I drew my knees up to my chest as I sat on the floor of the bedroom Sunset and I shared, trying to control my extreme hyperventilation. I didn't know what triggered the attack this time. Something had gone terribly wrong. I sat in the corner of the dark bedroom, staring blankly ahead. Tears were streaming down my face as I tried to control my breathing. I could hear her voice, the twisted, demonic voice of my own devise calling out to me from the dark. And what made it worse was that the voice that actually called me was the one I needed the most.
"Twilight?" Sunset's drowsy voice called out to me from the bed. "Twilight, are you okay?"
I didn't answer.
"You were right... I didn't understand magic before, but now I do! Mufwhahahahaha!"
"Twilight?"
I was frozen in fear, seeing an apparition of what I saw while I was Midnight Sparkle spread out in front of me.
"You need to get help, Twilight. This is a serious thing."
"No! It'd be too hard to explain. You think they'd believe me? They'd probably think I was on drugs or delusional or something."
A ghostly hand landed on my shoulder, causing me to cry out in terror, moving at a rapid pace to the foot of the bed to escape the evil grasps of my despicable alter ego.
And suddenly I saw Sunset Shimmer looking at me, a shocked expression on her face. Her hand was still raised from where she had touched my shoulder.
"Twilight," she asked slowly, her eyes flickering with surprise and concern, "What's the matter?"
I buried my face in my hands as warm tears incessantly flowed down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry!" I choked out between sobs.
She sat near me at the foot of the bed, watching me, pondering whether or not to move closer. Her presence was helping, but I didn't want to be touched yet.
"Did you have a nightmare, sweetie?" she asked. "What's wrong?"
I was shuddering as I shook my head, drawing my knees closer to my chest. "It wasn't," I whispered shakily. Another bout of hyperventilation had set in, and now I was fighting to control my breathing as adrenaline flowed through my veins. "It was... that day... t-the... I... I'm still not over it. It still haunts me."
She moved in closer, reaching out and brushing my arm. I flinched without indenting to, and once more she drew back her hand.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, forcing back a frightened sob. "It's not your fault, Sunset. I-"
She pulled me up onto the bed, dragging me back to the plush pillows at the top. She had me lean on the headboard, sitting next to me and stroking me with a hand while another bout of trembling took place. "Twilight, can we talk about this? I want to help you, but you need to tell me what's going on."
I sighed heavily. Nobody else knew about this, save for Cadance. Whenever I would have flashbacks, I would either try to ride them out on my lonesome, or give her a call. Perhaps it wouldn't be too bad to tell her. I could trust Sunset, right? She ought to know, I couldn't keep it bottled up inside. Maybe it was finally time to confess. But one question remained. Could I get through the story without feeling as hurt as it me feel?
"This all started before the Friendship Games," I whispered shakily, "I felt like I was an outcast. I wasn't exactly well-liked by anyone at Crystal Prep. I was pushed around, abused, hurt, bullied."
Another chill ran through me. "I couldn't take it. I didn't want to talk to anyone. You know my social skills are poor; this made it worse tenfold. So, I worked my hardest to keep it down, to be a good student. When the chance came to potentially be selected for an independent study course, I finally began to feel happy." I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force the memory from my mind. "I put my nose to the grind, began to investigate paranormal phenomena to show my teachers that I was ready for that. That is what led me to Canterlot High. That first day, my EMF readings were off the charts. I was genuinely happy.
"Then came the Games. I went from being happy to being forced into a situation which I didn't particularly like. My principal took advantage of me; forced me to uncover what really was happening here at the host school. So I devised a device that would aid me in my endeavours. That proved to be nothing but trouble."
"Twilight," Sunset began softly. "I know you didn't mean to..."
My face was in my hands again. "I caused so much chaos around the school, I felt so... so h-horrible. Then... then... you yelled at me..." My voice cracked, and I began to sob violently. "I was so hurt, Sunset. After that came the last straw."
"I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't know I hurt you so much." I could hear the regret in her voice.
"Then the principal... she and the rest of the Shadowbolts pressured me into unleashing the magic I had taken and stored in my device." I forced my eyes shut and held back a sob as the scene replayed again. "The magic grabbed me, pulled me in, corrupted me." I could feel the magic reaching out, pulling me in. It took me a few moments to realise that it was Sunset who was really pulling me closer. I was safe.
"I cried out for help. No one aided me. This only fed the demon inside, made her take over m-my body, my mind..." Her hands gently rubbed my shoulders and back. I began to grip at her like a lifeline, as if the evil was trying to tear me away from her. "You were there, you... you came to my rescue," I continued, though the sentence was cut short by another episode of sobbing.
"Shhhh, it's okay," Sunset whispered as she held me close.
"After the incident, I had repeated nightmares of that day. I still do. Night after night of reliving my own stupidity. I even considered taking my own life at one point, but I knew I couldn't do that to our friends. Or you for that matter."
"Twilight, why?" Sunset asked. "I'm so glad you didn't. I don't know what I would have done without you in my life."
I heaved another sad sigh. "Most of the time I can try to forget that it happened, but the nightmares always come," I told my girlfriend. "I pretend that it never occurred. Yet sometimes, something happens, and it all comes flooding back to me. It only takes a-a sound, a sensation, a random thought. It hasn't been happening as much since we've been together, but it's still there, hiding, haunting me. It was bad tonight. It s-started because of the way y-you grabbed me earlier while we were on the couch watching that movie."
Sunset was silent for a brief moment. Then she held me tighter. "I'm so sorry, Twilight. I didn't know."
"It's okay. You didn't know about my condition. I know you won't hurt me. It's just, when the flashbacks and nightmares hit me..." I felt tears run down my cheeks once more. I was shaking again. My muffled sobs then became cries as I grabbed Sunset tightly. I hadn't recounted the tale for awhile; it had been emotionally taxing. I felt horrible.
"Shhhh, Twily. You're okay," I heard her whisper into my ear as she began to rock me back and forth. "I'm here for you. If you ever need to let it all out, I'll always be here." She planted a kiss on my forehead.
"I love you, Sunset," I said once my crying had devolved into exhausted breathing. "But why me? Why am I so important to you?"
Sunset reached out and tilted my face up, our eyes meeting. She peered right into my violet watery eyes, holding me in her loving gaze. "You are my girlfriend, Twilight. Don't ever doubt that I love you, or your importance to me. You're important to me because you are the most important person in my life. I have been in love with you ever since I saw on that night that you just needed a friend; you needed someone to talk to, you seemed so fragile. I wanted to protect you, and I'll still do just that. Ever since that night, I wanted to be your guardian, your mentor, your friend to lean on. And I'm so glad we're together. Nothing could make me happier than just being able to be with you."
"I love you," I whispered as I hid my face in her shoulder.
She kissed the crown of my head before leaning back with me still holding her, pulling the covers up over us both. "I love you too, Twilight."
When she kissed me once more, a shy smile crept its way onto my face. She loved me, and I loved her. Now my only tears were those of exhaustion and relief.
The next morning, Sunset and I decided to go ahead with our plans to meet with our friends at our usual coffee shop hangout. The idle chatter was nice, though I still was worn out from the events of last night's attack. While they talked of various goings-on in their lives since our last slumber party, I managed to win a drawn-out inner debate with myself, finally mustering up enough courage to admit to my friends exactly why I am so emotionally unstable. My opportunity came during a sooner than expected lull in the conversation, during which I whispered in Sunset's ear, "I think it's time that I tell them."
"Are you sure?" she asked. "I don't want you to have another flashback."
I squeezed her hand in reassurance. "Friends," I began, "There is something I think you need to hear."
By the time I had finished recounting a shortened, less detailed version of my tale of emotions and trauma, everyone wore the same facial expression save for Pinkie Pie, who appeared somewhat puzzled. Perhaps she didn't quite understand. Everyone else bore sympathetic looks. I was leaning into Sunset, who had wrapped her arm around my shoulders. Fluttershy was first to speak. "I can relate," she said in her usual soft-spoken voice. "I developed PTSD after I had been abused by my family."
"Six and a half percent of the population develops PTSD at some point. Another thirty-seven percent are afflicted with severe symptoms," Sunset added, glancing up from her phone. "It isn't something that should be ignored."
I unintentionally let out a small squeak.
"Not helping?" Sunset asked.
Everyone nodded in reply, prompting her to face-palm and put her phone away.
"Twilight, how long until you'll be better?" Pinkie Pie asked.
Sunset pulled me in closer. "She just needs time," she said.
"It isn't something that can just go away," I replied. "But if you're willing, your patience will help a lot."
"What are you going to do now?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I think I'll make an appointment to see a therapist. Sunset thinks that might help."
"Well, sugar, if ya ever need us, you know who to call," Applejack said.
Pinkie Pie suddenly stood up and shouted, "Ghost-busters!" a gesture which was met with raised eyebrows and several disapproving glances. Defeated, the energetic pink-haired girl sat down once more in her seat with a sigh. Hopefully, she'll someday learn that there are times when jokes aren't appropriate.
"I guarantee we'll be here for you, Twilight," Rarity added. "If ever you need us, we'll be there."
I smiled. "Thank you."
"Hey, you sure you're okay?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I am for now," I replied, placing my hand in Sunset's. "The nightmares may come back again tonight, but as long as she's here with me, I know everything will be just fine."
Author's Note
Twilight's Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a portrayal of what many afflicted with it go through. Nightmares and flashbacks are common.
And sadly, Sunset's statistics are entirely correct.
Here are some more. 1 in 13 has a chance of developing this condition. And only a few will report it or go looking for comfort. Some may say they are just sensitive; searching for attention, or that they should just 'get over it.' And believe me, if it was that easy, I think we would.
PTSD has no regards as to what you've been through, you don't have to have seen war to be afflicted with it. A death, violence, abuse, car crashes, aeroplane accidents... there are many factors. Triggers can be anything from a random thought to a smell or sense. This frightening condition has affected men, women, teens, children...
And even yours truly.
