Grounded

Chapters

I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
When everything's made to be broken
The moment of truth in your lies
All I can taste is this moment
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
You bleed just to know you're alive

I just want you to know who I am

When I was a kid, my parents were super overprotective. I never really understood why. I was not allowed to do stunts, race particularly fast, and do sports. As little danger as possible, and that was it.

It wasn’t until I showed a talent for racing did they finally give in and let me go all out. They participated in every meet, they cheered the loudest in the stands, they even made my face the banner they raised at events. That last one put me off, but the other parts weren’t so bad. They were my parents; they loved me more than anything else.

One day, I asked them a question.

‘If you guys love me so much, why don’t I have any siblings?’ I was maybe six or seven, and this was… the first time I’d made my parent’s smiles drop on the spot.

‘You don’t need to worry about that, sweetie. All we need is you. Because we have you, that’s all that matters.’

It bothered me. For a very, very long time. I couldn’t understand why they’d say that. Don’t worry? You’re all we need? Who says that? A step further; who says that to a kid? There had to be more to the story, but they never did tell me.

Years after that as a teen, I was kicked out of flight school. Ashamed of myself and unwilling to stomach their constant admiration of me, I moved to Ponyville. I made a house for myself and picked up a job with the weather team there. I grew up a lot on my own, more than I ever thought I would.

From meeting some nerdy kid from Canterlot with her head up her ass to reconnecting with an old friend, my life got turned around. I took my chance back at the dream from my childhood, and finally, I made it. The fame, the fortune, the career, the status, the glory: I had it all.

And yet it felt so empty.

So... alone.

There’d always been this stallion who I had my eye on, but once I met him, I found out he was a total dork. Just a nice guy: easy on the eyes, softly spoken. Not my type at all. Or, so I thought. He liked me, made that clearer than ice in a glass of water. But me? It took me time to warm up to the idea of ‘us.’

He’d talk about having kids and a big family, raising his own little superstar that could come from behind and beat all those records he never could. We also had a lot of other things in common including a book series I was an obsessive fan of, and we were good friends, but I just couldn’t see it. Not with him, anyways.

Time went on. I got older, got slower, and I realized that maybe everything I’ve always wanted… might not actually be all that awesome. Well, I say that; it helps that I almost died tearing a wing muscle during a race and fell out of the sky.

Of course, who else but the guy with his eyes on me would come to my rescue? Seeing your life flash before your eyes makes ya think, so I gave in, let him take me out. I was just doing this as thanks at first, but… maybe I liked Soarin more than I thought I did. A lot more, actually. He was far more charming outside work, he was more fun outside work, and damn it!

He was a cheesy romantic, and I loved it and I would never admit that to anypony so long as I live! I’ve got a reputation to protect, fuck you. Fight me.

Anyway: he proposed, I said yes, we got down to business, and I got pregnant within the month. Now, I don’t care how many times Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie had already done this; that shit messes you up. I used to carbo-load before races, but when I was pregnant, I ate like that every day! Food expenses went through the roof, my moods swung all over the place minute to minute and I. Never. Stopped. Eating.

And I ate things I didn’t like, too! Spicy food is okay; it was never my favorite thing in the world, but damn it, I needed a pepper with every meal or I was gonna die. Including when I wanted ice cream. Gotta give the guy props; Soarin always ran and got whatever we didn’t have. Even at odd hours of the day like needing jalapeños at three in the morning. It was a mess.

Eleven months of the sweats and colicky pain and peppers—Goddess damn it was a lot of peppers—the kid finally popped out. Good Goddess did I do a good job. He had my mane, got Soarin’s coat and eyes, and had big teeny-little wings that’d just be huge one day. Plus, he matched his dad’s baby pictures, so he’d be lean and muscular when he grew up too.

He was perfect. He was mine. He was Prism.

There’s a lot they don’t tell you about having kids. There’s a lot ponies should keep to themselves about having kids because it’s simultaneously the best and worst thing that will ever happen to you. But the thing they don’t tell you about—the one that meant the most to me—is the one that broke my heart.

Nopony tells you what it feels like to lose.

“Go, go, go! Come on buddy, just around the corner and you’ve got it!”

The foal flew, less than gracefully, around the tiny living room track I’d built out of a cloud from outside.

“Last lap! Come on, come on, come on!”

It wasn’t very complicated, but he was just thirteen months old. The fact that he could fly at all was astonishing enough. Learning how to go around a track though? That was amazing. He sees the next ring, the final ring, and I stand just in front of it, cheering him on. His big-little wings flapped as hard as they could, and…

“Yes! You did it!”

He kept flying and crashed straight into me. My little boy flew right into my forelegs, and I wrapped him up in my wings. I kissed his head and held him tight, nuzzled his belly, made him laugh with delight.

“You are gonna be awesome one day.” I paused. “Scratch that. You’re already awesome. You’re gonna be a star one day, Prism, and it won’t just be me or your dad saying that.”

Prism happily kicked his little hooves at me, and he was just.So. Cute! It wasn’t fair to other kids, really. Sure, Applejack had a couple of her own kids, and those were cute, and… Fluttershy calls her kids cute, but I’m not sure that’s, like, real or not with chaos noodle-pony hybrids, and Pinkie has her kids, and Rarity has Pearl, but none compared to Prism.

I mean, they don’t even have rainbow manes. They’re not future-fastest-fliers, or… pegasi at all, save Pinkie’s Cotton, and they don’t have big green eyes like Prism does. Which is kinda weird, now that I think about it. Both Applejack and her brother have green eyes, just like their dad did, but all three of her kids have orange eyes like their father. Is it still three, or are there more of them now? There always seems to be more foals around the farm every time I visit. It was one, then the identical twins, and… I think she’s due for another one soon? Definitely way more pregnant last time I saw her. Nothing like when the twins were cooking, but easy to tell.

Prism yawning in my wings reminded me: it was about nap time. I moved to the couch and just lay there with him on my chest. It’d been slow, these last few years, at least compared to my teens when all the crazy crap was happening. Luna comes back and we friendship laser her, Discord gets free and we friendship laser him not once but twice, only for him to later end up with Shy… somehow—I still don’t quite understand them almost a decade later, but whatever. Then there’s that thing with Sombra, Twilight figuring out that spell, the mirror world, all this new technology. Three years isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things, but a hell of a lot happened back then.

Speaking of, I turned on the TV in my little cloud house then found something to watch until I fell asleep. It happened often, these days. Soarin works and I spend my days with Prism till my Wonderbolt gets home. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I didn’t exactly get the whole ‘mom’ thing when I was younger. Foals are gross. They’re always sticky, they eat and shit and sleep and eat and shit, and that’s, like, all they do. And the teeth! Good Goddess, the teeth. Some days, I wonder if he’s trying to rip my teats off. Why would anypony subject themselves to this, especially more than once? No idea.

But he’s just so damn cute! He can fly too, and he looks like some… weird little fusion monster of his dad and me, and I can’t exactly describe it, but when I look at him, it just makes me wanna… never let go while also wanting to see him soar higher and higher and higher. It’s too much. I love him. I wouldn’t want a life without him. I can’t imagine life without my little Prism.

It’s like foals were specifically engineered to remove the memory of physical pain after they come out. See, I’m not a full-figured mare. Far from it actually: I’m way too small for twenty-five. The number of times I’ve been mistaken for a child or a teenager in my life is far too high, and the teenager thing still happens, even when I’m flying around with what is clearly my foal on my back. Rainbow manes aren’t common, after all.

Point is; my hips ain’t wide. If I could remember much of it, I probably wouldn’t want to have another kid. I broke Soarin’s wrist the day I delivered, apparently. I’m honestly not that strong, and on any other occasion, I don’t think I could’ve done it by brute force.

Of course, Prism isn’t very big either. I don’t think anypony has had a foal as big as Applejack’s first one, but that shit hurts… probably. I was drugged to hell and back on top of everything else, so who knows? Guess if they numb the crap out of me for it, there’s gotta be a good reason. His wrist was definitely broken though, so even through all the numbing, I still felt it, which has to mean something.

Did I want another one?

No.

Well, maybe.

Yes.

It’s all I could think about lately. Prism had been born last year in June; it was now July again, and he could already fly. I hadn’t started flying till I was eighteen months old. He’s a prodigy; we knew he was gonna be awesome. Soarin and I were both professional fliers up until I took my maternity leave, but Prism shot beyond expectations. He’s great. We got exactly what we wanted on the first try. We didn’t need to have more kids.

And yet…

Save Rarity, who was never exactly married, all my other able friends have more than one kid. Applejack’s had four as of her little Gin back in May, with a pair of twins just two years ago. Oddly enough, Pinkie popped out a pair of twins back in March. Save for their little gender bits, you wouldn’t be able to tell them apart. Twins aren’t specific to any one race of pony or another, but it seems more common in earth ponies than anything else.

Pinkie’s parents both come from families of four, she comes from a family of four, and she’s all for that tradition stuff so she’d planned on having four from the start. You’d think Pies come in threes, but it’s fours, always has been. She probably won’t have another.

Applejack is an Apple, so she might just stop when she literally can’t make them anymore: all those families are typically massive. Twins are also common in the Apple family too. They say there’s at least a few pairs a generation; Flim and Flam are distant cousins of hers, though she’d never admit that in public.

Fluttershy’s been saying she wants another, so that could happen soon. Maybe. How does it work? No idea. How does she deal with the horns? Again, no idea. Pretty sure the first one’s horns poked through the sack as she came out, but that didn’t affect anything, I think. Shy is a good friend, but I can’t even begin to understand how she thinks or what goes on beyond closed doors at her place.

Why do they keep doing it?

It’s not like you know who your kid’s gonna be. You don’t have an idea of who they are ‘till much later in life, so why not leave it at that? Is it because of the fun part? I could see that as a motivator easily, but I really doubt Applejack or Pinkie keep having kids for that reason. Low-key, Fluttershy’s kind of a freak though, so it wouldn’t surprise me there. But because she’s with Discord, if they didn’t wantanother one, couldn’t he just make it not happen? You know what? I don’t question them for a reason.

Still, is it because you don’t want them to get lonely like I did when my parents weren’t around all the time? Scratch that, I was never lonely. Uh, definitely. Didn’t ask for a brother when I was little, didn’t get a weird, weird answer that haunts me to this day. Then again, what if Prism comes to me like when I went to my parents? If I have another foal, if just for Prism’s sake, then am I doing this just to please somepony instead of intentionally bringing another kid into the world? I mean, Mom and Dad definitely wanted to see me have kids, but them pressuring me into it isn’t why I wanted to have Prism. I wanted him because I wanted him. Soarin had some input there, literally, but I was the ultimate decision maker.

I wonder if I’m telling myself all these things just to find a reason for it.

It’s not as if I think it’d be too much or we’re not in a good place for it or the world isn’t safe or anything like that. The opposite is the truth: Mom and Dad are down the street if I need them, Soarin moving up to trainer from performer is easier on him and brings a raise with it, so I don’t have to work at all, and I get to see this little wonder do his thing all day.

Do I want more kids?

I don’t know.

I didn’t know.

I stroked the little rainbow tuft on my boy’s head and wondered more as I ignored the TV. The afternoon sun filtered in gently through the shade on the window; it hit me just so that it warmed me up a little. Just enough to make me sleepy. Just enough to get me to yawn.

Just enough… to make me drift away…

The sky was overcast below. Above, however, lay a white cotton candy field stretching across the horizon: clear blue above slowly turning dark and faded into stars, the bright sun in the center of the cyan ring around me in all directions. I knew this place. I’d been here before.

When I turned around, I found him there, waiting for me. I could never see his face. Every time I got a clear picture of him, something shifted and I couldn’t make him out anymore. Five or six years old, a little colt with my eyes: the only things I could recognize about him.

Like always, he greeted me with, “Welcome back! Did you come to play with me again?”

A big, bright smile on his face like nothing in the world could make his day better than seeing me again. That’s what I was there to do because this is what we always did. The colt never liked to fly, but he loved to run, and here, he could run as long and hard as he liked.

Dash left, roll right, juke me out of a tag; he knew how to move his body. Always made me work to catch him, but once I did, there would be no end to the punishment for it. Brats could only grab my tail so many times before they got tickled!

On the rare day I couldn’t catch him, I cheated and flew after him. Not many ponies could beat me in the sky. Working my wings so hard for so long was an easy way to make rapid decay happen. Just because I hurt myself once didn’t mean I couldn't do it anymore though!

Finally caught in my forelegs, I refused to let him go. He had the best laugh. An awesome laugh. I loved to hear it. But, just like always, I’d never get to hold him for long. The sun would dip, the sky would change colors, the dark ring above us with the stars inside got bigger, and the clouds weren’t so endless.

“Promise you’ll come see me again, won’t you?” he asked.

I nuzzled his forehead and told him I will.

He wormed his way out of my grasp. I tried to keep him still, tried not to let go, but every time I tried to reach him, it was like reaching through fog. The wispy unclarity to him got stronger; even the eyes I could always see start to blur.

He waved as I try to catch him. I could never reach him in time.

“I’ll see you soon. Bye, ___!"

A word was missing. What did he call me? I tried to ask, tried to reach for him again, but he sank below the white field. I made it to the bottom, but he was already gone. I pulled the clouds aside to see where he went, but beneath them lay only the green earth under a field of gray.

“Who are you?”

I woke up shaking.

“Hey. You alright? You’re crying again.”

Soarin had taken Prism off me and had him in his forelegs, but the phantom feeling of somepony else lingered in my memory. He was just here. If I just reached him, if I just grabbed him before he fell away, I would know…

I wiped at my eyes and sat up. “I think so. You know that dream—”

“About the colt?”

“Yeah. It happened again.”

Soarin stroked Prism’s mane. “What do you think it means?”

I huffed. “I don’t know. You know me better than to ask a question like that.”

Soarin shrugged, but his face betrayed the motion. “Well, you know what I think it means?” He leaned over and, with a stupid grin, whispered in my ear, “I think you want something.”

I almost flat-out punched him in the snout, but remembered he had my baby. I pulled back and pushed Soarin away instead. “Bah! You don’t know that.”

“True. If I had you figured out, Prism would probably be a few years older than he is right now.”

Soarin stretched out the unconscious foal’s wing and studied it. Ponies had the strangest genetics when it comes to colors on their bodies. Prism, for all I can tell, ended in rainbows everywhere. Not just the mane, not just the tail, but even his little fetlocks and the tips of his feathers: they all faded from white into another solid color, starting from red, going through the color wheel to purple, and repeating the cycle. I didn’t know if a lot of ponies were named after the way they look, but Prism definitely was.

“You know, he flew all the way around that little track today,” I mentioned.

Soarin tilted his head to see the rings I’d made earlier. He turned back to me with a skeptical look on his face. “No way.”

“Yes, way. I would’ve recorded it, but somepony is a cheapskate and won’t buy me a phone. It was pretty awesome too. Just flew straight into my forelegs.”

Soarin rolled his eyes. “Come on. You know how much those things cost to have cloud proofed.”

I frowned at him then readjusted myself so I laid my head on his lap. “Yeah, but the princess that invented the tech just so happens to be one of my best friends.”

Soarin nodded. “Right. One of your best friends that you’ve seen… twice since Prism was born. Once at Hearth’s Warming, and on the day of his birth, in which somepony was pretty whacked out if I remember correctly. I know you don’t, so there’s that.”

I grunted, blew the mane out of my eyes. “Whatever. She would make time for me if I asked her to.”

“I don’t doubt that, but that’s also kind of a shitty thing to do, isn’t it?”

I scratched at my ear. “Well, kinda. I guess.”

“And, on top of that, cloud-proofing is still kinda new, isn’t it? Cloud-proofing spells fail all the time: the news you keep flipping through says it every week. Ponies on the surface almost, and sometimes do, get hit by falling TVs every now and again. Remember the media shitstorm that happened when a TV fell out of the sky and broke somepony’s back? They were lucky to still be alive.”

“Uh-huh.” Raised my brow and pointed a hoof at our TV. “And what about that?”

He quickly looked the other way. “I mean, well, it was a gift from the Princess! You don’t turn down something from somepony like that, do you?”

I rolled over, put my chin on my hooves, and tilted my head. “A gift. A gift that you specifically asked for. A gift that you put on the registry. A gift that you personally talked to Twilight about trying to figure out a way to get up here!”

Soarin frowned at me. He also pushed me off the couch.

“Hey!”

I was about to lunge at him, but just as I moved, he raised Prism a little higher. “Ah-ah ah! Somepony said no screwing around with the baby, right?”

Animus ran up my spine. This exact situation had played out before but in reverse. I let out a deep breath and stood up straight. “Fine then. I’m making us dinner, and you can go fend for yourself!”

I started off toward the kitchen, and the desired effect had been achieved.

“Hey, don’t do this to me! I was at work all day! Come on, Dash!”

He put Prism in the crib and spent the rest of the evening trying to get my attention. I can’t say that I don’t enjoy these little games we play. That’s mostly what it’s been like this whole time. He loves to chase; I love to make him chase. When he finally catches me, he’s rewarded for his efforts.

Maybe I’d always wanted to make him chase me, wanted him to catch me, but it just took so long to get in front of him, I’d almost forgotten about the game by the time I’d made it. I didn’t think he’d never figured me out; he just hadn’t met my standards yet. I didn’t think he ever could. I was the fastest the world over. I beat everypony. Nopony could outpace me.

Then, all at once, that wasn’t true. Too far, too fast, too high, too long. I fell out of the sky, and it wasn’t just anypony that caught me: it was him. My Wonderbolt. Two years later, and I still wasn’t back where I used to be. Even now, I may never be. But if anything were a sign to change course, it would certainly be tearing a wing muscle.

Later that night, after I’d made him help me make dinner before feeding, changing, and putting Prism to sleep, we laid down for bed.

The colt popped up in my head again.

Absently, I asked, “Who are you?”

Soarin’s ear twitched and he sat up on his side of the bed. “Hmm?”

“Oh, go back to sleep.”

He rubbed at his eyes and I threw his part of the blanket at his face. “Well, I’m definitely not going to now. What’s wrong?”

I groaned and rolled the other way, pulling the blanket over my face. “Nothing.”

He scooted up next to me, put a hoof on my shoulder. “If I’ve learned anything in the past couple years, it’s that nothing means something when you say it. Come on, Dash. It’s me.”

Letting a breath go, I rolled halfway over and stared at the ceiling. It’s way too close. I should take a few hours later and make it taller.

Soarin cleared his throat. Guess I’m not getting out of this. Finally, I said, “When you were little, did you ever ask your parents why you were an only child?”

He moved a hoof to his thin goatee. “... not really. My parents weren’t exactly together when I was little.”

I blinked. “What? We see them all the time!”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve told you more than once that my dad remarried when I was like, eight or so.”

“Wait, wait, wait… really?”

“Really.”

“But… she looks—”

“Just like me, I know. Dad’s got a specific taste. My biological mom isn’t a pegasus.”

Did I know that? “Hold on. I don’t remember hearing anything about this.”

“No, no, I told you. You remember a few years back when you saw me in Ponyville?”

“I saw you in Ponyville a lot, Soarin.”

He rolled his eyes and put two hooves behind his head. “No, no, the first time you saw me in Ponyville. You asked me why I was visiting that flower shop?”

A sigh escaped me. “Oh. Right. I was given a ton of shit for forgetting it was Mother’s Day.” A pause. “Wait, does she live—”

“In Ponyville, yes.”

The memory rushed back to me. Years ago as he was leaving, I asked him why and he said, “Yeah, I’m getting flowers for my mom. ‘Cause it’s Mother’s Day, after all.”

I clapped my hooves. “Right. And then I flew as fast as I could to get to Cloudsdale before it got too late and still didn’t make it before sundown, which is why… yeah. So, I haven’t met her because…?”

Soarin sighed; not a thing he does very often. “Oh, you know. She’s not very… friendly.” He brushed a hoof against his bed-mane. “Honestly, I’d prefer if you never meet her at all. She knows about you, but she doesn’t know about us, and she definitely doesn’t know about Prism. We should… probably keep it that way too.”

I couldn’t decide how to react to that. I didn’t think Soarin kept secrets from me, but apparently he’s keeping ponies from me. “You’re gonna have to explain. She’s my baby’s grandma, isn’t she? I should at least know who she is. I mean, he should get to know who she is too, but whatever. Why don’t I know her? And, like, for real, and not ‘because she’s not nice.’ That don’t fly here, chief.”

Soarin turned his head and raised a brow. So the game began. “If you tell me what’s really up, then I’ll tell you about my mom, deal?”

I refuse. I don’t care how dark it was in here, he wasn’t allowed to see my face. I turned away. “W-well, that’s not exactly fair…”

“What?” He tracked me with suspicious eyes, moving his head above mine. “How could that possibly be unfair?”

“Because it’s not fair, alright? Geez, get off my back! Literally!”

I attempted to shake him off, but instead, he clamped down and got further on top of me. “No, no, it’s completely fair,” he went on. “You’re not telling me because… because you’re embarrassed, right?”

The pillow was my refuge. I planted my face under it, hoping he’d stop. “Shut up!”

He shoved his big head under the pillow with me. “Figured as much. Will you tell me if I guess right?”

“No!”

Soarin rolled off, then put his stupid head on top of my pillow. If there was anything this dumb hunk of stallion meat had going for him, it was his tenacity. Never gave up, never let go once he got on, and never stopped. Earned himself the nickname ‘Always’ Soarin because endurance was one of his best qualities.

“So, let’s pretend for a second that I’m your friend’s husband, the detective.” He shifted his head onto his hoof. “First, you keep having that dream. Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t. What is certain is that I always find you crying and you always say it’s about a colt. Clearly, it’s not nothing. Am I on the right track?”

“… I guess… Your Fin impression sucks, by the way.”

“His accent aside—second, you just asked me about being an only child. You didn’t exactly explain anything, but this isn’t the first time you’ve talked about wanting a little brother when you were younger. Still accurate, right?”

“Maybe.”

I peeked from under the pillow, and I caught his eye for just a second. He wiggled a brow at me and I pulled the pillow back as quickly as possible. Damn it, you’re not allowed to look at me like that when I feel like this! Stupid pretty-faced stallion!

“Finally, and if this one isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is: you added jalapeños to the shopping list you sent me to work with.”

Shit.

He ran the tip of his hoof up my spine and took my breath away. Leaned in close to my ear and whispered, “Now then, Mrs. Rainbow Dash. Is there… something you’d like to tell me?”

This idiot already knew what I wanted, but he’s gonna make me say it anyway! Screw him! I won’t give him the satisfaction!

“No!” I threw the covers aside, jumped up from under my pillow and tackled him. “Haven’t figured me out, my ass! You’re a piece of shit! I love you!”

He laughed and smiled. Brought me in for a long, deep kiss. “I love you too.”

So much for a good night’s sleep.

I don't want the world to see me

“So, what’s the word?” Soarin asked as he stepped in the front door.

I wanted to hide my excitement, but I couldn’t. I’d been waiting to tell him all day and now he was finally home. “Positive!”

His whole face lit up. “Positive!?”

“Yes!”

Dropping all his things at the door, Soarin rushed over and swept me off my hooves. “You’re perfect, you know that?” He pressed his lips to mine for a long minute, but that was quickly interrupted by a little set of hooves landing on my belly.

“Pababa!” Prism shouted.

I patted his little mane and brought him to my chest. “That’s close, buddy. You’ll be a big brother next year! Can you say, bro-ther?”

Prism scrunched his little face up. I thought he might need a diaper change, but he eventually said, “Bro-da!”

“Hey! That’s more than close!” Soarin set me down then took Prism from my hooves. “Okay, watch Daddy, alright?”

Prism paddled his hooves. “Dada!”

“Yes! Now repeat after me; bro-ther.”

Again, Prism did that scrunchy thing with his face and said, “Bro-t-ta.”

“Bro-ther.”

“Bro-tha!”

“Yes!” Soarin threw Prism up in the air, and his wings flared out of natural instinct. He spiraled back down and landed right onto his father’s chest. The thought that he might be smart on top of being an athlete choked me up a little, honestly. My boy was something special.

“Liquid pride, huh, mom?”

I nodded at Soarin before wiping my face. “Well, there’s that. But I always figured that since you’re his dad, he wasn’t gonna be all that smart. But against all odds, he already knows eight words at fourteen months.”

And all at once, Soarin’s smile dropped. “Wow. Not cool.”

“Na coo!” Prism echoed. He was like if the Goddess gave me the best kid I could ask for. My heart couldn't take it.

I took my son from his father and nuzzled his head. “Ya do Mamma proud, Prism. Ya do Mamma proud.”

“Mama!”

“Yes.” Stroked his little rainbow mane and held him tighter. It shouldn’t be legal to be this awesome.

Soarin looked around like there were other ponies in the room. “Dude. Don’t just say that like you mean it! What the hell?”

“Hell!”

Both our ears shot up. Our eyes darted to the giggling and laughing baby. Oh no.

“Huh,” was all Soarin could manage.

“Yeah, uh… maybe forget that one, huh, buddy?” I’d hoped that a smile and an eye flutter would work. It always worked on his dad.

“Hell! Hell, Mama!”

It didn’t work on Prism. This wasn’t my fault, but it was also definitely my fault. With a nervous glance at my husband, “So….”

“Careful with the vocab from now on, yeah?”

My parents would kill me if they hear him saying that. An irrevocable mistake might’ve just been made. “Yeah.”

Silence between the adults in the room permeated our little cloud house. When Prism joined the club and concern washed over his little face, Soarin said, “You, uh… wanna toss him around for a while so he can sleep and we can talk?”

I licked my lips. My mouth felt very dry. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”

Parents of pegasi in early childhood who can’t fly yet will take turns tossing their foals around like a hoofball. Any time a pegasus foal was in the air, their wings opened up naturally to glide without prompting or prior training. Some ponies, like Fluttershy’s parents, were afraid of playing with their kids like this, so you end up with low-airtime children and teenagers unable to fly well until later in adulthood.

My parents also didn’t throw me around much at first, but I was creative and needed to be in the air. I jumped off of everything and anything that could give me airtime. By the sixteen month mark, I’d freaked my parents out so much, they started throwing me around daily. Clearly it worked because I was flying on my own two months later.

“Alright, Prism, go to Daddy!” I raised him in both hooves, reeled back, and launched Prism across the living room. Wings spread out, Prism flapped a couple times to keep the height at the top of his arc, then swooped up just before falling slowly into his father’s hooves.

“Good job, buddy!” Soarin exclaimed. The baby laughed and flapped his wings to turn himself around, waiting patiently to be thrown in his father’s lap.

Now, being the mother myself, I can see why doing this might terrify parents. Nearly every time Soarin, or anypony else for that matter, throws Prism, I have a mini heart attack and have to restrain myself from trying to run and catch him. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s like, ‘Oh Goddess, he just threw my baby!’ If Twilight hadn’t bugged me to death about reading a baby book specifically on pegasi, there was a chance I wouldn’t be doing this now. However—like mother, like son—I realized pretty early on that Prism would find a way on his own if I didn’t find it for him.

“Okay, go to Mommy!” Soarin’s forelegs flexed, Prism’s wings stretched out, and he was in the air like a shot put ball. Little green eyes trained on me, wings flapped once, he dipped. Dipped again, got level with my chest, swooped up, and, finally, landed in my forelegs.

Relief washes away all the fear and I bring him close. “Good job, buddy.”

After an hour of that and more than one curve-ball baby making my wings shoot out in terror, Prism got too tired to keep flying. He wasn’t all that heavy yet, but the shot put analogy remained on point. Pegasi, thanks to our hollow bones, tended to be the lightest among the three tribes at the 200-250 kilograms range. My husband, as the example of a barely-past-his-prime pegasus stallion at the fittest he could be, was 243 kilograms. As for me, it was 213kg right now since I didn’t lose much of the weight I gained before Prism was born.

As per the 10% rule, Prism was born at about twenty-one kilos, and he gained eleven more in his first year. He had much more of his father’s stature than mine, thankfully, but he’s still kinda small for his age. One of the worries about me being so tiny was that my foals could end up malnourished. With another bun in the oven, I’ll need to eat even more than before just to be sure. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was instinct, but nothing scared me more than something going wrong.

Finally on the couch and with Prism sleeping soundly again, I relaxed against Soarin and he relaxed against me. “I don’t know that I can keep doing this if he gets any bigger.” I rolled my wrists around. “My forelegs are killing me.”

Soarin sighed and put his hoof around my shoulders. “You’re telling me. We did weight training with the newbies today. Sorry about the curve balls, by the way.”

“Oh, it’s fine. Only had me freakin’ out about him hitting a wall or something.”

“I know, I know, but he’s really got gliding down. Pretty good aim too.”

“Oh, for sure. Can’t make the power on his own yet, but he’s gonna be exceptional at this one day.” My eyes fell to my belly. I rested a hoof over our new life. “I just wonder if this one’s gonna be the same way.”

Soarin’s hoof trailed down ‘till it found mine. “Eh, it’ll be whatever it wants to be. I mean, it’s not like they all have to be racers. Just think of the heart attack you’ll have when one of them works so hard to the point of something stupid! Like, oh, say, tearing a wing?”

Made sure I glared daggers at him for that. “Mm-hmm. Sure.” I was kinda mad at him, but he had a point. Prism was my son: what if he repeats my mistakes? I already caught him falling off things on purpose before he was gliding right. If he was like me when I was a foal, what’s he gonna do when he gets older?

The worry escaped my lips. “Do you… do you really think he might?”

Soarin snorted—I could tell—but he just drew in a sigh. “Probably. Especially if he flies as hard as you do.”

I let out a breath. “That’s what I’m afraid of…”

He tightened his grip on my hoof: right by my side. “Well, don’t be. We’ll be there, and we’ll make sure it doesn’t happen, alright? For Prism and whoever’s growing in there.”

Gotta give the guy credit, Soarin’s always had a relaxing effect to him. I made myself a bit more comfortable against my Wonderbolt and rested my head on his chest. He turned the TV on.

We eventually settled on a news channel. The new automated weather cycle Twilight tried to implement was getting pushback by the Ponyville Weather Council, and ponies questioned whether she’d forego the senate with her executive fiat. Knowing the mare, I really doubted she’d go that far, but I didn’t really jibe with this issue either. It’d make things easier on everypony, but that’d remove the need for a big weather team and put lots of pegasi out of a job. I survived as a weatherpony in Ponyville for four years, so it almost felt wrong to side with her. No matter what she thought, though, she’d end up asking Applejack about it before making a decision. Head of Ponyville’s oldest family always had a say in these things, but it’s a bit more direct now. Or a lot more. Sometimes I wonder who really makes Ponyville social policy.

But that’s another story. It didn’t exactly matter here since Cloudsdale had its own local government, but because there weren’t many TV channels besides those in Ponyville, it was hard to find anything else to watch. Still, I never minded seeing what was going on over there. I should find a day and see them soon.

It never mattered what was on the screen, Soarin would watch and comment all the same. He’s a terrible movie partner. “Things sure are changing. Automated weather. How’s that even going to work?”

“Beats me, but, you gotta remember: we’re watching ponies talk on a screen from miles and miles away, and we could only do it because she figured out how to make it work. It would’ve taken, like, a network of unicorns to make this happen before.” It satisfied him for a while.

Few minutes into the program, he asked, “Have you told anypony about it yet?”

Took me a while to figure out what he meant. “Uh…? Oh! Nah, just Mom and Dad. I was going to take Prism to see your parents tomorrow to let them know about the new foal. Well, half your parents, apparently.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. If I get you a phone, will you drop it?”

I licked my teeth. Why in the world is he so adamant about his mom? He doesn’t keep secrets from me. It wouldn’t be fair to never know, but… phone… “So long as you tell me eventually, deal.”

We shook on it. We kissed on it. And then… we forgot about the TV.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Pinkie. I just… I can’t come today.”

Her confusion could be felt from the other end of the line.

“I guess that’s okay. It would’ve been nice to see you since I managed to get all the kids and Cheese out of the house, and I’m not working today, and I have all those star-thingy movies lined up since you wanted to watch them, but we could cancel. I guess. What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I rubbed at my red eyes and sniffed. It was a wonder that my nose could run for so long. “No, n-nothing happened. Today is just… not a good day.”

Silence over the line.

“Because I know you’re lying to me, I’ll be there in half an hour, okay?”

“Wha-? Pinkie, no! I don’t want to see anypony! I don’t feel good! Today isn’t a good day!”

My protests fell on deaf ears. “And you’re not explaining why because…?”

I bit my lip. “Look, it’s personal, alright? I—”

She hung up on me! Son of a bitch. A sigh later, I l fell onto the couch. So much for being alone. I should’ve known better. Pinkie is the last pony who’d let me off the hook for something like this.

I took the baby towel on my lap and wiped my face again. It was difficult to stop crying; it’d just be worse after Pinkie got here. Even if I left now, she’d find me, and she’d do it exactly thirty minutes from when I called. The fight’s already over. I might as well stay here and wallow instead of falling apart in public after she catches me.

What a miserable fucking day.

To her credit, she was exactly on time. No idea how, or even who cloud-proofed her for the day, but she was here… when I needed her most. She took two steps in the house before I broke apart and told her what happened. In the long minutes after, while she held me like some foal who’d broken a leg, all she could manage was,

“I’m… I’m so sorry.”

Maybe it was too late. It’s not as if I’d stopped crying since I told her. But I told her again: “It’d only been a few weeks! This wasn’t supposed to happen! I-I didn’t have any problem with Prism, why…?”

Pinkie hugged me tighter, stroked my mane. I didn’t want to admit it, but I really needed that. “It’s okay, it’s okay!” There was a panic in her voice, and I couldn't tell if that made this worse or not. “This… it just happens sometimes, alright? Nopony ever said nature was perfect.”

I pulled myself off her and blew my nose again. I felt so… empty. So worthless. He kept showing up in my dreams, he was supposed to be real, we were going to make it happen, and now… and now… “I-I don’t care about nature or any of that shit! H-he’s gone, Pinkie!”

“I know, Dashie. I know.”

My head buried itself in my lap. Hooves covered my ears. Even beneath everything, I couldn’t escape the light and sound. “Wh-what else was I supposed to do? Wh-what did I do wrong? S-something had to be wrong, right? It was the peppers, wasn’t it? I-I shouldn’t be eating shit that makes my digestive system so fucked up all the time. I… I—”

Pinkie scooted over and patted my mane. “Shhh. You didn’t do anything wrong. This… this isn’t your fault.”

I took a stuttering breath and tried to look at her through blurry eyes. She had to tell me it was my fault; how else could this have happened? “B-but... b-but that can’t be right! He… I… he was just in here, everything was fine, and…”

The words wouldn’t come out. They’d never be enough. Tears flooded, I bawled and wailed, sobbing a mess on Pinkie’s chest. No matter how hard I pressed against her, no matter how tight she held me, it just never stopped.

I lost him. He never even got a chance.

When everything's made to be broken

I didn’t want Pinkie to say anything to anypony about this. Nopony else knew and I hadn’t told my friends yet, but one by one, they all called me a few days apart just to see how I was doing. They knew. They were just trying to make me feel better.

It never worked.

How could I be any more worthless? I had one job: eat enough, sleep enough, exercise enough, and I did it. I flew and walked every day, I made sure I was eating more than enough for the both of us, and I slept all the time. There shouldn’t have been a problem. It should’ve been fine. Everything should’ve gone smoothly. And yet…

I didn’t leave the house for months. I didn’t want to see anypony. I didn’t want to interact with anypony because the moment I did, I’d think about it, I’d think about him, and I’d break down and cry again. Looking at Prism made me cry. Looking at Soarin made me cry. Looking at foals and ponies in general made me think of what could’ve been, and I’d cry.

Why did it hurt so much? Everything was just so… so devoid of feeling. I couldn’t understand it. It didn’t make any sense. I was an athlete. Nopony was in better shape than I was, nopony was as healthy as I was save for the weight thing... Was that why? Was I still too light? Was I not eating enough? Had he starved in there, and I hadn’t known because I couldn’t tell?

How could I have known!? It’s not like he could tell me! What did I do? Why weren’t there any answers? What went wrong? I didn’t understand. I just couldn’t understand. Was this karma? A punishment from the Goddess? Couldn’t somepony, anypony, tell me what went wrong?

The doctors said this was normal. The doctors said mares slipped all the time. But this wasn’t normal, this wasn’t right, this wasn’t fair! He was supposed to be my baby! There had to be a reason! It couldn’t have been an accident or something, right? Right? Right…?

Why me? Why him?

Whether or not I wanted it to, life moved on and dragged me along with it. Prism got bigger every day, he got stronger every day, and got just another day further away from what could’ve been his little brother. I know I couldn’t mope like this forever. I still had to be his mom, and I still had to be Soarin’s wife. I couldn’t keep being sad like this all the time, but how could I ever… just… get over it?

Was I supposed to? Was I doing this right? Good Goddess, what if something happened to Prism too? My heart couldn’t take that! Why would you think that, you stupid, dumb bitch! Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it—

“Rainbow Dash!”

Mom had grabbed my hoof to keep me from banging my head.

I tried to look her in those disappointed eyes. Not a chance. My head turned down, ears flattened against my skull. I bit deep into my lip. I was… so tired of crying.

Mom sat next to me on her couch, breathing slow and steady. On the floor of the house I grew up in, Prism played with blocks. My blocks from a time long past. We were here because I couldn’t do anything right lately. Couldn’t cook, couldn’t clean, couldn’t focus. It was a good thing we’d decided to start feeding him solid food before… before it happened. I barely produced milk now too. Could I do nothing right anymore?

Mom clapped in my face and I flinched. “Rainbow! I’m talking to you.”

Rubbed at my eyes, shook my head. Even reality was slipping through my hooves. “What?”

Mom rubbed at her temples. “One of these days, you’re going to complain about Prism not listening to you, and I am going to laugh, I swear.” She looked me in the eyes, a frown on her face. “Do I have your attention now?”

I leaned back against the couch with a sigh. “Yeah.”

She leaned in close: an assuring hoof on my shoulder, an open wing on my side. “You cannot keep doing this, okay? November is just around the corner. Are you going to spend your birthday crying too?”

I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. “I might. Somepony didn’t get a birthday, so what does it matter?”

“Stubborn as your father, I swear.” She scooted closer to me so her flank pressed up against mine. “Look, honey, I know how you feel—”

“You do not!” I growled back. “‘All we need is you, and because we have you, that’s all that matters.’ That’s what you told me! You didn’t have one just to lose another, you have no idea—”

I received a swift pop to the back of the head. “Oww! Why—” Her face told me why: I hadn’t seen my mom so pissed in over a decade.

“I need you to sit there and shut up for a moment, okay, honey!?”

Despite the overwhelming despair I’d been stuck in since that day, old fear ran up my spine. My mouth shut in an instant.

A deep breath first, then, “I only have so much patience for you to chew through. My grandson is on the floor right next to us, and I’d hate to teach him some colorful language. You understand?”

I nodded quietly. “Y-yes ma’am.”

She tried and failed to smile. “Good,” she said through gritted teeth.

Mom smoothed her short orange mane down and took another deep breath. She set her hooves on her lap. Her eyes fell on Prism as he built himself a castle. The colors were all over the place, but the attention to detail was impressive for a sixteen-month-old. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was building the Wonderbolt museum.

“I never wanted you to be an only child.”

Reality crashed back at my door. “You… what?”

Like she couldn’t find the words, Mom’s lips shifted uncomfortably from one shape to another. Eventually, she took a third deep breath. “You were… you weren’t supposed to be the only one. We wanted more. We wanted three in fact, but that… it wasn’t possible.”

What she told me made no sense. Not possible? “What does… what does that mean?”

The multi-color castle grew a few blocks taller before she started again. “Sometimes I wonder: if we dropped you headfirst and a block of lead together, which would make it to the ground first?” She put her elbow on her knee, rested her head on her hoof, stared me down cold.

“Before you, I miscarried twice.”

I almost hit the back of my head on the wall. She what now? Twice? How? Why? “What? You… you never told me about this.”

“True.” Her frown dug itself deeper in her face. “I also never told you that I miscarried again after you were born.”

It was like a block fell, stopping up the gears of my brain. “I’m sorry?”

Mom breathed so heavy, she might’ve made fog were we over the ocean. “Three times. We tried and failed three times to give you, or… somepony who would’ve been... siblings. The doctors told me my womb just wasn’t very hospitable. It was a miracle you lasted in there as long as you did. You were born premature: did you know that?”

“Uh, no.” Why didn’t she tell me this? “I… I was?”

“You were. You and I, my side of the family as a whole, really... we’re not very fertile. We’re lean with small statutes, so we don’t do well in pregnancy.” It was like her voice and her words mismatched each other. One was flat and emotionless, and the other was working to shatter my world. “My family comes from a lengthy line of mostly purebred pegasi, so we have none of the advantages the other races do. Like say: I know a few of your friends have had many foals at this point, even the one with… what, four right now?”

I always thought being the way we were was… part of what made me so fast. Why Dad and I have such unique manes. Pure pegasi were special, right? Maybe that has its own consequences. “Uh, two, actually.” It felt so much more biting to say that now. “Pinkie and Applejack both have four, though Applejack has one newborn this time and Pinkie has two.”

I doubt she meant to show it, but Mom’s ears drooped like a deflated balloon. “I see….” She inhaled and straightened up, wings going stiff. “I’ve always been… jealous of other mares. Especially earth ponies like your friends: how lucky they are to get twins. Two foals for the price of one pregnancy! Eleven months of suffering through mood swings and cramps and strange cravings, and you don’t get just one wonderful little bundle of joy, but two!”

Her gaze fell to the ceiling with a longing for something lost, then slowly found its way back to me. This time, after she’d snapped me out of my anger so I’d pay attention, I could see how hurt she was. She’d kept this to herself for so long… who else even knows she went through all this? Grandma and Grandpa Flare? I know mom has always had friends here, but would she have told them? I know I didn’t exactly tell mine…

“I really did try, Rainbow, but I couldn’t do it. Losing the first one was hard, but I was still young: I could try again; I’d just have to wait a month. Everything was going to be fine. Mares slip all the time. It shouldn’t have been a big deal.

“But that didn’t make it… not hurt. Life begins at the moment of conception. Given the right conditions, any fertilized egg can become a pony one day, and who that pony could be or what they might become is laden with infinite possibilities. I’m sure Princess Twilight’s mother never thought the little baby she had in her would one day become a monarch. I certainly didn’t know my daughter would grow up to save the country a few times and fly five years for the Wonderbolts. To see you soar so high makes it all so much more… upsetting to know that there could’ve been four of you.”

What was I supposed to say? Mom and Dad always tried to smile when I was around but she looked like she was gonna cry, and if she started, I was gonna start, and we’d both become big blubbering messes, and then Prism would join in like last time, and I… I just couldn’t deal with that.

I settled on putting a hoof on her shoulder, “Mom…”

She put her hoof on mine to rub it. A cheap smile flashed my way. “Oh, don’t cry for me, Sweetie. I think you’ve done plenty of that in the last few months.”

I rolled my eyes. She chuckled and rubbed her nose. The tension faded, and we both let our eyes fall on my son. Another block carefully and slowly put into place, the roof growing ever more complete. She continued, “I… felt responsible for it. For losing them. It was painful the first time, but it didn’t seem like the end of the world. When it happened the second time though, that one stung so... so much more. I pray you never have to feel like I did, but… but you’re my daughter. You have my bad reproductive genes. I can’t promise that you won’t.”

She shut her eyes, painful memories flooded back. “I was… just as bad or worse than you are now the second time it happened. I nearly gave up. I didn’t want to try again; I didn’t want to cry again for another pony I’d never get to meet, but… when it came down to it, I just thought… if I can’t have one, then what was all this heartache for? Why should I give up when we’ve gotten so close twice?” Mom tilted her head and scratched at her chin. “Well, I say I thought that. They were actually my father’s words.”

That didn’t quite line up. “Grandpa Flare said that? That sounds kinda—”

“Toned down, free of expletives? Yes, it absolutely is. Maybe you’ve forgotten, but your little prince is building himself a castle.”

Mom motioned to Prism’s grand palace. I had to say, the kid had a knack for shape and style. It resembled the ‘Bolts museum even more now. Three stepped flat roof, the beginning of columns that lined the front of the building and fell into stairs that surrounded the thing and raised it above everything else on a pedestal. If he doesn’t end up a ‘Bolt himself, he could totally be a sky architect.

“So, finally, a pregnancy stuck. That ended up being you. However, it could never be that simple since there were… complications.”

“Like… what?”

Mom scratched at the freckles under her eye. “Like most of my family, I was very thin with a high metabolism to boot. I was never very good at gaining weight in the first place, so lo and behold, you were getting malnourished. To save you, I had to stuff myself ‘till I was sick for a week, and I made sure I kept it down, because if I didn’t, you might not be getting enough of what you needed. All that painstaking eating would’ve been for naught.

“But that was only the beginning. Toward the end, on the last days of October, I had these awful cramps. I thought it was nothing, but by November I saw blood in my pee. I was so close. If I just held out ‘till December, you’d be here, and I’d finally meet one of my children for the first time. But I didn’t have until December. You had to come out, and you had to come out right then.

“I overate too much and you’d gotten bigger than you were supposed to be. Despite everything about us, you’d outgrown my womb already. Why was there blood in my urine? You’d started to crush my kidneys. They sent me to Canterlot so I could deliver and you could be incubated if need be. Luckily, however, you’d developed enough to survive on your own, so we got to take you home the next week.”

I scratched at my mane. Maybe I… shouldn’t be eating as much as I have been… “Oh, geez. That’s awful.”

Mom shrugged. A foreleg and a wing went around to bring me to her. “Maybe, but I’d say you were worth it. We were overjoyed to finally have you. All the trials, all the failures... everything had led up to the first moment of your life, to see you take your first breath. Happiness, love, joy: no matter how many times you say the words, they could never measure up to the pure emotion we felt that day.”

As her story went on, Prism started to finish the columns to the front of the building. No doubt about it; this was the ‘Bolts Museum.

“Time went by. We had your birth under our belts, I recovered, and we prepared to try again.” Mom let her head fall to the side. “I thought I’d be willing to suffer through more failures. I thought that if something went wrong, I could just… chin up and try again next time.”

She closed her eyes. I was hesitant to move because I wasn’t sure if she was about to cry or not. “I was never that strong. The day the last one slipped was the day my will to carry on slipped too. I gave up. I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I didn’t want to suffer through that again.”

In a single motion, she pulled her chin back up and met my eyes. Mother to daughter, the same eyes passed down a generation. “I had you. I at least had you. As long as I had you, you were… all that mattered.”

She shifted herself, put both hooves on my shoulders. “Rainbow, I so wish that you had three other siblings. I wish I’d never slipped, or suffered any of that heartache: we would’ve had a bigger family, a happier childhood for you.” She let out a breath and sniffed. “I just couldn’t do it... so I moved on. It didn’t matter how much I wanted for more of us; it was a miracle I even got you at all. I resolved to be content.

“You, on the other hoof, are still young. You’re fitter than I was, you’re healthier than I was, and more than anything, you are stronger than I ever could be. It’s fair to mourn the loss. It’s fair for you to grieve. But you cannot do this forever. So do me a favor. Do your dad a favor, do your friends a favor, do your husband a favor, do your son a favor, do yourself a favor, and chin up already, alright? If you ever feel up to it, you can still try again. Your world is building himself a little world of his own on the floor, and if you blink, you might just miss it.”

And he certainly was. His castle was complete, and though it lacked for details, it was clearly recognizable as the Wonderbolts museum we visited last week, columns, pedestal stairs and all. Now he was off to another set of blocks, prepping to build something else. My kid was amazing. He was awesome. Already, he’s gonna be somepony special, and it was more than just me who can see that. If… if things had been different, then he might’ve had a rival to grow up with, but that’s just not how it was. I couldn’t help Prism reach the heights he might if I sit around moping about ponies I’ll never know, right?

For the first time… in a long time, I felt my frown break. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll… it’s definitely time to move on.” Remembering future plans made me snort. “We’re supposed to see Grandpa Flare next week anyways. If you didn’t snap me out of this, I bet he would’ve.”

Mom relaxed on the couch and her eyes drifted upward. “And Prism would’ve learned a host of new words. Dad taught you one of your first words, and I was furious with him for weeks on end.”

“Mama!” Prism shouted.

He’d climbed halfway up the couch and used his little wings to push himself the rest of the way up here. Once he made it, he directed our attention to the castle. Instead of building another structure, he’d taken a couple of white blocks and set them up in a Z shape, did the same with a pair of cyan blocks, and then set up two square blocks that were white and cyan just outside his museum.

I scooped him up in my forelegs and scooted onto the floor with him. “That’s great buddy! What’s this?” I pointed to the museum and Prism said,

“Moozem!”

“Huh.” He was intentionally building the museum. From memory, at that. I looked at the beaming little colt, then to Mom.

As if seeing him smile gave her a jumpstart, Mom lit up and got down on the floor with us. “Wow, Prism! That’s impressive! What’s this?” she asked, pointing to the white Z.

Prism hopped out of my lap and glided over to Mom’s. “Dada!”

Again, I sent Mom a look. If… if there are four block ponies here…

“And, this one?” She pointed to the other Z.

“Mama!”

That left the two square blocks. Mom pointed at one of them. “Who’s this?”

“Pree-zem!”

“So this is you, huh? It makes sense; you’re not quite as big as daddy and mommy yet, are ya?” She rubbed his little mane, then pointed to the last block. “What about… this one?”

The last block was a little cyan square, same size as the Prism block. He stared at it for a little while. I almost dreaded what was coming. I had an inclination that I knew what it was, but then turned his big green eyes on me. “Bro-tha!”

Mom picked up the little guy, tilted her head back, and bellowed a sharp, “Ha!” She smiled at her grandson and kissed him on the head. “Everypony was at the museum that day, huh, little guy?”

“Yeah!” He buried himself into her chest and tried his best to grip around her.

Filled with a joy only a parent knew, Mom turned to me and said, “And here I thought you were demanding when you were little! Sixteen months old and he already expects you to deliver on your promises.” She brought a hoof to her mouth and held back a giggle. “My beloved daughter, whatever will you do?”

I picked up that little cyan cube to study it in my hoof. After all the shit Mom went through for me, after all the shit that I gave her about siblings over the years, after all this heartache… Do I even have the right to say no? There’s really only one way out.

I exhaled in defeat. “If he’s saying it, then what choice do I have?”

The moment of truth in your lies

My birthday came and went, and we met our friends and their families for Hearth’s Warming and New Year’s in Ponyville Castle. Like we do every year, we all spend a week together to keep in touch, catch up, let the kids see each other. But above all else, especially in the past few years, it was to meet the new additions. Fluttershy with her month-old newborn thing, Applejack and Pinkie with their older ones, and a castle full of babies and foals and husbands and wives and music and food and family.

Leaving everypony and returning to our little household of three back up in the clouds felt like walking in from a sunny day into a dark room. It was just us now. All the noise, the fun, the merriment—gone. My son could be as loud as he wanted, but he had nopony his size to play with. Soarin would always be there for me, but this house was quiet compared to all that.

On the first night of the new year, I made a resolution to try again.

Winter eased into Spring, and I was pregnant again. I held my breath for a month or two waiting to feel that awful pain in my belly again, expecting to see red but it never happened. I measured my eating better and took care to do everything right. I even laid off the peppers, despite battling the craving being like attempting to conserve water in the desert.

However, something was off this time around. In the beginning, it was something of a vague idea. As time went on, I started to notice strange little details. Not paying attention and I’d find myself sinking into the clouds when we went for walks. Wake up and my belly was half inside the bed. I felt heavier than usual and flying got a little harder every day. No idea what was going on, but I never thought my new baby had anything to do with it.

I was entirely off base.

“Are you… slower than usual?” Soarin asked.

Through heavy breathing and sweating, I glared at my husband. “I don’t know… Wh-what do you think!? It’s not like I… haven’t gained a ton of weight in the… in the l-last five months or anything!”

I was exaggerating, sure, but not by much. There was something going on here, and neither of us knew what. I’d gained weight. A lot of weight. More weight than either of us expected. When I was this far along with Prism, I’d gained about eleven kilos. I packed away food like nopony’s business, but I measured servings like crazy this time around, so I hadn’t eaten as much. I’d gained eighteen kilos since I tested positive and I wasn’t halfway through. My belly wasn’t that much bigger than with Prism at this stage either. It didn’t make any sense.

Today, I was due for my hundred-fifty day checkup. At this point in pregnancy, the foal was mostly formed: wings, horns, legs, genitalia. We should be able to see everything in the shape of a tiny pony with a simple sonogram. Thanks to recent advances and borrowed technology, that could be done in Cloudsdale without a unicorn, and it’d gotten cheaper and easier to do.

When I was with Prism, Cloudsdale General Hospital wasn’t capable of a sonogram, so we had to go to Ponyville to figure out he was a boy. Flying all the way to there pregnant was difficult, but it didn’t leave me dead tired like trying to fly across town today did. It was as if I had a boulder strapped to my back. Every flap of my wings felt unwieldy like I was soaked from head to tail. Even at my best, it was nearly impossible to glide and almost as hard to keep altitude.

I stumbled before I steadied myself, landing next to Soarin like a bird on its last legs, and used him as a support to breathe. “F—” I stopped myself just short, looking everywhere to spot my little Prism. Then I remembered he was with Mom. “Fuck, I’m dying. Gimme some water, please.”

“Sure.” He passed me one of the bottles he’d prepared just in case of a long wait today. “Dash, are you sure there’s nothing wrong? A flight like that should’ve been nothing, even when you were way pregnant with Prism.”

I guzzled down the water and threw the empty plastic back at him. “For the thousandth time, yes! I’m fat and grumpy and kinda hungry and sweaty and tired, and I know damn well this is mostly normal!” Pulled myself up on him and nuzzled my head into his neck. “I don’t feel sick or in pain or anything; I just don’t know why this is so hard.” I tilted my head up and whispered in his ear, “Carry me, Mr. Wonderbolt.”

Soarin gently removed me from his person. “Horny too, apparently. Look, I’ll help you fly on the way home, but this isn’t exactly the time for that. Let’s go get this taken care of, okay? Breathe for me.”

Taking his words harder than I should’ve, I took a deep breath and let my head clear a little. They say it gets easier with every foal. I say they’re full of shit. My mood swings were way more extreme this time around, and I’d been ravenous. I was never full; there was always room for more. Why? Why was it all so weird this time around? I didn’t know. “Okay, okay. I’m… as normal as I’m gonna get, I think. I need to sit. Go register for us.”

Entering the hospital was like entering a different world. Outside, it looked like just another big Cloudsdale government building: columns, arched roof, and all. Inside, it was as if we were in Ponyville or something: tile floors, desks, plush chairs, fancy computers, super-long wires. This place had completely modernized. There was even a unicorn walking around in scrubs. Weren’t many safe places for non-pegasi in Cloudsdale, but I guess they’d updated the hospital to be that way.

I found an open seat close to the door and lugged myself over. After dropping all my weight into the chair, I finally relaxed. I looked down at my belly and rubbed it slowly. What’s going on in there, little guy? It was weird to think I could talk to him, but on occasion, I’d get an answer: a kick, a little movement. He was in there, rummaging around, moving, playing.

Dreaming.

That was another thing that put me at ease after the second month: I had my dreams again. The colt came back. I’m certain it had to be him this time around. He’d probably come out cyan just like that little block Prism found. Who are you? What will you be? I want so desperately to meet you. Just six more months. Six more months, and I will.

“Looks like we won’t have to wait long. Doc’s just finishing up with another patient,” Soarin said. I hadn’t even noticed he was already back.

He was about to sit down when we heard, “Mr. and Mrs. Soarin? The doctor will see you now.”

Soarin huffed and got back up. “I don’t even know why I sat down.”

He helped me out of my chair and I kissed his cheek. “Oh, don’t be like that! We get to know now. This is a happy thing, so be happy.”

Soarin rolled his eyes and kissed me back. “Yeah, yeah…”

“Where the fuck are his wings!?”

The doctor reared back.

Soarin restrained me by the shoulders. “Dash.”

My eyes narrowed in at my husband. “Don’t you ‘Dash’ me! Whose kid is this?” I turned on the doctor. “This isn’t mine! How did you fuck up a sonogram? All you had to do was run the thing over my gut, right? It’s not that hard!”

The doctor cleared his throat and straightened his tie. “I’m sorry ma’am, but there is no mistake. This is you, and that would be your son. He does not have wings or a horn, and he’s beyond that stage of development, so he is an earth pony.”

My eye twitched. “Bullshit! We’re both pegasi! My whole family is pegasi! I literally cannot pass that on! How—”

Soarin shook my shoulder. “Dash, stop!”

I went to yell at him. My tune changed when I saw his face.

“I apologize on my wife’s behalf. Thank you.” Soarin grabbed the folder with all our pictures, stuffed it in his bag, then grabbed my shoulders and shoved me out of the doctor’s office. Once the door was shut, he stood in front and stared me down. “Dude.”

I bit my lip and turned away. Getting mad at me was something Soarin never did. He fought back on occasion but only in a playful way. This was uncomfortable. “What?” I finally said.

He pointed an angry hoof at the door. “What in the hell was that?”

“That guy’s a quack! There’s no way—”

“My mother is an earth pony!”

I felt my breathing speed up. My pulse increased. He didn’t just say that, did he? There’s no way. He didn’t! “Are… are you for real?”

Soarin ran a hoof through his mane. “You wanted me to talk about my mom? There you go. She’s an earth pony, and a pure one at that. All things considered, I really shouldn’t have come out a pegasus, but here we are.”

“Buh… No! That can’t be right!”

“Dude! We have pictures! Whether or not you want to believe it, the sonogram was right, and you blew up on that doctor for no good reason! He shaved you, he put the lotion on, he performed the scan, and he only left to get the pictures from the printer! For the Goddess’s sake, did you not see the screen right in front of your face? No wings, no horn. This isn’t a mistake; he will be an earth pony!”

My hind legs slid out from under me. Was the room spinning? Why do I feel so dizzy? None of this is right. I need to wake up now. Luna, if this is some kind of sick fucking joke, I’m ready for it to end now! Please? Please tell me this is all a dream. I had to be, didn’t it? “No, no, no, this doesn’t make any sense!”

Soarin took in a sharp breath through his teeth. I don’t think I’d ever seen him do that either. I don’t understand. Today was supposed to be happy, right?

“Holy shit, Dash, will you open your eyes for second? Think, damn it! Why have you been eating so much? Because the baby’s heavier this time around. Why’s it so much harder to fly this time? He’s got solid bones, and I’m sure the magic in him is fucking with your system. Sinking into clouds? Not all of you is cloud-proof anymore.”

He looked like he was about to grab me, but then he stopped and brought his hooves together. Air in, air out, he gently brought me in and wrapped his wings around me. “Dash, I don’t mean to yell, but you’re stubborn, and you cannot do this right now, okay?” Liquid pooled in my eyes. Stop it. He ran a hoof through my mane. “Everything that’s been so weird this time around is all explained if the new one is an earth pony, don’t you see?”

I planted my forehooves on my head. Slowly, the horror crept in. How can this make sense? Why should it make sense? If… if he’s an earth pony, is that why we never fly in my dreams? Because… because he can’t? Even if he were an unfortunate half-breed and ended up a solid-boned pegasus like Scootaloo, he’d still have wings, and if he was a hollow-boned earth pony, it wouldn’t be this hard to fly. It… it only makes sense if… if…

“Oh, Goddess…”

Soarin hugged me tighter. “I know.”

I shook my head. This area was made of solid material, how could it still feel like I was sinking? Deeper, deeper, darker, darker. Did somepony turn the lights off? “Wha… what are we gonna do?”

My light, my rock, the only thing stable in this drowning world. I pleaded, begged for him to give me hope, but instead he mouthed a few words until finally, “Move, probably,” came out.

“Move!?” I broke away from him. I’d rather drown! “We can’t move!”

“Well, we’re gonna have to.” Solid, stable, unwavering. This was my husband, and his mind was… made up.

I tried to find the words, but they’d been cast about by the waves. Wasn’t there another option? There had to be! If we move, then… then Mom and Dad couldn’t help out, and Prism would have to grow up on the ground, and Soarin would have to find a new job, and we’d have to buy a new house, and I couldn’t just make the furniture, and we’ll have to spend money on getting solid stuff he can use, and… and… Oh, Goddess, there had to be a way.

This couldn’t be real.

Oh, but it was very real. So real that it hurt.

Last time we gave everypony the news, it was a happy thing, like it should be. They all smiled, told us how wonderful it was, wished us the best. This time, it was like they wore a mask that smiled, but their eyes underneath told a different story. Five stages of, ‘That’s great,’ ‘wait a minute,’ ‘oh no,’ ‘doesn’t that mean…?’ ‘what will you do?’ They never said anything out loud, but I knew. I still had no answer. Soarin’s parents offered to hook us up with a Ponyville realtor: the opposite of what I wanted to hear.

Mom cried. That was fun. She immediately started looking for houses in Ponyville too and thought Dad could work as a weather pony there. I informed her those jobs would go away since the vote passed for the automated weather system. What would we do if we moved? Who knew?

Twilight congratulated me at first but then realized what pegasi having an earth pony entailed. She shifted her tone real quick. I suppose if I was really desperate, she could get us jobs in Ponyville, but again, that wasn’t something I wanted to hear.

Everypony else was mostly congratulatory. After it set in, they asked if we might move nearby. It’s not a question in anypony’s mind: the deal was already done. My baby was coming, and before he does, we couldn’t be living here, so I might as well be living there.

We wouldn’t even entertain the idea of giving him away, so that was that. Game over. So much for potentially returning to the Wonderbolts. So much for Soarin staying in the Cloudsdale Pro Flying Circuit. So much for any more dreams of glory. Life as I knew it had officially ended. For a while, even I’d given in and started thinking about what to do. The Ponyville Districts were many and varied so we had a lot of options to choose from, but there were none I wanted.

For instance, if we shot for the inner circle of Districts 3 through 9, we’d be within walking distance of Sweet Apple Acres and the Castle. We’d also be throwing ourselves into irreparable debt. Meanwhile, Rarity, the wealthiest of us all, lived in District 22, northeast of the castle on the rare occasion she was home for more than a few days. That was part of the second ring, Districts 10 through 25. They weren’t anywhere near that expensive, and were close enough to everything important that we could get away with it.

If we moved any further out, we’d have to pick somewhere well-policed and preferably away from the airports. Stories of pegasi getting caught up in airplane traffic gave me nightmares; steel blenders with wings. Crime rates in the third ring, Districts 26 through 49, got scary especially closer to the airports; there simply wasn’t enough police in the force yet to keep the exploding city population under control. The place had grown by the millions in the last decade and everypony was welcome. From the business tycoons like Epic Stain, who may or may not have been part of a pedophile ring in Applewood, to the recently arrested Gaut the Griffon, charged with thirteen counts of homicide, six murders, and… carnivore trafficking.

No thanks.

On top of all that, Twilight expected another population surge soon, so she’d already set plans for infrastructure to add a fourth and fifth district ring. By the time she’s done with the place, there’d be millions upon millions of ponies and whatever other creatures from around the world she can invite in.

When I think about the Ponyville I spent my teens in, it seems like a memory of another world. ‘Districts 1 and 2’ were all that made up the little village, and District 2 is still just Sweet Apple Acres thanks to all the protections Applejack was granted. That’s what we call nepotism… even if I’m tempted to get in on that myself. Twilight’s my friend. She’s a Princess. She’s controls of one of the largest cities in Equestria and what will eventually be its largest economy. If Celestia and Luna weren’t still ‘over’ her, she’d be the most powerful pony in the world right now. And Ponyville’s only gonna get bigger in the coming years.

Pinkie was in 18, Shy in 20. Ideally, the place to be would be District 6 or 7, relatively close to all of them and with access to their help and support if I needed it. Could we afford that? No. Was there enough free airspace to train Prism? Also no. Some of the largest and most expensive skyscrapers in Equestria resided in District 6, and District 7 was such a packed residential area that owning a house there was like buying one in central Manehattan: it wasn’t a thing.

The city’s pegasi mostly live in the southern districts because that was where Twilight designated land for parks before she sold it off to moguls. Even she’d been unprepared for Ponyville’s absurd growth, so parks and free air were few and far between the inner two rings. She overcompensated for that by making much of District 10 one massive city park, so that might not be a bad place to look into.

But the question still remained as to what we’d do for money. There was also school choice and what flight teams would end up good, and, oh Goddess, I’d have to learn how to drive. Gah, it’s a mess, and we had to figure everything out in six months, and that wasn’t enough time!

When I lamented all my problems to Twilight a month after finding out about the new baby, she said she’d think about it. A month later, she called me.

All I can taste is this moment

“I cannot believe you’re doing this to me,” I said over the line.

“I’m sorry! Look, Rainbow, this shouldn’t take forever, but I can’t exactly turn Mister Diamond away when he shows up at my doorstep. He pays more taxes in one month than half of Ponyville does in a year.”

“Uh-huh. So, let me get this straight. You’re turning away me, your seven-month-pregnant best friend and old buddy who you called to set up a visit, to… please your sugar daddy?”

Twilight sighed. Yeah, no two ways about it, that was a winner. “Dash.”

I laughed. “Oh, no, I understand. Gotta get those royal knees dirty when money’s involved.”

“I’ll call you back when I get done.”

Ah, now she’s pissed. “You’d better. I can’t fly to Ponyville on my own anymore because, as I said, I’m seven months pregnant. I had to pay for a balloon ride here, ya know. Ain’t cheap.”

“I told you I’d cover it!”

“Yes, yes you did. And I plan to hold you to it.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait!”

“What?”

“Friendly advice: don’t get it in your mane.”

-click-

I chuckled at the phone and threw it in my bag. Twilight had a lot of meetings with a lot of powerful ponies, so the time she did have for personal stuff was very limited. Being an absolute schedule freak though, she was pretty good about managing it.

Today, however, Diamond Dust, owner of Diamond Resorts and a good portion of Ponyville’s inner ring districts, decided to pay Twilight a visit. Not a guy you can just turn away. Did that mean I’m not going to give her shit for it? Absolutely not. Did I really think Twilight could whore around for powerful ponies? No, not in the slightest.

That was Rarity’s shtick, and I’m pretty sure we all know that Pinkie, Applejack, and Shy raised Pearl more often than her own mother did. To her credit, Rarity does try her best and often takes the others on trips every now and again to make up for it with the loads of cash she has, but I somehow feel as if that won’t fix her problems.

With Twilight, I couldn’t be sure she wasn’t still a virgin. She was never very good at approaching stallions in the first place, but she was… a little more than depressed the day we learned that alicorns weren barren. The price of power, as Celestia said. The moment Twilight accidentally cast that spell, time was stolen from her, and it wasn’t even her fault. She’d always been the hopeless romantic type, reading trashy novels for the day her prince would arrive to sweep her off her hooves. That dream was shattered all at once without so much as a warning.

Maybe she experimented since then, it’s been about eight years after all, but who knew? It’s not something she liked to discuss, and there was always a melancholy around her when we all got together for Hearths Warming. We had families and kids, and she didn’t. She couldn’t even if she wanted to.

I shook my head and leaned back in the balloon basket. The breeze was gentle and the sky was clear and blue as it could be. I was in a good mood not having to think about last week or the impending shift in my world in about four months. Twilight called me because she said she had an idea which I hoped meant a way out of this. I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want to leave my parents, I didn’t want to raise Prism on the ground, and I didn’t want to leave my home. If she could get me out of this, I’d be all for it. That said, I didn’t know what I’d do with the extra hours here I hadn’t planned for.

I suppose I could visit somepony. Going through the list, Pinkie was probably working right now. When the big construction boom started back in ‘05, Twilight offered ponies preferential treatment for businesses within the inner circle, and Pinkie hopped on that to finally get a bakery of her own. Open from Tuesday to Friday with the famous ‘Princess cupcakes’ being the top seller. In part because she makes sugar wings and horns modeled after the four of them, and also because they’re the actual favorite flavors of the princesses. (She caters for the castle a lot.)

If I went to see Shy, I’d have to deal with Discord. I didn’t hate the guy, but he liked to get under my skin for the fun of it, sometimes literally: I just don’t want to deal with that right now. I'd seen the baby, Magnanim… Magnamin… Maggy, and the other kids not too long ago, so if I skipped now, I could excuse it as avoiding a car ride. I love her kids. They’re fun and not as annoying as their dad.

Safe bet was that Rarity wasn’t home right now. I didn’t know her schedule, just that she was only there half the week which made her busier than Twilight somehow. She could barely make time for her kid; I can only imagine what little time she’d have for me.

Another safe bet was that Applejack was home right now. If she wasn't watching the kids, she'd be in the orchard. If I went to see her, I could just walk from the castle and not have to get in a car. Sure, they’d all probably make time for me if I just showed up on their doorsteps, but I could bother Applejack without feeling bad about it.

Destination decided, once the air balloon landed, I started the trek over.

Sometimes, it still blew my mind that this was Ponyville, especially the part I used to live in. A few historic wood cottages with thatched roofs survived in District 1, but every other building either jutted into the sky, was owned by the federal government, or was part of a big fancy shopping district.

Busy streets, shuffling ponies, car horns, traffic lights, and something unique: a crystal treehouse castle that stole the eye. Every road led to the castle, and one could see all the way to the city’s edge from the castle’s second floor. Clear-cut paths branched into streets and alleys that cover the place like veins, most roads following a grid-like system Twilight had planned, save for the castle and Sweet Apple Acres. All in all, a living and breathing city filled with everything and everyone you could imagine.

A fifteen-minute half-trot half-flight left me winded at the Acres’ gates. The main family lived closer to the northern side, but there were a few guest houses for relatives and visitors plus a ‘barracks’ for the ponies that worked and lived on the Acres. Applejack’s operation had come a long way since Granny died.

The gates were closed right now, but I just flew over them and didn’t bother; I was welcome anytime. A short, tiring flight got me to the porch of the main house. Once I was there, I could hear them all.

“No, it’s gotta be like this! A big guy like Uncle Mac!”

That’s one of the twins.

“How come you get ta choose? It should be somepony like the princess!”

The other twin, arguing like usual.

“Come on y’all, don’t get ta shoutin’. Gin’s asleep. If ya wake her up, Ah’m gonna kick yer flanks.”

Mom, being mom.

“Can a boy be a princess?”

Ah, she has Pearl today. Rarity isn’t home.

“Boys are called princes, Pearl.” An answer from the oldest son. A pause. “Ma, does Equestria have a prince?”

Hard to believe that kid is already six.

“There’s an old story that says Equestria was founded by a king, but we’ve had princesses since the beginnin’. Ya might call Twi’s brother a prince since he married a princess, but Cadance doesn’t really have the kinda power the other princesses have. Ah’m sure Twi’ll tell ya all about it if ya ask her, Whiskey.”

Fin must be working today. I walked up onto the porch but got called out before I could knock. “Now that sounds like the hooves of a freeloader. Come on in; door’s unlocked, Dash.”

I rolled my eyes but followed directions anyway. To my left was the familiar sight of my old friend with a foal on her belly relaxing in a wood rocking chair older than the town of Ponyville. Just one foal now, and a little green filly at that. Applejack had her mane all done up in a bun like Granny used to, and she’d taken up wearing that old apple family shawl too. If that wasn’t a picture older than photography, I wouldn’t know what is.

Whiskey sat on the couch, tentatively keeping an eye on his little brothers and Pearl while playing some kind of game on a tablet. It was strange to see the modernity in this house that was practically ancient at this point, but time waits for nopony I guess. The apple blood in his veins was already beginning to show in those muscles of his, and one of these days, he’ll look like his uncle Mac. It was hard enough to get Pearl away from her ‘brothers’ now, just wait till they grow up.

Walls covered in pictures from ages long past till now led my eyes right, where they fell on the twins and Pearl. A different kind of familiar, they were all gathered around the end of the coffee table and playing with multi colored blocks and figurines of superheroes and princesses. Yellow ears flicked up at the sound of my hooves, and I’d been spotted.

“Auntie Dashie!” the twins called. They were my favorites in this family, but that had to be because something about them reminded me of myself. Stout, the self-proclaimed oldest by a second, was a leafy-maned little yellow colt with his daddy’s orange eyes and the family’s freckles. Were it not for his freckles being a bit closer to his eyes than his brother’s, I wouldn’t be able to tell him and Cider apart. Speaking of, Cider was a bit quieter and more passive than his brother, but they share, like, two brain cells, and the twins confused ponies for the fun of it.

I gave the pair a wing hug since kneeling with a foal in me wouldn't be easy. “Stout! Cider! Good to see you guys.”

They hugged me back, but they backed off when they felt my belly. “Oh, geez, Auntie Dashie got fat.”

“Way fat.”

“Did ya swallow a balloon too?”

“Ma swallowed a balloon once.”

“It turned into Gin!”

Yep. Favorites. I shrugged for the boys. “Yeah. Keeps getting bigger too. Here in a few months I’m gonna… pop!” I grabbed them with my wings and started tickling with my most precise attacks. In mere seconds, my little victims were rolling, trying earnestly but futilely to fight me off.

“You’re in a good mood fer somepony who thought it was the end of the world not too long ago.”

I released the twins and put my wings away to huff. “Geez, Ma, way to bring the mood down.”

“Ah try.” Applejack took the little green foal off her stomach, got out of her rocking chair, and shifted the foal to her back. She made a short effort grunt as she did, and I noticed she was wider than I remembered. “What brings ya round these parts, Dash? Lookin’ fer houses?”

“Well, not really. Her purpleness called me, but then got a surprise visit by one of her sugar daddies, so I got sidelined. But uh…” The more I looked at her, the more it stuck out to me how I could see her belly behind her shoulders head on. Applejack was about as muscle bound as mares get, so it couldn’t just be fat. “Swallow another balloon, Ma?”

Applejack raised a brow then turned her attention to the oldest. “Whiskey, keep an eye on the troublemakers. Auntie Dashie and Ah are gonna go talk in the kitchen, okay? Ah expect said troublemakers ta behave. Do Ah make myself clear?”

She eyed the little yellow colts who both turned their heads the other way. “Who do ya think she’s talkin’ about?”

“Ah don’t know. Probably you and Pearl.”

“What? Naw, Ah bet it’s you and Pearl.”

“I’m not a troublemaker!” the only unicorn in the room complained. “Auntie Applejack means you guys!”

The twins both looked at her then at each other. “Naw, couldn’t be,” they said together.

I put my wings on their heads and leaned into the conversation. “Hate to break it to ya guys, but she’s right. If not for Ma, be good for me, alright?”

In a strange, near-unnatural perfect unison, the twins groaned. “Fine.”

“Auntie Dashie?" a sugary-sweet little voice little voice called. "Are you really gonna pop?" Though she was innocent here, Pearl was more Rarity than she seemed with the potential to be just as devious as her twin best friends. Her looks, however, took heavily after her father which would only cause her problems down the road.

I put a hoof on her silky little blue mane and smiled. “Oh, don’t worry, kid. I’ve popped before. Ma over there’s popped more times than I have. It’s not that bad. You get a free foal out of it, so I’d say it’s a win.”

“Ooh!” Her big blues widened like she’d just found a piece of candy, but then her brows came down and she blinked. “How does that work?”

I froze. Shit. “Uh… y-you should ask Rarity about that! She knows all about it!”

“Mommy does?”

“She does! I’m gonna go talk to Applejack now! See ya.” And with that, I escaped behind the kitchen door.

Laughing, Applejack strode in after me with Gin still sleeping soundly on her back. “Ya sure do know how ta fit yer hoof in yer mouth, Ah tell ya what. Don’t ya worry though; Ah’ll make sure Rarity knows who ta blame fer that one.”

I let myself slide against her kitchen cupboards with a pained moan. “Oh, stuff it. Where is she, anyway?”

Applejack met me by the sink, moved Gin around to her lap, and sat down. “Oh, ya know. Off in Canterlot dealin’ with whatever new project she’s got goin’ on. She was supposed ta be home this week, but this came up suddenly as these things so often do.”

“Ah. I figured as much, but I didn’t want to assume.”

Applejack rested a hoof on the polished granite countertop. “At this point, Ah just expect ta have Pearl most days. Makes it hard ta separate her and the twins sometimes, but Ah don’t mind. Ah just hope she doesn’t come ta regret it later.”

“Pearl or Rarity?”

“Rarity.”

“Thought so. Yeah, she’s… something alright. But uh, speaking of balloons…?”

“It’s already that obvious, huh?”

And that confirms it. “Yeah, I just know what a fit mare looks like and you don’t have the ‘softness’ to be putting on weight the normal way.”

Applejack brought a free hoof to her mouth. “Ah don’t know how ya do it, but ya just always find a way ta phrase even the most innocent sentences in the worst way possible. If ya weren’t like a sister ta me, Ah’d be offended. Maybe even enough ta give ya one of them black eyes ya liked ta get so much.”

Pride made me giggle. “I know it’s not my special talent, but it’s definitely a talent of mine.” The cool wood and the familiar smell of this kitchen had the aches leave my wings. It wasn’t, but this place sure feels like home. My eyes trained back on that belly of hers. “I swear, it’s like every time I see you there’s a new foal on you and you’re still pregnant.”

She rubbed at her belly below the sleeping year-old. “Apples are as Apples do, Ah’m afraid. Applebloom’s expectin’ again too.”

“Already? The first one was in like… January, wasn’t it?”

“That’d be correct. Course, she had trouble keepin’ her hooves off Oro before they got hitched. Now that she has him all ta herself, Ah imagine there’ll be lots of little apples in their house soon enough.”

Thinking about the absolute Adonis of a stallion Applebloom hooked made my mouth water, so I generally tried to avoid that. “Yeah, no, same. Can’t blame her at all.” Shook Oro’s body out of my head and let out a breath. “You guys sure are… fertile. I couldn’t imagine…” having it so easy.

“Some say it’s in the blood, Sugarcube. Ah’m amazed Mac and Sugarbelle haven’t had another one yet, but Ah get the feelin’ that she doesn’t want another one. Two’s enough fer most ponies and Mac would do anythin’ fer that mare. If she decreed it, he’d make it so. Law ta his order, justice ta his judgement.”

It was something to admire, that's for sure. “It’s nice when you’re always in sync like that.”

Applejack leaned her head left and I could feel her eyes rooting around in my soul. “Hmm? Things not so ‘awesome’ at home?”

I clicked my tongue. She always catches everything. I don’t know who’s worse, her or Pinkie. I’m just not allowed to keep things to myself when they're around. “Well, I mean, things are always awesome, but…”

“But… somethin’ about the move is makin’ waves?”

Blew a raspberry at that. “Yes, Mrs. Detective.”

She held a hoof up in defeat. “Technically, that’s the truth.”

“Whatever.” She’s just trying to give me a headache now, and her smug fucking face is gonna do it too. “Look, I don’t wanna move. I haven’t been looking, I’ve been putting it off, and he yelled at me the other day for, like, the first time in my life, and we had a real fight last week and I… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

It’d been gnawing at me ever since.

‘We cannot stay here forever! Even if you find a solution that can help him live in the clouds, how long is that gonna last? What happens if he falls? We both wanted him, and now that he’s not what you expected, he’s not even your top priority anymore? What the fuck, Dash!? You are not this stupid! Get real! If you don’t figure something out soon, I will.’

I didn’t dream anymore. Everything he’d yelled repeated over and over again in my head like a broken record. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean I have to like it. It’s not supposed to hurt this much. They’re just words, so why won’t they let me go?

“Well, what can ya do?” Applejack began. “Ya can’t keep an earth pony in the sky. Not even factorin’ in the sheer stupidity of tryin’ ta live up there without wings, ain’t it expensive ta live in the tourist-y parts of Cloudsdale? It’s not like ya could have him cloud-proofed every day. Even Twilight said the spell ain’t the easiest thing in the world ta learn. Worst of all, if ya ever miss the timin’ once, he’ll fall.”

I bit into my lip. The pain of that felt way better than having this shit drilled into my head over and over again. “Don’t you think I know that? I know we can’t afford it. I know there’s no good solution here. I know I… I have to do something, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Mom and Dad, Soarin’s parents—I can’t just… they make things so easy. We never have problems with Prism because they’re always around to help. If I need to go out and Soarin’s working, they’re always happy to see him. Anything I don’t know, I can just ask them and get an answer. Moving makes all of that so much harder.”

Applejack chuckled. “Must be nice.”

I took a deep breath and ignored that. “Whatever. If I have you guys, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad as like a stand-in for my parents, that’s fine. But then comes the money issue. Do you know how little it costs to be a pegasus in Cloudsdale?”

“No, Dash, Ah don’t. As ya might know, even visitin’ Cloudsdale fer a day ain’t the easiest thing in the world fer somepony like me.”

She makes me want to tear my mane out half the time, I swear. All these years and I still can’t tell if she’s serious or not. “See, every time I complain to you, I always leave thinking I shouldn’t do that, because your sympathy ends when I walk in the door.”

Stroking her daughter’s little red and white mane, she said, “Sugarcube, if Ah didn’t care, would Ah’ve left the kids ta come listen?”

Well… no. “I guess not…”

Applejack nodded. “Right. Ah only laugh at yer misfortune because ninety percent of the time, it’s yer own fault.”

The itch on my scalp was getting harder not to scratch. “Whatever. Back to the topic at hoof: the most expensive thing for a pegasus in Cloudsdale is utilities and groceries. Pick air space, get clouds, build house, done. Literally made the original parts of the house when we first moved in together. A one day job. We just added on after Prism was born. I built a whole extra room for the new kid already, and I spent like thirty bits on sky pipe and cloud wire! That’s all it takes!”

Applejack drifted off till’ she imagined the costs and whistled. “Now that is cheap. A house like yers in Ponyville is gonna run ya a couple hundred thousand at the minimum. And that’s like in a second ring district. If ya don’t want a yard or anythin’ nice ta go with it. Ah suppose ya could be like Mac and move ta somewhere like the far corners of the third ring and get land fer a little under ten thousand an acre, but…”

“I don’t wanna do that either! I can’t even cheat the system like I did before and just build a cloud house out here because he has to live in it! It’s not like we don’t have money stored away in case we need it, but just the housing bit is going to run through most of our savings if we want something decent. He’d have to find a job, I’d probably have to find a job, we’re both going to have to learn to drive—”

“Ooh, right. A car’s gonna run ya a few thousand too, huh?”

“Yes! I hate cars; it’s like trying to fly wearing a cage four times my size, and if I screw up, it’s not just me that gets hurt or worse; it’s potentially several ponies! But if I don’t learn how to drive, it’s not like I can take my new baby everywhere on my back. Eventually, he’ll be too heavy for that. Did you see me when I walked in? I couldn’t even fly all the way here from the Castle without getting winded! It’s like, what, five miles?”

“Well, yes, but it’ll be easier ta carry him around when he’s outside of ya. Ya have a point regardless.” She let that sink in, rocked Gin a bit, then paused after something came to her. “Speakin’ of, what about a name? Ya keep callin’ ‘em ‘he.’”

Name? “Oh, Goddess.” I don’t have a name picked out! He’s due in early February! It’s already September!

“Ya… ya alright there, Dash?”

A whimper escaped my lips. Motherfucker! My head fell into my forehooves. “I don’t know, man! This whole thing just sucks. I haven’t even had time to think about that. We were supposed to come up with something after we found out the gender, but…” we’ve been arguing about what to do ever since.

“Whew, boy. Let me go put the lil’ one in her crib real quick. This seems like ya need my full attention.”

She went out, left me alone to rest my head on the cool countertop. A name! A name! I cannot fucking believe he still doesn’t have a name! For all the stupid shit in the world, how the fuck did we not come up with a name yet? There’s just been so much other shit to think about, but that’s kinda fuckling important! If we got a house here, this park would be within walking distance. This school sucks; it doesn’t even have a flight team. Should we get a smaller car or a bigger one? Do I even want to think of having more kids in the future right now? Can we afford rooms for everypony or can the boys share? If we do have more kids, should we buy a house with them in mind or just one that fits us now? Furniture, neighborhoods, vehicles, schools, housing, taxes, fees, jobs! Where do we even fucking begin!?

“Okay, Ah’m back.”

I just about jumped out of my skin when I found her standing beside me. This close to her, the baby bump was more obvious than I thought, but she was clearly not far along right now. “Pretty light on your hooves for a pregnant mare.”

She sat next to me with a nod. “Comes with the territory. Ya’ve got light sleepers like Whiskey, who’ll jump at anythin’ that goes bump in the night, includin’ his parents, and then ya’ve got heavy sleepers like Stout and Gin who could and would sleep through a twister even if it tore the roof off.”

“Heh. Including his parents, huh?”

“Let’s just say Ah’ve since installed a lock on our bedroom door.” She let out a breath and clicked her tongue. “That boy…” She sent her eyes my way and let them fall on my belly. “But enough about my life. Do ya really not have a name fer him yet?”

Frustration overflowed. “No! There’s been too much to think about. This is my third trip to Ponyville in the month, and all we’ve been doing is looking at everything, never agreeing, and going home mad at each other.”

“That’s not good. Ah thought ya said ya haven’t been lookin’?”

“Well, I haven’t. Not here anyways. The only reason I know we can’t stay in Cloudsdale for sure is because the houses in the tourist district cost more than the ones in the inner ring here. All Soarin does in his free time lately is look at the Ponyville districts. Even bought a cloud-proof computer just to check everywhere online.”

She tapped at her lips. “Y’all got generators up there?”

I shook my head. “Lightning bottles are pretty easy to make. So long as you don’t live too close to the ground, they’re pretty stable. Plug in a converter cap and you’ve got a few months of power in a bottle.”

Applejack blew air out her nose. “Geez. If the world wasn’t movin’ toward all this new tech, y’all’d have it made.”

“I know!” I threw my hooves up. “Everything would be easier if he was just a pegasus like the rest of us, but no, the mom Soarin won’t tell me about destroyed my life without being a part of it!”

Applejack brought a hoof to her snout. “Mom ya don’t know? Don’t Ah know Soarin’s mother? Ain’t she a pegasus?”

“Yeah, but that’s not the one he came out of, apparently.” I motioned outward in no particular direction. “She lives somewhere in this city. Or at least she did before it grew.”

“Huh.” She found a strand of mane on her face and threw it away. “Ya don’t happen ta know a name, do ya?”

Did she know something? “Why? But also, no, he won’t tell me. Laying off that issue was part of why he got me my phone, finally.”

“Hmm.” She brought a hoof to her mouth and I could practically hear the gears turning in that head of hers. “Well, even without a name, Fin could probably find her if ya asked him to.”

I sat on that one for a bit. It was tempting. Really tempting. If I knew the who, it would probably explain the why. But I decided against it. “As much as I’d love to, I can’t just go behind his back like that.” I pressed my forehooves together over my belly. “We’re… not in a good place right now. Things need to get better before we go over any more touchy subjects.”

“Are ya sure? It really wouldn’t be that hard for me,” a male voice said from behind. The door to the back porch closed and standing in front of it was Fin Sharp.

Applejack turned toward the door. “Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Welcome home, Sugar.”

In a single fluid motion, the green stallion swooped in from behind her, picked Applejack off the ground, and dipped her into a kiss. “As long as my angel’s here, appearing at your side is the best part of this devil’s day.”

In what I could only imagine was an attempt to contain sheer joy, Applejack smothered a smile into a smirk and kissed him back. “Somepony’s in a good mood.”

Fin let Applejack down and tugged at his tie. “First day in months without shootings in any district. I didn’t have much to do, and that means something is finally working.” Then, he turned to me. “Hey, Dash. How goes it?”

Usually, I never thought my friends had better marriages than I did. Sometimes, however, when I was around these two, I got those little needles of envy poking me in the back. The current situation only made them burn hotter. Applejack and Fin wouldn't tell anypony how they met or why they got married, like, a month afterward, but they’re perfect, and sometimes, I hated them for it.

I willed the needles away, if only to shake a few of them out, and sighed. “Oh, you know, fighting with Soarin, stressing over the new kid, stressing over what to do, stressing over my crumbling life. Normal, I guess.”

Applejack was less than pleased with me, but Fin brushed it off just like he always did. “Fun. Looking for houses today?”

Applejack took him aside and filled him in on the situation.

“Oh. That’s less than fun.”

I took in a sharp breath. “Yeah. I was actually supposed to see Twilight right now, but Diamond Dust stopped by the Castle, so I got shooed away till’ further notice.”

“Mister D is in town, huh? I would make a joke in poor taste at my employer’s expense, but he’s not exactly a guy you can just ignore.”

I crossed my forelegs. “My thoughts exactly. I’m hoping she wouldn’t summon a seven-months-pregnant mare just to tell me she hasn’t found anything helpful.”

Applejack shook her head and brushed her mane back in place. “No, not the Twi Ah know. But even if she does have a magic way ta fix yer problem, wouldn’t her past record of these things suggest somethin’ won’t go wrong?”

Why is my head so damn itchy today? “Well, no, but what other choice do I have? If I don’t bet on Twilight, then I have to make some serious decisions about my family’s future basically immediately! Do we buy or rent? Do we settle now with what we’ve got or do we plan for more? What do we do for work? How are we gonna feed the kids? How long do temporary measures last if we take them? Do we try to live near a park or buy enough land to train Prism on? How do I go about getting a license? Who can teach me how to drive? What kind of taxes will we pay if we move here? I still don’t know how to start, and time is running out!”

Fin scratched at his salt-and-pepper beard. As far as I know, he was a year older than Applejack, ex-royal guard, and currently a detective for Ponyville PD. He was only twenty-eight, but because of his naturally black-and-white mane, he looked way older than he was. That said, going to Fin for advice was never a bad idea. Fin was good at what he did because his cutiemark was a silver tongue, and he could usually tell you anything you wanted to hear. If he cared about you though, he’d do the opposite and give hard advice not unlike his lie detector wife. Between the two of them, I’ve been called out for more shit than I can remember, so I’m not exactly excited about what he might say.

“Hmm. That is a dilemma. Let’s start at the beginning and work our way through then, shall we?” He crossed his forelegs, closed his eyes, tilted his head, and raised an ear. This was Fin’s ‘thinking mode’ as Applejack called it, something he and his boys shared. A moment of silence, then a single orange eye opened to pierce through me. “If you really needed it, I’m sure we or Twilight could put you guys up for however long you need. Renting wouldn’t be a bad idea, sure, but that whole expanding family question would need to be answered sooner rather than later. My opinion is: the more the merrier, but that’s not for me to say.

“You guys were both Wonderbolts, so the force would love to have you if you’re open to that, but the crime rate in the third ring and further out gets scary, especially near 28, 34, 40, and 46, or the airports. I could tell you stories that would make your skin crawl. It’s not pretty, but Twilight’s more open to reason than most mayors across Equestria, so we’ll never be as bad as Manehattan. Provided we get more guys to keep up with the population, that is.

“With the automated weather system in place, it’ll be hard to find ‘pegasus’ jobs, but schools looking for flight instructors will chomp at the bit for you both. It won’t be anywhere near the salary a Wonderbolt trainer gets, but you can afford a decent house in a nice neighborhood and a serviceable car on it. As for which one to shoot for, that’s out of my hooves, but Fluttershy or Rarity can tell you. Special circumstances from one, all the money and influence from the other, and you have two well-researched mothers with eyes on every private and public school in the city.”

Fin shifted his jaw, then straightened his neck to pop it. “I can’t tell you how to train your son, but if you want to be closer to your friends, I’d say find somewhere near a park instead of buying land. If you do buy land, again, stay away from the cardinals and the districts surrounding them provided you go for the third ring. Go any further out and you probably won’t run into other ponies very often.

“There’s a city office in every odd-numbered district to apply for licenses and such, the castle serving as one of them. They offer driving lessons at all the colleges and several high schools, but you have to provide your own vehicle. I suppose I wouldn’t mind teaching you guys, but if you really wanna learn, Cheese is one of the best drivers I’ve ever seen. Rarity and Shy took classes for the longest time, but it wasn’t until Cheese and Pinkie showed them around did they finally get it. As for taxes, you’re about to go see Twilight, right? If anypony knows what you’ll owe down to the bit, it’s her.

“Lastly, the first thing to decide would be whether or not you want more kids later on. Even if you can’t come up with something now, I’d lean towards ‘maybe another’ and get something with an extra room just in case.” He put on a big smile and wrapped a foreleg around Applejack to bring her close. “We weren’t exactly planning for another one, but here we are. We might even be in for two again!”

Applejack turned her head and blushed. I squinted at her. Sometimes, it’s just not fair. “Twins? Again?”

She made an attempt to scratch the embarrassment away but only got cheek for her efforts. “Oh, come on, now. W-we don’t exactly know fer sure, but Apples are prone ta this kinda thing, and, well, it… it feels like two again.”

Fin kissed her cheek and she blushed a little harder. I felt the needles digging in again.

“Anyways, I think that was everything. Anything else?” he asked.

It was my turn now. Shit. So much for excuses. Complain to my less-than-empathetic friend, she points out the flaws in my problems. Complain to her fixer husband, he tries to solve the problem. I don’t ask for much, but for the love of the Goddess, please get me out of this, Twilight. “W-well…”

And just then, my phone rang. As if my prayer had been answered, the name I wanted showed up on the caller ID. Speak of the devil… “Hello?”

“Hey, sorry about the delay. I’m almost done. Are you still around, or do I need to send somepony to get you?”

“I’m actually with Applejack and Fin right now at the Acres. I can be there in about fifteen.”

“Oh, cool. Tell them I said hi and that I’ll see them on Sunday. Let me know when you get here and I’ll walk you to my office.”

“Okay, see ya.”

“Bye.” And with that, she hung up.

Not sure what to make of it, I passed the message along. “Twi says hi, and she’ll see you Sunday?”

Applejack snickered. “Well, ain’t that nice of her. Some ponies give ya notice before they just show up at yer doorstep.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I stood up and stretched out my wings. Left wing shoulder pops, the most strain I could get out of the elbow joint, and the furthest out I could bend the finger till’ it relaxed. Repeated with the right, got way more pops, and when I went after the elbow, I got a sharp pain for my efforts. “Ah, bitch!” I brought it in and removed an offensive feather that stabbed into my skin. “This is what I get for not stretching this morning. From my parents to my husband to my drill sergeants, I was always told to stretch before I fly, and the one day I forget because I think I won’t…”

Fin and Applejack shared a look, then she turned her eyes on me. I already felt the irritated groan coming. “Well, Dash, that’s what ya get fer thinkin’.”

And thus it came. “Ugh, don’t you have like, forty-two kids to look after and another twelve cooking? Go away.”

Applejack cackled and Fin wrapped a foreleg around her. “Oh, come on, Sugar, be nice.”

He whispered something in her ear that made them stand on end. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen her face any redder. She swallowed and cleared her throat. “A-Ah suppose Ah do have a few youngin’s Ah should check up on. Ah’ll see ya around, Dash. At least just give me a heads up before ya just drop on by next time, alright?”

I deliberately rolled my eyes in the most drawn out way I could. “Yes, mom.”

She narrowed her eyes and pointed a hoof at me with every word. “You’re Goddess damn right.” Applejack looked at Fin and nodded her head toward me, then made her exit.

Now he cleared his throat. “You need a ride?” Fin offered. “In any other circumstance, it’d be quicker if you flew, but that’s only like a five-minute drive from here.”

I thought about that for a second. In a normal situation, I would flat out turn him down for a number of reasons. I am faster than a car on my own, I’m not trapped in a box if I don’t go with him, and in the nicest part of Ponyville, I’m safer outside a car. I looked down at my belly and came to a conclusion. “You know what? I’ll take you up on that.”

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

Despite Fin being a good driver, despite being in a pickup truck—the safest vehicle passengers could be in—despite not even driving for five minutes, it still made me nervous. Cages with wheels and exploding boxes making them go. I know it’s supposed to be safe, I know everything should and did go fine, but none of that comforted me. Anything that took my wings away, for even a moment, makes me nervous. If Twilight doesn’t have something for me, I’ll be without my wings a lot.

I thanked Fin for the ride, waved goodbye, then faced the castle. I was supposed to see her three hours ago. In the event she was fooly-cooly-ing around with Diamond Dust, dude’s got stamina, that’s for sure.

Though I was around to see the castle sprout from the ground, what it had become was always cool to see. From the highest point waved the Equestrian flag. Garden plots surrounded the castle, all filled with flowers arranged in patterns that spelled either ‘Ponyville Castle’ or ‘Welcome to Ponyville.’ On holidays, they’d swap them out for ‘Happy X’ depending on the season. Banners from across the globe adorned the walk to the castle doors, all happily displayed together though our relationships around the world were ‘less’ than happy in most places. All things considered, not everyone wanted the technological revolution, but they were getting it one way or another. Some places had already adapted and taken advantage of being our neighbors, while others… didn’t. They might like to fight us for shifting the balance of world power, but we had weapons beyond their wildest dreams now. ‘Outgunned’ was only the beginning.

Speaking of outgunned, it was still strange to walk up to the castle doors and see guards armed with machine guns around their necks instead of spears but still wearing the traditional armor. Compared to the weapons we have now, that shit might as well be paper when you point a gun at it. But tradition is as tradition does, and these guys, while they could defend the castle if need be, were mostly for show. A warning to dissidents and foreigners looking to start trouble: we will never be defenseless again.

Course, these guys knew me, so they said, “Hello there Mrs. Dash. Here to see the Princess?” and let me in. To be honest, I didn’t know their names, but I saw them every time I came. Orange pegasus with a blue mane and tail, mahogany earth pony with a two-tone green mane and tail. Guards typically rotated around the country every half decade or so, but these guys had stayed here ever since Twilight took on a more active role in the political-governance sphere.

Finally inside, Her Purpleness was trying her best to get Diamond Dust to go away. “And I assure you, I’ll take a look at your proposal as soon as I have time, but I do have other appointments today, so—”

A dark blue coat, a pale blue mane most ponies thought was a toupee, an expensive suit, a bright red tie; the dude just reeked of money. “Of course Princess, I completely understand. Ponies love to talk to ponies they think they’ll get somethin’ out of. Time ain’t exactly friendly to the powerful some days. But don’t keep me waitin’, if you will. With the plan I’ve laid out, we can make this city even greater than Manehattan or Canterlot ever dreamed of bein’!” Southern drawl on this guy was thick. Like listening to syrup pouring on pancakes.

Twilight bowed her head to him. “I will, I promise.” Then she spotted me, a convenient excuse to shoo Diamond Dust away. “Oh! And would you look at that; my next appointment is already here. I do apologize, but I can’t exactly keep a pregnant mare waiting!”

I couldn’t even attempt to hide my disdain. Yeah. Sure, Twilight, sure. She swallowed, then lit her horn. “Flash, Timber? Would you please escort Mister Dust to his vehicle?”

The castle doors opened, and the two guys from outside came in. “Yes ma’am. This way, Mister Dust,” they offered.

“Sure, gentlemen. Keep me in mind, Princess. I look ever so forward to hearin’ from you again.” A wink, and off went Mister Dust with his entourage.

Doors closed, and Twilight relaxed. “Oh thank the Goddess.”

My hooves tapped. I'd waited too long for this. “Uh-huh. Can’t keep a pregnant mare waiting alright. I guess you didn’t get it in your mane after all.”

Twilight’s whole body seemed to sink and a forehoof flew to her forehead. A groan, “why, yes. Hello Rainbow Dash, how are you today?”

“Stressed, tired, unhappy, uncertain, upset. What about you, Princess?”

“I suppose that makes two of us.” She let herself slide the rest of the way to the floor and laid her head on the cool castle crystal. “Let’s go to my chambers. My schedule for the day was absolutely destroyed, so I think I’m about done with today.”

Yikes. That’s not a good sign. I didn’t get so much as a word out before Twilight’s horn flashed and my world was enveloped in violet light.

“So… long meeting?”

We’d settled into some chairs with her favorite tea. Now that I was less upset with her, I could see she’d had a long day. Bags under her eyes, disheveled mane but not in the fun way, couple feathers out of place, crown not exactly straight. I knew Twilight better than all my other friends, and this was bad day Twilight.

“I just… I can’t with that stallion. While, no, I’ve never done anything with him, that doesn’t stop him from making advances on me whenever he’s in my presence! He brought me flowers, he gave me jewelry, and he wants to buy half the space I’ve allotted for new districts! I can’t tell if he actually wants a piece of me or if he’s just trying to get in bed with me so I’ll give him a good deal!”

She rubbed her forehead in circles. “If things hadn’t become the way they are, Cadance marrying my brother would probably be something that very few ponies know. Because things have become the way they are—and it’s all my fault, by the way—every remotely rich stallion in Equestria thinks the Princesses are available! Yes, Celestia has the occasional suitor, but they're all from legitimate royalty because she’s practically a queen. Ponies expect that kind of behavior from kings and queens: that’s how the old world was before Equestria was founded.

“But me? My station is clearly and obviously below Celestia and Luna, so I’m an easier target! Between Diamond Dust and Gold Mane and Terra Trot, I have an entire wardrobe filled with dresses I’ve never worn, jewelry boxes which have never seen the light of day, enough flowers to put in every room in the castle, all the candy my pantries can hide… well, mostly from me. Those get eaten. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the proposals that get filed away into the shredder every few days too.

“Heh.” Is this what it feels like to be Applejack when I complain to her? I totally get it now. “Must be nice, huh?”

Twilight pointed an angry hoof and glared at me. “Oh, don’t you even start! Some of these guys expect to hook up and start dynasties! They have no idea! And what’s worse, even if I actually find myself in love at some point, that still wouldn’t be an option. How do I tell ponies something like that won’t ever be possible?”

“You know, ponies usually communicate with their voices, Twi.”

She fell back into her chair and hid her eyes with forehooves. “Have I not already apologized? What more do you want from me, Dash?”

I sipped at my not sweet enough tea. “I mean, a way for my new baby to live in the house I already have would be nice. But, I suppose I can forgive you regardless. You know how Applejack is, so I felt the need to pass the shit talk along.”

“See, when I complain to her, I get crap about it, but at least she’s interested to hear about the proposals.” she put an elbow on the arm of her char and rested her head on her hoof. “You know, I have to actually read those. Some of them are good. These guys didn’t make their money by being idiots; they know what they’re doing, and my city planning is a field day for them.”

She sat up straight now, the gears in that egghead turning faster and faster. “Did you know that Ponyville is the shape it is because I was approached by Diamond Dust in the early stages? He advised me on how to set up the grid so I could later expand further with roads that go above parts of the city to expedite traffic to districts that would need higher access than others. Aside from trying to get under my bedsheets like usual, that’s what he was here to capitalize on today. I only skimmed it when he gave it to me, but what caught my eye already had my attention. I’m gonna have to call him back. I’m gonna have to deal with him again, and most likely in the near future if he has anything to say about it. As bad as traffic is getting with just a few thousand driver’s licenses out there, a new system has to be implemented sooner rather than later. I should probably take another week away to see how the humans deal with this, but I don’t know when I might have the chance.”

Twilight stared into her tea for a few seconds in silence. “Oh! But yes, I did call you here for a reason.”

I finished off the tea and set the cup down. “I mean, I figured, but you seemed like you needed to vent so I kinda let it go.” It’s not like home is a place I really want to be right now anyways…

“Aww, Dash!”

I couldn’t tell if it was the genuinely happy tone or the smile it put on her face that made me blush, but I wasn’t happy about it. “Oh, just tell me why I’m here already! I don’t need any of that.”

Twilight waved that one away. “Bah, you care and you know it. I do too, for that matter, which is why I’ve spent my free time over the last month developing…” she held out her hoof and horn flashed, “This!”

Sitting on top of her hoof was some kind of headband with a weird jewel sewn in it. It looked like it was made with polyester or something, a lot like the sportswear we used to have for performances back when Soarin and I were Wonderbolts. The gem was a softly glowing violet, and the band itself was twi-purple with her cutiemark patterned across it.

She passed it to me. After taking it in my hooves, I stretched it out just to see if I was right. I was, as it seemed to act like elastic. “And this is…?”

Smug face on, “Take a guess.” Her horn glowed and she called to the air, “Timber, can you come to my chambers?”

If we were honest here, I really didn’t know. I’ve never seen anything like this. It looked kinda like a watch, but it clearly wasn’t that. “Twi, I have no idea what this is.”

She rested her back on her fancy chair, very satisfied with herself. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Once Timber gets here, you’ll understand.”

We waited and watched her bedroom door for a few minutes. My ears twitched when I heard a sound form behind me. The bathroom door opened and what came out was the best surprise all day. “I’m here, Pr— Ah. You… still have a guest.”

I had to contain it. Do everything I could not to just bust out right then and there. I leaned back in my chair and put a hoof over my mouth to smother it. “Oh, I understand something alright.”

Twilight laughed nervously, cheeks red as the dusk sky. “Oh, Timber, coming up the emergency exit! You didn’t think I was in trouble or anything, right?”

The armorless and weaponless earth pony guard straightened up and saluted. “I was concerned, so I ran up here as fast as I could.”

Oh, oh this is gold. “Sure you did. Twilight, quit being an idiot and show me what this thing does.”

Adorably frustrated to the point she couldn’t even begin to hide it, Twilight took the band in her magic and passed it to Timber. “P-put this on, please.”

As stiffly as possible, the guard did as he was told. Once it was on him, the gem in the band changed colors to match his mane, the cutiemarks changed to match the tree on Timber’s admittedly nice flanks, and the hue of the band shifted to match his coat.

Next, Twilight spawned a cloud a few feet off the ground in the room with her magic. “Dash, could you go stand on that?”

I had an idea of what the band did now, but as Applejack said, her track record on these things wasn’t exactly great: for every one invention Twilight made that worked, there were a hundred in a garbage dump somewhere. I stood on the cloud and it was as generic as a cloud could be. Not artificial either; she must’ve pulled this one in from somewhere.

“Timber, please stand next to Dash.”

“Yes, Princess.”

If I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it. The guard planted his hooves on the cloud, and hopped to get the rest of the way up here. Ho-lee shit. She did it. I looked at the band for a few seconds before I noticed the guard. This guy was… pretty. Really pretty. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was a magazine model. The few scars on his forelegs suggested otherwise, but he had the face and the body for it. “Wow. Well done Twi.”

She jumped up, excited in a way I hadn’t seen since she sprouted wings. “Right!? It took so many tests and failures, but I finally found a gem of high enough quality to hold an augmentation spell! However, I could never get it to sit right in anything; it just kept burning through materials after a few hours of use. It was only after I realized that polyester and nylon are used in sportswear because they handle heat and moisture so well—”

“I mean, I was talking about the guy, but the band is cool too.”

And Twilight deflated on cue. “Oh.”

The poor guard was trying his damnedest to keep a straight face, but even through his reddish-brown coat, you could see a brighter shade on his cheeks.Oh, yeah, this is absolutely gold. I motioned for him to give me the band. “Why don’t you hand that over and go back to your post? I’m sure she’ll call you later.”

He swallowed, looked to his Princess for confirmation, and after getting it, took off the band. The moment he wasn’t touching the thing anymore, he fell through the cloud like a sack of bricks

“Yikes!”

Twilight shooed a mostly-unphased Timber away and cleared her throat. “Ahem. Yes. If you remove the band, obviously, the augmentation goes with it. The band itself is of course cloud-proof, but anything you put inside it will also become cloud proof, organic or otherwise.

“All things considered, you should still think about moving somewhere solid, just to be on the safe side. But, with this, you can at least take your time. Based on your and Soarin’s measurements, I made it big enough to fit around a foal’s barrel of your statures, but once it adjusts to him, it should expand with him over time in a comfortable way. If it’s in a place he can’t get to easily, it’ll be harder to get off. It’s machine washable as well, so if he ever gets it dirty, just leave him somewhere safe and throw it in with whatever.”

I studied the band more, and out of curiosity, I put it on myself. Just like with Timber, the gem turned red, the band turned cyan, and the cutiemarks on it shifted to mine. I didn’t feel any different though. Probably because the cloudwalk spell was innate to my body as is. “Well… thanks, Twi. I… you have no idea how much shit this is going to save me from.”

The band flashed off my leg in purple magic, re-appearing on Twi's hoof.

“Hey!”

“You know what I want.”

I rolled my eyes. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Not a word.”

My Pinkie Promise said, Twilight teleported it back to my leg. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

“Mm-hmm. So…” I started, snickering along the way, “Is it just him? Or is Flash in on this too?”

Twilight’s wings popped out and she froze. “Th-that is none of your business!”

I snorted. “Damn, girl! And here I thought you were still a virgin!”

“Sh-shut up! I… I just wanted to know, alright? I… I needed to know if I was… if there really never could…” She shook her head. “You have what you came here for, right? Go home.”

Laughing the whole way, I hopped down from what was left of the little cloud and draped myself over my best friend. “I get it man, I do.” Then the laughing stopped. “I… I don’t blame you one bit. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t… well, it was kinda your fault, but you had no idea what the price was. They know, right? You’re not just using them, right?”

Twilight leaned her head against me. She seemed tired, even more so now than before. I’m sure she thought about it a lot, especially with all of us poppin’ kids out every few years. “Yes, they know. They were supposed to go to Canterlot three years ago, but they didn’t want to leave. They’re the only ones who stayed.”

She sniffed and rubbed at her snout. “When I asked them why, they said… w-well, you know what they said, and I… didn’t know how to respond to that. I mean, was it even okay for somepony like me to… to be felt about that way? If… if they chose any other mare, they could have families. They could have homemakers and kids and grandkids, and they could have whole lives that ponies dream of having, and yet… they chose me. Even knowing all the things we can’t be, still they chose me.”

Poor Twilight. If this had happened years ago, I don’t think I’d be able to empathize with her. They say maturity comes with age, but for me, I think it came with Prism. I can’t look at ponies hurting like this without seeing my little boy. It brought out the mom in me, and somehow, I felt I knew just how to make it better. I smoothed her mane down and tightened my grip on her. “Hey, you deserve somepony too, alright? I mean, the reverse harem thing is weird, and it’s not exactly fair to either of them if you keep this up, but there’s no reason you can’t have somepony.”

Twilight put a hoof on mine and leaned against me a little more. Hearts are just so complicated no matter who you are. “You’re a good friend, Dash.” A cold sigh left her muzzle. “I also know it’s not fair… but they don’t exactly seem to care about that.”

“How long has this been going on?”

She swallowed. “S-since New Year’s. Discord is just… he’s so unfair. He did it all wrong. He did some of the most evil things in the world, he’s stuck with the same curse we are, but the powers he got let him break the rules too! And now he’s… he’s not even a bad guy anymore, and I hate it. He’s become a completely different person since Fluttershy entered his life, and…” she let out a breath. “He made me an offer. I turned him down, but he… he said that he could break the rules for me too.”

I reared my head back. “Woah, woah, woah. What does that mean?” He made her an offer? He could break the rules for her? I know this is Discord and all, and I couldn’t imagine him with anypony other than Shy, but, was he offering to…?

Twi’s lips wavered. She formed a couple words, but dropped them before they could make it out. “It’s… not that the system was removed from my body since I cast the spell. It’s just halted and sterile. He worked tirelessly to figure out how to fix himself after Fluttershy asked him for foals, and he figured it out, obviously. He… he thinks he could fix me, if I ever…”

She scratched at her mane and scratched that line of thought away. “It’s too late for that now. I have to be a Princess, I have to perform my duties, I have to run this city. I wouldn’t have time for a family. At the very least, I have a pair of ponies who I can go to when I need them. But since Discord put the idea in my head, I wondered if it was really true. I’d never… up until January, I was still a virgin.”

I sucked in the dead air through my teeth. “Geez, Twi. What were you going to do if it turned out you could?”

She turned away from me, her gaze off to a world I couldn’t see beyond the balcony window in the depths of the setting sun. “Carry it to term. Give it to my brother, my parents, or somepony I trusted who also wanted it, and watch from afar.”

I felt the air leave me. “Dude…” She was totally prepared to lose it even if she managed to get one. I… couldn’t even begin to imagine having to give Prism or even the new one away.

Wrapping myself tight around her shoulders, I brought her a little closer, hugged Twilight a little harder. “You’re one hell of a mare, you know that?”

She eased into me and I felt her muscles relax. Maybe she didn’t think this was weighing her down as much as it was, but the relief that passed through her told the real story. “Thanks, Dash.”

We sat together like that for a while, but then Twilight’s ears perked up. “Did you just poke me?”

I shook my head. “How could I? In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve kinda got my forelegs on your neck.”

She tilted her head. “What the…?” She shook me off and turned around. Her horn lit up like a glowstick and the bedroom followed suit. Violet light passed through everything until it settled on me. She stared at me in confusion, her ears twitching every which way trying to figure out what happened until finally, she snorted. “Oh. He poked me.”

We both watched my belly for a minute. Sure enough, it bumped up from inside again. “Ha! Maybe he just wanted to cheer you up?”

Twi snorted again. “Like mother, like son, I suppose.” Then she furrowed her brows. “He?”

“Yeah… it’s… been a process. We haven’t even talked about names yet.”

Then, an idea came to me. “Actually… since you may never have your own, why don’t you name him for us? We didn’t even go with the name we initially picked out for Prism after we saw what he looked like, so it’s not like we’re super hard about naming our kids something super specific.”

Twilight scratched at her cheek. Her ears twitched again too, and that caught my eye. If you didn’t know her as well as I did, you wouldn’t know that meant she’s interested. “Oh, Dash, I can’t do that! You guys should name your own kids. It’s something only you get to do as the parents.”

I threw that away. “No, I mean it. Some things suck more than others, and sure, there are a ton of upsides to what happened to you, but there are just as many downsides. He might not really be yours, but you’ll get to see him all the time, and you’re one of my best friends. If anything, Soarin’s gonna be happy that he won’t have to stress over it like we did last time. I’m sure whatever you pick will be great.”

Twilight clicked the tips of her forehooves together. “…and you’ll keep it, even if you get an idea when you see him for the first time?”

“Cross my heart—”

“Haze.”

I blinked. Not prepared for such a fast response. “Haze?”

Twilight nodded. “Haze. Synonymous with fog, a sort of cloud that sits above the ground. It’s the perfect name for a Wonderbolt’s earth pony foal.”

That was quick. I rubbed my belly. What do you think, little guy? Do you wanna be Haze?

As if he understood, I felt two bumps from inside. A warm feeling washed over me and I couldn’t help but smile. That’s it then. From here on out, you’ll be my little… “Haze. Just right for somepony like you.”

As the moment faded, I couldn’t help but notice how pleased Twilight seemed with herself. Made me wonder. Is it just me? Or does she do this when any of us have foals? “Been sitting on that one for a while?”

She shied away. “Kind of. I think of names every time you guys tell me about new kids. However, nopony ever really wants or asks for my input on these things, which is understandable considering it’s their kids.”

“Yeah, I get it. Discord wasn’t happy about it when I taught Amity how to fly, so names would definitely be in his jurisdiction. Applejack seems to have a theme in mind for her kids, and all of Pinkie’s kids start their names with the letter C… for some reason.”

Twilight shrugged. “Even knowing her for over a decade, I couldn’t tell you what goes on in Pinkie’s head. Cheese is like her male counterpart, and had I not known better, I’d say they’re like Pinkie’s new twins.” She smiled and let out a breath of relief. “It does make me glad that everypony seems like they’re in a mostly good place now. So much could’ve gone so wrong…” she shook worst-case scenarios out of her mind. “Anyways, let me send you home so you don’t have to pay for the balloon fare. I doubt anypony’s flying right now anyways.”

I looked out the window, and at this point, the sun wasn’t even visible. Dusk had truly settled in now, and it wouldn’t be long before the moon was in full view. Most services won’t fly in the dark, especially with planes still being active for trips around the world. If Twi didn’t send me home, I wouldn’t be going home tonight. I stretched my shoulders back and forth. “I was told I’d have the trip paid for, but I guess it’s really not important. Thanks again for doing this Twi. I’ll see ya’ later.”

“Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything else. I’m always busy, but I’ve gotten pretty good at making time even when the Diamond Dusts of the world come to screw it all up.”

I saluted. “You got it!”

I was enveloped in a world of violet light, and with the crackle and pop of lightning, the light fell away and I was standing in front of my door. Stars and deep blue above, a field of white and electric lights coming out of fluffy white windows all around. Home. But… not for long. As much as I’d like to stay, to never leave this place, It just wasn’t meant to be.

Haze sits above the ground, afterall.

You bleed just to know you're alive

We’d been afforded time, and with that time, I really started to look for houses and actually talk to Soarin. The fighting simmered, decisions were made about the when and where, and as Haze came closer and closer, we had just about everything figured out.

We’d stick around Cloudsdale for the first six months because that was when Soarin’s contract with the Bolts ended: third quarter, 2012. We’d prepare and save, collect old and unwanted furniture from our friends and store it at the Acres. All things considered, District 10 seemed like the best place for us with the massive Ponyville Park stretching from its east side into parts of Districts 25, 26, and 27. With all the room we could ask for, Prism would have no trouble flying and gliding as much as he wanted.

The airport in the South Cardinal, District 28, was closer than I’d liked, but any further out and we’d be too far away from everypony. Applejack was one district away, Twilight was two, Rarity and Fluttershy were three, and Pinkie was five. At most, it’d take forty-five minutes to go see Pinkie by car, but that wasn’t too bad; it was better than the couple of hours it took to get here from Cloudsdale.

It’d be a while away, but we also got an idea from Rarity to apply to one of the Ponyville Charter Schools. I wouldn’t take a job until Haze starts schooling, but since Soarin’s contract ended around the same time a Charter School contract started, this would be the ideal way to go. Rarity also chewed me out for getting Pearl to ask her how foals were made. Open mouth, insert hoof, just how it is.

I overestimated the costs of things initially, so we were pretty set to make payments for a while just on savings even if we moved now without a job in place. I’d get my driver’s license in April, and we opted for a convertible sedan to ease my fears. At least without a roof, I could grab the kids and dip if things went too far south.

Twilight went over the taxes with me, and it made me realize just how good I had it in Cloudsdale. Homeowners association fees, property taxes, vehicle insurance, public school taxes (even though we’re going to use charter schools), sales taxes, city taxes, and apparently Twilight had plans to unveil a new road system called ‘highways’ that’d have tolls and higher speed limits on them for quicker access to important parts of the city—so highway taxes too.

Still, it wouldn’t be that bad after Soarin takes the job with that school. Fin was right: if they hire him, they get to use him as a selling point for their private model. The place was nice, all the kids wore awesome uniforms, and most importantly, my friends sent their kids to school there. It was one of the few private buildings in District 1, and if we were honest, it looked a lot nicer than the many public schools around. Prism turns three in June, so he’d start at one of those by next year’s fall. He’d be a little young, but four to five was generally the age range for preschool.

Almost everything had been decided and readied before Haze was born. The only thing that wasn’t decided was the important question: should we stop with Haze or could we consider more in the future?

This was… a shift in my life. A major shift. A major shift in all our lives. Chances are good that I’d never have another earth pony even if we did have a few more kids, and if we didn’t, I… I didn’t know how I’d feel about Haze being the only non-pegasus in the family. He couldn’t fly with us. He’d need the band every time we go to Cloudsdale, and we’d always need to get a ride to go see his grandparents. He was gonna be an outcast in his own family, and I don’t know that I want to make that worse.

That one would have to wait.

The 2011 Hearth's Warming party brought with it the announcement of Applejack’s new set of twins and me announcing the final plans of my move to Ponyville. We’d found a place on the northern edge of District 10 that had four bedrooms, a decent-sized front and backyard, and two floors with a balcony on the second. It was average as average got in the nature-ridden parts of Ponyville, but pretty much what I wanted.

With said announcement, all my friends gifted me new furniture, each piece with the giver’s own unique spin on it that really made me… well, cry. I was about forty days away from popping and my moods swung all over the place, but I was happy all the same. The doom, the gloom— they’d given way to the joy of a new son, and things were good.

January came and went, and on February 10th, 2012, Haze took his first breath. As Prism predicted, he had a cyan coat just like mine, magenta eyes just like mine, his dad’s dark blue hair on his head and tail, and little hints of the rainbow at the back of his hooves, meaning he might have the same rainbow highlights there that Prism had.

Small for an earth pony, massive for a pegasus. I hadn’t felt much of Prism’s birth, but for Haze, I felt the whole thing and then some. He didn’t outgrow me or anything, but he was almost forty kilos on the day he was born, nearly double what Prism had weighed, and way more than ten percent of my weight.

Forty kilos is a little on the light side for earth pony foals—at least he was completely healthy with no ailments at all. Hearing that number for the first time made me realize that both Applejack and Pinkie had about eighty to ninety kilos sitting in their bellies at one point; I couldn’t even begin to conceive doing that. I could barely fly by January with all the strain just standing put on me. Earth pony twins would’ve made flying a pipe dream.

The ride back from Ponyville Hospital a week later was a nervous one. Twilight assured me that the band wouldn’t be too tight on him at any point in his life, but that didn’t comfort me. Haze didn’t seem to mind it though. Among other things, Prism had finally become articulate enough to use sentences, so he did. The whole way home. He kept saying things like, “He doesn’t have wings, Mama! Why doesn’t he have wings, Mama? Mama, will he grow wings? Can he fly, Mama?”

No. He never could, and he never would.

It was on the afternoon of May 15th that life changed again.

The noon day sky was bright and blue outside the kitchen window. It wasn’t all that necessary, but I liked to keep the lights on in here just in case Prism came looking for me. The TV in the living room showed footage of the race in Ponyville today, and Prism and Haze were in there playing. He wanted a snack and it was close to time to feed Haze again, so I was preparing just that when…

“Mama! Haze won’t give my block back!”

I took a sharp breath and let the apple I was peeling for Prism fall out of my hooves. One thing I didn’t consider, nor was prepared for, was Haze’s strength. At three months old and nearly three years old, Haze and Prism were of similar weight. At his age, Prism was average for a pegasus weighing in at about fifty-two kilos. Also average, Haze came in at about forty-five. There would be a very short period in his life where Prism would be stronger than his brother, but that gap was already closing fast.

I left the kitchen and made my way into the living room to see the scene for myself. Over the years, Prism had become something of a little architect and started building bigger and more extravagant structures out of his blocks. Today, he was recreating Ponyville castle again, but there were a few pieces missing. He needed one of the trapezoid cones to finish the main tower, which Haze was sucking on.

“Can’t you use a different one?” I asked.

My little rainbow-maned colt shook his head. “The… the colors aren’t right.”

Andthat was his thing right now. The colors always had to be right. A different color for each day, every building needed to be unique, and he couldn’t build the same one in the same color twice. Applejack’s colts played with blocks. Pinkie’s colts played with blocks. Fluttershy’s colt makes blocks on occasion, but he had his father’s powers. None of them, however, had the same level of engineering that came naturally to Prism nor the artistic finicky-ness that reminded me of Rarity at times.

Haze probably just wanted to play with his big brother, but that wasn’t allowed when Prism was in the middle of construction, oh no. The absolute meltdown he had when Haze knocked over one of his towers was a day to remember. Prism sure was my kid.

“Well, give me one of the ones you don’t want, Prism. You gotta share, dude.”

Prism frowned, looked away, then put a hoof on his snout as he considered which block he’d have to part with. This time, the castle was mostly violet with a few hints of blue and cyan here and there. To his credit, Prism’s creations had been getting more accurate as the days went by. I was never much of an artist and neither was Soarin, so where he’d gotten this from was beyond me. Maybe it was more to do with that grandmother I didn’t know and still hadn’t met. Haze, however, currently had the violet cone Prism needed for the castle in his mouth.

A few minutes of impatient waiting passed by, and Prism found me the cyan cone. “Haze sucks on Mama, so Haze gets the Mama-color block.”

“Wow! Phrasing!” Good Goddess, he’s me!

He flew over and deposited a cyan cone block on my open hoof. “What does… fray-zing mean?”

At least he hasn’t started picking up on Grandpa Flare’s vocabulary yet. That’ll be a day. “It’s how you word a sentence. Please don’t say ‘sucks’ anymore, okay?”

Prism shrugged while he buzzed his little rainbow wings in the air. “’Kay. Block please!”

So I went to Haze. Mostly compliant and far more passive than his brother, Haze wiggled his little hooves at me, keeping the block firmly between his milk teeth. His weren’t as sharp as Prism’s had been, but he had a stronger jaw, so he didn’t have to work hard to milk me. This kid was more gentle, which I was thankful for.

I leaned down and picked him up. “Hi there, Haze!”

Haze made baby noises at me. Somewhere between the delight and joy it was to hear him, there lurked a strange familiarity: he couldn’t make any words yet, but without a doubt, the same voice I’d heard in my dreams was speaking back to me. Happy little magenta eyes staring back at me over the cloud flooring of the house. The missing word had to be… Mom.

I presented the ‘me-colored’ block and watched his eyes track it. “Can I trade you blocks, buddy? Your brother really wants that one for his castle.”

I managed to get my free hoof on the violet block, but Haze pulled away from me. I sighed. Here we go. Tried to get the block a little more forcefully this time, but somehow, the kid wormed his way out of my hooves.

“Oh, come on!”

He darted to the other side of the living room, and now, it was a game. Call it a blessing or a curse, but ponies were born and expected to walk and run within a day. It was an old defense mechanism from the days long before the ponies of today, but it wasn’t gone. This made playing with much younger foals very easy. It also made catching foals a parental pastime.

Rather than help me, Prism raced to guard his castle, complete with shaking head and outstretched forelegs. “Nuh-uh.”

So much for team play. I lunged after the foal, but just before I got my hooves on him, he broke away and went to hide behind Prism’s castle.

Mortified, my rainbow colt shooed his brother away not unlike a bird defending his nest, wings flapping and all. “No! Go away, Haze! This is mine!”

Though unintended, this made Haze gallop to the other corner of the living room, and I didn’t feel like letting this go on any longer. Breaking my wings out, I flew where my youngest was headed, and just as he entered my reach, I tried to grab the back of his neck. He saw me before I did though and sped up a little. This led to me grabbing the band he was wearing.

And then, all at once, everything went wrong.

The mostly elastic band was not difficult to get off. Between my diagonal momentum and Haze’s forward inertia, the band slid down his torso. Horror-stricken, I tried to stop in place, but instead of helping, that made Haze trip.

The band came off.

Haze disappeared under the house.

“HAZE!”

Every single sense, every single muscle, all the power I had to think devoted to one thing, and I launched. I grabbed and ripped the floor of my cloud house away and dove into the deep blue. Haze was falling, and he was falling fast.

I beat my wings as hard as I possibly could, harder than I ever had. I had to catch him, and then I had to keep pace and slow down gradually. It wasn’t the fall that would kill him, but the landing. If I tried to stop too quickly, who knows what that might do to him?

Little else mattered. Save my baby.

With each flap of my wings, I got closer to Haze, and I could start to see the cone forming around my face. Subsonic? I’m gaining, but he’s still too far away. If I break the barrier will it hurt his ears? Deaf better than dead.

Faster!

He’s flailing. Droplets fly past me as I descend. He’s crying. He doesn’t have wings, he never will, he wasn’t meant to fly.

FASTER!

I can see him clearly now. I’m so close. Just a little more.

FASTER!

The cone broke.

The sky behind me exploded in color and sound, and I passed Haze.

I took the crying foal in my forelegs and started to swoop upward, carefully covering his ears as we passed through the rainboom. Sound was lost to me. Silence washed over the sky and my baby latched to my barrel. Slowly, carefully, gradually, we came to a lazy flying pace, and I held my baby tighter. My muscles ached and burned, a fine sheen of sweat cooled my coat, and my throat was dry and raw. But all that was nothing. He was safe in my forelegs, and now that I had him, I’d never let go.

When the ringing stopped and the sound of the high winds came back, so did the crying. I let my body gently sway in an off-canter flapping pattern to rock as we ascended. “Shh… Mama’s here. Everything’s gonna be okay. Mama will always be here.”

By the time I’d made it back to the house Haze had stopped crying. Sleeping softly in my forelegs like nothing ever happened. He won’t remember today when he gets older, but I’ll never forget. I didn’t even realize I was shaking. I threw the band back on him, but after I sealed the hole, I realized just how meaningless that was.

I’d never let him go.

Never again.

Never again.

A few hours later, there was a knock at the door. I’d hid in my room for so long, trying to still my beating heart and holding both my sons captive, one sleeping soundly, the other complaining in my forelegs; I didn’t realize what was happening at first. My grip loosened on Prism just enough to let him escape, and he flew off to get it.

Only after I heard his concerned, “Mama?” did I finally move.

It was difficult at first. I’d used everything I had to save Haze. My exhausted wings didn’t want to recoil, my legs still shook and vibrated like I’d tried to lift the world with my hooves, and my heart had only slowed so much. Still, I never let go of Haze and eventually made my way to the living room.

At the door was Soarin. And two police officers. Fight or flight hadn’t turned off yet and my pulse was immediately back up to speed. Why were they here? Why did he look like that? Did Soarin get arrested? What happened?

My husband stepped in. “Prism, buddy, can you go play in your room for a bit?” What’s that tone? Soarin doesn’t emote much, sure, but that’s not just the usual, that’s flat. Sober. Monotone.

Little green eyes slowly looked from one parent to another before taking their leave with an equally cautious, “‘Kay.”

Colt up the stairs and out of ear’s reach, the officers stepped in as Soarin took the lead. Just shy of snout to snout, my husband put a hoof on my shoulder and pleaded with me, “Dash… what happened?”

I swallowed. This was all wrong. Everything about this was wrong. What happened? Why would he ask me that? How did he know? My mouth was so dry it felt like I was choking on the words. “The… the band. It came off. H-he fell.”

Pain washed over Soarin’s face. He slid to his knees and covered his face with his hooves. “Goddess damn it, Dash. I knew we should’ve moved before February. If you’d just listened to me for once in your life!”

No… No, no, no. What’s happening? What is this? “S-soarin?”

Agony scarred his face, tears welled up in his eyes. He couldn’t look at me. He ran his hooves through his mane, covered his head, and screamed. “Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it! Do you have any idea what you’ve done!? You went supersonic under the hospital! You cut power to the whole city! Ponies are dead!”

My mind started racing. He didn’t mean that. This couldn’t be right. I saved my baby. That’s all I did. There’s no way. I… I couldn’t have. Could I?

And then, I noticed. While I was peeling that apple for Prism, the lights were on. The TV was off, but the computer was on. I never turned anything off. It shouldn’t be dark in here. My breathing started to match my pulse.

“N-no. I- Haze, he…” I tried to take a step back, but my hoof caught something and I fell to my haunches. Instinct made me brace for Haze and my wings flared out. The officers sprung and flew to cover the window and the door. To… to prevent escape?

Why is it so hard to breathe? Where is Prism? He shouldn’t be alone. Not like this, not like this!

Tears welled up. Soarin crawled to me, pushing aside that stupid cyan cone and wrapping himself around me. He shouldn’t be crying. Soarin has cried twice in my presence, and both times, I’d just given birth. Why now?

He sniffed and swallowed. Took a shaky breath and said, “I love you. I always have, and I always will. But you fucked up. You fucked up big time, Dash. You need to call Twilight. Right now.”

That day, I caused the deaths of two ponies. An open cavity surgery that couldn’t be completed. A heart attack caused by the shockwave and unable to be restarted. A loss of power in most circumstances would be covered by a backup lightning matrix. In this case, both were destroyed by the boom.

Luck and quick thinking saved all the other patients in critical condition. But two families had been broken, and it was all my fault. One father, one foal. That’s what I paid for Haze’s life. And it could’ve been avoided entirely if I’d just… listened.

On top of the two lives, the bits required to pay for the repair of Cloudsdale’s lightning matrix, the hospital’s matrix, and every bottle powering all the homes around the epicenter of the shockwave would number in the millions if not billions. It would take a decade for the city to financially recover from this, and I would’ve paid for it with my life if not for Twilight.

Nopony knows what caused the power failure. Nopony knows what the source of the shockwave was. A perpetrator was never accused, and the victims would forever believe that it was some freak accident that killed their family. And I was exiled from Cloudsdale forever.

I’ll never live it down. I’ll never forget the names of the two lives I ended. And I’ll never, ever, let Haze go again. If I’d just been more careful, if I’d just been more patient, if I’d just listened in the first place, they would still be alive. But because they aren’t, we have to make up for it.

He’ll live long and happy and healthy, and he’ll never be put in a situation where I could lose him. I’ll always have an eye on him, I’ll always keep him safe, and I’ll never let him anywhere near danger again.

Haze was still alive. I didn’t lose him. I didn’t lose another baby. As long as I live, I will never lose another baby. We’ll disappear into Ponyville, and as time goes by, ponies will forget what happened. Haze won’t remember. Prism won’t remember. Soarin will try to forget. And I can never forget. It was all my fault. It will never happen again.

No risks. No chances. Never again.

All I need are my boys.

Because I have them, that’s all that matters.