub us clean since all the two of us would ever do was play in the water. We were such unruly fillies back then.”
Luna rubbed her temple. “Must we revisit this?”
“No matter what she did...” Celestia went on. Luna swore her elder sister just loved to hear her own voice. “She could never get us to cooperate. We would always play pranks against each other and fought over the most trivial of things. And of course, that would inevitably follow us into our baths.”
“Yes, good times.” Luna narrowed her eyes at her. “Now shall we move on from—”
“I remember you being quite attached to a rubber duckie. Getting you to take a dip without it was like opening Pandora’s box. All the erratic magic discharge you would exert in protest was so unnerving. What was it you used to call it, Captain Duckworth?”
“Dear sister!” Luna stomped on the table. “We think thou hath frolicked in thy nostalgia long enough.”
“Goodness, Luna.” Celestia sighed. “Why is it so hard for you to enjoy an innocent memory of our past? There are so many misadventures we had as fillies I can recount.”
“We would much prefer to finish our meal in peace rather than prance over silly memories like old mares.”
“Oh no.” Celestia let out an exaggerated gasp. “Don’t tell me you’re having a mid-life crisis?”
“Must thou continue to test our patience!” Luna exclaimed. “We art telling thee that we wish to eat in peace!”
“Well, then.” Celestia switched her tone to a calmer one. “If peace is what you’re looking for, then I don’t mind sharing my conditioners with you. Mine happens to make one’s mind go numb. Which would you prefer: white grapefruit or coconut milk?”
“We shall require neither,” Luna declined.
“Come now, I’m being generous. My collection is of the highest quality you will ever find in Equestria. If not for my status, I would have to battle for them with mares from all across the land.”
“We do not require thy conditioners because we do not bathe,” Luna stated.
Celestia dropped her jaw at her sister’s statement. “… What?” Her calm and collected tone deteriorated into a hoarse and baffled voice.
“We do not take baths,” Luna repeated. “We find the chore to be taxing to our time. It is better that we just skip it.”
“S-surely you jest,” Celestia stammered with a wry smile. “A bath is of the utmost importance to any pony’s day. How else can you attend to your hygiene?”
“With a spell we crafted,” Luna answered.
“… A spell?”
“Yes.” Luna rolled her eyes, annoyed. “A convenient method we constructed during our entrapment on our moon. The place there was drier than the arid Badlands. A pressing issue that prompted us to construct a spell to serve as an alternative.”
“And what is it that this spell does?”
“It removes all detestable stench and stains from our body. A practical cleanse of thy body if thou wilt.”
“That’s it? It just gets rid of it?”
“Yes.” Luna sighed. “It leaves us clean and odorless. How many times must we repeat ourselves?”
“Is that why I can never pick up a scent off of you?” Celestia wondered. “I figured there was something odd going on, but never did I think it would be this dreadful. Luna, you must take a bath.”
“We shall not,” Luna declined. “We hath found this method to save a fair fragment of our time. Why must we throw away a spell we hath spent a long time creating for ourselves?”
“Yes, I can see you have a sentimental hold on this spell of yours. However, allow me to refresh you with reality. We live in a society. Do you not realize how odd ponies will find it if they learn that their princess doesn't take baths?”
Luna raised a brow at her sister. “Dost thou not believe thou art exaggerating?”
“Luna, you must take my word on this. Take a bath.”
“Will thou stop with this already!?” Luna cried. “We do not take kindly to thine imposition.”
“It’s not as trivial as you think it is,” Celestia argued. “Here, what if I join you? I can show you all the wonders that you’re missing out on.”
“We decline,” Luna dismissed and stepped away from the table.
Celestia came rushing to her side. “Come now, sister. Surely you can’t pass on the opportunity to relive fond memories together. I know you enjoyed them.”
“They are our past for a reason, sister. We hath outgrown them. Learn to move on.”
Luna was near exiting through the door before she felt her sister’s magic enshroud and halt her body. “For the good of Equestria,” Celestia spoke, “this is one that must be revived again.”
Luna turned to her sister with a sharp glare. “Unhoof me this instant!”
“Know that I do this because I love you. You will take a bath, even if I must dirty my hooves to do so.”
A blue light erupted from Luna’s horn and destroyed Celestia’s magic around her. “Tread thy course carefully, sister,” Luna warned. “Thou may not like where it leads.”
“Only the uncouth deal in absolutes. I will do what I must.”
“You will try.” Luna began with a beam that Celestia blocked with a barrier she erected. In the small time it took for Celestia to drop her barrier, Luna immediately slammed the door open and fled into the halls.
“Don’t run from me!” Celestia shifted her wings out of her towel to unfurl. With her eyes keen upon her sister, Celestia dashed through the air in pursuit of her.
Luna galloped through the halls, swerving past befuddled royal guards. This was honestly the last thing she could see herself doing before going to bed.
After turning around another corner, Luna looked back. Her sister soared beneath the ceiling, steadily closing the distance between them. It baffled Luna how her sister moved so fast. This was the same mare that gorged upon pastries on a daily basis.
Another surprise welcomed her when Celestia’s horn shimmered a deep blue. Luna darted her gaze from her sister, doubling her speed.
Tides of water cascaded beneath Celestia. The wave raged behind Luna and flushed through the halls. Luna sped pass poor guards that became collateral damage to her escape.
“Hath thou gone mad!” Luna shouted.
“What is mad about giving my dear little sister a wash?”
“Why can’t thou respect our ways!?”
“You just have to trust me on this. You must conform back to the conventions of our land.”
Luna unfurled her wings to speed through the halls from the encroaching water. “Then perhaps thou should make an effort to cease thy frivolous pastries,” Luna remarked. “Thou would certainly bear a scandal if a princess grew the rump of an ursa minor.”
“This is not about me!” Celestia raised her voice. “Now, will you come willingly, or must I leave these waters to sway you?”
There was no way Luna could reason with her. She cursed the ill timing of this duel, but she had to hold strong.
Luna noted the next corner of the halls ahead of her. If she could motion her body just right, then perhaps... “Thou art a fool to think we would yield so easily.” When she drew near, Luna placed her hooves upon the wall and launched herself upward with the strongest kick she could muster. Her body soared above the raging tide. Catching Celestia by surprise, Luna tackled her and teleported the two just as they plummeted into the cascading water.
Luna’s spell took them to the castle garden, where they splashed into a patch of mud. The mud rained upon the two, drenching their body with its sludge.
Celestia was quick to raise her muddied face from the patch and spat out a gunk that found its way into her mouth. “Look at what you’ve done!”
“Us!?” Luna rose from the mud. “Thou dares to blame us after cornering us? Thou should try to respect our privacy instead of—”
Celestia interrupted her sister’s defense with a ball of mud she threw at her face. “Here’s what I think about your privacy!”
“Thou dare!?” Luna grabbed a ball of mud herself and hurled it towards her sister. With her alabaster coat and pink towel fully stained and ruined, Celestia tackled her into the mud with newfound anger.
From a safe distance, two guards who were stationed in the garden observed their princesses dirtying themselves with each slap of mud. “Um,” one guard started, “you think we should do something?”
“Maybe,” said the other. “But how often do you get to see something so beautiful as this?”
“True,” the guard agreed. “I sure wish I had a camera to record this.”
“Enough!” Luna shouted and charged her magic to blast a large beam at her sister.
Celestia erected another barrier that absorbed the impact. The rage in Luna’s magic bewildered Celestia as it expanded over her. Her barrier scraped the ground as it became overwhelmed by Luna’s fury until it and Celestia were punted through the walls of the castle.
Her barrier disintegrated once she breached into a room. Her body twirled and slid along with debris that littered the room. She dropped her barrier and tossed her dirtied towels off her. Those were her favorite silk towels that were now soaked in gunk. “Oh, she is going to get the wash of a millennium once I get my hooves on her,” Celestia growled.
As she prepared herself for her incoming sister, a door slammed open. “What in Equestria is going on here!?” Emerging from the door came her nephew, Prince Blueblood, wrapped in royal blue towels. Celestia couldn’t help but notice a certain rubber duckie held in his magic.
She gaped at the toy. “Blueblood! What are you doing with Captain Duckworth!?”
“P-Princess Celestia!” Blueblood stammered and hid himself and Captain Duckworth behind the door. “What are you—”
“You went into my room, didn’t you!?” Celestia stomped to the door and pried it open. Blueblood fell on his back, holding a pleading hoof before the fuming princess.
“No, wait!” Blueblood squeaked. “I can explain!”
A loud bang resounded behind Celestia as Luna descended into the room with more crumbling bricks rolling to the floor. “Do not think thou wilt escape unscathed for thy transgression!”
Luna’s presence froze both Celestia and Blueblood. Her glowering eyes prompted Celestia to unfurl her wings to hide the bewildered stallion, but it was too late.
“Is that…” Luna started. “What is that brat doing with our Captain Duckworth!?”
“Now, Luna,” Celestia sheepishly started, “you have to understand that there are many rubber duckies across the lands. Who’s to say that this one is truly yours?”
“We doubt any would bear our cutie mark!” Luna sneered. “We placed that there ourselves.”
“This is Luna’s?” Blueblood voiced. “But I found it in Celestia’s restroom.”
“So, you admit your crime!” Celestia pointed at Blueblood. “Why in blazes were you snooping around in my room!?”
“Thou hast stolen my Captain Duckworth!” Celestia shook at her sister’s claim. “And thou had the gall to bring him up as if he had long since left us!”
Celestria faltered when Luna stomped towards her. She tried to distance herself from her angry sister, but instead found herself cornered against a wall.
“Now, wait a moment,” Celestia said. “I didn’t necessarily take him from you. It was … a memento for me while you were on the moon. I needed something to lean on after centuries of your absence.”
“And thou did not think it was best to give Duckworth back after we hath returned!?” Luna shook the room with a powerful stomp.
“Okay… fair point. But it’s been a whole millennium. How could I not get attached to him?”
“And thou dost spout nonsense of us needing to act our age!” Luna’s horn shimmered once again. Celestia instinctively erected another barrier and repelled her sister’s beam. It bounced off her shield and ricoheted across the room until it flew through the gaping hole in the wall.
“We can discuss Duckworth another time. For now, it is important that you join me for a bath.”
“Do not speak as if thou hath the upper hoof.” Luna huffed. “We hath enough magic to spare to discipline that horrid righteousness of thine.”
“But Luna, all I want is for you is to—”
“Enough!” Luna snapped. “We will not stand here and allow thee to do as thy please.” A thick spark surged upon Luna’s horn, discharging across the room. The furniture within the room lit aflame.
“Are you mad!?” Celestia gaped at her.
“If it means getting thine fat rump off our back, then so be it!” Luna unleashed a massive beam that enveloped Celestia’s vision. Celestia responded with a hasty beam of her own. Together they ignited the room in piercing light. Blueblood locked himself in the bathroom to protect himself from the overwhelming light and seething heat that pervaded the room.
“It’s not too late to stop this now!” Celestia said. “All will be forgiven if you just listen to me!”
“Thou shall reap what thou hast sown, sister!” Luna’s voice reverted to the old royal voice, quaking the world around them.
Their beams burst into a massive explosion. The powerful impact blew out the windows and flashed with a blinding light.
A haze of smoke welcomed Celestia when she finally opened her eyes. As it settled, she could see the room now riddled in burns that singed its furniture to charcoal. A few holes now pierced the room and extended far into other chambers of the castle.
Luna panted raggedy with her body splayed on the ground. She quivered, bruised, muddied, and fatigued just as Celestia.
“I hope you’re proud of yourself,” Celestia breathed in between ragged breaths.
“Thou bear… fault… in this destruction as well,” Luna argued. “Now… will thou cease thine… foolish act?”
“We’ve already reached the point of no return. Like it or not, you’re getting a bath.”
“Then thou hath chosen defeat.” Luna harnessed another light onto her horn. Though it was dim, she shot a small beam at her sister. Celestia summoned a partial barrier to defend herself. She panted after it cracked and crumbled to nothingness. “Thou still hast energy for shields?”
“And I’ll have even more after drinking this.” Celestia lit her horn and summoned a purple vial into her grasp. The liquid inside fizzled like carbonated water.
Luna gaped at the mysterious potion. “What is that?”
“Oh, this?” Celestia grinned. “Just something I often order from a certain zebra. It does wonders for me whenever I need a little boost to get through the day.” Luna watched in horror as Celestia gulped down the potion. The sun princess gritted her teeth as the veins in her body shortly bulged before relaxing. “Ah,” Celestia breathed, “I feel so rejuvenated.”
“That’s not fair!” Luna spat. She lamely tried to pick herself, but fell on her stomach. “That’s cheating!”
“There’s no such thing as cheating in battle, sister.” Celestia smirked. “I figured you would have learned that by now.”
Celestia took a step towards her, sparking Luna to crawl away to escape her fate. However, Celestia easily closed the distance with a pull of her magic that Luna no longer had the energy to break free from.
“Don’t bother fighting it,” Celestia said. “We both know that you must be exhausted after your nightly duties. It also didn’t help that you threw such a tantrum with your magic.”
“Thou planned this outrage from the begging, didn’t thou!?”
“More a matter of taking an opportunity when I saw it,” Celestia admitted. “But we’re far from the end. There’s so much to do.”
“Thou wouldn’t dare!”
Celestia’s grin grew wider. “On the contrary, I’m looking forward to this.”
Celestia left the charred room with a limp Luna floating in her magic. Luna could see her subjects in the hall, dazed and awe-struck at the destruction and the sight of their princess being paraded about like a head-piked tyrant.
Luna kicked and screamed with every small fiber of energy she had left in her. She swore, using language that would scar the minds of foals. But her defiance was to no avail.
Her demise seemed inevitable when Celestia laid her on the tiles of the bath chamber. A wall within the room held a large breach that revealed the stretches of their city. Their final clash had indeed infected their castle with its destruction.
However, this proved no concern to the sun princess as she hummed and turned the faucets around the large pool she called her bathtub. The pouring water imbued the room in a steamy mist. She collected leaves from the bountiful greenery across the room that she dropped into the rising water. Dear Faust, thou did not jest about the tropics!
“Sister, please,” Luna begged. “We can still talk over this like civilized ponies. Thou does not have to—” Warm water splashed atop her head. She spit and coughed as she became wary of a smooth pot in Celestia’s magic.
“We must get rid of all that filth before we start the main event,” Celestia said. She filled the pot again from the pool and cast it over her body, flooding the clean tiles with mud and scrunched grass.
Then Celestia hoisted Luna with her magic again. “Thou can’t do this to me!” Luna protested. “I know my rights!”
“I’m a princess, Luna.” Celestia rolled her eyes. “What rights do you truly think you have over me?”
“We art a princess as well!” It all mattered little to Celestia. The moment of Luna’s reckoning came when Celestia tossed her into the bath. Luna could feel the warm liquid encroach her body all at once. The wetness was so foreign and strange that Luna flailed about before sinking back into the water.
She felt like she was falling into a deep ocean, unable to feel the bottom to push herself out of this death trap. She escaped her fate, however, when a white hoof grabbed hold of her own and pulled her back to the surface.
“My, you must be so tuckered out,” Celestia commented and wrapped her hooves around her sister’s waist.
Luna coughed out water before she glared at her sister. “Let me go, you demon spawn!”
“I could, but then my poor sister would sink to her death.”
Luna looked down upon the water. Beneath her hind hooves, she could only see an endless bank of water. “Why is the water so deep!?”
“It’s not all deep. Just this portion of the bath.”
Luna continued breathing raggedly as she tried moving her hooves. The water made her body feel so heavy that she couldn’t manage a single stroke. “Sister, we demand thou end this madness now!”
Celestia grinned. “I think it’s for the best that you stop resisting.” Luna observed her surroundings and noted that Celestia placed her in the middle of the bath. With what little energy Luna had left in her, she could no longer imagine swimming, much less flying her way out. Celestia had her.
Celestia whisked a set of brushes and bottled conditioners around them. Luna’s eyes widened at the tools that would no doubt defile her in the coming moments. “Like what you see?” Celestia asked.
“Thou use all of this for thine bath?”
“Of course not,” Celestia chuckled. “But this is a special occasion. Now let’s see.” Celestia floated the conditioners before her and picked out five of the surrounding dozen to remain. “These will do. I think you'll smell lovely as a fruit punch.”
Luna groaned when Celestia lifted her forehoof above her. She gaped at the red conditioner Celestia floated near her and when her sister lined its red gel across her foreleg. Luna lacked the time to cringe at the slimy feeling as Celestia swarmed the brushes over her foreleg and turned it to bubbles in a matter of seconds. Luna yelped at the ravishing motions, but Celestia held her still.
“Don’t you just love the fragrance of cherries,” Celestia whispered in Luna’s ear. “They say it marks the renewal of the mind and soul as if you were born anew.”
To Luna’s dismay, Celestia shifted her attention to her other foreleg. It infuriated Luna how Celestia held power over her as she hummingly washed her down as if she were her pet.
But Luna underestimated her sister’s sadism when Celestia’s magic shimmered around Luna’s hindhoof. She yelped when Celestia lifted her hind leg atop the water like a caught rabbit. Her sister wasted no time sending the brushes and conditioners to pilfer the remaining purity she had left.
“Thou art a cretin,” Luna spat. “Is this how thou treat thine ponies?”
“I would think a lot of ponies would jump at the chance to be bathed by their princess.” Celestia finally released Luna’s aching hind legs into the bathwater. Luna wanted to console her tormented body, but Celestia offered her little time.
Celestia turned Luna’s body towards herself. She lifted her sister's torso over her shoulder as if Luna was a foal needing her back patted. She then dripped yellow goo across Luna’s back that made the moon princess quiver at the cold sliminess. It was more and more unnerving to her by the minute. The brush violated her coat again.
“Nothing says tropics like pineapples, don’t you agree?” Celestia said. “With its welcoming scent, ponies will feel pleased in your presence.”
Luna certainly did not feel pleased by her sister’s brushes. They swarmed through her back with such blinding speed that she feared they would chafe her coat off.
This was a nightmare and it did not help that Luna could see the exit within the distance. With her body fatigued and her magic sapped, she lost all hope of ever reaching it. Celestia had Luna completely at her mercy, and she was going to plunder Luna of everything until she was… clean.
“There we are,” Celestia said after resting Luna’s back upon her chest again. “I must say, I am enjoying this more than I thought I would.”
“Thy definition of joy is sickening,” Luna grumbled.
“You would enjoy this yourself if you just let go.” Celestia smeared a sweet-smelling gel over Luna’s chest. The scent strengthened when the scrubs worked their magic on her, dazing her with their overwhelming fragrance. Though she hated to admit it, she rather relished the aroma.
“Peaches are so sweet,” Celestia commented. “Ponies had once rumored that if they ate enough, they could live as long as the two of us. It's incredible what the pony mind can come up with, don't you think?”
Luna gave her sister a stink eye. “Do not speak to us as if this is normal. What thou hast committed is a crime of the highest order.”
“Oh, Luna,” Celestia chuckled. “You and your exaggerations. You’ll get wrinkles on your face if you stress over every little thing.” Celestia squeezed another conditioner to let out a white gel over her hoof and slathered it on Luna’s face. Luna swerved her face from her, but her rebellion was put to an immediate halt by the grip of Celestia’s other hoof upon her chin. “Ponies of Hayseed Swamp spoke of how coconuts can cleanse the ego of a pony. Hopefully, it will work some of its magic to enlighten you.”
Celestia used her accursed pot again to flood the suds residing on Luna’s face. She repeated it over and over. Luna kept her eyes and mouth shut and hoped for all of this to end. She wished to find herself in her bedroom, to wake from this nightmare.
“Now how about we clean that dirty moon of yours?” Celestia remarked as she lifted Luna again over her shoulder. “My, it appears to have put on some weight over the months.”
“Thou speak lies!” Luna shouted. “Dost thine pettiness know no bounds!?” Celestia shrugged and scrubbed Luna’s flank with burning maliciousness after a drop of red conditioner. Luna could actually feel her flank catching fire with the speed and roughness of her sister’s pacing.
“Strawberry is such a wondrous encapsulation of love,” Celestia commented. “It happens to be a favorite of Cadence. I’m sure you’ll find ponies floating swimmingly into your chamber.”
“Thou must find this so amusing, torturing thine sister just because of a minor difference.” Luna growled. “We see now that thou have not grown wise over the years.”
Celestia’s magic subsided. Her brush and conditioners sunk into the bath as she lowered her sister to face her with a perturbed face. “You don’t mean that,” Celestia said. “Do you?”
Luna gaped at her sister’s sudden shift. Apparently, she finally sparked a nerve in her. “And pray tell how art we supposed to think? You chased us through the castle, cheated in our duel—”
“Luna, you can’t cheat if it’s not official—”
“Cheated in our duel!” Luna snapped. “And art now forcefully washing us against our will. Art we led to believe that our sister has grown enlightened after this travesty?”
“I… well, it’s not…” Celestia frowned. “I’m sorry, Luna. It would seem that I might have overreacted.”
“Thou put it far too lightly.” Luna sneered.
“Perhaps so,” Celestia admitted. She pulled her near the end of the pool where she could feel land under her hooves. She could have climbed out as well if she had any strength left in her. All the heat and shuffling Celestia had done to her made her body even number.
“I apologize for taking things so far,” Celestia said. “It’s just that… well, I’ve noticed that you still have issues adapting to the world. Nearly every little thing comes as a shock to you. It’s not surprising though. Ponies today would view the world a millennium ago as mere fiction.”
“And thou believe forcefully washing me would help me adapt to the world?”
“Yes, I overreacted.” Celestia huffed. “I understand that now. But how am I supposed to feel when I take fault in all of this?”
“What does thou speaketh of?”
“Luna, it’s because of my actions that you missed Equestria growing over the millenium. You could’ve been there for all the discoveries, trends, and events. You certainly wouldn’t be so lost as you are now.”
“Art thou serious?” Celestia perked at a chuckle from her sister. She then felt her sister place a hoof upon her chest as Luna spoke, “Thou cannot take accountability for the choice of others. It was because of our jealousy that led to our entrapment on the moon. We forced that upon thou.”
“Does it not trouble you that you have so much to learn of our world? Centuries of our history that you could’ve been a part of, but must now study from text.”
“There shall be other centuries we shall take part in. We do not see ourselves taking another nap on the moon in the near future.”
Celestia stared at her sister. She then chuckled. “You’ve grown so mature. Maybe I should walk a millennium out of Equestria.”
“And leave us here to parade smiles to our ponies again.” Luna laughed. “We think not.”
The sisters giggled and shared a hug. The sweet and heartwarming moment was breached by debris that fell through a shattered hole in the ceiling. A pony screamed and crashed into the bath. The pony quickly emerged with a gasp for air, revealing himself.
“Blueblood.” The prince shook at Celestia’s voice. “What do you think you’re doing in my bath!?”
“It wasn’t on purpose!” Blueblood said. “The castle is teeming with pitfalls right now. I mean, you have a literal hole in your bathroom right now. Don’t you believe that requires attention?”
“All in good time. For now, please excuse yourself from the premises. You’re interrupting our sisterly bonding.”
“Your priorities leave me dumbfounded.” Blueblood swam out of the bath. He trotted towards the exit, then turned and instead approached the princesses. “But before I go, I believe it is appropriate that I return this.”
Blueblood presented Captain Duckworth with a whisk of magic. He laid it before Luna in the water for her to grab. She held it close to her chest and breathed, “Duckworth.”
“I must apologize for my conduct. It was wrong of me to take him from both of you. I allowed my nostalgia to overcome me. You see, when I was still a young colt, Princess Celestia would often care for me despite her duties as a princess.”
“You babysit during your duties?” Luna asked her sister.
“He was so adorable,” Celestia said. “You know how I easily gush around foals. I couldn’t resist.”
Blueblood coughed into his hoof. “Moving on from my impeccable cuteness,” he said, “Princess Celestia would usually bathe me, and each time she would use Captain Duckworth to calm me. She had told me I was quite the rowdy foal when it came to baths.”
“Feisty as a kitten,” Celestia commented. “He bit me once. It was a delightful sight.”
“Okay,” Blueblood held up a hoof, “I am flattered by how much you took a liking to me, but if you could allow me, I would like to get to my point.”
“Oh yes, please, continue.”
“Thank you. Now, what I was going to say was—”
“Duckworth was an anchor to thou, wasn’t he?” Luna said, surprising to Blueblood. “We liked to have him around whenever we felt lost and scared. There was so much of the world that frightened us back then, and when we didn’t have our parents or our sister around, Duckworth was always there for us.”
“I didn’t know that Duckworth meant that much to you,” Celestia said. “I thought he was a mere toy you were attached to.”
“Duckworth meant a lot to us and still does. However, we believe we should face the world on our own now. We are no longer the confused filly we were in the past. It is time for Duckworth to bring out the bravery of other foals.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Celestia agreed.
“Well then,” Blueblood said. “I will take my leave. The ponies will need direction to fix this mess during their princesses’ absence.” He turned away to depart, but then stopped upon the mound of greenery amongst the room. “Are these cerulean orchids!? Where in Equestria did you find these!?”
“You know of them?” Celestia asked.
“Well, of course I do! I’ve been looking for them for months. They are a rare valuable I have been meaning to add to my estate. But I could not find a single merchant in these lands to order them from. I had begun to think they went extinct.”
“I thought so as well. It baffled me how nopony had stored a garden full of such a prized breed.”
“We can tell the two of thee are enjoying this conversation,” Luna interjected. “But if thou do not mind, we would like to return to our bedchamber now.”
“Of course.” Celestia used her magic to carry Luna back on the tiles. After exiting the bath herself, Celestia enshrouded Luna and herself in towels.
“Turning in for the day?” Blueblood said as he grabbed a towel of his own. “You know, before I go to bed, I like to paint my face with a beauty mask. I just love how it softens my skin.”
“You know.” Celestia tapped her chin. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“Huh? What dost thou insinuate?” Luna quivered at the peering eyes of her sister. “Hold, sister. Thou hath already got what thou wanted. Now is the time to put this behind us.”
“Don’t worry, Luna.” Celestia summoned a wrapper over Luna. The moon princess prayed to Faust to have mercy on her soul, but her plea went unanswered. “You’re definitely going to love this.”
A new morning sun reigned over the lands of Equestria. Celestia never felt so limber and satisfied after a well-deserved nap. Her euphoria was not even shaken by the reconstructions taking place across the castle after the fiasco between her and her sister. It was a chaos that was well worth the cost.
Celestia hummed her way into the dining room. There, she found her younger sister, feasting upon a bowl of porridge with strawberries and bananas. “I see somepony has built up an appetite,” Celestia commented.
Luna’s eyes remained closed. “Good morning, sister. Hast thou slept well?”
“It was more peaceful than usual. It’s honestly surprising that…” Celestia sniffed and then again near her sister. “Do I smell white grapefruit?”
“Yes.” Luna nodded. “We hath taken it upon ourselves to administer one of those conditioners thou speak so fondly of. We hope that is fine with thee.”
“Of course.” Celestia smiled. She could actually feel a tear forming to fall down her cheek. “In fact, you can have it.”
“Thank you, sister. You are too kind. Well then, we think we shall retire this morning.”
“Rest easy. You’ve earned it.”
Celestia excused herself from the dining room and headed to her bathroom to begin a bath of her own. Despite the gaping hole still present in her bathroom, she calmly collected her usual sets of Epsom salts and honey conditioner. She was all set to be bathed in her personal nirvana. “You know what, this is a special occasion. I think I’ll have a bubble bath to celebrate the moment.”
Celestia dived into the bath, yet she couldn’t feel the warm touch of the hot water for which she yearned. Instead, she discovered the water to be moving away from her.
“What black magic is this!?” Her wings ruffled. She tried to pull the water to her with her magic, but it wouldn’t budge an inch. This made no sense. Why would her bathwater act so strangely? “Luna!”
Celestia teleported from the bathroom and appeared in Luna’s bedroom, where Luna was a pull away from being tucked into her bed. “Luna!” Celestia announced. “What did you do!?”
“We?” Luna pointed at herself, confused. “Prithee tell what thou mean.”
“Don’t act coy with me,” Celestia started with an icy voice. “I was hoping to start my day with a relaxing bath. But it’s rather difficult to do so with the water constantly running away from me. I know you have a hoof in this.”
“And thou art right.” Luna shrugged. “What thou art experiencing is the result of a hex we placed upon thee.”
“You placed a curse upon me!? Upon your own sister!?”
“A rather unique one too.” Luna smiled proudly. “That spell we had searched for deep within the library. It bears the effect of repelling all forms of water from touching thine skin.”
“How do you expect me to drink? How do you expect me to clean myself?”
“It doesn’t repel in all areas,” Luna pointed out. “Just in places where thy coat lies. But, if it is a matter of cleaning thyself, we know of a spell thou can borrow. Thou could make fair use of it for the next two days.”
“Two days!” Celestia gaped at her sister. “Luna, I can’t go without a bath for even a minute more. Please, you must undo this.”
“Unfortunately, ‘tis a fate thou hast brought upon thyself. Thou must bear the punishment for thy infamous crimes of lese-majesty. And for the level of thy crimes, thy punishment must be doubled.”
