Anon, The Cuddle Slut: Season 1

Do ponies pass the Harkness Test?

Let’s see, I am able to speak to them, so they are capable of communication. That’s one. Next, they do possess human intelligence and act very much like a human would, down to having similarly named cities and towns. So, another check off the list. Lastly, can they consent? Well, to my knowledge, they do have sex. I mean, why else would they have genitalia that they so freely swing around like a bag of-

“Darling, are you alright back there?” Rarity asked, her face fraught with worry. Anon snapped out of his inner monologue and quickly looked out the nearby window.

“Y-yeah, just a little bored is all.” Anon answered a little too quickly. He made note of a blue bird sitting by the window sill. The bird seemed a bit disturbed to have a strange creature staring at them, but they’ll have to put up with for a little while.

“Oh, I apologize, dear.” Rarity stopped her sewing to face towards Anon, who continued to stare intently at the bird. “I’m still having a bit of difficulty wrapping my head around your dimensions. It’s not often I get to work with bipeds.”

“Oh yeah sure, yeah.” Anon answered quickly. The bird flew away, likely out of a primal fear.

“Just give me a couple moments and we can get back to the modeling!” Rarity returned to her work, humming a tune to herself. Anon, meanwhile, struggled to keep looking out of the window. There was little to do in Rarity’s room and not much to look at. Well, there was one thing...

Anon slyly looked back in Rarity’s direction, making sure not to stare as he did before. His eyes focused on Rarity’s figure, as she leaned against her work table. At the angle he was sitting, he was behind her, slightly off to her left. From his point of view, he could see a lot of Rarity’s body. Including her more...intimate parts.

In fairness, most of it was hidden by her curled, violet tail. But when that tail happened to sway, that’s when it wasn’t so hidden. Not to mention he could also see what he would believe to be her mammalian breasts, since as she stood, they happened to sag just a little bit. For a moment, Anon understood exactly what Spike saw in her.

This is wrong, right? Like, by all accounts, she is a horse. So was Cheerilee. Yet, they’re also women at the end of the day. So, is this just my dumb lizard brain or am I actually fucked up?

Rarity accidentally dropped a needle on the floor. The needle bounced against the surface of the floor and slid underneath her workspace.

“Shoot.” Rarity cursed under her breath. She bent down to look underneath the desk, using the light of her horn to illuminate the darkness. As she searched for her needle, Anon took the opportunity to really evaluate her.

I mean, she’s not as thick as say Pinkie or AJ, but I think that’s more of Earth pony thing. Even Cheerilee was toting a wagon. But, she is very shapely. I’d give her a slim thick rating, at best. Damn, she even got those...what were they called? Dimples of Venus? Shit, she could be a model herself is she looked in the right venues. Speaking of, do ponies have their equivalent of-

“Uh, darling?” Rarity asked, more skeptically than before. Anon silently gasped, his heart dropping in his chest. He faked a cough into his hand, looking towards a mannequin to his immediate right.

“Ahem. Uh, yeah, Rares?” Anon asked, feigning ignorance.

“Were you just...staring at me?” Rarity slowly rose to her hooves, placing the retrieved needle on the desk.

“Um, I’m sorry.” Anon’s face grew flushed as he scratched at his neck, an unbearable itch crawling the whole length of his body. “I didn’t mean to, I-I was just, uh...” The words died in his throat, as did his soul.

Welp. This is how my story ends. Caught checking out a pony and comparing her with her friends. Yup. Fitting.

Anon was again alerted from his inner loathing by Rarity failing to contain her giggling fit. If Anon could shrink into the size on an insect, he would, God willing. Then he’d live the rest of his life as a tiny adventurer, never to be seen by friends or family again. Yeah, that would be nice right now.

Rarity finally managed to get a hold of herself, placing a hoof to her mouth and taking a few breaths.

“It’s alright, Anonymous.” Rarity reassures the defeated man. “I understand that where you’re from, mares are far more...modest.”

“Well, yeah but-“ Anon attempted to formulate an excuse, any excuse for anyone at this point, but Rarity raised a hoof.

“Ah ah ah~!” Rarity teased, a smirk on her face. “You don’t need to explain yourself. I’m quite flattered, really? It’s nice to know that even to a completely different species across time and space, I am still fabulous.” She fluffed her mane, as if to prove her point. Anon quietly resigned himself to staring at the floor. Rarity sighed, having had her fun.

“Would you rather wait out in the lobby-“

“Yes.” Anon answered quickly and bolted out of Rarity’s room as if it had caught on fire. Or, more importantly, as though he was on fire. He ran out so fast in fact, he nearly tripped over Sweetie Belle, who just so happened to be by the stairs. Anon caught himself on the railings and, even more ashamed, descended the stairs as normally as he could.

“What was that all about?” Sweetie asked, completely oblivious. Rarity let out another giggle, returning to her work. She answered her sister with but a simple word.

“Stallions.”