Cat Warrior

by ShamrocknRoll

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Little Strongheart, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 1900

buffalo children are missing Chief Thunderhooves hire PP, Rarity and Fluttershy to solve the crime

Inspired by the Longmire episode "Dog Soldier" this mystery stars Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy as detectives that Chief Thunderhooves hires to solve the case, despite it being inspired by a very dark and serious episode of Longmire, this story is very light and comedic. When the three ponies go to the reservation, Fluttershy convinces a baby buffalo to draw what he saw which are drawings of a creature with spiky hair and a scar on its nose; half buffalo, half cat. His grandmother warned him that if he didn't behave, Lipi'co would come and take him away. Rarity can't pronounce the name, but asks Little Strongheart to explain. Lipi'co are buffalo version of the boogy pony. They could shift shape from buffalo to cat and back again and kidnapped misbehaving foals. When Little Strongheart is kidnapped the next night the ponies realize they have to solve the crime before other children are gone.

Published 2012-08-28 23:34:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-03 03:06:31 UTC

The three sleuths.

The train to Appleloosa stopped at the rustic station and the three hired detectives; Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Fluttershy exited the car. They looked around for their acquaintance, Chief Thunderhooves who hired the three to help the buffalo discover what was happening to their young buffalo children. Who were vanishing into the night for the last few weeks. Other rather chilling stories involved the beds of the children turning ice cold even when next to the campfire, and illustrations in the ground of a grapevine, a plant that the buffalo associated with insanity and death. Fluttershy was looking at the landscape. The red sands and mountain ranges were beautiful despite the heat Fluttershy adored the wildlife she saw, from vultures to lizards. There was even a jackrabbit that made Fluttershy think of Angel

“I hope Little Strongheart's not one of the kidnapped.” Pinkie Pie said to her friends.

“If she was, I normally don't want to break my hooves or dirty my mane but I am going to tear through the kidnapper like spit through cotton candy.” Rarity snorted. “Children should always be safe.”

“I...agree.” Fluttershy replied. Chief Thunderhooves approached the three ponies. A look of worry on his face. “Greetings... Chief Thunderhooves.”

“Greetings Ms Fluttershy, Ms Rarity, Ms Pie. I am glad you are here to help my tribe find their lost calves as it is starting to worry me."

“May I ask why you only hired us? I mean I have a friend that is...” Rarity's question was cut off by Thunderhooves.

“That friend is probably in league with the ponies. You know the saying most ponies say about us buffaloes: “Kill the buffalo, save the ungulate”. Especially after Celestia and Luna placed us on these reservations after the Appleloosa Stampede.” Thunderhooves huffed as he expectorated after speaking in disgust with the ponies of Appleloosa, which included Applejack's cousin, Rarity cringed at the bad manners of the Chief. “Pinkie Pie is a professional.” Rarity and Fluttershy looked at Pinkie Pie, who smiled and pulled out a business card: Pinkamena Diane Pie, Private Investigator She puts the Pi in P.I. If I was a bad P.I., I wouldn't be sittin' here, givin' you a business card now would I?"

“Catchy, isn't it?” Pinkie Pie asked as she jumped up and down.

“I...guess.” Fluttershy replied. "In all honesty I have no idea why you brought us along."

"You two were the ponies I pulled out of my invite hat." Pinkie replied. Both ponies had unsurprised faces given Pinkie's history of arbitrary means of getting help with things.

“Yes well anyway off to the reservation.” Chief Thunderhooves said as the four walked towards a carriage that was drawn by two ponies and got into it.

“So my dear Chief, where were YOU during the kidnappings?” Pinkie Pie asked as she smoked her bubble pipe vigorously. “Sorry Thunderhooves, but I have to ask everybody. You're our only suspect so far. This is definitely going to be an eighteen pipe problem. Granted I have my friends so it could just be six.”

“I was sleeping and I don't know when the kidnappings happened, all I know is that it was at night.”

“Well if you didn't do it, than why do you know THAT?”

“Pinkie, obviously because if someone kidnapped someone in broad daylight Chief Thunderhooves would've seen them.” Rarity answered.

“Well I'll just keep asking him then. Fluttershy, deploy the portable interrogation room and make it unbearably cold.” Pinkie Pie demanded.

“Umm... We... don't have... a portable... interrogation room.” Fluttershy answered.

“Look Pinkie I hired you because you were the best at what you do and...” Thunderhooves began.

“And what I do is very ugly, ever saw an eclair bleed? Or a mother doughnut cry after losing one of its holes?” Pinkie snapped. “Mystery solving is serious business.”

“I just want you to know that why would I kidnap buffalo in my own tribe?”

“Indeed.” Fluttershy whispered.

“OK then Mr. Big Thunderhooves, we must talk in the cone of silence! Cone of Silence activate!” Pinkie Pie demanded as she placed a huge sugar ice cream cone over both her and the chief.

“Rider go faster, my mane is getting crimped.” Rarity demanded. “I have deliveries for the buffalo this afternoon to fulfill, brand new Rarity brand blankets.”

“Oh Rarity, you make just blankets.” Fluttershy said surprised at this statement. “That is so cool and inspiring as I myself am rather good at sewing.”

“Of course I do I try to cater to all, buffalo are too big to fit into my svelte and silky designs so I just make blankets for them.” Rarity pointed out. “I will even give you some lessons on them if you want Fluttershy.”

“I'll definitely consider it.” Fluttershy smiled.

“We are here.” The coachman said as he breaked to a halt. “Everybody out.” Rarity and Fluttershy left the carriage, however Pinkie Pie and Chief Thunderhooves were still under the cone of silence until Fluttershy and Rarity devoured said cone of sugar and flour to get the two out of the carriage. The four headed to the reservation and Little Strongheart greeted all four of them.

“Hello again ponies, my good smiling friends.” Little Strongheart said to her pony friends. “I hope you are well and can get to the bottom of this mystery. My friend Dancing Drum was kidnapped just yesterday I saw the culprit just for a moment but I think Rarity can help me draw it.”

“Great, Rarity you deal with Little Strongheart, Fluttershy you deal with any other witnesses to this kidnapping. I will discuss any other suspects with Chief Thunderhooves.” Pinkie Pie said as she walked with Chief Thunderhooves. “Now tell me any ideas who could be the perv.” Pinkie Pie asked him.

“I think you mean Perp. And I honestly think its Braeburn, which is why I didn't ask for Applejack despite her knowledge of Appleloosa. Granted there is also that dastardly buffalo Wigwam Wig who is trying to take the tribe over.” Pinkie Pie puffed on her bubble pipe.

“Fascinating.”

“Pinkie, we have a clue!” Rarity yelled.

Trap Failed

Pinkie perked up at the word “clue”. “Stay here Mr. Thunderhooves.” She said as she bounced towards Rarity and Fluttershy. Who were with a buffalo calf with a sketch pad. The calf showed Pinkie what he drew a creature with spiky hair and a scar on its nose; half buffalo, half cat.

“I convinced him to draw what he saw.” Fluttershy said.

“I asked what this thing was and it was a Lipzigger, whatever that is.” Rarity followed up. “It's definitely not a pony however.”

“Lipi'co.” Little Strongheart said. “It's buffalo folklore. My grandmother used to talk about the Lipi'co or Cat Warrior in Buffalo as well. If calves don't behave, the Lipi'co would kidnap them and take them to it's den where it will enslave them. And if they are still disobediant stew them in a pot.” Pinkie Pie swiped some make up from Rarity's satchel and marked herself with a fake scar and whiskers then slipped on some cat ears and started to sing a song:

two little calves in sleeping bags,
their disobedient mane was hidden by innocent hats!
But, funny little calves They thought I was their dads!
O what shall I do with the funny little brats?
O what shall I do with the funny little brats?

Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot;
fry them, boil them, eat them hot?
Bake and toast 'em, fry and roast 'em!
till manes blaze, and eyes glaze;
fur smells and skins crack
fat melts, and bones black
in cinders lie
beneath the sky!
So calves shall... die

“Such a gruesome song. You even made the calf scared.” Rarity said as she noticed the calf hiding behind Fluttershy. “However with that song you really made me realize that no wonder everybody's afraid. Their future are being kidnapped and might get cooked by a monster. What ever will we do?” Pinkie smiled. Rarity grimaced and Fluttershy shivered at this motion.

“We trap it.” Pinkie Pie answered. “Fluttershy, you're bait. Little Strongheart, other calf watch me too and gather around.” Pinkie Pie began to draw in the sand the plan of the trap. She drew Fluttershy, Little Strongheart and the other calf in sleeping bags. “What's your name little one?” Pinkie asked.

“Big Oyster.” He responded. Pinkie Pie nodded and continued to draw the trap. Placing one bait at the eastern, western and southern

“OK, Fluttershy, Little Strongheart and Big Oyster. You three are the bait, one at the east, west and south. North will be covered by Thunderhooves. Rarity and I will have these ready to fire at this boogey pony. Rarity take the east, I'll take the west.” She said as she readied two net guns. “We got ourselves a monster to capture. Ponies take your stations!” Pinkie Pie moved up to the western high point hills and put on a large backpack with camping gear attached. The attached gear included, an easy bake oven, a miniature flag with Pinkie Pie's cutie mark on it, and a Gummy doll wearing a Panama hat. “This is going to be good.” With that, everypony (and buffalo) took their places. Night fell and at first Pinkie Pie was vigilant, scoping out the terrain and where Fluttershy decided to lie in wait for the kidnapper to take her.She had faith in Rarity that she was doing the same. However, just like she did on the MMMystery, Pinkie Pie nodded off and fell asleep to dream of success and being a heroine in the buffaloes' eyes.

Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie were walking down an aisle that was created by two ranks of buffalo flanking them. All three of them nodded and smiled at each other and approached Chief Thunderhooves, who instead of his normal body had a body that was chubbier and diapered. When the three detectives approached Chief Thunderhooves gave each pony a prize. Rarity was given access to the secret buffalo mines of platinum, Fluttershy was given access to the royal mangerie of animals and Pinkie Pie was given the key to the Land of Sugar and Spice. Pinkie Pie grinned ear to ear and ran towards a tipi that Chief Thunderhooves pointed to and entered it. Inside the tipi was a colorful land with big flowery meadows, a bright blue sky with giant pudgy kittens floating around, giant lollipops and candy sprouting out of the ground, and a little town full of candy shops and party decorations. Pinkie began to hop around the landscape licking every lollipop she could find and shoving cupcakes into each of her cheeks. She saw her friends including Twilight Sparkle, Applejack and Rainbow Dash enter her cave of candy. Who Pinkie Pie decided to play catch with a jawbreaker.

“Pinkie, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash said as she got stuck in gumdrops that a prankster frog with a fez placed underneath her hooves.

“Yes Rainbow Dash?” Pinkie Pie asked through mouthfuls of cupcakes.

“WHY DID YOU FALL ASLEEP!?”

“What do you mean?” Pinkie asked. Twilight Sparkle grabbed some cream soda from a river and threw it at Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie woke up and saw her five friends all looking angry at her. “What did I do?” She asked.

“You allowed Little Strongheart to get kidnapped you dumbo!” Rainbow Dash yelled.