There is Nothing Harder than Just Going On

After a prolonged snuggling in the dirt, Pastel awkwardly holding Roxie while she and her family bubbled around them, he finally convinced her to let him sit up.

“So, uhm,” he started, scratching his chin awkwardly and setting a mental reminder to shear some of his fur for his new marefriend, “I’ve never had a special somepony before, so I’ll probably be awkward or mess some things up. Just let me know, and I’ll fix it, right?”

Roxie snorted, as did Shale Clip.

“Special somepony, colt?” he snickered, nudging his wife’s shoulder and nearly knocking her over. “Ain’t that sweet. I ain’t heard those words since I was, well,” he snickered again, “your size, so years and years ago.”

“I’m not that small,” Pastel replied without thought, then asked, “Uh, marefirend then?”

“I like it your way better, sugar,” Cherry giggled before elbowing her husband. “And you hush. Don’t shame the colt. He just said this is his first time courting.”

“Not that surprising,” Roxie chuckled, sitting firmly beside him and leaning into his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he muttered, blushing and leaning back slightly.

“Not like that, thick-skull,” she replied, jabbing him lightly in the ribs. “I meant, if you’d courted before me, you’d probably still be with the mare.”

Pastel’s mouth twisted, but he kept most of the bitterness from his tone when he said, “You’d think that.”

Roxie gave him a questioning look, but he shook his head and said, “Anyway, what’s important is that I want to do everything right, or as close as I can get, so I’d like to expect all three of you to tell me if I screw something up.”

Shale chuckled. “Well, if Roxie keeps on bein’ like her momma the way she is, then we won’t have the chance to say nothing. Tartarus, I bet you won’t have a chance to wonder.”

Cherry gave Shale a look that Pastel recognized from nearly any couple that had been married for longer than five years (and didn’t that little reminder of his parents sting). Shale noticed it and quieted but kept the large grin. After a moment, Cherry’s look softened into a smile of her own.

“Big lug here has a point,” she admitted, nodding to her furiously blushing daughter. “She’ll let you know if you do something.”

Pastel glanced over, catching her eyes. “Please do,” he murmured.

He watched her face shift, blush, and eventually look away before she elbowed him. “How about you just don’t do anything bad in the first place,” she muttered, her ears twitching.

“Won’t plan on it,” he murmured, leaning over to place his head on her shoulder. “But I’ve been known to be inconsiderate in the past,” he chuckled, friend’s faces flashing past his eyes as memories played at super speed.

“There’s one,” Roxie said, shaking him out of his thoughts. “You gotta let me into whatever you’re thinking whenever you go absent like that.”

He winced, looking away and sighing. After a moment of silence, he murmured, “As soon as I figure out how.”

He heard Roxie sigh. Thankfully instead of pushing the matter, she gave him a gentle shove.

When he looked back, she was gazing into his eyes, and she nodded before turning to her parents.

“Think we’ll be holing up in his wagon tonight, talking about things. Is that okay?”

Cherry raised an eyebrow, and Shale snorted.

“I know, I know,” Roxie murmured, blushing, “I just wanted to ask this time, since, well….”

Pastel cleared his throat, and Roxie shook her head.

“You know nothing’s going to happen,” he murmured with a blush, and Shale broke into loud laughter as Cherry sighed.

“I know, but I’m growing older by the minute, damnit,” she sighed, causing both of the younger pony’s faces to blush hotly. “Honestly, with as much time as you spend together, I thought you two had already—”

“Nope!” Pastel interrupted before grabbing Roxie and pulling her away.

They’d gotten most of the way over to his wagon before there was a wolf-whistle, and somepony called out, “Gettin’ bolder colt! The mares like that, good on ya!”

Pastel stopped and nearly withdrew his wing from Roxie’s shoulders but sighed and just finished the trip with a much more controlled pace, keeping her under his wing regardless of how red they both were getting.

They got to his wagon shortly after the pause, and he lifted a wing to sweep open the canvas door. There was another wolf-whistle, and he couldn’t hold back the chuckle when a chunk of wood he hadn’t quite started on flew from his wagon and hit something out in the camp. Something that yelped in the same voice as before.

Jumping up, he tied the halves of the door together before sitting and facing a blushing Roxie. He watched as she glanced around the space, cluttered now by tools and half-finished projects and a single bedroll before he watched her try to surreptitiously puff out the fluff on her chest with a hoof and fluff her wings.

Blushing, he cleared his throat. “I, uh, meant it when I told your parents that nothing was going to happen tonight.”

“Oh,” she murmured, dropping the hoof running up her chest. “Then, are we finally gonna talk about what happened?”

Pastel flinched before sighing. “Sort of,” he said, glancing out of the back doors before looking back at her. “The thing is, some really, really bad things could happen if I tell you. But it’s also a really big secret, and I don’t want to wait until we’ve been together for a long time before telling you, right? It’s a huge secret, and it’ll change how you see me, think of me, and...”

He sighed, staring at the corner of his bedroll and nudging it with a hoof.

“It’s something I don’t want to keep from you, but it has to stay hidden. From everypony.”

He heard her scoot closer, not lifting herself from the floor but moving over it. He felt her place her hooves on his jaw, lifting his muzzle until he was staring into her soft gaze. He saw now just how related she was to her mother.

She was giving him the same fond look Cherry had given Shale.

“Pastel Nights,” she said softly, “did you kill somepony.”

The scenes of the previous months flew at Pastel, his freeing the fort and everything that happened after it. “Probably,” he whispered, wincing at her confused look. “I was a part of the freedom fighters when the unicorns took over. I released a bunch of ponies, ponies that had been crushed under magic for too long. Nothing directly, but yes. Probably.”

Rock Sugar hummed, still looking into his eyes with a faraway gaze. She seemed to be searching his very soul.

“But not yourself?”

He felt his gaze harden. “That doesn’t free me from responsibility,” he said quietly.

“Never said it did,” she murmured back. “But it does change things. It makes a difference.”

He bit back his reply, his eyes slamming down, his gaze to the floor.

They were silent for a long time. Her hooves started moving, gently massaging his jaw before slipping down to his neck. Slowly, firmly, she pulled him in to her barrel, pressing their chests together, their hearts beating at each other’s in disharmony.

He felt his slow. Felt himself melt into her.

Felt her there. Holding him up.

His hooves trailed up over her sides, pulling her closer as he began sniffling. Weeping into her mane.

She held him up through it all.

Later, once he’d had his bit of catharsis, they laid side by side on his little bedroll, legs wrapped around each other, belly to belly.

“So,” Roxie murmured, and he raised his head to look at her. “Are you gonna tell me the real secret? If you didn’t kill nopony or anything like that, I can’t imagine anything splitting me from you.”

He hummed. "Well, it’s not really bad, right? It’s just big.”

“Bigger than killing somepony?”

He didn’t answer, and she sat up and looked down at him hard.

“Are you married? Already have foals?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “No, no, no other mare or stallion in my life.” He sighed and said, “It’s bigger than that.”

“Bigger than having a foal?” she asked, eyes wide.

He nodded, and she laid back beside him, letting loose a whistle.

“But it’s not bad?”

Pastel shook his head.

She hummed before gently nuzzling into his chest.

“I guess it’ll wait, then,” she murmured, snorting as she flattened his chest fluff with her nose. “I’d love a little bit of it, though? If that’s okay?”

He hummed before chuckling to himself. “Sure. My name’s not Pastel Nights.”

She let out a sharp chuckle and nudged his ribs. “Everypony knows that.”

“Everypony!?” he yelped, shooting upright and looking at the door.

“Everypony,” she chuckled, leaning up and grabbing him around the shoulders before pulling him back down to the bedroll.

“Horse apples,” he deadpanned before lightly laughing. “I never was a good liar.”

“Never will be,” she chuckled, nuzzling his throat. “How about something more concrete? Like your actual name?”

“Uh,” he half chuckled, “not that one. Uh, my real age?”

She bolted upright, looking down into his eyes through her mane.

“Is that a yes?”

He yelped when she nudged his ribs again, harder. “Are you fifteen? Fourteen?” she barked, narrowing her eyes at him.

“What, no!” he barked out, “I’m older! Older than I said!”

“Oh,” she said, her shoulders unbunching. “Tartarus, I thought I was in trouble,” she muttered.

“No, I’m almost forty,” he said before blanching.

She looked down at him, confused. She started tilting her head, her gaze roving over his face before she looked around the wagon. “Do you have a lantern or anything?”

His eyebrows creasing, he turned over and pulled out a beeswax candle. Using a tinderbox he’d developed, he lit it and placed it near the middle of the wagon, away from the canvas.

As soon as he’d fixed it in place, she was on him, sitting on his barrel and rolling him over so that she was straddling his stomach. He started to protest, blushing as he glanced down at where they met, but he was silenced by a hoof to his muzzle that turned his head. He watched as she leaned close, brushing his coat with a hoof and examining him closely. She turned him the other way before she used a hoof to lift one of his lips to look at his gums.

“Hey!” he said, pulling and wiggling his head away, “enough! I’m not lying!”

She let him go, placing both of her hooves on his chest and looking suspiciously down at him.

“Pastel,” she started, “I don’t think I can believe you’re any older than twenty. Definitely not older than thirty.”

“Rock Sugar, I’m nearly forty,” he said bluntly, looking straight into her eyes.

They narrowed before widening.

“Yeah,” he murmured, reaching up and scratching his ear. “I didn’t get any better at lying than I was twenty minutes ago.”

They were silent for a bit. Pastel finally gathered the nerve to look up at Roxie.

She was looking down at him, eyes narrowed but not slanted in anger, just considering him.

“Well, buck, it’s not the largest age gap I’ve ever heard of,” she finally declared.

Pastel’s lips flapped as he let out a lungful of air, letting free a raspberry before loud laughter. Wiping at his eyes, still chuckling, he glanced up at her past a hoof.

“Still hard to believe you’re as old as Dad, though,” she said, sending him once more into breathless laughter.

“No way,” he sputtered out, remembering the chiseled appearance of Shale Clip before dissolving into giggles again. “He doesn’t look old, but the way he walks talks. It’s like one of the hills got up and started flying.”

Roxie laughed and nodded, scooting back off of him. “He probably got it from his gran-sire; his dad died early, so he was mostly raised by him. From what I heard, old Quartz Chip started late, so he was ancient already when dad was born.”

“Mmm,” Pastel murmured hesitantly before asking, “What happened? To your grandparents?”

“They’re all passed on. Mom’s side were taken by an illness just after I was born. They sent my parents away so they wouldn’t give it to me.

‘But I’ve been told that dad’s were taken by wild creatures near the woods.” She looked down at the floor, tracing the grain with the tip of a hoof. “I heard it from mom. He doesn’t like talking about it.”

“I won’t bring it up,” Pastel promised, flipping onto his barrel before slowly reaching out and taking her hoof.

She smiled at him and nodded.

After a moment, she cleared her throat and gave Pastel a steady look. “So, what about your family?”

He winced but let out a breath. “One thing, one event, took everything from me,” we said, wavering before shaking his head. “That’s the one thing I can’t tell you. Not yet,” he amended, not looking up. “I trust you already, Roxie, you know I do, but this one’s too big. I’ll need to figure out a way to tell you while knowing that nothing can make you tell anypony else.”

She slowly pulled her hoof away.

“You’d force me to not be able to talk to anypony else,” she said carefully.

He flinched, curling in on himself.

“Only about this one thing Roxie,” he whispered. “It’s the kind of thing that could change everything, forever, and I can’t have that.”

He heard her shift, then resettle. “What kind of change?”

“Any kind,” he said, looking up and meeting her gaze. “Anything could change, and that would change everything.”

“But you wouldn’t know that,” she argued, “because you’ve never seen every... thing...”

She trailed off, and Pastel knew she was seeing more in his eyes than he could ever hope to hide.

“You have, though,” she said, leaning forward and looking into him. “You’ve seen some future event somehow, and now if you tell anypony about it, it’ll change, is that right?”

Pastel frowned, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before shrugging. “That’s honestly close enough that I’m not comfortable with talking about it any more.”

She gazed at him, shifting back and forth, before quietly swearing under her breath. “You’ve seen something that you can’t tell me about. Is it good or bad, at least?”

He laughed, shaking his head but not in affirmation or rejection. “So much of both that I couldn’t hope to narrow it down.”

Roxie chewed on her lip before gesturing at him, saying, “That still doesn’t explain how it separated you from your family and friends—”

She let him cut her off with a sigh and a hoof held up.

“Roxie, please, I really do need to keep this a secret, and I can’t do that if I tell you more,” he begged, putting his hooves together and giving her his best Sweetie Belle eyes.

She deadpanned at him before a snicker broke her glower, and she shook her head.

“I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about it, Pastel,” she said, settling back onto her legs and looking at him. “If you can figure out your way for me to keep your secret, then we can talk about it, but...” she trailed off before sighing.

“I guess I can stop for now.” She frowned and flicked a hoof through the air. “So, is your whole past off limits?”

“Oh, mare,” he murmured before shaking his head. “I want to tell you everything,” he said slowly, “so I’ll tell you as much as I think I can get away with.”

She sniffed, looking at him with a slight frown.

“Okay, so,” he started, his mind whirling through the encyclopedias in his mind that pertained to Pegasi in history. “Oh, my parents were lesser nobles in their flock. Not very high in status or standing, but of an older bloodline.”

“Pegasus nobles?” she asked, scrunching her nose.

“Some flocks still keep up with certain bloodlines,” he nodded, “not like the Unicorns, but maybe a little more than Earth ponies.”

“Okay, is this a bloodline I’ve heard of before?” she asked, eyes perked now.

“Maybe way, way back,” he murmured, mentally tracing his family tree until he remembered an interesting fork. Humming as he did some mental math, he decided that it was far enough back in even this past time that he could freely tell her.

“A long time ago, before the Two Sisters even, there was a certain tryst that begot a single filly.

“The daughter of Commander Hurricane and the grandson of Princess Platinum put her up for adoption, but they kept the filly close and made sure she was well taken care of.”

“Horseapples,” she immediately said before looking at Pastel’s raising eyebrow. “But there’s no way!”

He shrugged. “Enough of a way that the filly bore foals of both pegasi and unicorn blood, and both of them remained in some status in their respective tribes.”

She sat there in quiet contemplation for a moment before glancing at him. “How do you know all that?”

He shrugged. “The unicorns keep pretty good books on stuff like that, and with shared blood, there’s better lines of communication. The stories have only been told by muzzle for a couple of generations, not really long enough for the facts to get really mixed up.”

She hummed, nodding with slightly glazed eyes.

“Oh, and you said there was some earth pony in you?” she asked, still blinking rapidly at him.

“Well, that was more recent,” he said, scratching his chin with a hoof.

Smacking his tongue against the roof of his mouth, he reached out and grabbed one of his canteens. Taking a deep drink, he offered it to Roxie. She took a quick sip before stoppering it and hoofing it back.

“That particular bunch of earth ponies did my great-something grandparents a favor and became fast family friends. After a couple of generations, my great-great-great-great-great-Great grandmother fooled around with, and eventually married, one of the Apple Family. “

Roxie whistled. “Wow, that’s... well, not nearly as unheard of,” she chuckled. “With that lot, if you’re friends, you’re friends forever. Unless you do something real dirty, of course.

“So you’re telling me you’re a Hurricane, a Platinum, and an Apple?”

“Well, it’s all been diluted, and it was mostly a long time ago, but that’s what my parents and the books say,” Pastel said, nodding.

Roxie’s ears twitched, and she gave him an odd look. “Most ponies wouldn’t be so... well, so proud to have all three tribes mixing around in them.”

Pastel grimaced and let out a tch.

“I am the culmination of so many pony’s loves for each other,” he said, shrugging. “What’s there not to be proud of?”

She looked at him, her head cocked just slightly sideways before she smiled and moved close enough to wrap her forelegs around his neck, giving him a tight hug.

Surprised, he returned her hug, eventually pushing his snout into her shoulder as she squeezed.

Eventually, she pulled away gently. With a stern look, she reminded him, “I’m not giving up on learning more about your past. I won’t ask often, but when you’re ready, don’t wait for me to ask. Okay?”

Squirming slightly, he slowly nodded, saying, “I promise.”

She nodded and touched his chest gently before giving him a look. “Earth pony and Unicorn both, huh? No wonder you’re small and young-looking. I wonder if you’ll ever catch up to dad.”

Pastel groaned.