The Guard Report And the CMC Get Detention
Author's Note
Use dark mode when reading as I will be using colours for characters talking just so you get used to it the colours thing will make sense in chapter 2
The Guard Report And the CMC Get Detention
A royal guard officer sits down across from a pony with red fur blue and green mane and blue and green tinted shades and opens up a folder and reads though it.
so let's get this clear one hour ago you was aressted for destroying a bar in a fight against a group of ponies attacking for a unknown reason during wich you put ones head into a wall and as far as we know he is still stuck froze the heads of two in the bar sinks put ones head though a jukebox which the bar owner a miss berry punch is suing you for and a fifth is stuck in the celing what excatly do you have to say for yourself
the pony looks at the guard and speaks with a smirking voice
self defence officer they attacked me and my drinking buddy first i admit i could have been a bit gentler with the bar and the jukebox but aside from the damages why am i here
the guard sighs.
your here becuase after the fight you procedded to keep knocking ponies out threw a unlcuky drake though a wall 2 carts and into a passing ambulance and for some reason still unknown you left a note with a picture of yourself in the crystal empire after a cherrybomb went off underneath shining armour at the excat time off the barfight
ohhhh that was just timing i set up 10 traps like that in the crystal castle he lost the bet and owes me bits and i said i would get him for them i even have his signiture on the agreement as to knocking ponies out what else was I supposed to do in the middle of a barfight
Red leans back in his chair a cocky grin on his face as he pulls out the agreement with Shining armour's signature on it and a stipulation clause for being randomly cherry bombed until he pays the 20bits.
If that is all then I will be going oh and tell miss punch I will forward her the bits for the jukebox and for the wall and ceiling repairs and for the 3 very expensive absinthe bottle's I drank and broke over a few heads and the chairs and mine and Walters bail what's the bail by the way?
The guard chuckles before replying.
The bails ten thousand bits each and the cost for the repair is around twenty thousand bits and it's fifteen hundred bits for the bottles of absinthe and I doubt you have that kind of money laying about.
Red laugh's as he reaches into his cloak and pulls out three bags of bits of varus size's.
This ones for the bail" he says pointing at the larger bag " these two are for the bar and drinks respectively now can I go? also wheres my swords? " Red asks pointing at the other 2 bag's.
Three doors down on the left in the evidence room
Suddenly a black pegases with white hooves black mane and metallic wings leans in though the wall and says.
Hey wanna see a dead body kids?
Again Walter i just killed a guy 3 weeks ago
the guard raises a eyebrow just as Red and Walter facepalm right before Red grabs walter and shouts out.
YEET NOT IT
He throws Walter into the guard knocking them both out the window as he then runs out the room to the evidence locker for his swords kicking the door down and grabbing them he jumps out the window.
OH YOU ARE SO IN FOR IT YOU MOTHERBUCKER WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU IM GONNA MAKE THOESE DEMONS OF YOURS WINCE IN PAIN
Walter shouts this as he then starts to giggle and laugh at the guard as he gently flys them down to the ground.
Hehehe I forgot i had wings on me again though i am sure you want to aresst us for the muder commet but as you can see were both a little insane and i can do magic i think wait are your walls magic walk though walls?
The Guard shakes his head and slowly starts to back away saying.
NOPE NOPE NOPE IM NOT PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS HORSEAPPLES
HEY WATCH YOUR BEEPING LANGUAGE THERES FOALS ABOUT NOW GO APOLOGIZE TO THEM BEFORE I GET REALLY MAD!
The guard looks around confused and replies.
But there are no...CELESTIA DAMNIT GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW AND UNCUFF ME YOU INSANE BIRD SO I CAN ARESSET YOU!
HOW RUDE CHILDREN COME ALONG NOW AND COVER YOUR EARS SO YOU DON'T HEAR ANY MORE OF THIS GUARDS FOUL LANGUAGE
Says Miss Cheerilie as she is leading the ponyville school children on a outing.
Miss Cheerilie what the fuck did he mean by Celestia damnit?
Wat ah Wanna know is why he said horseapples!
Really Scootaloo Applebloom your asking that when we just heard a insane pony shout out MOTHERBUCKER!
GIRLS YOU ALL HAVE DETENTION FOR USING THOESE WORDS WHERE EVER DID YOU HEAR THEM
Ah Heard Applejack say it to Big Mac durning a argument once.
I heard rarity shout it at Pinkie Pie one time after she ate all of her emergency icecream in order to win a bet with Rainbow Dash
Wait why the fuck are getting detention for repeating what they said?
Really girls you just swore to have a badflank reason to be in detention and here i was thinking you would get it after finally knocking out miss stick up her plot and her silver marefriend for one blankflank joke to far
Says Red landing next to the CMC somehow wearing badass shades and his wings expanded.
Now where did Walter go i need to find him before he trys blowing up the town or opening a hellportal for a laugh?
if your looking for the batshit crazy pegasus he flew off in the direction of the schoolhouse which is currently on fire with a bunch of monsters running amock. cursing was the safest way to keep cheerile shocked and the class from wandering off also Rainbow said if i saw you to shout HEY RED WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP AVOIDING YOUR LIL SIS right before she said to kick you in the nuts
says Scootaloo with a stright face and a smirk right before she swings her foot inbetween Redsopines legs and walks off with his badass shades and looks at the stunned faces around her.
What he's my kinda uncle and this is normal for him
As scootaloo walked away the other fillies could here mad laughter from the school house. "I AM BLOGNOTH DESTROYER OF WORLDS, BOW TO ME PAINIS CUPCAKE AND PREPARE YOUR ANUS FOR THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!"
SEE I TOLD YOU THIS IS NORMAL FOR HIM AND WE HAD TO STAY AWAY FROM THE SCHOOOOOOOOOOL
shouts scootaloo as she is sent flying into Rainbows cloud house with a loud THWMP noise as Red dusts off a giant nurf hammer and puts it back into a poket dimension.
So This Just Happened And A Family Reunion
Redsopine calmly walks over to the school house tapping his head as he thinks before grinning as he spots four demons run out of the portal and start throwing other demons back though the portal he jogs over and shouts out.
WHAT KEPT YOU I THOUGHT YOU WAS GETTING LAZY AND WOULD MISS THE FUN!
CAN IT RED HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD YOU TO NOT OPEN A HELL PORTAL JUST FOR A FIGHT WE JUST SPENT HALF A HOUR TO STOP ACE FROM COMING THROUGH AND DRAGGING YOU BACK IN CHAINS FOR A UNSANCTIONED SUMMONING OF THE PRISONER BLOGNOTH. WHO WAS KEPT THERE BECAUSE HE CAUSES WIDE SPREAD DEBAUCHERY WHICH ONCE IT STARTS IT DON'T STOP STILL THE AFFECTED DIE.
Shouts a giant bear that looks like he was made of stone grabbing two imps and tossing them back though the portal.
TERRA THAT WAS NOT ME I RAN INTO WALTER AND WE GOT SEPARATED YOU ALL KNOW HE'S INSANE AND DOES STUFF FOR A LAUGH I MEAN HE IS CURRENTLY GIVING UMBRA A BELLY RUB WHILE MUNCHING ON POPCORN!
Red says pointing Walter who had a comical oversized bucket of popcorn and currently was giving a panther cub a belly rub as he purred.
Ah that's the spot I still don't know how you keep grabbing me but I'm not complaining oh hey boss what's up and if I was you I would run because it looks like your sister's behind you with a baseball bat.
Redsopine turns around in suprise and ducks the bat as a angry Rainbow swings it at him again.
YOU INCONSIDERATE JERK YOU HAVE BEEN BACK IN TOWN FOR TWO WEEKS AND HAVE BEEN AVOIDING THE RENT AGAIN AND THEN I HEAR YOU WAS ARRESTED FOR A BARFIGHT AND THAT THERES A GIANT DEMON RUNNING AMOK FROM SCOOTALOO AS SHE CRASHLANDS THOUGH MY WALL.
She swings again as Red move out the way and a random demon gets smacked in the face before a red dragon claw grabs them and throws them at Terra as a blue feathered dragoness boops dashie on the nose.
Really Dashie a bat what happend to you being able to turn clouds into tasers when punching and kicking though nice swing
Ohhh that yer hehe i got slapped with a cese and desist by blueblood after i showed rarity how to do it with her magic and she slapped him with it at the gala though princess Luna offered me a job in the night guard hrmmm say Gelu would any of these guys be weak to lighting?
Oh most of them are think you could make a barrier to keep them in we coukd use the help throwing them and ugly other there back though
Redsopine trys to quietly slip away as they are discussing stratagy and speaks to the other demon Ignis.
Soooo hows the rebuilding going am i still banned from the city of DIS for destroying half of it
It's still being rebuilt and yes your still banned and yes you are behind on the rent at Rainbows and no i won't let you hide at mine from her.
"You smell of a Freeloader." Walter whispered as he slunk up behind Red his right mechanical eye glowing as he looked at Red. "And I smell the scent of an unpaid tab from a bar three dimensions over but how can I smell it from twenty years in the past?" He asked before he was suddenly back beside Umbra petting him as if nothing had happens.
Ooooook is anyone gonna tell him about the time dilation effects so in one universe its a diffrent era and year or should I?
Umbra purrs again before giggling as a pink hand boops his nose " Hey pinkie hows the multiverse seeing going?
Its going ok you adorable kitty you though how does Dashie and Scottaloo remember Red if the rest of use don't?
Oh thats easier then you think nearly every multiverse version of This freeloader over protective jerk of a brother has this erasing the mind of people effect unless he wants to be remembered only family is not effected and seem to know what variation there talking to and as such treat them the same as they would there universes Red and this guys skipped town on me in five realites left me with his bar tab in 3 and owes me two weeks rent.
Red blinks before speaking.
Wait how the fuck did you know all that and how comes all the demons are just watching our interaction instead of attacking oh thats why yikes thats what happens when moonie is allowed out with Luna there more scared of her and decided to watch and not end up like BLOGNOTH how did she even bend a spherical demon like that.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS MESS AND WHO OPEND A HELL PORTAL WITHOUT A PERMIT AND LET CERBUERSE CHEW TOY OUT.
Shouts nightmare moon as she is holding a rather blooddied spear up before throwing it into the portal as walter flys up to her and honks her nose before flying off saying.
Meep meep.
Oh just great i thought we kicked him out our reality already how does he keep showing back up anyway everyone go back to your fighting and carnage just dont kill any civilians and no corruption of them and if you value your sanity do not agree to a pact with the cutiemark crusaders.
with that nightmare moon flies back to canterlot as everyone looks around.
So that just happend i call dibs on the big dude with my bat.
Shouts Rainbow dash as she flies at a huge demon and smacks them at sonic rainboom speeds sending it flying into the air.
