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Today's my birthday, though it doesn't feel any different to a normal day. I listened to the radio this morning, and I caught the end of the publicly broadcasted hanging of Celestia and Luna. It's weird, knowing I became an adult the same day that Celestia and Luna were hung. I celebrated my birthday with Mr. Cheesewheel, I gave him the hat, and he looked so cute with it.

Mom didn't say anything to me today before she left, and I doubt she'll say anything to me when she gets home. I wonder if she even cares anymore, or even loves me. I've had arguments with myself that she's planning on telling someone about me, and will laugh when I get dragged to the gallows.

I had another dream a few nights ago. I was in the lilac field again, standing amidst the stones, but this time I was alone. Overhead was storm clouds, rain pouring down hard. It lasted hours, standing in the rain, my coat and mane dripping wet. After a few hours, I heard hoofsteps from all around me, as dozens, maybe even hundreds, of ponies came from the darkness, surrounding me and the stones. My horn lit up, zapping the central stone, as it glowed a soft red, an alicorn appearing above it. She spoke to me, saying my name, though I couldn't hear what she told me. Her words were drowned out by the thunder and rain. I awoke shortly after she appeared, cold and sweaty, with Mr. Cheesewheel sitting next to me. He was concerned, so I assumed I was speaking in my sleep.

I think I'm done writing for today. I'm going to read some more of the books I found, and maybe I'll play with Mr. Cheesewheel a bit more. I always thought that my 18th birthday would be extravagant, that it would be fun and I could invite all of my friends over, but in reality, my 18th birthday was quiet, alone, and there is no one I can count on anymore. The thoughts that run through my head, the things I'm thinking of doing to myself make me want to cry, and scream, and run.