The Applejack of My Eye

3,864,950 blades of grass.

There was nothing else to do while he stood motionless in the dark garden. He was once again simply a tourist attraction for little fillies and colts to gawk at and hit with spit wads and for pigeons to leave their droppings. He stood there with his paw and claw in front of him in protection and a look of absolute terror on his face. Usually he would love attention and praises but all he got was ridicule; called an evil monster that deserved worse than what he had gotten. Worse than being forced to stand still forever while being aware of his surroundings? The worst thing that could possibly befall an immortal was boredom and that was what he had every day in this pitiful place.

As usual, several of Princess Luna’s guards patrolled the area for whatever reason he couldn’t figure out. No one would bother trying to help him so why bother looking after him? In fact, one of the guards seemed to be starting a conversation with another.

“Why do we have to keep looking after this statue? It’s not like anyone could get him out or even want to.”

EXACTLY!

“Luna and Celestia’s orders; they want to be sure that he can’t try and escape on his own somehow, which is why they have us stand guard, ready in case he starts to release himself.”

“How’s he supposed to do that? The princesses made sure to enchant him with as many binding spells as they could think of to prevent that.”

“He’s a being that could turn the world upside down. He could make us walk on the sky with the ground above us. Eventually, I think that he’ll probably be able to bust out of some rock.”

Why would I do that? That would take an immense amount of power that even I couldn’t pull off. Though it is a very interesting idea, vertigo everywhere.

“But it’s way too boring, isn’t there anything else we can do?”

“I can help with that,” A voice said somewhere in the dark causing the two guards to ready their spears in case of a fight.

“Who’s there? Show yourself.”

“I was simply strolling along when I heard about your little conversation. What else can you tell me about this creature with that kind of power?” The voice asked still out of sight.

“Who wants to know?” One guard questioned as he searched around carefully.

“Just a wanderer; I’ve been one for quite a while. Now please tell me what I wish to know.”

“Ask him yourself.”

“Hm, not a bad idea but how would I go about doing something like that?”

“You can’t possibly be thinking of trying to release Discord are you?” He remarked still on guard.

The voice chuckled evilly. “Perhaps; from what I’ve heard he sounds like a very interesting individual and I wish to learn more about him. What he likes, what he dislikes, where he’s from, and how he can help me to conquer Equestria.”

Alert rose as he tried to follow the sound of the mare’s voice. “Yeah, good luck with that. He isn’t the kind of guy who would team up with someone, so you’re better off trying to get a can opener to help you. And you should realize that we can get either of the princesses’ in a matter of minutes.”

“You’d have to leave in order to do that though, and we can’t let you do that now can we?” The owner of the voice finally stepped out of the shadows, something between a bug and a pony, a bugny or ponug.

What is with those holes in her legs? I don’t know what is up with them, but they give me cravings for cheese. Discord watched intrigued by this newcomer though the guard didn’t seem to be fascinated by her.

“Chrysalis, bout time you showed your disgusting face around here. Must be pretty desperate to have to go to him for help, what happened to your proud army?” The guard remarked with venom and sarcasm galore.

Ooo, I don’t know who I should root for now. Creepy bug lady who wants to free me or sarcastic and fun guard who will make sure I’m stuck like this. Oh who am I kidding? GO BUG LADY!

“I admit that many thought that I no longer deserved to rule the changelings and abandoned me but that won’t matter once I have teamed up with a creature that the elements themselves could barely defeat. He’ll be an excellent sl- I mean partner.”

“Forget it, you want to get to him then you’ll have to go through me,” He said ready to defend himself with honor but only got a laugh.

“Oh I don’t need to do anything,” She replied before adding, “Hardshell.”

With a large boom, the bulking changeling landed behind the guard and grabbed hold of him. “Release me at once vermin.”

“You’re one to talk pony,” Hardshell said before slamming him into the ground. “You are weak while I am strong. I can crush you without any effort.”

“Leave him to the others Hardshell; I have more important things for you to do.” Chrysalis motioned him to the statue of the still intrigued spirit as a swarm of changelings surrounded the guard. She attempted to use her magic but was stopped by a shield. “Hardshell; you’re up.”

He grinned as he stepped in front of the barrier. With his horrifying screech, he slammed into the shield relentlessly, one hit after another until it had no choice but to shatter into pieces. “It is done my queen,” He said bowing to his delighted ruler.

“Excellent work.”

“Don’t do this,” The guard warned. “He won’t listen to you; you’re nothing compared to him. He’ll do whatever he pleases if you release him. Stop this madness at once.”

Chrysalis ignored him as she focused all of her magic into her horn, engulfing the statue with green light. “If you can hear me, then you had better lend a helping hand, or paw.”

Oh I can hear you perfectly fine bug.

After a few moments, the sound of cracking stone filled the air as the prison slowly started to become vulnerable. Hardshell was now focusing his own magic to strengthen the process, resulting in Discord’s chicken claw to be freed. And with a simply snap, the stone prison ceased to be. Lightning flashed in the night sky above as the spirit rose up with a roar before grabbing his neck in pain. “Ow; ten thousand hours can give you such a crick in the neck.” With ease, he removed his head and spun it in his lion paw like a basketball, even throwing it into a custom hoop.

“So you’re the one that she said had untold powers,” She assumed.

“Yes I am Discord; the spirit of spectacular, the chaotic charisma, the prince of power, the king of cool, the lord of laughs, etc.”

He said all while bouncing his head and leaning against a hedge. “Does this bug you?” He asked noticing the queen and changelings following the head’s movement. He sat it back in its rightful spot as he laid down in a Jacuzzi filled with orange juice.

“Are you going to be serious?” Chrysalis questioned with a brow raised.

“Have you done any research on me whatsoever my dear? What do you know about me?” He asked now in a scientist robe with a sheet in paw.

“I know enough that you can help me conquer Equestria and eliminate those who would oppose me.”

“Eliminate? You have the wrong spirit of chaos missy; I don’t eliminate others. I’ll mess with their heads, I’ll turn them into something else but I don’t kill or hurt anyone. And there is no way that I would ever become your slave.”

“Slave?”

“Being turned to stone doesn’t keep me from hearing what anyone around me says, got it? I’d suggest looking somewhere else if you want someone who is willing to be barbaric enough to end another’s life but I’m not looking for employment at the moment, so good night ma’am.” A snap gave him shades and turned the juice into chocolate.

“Wouldn’t it benefit both of us to work together?”

“And why would I need your help in order to take over Equestria?” He asked not even bothering to look at her. “I can take away every unicorn’s horn and every pegasi’s wings with a snap of my talon. I fail to see the reason that I would need the help of the Cheese-legged Bugs.”

“You will do what I say or I’ll—“

“You’ll do what? Bug me to death? Imitate me? Try and use your minions to suck my powers away?” One more snap brought him, Chrysalis, and the rest of the changelings to Ghastly Gorge; the latter having no wings or horns. “I can do whatever I want whenever I want and there’s nothing you can do about it,” He finished smugly.

“You will not disrespect our queen,” Hardshell warned as he charged the spirit who yawned and changed him into a baby, causing all of the changelings to back away.

“Anyone else care to try and attack a being who can make chocolate explode?”

“You can’t get away with something like this,” Chrysalis said readying her horn to electrocute the draconequus.

“You never learn do you?” A rubber ball appeared in his paw, took all of the electricity, and tossed it towards the hiding changelings. “3 points for chaos, 0 for the termites.”

“Stop this at once! Turn my officer back to normal now.”

“Ooo, I’m so scared of the wittle bug. It’s just too adowable,” He fawned pinching her cheek before feeling a pain in his tail. He turned to see one of the changelings had bitten him as he glared at it with a black collar appearing in his paw. “You know what this is you little satanic pile of dung? This is a shock collar that I’m going to put in your mouth if you ever put your disgusting teeth into me ever again.”

His threat flew past the changeling as it simply hissed at him and attempted another bite. “By the satanic powers of ham you will be silenced,” He decreed in an incredibly deep and loud voice as he turned it into a baby pig. “HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!” He added while pumping and shaking his paw in the air for emphasis.

Chrysalis had just about had it with this creature and its nonsense. How could something this annoying and pretentious be feared by so many ponies? She took in a few deep breaths to calm herself down as she readied her horn. “What will it take to reach a deal?”

“Did I ever say that I wasn’t going to help you?” He asked confused. A sheet of caramel paper appeared in his claw as he examined it closely. “Hm, I seem to recall simply asking why I should help you; I never said that I wouldn’t,” He stated with a large smirk across his deformed face at the flabbergasted queen. With just a single snap; all of the changelings were given their wings and horns back, Hardshell was turned back, but the pig still remained rolling in mud.

“Discord,” Chrysalis warned as her horn grew brighter.

“Ham?”

“No.”

“…Ham?”

“No ham.”

“…………………Ham,” He stated with his head lowered as he changed the pig back into a changeling who ran back to its fellow bugs. “You bugs are all just like those ponies, no sense of humor.”

“And what will you do first Discord?”

“Rule number one: do not call me Discord. You will only address me as my liege or any other suited title.”

“Fine. What will we do first my liege?” She asked with venom in her last words.

“Well you and your minions will go to Ponyville tomorrow morning and take it over while I attend to a business meeting,” He replied before vanishing, leaving only a note behind which read only one word while Chrysalis felt something fall on her head.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!

Another long night Celestia thought to herself as she walked through the castle halls after having once again brought the sun up for her subjects. She didn’t show it but it took a tremendous amount of her energy to do such a task. It didn’t help either that she had felt something wrong ever since the previous night, something horrible. She was sure that it wasn’t anything major or else the guards would have reported it by now.

She reached the door to her throne room where one of her guards stood waiting for her. “Your majesty,” He started while bowing. “I feel it is important to inform you that Luna’s guards have not reported back from their patrol last night.”

That feeling started to grow back. “Gather up the other guards and send out a search party.”

“Yes your highness.”

Celestia used her magic to open her throne room door as she was greeted by a startling and frightful sight. Sitting in her throne reading through law books was none other than Discord. She slowly walked forward, seeing that he seemed to have not noticed her presence yet. She readied a spell to at least stun the spirit before he turned his head towards her with a delighted grin. “Celestia it’s wonderful to see you again. How about a big hug?” He asked resting his legs in the air.