The Odd One

by theOwtcast

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, Violence, Slice of Life, Thorax, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Dark, Alternate Universe, Sunburst, Royal Guard
Length: 163188

Made a friend? Check. Gotten permission to move in with the ponies? Check. Lived happily ever after? Well, uh...

Now that Spike has convinced Princess Cadance that the ponies had been wrong to assume Thorax was an enemy, the kind changeling was given, and accepted, the opportunity to make the Crystal Empire his new home, one where he hoped to soon have many friends, plenty of love to sustain him, and basically a good life, much better than the one he’d escaped from. He really should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy.

Set between Walk Where There Is No Path and Winds of Change. The story will touch on some of the events from Path, but familiarity with said story isn’t an absolute requirement.

Edit 5-Aug-2021: Whoa, made it into the Featured slot! Thanks guys!

Published 2020-08-22 21:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-03 20:50:39 UTC

Confession

The party went on past lunchtime and well into the afternoon. A crystal pony who I assumed was one of the servants dropped by a few times with trays of fresh food for the ponies and even some gems for Spike, and Pinkie produced a few games and a photo camera from somewhere. I got to know the girls a little better; they turned out to be everything I’d imagined them to be and so much more, and apparently they liked me too, just like Spike had promised! Though none of them had verbalized their willingness to allow me to feed on them, they had shared plenty of love with me through hugs and games and singing, and, for the first time in my life, I was completely sated!

I had said it before, but looking at my new friends, I couldn’t stress it enough: this was a dream come true!

If only other changelings could see it that way…

Unfortunately, that was too much to hope for. Though a sporadic individual drone might be willing to consider the benefits of sharing love over stealing it, I doubted that there would be more than a hoofful of them, and they wouldn’t be likely to dare to attempt it lest they suffer the backlash of the rest of the hive. No doubt would the punishment promised to me for doing what I’d done serve as an additional discouragement to any drones who might otherwise be willing to try a different approach to feeding!

Could I have sought out any such changelings while still in the hive and gotten them to escape with me? No, I realized. I’d spent plenty of time trying to make friends there; had there been any willing to try friendship, I would have found them, or they would have heard about me and sought me out! But what if someling had wanted friends but hadn’t dared to admit it? There had to be some way to reach out to them! Had I tried hard enough?

And what about Chrysalis? I knew that hoping for forgiveness from her was futile, but what if I could prove the strength of shared love to her? Would she realize her mistake if she knew that the love of friendship could feed the whole hive many times over? Would she reconsider her stance, for the hive’s sake if not for my own?

Probably not. I’d had more than my fair share of contact with her when receiving punishment for whatever I’d done wrong at some point. I still remembered the bloodthirsty glint in her eyes and her sneer of pleasure and deranged laughter whenever I’d cry out in pain, the sight of venom she would drool unaware and let drip into pools of my blood on the floor, her satisfied chitter as Pharynx or whichever other nearby drone would drag my broken, half-unconscious body away… The wounds had healed, the pain had stopped, but the memories of how she’d enjoyed watching me suffer… they weren’t going to fade so easily!

No, I reminded myself, I could never expect Chrysalis to accept the way of sharing love, even if every single drone in the world did! She would sooner annihilate the entirety of our kind than accept friendship!

I took some comfort in knowing that her days of torturing me were over; I was safe here, surrounded by friends and protected by the Princess of Love. If there was still hope for me to fully heal and recover from my old life, it would happen here! But what if Chrysalis found me one day? Would Cadance and Shining Armor’s power be enough to shield me from her? Would my friends be able to save me? Would I have made a difference to anypony or anyling by then?

“Why the long face, sugarcube?” Applejack’s voice brought me back to reality.

“Yeah, don’t be such a party-pooper!” Pinkie joined in. “C’mon, let’s turn that frown upside-down!”

“Thanks, Pinkie, I appreciate your effort, I really do! It’s just…”

“Yes?”

I sighed. “Seeing all this-” I gestured to the cakes and balloons, and the flowers, and the crystal ponies out in the streets, “-I couldn’t help but think how wonderful ponies’ lives are, and how I wish I could have had even a tiny fraction of it… before…”

“No problemo! We just have to party extra hard to make it up for what you’ve missed!”

“Hey, why don’t you come visit us in Ponyville sometime?” Spike interjected.

“I’d like that too,” Starlight told him, “but would it be safe? I don’t want to force Thorax to be in disguise for the entire duration of his visit, but I can’t promise that Ponyville would welcome a friendly changeling even with all of us vouching for him!”

“Then we’ll have to make them understand!” Rainbow exclaimed. “Who’s up for the challenge?”

“Ooh! Me! Me! Mememememememe!” Pinke accepted, waving her hooves around. “Count me in! Let’s find Thorax some friends!”

“An’ a mighty challenge that’ll be,” Applejack shrugged, then smiled. “Boy, we’ll have our work cut out for us! An’ burst mah pumpkins if Ah can’t handle hard work!”

“Why, of course, dear!” Rarity agreed. “We’ll make sure that you get the most fabulous welcome that you’ll never forget!”

“I hope you don’t mind staying here in the meantime?” Fluttershy asked. “I’d hate to make you think we don’t want you there!”

“Oh, don’t worry,” I reassured her. “I’ll need some time to get used to being around ponies anyway!”

“Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t visit Ponyville in disguise at any time if you feel like it!” Spike added.

“Then it’s settled,” Twilight said. “Thorax, we’ll do everything we can to make Ponyville a safe haven for you!”

Tears of joy seeping from my eyes spoke more than words ever could, and so did my excited leaping… good thing that Starlight had been quick with her magic to grab a sculpture I’d accidentally collided with and tipped over! It would have broken for sure!

Soon it was time for them to return to Ponyville. Twilight went to say goodbye to the Prince and Princess and their filly, and Starlight caught Sunburst with a few parting words on the way out of the castle.

I was about to say goodbye too when Spike came up with an idea.

“Want to escort us to the train station?” he asked.

“Sure… if it’s okay with everypony else.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t want to intrude-”

“Nonsense! You’re our friend! And haven’t we just promised to you that you’ll always be welcome among us?”

I couldn’t deny that.

“Oh, and Cadance has informed her subjects about you,” Twilight added. “You can go out in public undisguised and nothing will happen to you!”

“And if somepony does give you trouble, you don’t have to put up with it!” Spike said. “Cadance and Shining Armor will protect you!”

“I’m not so sure about Shining Armor,” I said. “He still doesn’t seem to trust me.”

“Okay, it might take him a little to warm up to you, but I’m sure he’ll get there. But you can trust Cadance!”

“And Sunburst!” Starlight added.

“And if nothing else works, come to us and we’ll sort it out!” Rainbow offered.

“I’ll try to not let it come to that,” I said, “but thanks!”

“WAIT!” Pinkie exclaimed. “We didn’t even take a group photo!”

The others agreed and gathered up in front of the heart-shaped relic under the castle, putting me in the middle to pose with them. Twilight went to get Cadance and Shining Armor, and though the prince had apparently and unsurprisingly excused himself from the ordeal, the Princesses were back with Sunburst and little Flurry in tow. Pinkie halted a random crystal pony passing by to snap the photo so no one from our group would have to be excluded from it. Cadance and Sunburst then said goodbye to the girls again and took Flurry back inside, and I escorted the ponies and Spike to the train station. It was located on the outskirts of the city, but the walk there turned out to be shorter than I’d expected. Had I simply lost track of time in the company of my friends? It was such a pleasure to be around them!

I’d taken Twilight’s advice and gone into the streets in my own form. As she’d claimed, nopony caused a scene because of a changeling among them, which was a relief as much as it was strange to be undisguised in public without getting chased or having things thrown at me. But, as I’d expected, it was still a long way from being welcome: some ponies flinched at the sight of me, some openly stared, some mumbled to themselves or whispered to whoever stood near them… pretty much the same responses to my presence this morning in the castle. Obviously the ponies didn’t like me, they didn’t want me here, they might have even wondered why I’d been allowed to stay, but at least they seemed to trust the Princess enough to keep their objections to themselves. Were they simply afraid of punishment? No, I scolded myself, this wasn’t the hive; Princess Cadance wouldn’t exact the kind of punishment I was painfully familiar with, the kind of punishment to be truly feared! She would go for something much milder if she couldn’t think of another option!

Shining Armor, though…

He would be stricter than his wife - a military leader such as himself would have to be - and I had no doubt that his disciplinary methods would be felt, at varying degrees depending on the severity of the transgression maybe, but somehow I still found it hard to imagine that he would reach Chrysalis’ levels of delivering pain. Maybe, if he were really furious, he would get to what might be considered a mild punishment by hive standards…

Either way, I didn’t want to find out.

But we were almost at the train station by now, and my attention was returning to my friends. They were still talking cheerfully, and none of them was showing signs of having noticed that I’d gone silent. Maybe they assumed that I preferred to say little? I’d noticed that Fluttershy rarely spoke, and even when she did, she avoided raising her voice even when the others would fail to notice her. Was I getting the same treatment? Not that I had a problem with it; it was way better than getting mocked or beaten up, and anyway, I didn’t feel the need to be the center of attention like Pinkie or Rainbow! Not that there was anything wrong with being the center of attention, if that was what they liked.

“Oh! Almost forgot!” Spike exclaimed when we stepped onto the platform. “I didn’t give you our addresses!”

“Addresses?”

“You know, the thing you write on the envelope of a letter?”

“Right, sorry! I’m just… overwhelmed, I guess… with all the new things I saw in these couple of days… I’m not normally this stupid… well, I hope I’m not…”

“Hey, it’s alright! It’s a lot to take in all at once! You’ll get the hang of it!” He took a pencil and a piece of parchment from his backpack and started writing.

I waited patiently for him to finish. Behind him, Twilight and Starlight were discussing something, Fluttershy way playing with a small sheep that had wandered onto the platform, and Applejack stood there and watched, then turned to me and snickered.

“...and there, finished!” Spike offered the parchment to me, attempting to stifle a chuckle of his own.

“Thanks,” I said accepting the parchment and wondering what was so funny, when movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. “Um, what are you doing?”

Rarity flinched and withdrew a yellowish ribbon - no, what was it called? Measuring tape?

Rainbow burst into laughter.

“My sincere condolences, Thorax,” she said, not really trying to compose herself. “You’re about to be cursed with a fifty-seven-hours-long fitting session!”

“...what?”

“You can’t rush perfection, Rainbow!” Rarity protested. “Don’t listen to her, Thorax, dear, I think you’ll look positively dashing in a tuxedo!”

I tilted my head. Why would I need a tuxedo? What was a tuxedo, anyway?

“An’ whaddya think he’ll pay ya with?” Applejack joined in. “Ah reckon he ain’t got no money!”

Ya reckon right, Applejack, I thought.

“Pfft! It would be a gift!” Rarity pouted.

“Ooh, just like the dresses you made for our first Gala,” Fluttershy said. “I’m sure whatever you make for Thorax will be just as lovely!”

Dresses? Oh, right! Rarity had mentioned her dressmaking business!

“So, a tuxedo is a clothing item, right?” I asked. “You don’t have to do that, Rarity! I couldn’t ask that of you! I appreciate the gesture, but really, it’s too much!”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” she smiled. “You make it sound like a dreadful chore, but making new designs is what I live for! Though, I’ve never made an outfit for a changeling before - not counting Chrysalis’ wedding dress, of course, but she was disguised at the time and I thought I was making it for Cadance - so it might take a teeniest tiniest bit longer than usual because I’ll have to adjust the pattern… I do hope that won’t be a problem?”

“I’m not going to talk you out of it, am I?”

“Of course you won’t! My mind is made up!”

I sighed. “I don’t want to be a burden, but if you insist…”

“It’s settled then! I’m going to make you something and I just know you’re going to love it!”

The train arrived, and the ponies and Spike got on board. They waved me goodbye, I waved back, and when they were out of sight, I flew back to the castle. I didn’t want to take the streets yet. Someday, hopefully soon, I would, but I wasn’t yet comfortable with facing the ponies undisguised on my own. A disguise would have helped, but I’d already decided to resort to it as little as possible now that I was allowed to be here.

I landed at the base of the castle and went inside. Shining Armor was waiting in the hallway at the top of the stairs, fully armored up.

“I was wondering when you’d come back,” he said sternly. “Ready to talk now?”

Talk? I was momentarily confused, but then I remembered that he’d expressed the intention to discuss something with me immediately after Princess Cadance had accepted me as her subject.

“Yes,” I said. “What about?”

“Come,” he commanded, ignoring my question.

He led me down a series of hallways to a part of the castle I hadn’t been in before. No servants were here, only a few Royal Guards patrolling about, and a pair of them guarding one of the doors. Shining approached the said door, opened it, and motioned me to get in.

I did. He followed and closed the door behind us.

There were shelves and cabinets along the walls of the room, except where the window was. The shelves were filled with books and scrolls, but I noticed a few other objects here and there as well, such as old helmets and spearheads. A crest shaped like Shining’s cutie mark decorated the far wall, and a few spears and halberds were positioned at each side of it. A desk stood in the middle of the room, with quills, a stack of parchment, a small flag, and a statuette of what I took to be a distinguished military figure on top of it. One big chair was behind the desk, and two smaller ones were on the side.

This had to be Shining Armor’s headquarters! Office? Base of operations? What was the correct term?

“Sit,” he barked, placing one of the smaller chairs directly across the table from the big one, then marched around and sat in the said big chair.

I obeyed cautiously. What was he going to do now? Issue orders, presumably, but would that be all? Would he question me about my intentions too? It made sense that he would! Would he be satisfied with my answers?

Uh-oh. Was he planning to force answers out of me? I intended to give him the full truth either way, but would he believe me? Had I underestimated him before? Would he press on with everything he had until he forced me to tell whatever he wanted to hear, no matter how false in reality, because I would be in so much pain by then that I wouldn’t care what I said as long as saying it would allow me to catch a break?

Suddenly I realized that I half expected chains to sprout from my chair and grip me firmly in place, subdued at the Captain’s mercy to do to me whatever he wanted; but nothing happened. It still could, though! And I had no doubt that his repertoire of spells was well up to the task of dealing with whatever he believed I might do!

He stared at me in an uncomfortable silence. I cowered a little. Bit my lip. Let out a whimper. Looked at him pleadingly while trying not to look at him at all, lest I look at him the wrong way. Shivered.

“So,” he finally spoke, the tone of his voice about as warm as my brother’s had been when he learned I’d been expelled from military training. “‘Thorax’, right? You stated that as your name?”

“Yes,” I replied. How I had managed to utter a coherent sound at that moment, I would never know!

“What is your business here?”

“I came here looking for friendship-”

“You said that already! Why are you really here?”

“It’s the truth! I have no foul intentions if that’s what you’re thinking!”

“Suppose you are telling the truth, why the Crystal Empire? Why not somewhere else?”

“Because this is where I ended up… I have been attempting to make friends throughout Equestria, but something always happened that forced me to leave the town I was in and try my luck in the next one!”

“And I’m supposed to believe that you couldn’t find a single friend in the whole vast kingdom of Equestria and then just happened to stumble upon one in the out-of-the-way place governed by the very couple whose wedding your armies disrupted not that long ago?”

I didn’t know what to tell him. As unlikely as it sounded, that was the whole truth, but how would I get him to believe it?

“What’s Chrysalis planning this time?” He rose onto his hooves and got in my face. I flinched.

“I don’t know!” I squeaked.

“But she is planning something!”

“She…” I braced myself for whatever was coming. “She might be…”

“Spill it!”

“I don’t know any details! I just overheard a group of changelings discuss her orders to regroup and prepare for a new mission! But it was vague, and I got the impression that even the leader of that group didn’t know what this new mission was!”

“Where was this? In the hive?”

“No, in a cave in the wastelands north of Manehattan and some other big city…”

“When?”

“I don’t know! It was some time before I came here, but how long, I couldn’t tell for sure! But I don’t think you’ll find them there anymore… they mentioned something about going elsewhere to rendezvous with other soldiers - I forgot where exactly - and that might not have even been the final destination-”

“Is there anything useful you know about that?”

“Um… nothing I can think of right now…”

He subjected me to another glare that could melt rocks.

“Please believe me…” I whispered, unsure that it wouldn’t only make things worse for me.

“Fine,” he snorted after a moment. “What do you know about the incidents in Canterlot and Manehattan?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re saying that you don’t know that a changeling was revealed and chased in Canterlot a little less than a year ago and that a whole network of infiltrators was exposed and cleaned up in Manehattan?”

“Well, that changeling in Canterlot was me-”

“Lies! He was captured and is refusing to talk! What were his orders?”

So Rascal was still alive, apparently. I was somewhat relieved for not having sent him to his death - though that could still happen, especially if Chrysalis’ soldiers got to him - but also glad that it hadn’t been me.

“You misunderstood. I was revealed in Canterlot, I was chased through the city, and I fell down the cliff, but Rascal was one of the changelings sent to kill me or to drag me to the hive to get punished for leaving, and the only reason why I survived the subsequent encounter with him is because I managed to bite him and my venom rendered him unconscious. I was even hiding in a nearby bush when the Royal Guards collected him.”

“Then how do you explain his injuries?”

“Timberwolf attack the day before. I was there too, and I’m pretty sure the rest of Rascal’s team got eaten.”

“But you survived,” he sneered. “Lucky you.”

“I got thrown into a ravine and managed to escape with only minor injuries.”

“Hm. It could have happened, I’ll give you that much, even if it does sound unlikely,” he shrugged. “What about Manehattan?”

“The infiltrators? I know there are a lot of them throughout the world, not just Equestria, but I can’t give you any names or locations. I’ve never had a clearance level high enough to know such things.”

“But you do know that infiltrators exist.”

“The whole hive knows. It’s not a secret that we do it, but not everyling knows the specific details. I assume it’s similar with your Royal Guard: an average pony would know that they exist, but not which guard is stationed where and under what orders, maybe not even if the said average pony is a relative of a Royal Guard member. It does work like that, doesn’t it?”

“And why would I tell you?”

“No reason at all!” I squeaked again. “Forget I asked!”

He frowned.

“Okay, so you were in Canterlot and on the East Neighagaran Plateau, possibly near Starlight’s old village. Where else?”

I proceeded to recount the events from my journey and the places I’d visited: buffalo territory, Braeburn’s town, which I knew now was called Appleloosa, the Everfree Forest, Ponyville, Manehattan. Shining interrupted me every now and then, requesting details and clarifications, making occasional comments, and writing things down on a piece of parchment. His distrust of me was still obvious, but, much to my relief, he never resorted to inflicting pain, and hardly even raised his voice for a long while. If I didn’t know what I would have to tell him soon, I’d probably think I was winning him over - not quite there completely, but probably on the right path!

But I had yet to confess to a horrible act I’d committed, which was bound to undo all the progress I might have made in my favor in his eyes, and there was no escaping it.

“You don’t know the name of that place?” he asked when I got to the relevant part of my tale.

“I’m afraid not,” I said. “I wish I did, though…”

He raised an eyebrow. I took a deep breath. Here goes…

“I didn’t stay there long enough to find out.” I sighed and hung my head. “I have a confession to make, and you’re going to hate me.”

“As if I don’t hate you already?”

Fair enough. “I was so hungry by then that I didn’t know what I was doing… A mare was walking in the street, and I… I…”

“You what?” he asked impatiently.

“I lost control… I attacked her and fed on her… I didn’t want to, but-”

He wasn’t listening anymore. He blasted me off the chair, and before I knew it, he was on top of me, horn at the ready to deliver the worst of Tartarus on me, and the look in his scowling eyes was not far behind.

“You fed on an innocent pony?” he roared.

“I wish I hadn’t - I stopped myself as soon as I realized what I was doing - got out of there - wanted to punish myself-”

I might as well have told him that I’d killed Chrysalis; he didn’t seem to care. He blasted me again, and this time it was as painful as the worst of Chrysalis’ torture spells! I cried out, knowing fully well that I deserved it and so much worse, and he kept the spell going for what seemed like forever, for as long as there was breath in me to keep screaming.

I’d expected to faint from that blast, if not die, but it had barely stunned me. It had, however, left me gasping for breath while Shining, still standing over me, opened a drawer and took shackles from it. He wasted no time in chaining me up, then he levitated me, wrapped a loop of the chains around my wings, and stormed out of the room with me in his magical grip while I was still trying to recover from the painful ordeal.

He marched through the castle hallways and then through the streets, not caring about the gasps and stares that the puny changeling in his tow drew from nearby ponies. I looked around dejectedly; how was I supposed to earn their trust after this? Would I ever?

Eventually we arrived at a building on the outer limits of the city. It wasn’t labelled, and the style of architecture matched that of the other buildings here, but the thick bars on every window and the abundance of guards were all I needed to figure out its purpose.

A guard opened the doors as soon as he saw us, and Shining gave him a curt nod and proceeded downstairs. There, he threw me into an empty cell, locked me in, and cast a spell on the bars. A guard approached in the meantime.

“He assaulted and drained a pony,” Shining told him, “admitted to skulking around throughout Equestria, including Canterlot, Ponyville, and Manehattan, and he’s wanted in Appleloosa under charges of apple theft.”

“Understood, Sir!” the guard saluted.

I wanted to say something, to explain myself, to deny those accusations, but it wouldn’t have done me any good. Shining had already left, and the guard didn’t look like he would be willing to hear me out, let alone believe my side of the story.

I tried to touch the bars, wanting to lean on them and let out a defeated sigh even though I knew it would hardly make me feel any better. I tried to touch the bars, but as soon as my hoof got close to them, a magical surge blasted me once again, this time coming from the bars themselves.

I yelped as the surge hit me and launched me into the far wall. I was momentarily stunned, and then I tried to get up from the floor. The world was spinning, and the chains around my legs weren’t making it any easier to stand up.

The guard was laughing.

“Oh, that was good,” he said. “I heard about that spell from the guards who work in prisons that get changelings regularly, but I’ve never seen it myself! And those must be the shackles that fry you if you attempt anything funny, too! They said these two things keeps you pests in check better than anything else they’ve ever tried, and now I can see why!” He motioned with his wing. “C’mon, do it again! Or at least try shapeshifting!”

No thanks, I thought; I’d been blasted plenty enough times today already! I didn’t think that he really expected me to obey, and either way, he got serious again pretty quickly. I wondered again if there was a point in trying to talk to him, but decided against it. And what was I going to say, anyway? That I was innocent? He had to have heard that story from most, if not all, prisoners who had ever had the honor of spending some of their time here! Besides, I wasn’t innocent, and I had no right to claim otherwise!

I just wished that somepony would still be willing to befriend me despite knowing the horrors I’d committed, but didn’t think there was a chance for that anymore.

Crestfallen, I slumped down onto the cold floor of my prison cell.

A Fate Deserved

The hours stretched long with nothing happening. The guard had barely moved except to breathe and blink, no sounds came from the rooms above, and the pony in the cell opposite to mine snored blissfully on his cot. Surprisingly, there weren’t even any rats scurrying about and pestering me. Hadn’t the rumors I’d heard in the hive about pony prisons mentioned hundreds if not thousands of rats infesting every nook and crevice? Not that I minded the rumors being false, even if only in this prison!

I remained sprawled dismally on the floor, barely moving, lost in thought.

How much time had passed since I was brought here? I didn’t know; it was long enough to assume that night had fallen long ago, but beyond that, I couldn’t tell. Did it matter? Probably not. I didn’t have any definite knowledge about the ponies’ judicial system, but I doubted that they would simply let me go after a certain amount of time as if nothing had happened. They were probably keeping me here until they decided on appropriate punishment, whatever that would include. And I had accumulated quite a list of charges for them to have fun with!

Assaulting a pony and feeding on her.

Illegal presence in Equestria.

False pretences.

Disturbing the public order, probably, or however they called it.

Harassment of the Royal Family?

Resisting capture in Canterlot. In Manehattan, too.

Banishment from buffalo territory. Was that even in Equestria?

Stowaway on a train.

Apple theft. How laughable that seemed now, compared to the rest of the list! And I wasn’t even guilty of that one, not really! It had been a misunderstanding!

But even if that misunderstanding did eventually get sorted out and written off, I would still be in a lot of trouble for everything else on that list. Most of it had been acts of self-preservation, but would the ponies in charge of punishing me believe it? Would it help me if they did? It could make things worse; apparently changelings weren’t even allowed to legally exist in Equestria! This was only logical, though; my kind had never brought ponies anything good, only fear and destruction! As unfair as it may sound to make someone illegal in a country just because of which species he or she belonged to, what other choice did the ponies have? I didn’t like that decision, but part of me was, in a way, supportive of it, even if I was about to suffer its consequences; how else were ponies supposed to defend themselves from my kind if not by making every effort to keep us away from themselves?

But what would the punishment for that be?

Simpy sending or escorting us away from their territory wouldn’t do much, as they couldn’t keep us from coming back, therefore, that probably wasn’t done, at least I’d never heard of it having happened. A lifetime in prison seemed like a more likely solution to their problem with us… unless…

Did ponies practice death penalty? Did their law allow for it even if ponies hardly ever resorted to such extreme measures?

Goodness, I hoped not! Chrysalis may have sentenced me to death for betraying the hive, but she was so far away now, and I’d started to believe that she might not find me and exact that punishment by now! If the ponies sentenced me to death too…

I didn’t want to die, not now when I finally had a few friends!

Did I still have friends, actually? Would Spike and the others still want to call me their friend upon finding out what I’d done to that mare? And they would find out, I was sure of it!

Flashbacks of that horrible night flooded my mind again.

Frustration and emotional exhaustion…

Lost in an unknown land…

Hungry… so unbearably hungry…

A moonlit city… a mare strolling in an empty street…

That desperate hunger!

A mare in the street… enjoying the night…

Love… sweet, tasty love…

Control yourself!

Love… hunger…

Hunger screaming, demanding its due!

Mare… love… hunger… so much hunger…

Restraints falling down…

A vow betrayed… a lifetime of integrity, gone!

And the mare’s empty eyes as the black monster drained the love out of her.

The mare’s empty eyes haunted me still, refused to leave me alone after all this time, tormented me insufferably in this cold, dark prison cell that I was barely aware of anymore. All my existence drowned in those neverending purple eyes, shriveled under their severe, empty gaze.

Why did you do this to me? they screamed. Why did you sentence me to a cursed shadow of a life?

I used to be happy! they screamed. I used to love life, you monster, and because of you, I’ll never be happy again!

How will I ever love again, they pleaded, when you robbed me of all the love there was in my heart?

Burning tears filled my eyes and flowed down my face; a lifetime of tears waited yet to be unleashed… and I knew with my whole being that all the tears in the world couldn’t begin to repay my debt, undo the horrors I’d committed!

I’m sorry, I begged the sad, purple eyes to understand. I’m so deeply, unbearably sorry! If I could turn back time, I would… believe me, I would… I would rip my own heart out sooner than allow myself to harm you!

But the eyes burned me still with their unforgiving gaze.

I may have had the strength of character to confess my sins, and I intended to have the same strength to accept whatever punishment was deemed necessary. But I didn’t deserve forgiveness, I knew that too well! I deserved to be in this cell, to remain locked in it forever, to wither and rot away in its cold darkness, safely away from the sight and love of any pony who might become the next victim of my malignant urges that I’d failed to restrain once and might fail to restrain again if something pushed me over the edge like it had in that awful, cursed moment! For the sake of all the ponies around me, I had to be locked away in the most isolated corner of the world, where I could do no possible harm to any creature!

Either that, or to be killed immediately, before I had the chance to even try something I shouldn’t!

I didn’t want to die, but if that was the price I had to pay to keep the ponies safe from my uncontrollable rampaging… so be it.

But even if they decided it was necessary to prevent any further incidents, I knew that nothing in the world could compensate for what I’d done to that mare, let alone undo the damage. There was no pain, no weapon, no torture spell they could unleash on me that would come close to matching the horrors that mare had suffered - and probably still did suffer if she was alive - at the mercy of the darkness that had overtaken my mind!

Death wouldn’t be a punishment. It would be letting me off easy, showing me the mercy I didn’t deserve!

Oh, how I wished, how I desperately wished I could go back in time and stop myself before succumbing to the worst instincts within me! I wouldn’t have died without feeding on the mare’s love, I knew that now: I’d been even hungrier since, while hiding in that cave on the outskirts of the Crystal Empire, and survived nevertheless! And that was one of the worst parts of the whole incident: that I’d violated and destroyed the poor mare when it hadn’t even been necessary for my own survival!

My tears had died down at some point, but now they started pouring out all over again. I let them; for whatever it was worth, they would be a pathetic testament to my immeasurable remorse, even if they couldn’t make it lie any easier on my heart.

The rivers of tears drained me out eventually and the burden of guilt tortured me into exhaustion. I fell asleep right where I was, on the cold, wet floor of my prison cell.

Guilt and Mercy

I felt myself floating alone in the dark void of dense nothingness. How had I arrived here? And when? I couldn’t remember! I focused all my being on trying to recall what had happened, but only a vague, and very faint, image came to mind: cold, so much cold… and more darkness… and water. Was it water? I couldn’t tell! And the harder I tried to figure it out, the less sure I became!

Water. Could that explain my current condition? I didn’t think I might have been anywhere near water, but how would I know? Had I gone swimming? Had I transformed into a fish? Had I needed to hide from pursuers and sought shelter under the surface? I checked myself. I couldn’t see anything in the dark, but working on touch alone, I seemed to be in my own form. But if this was water and I was submerged at this very moment, why weren’t my lungs screaming for air? I’d been like this long enough to expect that!

Had I drowned?

Oh dear... I had, hadn’t I? But how, and why?

And how long ago? Wouldn’t anyone miss me? Did I even have anyone who might miss me?

Spike, my mind whispered. But had that been real? Had I really befriended a young dragon, or had it been a mere dream? A hallucination in my dying moments, one sparked by the one thing I’d always wanted in life but was never going to see it happen?

A wave of loneliness like I’d never known before washed over me. Was I doomed to spend the rest of eternity like this, alone in this overwhelming, suffocating darkness? What monstrous atrocity could I have committed to deserve it?

The darkness dissipated gradually. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but after some time - maybe minutes, maybe centuries; I couldn’t tell - I began to perceive the outlines of my hole-riddled forelegs in the surrounding emptiness, barely noticeable at first, but eventually, my whole body was clearly discernible against the gloomy, green background.

And later still, I realized there was a certain… unevenness… in all that green.

Unevenness. Was that even a word? And why did it matter?

After eons spent suspended in place, I decided to try if I could move around.

It seemed to work. There were no visual cues to tell me that - not ones I was conscious of, anyway - but it felt like I was going somewhere!

Until my face hit something.

I recoiled in surprise and shook my head. What had I hit? There was nothing there! I reached out cautiously, and sure enough, my hoof came in contact with something: a wall both soft and hard, a barrier firm but malleable.

Another vague memory stirred in me: I’d seen such a barrier before… and the shade of green surrounding me was, somehow, troublingly familiar.

And suddenly, unmistakably, I knew why.

But before I had time to panic or ask myself how I might have gotten there, a figure materialized out of the darkness on the other side of the translucent barrier. It came closer to me and stared in silence.

I knew that figure too well; I’d known him all my life.

My brother Pharynx.

But why was he standing upright? Shouldn’t he be upside-down? No, shouldn’t I be upside-down? Was he walking on the ceiling? It didn’t feel like it! No, I realized, we were both upright!

I leaned with both forehooves against the wall of this peculiar cocoon that held me.

“Pharynx? Can you let me out?” I said, but no sound came from my mouth.

He kept staring as if nothing had happened.

I leaned closer to him.

“Let me out! Please?” I made an effort to speak louder, but again my words were drowned out.

No change from him, either. He remained immobile, staring at me ominously.

“Pharynx?” I whispered silently.

More figures stepped out of the darkness: changelings, more and more of them, each approaching my cocoon to stare at me. Some of them I knew by name, some I knew by sight, some were completely unfamiliar to me. Some - most, actually - I knew how badly their punches hurt or by how many times they had put me in bandages.

“Um… let me out, guys?” I tried again with the same result as before.

More and more drones arrived by the minute. Some shook their heads at me disapprovingly and left. Most remained standing around me, staring.

At some point, I became aware that the slime in my cocoon was glowing. Why hadn’t it glowed before? It made no sense! I knew by now that I was most definitely alive; the slime should have glowed from my life force all along!

What was happening?

“Let me out, guys! Pharynx!” I screamed silently, banging on the walls of my glowing green prison as panic rose in my heart and more changelings continued to gather up. “Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!”

More changelings. The glow brightening steadily.

“Guys! Please! Let me out!” If I were on the dry, tears would be streaming down my face now.

Tears… water…

Suddenly, all changelings except for one disappeared. Pharynx closed his eyes.

When he opened them, purple eyes stared back at me; not his own, but eyes belonging to another…

Pony eyes… empty, desperate eyes…

Suddenly, there was no Pharynx anymore. In his place, towering over me, stood the mare whose life I’d destroyed, the mare I’d so unforgivably violated in that horrible moment of weakness.

“Why did you do it?” she whispered, and the crushing hopelessness in her voice shook the world to pieces. “Why did you kill my soul while my body is still alive?”

“I’m sorry!” I screamed at the top of my lungs in my green bubble of silence while its intensifying glow threatened to burst my eyes out of existence. “I’m so sorry, so terribly sorry!”

“Murderer!” she bellowed. “Traitor!”

Her eyes turned green, the same sickly green as the impossibly-glowing slime surrounding me; she pranced and spread out her wings, and when she stomped the unseen ground, my cocoon burst open, and her coat came apart in pieces, revealing the black carapace and ragged, translucent wings beneath. The jagged horn fizzled into existence from the surrounding darkness.

I stared breathless at the one being who I knew for sure would go out of her way to show me no mercy for what I’d done.

Before I could move or utter a sound, Queen Chrysalis pounced me, her fangs pierced my chitin, and she ripped my throat out in one vicious jerk.

I snapped my eyes open with a gasp and needed a moment to process the sudden change of scenery. A few torches held the darkness at bay; cold floor of stone lay beneath me in place of the burst cocoon, thick chains that hadn’t been there before were tangled around my forelegs and extended to wrap around the rest of my body, and imposing bars in front of me separated me from a duo of armor-clad ponies staring at me with peculiar expressions on their faces.

Right. Prison.

The guard that I hadn’t met before turned to the one who had been there earlier and opened his mouth as if to say something, but before he could utter a sound, they both turned to the echo of hoofsteps coming down the stairs. Soon enough, the newcomer was in my sight. It was the last pony I’d expected to see, though I realized now that her presence here made perfect sense.

“How is he?” Princess Cadance asked the guards. Was there… concern in her voice?

“He hasn’t attempted to break out, Your Highness,” one of them told her, “though he has been acting… weird, if I may say so.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s been sulking on the floor all night, and… well, crying a lot… if I didn’t know better, I’d think he was genuinely sorry for the things he’d done… He fell asleep close to dawn and wouldn’t stop tossing and turning and muttering things until he woke up just before you arrived. I can’t explain it, Princess, but it felt like I was watching one of his victims, not the monster who attacked them.”

“Half the cell block noticed, too,” the other guard added.

I noticed then that a pony in the cell opposite mine, probably the one who had been snoring earlier, was now wide awake, watching us. Another, partly hidden from my sight by the wall of my cell, was craning his neck to see who they were talking about.

The Princess approached the bars of my cell and lit up her horn. I flinched, expecting another painful blast, but her spell hit the bars instead.

“Unlock the cell,” she told the guards.

“Princess?” they asked.

“Unlock the cell, I said. Or give me the key and I’ll unlock it myself.”

The guards shared a hesitant glance, then one of them relented and fetched a key from somewhere out of my sight and did as ordered.

“Thank you,” Cadance said, then entered the cell and sat down in front of me.

I cowered on the ground.

“Have.. have you… come to deliver my… my punishment?” I asked with a voice so feeble and quivering that it was a miracle that I’d managed to utter a sentence anypony could understand.

“No, Thorax, I’m here to release you.”

Release me? After everything I’d done?! Surely she was mocking me! But why was there no hint of malice in her voice and no trace of fury in her eyes?

“Why?” I dared to ask.

“Because there’s no need to keep you here.”

“But I attacked and violated a pony, and that’s just counting what I did after leaving the hive! I can’t even begin to count how many I fed on throughout my life before I escaped! How is there no need to punish me for something as horrible as that? I’m sure Prince Shining would have told you everything by now! I don’t deserve mercy after what I did!”

“Yes, Shining told me about the incident, and my first instinct was to agree with him about locking you up. But then I remembered what I’d seen of you and your behavior over the past couple of days since you revealed yourself to us, and about everything Spike said about you, and I tried to put myself in your position based on everything I know about you so far. And you know what? I came to realize that the things why Shining put you here, the things you blame yourself for, aren’t really your fault; you did them not because you wanted to, but because you had no other choice! I’m sure that goes for the ponies you fed on while still living in the hive, too!”

“But that still doesn’t justify draining a pony after I left the hive! I should have known better, I should have controlled myself better! And if I had failed at that, the least I should have done was to try to help her… either that, or to surrender myself right away, not wait for months until somepony had to draw that confession out of me! I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Princess, but I really don’t deserve to be spared!”

“And that is exactly why I’m setting you free,” she said with a warm smile.

“I don’t understand…”

“Remember that cave you were hiding in? Spike said you’d piled up every rock and crystal you could find onto the only exit you knew of. Why?”

“To keep the Royal Guards from finding me… and later, to make it as hard as possible for me to get out and assault another pony if I were to have another fit of madness.”

She nodded. “You buried yourself in for the sake of ponies, even if it meant starving yourself to death.”

“Yes, but what does that have to do with not punishing me?”

“It has everything to do with it! Don’t you see, Thorax? In any other circumstances, I wouldn’t have hesitated to support my husband’s decision to punish you for what you did, but I refuse to let him do it now because you’ve already exacted a much worse punishment on yourself than anything we would have come up with, and you did it for all the reasons why ponies might resort to exacting some form of punishment on offenders, without needing to be told to!”

“If you say so… but that pony would probably want revenge if she’s still alive, wouldn’t she?”

“She might, yes. But ponies don’t hold the desire for revenge in high regard, and if she is feeling vindictive, I bet she’s trying to rein it in. I don’t know how things are in your hive - based on your confusion and what I’ve seen of Chrysalis, I think it’s safe to assume that revenge would be a high priority there - but ponies are different. We don’t punish to avenge ourselves or others; to us, it’s much more important and constructive to have the offending individual realize their mistakes and to help them overcome whatever caused them to do what they did, so they would no longer feel the need to do harmful things. Actual punishment in the sense you see it, though unavoidable sometimes, is a last resort that only comes to play when all other ideas have been exhausted, and putting the offender in jail is often either a temporary solution until a proper approach can be found, or a safety measure if the offender is violent. But we never kill them like I get the impression you expect me to do with you; that would only rob the individuals of the chance to find good in themselves, to enjoy the rest of their lives, and to contribute to society.”

I considered this.

“I think I see your point,” I admitted. “But it can’t be denied that the thing that landed me here was an act of violence. How can you be so sure that I won’t repeat it?”

“Because you have friends now,” she reassured me. “You have ponies who are willing to share their love with you and keep you fed, and the thing that pushed you into madness, as you put it, won’t be there anymore! An even more important point in your favor is that you already were in a position to repeat it and went above and beyond to not let it get there!”

“How do you know nothing else would cause me to act out? Something even I would fail to predict?”

“If that were the case, don’t you think I’d have to put every single one of my subject in prison because they might one day do something they shouldn’t do for no apparent reason? I’d probably have to lock myself up, too! But I trust them not to do such a thing, and I trust their friends and families to recognize any warning signs and provide help before it’s too late, and so far, I haven’t been disappointed. And for reasons I told you already, I know I can trust you in the same way.”

“What about all these other ponies?” I gestured to the other cells.

She chuckled.

“They just had a little too much cider and started a fight! But I see them spending time together all the time; they’re friends, and they’ll be apologizing profusely to one another as soon as they sober up, I promise you that! None of them were seriously injured, nothing was damaged beyond repair, and none of them will hold a grudge!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little myself. “If you say so, Princess…”

“I’ve seen such things many times in the past, you know,” she winked. “Now, will you stand up and let me get you out of those chains?”

Ruled by Instinct

The sun was pretty high up in the sky by the time I stepped out of prison and into the streets. The day was beautiful, the sky bright with ripples of magic swirling and dancing in all directions, and ponies strolled about happily, as if nothing had happened yesterday, as if a chained-up changeling being dragged to prison hadn’t disturbed their blissful idyll. Had they forgotten? Or had they simply assumed the changeling would remain locked up safely away from them? Had they decided to deliberately ignore it all?

Whichever of the possibilities was the case, it hadn’t lasted long. The prison guards may have decided to obey Princess Cadance’s decision to release me and were refraining from voicing their opinions on the matter, at least while we were still within earshot, but as soon as the first civilian ponies took notice of a once-again-free changeling approaching them, they stopped in their tracks to stare and whisper among themselves, much as they’d been doing even before I’d been taken to prison.

Oh well, at least most of them hadn’t flinched and gasped as if expecting me to eat them. Or screamed and galloped away as if I’d approached them with my fangs bared, drooling rivers of venom, ready to rip them apart. Or demanded that I return to the darkest pit of the dungeons where I belonged.

Though it was an improvement compared to how everypony had treated me until just a few days ago, the improvement was a pitiful one: we may have agreed to stop trying to wipe you out of existence, but don’t expect us to act like you’re welcome or wanted anywhere near us! And Spike had insisted that these ponies were going to like me! I didn’t want to accuse him of having been mistaken or deluded or of having lied to me deliberately - it was, after all, possible that the ponies were simply going to need more time to warm up to me - but what if acceptance wasn’t a matter of time? What if this was the best they would ever be able to offer a changeling? Were my few friends an anomaly of their own kind just like I was an anomaly of mine?

As the disapproving stares and incredulous whispering continued further down the street and deeper into the city, my spirits deflated again, and eventually I was dragging myself forward with my head hung so low that my face might as well have dug a trench in the crystally road. Cadance, walking by my side, noticed.

“Don’t let them dishearten you,” she said. “Our early attempts to find you have put them on edge with worry, and now that you’ve turned out to be friendly, well… they’re just confused. They don’t know what to think, and it’s my fault, really.”

I looked questions at her.

“Back when you were first noticed, Shining and I freaked out, thinking that Chrysalis was plotting something again, but we couldn’t figure out what. Flurry had just been born and what we feared most was that she might be the target of an impending attack so we vowed to never leave her side, but we couldn’t abandon our subjects either, so I got an idea to send a warning scroll to every house, one that would include an explanation why changelings were so dangerous, and the guards dispatched the scrolls during the night when we hoped to minimize the chance that any changelings lurking in the city would see them.”

“And I chose that very night to explore the city in peace so I wouldn’t be completely and obviously lost the next day when I planned to try to meet and befriend somepony,” I sighed.

“You saw the guards.” Somehow, she didn’t seem surprised by the revelation.

“Yes, and managed to get into a house and read the scroll delivered there. I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have gone into ponies’ homes uninvited, but curiosity got the best of me!”

“It’s alright. Shining warned me that something like that might still happen, but he didn’t have a better idea either, so all we could do was hope that the scrolls wouldn’t end up in the wrong hooves. Now that I’ve gotten to know you, I’m actually glad that you found one of the scrolls! You might not have avoided capture otherwise, and I don’t think any of us would have listened to your side of the story if you’d had to tell it all by yourself!”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Princess! I might have befriended somepony by then, and they might have stood up for me like Spike had!”

“I don’t think anypony would have wanted to befriend you at the time, regardless of a disguise. You would have been an unfamiliar face, and they would have tried to avoid coming in contact with unfamiliar faces as the scrolls instructed them, fearing that you might be an evil changeling! You might not have even gotten a chance to figure out why they were avoiding you!”

I nodded grimly. It made sense.

“And they still haven’t shaken off that fear, despite having been told there was no need to fear me.”

“And I’m sorry for that!”

I was baffled. She was apologizing to me? Why would royalty apologize to their subjects for anything?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

“I… I can’t believe you’re apologizing…”

“Thorax, I really am sorry for what I-”

“No, it’s not that! I believe you! But you’re a princess, and I… well… I’m just a useless little drone who never accomplished anything in life. Why would I be worthy of an apology? Uh, and sorry for interrupting.”

“Oh, Thorax…” she sighed. “Everyone is worthy of an apology! Who or what you are and what you’ve accomplished in life has nothing to do with it! Just because I’m a princess doesn’t mean I’m infallible or exempt from admitting my mistakes!”

“I know of someone who would disagree…” I mumbled to myself.

“But you’re not around her anymore, are you?” she winked. We were at the base of the castle by now. “Would you like to join Shining and me for lunch?”

Lunch?! With royalty, after what had happened? Had I heard that right?

“I…” How to be polite about it? “I don’t want to intrude…”

“You’re not intruding if I invited you!”

“But Prince Shining was furious with me the last time I saw him… I’m not sure he’d be okay with my presence…”

“Shining can grin and bear it! Besides, I think he could use an explanation from you about why it was wrong of him to lock you up on an impulse like that!”

“But he had a reason… I confessed to attacking a pony-”

“And that reason was revenge on behalf of the pony you attacked in a fit of starvation! Remember what I said about the ponies’ stance on revenge?”

“Ponies don’t approve of it?”

“That’s right. I know Shining had the best intentions, but I also know that the… incident… at our wedding took a toll on him. I’m sure he can grow to like you, he just needs a little nudge in the right direction!”

“And you think me joining you for a meal can provide that nudge?”

“He’ll probably need a little more than that, but it’s a start. Unless you’ve already made other plans?”

I hadn’t. How would I? I’d been locked in prison with questionable chances of ever seeing the outside world again!

Princess Cadance led me upstairs into the castle and then to the dining room where I’d met Spike and Twilight’s friends from Ponyville. The plates and decorations were already set, but the meal wasn’t there; I assumed it would be brought in due time. Sunburst and little Flurry Heart were already sitting at the table.

Flurry flew over to her mother as soon as we entered, and she took her in her hooves, hugged her, and continued to play with her. The love coming off from each of them was so sweet, so pure and strong, I couldn’t help but wish to be allowed to take a sip! It would be one of the best meals I’d ever had! But though I’d been invited to lunch, Cadance hadn’t explicitly said I would be permitted to feed on either of them, and it would be so awkward to ask… Unless that changed during the meal, I would probably leave the table hungry. Not nearly as hungry as I’d used to be; I’d had a very rich meal yesterday, when I shared love with my new Ponyville friends, so I knew it wasn’t going to be a problem in the sense that I was risking to drive myself to starvation strong enough to make me do something I would later regret… but it still felt a little anticlimactic, disappointing even.

Quit being so selfish! You should be grateful and honored to even be permitted to be in the same room- no, the same kingdom with them!

Sunburst got up from his chair and approached me.

“I’m glad to see you’re back,” he said. “I hope it wasn’t too hard for you?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve…” How to phrase it? “I’ve been through worse,” I shrugged.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Shining entered the room, this time without his armor.

“Um…” I whispered, catching Shining’s annoyed glare as he laid his eyes on me. “Maybe later?”

Sunburst nodded and returned to his seat. I waited for Cadance and Shining to sit down too and put Flurry in a chair between themselves, then realized that I wasn’t sure whether or not I was supposed to actually sit with them at the table. A plate hadn’t been set for me. Had somepony forgotten? Had Cadance’s decision to invite me been a last-minute one? Had they assumed that I wouldn’t need a plate? Or was it intended as a hint that I should remain standing aside? Yeah, probably the latter. I started to retreat into the nearest niche, wondering whether or not to transform into some kind of decoration.

“Aren’t you going to sit down?” Cadance asked, pointing at an empty chair next to her.

Oh. So I was supposed to join them! “R-right. Thank you,” I said.

As if on cue, a pony entered the room, pushing a trolley with a pot of steaming liquid, a bowl of something I couldn’t name, and a pitcher filled with pink juice.

“Hello, everyone,” she said cheerfully. “Such a lovely day today, isn’t it? And Princess Flurry, how is my favorite filly?”

Flurry replied with content gurgles.

The servant became aware of an unusual guest at the table. “Oh,” she said, turning serious. “I haven’t realized we were expecting a changeling for lunch…”

I fumbled, unable to think of how to respond to this. Say something! But what? Was I supposed to say anything? Or would I do better to keep quiet and let the Princess handle the situation? I let my ears drop, bit my lip, and became very interested in a barely-visible speck on the table’s surface.

“I’m sorry, Berry, I should have told you,” Cadance said, then turned to me. “Thorax, will you need a plate?”

“Huh-plate-why?” I blurted. Way to go, Thorax! Make yourself look stupid as well as evil, why don’t you?

But she simply chuckled to my idiotic response. “What we mean is, you’re free to try pony food if you like.”

“Oh, right, um…” Pull yourself together! “Thank you kindly, Princess, but I, uh, can’t digest pony food. Changelings can eat it if necessary, such as for disguise credibility, but it doesn’t sate our hunger. I shouldn’t waste the resources that are useful to you and your subjects!”

“If that’s what you want…” Berry shrugged, then moved the contents of her trolley onto the table, and left.

I waited for the others to fill their plates, building up the courage to ask something that was suddenly bothering me.

“Uh, Princess?” I almost-whispered. “Forgive me if I’m stepping out of line, but I was wondering…”

“Don’t worry about it! You can ask anything, and there’s no need to apologize in advance!”

“Thank you. I was wondering, should I have accepted your offer to eat pony food like the rest of you? Berry seemed offended, and I don’t want to be rude or-”

Splat!

Something incredibly hot collided with my face without warning, nearly knocking me over on impact. I flailed my forelegs around frantically until I managed to wipe some of it away - it could have been the plateful of that mushy stuff Berry had brought, as far as I could tell by touch alone - and involuntarily let out a loud hiss as I struggled to get rid of the rest of it that still clung to my face after the bowl and some of the stuff fell onto the table or floor or both, probably in a big mess. Some of it had gotten in my eyes, and it hurt so bad! Granted, it wasn’t quite as painful as Chrysalis’ torture spells, but the other drones would have undoubtedly used it on me at some point if they’d known about it! How come didn’t they know about it? A lot of them seemed to know so much about ponies otherwise; how could this have slipped past them?

Flurry’s giggles suddenly went silent for a moment, then turned to screaming and wailing. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I saw her crying in her mother’s grasp. Oh, no! I’d scared her, hadn’t I?

Cadance’s attention was focused solely on little Flurry as she snuggled her and whispered comforting words in her ear. It wasn’t working, and my heart skipped a beat when I realized that I had no idea if it could work at all! Had I just scarred poor Flurry forever?

One glance at Shining Armor was all that my hooves needed to gallop me out of the room before I could ask myself if that might make the situation even worse, let alone to stop them.

I didn’t bother to remember where I was running, or to even take a good look at my surroundings; my eyes were still hurting fiercely, my vision was blurred, and whatever was left of my survival instinct now demanded that I put as much distance between myself and Shining as possible by whatever means available to me. Apparently it meant crashing face-first into a couple of walls hard enough to make holes in them that I could run through, though the said walls were tougher than my survival instinct had anticipated, and therefore remained intact.

One large vase, however, hadn’t survived contact with a terrified changeling that had run directly into it. I tripped on the fragments and fell flat on my face, thankfully without cutting myself, but at least it snapped me out of the blind run. I wasn’t in the clear, though: galloping hooves echoed closer, and I was about to get into even more trouble for destroying castle property on top of everything else!

What now?!

I pushed as many of the fragments as I could behind a nearby pillar, then stood where the vase had been and unleashed a burst of my magic.

The hoofsteps were still getting closer! They could be here any moment now!

Stop shivering!

...but how?

The hoofsteps slowed down, and though I wasn’t looking, I was sure they would be in this room soon enough if they weren’t already.

Pull yourself together! You’ll never fool him like this!

If only I could…

A few more hoofsteps sounded, very close now… and suddenly, a wave of searing pain washed over me as I was blasted into dizziness again, dropping my disguise in the process. Shining had his horn at the magic-spattering ready, his glare was trying to burn a fresh hole in me, and Sunburst stood behind him, watching wide-eyed.

I let out a yelp, plopped onto the floor, and covered my head with my forelegs.

“Please don’t kill me,” I squeaked, looking at him pleadingly, still shivering all over.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t!” he roared.

All I managed to give him was a wince and a hopeless whimper.

“Shining, don’t!” Sunburst put himself between the Prince and me. “What’s he done to deserve this?”

“Where were you when he hissed at Flurry just now?”

“And where were you when she threw hot oatmeal in his face?”

“So my daughter is to blame for getting hissed at?”

“You can’t blame Thorax for hissing in pain! That thing hurts like all Tartarus! And in case you forgot, I blasted Flurry the first time I got her hot oatmeal in the face! Why didn’t you kill me?”

“That was different!”

“How? Because I’m Flurry’s crystaller and not a changeling? That’s-”

“What’s going on here?” Cadance trotted in with Flurry on her back; the filly had calmed down in the meantime! One glance at us was enough to tell her how things stood. “What’s gotten into you, Shining?”

“Cady, you saw-”

“None of that! We talked about this already! You can’t lash out at Thorax whenever he does anything that doesn’t fit your impossible criteria for what a changeling should be like! Yes, I saw what happened, and I don’t blame him, and neither should you!”

“So what, we just let him hiss around whenever he wants?”

“I’ve got a better idea: next time Flurry launches a hot meal in your face, don’t put up a shield around yourself! Let it hit you and try to endure the pain without complaining, and then I might take you seriously!”

“You know that’s impossible-”

“Then why expect it of Thorax? Look, I know it’s hard to trust changelings after what Chrysalis did, but you’re not even giving him a chance! All you’ve done is try to get revenge!” She sighed. “On our way back from prison, I explained to Thorax how ponies feel about revenge and why we don’t build our judicial system around it. Please don’t make me eat my own words! I know you’re better than this!”

“Fine,” he huffed after a moment. “Let’s finish lunch.”

They left, and Sunburst cast me a worried glance, as if unsure whether or not my continued presence at lunch would be a good idea.

Reluctantly, I got up and followed.

Author's Note

The vase incident was first mentioned in Winds of Change as a nod to one of my favorite Thorax stories, Dear Small Pony Book by Carapace. I didn’t know at the time that I was going to start writing The Odd One; if I had, I might have written that chapter differently, and by the time I decided to write this story, the bulk of Winds of Change was already published and what had started out as a simple nod to another author’s story had by then spontaneously been woven into the later chapters of Winds of Change, and altering it all would have been awkward (not to mention that I didn't have an idea what to replace it with). Since the mention of that incident got left in Winds of Change, I couldn’t omit showing it in more detail here, and I think it’s different enough that it shouldn’t be seen as plagiarism. (Carapace, if you're reading this, I didn’t mean to steal your idea, it just kind of happened :fluttershysad: I hope you don’t mind it staying?)

On an unrelated note, guess who tested negative for corona :pinkiehappy:

Black Sheep

The rest of the lunch passed in uncomfortable silence. The ponies had finished their soup, moved on to the main dish, and started with a dessert, and not a single word had been uttered the whole time. Flurry had gotten another bowl of oatmeal and eaten it in low spirits and without the slightest sign of wanting to throw it in anyone’s face again. She’d hardly taken her eyes off me the whole time, and Shining had noticed and matched her wide-eyed gaze with a scowl of his own. Don’t get any funny ideas or they’ll be your last, it said. Not even Pharynx would have done a more intimidating job of it!

Berry had arrived twice more after the unfortunate incident with the first bowl of Flurry’s oatmeal. Both times she’d been as silent as the rest of us, having abandoned her previous jovial spirits since the interruption. She must have picked up on the overall mood and decided that too much cheer would only make things worse! Had she heard the commotion, too? Or was her sudden seriousness the result of having to tolerate a changeling at the dining table, whether or not he knew how to behave himself? She had been taken aback by the sight of me pretty much immediately, after all! Had I done something wrong in that first moment without realizing it? Said something I shouldn’t have? Looked at her wrong?

And who had cleaned up the thrown oatmeal while we were away? Berry, maybe? Or some other servant? That mess wouldn’t have won me any favors, either! I should have been the one to clean it up! It had been my fault; why would anypony be expected to clean up after me? I should have scrubbed the table and the floor and everything else twice as clean as soon as I’d returned! I had plenty of experience cleaning up the hive; this wouldn’t have been a problem at all, especially if the ponies would leave me alone while I worked, unlike a lot of drones who had often gone out of their way to make my job harder!

Yeah, about that. Should I have returned to lunch at all after what had happened? What right had I had to assume that I’d be welcome again after what I’d done? What had made me think that I would ever again be tolerated, let alone wanted in the Princess’ presence? I’d been so generously given a chance to explain myself and sort things out with Prince Shining, and I’d blown it! I’d blown it and made things even worse! How would he ever accept me now? How would Princess Cadance keep putting up with me much longer now that I’d proven myself to be an epic mess-up?

If only I could make it up to them somehow! But how?

The vase. I could try to fix the vase I’d broken! It wouldn’t look the same, but maybe they would take it as a sign of good will and consider showing me some mercy?

Except, knowing my luck, somepony had probably already found the vase fragments by now and fixed it themselves. Or thrown it away and put a new vase in the old one’s place instead.

The ponies finished their dessert and Berry showed up again to take the plates away. As soon as she left the room, I got up from my chair, cast a nervous glance at the Prince and Princess, hoping they would understand it as a request for permission to leave, and went to look for Berry.

I saw her go through another door and followed. The room turned out to be a kitchen, as I might have expected if I’d bothered to think, and my arrival startled the ponies working there, Berry included. Thankfully, nothing got broken this time!

“Can I help you?” Berry asked, eyeing me curiously.

“Oh, um, I… sorry to bother you… I just thought… you seemed annoyed with me earlier, and I wanted to apologize if I offended you… though I’m not really sure what I said… but anyway, I’m sorry…”

She tilted her head.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, back at lunch, when you offered to bring a plate for me…”

She kept staring at me as if I were talking utter nonsense. I probably was talking nonsense! Why had I even come here?

“Uh, never mind… sorry to bother you…” I said, backtracking through the door that I’d absent-mindedly left open earlier. “Um, sorry.”

I closed the door, tried to turn around, and bumped right into Shining Armor. Startled, I yelped and fell on my rump before I even managed to consciously register his persistent scowl.

“What were you doing in the kitchen?” he demanded.

I flinched and let out a whimper. Oh dear… I’m not allowed in there, am I? What’s the punishment for trespassing?

For once, he decided to ignore my transgression, and simply let out an exasperated sigh.

“Nevermind,” he groaned. “Look. Cadance obviously isn’t going to throw you out, so if you want to stay here without becoming an ugly stain on a wall, I suggest you start behaving yourself! First of all: no hissing, growling, or any other aggressive behavior at all, and that especially includes draining ponies! I see you doing any of that or get word that you did it, I’ll blast you back into that cell, and I promise you that my magic is strong enough to crash you through every wall between here and there! Do you understand?”

I nodded. I believed him!

“Second, stay away from my daughter! If you pass by her in a hallway, I suppose that’s unavoidable, but that’s as considerate as I’m willing to get! Touch her and I’ll personally break your legs! Is that clear?”

I nodded again.

“Third, you can forget shapeshifting unless somepony sees what you turn into! I want to be able to keep track of you at all times!”

Nod.

“Fourth, I’m assigning a guard to keep an eye on you at all times. Wherever you go, the guard follows. Whatever you do, the guard is there to witness it and to stop you if you try anything you shouldn’t, and don’t even think of trying to lose them by shapeshifting! I trained them personally and know what they’re capable of, so I suggest that you don’t push your luck if you want to see another day!”

“How is that better than throwing him in the dungeons?” Cadance interjected. How long had she and Sunburst been there? I hadn’t noticed them! “I thought we agreed to stop treating him like a mortal enemy!”

“I know, Cady, but we can’t throw precaution into the wind! You know too well what his kind is capable of - what he is capable of!”

“Yes, dear, but I also know that he’s trying to leave that behind him and prove himself trustworthy! How is he supposed to do that when you won’t allow him?”

“I’ll see what he’s trying to do!” He turned to a guard standing a little further down the hallway. “Trusty Shield! Get over here!”

Trusty Shield did as instructed and saluted.

“You know your orders, soldier,” Shining said to him. “Any questions?”

“No, Sir!”

“Good! I need to get back to my duties, this has been a big enough delay already. Don’t leave his side!” He marched away.

I watched him go until he turned around a corner, then sighed and got up. I wanted to apologize to the Princess for being such a burden, but she spoke first.

“I’m sorry for all of this,” she said to me. “I was really hoping he’d be willing to listen to reason by now!”

“No, I’m sorry, Princess! It’s my fault! I shouldn’t have hissed when that bowl of oatmeal hit me! I should have controlled myself!”

“How?” Sunburst asked. “That thing is insanely hot, and I know it from personal experience!”

I looked away.

“I know probably every kind of pain from personal experience,” I sighed. “Chrysalis can get… creative. You’d think I would have learned to brace myself for whatever is coming years ago! Maybe I’ve just been away from her too long… allowed myself to forget…”

“And that’s a good thing, right?” Sunburst replied. “That you’ve been away from her long enough to forget the pain, I mean.”

“I want to agree with you, but how is that going to help me if I can’t control my outbursts when something happens?”

“The ‘outbursts’, as you call them, are normal responses to pain, and nopony in their right mind would expect you to control them! You’re a living being, not a machine!”

“Even if it looks threatening?”

Cadance nodded.

“Even if it looks threatening at first glance. But we should learn to recognize whether something is a threat or simply an instinctive response to things like pain, not expect you to endure something we wouldn’t!”

I wanted to say something, but couldn’t think of an appropriate reply. I was torn between expressing my gratitude for her efforts and reiterating my inferiority, but she spoke first again.

“Anyway, your room is ready. I was going to tell you sooner, but…” She shrugged. “Let me take you there!”

“Uh, Princess,” Sunburst interjected, “may I do it? If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Sure,” she smiled. “I’ll take Flurry with me, then. Have fun!”

She took Flurry’s basket from Sunburst and left.

“This way,” Sunburst told me, and waited for me to get closer so we would walk side-by-side rather than him leading the way as I’d expected.

“Thank you for doing this. Uh, I hope it won’t get you in trouble?”

“Why would I get in trouble?” He sounded amused by the idea.

“For abandoning your post with Flurry in order to…” What would be a suitable way to describe it? “...associate yourself with an interloper? Is that how ponies say-”

He stopped in his tracks and stared at me.

“Interloper… what?” He blinked a few times and adjusted his glasses. “Thorax, you’re not an interloper! Okay, your arrival here was unexpected, no point denying it, but the misunderstanding about your intentions got resolved, even if some ponies find it hard to accept that, and you have as much right to be here as the rest of us! Also, Cadance didn’t mind my wish to hang out with you. She isn’t a tyrant, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“What about your duties to Flurry?”

“I’m her crystaller. My role with her is mostly ceremonial, and I do take it seriously, but I’m not required to be with her at all times, and I do enjoy foalsitting her but am not obliged to foalsit simply by virtue of being her crystaller. I took that responsibility willingly. I can come and go as I please, and there are plenty of ponies in the castle who can take care of Flurry if neither I nor her parents are available at any given moment, or even if I decide at any point that I don’t want to foalsit her anymore.”

“So your decision to show me where my room is won’t be frowned upon? Not even at a later time?”

“Of course not! And I want to get to know you better. That’s the main reason why I asked. Trusty Shield could have easily taken you to your room if that was our only concern.”

I glanced at the guard following us.

“Oh.” I debated with myself whether or not to make a request. Would Sunburst mind? I didn’t want to pester him any more than was unavoidable! In the end I decided to give it a try. “Sunburst, I hope it wouldn’t be too much trouble…”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering… you know that vase I pretended to be today?”

“Sure, what about it?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, but there was an actual vase there, and I accidentally broke it while running from Shining Armor.” I cast a quick glance at Trusty Shield again, expecting to see him prepare to strike me - or to feel the impact of his hoof against my face immediately - but he showed no signs of interest in our conversation, though I was sure he’d been listening carefully to every word. “I was hoping to collect the fragments and fix the vase if I can. I mean, you don’t have to, I can try to find it later on my own… unless it’s in a restricted area…”

He considered this for a moment.

“Well… yeah, sure, I can take you there, it’s actually pretty close… but I’m pretty sure somepony would have found those fragments and thrown them away by now. I don’t want to disappoint you-”

“No, don’t worry, it’s fine! I understand! It’s just… I can at least try…”

He nodded.

We walked through a few more hallways until we finally reached what I recognized as the place where the vase had been. We both looked around for the fragments, but as I’d feared, Sunburst’s expectations had proven correct. The fragments were nowhere to be found, and Trusty Shield looked like he wanted to ask us both why we were even bothering. If this were the hive and if he were a changeling, he would have undoubtedly asked it ten times already, maybe even punched us a few times for good measure; but as it was, he hadn’t said a single word the entire time. Was this how pony soldiers displayed discipline? Or was he merely waiting for Sunburst to leave so he could assert his dominance over me undisturbed?

Eventually I agreed to give up the search and be taken to my room. It was several floors up, probably somewhere near Spike’s guest room. I hadn’t bothered to count the floors before, and the hallways all looked so similar! Wouldn’t I get lost here on my own?

You’re not alone, Thorax, I reminded myself. A guard will be with you wherever you go and whatever you do!

I made a decision to do my best to not get lost anyway, whether or not a guard could direct me if necessary. I didn’t want to find out what kind of punishment I’d get for getting lost!

“Here we are,” Sunburst stopped at a door at last, then opened it and stood aside to let me in. “It’s not much, but most of the other rooms are already occupied, and you can bring in whatever you need and decorate any way you want. Oh, and the bathroom is right across the hallway.”

I looked around. Though not nearly as big as Spike’s room, this one was still much bigger than the sleeping burrow Pharynx and I had shared in the hive. A window provided natural light and promised a view to the outside world; I’d never had that before! The furniture was sparse - a single bed, a cupboard, and a small table - but the room was clean and actually looked really nice, even if pretty bare compared to the rest of the castle.

“Do you like it?” Sunburst asked.

“It’s wonderful! Thank you so much, and thanks to Princess Cadance… and Shining Armor, too? Did he allow this?”

“Reluctantly, but yeah, I guess. Cadance pretty much didn’t leave him a choice.”

“So, who’s my roommate?”

“Huh?” He stared at me blankly again for a moment, then facehoofed. “Right, Spike mentioned it! Listen carefully, Thorax: this is your bed, and you’re going to sleep in it! No sleeping on the floor or Cadance and I will be very disappointed in you, and Spike will be downright offended!”

“What idiots sleep on the floor?!” Trusty Shield’s question startled us both; we hadn’t noticed him come in!

“Can’t you at least leave him alone in his own room?” Sunburst protested.

“My orders are to never leave him out of my sight,” he stated.

“What about privacy? Ever heard of that?”

“I’ve got orders.”

“Are you going to follow him into the bathtub too?”

“Orders,” Trusty Shield shrugged. “And I agree with Captain Shining. No point in playing nice with these pests.”

“I’ll have a word with Cadance about this…” Sunburst muttered.

I wasn’t listening anymore. I’d approached the window and was looking through it now, looking at the city streets below me but not really seeing any of it. For all of Sunburst’s reassurances so far and the marginal comfort they’d brought me, Trusty Shield’s few words had hit a nerve and crumbled what little optimism I’d managed to gather up.

An idiot and a pest. That was how Trusty Shield saw me: a strange, unwanted, annoying idiot with suspicious motives who couldn’t even be trusted to take a bath unsupervised. Was that how everypony else saw me, even if they were too polite to say it out loud? Was I destined to remain an enemy and an untrustworthy idiot in their eyes? What would I have to do to convince them otherwise? What wouldn’t I have to do? How far would I have to go, how much effort would I have to put in to make them give me the slightest benefit of the doubt? Was it even possible?

“Thorax?” Sunburst touched my shoulder.

“I don’t belong here, Sunburst,” I whispered, trying to hold back tears. “I should have never come here… I should have stayed in the hive and endured the constant torture and bullying until one of them killed me… I’m worthless either way…”

“Thorax…”

“I thought I could make friends here… but the ponies don’t want me anywhere near them… and I can’t blame them… how could they accept an awkward, worthless idiot that I am?... How could anyone?... Not even my own kind… how can I expect them to want me around if I don’t know the first thing about fitting in? The more I try-”

“Thorax, snap out of it!” He grabbed me by both shoulders and shook me a little. “What’s gotten into you? Don’t listen to that guy! You’re not worthless, you’re not an idiot, and you deserve better! Okay, so you have a hard time fitting in, but that’s to be expected considering how different our cultures are! At least I got the impression that they’re different… you would know that better than me… But that’s not the end of the world! I can teach you about pony society and help you overcome these differences!”

“I can’t ask that of you… It would take forever, and I’m not worthy…”

“Are you even listening? You are worthy, you do deserve a chance to prove yourself honorable, and you do deserve friendship! I will not have you deny it! And I want to help you get there!”

“But your duties…”

“Nevermind my duties! Cadance will understand! In fact, she’s trying to do the same thing!”

“I don’t know, Sunburst…”

“Listen here, Thorax!” He took my head in his hooves and got in my face. “You need help, and we want to give it to you! That’s what friends do! You came here looking for friendship, right? Well you have it! So why are you resisting it now?”

“I don’t know how to repay you,” I sighed.

“And you don’t have to,” he said. “True friendship doesn’t know debts and repayment; it’s just being there for one another. And we’re here for you now. Please, Thorax! You can’t go on like this much longer! Please, let us help you!”

The brutal sincerity in his words and eyes and the strength of his love aura tore down all remaining resistance in me. It was true; I had sought friendship, and if this wasn’t it, I didn’t know what was!

Sobbing openly now, I surrendered myself into Sunburst’s comforting hug.

Unhealed Wounds

Sunburst stayed with me a good while after I’d stopped crying, and that alone had taken forever, and he’d never shown a hint of impatience or annoyance with me and my weakness during the whole ordeal. He’d held me in his hug all the way until the last of my tears had dried out, and even asked if there was something else he could do! Though I appreciated it greatly, I was reluctant to ask for anything more of him; few individuals had ever been that considerate with me in all my life, and I didn’t want to take advantage of it! Trusty Shield’s persistent scowl and eye-rolling at my pitiable outburst had only consolidated that decision; it may or may not win me any favors, but I hoped it would at least help me avoid making any more enemies.

It turned out that there was one more thing I had to accept from Sunburst, whether I liked it or not: he’d made a decision to teach me everything I needed to know about pony society, and had refused to take no for an answer with a level of determination that would make Pharynx look like a worse wimp than I was.

So after I’d calmed down from the latest episode of crying and was able to focus again, he began his first lesson. Having established that I had no prior knowledge about the Crystal Empire whatsoever, he told me about its history, starting from its founding and early days, moving on to its thousand-years-long absence, then its return and the defeat of King Sombra, and the role that Spike and Twilight - who hadn’t yet become a princess at the time - had played in it, until he concluded with Cadance and Shining Armor’s reign and the birth of Flurry Heart.

It was then that I finally knew what I’d witnessed on my arrival to the empire: though Spike had mentioned the Crystal Heart a few times, he’d never gone into detail about what its purpose was and how it worked, and crystalling had never even come up in any of the conversations I’d had with him or with ponies! I’d heard a few ponies mention it on my first day here, while I’d explored the place disguised as a bird, but after so much time in hiding and enduring starvation, it had completely slipped my mind that I’d wanted to know more about it! And now that I did know more about it, Sunburst was grinning widely for having been the one to make it happen, and the love coming off him had become brighter and warmer!

And tastier…

Quit it, Thorax! Did he share it with you? As in, explicitly gave you permission to feed on him? No! So leave it alone!

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he suddenly asked, dropping the grin and raising an eyebrow.

Uh-oh. I had to tell him! But how was he going to react?

“Please don’t hate me… Your love is so pure and delicious right now and I kinda took a sip - but only a little! Don’t worry, I’m not feeding on you anymore and won’t do it ever again, I promise!”

His gaze softened.

“Why would I hate you? You’re my friend! And I should have known that you might be hungry and offered you a meal… or however changelings call it… When was the last time you ate, anyway?”

“I soaked up some love overflow from Princess Twilight and her friends while they were here.”

“And that was yesterday… So you definitely need to eat again! Go on, I don’t mind!”

“Are you sure? You’re kind of trembling.”

“I admit, it is a bit unnerving… I’ve never been changeling food before and don’t know what to expect in terms of what it feels like to be drained… but if it’s to help a friend, I’m willing to do it. Just, you know, don’t take everything, okay?”

“I wouldn’t, Sunburst,” Trusty Shield warned.

“Nopony’s asking you to,” Sunburst told him. “This is my decision.”

“No offense, but it’s a stupid one! What makes you so sure that he’ll keep it within tolerable limits?”

“Because he made that mistake a while ago and still hasn’t stopped beating himself up over it! Now, if you aren’t going to help, at least stand aside and quit interfering!”

“Sunburst,” I interjected, “I don’t think I should-”

“Yes you should! Go on, eat already!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Trusty Shield flew between us, shoved me away, and pointed his spear at me.

At the same time, the door opened and Shining Armor stormed in.

“What’s going on here?” he demanded.

“He was about to drain Sunburst!” Trusty Shield told him.

“I wasn’t!”

“I gave him permission! He’s hungry, for Celestia’s sake!”

“I’ve been hungrier and survived…” I muttered.

“Shut up!” Shining barked at me. “Sunburst, you missed dinner, and Cadance said she last saw you taking this bag of trouble to his room, and that was hours ago. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, and he isn’t a bag of trouble.”

“So why are you still here?”

“I’ve been teaching him about the Crystal Empire.”

“You’d better not have revealed any sensitive information!”

“I haven’t! Everything I told him is public knowledge!”

“Trusty Shield?”

“I can confirm that. They had a history lesson that didn’t go into more detail than what my nephew learns in school.”

That seemed to calm Shining, but only slightly.

“Fine,” he groaned. “Sunburst, go eat. Trusty Shield, keep the bug under guard and I’ll send somepony to bring you dinner.”

“Yes, Sir!”

“What about Thorax?” Sunburst asked.

“What about him?”

“He’s hungry. Shou-”

“He can stay hungry for all I care!” He practically pushed Sunburst out the door. “Go on, your food is waiting!”

Sunburst only managed to cast a glance at me before Shining slammed the door shut with his magic.

I debated for a moment whether or not to go after them and try to explain myself to Shining, but gave it up with a sigh. What good would it do? He hadn’t believed anything I’d said so far, with the exception of things that fit his preconceptions of me as a monster and an enemy, so why would that suddenly change now? The way things were going, I’d only make everything worse! Maybe Sunburst could share some advice on how to handle the situation? He knew Shining better than I did; he could at least tell me what not to do! Other than existing in the Crystal Empire, of course. But how soon would I see Sunburst again? I hoped this wouldn’t end in another restriction for me! Could Shining do that? Could he forbid Sunburst from being around me from now on?

I looked at Trusty Shield. He’d antagonized me so far, but could I do something to make him reconsider or question that hostility? To ease the tension at least if befriending wasn’t an option?

“Don’t even think about it,” he said through gritted teeth.

Right. This wasn’t a good time to try to work on his prejudice. After that talk about feeding, he’d probably think that I’d chosen him as a food source now that Sunburst wasn’t around. Would he think that regardless? I didn’t know him long enough to have an idea what to expect of him; maybe he would eventually turn out to not be as obstinate as he seemed now, but it’d take more than one evening to get there. If we could get there.

Deflated, I sat in front of the window and looked at the sky. Night had fallen already, and the moon and stars shone brightly onto the land below. The ponies’ crystal homes shimmered softly under the moonlight, a sight so beautifully serene that I could almost forget the tension that plagued my relationships with the ponies that surrounded me. Some of the ponies that surrounded me, I corrected myself; a few who had shared their friendship with me, though outnumbered by those who still had their misgivings, were enough to provide some light in the lonely darkness of hatred and keep me going, like the moon above would be enough to keep a weary traveller from wandering astray.

But the darkness still hurt and weighed heavily on me, and there was nothing that could be done about it until I gained more friends to keep the light alive.

I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there, and I hadn’t noticed that the room had gotten completely dark until Shining and Sunburst walked in and lit up the torches, snapping me out of my trance.

“Change of strategy,” Shining told Trusty Shield, passing him a sandwich and a bowl of water. “The changeling is still to be kept under constant supervision, but he may be left alone in his room and in the bathroom. While he’s there, you are to stand in the hallway and wait for him to come out and then shadow him as ordered earlier.”

“What if he tries to sneak out through the window, Sir?”

“I’ve got it covered.” He approached the window and cast a spell on it. “Night Hawk tells me you already know what this spell does,” he told me. “I’ve modified it so ponies can open the window if they want, but you mess with it and you might end up in a hospital. Feel free to try if you don’t believe me!”

Trusty Shield snickered.

“That does cover it, Sir,” he said. “I’ll be outside. Oh,” he turned to me, “if you decide to test that spell at any time, don’t forget to open the door first so I can watch the show!”

“And don’t start thinking that I’m warming up to you,” Shining poked me in the chest. “That’s not gonna happen!”

“I can see that,” I muttered.

When they both left, I turned to Sunburst with questions in my eyes. He sat in front of me.

“Cadance and I confronted him while I ate,” he said. “She agrees with me that Shining is crossing the line with the way he treats you, and don’t ask for details because things got loud and, er... kind of ugly for a short while, but I guess it worked because he relented in the end and we worked out a compromise, which I would barely call that since it doesn’t go beyond letting me teach you and giving you privacy in your own room and in the bathroom, but it’s a start, right?” He smiled awkwardly.

“Yeah, it’s a start,” I agreed. “How did you do it?”

“Well, like I said… it got loud and ugly…”

“But you must have done something right to make him reconsider!”

He winced. “I don’t know if I’d call it that…”

“It’s that bad?”

“Aw, you’ll probably find out sooner or later anyway,” he sighed. “And I guess you deserve to know. Cadance was still upset over what happened earlier, and hearing about how Shining forbade you to eat didn’t help any, so in addition to the reprise of the argument they’d had after you got locked up, she said she didn’t recognize her husband anymore and asked him outright if he was Chrysalis or some other changeling in disguise. Then he got furious and asked her if she was one, and they both denied but neither believed the other, and… It’s been observed that changelings invariably lose their disguise when they faint, so Cadance used that as a last-resort proof of identity and blasted Shining into unconsciousness.”

Ouch. That was bad! And she’d done it because of me! If I hadn’t shown up or accepted her offer of citizenship, she wouldn’t have had a reason to doubt her husband! It was all my fault!

The dread that had overwhelmed me at this realization must have shown plainly in my eyes, as Sunburst stopped his narrative and put a reassuring hoof on my shoulder.

“And I have a feeling what you’re going to say, and it wasn’t your fault, understand? It wasn’t your fault! It may have been extreme, but Shining has crossed the line and she decided she had no choice! She was protecting you!”

“That doesn’t make it right, Sunburst,” I protested. “I never wanted to breed wrath among ponies! All I want is peace and friendship, and no matter what I do or how hard I try, I get the exact opposite! Why can’t I do anything right?” I hung my head and my eyes filled with tears again.

“Thorax, you have to stop blaming yourself for what others do,” he told me, scooting closer and wrapping me in a hug. “The experience that ponies have with changelings is bound to cause some friction, and you’re feeling it worst because you’re the one trying to bring the two species together and all that hostility has been thrown at your back. Things are bound to get ugly from time to time, but you can’t let that discourage you! You’re closer to achieving your goal than you think!”

“I don’t think I ever will at this rate,” I sobbed into his cape.

“Of course you will! You’re already friends with me, and Cadance, and Spike, and Twilight and Starlight and the other girls from Ponyville! And we stand by that friendship; we won’t abandon you! You’re a good guy, Thorax, and we’ll do everything we can to make everypony else see it!”

“But what if it doesn’t work? What if nopony else can see me as a good guy?”

“Then you’ll still have us, no matter what! Doesn’t that count for anything?”

I disengaged from the hug and wiped my tears. “It does.” It really did!

“Well, then.” He remained like that for a moment, then reached under his cape and pulled out a rolled-up scroll. “Anyway, I found this lying around. It looks like Spike’s claw-writing, and something tells me you’re the one who dropped it.”

I took the scroll and opened it, and sure enough, it was the list of addresses for my Ponyville friends! I hadn’t even realized I’d lost it!

“Thanks,” I said. “Where was it?”

“In the hallway by the stairs to the outside.”

“That’s where Shining met me when I returned from the train station.”

“And took you for questioning?”

“Yes. I can’t believe that was just yesterday!”

“I know. A lot has happened, hasn’t it?”

“That’s an understatement!”

He chuckled. I yawned.

“You’re tired, aren’t you? No wonder after a day like this! I’ll let you go to bed now.” He got up. “We’ll get back to our lessons in the morning, okay?”

“Sounds good. See you in the morning!”

“See ya! Oh, and Thorax? The bed, not the floor!”

I opened my eyes to an eerie half-darkness of my room. Everything was exactly like I’d left it before climbing into bed and falling asleep - not that there was much to be different with so few objects inside - but I had an odd feeling that something wasn’t right.

I got up. The bedsheets were disturbed - hardly surprising after I’d slept in them - but everything else was perfectly in its proper place and condition, and no matter how closely I inspected every object, I couldn’t find anything wrong with it.

Except for one thing.

When I looked around the room once again, trying to figure out what I might have missed, I saw the window was open. Hadn’t it been closed a moment ago? Who could have opened it? I approached it and reached out to close it again.

Wait. Shining’s spell. Better to leave the window as it was until a pony came by and closed it! I didn’t really have any issues with it being open or remaining so for a while longer!

But I became aware of a slight breeze coming in. Why hadn’t I noticed that before, too? No matter; I’d experienced worse on my journey! It might actually be nice to get some fresh air in, wouldn’t it?

And why was I still feeling like something was off?

Could it have something to do with the door suddenly being open? It had been closed a minute ago, I was sure of that! Had somepony opened it? But who? And why, and where were they now? I was still alone in the room; there were barely any hiding places, and anyway, I hadn’t heard any hoofsteps or wing flaps!

I stole a peek into the hallway. It was darker than my room, though I could still see surprisingly well in the darkness, and nopony was around. Everything fit well into what one might expect in the middle of the night… except that Trusty Shield wasn’t there.

Shouldn’t he be guarding my room? Shining wouldn’t have dismissed him so soon, and I was sure he’d meant to keep me under guard throughout the night just like during the day! So where had Trusty gone to?

Bathroom, maybe. Ponies did have certain needs, after all! But why did I feel like he wasn’t there?

I checked. No Trusty Shield. No anypony, for that matter.

So where was he?

The uneasy feeling inside me growing, I went to look for him. Part of me was trying to come up with reasonable explanations: maybe he had to go somewhere or do something unrelated to me and had chosen to do it while I was asleep and could be expected to remain like that until he returned to his post; maybe he’d gone after whoever had opened my window and my door, possibly thinking that I’d gone on a midnight stroll and not bothering to check that I was still where I was supposed to be.

But a faint whisper in the back of my mind warned of danger, one far bigger than a missing Royal Guard.

I crept on through the hallways, my hoofsteps barely audible in the deserted castle, the darkness around me gradually getting deeper and heavier, but somehow, I could still see well enough. Nothing seemed out of place as far as I could tell, and if it weren’t for the ominous whisper in my mind, I might have even enjoyed walking through the castle like that.

The whisper had grown stronger over time, almost to a scream, and yet, there was nothing at all that might have justified its persistent nagging.

Until eyes opened in the darkness next to me. Solid, blue, changeling eyes, clearly visible in the overwhelming Black.

I recoiled almost to the point of falling over, but managed to regain my balance and fled as fast as my hooves could take me. I didn’t know where I was going, nor did I particularly care; I just wanted to get away from the unknown changeling, and though I couldn’t hear his hoofsteps or the buzzing of his wings, I knew as sure as I’d ever known anything that he was right behind me.

I galloped like the wind through the still-darkening hallways, barely seeing anything by now but somehow still managing to find the right path and avoid colliding with a wall, and all around me, changeling eyes sprang to life, more and more of them by the minute! Where there had been one pair of eyes at first, now there were dozens, maybe even hundreds! And all of them were looking for me… looking at me! I fled faster than I’d ever thought I could, but though I was sure the hooves and wings of the swarm of that size in pursuit of me would be deafening, I couldn’t hear any of it over my frantic panting and the thumping of my heart.

It didn’t matter that I couldn’t hear them; I knew with all my being that they were right behind me, and if I were to make a tinies mistake or allowed myself to slow down, they would be all over me instantly!

So I ran in the impossible darkness, and ran, and ran some more… I didn’t know where I was going, and it didn’t matter. All I wanted was to get away from there, and yet, I knew it was futile: they would get to me sooner or later, and no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn’t avoid it!

But I kept running regardless, and flying for short intervals every so often, though I didn’t like losing contact with the floor beneath my hooves, as it gave me some slight comfort to hold on to it for whatever deluded sense of orientation I could get from it, at least to know which way was down, though I had no way of being sure that I wasn’t running on walls or ceilings by now… How long had it been? How far had I gotten? I should have been out of the castle long ago! Was I running in circles? Where would I end up? Would I anywhere?

What did it matter? Keep running!

But I was running out of breath, my hooves were hurting, my wings were getting heavy, and my heart beat so fast that I wondered if it might explode! I couldn’t go on like this much longer!

Ignore that! Keep running! You can’t stop!

Keep going…

But the moment came when the strain became too much for my exhausted body; I collapsed on the cold, hard floor, gasping for breath, and all the willpower in the world wouldn’t be enough to bring me back up and send me running again.

The pursuing swarm never came.

The darkness cleared somewhat; though still heavy, it withdrew just enough to reveal a familiar part of the castle, one where I’d experienced fear, and betrayal, and indescribable joy.

I looked ahead: though it had seemed empty at first, I noticed now that the throne held a lone figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, or that it wasn’t a figment of my imagination, but the persistent whisper in the back of my mind that I’d ignored during the mad run went suddenly and irreversibly silent.

For some curious reason, that worried me more than anything so far.

The figure in the throne opened its eyes, and I no longer needed the warnings of my mind’s whisper to know that my life was over.

Piercing green eyes stared back at me from the darkness, eyes not too unlike the eyes of a pony, but unmistakably different; I had seen those very eyes many times before, and they had brought me nothing but pain.

I could recognize those eyes anywhere.

And I could recognize that laughter, that maniacal, deranged cackle that complemented the vindictive bloodlust in her eyes.

I tried to move; I tried to get up and flee again, knowing too well that it was futile, but Chrysalis was faster: she fired off a spell that left me paralyzed with pain, then grabbed me in her magic, ripped my wings out of their sockets, and tossed them carelessly aside.

Blood ran down my back and dripped onto the carpet in front of the throne, but curiously, I felt less pain than I might have expected. The fear, however, made up for it amply.

I became aware of a rope hanging from the ceiling. Interestingly, it looked like it was made of resinous slime, the same kind that the walls of changeling cocoons were made of. Had Chrysalis woven it? And when?

Unfortunately, I didn’t have to wonder about the purpose of that rope; I’d taken a wild guess at what was coming, and sure enough, she levitated me all the way up to it and tied the loose end tightly around my neck.

I groped at the noose, trying to tear up the rope or at least to ease the pressure on my neck, but no matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t working! I tried to shapeshift out of it, but couldn’t summon my magic! Panic threatened to overwhelm me in my desperate struggle, but I was still aware enough of my surroundings to notice countless changeling eyes all around the room. They hadn’t disappeared as I’d thought; they’d been there all along, waiting for their Queen to do what she’d intended to do now that they’d brought me to her! And now that their efforts had paid off and I was hanged and about to die, they were relishing every moment of it!

But it wasn’t over for them yet: Chrysalis nodded to them, and they swarmed me instantly; their fangs reached out for my flesh and were ripping it apart with fervor unmatched by anything I’d ever been subjected to! I thrashed violently, trying in vain to get them off me, but there were too many of them, and each was too quick, too strong, too vicious for my pathetic attempts!

I screamed to the top of my lungs, and flailed desperately with my torn-up legs, and it only seemed to encourage them!

Then, finally, a pair of fangs found its way into my eyes.

I snapped my eyes open to the sight of Cadance, Shining Armor, Sunburst, Trusty Shield, and a dozen of other ponies looming over me, most of them staring wide-eyed, the rest frowning. The drastic incongruity of this compared to what had been going on a mere second ago made me yelp and recoil so hard that I fell off the ground…

...onto the ground. Ow… I must have sprained a wing falling like that…

My wing! It was still there - both of them were! And Cadance and Sunburst were walking up to me from the other side of the bed, followed by Shining Armor.

I scurried under the bed instinctively upon seeing him, accidentally pulling the edge of the blanket that must have slipped onto the floor at some point, which pulled the rest of the bedsheets down and hid me from view, at least from this side. I fought the urge to shapeshift; it wouldn’t fool Shining into thinking that I’d gone away, and he’d only blast me again!

Would they be mad at me for acting like this? They probably were mad at me already for some reason if they were all here! What had I done this time? Would I get punished again? Would it undermine whatever marginal progress I may have made in earning their trust and friendship?

Cadance pushed aside the fallen blankets and crouched down until she was eye-level with me. Sunburst did, too, but Shining remained standing upright a little behind them. He was frowning, but at least his horn wasn’t lit up. A good sign, maybe?

“Are you alright?” Cadance asked gently.

“I… I think so…” I stammered out. “What are you all doing here? Is something wrong?”

“You were screaming your head off,” Sunburst said. “Woke us all up and we came running. You sounded pretty desperate, to say the least.”

You have no idea, Sunburst…

“I tried to wake you,” Cadance continued, “but couldn’t! You were tossing and turning and screaming and nothing I tried could snap you out of it… I was really worried about you!”

“We all were,” Sunburst added.

Shining snorted. I winced and retreated a little further under cover.

“Most of us were,” Sunburst corrected himself with an eye roll. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’d rather not,” I whispered.

“Even if it’ll make you feel better?” Cadance offered.

“I don’t want to burden you. It’s bad enough that I woke up half the castle! I’m sorry, everypony!” Then a realization hit me and I bumped my head against the bedframe leaping in apprehension. “Is Flurry okay? Did I wake her too? Please tell me she didn’t hear anything!”

This was Shining’s cue to push past Sunburst and get in my face.

“You did wake her!” he growled. “Be glad that I calmed her pretty quick or I would have fried you ten times by now!”

“Shining, dear, what did we talk about earlier tonight?”

“I’m sorry, Cady, but he keeps pushing it!”

“I don’t think that he chose to have a nightmare,” she said dryly, “especially with you throwing threats at him left and right for everything that ever went wrong in Equestria!”

“So why didn’t Luna do anything?” he demanded.

Princess Luna? What could she have done? I hadn’t even realized she was here!

“She probably couldn’t for one reason or another,” Cadance said, “but I will write to her first thing in the morning.”

So Luna wasn’t here after all? Was this another dream? I couldn’t make any sense of what they were saying!

“Aren’t you going to get out from under there?” Sunburst asked me.

Right. I must have looked like a first-class fool! But I didn’t really want to get out from under here; I couldn’t face the scrutiny of so many ponies I’d woken up! I suddenly had the urge to pile up more blankets to hide behind or under and to never come out of hiding! I let out a whimper.

“It’s okay,” Cadance reassured me. “We aren’t mad at you!”

“But I woke you all up for no reason…”

“So what?” Sunburst. “We’ll just go back to sleep! No harm done!”

“We’re kind of used to being woken up in the middle of the night,” Cadance chuckled. “Courtesy of Flurry.”

I cast a hesitant glance at Shining. He was still frowning, but didn’t respond otherwise.

“Come on,” Sunburst offered a hoof.

I relented and got out. The other ponies were still there, and they seemed to have calmed down in the meantime. Maybe it would be okay after all?

“Okay, show’s over,” Shining declared. “Trusty Shield, get back to your post. Everypony else, goodnight.”

The crowd left, followed by Shining.

“Goodnight, Thorax,” Cadance said. “And don’t hesitate to come to me if you need something. I mean it!” Then she left too.

“Are you going to be alright?” Sunburst asked.

“I think I will. I hope.”

“Would you like me to come spend the night with you? Or move to my room for the rest of the night?”

“Thanks, but I’ve bothered you enough already. Don’t worry about me; I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged. “But if you change your mind, my offer still stands.”

“I appreciate it, but I really have to get used to dealing with this on my own. Goodnight, Sunburst!”

“Goodnight, Thorax! And, do sleep well this time!”

Friendship is Hard

The room was bathed in daylight when I opened my eyes again. I remained in bed for a minute, reluctant to get up after the midnight adventure. What if this turned out to be another dream, innocent at first but turning into a blood-soaked nightmare when I least expected it? What if it wasn’t a dream? The ponies had been polite enough about my… uh, episode… but would they really forgive me for scaring them like that as Cadance had claimed? Would this be just another reason for them to stay away from me?

Maybe they had forgotten about it, I told myself. The nightmare was still vivid in my mind, but with such a bright day out there and only a pile of blankets on the floor to show that anything had happened, even I found it hard to imagine myself in that horror, somehow. And ponies were known in the hive as overly optimistic creatures, which was a reputation that had to have been earned somehow or other, and Cadance had claimed that these ponies were used to being woken up all the time, so maybe it could still turn out fine, right?

But how would I know which way they leaned? If only I could bring myself to go out there and ask! If only I could bring myself to at least get out of my room and see how they respond to seeing me! As it was, I was too ashamed of having screamed the castle awake, even if I hadn’t done it intentionally, and too afraid of their reactions to face them.

But I’d have to face it sooner or later, and I had to know what to expect. I had to be able to prepare myself for what they would do when I finally showed up in public! I had to know if there was something I could do to win myself some non-hostility! But it was easier said than done!

At least get out of bed and tidy up that mess you made! It won’t bring you any favors if somepony walks in and finds a pile of blankets all over the floor!

Yes, let’s start small, one step at a time, I decided.

I got out of bed and collected the blankets. What now? Should I arrange them as they’d been when I first saw them? Might as well.

I was halfway through figuring out how to straighten them out when I heard somepony banging on the door. Now what? Was I in trouble? Was I supposed to get out of the room and do something? Why hadn’t anypony told me? Had they assumed that I knew?

Pull yourself together! It’s probably nothing… too… disastrous… hopefully…

I approached the door with my heart in my throat and opened it hesitantly. Sunburst was there, holding a stack of books in his magic, and preparing to bang on the door again. A little away stood a Royal Guard I hadn’t met before.

“Good morning, Thorax,” Sunburst greeted me cheerfully. “Ready to start with our next lesson?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” I stepped aside so he could enter. The guard remained where he was.

I must have looked confused because Sunburst asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Not that I know of. But why were you banging on the door, and why isn’t the guard coming in? And where’s Trusty Shield?”

“It’s called knocking on the door, not banging, and it means, ‘may I come in?’ Also, Trusty Shield’s shift ended and Paladin is taking over.”

Oh. That made sense.

“So I’m not in trouble?”

“Not this time,” he chuckled. “Aren’t you going to close that door?”

I did. Meanwhile, he set the books down and sat on a cushion. Another cushion was waiting for me, or at least I assumed it was meant for me. Unless somepony was supposed to join us?

“Sunburst, may I ask you something?”

“That’s what I’m here for, aren’t I? To teach you whatever you need to know and to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability!” He grinned, then smiled sheepishly. “Though I have to admit that I’ve never been a teacher before, certainly not to a changeling, so forgive my enthusiasm.”

“I’m perfectly fine with your enthusiasm!” Partly because it warmed and brightened his love aura, which would make it more delicious as well… but, this time, I intended to wait for permission before sipping up any of it. “So, uh… you’ve been around the castle this morning. Are the ponies still mad at me?”

“Mad at you? Why?”

“You know, because of… tonight.”

“They aren’t mad at you! Okay, you might have startled them - it did sound like somepony was being murdered or something, not that I’ve ever witnessed a murder - but it wasn’t your fault that you screamed! You were having a nightmare! Why would anypony blame you for something beyond your control?”

“Shining does an awfully good job at that,” I muttered.

“Oh.” He fumbled with his goatee. “Most ponies don’t hold a grudge, though, and Shining is just one pony. I can understand his point of view after what happened at his wedding, which isn’t to say that I approve of what he’s doing to you. He’ll come around… I think… but I haven’t been able to think of a way to accelerate the process so far, sorry.”

“Are he and Cadance still fighting?”

“What?! No! If you mean last evening’s incident, they reconciled immediately afterwards! Cadance was ashamed of having let her paranoia get the best of her, and Shining was shocked to realize the state of mind he’d pushed her into! They both gave a heartfelt apology to each other, in fact it helped them realize they weren’t handling the situation well!”

“So you’re saying it actually… helped?”

“In a way, yes. I think Shining must have gotten scared he’d lose Cadance if he remained so obstinate when it comes to you, so he agreed to loosen his grip on you as an attempt at compromise. It may not have been for the most ideal of motives, but I’m hoping we can use that to buy you a chance to prove yourself trustworthy so his next step can be for your benefit rather than for the benefit of his relationship with Cadance.”

“So… any suggestions on how I should behave?”

He shrugged. “Just be yourself, I guess. Keep acting friendly and try to avoid breaking any rules… but you’re doing that already, so just keep it up until I think of any more proactive ways to win his trust. Oh, and you don’t have to apologize for everything or to hide whenever something unexpected happens.”

“I don’t know if I can! ‘Something unexpected’ usually meant that I was in trouble back in the hive, and so far, it hasn’t been all that different here except that punishments hurt less and don’t leave me physically injured!”

He stared at me, adjusted his glasses. Blinked. Muttered a hmm. Stared some more.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just… all the instructors back in the hive gave up trying to teach me anything long ago because they couldn’t see me making progress in any way. As a result, there’s only so much I know about ponies! How can I follow rules if I don’t know which rules there are to follow? How do I blend in if I don’t know if I’m doing it right? And what promise do we have that you teaching me now will be any more successful than what I had before?”

He considered this.

“Tell me about those lessons. Did you find anything interesting or enjoyable in them?”

“Not really.”

“Am I right in assuming that their focus was on deceiving ponies and defeating them in combat?”

“Yes.”

“And anything akin to politeness and friendship and such was for the sole purpose of deception and making ponies careless?”

“Yes.”

“Would you have preferred to learn other things? As in, different things?”

“Absolutely!”

“Do you know of any other changelings struggling with their lessons in the same way you did?”

“No.”

“There you go.”

“What do you mean?”

“Here’s my theory: the reason why you struggled with your education in the hive isn’t because you couldn’t learn it, but because you couldn’t see how it would get you to where you wanted to be and because you didn’t want to use it for what the hive wanted you to use it for! You did pick up some things, though, whether or not you realized it, and that was enough to help you escape the hive and survive in the unknown long enough to find a friend!”

“I think it was just dumb luck,” I countered.

“Luck may have played a part in it, yes, but there had to be some knowledge and resourcefulness in the mix too! Don’t you see, Thorax? You aren’t stupid, you simply didn’t have a reason to know what they taught you and had nowhere to learn the things you did want to know! And you want to know how to blend in with the ponies in a friendly way! I’m sure you’ll be a great student!”

He hugged me firmly before I could respond, and his aura wrapped around me, warming me pleasantly and making my mouth water.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m just happy to think of all the things I can teach you! Though I’ll have to reconsider my approach now after this new information… I was going to start the day with a lesson on local geography, but we can do that later and focus instead on more everyday things… oh, and I guess I can give you some breakfast, too!”

“You’re giving off an awful lot. I’m not sure how much of it would be safe to take!”

“Then take it slowly, but do eat something! You need nourishment!”

I hugged him back. I’d intended it as a sign of gratitude and to make things less awkward, but as I sipped on his aura, I came to realize I was getting sated much more quickly than ever before! I stopped sipping, afraid that I’d gotten too greedy and was draining him out, but somehow his love was finding its way into my system regardless!

I broke out of the hug and took a panicked step or two back, expecting to see him fall unconscious or very weak, but he just sat there, mildly confused.

How?

“Is something wrong?”

“I’m not sure... Are you feeling fine? Nothing even slightly, vaguely wrong?”

“No, except that you startled me a little, but I’m guessing that’s not what you meant. Care to explain?”

“I didn’t take much love from you as far as I can tell, and I only took yours and nopony else’s, but it feels like I’ve drained ten ponies completely, I’m that full!”

“Curious,” he mused. “I don’t feel drained. Want to try it again? See if you can figure out how it happened?”

I winced. “Let’s experiment some other time! I really, really don’t want to hurt you by doing this too often!”

“If that’s what you want,” he shrugged. “It’s probably a smart precaution, now that I think about it. Now, shall we start with the lesson, or would you rather finish making your bed first?”

The lesson on ‘everyday things’, as Sunburst had called it, had stretched through several days. I was making slow but steady progress, or so he assured me, but for every one detail I figured out, five more unfamiliar ones turned up, so the end of this kind of lesson was still nowhere in sight, proving Sunburst’s initial predictions about only needing a day or two for it very wrong. He’d never complained, though; he actually seemed to enjoy teaching me and answering all of my many questions! It showed in his aura that he shared with me before and after every teaching session in the form of a hug, and I was starting to figure out how much I could take to remain sated without actually draining him, and was still amazed by how little I needed compared to before my arrival to the Crystal Empire. I was extremely grateful to him for showing me such immense trust, but neither of us could think of an explanation why I suddenly needed far less food than before. Was I unknowingly sipping up the crystal ponies’ collective aura? And if so, how hadn’t I realized it?

As much as we both enjoyed our time together, he couldn’t teach me from dawn to dusk every day; he still had other responsibilities to take care of, not to mention needs, so we’d agreed to have our sessions in the mornings until lunchtime, and to spend afternoons doing whatever else each of us had or wanted to do.

Though I’d gained some marginal confidence through my learning progress, my spirits were still pretty low overall, partly due to Shining Armor’s ongoing distrust of me and lack of any progress in that regard since his argument with Cadance, and partly because I still felt that my understanding of pony ways was too inadequate to expect success in social pursuits. But I didn’t want to let that defeat me, so I’d asked Sunburst if I could read the books he’d brought to our first lesson, hoping it would accelerate my learning process and take some of the workload off his back, and he’d readily agreed and promised to bring me more books whenever I asked for some.

The first stack of books had included one or two on local geography, one on the history of the Crystal Empire, one about changelings that Sunburst had brought because he’d wanted to know how accurate it was so he could understand me and my kind better, and something called ‘Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone’, which he’d suggested I try for entertainment. These were plenty enough to keep me occupied for a while, and since I wasn’t yet feeling ready to go out and mingle with ponies, I ended up spending the afternoons reading in my room.

Even though I practically hadn’t left my room at all since first setting hoof in it and consequentially wasn’t meeting any new ponies and making friends as I’d originally wanted, I found my time here rather enjoyable. Sunburst’s approach to teaching sat much better with me than anything any of my drill instructors in the hive had ever done, including Pharynx’s one-on-one lessons after I’d gotten expelled from basic training, which he’d insisted on because he couldn’t stand the fact that his brother was a failure. I could also ask Sunburst anything and get an actual answer rather than a reprimand for asking stupid questions, or be laughed or yelled at, or worse! Books were a whole new discovery too; though reading and writing had been one of the few things I’d learned properly as a nymph, I’d never had a chance to really use it like I was doing now! A few sporadic texts or reports, yes, but never whole stacks of books, and never a promise that I could read whatever I wanted!

Needless to say, I was so engrossed in the written pages that I’d nearly stopped noticing the passage of time and forgotten that the rest of the world existed. Was this how Sunburst felt while studying magic? Or Starlight, or Princess Twilight? If so, I could understand their passion perfectly! I couldn’t say that I was really interested in every single thing I’d read - sub-arctic meteorological phenomena, for example - but still!

And Sunburst noticed.

“Aren’t you ever going to get out of here?” he asked me one day when we finished a learning session.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve spent a full week in the same room! Don’t you want to stretch your legs a little? Get some fresh air and a change of scenery? Meet some new ponies?” Emphasis on the last part.

“But I haven’t learned everything yet!”

“So what? You don’t have to know everything right away! They’ll understand that you’re new! Besides, you’ve learned enough to grasp the basics and figure things out on your own, don’t you think?”

“Not really,” I replied hesitantly.

“C’mon, you have to start sometime!”

“I don’t think I’m ready…”

“Hey, I get it that making friends seems like a daunting task for you, but that’s what you came here for, isn’t it? So why postpone it indefinitely? You’ll only feel less ready the more you put it off!”

I fidgeted my hoof, staring at the floor.

“Thorax, you’re not in prison, in case you need a reminder.”

“I know…”

“So why are you acting like you are? Go on, get out there and make some friends! You know where to find me if you need me!”

I relented and went out into the hallway. Trusty Shield was guarding my room again.

“I’ve, uh, decided to go for a walk around town, if that’s okay,” I told him. “Are you still supposed to follow me?”

“I am, so don’t get any ideas!” he said.

“I wasn’t going to,” I muttered, and we got going.

We walked in silence through the castle’s hallways. Other ponies stopped what they were doing momentarily to watch us, but only a few whispered things to one another this time. None of them walked up to greet us, though. Were they simply uninterested or too busy, or had they assumed that I’d done something again and was being escorted to prison?

I tried to push it out of my mind, but it had already made a crack in my confidence. Was I going to find similar reactions elsewhere? Could I compensate with what Sunburst had taught me? What if I failed?

Soon we were at the base of the stairwell leading outside. One set of doors stood in the way of finding out. I swallowed a lump in my throat and put a hesitant hoof on the doorknob.

Here goes…

I pushed the door open and stepped outside. The clearing beneath the castle was devoid of ponies; only the Crystal Heart hovered in its place at the center of the clearing, but this time, it wasn’t emanating anything obvious like when I’d seen it first. I might have expected that; the rippling streams of its magic weren’t visible from my room, and they would have been if any of them were in the sky. It was, however, active in a more subtle way, judging from the clear skies and the warm weather.

I moved on into a randomly-chosen street; a signpost said it was named Sapphire, and there were ponies milling about, enough of them to raise hopes that one might give me a chance at friendship, but not so many that I’d be over my head in trouble in things went wrong… I hoped.

Well, Trusty Shield was there with me. He might be able to do something about any out-of-control ponies, right? It was his job, regardless of what he thought of me, and he would act in accordance with it, wouldn’t he? And surely the ponies wouldn’t dare to attack a member of the Royal Guard, especially one armed and fully armored and obviously on duty, would they?

Okay, telling myself that had been worth a try, but my heart was still thumping wildly and my mind was still failing to come up with an idea how to approach anypony.

None of them, however, had any difficulties deciding how to approach me. Most of them dropped what they were doing, just like the ones in the castle, except that these ponies were scowling at me, some of them grumbling things to themselves.

Not one of them opted to approach and start a conversation.

I kept walking. Their piercing, disapproving glares followed me every step, melting my confidence away quickly and easily. Their grumbling mixed with the echo of my hoofsteps, making me wonder how soon one of them would decide that they’d had enough of the intruder and try to speed up my departure.

I didn’t have to wait long.

Having decided that these ponies weren’t going to suddenly change their approach and welcome me with open hooves, I turned around the first corner I got to. I’d hoped that a different set of ponies might produce different reactions, but these new ones had noticed an abrupt change in behavior of the ponies in Sapphire Street, and were already strung up to learn what was going on by the time I showed my face among them. Needless to say, they were ready for something unpleasant and undesirable; one or two shouted some vulgar remarks, and another threw a bottle at me. I dodged it at the last moment and it flew past me, shattering on impact with the road.

With a flashback of a similar situation in another town during my journey and the knowledge of how that incident would have ended had my reflexes been slower, I backtracked a step, ready to flee.

Trusty Shield noticed this and opened his mouth, probably to warn me against doing anything I would regret, but then another object - a fruit, maybe - hit me from a blind side and I turned and launched into a gallop without thinking, then took to the air upon slipping on something that might have been liquid from that thrown bottle.

“Get back here!” Trusty Shield commanded and followed me into the sky.

I barely registered his ongoing shouts and warnings, not even when they escalated to threats. I couldn’t bring myself to think about the consequences of insubordination; my instinct had reduced it to a low priority. All I could do was flee on; all I could see was my broken body lying still in a pool of blood on the crystal road… or was it a bridge over a rainbow-colored river? I couldn’t tell!

By the time I snapped out of it, I was already flying over the hills on the city outskirts. Out of breath, I landed on one of them. Trusty Shield caught up with me as I was turning around to look for him, and tackled me before I could tell him to slow down or dodge the impact.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.

“Nowhere… sorry… I freaked out… didn’t mean to-”

“Freaked out.” He stared at me as if I were lying.

“Yes. This isn’t the first time I had things thrown at me. Last time-”

“Captain Shining Armor briefed us,” he interrupted me. “You claimed to have nearly gotten blasted into oblivion in, what, Rainbow Falls?”

“I don’t know the name of the town, but yes, that did happen.”

“He’s checking your story, so if you’re telling the truth, we’ll know soon enough.” He got off my chest. “And I’d like to find that unicorn from Rainbow Falls and tell him what I think about his aiming skills, assuming he exists. Get up!”

I obeyed. As I was getting up on my hooves, I caught a glimpse of something that stirred a happier memory: a yellow flower, growing nicely on the top of the hill.

Could it be?

I moved closer. The flower was indeed familiar, and so was the layout of the surrounding hills and the city a little further away. This was my flower! I hadn’t realized how good it would feel to see it again! What were the odds that I’d find myself right next to it when flying blindly and randomly away from trouble? Had I been subconsciously drawn to it, knowing it had been a source of great comfort and hope for me when I couldn’t find it elsewhere?

“What now?” Trusty poked me. “Never seen a flower before?”

I opened my mouth to explain, but then decided against it. What was the point? He was there because he’d been ordered to, and quite possibly, he would have preferred a different assignment; why would he care about a flower?

“Nevermind,” I said instead. “I suppose you want me to return to the city?”

“You haven’t been granted permission to leave the city, so yes.”

“I need permission to go somewhere?” Nopony had mentioned anything like that; in fact, I’d been under the impression that I could go wherever I wanted!

“Nopony said anything about you not needing permission, so until that changes, I’m going to work under the assumption that you do.”

“Figures,” I sighed. “Um, Trusty, Shield?”

“What?”

“Do you think ponies would be less uncomfortable around me if I looked like a pony? I mean, without denying that I’m not one.”

“Do I look like I care? Besides, hasn’t the Captain forbidden you to shapeshift?”

“Only if nopony is around to see that I’m doing it, unless he changed his mind in the meantime and forgot to inform me. But you’re here to witness it, therefore it shouldn’t go against his wishes.”

“Assuming that’s the case, what would you look like, and how do I know that you won’t take advantage of it?”

I became Crystal Hoof again. He tensed up momentarily during my transformation and readied his spear, then relaxed somewhat when he realized that I hadn’t become an oversized dragon or something else that a lone pegasus, Royal Guard or not, would find difficult to subdue if need be.

“Trusty Shield, I know it’s your job to doubt me, but I really do only want friends. If I’d wanted to harm the ponies, don’t you think I would have done it by now? Or at least attempted to?”

“I have no intention of answering that!”

“Fine… So back to the city?”

We got underway.

We reentered the city by way of Beryl Street. This one was a little busier than Sapphire, which meant a higher likelihood of meeting a friendly pony, but also a bigger potential for things getting out of control if somepony were to see through my disguise. I hoped for the former, but tried to will myself out of fleeing again should the latter happen. No matter what the ponies thought of me, this was my home now, and I couldn’t keep running from them forever; I’d never manage to befriend any of them that way!

The disguise might help, I kept telling myself over and over again as I strode forward. The disguise might help break the ice; it might give the ponies a less disturbing face to look at, it might give them time to get to know me for who I am without being distracted or disgusted by what I am. I’d tried that approach several times before but had always been revealed too soon; maybe now, when my presence here was allowed and the ponies aware of it, I could finally use a disguise to lessen their fears.

I looked around as I moved forward; I kept my eyes open for a pony who would seem friendly, one willing to approach me or to be approached, or for a situation that would allow me to approach the ponies involved in a natural way and without being intrusive. For a while, no such opportunity came up; most ponies were busy shopping in the nearby market, some were strolling along with a friend, and a few were simply hurrying somewhere. I’d started to wonder if I might have to rethink my approach, maybe even ask Trusty for suggestions - not that I expected him to be willing to share anything useful, but one never knew - when I collided with something. Somepony, actually! I’d been so busy looking in all directions that I’d forgotten to pay attention to what was in front of me, and this mare had hurried out of the market without noticing that I was about to walk into her! She stumbled a little, but the basket she’d been carrying fell off her back, and loads of fruit rolled out and all over the street!

“Goodness, I’m so sorry!” I said to her. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, I’m sorry! I should have paid attention to where I was going!”

“Me too! Here, let me help you with your fruit!”

“Thanks,” she said, picking up her basket and putting some of the nearest fruits back into it. “Did you see where the apricots went?”

“Apricots?” I looked around. Apricots were round, orange thingies, right? “Apricots… oh, I see some over there…”

I went to collect them when another voice halted me.

“What do you think you’re pulling?”

I turned around. A stallion that hadn’t been there before stood next to the mare, looking daggers at me.

“I’m sorry, were you talking to me?”

“Yes, you! You’re that changeling, aren’t you?”

“Um… yes?” How had he figured it out?

“I don’t know what you want with my wife - no, actually I have a fairly good idea - but you’re not getting it!”

“I didn’t want anything! I was just helping her pick up the fruits-”

“Likely story!” He swatted at me furiously. “Get lost!”

“Okay, okay, I’m going!”

He set down his saddlebag and started collecting the apricots himself while his wife gazed at nothing in particular. I left him to it. We’d attracted a lot of attention - the whole street was staring at me again, though nopony tried to hit me or to throw things at me this time - and I got the urge to get away from there immediately. This time I managed to do it at a normal pace, and Trusty Shield simply followed.

I trotted on, discouraged by the incident, but still holding out some hope that my day in town wouldn’t turn out to be a total disaster. I switched to another street at an intersection. This one had fewer ponies, but I wasn’t in the mood for crowds anymore, so this was fine.

A few fillies and colts were playing in the street. I pondered on whether or not I should join them, when one of them walked up to me.

“I haven’t seen you around,” he said, eyeing me curiously but without suspicion or malice in his voice.

“You wouldn’t have. I’m new here,” I said without thinking.

“I thought there aren’t any crystal ponies living elsewhere,” a filly countered.

“He’s a changeling,” Trusty Shield explained it to her before I could say anything.

The fillies and colts all stared at him for a second, then switched their gazes onto me, then looked at one another. They appeared ready to respond to that revelation in much the same way as the adult ponies had so far.

Thanks a lot, Trusty, I groaned inwardly.

“You know, guys, I just remembered I haven’t finished my homework,” a filly eventually said with a forced grin. “See ya later!”

“Yeeeeaaaaaah, and I might have forgotten Mommy asked me to… find… something…” a colt added. “Gotta go!”

“Come to think of it,” another colt mused, “I really need to clean up my room! Bye, guys!”

“I don’t think I’m feeling so well all of a sudden…” another filly mumbled through feigned coughs. “I think I’ll go lie down…”

I watched them retreat rapidly in various directions. Were they really expecting me to believe all that? Even I wasn’t that gullible! On the other hoof, maybe they were just trying to be polite?

The first two little ponies were retreating together without having attempted an excuse, though, and a little more slowly than the others. I took a step forward and opened my mouth to apologize for interrupting their game, but the colt spoke first.

“Sorry, but we better go too. Mommy and Daddy say that changelings are evil and that we shouldn’t let them come near us.”

Well, at least he was being honest.

“Are you nuts?” the filly protested in a whisper. “Why did you have to tell him that?”

“Well it’s true, sis! I don’t want to get eaten!”

“But now he knows we’re on to him!”

“I’m not going to eat you!” I protested.

“Mommy and Daddy said that you’d say that to get us to trust you so you can eat us more easily!”

Excuse me, what?! Such a theory wouldn’t surprise me if coming from Pharynx, but from a couple of ponies? And they taught their children that? Actually, it made sense. They’d want to protect their foals, and teaching them to recognize potentially dangerous situations was a sensible thing to do, even if they were wrong about this particular changeling. And I’d have to work on the leftovers of my perception of ponies as beings with no concept of violence!

“Ugh,” I groaned, rubbing my forehead. “You know what? I won’t even bother anymore. I’m leaving. You can tell your friends that the coast is clear!” Was that the correct expression?

I walked past them and further down the street. Trusty Shield followed, and it seemed to me that he trotted more easily than me even in full battle armor. It couldn’t have been just due to trained muscles; though he endeavoured to maintain an expressionless face, he wasn’t quite succeeding, and I noticed an ever-so-slight smirk and a funny taste of his love aura, which suggested that he was enjoying the sight of me continuously failing to maintain non-hostile interactions with others for longer than a few seconds. It definitely wasn’t a good feeling for me, and I dragged my hooves along the roads with increasing heaviness. Would the ponies have responded any better to me if Sunburst had tagged along? Or Spike?

Near the end of the street, I almost collided with two mares coming out of a house. I only paid enough attention to them to be aware of their presence, but they showed more interest.

“Hey, I know you,” one of them said to me.

“You do?”

“Sure! You were with Spike the Brave and Glorious about a week ago, weren’t you? When he was telling us stories?”

“Oh. Yes, I was with him, but I’m afraid I don’t remember you specifically, sorry.”

“It’s alright. If you’re a friend of Spike the Brave-”

“Wait a minute!” the other mare interrupted. “Wasn’t that on the same day as that changeling was revealed?”

“Oh my gosh, you’re right! And we left the house that day! We could have run into the changeling!” She put a hoof over her mouth.

“You just did,” Trusty Shield informed them. “He’s the guy!”

Not helping, Trusty! Please stop doing that!

“Are you really?” the second mare asked.

What the heck, I figured; might as well get it over with. Either it would go well or it wouldn’t, and I was getting fed up with everything. I dropped my disguise.

“Ew!” the first mare recoiled. “Ew, ew, ew! You guys look as disgusting as the rumors say!”

“Excuse us,” the second mare said with a grimace, then dragged the first one hurriedly back into the house. Sounds of keys turning and bolts being slid in place accompanied the echo of the door slamming shut behind them.

I cast a half-annoyed, half-deflated glance at Trusty Shield. He simply shrugged.

We walked back to the castle, once again in silence. I wasn’t in the mood for trying to befriend ponies anymore, and thankfully, no more incidents occurred on the way, not counting more glares from everypony we passed by. This continued inside the castle, all the way to my room.

Once I was alone again, I let out a defeated sigh, sat next to the bed, and buried my face in the pillow.

Princess’ Love

The pillow offered little relief for my downtrodden spirits. I wanted to cry into it, feeling like that might help, but for some reason, tears wouldn’t come. How was that possible all of a sudden? They usually came bursting out of my eyes too easily, whether or not I wanted them and whether or not the moment was appropriate! In fact, they often picked the worst possible moment! So where were they now? Had I cried so much in the past that I’d used up all the tears I had in me? It certainly felt like I’d used more than a lifetime of tears in my youth alone!

So how was I supposed to calm myself now? The walk through the city had been a disaster! How was this different from my days on the run? Spike had assured me that things would get better now that I was a legal citizen of the Crystal Empire, but with constant guard escort, it didn’t feel like I was here legally, and that was how it must have looked like to the ponies! And Sunburst had insisted that I’d find it much easier to befriend ponies now that I had some understanding of their culture and way of life, but what good of it if ponies weren’t willing to be around me long enough to let me make use of that knowledge? We should have known it wouldn’t work! But what could we have done instead? I had no idea! Would Sunburst? Hopefully this plan wasn’t his last resort for helping me! I’d have to find him and ask! But how to do that without offending him?

Later, I decided. I had to calm down first! Some tears would really help now!

Come on, tears… just a few… just one, even…

It was pointless. I still couldn’t cry, and my soul was still a disappointed mess. Disappointed in the promises that hadn’t come true, disappointed in my trust in them, disappointed in my cursed reputation, and above all, disappointed in myself for having failed to achieve what everypony had been telling me was in my reach, I just had to take it! How could I have been so weak? How could I have failed to make use of what my friends had worked so hard to bring me? Was there even a point in trying again if I kept getting the same result every time I tried?

Failure. I let out a heavy sigh.

A knock on the door interrupted my sulking.

What now? I wasn’t in the mood for seeing anypony! I’d rather that whoever-this-was had picked some other time! But would they get offended if I told them to go away? I was already struggling to earn others’ affection; would I only make things worse by refusing to see them? And what if I was in trouble again? I doubted that Shining Armor would bother to knock before entering, but if this was him, he could mistake my sullen mood for unwillingness to cooperate and introduce more restrictions or even lock me up!

Better to just get it over with, I decided. With any luck, it would be Sunburst coming to check on how my adventure had gone.

Please let it be Sunburst…

“Come in,” I sighed, raising my head from the pillow slightly and pulling it into an awkward hug.

My visitor was none other than Princess Cadance.

“I heard you finally went out today,” she said cheerfully. “How was it?”

“I… survived.” I didn’t feel like I had, but why trouble her? She had more important things to do than be bothered with my incompetence!

She caught on regardless. Her face turned serious and she sat next to me.

“What happened?” she asked gently.

Her compassionate gaze and the warm aura of her love tempted me to cave in and tell her everything, to surrender myself to her hug and cry my heart out on her shoulder, and to beg for her help and understanding, but I resisted it with everything I had left in me. She was a leader of a kingdom; she had thousands of ponies to look after, thousands of ponies’ well-being to work towards… why would she waste her precious time with a lousy changeling who couldn’t go one day without messing something up? Why would I burden her with something I should have figured out on my own a long time ago? I bit my tongue and looked away.

“Thorax, I can see things didn’t go well. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

“It’s not worth your time,” I whispered.

“It is worth my time! You are my subject and my friend, and I’m trying to help you! It’s plain as day that you need it!”

“I’m pretty sure I’m beyond help by now,” I muttered.

“That’s not true and you know it!” She touched my foreleg. “Whatever happened out there is eating you out, and I have a feeling that it’s the same kind of problem as something you’ve faced before. Am I right?”

I hesitated momentarily, then nodded.

“Then let’s hear it.”

“I don’t know, Princess… I hate to bother you…”

“Thorax, listen to me. We’ve been through this already, and you agreed to be honest with me about everything that’s troubling you. This is one of those times. You’re hurting, and it hurts me to see you like that!”

“Princess…”

“Come on, out with it,” she persisted.

After a long sigh, I relented and told her everything. I told her about Sunburst’s insistence that I go out and put our lessons into practice; I told her about the ponies’ disapproving stares, and the narrowly-avoided fight, and my panicked retreat, and the clumsy incident at the market, and the group of fillies and colts, and the disgusted mares. I told her about my eagerness to prove Sunburst right, and about my initial confidence and high hopes, and about how they got gradually crushed with every encounter gone awry. Finally, I told her not to beat herself up over it; it wasn’t her fault that ponies couldn’t stand a changeling in their midst, and whatever I’d done to make them hate me, I had only myself to blame for it.

“Oh, Thorax, it isn’t your fault that they won’t give you a chance!” she said in the end. “Why do you blame yourself for everything bad that happens to you?”

“Who else would I blame? I must have done something I shouldn’t have, whether or not I realized it!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong! In fact, you’re doing your best to do everything right! It’s the others who are refusing to let you get there!”

I didn’t know what to say. She was blaming the ponies for my failures?

“You know,” she said, “I might have an idea how to help you. I’ve got some royal duties to attend to first, so can you meet me in the throne room in about an hour?”

“I will, Princess,” I agreed. Whether or not whatever her idea was would work, I wasn’t one to disobey her wishes!

“Very well, then,” she said, getting up. “See you in an hour!”

By the time the hour was up, I’d managed to calm myself somewhat, hopefully enough to not present too many difficulties for whatever the Princess had in mind. Some residual insecurity still lingered, though, and Trusty Shield’s response to being told where I was going this time only made it stronger.

“The throne room?” he repeated incredulously. “You have no business there!”

“Princess Cadance invited me there when she dropped by an hour ago,” I explained.

“And I’m supposed to believe that?!”

“It’s the truth, so…” I shrugged. “...yeah.”

“I’ll say! Fine, let’s go there! I’d love to see a repeat of you getting your rump kicked!”

Though I was sure I’d understood Cadance’s words correctly, his attitude was causing me to doubt myself. What if he was right? What if I got turned away and laughed at? What if I got punished for trying to enter an area beyond my clearance level? What if Cadance had deliberately set me up and-

Hold it there. She wouldn’t have done that! She’d been nice to me all along and her aura of love was genuine! She’d helped me whenever she could so far! Why would she change her approach all of a sudden?

But it wasn’t a long way to the throne room, and we were approaching its open doors now. A guard stood at each side of the entrance, and more guards were lined up on each side of the carpet leading to the throne. Beyond them sat Cadance, tended to by a few crystal ponies, one of which held Flurry Heart’s basket. Flurry herself was playing with a plush turtle in her mother’s lap.

I stopped in my tracks momentarily. Shining had forbidden me to come near Flurry! He’d do all kinds of bad, painful - very painful - things to me if I disobeyed that! As long as she was there, I couldn’t go into the throne room!

But Cadance had specifically told me to come to the throne room now! I couldn’t disobey her either! Why had she put me in such a tricky situation?

Come on, Thorax, there has to be a reasonable explanation for this! Maybe I’d gotten the time wrong? Or maybe it had slipped Cadance’s mind that Flurry would be here at the same time? Unless she was just finishing up her business with Flurry and would be free to deal with me in a moment… Nothing unexpected had happened to change her plans at the last moment, had it?

What should I do?

“Well?” Trusty Shield prodded me.

I took that as a signal to keep walking, albeit hesitantly. I’d probably have to approach her, one way or another; even if Cadance couldn’t see me as she’d planned, how would I know that unless I got to her so she could tell me?

Except that I couldn’t go to her. As soon as I’d approached the doors, the two guards crossed their spears in front of me, denying me entrance!

I winced and retreated a couple of steps. Okay, I get the point! I’m leaving! Don’t hurt me!

“At ease, gentlecolts,” Cadance called out from her throne. “I told you I was expecting him!”

They withdrew their spears and stepped aside. I walked in even more hesitantly.

“You’re right on time, Thorax! I hope you’re up for another walk in the town?”

Another walk?! No! I’d had plenty of those for a long while, thank you very much! But if she wanted me to go through all of that again, who was I to refuse? I was her subject, and as such, it was my duty to do whatever she wanted me to do, especially since she’d been so kind to me so far! Besides, I might have had no choice from the start; I’d assumed that whatever she wanted to do to help me would involve remaining in the castle, but she’d never explicitly said so. Maybe I’d gotten it all wrong and help awaited somewhere else?

“I am, Princess,” I said.

“Then let’s go!”

She got up from her throne and gave Flurry’s toy to the mare with the basket. Then, instead of passing the filly to somepony, she took a harness and put Flurry in it and secured the other end around herself. It was a kind of harness-leash-and-harness thing that allowed a foal to fly around freely within a certain distance from its mother without worrying that it’d wander away and get lost, complete with a saddlebag for supplies and an adjustable saddle the foal could sit or sleep on when he or she got tired from flying. I’d seen a few pegasi use such harnesses in Canterlot and Vanhoover during my journey, and apparently Cadance had one too.

Flurry sat on her mother’s saddle and they approached the gate. I stared at them, unsure again if I’d gotten Cadance’s intentions right. Had she forgotten Shining’s orders? Had they changed and nopony had thought to tell me?

“What’s the matter?” she asked, noticing my confusion.

“I hadn’t realized that Flurry was coming along,” I admitted.

“You’re worried about Shining, aren’t you?”

“...yes.”

“I’ll handle him if he complains! Don’t worry, you’re safe with me!”

I followed her as she trotted to the staircase leading outside. Trusty Shield tagged along in respectful silence, but I got the impression that he was itching to say something. Maybe a request for clarification of orders for this occasion, maybe a subtle and respectful suggestion to the Princess to reconsider letting a changeling come in contact with her daughter, or maybe another remark aimed at me. Maybe all of the above? The first two probably didn’t matter, but if I was his main issue, I would undeniably hear plenty of it in due time!

Before we got out into the streets, another thing ocurred to me.

“Princess, if you don’t mind me asking, would I do better to disguise myself for this purpose?”

“I was hoping you wouldn’t, or what I have in mind has little point.”

“How so?” Was I allowed to ask that?

“You’ll see,” she smiled reassuringly.

The clearing beneath the castle was still empty, to my momentary relief, and Cadance took a moment to look around herself as if deciding where to go. Was she simply enjoying the view? How long had she been stuck in the castle? Eventually she settled for the direction of Quartz Street. I groaned inwardly; for some reason, that was the street with the biggest crowd in sight at the moment! Couldn’t she have picked some other path, one without a crowd that could turn into an angry mob instantly upon seeing me? Would her presence be enough to prevent that? I was about to find out, but hopefully it wouldn’t happen the hard way!

“My,” she said to herself as she walked, “it’s such a lovely day today, isn’t it? So warm and beautiful!”

“Yes, it is lovely,” I agreed hesitantly, feeling like I was expected to say something. But was I? What if she preferred me to keep my mouth shut? Trusty Shield certainly thought so; he shoved me and put a wingtip over his mouth in a ‘shhh!’ gesture.

Cadance noticed the exchange and frowned at him. He got the message and withdrew, but kept his scowl aimed at me. Flurry took this as her cue to fly up to him and make silly faces. If her intention was to get him to loosen up, it wasn’t working, but at least it kept his eyes off me, if only temporarily. I expected Cadance to call her off and scold her for distracting a guard on duty, but she pretended not to notice. She had noticed, though, and her aura of love got a little bit brighter. She was enjoying this, wasn’t she? Or was she simply happy that her daughter was attempting to socialize? Yes, it had to be that, I decided. Flurry was probably too young to be trained in manners and to be expected to know rules! Even Queen Chrysalis, strict and ruthless as she was, didn’t expect flawless discipline from larvae of Flurry’s age!

“I hope you don’t mind the crowd, Thorax,” Cadance said as we approached the many groups of ponies. “The school has given foals and their parents free tickets to the new Pablo Pegaso exhibition that’s on display in the museum as of a few days ago. I’d forgotten the tickets were for today!”

A museum exhibition? That explained the crowd and why they were all there specifically! I hadn’t paid attention before, but now that she’d mentioned it, most of the groups did consist of fillies and colts accompanied by adults, and they were all gathered near the building that Spike had said was the museum while giving me a tour of the town! I just had to survive passing through this stretch of the street, and things would hopefully get easier later when the crowds thin out!

‘Surviving’ was the correct expression, from the looks of it. Most parents scowled at me, some hugged their children or stood between them and me, and some looked ready to rip me apart at the slightest excuse. The foals were mostly either scared or confused, though one or two attempted to come closer before being stopped and pulled back. Once again, I fought the urge to flee or shapeshift into a harmless object. Or both.

Cadance was undeterred by this. She strode on confidently, eliciting short and mostly automatic and absent-minded bows from her subjects before they returned to display their opinion on the insectoid newcomer.

“Sunburst has told you about the exhibition, hasn’t he?” she asked me. “Are you planning to see it?”

“No, I don’t recall him mentioning it. We were busy discussing other things most of the time.”

“Your lessons, I presume?”

“Yes… and occasionally my feeding practice.”

“Now that you mention it, I hope you’re getting enough food? I know you haven’t been able to make a lot of friends yet, but are the few of us enough to sustain you?”

Us. Not ‘them’! Though nervous as I was, her choice of words hadn’t sailed over my head! If only I could hug her!

“Yes, Princess.” Should I say it? “I’m getting more than I expected I might…”

“Well, the Crystal Empire is known for its love abundance!”

“I think there might be more to it, though I’m not sure how yet.”

“What do you mean?”

“A hug from Sunburst usually gives me enough love to keep me sated for a full day. For comparison, a standard meal of love drained from cocooned prey, while I was still doing that in the hive, had been barely enough to keep me going, and I would still feel hungry even immediately after feeding. Everyling felt more or less the same way as far as I know, but if any of us took more than what was permitted to a single drone based on rank and assigned duties, that drone would get punished severely enough that the extra love wouldn’t have paid off in the end. But here, not only am I sated regularly, but I’ve also had one or two occasions when the same amount of love I normally permit myself to take had sated me many times over, and without damaging Sunburst at all!”

“You’re saying that love is more nutritious when given freely than when taken by force?”

“Much more nutritious!”

“What about the times when you got even more love? How does that work?”

“We haven’t been able to find an explanation yet.”

Flurry chose that moment to interrupt the conversation by tugging on her mother’s mane and babbling while pointing her hoof at a building with a bunch of toys on display in the window.

“Oh dear, it looks like Flurry might be getting another toy,” she sighed. “Not that she doesn’t have plenty already, but it’s so hard to say no to those cute little eyes, isn’t it?”

I had to agree with that. Okay, time for some unplanned toy-shopping! Or toy-observing in my case. I would have liked to buy Flurry a toy, but that wasn’t going to happen as long as I didn’t have any money to pay for it!

Would they even let me in?

“Care to come with us?” Cadance asked.

“Sure!”

She entered the shop first, with Flurry sitting on her head, and I cast a glance back at the crowd of museum patrons. They still hadn’t taken their eyes off me, but their glares weren’t as piercing and hate-filled as they’d been a minute ago! It was still a long way from feeling their eagerness around me, but if I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t have believed that such an abrupt change was possible! Could it have really been the Princess’ presence alone that had made a difference? She hadn’t cast any spells on the crowd!

Pleasantly but cautiously dumbfounded, I entered the shop. Trusty Shield followed, only to be halted by the apparent owner of the shop. Or was she an employee?

“No weapons allowed in the shop,” she declared, frowning at him.

“What am I supposed to do? Leave the spear in the street unattended?”

“I don’t care, but that spear is a safety hazard around foals! What if one of them gets injured?”

“Why don’t you wait outside, Trusty Shield?” Cadance suggested. “We won’t be long!”

“What about the changeling?” he protested as politely as he could. “Isn’t he a safety hazard?”

“Not this changeling,” Cadance countered. “He knows how to behave himself!”

“If you insist, Princess,” he relented and got out.

By then, Flurry was already flying around the shop, gurgling excitedly at the many toys and taking some of them in her magic.

“She’s such a cute filly and getting cuter every day,” the shopkeeper said to Cadance, watching Flurry. “You must be very proud of her!”

“We are,” Cadance replied.

“And I don’t believe we’ve met,” she turned to me. “You’re the new changeling the whole town's talking about, aren’t you?”

“I’m Thorax. Pleased to meet you!”

“The pleasure is mine! I’m Whirligig, the shop’s owner.”

“And you’re not afraid of me?”

“Well… I admit I was at first when we heard you were here, but then you befriended Spike and got permission to live in the Empire, and I trust the Princess’ judgment on such things, even if the majority of the town has their misgivings about you. I’m actually more curious about you than anyth-”

A loud crash from behind a stack of shelves interrupted her mid-sentence, followed by sounds of a crying foal and its mother’s scolding.

“Dear me!” Whirligig said turning to the source of the sounds. “I’m sorry, Princess, Thorax, but I must see what’s going on there!”

When she was out of sight, Cadance glanced at Flurry, who was still busy looking at toys and unfazed by the commotion, then reached into her saddlebag and took out a small pouch.

“Would you like to buy Flurry a toy?” she whispered to me.

“But I don’t have any money!”

“You do now.” She winked and put the pouch in my hoof.

I opened it. Gold shimmered inside, and though this was my first time holding something like it, I knew what it was: bits of various denominations, and more than enough of them to cover the expense of any toy I could see!

“I appreciate it, Princess, but I can’t take this! It’s too much!”

“Nonsense! This is your money now, and I should have given it to you sooner!”

“But why so much? What am I supposed to do with it all?”

“Whatever you want! You can buy Flurry a toy, or you can buy things for yourself, or use it to travel around Equestria, or save it for the future, to name just a few options. It’s entirely up to you!”

I looked at the pouch. I’d never had any possessions, let alone money, and this seemed like an awful lot of it! Ponies who used money on a regular basis might have thought of this amount of it otherwise, but I couldn’t bring myself to claim it all for myself! A much smaller sum, maybe, but this…

“Thorax, it’s fine!” Cadance said, noticing my hesitation. “Do I have to command you to accept it?”

“Fine,” I relented. “They won’t go to waste, I promise!”

Soon enough, Whirligig finished her business with the other customers and emerged from behind the shelves. Flurry chose about that same moment to finish her process of toy selection and landed on Cadance’s back with a plush phoenix in her hooves, babbling contently.

“Made your choice, little Flurry?” Whirligig smiled at her.

“It would appear so,” Cadance confirmed.

“That’ll be thirty bits, please!”

I approached the cash register and counted the money from my newly-acquired pouch. I’d told Cadance that the money she’d given me wouldn’t go to waste, and so far, I’d kept that promise: whatever made little Flurry happy was a good and necessary thing!

“Thank you, Thorax! I hope to see you again soon?”

“I’m sure you will!”

“And I’m sure Flurry Heart will be delighted,” Cadance added. “But we must be on our way now. Have a nice day, Whirligig!”

“You too, Princess!”

I waved Whirligig goodbye on my way out. Trusty Shield was waiting leaned on a decorative crystal, but snapped to attention upon seeing the Princess and immediately resumed his duty of watching me. He raised an eyebrow at the pouch I’d placed on my back and tied around my wing to make sure I wouldn’t lose it, but made no comment on it.

As we made a turn into Lazurite Street, I glanced back at the crowd in front of the museum. It seemed to have thinned a little - either the ponies had gone in, or left for their homes, or the distance had made it harder to estimate their numbers - but those who remained were paying us less attention than before. I was pretty sure that they’d noticed us, but though the trend of them not caring about my presence might continue on its own, I was sure the increased distance between them and myself helped.

Lazurite and Topaz Streets were less crowded, which helped me relax and allowed for an easier conversation with Princess Cadance.

“You were telling me about your lessons with Sunburst earlier,” she said. “Have you made much progress?”

“He says so, but I think he’s being generous. I keep discovering new things that I don’t know and it’s prolonged what should have been a short lesson significantly! And I still don’t see the end of it approaching!”

“What’s the lesson about?”

“Everyday life in pony society, for the lack of a better term. You know, manners, and ponies’ habits, and phrases and nuances of spoken words in everyday conversations, and the core values that are reflected in everyday life, that sort of thing. Stuff I would have learned in the hive if I’d paid attention and completed my infiltration training instead of having all the drill instructors give up trying to teach me.”

She frowned a little as if confused.

“So you struggled with learning it before, but not now?”

“Sunburst thinks it’s because of a different focus. They wanted to teach me to deceive ponies, and now I’m learning to genuinely accept your ways and live with you as I am. And I think he’s right; I have been paying much more attention to him than to my old drill instructors. Not to mention that he’s a great teacher, too! He has so much patience with me and has never refused to answer a question, not to mention that he never resorts to punishing me if I don’t get something on the first try!” I cringed at the memories of my training days as a recruit nymph. “Drill instructor Chameleon never missed a chance to write me up for disciplinary measures whenever I tried to introduce a non-hostile twist into her infiltration scenarios and drill instructor Carnage liked to trap me in a dry cocoon and have the rest of the group feed on me whenever I lost a sparring session… which was every time I had to partake in a sparring session… Being stuck in a ball of resinous slime and getting drained is not a pleasant experience…” I shuddered.

We passed by a florist’s shop. I forced the unsettling memories out of my mind, only to have them replaced by another worry: Trusty Shield had seen my flower earlier today. Was he going to report my unusual behavior? Had he reported it already? Would Shining get suspicious about the flower, mistake it for a disguised changeling perhaps, and have it investigated until it gets damaged or destroyed? I’d hate for that to happen! Was there something I could do about it?

I forced that thought aside too, and just in time, because Cadance was speaking to me again.

“I didn’t realize that changelings feed on other changelings!”

“Not usually. Ponies and similar creatures are the main source of food for us, but there have been sporadic cases of one changeling feeding on another when they were stuck in a situation without access to other food sources. The feeding I mentioned earlier is actually a form of punishment, though Chrysalis is the one who does it more often than regular drones, usually before executing a drone who has committed a transgression, which isn’t to say that she doesn’t drain drones who are expected to survive their punishment.”

“How do you know so much about this? Chrysalis’ methods of punishing her subjects, I mean.”

“The executions are public, meaning every drone not deployed to other lands is obliged to watch and could face punishment themselves for failing to show up without a very good reason, and as for the rest… it isn’t public in the same sense, but anyling who happens to be nearby is permitted to stay and watch, and I’ve been on the receiving end at least a dozen times. Probably more. I didn’t bother to keep track.”

She and a few nearby ponies cringed.

“No wonder you escaped! I hope Flurry hasn’t been listening to all this!” She turned her head around as far as it would go.

“I’d say she’s been pretty occupied with her phoenix.”

“Good,” she sighed, obviously relieved to hear that. “Anyway, you were telling me about your lessons. You said familiarizing yourself with pony way of life has taken longer than expected, but from what I’ve seen today, I think you’re getting there pretty well. Any idea what you’ll be learning next?”

“Sunburst intended to start with local geography before it turned out that my priorities were different, but I’ve already finished a book on that that he’d left with me, so I’m not sure.”

A group of ponies passed us by. One or two looked like they were about to start shouting at me, but the sight of Princess Cadance inspired them to get on their best behavior much like had been the case with the museum patrons. The whole group slowed down to a near-halt and stared at us.

I cowered under their glare, but Cadance chose to ignore them and trotted on gracefully as ever.

“I think I saw him carry more than one book to your room,” she said to me instead.

“He did. I’ve finished some and am halfway through the others.”

“Are they interesting?”

“More or less. I didn’t have many reading opportunities in the hive, unless you count reports and announcement notices, so reading anything is a thrill! And I never knew that books could exist simply for fun! There’s this one about Daring Do-”

She chuckled. “There’s a whole series of books about Daring Do, not just one! Hasn’t Sunburst told you?”

“I didn’t ask… wait, how do you know about those books?”

“Because Twilight adores them! Okay, there probably isn’t a book in existence that she doesn’t adore, but she read the first few while I was still her foalsitter and I couldn’t not know about them if I’d tried, even though I’m not as much of a fan of the genre as she is. Then there was an incident in Ponyville when she introduced Rainbow Dash to the series - I’m sure they’ll love to tell you about it - and lately, I’ve been in touch with the books again through Sunburst. I honestly wonder how he hasn’t begun to read them to Flurry yet, he’s that obsessed!”

A rustle made us turn around. One of the ponies from the group we’d passed shortly before was trying to follow us covertly and had forgotten to be careful not to brush against bushes.

“Good afternoon, miss,” Cadance addressed her. “Can we help you?”

The mare ignored the Princess and instead fixed her eyes on me.

“You can read?!” she asked.

“Yes… is there a problem?”

“Well, yes - I mean no - I mean, I thought you bugs were savages!”

“Uh…” What should I say to that? The rest of my kind could easily be described that way, whether I liked it or not, but I was the exception… at least I hoped I could consider myself one!

“Thorax isn’t a savage, young lady,” Cadance said in my defense. “He has a good heart!”

“Is that why he isn’t in prison anymore?”

“Yes. That, and because he got put there thanks to somepony overreacting.”

“Why, then, have the guards been searching for him for weeks?”

“Because we didn’t know it at the time. We let our fear of changelings blind us to the possibility that a changeling can be good, and it took a brave act of a friend to open our eyes. I only wish it could have happened sooner!”

“Huh. I don’t know if I can accept it that easily, Princess…”

“At least try,” Cadance suggested. “And if you have any questions, I’ll be happy to help you find the answers.”

The mare nodded slowly.

“Would you like to join us for a walk?” Cadance offered her.

“Oh- Well, I appreciate it, but I’m afraid my friends are waiting for me… gotta go catch up with them!”

She galloped off.

“I don’t think she’s convinced,” I muttered.

“Maybe not now,” Cadance said, “but I hope she’ll get there eventually.”

We trotted on, in silence for a couple of minutes. It wasn’t an unpleasant one; Cadance might have needed a moment to collect her thoughts, or maybe she’d assumed that I needed it. Maybe she was right. I couldn’t expect ponies to all accept me instantly like had been the case with Spike, but at least I - or we - could give them a nudge in the right direction, and they would get there in time.

Soon we were in Aragonite Street. An interesting scent drifted through the air: warm, sweet, and oddly comforting. Flurry seemed to have recognized it sooner than me, as she sat still for a moment, sniffing the air, then went flying excitedly in circles, pointing to a building up ahead.

I didn’t know what she meant until we got a little closer. It was another shop; the doors were open, and inside it, many pastries of various kinds were lined up on display. The scent seemed to be coming from there. I looked at the sign partially obscured by the open doors: Bakery.

Was Flurry hungry?

“Shall I go in there and buy something for her, Princess?” I asked.

“No, she’s supposed to have dinner in the castle, and she won’t be able to eat that if she eats now. She isn’t really hungry, she just got drawn to the smell. Foals are often like that!”

“Okay,” I shrugged.

“Come on, Flurry!” Cadance spoke a little louder to catch Flurry’s attention. “It isn’t dinner time yet! Stop tugging at the harness and come down here!”

No response. Cadance waited a moment longer, then took Flurry in her magic and placed her onto her saddle. Flurry pouted.

“Don’t give me that, missy! You know you can’t be hungry yet! Now sit here and play with your phoenix or there won’t be a bedtime story tonight!”

Flurry relented and sat still on Cadance’s back, hugging the toy and babbling to it dejectedly. A couple of nearby ponies cast a passing glance at her but said nothing. Miraculously, nopony paid any attention to me this time. Had Cadance’s scolding of Flurry been that much of a distraction? I wasn’t under the impression that she’d gone beyond what would be acceptable to ponies, and it wasn’t even worth mentioning by changeling standards! Was I missing something?

Either way, it hurt me to see little Flurry dispirited like that. All her bouncy energy had disappeared, her giggles faded away, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears! I wanted to hug her, to tell her that everything was going to be fine; after all, one missed snack wasn’t the end of the world, and plenty of delicious food was surely awaiting her in the castle! And her mother loved her dearly, even if she wasn’t openly showering her with gifts and sweets all the time!

But I couldn’t hug her; Shining Armor had forbidden it, and I was already stepping out of line by neglecting to distance myself from Flurry even if Princess Cadance had explicitly allowed me to spend an extended amount of time with the little princess! And judging by the look in Trusty Shield’s eyes, he wasn’t going to let me forget it! He must have already prepared a report of these events in his head and would relay it to Shining in due time! This would not end well for me!

“Thorax? What’s wrong?” Cadance suddenly asked.

“...wrong?”

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What happened?”

“Oh… nothing, really…”

“You know you can tell me,” she insisted gently. “I’m worried about you! You seem perfectly fine for a while and then you freak out without warning and for no obvious reason! I don’t know that much about changelings, but this kind of behavior doesn’t seem normal to me! It definitely isn’t normal in ponies!”

I remained silent for a little while and kept my gaze fixed to the ground. What was I supposed to tell her? That her every act of kindness reminded me of things I couldn’t have because there was always somepony who feared me or wanted me dead? That, as much as I appreciated her attempts to help me, I believed myself to be doomed and beyond help at times? That I didn’t deserve the love she was offering me? I’d told her that already!

“Thorax?” she said. “Why won’t you let me help you?”

I looked at her at last. She’d fixed her concerned gaze on me as if nothing else in the world existed anymore; I felt myself shrink helplessly under its genuine warmth, and my heart longed to open up and spill the pain it had endured for so long! But how could I let myself unleash that burden onto the heart so pure, so compassionate, so gloriously untainted by the dark abyss of malice that had been all I’d ever known prior to that life-changing moment when a glimpse of friendship had ignited a spark of light in the neverending darkness?

I stood there lost in my own mind, torn by the need to share my pain with somepony and the desire to spare her of it, when Flurry decided that she’d had enough of my sulking, dropped the phoenix, and flew up to me to embrace me in a hug. I recoiled as if she were a boiling ball of lava, nearly knocking her onto the ground in the process - good thing she was already flapping her wings or she’d have fallen down for sure, and goodness was I about to get in the mother of all troubles for this - and attracting a lot of attention of nearby ponies. As luck would have it, this happened exactly at the intersection of Aragonite, Aquamarine, and Amethyst Streets, almost directly in front of the post office entrance, so a plentiful crowd had gotten to witness my sudden outburst!

Fully expecting to get overwhelmed by the angry mob, and having forgotten in my panic that the Princess could protect me, I curled up on the ground into a shivering, whimpering ball of barely-suppressed urges to shapeshift into something really small and insignificant.

Not long after, when I managed to compose myself just enough to wonder why I wasn’t being beaten up yet, I heard an ‘excuse us’ spoken in a familiar regal voice and felt myself lifted in a magical aura. Princess Cadance carried me almost all the way to the intersection with Emerald Street and laid me onto a nearby bench. Trusty Shield loomed over me with a frown, and Flurry sat close to me, wearing a serious expression on her face, but this time without attempting to make physical contact.

“I appreciate your dedication to duty, Trusty Shield,” Cadance said firmly, “but would you mind giving us some space? You can follow your orders just as well from across the street!”

He obeyed.

Cadance sat on the ground in front of me, once again overwhelming me with that I’m-here-for-you-and-nothing-else-matters gaze and the aura of love that backed it up entirely and indisputably. She touched my hoof and repeated her plea from a minute ago.

“Thorax, you can’t go on like this! Please tell me what’s wrong!”

Was this the motherly love I’d heard ponies talk about? They’d made it sound like one of the strongest, purest, most powerful forces imaginable; the Ultimate Love, so to speak! And I was receiving it from the one pony I’d been led to believe would never do such a thing to a sworn enemy of her kind! But if she’d found it in herself to offer me that much love and kindness - to me, and I was no one to her - how much more was she capable of giving to her friends and family, the ponies she’d have every reason to care about?

“Thorax?” she whispered as if wondering if I was ever going to say anything at all.

Flurry reached out with her hoof hesitantly. Was she trying to find a way to comfort me without sending me into another fit of panic?

“Shining Armor is going to kill me,” I blurted out.

“Why?”

The question had come from an unknown voice and an unexpected direction, snapping me out of my freaked-out trance into a state somewhat alert, just about enough to percieve my surroundings again. Some of the ponies I’d seen around the post office had gathered up around us, but not so close as to overwhelm us.

“Because my husband still doesn’t believe that good changelings exist,” Cadance answered the mare, “and has been overdoing his duty of protecting the Empire by putting ridiculous and unnecessary restrictions on Thorax, one of which is to avoid Flurry.”

“No offense, Princess,” a stallion spoke, “but how can you be sure that the Prince is overreacting? How do you know that this… this thing just isn’t that good at deception?”

“I wasn’t at first, in fact I thought for sure that Thorax was an enemy. But something Spike said and did made me think, and I realized I could sense some love coming from Thorax. It didn’t feel like stolen love in his reserves, and anyway he’d claimed to have starved himself to near-death, which could have been a lie at first glance, but when I really focused on it, I realized he was generating that love! I’d never seen a changeling do that before! So I asked myself, how could an evil being generate love practically indistinguishable from our own? We had to have been wrong about him! Even if he was mostly evil, that ability to generate love convinced me that he could be redeemed, and in all the time he’s been here, I haven’t seen him do one thing that might be considered evil!”

Silence fell onto the crowd as they pondered this confession. I was just as dumbfounded; I could create love?! Just like that? And I’d been unknowingly doing it all along? Was that why all the other drones had found so much pleasure in pestering me? Because I was actual food to them, not just some random, deluded wimp?

Could they be taught to do the same? Would it solve the problem of permanent hunger that plagued our kind? Would it at least make them less repulsive to ponies so they could get willingly-shared love rather than having to steal it?

Would Chrysalis allow it?

“So,” a colt asked, “he isn’t going to eat us?”

“We can stop being afraid of him?” a filly and a colt added in unison.

“But why would Prince Shining kill you?” another mare asked.

“...because I came in contact with Flurry.” I shrugged. “Okay, she might have been the one to initiate it, but I don’t think Shining would care much about that detail. I’m not even supposed to come near her.”

“I dunno, sounds like a wise precaution,” a stallion muttered.

“Archer!” a mare shushed him.

“I’m just saying!” Archer protested.

“I think you’ve got nothing to worry about, Thorax,” Cadance said. “You might have broken the restrictions regarding Flurry, but you did so on my demand, and you’ve got plenty of ponies who saw you being friendly to her, to them, and to me. You even bought Flurry a gift!”

“Oh, right!” A mare slapped herself, then approached Flurry with the phoenix she’d dropped earlier. “I almost forgot! Here you go, Princess Flurry!”

She accepted the toy with a salvo of excited giggles.

“You really mean it, Princess?” I asked. “These ponies would… come to my defense if Shining tried to punish me?”

“Some of them would, at least,” she nodded. “The others just need a little more time, I’m sure, but they’ll get there eventually!”

Most of them nodded to her words. A few remained silent, but nopony voiced any complaints!

“Well then,” she said. “I think it’ll be dinner time soon. We should return to the castle!”

I got up and followed her. Flurry flew above us with her phoenix, and Trusty Shield tagged along quietly at a distance. We made a turn into Emerald Street. The statue of Spike the Brave and Glorious stood proudly in the distance ahead of us, and a little beyond, the Crystal Castle shimmered in the setting sun.

“Princess?” I asked eventually. “This was your plan, wasn’t it? To get me to interact with ponies and be there to intervene if something went wrong?”

“The most obvious solution to a problem is often the best one,” she replied, “even if it takes several failed attempts to get there. It wasn’t that hard; all I needed was to put you in a situation where you could meet friendly ponies and to make sure they don’t get drowned out by the not-so-friendly ones. You did the rest!”

“And the plushie? Was that planned too?”

“Not specifically, but I might have been careful to pick a route on which Flurry would have something to get interested in that I could then use to create a friendly situation for the ponies to witness.” She smiled. “Besides, you looked like you needed such a thing yourself!”

“Then these bits aren’t really mine,” I said, reaching for the pouch of coins, then offered it back to her. “Though I appreciate what you did!”

“Oh, no, they are yours!” She pushed my hoof away. “I meant it then and I mean it now! You’re going to need money sooner or later anyway!”

“If you insist…” I put the pouch on my back again. “And thank you for spending the afternoon with me and helping me. I enjoyed it greatly, even with the chaos I caused!”

“And I enjoyed spending time with you,” she said. “I’d like to do it again sometime! Though, it’d be even better if I could get Shining to join us without gritting his teeth at you…”

It was hard to imagine him being friendly with me, and I didn’t know if we’d have anything in common to keep a conversation going, but I couldn’t deny that such a scenario would indeed be wonderful!

Close to Spike’s statue, Flurry got tired of flying and landed on my back. I flinched and cast a panicked look at Cadance - what if Shining saw me carrying his daughter around? - but she simply nodded. She was okay with letting me carry Flurry and would tell Shining that if he were to protest! I could relax and enjoy the rest of the evening, knowing that everything would turn out fine!

We continued walking to the castle.

A Sliver of Light

Cadance decided to take Flurry straight to dinner and I went back to my room. Trusty Shield followed, still without a word. I glanced at him a couple of times, wondering why he hadn’t made any comments on the things I’d done during the walk with Cadance, and he should have had plenty to say if I knew him at all, but he was lost in thought, not bothering to pay attention to his surroundings, and especially making an effort to avoid noticing me.

“Trusty?” I asked eventually. “Is something on your mind?”

“What’s it to you?” he said, barely bothering to look at me.

“You look like something’s troubling you, and I thought… maybe… I could-”

“Help?” he snapped at me, but with less than his usual vigor. “Is that what you were going to say?”

“...yes?”

“Forget it! I don’t want your help! Who’d ever want help from a changeling?”

“Sorry I asked,” I muttered. We were approaching my room by then, and I hurried to the door and went inside. “Well, good night, I guess.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Hey, if you change your mind-”

He slammed the door in my face.

I remained standing there for a minute, wondering why he was acting like that. Had I offended him? Said something I shouldn’t have? Done something I shouldn’t have? But if that was the case, why hadn’t he told me? He’d never hesitated before! Well, not while we were alone, anyway; but we had been alone now, so why hadn’t he spoken his mind as usual?

Could Cadance’s plan have worked on him too?

As attractive as that possibility was, I didn’t want to put too much hope in it, lest I get disappointed later. But it was a possibility nevertheless, and I didn’t want to dismiss it, either! Cadance’s words and actions had apparently worked on some of the ponies; was it that hard to believe that they might have, if not convinced Trusty, but at least made him question his stance on me and allowed him to see me in a new light? If that was really the cause of his change in behavior, it looked like he was going to need some time to sort it out with himself, and I wanted to help him… but he’d said he didn’t want my help, so maybe I’d do better to give him some space instead of trying to push him faster than he could go.

I didn’t have anything else to do, and it was still a little early to go to bed, so I grabbed one of Sunburst’s books at random, found the page where I’d stopped reading, and continued from there.

I didn’t get far. After only a couple of pages, my door opened, Shining Armor marched in with a lit-up horn - I’d been right in assuming that he wouldn’t bother to knock first - and dropped something onto my table.

“You got mail,” he said in a voice that suggested an ‘I’ll-strangle-you’ continuation of his sentence.

“Uh, thanks?” I forced a feeble smile.

“I heard about your little stroll,” he continued, now openly scowling.

Uh-oh. Should I have bought myself a shield while out there? I gulped.

“Look. I’ll forgive it this time because Cadance insisted on taking Flurry with her, but this is going to be the only exception!” He poked me in the chest. “So don’t get it in your head that you can run around as you please just because you did once! Flurry is off-limits, understand?”

“Yes,” I squeaked.

“And what will I do to you if you disregard that?”

“I’m guessing it’ll involve a locked room and a lot of pain…”

“Good. I see we understand each other.”

He marched out, and I noticed that Sunburst was standing at the door. How long had he been there?

“May I come in?” he asked.

“Sure, why wouldn’t you?”

He closed the door behind himself and lit up a torch on the wall.

“I heard you had quite an afternoon. Why didn’t you come to me after the first round? Or better yet, why didn’t you cut it short as soon as things started going bad and came to me? I would have gladly come along!”

“It… didn’t occur to me. And I guess I didn’t want to bother you after everything you did, not to mention disappoint you.”

“You wouldn’t have disappointed me! I should have taken into account that they might not have responded to you well even before you got to show them that you’re friendly!” He put a hoof on my shoulder. “You could have at least come to me after the fact, you know. I wasn’t doing anything that couldn’t wait.”

“I intended to, but needed some time to pull myself together first, and then Cadance showed up.”

“I see. Well, according to what she told us at dinner, at least things went better with her at your side.” He looked at the door. “Regardless of what Shining thinks about it.”

“Was he very furious with Cadance when she told him? Please tell me he didn’t do anything bad to her!”

“Relax, he’d never do that! He just told her he didn’t think it was a good idea… and they might have argued a little… but it didn’t escalate into anything like that last time, not even close!”

“You’re not hiding things from me to spare me the grief and guilt, are you?”

“What?! No! That never works out! I learned it the hard way!”

“You did?”

“It was at Flurry’s crystalling. She’d accidentally broken the Crystal Heart as you know, but what I haven’t told you is that Starlight and I could have ended the resulting chaos much sooner if we hadn’t wasted time, me by pretending that I was any good at casting spells, and her by trying to avoid telling me that she’d messed with the timeline for petty revenge!”

“For what it’s worth, that ‘wasted time’ might have saved me. If you’d repaired the Crystal Heart sooner, I might have arrived to the Empire after the chaos was over and recognized Cadance and Shining, and the worst of the storm might not have been so strong that I’d think I couldn’t leave, and I would have gotten out of here and tried to go somewhere else. Who knows what would have happened to me then! I might have starved to death, or gotten captured or killed…”

“Well, they do say that something good can come out of every bad situation,” he shrugged. “I’m sure the original meaning was that one gains experience from failures, but sometimes one can gain a friend, too. Speaking of friends, I think you’ve got a letter to read. I’ll give you some privacy! See you in the morning!”

When he left, I sat at the table and examined the envelope. It was plain, addressed simply ‘Thorax, Crystal Castle, 10110 Crystal Empire’, and upon closer inspection, I noticed the word ‘Ponyville’ and yesterday’s date written over the stamp. One of my friends had sent me a letter!

I tore the envelope open with a fang tip and pulled out a sheet of paper. When I unfolded it, the signature caught my eye right away, and even without it, I should have known who had sent the letter!

It read:

Dear Thorax,

Please accept my apologies for making you wait this long before receiving my letter. Actually, I hope you will receive it at all… but I digress. I should probably explain why it got delayed.

You see, Twilight and I found out that we had to make an unplanned journey to Yakyakistan with the other girls immediately after returning from the Crystal Empire. I wanted to write to you from there, but things were kinda busy and by the time I got to finally sit down and have some time to myself, I sneezed into all the spare paper we’d brought and burned it! Embarrassing, right? I’m not normally that klutzy! Then I had a major freakout and turned the whole yurt upside-down looking for more paper (I knew it was all used up by then but still hoped to find an overlooked one) and Twilight had to intervene… long story short, she convinced me that you were probably busy enough making more friends and wouldn’t feel left out if you didn’t get my letter so quickly, or that a letter from you might be waiting for me in Ponyville. Imagine our surprise when we instead found a letter from Shining telling us about what you told him during that interrogation, and a separate letter from Cadance begging us to not turn our backs on you!

The revelation caught us off guard, but despite being tired from the journey, Twilight rounded up the rest of the girls in the castle right away to discuss the news, and we all agreed pretty quick that one, we probably didn’t know the whole story at this point, and two, it didn’t matter because none of us blame you for what you did to that mare. I’ll make myself very clear: it wasn’t your fault, and I don’t care what Shining says about it! None of us do! In fact, the only reason why we didn’t rush back to the Empire right away to get you out of jail is because Cadance promised in her letter that she’d handle it herself! I sincerely hope you’ll be free again soon if you’re not already, but if you’re still locked up and manage to get this letter, I swear to you that we’ll get you out of there if it’s the last thing we’ll do!

Hang in there, buddy! We haven’t forgotten you!

Your friend,

Spike

P.S. I see Twilight is writing a letter to Cadance too, so if this doesn’t reach you, at least she might be able to send our regards.

I read the letter again. This time it was a little harder; my hooves were shaky and my vision blurred with tears pouring from my eyes. I didn’t mind them; they were good tears, tears of joy and relief, the best kind of tears I could imagine! I didn’t have to be ashamed of crying this time!

I got hung up on a line near the end of the letter. Hang in there, buddy, it said. We haven’t forgotten you!

We haven’t forgotten you…

Buddy… another word for ‘friend’...

Oh, Spike, how could I ever have doubted you? How could I have thought that you’d abandon me when I needed you most? Of course you understood! I pressed the letter onto my chest and smiled.

Another surprise came at that moment: I sensed love within the letter! It must have seeped from Spike as he was writing it! Why hadn’t I noticed it before? Had I been so overwhelmed with the written words that I’d ignored the indisputable proof of their truthfulness that permeated the paper they were written on?

I knew then what I had to do. I would have done it regardless, but now I realized it couldn’t wait! I had to write back to Spike right away, tell him I was alright and ease his worries!

I opened the table drawer. Save for the scroll with addresses Spike had given me, it was empty: no writing paper, no quills, no ink, nothing! Were they somewhere else? I looked in the cupboard; nothing there either. I checked Sunburst’s stack of books, looked in the cupboard and the table drawer again, glanced around the room as if paper and quills would suddenly pop into existence at a most unlikely spot… it was futile! How was I supposed to write a letter to Spike if I didn’t have anything to write it with?

My gaze fell onto the pouch of bits Cadance had given me. I could use that to buy what I needed; I was pretty sure I still had enough money! But where would I buy it? Spike hadn’t shown me, but maybe Sunburst would know? Oh, but what was the point? The shop would probably be closed by the time I got there if it wasn’t already! Or would it?

Sunburst would know that too!

I stormed out of my room as if my life depended on it, only to come to a halt in the middle of the hallway. I didn’t know where Sunburst’s room was! Did he even have a room in the castle, or did he spend the nights in his house?

“Where are you going now?” Trusty Shield yelled after me.

I turned to him, realizing I could find the answer more easily than I’d expected… if Trusty would cooperate that much, that is.

“Do you know where I can find Sunburst by any chance?” I asked.

“Can’t it wait until morning?”

“Pleeeeeeeaaaaaase?”

“...ugh, fine. This way.”

He led me one floor above and to a door that must have been almost directly above mine, maybe one or two doors closer to the stairwell than mine was.

“Try here,” he said. “Best guess, he’d be either here or in the castle library at this hour. I wouldn’t exclude the astronomy gallery, either, but it’s probably a little early in the night for that.”

I knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” Sunburst asked from inside.

“Thorax.”

I heard hoofsteps and then the door opened in Sunburst’s magic.

“Do you know where I can find some paper to write on?”

“Now?”

“That letter was from Spike. He found out from Shining and Cadance that I got locked up and he’s worried! They’re all worried! I have to send him a letter right away, let him know I’m fine!”

“Whoa, slow down… you do realize the post office is closed for the night, don’t you?”

“...oh.” I considered this. “But if I can write the letter now, I’ll be able to send it first thing in the morning, and he’ll get it as soon as possible-”

“-except that it won’t get on its way right away unless it’s labelled as urgent, which costs significantly more than a normal letter, and all the letters to places beyond the Crystal Empire’s borders get underway every evening anyway, so Spike won’t have to wait much longer than he would if you send a priority letter. Besides, he knows how long it takes for a letter to travel to its destination, and isn’t expecting a reply yet. Getting an urgent letter from you would probably only freak him out.”

“You’re right, I guess,” I sighed. “I should have written to him days ago, then he wouldn’t have to worry! Why didn’t I write to him?”

“Wow, this is really getting to you.”

“Is it that obvious?”

He nodded. “Tell you what, Thorax. I have plenty of writing paper and ink. Why don’t you use some of that, and then you’ll have a finished letter to take to the post office first thing in the morning. Would that help?”

“You have no idea!” I hugged him. “I’ll try not to use too much, I promise! I hope I’m not intruding?”

“No, I wasn’t planning to go to bed yet. New book,” he smiled sheepishly.

He gave me a stack of paper, a quill and some ink, and an envelope, then sat on the couch with a large and impressive-looking book. I sat down at the table and began writing.

Dear Spike,

First of all, let me ease your worries by telling you that I’m fine. Cadance got me out of jail the very next morning, and has somehow managed to convince Shining Armor to refrain from locking me up again for the same thing. Second, thank you so much for not giving up on me when you learned what I’d done! I still haven’t forgiven myself for it, and probably never will, but knowing that you and the girls understand and won’t shun me means so much more than you realize! I wish you were here so I could hug you to pieces for it!

As for Princess Twilight and her assumption that I was too busy making friends to think about you, I’m afraid it isn’t going as easily as I was hoping it would. Most ponies are still afraid of me and I haven’t had much luck in approaching them. Sunburst thinks that it’s partly due to the way Shining treats me (first by throwing me in jail, and then assigning guards to follow me wherever I go and other things that followed a certain oatmeal incident), but he and Cadance have been helping me overcome those difficulties, and though it’s still a little early to know if they’ll succeed in the long run, I’ve already seen a bit of progress. Not much, but it’s still something.

Anyway, how was Yakyakistan? Sunburst’s book says it’s relatively close to the Crystal Empire - if I’d known you’d be in the neighborhood, I would have invited you to drop by! Assuming I could get permission from Cadance and Shining Armor to invite you, that is. I’m trying to avoid putting too many demands on them. Speaking of which, any idea when you’ll be visiting the Crystal Empire again? I’d love to see you again soon! I’m not sure if they’d let me travel to Ponyville, though.

Sorry if this was jumbled and hard to understand. I’ve never written a letter before, and yours has gotten me so excited that I just had to write back to you immediately and I haven’t really thought about what to write and how to make it presentable; I just started writing and kind of assumed it would make sense. And sorry for not writing to you sooner! I wanted to, but with everything going on, I was kind of just struggling to last through one day at a time, not to mention that Shining’s interrogation had opened up some unhealed wounds and I wasn’t sure you’d want to have anything to do with me when you found out. But you understood (thanks again for it!) so I’m ready and willing to make up for that delay!

Oh, and how are the girls? Tell them I said hi!

Write back soon!

Your friend,

Thorax

I folded the paper and started to put it in the envelope, but then remembered I was missing something.

“Oh, eggshells!” I slapped my forehead. “I forgot the address!”

“Didn’t I give you that scroll?” Sunburst asked from his couch.

“You did, but I was so worked up today that I forgot to check Spike’s address. Mind if I go and fetch it?”

“Sure.”

I got up and went back to my room. Trusty Shield followed without a word and waited until I grabbed the scroll, then we returned to Sunburst’s room. His door opened before I could knock again.

“How did you know we were back?” I asked.

“Hoofsteps. There aren’t that many ponies galloping about at this hour, especially ones wearing armor horseshoes, plus I had a pretty good idea of how soon to expect you back.”

“Oh. Right.” Come to think of it, wasn’t that logic taught as part of sentry duty basics in the hive? Good thing Pharynx wasn’t here to witness me forget that!

I sat back at the table and unrolled the scroll. Okay, let’s see…

Spike’s address was the first on the list:

Spike the Dragon, Castle of Friendship, 43280 Ponyville, Equestria

I copied it onto the envelope as I’d seen it done on Spike’s letter.

“Um, Sunburst? Do you have any stamps?”

“You’ll buy them in the post office tomorrow.”

“Okay then, I guess I’m done. Thanks for letting me do this! I’ll make it up to you!”

“Don’t sweat it, paper is cheap,” he winked. “Glad to be of help!”

“I’ll leave you alone now. See you in the morning?”

“You bet! Good night, Thorax!”

“Good night!”

I woke up to the sound of banging. At first I wasn’t sure what was going on or where I was - it almost felt like being jerked from one disjointed dream to another - and it took me a moment of surveying my surroundings to realize that I was, in fact, in my bed, and that no immediate threats lay in wait. Soon I finally recognized the banging for what it was: somepony was knocking on my door. Sunburst? Probably; I wasn’t getting many other visitors. But it felt a little early for our daily lessons! Had I overslept? Or had something happened?

Was I in trouble for something after all?

“Who is it?” I asked cautiously.

“Crystal Berry,” a vaguely-familiar voice answered.

The name didn’t ring any bells, but then again, I might have come across her without a chance for a proper introduction. What could she want at this time of day, though?

I got up and opened the door. The mare on the other side was smiling nervously, and I recognized her right away: she was the servant from the dining room that I’d met just before the oatmeal incident! I’d assumed that Berry was her full name, not an abbreviation! But I hadn’t seen her for days, not even in passing; what could she want now?

“Good morning,” she said. “I don’t know if you expected a wake-up call, but Sunburst mentioned at breakfast that you forgot this-”

She reached for something on her back; it was my letter to Spike and the scroll with the Ponyville addresses! How could I have left them behind?!

“-and that you were planning a trip to the post office,” she continued. “So I offered to bring it to you while he eats.”

“Thanks. Isn’t he coming here later?”

“He is, but since this seems important to you, he’s decided to wait until you’re back before you start today’s lessons.” She fumbled with her hoof. “And… I wanted to apologize to you.”

“For what?”

“For that time when you followed me into the kitchen and tried to apologize for everything that was basically nothing. I acted as if you were an idiot, and honestly, I thought you were one, and I found you annoying more than anything. But Sunburst’s been talking about you ever since, and now I know that you weren’t an annoying idiot; you were confused and unprepared for living among ponies and stressed out by everything that had happened to you, and your over-apologizing was simply an attempt to leave a good impression! And the way I reacted, I must have freaked you out even more!”

“It’s alright,” I assured her. “I didn’t take offense. I figured I must have acted awkwardly but that was the best I could think of.”

“Whew, I’m glad to hear that! Friends?” She offered a hoof.

“Friends.” I accepted the hoof-bump.

“Uh, I’d love to chat some more,” she said, “but I have to return to the kitchen! See you later!”

She cantered off. I put the address scroll back in the table drawer, checked my letter again, and went out. Paladin was standing at the door.

“Good morning,” I said to him. “As you’ve probably overheard, I’m headed for the post office.”

“Sure thing!”

We didn’t talk much during the walk there, and though he was armed and armored up just like Trusty Shield, I could tell from the bounce in his steps and from his relaxed posture that he was in a better mood than I’d ever seen Trusty in, and he wasn’t scowling at all. In fact, his aura of love was bright and warm, suggestive that he was looking forward to something! I didn’t want to go as far as assuming that he enjoyed my company, but whatever he was happy about was way better than Trusty’s incurable sour attitude!

Soon enough we reached the post office.

“Do you know how post offices work?” he asked me.

“Spike and Sunburst explained the basics. I’ve never actually been in one, but I figured I’d either find a worker and say that I want to send a letter, or observe what the ponies do and attempt a similar approach.”

“Good, that’ll do. I’ll wait here if you don’t mind.”

I went in. Three booths were lined up against the far wall, and a couple of tables were placed along the side walls. One pony was writing something at one of the tables, and another one was standing at the middle booth, discussing something with the postmare. I decided I wasn’t likely to learn anything useful with so few ponies to observe, and I’d probably look awkward attempting it.

I approached one of the remaining booths.

“Good morning,” the postmare said, eyeing me curiously.

“Good morning,” I replied and passed her the letter. “Uh, I’d like to send this, please.”

She stared at me for a second. Had I said something wrong? Done something wrong? I bit my lip.

Eventually she took the letter, weighed it, then reached for a notebook and wrote something in it, glancing at me every so often.

I glanced at the other booth, suddenly nervous about the whole thing. Was I about to get in trouble? Should I have asked Paladin to come inside with me? I wished I had! But soon I realized that the mailmare in the other booth was doing pretty much the same things as the one in mine, so that was probably routine procedure after all. But why couldn’t she take her eyes off me for longer than two seconds?

Thorax, you’re an idiot, I told myself when I remembered that I was undisguised! The mailmare had simply never dealt with a changeling before! Should I have disguised myself for her convenience? But if I had, wouldn’t it have been weird if a pony turned out to be clueless about how to use a post office? That could have gone even worse if they got the idea that I was up to something!

“Regular or priority?” the mare asked.

“Huh?”

“I said, do you want to send this through regular mail or as a priority letter?” she repeated slowly, then muttered to herself, “How did these things nearly overtake Canterlot if they’re this stupid?”

“Regular,” I said, “and they nearly overtook Canterlot by being better trained in combat than I am, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t require knowledge of how to send mail.”

She flinched a little. Had I crossed the line?

“Ahem. Two bits, please.”

I passed her the money.

“Thank you, erm… mister. Goodbye!” The tone of her voice suggested: get out of here before I call that guard outside to drag you away!

I left the post office, glad to be done there for the time being. I hoped I’d get somepony with a better attitude next time! Either that or to remember to disguise myself to get better treatment, even if I’d prefer to get them to treat me well regardless of disguise.

Paladin was right where I’d left him.

“Done so quickly?” he asked.

“Yeah, there weren’t many ponies inside.”

He nodded. “Where to next? The castle?”

I almost said yes, but then I remembered I had a bit of shopping to do.

“Actually, do you know where I can buy some paper and ink for the next time I have letters to write?”

“There’s a bookstore and stationery shop in Quartz Street. Wanna go there now?”

“Quartz Street sounds a bit far. I wouldn’t want to keep Sunburst waiting for me too long!”

“Hey, I’m sure he won’t mind! You’re his friend! Besides, it isn’t that far.”

“If you say so,” I shrugged. “Lead the way, I guess.”

We trotted in silence at first. I used this opportunity to observe the passing ponies. Some still scowled and grumbled at the sight of me, but their disapproval was now subdued, and there were more ponies whose eyes avoided mine. A few stared openly but without unfriendly gestures, though none attempted to approach me. Well, at least I wasn’t getting yelled at or having things thrown at me! A dismal improvement since yesterday, maybe, but an improvement nevertheless; had my walk with Cadance done that? Her plan couldn’t have worked that quickly, could it?

And what was Paladin so happy about?

“Is something troubling you?” he asked halfway through Topaz Street.

“Just thinking about things,” I said.

“For example?”

He seemed genuinely interested so I told him. He listened without interrupting.

“I’m happy because I’m finally getting the chance to get to know you,” he explained. “I’ve been interested ever since Princess Cadance granted you citizenship. Spike made you sound like a real nice guy, and Princess Twilight approved of you, and I trust their judgment. I got into guarding you by pure chance, and didn’t mind, but I wasn’t expecting you to shut yourself in your room for a full week. I wanted to come in and chat a few times but wasn’t sure if you’d want me around, especially with how Trusty Shield’s been treating you. So I waited.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be tough with me?”

“Captain Shining wants us to, and Trusty’s obeying that wholeheartedly - he’s always been overly eager to please his superiors, you know - but unless I see you actually harming anypony, I prefer to be friendly and respectful.”

“And I appreciate it! But won’t it get you in trouble?”

“Don’t quote me if I get court-martialed,” he whispered, “but Shining can stick that attitude of his in a certain something. I get it that he wants to protect Flurry, but he doesn’t even realize what he’s actually doing!”

I chuckled.

“I mean,” he continued, “isn’t it obvious? You noticed that ponies aren’t acting nearly as hostile in your presence as they were before Princess Cadance demonstrated her friendliness with you yesterday in front of half the city!”

“What does that have to do with Shining?”

“It has everything to do with him! Ponies were somewhat suspicious about you but willing to give you a chance immediately after Cadance’s announcement of your legal presence in the Empire, and Shining ruined that by marching you to prison in chains! As soon as rumors spread through the city, their suspicions about you returned, and it didn’t help that a few guards told their civilian friends exactly why you got locked up, and it all snowballed from there! They needed to see Cadance being on friendly terms with you in order to pull themselves together!”

“How do you know all this? Did you question them?”

“My wife told me. She’s a reporter for Crystal Empire Times; it’s her job to know what goes on around here.”

“She talked to ponies about me?”

“Yes, and wrote a few articles about you. I think there’ll be one today or tomorrow too. Wanna read them?”

“Maybe later.” An idea struck me. “Is Crystal Empire Times sold in any cities in Equestria proper? Or just here?”

“There are a few news stands in Canterlot, Manehattan, and Vanhoover that sell it, plus tourists can buy it here and take it home. Why?”

“Chrysalis has infiltrators throughout Equestria,” I said. “I don’t know who and where exactly, I don’t even know how many, but I can bet all three of the cities you mentioned would have at least a few infiltrators. What if any of them reads an article about me and inform Chrysalis where I am?”

He considered this.

“Fair point,” he admitted. “But wouldn’t she have infiltrators here too?”

“I’m pretty sure they would have already found a way to capture me if that were the case.”

“Maybe, maybe not. So I’m guessing you’d prefer not to appear in newspapers anymore?”

“Absolutely! I don’t suppose you can do anything about it?”

“I can talk to my wife. She likes you and will understand, and I’m sure she can explain it to her boss in a way that he’ll understand too.”

“Thanks, Paladin! I owe you!”

“Don’t mention it,” he winked. “Anyway, we’re here.”

The bookshop was a building located a little past the intersection with Malachite Street and a little larger than the surrounding houses, and I could see through the window that it was already pretty busy. I must have looked nervous, as Paladin touched my shoulder.

“Want me to come in with you?”

“Um... yes, I’d appreciate that.”

We got in, and an employee at the cash register took immediate notice of Paladin.

“No weapons allowed in the shop, Sir,” she said flatly but firmly. “I’m afraid we can’t make exceptions for Royal Guards unless a crime is in progress.”

“Okay. Excuse me,” Paladin said and levitated his spear outside. “Will that do?”

“Yes. You may enter now.”

“The same thing happened yesterday in the toy shop,” I said, “but Trusty refused to leave his spear unattended and went outside. Aren’t you worried something might happen to it?”

“Don’t you see my horn is glowing? I’ve put up a shield around it. Nopony can take it without my knowledge!”

“What if they try to break the shield?”

“Then I’ll be out of the shop before they get there.”

“What if something more powerful tries to get to it? Something strong enough to break your shield before you can react?”

He chuckled. “Thorax, if anything that powerful drops by, we’ll have bigger problems than a loose spear in the streets, and anyway, such a threatening creature wouldn’t need any spears to wreak plenty of havoc!”

“I guess you’re right. So, where are writing supplies around here?”

“In the rear section.” He pointed the way.

Sure enough, the shelves there were packed with notebooks of many colors and sizes, and with scrolls, and pencils and quills, and bottles of ink, and some wrapped-up packages that I completely ignored until Paladin offered me one.

“What’s this?” I asked, confused.

“A package of writing paper. Haven’t you ever seen one?”

“No, I… gee, I was expecting that they were sold as individual sheets!” I facehoofed and laughed. “This makes much more sense!”

“Well, you can’t be blamed for not knowing something that’s new to you. I take it you’ll need envelopes, too?”

“Yes… wait, can I afford it all?”

“Unless you’re down to your last twenty bits of something like that, yes, you can.”

I reached for my pouch and checked. I still couldn’t count all the bits at a glance, but it looked like plenty more than twenty bits.

“Looks like I can. Wow, I should really count that money when I get back to the castle.”

“You haven’t already?”

“No… I guess I didn’t expect to be spending them very often.”

“And yet, you’ve spent some in two different places already and are about to add a third one to the list.”

“Only proves how pitifully little I know about living among ponies!”

“Hey, you’ll get there. I’d probably be just as lost if I tried to live in the changeling hive!”

“‘Lost’ doesn’t even begin to describe it, and in more ways than one! Let’s see; I’ll also need a quill and some ink… maybe a pencil, too, for when trying to control the wobbly quill gets too tiring…”

“You write with your mouth?”

“Yes. You’ll laugh, but I never figured out how to levitate things properly. Either that or my magic isn’t strong enough. I could try shapeshifting into something with claws, but wouldn’t I smear the ink that way?”

“Maybe at first, but it isn’t something you can’t overcome with practice.” He looked at the shelves, then levitated some kind of short stick with a metallic tip on one end. “Hey, I think this would solve your problem!”

“What’s that?”

“It’s called a stylus. It’s basically a quill that doesn’t wobble. Ponies mostly use it for precise drawing, but I’ve seen non-unicorns use it in place of a quill, too.”

“Hmmm.” I took it in my hooves and looked it over. “Yes, that does look promising. So if I buy one of these, I won’t need any quills or pencils?”

“Not for writing letters, but you might want to buy a pencil anyway for when you just need to write a note for yourself. They may not be as fancy as quills, but they’re cheaper than ink and easy to use.”

“Okay, so we have paper, envelopes, a bottle of ink, a stylus, and a pencil. Do I need anything else?”

He shrugged. “Probably not right away, but we can always come back if you remember something or run out of supplies.”

We went to the cash register. This time we had to wait in line, but it wasn’t a very long one and our turn came quickly. The shopkeeper did her thing with the stuff I presented, and somehow it was quicker than the ordeal in the post office. Or was my perception distorted by expectations?

“Sixty-four bits, please,” she said in a completely uninterested tone.

I winced at this. Hadn’t Paladin mentioned twenty bits? Wait, that had been an estimate without the ink and stylus. But would I have enough money? What would happen if I didn’t? Would Paladin be forced to arrest me? And what would Cadance say?

Fighting the urge to hyperventilate, I counted the money, and let out an audible sigh of relief when I turned out to have enough to cover my expenses after all. But how much did that leave me? I really should count the leftover money at the first chance!

“Do you need a bag?” the salespony asked.

I glanced at Paladin; I hadn’t thought of that! He opened his mouth to say something, but then I got an idea.

“Hold on,” I said and morphed a saddlebag onto myself. It would do for now!

Paladin opened his eyes wide and a few nearby ponies gasped or flinched at the display of changeling magic, but the salespony didn’t even blink. Well, at least one pony wasn’t freaking out over what I might do! But then again, she looked like she wouldn’t freak out at a pack of maulwurfs about to eat her alive, so her attitude towards me didn’t really say that much.

“Thanks,” I said to her and put my newly-acquired stuff into the saddlebag. The money pouch followed them shortly. “Have a nice day!”

She simply nodded and moved on to her next customer.

Once we were out in the street again, we were greeted by the sight of Paladin’s spear still untouched in its shield bubble and a couple of colts pawing at the magic. They dashed away as soon as they saw us, and Paladin dropped the spell at last and reclaimed his weapon.

“Didn’t it tire you out to maintain that spell?” I asked him.

“No. Oh, and how do you manage to shapeshift so effortlessly but simple levitation is beyond your abilities?”

“It may be simple to you, but changeling magic works differently, I think. Shapeshifting is instinctive and we all figure it out pretty quick after transitioning from the larval stage into nymphs, but every other spell has to be taught, and I’m not the only changeling struggling with them. It usually isn’t a problem unless we’re required to pose as unicorns for long enough that ponies would expect to see us use magic at some point.”

He nodded and didn’t press the matter further.

“So, do we have any more errands to run?” he asked instead.

“No, and even if we did, I’d leave them for later. I’m getting overwhelmed already, and I still have a whole learning session with Sunburst to go through!”

“Okay then!”

We returned to the castle.

Another letter arrived for me a few days later. It said:

Dear Thorax,

You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that you’re free again! Cadance sent Twilight a detailed recount of what’s been going on and, honestly, I can’t believe you put up with it all! I hope at least the guards assigned to you are friendly? She’s assured us that she’ll keep trying to win you more freedom, and I hope it’s working! And I get it that you had more pressing matters on your mind than writing letters, but me wanting to have nothing to do with you? That’s NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, not in a million years, so stop that line of thinking RIGHT NOW! We’re friends, for Celestia’s sake! Why would I turn my back on you?

I don’t have any plans to visit the Crystal Empire soon, which isn’t to say that I won’t, but I might have something to offer instead: Applejack’s visiting her cousins in Appleloosa and is planning to stay for about a week (she left yesterday), and if you can get permission to travel there, she’ll help you sort out that apple-stealing incident like you wanted to. You still want it, don’t you? It’s fine if you don’t; Twilight, Starlight, and I won’t blame you if you’ve decided that you don’t want to risk losing what little freedom and acceptance you’ve gained in case things don’t work out in Appleloosa, or that you’d rather put it off for a later time, and I’m pretty sure the other girls would support you in whatever you decide. If you’re going, maybe you can stop by in Ponyville on the way back, too. I’m afraid you still can’t be safely undisguised in public (the same goes for Appleloosa), but rest assured, we’re working on it.

Yakyakistan was chaotic and cold, and they smashed a lot of things, and the rest was super boring, honestly. You haven’t missed anything! It was basically royal business but it still required all of us, and we were exhausted by the end, both physically and mentally. Yes, even Pinkie.

Hope to see you in a few days or at least to get your next letter soon!

Your friend,

Spike

Yes, Spike, I still wanted to sort it out! Cadance would undoubtedly let me go there, but would Shining? Convincing him was bound to be tricky! This alone kept me from galloping to the throne room to ask for permission. I still went there, only at a much slower pace and with knots in my stomach. Another discouraging factor was that I couldn’t count on the guard assigned to me to back me up. Paladin probably would have backed me up if he hadn’t had to miss his shift today to care for his son who had caught a cold or flu or something, and his last-minute replacement was by-the-book stiff and hadn’t said a single word all day, not even to introduce himself.

At least I wasn’t denied access to the throne room this time.

Much to my chagrin, Cadance and Shining both happened to be there.

“Hello, Thorax!” Cadance said. “How can we help you?”

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

“No, we’ve got a free moment.”

“What do you want?” Shining asked.

“Um. Remember what I told you about my first day in Equestria? In Appleloosa, to be more specific?”

“You got arrested under charges of apple theft. What of it?”

“I just got a letter from Ponyville. Applejack is travelling there and has offered to help me sort it out with Braeburn and the sheriff-”

“-and you thought you’d go?” Shining interrupted me. “Forget it! You’re staying here where I can keep my eye on you!”

“Haven’t you loosened up with that already, dear?” Cadance asked him. “He hasn’t done anything to warrant all that supervision!”

“Yet! He’s a changeling, Cady! Have you forgotten what they did in Canterlot? Have you forgotten how many of their infiltrators have been caught all over Equestria? They can’t be trusted, ever!”

“Thorax can! He isn’t like the others!”

“And how do you know that? They’re masters of deception! He’s probably waiting for the right moment to show his true face! In fact, this trip could be an excuse for him to get away to where he can get in contact with his accomplices and relay everything he’s learned!”

“Aren’t you getting paranoid?”

“I’m simply trying to protect you and Flurry and the Empire from an enemy invasion!”

“And I’m trying to protect an innocent changeling from suffering under prejudice!”

He turned away from her and snorted. “Innocent, my hoof,” he muttered to himself, just loud enough that I could hear him.

“Shining, dear,” Cadance said after a moment of uncomfortable silence. “Would you feel better about letting him go to Appleloosa if a guard were to accompany him?”

He was silent for a little longer, and then groaned and turned to me.

“Give me one reason why letting you go there would be a good idea!”

“Objectively or from your perspective?” Cadance interjected grimly.

I considered this and could think of only one thing to tell him that would maybe, hopefully, put his mind at ease.

“Because as much as I’m hoping to sort it out successfully, there’s still a chance that we won’t be able to sort it out and that the sheriff will send me to prison, both for the alleged apple theft and for being a changeling.”

“You intend to reveal yourself to them?!”

“Yes. That’s the only way to explain the situation: by telling them the full truth about me.”

“Oh, Thorax…” Cadance sighed. “Isn’t that too risky?”

“Maybe so, but I’ve made up my mind. I want to do this!”

“Fine,” Shining said. “You and a guard will go tomorrow and attempt to sort it out at first opportunity. If you succeed, you’ll return here by the first train you can catch. No lingering to socialize and no detours! If you get arrested, the guard will either return alone immediately or remain there to watch you until you’re transported to a proper prison, depending on whether or not Sheriff Silverstar requests your guard’s assistance. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” He poked me in the chest. “Don’t make me regret this!”

Good and Bad

When I woke up, all four ponies were still there, but the room was somehow different. It took me a moment to realize why: somepony had moved me onto the couch on the opposite end of the room from where I’d slammed into a wall. That wasn’t the only change: the ponies were holding themselves deflated, the ice-hot rage of Braeburn and sheriff’s love auras had dissolved, and I felt kind of… warmer… than before, though not with love.

I tried to raise my head, and the world started spinning painfully.

“Oooooowwwwwww…” I moaned, collapsing back into my starting position.

“Easy there, buddy,” Sentinel said, rushing closer to me. “Told you it was a bad idea!”

“Wwwhhhhh...hhhat… happ...ppppenned?” I went to rub my temple, but froze in place momentarily when a muffled clank sounded from somewhere unusually close. “Huh?”

Sentinel bit her lip and looked uncomfortably at the others.

By then, my head had somewhat loosened up with the threatening to explode, and I dared to try looking around me again. The first thing I noticed was that somepony had covered me with a blanket - that explained the warmth - and when I uncovered myself, the clank sounded again, more clearly this time, and I saw what had made the sound.

Cuffs. They’d chained me up while I was unconscious! And with my luck, the cuffs would have been magicked to blast me if I tried to shapeshift out of them! Maybe they weren’t, but I was done with experimenting for the foreseeable future.

I let my foreleg drop onto the couch and gazed despondently at the chains.

“Ahem,” the sheriff said. “My apologies for that, Thorax, but it was for my own sense of safety. If it’s any consolation, your friends tried to stop me.”

“He wasn’t having it,” Sentinel said. “But at least I managed to stop him from dragging you to jail right away with the whole town watching.”

I became aware of a couple of arrows sticking out of the doorframe.

“How long have I been out?”

“A little over an hour,” Sentinel sighed.

“Ah used that time to tell ‘em more ‘bout ya,” Applejack said. “Calmed ‘em down a bit, but Sheriff says he ain’t lettin’ ya go ‘til he hears it from y’all directly.”

I tried to sit up. The room was still spinning, but not as much as before. The blanket slid off me and I saw bandages wrapped around my trunk.

“What’s this?”

“Your carapace cracked when you hit the wall,” Braeburn said. “The wall cracked, too.”

“It did? I’m sorry,” I said, looking at the wall. Sure, there was a crack in one of the planks that made up the wall. Or were they called boards? Panels? Something else? Either way, my back hurt, and judging by what the wall looked like, it had every reason to after this much time. But if the wall was in that condition, what did my back look like? Did I even want to know?

“Not yer fault,” Applejack growled, looking daggers at her cousin.

“Will you expect me to fix it?” I asked him. “I can try, but I’m afraid I don’t have much experience-”

“Nothin’ doin’, Thorax! Braeburn can fix ‘is own house!”

“Right,” he said. “Where were we?”

“I think we were going to hear Thorax’s version of events,” the sheriff reminded him.

I obeyed. I started my tale with my reasons to leave the hive, moved on to my encounter with the buffalo and the banishment from their territory, then recounted the incident in the orchard: how I’d been left there, how I’d rushed up a tree upon hearing Braeburn’s voice, how I’d disguised myself randomly when he started to look up, how I’d failed to come up with a credible explanation for my presence before he’d accused me of stealing apples, how much I’d wished I could tell him the truth… I finished by explaining how and why I’d escaped from jail, the ‘why’ part having become obvious by this point if they’d bothered to listen at all, but I felt it had to be verbalized regardless.

“So what happened after that?” Braeburn asked. “I mean, how did you end up in the Crystal Empire of all places?”

“By pure chance. I passed through a good part of Equestria, but something always happened to force me to leave and keep looking further. I didn’t even know that the Crystal Empire existed, but when I sensed an unbelievably strong source of love, I followed it blindly, assuming there had to be something there. Imagine my surprise when I found Princess Cadance and Shining Armor and their newborn foal!”

“And it didn’t occur to you that you’d get fried if they see you?”

“It did! That and being hungry were the only two things I could think about! But by then I was too weak to leave, so… I stayed.”

“And got noticed,” Sentinel added. “Undisguised.”

“Yeah, that too. Good thing I found that cave to hide in while you were looking for me.”

“Good thing Spike found you first!”

“Spike?” the sheriff interjected. “That little dragon?”

“Yes,” Sentinel and I said in unison.

“An’ he went outta ‘is way to befriend Thorax an’ to get the ponies to stop tryin’ to kill ‘im,” Applejack added.

“Though there’s still plenty of work to be done to convince Shining Armor,” Sentinel muttered.

“Okay, that’s all great,” Braeburn asked, “but why couldn’t you have tried the same thing here after we caught you?”

“Because I was already in jail by then, or on my way to jail at the very least, and it didn’t look like you were going to treat a changeling any better than you were already treating a confused pony who may or may not have been a thief. Also, it was still my first day in Equestria. I still hoped things would turn out better if I tried again elsewhere. I still thought I might find a friend who wouldn’t be afraid of me.”

“You met Little Strongheart. Doesn’t she fit the description?”

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, and before Braeburn had the time to ask the visitor to drop by later, the door opened and none other than Little Strongheart trotted in.

“Hi, Braeburn,” she said. “I was wondering if- What’s going on?” She looked around the room. “Thorax?! What are you doing here? And why are you in chains?”

“Long story,” I shrugged. Or maybe it wasn’t. How much did she know?

“He’s that guy who tried to steal my apples,” Braeburn told her.

“I thought it might have been you,” she nodded. “But that was ages ago! Why-”

“Hold on, you thought it was him?! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because the only proof I had was that the location and timing were suggestive! And he didn’t strike me as a type to steal stuff, not that I knew him long enough to be sure! But from what I did see of him, he seemed like a decent enough guy, so why make things harder for him by telling you I’d met a changeling and triggering mass panic in the whole village that might have spread throughout Equestria in no time? It was bad enough that my father banished him from our territory!”

“Y’all took pity on ‘im,” Applejack summed it up.

“Sort of. Besides, I’d never met a changeling before and didn’t know what to think. I didn’t want to make the same mistake we all made with this orchard.”

“If only more people would bother to think before acting on their impulses…” Sentinel muttered.

“But what are you still doing here?” Little Strongheart asked me. “I thought you would have gone away long ago!”

“I did. I live in the Crystal Empire now. But I came back to sort out the apple theft charges. I felt like I owed it to Braeburn all along, but didn’t dare to come back sooner lest I get thrown in prison without anypony bothering to listen to what I had to say.”

“I take it somepony listened? Somepony in the Crystal Empire?”

“Yes. Spike did, in one of his visits there. I understand you’ve met him?”

“I did. He’s a good guy.”

“He’s more than good! He convinced Princesses Cadance and Twilight that they didn’t have to fear me! I have him to thank for the home and the friends I have today!”

“Yes, you did say you were looking for friends when I first met you. I’m glad that worked out, even if you had to look further than my village!”

“You might be the only one. I don’t seem to be very liked in this part of the world,” I sighed. “Not that I didn’t anticipate the possibility of getting arrested again.”

“It must have taken a lot of courage to try! I’m not sure if I could have done it!”

“I don’t know if I’d call it courage. More like… a sense of duty and a desire to do the right thing, sort of. And a lot of freaking out!”

Sentinel burst into laughter. “Freaking out is an understatement! But Little Strongheart is right, Thorax: it takes a brave heart to do what you did today, even if you freak out in the process.”

“Thanks, everyone. I wish I could hug you and stay with you!” I sighed and looked at my chains. “Do you think they’ll at least allow me to send you letters from prison?”

“About that,” Sentinel spoke. “Sheriff, aren’t you convinced yet that we can drop the charges for apple theft?”

“I am.”

“So why is Thorax still chained up?”

“Aren’t changelings supposed to be sent to prison when caught?”

She facehoofed. “Don’t you know the law? Sheriff, there’s no part of Equestrian law that says changelings have to be put in prison simply because they happen to be in Equestria! It’s just that by the time they’re found, they all have already done something that’s grounds for prison sentence, such as assaulting ponies! Thorax didn’t do any such thing! Why would you send him to prison if he’s innocent?”

“But, Sentinel-”

“Shut up, Thorax, I know what you’re going to say, and no, you were found not guilty for it, and you’ve punished yourself for it regardless! There is nothing in Equestrian law that would justify sending you to prison!”

“Wait a minute... Are you saying… the sheriff can let me go?!”

“Obviously!”

The sheriff stared at us for another moment, as if unsure what had just happened. It was a very long and nervous moment for me; I was sure he’d object to Sentinel’s words, or try to think of something else he could charge me with, anything to put me in prison for… I might have still gotten my hopes up too soon!

But in the end, he simply shrugged and fumbled with his vest.

“Okay, where did I put that key now?” he mused. “Oh, there it is!”

He approached me and unlocked the cuffs, mumbling something about how he’d never thought he’d set a changeling free.

“Thanks,” I said. “Is there anything else that needs to be done?”

“I’ll have some paperwork to do, but nothing any of you need to worry about. You can even leave for the Crystal Empire if you want!” With that, he went out the door, presumably back to his duties.

“When does the train leave?”

Braeburn consulted the clock. “In about half an hour, why? You’re not leaving already, are you?”

“I’m sorry, I wish I didn’t have to, but Shining Armor insisted that I should return at the first opportunity unless I got sent to prison, which means no lingering or undertaking side-trips, to quote his exact words. Like Sentinel said, he still doesn’t trust me, and I don’t want to tempt fate with him, or he will find some excuse to send me to prison now that Sheriff Silverstar decided against it! But I do wish I could stay a little longer!”

“If we miss this train, when does the next one leave?” Sentinel asked.

“Tomorrow.”

“An’ Ah hate to chase y’all away, but it might be best if y’all don’t wait that long. Knowin’ Silverstar, he ain’t gonna close this case ‘til he checks with them folks in the Crystal Empire if y’all are tellin’ the truth, an’ then Shinin’ will know y’all stayed ‘ere longer than y’all had permission to.”

“Guess we’d better hurry then,” Sentinel agreed and began taking off her armor. Applejack wrapped up the changeling-proofed chain and returned it to her.

I grabbed a piece of cloth and threw it over the arrows before plucking them from the doorframe. “Are we taking these too?”

“We’d better. It might not have been my smartest moment!”

Braeburn wrapped up some fritters in the meantime. “In case you get hungry,” he told Sentinel.

“One day, Braeburn,” she said, “I’m gonna come back here for a vacation and spend day and night gorging myself at your cottage! No apple pastry will be safe!”

I had nothing to do while waiting for Sentinel to finish dismantling her armor. I just stood there, taking in the sight of new friendships blossoming, savoring the taste of its love without actually eating it. They hadn’t explicitly given me permission to feed on them, after all!

“I take it this is your saddlebag,” Little Strongheart said, offering it to me.

“It actually belongs to a friend, but he gave it to me for the trip, so yes, in a way.”

I placed it on my back and winced.

“Is something wrong?”

“A minor injury.” Probably not really a minor one, but why burden her with it? “Nothing to worry about.”

“You want me to carry the saddlebag to the train for you?”

“Thanks, but I can manage.” I hoped I wouldn’t regret it five minutes from now! “But I won’t mind you tagging along if you want!”

“I think we’re all tagging along, at least to the train station!”

She thought right. Sentinel had finished packing her stuff by then and the three ponies were already going out the door. We were about to do the same, but Applejack blocked my path suddenly.

“Y’all goin’ through town lookin’ like that, sugarcube?” she asked, half snickering.

“What do you mean- Oh.” Goodbye Thorax, hello Crystal Hoof. “Better?”

“Perfect as zap apple pie!”

“Except that this bandage is a little uncomfortable now…”

“Can’t ya adjust yer size to fit it better? Ah don’ think anypony will notice under them saddlebags!”

I did.

“There ya go. Ah can’t see any difference mahself!”

“So that’s what shapeshifting looks like,” Little Strongheart mused as we trotted to the train station. Luckily, not many ponies were around to hear her. “And you look really convincing. I’d never guess that you weren’t really a pony just by looking at you!”

“Thanks, but that’s the whole point of the disguise, and any changeling can do it easily!”

“You think you could look like a buffalo? Not now, I mean! Theoretically speaking!”

“Yes, and a lot of other things, including inanimate objects.”

“So it’s true what my father told me…” She sighed.

I looked questions at her.

“He’s been telling me about changelings from time to time ever since you passed through our village. He said your kind used to sneak close to our settlements by pretending to be rocks or pieces of wood or some other inconspicuous thing… then, when the time was right, they would attack… or sometimes, everything would be fine and then suddenly someone would go missing around the same time as peculiar birds would show up and disappear… that kind of things. Nothing you could put your hoof on until something happens and it’s usually too late by then.”

“I can see why he wanted me out of there,” I nodded. “I hope nothing of the kind happened after we met?”

“Thankfully no, or I don’t think I would have still trusted you! At least we didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.”

“If what happened in Canterlot is any indication,” Braeburn interjected, “then you most definitely would have noticed!”

“Maybe not,” I countered. “Sometimes drones get sent to simply infiltrate an area to observe what’s going on there so they can relay it to the hive. Just observation, without any combat or abductions. Any such drones might have gone undetected if they picked the right disguise.”

“I’m pretty sure there weren’t any,” she insisted. “The whole village was on edge for weeks after you paid us a visit, Thorax, and they still haven’t fully relaxed! I don’t think an ant could have walked past them unsuspected!”

“I take it he wouldn’t consider loosening up about me?” I asked her.

“No. I tried talking to him about you a few times, asking him if he thinks you might have been telling the truth. I might have been hoping to see you again one day and to get to spend some time with you, see for myself what you’re like. I got the same answer every single time: he couldn’t allow a changeling to live within our borders. The last time I tried was barely two weeks ago!”

“Yep, that’s Chief Thunderhooves for you,” Braeburn nodded. “When he decides something, that’s final in every sense of the word!”

“Except that business with yer orchard,” Applejack reminded him.

“So I’m still banished… might have figured as much,” I mused. “Still, thanks for trying, Little Strongheart!”

“Hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends! If you want, you can send me letters through Braeburn! Right, Braeburn?”

“Can’t I get any letters?” He feigned a pout.

“I’ll write to you both,” I promised. “Uh, I don’t think I brought anything to write your address on…”

“It’s okay, sugarcube,” Applejack said. “Ah’ll send ya that address!”

“Thanks. How are things in Ponyville, by the way?”

“Nothin’ much goin’ on,” she shrugged. “As for welcomin’ ya, gettin’ them ponies to accept ya ain’t goin’ as easy as Ah hoped, not that we really expected smooth sailin’. Ya mention a changelin’ to them, they run for them hills like wild bulls in a rodeo! But we ain’t givin’ up!”

“So, basically, it’s no better than the Crystal Empire,” I sighed.

“Hey, we’ll get there, dontcha worry! But ya can still drop by as Crystal Hoof an’ nopony will know a darn thing! Betcha Spike will be pleased as punch to see ya if y’all wanna drop by an’ see ‘im!”

“I’d love to, Applejack, but Shining will fry me if I do!”

“Aw, ponyfeathers!” We were at the station now, and apparently the train was waiting for us. “Well, guess that’s goodbye, then.”

“Only for now. I have every intention of seeing you again! All of you!”

“Hey, we haven’t hugged you!” Little Strongheart exclaimed. “You said you wanted it!”

So they did. Group hugs were wonderful! So warm, and fuzzy, and delicious… divinely delicious... I could have stayed like that all day!

“All aboard!” the conductor called out.

“Gotta go now,” I said, breaking gently out of the hug and rushing to the nearest train car. “Bye guys! See you soon, I hope!”

They said their goodbyes too and waved after me, but I couldn’t hear the exact words over the noise of the moving train. I didn’t have to; their auras of love were pleasantly warm and bright!

Sentinel had already picked a seat by the time I lost sight of the two ponies and the buffalo and decided to join her. We were the only two passengers in this train car, and thought I intended to keep my disguise until we were back in the Crystal Empire, I saw no reason why we couldn’t talk openly.

“You’ve been awfully quiet ever since we left Braeburn’s cottage,” I said.

“Just thinking about how I handled the situation there,” she sighed. “Could have done it better.”

“But things turned out fine! We got the charges dropped, didn’t we? Okay, so the sheriff chained me up for a while, but that doesn’t mean-”

“It’s not about him chaining you up, it’s about what I did afterwards when he tried to drag you away! You saw the arrows!”

“Yes, you were trying to make a point-”

“But that’s not how a Royal Guard is supposed to make a point, not to a town sheriff! If a criminal were trying to kidnap you, yes, then it might have been justified, but I clearly overstepped all boundaries, in fact, I acted more like a criminal than like a Royal Guard! I could get court martialed for it!”

“I see. Um, for what it’s worth, I appreciate your intentions, and you have my word that Shining or Cadance or anypony else won’t hear a peep about it!”

“Maybe not from you, but if Sheriff Silverstar lets it slip or reports it deliberately…”

I winced. “...you’ll be in trouble.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“What’s the punishment for what you did?”

“Prison. The exact length of time can vary, but basically it’s several years. Plus I can forget rejoining the Royal Guard afterwards. Probably the Wonderbolts, too.”

“I’m sorry!” I pondered this for a moment. “Hey, if you do get sent to prison, maybe I can go instead of you, disguised or otherwise? I mean, you wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for me, so it’s kind of my fault-”

“That’s not how it works, Thorax. No one can be sent to prison in place of another, and anyway, it isn’t your fault. I did it on my own volition and you can’t be held responsible. And even if you could go to prison for me, I wouldn’t let you! I did it to keep you out of prison!” She slumped against the window. “I just wish the world were a more normal place… maybe then we wouldn’t have to do bad things for the best of reasons…”

The conductor showed up and asked for our tickets. Sentinel presented hers absent-mindedly. My heart skipped a beat because I hadn’t bought one, but looking at Sentinel’s ticket, I realized it was the same one we’d bought in the Crystal Empire; I’d forgotten that she’d asked for return tickets! Mine would be somewhere in the saddlebag, then…

I found it soon enough and presented it. Apparently it was good enough, as he simply clipped it and made a note of the current date and time like he’d done with Sentinel’s ticket, and moved on to the next car.

“If it comes to that, is there anything I can do to keep you out of prison?” I asked when we were alone again.

“Probably not. But you might be asked to testify in court, and what you tell them might have a bearing on how long a sentence I get, either by shortening or by lengthening it. Or it might not. I don’t know really; I haven’t had much experience with courts.”

“So you can’t tell me what to tell them if I’m asked to, um, testify?”

“The truth. That’s what’s expected of you, and don’t worry about how it might affect me.”

“Can I at least write to you if you get locked up?”

“I don’t see why not, though you’ll have to be aware that the guards read all mail that prisoners send and receive, so don’t write anything you wouldn’t want them to know.”

“But Spike said that isn’t done in pony society!”

“He was referring to normal letters. Prisons are different, and letters are read with the idea of intercepting anything potentially dangerous and foiling any escape plans and such.”

I nodded. This was similar to what was routinely done in the hive.

“Hope you don’t mind,” she said, “but I’d like to take a nap now if I can. It’s getting late, we’ve had a rough day, and the ride will take all night. You should get some rest too.”

“I will in a moment. Good night!”

“Good night,” she muttered, curling up in her seat.

I remained awake for a little longer, looking through the window at the landscape bathed in the receding light of the setting sun. Appleloosa was long out of sight by now, but it would be a while until we reached the next town, and then some more until Ponyville. How I wished I could stay there for a day or two! I could see Spike again, and catch up with him, and see the town, and meet some new friends! Maybe, just maybe, I could even show some of them my undisguised face! But that would have to wait; the ponies of Ponyville weren’t yet ready to accept a changeling into their hearts, and Shining would probably rip my own heart out if I failed to obey his demands. I didn’t want to give him a reason to!

When the landscape became too dark to make out much detail from the moving train, I followed Sentinel’s advice and curled up in my seat to sleep.

Sins of the Past

A few days had passed since Sentinel and I returned from Appleloosa. Shining Armor had frowned upon seeing me safely back, but hadn’t otherwise voiced his disappointment over the fact that I wasn’t in prison or at least on my way there. Cadance and Sunburst, on the other hoof, had welcomed me back eagerly!

Though I hadn’t expected to be specifically told about any further developments on the situation in Appleloosa, it didn’t seem like Sheriff Silverstar had made any inquiries that had been suggested to him, and if he had, there were no signs that he’d mentioned any details about Sentinel’s questionable behavior. Not yet, anyway. This could change at any point in the future, but for now at least, she’d been present for one more normal shift at guarding me, which she’d assured me wouldn’t be the case had Shining been made aware of her crossbow-wielding: she would have undoubtedly been relieved of duty effective immediately if not imprisoned if word had reached her Captain!

It could be worse, I’d told her. If Shining were anything like Chrysalis, she’d be looking at torture at best and… well, a far more unattractive outcome at worst. I’d kept to myself that the terms ‘at best’ and ‘at worst’ in this context were very moot and very dependent on personal interpretation at the time of the said punishment being exacted, but something told me she’d figured it out regardless.

Other than that, things had returned to normal. I was still spending my mornings with Sunburst, and in the afternoons, I mostly dedicated myself to reading, though I did go out into the streets a few times. The ponies weren’t acting as hostile as before, but very few dared to approach me so far, and even that was merely in passing. Only one of these walks had been on an errand: to send a thank-you-for-helping-me letter to Applejack and to buy a clock for my room by Sunburst’s suggestion; the rest were simply to keep trying to meet new ponies, and since it wasn’t really working, I ended up wandering further out into the outskirts of the city every time to visit my flower for a few moments of comfort. If any of my Royal Guard escorts had found it weird, they weren’t showing it, not even Trusty Shield, though it could be explained by him having seen it once already.

One day, Cadance met me in a hallway as I was returning from an aimless stroll.

“How was the walk today?” she asked. “Any new friends yet?”

“No, I’m afraid not. But at least the weather is fine and I’m not getting beaten up, and that has to count for something, right?”

“Only marginally. But there’s something else I wanted to ask you.” She offered me a photo. “Do you recognize this pony?”

One look was all I needed. How would I not recognize her? That was the face I was bound to remember for the rest of my life!

“It’s the pony I drained,” I whispered, dumbfounded. “Where did you find her? And when? Is she alright? Please tell me she’s alive and well! At least-”

“Hey, relax, Thorax, she’s alive alright!”

“You have no idea how immensely relieved I am to hear that, Princess! I thought for sure I’d killed her! I’d never forgive myself if that had actually turned out to be the case!” Tears streamed down my face. “Oh, thank you so much, Princess! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“You’re welcome.” She leaned in to me and whispered, “But stop it, will you? It’s getting embarrassing!”

I wiped my tears and tried to compose myself. I was far from successful, but it would have to do for now.

“That’s better,” she said. “As for your other questions, her name is Soothing Dusk and she lives in Whinnyapolis. It wasn’t hard to track her down, but it took some time anyway since we didn’t know which town exactly we were looking for, and then we needed to filter out the unlikely candidates. That left her as a near-certainty, but I still needed to make sure by asking you.”

“Can I send her a letter? I really, really want to apologize to her for what I’ve done! At least I hope she’d care to read it?”

“I have a better idea. Why don’t you apologize in person?”

“You’d let me do that?! I mean, yes, of course, but wouldn’t she be afraid and refuse to come anywhere near me?”

“She probably would. She hasn’t fully recovered yet, though I’ve been told she’s expected to, but I might be able to convince her to hear you out.”

“You’d do that? You’d travel to Whinnyapolis with me? Don’t get me wrong, Princess, I’d be very grateful for your help, but don’t you have royal duties to attend to? And what would Shining say to my idea of travelling again so soon?”

“One day won’t make much difference to royal duties, Thorax. I get called away for a day or two every so often! And I’ve already discussed it with Shining and convinced him that you’d want to apologize to Soothing, and he agreed to my suggestion to come along. He actually thought you wouldn’t want to go and promised to drag you there himself if he turned out to be right.”

“I’m glad he wasn’t right, then,” I muttered. Something told me he would have dragged me there in a stuffy bag lined with pins and discipline spells. “No offense to Shining.”

“None taken,” she winked. “Shall we travel tomorrow?”

“Sure! Tomorrow is perfect!” I agreed readily. “Um, when does the train leave, and how much is the ticket?”

“I’ll pay for the tickets. Be ready around the same time as you were for the train to Appleloosa!”

The morning routine was similar to the one I’d followed before my trip to Appleloosa. I woke up early after a restless night and packed some money, though unsure whether or not I might need it, but figured it would be better to have some just in case. Cadance met me in due time and we headed for the train station, but much to my dismay, Shining Armor showed up as we were exiting the castle to wish safe travels to his wife and to insist that Trusty Shield tag along. Cadance voiced her objections, but eventually relented to the request when she realized that Shining wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Or was she simply concerned that we’d miss the train?

And why did it have to be Trusty Shield? Why not Paladin or some other guard? Okay, Shining must have wanted to keep me strung up by assigning the least-friendly guard for this, I could tell that much, but it still frustrated me to no end. This was going to be a tricky encounter even without the added stress of having to avoid giving Trusty an excuse to test the sharpness of his spear on me! My cracked carapace had only just healed enough to not require bandages anymore; I didn’t need new injuries! The fact that Trusty had begun to refrain from obsessively asserting his dominance on me most of the time since Cadance had taken me for that walk around the city didn’t mean that much in the long run; his aura of love was still pretty sour despite the lack of visual cues about his emotional state, and there was no promise that he wouldn’t relapse into his old behavior.

At least he bought his own ticket. I would have liked his presence even less if he’d expected Cadance to buy it! I offered to give her the amount of money she’d spent on my ticket - I had just about enough - but she flat out refused it, saying it would nearly drain my savings. I wanted to protest politely, but she shushed me before I could say much. I still felt bad about it. Why would she have to spend so much money on me? It wasn’t required for my survival; I was getting enough love from Sunburst and her to remain sated, I had a room to take shelter in, nopony was torturing me on a daily basis, even if Shining was an annoyance… what more could I need? Money certainly couldn’t buy love, so why hoard it at the expense of those who actually needed it?

The train arrived shortly and we boarded it and found our seats. I was already disguised as Crystal Hoof, which by now wasn’t fooling anypony here into thinking I wasn’t a changeling, but that would change further south, so better keep the disguise ready lest I forget to put it on later.

The ride passed mostly in uncomfortable silence. Trusty kept a close eye on me, I was constantly very aware of him keeping a close eye on me, and Cadance mostly just looked at us, attempting to start a conversation every now and then, only to have her attempts fail quickly due to Trusty being too busy and me being too distraught to talk. At least the ride was significantly shorter than the one to Appleloosa. I didn’t know what I would have done if I’d had to endure Trusty for that trip instead of getting to hang out with Sentinel!

Eventually the train arrived at the Whinnyapolis station and we disembarked.

“At ease, soldier,” Cadance said to Trusty right away. “You’re dismissed. Meet us here for the four o’clock train.”

“Princess, what about my duty to escort-”

“It will not be necessary,” she insisted. “Go have some fun instead!”

“But I’m supposed to be on duty-”

“Except that I just relieved you of duty until four o’clock.”

“What am I supposed to do until then?” he muttered.

“Are you telling me soldiers don’t know how to spend their time off?” she smirked. “I’m sure you have a friend or an acquaintance in the local Royal Guard outpost who can keep you company, or if you don’t or they’re on duty, there have to be some off-duty guards you could join even if you don’t know them! Go on, have some drinks, play a few games, or simply go on a sightseeing stroll by yourself if you don’t have any other ideas!”

“If you insist, Princess…” He bowed and walked away slowly, as if unsure if this was a good idea. And he probably wasn’t sure; Shining would undoubtedly be furious if he knew!

“There,” said Cadance. “Now that that’s settled, let’s find Soothing Dusk. I’ve been told she lives a few streets from here.”

She trotted in the direction opposite to the one Trusty had gone in, and I followed.

“Princess,” I said hesitantly, “why did you send Trusty away?”

“Would you have preferred if I didn’t?”

“Well… no, not really…”

“Exactly. You must feel like his presence would only make things worse here, and I’m afraid I have to agree with you. With the way he likes to treat you, Soothing Dusk will probably get the idea that you’re dangerous regardless of what you tell her, which might have been unavoidable regardless of who your escort was today, even if it were somepony friendly like Paladin or Sentinel.”

“Would you have sent them away too?”

She considered it for a moment. “Maybe, but not as readily as Trusty, especially if they’d decided to leave their armor and weapons at home.”

“I see. If they looked and acted like civilians, you might have included them in helping the situation.”

“Yes.” She sighed. “I know it’s hard to believe from your perspective, but Trusty Shield has the necessary skills too; I only wish he could get past his attitude towards you, and not just for the purpose of this visit!”

I nodded. Cadance stopped in front of a house.

“Okay, this is supposed to be it,” she mused. “Ready?”

I’d thought I would be, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure. What if this was a bad idea? What if Soothing refused to forgive me? What if she started hating me even more, and I had no doubt that she did hate me? What if I made a wrong move? What if she misunderstood my intentions? What if she misinterpreted the whole situation and assumed that Cadance was a changeling in disguise, attempting to make her careless and an easy target for either of us to finish what I’d started? What if she attacked the Princess?

And worse yet, what if my presence alone instilled so much fear in her that, even without me doing anything harmful, this encounter would do more damage than I’d done by feeding on her? What if it prevented her from ever recovering? Living with the guilt of what I’d done to her was bad enough; I’d never forgive myself if I ended up doing even more damage regardless of my best intentions! But no matter how hard it was for me, she had to be having it twice as horrible, if not worse; I had to do something to help her! I’d never forgive myself if I missed a chance to do that, too! The whole situation was my fault; it was my duty to try to fix whatever could be fixed!

But what if I failed? Would I get another chance to try? Or would punishment be the last remaining option? And I would absolutely and undeniably deserve it, of that I had no doubts! But that wouldn’t help Soothing! Depending on the severity of the punishment - and I would have deserved the worst of the worst - it might only prevent me from trying again at some point in the future, possibly with more success…

...or possibly, after it was too late to help her. Oh, why had I done it? Why couldn’t I have controlled myself? Why hadn’t I anticipated such a situation and invented a strategy to deal with such a crisis, to channel that deranged energy into something less destructive?

I hadn’t realized I was crying and hyperventilating until Cadance grabbed me by the shoulders and led me aside gently into the nearby park, into the privacy of a bench that stood surrounded by tall, dense shrubbery.

“You’re having second thoughts about this, aren’t you?” she asked.

“No, I just realized how many ways there are for this to go wrong… there are so many that I can’t imagine it going right anymore! How did I fail to see it until now, Princess? I want her to understand and forgive me, but how can she? I’ll most likely only make things worse for both of us! I should have asked Shining to punish me on the first day and get it over with!”

“Thorax, listen to yourself! Where did all those good intentions go? I know you want to do this, and I know you can find a way to make it happen, but not unless you stop letting your fears control you!”

“Princess, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really think you’re overestimating my abilities this time!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Didn’t you befriend a sheriff a few days ago? The same sheriff who had meant to send you to prison?”

“I’m not sure if ‘befriending’ is the right word, but he did drop the charges… but what does that have to do with this?”

“You showed him your true face and opened your heart to him, and that was enough for him to realize that you don’t belong in prison. Didn’t you and Sentinel both tell us about how he thought he’d never set a changeling free while doing that very thing? If that doesn’t prove to you that ponies can forgive changelings, I don’t know what will!”

“But that was primarily about the alleged apple theft for which I was innocent, and I had friends to back me up! This time I’m as guilty as I can be!”

“I would call you guilty if you’d walked up to her and drained her willingly and deliberately. But you were starved and acting on self-preservation instinct; that’s different! You had no choice!”

“I did have a choice! The other option was to keep starving until I either found a different food source, or died!”

“Then it wasn’t a real choice. You wanted to survive, didn’t you?”

“I… suppose I did…”

“And if you had kept your restraints around Soothing, she would have remained safe, but how can you be so sure that you wouldn’t have lost control around somepony else and ended up with the same feelings of guilt and remorse that are tormenting you now?”

I bit my lip and looked away. I had no answer to that.

“See what I mean by ‘no choice’? You were in such a state that this was inevitable! And another proof of your unwillingness to act with malice is that you stopped yourself as soon as your survival instincts stopped overruling your conscience!”

“I’m going to take it as a sign of your trust in me, and I appreciate it greatly, but how does that help now?”

“It helps because, with the right approach, we might be able to get Soothing Dusk to see it.”

“You think she’ll forgive me if she sees it like that?”

“I can’t promise it, but I hope so. I haven’t met her so I can’t guess the right approach in advance, but I’ll be there with you to provide any help needed, to either or both of you.”

Hopefully that would work.

“But Princess, what if she refuses to talk to us at all?”

“Then we should respect her wishes and leave. But most ponies find it rude and disrespectful to tell a princess to go away, so there’s a good chance we’ll at least get to try.”

“Unless she’s so afraid of changelings after what I did to her that she won’t care for manners…”

Cadance sighed. “Thorax, I’d be lying if I told you that wasn’t a possibility, but just because things can go bad, doesn’t mean they will! Why are you being so hopeless? It won’t help her forgive you if you’re acting like you can’t be forgiven!”

“That’s just it, Princess! Even if she does forgive me, I don’t really deserve it!”

“And yet, you jumped at the chance to apologize to her. Why?”

“Because she deserves at least an explanation. I can’t heal her, but the least I can do is tell her that I’d never wanted to do it and how deeply sorry I am that I lost control.”

“Exactly. You regret what you did, you wish you hadn’t done it, and you’re trying to do everything in your power to repair the damage as much as you can. So why shouldn’t you be forgiven?”

Well, putting it that way… but no, that still didn’t make it right! I was lucky the damage to Soothing wasn’t irreversible!

“...because I could have killed her?”

“How much more would you have had to drain her in order to kill her?”

Indeed, how much? I’d never even known for sure how much I’d taken! But if it was true that Soothing was expected to fully recover, then it couldn’t have been that much…

“A lot more, I guess,” I said.

“Could you have drained that much without realizing what you’re doing until it was too late?”

Good point. Could I have? I’d been even hungrier since, and though controlling myself had been excruciatingly difficult at times, I’d succeeded, therefore I wouldn’t have drained somepony to death then. But would my self-control have been strong enough if I hadn’t faltered earlier? Setting remorse aside, I forced myself to really think about it, and it seemed unlikely that I’d remain ignorant of my own actions all the way through the draining process; no matter how hungry, there’d have had to be a point at which I would realize what I was doing!

“I suppose I might not have killed her, but if I’d been hungry enough, I might have left her permanently damaged,” I admitted.

“But she would still be alive, and just because we can’t fix that level of damage now doesn’t mean we never will!”

My ears perked up at this. “Really?”

“Of course, Thorax! Magic and medical science are improving every day!” She put a reassuring hoof on my shoulder. “And no one is infallible. We all make mistakes, but what we do about those mistakes is what really counts.”

“You mean…”

She nodded. “Yes, Thorax. You have a good heart, and though you’ve made a mistake, the way you’re feeling about it and what you’re doing to try to fix it makes it clear that you deserve to be forgiven! Soothing Dusk will see it too; maybe not right away if she hasn’t recovered enough, but she will eventually!”

“And if she demands that I get punished?” Please say you’ll at least consider doing that on her request!

“Then I’ll explain to her that you’ve already punished yourself more severely than Equestrian laws would permit us to punish you and that doing so would be unnecessary. She probably won’t like it, but in time, she’ll understand that too.”

“Won’t she start hating you instead?”

“She probably would hate me for a while, yes. But punishing you won’t make it any easier for her. It won’t undo the past, it won’t help her heal more quickly, and it won’t make her forget what happened. All it would do is reinforce her hatred towards you and keep her from understanding your side of the story and ultimately forgiving you. It still doesn’t make it right, but punishing you anyway wouldn’t be right for either of you.”

“Wow. I never saw it that way! And ponies really live by that logic? Doesn’t it ever backfire?”

“Sometimes it does, but look closely enough at one’s reasons and state of mind and you’ll know whether they need punishment or a second chance! Now, are you ready to meet Soothing properly?”

“Not really, but I think I can bear the consequences more easily now than a few minutes ago.”

“Glad to have helped!”

We returned to the house and Cadance knocked on the door. A young mare answered, but she wasn’t Soothing Dusk.

“What do- Princess Cadance! I wasn’t expecting you, Your Highness!” She bowed gracefully. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“We’re looking for Soothing Dusk. I’ve been told she lives here?”

“Yes, yes, of course! Do come in! I’m Midnight Haze, Soothing’s sister.”

“Pleased to meet you, Midnight!”

“The pleasure’s mine, Princess! Please, make yourselves comfortable! Would you like some tea? Cookies? I’m afraid I don’t have anything too elaborate,” she smiled sheepishly.

“Tea and cookies will be fine, thank you.”

The food was served only moments after Cadance and I sat down in the main room.

“I’m afraid Soothing is resting in her room at the moment,” Midnight said, sitting down herself. “She’s been attacked recently and… hasn’t been quite herself since.”

My heart sank upon hearing that. Cadance had made it sound far less serious! Didn’t she know the whole story? Or had she simply hoped to spare me the additional grief? My barely-mended insecurities threatened to go on another rampage!

“That’s why we’re here,” Cadance said. “How much do you know about the attack?”

“They say it was a changeling, and apparently Soothing is lucky that it wasn’t any worse! She doesn’t like to talk about it, but according to what she did say, she doesn’t remember much, only a dark shadow looming over her and robbing her of everything happy and hopeful she had in herself.” She closed her eyes and her aura of love darkened. “Lucky, they called it. What luck is there, Princess? If I ever get my hooves on that monster, I’ll-”

“I understand your grief, Midnight,” Cadance interrupted her, “but hatred and violence won’t solve anything!”

“I bet that’s the only language that freak understands!”

“It isn’t!” I spoke before I could stop myself.

Midnight looked at me sideways. “And what do you know about that? Who are you, anyway?”

“Midnight,” Cadance spoke, “if the changeling who did it is sorry for what he’s done, would you at least consider hearing him out?”

“Sorry?” she snorted. “Those bastards aren’t sorry for anything! You know that from your own experience!”

“They did disrupt my wedding, yes, but my experience has changed since. I met a friendly changeling - a genuinely friendly one, no pretences about him - and he’s starting to make an honest and honorable life for himself in the Crystal Empire.”

“Supposing that were true, what does it have to do with my sister?”

I dropped my disguise. Midnight gasped and flew as far away from me as the walls and the ceiling would let her.

“I’m the changeling the Princess is talking about,” I said. “My name is Thorax, by the way. I escaped from the hive because I couldn’t stand my kind’s way of life anymore and came to Equestria hoping to find friendship. Also... I’m afraid I’m the one who attacked Soothing-”

Midnight’s eyes went wide and she launched herself at me, bellowing curses.

“I’ll kill you!” she roared as she knocked me onto the ground; Cadance levitated her away and put up a shield around me.

“Let me go!” Midnight screamed.

“I will, but first you need to promise me you won’t harm Thorax!” Cadance demanded. “Hear him out!”

I heard a door open and somepony came in, but the couch was obstructing my view for the moment so I couldn’t see who it was, and I was hidden from the newcomer’s view for the moment as well.

“I heard you shout, Midnight,” a mare’s voice said. One glance at her aura of love, hollow and bleak, was enough to figure out who she was even before she stepped into view. “What’s- Aaah! Changeling! No!” She curled up in a corner, shivering violently.

“Now look what you’ve done,” Midnight muttered at me through gritted teeth.

“Soothing Dusk?” Extinguishing her horn, Cadance walked up to her, sat down on the floor, and touched her hoof. “I’m Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire. Can you hear me?”

Soothing stopped shivering for a moment and cast a panicked glance at the Princess.

“Yes?” she whispered.

“I know what happened to you, and I want to help.”

“How?” The tone of her voice suggested that she didn’t believe it was possible.

“Princess?” I whispered cautiously. “I don’t think this is going right…”

“Get that thing away from me!” Soothing shrieked, covering her head with her forelegs and wings.

“Soothing, he won’t harm you! I promise!”

“No offense, Princess, but he’s a changeling! How am I supposed to trust a changeling?”

“I understand it’s hard for you, but he’s got a good heart, and I trust him. Do you trust my judgment?”

“Don’t, Soothing,” Midnight muttered.

“Um… I think so…” Soothing said. “But… the changeling…”

“You’ll be fine, you have my word! Hear him out. Just that: give him a chance to tell you what he came here to say. That’s all I ask of you. If you never want to see him again after that, we understand and we’ll respect your wishes.”

“Hear him out? But what would a changeling have to say to me?”

“Something you need to hear,” she said reassuringly.

Midnight snorted.

“I don’t know… You really think it can help?”

Cadance nodded. “I do.”

Soothing pondered this for a moment.

“O-o-o-okay. Okay, I’ll hear him out,” she said in the end, not sounding convinced at all. “But… can you at least put up a magical barrier between him and me first?”

“Of course.” A force field split up the room; by chance or intention, more likely the latter, Soothing was left on the same side as the door. “Better?”

“A little.” She still didn’t sound convinced, but at least she was agreeing to go through with it.

Cadance nodded to me and I approached the force field. Soothing winced and retreated a little but, thankfully, didn’t get overwhelmed by panic.

Okay, Thorax, nice and easy… don’t blow your chance… don’t mess it up… calm down and tell her everything… Don’t mess it up!

“Uh, hi. My name is Thorax. Um, would it be easier for you if I looked like a pony?”

“I’m… I’m not sure… M-maybe?”

I became Crystal Hoof again. She recoiled and yelped.

“A-a-actually, it’s not helping,” she whimpered. “I know you’re a ch-ch-ch-changeling even if you d-d-don’t look like one, and I’m actually k-k-kind of expecting you to p-p-p-pounce me and start h-hi-hissing any second now. So, g-g-g-go back, I guess?”

I did. She squeezed her eyes shut during my transformation, but so far, still no uncontrollable panic. That had to be good, right? I decided to believe that it was good. I didn’t think I could continue otherwise! Her aura of love was still incredibly murky with fear, but apparently she was keeping it under control somehow. For now, at least. I dreaded the moment when that control would crumble under my words and prayed that Cadance would succeed in calming and reassuring her again, but what if nothing would work this time? Either way, it was too late to back out now, and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I wouldn’t have at least tried!

“Okay,” I said, “I know this is hard for you, and I wish there was an easy way to say it… actually, I wish we were in a situation where I wouldn’t have to say it at all, but unfortunately I do, so…” I bit my lip, unsure how to break the news to her as gently as possible. Why hadn’t I asked Princess Cadance for advice?

“What?” Soothing asked feebly. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost think you were trying to apologize for something.”

“Actually, I am trying to apologize. You see… okay, you’re going to hate me now… but I’m the one who attacked you, and-”

“You?!” The murky chill of her aura intensified beyond words and she retreated so far away from me that she almost became one with the wall. “Get away from me! Why did you bring him here, Princess?”

“Because he regrets what he did,” Cadance said.

“Regrets it? Then why did he do it in the first place?”

“Because I lost control over myself! I was starving and I lost control! I’ve wanted friendship all my life, but as you know, changelings don’t make friends! As far as I know, I’m the only one who’s different, and I suffered because of it, and I left the hive when I couldn’t take it anymore. I swore to never take any love that wasn’t freely offered to me, but it never happened during my journey through Equestria, and I was getting hungrier and hungrier every day, but somehow still managed to remain in control over my actions… but all that collapsed when I got close to you.”

She stared at me wide-eyed still, saying nothing, showing no change in her aura of love.

“It wasn’t anything personal. I suppose I had to snap at some point at that rate… you just had the misfortune of being around when it happened. For what it’s worth, I stopped feeding on you the second I realized what I was doing… and I wanted to help you, I really did, but to this day, I don’t know how I might have done it… also, I panicked and fled.” I hung my head in shame. “I have no excuse for what I did. I told you all this because I want you to understand how it happened, but I know it still doesn’t make it right. I’ve known it all along, I’ve tried to punish myself for it several times, I’ve had nightmares about that moment… Anyway, the point is, I’m sorry, I’m deeply, sincerely sorry for what I did, and believe me, if I could change the past and stop myself from draining you, I would, even if it would cost me my life. Princess Cadance brought me here because she hopes you’ll forgive me, but if you don’t think that I deserve forgiveness, I completely understand and actually agree with you.”

“Thorax…” Cadance sighed.

“Can I ask a question?” Midnight interjected. “What did they threaten you with so you’d do this, who told you what to say, and how long did you rehearse it to make it sound this convincing?”

“Nopony made me do this and I didn’t rehearse anything! I really am sorry!”

“Yeah right, sure you are,” she snorted.

“Assuming he is telling the truth,” Soothing finally spoke, “how did you find out about this, Princess? And what made you trust him? You’re the last pony I’d expect to trust a changeling!”

“I didn’t trust him at first. When he showed up in the Crystal Empire, my husband and I assumed he was there to steal love from Flurry Heart. Eventually I realized that wasn’t the case - Shining still has some doubts - but it took some convincing from Spike the Brave and Glorious to actually get there, and I haven’t seen a single sign of malice or trickery from Thorax since.”

“So there were signs of malice and trickery before that?” Midnight asked.

“We thought so at the time, but the hissing was actually due to his instincts attempting to take over because he was starving.”

“Isn’t the Crystal Empire said to be filled with love?”

“It is,” I said, “but it wasn’t freely shared with me at the time, and I refused to take it even though nopony was likely to notice.”

“Also, you asked how I found out about you,” Cadance continued. “Thorax told Shining everything that’s happened to him since he left the hive, including the incident with you. He couldn’t tell where it had happened due to the state he’d been in at that point of his journey, but we tracked you down based on the rest of his story and with the help of police reports, and Thorax asked right away if he could apologize to you somehow.”

“You did that?” Soothing asked incredulously. “Even though it could have ended badly for you?”

“I didn’t care if it ended badly for me. I’ve been beating myself up for what I did to you ever since I did it, and if you demanded that I should be punished, I wasn’t going to argue. The only thing that I was concerned about was that seeing me would harm you in any way. You’ve suffered way too much because of me and I’d hate to make it even worse!”

She considered this for a minute. The intense murkiness of her love aura had cleared slightly in the meantime, but far from completely, and the dry, cold, howling darkness underneath persisted. I could marginally sense some flickers of light in it attempting to spark to life, which I hoped was suggestive of her recovering gradually as I’d been told, but much to my dismay, she still had a very long and tedious way to go until her old self returned. Would it ever return completely? I didn’t know; changelings had very little experience with ponies recovering from love-draining. But with any luck, she would get to a point where she could leave this love-deprived abyss behind her and enjoy life again!

“Okay, I think I get why you had to do it,” she said in the end, “but I’m not so sure that I can forgive you. Maybe, some day, I will, but not yet. The memories are still too fresh for me. Princess Cadance apparently doesn’t think you need to be punished and I’m trying to trust her judgment on that, but… I’m just trying to convince myself that it’s alright and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep doing it, so… maybe it’s best that you go home before I snap or before Midnight loses her patience, and we’re both on edge… Forgive me if I’m being rude, Princess, in any other circumstance I wouldn’t be asking you to leave…”

“Don’t worry, it’s alright,” Cadance assured her. “We understand. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to seek me out. Write me a letter or come see me in person and I’ll do what I can to help you.”

I nodded, wanting to say that she could expect the same support from me, but knowing at the same time that she wasn’t going to come to me anytime soon. Midnight, on the other hoof, if she decided to teach me a belated lesson… but would she leave her sister at home alone in order to do that? And would she risk getting sent to prison for it and becoming unavailable to Soothing at her most vulnerable? Could she get punished for it? It would probably depend on whose decision it would be. I had a feeling that Cadance would try to protect me and to find a compromise, at least I hoped so; Shining would probably commend her for whatever she would have ended up doing to me. Other ponies? I didn’t know. Curiously, I caught myself wondering for a moment what Chrysalis would do in an equivalent situation if her subjects were involved in what would amount to Soothing and Midnight’s role. I honestly didn’t know and had to admit that nothing would surprise me, be it praise for the avenging drone, death penalty for everyling and everypony involved, or anything in between.

Cadance dropped the force field and we said goodbye to Soothing and Midnight and left as requested. They didn’t go after us; Soothing was frozen in place momentarily as I trotted past her, and before I closed the door behind me, I saw her sobbing and shivering in her sister’s embrace.

Outside, I quickly restored my disguise that I’d forgotten to put on while still out of sight of the public. Fortunately, nopony but Cadance was around to witness the transformation.

The Princess and I trotted in silence for a while. I didn’t mind at first; I needed a moment to sort things out with myself. Not being forgiven stung, and I wondered again if there had been something more that I could have said or done. The fact that I’d probably made an enemy of Midnight Haze, at least from her point of view, wasn’t helping any. I hadn’t come to Equestria with the intention to make enemies! Had I been careful, this would never have happened! I didn’t like the way things had turned out, and yet, I’d known that a better, friendlier outcome would have been very unlikely.

Still, there had to have been some way to handle it better! Cadance had trusted me to do this right! Had I let her down?

“Princess,” I finally spoke, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For blowing this. For wasting your time. For-” I closed my eyes, hung my head, and sighed. “I don’t think this visit did what you intended it to do. I wanted to help Soothing, but all I did was reignite her fears and attract her sister’s wrath! That’s the exact opposite of what should have happened!”

“What do you think would have been more likely to happen?”

I considered this. “The thing that did happen, I guess.”

“Exactly. I would have been surprised if Soothing had forgiven you right away.”

“Then why did we even bother? Didn’t I only make things worse?”

“We came here because you both needed it.”

“...I don’t understand.”

“You needed to see her alive and recovering so you’d stop blaming yourself, and you needed to ask her forgiveness so you could forgive yourself. And she may not realize it yet, but she needed to hear your apology and your explanation in order to fully heal and learn to trust others again. It won’t happen overnight, but your complete honesty with her was the thing both of you were missing before you can start to overcome your pain, to learn from the experience rather than to be crippled by it, and to move on unburdened.”

“Do you really think it can happen? What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

“I’m sure she will. She’ll need time - how much, I can’t predict - but the understanding of your struggle, together with seeing you act friendly when you aren’t tormented by hunger, will help her get there. It most likely isn’t going to happen without a lot of doubts and insecurity on her part, which is why I encouraged her to seek my help whenever she needs it, but she will forgive you eventually. When that happens, don’t be surprised if she comes looking for you.”

“And if she doesn’t? How will I know if her recovery is going well? What if she doesn’t recover?”

“She will. I asked around, and if what I’ve been told is only half correct, she’s already gotten noticeably better than she was immediately after…”

“...after my attack on her.”

“Yes. And she’s got a sister and a group of friends who love her. She’ll be fine!”

But what if the Princess was wrong? What if seeing me again had undermined all the progress that Soothing had made and prevented any further recovery?

As if reading my thoughts, Cadance put a hoof on my shoulder and said, “If it makes you feel better, I can check up on her every so often.”

“Thanks, Princess. It really does make me feel better!”

We were back at the train station by then. The train wasn’t due to arrive for another while, and wherever Trusty Shield had gone to, he hadn’t returned yet. We sat on a bench to wait for the train and Cadance proceeded to tell me more about what she’d found out about Soothing and Midnight and their friends. I learned they were all devoted to one another and that Soothing’s predicament had only strengthened their bond. Hearing that gave me a bit of comfort: even though I’d harmed her, Soothing still had friends to rely on in time of need, and I firmly believed that would make all the difference in the world for her.

Yes, Cadance might have been right after all. With her sister and friends by her side, Soothing was going to be fine.

Conflicted

Author's Note

Content warning for this chapter: attempted suicide

Conflicted

The next day, Shining Armor interrupted my afternoon reading session shortly after lunchtime. He marched into my room, once again without knocking, and I recoiled almost to the point of falling over, startled by his sudden arrival. I recovered pretty quickly, but my book had already closed itself.

Great. How was I supposed to find that page now?

“Come with me,” he commanded.

I got up and followed him out of my room and down the stairwell. Paladin was behind us at a distance; had he been unsure at first whether or not to leave his post at my door to follow us now that his commander was already keeping an eye on me, or was he simply giving him some respectful space? And where were we going?

I figured out our destination a little before getting there. It had been a while since my previous visit, but things hadn’t changed much: a few guards were milling about, a couple of them were chatting or snapping to attention upon seeing their Captain, and two fully-armored guards stood at the entrance to Shining’s office. Headquarters? Base of operations? I’d forgotten to ask after the last time!

The procedure was similar, too. Shining opened the door to let me in, which I did hesitantly, noticing that Paladin was only approaching the hallway at this point. Would he be in there with me during whatever Shining had in store for me? Please let him come in! I didn’t want to face Shining alone! But my prayers went unanswered; Shining followed me into the office and closed the door behind us, and I was sure he’d seen Paladin arrive. My friendly guard was going to have to wait in the hallway by the looks of it! Would he even wait there? Or would he decide that his presence here was unnecessary and return to his post at my room? I hoped he would remain here, even if he wasn’t going to do anything!

Shining placed one of the small chairs in front of the desk like the last time, commanded me to sit, and sat down in his own chair. I obeyed reluctantly, staring all the while at the drawer from which he’d taken the chains the last time. Was I about to have the unflattering pleasure of meeting them again? But why? I hadn’t done anything, not this time!

Uh-oh. Had Sheriff Silverstar sent any letters? Had Shining found out about Sentinel’s behavior and decided to blame me for it? Had Soothing Dusk complained about me, requested that I get punished for what I’d done to her? Had any more changelings shown up around here, reigniting Shining’s suspicions about an incoming army that I was supposedly part of? Was Chrysalis about to find out where I was? Did she already know? I gulped and did my best to suppress the urge to turn into a mouse. Needless to say, I was barely managing to stay in my own form, though I felt like I was shrinking like a deflated cocoon under Shining’s piercing glare.

“How was Whinnyapolis?” he asked.

“Soothing Dusk didn’t forgive me,” I said. “She was scared to death of me at first, but Princess Cadance managed to calm her somewhat, and she heard me out. She said in the end that she understood why I did it but couldn’t forgive me. Yet. That’s what she said, at least. But I wouldn’t be surprised if she never forgives me.”

“Smart mare,” he nodded. “Now, you’ve lived here for a while and somehow managed to stay out of trouble. Ponies are even beginning to be fine with your presence, and you haven’t given them a lot of obvious reasons not to, but the fact remains that we don’t really know much about you.”

“Oh.” This sounded innocent enough, at least in terms of Shining Armor, so why was I getting a bad feeling about it?

“And I’m not comfortable with that. I expected to learn more about you by now, both about you personally and about changelings in general.”

“...okay. What do you want to know?”

“Let’s start simple. When were you born, or hatched, or whatever you call it?”

“Twentyish years ago, I think. I don’t know the exact date if that’s what you meant.”

“You don’t know your own age?”

“I know I’m old enough to be considered an adult by hive standards. Probably by pony standards, too. I’ve never needed to get more precise than that.”

“Seriously, your parents never told you how old you are?”

“I don’t know who my parents are. Or were.”

He raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“It doesn’t work the same as around here. Parenthood isn’t a choice for changelings, it’s a privilege only granted to the most skilled and most loyal drones as and when Chrysalis demands it. The drones get paired up with whoever is worthy and available at the time and they may or may not see each other again after the eggs are laid. Marriage isn’t practiced because there’s no point in it, and the eggs are taken from the mother and placed in one of the hatcheries.”

“You had to have had some kind of a caretaker, then.”

“Yes, whichever guard was assigned to watch the hatchery at any given moment, and they got rotated regularly. All they had to do was to make sure we learn to be obedient and loyal to the Queen and to keep us from slithering away to other parts of the hive.”

“Slithering?”

“Larvae look like little worms.” I showed him.

He made a face. “I see. Drop the disguise, you’re even more disgusting than normal!”

I obeyed. “Sorry.”

“I take it you can’t tell me anything about any siblings, either?”

“I can. The eggs are arranged in clusters in such a way that all the eggs in the same cluster came from the same mother, and the larvae are expected to remember the location of their cluster so everyling would know where to sleep. I was the youngest of five, but two sisters and one brother are dead now.”

Don’t ask about Pharynx, I pleaded silently.

He nodded. “And you said you were always the weak one?”

“Yes. Ever since I hatched. I was getting beaten up all the time.”

“You never tried to fight back?”

“A few times, but it never did any good. I couldn’t bring myself to get nasty enough, not even in military training.”

“Then why did you enlist into the army if you didn’t want to fight?”

“I didn’t have a choice! All nymphs are expected to learn basic combat and infiltration!”

“‘Basic’,” he repeated. “So there are advanced skills too?”

“Yes, but nymphs don’t get to choose which advanced training they want to attend. We’re all expected to know the basics of everything so we wouldn’t be completely lost and useless in emergencies, but aside from that, basic training helps drill instructors decide which drone should attend which advanced training based on each drone’s performance up to that point. The ones that perform exceptionally well at basic training can sometimes get assigned to multiple advanced training programs, but it’s usually just one.”

“Which advanced training did you get assigned to?”

“None of them. I was deemed too incompetent about halfway through basic training and expelled so I wouldn’t stall the progress of the rest of my training group.”

“Was that before or after Canterlot?”

“Years before.”

“And you said you were deployed there? Why, if you were so useless and out of practice?”

Because Pharynx had hoped it would spark my bloodlust and get me to ‘quit fooling around’. But how to tell Shining that without going into too much detail? I didn’t know much about security protocols and military tactics, but if Shining found out that the hive’s First Commander was actually my brother… there were undoubtedly a million different ways how things could go wrong! He was certainly paranoid enough to get all kinds of ideas from it! What if he assumed I knew more than I was telling him? What if he accused me of lying? What if he assumed I’d been deployed here to keep an eye on the city and its leaders and to spread misinformation about my kind? He’d already suspected that when I first showed up! One wrong word and he’d be convinced that his suspicions had been correct all along! He could have me imprisoned, or tortured, or killed!

Worse yet, what if he decided to invade the Changeling Kingdom? What if he forced me to assist in the invasion? Could his armies handle the swarm on its own barren, hostile, magic-suppressed territory? Would Shining listen to my attempts to warn him what he’d be up against? Even if the ponies won, it would be a bitter victory; Chrysalis’ soldiers wouldn’t go down easily, and there’d be countless casualties on both sides! I didn’t want so many deaths on my conscience, no matter how badly they might have treated me!

And what would happen to Pharynx? Never mind the fact that he’d be furious like he’d never been before if I told ‘the leader of the enemy armed forces’ about him; would he even survive long enough to yell at me for it? Would he get captured and thrown in prison? If I knew anything about him, it was that he’d rather die than to be subjected to such a disgrace!

But I couldn’t not tell Shining what he wanted to know! I’d vowed to be honest with my new leaders and friends! I’d most certainly lose their trust, maybe even their friendship, if I started keeping secrets from them! It was dumb chance that Pharynx had never come up in a conversation before; should I have mentioned him to somepony regardless? Why hadn’t I predicted this conundrum and told Cadance or Sunburst about him on my own? They would have probably reacted to the confession more calmly than Shining, and they would have known how to relay it to him without it potentially leading to bloodshed! There would definitely be bloodshed now because no way would Shining believe that I hadn’t been deliberately concealing tactical information, and he probably wouldn’t be completely wrong anyway! No matter what fate might have awaited me on my journey to find friendship and what fate could still await me, I simply didn’t want to betray Pharynx!

...but would I betray my pony friends by trying to protect him? Would I betray my Prince and Princess, my new home?

“I was included because Chrysalis demanded as many drones as possible to partake in the invasion.” True enough, at least.

He smirked. “She must have been pretty desperate if her success depended on including a weak and barely-trained soldier such as yourself.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it desperate. There were plenty of skilled fighters in the Canterlot swarm, but a fair amount of skilled fighters had to remain in the hive to keep it safe in Chrysalis’ absence. The First Commander and sub-commanders were merely following orders when they had to decide which drones to deploy and which to keep in the hive.”

Why had I mentioned a First Commander? Please don’t ask me anything more about changeling military!

“Ah, the hive and its occupants. That’s another thing I know nothing about.”

I swallowed a lump in my throat and shifted nervously in my chair.

“Are you… are you going to attack them?” I asked, unable to keep an uneasy quiver out of my voice.

“Why? You suddenly care about them?”

“I may not want to live with them, but that doesn’t mean I want them dead.”

“Even if it means they won’t ever find you?”

“I’d rather that they just forget about me.”

“You made it sound like that’s not very likely to happen anytime soon,” he retorted. “And they seem to know plenty about ponies. Why not even the score a little now that I have a changeling here who’s so very friendly and cooperative?”

“I-I-I don’t think I know that much…”

“But you know something. C’mon, out with it! Where is the hive?”

“I’m not sure if you have a name for that part of the world-”

“Quit stalling!”

“All I know is that it’s a good distance south of Equestria, beyond the jungle, in a wasteland!”

“That’s better. See how useful you can be when you try?”

“Uh…”

“What kind of defenses does it have?”

“...you are going to attack it,” I sighed dejectedly.

“That’s none of your business! Answer the question!”

“Well, there are border patrols, and occasional patrols randomly sweeping the wasteland, and airborne sentries circling the hive and watching the whole area in case something manages to slip past the border patrols, and guards at every entrance on ground level-”

“How many entrances?”

“...I don’t think anyone’s ever bothered to count-”

“You don’t know how many entrances you’ve got?”

“There’s plenty of them, usually one every few steps-”

“So it’s too many to count?”

“No, it’s just that most of them open and close randomly.”

“Why? You guys have nothing better to do?”

“Huh? Oh, you mean like pony doors! No, we don’t have anything like that. The entrances are merely holes in the walls, and the hive shifts and changes similarly to us. The holes just kind of zap in and out of existence.”

“Who’s your architect? Discord?”

I stared at him blankly.

“Nevermind,” he groaned. “What about the command structure?”

“Chrysalis rules everything, and like I said earlier, by far the biggest part of ‘everything’ is the army. There’s the First Commander; he answers to Chrysalis alone and commands the entire army in accordance with her wishes. He has sub-commanders - I don’t know how many exactly - and each sub-commander is in charge of a particular division, such as armory or border patrols. The rest of the soldiers are low-ranking grunts, except for a few who work as drill instructors. Sometimes there can also be an assigned team leader if a group of drones are sent on a mission, and this ‘team leader’ is a rank somewhere between a sub-commander and a low-level grunt. That rank is also only valid during that particular mission only, and after the mission ends, the team leader is restored to their previous rank. Infiltrators and prey hunters are basically divisions of the army and function by the same principle.”

“Couldn’t Chrysalis invent a more elaborate and impressive hierarchy?”

“I’m sure she could, but she didn’t want to. Too many ranks in a hierarchy and too many drones holding a better-than-lowest rank would give some level of authority to more drones than she would like, and the more times her orders have to be relayed further down the chain of command, the more chances for them to be misunderstood, misinterpreted, or freely interpreted until the end result is unrecognizable compared to the original version.”

“Any non-military stuff going on there?”

“Not much. As far as I know, there’s a communications hub, and an archive, and prey storage areas, and a maintenance service, but pretty much everything serves to support the army in one way or another.”

“How many changelings exist?”

“I don’t know.”

“Got any weapons other than spears?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are the hive’s weaknesses?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?! If you escaped from there, you had to have known of at least one or two weaknesses you could exploit!”

“I’m sure they would have been addressed and fixed by now…”

“Let’s hear it! How did you escape, anyway?”

“I snuck out of my sleeping burrow some time after curfew, navigated the hallways and vertical shafts the best I could, disguised myself as whatever was credible enough when I saw a patrolling guard about to come up, and hoped they wouldn’t notice anything amiss. I got out of the hive at the altitude where the airborne sentries are circling, disguised as the First Commander, and pretended I was there for an unannounced inspection. I knew they rarely remember to look up so I got far enough above them to remain unnoticeable in the night sky and flew away.”

“First Commander, huh?” he snickered. “Wouldn’t it have been an awkward situation for you if the real First Commander had shown up while you were there!”

“Um…”

Something must have clued him in that I wasn’t telling everything; he suddenly went dead serious and gave me one of his piercing glares.

“Seriously, if you really did that, you took one heck of a risk. How did you know that the First Commander wasn’t going to be there?”

That caught me off guard. I’d known Pharynx couldn’t have been there because I’d left him asleep in our burrow, though in hindsight, there could have been an upcoming unannounced inspection that he’d forgotten to mention in my presence, and I’d spent enough time dodging guards that he would have had plenty of time to get there first. But how was I going to tell Shining that I’d known with reasonable certainty not to expect Pharynx there without revealing too much? And to avoid giving him any hints that I knew more than I was willing to share at the moment? If only he weren’t so paranoidly suspicious about me, I wouldn’t have found it nearly so hard to tell him everything!

“And how did you know that the airborne sentries wouldn’t look up?”

“Um… they hardly ever do…”

“Again, how do you know that? If my subordinates showed such oversights, I wouldn’t be eager to spread the fact around for every useless low-level janitor to take advantage of! If that’s what you really were!”

“I was! Wait, how did you know that?”

“You told Sentinel! Do you really think I’d forget to question your guards about things you might have revealed?”

“Oh.”

“Don’t ‘oh’ me! You haven’t answered my question!”

He got up from his chair and stood on his desk; his scowl intensified as he loomed over me, ready to pounce me or to blast me through the wall at the slightest of provocations.

I cowered under his burning glare and ice-hot aura.

“Um… I… uh…”

He got in my face. “What are you hiding? Talk!”

“Nothing!” I whimpered. “I just… um…”

“Lies!” He blasted me out of my chair and leaped off the desk, pinning me to the ground. “You either know this First Commander personally or were spying on him for some reason! I want to know which of that is true!”

“I- I-”

“Spill it!”

“Please don’t hurt me…” I whispered.

“I will if you keep refusing to talk,” he growled, lighting up his horn. “What do you know about the First Commander?”

“I… I can’t tell you…”

“Why?!” The sight of his burning horn sent my heart into my throat as memories of the last such episode flooded my mind as vividly as if I was back in that moment, and the ice-hot bitterness of his love aura was just as unbearable.

“He’s my brother...” I whimpered, closing my eyes in terrified, heart-wrenching defeat.

The change in his aura of love was so abrupt that I opened my eyes in confusion, half expecting to see somepony else in his place. The intense ice-hot bitterness had evaporated instantly, and though some of it remained, it was mixed in with probably every other flavor that an aura of love could have. His horn was almost extinguished now, and he stared at me wide-eyed as if he’d never seen a changeling before.

“What did you say?” he whispered.

“He’s my brother, and I knew he wouldn’t be there because I’d left him sleeping in our burrow,” I said despondently. What was the point in not telling him everything now that he’d broken me? “I also knew about the sentries because he let it slip once or twice when he was furious about the oversight persisting despite his best efforts to correct it.”

Shining kept staring at me, saying nothing.

“I didn’t want to tell you this because you made it sound like you were planning to attack the hive… I wanted to spare him… But please, if you do attack the hive, please don’t hurt him… or if he leaves you no choice, at least kill him quickly and painlessly… I couldn’t bear to see him suffer in prison… he’d hate it more than death…”

Shining’s stare was still persistent.

“Please, Shining… he always protected me from other drones whenever he could… I owe him that much… he’s the only family I have left…”

Shining stared at me for a moment longer, then got off me and strode slowly out of the room, not saying a word. His aura was so jumbled that I couldn’t make any sense of it.

I’m so sorry, Pharynx… I didn’t want to betray you… please forgive me…

Tears welled up in my eyes; I curled up on the floor and let out a painful moan, wishing I could die right then and there. After what I’d done, I deserved no better!

I squeezed my eyes shut, sobbing uncontrollably. Images flooded my mind, scenes of the worst possible consequences of my moment of weakness. Shining’s troops storming the hive unprepared for what awaited them… getting overwhelmed… captured, enslaved… drained, killed… blood everywhere… no soldiers left to defend the ponies…

Shining’s troops storming the hive, fully prepared to deal with Chrysalis’ armies and everything they could think of… unimaginable carnage… terrible losses on both sides… both armies annihilated… a whole species annihilated…

Pharynx joining the battle… getting overwhelmed… unable to fight off the invading force… Pharynx in chains… subdued and humiliated, dragged to prison… Pharynx wilting away in a cold, lonely prison cell…

Pharynx fighting valiantly to save his Queen… no choice for the pony army… my brother’s spear-riddled body in a pool of blood…

And it would have been my fault… no matter what happened, no matter who or how many fell, their blood would forever lie on my hooves and fangs, mine alone, even if I wouldn’t personally touch any of them!

No! I couldn’t let that happen!

But the damage was already done… or was it? What I’d told Shining wouldn’t be enough for him to plan a strategy that might stand a chance of succeeding, but would he realize it in time? Yes, he probably would; he’d devoted his life to know this kind of stuff! He’d undoubtedly try to get more out of me, by force if necessary, even if there was very little I could still add that might interest him! A talented commander would know how to get the best out of an unfavorable situation and draw every advantage out of it, and I had no doubt that Shining had both the skill and determination to pull it off, but the fact remained that he couldn’t do it blindly and I’d just provided him with what may be enough to solidify his decision to invade the hive! And considering the questions he’d asked, I was certain that that had been his intention even if he hadn’t openly admitted it! I didn’t want to bear the burden of whatever the outcome would be!

Why had I told him all these things? Why couldn’t I have kept my mouth shut?

The knowledge of all the bad things that could happen hurt me deeply, but what hurt the most was knowing that Pharynx was bound to be caught in it and suffer the consequences. Why had I blurted out so carelessly that he was my brother? No wonder Shining had been so baffled! He must have seen a whole new world of classified information he could get out of me; he must have gone to prepare for every imaginable method of acquiring that information! He would be disappointed, but the fact that I didn’t have much to betray my brother with didn’t make it easier to bear the fact that I’d betrayed him at all. He’d been more loyal to me than he’d had any reason to be, protecting me from bullies and from Chrysalis, attempting to teach me how to stand up for myself in our unforgiving world… and how had I repaid him? By throwing that loyalty into the wind!

The changeling hunters I’d come across on my journey had called me a traitor. I’d pretty much ignored that label; in fact I’d hardly expected them to call me anything else after I’d turned my back on Chrysalis’ tyranny and fled from the hive. I hadn’t seen my actions as treason, more like an attempt to be left alone and to live my life in peace. But now, the full gravity of that label hit me hard and clenched my heart painfully.

Yes, I was a traitor. Maybe not to Chrysalis, maybe not to the hive, but to my brother… I was definitely a traitor to him, a traitor of the worst kind!

And I wanted to be punished for it. Not for betraying Chrysalis and the hive; that hardly counted as betrayal. But for betraying Pharynx, for possibly sending him to his death or to a lifetime of rotting away in a dungeon… that was unforgivable!

I vaguely remembered seeing some weapons on my first visit to Shining’s office. I hadn’t bothered to take notice of them earlier today, but they had to still be there! My vision was still blurred with tears and my hooves were still shaky, but I was pretty sure I could see the weapons on the far wall of the room when I got up.

I trod there slowly and carefully. Sure, there were some spears and halberds like I remembered. I could use any of them to inflict a fatal injury on myself and hopefully deny Shining a source of any more information he’d still absolutely need if he were to wage a war that could claim Pharynx’s life or freedom!

I took a deep breath and reached for the nearest halberd.

ZAP!

I woke up on something soft and warm, so incongruous with my pounding headache and the sense of utter failure that I thought at first that I’d been thrown into a deranged nightmare. Not daring to open my eyes out of fear that whatever lay beyond my eyelids would drive my worn-out mind insane with senselessness, I stirred uneasily, half dreading what might happen if I pushed the fabric of reality a bit too far.

Then something touched my hoof. I did have a hoof, right?

“You okay, buddy?” a voice echoed through the void, elusive at first, but something in it made me cling to this sole fragment of whatever it was that I was in, to use it as an anchor to pull myself back into Reality.

Tentatively, I opened my eyes. Soft light shimmered on the crystal walls, familiar sounds and sensations slipped into existence, and a friendly, concerned face gazed at me from a little beyond the edge of a bed. My bed, I realized.

“Oh, thank Celestia! You had me worried there, Thorax!” Paladin sighed in relief.

“Mmmmhhhh… why…” I moaned.

“Don’t you remember what happened?”

“...I remember a purple shield… and getting struck by lightning… is that what happened?”

“Not really,” he said hesitantly. “Shining Armor took you to his office, and I guess he questioned you because I could hear him shout at you to speak, and I think he blasted you at some point, or at least that’s what it sounded like from the hallway. Then he marched out without a word - I’ve never seen him like that - and you were there alone for a few minutes and we didn’t know what to do until we heard the zap.”

“I think I’m starting to vaguely remember… but what-”

Pharynx. I gasped and opened my eyes wide.

“Thorax?”

I let my head slump back onto the bed.

“I’m a traitor,” I said to no one in particular, tears welling up in my eyes again.

“Well, I guess leaving the hive can be seen that way-”

“I’m not talking about the hive, Paladin,” I interrupted him. “I’m talking about my brother.”

“...you have a brother?”

“Yes. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except that Pharynx is the hive’s First Commander. That’s pretty much Chrysalis’ second-in-command in practical terms. Shining questioned me about the hive and it got to the point where I had to tell him about Pharynx. Now he’s gonna think that Pharynx or Chrysalis sent me here on an agenda and I’d be surprised if he won’t want to retaliate! What should I do?”

“Just to be clear, this brother of yours - First Commander Pharynx, right? - he didn’t actually send you here on a mission or anything like that, did he?”

“Of course not! He didn’t even know I was going to leave! Heck, I didn’t know I was going to leave until I did on a whim!”

“You didn’t ask him for help getting out?”

“No, I don’t think he would have wanted to help me. His duty to Chrysalis would have prevailed.”

“Sounds to me like he betrayed you, not the other way around.”

“He didn’t! I’d be long dead if it weren’t for him! He defended me from bullies all the time!”

“Then why wouldn’t he have helped you leave the hive?”

“Because he’d see it as an act of treason as much as Chrysalis does. And because he’s too proud of the changeling ways to accept anything else. That’s how he got so high up in the hive hierarchy despite me being his main disadvantage, and he takes his job very seriously.”

“Let me guess. Since he’s so dedicated, he wouldn’t want us to know how his army works, and you think you betrayed him by telling Shining about it.”

“Something like that, plus I might have given Shining a target to retaliate against, even if the reason for retaliation is purely imaginary.”

“Did you tell Shining about it? Or at least tried?”

“I’m not sure,” I mused. “What I do know is that I begged him to spare Pharynx if he intends to attack the hive, or at least to spare him too much pain if he’s left no other choice.”

“What did he say?”

“Nothing. He walked out of the room and left me to cry on the floor.”

“That explains the puddle,” Paladin muttered. “But what were you trying to do with the weapons?”

“I took weapons? I’m sorry, I don’t remember that... I only know that I felt so unbearably guilty that I wanted to punish myself…”

Paladin closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

“I should have told you,” he said. “I didn’t think you’d find out, not like this…”

“Find out what?”

“When you first came here, Shining changeling-proofed all weapons he could find in the city, thinking you might try to use them against somepony. It never occurred to any of us that you might try to use them against yourself! I knew there weren't many things in his office protected that way so it wasn’t that hard to guess what had happened. Also, one of the halberds was slightly disturbed when I entered the room, and you were unconscious on the other end of the room.”

“You carried me here?”

“Yes.”

“Does Shining know?”

“About you being here rather than in his office? I didn’t ask for permission, but he’ll probably figure it out when Galea and Brave Heart tell him that I took you.”

“He’s going to kill me, isn’t he? And then he’ll find Pharynx and kill him too-”

The door opened abruptly, revealing Shining Armor on the other side. Paladin stood up and snapped to attention, and Shining walked up to me, ignoring the guard for the moment. His aura of love was still a jumbled mess, though I wasn’t sensing the ice-hot undertone as strongly as before.

“Okay, you win this one,” he said gravely. “I don’t know why I believe you when you say your brother didn’t send you here, but I guess I do. And I’ve decided not to attack the hive, but only because I still don’t know of any weaknesses I could exploit to win the battle. So I suggest you make the best of it. If you still have a way to contact that brother of yours, I suggest you use it and warn him to steer clear of Equestria and the Crystal Empire, because I won’t be as merciful if I run into him!”

“I’m afraid I can’t reach him, not without risking my life-”

“Then you better hope he’s smart enough to stick to the hive. That’s as far as I’ll go.” He started to trot off, then seemed to finally register Paladin’s presence. “Back to your post, soldier,” he commanded.

“Yes, Sir!”

“Thanks,” I said as Shining was walking through the door. He glanced back and fixed me a look, but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll be outside,” Paladin said. “Shout if you need something.”

I nodded absent-mindedly and he left.

I was still sulking on my bed when Sunburst dropped by a few minutes later.

“Shining told us what happened,” he said. “How are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” I asked half-heartedly.

“Things aren’t so bad, you know. He’s gonna leave your brother alone! Didn’t he tell you? He wasn’t as mad as he’d been with some other things about you, and Cadance and I hardly even needed to talk him out of going on a mission of revenge this time!”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I betrayed Pharynx because I was afraid of a little pain. I would have deserved it!”

“Is that why you tried to… hurt yourself?”

I stared at him. “How do you know about that?”

“Paladin just told me. Sweet Celestia, I can’t believe I’m glad that Shining made me invent variations of that spell!”

“You?!”

“Well, yes. I’m not that good with casting spells, but I understand the theory behind them perfectly, so that made me a logical choice for the job. Don’t get me wrong, I refused initially because you were already living with us, and I would have kept refusing if Shining hadn’t convinced me that he intended to use the spell against other changelings. He didn’t want to put identical spells on everything lest the changelings figure out how to counteract it, but they feel mostly the same because I didn’t want to make it obvious that they weren’t the same spell- er, you’re probably not interested in the technical details, sorry. Anyway, he also said he wouldn’t enchant any object that you were allowed to use, and I didn’t think it necessary to warn you against touching weapons because you don’t strike me as the type who likes them. Now I wish I had; it would have at least spared you the jolt!”

“It’s okay, Sunburst. I deserved it!”

He tilted his head and adjusted his glasses. “Well, maybe for getting suicidal for a moment there, I’ll give you that much. But that’s it!”

“Not for that. For betraying Pharynx!”

“Your loyalty to your brother is admirable, but why do you insist on thinking you’ve betrayed him?”

“Didn’t I? What if Shining had decided to go to war against the hive? Pharynx could have been killed or imprisoned!”

“But he didn’t decide to go to war!”

“But he could have!”

“But he didn’t,” Sunburst insisted. “In fact, I got the impression that your mention of Pharynx was at least partially responsible for him dropping the idea of the war against Chrysalis!”

“How?”

“I don’t know, really. He didn’t explicitly say anything. It’s just my own impression. I could be wrong, though.”

“He told me he dropped the idea for other reasons,” I shrugged.

“Well, as long as your brother is safe… Anyway, why didn’t you ever tell me you had a brother?”

“It just never came up. I’m starting to wish I had, though. It might have made things easier for me today.”

“Wanna tell me about him now? He must be a great guy if you care about him that much!”

“He is,” I said. “Okay, what would you like to know?”

Tears in the Night

I lay in my bed in the middle of the night, unable to close my eyes and rest peacefully after the events of the day. The night was bright and warm, and the stars shone beautifully through my window, but they did little to ease my troubled mind.

Things had gone better than I might have expected, that was true. Shining Armor had decided against launching an assault on the hive; how much of that decision could be attributed to the fact that my brother still lived there, I didn’t know, but I didn’t care as long as Pharynx was safe! But why did Shining care about him all of a sudden? Pharynx had been an important element in orchestrating the Canterlot invasion, even if he couldn’t have participated himself! Shining should have hated him! So why spare him? Was it because of me, out of a sense of duty to protect his subjects’ families regardless of what he thought about them? No, it couldn’t be that. I was his subject, so wouldn’t he have felt a similar sense of obligation against tormenting me regardless of what he thought about me? And Pharynx wasn’t even his subject! The idea was downright absurd! Did ponies have some weird code of honor that obliged them to respect high-ranking enemy soldiers? No, I told myself, not likely; and even if they did, why would it manifest itself in this way?

Actually, did it even have anything to do with Pharynx? It didn’t have to; Shining might have simply been dissatisfied with the amount of information I’d given him, and rightfully so: I hadn’t even gotten to mentioning the non-changeling-magic-suppressing nature of Chrysalis’ throne! Maybe it was a good thing that I hadn’t; cracking that line of defense might have been interpreted as a challenge of his abilities that he’d have gladly accepted, and there was no way that would end well for his troops!

At least he was the only pony who wouldn’t let my mind rest. Sunburst had shown no ill will in regard to my brother, neither in the sense that he existed nor in the sense that I’d neglected to mention him up until now; if anything, he’d shown interest in Pharynx, almost as if I’d been preparing to introduce them to each other! The same could be said for Cadance, who had shown up in my room shortly after Sunburst had left, wanting to reassure me and to see if I needed any help after the latest session of questioning, though she hadn’t mentioned the immediate aftermath. Did she even know what I’d almost done? I hoped she didn’t! I’d been enough of a burden to her already!

All was well, apparently. Pharynx was safe, and nopony really minded his existence or my relation to him.

So why couldn’t I let it go?

Shining’s aura of love had been unusually jumbled. Was that it? And why? It had seemed genuine enough, but how could I be sure that I’d interpreted it correctly in the state of mind that had been just as chaotic? Couldn’t that mess of an aura have contained a malicious hint concealed somewhere within it? Had he simply been testing me, telling me what I’d wanted to hear so I’d get careless and reveal more than I intended to? But why tell me to urge Pharynx to keep away… unless he’d done that to see if I’d take the bait and reveal that I still had a way to communicate with the hive? I didn’t, and even if I did, I would have been very reluctant to use it for anything, including to send warnings to Pharynx! That would undoubtedly reveal to Chrysalis that I was still alive, maybe even where I’d gone to!

Had Shining sent Sunburst and Cadance to get me to talk about Pharynx knowing that I’d open up to them much more easily? They hadn’t given me a reason to doubt their sincerity, but if I’d been distraught enough - and I had been distraught - how could I be sure that I hadn’t missed anything in them?

Easy there, Thorax, I told myself. You’re taking it to changeling level of deception!

Oh no-

What if Shining had been a changeling in disguise, getting me to betray as much as I could in controlled conditions before capturing me so my punishment could be more severe and more painful? Every drone I knew, with the possible exception of Pharynx, would love to see me scream for mercy as I get tortured to death!

Okay, Thorax, now you’ve gone headfirst into crazy territory. Shining isn’t a changeling, you’re not being set up, and nothing will happen to you-

What was that?!

I sprang up into a sitting position and put my full attention to the window. The stars were still bright and nothing was happening, but I was sure I’d seen a shadow pass quickly through the sky!

Relax, I tried to convince my heart to quit trying to explode. It was just a pegasus guard on night sentry…

...but did the Crystal Empire have aerial sentries circling the castle at nighttime?

No, I had to admit I didn’t think they did. I probably would have noticed by now! Was this new in the light of-

There! Again!

Except, it kind of didn’t look like a pegasus. It had dashed by too quickly to let me notice any details, but something told me that, whatever it might have been, it wasn’t a pegasus, guard or otherwise.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. What could be flying here like this, and why hadn’t I seen it before?

Realizing sleep was definitely not an option until I got to the bottom of this, I got out of bed. I almost opened the window to take a closer look, but stopped myself in time. No. Don’t get blasted again. Go out in the hallway and ask Paladin about it.

Yes, I should ask Paladin. He would know!

My legs had never been so shaky and wobbly as they were now while I attempted the few steps to the door. My wings were twitching uncontrollably so hard that I knew it was pointless to try to use them instead. Eventually I made it there and, just as shakily, pushed the door open.

Please be there, Paladin, please be there…

He was.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here,” I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped into the hallway, now moving much more easily than a second ago. “This might sound crazy, but-”

“You’ve seen them,” he stated in an ominous half-whisper, half-hiss that sent chills down my carapace.

“Uh… th-them?” I stammered, backtracking a step, suddenly not so sure that coming to him had been a good idea. What was wrong with him? I’d never seen him act like that!

I got my answer right away, and immediately wished I hadn’t asked.

Paladin’s skin and armor burst apart into a thousand feathery rags, revealing a changeling inside who hissed at me threateningly.

I recoiled, let out a startled yelp, and fell on my rump, then got up faster than I thought anyone could, and immediately launched into a gallop down the hallway. Was he following me? I couldn’t tell! My panting was so loud that I couldn’t hear any hoofsteps or buzzing of wings over it, and I didn’t dare risk a glance behind me!

A few empty hallways later, I nearly collided with a mare strolling around apparently aimlessly.

“Berry? What are you doing here?” I asked.

Instead of answering, she gave me a creepy smirk, then her skin burst into feathery rags like Paladin’s had, revealing another changeling.

I spun around and galloped away again, taking a turn into the nearest hallway that I thought I hadn’t come through a minute ago. Or had I? I’d been running blindly and carelessly! I wasn’t sure where I’d gone through!

A stairwell appeared before me. I stopped briefly, wondering if I should take it, when I saw shadows coming up from around the corner of an adjacent hallway.

Up or down?

I went up on a whim. Fleeing from the stairwell one floor up in case any of them had realized where I’d gone, I wondered what to do next. Wait, wasn’t Sunburst’s room around here somewhere? I could ask him for help!

The hallways were empty here and I allowed myself to slow down to a trot. I needed to catch my breath and calm down a little. Okay, a lot. Besides, where was Sunburst’s room exactly? I’d only been there once or twice, and I’d gotten there by another stairwell that time!

Eventually I arrived at what I thought was the right door. Was Sunburst even going to be there? I knocked.

The door opened and revealed Whirligig inside, dressed in a sleeping gown.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I was looking for-”

“Shut up!” she hissed, exploding into another changeling like Paladin and Berry had.

Okay, definitely the wrong door! I dashed away again.

Just around the corner, a door opened and little Flurry Heart came into the hallway, all by herself. I skidded to a halt. What now? I wasn’t supposed to come anywhere near her, but she was too young to wander the castle all by herself, especially in the middle of the night, double-especially with changelings roaming about! I had to get her to safety somehow!

I took a tentative step forward, wondering what to say to her to get her to cooperate as much as possible, but then she flew up in the air and let out a roar before exploding into a changeling herself.

Not again!

I gave up trying to look for help and went running again; I had to get out of there first and then I could plan strategies from a safe distance! My first instinct was to get to a stairwell and go down all the way to street level, but when I found one, a Royal Guard was coming up and exploded into a changeling as soon as our eyes met. I turned around, and a few civilian ponies were coming up to me, exploding into changelings one by one in rapid succession when they got close enough!

No way but up! Go, go!

I took to the air as I went up, hoping I’d be faster that way. My heart thumped wildly and my panic rose to untold heights as more and more ponies exploded into hissing changelings on every floor the further up I went. Some of them were even following me up the stairs and exploding in pursuit! And they were gaining on me! They could reach me any moment!

A random thought popped into my head, and I half wondered why it had chosen this particular moment to do so when it could have much earlier: how were these changelings doing that? This wasn’t normal shapeshifting magic! Had they invented a new spell since my escape? But how, and why? Did they still have access to the one I knew? And what about me? What would my shapeshifting sequence look like now?

No time! Think about it later!

I didn’t know how far or for how long I’d been fleeing - it seemed like forever - but eventually the stairwell ended, opening onto an observatory at the top of the castle. Cadance, Shining Armor, and Sunburst were there; I was momentarily relieved to see them, until I realized they had no obvious reason to be there together doing nothing. Shouldn’t they all be either asleep or battling the changeling hordes? Did they even know what was going on?

My heart sank when Sunburst and Shining Armor, both suddenly scowling, stepped behind me, blocking my path to the stairwell I’d just come from. My suspicions of what was about to happen came true when they, too, shed the feathery rags that had composed their skins until that moment.

All the other changelings up to that point had been random drones I’d either never met or come across in passing. Not these two.

Sunburst was Psycho, the sub-commander overseeing the security of the Throne Room and the Queen’s personal bodyguards. I’d had plenty of close contact with him, mostly amounting to me cowering on the ground under the salvo of his kicks and punches and the venom that drooled from his fangs as he relished my helpless whimpers.

And Shining Armor was Pharynx. My own brother, hissing at me as if he knew I’d betrayed him that very afternoon.

He did know, I realized. I’d betrayed him to his disguised self!

I opened my mouth, wanting to apologize to him, to beg his forgiveness, when a buzzing sound caught my attention and dozens of undisguised drones hovered into sight out of the dark sky. Some of them must have been the mysterious shadows I’d seen earlier! I looked around me; they were everywhere! They created a bubble, a living wall around the observatory, and no one and nothing could get past them!

Cadance stood still in that menacing circle, a grave and ominous expression on her face. I knew it wasn’t really her; she too would explode any moment now and reveal a changeling within her!

And she did.

The changeling within her was the one I would have given everything never to come across again, ever.

“Nice to see you again, traitor,” she said with a bloodthirsty smirk.

“Please… I didn’t mean to…”

“Save it! Why did you run away if you ‘didn’t mean to’?”

“I-”

“Why did you drain a pony if you ‘didn’t mean to’?” Psycho hissed.

“That wasn’t-”

“Why did you sell me out to the enemy if you ‘didn’t mean to’?” Pharynx growled.

“Pharynx…”

Chrysalis grabbed me in her magic and pulled me to herself.

“Oh, you sweet little naive grub,” she cooed. “Did you really think we wouldn’t see through your lies?”

“No… I wasn’t-”

She slapped me across the face. I tasted blood.

“Who gave you permission to speak?!” she bellowed.

“Sorry-”

Another slap, this one strong enough to rip my head off the rest of my body and send it flying. I cried out.

“What’s the matter, traitor? Does that hurt?”

I nodded shakily.

“What about this?” Another vicious punch. “And this?” Another, one that could dismantle a fully-grown timberwolf. “And this?” One more, after which she dropped me onto the floor.

Panting in pain and coughing up blood, I tried to overcome the dizziness and stand up before she could get the idea to stomp me. It wouldn’t have been the first time!

“I’m listening, traitor,” she commanded, turning me face-up and pressing a hoof down on my neck, firmly enough to pin me to the floor but not so firmly that I couldn’t speak. “Did that hurt?”

I nodded again. I couldn’t find the strength in me to utter a sound that wasn’t a yelp or a whimper!

“Do you realize this little bit of pain doesn’t even come close to the pain you’ve caused the hive with that treacherous stunt of yours?”

Closing my eyes, I nodded again. Whether or not it was true didn’t matter; there was only one answer she was going to accept!

“And what kind of punishment does that call for?”

I gulped. That too had only one answer that would satisfy her, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.

She stomped my chest; something cracked audibly and a wave of intense pain washed over my whole body.

“I asked you a question! What kind of punishment do you deserve?”

“As… as severe as possible… Your Highness…” I rasped with all the effort I could muster.

“There’s a good drone,” she mocked me. “Too bad it took a death sentence to get you there!”

She blasted me with the most powerful torture spells she had at her disposal. It hurt more than ever before and I couldn’t hold back the tears and the screaming! And the more I screamed, the worse it got: as always, my pain acted as fuel to her wrath! Before long, it felt like she was unleashing all of her torture spells at once, each at the highest intensity!

I screamed on in unbearable agony, my racing heart begging her to stop if only for a moment, knowing too well that moment would never come in what little was left of my lifetime. She’d tracked me down, she finally had me in her grip, and she was going to make me suffer for every second I’d spent away from the hive! And though I couldn’t imagine a more painful ordeal, I was sure she’d barely even started and would get infinitely more vicious!

After what felt like centuries, an earthquake started out of nowhere. It shook me violently, but somehow or other, Chrysalis was unaffected and still blasting away at me with all she had. The tremors persisted and intensified, and I gradually became aware of a voice calling my name. Was I hallucinating? Were the other changelings mocking me? I ignored the voice; it wasn’t hard with all the pain that Chrysalis was still raining down on me!

But the earthquake persisted and got stronger, and the voice grew louder, loud enough to almost match Chrysalis’ spells! I couldn’t ignore it anymore; as soon as I realized it, the sky ripped itself apart, and Chrysalis fizzled out of existence.

I found myself in my bed, with tears streaming down my face, shivering and panting uncontrollably, surrounded by Cadance, Shining Armor, Sunburst, Paladin, and a couple of other ponies whose names I didn’t know.

Sunburst stopped shaking me and said, “Whew! I thought you’d never wake up!”

Ashamed, I drew the blanket over my snout so only my eyes were visible.

“Oh no, I was screaming again, wasn’t I?”

“Yes,” Cadance said, motioning to the unknown ponies to leave. “Are you alright now?”

“Yes… no… I have no idea!” I pulled the blanket over myself entirely. “I’m sorry!”

Cadance uncovered my head gently. “It’s okay, Thorax! I told you already, you don’t have to apologize!”

“What were you dreaming about, anyway?” Sunburst asked.

“Changelings… changelings were here… chasing me… then Chrysalis… she waited for me… knew I was here… She tortured me… it never hurt that much in my life…”

“You can feel pain in your dreams?” Shining interjected.

I nodded.

“No wonder I could hear you all the way to the library!” Sunburst exclaimed.

The library? I’d been that loud?!

“About that,” Shining said. “If you’re going to keep screaming every other night…”

“I won’t! I promise! I should have resolved it ages ago! Um, will this do?” I hacked up a glob of resinous slime into my hooves and wrapped it around my whole snout like a tight, sticky muzzle. Everypony grimaced, and Cadance lit up her horn and tore the slime off my face.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “That’s crazy!”

“It is?” I asked, confused.

“Of course it is! Where in Equestria did you get the idea to do such a thing?”

“It’s what my brother used to do,” I shrugged. “I’ve had frequent nightmares all my life and sometimes they were bad enough to cause me to scream. The other drones weren’t happy about getting randomly woken up in the middle of the night and they would have beaten me up many times for it if Pharynx hadn’t been there to threaten them off. But he took it upon himself pretty quick to curb my screaming as best as he could. That usually meant gluing my mouth shut with slime whenever I started making sounds, you know, like I did a minute ago, but if he was in an especially cranky mood, he wouldn’t bother with it and he’d just keep punching me until I woke up.”

“Okay, so we need to punch you next time,” Shining said. “Good to know.”

“Shining!” Cadance protested.

“Your brother has a sick way of solving problems,” Paladin interjected. “No offense.”

“I don’t understand… How am I supposed to stop myself from screaming in my sleep if silencing myself in advance isn’t an option?” I fumbled with my blanket. “I suppose I could start biting myself at bedtime, but the venom’s effects probably won’t last throughout the night…”

Cadance winced, Sunburst facehoofed, Shining raised an eyebrow, and Paladin tilted his head.

“Um… that’s not an option, either?”

“Thorax, everything you’ve suggested so far would only conceal the outward manifestations of your nightmares from the ponies around you, but none of it tackles the root of the problem! You shouldn’t have to endure nightmares at all, and you shouldn’t hide from others that you have them just because you feel bad about waking someone up!”

“Forgive me, Princess, but that’s easier said than done!”

“Maybe not. I’ll write to Luna right away. If anypony can help you, it’s her! In the meantime, please try to relax, and don’t hesitate to ask any of us for help!” She trotted out of the room.

“Try not to scream again, will you?” Shining said.

“I’ll try…”

He nodded and left too.

“Think you’ll be alright?” Sunburst asked.

“Yeah… probably… After all, it was only a nightmare. How bad can it be? It’s not like my life was in danger or anything,” I said, not sounding convinced even to myself.

“I don’t know, Thorax,” Paladin said. “You sounded like you were having your skin ripped off in a pool of boiling lava!”

“...honestly, it hurt worse than that.” I shuddered.

The two exchanged glances.

“Hey, if you want either of us to stay with you for the rest of the night…” Sunburst offered.

“Yeah, we’ll wake you at the first sign of another nightmare,” Paladin added.

“Thanks guys, but I really think I need to learn to pull myself together without having to rely on others to snap me out of it when I cross the line.”

“And that’s an admirable goal, but I bet you could get there faster with some help from a friend! We may not be able to turn your nightmares into pleasant dreams, but we can snap you out of them, and we can create an environment for you in which you’ll have fewer fears and worries that can trigger a nightmare.”

“And since I’m supposed to guard you anyway, it doesn’t make a lot of difference to me if I do it here rather than in the hallway.”

“You really think that’ll help?”

“Yes,” said Sunburst. “Some comfort food might too, if you’re up for it.”

“Comfort food? You mean, feeding on you now? I already did that in the morning!”

“And an extra meal won’t kill me! C’mon, Thorax, we want to help you! Haven’t you learned that already?”

“...okay, fine,” I relented. “I guess I could use a little help…”

The hugs they gave me had never tasted better!

Outlet

“So I’ve been thinking,” Sunburst said to me the next morning when we sat down to begin with the day’s lesson, “have you considered trying any hobbies?”

“No. Why?”

“You’ve been here for a while now and all you’ve done is wrestle obstacles in trying to fit in. You haven’t made as many friends as I thought you would and that’s what you came here for! Not that you haven’t tried, but with Shining’s attitude, it’s hardly surprising that a lot of ponies would exercise caution around you. None of that’s your fault, of course, but it’s not exactly an encouraging and supportive environment, is it?”

I shrugged. “It’s better than what I had in the hive…”

“No offense, but that place is a very poor criterion for quality of life. It’s just ‘work, fight, and get punished for insubordination for every slightest thing’, isn’t it? Not to mention the lack of appropriate nourishment!”

“More or less. But what’s your point?”

“My point is that you’re constantly stressed out, and you might not even realize it because you’ve been stressed out all your life and you probably think it’s normal. But it isn’t! It could be the reason why you’re having nightmares so often!”

“They’re not that frequent,” I countered. “I only woke up screaming twice in my time here! Or was it three times?”

“Twice by my count. Tonight, which happened after Shining questioned you, and if I’m not mistaken, the first time was the night after you returned from prison, or maybe the night after that one. Which was the third by your count?”

“On the night I spent in prison, but I’m not sure whether or not I woke up actually screaming. What I do know is that I had a nightmare and the guards were looking at me weird when I opened my eyes.”

“Either way, the worst nightmares you’ve had coincided with a traumatic event. If I may, I’d suggest that it was more than a coincidence; they were likely triggered by those events.”

“Now that you mention it, there were certain similarities- But you said ‘the worst’ nightmares. Did you mean that I might have had nightmares that were less bad?”

“Don’t you remember any?”

“No, not really.”

“I hear moaning and whimpering from your room on most nights. I wasn’t sure at first that I’m not imagining things so I asked the guards and the ponies who live in the rooms next to yours, and they’ve been hearing the same.”

I stared at him blankly.

“Don’t you know about it?” he asked.

“No… I’m sorry! I haven’t realized I’ve been keeping you up every night!”

“You weren’t really. It isn’t so loud that I can’t tune it out, and I didn’t think much of it at first. I must have assumed it was normal changeling behavior, but now I’m starting to think you had nightmares on those nights too and they simply weren’t horrible enough to make you scream the whole castle awake. Which, again, is understandable because life hasn’t been easy for you.”

“If you’re right, it could also explain why I was having nightmares so often in the hive, too,” I mused. “So what are you suggesting?”

“You should find a hobby.”

“Aren’t they a waste of time?”

“No! Who told you that?”

“...I guess that’s how the hive would see it,” I shrugged. “It doesn’t contribute to anything the Queen wants and might distract the drones from their duties, so…”

“We’ve already established that the hive isn’t a nice place to live in. This is only part of the reason why.”

“So how would a hobby help me?”

“It would allow you to relax.”

“Isn’t that what sleeping is for?”

“Sleep relaxes your body. It might relax the mind, too, but not if you’re having a nightmare. What I mean is, you need an activity that would relax your mind and help you stop thinking about the bad things that keep happening to you and get you to realize that there are plenty of good things in the world and that they aren’t beyond your reach! And it should be something you enjoy doing or it won’t have the desired effect!”

“Makes sense when you put it that way,” I agreed. “So, which hobbies should I try?”

“What would you like?”

I pondered this. Indeed, what would I like? I’d spent most of my life in an endless circle of trying to stay out of trouble, getting in trouble, and recovering from injuries before the next incident of trouble. And even when I wasn’t in trouble, there had always been some errand that needed to be done or some order that needed to be obeyed because failing to do so would result in more trouble! Such a lifestyle had left little room for wondering about enjoyable activities - in fact, my idea of ‘enjoyable activities’ was something along the lines of ‘anything that didn’t get me in trouble’ - and even less for hoping for some peace of mind. But those days had ended, and aside from looking for friendship, I still had no idea what I could do with my life! I had very few skills I could use to benefit my new home, and I’d never thought to ask myself whether or not there was something else I could do, something I might like to do!

“I’m not sure,” I said. “What do ponies do as a hobby?”

“Lots of things. Reading, playing games, playing music, dancing, gardening, sports… you name it! Anything you like doing can be a hobby!”

“Well, I already read…”

“You read textbooks, mostly,” he said dryly. “That falls under learning to fit in around ponies.”

“What about Daring Do? Those aren’t textbooks!”

“Yes, that would count as a hobby of sorts… but just because you already have one hobby doesn’t mean you can’t develop any others!”

“Hmmmm.” It sounded intriguing, and I believed him when he said it might help me overcome my fears and worries, but what to try? “I still don’t know what I might like! What if I choose wrong?”

“Then you stop trying that and try something else!”

“Just like that?”

“Of course! It’s not like anypony will supervise your progress, or think any less of you for abandoning one thing in favor of another, or anything else along those lines! It’s not a job!”

“...this will sound crazy, but having so many choices isn’t making it any easier. It could be ages before I find something I’ll like! How do I decide what to try first?”

“Good point.” He stroked his goatee. “You think watching others practice their hobbies might give you an idea whether or not that hobby is worth trying?”

“Maybe,” I shrugged. “But wouldn’t that be intrusive?”

“Not necessarily. We could take a walk through town and see what ponies are doing. Something might catch your interest!”

“And they won’t mind me taking a closer look?”

“They shouldn’t, but if they do, we’ll deal with that when we get there.” He got up and started towards the door. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Now? What about our lesson?”

“You’re doing fine. Nothing bad will happen if you skip a day or two!” He chuckled. “Besides, I’ve been cooped up with my books for so long that I could use some physical activity.”

“Well, my friend, pick a direction,” Sunburst told me when we got out of the castle onto the clearing below.

I looked around. Most of the streets looked similar. And Sunburst had said I could find ponies engaging in a hobby in each of them? How, then, was I to choose where to go first?

I was looking for ponies, but a building caught my eye.

“What’s there?” I asked.

“That’s the stadium. It’s where the last Equestria Games took place. Hasn’t Spike shown you? It’s where he saved the Empire the second time!”

“He mentioned it, yes, but I think we approached the stadium from elsewhere.”

“Ah, right. The entrance is from Onyx Street. Want to go there? There might be some training sessions going on!”

“Well… it’s as good a place to start as any, I guess,” I shrugged. “Might as well, though I don’t really think I’m a sporty type.”

“Because you flunked military training?” Sentinel interjected. “That doesn’t have to mean anything! Soldiers and professional athletes train much more intensely than would ever be expected of somepony looking for a little fun in their spare time! Uh, some changeling looking for a little fun, in this case.”

We’d barely made a few steps into Obsidian Street when I got uneasy, almost to the point of hyperventilating.

“What’s wrong?” Sunburst asked.

“This street seems vaguely familiar… I don’t know why, but I don’t like it very much…”

Sentinel slapped her forehead. “We’re fools! The city jail is on the far end of this street! Shining would have carried you through here that day and you must have been too dazed from his spell to consciously notice any details! Of course you wouldn’t like this street!”

“And on my way back, I was so dispirited that I had my eyes fixed on the ground most of the time… I can’t believe I failed to notice the stadium and I walked right past it!”

“It only shows how much you need to get your mind off things,” Sunburst added. “Come on, let’s double back and get there via Morganite Street. It’s about the same distance anyway.”

They’d been right. Morganite Street was much better! It wasn’t that different from Obsidian Street, but my subconscious mind must have noticed enough details to decide it didn’t have to warn me about possible dangers that awaited here. I wasn’t sure how it worked, but Sunburst surely would, or at the very least he’d know a book that explained it!

The stadium was open, but the sight of something that I could best describe as some sort of a half-assembled fence left me puzzled. Sentinel chuckled at the sight of me eyeing it with a degree of caution.

“Let me guess,” she said. “You’ve never seen automated ticket control booths, have you?”

“I guess not. What are they for?”

“Like the name says, they’re used to clip tickets at events where there are too many attendees to have a pony assigned to clipping tickets. When active, there’s a horizontal bar that blocks a pony’s path until a ticket is presented, then it retracts or swings aside so the pony can pass to the other side and returns to its original position so only one pony can pass at a time. A security guard is usually present to keep the ponies from leaping or flying over unless the booths are designed to prevent it, and to make sure unicorns go through the booths that block their magic temporarily if such a thing is necessary.” She pointed to the taller booths at the side. “Those are over there.”

So Chrysalis wasn’t the only one who had an object that could suppress magic! “Interesting. Does it work on changelings?”

She blinked and stared at me blankly for a moment. “...I don’t think anypony has ever checked,” she admitted eventually.

“It probably wouldn’t make a lot of difference to any changelings trying to get into the stadium because they could simply take the form of a non-unicorn and switch to a different disguise later if necessary,” Sunburst mused. “But it might have applications elsewhere if it works. I hate to ask this of you, Thorax, but would you consider being our test subject? It doesn’t hurt and the effect only lasts a couple of hours… well, at least that’s what it’s like for unicorns. I can’t promise it’ll have the exact same effect on you, but it’s been designed to not cause discomfort or any lasting effects, so you should be fine. I think.”

“You think?” Sentinel asked. “I’m not comfortable with pushing Thorax into something we can’t predict how it’ll affect him!”

“I’m not, either,” he agreed reluctantly. “I could study the blocking spell and-”

“I’ll do it,” I said.

“You will?!” they asked in unison. Sunburst continued, “I mean, are you sure you want this?”

“Look, now that we’ve started this line of discussion, Sentinel will have to tell Shining about it in her next report, or at least she’ll have to tell him we were here and he’ll remember these booths. He knows about them, doesn’t he?”

She nodded. “Yes, he’s the one who had them installed.”

“There you go. And even if we hadn’t come here, with his attitude toward changelings, I’m sure he would have thought of trying this sooner or later regardless, and I’m the most available changeling he’s got. So let’s get it over with... With any luck, he might see it as a sign of my good intentions and loosen his grip on me.”

“Good point. But what if it hurts or disrupts your magic permanently? Or both?”

“Sunburst, I’ve spent half my life in pain. I’m used to it! And shapeshifting is pretty much the only spell I’m capable of, and the use of it is restricted anyway, so no big deal if I get stuck in the same form forever.”

“Except that it would also leave you stuck in the Crystal Empire forever, or at least until the rest of Equestria learns to be comfortable with a changeling among them, which could take decades! Not to mention that it would only make it easier for Chrysalis to find you!”

“Right. I hadn’t thought of that.” I shrugged. “Well, being stuck in the Crystal Empire is still better than letting Chrysalis find me…”

“You think if you enter the field in disguise, there’s a chance it’ll leave you stuck in disguise rather than in your own form if you do end up unable to shapeshift?” Sentinel suggested. “It would help against Chrysalis, and you could still travel… unless you prefer your own form or have to be able to return to it for whatever biological reason…”

“I could try that.” I became Crystal Hoof.

“We’re really doing this, are we?” Sunburst muttered.

“I guess we are,” Sentinel replied, activating a booth. A bluish aura filled the air between the posts. “I’ve activated the no-ticket-required mode. Whenever you’re ready.”

I braced myself. “Okay, here goes…”

With gritted teeth and eyes squeezed shut, I walked into the field. It tingled on contact with my body, and I had a vague feeling that I was stretching it a little as I passed through, but like Sunburst had said, it was entirely painless. I wouldn’t exactly call it pleasant or fun, either, but so far, there were no noticeable effects on me.

After a few more steps, the tingling stopped, and I opened my eyes cautiously. Sunburst and Sentinel weren’t giving off any cues that something might be wrong, neither through facial expressions nor through a disturbed love aura, so I looked myself over. Still Crystal Hoof!

“Well, how do you feel?” Sunburst asked.

“Fine. It didn’t hurt, and it didn’t feel like it was messing with my disguise. It just tingled a little. Is that normal?”

“Yes. Can you shapeshift?”

“Let’s see…” I allowed my disguise to collapse, and it did without a problem. “I guess it works. Do I look the same as normally? No subtle changes? Or obvious ones?”

They looked me over.

“No, I think you’re good,” Sentinel said. “At least as far as I can tell.”

“Can you re-disguise yourself, now that we’re checking things?” Sunburst asked. “Just to be sure it didn’t mess you up.”

“Sure!” I turned into Crystal Hoof again, then into Sunburst, and into Spike, a rock, a bird, and a flower bush, then reverted to myself. “Works fine. Looks like we have nothing to worry about after all!”

“Except that we can’t use this to detect changelings,” Sentinel interjected.

“Well, like Sunburst said, this thing is pretty big and obvious and any changeling looking to remain undetected would find a way around it, so unless the spell, design, or technology can be modified somehow, it wouldn’t have worked anyway.”

“I bet Shining will want me to research our options in that regard,” Sunburst mused. “Anyway, we came here for a different purpose, and I think I see a few ponies exercising there. Let’s take a look!”

Sentinel deactivated the booth and we followed Sunburst to the playground.

More ponies were there than could be seen from the entrance. Some galloped in circles, some were doing push-ups, and some were lifting weights. A little further away, half a dozen of them were shooting arrows at targets, another half a dozen were throwing spears at more targets, and on the far end, a group was engaged in what looked like a fight to the death for one single ball.

I cringed at the sight.

“This is sport?” I asked, dumbfounded. “As in, ponies do this for pleasure?”

“Yeah, why? You sound like there’s nothing to be enjoyed in it!”

“It reminds me of the things I had to do in basic training when I was a nymph.”

“Okay, I get the running and push-ups and weapons usage,” Sentinel said. “That was part of my training too. But hoofball?”

“That’s what that it’s called?”

“Yes.”

“It’s similar to prey-catching drills for beginners. They’d give us a small and potentially tricky animal such as a rat - we weren’t much bigger than rats ourselves at the time - and whichever nymph catches the animal is the winner. It was more than just catching the animal; we also had to-”

Two ponies in the hoofball field collided and one fell onto the ground, wailing his tongue off.

“-watch out for other drones who could hurt us,” I squeaked, grimacing at the sight. “Is he going to be alright?”

“Yeah, sure. Definitely! He’s fine! Nothing wrong with him,” Sentinel rambled unconvincingly as a pair of medics rushed to the field and moved the injured pony onto a gurney. Now that he’d been moved, his leg looked twisted in a way it shouldn’t be, even from this distance! “C’mon guys, we’ve seen enough.”

We headed for the exit, where the medics rushed past us and I saw the injured pony up close. I recognized him as one who had yelled some pretty rude things at me in my first days here and grumbled some marginally less rude things at me more recently; he saw me standing there and that was the first time he’d skipped the insults and grumbling. It could have been simply because our encounter was too brief this time, but even if it had been longer, his leg was twisted badly enough that I was sure he didn’t care about voicing his opinion of me under the circumstances. His aura of love supported that conclusion: it was murky with fear and pain rather than ice-hot with hatred.

All three of us winced at his condition as he was carried away, though I probably winced more visibly than my friends.

“...oh, well,” Sunburst sighed once the medics and the injured pony were out of the stadium. “That could have gone better.”

“Yeah, he won’t be playing hoofball anytime soon,” Sentinel agreed. “Sorry you had to see that, Thorax. I was kind of hoping you’d like sports so we could train together sometime, but after this, I’m guessing you won’t be so eager to try.”

“I don’t think I would have tried it anyway,” I said. “Remember those prey-catching drills I mentioned? I had one of my legs broken on the first day, and another leg twice more, and my wing got torn once, so this accident was hardly a surprise.”

“You… had a broken leg three times,” Sunburst said, staring at me incredulously.

“In that drill, yes. If we add a few different drills, and working accidents, and bullying, and punishment… Gee, I’m not sure anymore! Could have been around twenty or thirty times altogether.”

Now they both stared at me wide-eyed.

“Um, it wasn’t the same leg every time,” I added. It did nothing about their stares.

Sentinel recovered first.

“Okay, I don’t know what baffles me more: that you were injured that many times, or that you talk about it as if it’s no big deal,” she stated.

“Why would it be a big deal? Yeah, it hurts pretty bad, but it happens to everypony sooner or later, doesn’t it?” They stared at me again. “Doesn’t it?” I repeated, getting a feeling like something wasn’t right.

“Most ponies never break a leg. Sprain, maybe, but fractures aren’t that common. I know I never broke anything. You, Sentinel?”

“I broke a wing once, but that was a training accident in the Wonderbolts Academy. I flew full-speed into a wall. My own fault for not paying attention to where I was going.”

I glanced at my forelegs as if I was seeing them for the first time. Most drones got injured in training at some point - even Pharynx had been once or twice - and noling thought much of it! I’d thought my frequent injuries were normal for a weakling! But a world in which it was normal to never get injured? How much pain growing up in such a world could have spared me! How much pain it could spare many others! Sunburst and Sentinel had given me a lot to think about!

“Hey Sunburst,” Sentinel said. “I’m thinking Thorax could do with a less injury-prone hobby, don’t you?”

“Yes, yes of course. Let’s see… I think there’s a music shop in Jade Street. Maybe we could try that?”

“Sounds good to me. You up for it, Thorax?”

“Yeah, sure, I guess.”

“Then let’s go!”

The music shop was nearer than I’d expected. A glance at the window revealed several instruments on display, as well as a few books, one of which was open on a page with peculiar… writing? I’d never seen such symbols before!

“Are you sure, guys?” I asked tentatively. “This looks a bit too complicated for a hobby…”

“I know,” Sunburst chuckled, “but it isn’t that hard to learn the basics. I tried it as a colt, and it was fun for a while, but I abandoned it eventually when I realized my interests lay elsewhere.”

“But how do I learn? Are there any instruction manuals or do I need somepony to show me?”

“A little bit of both, actually. There are ponies who teach a particular instrument and most new musicians start learning from them, which speeds up the process of getting acquainted with the instrument considerably compared to just trying to figure it out by yourself or with the help of a book, except for the rare ponies with extreme talent. But the teacher isn’t enough, at least when you’re a beginner. You need some musical sheets to practice with before you can move on to the good stuff.”

I must have looked confused because Sunburst decided to get into full teacher mode right then and there.

“See those books stacked next to the violin? They’re musical sheets, and you can see what a composition looks like on that open page. The symbols are called notes, the lines are called a staff, the swirly thing at the beginning of each row is a clef, a treble clef in this case, and there’s a bunch of other symbols that you don’t need to recognize at the beginner stage. This particular one is a pretty advanced piece and I must admit I don’t recognize all the symbols, but you might if you find enough appeal in playing music to pursue it for long enough to reach advanced levels. The notes themselves are the most basic symbols you’ll need, and though they all look similar at first, the exact appearance of a note and its position on the staff determines which sound to play and how-”

“This is all great, Sunburst,” Sentinel interrupted him, “but can we move things along? You’re busting your hump to explain something when you don’t even know if he’ll like it enough to need any explanations!”

“Right. Sorry.” He glanced into the shop. “A few ponies are in there trying out instruments, so this is a good opportunity to hear what an instrument sounds like, and I’m sure you can ask some questions if you have any.”

“Okay,” I said.

“I’ll be outside,” Sentinel announced as Sunburst and I entered the shop.

The interior was a bit darker than I’d expected, but not too dark, and I assumed this was an aesthetic choice. A salespony was nowhere to be seen at the moment, but like Sunburst had said, a few ponies were playing what sounded to me like random notes, each pony on a different instrument. They weren’t loud, but I assumed the salespony could still hear them wherever he was, otherwise he or she wouldn’t have left the shop unattended and risked an instrument getting stolen - and judging by the prices displayed, it would have been a considerable loss to the shop!

Speaking of prices…

“Uh, Sunburst?” I whispered. “I don’t think I have enough money to buy anything here!”

“Relax, music schools sometimes let students borrow an instrument until they can afford their own, and used instruments can sometimes be found on sale at a much lower price than a new one. Besides, I’m sure Cadance won’t mind giving you a little extra money for this kind of thing! I’d certainly be willing to lend you a few bits of my own!”

“If you say so…”

“Now, which instrument would you like to try first?”

I looked around for a minute, unsure which of the many instruments I found most appealing. A few had an interesting appearance, but wasn’t it more important how an instrument sounded than what it looked like? Not to mention that I had no idea how easy or how hard it would be to learn to play an instrument and whether or not some were easier to master than others!

Oh well, since I didn’t know, it probably didn’t matter much if I was to just try them out. I picked up the one that was the closest to me. None of the ponies in the shop were playing another that looked exactly like it, but it looked like an elaborate battle horn, so I assumed it was used in the same way.

I blew into it and an ear-shattering shriek of a possessed timberwolf filled the room. The other ponies dropped their instruments, covered their ears, and looked at me as if I’d spat in their faces.

I was about to apologize to them, but got interrupted.

“Hey! Get your filthy fangs off that flugelhorn!”

The command had come from an elderly pony who had only just appeared behind a cash register; that had to be the salespony appearing to put a stop to my unfortunate attempt to meddle with something I clearly had no business meddling with!

“Sorry,” I stammered and got my filthy fangs away from the… flugelhorn? Had I gotten the name right?

“Put that back where you found it!”

I tried, but in my urge to do it quickly in a hope it would lessen the red-hot flavor of the salespony’s aura, I got clumsy and nearly dropped the thing. Thankfully, Sunburst was there to catch it in his magic before it hit the ground and replace it safely on the shelf.

“Now get your disgusting face out of my shop!” the salespony yelled.

“Excuse me, sir,” Sunburst protested, “there’s no need to treat my-”

“Out!” he bellowed, pointing at the door. “Both of you!”

“Okay, okay, we’re going,” I said and rushed out. Sunburst followed.

“Well, so much for music, huh?” Sentinel asked. “Unless you want me to sort out his attitude?”

“No, leave him- Wait, you heard that?”

“I think the whole town heard, Thorax. It was louder than your nightmare-induced screaming, if that’s even possible!”

I plopped onto the ground and let out a frustrated moan.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Sunburst patted me on the back. “I’m… sure we’ll think of something else…”

“You don’t sound very convinced,” I said dryly.

“Well, I was looking forward to getting to know your musical side, but…” He shrugged.

“Let’s just walk on through the streets without specific ideas and expectations and see what comes of it, shall we?” Sentinel suggested. “It might at least avoid major disappointments!”

Sentinel’s idea had sounded good, but after hoofing it through half the city, we were still nowhere near a solid idea. A few marginal opportunities had presented themselves along the way but nothing much had come of it. First, Sunburst had stopped by at a pharmacy on the corner of Ruby and Tourmaline Streets to restock his alchemy supplies, and had asked me if I’d like to try brewing something, but then we realized I’d need way more training than I already had - which was next to nothing - until I could show any worthy results, and it hadn’t sounded very interesting anyway. Then, in Turquoise Street, Sentinel had pointed out a boutique to me, and I’d copied a few gowns in the shop-window onto myself flawlessly, but when prompted to come up with an original design of my own, the result had drawn a cringe from Sunburst, a raised eyebrow from Sentinel, and snickers and disgusted groans from the ponies passing by. Lastly, two ponies playing a board game in an outdoor section of a café in Pyrite Street had caught my interest, but they’d immediately expressed their unwillingness to have changelings observe the game, to explain the rules to random strangers, and even to say what the game was called.

By the time we reached Quartz Street, all three of us had had enough of walking around like idiots, and since it was nearing lunchtime, we decided to return to the castle and decide later whether or not there was a point in trying again. From the looks of it, I might not find inspiration in town like we’d hoped, and I was beginning to come to terms with having to either think of a hobby on my own or to give up entirely.

We were nearing the castle when a poster on the doors of one of the buildings caught my attention.

“Pablo Pegaso,” I read aloud. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but where had I heard it before?

“It’s an artistic exhibition,” Sunburst explained.

Of course! Cadance had mentioned it that time when she took me for a walk! She’d asked if I wanted to visit, hadn’t she?

“It’s still ongoing,” Sentinel mused, reading the rest of the poster. “Guys, you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I’m thinking lunch can wait a little longer,” Sunburst said eagerly. “You think you might be an artistic type, Thorax?”

“Maybe... I secretly crafted myself a few dolls when I was little, if that counts as artistic.”

“Why didn’t you say so? It does!” he replied. “But why secretly?”

“Because the other nymphs found the dolls pretty quick and things went about as well as you might guess, and good thing Pharynx was close enough to intervene when it happened or… nevermind.”

“Ahem. Right. Anyway, let’s see the paintings!”

The tickets were priced reasonably, and though the museum had the no-weapons-allowed policy like a lot of other places I’d been to, Sentinel was allowed access anyway. I assumed it had something to do with her being a Royal Guard, which she later confirmed, so I found it weird why such exceptions weren’t routinely made elsewhere too.

Oh, no matter. Time to look at some paintings! I could ponder weapons policies later!

The exhibition stretched across several halls, most of which were moderately crowded, and some of the ponies stood around in groups with a guide. Most visitors were too busy looking at the paintings or listening to the guides to notice a changeling among them, but the few that had noticed me didn’t seem to mind. I hadn’t realized until then that I’d half expected to be welcomed with disapproval or protests or to be outright thrown out! Maybe things were starting to go in my favor after all!

Regardless of that, I opted not to join any guided groups, despite Sunburst’s suggestion that it might be a good idea if I wanted to learn more about the artist. I figured I could do that later if I wanted to; for now, I preferred to view the paintings at my own pace.

The first few halls left me largely unimpressed and somewhat disappointed. The paintings here were either mostly bluish or mostly in red and orange hues, and depicted ponies in various settings. Nothing really wrong about any of them, but I’d expected… what, exactly? A more elaborate style? Different motifs? A moment of epiphany? I didn’t know, but whatever it was, I wasn’t finding it here! And ponies were flocking around to see this? I considered giving up and leaving, but didn’t want to disappoint Sunburst and Sentinel, who had gone in for my sake but seemed to enjoy the exhibition so far, so I decided to view the rest of it and voice my opinions later.

And not a moment too soon had I changed my mind: the next hall or two featured paintings made in a different style, one that sparked my interest again. They were still mostly portraits and a few landscapes, but the thing I found so intriguing about them was that they reminded me of decorations I’d seen in a zebra’s hut in the Everfree Forest during my journey! I checked: yes, this was still the same painter! Was Pegaso a zebra with a counterintuitive name? Was the name actually an alias, something like how I called myself Crystal Hoof when in disguise? I was starting to regret not having joined a guided group, but there were none around at the moment!

The paintings got more peculiar in further halls, and another check revealed this was still Pegaso’s work. The ponies and objects still had a bit of resemblance to the zebra style, but now they were distorted, almost as if viewed from multiple angles at once or as if they’d been taken apart and reassembled in a different way!

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” I muttered to myself, fascinated by this new discovery.

“It’s Pegaso’s signature style,” Sunburst explained.

“How did he come up with it? I never realized such, well, chaos for the lack of a better term, could be considered art!”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m not really an expert on the subject, but I know the point of art is to explore and challenge one’s perception of reality rather than to simply copy a scene. A lot of modern artists prefer to make a statement with their art pieces; idle viewing isn’t enough for them.”

“I see what you mean,” I said, pointing to a painting we’d just arrived at. This one had to be my favorite yet!

It was a portrait of a mare, painted in the same distorted style that dominated this hall, and she was crying. No, to say that she was crying would be a pale understatement; though I imagined that a more realistic version of the painting would be gloomy enough, the grotesque distortions of this style augmented her tears and pained grimace so intensely that the painting screamed crushing despair by its visuals so loudly and unmistakably that I didn’t need to taste the mare’s love aura to feel every bit of her pain!

“Take this mare here,” I told him. “If she were sitting in the next room with her world falling apart, this is how I’d paint her love aura with my eyes closed.”

“And since you’ve gotten all poetic,” Sentinel called, looking through the gate into the next hall, “you might want to see the final exhibit!”

I went to join her. The next hall contained only one enormous painting that was partially obscured by a large group of ponies standing in front of it, but what I saw of it was enough to make me stop in my tracks and stare dumbfounded.

Was I seeing it right?

No, it couldn’t be…

I hovered above the crowd to take a better look. The painting was mostly black and white and stretched across the better part of the wall, and a multitude of ponies were portrayed in various poses and distorted shapes that evoked a strong sense of suffering and utter defeat… and among them was an equally distorted but unmistakable form of a rampaging changeling.

“What is this?!” I gasped.

“Chaotica,” Sentinel told me, hovering closer. “Pegaso’s most famous work. It was inspired by the invasion of Canterlot and painted as an anti-war message. Maybe I should have prepared you for it!”

“It’s alright,” I said. “But how is it anti-war?”

“A lot of ponies demanded retribution after you guys invaded Canterlot. Purging of any and all lingering changelings, invasion of your land… the ideas were crazy, to say the least. But others, Pegaso for instance, believed it would be pointless and only cause more pain and deepen the wounds without a chance to really solve anything, so he painted this as a reminder of the horrors that the ponies had endured and a warning against putting themselves in the same situation again if they underestimated their enemies. In a broader sense, it’s also a plea not to allow ourselves to lose focus of what is right and resort to blind violence because, in doing so, we’d become no better than the changelings that the ponies as a nation have come to hate and despise so much.”

I nodded, understanding. Sunburst had already said that artists strived to make a statement with their work, and what a statement this was! I’d thought that the whole point of art was to beautify one’s surroundings, and undoubtedly that was true, but today, I’d discovered a whole new kind of beauty, one that spoke to the soul so much more than it did to the eyes!

“Guys?” I asked as we were leaving the museum. “I don’t suppose you know where I can get some painting equipment?”

Missed Reunion

Over the next few days, my new hobby yielded its first results. I’d spent a day or two in the castle’s library studying basic painting tips and in the museum asking one of the curators for advice and clarifications of some things that I’d read that had puzzled me. She had been extremely helpful, and after a trip to the hobby shop for some paint, brushes, color pencils, canvas, and other necessities, getting started on my first drawing was easier than I’d expected!

I started simple: rather than aiming to make an impactful statement with my art right away, I decided to get familiar with the tools of the trade and make sketches to practice my technique before moving on to the more complicated stuff. That had been the books’ and curator’s advice, and I quickly saw it hadn’t been without reason, as the first sketch had turned out laughable by every standard! But I could see easily what I was doing wrong, and soon enough, my skill improved to something that could probably be described as passable.

I drew sketches of objects, flowers, and some animals, then moved on to portrait sketches, then tried to sketch a full landscape. It turned out okay. Not museum level - that would have been an unexpected miracle in such a short time - but Fine Line, the curator I’d asked for advice in the beginning, was passing by while I sketched in the street and said how impressed she was by how quickly I’d progressed from the earlier sketches that I’d brought with me in case I needed a reminder of what to do and what not to do!

This time, Fine Line sat with me while I sketched, making suggestions on how to improve my skill, and expressed her satisfaction with how easily I implemented her tips into my work, and her love aura was so bright and warm that I had no reason to doubt her words!

I’d surprised her with how quickly I was learning, she said. How much of it could be attributed to the fact that changelings had to have an eye for detail in order to produce a convincing disguise, neither of us knew, but she encouraged me to keep practicing. I had talent, she said, and she’d hate it to go to waste!

Even with Sunburst’s positive attitude in the lessons I had with him, I was still unused to this level of encouragement. He’d seen my capability to learn, or so he’d claimed, and I’d decided to believe him even if his words felt a little exaggerated; but now, I was getting the same praise from a different pony and for a different kind of activity! Could it be? Could I really have stopped being an utter failure and finally found things I was good at and could keep getting better at if I persisted?

I wanted it to be true; I wanted to be able to look at my reflection in the mirror and see a drone worthy of something, a drone who had attempted a task and completed it satisfactorily and without struggle, a drone who could be trusted to repeat that favorable result consistently whenever it was expected. But getting there required more practice, and probably for the first time ever, I believed I had what it took to achieve that goal. It may not be of great value to the society, but it didn’t matter; there was something I could do properly and it felt so good! Maybe, in time, I would discover more things I was good at or could learn to be good at!

But for now, one thing at a time. Having goals was great, but only as long as they were achievable! No point in getting overwhelmed with more ambitions than I could handle!

Fine Line had encouraged me to keep working on my skill and I felt ready. I decided to set sketching aside for now and to begin working on a painting.

Again, I didn’t want to get too ambitious for my own good and pick something I couldn’t handle. I’d probably mess it up and get discouraged from trying again even though I enjoyed the process and found it as soothing as Sunburst had hoped it would be! Losing hope and confidence was the last thing I needed!

Fortunately, I knew of enough simple motifs by now that it wasn’t hard to choose among them what I wanted to try for practice. Sure, none of them would be very original, but it didn’t matter. I’d get to originality sooner or later, and I wanted to do it right.

Flowers had been an easy and pretty thing to sketch, and I expected that painting them wouldn’t be much harder. There were plenty of flowers to choose from throughout the city, and there was nothing stopping me from inventing an imaginary one if I preferred to, but I knew of one particular flower that I wanted to give the honor of becoming my first painting! I’d spent enough time around it that I was sure I could paint it from memory, but why do it like that when I could go there and paint while enjoying its company in the warm sun?

The first chance I got, I packed my watercolors, brushes, canvas, and a water can, and set out for a hill on the city outskirts. I knew it well by now; most of my excursions out of the castle and into the city streets had included a detour to this particular location. The hill itself was nothing special per se, but on it grew a flower that had been given to me by a pony I’d comforted in his moment of need, a pony I might have befriended had my journey through Equestria not taken me unexpectedly away from the city I believed to be Vanhoover. I’d spent a couple of days there but forgotten to check the name of the city while still in it, and studying Sunburst’s maps had made Vanhoover the most likely candidate. I’d made an effort to check because I’d believed the day would come when I’d travel there and reunite with my acquaintance.

In the meantime, the flower had remained here to remind me of the elderly pony and his gratitude for the moment I’d spent with him. He’d been the rare exception in the endless stream of ponies who had chased me, fled away from me in terror, or tried to bring about my undoing. He had come closer than anypony else to becoming my friend up until Spike, and I’d never forgotten that! Perhaps that was because he hadn’t realized I was a changeling. Perhaps, if I’d dropped my disguise in front of him, he would have acted the same as the hordes to whom I’d been nothing but a despicable enemy, a vile threat that needed to be crushed without mercy… but against all odds, part of me still hoped that he would have been able to see past my dark carapace and menacing fangs and see the gentle soul that I’d revealed to him in his moment of need.

He’d given me the flower, and within it, he’d given me some love, enough to sustain me through the raging blizzard on the final leg of my journey before I ended up here. I’d planted the flower on the hill where I first landed in this love-filled oasis that I hadn’t known existed until then, and the flower was still flourishing nicely! It had comforted me in moments of despair and reminded me not to falter, because the day had to come when I would meet a pony who would like me for who I was and call me a friend regardless of what I was; now that the day had come, the flower was my own personal monument of Friendship Undying.

So what better way to honor it than to pay tribute to it through my first painting?

Trusty Shield watched me silently while I worked. He and the other two guards were still tasked with following me everywhere and making sure I behaved myself, and I’d gotten used to them being around. What I still hadn’t gotten completely used to was that Trusty was beginning to abandon his brazen attitude towards me and act at least polite if not as friendly as Paladin or Sentinel! Had all this time with me finally gotten him to realize that I wasn’t the monster he’d thought I was? Maybe, or maybe it was something else; either way, I welcomed the change, even if I still reserved a degree of caution in case he relapsed into his old behavior. That would have been a major distraction for me while I painted, but as it was, I hardly noticed him! He maintained a respectful distance, refrained from snide remarks, and even expressed mild approval of how the finished painting had turned out! Heck, he even offered to help me carry it back to the castle so it wouldn’t get damaged along the way!

Was this your doing, flower? If it was, thank you!

With Sunburst’s help, I hung the painting on the wall of my room, above the bed. Now I could view my flower whenever I wanted! And, of course, I wouldn’t forget the living counterpart of this painting that now proudly decorated my room and made it feel a little more like a home!

But now that the flower was with me more permanently, I found myself unable to stop thinking about the pony who had given it to me. How was he doing? Had he found what he was looking for? Had he found peace, reconciled with his old life, settled the grievances that had kept him away? Did he still need some help? Was there anything I could do?

Had I helped him at all? Or had I made things worse? Would he welcome me into his life again, this time for longer than a few minutes? Did he even care?

Would he remember me at all?

Such thoughts filled my mind the rest of the day and well into the night. They weren’t letting me do anything else: I couldn’t read, or paint, or sketch, or look at the evening sky without getting immediately distracted! I couldn’t even sleep! I tossed and turned in my bed, kept awake by the memory of the elderly stallion and his grief.

It must have been well after midnight when I finally realized what would put my mind at rest, and with that realization, I was at last able to drift off to sleep.

“Princess Cadance?”

I’d gone to look for her immediately after getting out of bed in the morning, expecting to find her either in the throne room or at breakfast, but instead, I ran into her in a hallway.

“Yes, Thorax?”

“Forgive me for bothering you at such an early hour-”

“Don’t be silly, you aren’t bothering me at all! How can I help you?”

“I was wondering… if I wanted to travel somewhere purely for social reasons, would that be okay?”

“By all means! Has Spike invited you to Ponyville already? I got the impression it was still a little early to expect an invitation from what you told me about his letter last week…”

“Oh, it’s not Spike, Princess. You’re right, he did say it was still early. I was actually thinking of going to Vanhoover if that’s okay.”

“Vanhoover? I didn’t realize you had friends there!”

“Well, the pony I want to visit isn’t really a friend, more like an acquaintance, but in the short time we spent together, I had a feeling I could develop a proper friendship with him. I hope I could have, at any rate. I’ve been thinking about him lately and wanted to see how he’s doing.”

“Can’t you just send him a letter?” Shining spoke behind my back.

Startled, I turned around. “I don’t know his name and address, but I’m pretty sure I know where to look for him.”

He scoffed. “You’re getting awfully comfortable with asking permissions to go to places, aren’t you? We let you once or twice and now you want to hit the road every other week!”

“Why shouldn’t he?” Cadance interjected. “Ponies do that all the time!”

“Come on, Cady! Why haven’t we heard one word about this ‘acquaintance’ yet? How are we supposed to know he isn’t pulling tricks?”

“Has he pulled tricks before?”

“No, but he could have easily waited until we’re lulled into a false sense of security!”

“Then he’s in for a long wait as far as you’re concerned, isn’t he?”

“Cady, who knows how much we don’t know about him yet! He’s been here for long enough that we should have known all about him for a while now and we only found out ten days ago that he’s got a brother! I can’t help but wonder what else is going to come up that we should have known sooner!”

“And you’re afraid that letting him travel will somehow reveal something bad about him?”

“Aren’t you?”

“Why would I be? Everything I’ve seen about him points to the conclusion that he’s nice and trustworthy!”

He stood there pouting.

“Shining, dear,” she spoke to him gently, “why can’t you set that stubborn paranoia aside for a bit?”

“Okay, fine,” he grumbled. “We granted you permission to travel before and I guess one more time won’t kill us. But Paladin is going with you and that’s non-negotiable!” He started to leave, then turned back briefly to say, “Don’t make me regret this!”

The train ride to Vanhoover had taken a mere few hours of sitting on a comfortable bench and chatting with my friendly guard. The contrast to my arriving journey couldn’t have been more jarring: I’d had only my wings and willpower to rely on then, any only a mysterious beacon of love to guide me; the weather had been merciless and I had braved it for days! I hadn’t even been sure that I’d get out of it alive, and now, the storms had calmed down considerably, so much that I could have easily flown to Vanhoover if I wanted to! I couldn’t believe it; it was like a whole different world!

Paladin was showing far less interest in the weather conditions outside of our train car. I figured he must have already seen its full range, having lived in the far north for longer than me. Or was it his military training that had prepared him for extreme conditions? Either way, his love aura was steadily bright in accordance with his outward composure. He’d left his spear and armor in my room in order to avoid drawing undue attention to himself during the trip, but it struck me that his composure still revealed a degree of discipline characteristic of a soldier; even without his armor, he was still very much a Royal Guard! I wondered if he realized it.

As for me, I’d opted for a disguise other than Crystal Hoof. I couldn’t leave the Crystal Empire looking like myself and expect no trouble, and the pony I was looking for wouldn’t recognize me in my own form anyway, so having assumed that I wouldn’t have an opportunity to adapt my disguise, I’d made myself look like the pegasus that he would recognize if he still remembered the day we’d met. I just wasn’t sure about what my name was supposed to be. Had I introduced myself to him the first time? I didn’t think so, and if I had, he would have probably told me his own name! I was reluctant to tell him my real name - it would be hard to explain it as a pony name even if my acquaintance didn’t know anything about changeling names, and there was no promise that a random changeling wouldn’t overhear me introduce myself or hear my name mentioned at a later time - but ‘Crystal Hoof’ might not work well for a pegasus, would it? And what if he decided to write letters to me from now on? How would the mailponies know where to deliver his letters, and would they care to keep track of all my aliases? And what about when I revealed myself to him, which I hoped I’d be able to do safely one day? Would he understand, or would he begin to hate me for lying to him?

Amazing, I thought, how the same things still troubled me in my new life as they had while I’d been on the run, friendless, hungry, and losing hope of ever finding what I was looking for. One would have thought that, now that I finally had friends and a home, I would have stopped worrying about how every single pony I came across would react to my real face! Gone were the days when appearing as myself anywhere in the world would have meant mortal danger without exceptions; I had a place of safety to return to and trusted ponies to rely on, so why was I acting like it wasn’t enough? Why couldn’t I be satisfied with what I had achieved? Why keep putting myself at risk trying to gain more? Was I unknowingly succumbing to my love-hoarding instincts even though I had ample sources of freely-shared love to sustain me? Was I fooling myself about why I needed so many friends? The ones I already had weren’t going to abandon me… were they?

“Why are you so gloomy all of a sudden?” Paladin asked as we left the Vanhoover train station and trotted through the nearby streets.

“Huh? Oh, just… just wondering how this might go. How much I should tell him. Whether or not telling him everything would be a good idea, and what to expect if I decided to do it later. That kind of stuff.”

“I see. You want to tell him but are afraid of what he might do.”

“Yes. And putting it off for a later time seems even worse. He could get the wrong idea when I finally do tell him, or he could find out by accident… There are so many ways this could go wrong!”

“Well, I’m here to help if you need it!”

“Thanks, Paladin! What would you do if you were in my place?”

“I’m not sure,” he said after a moment. “The situation may not be quite as tricky as it would have been if you were on your own, but despite the supportive background, it’s still potentially problematic. If I were in your horseshoes, I think I’d try to leave my options open for as long as possible. Think you could feel him out without revealing too much?”

“I can try, but I don’t have much experience in that kind of thing. It’s part of infiltrators’ skill set, and remember, I got expelled from basic training.”

“I know. But ponies sometimes have to do that for all kinds of reasons, most of which are benign, and we don’t get trained in infiltration at all except the few who become secret agents. If we can do it, so can you!”

“I hope so…”

“Where are we supposed to find this potential friend of yours, anyway?”

Good question. I knew we were supposed to go to the south-east side of the city, but which route to take?

“One moment.”

I flew up above the buildings. The city stretched vast in all directions; close to us were the taller buildings, but most of them were on the western side, and they gave way to smaller houses not far from our current position, maybe just a couple of streets. In the distance, at the southern border of the city, was a forest, and near the eastern end of the treeline, there was a stretch of foliage that appeared more uniform than the rest. It was hard to judge at this distance and I hadn’t brought binoculars, but it had to be the pear orchard! And I could see an easy route there!

I landed again and pointed out the direction to Paladin.

“We can start with this street here, then turn east at some point. I’ll fly up again if we get lost.”

“Sounds good! How far away?”

“Close to the outer limits of the city.”

“That’s an hour’s walk at least!”

“Aren’t Royal Guards supposed to be in shape enough to handle that?” I teased him.

“That’s not what I meant!”

“What did you mean?”

“I-well-um-nothing… just that we might end up staying overnight if we’re not careful…”

“Good save,” I chuckled.

Paladin turned out to be right in his estimate: a little over an hour and two course corrections later, we were arriving at the main gates of the orchard. A house and some outbuildings obscured the view of the orchard itself, but having seen it from above just a few minutes previously, I knew we’d come to the right place. I wasn’t sensing an aura of love in the rough area of the house and the outbuildings, but if my friend was working further away in the orchard, that was to be expected. But Sunburst had taught me that it would be considered good manners or at least a prudent thing to knock on the front door anyway, as any passers-by familiar with the ponies living there and their social circle might get the wrong idea if I were to skip the knocking and just go search the backyard - or orchard in this case - unless I could actually see the homeowner there. I decided to adhere to that; no need to add this to the list of orchards I’d been accused of trying to steal fruit from, even if I had a Royal Guard with me to explain the situation!

We were about to climb onto the porch when a voice stopped us in our tracks.

“If you’re looking for Grand Pear, he isn’t here,” a mare spoke from behind us.

Before we could turn around to face her, I caught a slight surge in Paladin’s love aura. His posture stiffened slightly for a moment, but soon enough, he was back to his usual self.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“I said, Grand Pear isn’t here.”

“Can you tell us where he is?” Paladin tried.

“That depends. Who are you two?”

“My name is Crystal Hoof,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t question why a pegasus had a name more suitable for a crystal pony. “I’m an acquaintance of Grand Pear’s and this is my friend Paladin. We were passing by and decided to drop in for a quick visit.”

“I’ve never heard him mention anypony named Crystal Hoof.”

“Oh, well… I only met him once, actually, and he was sad because he missed his daughter. I tried to cheer him up… That was a few months ago and he might not even remember me anymore… but I remember him and have been wondering how he’s doing. So, um… here I am.”

“And him?” she asked, pointing at Paladin.

“I’m just tagging along,” he shrugged.

“Huh.” She looked into the distance. “Grand Pear told you about his daughter, did he? He doesn’t normally open up so easily about her. Never did as far as I know. He must have been in quite a state if he decided to talk about her with a total stranger!”

“He was,” I said. “He said it was twenty-five years to the day since he’d seen her last.”

“Come to think of it, he did mention a pony coming out of nowhere to comfort him… it was you, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“And it was you who suggested that he read her letters.”

“Yes… is something wrong?”

“Well, he read them alright… turned the cupboard inside out and read every single letter. Every last one, and there must have been hundreds! Took him over a month to get through it all! Then, when he was done, he just stopped doing everything. Stopped tending to the orchard, stopped visiting friends, stopped going to the local tea shop… just sat in his house all day and cried.”

My heart sank upon hearing this. Poor Grand Pear! I should have never told him to read those letters! What had I been thinking? Couldn’t I have left the matter alone? Couldn’t I have suggested some other way of dealing with his remorse?

“It went on forever,” the mare continued. “Eventually the other neighbors and I ran out of ideas of how to try to cheer him up and grew tired of seeing him like that so I suggested to him a change of scenery. I hoped that getting away from here for a little vacation would help get his mind off things and he said he’d been considering the same thing. So yeah, he took my advice.” She shrugged. “As far as I know, he’s still travelling.”

“Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“I’m afraid not. I’m guessing he will eventually, but I can’t promise it! But hey, if you’re in the neighborhood again sometime, you can visit me if you want! I’m Vanilla Sugar. I own a pastry shop in that street over there.” She pointed to it.

“Thanks, Vanilla. We’ll be sure to drop by!”

Paladin and I remained there for a moment longer after she left, letting the news sink in. Eventually he stopped suppressing that surge in his love aura that I’d felt earlier and allowed his military composure to abandon him for a moment.

“Grand Pear?” he exclaimed. “You’re friends with Grand Pear?!”

“I guess that’s his name, yes. Why? Do you know him?”

“I know of him. He grows by far the best pears in Equestria, maybe even in the whole world! But I also heard he was a bit of a recluse. And you got through to him? Just like that?”

“I’m not sure I’d call it ‘just like that’, Paladin. He was feeling really, really bad and I tried to help. I’m sure a lot of ponies would have done it!”

“And they might have over the years! Why would that have been the first time he needed a shoulder to cry on? But he still has a reputation of somepony hard to approach, and you succeeded where others must have failed!”

“And a fine lot of good that did! By the sound of it, I made things even worse!”

“Why? Because he left?”

“Yes,” I sighed. “Vanilla called it a change of scenery, but how much of a change of scenery does one need? That was ages ago! I wonder if he’s ever planning to return! If he returns, that is! He’s old enough that he could have died in the meantime! And I might have made it happen!”

“You’re being too hard on yourself. Why would he be dead? And even if he is, why would it be your fault?”

“Because of his daughter.”

“Yeah, what about her?”

“Grand Pear disowned her because she married somepony he disapproved of. He said something about his family being in a long-lasting feud with her mate’s family over something… I didn’t ask for details. Anyway, things got ugly and Grand Pear cut all ties with his old home and moved here, and at some point, he heard rumors that his daughter had died. He’d cooled down over her marriage by then and missed her deeply but didn’t dare to go back and find out if she really was dead.”

“I see. And the letters?”

“She wrote to him many times over the years but he never bothered to read any of it, just put them away in a drawer every time. Eventually the letters stopped coming. I don’t know how much time passed between that and him hearing the rumor of her death, but he said he didn’t know which would feel worse: the confirmation of her death or finding out that she’d stopped writing because she gave up on him.”

“Suddenly those pears don’t seem so sweet anymore… And you told him to read the letters?”

“Among other things, yes. I got the impression that the uncertainty was hurting him more so I encouraged him to reconcile with that other family, but he didn’t know what to expect, so I suggested that reading his daughter’s letters might prepare him. If I’d known it would only make him feel worse…”

“No, don’t you start again, Thorax! You had the best intentions, and you couldn’t have predicted what would happen! You don’t even know for sure that your advice backfired!”

“But Vanilla said-”

“I know! He sulked and cried after reading the letters! But that could have easily been an unavoidable phase in his process of recovery, one that would have happened with or without you! He’d been holding it in for twenty-five years, for Celestia’s sake! Of course he would have needed to let it out! In fact, I bet he waited to cry his heart out properly and then went to his old town! He could be there right now, making amends to his daughter’s in-laws if he hasn’t already, maybe even with her if she’s still alive!”

“You really think so?”

“I do. And I think you’ll come back here a month or two from now and find Vanilla and be told that she received a letter from Grand Pear telling her all about it! Or at the very least, you’ll find him back at home, recovered and making plans to go through with the rest of your advice, and looking forward to it!”

Such happy endings sounded wonderful, but how likely were they to come true? Not very, judging by my own experience… but I’d forged that experience in the hive, and this was Equestria, a much happier place to live in even for me, despite all the caution I still had to exercise against my own kind and the restrictions I had to obey to prove my good intentions to the ponies I lived among. Maybe there was some hope for Grand Pear after all?

“Come on,” Paladin said. “There’s nothing more for us to do here today, and we’ve got a train to catch.”

Author's Note

I had several ideas for the name of the curator that helped Thorax and Fine Line sounded best. I envisioned her as a crystal pony, but some time after completing this story in my buffer, I realized there’s a unicorn in Canterlot with the same name (unofficially named as far as I know, but still). By then I got so used to calling the curator Fine Line that I didn’t want to revise the name, so if any of you want to pretend that the canon unicorn moved to the Crystal Empire, got a job in the museum, and started teaching Thorax how to paint, I have no issues with that.

The next chapter will probably be posted a day later than it normally would with my current posting schedule due to a 24-hour shift I’m supposed to work that day, so don’t start panicking; the update will come and I think at least one of you will like it :twilightsheepish:

Princess’ Vigil

I trotted happily through the streets of the Crystal Empire shimmering in the afternoon sun. The day was perfect for painting, and I had taken this opportunity to bask in the warm light while creating my next masterpiece. Well, not exactly a masterpiece - far from it - but I wasn’t going to let that little technicality stop me! My spirits were high, the saddlebag on my back was full of painting supplies, and a whole world of inspiring sights lay ahead!

I wasn’t the only one who had decided to make the best of such a beautiful day: ponies were everywhere, trotting, chatting, sitting at cheerful little outdoor tea parties, having picnics, playing… it was like a holiday! Was it a holiday, as in, an actual one? I didn’t recall Sunburst or Cadance mention any; maybe they’d forgotten or assumed that I knew or wouldn’t care? But why would I not care about pony holidays now that I was living in their land? Was it because I hadn’t known what a holiday was until Sunburst mentioned Hearth’s Warming Eve at some point during our lessons? I thought I’d assured him that I was interested in seeing it myself when the day came to celebrate it! Okay, I had to wait until winter for that, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in any holidays that were due to happen sooner!

Had I simply forgotten about a holiday he’d taught me about? Oh dear, I hoped not; he’d be so disappointed in me! And I’d be disappointed in myself if that turned out to be the case! How was I supposed to fit in and be accepted if I couldn’t remember important dates?

Still pondering which holiday I’d forgotten about, I saw one of the crystal guards come out of the pastry shop at the corner of Malachite and Peridot Streets. Brave Heart, I believed his name was, though I’d only seen him a couple of times. He grinned at me and trotted off with a saddlebag full of treats on his crystally back.

Okay, so the shops were open. Hadn’t Sunburst said they were normally closed on official holidays? Maybe today wasn’t an official holiday after all! An unofficial one, then? Bask-in-the-Sunshine Day, or something along those lines? It sure looked like it!

A little later, I passed by the toy shop, and Whirligig waved at me from the entrance. I waved back. I wondered if I should have stopped by for a minute and bought something for Flurry. It had been a while, and I was sure Cadance wouldn’t mind! Had I brought enough bits with me? Had I brought any? Oh well, maybe Whirligig would at least let me take a look and come back later when I could pay for my selection. She might still not let my guard come in-

Wait a minute. Where was my guard?! I couldn’t have gone out of the castle alone! And Shining Armor still hadn’t stopped demanding that I have a guard escort at all times! Actually, which of the guards was supposed to be with me today? I couldn’t remember!

Think, Thorax, think! When was the last time you saw the guard with you?

Try as I might, I couldn’t remember any of the guards being with me all day, except for that one moment when I’d seen Brave Heart, but he’d never been assigned to guard me, and he’d been unarmored and busy with shopping! He couldn’t be my escort for today! The last I could remember of any of my own three guards was coming home with Paladin last evening!

Okay, Paladin had been last, and that had been yesterday. So unless something unexpected had happened, today would be Sentinel’s shift. But where was she, and why couldn’t I remember seeing her?

Should I fly up and check the streets from above in case she was somewhere nearby? It could work, except that the whole city knew I was supposed to have a guard escort and was banned from flying whenever my guard wasn’t a pegasus to follow me into the sky. What if they saw me flying all alone and decided to tell Shining about it? What if Shining himself saw me flying all alone? That would be all the excuse he’d need to make my day the exact opposite of pleasant and enjoyable!

But how was I supposed to find Sentinel? Retracing my steps might work if she was close by, but what if I’d lost her a good while ago? She was probably looking for me right now, and without knowing where I’d gone to, she could have started her search in any random direction, and by now, she might not be anywhere near the route I’d passed! Unless she’d gone airborne like I’d wanted to… but nopony was in the sky as far as I could see!

Maybe she was a little farther away or hidden from view behind a building? Hesitantly buzzing my wings, I risked a peek above the roofs. Still no sight of her, and she’d have had to fly up high enough for me to see her now! Was she on the other side of the city, obscured by the castle? That was the only remaining thing tall enough to conceal her unless she was still on the ground!

The castle…

Of course! I should go back to the castle! Shining hadn’t given such an instruction, probably not having anticipated that I might get separated from my guard like this, but back in my training days, we were sometimes instructed to return to our starting point in case that a drill done outside of the hive went wrong in a way that we couldn’t handle ourselves! Hadn’t drill instructor Carnage said that was standard procedure in cases of field mission failure whenever returning to base wouldn’t run the risk of compromising the rest of the mission and the other team members’ disguises completely? Why hadn’t I thought of that before? My current situation was close enough, and ponies might have similar strategies! Shining would understand! He’d have to!

But I was still running around loose and unsupervised. Should I disguise myself? No, I decided, that might only make things worse if Shining was to find out what had happened! But if anypony saw me without a guard…

Listen to yourself! Ponies have already seen you without a guard! In fact, a few of them are looking at you right now! No, don’t start hyperventilating! Just get to the castle, quick!

I launched into a gallop right away; I ran as fast as I could, but something was slowing me down. My saddlebag? It hadn’t seemed that heavy! And why did the street seem larger all of a sudden? Was I hallucinating? Had I accidentally shapeshifted into a downsized version of myself? But if that was the case, why did the houses seem the right size? Was I simply panicking so hard that I’d lost all sense of proportion or forgotten how big the city was?

It should have taken me only a couple of minutes to reach the castle and climb up one of the stairwells into the first hallway, but it felt like hours, and when I finally did, I was so out of breath that I couldn’t stand on my hooves anymore. I collapsed onto the crystally floor, panting and gasping for air. But hey, at least I’d made it back safely! Shining Armor hadn’t seen me roam about unsupervised!

Come to think about it, who had seen me? Whirligig, a few ponies who had happened to be around when realization struck me that I was alone, and possibly Brave Heart if that had been before Sentinel had disappeared, but curiously, I couldn’t remember anypony seeing me gallop back here! Not that I’d bothered to pay much attention in my frantic state…

...but now that I was paying attention, wasn’t the castle unusually quiet? And why hadn’t anypony passed by in the time I’d spent sprawled on the floor?

Getting a bad feeling about it, I stood up and moved cautiously deeper into the castle. I didn’t feel my saddlebag anymore; I hadn’t realized when or how I’d lost it, but it didn’t matter right now; something weird was going on! I couldn’t fathom what, but it felt bad, really bad!

I traversed several hallways with a lump in my throat, but nothing happened. No abomination jumped me from an unseen corner, no enemies struck me in a moment of carelessness, and nothing I saw could explain what had happened or suggest that I had a reason to worry… but there were still no ponies to be seen, and my instincts whispered to me regardless of no obvious signs of trouble, warning me to be careful. Careful about what?! If only I knew!

A few hallways further, the whispering had gradually but quickly turned into screaming. This is all wrong! my instincts insisted. You don’t want to know what happened! Turn around and go! Leave while you still can and never come back!

I wanted to listen to that voice, I wanted it so badly, but this was my friends’ home! How could I abandon them if an unknown peril threatened to wipe them out of existence? How could I just turn my back on them after everything they’d done for me? Against my better judgment, I pressed on.

Soon enough, I found myself standing at the entrance to the throne room. The doors were closed; it was unusual, but there had to be a reason for it, probably a mundane one... but I had a vague but unshakeable feeling that I’d find my answers on the other side of that door.

Don’t, my mind beckoned. Leave it be and get out of there!

I almost listened. But the whisper of my heart, reminding me that I’d never forgive myself if I abandoned my friends, was louder. Against the better judgment of my mind, the whisper of my heart prevailed.

Ignoring my racing heartbeat and my shivering breath, I opened the doors.

And stopped dead in my tracks.

The throne room was in chaos: all the decorative objects were strewn about and broken, the same seemed to be the case with parts of the architecture, though which fragment belonged where, I couldn’t tell; no light was coming from the outside through the shattered windows - was it night already? - and the only illumination was provided by a few piles that had caught fire. But despite those fires, everything was curiously, ominously cold in more ways than one, as if all the love and joy had been drained from the room.

I took a tentative step forward. Suddenly the fires changed: they turned from yellow and orange to a sickly shade of green that burned brighter, steadier, and more ominous. The change in lighting allowed me to see something I’d missed until then, something that confirmed my deepest dreads and justified my screaming instincts: there were pools of a green liquid that I knew too well and would recognize anywhere.

Changeling slime.

And stuck in some of those pools of slime, lying despondently or struggling to break free, were ponies.

Cadance. Sunburst. Crystal Berry. Sentinel. Paladin. Trusty Shield. Shining Armor. A few other ponies I’d seen about but whose names I didn’t know.

And somehow, Whirligig and Brave Heart. How had they gotten here before me? How come hadn’t I seen them get captured?

The sound of the doors slamming shut snapped me out of my panicked attempts to grasp how in the name of eggshells things had gone so bad so abruptly and right under my snout. A cackle echoed through the air, and for a fleeting moment, I wondered why I hadn’t realized sooner that I’d be hearing that blood-chilling voice any moment now.

But it was too late now. It might have been too late all along, no matter how hard I tried to escape it! I could have fled for dear life the second I’d realized something wasn’t right, the second I’d become aware of my guard’s absence, and it still wouldn’t have saved me!

I looked around frantically, trying to spot a way out of this nightmare-come-true. There wasn’t any; even the shattered windows were now covered in membranes of sticky resinous slime! Had they been like that all along? Why hadn’t I noticed? I should have been able to notice!

Either way, it didn’t matter anymore; as I looked further, a dark silhouette appeared standing on the overturned throne. That part of the room was cast in the shadow of a torn tapestry hanging from the ceiling and the figure was barely visible, but no one in the world would have had any doubt by now who she was.

And not even my thumping heart and ragged breaths could drown out her soul-clenching cackle.

“Welcome to the party, traitor,” she cooed. “Enjoying yourself?”

I gulped and cowered before the piercing glare of her glowing eyes. I risked a quick glance behind me. How far away were the doors? Could I get to them in time, open them quickly enough to stand a chance of getting out of there with all my parts still attached to me? Or at least with most of my parts still attached to me, my head preferrably being among the said parts? It was futile; I couldn’t even see the door anymore! It couldn’t have disappeared like many of the gates in the hive, could it?

“Thinking of leaving so soon, are we?”

My reply came in the form of a feeble gasp.

“Why, don’t you like it here? With all of your… friends?” The last word was juiced in all the venom she’d ever produced in her long life.

“Uh…”

“Come on, say hello to them!” She grabbed me in her magic and paraded me around in front of every single one of the trapped ponies.

“Please…”

“What’s wrong, traitor? Not good enough of a company for you? How about these?”

She carried me to another cluster of trapped ponies, ones that had until then been concealed behind a pile of debris.

Starlight. Princess Twilight and her friends.

And Spike, trying in vain to burn away the slime that was holding him in place. Why wasn’t it working? Was Chrysalis’ slime fireproof or heat-resistant? Had she cast a spell on it to make it impervious to dragon fire?

Was my friend’s firebreath simply not strong enough by itself?

“Thorax?” he rasped when he saw me. “Get me out of here, will you?”

“Spike…” I thrashed in Chrysalis’ magical grip, knowing I’d fail to break free, but still hoping against hope that there was something, anything, I could do to save my friends from there!

She blasted him and he cried out.

“No! Stop!” I exclaimed.

She shot me a glance as if I’d offended her, which I probably had.

“Please… don’t hurt him…” I whispered.

“No? Why not?”

“He’s my friend…”

“And the rest of them aren’t? Fine, if this lot isn’t good enough for you either, I’ve still got one who might be!”

Oh no… who now?

She dragged me deeper into the throne room, into the shadowy part, beyond the fallen throne. There, stuck to the far wall, was a single figure, barely recognizable under the blanket of darkness and the blob of slime.

Barely recognizable except for the purple eyes.

And the deep voice.

“Thorax?” he said. “How could you?”

“Pharynx…” I sighed.

“You traitor!” he shot back.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to-”

“Didn’t mean what?” Chrysalis roared, pulling me closer so she could get in my face.

“All this… um… betraying you… I never meant to-” I lost my voice momentarily under the outbreak of tears. “I just… I just wanted friends…”

“Friends,” she mocked me. “Isn’t that sweet? How’s it working out for you now?”

I remained silent. What was I supposed to say to her and expect not to bury myself any deeper?

“Let’s see. Which one do you care about most? This one?” She blasted Rainbow Dash with what had to be a torture spell; Rainbow screamed, and I wasn’t sure that I hadn’t too. “Or this one?” Now she blasted Whirligig, with much the same result. “Hmmm, maybe this one?” It was Starlight’s turn now.

This went on forever, and whenever I closed my eyes or turned my head away because I couldn’t take it anymore, I became the next target of her blast, which was then followed by a forced turn of my head in the ponies’ direction and a command to keep watching. I had no choice but to obey, and the harder I thrashed in her magic and screamed, begged her to stop, the worse it got for whoever she fancied to blast next! Before long, all the ponies, Spike included, were half-unconscious, my voice was hoarse, and there was a large puddle of tears on the floor beneath me.

But she hadn’t had enough; there was one target she hadn’t touched yet, and now that the ponies couldn’t beg for mercy anymore, it was his turn to take the blasting.

She’d saved him for last, I realized… and now he was going to get it all at once, unlike the ponies, who had all been given a moment to recover between blasts…

Oh, Pharynx, please forgive me…

He groaned as the spell hit him. He did his best to roar and hiss rather than scream and moan, and he managed to keep at it for longer than I’d expected; it must have been his relentless training and warrior’s pride that had helped him endure the pain that I knew from my own ample experience was unbearable! But even he couldn’t take it any longer after a while, and gave in to what he would on any other day call the pitiful whimpering of a pathetic weakling.

It broke my heart. If everything up to that point hadn’t broken my heart, this had. My brother, throwing his discipline into the wind and screaming in pain because I’d been so foolish to think I could defy the Queen!

“Please… stop…” I heard myself sob for the millionth time.

And, finally, she did, if only to allow her glare to question a despised drone’s impertinence to demand such a thing.

“Stop?” she scoffed. “I’ve barely just started!”

“Please… you don’t have to do this… let them go…”

“Let them go?! Why should I?”

“They’re here because of me… please… I can’t stand to watch them suffer…”

“That’s the whole point, you idiot!”

“I know… but you really want me… just kill me and be done with it… let them go and I’ll let you kill me… I won’t resist… I won’t run anymore…”

She kept her glare on me for another moment, then burst into a deranged laughter. Cold shivers ran down my carapace and a bad feeling clutched my heart again. It was her aura of love, I realized, if it could be called a love aura: dark, putrid, and malignant as nothing I’d ever seen before! She had just outdone what I’d thought was her worst!

What had I done? Sweet Hive, what had I unleashed?

Chrysalis slammed me into the ground and trapped me in another blob of slime. Smirking at the sight of my half terrified, half begging gaze, she strolled to one of the clusters of trapped ponies. Some of them were beginning to stir again; Cadance looked at me wide-eyed, having come to realize what was about to happen at the same time as I did.

No, please don’t… please let me be wrong about this…

Even in my new life in the Crystal Empire, even though surrounded by friends, part of me had never let go of knowing deep down that I was going to die in pain, but what I hadn’t realized - and I should have, I really should have - was that a good part of that pain was going to come from seeing my friends’ and brother’s mutilated, dead bodies.

For once in my life, I wished - begged - to be wrong, and yet, I knew my wish would never be fulfilled. How could I have been so foolish? Why had I thought that Chrysalis would ever care to heed my request to spare anypony? How could I have betrayed my friends so carelessly?

Venom dripped from Chrysalis’ fangs as she cast a glance at me to make sure I was still watching. She snarled viciously and licked her lips. Her horn lit up-

-and she burst into pieces in a flash of pure white.

What in the name of eggshells?!

That wasn’t the end of it. The captives faded away, and so did all the pools of slime that had held them in place, including my own; the green fires ceased, the debris fizzled away until the throne room was restored to its old self, the stifling darkness cleared, and the spark of white light that had obliterated Chrysalis shone on brightly, emanating the warm love that had been absent from the world.

I watched in confused awe as the spark took shape and faded to reveal the face of my savior. She gazed at me and smiled warmly.

“Are you alright?” she spoke. “I regret deeply that I could not have come to your aid sooner!”

“Princess Luna? Is it really you?” I whispered, then pulled myself together and mustered all my discipline to quickly give her a deep bow. “I await your command, Your Highness!”

“What?” she gasped. “I am not here to command you! I merely banished your nightmare as is my duty as the Princess of the Night! Has Cadance not told you that she requested my assistance with calming you in your slumbers?”

“She has- wait, I’m dreaming? How are you here, then? You look so… real…”

“I assure you, I am quite real, even if what you are seeing is but an image of the extension of my mind as it touches yours. Did you not know that I can enter ponies’ dreams?”

“No, I didn’t…” I mused. “Other drones never bothered to tell me anything while I still lived in the hive, and the ponies must have assumed that I knew… Sorry! I should have asked!”

“Do not trouble yourself over it,” she said. “You need me, therefore I am here.”

“How did you know I was having a nightmare, Princess? Uh, forgive my impertinence…”

“There is nothing to forgive! As fair Cadance has surely told you, you are free to ask whatever you wish to know! To answer your question, I have learned of your troubles from the letters that Cadance sent me, and have endeavoured ever since to visit your dreams. But it is harder than with ponies, as changelings’ dreams do not call out to me like ponies’ dreams do, and I had to find a way to reach out to you myself. This was not easy, mind you, and once I did find a path to your dreams, I was still unable to open the doors and step into them, so to speak; that required more effort, and up until now, I could merely observe.” Her gaze darkened. “I wish I could have intervened sooner… the horrors I have seen in your head have troubled me greatly!”

I winced. “Are you saying that… that I’m a monster? Please don’t hate me! I’m trying my best!”

“You misunderstand me, dear Thorax! It is but the opposite! I see a great virtue in your soul, and courage and strength that many a hero of Equestria would envy! Merely a minute ago, you were facing your worst fears, and you chose a path that few would dare; you were willing to sacrifice yourself to save others, even those who have wronged you! You were willing to pay the price that no one should have to pay! No, Thorax, you are not a monster, nor do I see you as one; the horrors I spoke of are not of your heart, but of your memories! You have a pure heart that has suffered a great burden! I fear I cannot undo the past to relieve you of that burden, but know this: you are a good person, you deserve better than what you have had, and whatever should happen to you in life, know that you have an ally in me!”

“Your words honor me, Princess, and I’m deeply grateful for the trust you’ve shown me and for the trouble you’ve gone through to save me from something that wasn’t even real-”

“You are wrong, Thorax. Though your nightmares might not have been real in the sense that the perils within them never happened outside of your mind, the feelings and past experiences the nightmares stem from are far too real indeed! They are the burden I spoke of, made heavier by your reluctance to share it!”

“But Princess, how can I burden my friends with all that I’ve been through? It’s too much for them!”

“As it is too much for you. I assure you, Thorax, you have been blessed by a group of friends anypony could wish for! They have helped many, including me, and I have every confidence that they can help you too, if only you allow them. You have begun already to open your heart to them, but there is nothing wrong with surrendering yourself completely to their love, for you are loved more than you think!”

“I’m not sure I’m worthy of that love…”

“You are,” she said. “Never forget that! No matter what some may think about you or how they may treat you, you are worthy of love!”

A flash of warm light enveloped her again and she was gone from sight. I was once again alone… but not really alone; I knew now that somepony out there cared enough to transcend space and physical boundaries to tread the path of my mind’s world in order to bring me a bit of reassurance in a moment of despair. I knew now that somepony had seen me - truly seen me - at my worst and never once flinched at the darkness or shied away from bringing some light into that darkness! This was a whole new kind of love, and what a powerful love it was!

How had she done it? How had she healed my wounds so easily after I’d carried them all my life? How had she calmed the raging tempest in my soul, how had she given it the tranquility that it had never known before?

And how much I owed her for her selfless act, for the tremendous gift she had given me!

I didn’t know how to repay her, not at this time. But a new voice whispered in my heart now: one not warning of danger but promising the dawn of a new day, a day when I would overcome my troubled past and live a truly happy, love-filled life. One day, it spoke, I would find out just how much I could do, and if Princess Luna ever needed my help, I would be there for her, just like she had once been there for me!

Repay a Debt

When my dream faded away and I opened my eyes, I found myself once again surrounded by Cadance, Shining Armor, Sunburst, Paladin, and a little away, a few other ponies who were already on their way out. It was the middle of the night again, judging by the darkness on the other side of my window, but this time, the ponies’ faces were sporting faint smiles rather than concerned frowns, except for Shining Armor, who was frowning and rubbing his face for some reason. Also, my pillow and blanket were arranged neatly, which usually wasn’t the case whenever I would wake up.

“Um… hello?” I said.

“Luna succeeded, didn’t she?” Cadance asked as if she already knew the answer.

“Yes, how did you know?”

“You were screaming again, and begging someone to stop, and thrashing so hard that you flung your bedding all over the room, and fell out of bed. We couldn’t wake you up, but then you suddenly calmed down completely.”

“We figured it was Luna,” Sunburst added, “so I made the bed for you and put you back in it. We were about to go back to bed ourselves when you woke up.”

“You also slapped me while thrashing,” Shining grumbled. I winced. Well, that explained the face-rubbing, at least. “Quite a punch you’ve got. Consider yourself lucky that you weren’t aware of your actions or I-”

“Shining!” Cadance interjected. “Must you always?”

“I’m just saying!”

“Yes, you’ve said it a million times already! And since we’re repeating ourselves, let’s go back to our room so I can say something to you for the millionth time, in private.” She fixed a stern glare at him and pointed her hoof at the door. “Actually, I think I have a thing or two to add this time!”

He grumbled something under his breath but obeyed.

“I’m sorry about this, Thorax,” she said to me. “I trust you are feeling better now?”

“Yes, Princess, Luna was very helpful! You don’t have to worry about me!”

“I’m glad to hear it! I’ll let you sleep now. Good night!”

“Good night to you too, Princess!”

She left. Sunburst and Paladin once again remained there a little longer.

“Okay, now that Luna knows what you were screaming about, mind telling us about it?”

“It was Chrysalis, “ I told them. “She… are you sure you want to know this?”

“Yes, Thorax. You’re our friend! We want to know what’s troubling you!”

“I don’t know, guys… it was pretty bad…”

“None of that! Tell us!”

Luna’s voice echoed in my head again. You have been blessed by a group of friends anypony could wish for, she had said. I have every confidence that they can help you… if only you will allow them. And no matter how hard I’d tried to deny it, I did need help! So why not take Luna’s advice and finally accept the help that had been offered to me time and time again?

“Okay,” I sighed. “Chrysalis invaded the throne room somehow and held ponies captive in it. There were Cadance and Shining, and Starlight, and the two of you, and my other guards-”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence,” Paladin interjected.

“I’m sorry, Paladin, I-”

“Hey, relax, I’m teasing you! So what happened?”

“She tortured you,” I said bitterly. “She kept blasting you all with torture spells and she made me watch. And I couldn’t help you!” I buried my face in my hooves.

“There, there,” Sunburst said, patting my shoulder, “it didn’t really happen. We’re fine!”

“There’s more, isn’t there?” Paladin asked after a moment.

I nodded. “Then she moved on to my brother and did the same to him.” I unexpectedly burst into tears.

“He was there too?”

“Yes, trapped in slime like the rest of you. I’ll never forget it! He’s the toughest, most fearsome warrior I’ve ever known, and there he was, screaming and crying like… like…”

“Like what?”

“...like I always did when subjected to the same spells. Maybe even louder!”

They cast a glance at each other.

“How do you know they were the same spells? Couldn’t it have been a different spell, or a… a variation that makes the spell more painful?”

“I’ve been on the receiving end enough times that I find it hard to believe I haven’t experienced her full spectrum. She isn’t one to withhold punishment and disciplinary measures. In fact, she often combined spells with physical means of torture. Spells hurt more, but they don’t leave injuries that would hurt in the days following the ordeal.”

They cringed.

“...fair enough. Is that when Luna got there?”

“No, she came after I told Chrysalis to kill me in exchange for letting the rest of you go… except that I realized too late that she wasn’t going to let you go.”

“I don’t like where this is going,” Paladin muttered.

“I haven’t liked it from the start,” Sunburst countered. “So… she killed us?”

“No, Luna got there at the last moment.”

I noticed some tension from their postures disappear.

“Well, better late than never,” Sunburst sighed.

“I thought you said it didn’t really happen?” Paladin asked him.

“Yes, but now I see that Thorax had every reason to scream the place down! We all would!” He turned back to me. “What about your other nightmares? Do you want to talk about them?”

“Same basic premise,” I shrugged. “Chrysalis finds me or lures me into a trap and does things to me. The last time, she blasted me with spells - I might have told you that already - and I also remember dreams that ended with her stabbing me with a sword or ripping my throat out or commanding a changeling swarm to maul me to pieces…”

They cringed again.

“Okay, I’m definitely glad that Cadance got Luna to help,” Sunburst said after a moment. “I don’t want to know what would have come up next time! She will snap you out of it again if necessary, won’t she?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. She didn’t say.”

“I bet she will,” Paladin said. “I had nightmares after Sombra’s return - not nearly as disturbing as yours, Thorax, I have to admit - and she kept returning for as long as it was necessary.”

“Then I guess you’re settled,” Sunburst nodded. “And no more keeping things like this to yourself, okay? Don’t wait for your fears to build up until they give you nightmares that make you scream so hard that the whole castle thinks someone is killing you for real!”

“It was that bad?”

“Yes. Do we have a deal? Whatever you need - a conversation, a hug, an advice, a shoulder to cry on, some comfort food - come to us and we’ll do our best. And write to Ponyville about how you feel if you aren’t doing it already. Spike and the girls will come running if you need them!”

“That’s pretty much what Luna told me,” I mused. “I guess I really have been too stubborn for my own good...”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Paladin chuckled.

“There you go. We’ll let you sleep now. Unless you still need something?”

“Well…” I fumbled with my blanket. “Now that you mention it, a hug would be nice…”

They made good on their promise.

The next day, Sunburst lingered in my room after our lesson for the day was finished.

“You’ve been awfully absent-minded today,” he said. “Something troubling you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

He glared at me, saying nothing. Okay, stupid question; he’d poked me out of a reverie four times… or five? It was obvious! I hadn’t drifted off in class since my last day in basic training! Okay, that had been a long time ago, and Pharynx had never allowed me to drift off whenever he attempted to hold one-on-one drills with me in a futile hope it would compensate for my prematurely-terminated official training, and I hadn’t had any education since then until Sunburst had decided to take it upon himself to teach me things I should know, but still! I’d never before drifted off in his lessons!

“Okay, yes, I’m guilty as charged,” I said, hanging my head. “Forgive me?”

“I’m listening.”

“Remember tonight when you and Paladin promised to help me to the best of your abilities whenever I needed help, or however you phrased it?”

“Thorax, if you’re thinking of backing out on that, I’ll-”

“I’m not,” I hurried to dissuade him. “The thing is, you also listed a bunch of other ponies you think would do the same, and in all honesty, you and those other ponies have been helping me all along! Yes, I do realize that I needed that help and that I might have brought all this misery upon myself by refusing your offers to help me.”

“I wouldn’t quite put it like that, but I get what you’re trying to say. So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that, with so many ponies helping me in one way or another, I feel like I’m leeching off on all of you, and I can’t in good conscience accept all that generosity without offering something in return.”

“Hey, no worries, I’m sure you’ll be in a situation to help us some day!”

“Well, yes, I might end up helping some of you, but all of you? I’m not sure that’s a realistic thing to expect! Don’t get me wrong, Sunburst, I have every intention of helping any and all of you as best as I can whenever you need it, but that’s not really my point right now. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve been wondering if I could, to put it that way, repay my debt to you all at once by contributing to the society in a way that’s more tangible than painting mildly-passable pictures. Uh, some kind of duty that I could adequately perform with the skills I have, or at least one that wouldn’t take me too long to learn to perform adequately?”

He grinned. “You want a job! Yes, of course, I’ll ask Cadance right away if we can find you something!”

He got up and cantered out of the room.

“Uh, thanks… I hope…” I said to the open door of my empty room.

He was back a little over half an hour later with Cadance and Shining Armor in tow. Shining was carrying Flurry on his back but left her in the hallway with Sentinel. I sighed inwardly. Still not trusting me around his daughter even when he was there himself to blast a fresh set of holes in me if he got the impression that I was trying to pull something? At the rate this was going, I’d never get him to trust me! Was this going to continue into Flurry’s adulthood, even if she herself would find it ridiculous and unnecessary? Would she have any say in how she was supposed to treat me? Would I even live long enough to see her become an adult?

“Sunburst said you’re thinking of finding a job,” Cadance said, drawing my thoughts away from hypothetical scenarios of the future.

“Yes, if I can.”

“Isn’t it a bit sudden?” Shining asked, eyeing me suspiciously. “Not that long ago, you were claiming to be useless, and now you’re getting ambitious overnight!”

“I don’t have any ulterior motives, if that’s what you’re thinking! It’s just that I came to realize that I’ve been basking in your kindness and generosity without offering anything in return, and I really should have! I know I haven’t shown much potential, but there has to be some way I can contribute to the world!”

“Yes, by dying,” he muttered.

“Shining!” Cadance protested. “I thought we agreed to give him a chance? And why is it that you didn’t grumble at Sunburst when he told us the same thing as Thorax did now?”

“Sunburst was only repeating what the bug told him. If he’s so stupid to believe the thing-”

“I’m not stupid, and he’s not a thing!”

“Aren’t you? Then why are you always on his side?”

“And why do you have to be so stubborn?”

“Can we please stop arguing about me all the time?” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Not that it hadn’t worked; all eyes were on me instantly and I got a slight flashback of the first time I’d asked drill instructor Carnage why it was so imperative that we continue to be in war with other lands when we could befriend them, causing him and all of the recruits to display the exact same did-you-just-dare-to-say-what-I-think-you-said expression on their faces. That hadn’t ended well! I’d never managed to get Pharynx to tell me how long I’d been in a healing cocoon after Carnage was done with disciplining me for the impertinence to ask such a blasphemous question… but at least the drill instructor had allowed me to be placed in a healing cocoon, which couldn’t be said for any of my encounters with Chrysalis. But then again, I’d developed a reputation by the first time she had to intervene on me, so maybe that was that.

I cowered under Shining’s glare. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t stand to watch you bicker like that, and it feels like it’s all my fault!” I slumped onto the floor. “Oh, who am I fooling? I’ll never be any good for anything if I’m stirring up strife all the time simply by being around!”

“Now look what you’ve done,” Sunburst muttered to Shining. “No, Thorax, don’t be like that! You’ve been making some great progress; you shouldn’t let yourself get discouraged if a few ponies find it harder than others to like you!”

“Yes, please ignore my husband’s grievances,” Cadance added. “Now, were you thinking of any job in particular?”

“Well, not really, Princess. I’m not sure what I’d be good at. I thought I’d-”

“So we’re really doing this, are we?” Shining grumbled. “Just like that, huh? What about the ponies more qualified for the job they wouldn’t get because of him?”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“Yes, you ‘didn’t mean to’! You didn’t even bother to consider the implications of what you want! You think you can come up with any random idea and have it instantly accepted regardless of how it might affect the ponies?”

“That’s not what I-”

“Who in their right mind would even hire you, even if they have a long-lasting shortage of staff and you’re the only candidate?”

“Shining-” Cadance groaned.

“And even if they do, you can’t expect the customers to approve!”

“Shining!” Cadance tried again. “Do I have to go look for silencing spells to keep the conversation civil?”

“I know a few if she wants them,” Sunburst whispered in my ear.

“Cady-”

“We could have gone over your complaints before coming here, but you never said anything! And why would the ponies disapprove of a changeling worker? Because he isn’t a pony? Because he’s from an enemy land? Let me remind you that your own sister’s personal assistant is a dragon and Equestria has only recently begun to ease the tense relations with the Dragon Lands, and it’s never once been a problem for Spike, not even in the old days! Why is it so hard to believe that it can’t work just as smoothly for Thorax?”

“That was different!”

“How? Because Spike grew up in your house? Because the dragons weren’t the ones to disrupt our wedding? You know as well as I do that there have been reports of fully-grown dragons eating ponies, but that hasn’t stopped you from seeing a dragon as your own little brother!”

He huffed and grumbled, but didn’t argue the matter further.

“Well, then. Thorax, you were saying?”

“Um. What was I saying?” I replayed the conversation in my head. “That I don’t know what I’d be good at?”

“Do you have any previous working experience?”

“I was a janitor while living in the hive, if that counts.”

“How did you end up being a janitor?” Sunburst asked.

“I failed to become a soldier and persisted at harboring ideas of friendship, so Chrysalis assigned me to the most humiliating duty she could think of. Didn’t I tell you that already?”

“You told Sentinel and me,” Shining said.

“Right. So… maybe I can try that if you weren’t thinking of anything else?”

“We can work something out if that’s what you want,” Cadance said, not sounding very sure, “but if being a janitor is considered a disgrace in changeling culture, I’m not exactly comfortable with giving you such a job here, even though ponies don’t see anything disgraceful in it. I hope you didn’t have any… er, inconveniences… while performing your duty?”

“You mean like getting beaten up with a broom or having a dirty rag stuffed down my throat or a bucket of muddy water dumped on my head or finding a royal stinking mess in a hallway I just finished cleaning or-”

“All that actually happened?” Sunburst interrupted me.

“Yes, every so often.”

“Okay, you’re not becoming a janitor again,” Cadance said with a grimace that had gradually grown as I recounted my experiences. “I can’t send you to work at something that has given you such bad memories!”

“My entire life in the hive is a bad memory. As for specific incidents, if they hadn’t happened the way they did, I’m sure the drones responsible for them would have found some other way to make my day miserable.”

“That may be the case, but I still don’t like the idea of you going down that road again. Unless you absolutely want it?”

“Now that you’re giving me a choice, no, not really,” I admitted.

“Then that’s settled. We’re finding you something else! You told Sunburst you preferred something that doesn’t take a long time to figure out?”

“Mostly because I’d like to start contributing as soon as possible, yes. But I’m not excluding the possibility of moving on to something more complex at a later time for any reason.”

“Any preferences as to what kind of work?”

“Well… something that doesn’t hurt, maybe? Or at least not too much?”

“No job is supposed to hurt, Thorax,” Sunburst interjected. “At least not unless you get injured at work, which can happen, but there are safety measures that lower the risk.”

“Or unless you’re a soldier,” Shining corrected him with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “Some drills are supposed to hurt in order to build the soldiers’ resistance to pain, and of course, battles often hurt too.”

“I knew that,” I muttered, remembering my own training injuries and the massive blast that had catapulted me from the besieged Canterlot.

“I think we all know by now that Thorax doesn’t want to be a soldier,” Sunburst shot back.

“Good, because no way would I recruit him!”

“We know,” Sunburst and Cadance replied in exasperated unison.

A few moments of tense silence passed.

“Okay, so no army, and nothing that involves cleaning,” Cadance said eventually. “Any other ideas?”

“You could sell stuff,” Sunburst suggested.

“Who’d want to buy anything from him?”

“I would! Or maybe he could entertain ponies? I think I saw a poster at the theatre that they’re looking for new actors…”

“Acting?” I said. “I’m not sure how good I’d be… it feels an awful lot like infiltration, and I’ve never mastered those techniques…”

“Not necessarily. The audience knows you’re playing a part and just want to have fun watching you. Though, you’d probably have to be in disguise while on stage, as I don’t think there are many plays where one of the roles is meant to be a changeling.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it for a different reason,” Cadance interjected. “Theatrical plays are public gatherings that attract a lot of interest, and ponies sometimes travel from far and wide to watch one. There’s no way to know that some of the ponies won’t be changelings in disguise, and if Thorax shows his true face either accidentally or deliberately…”

“...and even without disguised changelings in the audience who could surrender him to Chrysalis, not everypony might be aware that a member of the cast is a friendly changeling, which could cause a panic, and some such ponies could later tell their friends about it, and the rumor of Thorax’s whereabouts could eventually reach the hive,” Sunburst caught on.

Shining looked like he was itching to say ‘good riddance’, but to his credit, he remained silent this time.

“You have some artistic skills, too,” Cadance said. “You could try something related to that! House-painting, maybe? Or woodwork?”

“I could try that, but is anything being built around here that would require my services?”

“...you got me there. I don’t think there is, but maybe somepony is renovating? I can check over the next few days if you aren’t aiming to start working tomorrow.”

“If we haven’t dismissed other possible jobs, I can ask around the castle if anypony needs any help,” Sunburst offered. “Or if they have a friend who needs a worker.”

“Thanks, everypony!”

“Aren’t you going to offer any suggestions?” Cadance asked her husband.

“Hm. I’d be happiest if I could send him to dig in the crystal mine, but something tells me that suggestion wouldn’t be well accepted.” He looked sideways at his wife, who was already frowning.

“I can take it into consideration, but I should warn you that I’ve never had a lot of physical strength.”

“That last night’s slap says otherwise!”

“He was fighting a nightmare, for Celestia’s sake!”

“So? His idea of a nightmare is probably getting shooed by a pony he’s trying to drain!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Sunburst said.

“And you know better?”

“Is it okay to tell him?” he asked me.

“I don’t see what good it’ll do, but if you think it can help…”

He told him the gist of it. Cadance’s face scrunched into a pained grimace, but Shining wasn’t moved much.

“I’ll ask Luna about it next time I see her,” he simply said.

“Was it really that bad?” Cadance asked me. A worry-saturated love aura was coming off her in droves.

“Yes,” I said.

“Then I’m glad to have urged Luna to help you! If it happens again, do tell me, will you?”

“Of course, if that’s what you really want. I don’t want to burden you!”

“For the thousandth time, Thorax, you’re not burdening me! If something’s troubling you, I want to know it!”

“Okay. I’ll tell you if it happens again.”

“Good! Now let me see what I can do about getting you a job!”

“I better go too,” Sunburst said. “Enjoy your afternoon, Thorax!”

BOOM!

I snapped my eyes open and sat up in bed, startled by the loud noise and a little disoriented. It took me a moment to realize that I was in my room, alone, and that it was the middle of the night.

Was this another dream? Another nightmare? It didn’t feel like one; but then again, neither had any of the worst ones I remembered! So how would I know? If this was indeed a dream, Luna might show up if things start going bad, but I didn’t want to have to depend on her every night! There had to be others who needed her!

Besides, what if this wasn’t a dream? What if something bad had happened?

I sprang out of bed and got out into the hallway. Sentinel was there, all strung up, looking around herself, as if unsure what to do.

“Did something happen?” I asked her.

“Yes! Something exploded, and it sounded like it came from Sunburst’s room!”

Sunburst?! Oh no! What could have happened to him? I sensed some love in the general area of his room, therefore he was presumably alive at least… unless that was somepony else’s love…

“Come on!” I said as my hooves rushed me to the nearest stairwell without me telling them to, and Sentinel didn’t need to be told twice. “Why didn’t you go there right away?” I asked as we half-galloped, half-flew up the stairs.

“Because Shining would have blasted me to pieces if I’d left you unsupervised! I also wasn’t sure that you weren’t caught in the explosion! I was about to check on you when you got out!”

“I’m sure Shining would have-”

We arrived at Sunburst’s room. The door was wide open, and the room itself looked like something had exploded as we’d suspected: the table was missing and a shallow crater stood in its place, objects were strewn about, mostly lying in piles against every wall, and most of the piles were burning; a figure that could only be Sunburst lay unconscious next to the remains of his bed, and Cadance and Shining were there already, examining him.

“-understood,” I squeaked the rest of my sentence. “At least he’s alive!”

“How do you know?” Sentinel asked as we rushed to his side.

“I can sense love from him,” I explained.

“Thorax, Sentinel!” Cadance noticed our presence. “Are you alright?”

“Yes-”

Shining shoved me away. “Get away from him! Or at least make yourself useful!”

“What should I do?” I asked nopony in particular.

“Get the firefighters here!” Sentinel suggested. “The fire department is in Obsidian Street, across the road from the stadium!”

“On it!” I buzzed my wings and flew toward the open window, only to collide with a purple force field and tumble onto the floor.

Shining extinguished his horn and pressed me down with a hoof. Behind him, I could see Cadance busy casting spells on Sunburst. I didn’t know what they were; healing spells, maybe? I hoped they were!

“Who said you could leave?” he roared at me.

“Uh… you told me to make myself useful…”

“Not by running around loose! She can get the firefighters!” He tilted his head at Sentinel, who took the hint and flew out the window. “You’re staying here where I-”

“Okay, I think I’ve stabilized him,” Cadance said, levitating Sunburst onto her back. “I’m taking him to the hospital. Don’t kill Thorax!”

Great. Don’t kill Thorax, but what about inflicting pain on him or frightening him into wishing he was dead? But it was too late to protest, even if I would have dared to; she’d already teleported away.

In the meantime, a few more ponies had gathered up and were trying to put out the fires and to salvage anything that wasn’t burning yet. It didn’t look like they were making much progress. At least Shining had gotten off my chest and gone to issue orders to them!

Wanting to help, I coughed up a blob of slime onto one of the fires. I was hoping it would extinguish the flame, but instead, the fire burned it to a crisp, and a very foul-smelling one at that! Everypony started coughing, and Shining put up a force field around the mess I’d made. It helped a little… not much, but at least we could breathe more or less normally again.

And I didn’t need to see Shining’s scowl to know that this hadn’t won me any favors; if I had any favors, I would have lost them!

“What was that for?” he yelled, getting in my face. “Are you trying to kill us?”

“No! This was supposed to extinguish the flame! I don’t know why it didn’t!”

“It didn’t because you’re an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s doing! Now get out of the way and sit there where I can see you!”

“But I want to help-”

“Help?” he scoffed. “When the firefighters and the rest of us are done here, I’ll let you clean up if you behave yourself.”

Clean up? I looked at the ponies. Sentinel and the firefighters had arrived by now and they all looked like they could use some help now, and I still hoped I could do it right if only somepony would tell me what needed to be done! I didn’t want to make an even bigger mess than I already had!

Shining misinterpreted my gaze.

“You’re not going to claim that you can’t clean, are you? A former janitor not knowing how to clean up a mess?”

“No, it’s-” I sighed, giving up. “Yes, of course, I’ll wait here until it’s my turn to clean.”

Before long, I’d been in the firefighters’ way enough times that I decided to retreat to the ceiling. I watched the ponies wistfully as they worked, wondering why Shining had refused to let me help now when it was needed most. Did he suspect that I’d had something to do with the explosion? But how could I have? I’d been asleep in my room, and Sentinel and the spell he’d cast on my window could vouch that I’d never left! Unless he suspected her of lying?

One of the firefighters noticed me hanging from the ceiling and asked Shining if I could lend a hoof. He shot back a ‘no’ that left no room for negotiation, and the firefighter returned to his task.

Could it be pure spite? It was this very afternoon that I’d asked to be given some kind of duty to contribute to society with, and Shining had been very much against it! Had he refused to let me help because I’d made it clear I wanted to? Would he have made me help if he’d thought I didn’t care?

My eyes filled with tears. It was probably because of all the smoke, but I wouldn’t bet that some of them weren’t the result of knowing I could at least try to help but being denied the chance to.

Eventually the firefighters were done and left the premises. Shining teleported a mop and a water bucket into the room and I took it as my cue to disengage myself from the ceiling and fly down. I took the mop without a word and started cleaning up, and he watched me for a little while as if doubting my ability or intention to do an adequate enough job. Sentinel stood at the door, as if unsure whether or not she should be doing something too.

Cadance returned soon after.

“The doctors say he’ll live,” she announced to my immense relief, “but he’s still unconscious. They don’t know when he’ll wake up.”

“Is he going to recover?”

“I didn’t press for details, but I got the impression that they hope so but that it’s too early to be sure of it.” She noticed me and frowned slightly. “You’re cleaning?! Didn’t we say-”

“Let him,” Shining barked.

“You made him, didn’t you?”

“It’s alright, Princess!” I said. “I would have offered to anyway!”

“I might have known…” she muttered.

“Can’t we go to bed and discuss it in the morning?” Shining protested.

“We might as well,” she agreed. “You too, Thorax.”

I hesitated. “I don’t think I can sleep after this…”

“Try to anyway. There’s no emergency anymore and we can pick up the pieces later.”

“...maybe just a little while longer,” I suggested. “Just to tire myself out a bit?”

She gave an unconvinced nod and left with Shining.

When they were gone, Sentinel finally loosened up.

“Need help?” she asked.

“It’s okay. I’ve been doing this for years, and this isn’t the worst mess I’ve seen. I don’t want to trouble you!”

“It’s no trouble.” She left and returned with a mop and bucket of her own. “You aren’t just tiring yourself out, are you? You intend to have the room spotless by the time Shining wakes up.”

“How did you know?”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you and the way he treats you, and you always have that ‘I’ll-do-anything-please-don’t-kill-me’ look in your eyes whenever the two of you are in the same room. It isn’t that hard to guess that you’re expecting a lot of pain unless you can return the room to its former glory by sunrise. The worst thing is, you’re probably right to expect it with his attitude, and I don’t like it! And since I’m supposed to be watching you anyway, why don’t I help you out a little?”

“Won’t you get in trouble?”

“He never said I couldn’t help you,” she winked.

“Thanks,” was all I could say.

Now that there were two of us, the work was going much faster than it would have if I were alone, but we were still very much at it when I realized the sun had risen at some point. I wondered how I’d failed to realize it was morning already, but there was little time to waste on guesswork; now that visibility was better than under the light of a few torches, it became obvious just how bad the damage was: very few objects were relatively intact, the walls were cracked in a few spots where a heavy piece of furniture must have hit them, and shards and splinters were everywhere! If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought this was a warzone, and Sentinel and I had barely made a dent in cleaning it up!

Warzone…

A dreadful thought hit me: we’d all taken this for an accident, but was it? What if the explosion had been deliberate, planted there with a murderous intention? But who would have wanted to kill Sunburst? I wouldn’t put it past Shining to try to incriminate me for a horrible crime, but he wouldn’t have gone as far as to sacrifice his daughter’s crystaller for the sake of getting rid of me!

Unless… maybe it wasn’t Shining. What if the changelings had discovered my hiding place and planted the bomb for me? Sunburst’s room was one floor above mine; they could have miscounted the floors and blown Sunburst up by mistake! Or was it deliberate after all, on their part instead of on Shining’s, with the intention of making me suffer the untimely death of a friend? That was more likely; my instantaneous death in an explosion wouldn’t have satisfied Chrysalis’ bloodlust!

But if that was her plan, she wouldn’t stop at just one of my friends… Oh dear, who would be next? And when?

Hoofsteps echoing from the hallway snapped me out of it momentarily.

“Thorax, you’re back alrea- wait.” Cadance eyed me inquisitively. “You’ve been working all night, haven’t you? I told you to go to bed!”

“I… I must have lost track of time…”

“Both of you?” Shining asked dryly. “Sentinel, I didn’t say you could help him!”

“You didn’t say I couldn’t, either!”

“We’ll discuss this later. Go home!”

“Yes, Sir.” She set the mop aside, cast me an apologetic glance, and left. Trusty Shield was already there to take the next shift.

“We’re on our way to visit Sunburst,” Cadance said. “We’re hoping he woke up by now.”

“Oh.” I fumbled a little. Should I ask? I decided to try, come what may. “I don’t suppose I could come too?”

“Of course!”

“Are you sure, Cady?”

“Why not? He’s friends with Sunburst!”

“We can’t take Flurry along if he’s coming too!”

She stared him down.

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned. “But you’re not going in that condition. Clean yourself up first!”

I hurried to make myself more presentable, and they waited. The walk to the hospital was spent in uncomfortable silence - even Flurry wasn’t in the mood for playing and babbling - but at least Sunburst had woken up like we’d all been hoping!

He was bandaged up, his mane was singed, and he seemed to have a hard time focusing his eyes on us for a minute or two, but he was alive, and that was the important thing! The rest, I was sure, would get better eventually, as the doctor we’d talked to upon arrival at the hospital ward had informed us.

“Hey guys,” Sunburst rasped. “I’m sorry I had to drag you here on such a fine morning…”

“Never mind that,” Cadance said. “How are you feeling?”

“Like one would expect after an alchemy experiment blowing up in my face. It isn’t the first time, though it doesn’t normally knock me out cold. Is it true that my whole room blew up?”

“More or less,” Shining said. “Is that what happened? You were doing alchemy?”

“Yes. I brewed the potion correctly, but the spell needed to activate the reaction was more complicated than my horn could handle… I should have known it would backfire! How bad is the damage to my room? I hope the walls at least are intact?”

“Don’t trouble yourself over it-”

“Are you sure the potion was fine?” I interjected, trying not to show alarm in my voice.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“The ingredients were alright? And you didn’t make an error in measuring or mixing them? Or-”

“Gee, Thorax, what’s gotten into you? I used some of the ingredients in a different potion just before making the one that exploded and everything went exactly as it should, and the others were freshly brought from the pharmacy. And I have yet to make an error in brewing things! I never do that carelessly or in a hurry or anything! Really, the spell was what went wrong!”

I sighed with audible relief. “Thanks, Sunburst.”

“What’s all this about?”

“...just my paranoia getting the best of me,” I confessed without going in detail.

“You thought Chrysalis had something to do with it, didn’t you?”

“Yes. I thought earlier that a bomb had been planted in your room, meant to kill you, or that it was meant for me and planted in your room by mistake… but when you mentioned the potion, I got an idea that the ingredients might have been messed with… but if you’re sure it couldn’t have happened…”

“I am sure! Relax, you’re not in danger!”

“Did the doctors say how long you’ll have to stay here?” Shining changed the subject.

“They’re guessing about a week. Maybe a little longer, but probably not more than two weeks.”

“Then I guess we’ll have to find a foalsitter for Flurry until you return.”

“Ruby Rattle is still sick?”

“Yes, and Hokey Pokey won’t be back from her vacation soon enough. Why did she have to go all the way to Saddle Arabia?”

“Shining, dear, we shouldn’t bother Sunburst with all that now!”

“Maybe not, but we still can’t leave Flurry unattended! You think Berry would be willing to foalsit? Or Whirligig?”

“They might for one day, but we can’t ask them to abandon their jobs! Maybe the kindergarten could help us!”

“Except that none of the nannies there have any experience with alicorn foals! What are we supposed to do, tie Flurry in a harness and carry her through one of the magic-dampening gates in the stadium to prevent chaos?”

“Of course not! What would you rather do? Leave her with a Royal Guard member like you left her with Sentinel last afternoon? Ruby and Hokey have neither a horn nor wings, and they manage just fine! So will the kindergarten!”

“After how long?”

Sunburst fired off a spark to get their attention.

“Ahem. Do you have to argue?” he asked. “Why don’t you let Thorax foalsit?”

Truce

“Excuse me?!”

The echo of Shining’s shocked protest sliced mercilessly through the air, reinforcing my wish that Sunburst had never made that suggestion. What were you thinking, Sunburst? You can’t really expect him to agree to that! He doesn’t let me even see Flurry Heart, and I’m supposed to watch her and keep her safe?

“You heard me, Shining,” he stated.

“I know you don’t like it,” Cadance said, “but Sunburst has a point. Flurry likes Thorax, and we are out of options.”

“You support him?!”

“Thorax wouldn’t be my first choice, I admit, but only because I don’t think he would have had a chance to develop much experience with foalsitting. But I don’t mind, either. Not to mention that he’s been looking for a job. This could be it!”

“If I may,” I interjected, “I should point out that I have exactly zero experience with foals! Not that I’m not flattered by your trust in me, Princess!”

“There you go, Cady! He admits himself that he isn’t cut out for this!”

“He never said that. Skill and experience are two different things! And he is resourceful. I’m sure he’ll figure it out!”

“And do what? Hiss at her like the last time we let him near her?”

“No, and by the way, that wasn’t the last time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I took Thorax for a walk about a week after what you call the ‘last time’, and Flurry was with us.”

“Where was his guard?” he demanded.

I cast a nervous glance at Trusty Shield, who was standing at a respectful distance. He returned the glance, and Shining noticed.

“You?! Explain yourself! Why wasn’t I told about this?”

“Because I ordered him not to tell you,” Cadance answered for Trusty. “I was trying to protect Thorax.”

“What were you thinking, Cady? That thing could have hurt our daughter!”

“No, he wouldn’t have hurt her, and if you’d bothered to set your stubborn prejudice aside and to get to know him for who he really is, you would have realized it yourself a long time ago! Thorax and Flurry didn’t interact much with each other directly, mostly due to Thorax’s caution, but when they did, they got along really well! She wasn’t afraid of him at all, in fact, she even tried to hug him!”

“What do you mean, ‘tried to’ hug him?”

“He went into a fit of panic because he thought you were going to kill him.”

“Is it true?” Shining asked Trusty.

“Yes, Sir. Every word of it. Half the city saw it!”

“And I wasn’t to know?”

“I was following Princess Cadance’s orders. And… permission to speak freely, Sir?”

“Aren’t we past that by now?” he muttered. “Granted.”

“I believed you were right about him when you first assigned me to watch him, Sir. I tried to act as close to how I assumed you would in my place. I didn’t want to let the others’ permissive attitude deter me. But when I saw him curled up shivering in the middle of the road because of one hug… that made a dent in my conviction. He hadn’t nearly won me over yet, but I began to ask myself if I’d misjudged him after all, and the more time I spent around him, the more convinced I became that he really is a good guy like he claims to be, despite my attempts to explain it all as a first-class deception act. I’m sorry, but I just can’t see him as a dangerous enemy anymore!”

I caught an I-told-you-so smirk on Sunburst’s face as he glanced at me.

Shining groaned. “You trust him, do you?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Enough to let him foalsit your own son?”

“Absolutely!”

He went silent. His gaze wandered from Cadance, to Sunburst, to Trusty, to me, to a random spot on the floor. His aura of love was as jumbled as on the day I’d told him about Pharynx, if not more! We all stood there, waiting for him to come to a decision, and I had no idea whether I should be excited or concerned-bordering-on-panic.

“All of you think this is a good idea?” he asked eventually.

“Yes,” they said in unison.

“Uh, I’m undecided,” I added, for whatever it was worth. I was actually leaning toward a ‘no’, but it wasn’t my place to go against the Princess’ wishes.

“Fine,” he groaned. “You win this time. Thorax, I’ll give you one chance to prove yourself capable of foalsitting an alicorn filly. I repeat: one chance. Don’t squander it if you value your life!”

I gulped and forced out a nervous nod.

“And don’t think I’ll let you act as you please! By definition, you won’t be able to avoid contact with her today, but all of your other restrictions still stand!”

I nodded again. He turned to Sunburst, waving a threatening hoof at him.

“And if I find out that you blew yourself up on purpose to get me to agree to this-”

“Don’t you think that would have been a little extreme? Relax, Shining, it was an accident!”

At that moment, Flurry decided she’d gotten bored of sitting on her father’s back and flew over onto mine. Shining removed her immediately.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, young lady! He hasn’t proven himself to me yet!”

And I probably never would, I said to myself.

“...and the diapers and powder are in this cupboard,” Cadance finished giving me quick instructions on where things of necessity were in Flurry’s room. “There’s another cupboard with diapers in the bathroom across the hallway, too, if you prefer to change her there. Any questions?”

“Yes, kind of. I’ve never had to change diapers. How do I do it?”

“You take the dirty one off and throw it in the bin, then you clean and powder Flurry’s rump, and dress her in a clean diaper the same way she was dressed in the one you threw away. I’m sorry I can’t demonstrate the process, but I’m running late for my duties as it is! It really isn’t complicated, just make sure to remember the way the used diaper is wrapped around her as you take it off.” She glanced at Shining, who was issuing orders to Trusty and one other guard. “I’d like to think that one of them will be willing to help you, but knowing Shining, I wouldn’t be surprised if he forbids it.”

“Either that, or it’ll be another point against me if I ask for assistance.”

“Don’t let that discourage you! I used to be a foalsitter, and it really isn’t a problem as long as you can establish some level of trust and allow her to play the way she wants without letting the fun turn into rampaging. I’m sure you already have her trust, and as for the rest… well, I think you’ll know how to set boundaries!”

“What if it doesn’t work? I’ve never been responsible for foals, or for nymphs or larvae, or any other offspring for that matter, and this is my only chance to prove myself!” I could feel a wave of panic approaching rapidly. Relax! You’ll blow it for sure if you succumb to worrying!

Cadance put a reassuring hoof on my shoulder.

“You can do this, Thorax! I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I had any doubts! Just do what you think is best and try to forget that you’re being evaluated!”

“That last part is going to be hard with two guards under orders to watch my every move,” I sighed.

“Still, try not to dwell on it. At least you’ll get a slight break at lunchtime when Shining and I will be there. Don’t lose track of time and forget to bring her to the dining room!”

“I will. Won’t. Ugh,” I rubbed my forehead,” you get the idea... I think?”

She nodded. Shining seemed to be done with the guards, too, as the three of them were watching us.

“I think that’s everything now,” she said, joining her husband as he started to leave.

“Um, Princess? What if… what if something comes up that I can’t handle?”

Shining opened his mouth, probably to say something along the lines of ‘then I hope you like pain’, but Cadance spoke first.

“I’ll be in the throne room if you need me,” she said.

Finally, I was left alone to my task. Well, not exactly alone in the strictest sense of the word; Trusty Shield and this other guard were there to keep me in check, and I was very aware of their eyes fixed on me. Trusty wasn’t as much of a problem anymore as he’d been in the first days, but the newly-appointed one gave me a sense of uneasiness. Nothing overly hostile about her, but nothing unconditionally friendly, either. Things could go either way with her. Was that it? And why did I have a feeling that I’d dealt with her before?

Of course! She’d been posted at Shining’s office on the day when he questioned me about the hive and led me into confessing about Pharynx! What was her name, again? Galea? She hadn’t done anything to me, but her presence alone, in connection with that awful day, must have been enough to leave me instinctively wary of her! But Brave Heart had been there too; why wasn’t I afraid of him as much? Was it because I’d come across him in passing on a couple of other occasions when nothing bad had happened? Was it because Galea had a horn she could potentially use against me and Brave Heart didn’t? Or had she simply been in a foul mood that day and I’d unknowingly registered her love aura and tied it into her presumed personality and into what was going on?

Enough with that, I told myself. I had a job to do and couldn’t allow myself to get distracted! Everything would be fine, I just had to make sure not to give Galea and Trusty any reason to think I was a threat to Flurry! They wouldn’t harm me if I did everything properly, would they?

Okay, Thorax, so far so good. One minute over and… several hours to go, probably. You can do this! Just calm down… act natural… Calm down… it’s just one foal…

For the moment, Flurry was playing with a plush snail, apparently oblivious to the world around her. I watched her in silence. She didn’t seem to need any interaction with me or anyone else at the moment, and I wondered how long it would last. I hoped for indefinitely, but Cadance had made it sound like I could be in over my head at any random moment! Was that an exaggeration born from my utter lack of experience with foals? Maybe. Hopefully. At least there were no bowls of hot oatmeal anywhere in sight this time…

Flurry suddenly snapped out of her plushy trance and fixed her eyes on me.

“Uh, hello, Flurry,” I said. “Remember me? I know I haven’t been around you very much, but… anyway… I’m supposed to watch you today, okay?”

She blinked a couple of times and tilted her head slightly.

“Do… do you understand what I’m saying? Are you supposed to understand at your age?”

Still no response.

“Okay, stupid question,” I muttered. A glance at Galea and Trusty revealed that they were staring at me blankly, too. What was I doing wrong? Back to Flurry. “Okay, this is going to sound silly but… am I supposed to talk to you? Ponies do talk to you, right?”

She flung the snail in my face.

“Ow! Okay, you’re right. I am stupid. Any suggestions?”

The guards snickered.

“Good luck taking advice from a foal,” Galea muttered.

“Okay then, what do you suggest?” Please say something useful!

“Do I look like I’m here to teach you your own job?”

“I don’t even know how I got roped into this…”

“Tough luck, pal. Captain Shining said to not interfere unless you attack Flurry.”

Something else collided with my head. This time it was a plush fish. And a plush bear. And a plush frog as I turned my head back to Flurry. She babbled something and launched the plush phoenix I’d bought her in my face. A plush elephant was coming up next, but I dodged it by flattening myself against the floor behind the pile of already-thrown plushies.

When I looked up, she was frowning at me with her forelegs crossed, and no more projectiles were lined up for throwing. I scooped up the five plushies in front of me and gave them back to her, then went to collect the elephant that had landed a little further away, only to once again be rewarded with the frog in the head.

The guards laughed.

“What’s so fu-”

The flying snail nearly knocked me off my hooves this time.

“Okay, Flurry, how am I supposed to bring these back to you if you keep distracting me?”

She giggled and unleashed the fish. It narrowly missed me and hit the cupboard, then bounced off somewhere out of sight.

“Great. Now I have to go looking for that one!” I decided to cut the matter short by throwing the frog and snail back to her but without actually hitting her. She let out a squeal and threw the phoenix just as I’d located the fish and was about to pick it up.

“Hey-” I started to protest, and then it dawned on me what she was doing. “Wait, you want us to throw plushies at each other? Is that how fillies play?”

More squeals and giggles, and a warm surge in her love aura. I also caught a glimpse of Galea trying to conceal a grin and a slight eye-roll.

“Okay then,” I said, accepting the game. “Fish away!”

She caught it in her magic and retaliated with the elephant that narrowly missed the phoenix coming from my end. I couldn’t catch the toy in my magic, and the bear hit me in the snout as I was attempting to collect the elephant and throw it back. I realized soon that attempting to fetch either of the two plushies wouldn’t get me far, and opted instead to snatch the returning phoenix out of the air before it could collide with my face again, then sent it on an immediate return trajectory quickly enough to follow up with the bear before the next arrival.

This went on for some time, and the room echoed with Flurry’s laughter, and it was quickly filled with the sweet, mouth-watering love aura of glorious brightness that the little princess radiated so effortlessly! If I’d known a foal could be so easily satisfied, I wouldn’t have been so hesitant about agreeing to watch her! And she’d been right: this was fun! Silly, but fun nevertheless!

If only I could have had anything like that in my own nymphhood…

The stray thought dampened my elated mood slightly, and though the difference was negligible and shouldn’t have had any outward manifestation, Flurry seemed to have picked up on it somehow. It was far from giving me a reason to worry, but she wasn’t laughing so uncontrollably anymore. Could it be that she’d inherited her mother’s gift for sensing emotions? Or had she simply worn herself out around the same time as me getting momentarily wistful?

Whatever it was, she wasn’t letting it stop her. Though she’d lost interest in the plushies that were now strewn all over the room, there were still ideas in her young mind awaiting their turn to be explored. She opened one of the toy boxes and levitated dozens - hundreds, maybe - of colorful cubes from it. That box must have contained nothing but cubes! She dropped them on the floor in front of me; some rolled away in all directions, but she didn’t seem to care.

I took one of the cubes in my hooves and examined it. It was smooth and shiny, roughly the size of an apple, and each surface was colored differently. As far as I could tell, all the other cubes looked the same.

“What are these for, Flurry?” I asked. “Throwing? They don’t look very… safe… You could get hurt if they hit you…”

By then she was prodding some of the cubes from the pile, trying to make them tumble down. She looked at me and babbled something.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means…”

She levitated a few dozen cubes and lined them up around me, then levitated some more and stacked them on the first ones.

“Oh! We’re building something?”

Another row got stacked on the previous ones, and another, and then some more. The wall she’d built wasn’t perfect; there were gaps and irregularities as the cubes weren’t aligned with expert precision, but the structure held nevertheless. Mostly. I supported it by adding a blob of slime in a few questionable spots. A muffled scoff from the guards at the sight of the first blob made me wonder momentarily if I’d done something I shouldn’t have, but neither of them openly protested, so I assumed it was alright after all. I could always clean it up if I turned out to be wrong!

The wall was getting taller quickly and she was running out of cubes. I wondered what she’d do after using up the last one. It didn’t get there; when she realized she only had half a dozen of them left, she gathered them up in front of herself, let out a little whimper, and glanced at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “I don’t have any more. We used them all up!”

I expected her to start crying and was beginning to ask myself how to best comfort her, but instead, she squeezed her eyes shut and lit up her horn. The unused cubes glowed in her magic and sprouted more identical cubes, and more, and then some more! I’d had no idea such a spell existed! Had she just come up with it on the spot? Sunburst would be impressed!

There were now plenty enough cubes for her to finish her little fort, or whatever the creation was supposed to be. It actually reminded me of the hive a little, with how it got narrower at the top and how it sported many holes in its structure; my blobs of slime completed the unintended effect. The main difference was that there were no side-spires and that she placed a potted plant at the top where Chrysalis’ castle would be in the real hive. Also, the masterpiece had a real live changeling completely enclosed within it. An urge to trap changelings that she’d inherited from her father, perhaps?

Well played, Flurry! I chuckled at my current position, and her giggles echoed from the outside.

But I was going to have to disappoint her. Glad as I may be that she was enjoying herself, my main function here was to keep an eye on her, and I couldn’t do that from within a pile of cubes. Luckily, I could get out at any moment; the holes were big enough for a small animal to pass through without disrupting the structure.

A burst of my magic transformed me into a mouse and I scurried out through one of the gaps at the side of the cube tower. Flurry looked at me with a puzzled frown. Hadn’t she ever seen a mouse? It didn’t matter; my disguise had served its purpose and I reverted to my own form.

Flurry obviously hadn’t expected a mouse to burst into blue flames and her foalsitter to emerge from the receding fire; she recoiled and whimpered, hiding herself behind her wings.

“Oops… I’m sorry, Flurry! I wasn’t thinking! Please, I’m not going to hurt you! Uh, what’s that smell?”

“She needs a diaper change,” Trusty Shield informed me. “It happens sometimes when foals get startled. Don’t worry, she’ll calm down pretty soon.”

She might calm down, but what about me? I was starting to panic; I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to do this! What if I did something wrong?

Well, no use in postponing the matter or pretending that nothing had happened.

I picked Flurry up and carried her into the bathroom, where I placed her on a changing table and removed the dirty diaper as instructed, careful to remember exactly the way it looked on her. Flurry kicked at the air as I worked, but it wasn’t getting in the way much. Also, I was relieved to find that the task at hoof wasn’t as repulsive as I’d expected; though far from enjoyable, it wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the messes other drones had deliberately created for me to clean up every now and then before my escape from the hive! And Flurry was kind of cooperating as I dressed her in a clean diaper! She even waited patiently while I washed my hooves! Why had everypony made it sound like this was an impossible ordeal?

“Back already?” Galea asked as I trotted into Flurry’s room with the little princess riding on my back. “Uh, do you need help?”

“With the diaper change? No, I figured it out.”

“You did?! This quickly? I’m impressed!” She prodded Trusty. “You think they’ll expect him to do it every time now that he’s proven himself?”

“Nah, it’ll still probably fall to whoever happens to be nearby.” He glanced at the clock. “It’s almost lunchtime. We should head for the dining room. It never hurts to have some time to spare when bringing foals to a meal. They sometimes think it’s a game and… well, I think you’ve seen what can happen, haven’t you?”

Yes, unfortunately. Boiling-hot oatmeal in the eyes and a furious father who still hadn’t forgiven me for a slight pain-induced rampage. I didn’t want a repeat!

Cadance and Shining weren’t yet in the dining room when we got there, and I wasn’t really surprised after Cadance had implied that she was to have a busy day today. It could therefore be assumed that Shining was just as busy, as I doubted he’d have let me foalsit his daughter if he could have excused himself from his duties. The question remained how soon they would arrive and whether or not I could keep Flurry from breaking anything in a fit of boredom. Luckily, there wasn’t much to break at the moment.

That changed quickly; Berry came into the dining room, pushing a trolley with empty plates and cups and other breakable things that ponies had a habit of using for meals.

“Oh… hello,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting you here!”

“Sunburst got injured,” I explained. “I’m filling in for him.”

“Yes, I heard the explosion… Is he alright?”

“He was when I visited him in the hospital, yes. More or less.”

“And you’re watching Flurry instead… How did you get Shining to agree to that?”

“Honestly, Berry, I’m not sure myself. But with Ruby sick and Hokey away, I was apparently the only option other than letting Flurry fend for herself.”

She glanced at Galea and Trusty. “But he had no trouble whatsoever in finding an extra guard to watch you?”

“Okay, it does sound absurd when you put it that way, but as long as I’m not getting blasted-”

The door opened and Cadance and Shining came in. Neither of them said anything or acknowledged our presence. They simply dragged themselves to their chairs and sat down. Cadance let out a heavy sigh and Shining rubbed his face.

“I’d better set the table,” Berry said under her breath.

“Need help?” I asked.

“...well, maybe. Yes. Thanks, I’d appreciate it.”

It was an easy task and we were done quickly, so she must have accepted my help mostly to get away from the royal couple’s sullen mood. I would have preferred to get away myself, but my place was probably here unless I got told otherwise.

Flurry, at least, had shown no desire to break stuff. She’d simply entertained herself by tugging at my wings and neck fin, and flew over to her mother by the time I was finished with setting the table. Unsure of how to proceed afterwards, I withdrew myself into a corner, close to where Galea and Trusty were standing at attention.

“Hi, sweetie,” Cadance said to Flurry and gave her a light kiss. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you right away… I’m just tired. But don’t be sad, mommy’s here now and she loves you!”

They nuzzled and Flurry squealed delightedly.

“How was your day with Thorax? Oh, and Thorax, why are you standing in the corner there? Do join us!”

Hesitantly, I accepted the invitation. Shining didn’t protest, much to my surprise. Was he simply too tired to care? He glanced at my guards.

“At ease, you two,” he grumbled. “You might as well sit at the table.”

They looked at each other as if this was a highly unusual command. It probably was! They sat at the far end of the table.

“I hope Flurry didn’t give you too much trouble?” Cadance asked me.

“No, Princess, we’re having a great time! We played with plushies and built a fort of cubes, and I changed her diaper just before coming here, and it wasn’t as hard as I expected, and she behaved perfectly!”

“I’m so relieved to hear that! Flurry can get carried away sometimes - hardly surprising for a foal, though I have to admit I’ve known foals who were far more unpredictable than she is - and I was so worried that you wouldn’t know how to handle her! Uh, no offense.”

“None taken!”

Berry arrived with the meal. She wasn’t very talkative today; she simply served the food and left.

“Are you sure you’re not downplaying anything?” Shining asked. “Forgetting to mention something that could land you in trouble?”

“I’m not! Everything went fine so far!”

“Is he telling the truth?” he asked the guards.

“Yes, Sir. Everything was under control the whole time.”

“Hm.” He took a few bites. “Maybe we should have sent him to handle the yak delegation if he’s so capable of dealing with unpredictability.”

“Shining!” Cadance protested.

“What? It would have made our day a lot easier!”

“You can’t compare foalsitting to political negotiations! Besides, entertaining foreign diplomats is our royal duty!” She sighed again. “Don’t mind us, Thorax. Most yaks adhere to pony etiquette when visiting, and most delegates are reasonable, but every now and then, an exception to the rule shows up… today was the exception.”

“I hope it didn’t go too bad?”

“The outcome was satisfactory so we shouldn’t complain, all things considered. But we’ve dealt with Chancellor Yakob before, and he can get… overbearing, to say the least. It took us over an hour to convince him that we were late to the audience due to unforeseen circumstances and not as a gesture of disrespect, and what should have been a short discussion of a relatively minor issue quickly became a tirade that lasted until now. We had to postpone the upcoming meetings, and Yakob declined the invitation to lunch.”

“And it’s a good thing,” Shining added. “I was this close to snapping at him!”

“I had no idea,” I mused. “So if I’d turned out to be incapable of foalsitting Flurry, I might have blown the already-tricky negotiations by putting one of you in the position of having to take my place?”

“Actually, I was so exasperated within minutes that I seriously considered sending you there disguised as me!”

Cadance slapped him in the hoof lightly.

“Don’t concern yourself with it,” she told me. “These things are unavoidable sometimes, and the important thing is that we can trust you to take care of Flurry!”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Cady! He still has several hours to go in which a lot can happen!”

“We’ll see,” she said.

The rest of the meal passed mostly in silence. Flurry played with her food a little but without making too much of a mess, her parents fed her in between bites of their own meals, and the guards finished up their sandwiches quickly. I waited patiently for everypony to be done, and when they were, I took Flurry in my care again and promised to Cadance and Shining that they had nothing to worry about.

But once we were back in Flurry’s room, I realized I was getting inexplicably tired. Was the night I’d spent awake catching up to me? Possibly, but what should I do about it? I was supposed to remain awake and alert in order to fulfill my duty properly! And I couldn’t expect Cadance or Shining to relieve me and take over on such a hectic day!

Oh well, Thorax, looks like you’ll have to grin and bear it! It won’t be the first time!

At least I wouldn’t have to chase Flurry around. Her liveliness had subsided and given way to a lazy demeanour, almost as if she was sleepy herself. She levitated a picture-book from a shelf and sat on the floor to leaf through it.

Okay, that could work. This wasn’t going to be a problem. What could go wrong while looking at a picture-book?

I sat next to her and we looked at the pictures together. She cooed and babbled from time to time, but other than that, she was perfectly still and predictable.

So much that my eyes began to close on their own.

I snapped myself to attention, but nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Flurry was still babbling at her picture-book, Galea and Trusty were standing around idly, and Shining was presumably performing his royal duties somewhere. Yes, everything was fine.

Flurry was still immersed in her picture-book, and the guards weren’t as alert as usual.

And my eyes were still refusing to stay open.

I fought the urge to doze off again. Nopony noticed. Flurry was still with her book, Galea muttered something and walked out of the room, and Trusty looked through the window. Still no trouble. Everything was peaceful…

So peaceful…

“Thorax, wake up! Wake up!” Galea’s urgent voice and insistent prodding pulled me back into reality. “C’mon, wake up, you-”

“Huh? What?” I yawned.

“Where’s Flurry?” she screamed at me.

“What?!” I was fully awake now.

“What is wrong with you two?! I go to the bathroom for one minute and one of you falls asleep and the other gets distracted by the window! You’re supposed to watch over a foal, darn it!”

Well, here’s my death warrant, delivered expressly.

“Correction. I was supposed to watch Flurry, and Trusty was supposed to watch me.” As if it mattered!

“Don’t argue semantics! We all messed up, big time!”

“So what should we do?”

“What do you think?! We gotta- There!” She pointed at the window; Flurry was soaring through the sky all alone.

“How did she get there? The window is closed!”

“She must have teleported! C’mon, we gotta catch her and bring her back before Shining sees us!”

I reached for the window handle and stopped myself.

“Is this changeling-proofed?” I asked.

Galea fired off a spell.

“Now it isn’t. Go!”

Trusty and I didn’t need to be told again. He was already out by the time Galea had finished her sentence, and I followed immediately after.

Flurry was doing spins and flips and all kinds of complex maneuvers in the sky, giggling blissfully, and was seemingly unaware of a pegasus and a changeling approaching her at their top speed. I glanced at the streets below. It was hard to tell if anypony had seen yet what was happening, but we had to finish this quickly or they most definitely would!

Flurry was still spiralling unpredictably through the air, but at least we were getting closer to her. Barring any surprises, the two of us could catch her and bring her back to the castle within seconds, and nopony else would know!

Almost there…

And Flurry noticed us and provided the dreaded surprise: she teleported again.

Where had she gone? Trusty and I looked around frantically. If we failed to find her soon…

“There!” Trusty pointed to the tip of the castle. Another mad rush followed, and another failure when she teleported again in a fit of giggles.

She was starting to love it, I could tell. Her aura was quickly getting brighter than the sun above us and heavenly delicious! Part of me wished I could let her enjoy that uninhibited freedom, but would she adore it so much if she knew the grave price her caretaker would have to pay for it?

At least such an aura was easier to locate than a speck in the distance. I dashed after her through every corner of the sky, relying on feeding instincts to direct me to her, only to fail to catch her every time at the last moment as she invariably teleported away.

And ponies were definitely starting to notice.

“What’s going on here?” Sentinel asked as she and Night Hawk rose through the air to me, though they must have figured out the gist of it.

“I’m foalsitting Flurry and she keeps teleporting away! Trusty’s been helping me catch her but I’ve lost him too!”

“He’s on the northern side of the castle,” Night Hawk said. “Come on, the more of us there are, the harder she’ll dodge us!”

Sentinel and I nodded readily. I didn’t bother to point out the sight flaw in his logic that had forgotten to factor in Flurry’s teleportation spells; I needed all the help I could get! If anything, I hoped we’d tire her out eventually, unless she tired us out first!

More guards were joining in the chase, and soon, the pegasi weren’t the only ones; the unicorns provided magical assistance from the ground when they could, and earth and crystal ponies acted as spotters to aid us in locating her. But even with all that team effort, she was still succeeding at dodging us! For a while, it seemed as we’d corralled her into the space between the buildings of Garnet Street with potential of distracting her with the playground equipment in Onyx Street where she would hopefully sit on a swing or a merry-go-round and end the wild chase herself, but she blasted a hole in the unicorn guards’ force field and teleported through another force field that Paladin and one other unicorn had patched up the hole with right away!

Okay, so much for distraction with playground stuff. Back to the raw chase!

When she was flying between the buildings again, the unicorns started creating force fields on a smaller scale around her immediate area, which I assumed was easier for them, or more adaptable at a moment’s notice, or had some other tactical advantage over collectively maintaining a magical tunnel over an entire street. Those of us with wings were doing our best to catch up with her and still failing! The best we’d done was to limit her to a lower altitude; she hadn’t gone much higher than the rooftops for a while now. I couldn’t figure out why. If she were an enemy getting blasted at, hiding behind structures would make more sense, as I’d done a couple of times on my journey away from the hive when my disguise had failed in a city! But she had a few advantages unlike me when I was the target: the guards couldn’t afford to blast her, and she could teleport wherever she wanted! My only advantage would have been the ability to adapt my form as needed, not that I’d gotten to use it much! Good thing she couldn’t do the same, or we’d probably never find her!

Then an idea hit me. I didn’t know if it would work, but since everything else had failed, it was worth a try!

I waited for Flurry to teleport to my general area. It took a few minutes, but eventually it happened when she needed to get herself out of Galea’s magical grip. As expected, the dodgy little princess dashed away in a random direction, but I followed, and when I estimated to be close enough, I unleashed a burst of my magic mid-flight and transformed into an oversized insect with very long legs, long enough to bridge the gap between us. I pushed some more speed into my wings for good measure.

“Gotcha!” I exclaimed as my long appendages finally made contact with Flurry and pulled her close. I realized at the last moment that I was about to crash into one of the castle’s supporting pillars. I banked hard to a side and skidded to a halt close to the base of another supporting pillar.

And Flurry teleported out of my clutch.

The nearby unicorns had already lit up their horns, presumably to erect more force fields around the base of the castle or to attempt some other spell that would corner the runaway filly. And I was getting off the ground to make another go at grabbing her when-

“THORAX!”

The sound of my name reverberated with murderous menace and a promise of a lifetime of excruciating pain condensed into however long it would take for my battered body to decide to put an end to itself as the only remaining way out of the unimaginable horror the impending arrival of which was now a long-dreaded certainty.

Utterly defeated, I turned to the source of the sound. Shining Armor was marching down a staircase onto the clearing beneath the castle, and the ice-hot fury simmered in his eyes. Behind him, Cadance trotted out of the castle and spread her wings to fly to little Flurry, who allowed herself at last to be snatched from the air and hugged tightly.

As Shining Armor approached me, I collapsed my disguise and dropped into the most humble, apologetic, begging-for-mercy bow I could muster, which was a feat in itself that I’d mastered through many encounters with Chrysalis, but I doubted it would be of any help now. It had never saved me from punishment, except maybe by convincing the Queen against punishing me worse than what I’d gotten in the end, but it still felt like the only right thing to do!

“What do you think you’re doing?!” The venom in his voice was palpable.

“Shining, I promise you with all I’ve got, I never meant to hurt her!” My voice was feeble and shaky and I wished I could shrink into the ground. “I did my best, I really did, but… You put your trust in me and I failed you. I promised I’d do things right and I failed! I’m so deeply, unbearably sorry! I know you can’t forgive me, and I know I deserve the worst of punishments, but for whatever it’s worth, please try to understand that I had the best intentions!”

The ice-hot daggers in his eyes dulled down a bit.

“What are you talking about?”

“...don’t you know?”

“All I know is that the whole city is involved in a chase and that you seem to be the ringleader in the form of an oversized… whatever that was. What I don’t know is why!”

“It’s my fault,” I sighed. “I allowed a moment of weakness to overtake me and failed at my duty as a foalsitter.”

Shining tilted his head. “I don’t follow,” he said.

“After lunch, when I took Flurry back to her room, I realized I was tired but thought I could keep it under control. I couldn’t. I dozed off for a minute while Flurry was looking at a picture-book, and the next thing I knew, Galea was shaking me awake because Flurry was missing.”

“It’s my fault too,” Trusty interjected. “I was looking through the window when my attention should have been at them.”

“I should take my share of the blame as well,” Galea added. “I saw Thorax was struggling to stay awake but did nothing except go to the bathroom assuming nothing would go wrong in that one minute.”

“Did you leave the door open?” Cadance asked.

“No, Princess.”

“And the window was closed too?”

“Yes.”

“Then she must have teleported away.”

“That was our theory,” I said. “Then we saw her flying around outside and tried to catch her and bring her back inside, but she kept teleporting away, and soon the whole city joined in trying to help us. You know the rest.”

“And the building-sized insect? What was that about?”

“It was taking forever and I was running out of ideas. All I wanted was to get Flurry and take her back to her room before you saw how miserably I’d failed at what I’d promised I’d do properly! And I’m sorry, I really am! I should have known I’d fail you just like I failed at everything else! So yes, I know I deserve to be punished, but please… if you’d be so kind to grant me one little request… can you at least take in consideration that I didn’t do it on purpose and make it quick?” Flurry had flown out of her mother’s grasp and was now standing next to me, stroking my foreleg and looking at me like she was on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry, Flurry,” I whispered to her. “Looks like I won’t get to be your foalsitter after all!”

Cadance and Shining stared at me blankly.

“What did you mean by ‘make it quick’?” Shining asked. I realized I wasn’t sensing any signs of hatred in his love aura anymore. Could it have vanished now that he finally had the excuse to exact the revenge he’d yearned for all this time?

“I meant to skip the torture and just kill me, if I’m not asking for too much.”

“What are you talking about, Thorax?!” Cadance exclaimed. “You aren’t about to get tortured and killed! I told you on the first day that ponies don’t do that!”

“But I failed at my duty! I-”

She put a hoof over my mouth.

“You didn’t fail,” she reassured me. “You could have been wide awake and Flurry would have still teleported away from you if she wanted! You couldn’t have prevented it - I couldn’t have with all my magic if I’d been there - but you did everything in your power to deal with the situation, and that’s all the proof anypony should need that punishment isn’t in order, especially not the kind you expect!”

“But I fell asleep on duty-”

“Yes, that,” Shining interjected. “I’d like an explanation.”

“I think it’s because I spent the whole night cleaning up Sunburst’s room.”

“Didn’t Cady tell you to go to bed?”

“Yes, and I should have listened.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I thought you’d punish me if the room wasn’t spotless by morning. I didn’t expect to be trusted with the responsibility of caring for Flurry today.”

He exchanged glances with his wife.

“Okay, show’s over,” he announced to the crowd. “Galea, Trusty Shield, I’ll see you in my office. The rest of you, back to your duties or whatever you were doing before this happened! Thorax, castle.”

He put Flurry on his back, and he and Cadance escorted me to my room, told me to wait, and excused themselves into the hallway for a minute.

“Cadance and I have finished with our royal duties for today and we’ll take Flurry now,” he said when they returned. “You finish up whatever you have and go to bed. We’ll expect you to be in Flurry’s room tomorrow about half an hour before breakfast. Make sure to be fresh and rested or you’ll probably end up with a repeat of today and I won’t be happy!”

I blinked at him. Had I heard that right?

“Excuse me… you want me to keep foalsitting? Even after I made an epic mess of things?”

“Well, we are out of options, aren’t we? And Flurry likes you and everypony trusts you, so why shouldn’t I give you a chance?”

“It seems kind of sudden, especially after today… What changed? Uh, if it isn’t too much to ask…”

“Luna visited me in my sleep tonight after Sunburst’s accident,” he said after a moment. “She told me about the conversation you two had, and about your nightmares, and about your fears and the goodness she saw in you… I didn’t want to believe her, but I can’t deny that she’s in a better position to judge one’s character than any of us… so when Sunburst suggested that you take over foalsitting duty temporarily, I still didn’t like it but I guess I eventually decided to trust Luna that you’d at least have good intentions. Okay, I also didn’t want to argue with the rest of you in the hospital, especially with what you revealed had happened. I assigned Galea and Trusty to be with you there just in case I was wrong, and when I saw you chasing Flurry around town, I thought for a moment that I’d made a mistake by deciding to trust you and that the rest of them were actually chasing you and not her… until Trusty and Galea spoke in your defense. Don’t get me wrong, it would have still been easier to blame you, and I think I still don’t trust you entirely and maybe never will, but if everypony is on your side including the only one who can truly see into the mind of another… How likely is it that I am right and all of them are wrong?”

I didn’t know what to say. Was this really happening? I wasn’t dreaming, was I?

“So, what I’m trying to say is, I’ll try to get over myself from now on and stop mistreating you. And… I guess I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner. From now on, don’t be afraid to speak up if you think the way I’m treating you is unfair, okay?”

“Okay,” I said hesitantly, hoping it wouldn’t break whatever spell was at work here.

“And to make it perfectly clear, I’m not going to torture or kill you. If I try anyway, fight back, understand?”

“I’m not much of a fighter…”

“It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’ll have to snap me out of it if I try to hurt you.”

“Okay…”

“Good. See you in the morning, then!”

He turned to leave.

“Uh, Shining? What’s going to happen to Galea and Trusty?”

“I’ll give them a mouthful for slacking off and that’ll be it. They pulled through in the end, even if it was messy and complicated. They should get a reprimand, but they helped snap me out of my lust for revenge and I owe them. I hope they’ll appreciate it.” He snickered. “That was actually a pretty impressive chase, you know. You could have been a good soldier if you had a different attitude.”

“I’ll... take that as a compliment, I guess?”

“Sure. But let’s try not to need it again, shall we?”

I nodded.

“Oh, almost forgot!” He approached my window and hit it with a spell. “I don’t think there’s a reason to restrict your movement anymore.”

I reached out carefully. My hoof touched the glass and nothing happened! Shining had lifted the changeling-proofing spell!

“The nights are warm this time of year,” he added. “Maybe a bit of fresh air will help you sleep peacefully, if you’d like to try.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Well, then. Good night!”

He closed the door behind himself and I stared at it for a while, half expecting to be shaken out of a reverie or open my eyes after a dream, but it didn’t happen, nor did he come back shouting ‘Got ya, fool!’ or anything like that. I still couldn’t believe it! He’d decided to start trusting me after all! It had taken what I hadn’t thought possible until a couple of nights ago, but I’d dared to keep hoping and it had become true…

Yes, I decided, I would do well to keep all my hopes alive.

Author's Note

“Friggin’ finally!”
-everyone in the comment section

Grudge and Forgiveness

“What’s taking him so long?” Shining’s voice echoed slightly down the hallway as I galloped to Flurry’s room.

“Relax, he’ll be here!” Cadance’s voice answered.

“Unbelievable! I can understand yesterday, but what’s he pulling now?”

The knots in my stomach tightened. He’d promised to behave himself, but if his patience was this thin…

“Shining, dear…”

“I swear, if he isn’t here in five minutes, I’ll go down there myself and-”

The door to Flurry’s room was ajar but I knocked regardless.

“Told you!” Cadance said, pulling the door fully open with her magic. I stepped inside and bowed to them.

“I’m so sorry to keep you waiting,” I said, a little out of breath. “I was going to be on time but-”

“First of all, let’s dispose of the bowing, shall we?” Cadance interrupted me. “We don’t expect it from any of our assistants, so why should you be an exception?”

“Assistant? I thought I was a foalsitter?”

“Yes, but we sometimes use the word ‘assistant’ as a general term for those working closely with us, and foalsitting qualifies as such.”

“I see.” I rose up to a normal stance. “Is this better?”

“Yes. Did you sleep well?”

“I didn’t wake up screaming if that’s what you meant, but I don’t remember not having a nightmare, either. I feel pretty rested, so I guess I slept well enough.”

“Then why were you late?” Shining interjected.

“No guards were outside of my room. I decided to wait a bit until they returned, but they didn’t, and I thought I’d get in trouble for going about without them, but then I had to because you were waiting for me-”

Shining slapped himself on the forehead.

“Didn’t I tell you yesterday?”

I tilted my head, unsure what he was talking about.

“I called off your guard escort. If I’m going to trust you from now on, you shouldn’t have your movement restricted and monitored.”

“You did say something about not restricting my movement anymore, but I thought that referred to the spell on my window…”

“...and I’ll be removing the spells from the other windows too,” he added. “Though, I’d like to keep the weapons changeling-proofed, just in case.”

“I wasn’t going to touch them!”

“Maybe so, but who’s to say there won’t be any evil changelings skulking about one day? Besides, you did try to take a halberd in my office once, didn’t you?”

Oh. That.

“Thorax? What’s he talking about?”

I shrunk under the Princess’ gaze and looked away.

“It’s… you shouldn’t worry about it…”

She put a hoof under my jaw and gently turned my head toward herself. “I’m listening.”

“Not in front of Flurry,” I whispered.

“She’s still sleeping, but…” She put up a magical bubble around the filly’s bed. “She won’t hear anything now. What’s this about the halberd?”

I was going to have to tell her now, wasn’t I?

“I meant to use it on myself,” I sighed.

Her eyes went wide.

“Why? And when?” She turned to Shining. “And you knew?!”

“It’s…” he started to protest, then stopped abruptly and sighed. “Actually it is my fault. I knew it then but didn’t want to admit it to myself, let alone anypony else, because I still wanted Thorax to be the one to blame for… honestly, I don’t even know what for anymore. Probably for being alive. Celestia, I really am a stubborn bigot, aren’t I?”

“I can’t blame you,” I said. “After what my kind did, you have every right to hate us, and I was actually there at the time and didn’t do anything to stop it.”

“You couldn’t have done anything, okay? Chrysalis would have killed you!”

“What’s this about the halberd?” Cadance insisted.

“It was one of the times when I interrogated him,” Shining said. “He was hiding something so I pushed him into telling me about his brother… into practically betraying his brother. I crossed the line and didn’t know it, and frankly, I wouldn’t have cared if I had known. But Thorax couldn’t bear the thought that he might have sold out his brother’s life or freedom in exchange for not being yelled at… The worst thing is, Thorax, you were right about thinking it; I wanted to attack the hive with the information I’d pulled from you… I don’t know what made me give it up…”

“Sunburst had a theory,” I mused. “Something about-”

Flurry stirred herself awake and rapped on the bubble.

“We’ll discuss this later,” Cadance said, undoing the bubble. “Good morning, sweetie! Sleep well?”

Flurry flew up, babbling delightedly.

“Yes, yes, I love you too! Ready for breakfast?”

Apparently she was. She landed on my back and prodded me a little.

“Well, what do you know,” Shining laughed. “She does like you! More than her mommy and daddy, apparently!” He tickled her and she kicked and squealed.

Breakfast was being served when we got there, and Berry was her usual self.

“Good morning, everypony!” she chirped. “Oh, and every...change...ling… Is that how you say it?”

“Everyling,” I corrected her. “But ‘everyone’ is fine too. Or simply ‘everypony’ if I’m the only changeling in a group of ponies.”

“Okay then!” She leaned to take a look at Flurry. “And I see your adventure from last afternoon turned out alright?”

I winced. “You know about that?”

“The whole town knows. Personally, I had an excellent view of one of Sentinel’s near-successes. You wouldn’t believe how that girl flies!”

“She told me once that she attended the Wonderbolts Academy til near-graduation.”

“Oooooh. That explains it! You weren’t half bad yourself, though I must admit that I wasn’t expecting that colossal bug in the end!”

“Neither did we,” Shining interjected.

“I hope you’re not in trouble for it?”

“If I am, it’s a far lesser trouble than I expected.”

“Well, that’s a relief to hear! You gotta tell me more about it sometime!” She placed a teapot onto the table. “Don’t mind my big mouth… I get carried away sometimes... I’ll let you eat now. Uh, I haven’t brought anything for you, Thorax. Will that be a problem?”

“No, I’m fine. But thanks anyway!”

“My pleasure! I’d better leave you to your meals. Enjoy!”

Cadance and Shining had grabbed some pancakes and tea and were slowly savoring the taste. Since I wasn’t busy chowing down on anything, I took it upon myself to feed Flurry. She’d gotten a bowl of oatmeal - thankfully, it wasn’t hot - and though she kept trying to splat the contents all over the table, she didn’t think to launch it in my face. She must have learned her lesson the first time! Then again, maybe she just wasn’t in the mood for launching food in others’ faces today and would amply make up for it tomorrow.

After breakfast, Flurry and I retreated to her room and left her parents to attend to their royal duties. It felt weird to suddenly be left alone with her; I still wasn’t sure if I’d be up to the task, but trust and an opportunity to justify that trust had been given to me, and I wasn’t going to squander it!

Luckily, Flurry wasn’t itching to test my limits right now. She opted for a coloring book and crayons instead and it absorbed her full attention for hours! I hadn’t realized foals could be so dedicated to sitting still! Not that I complained; I’d choose that over last afternoon’s antics any day!

Her concentration remained unbroken even when she was due for a diaper change. I gave her some time to finish coloring the page she was working on before interrupting her so I could tackle the matter; she wasn’t satisfied, judging by how furiously she kicked when I snatched her up, but it had to be done, and she calmed down eventually. Afterwards, she got interested in the cube fort again. Climbing it with the aid of her wings went smoothly if a bit comically, but problems arose when she tried to crawl inside without teleporting; none of the holes were big enough for her.

“Hold on,” I told her and transformed into a mouse.

I’d intended to go in myself and see which cubes could be kicked out without compromising the fort’s stability, and maybe to reinforce the rest with more blobs of slime if necessary, but I never got around to it. She grabbed me in her hooves and started playing with me, babbling happily all the while.

“Okay, okay, stop it!” I exclaimed when she moved on to tickling. No effect. I tried to resolve the issue by becoming a plushie, but it only got me squeezed in a tight hug that I could only endure for a few seconds before giving up and returning to my own form.

“Whew… okay… I appreciate your love but… don’t do it again… okay?” I panted. “You could have put me in a hospital!”

Her ears drooped and she let out a whimper.

“Hey, don’t be sad, I still like you! Just try to be more careful next time. Please?” My glance fell on the clock as I looked around the room for ideas on what to do with her next. “Uh-oh. It’s almost lunchtime! We better hurry!”

She sat on my back and we went to the dining room.

Cadance and Shining were there already, helping themselves to the soup.

“Oh no, am I late again?” I moaned. “I’m so sorry! I won’t disappoint you again! I’ll do my best!”

“You’re not late, Thorax,” Cadance chuckled. “We’re early. The day’s been mercifully slow.”

“Come on, stop sulking and sit down,” Shining said. “I didn’t see any monster-sized bugs chasing fillies around town today. I take it everything’s under control?”

“Yes Sir, we’ve been coloring.”

“Both of you?”

“...no, just Flurry. I watched.” I pointed at a bowl of green mush. “Is this for her?”

“Yes. It’s mashed peas. They’re her favorite, but watch out; the walls will be painted with it any moment now!”

“It kind of looks like dried changeling slime,” I mused.

They both grimaced. I did an imitation of a tortoise.

“Sorry! I’ll shut up now!”

“Oooookay… Uh, Cadance and I were… discussing… things… and we’ve, uh, come to the conclusion that, although some of my behavior in regard to you can be excused as reasonable caution… most of it can’t. And, uh… it requires some disciplinary measures.”

“I’m not sure I understand. You’re trying to say I’m getting punished after all?”

“No, not you! Me!”

“But you’re a prince! A leader of a country!”

“So? That doesn’t mean I can’t get punished if I do something to deserve it! Granted, rulers of Equestria have rarely needed to be punished for their actions, but it has been known to happen nevertheless, and I shouldn’t be the exception.”

“And since we have yet to decide on the exact form of punishment,” Cadance added, “we thought you might want to weigh in.”

“Me?!”

“Yes. You were the victim and your opinion should be heard.”

I must have looked completely lost because Cadance got dead serious and asked, “Thorax? Are you alright?”

It took me a moment to snap out of it.

“...I’m sorry, this is all so… new to me,” I said. “I’ve never been called a victim before. Wimp, loser, idiot, punching bag, disgrace, waste of chitin… traitor… but never a victim. And the very idea that I might have a say in what happens to someone who did something to me… I never thought…” I hugged myself and shuddered.

Shining trotted over to me and put a hoof on my shoulder. Gently. Not a trace of malice or attempt to force me into submission!

“I’m sorry if I touched a nerve,” he said. “And we understand if you need some time to think about it.”

“It’s alright. And I don’t need time to think about punishing you. I don’t want you to get punished!”

“Why? Because I’m a prince?”

“...well, among other things…”

“So? I wronged you, and we can’t pretend it didn’t happen!”

“But what would punishing you accomplish?”

“Well, I don’t know, justice?”

“Thorax,” Cadance interjected, “why don’t you give yourself a few days to think it over regardless? These kinds of decisions are never made in the heat of the moment anyway. Consult your friends if you think it’ll help, but do take the matter into consideration!”

“...alright, Princess, if you insist, I’ll do it.” I doubted I’d change my mind, though.

“Thank you. Now, can we please get on with lunch? We’ll be late for the visiting hours in the hospital if we keep stalling like this!”

“Seriously?” Sunburst protested when Cadance and Shining told him about the course of events he’d missed. “Thorax, you’re crazy! Why would you refuse to get some justice after all this?”

“Can it undo the past?”

“No, but-”

“Then what’s the point? Let’s just forget it and move on!”

He facehoofed. “That’s not how it’s done! We can’t just say ‘eh, whatever’ and pretend nothing happened!”

“But I can’t expect anypony to suffer because of me! Nopony, especially not a prince!”

“For the hundredth time, Thorax, I won’t retaliate the first chance I get if that’s what you’re afraid of,” Shining groaned.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what’s the problem?!”

“I just can’t, okay?!” I winced at my own outburst and sighed. “Look, I’ve been getting punished all my life for every little thing and it’s horrible. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the same thing!”

“You were tortured, and yes, that is horrible. But ponies don’t punish by torture! There are many disciplinary actions that are much more effective and much less cruel!”

“Like what?”

“A lot of things,” Sunburst said, “ranging from a formal apology in case of minor transgressions, to financial compensation, to authority restrictions, to community work… Prison too, though that’s often a last resort. Didn’t I already teach you that?”

“Princess Cadance mentioned a few things a while back, but I don’t think anypony ever went into detail.”

“Then I’m teaching you the basics of penal law first thing tomorrow.”

“But I’m supposed to be watching Flurry Heart… you think she’ll behave while cooped up in a hospital room?” She was behaving for now, but we hadn’t been here long, and she’d brought a couple of plushies with her.

“Actually, I’m getting discharged tomorrow.”

“Really?!” That was great news! “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“...I just did.”

“But didn’t you say only yesterday that you expected to be here longer?”

“That’s what it looked like, but now the doc says I’m recovering remarkably well and there’s no need to keep me here much longer, though I’m supposed to avoid exerting myself until further notice.”

I wondered briefly if he’d invented that on the spot so he could go back to teaching me, but would the doctors let him sneak out? Not likely, and something told me they wouldn’t be easily convinced to release him until he was well enough. A changeling medic would obey the command to release a drone from a healing cocoon prematurely without questioning, even to deny a healing cocoon to a drone in need of one, but ponies were too caring to act like that! If Sunburst said he was coming home tomorrow, the doctors must have allowed it!

“I’d love to have you back, Sunburst,” Shining said, “but I’m afraid your room is… er, pretty unusable at the moment. We can prepare one of the guest rooms for you temporarily if that’s okay?”

“If you want, but I still have my own house! I can sleep there! Sweet Celestia, it feels like forever since the last time… But I’ll still come to the castle during the day!”

“And if you need something in the middle of the night?” I asked.

“I’m not that injured. I’ll just avoid experimenting with spells for a while. The world won’t end if I don’t attempt to accelerate flower growth or make chairs walk or whatever else I- Thorax? What’s wrong now?”

“We didn’t bring you any flowers! You told me bringing flowers to sick ponies was a polite gesture, and I guess the same goes for injured ponies, and now you’re almost back home and we forgot to bring flowers!”

“Really?” he said flatly. “It doesn’t matter! It’s not that big a deal! Or if it really bothers you that much, I’ll pretend that you did bring some.”

“Or you can drop by the florist later today,” Cadance suggested.

“Or if the shop is closed by the time you get there, just go to that hill and pick some of the flowers your guards say you’ve been spending a lot of time staring at.”

“I’d rather not damage that one,” I muttered.

“Why? What’s so special about some wildflower?”

“Yes, what’s up with you and that hill?” Sunburst asked. “I saw you there a few times myself through the telescope.”

“It isn’t just ‘some wildflower’! It was a gift!”

“...you’ve lost me.”

“Remember that pony I went to visit in Vanhoover?”

“Grand Pear? What about him?”

“Did Paladin tell you what I told him about how I met Grand Pear? I know I didn’t get around to it when you questioned me because I got thrown in prison first.”

“He only said that the guy was sad and you comforted him. Something about missing his daughter?”

“Yes, and that flower was the daughter’s favorite and he gave it to me as a sign of gratitude. That was as close as I’d come to making a friend before I met Spike, so I held on to the flower like my life depended on it and kept it alive… a couple of days after that, something started emanating an unbelievably strong aura of love and I went to find the source of it, wherever and whatever it was… eventually I planted the flower close to where I first landed here.”

“Wow,” Sunburst mused. “I knew you arrived during the crystalling and we agreed the timing for the love aura matches Flurry’s birth, but why didn’t you say anything about the flower?”

“I didn’t think it would matter to you,” I shrugged.

“Why wouldn’t it matter?” Cadance interjected. “You almost made a friend in Vanhoover, and you kept the legacy of that friendship alive ever since! That’s exactly the kind of story we want to hear more of from you!”

“You do?”

“Of course! What do you think we’ve been trying to do ever since Spike introduced you to us? Now, when can we see this flower?”

“You kind of did already.”

Sunburst’s ears perked up. “You painted it, didn’t you? The one above your bed?”

I nodded. “That one.”

“I was wondering what’s so special about it,” he chuckled. “So when do we get to meet the real one?”

“Oh... dear...” Sunburst winced at the sight of the state of his room. “You weren’t kidding when you said this was uninhabitable!”

“We’ve been planning to fix the damage by the time you got back,” Shining said, “but you beat us to it.”

“Are you sure it won’t be a problem to live alone in your house until you fully recover?” Cadance asked.

“Yes, I can let you use my room if you want!” I offered.

Sunburst blushed and readjusted his new glasses - the old ones had been damaged beyond repair in the explosion, but thankfully, without injuring his eyes in the process.

“I, uh, you’re very kind, all of you… but I really think I can do this. After all,” he chuckled, “I do tend to sit and read most of the time, and now that Flurry has a new foalsitter, I can catch up with the books I’ve been stockpiling recently!”

“Weren’t they damaged in the explosion?”

“Sentinel took a quick look at what the firefighters salvaged before going home that morning and she told me most of my books are miraculously fine. So, yeah, I’m trusting her on that. But I digress. Thorax, I promised you some lessons. Your room is usable?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s go there!”

“But I’m supposed to foalsit Flurry…”

“Don’t worry about it!” Cadance said, caressing the filly as she played at her mother’s hooves. “I’ll take her! It’s Saturday and I don’t have any scheduled meetings, so she wouldn’t have needed to be your responsibility today either way.”

“...I get days off?”

“Didn’t you know that?”

“I must have assumed it’s only the case for some workers,” I shrugged. “I guess I was wrong again?”

“Princess?” Sunburst interjected. “Do you mind if I drag him off before he starts beating himself up over nothing again?”

Shining burst out laughing.

“Sorry,” he said, composing himself. “Yes, by all means if you think it’ll help!”

Cadance nodded.

“There.” Sunburst turned to me and grinned. “I hope you don’t expect me to actually drag you?”

“No, why? Oh. Um. Okay, I’m going. My room?”

“Your room.”

When we got there, his gaze fell onto the painting of my flower.

“So, uh, Thorax, I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes?”

“This flower of yours-”

A flash of magic interrupted him and materialized the giggling Flurry on my bed. Cadance teleported in shortly afterwards.

“Sorry for the interruption!” she said. “Somepony’s been getting ideas again and I’m following her.”

“No problem!” I said.

Sunburst prodded me. “She’s been missing you already?”

I smiled sheepishly.

In the meantime, Cadance noticed the painting too.

“Is that the flower you told us about?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“It’s lovely! And you’ve been visiting it every day?”

“Most days. Whenever I could. It’s been hard in the first days, but yes, it’s gotten more frequent lately.”

“The ponies have been giving you trouble.”

“Uh…” What was I supposed to say?

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She pondered this. “Are you still finding it hard to go outside?”

“Princess,” Sunburst interjected, “I’ve been planning to suggest that we replant the flower somewhere closer, if Thorax is okay with it. I meant it because the flower means so much to him, but it would also eliminate the need to face any unfriendly ponies on the way there.”

“I was about to suggest the same thing!” she said. “So, Thorax, what do you say?”

“Huh. You caught me unprepared there. It would be nice to have the flower closer to me… but then again, it doesn’t feel right. I planted it where I first landed in the Crystal Empire and it’s been part of that landscape for as long as I’ve called this place home. It’s the flower’s home, too, in a way. I’m not sure if I want to move it!”

“I see,” Sunburst said.

“Don’t get me wrong… your suggestion kind of makes sense too… I just never considered it, and maybe it will feel right if I give it some thought… Do I have to decide now?”

“No, of course not! Take your time! We don’t want to rush you!”

So I took my time to think about it. I thought and thought and thought, but the harder I tried to sort it out with myself, the more unsure I became. Eventually I was starting to wish they’d never suggested anything! The flower had been given to me, therefore it should be close to me; but I’d given it a home on the hill on the city outskirts, so why should I part it with its home? But the flower had also been Grand Pear’s once, so had I made a mistake carrying it out of Vanhoover? And if the flower could choose, where would it go? Would it even care? It was driving me crazy!

A pure chance offered a possible solution a few days later.

The day was wonderful and I decided to use it to take Flurry for a walk around town, if allowed. I hadn’t been out of the castle since picking up Sunburst from the hospital, and very few ponies had shown any signs of disapproval for a changeling among them on that day. Shining and Cadance had been there too, so I couldn’t entirely rule out the possibility that the ponies were simply behaving themselves for their leaders’ sake, but their love aura had matched their behavior, so I felt confident enough that I could do this without putting Flurry in danger. I didn’t want to do anything without Cadance and Shining’s permission, which Cadance granted readily and Shining not as reluctantly as I’d expected. He still didn’t seem to trust me entirely, but at least he was making an effort! Cadance even offered to lend me the harness she used when taking Flurry for walks! The straps needed some adjusting to fit me in my own form, but she assured me it was fine; they could be adjusted and readjusted as many times as necessary, and Shining and Sunburst used it sometimes too!

I had a few letters to send along the way, which dictated at least one point of the route, and I dealt with it at the start. The bakery was close by so I treated Flurry to a cookie, and she munched on it happily while I basked in the warm, bright aura of love all around me. Nopony was still approaching me on their own, but I wasn’t getting yelled at or chased away, either, and the change was so jarring that I almost felt like I wasn’t in the same city as before! Had Shining’s change of heart done that? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it; could ponies really change their opinions so easily based on what their leaders said or did? And if so, why had one of the leaders made such a difference? Unless Luna had been unusually busy lately, spreading good word about me in ponies’ dreams?

Whatever the case, it was working. The post office workers hadn’t eyed me as if expecting me to hurl myself at them and drain them out, the baker hadn’t asked what I was doing in his shop if I had no intention to eat anything, the colts playing in Diamond Street had accepted the stray ball that I kicked back to them, and now that I was passing by the flower shop, the florist and his customers gave me a polite nod! Flurry and I waved back and continued on our way.

“...and the cuttings I sold you last month, have they grown any?” The florist’s question for his customer reached my ears and registered in my mind for some reason. What was he talking about? I slowed down.

“Oh yes,” the customer said, “and one is starting to bud! The flowers will be pink, you said?”

“I sure did! They’ll be the lovely pink that matches your mane perfectly!”

“Oh, Emerald Leaf, you old flatterer!” she cooed. I took a step closer, almost involuntarily. “Well, I mustn’t stall you. See you next time!”

A stallion waiting for his turn next to a display table bought a bouquet of roses, and when he left, Emerald Leaf looked at me again. I fumbled in place. Should I?

“Can I help you?” he asked. He sounded friendly enough! Might as well ask…

“Um. I was passing by and... I wasn’t snooping or anything, but I overheard you say something about ‘cuttings’ and how they were growing… I hope you don’t mind me asking, what were you referring to?”

He smiled. “You don’t have much horticultural experience, do you?”

“Horti- what now?”

“Growing decorative plants.”

“Oh. No, I’m afraid changelings don’t really have use for such a thing, except maybe if a disguise demands it, I suppose… not that I’ve ever been sent to infiltrate anything…”

“It’s alright, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. Thorax, is it?”

“How did you know?”

“You’ve been here long enough that I’d be surprised if a single pony in the Empire doesn’t know who you are and why you’re here, pal! Besides, Princess Cadance drops by every now and then, and so does Shining Armor. They’ve been talking about you.”

“Oh.” What had they told him? Cadance, probably nothing I needed to worry about. Shining, though…

“Hey, no worries! A military commander is supposed to be suspicious of everything, but I’d trust Cadance if she told me to jump off a bridge!”

Okay, fair enough. And there was no cold murkiness in his love aura that would suggest he was afraid of me, so I didn’t have to worry!

“To answer your question,” he continued, “a ‘cutting’ refers to a part of a plant - a leaf or a twig, for example - that has been cut from the rest of the plant with the purpose of growing it into another plant without having to wait for the main plant to grow seeds and then for the seeds to sprout new plants.”

“That can be done?”

“Yes, and florists and gardeners do it all the time.”

“I thought a plant wilts if you pluck it?”

“It does unless you put it in water. Not every leaf or twig will sprout roots if you put it in water, though - there is a bit of luck involved unless you can get hold of some fertilizer potion - but if it does sprout roots, it can be planted into the ground and keep growing!”

“Wow,” I said to myself. So it hadn’t been a random occurrence!

“I’m getting a feeling you have something specific in mind,” he asked.

“Yes, uh, I do. A while ago, I was given a flower, and it started wilting so I made a small water-filled cocoon around the stalk, and a few days later, I saw roots sprouting from the cocooned part, so I planted the flower and it grew. I thought it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing and kind of forgot about it, but I’ve been thinking of the flower lately and your remark must have reminded me of what happened with it-”

“-and you were wondering if you could try it again.”

“Well, now that you’ve explained how it works… yes.”

He nodded. “I might be able to share a few tips, but I’ll need to know more first. Which kind of flower are we talking about and what’s its condition?”

I did my best to match the exact shape and size of the flower as it had been the last time I saw it. Emerald recoiled in surprise but calmed down quickly, and Flurry took to the air but didn’t leave the shop.

“How about a warning next time?” he gasped, then spent a moment examining my disguise. “Okay, um… can you hear me? I’ve seen what I needed to see. You can turn back.”

I did. He flinched slightly and Flurry landed on my head. Her harness had slipped off of me while I shapeshifted and I put it back on.

“Sorry,” I said. “I should have known I’d scare you! What did you find?”

“You grew a buttercup flower. There are several variants, and yours is the most common and very widespread, and nopony I know has ever needed to grow them from cuttings because they’re so easy to find.” My spirits deflated upon hearing this and I let my ears and wings droop. “But your own flower is fully grown by now,” Emerald hurriedly continued,” so if you want to try this, I don’t expect it’ll suffer much even if you have to take several leaves until you get one of them to sprout roots!”

I cheered up instantly, startling Flurry into moving onto my back. “You really think it can work?”

“You succeeded once when you didn’t know what you were doing. What’s stopping you from succeeding again? Just make sure the cutting has plenty of sunlight and don’t give up if it doesn’t work on the first try!”

“Thanks!” I was suddenly itching to fly off and take a cutting or two to grow into new plants. “One more thing, what if I take too many cuttings at once?”

“Don’t take too many or you’ll kill the plant you already have. As long as you leave a couple of leaves untouched, the plant will recover eventually.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure to remember that! Uh, how many bits do I owe you?”

“Nothing. Gardening tips are free!” He grabbed a daisy and tucked it in Flurry’s mane, causing her to giggle and let out another delicious surge of love. “And so are gifts for the lovely little princess!”

That evening, I returned to my room and placed a leaf I’d taken from my flower onto the window sill, its stalk enclosed in a water-filled cocoon similar to the one that had sustained Grand Pear’s flower during my journey from Vanhoover to the Crystal Empire. I didn’t know if the cocoon had been the deciding factor in helping the flower become a new plant, but if it could work again, I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity!

Shining Armor happened to be passing by and it caught his interest.

“What have you got there?” he asked.

“Sunburst and Cadance suggested a few days ago that I can replant my flower somewhere closer to the castle if I wanted to, but it didn’t feel right to move it, and today, I was taught how to grow new plants from parts of an already-existing one, so now I’m trying to do that. It’s as close as I can get to bringing my flower closer to my home while simultaneously allowing it to stay where I feel it belongs.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“Then I’ll try again. It may take time, Shining, but I will get there!”

“In that case, I wish you good luck. To you and your flowers!”

We spent a moment looking at the leaf.

“Have you considered what Cadance and I asked you?”

“Yes, and my original answer still stands.” I stroked the leaf gently. “I think the flower convinced me. I can draw a parallel between Grand Pear’s story and what you’ve been doing, you know. I didn’t realize it until now. He abandoned his daughter because she married somepony he didn’t like, and he held a grudge against both of them for many years. Now his daughter is rumored to be dead, and if it’s true, he’ll never get the chance to reconcile, and will never get her forgiveness even if she had already forgiven him in the letters she wrote to him. She carried his grudge to her grave and there’s nothing he can ever do about it now! And along with all the other things punishment does, it’s also an act of demonstrating a grudge. By asking me to approve of punishing you, you’re basically asking me to hold a grudge against you, and I don’t want to hold grudges! You can claim acceptance of your punishment all you want but I’ll still feel the need to get forgiveness from you, and knowing myself, I’d never feel that I’ve gotten it completely! And I probably wouldn’t get it simply because ponies seem to see the matter differently and you might not think you need to forgive me, and now that I’ve told you this, even if you do offer forgiveness, I might not think it sincere because I would have expected a sincere forgiveness to come without needing to be asked for!” I sighed. “See how I complicate things sometimes? Better to leave the matter as it is and move on. In hindsight, I can see why you did all that, and though it was all but pleasant… I can’t blame you. I don’t want to blame you. And most of all, I don’t want to dwell on it. Can’t we just let it be and accept that we’ve found a common ground at last on which we can build our friendship?”

He glared at me. “I can’t believe you really want to do that… I treated you horribly!”

“Would you believe me that, for all the trouble you’ve caused me, it was still far less painful and far easier to take than anything I’d been through in the hive? That all the pain and fear you caused me put together doesn’t come close to just one single torture session at Chrysalis’ mercy?”

“But you usually acted like I was about to kill you…”

“Because I was conditioned to expect the worst,” I explained. “No matter how bad the punishment was, Chrysalis never unleashed the worst of it at the beginning. She always took her time and paced herself and made sure it lasted as long as possible because she relished every moment. Yes, you hated me for what you thought I was trying to do, and yes, your spells hurt, but you never drew morbid pleasure from causing me pain and hearing me scream and beg for mercy! That alone made more difference than you think, not to mention that you were pretty much the only one giving me a hard time after the first few days, and there wasn’t a single drone in the hive who wasn’t, not even my brother!”

“So… you don’t want to punish me because you think I’ll hate you again?”

“More like, I don’t want to punish you because I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of expecting people to hate me easily and seeing a grudge against me in their eyes even when there isn’t one. And because I know how bad it feels to be punished and wouldn’t wish it to anyone!”

“Even those who wronged you?”

“Even those who wronged me. If they feel bad about it, that’s enough for me because then they’ll be less likely to do it again, and if they don’t care or are glad about it, how likely is it that punishment would change their minds?”

“You never know,” he said. “But I can understand your point of view too. After all, Chrysalis kept punishing you til her horn fell off and you still refused to accept her ways, didn’t you?”

“Yes, and became more convinced against accepting her ways with every new torture session… Wait, her horn fell off?”

He chuckled. “It’s an expression. It means that she persisted at a difficult task and refused to give up regardless of the outcome and possible consequences.”

“Oh. Yes, I suppose that describes it well. And if she succeeded at anything, it’s at making me want to not become like her!”

“And I nearly became like her because I refused to see it,” he sighed. “I never thought a changeling would teach me something, but there it is. I kind of envy you, actually. You’ve got more honor than I could ever claim!”

Two Families

A gloriously sunny day had dragged me out of hiding in my room this afternoon to the outskirts of the city again. I’d armed myself to the teeth with painting supplies and flown to my flower’s hill, only this time, the lovely buttercup wasn’t the only thing on my mind.

I checked the flower right away. It was strong and blooming nicely, and if I didn’t know it was missing any leaves, I would have never noticed the wound I’d given it when depriving it of what would one day, hopefully, become its twin and find a home close to the crystally castle. I bid a silent apology to the flower for this small sacrifice it had allowed me, expressed my wishes for quick recovery of its loss, and promised to refrain from committing such an atrocity again unless it was absolutely unavoidable.

The flower remained silent, but if it could talk back, I hoped it would express some understanding for my act.

I allowed myself to bask in its sweet tranquility a moment longer, then reached for my saddlebag and took out what I needed.

I looked into the distance. The city ahead of me shimmered in the warm sun; the birds were flying, the trees were vividly green, and the ponies were filled with so much love and bliss that it poured out onto the snowflake-like streets and flowed steadily to one focal point, the heart of the city, both proverbial and literal, that soaked up this ethereal treasure and channeled it high into the sky, where its rippling streams dispersed in all directions to find their way into every corner of Equestria and the rest of the world and to share with it the greatest of gifts imaginable.

Yes, this was the perfect motif for my newest painting!

My brush danced across the canvas; the watercolors glowed bright and hopeful with every new stroke, their soft hues and gentle contours reflecting my peace of mind and the warmth in my heart. A bird here, a ripple there, and a happy tear in my eyes drawn out by the overwhelming satisfaction of the sight before me, the sight that would have been but a distant dream until not that long ago… The painting was nearing its completion.

And it was perfect. Not for its chosen theme, nor for the originality of idea, nor for the technical brilliance of the execution; all of that could have easily used some more work, and if I were to ask Fine Line, she would undoubtedly tell me so and offer advice for improvement. But for the love I’d poured into the canvas and mixed into the watercolors, the painting was unmatched!

A smile curled my lips and a content sigh rolled over them.

Then, a deep voice, one I’d known in another life, startled me into dropping the painting.

“How did I know I’d find you here?” it said.

Composing myself, I turned to its source. A dark face stared at me with purple eyes, almost scowling but not quite, and the lips that had spoken the question were curled into a slight smirk, somewhat distorted by the sharp fangs.

“Pharynx?” I gasped back. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you think? It’s been a while since I got to see my little brother! Can’t I come and say hello?”

“Uh, yes, of course… I think… How did you find me?”

He snickered. “Oh come on, as if that was going to be difficult!”

Something cold stirred in my heart. Chrysalis, it whispered. No, not whispered; screamed! My eyes went wide.

“D-does… does anyling else...”

“Do they know I’m here?” he finished the sentence that I couldn’t. “Do I look like I tell them everything?”

“But you had to have had permission to leave the hive… didn’t you?”

“She thinks I’m somewhere else. The others…” A dark shadow flashed briefly in his eyes. “They care about their tongues and legs too much to risk parting with them over one uncalled-for question.”

I suddenly became very aware of my own tongue and legs. Pharynx had that effect on others; he’d never once failed to fulfill a promise… and nine out of ten of his promises meant an urgent need for a healing cocoon for whoever failed my brother’s expectations. Or whoever fulfilled those expectations. There had been times when I didn’t know which was the case. No, times when I didn’t want to know; with him, it could be either!

I looked at him again. He was ignoring me for a moment; his eyes were fixed on the city in the distance, then they moved onto the ripples of the Crystal Heart’s magic in the sky. He opened his mouth and sucked in some of the rich, delicious love that permeated the area.

“Nice place you’ve got yourself here, I gotta admit,” he said eventually.

“Uh… thanks?”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Did you swallow a broomstick?”

“Huh?”

“You’re acting like a startled fainting goat, for Hive’s sake. Watch out, the breeze might knock you over.”

I tilted my head in confusion. What was he talking about?

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Do I have to spell everything out for you? You gonna show me around or what?”

Oh.

“Right. Sorry. Let me just collect my stuff…”

“What’s that thing?” He pointed at my painting. “You wasting your time again? No, correction. You still wasting your time?”

“Painting isn’t a waste of time, Pharynx! I find it very relaxing, and it’s done wonders for me!”

“Whatever. Need help with that?”

I gave him an incredulous stare. “Since when are you interested in helping me carry stuff? You insisted on me carrying stuff by myself even when my legs were broken!”

“Getting cocky, aren’t we?” He looked at me sideways. “Are you starting to develop an attitude?”

“...would that be good or bad?”

“Do you seriously need to ask that? What do you think I’ve been trying to do all these years?”

“You were trying to protect me from other drones-”

“-and trying to teach you how to stand up for yourself so I wouldn’t have to protect you all the time! Not that any of my attempts ever made a difference. It was as if my words were going in one of your ears and out the other no matter how hard I shouted, and that was on a good day!”

“What do you want me to say? I never cared for battle! I still don’t!”

“You think I didn’t notice, you moron? Whining about bullies aside, wanting to make friends was the only thing you ever talked about! Maybe if you’d kept your mouth shut about it every now and then, you wouldn’t have provoked the others into beating you up so often!” He took a deep breath. “Well, did you find any?”

“Friends? Yes, several, and I don’t have to hide what I am anymore! They’ve accepted me and helped me a great deal!”

“Hmmm. Maybe they have… I’ve never seen you this confident!”

“And I’ve never felt this confident! Friendship is everything I’ve ever dreamed of, Pharynx, and so much more! If only the other changelings would give it a chance!”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but changelings aren’t cut out for friendship. We’re warriors, we’re fearsome, and our hunger for love is insatiable! Your fantasy of sharing it would never work! Maybe it works for you for some inexplicable reason, but you’ve always been the odd one. How are the rest of us supposed to sustain ourselves if we keep giving all the love away?”

“You don’t understand because you’ve never tried it, Pharynx. I didn’t understand! But shared love is so much more filling than stolen love! I can go for days without eating now, and when I do eat, I only need a sip or two, and I don’t even remember the last time I needed more!”

“Now you’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not! Let me introduce you to my friends; they’ll tell you!”

I led him straight to the castle. The ponies in the streets acted as if nothing was wrong, as if the sight of another changeling among them was a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence. None of them approached us, though, but the fact that none of them were running away in terror at the sight of an unknown changeling, whether or not accompanied by a familiar one, baffled both me and Pharynx. I was taking it as a sign of their trust in me and my judgment, but I could see in Pharynx’s eyes and posture that he couldn’t wrap his mind around it! He kept turning his head in all directions, staring at everypony, and glancing at me every so often, almost as if he wanted to ask a million questions but couldn’t figure out where to begin or muster up the courage to. The mere fact that I considered him not to have the courage to ask a question spoke volumes about how uncharacteristic of himself he was acting, and yet, there was something in him that I recognized as his own, something that made me sure he wasn’t some other drone disguised as my brother. Was it the way his mouth twitched, itching to hiss at the ponies around us and to bite them and encase them in prey cocoons, but restraining himself for my sake? Had it been the tone of his voice when he spoke of the other drones not daring to pry into what wasn’t their business? Was it some other detail that I’d never registered in my conscious mind as an indisputable proof of my brother’s identity, but one that my heart saw as such nevertheless? I didn’t know, and it didn’t matter. My brother was here, I was about to introduce him to my friends, to the closest thing I had to a family ever since leaving him behind and venturing into the unknown, and that was all that mattered!

It didn’t take me long to find them; Cadance and Shining were strolling through the castle hallways, conversing about some everyday matter. They took notice of Pharynx and me and invited us to join them.

“Princess Cadance, Shining Armor,” I said to them, “may I introduce to you my brother Pharynx?”

They offered welcoming smiles to him.

“Pleased to meet you, Pharynx,” Cadance said, “and welcome to the Crystal Empire!”

“Thorax has been telling us about you,” Shining added.

Pharynx shot me a look. “You were?” Unsurprisingly, there was a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Not very much, don’t worry!” I said quickly. Then, to Cadance and Shining, “Please excuse him. Pharynx likes to keep to himself even in the hive, and especially around non-changelings.”

“The result of your military background, I take it?” Shining asked innocently.

“I thought you said you didn’t tell them much!”

“I’m afraid it’s my fault, Mr. Pharynx,” Shining interjected. “I pushed him.”

Pharynx frowned at both of us. “Might have known you’d succumb to the slightest pressure,” he grumbled at me. “What else did you blurt out?”

I cowered under his glare. I almost felt like he already knew the answer!

Cadance attempted to ease the tension.

“Would you like to join us for tea?” she asked.

“Under one condition,” Pharynx agreed after eyeing me curiously for a few seconds. “Don’t call me ‘mister’ again. I’m not one of your fancy gentlecolts.”

“...of course.” She pointed to one of the doors. “This way, please.”

We entered one of the many rooms I’d never been in before; it had a few couches and cushions placed about, a small table in the middle, and a fireplace on one of the side-walls. I assumed this was where they entertained guests sometimes. The view from the window would undoubtedly impress any visitor!

...almost any visitor. Pharynx was completely unfazed, but then again, he’d never cared for aesthetics, so it was hardly surprising that he ignored the window. No maulwurfs of timberwolves were rampaging outside, so why would he care?

Sunburst was already in the room, lounging on a couch and reading a book while Flurry slept in her basket. He hadn’t noticed us right away, but pretty soon, he snapped out of his trance, sat up, and set the book aside.

“Oh,” he started. “Do you need this room? I can go somewhere else…”

“No, please stay,” Cadance assured him. “Thorax’s brother came for a visit.”

It was only then that Sunburst seemed to notice Pharynx.

“Right. Uh, hello. I’m Sunburst,” he said to him, offering a hoof.

“Noted. And I don’t do hoofshakes.”

“...how about a hoofbump?”

Pharynx’s dead stare spoke all the ‘No, are you crazy?’ in the world.

“...oooookay,” said Sunburst, withdrawing the hoof.

The rest of us sat down. Pharynx remained where he was.

“Pharynx?” I called to him in almost a whisper. “Aren’t you going to have a seat?”

He stood there in silence a moment longer, as if wanting to emphasize his displeasure with the invitation, then sat on one of the empty cushions, still retaining the almost standing-at-attention rigidity of his posture.

As if on cue, Berry arrived with a tea set and a bowl of cookies, set them on the table, and withdrew without a word.

Cadance poured cups of tea and levitated one to each of us, including Pharynx and me. I still hadn’t developed a habit of drinking it, but accepted it anyway for the sake of appearances. Pharynx didn’t protest against his tea or openly refuse to take it, but when the teacup landed gracefully onto the table in front of him, he gave it a deliberate stare that once again made his disdain for the matter painfully obvious.

Now that the hospitable distractions were dealt with, a long, awkward silence fell on the room as we struggled to come up with something to let the conversation flow, especially without risking to push it into uncivilized territory. The ponies knew too little about him, and it struck me that I’d never realized I could say the same! It was true that I’d spent a lot of time with him while still living in the hive, but most of that time had amounted to either being rescued from bullies, or being scolded for one thing or another, or him trying to teach me some combat- or infiltration-related technique and me consistently failing to satisfy his expectations. He was a warrior to the core, but I didn’t know much more about him! What was he secretly passionate about in the moments when his heart and mind weren’t completely and exclusively dedicated to serving the hive? Was there anything? I struggled to recall any detail, any little hint in his words or behavior that might suggest his other preferences - and there had to be some, I was sure of it - but nothing came to mind! How was it possible that I knew so little about my own brother?

“So, uh… Pharynx…” Sunburst finally, hesitantly, broke the silence. “Can you tell us something about yourself? Thorax didn’t really say much…”

“Good,” he retorted.

Another awkward period of silence came.

“So?” Sunburst tried again.

“What? I’m not fang-deep in your necks yet so you assumed we were best buddies or however you ponies call it?”

“Just trying to make a conversation,” Sunburst sighed, burying his snout in his teacup.

“Pharynx, please,” I tried. “They aren’t interrogating you for military secrets or anything!”

“And even if they were, you think I couldn’t handle it? Who do you take me for?”

“That’s not what I meant! I know you can handle anything, and I’m pretty sure my friends have figured it out by now, so there’s really no need to keep proving it to them!”

He rubbed his forehead. “You’re not trying to convince me to try to be polite to breakfast portions, are you?”

Cadance and Shining tensed up, paused mid-sip, and covertly made eye contact with each other. Sunburst swallowed heavily.

“Um… yes? And they’re not breakf-”

“Why should I bother?”

“Because they’re my friends… and because you came here… so…”

“Okay, I can accept that the orange guy might have been naive enough, but you’re not seriously expecting me to believe that you made friends with them?!” He pointed a hoof at Cadance and Shining. “They of all ponies should by all standards have blasted you into a million pieces on first contact!”

“And we nearly did,” Cadance interjected. “Luckily, Thorax had made another friend by then and we were willing to hear them out.”

“I wasn’t at first,” Shining added. “But as much as I tried to keep seeing your brother as an enemy, the moment came when I had to admit that he wasn’t one, no matter how much I wanted him to be.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“Don’t you sense their love?” I asked.

“The aura is so saturated here that it’s hard to tell where it’s all coming from. For all I know, they could be as empty as statues.”

“Did you come here walking through the streets, then?” Cadance asked.

“Yes, why?”

“How did the ponies react when they saw you? Were they scared? Did they try to run away from you?”

“No.”

“That’s because they followed our example of giving Thorax a chance and have come to the same conclusion as we did. They had been warned about changelings, but now they trust Thorax, so they decided to accept you as a friend too because you were with Thorax.”

“Or they could have simply been following your orders to play nice,” he retorted.

“But you feasted on their collective aura,” I reminded him. “Did you taste any fear in it? Any frustration? Anything else that would make you think their actions are a lie?”

He pondered this. “No,” he admitted.

“Do you see any such thing now?”

He tasted the aura again. “No. Okay, you’ve got a point. But I’m still counting it as an anomaly.”

“It doesn’t have to be an anomaly! If you would just try to share love-”

“Here we go again…” he groaned.

“May I ask something?” Sunburst interjected.

“Yes,” I said.

“No,” Pharynx barked.

“...I’m going to ask anyway. Pharynx, what made you come here?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Thorax said you came here for a visit. Now, I don’t know how such a thing is viewed in changeling society so I might be wrong in my assumptions, but to ponies, visiting others is a sign of friendship, affection, or however else you want to call it. But you haven’t been acting very friendly, which I can understand in regard to us ponies if you really can’t see us as anything more than food-”

“Get to the point!”

“I am getting there. I can understand you not being nice to ponies, but treating your brother the same? And yet, you claim to be here for a visit. Not an invasion or a scouting mission - that would have probably involved a disguise too, and maybe some teammates - but for a visit. That’s an odd choice of words for what you’re doing.”

“What am I supposed to do? Sing and dance?”

“Not necessarily. The point is, there’s more to your ‘just a visit’, isn’t there?”

“Wow, what a genius you are!” he said, dripping with sarcasm, or maybe ridiculing his idea. “Why don’t you tell me since you’re so brilliantly smart!”

For all of Pharynx’s mocking and avoiding discussion on the matter, I got the impression that Sunburst had a point. It was great to see my brother again after all this time, so great that I’d neglected to ask myself what he was doing here! He’d never had a habit of ‘just dropping by’; if he went somewhere, there had to be a practical reason! And with Chrysalis allegedly not knowing where he’d gone to, there was only one conceivable thing he could have been looking for!

Cadance realized it too.

“We’re intruding on a personal matter, aren’t we, Pharynx?” she asked.

“You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?”

“We can leave if you want. Thorax, is that okay with you?”

“If that’s what you want, then yes. But I really brought Pharynx here so he could meet the three of you.” I glanced at Flurry, who was still fast asleep in her basket. “Uh, the four of you.”

“Okay, I’ve met them. Anything else?”

“I was kind of hoping you’d want to get to know them…”

“I don’t have to. I’ve seen enough.” He pushed his teacup away from himself and took a deep breath. “Fine, I did have an agenda when I came here. I wanted to see how Thorax was doing in an environment he wasn’t prepared for, and I wanted to see how that environment was reacting to him. I was fully prepared to intervene in a big and messy way, but it looks like it won’t be necessary. Thorax, you’re happy enough living here, aren’t you?”

“Yes, very… though I’d be happier if you’d come live with us.”

Shining and Sunburst both raised an eyebrow and looked at each other. Cadance smiled.

“That’s never gonna happen and you know it,” Pharynx retorted. “Cute stuff and sharing love? I’d go crazy as well as hungry! But you’ve made this your home and seem to be thriving and don’t need me anymore.” He stood up from his cushion. “I can return to the hive with a clear conscience.”

“Hold on... ‘Not needing you’? What are you talking about?! I’ll always need you!”

“Tough break, Thorax. You and I belong to different worlds now and there’s no going back. But for whatever it’s worth to you…”

He approached me and, for the first time in our lives, embraced me in a tight, genuine hug.

“I’ll miss you, Thorax,” he whispered.

When he released me, an invisible veil lifted from my eyes. The rest of the world seemed to vanish, to fade away, and nothing remained but an endless void and Pharynx and me. He stood there motionless, and I saw that, though it really was him and had been him all along, he wasn’t made of flesh and blood, but woven from my memories and the longing of my heart.

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” I whispered to the void.

“Indeed you are,” a voice reverberated behind me.

I turned around. The night princess gazed at me gently, and a warm smile adorned her face.

“Princess Luna? What are you doing here? I don’t think I’d call this a nightmare… not that I object to your presence…”

“Rest assured, I know your slumbers have not been troubled tonight. I was once again simply observing. It is a great relief to me to find that my earlier intervention has made a difference!”

“And I’m very grateful, Princess! I never thought interrupting one nightmare would help me this much!”

“I wish it were so, dear Thorax, but your nightmare was not the only one that needed interrupting.”

“Shining Armor,” I mused. “He mentioned you visiting his dreams, but I assumed it was nothing more than the most convenient way of convincing him… I never realized he’d had nightmares too! It was really bad if you had to intervene, wasn’t it?”

She nodded gravely. “He relived the explosion. He saw Sunburst die, and he saw you make it happen. He saw the proof of all his fears come true and he saw the worst of the changelings’ evil reflected in your eyes. Convincing him to see the errors of his judgment was not easy, but a small part of him, silenced and subdued, had known all along he was wrong. Had I not succeeded in drawing that part out into the open, I do not dare think what might have happened to you!”

She meant the real-world version of me, I realized.

“I think that part of him is going to stay in the open,” I reassured her. “I never thought it would happen, but he’s trying to make up for what he kept refusing to do until now. He admitted to not trusting me completely yet, but I think he really wants to get past that and become friends with me! And the others have done more for me in this short time than anyone had ever done before! Is that what pony families are like? Are they… my family now?”

“They can be if you want them to be, and I trust they would be honored!” She looked at Pharynx. “But you have one more family, do you not?”

I did. The family-of-one I’d left behind.

“My brother…” An idea stirred in my mind. “Princess, did you visit his dreams too?”

“I did not think it wise,” she said. “I can try if you want, but keep in mind that my presence in their slumbers, if not mistaken for part of the dream itself, could alert them to your presence in the pony lands or even be seen as an act of aggression that could spark an open war.”

“You’re right,” I sighed. “Maybe save it for emergencies, then?”

“That, I can do.”

I fixed my gaze on Pharynx’s immobile form. “I miss him so much, Princess,” I sighed. “He used to annoy me to no end and we never saw eye to eye, but there are moments now when there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give for one more day with him! Do you think I’ll ever see him again?”

“My heart tells me your paths will cross again, Thorax,” she said. “Destiny has a way of bringing people together, no matter how much time has passed and how great a distance divides them. How that will happen with you and Pharynx, I do not know, nor do I know how long you will have to wait; but that it will happen, I have little doubt.”

“I hope it’ll be a happy reunion,” I mused. “Not me stumbling upon his dead body or something like that!”

“I cannot promise either way, but I too hold out hope for a happy ending.”

The image of Pharynx still stood motionless in the dark void, except that now, the darkness was clearing, revealing silhouettes of my pony friends: Sunburst, Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart. A little further behind them, I could make out more silhouettes: Spike, Princess Twilight and her friends, Starlight, Sentinel, Paladin, Trusty Shield, Berry. My two families, standing together in this elusive world.

Maybe, one day, I would see them standing together in the real world, too. But not yet.

Pharynx had said we belonged to different worlds now, and he’d probably been right. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t one day belong to the same world again! If I could have it my way, there wouldn’t even be two worlds to divide us; ponies and changelings would be united as one!

No matter how unlikely it was, I still hoped there was a way to get there.

And I thought I could see a faint smile appear on Pharynx’s face.

I’d never seen him smile like that. A mocking smirk, yes, or a gloating grin, but never a warm smile!

I didn’t know what state I’d find him in when I finally got to reunite with him - assuming Luna’s feeling had been right - but until that happened, this was how I wanted to remember him. Not scowling and bellowing orders and insults, but smiling warmly, surrounded by members of my pony family.

I felt I was about to open my eyes and rejoin that family in the real world, but before I did, there was one more thing I wanted to do.

I embraced Pharynx in a heartfelt hug, wishing it were his real self rather than an image of him in my mind, and hoping the love I’d put in the act would find its way to the real Pharynx one way or another.

“Goodbye, my brother,” I whispered as bittersweet tears welled up in my eyes. “Until we meet again.”

Day Out

Days passed and the trend of happier times was continuing. Shining was still making an effort to be polite to me, and though there had been a few hiccups every now and then, it seemed to be getting easier for him as time went on. Like I’d told Luna, I truly believed we could become friends eventually!

I wasn’t the only one experiencing improvement. Ruby Rattle had recovered completely and returned to her foalsitting duty, which was a relief to me, both for her sake and mine: she had plenty of experience with foals, and though I liked Flurry, she did have a knack for giving me a hard time out of the blue! Cadance and Shining had decided to keep me as one of the foalsitters, but for now, my services were required only on some days to give Ruby a break, and I was eager to catch up on my painting that I’d neglected while busy watching over the little princess.

The inspiration for the painting I’d made in my dream still held, and I was itching to recreate the masterpiece in the real world. I set out to the hill, and before getting to work, I checked my flower just like I’d done in the dream. It was in good condition and the missing leaf was hardly noticeable, but it was going to take a while longer until I knew whether or not the cutting had sprouted roots.

Then I moved on to painting. The weather was sunny enough, but the rest of the scenery was different: there were fewer birds, the Crystal Heart wasn’t dispersing ripples of love and hope through the sky, and heavy clouds loomed in the distance. I ignored the differences from the version of the same scenery I’d seen the dream and decided to fill the missing pieces from memory. I took my time in a desire to make it perfect, and though technical quality turned out better than it had in the dream, the love imbued in the painting was much weaker, and heavy with sorrow when the original in the dream had been warm and bright with joy!

I sighed heavily. This was no masterpiece; it was barely a shadow of what I’d imagined!

And, this time, Pharynx hadn’t come to greet me. I’d known not to expect him, but his absence from the scenery as I diverted my gaze from the painting still sent a pang of nostalgia through my heart.

Where are you, Pharynx, and how has life treated you? Are you happy? Have you missed me at all?

And will I ever see you again?

I looked at the painting again. I’d wanted so badly to recreate the one from my dream in all its glory! But it wasn’t meant to be, just like I wasn’t meant to reunite with my brother. Not today, anyway. Pharynx might come here at a later time, or I might come to him one day, or we might run into each other when and where we least expect it, but whatever happened, it was beyond my control. The painting, at least, I could attempt to recreate again at a later time, hopefully with better results.

I collected my stuff and returned to the castle.

The next day, Sunburst showed up in the castle with a glint in his eyes and a wide grin.

“Guess what?” he announced. “The doctor says I’ve fully recovered!”

“Already?” Cadance asked. “That’s great news!”

“I’m afraid our own news isn't that great,” Shining added. “The architectural damage to your room is mostly repaired and the remaining work will probably be finished today, but your new furniture still hasn’t arrived. They said it’ll be here tomorrow, but there’s enough of it that I’m not sure if they’ll have had the time to make it. It’ll also need assembling upon arrival.”

“I see. No problem, I can spend another night or two in my own house.” He sounded disappointed.

“The neighbors still giving you trouble?”

He groaned. “You wouldn’t believe how many nights in a row they can party! How is a guy supposed to read with all that noise?”

Cadance chuckled. “You know, most ponies would complain about not being able to sleep at that hour!”

“I imagine that would be even worse,” I said.

“Hey,” Sunburst exclaimed, “why don’t you turn into some kind of oversized monster and give them a scare?”

“Isn’t there any other way to deal with them? Like asking them to tone it down or using magic to keep the noise from reaching you?”

“I tried asking and it’s no use, and sound spells are too hard for me to pull off correctly. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

“And I tried sending a Royal Guard,” Shining added, “but it turned out the whole street except Sunburst gathers up on those parties and they’re hosted in the house in the middle of the street precisely with the idea of keeping the noise away from the other streets where ponies who aren’t attending live so nopony would complain to the authorities. They’re also happening only some nights of the year, and it’s just dumb luck that Sunburst blew up his room at the same time as their ‘party marathon’ as they call it.”

“Shining said I could sue them, but I don’t see the point if I’m hardly ever there anyway. And like you said, it’s not like I’m trying to sleep while they’re at it! I’ve just had to stick to the lighter reading and postpone the advanced-magic textbooks for later.”

“Okay, but why didn’t you say anything?” I asked. “I would have gladly shared my room with you!”

“So I can keep you awake all night?”

“I’m sure I would have thought of something if it became too much of a problem.”

“Well, it’s too late now. I’m moving back to the castle in a couple of days anyway unless furniture-assembling ends up taking forever.”

“Can I help?”

“I didn’t realize you knew how to assemble furniture!”

“Well, um… no, I’ve actually never done it. We don’t have any in the hive, and even if we did, I doubt the other drones would have cared to teach me how to assemble it. But it can’t be too hard, can it?”

“I have no idea! I’ve never done it eith- Wait, I’ve got it! The library might have some books on the subject! If we study those, I bet we can figure out how to assemble furniture in no time! Thorax, you’re a genius!”

I smiled sheepishly at the undeserved compliment.

“I’m glad that’s settled,” Shining said. “The carpenters sometimes do it themselves, but not always, and I forgot to ask whether or not it would be the case now. At the very least, it might go faster with the two of you helping them.”

“I hope so,” I said. “Uh, do you have any assignments for me this afternoon?”

“No,” Cadance said. “Have fun in the library!”

So we went there.

I’d passed by the library a couple of times, but I’d never been inside - not even with Spike when he took me on a tour of the city on my first day here - and now that I was finally in the building, the sight exceeded my wildest expectations! The building may not have looked that big on the outside, but the inside… so much space, so many bookshelves stacked full of books, and so much light everywhere! No wonder why Princess Twilight had released a surge of love at the mere thought of the library after Spike’s tour and why that surge had soured with disappointment upon realizing that he hadn’t taken me inside! And no wonder why Sunburst had a habit of coming here so often! And with all the love poured into the books, I could satisfy my physical hunger just as easily as Sunburst could quench his thirst for knowledge by reading the pages!

“Sunburst, this is wonderful! Why didn’t you bring me here sooner?”

“I didn’t realize you’d be interested,” he shrugged. “I got the impression that the books I’ve been bringing you were enough.”

“I thought so too, but this place… wow! And I thought the castle was stunningly beautiful!”

He chuckled. “Are you here for the books or the architecture?”

“Why not both?”

“Okay, I suppose you’re right. Let’s get started, shall we? The do-it-yourself section should be…” He pointed down the staircase and a little to the left. “This way. Would you rather that we read the same book together or pick a different one each?”

“Whatever you want. Which would be better?”

“That depends. Taking more books could help us cover more ground, but we’d have to discuss our findings anyway or there wouldn’t be much use of the approach. Going through the same book together would be slower, but it’ll also give us an opportunity to clarify things one of us understands and the other doesn’t, if it comes to that.”

“Okay, so there are benefits and drawbacks either way. Hmm. Let’s see what they have and then decide.”

We ended up choosing a book on the basics of woodwork in general that also contained a few sections about furniture, and proceeded to read it together. The text alone would have been very confusing for me even at what was considered ‘basic’, but thankfully, there were plenty of illustrations that made things much clearer.

“I never realized there are so many different screws and bolts and whatnot…” I muttered at some point, careful not to disturb the other readers.

“I knew there were various types, but some of these are completely new to me too,” Sunburst muttered back.

“Do you think we’ll need to be familiar with all of these in order to assemble your room?”

“I hope not! It’s good to know they exist, but they can’t all be required for everything! I’m guessing we’ll just have to use a few common screws and bolts and whatnot, as you called them, to deal with it, but if I’m wrong, we might have to return for this book.”

“Will those parts at least come with the wooden planks?”

“They might,” he said after a moment. “If they don’t, I’m going to ask the carpenter for advice on which parts to buy. Getting too nitpicky might not make a difference, but I’d rather not take chances with something I have zero experience in.”

“You never had to assemble a single piece of furniture yourself?” I asked. “Sorry, that sounded stupid. Of course you didn’t if you have to read a book on how to do it. I mean, is it common for ponies to not know how to assemble furniture?”

“Sort of. Some furniture is bought pre-assembled, even. I think it might have been the case with the room I had as a colt. At least I don’t remember mom and dad assembling anything themselves or hiring somepony to do it… unless it happened while I was out playing with Starlight... And my house here in the Empire was already fully furnished when I bought it, so… yeah.”

I nodded. “Something tells me we’ll be borrowing this book first thing tomorrow,” I sighed. “It looks easy enough now that I’m reading it and looking at pictures, but as soon as we get to work, I bet all of these screws and bolts and everything will start looking the same!”

Sunburst snickered at this. “And you’re a changeling. You of all people would be expected to notice the subtlest of differences! If you can’t tell the difference between two similar screws, then we might as well give up and hire a professional.”

“You want to give up?”

“Of course not! Let’s keep reading!”

So we did. We kept reading all afternoon and, by the time the librarian came to warn us it was almost closing time, we’d covered a good part of the relevant sections of the book in great detail and skimmed through the rest so we could find anything we hadn’t covered more easily if necessary. By the end, we were almost confident we could find our way around the task at hoof tomorrow, or at the very least, that we wouldn’t need too much guidance. But then again, this was a book on the basics, so we could be completely wrong!

It was night already when we left the library, and Sunburst concluded with some regret that he’d probably missed dinner. I wasn’t feeling hungry at all, but his stomach was growling, so instead of heading for the castle, we went in the opposite direction, toward Aragonite Street, hoping the bakery was still open. It was, and Sunburst had brought a few bits along, just enough for a hay bagel. After that, he went further down Aragonite Street rather than doubling back.

“Aren’t you going to the castle?” I asked.

“No, where would I sleep?”

“You can use my bed!”

“What about you?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got some cushions. I’ll just turn into something small enough to fit on one if that makes you feel better.”

“Don’t you need a blanket?”

“I’ll be fine. I never used a blanket until coming here.”

“I don’t know, Thorax… The nights are warm, but I’m not sure if they’re warm enough to ditch the blanket…”

“We’ll think of something when we get there, okay?”

“Okay,” he sighed.

There was nothing in my room that I could use as a blanket, though, not even to appease Sunburst, but at least he reluctantly agreed to spend the night there regardless. I transformed into a nymph and curled up on one of the cushions, and was soon asleep. Little did I know that I’d wake up in the morning wrapped up snugly in Sunburst’s robes that he’d forgotten to take off before going to bed!

“Okay, I think that’s it,” I said a few days later as I tightened the last screw on Sunburst’s cupboard. “You can set it upright now.”

He did. The doors flew open and wouldn’t stay closed.

“Eggshells! Not again!”

“What is it with you and hinges?”

“I don’t know! Why does this type have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t we get one of those basic ones?”

“The book says this one is better for furniture because it allows for easy adjustment of sagging doors. You can’t do that with the basic one without taking the doors down entirely and screwing them back on!”

“I still like the basic ones better,” I muttered.

“At least you’ve got the other stuff mostly figured out.” He levitated me a screwdriver. “Wanna try again?”

I sighed, took it in my mouth, and went to adjust the offending hinges. When I thought I was done, we checked the results, and found the doors sagging even more.

“Great!” I moaned and plopped onto the floor. “Now it’s even worse!”

“Hey, no problem,” Sunburst said, patting me on the back. “All you have to do is turn the screw the other way.”

“I’m never gonna figure this out…”

“You will! Okay, how about this: when adjusting this type of hinges, whichever way of turning the screw you think is right, try the other way.”

“Didn’t you suggest that yesterday?”

“I don’t think so,” he shrugged.

“Then maybe I tried that approach on my own. It didn’t work any better than doing what I thought I should.”

“So stick with the trial-and-error approach and stop feeling bad about it! You’re not going to break the hinge by adjusting it twice!”

“I guess you’re right.” I got up and tried fixing the hinge again. This time it worked; the other hinge got fixed too after a few minutes and a couple of attempts, and the cupboard doors finally closed and remained that way.

“Okay, now it’s done,” Sunburst said and moved the cupboard to its intended position. “Great job, Thorax! I told you you could do it!”

“After a million attempts, yes.”

“That’s no big deal! A lot of things don’t turn out as intended on the first try, but that’s expected!”

“You did much better than me!”

He opened his mouth to say something, but a knock on the door interrupted him.

“Come in!” he said.

The castle messenger opened the door, carrying a bag.

“I brought your mail, Sunburst,” she said. “Oh, and Thorax, you have some mail too. I thought I’d find you here so I put it in the bag with Sunburst’s mail.”

“Thanks, Mercury!” Sunburst said, accepting the bag.

“That’s a lot of mail,” I said after she left.

“I don’t normally get this much,” Sunburst mused, taking letters out of the bag. “Okay, this one is from Starlight, this is from Moondancer, this is from the Institute of Magical Theory; ooh, the latest Wizard’s Journal… ugh, another from my mom-”

“You sound like that’s a bad thing,” I interjected.

“Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother, it’s just that she’s always coming up with one grandiose, super-ambitious plan after another for what I should do with my life, and it’s so annoying… Why can’t she be satisfied with me being the Royal Crystaller?”

“Have you tried talking to her about it?”

“A million times,” he snorted. “I’ve given up by now. It’s no use. She just won’t listen! But nevermind her. This letter is for you, oh, and so is this one!”

I accepted the letters. One was from Spike, judging by the claw-writing; the other, I couldn’t tell.

I opened Spike’s letter first. It said:

Dear Thorax,

I’m so glad that Shining finally stopped acting like a first-class moron! I knew he could be stubborn at times, but this must have set his personal record, both in duration and the magnitude of his mistake! You don’t know how many times I got the urge to go there myself to give him a mouthful about it after Twilight and I consistently failed to make any progress on the matter via letters! We kind of wish we’d done that sooner, but now that we know it took Luna to get him to start using his brain, any such trips would have most likely been wasted anyway except that I would have gotten a chance to hang out with you again. We really gotta correct that sometime soon! Unfortunately, they say a storm is brewing up north around the Crystal Empire. It already delayed your last letter judging by the postal mark, and if it gets any worse… well, trains to and from the Crystal Empire had to be cancelled altogether a few times before due to weather conditions, and it looks like it might be the case again. But you already know that better than I do, don’t you? Anyway, don’t think I’ve forgotten you if this letter or the next one doesn’t reach you for a while. It will get there, it’s just that it might have been delayed.

As for not wanting Shining punished, I can only say one thing: why? This is probably the first time you can get some actual retribution for being mistreated, not just an apology and a pat on the back! I know it’s little consolation for a lifetime of pain, but since it’ll take a miracle to get Chrysalis and the entirety of the hive to pay for everything they did to you, it’s probably the best you’ll get in the foreseeable future, so I suggest you use this chance! Shining may be the closest thing I have to a brother, but he deserved it and I’m not ashamed to feel that way! Oh, in case that’s your issue, let me remind you that ponies don’t punish by pain. He’ll probably get some kind of reprimand or authority restrictions or something like that. Nothing gruesome!

I’m sorry to hear about Sunburst. Is he recovering well? Tell him I said hi and to ask Twilight’s help the next time he tries to cook fancy potions, will ya?

Your friend,

Spike

I opened the next letter.

Dear Thorax,

I know Spike wrote to you yesterday (at least, the day before I decided to write this letter), but I wanted to say that I understand your reluctance to have Shining punished for the way he treated you.

You may or may not know the details of my life, but before I became Twilight’s protege, I was what you might call a villain. I used to be a dictator leading an anti-cutie mark cult, and later I tried to alter history because Twilight put an end to the cult. I thought my reasons for starting the cult and wanting revenge against her were justified, and she helped me realize I was wrong, but that’s not the point now. The point is that I’m ashamed of that chapter of my life, and though it ended months ago, I still often find myself unable to make decisions of any importance and second-guessing the decisions I have made. On a rational level, I can see the benefits of a decision and the logic to making that decision, but overthinking kicks in pretty soon, and then I see at least half a dozen ways for that decision to backfire or take an undesirable turn the consequences of which may not be obvious until much later, and I keep asking myself if that (whatever ‘that’ is at any given moment) really was the best thing to do, and all this because I’m so afraid of becoming a villain again, even if unintentionally, that I can’t see the obvious benefits of my possible decisions over the very-unlikely drawbacks anymore! Now, I may be completely wrong here, but I’m guessing your desire to let Shining go unpunished stems from the same kind of perspective. You think that, if you allow yourself to want to punish him, you’ll become like Chrysalis or at least like the other drones, don’t you? If that’s the case, I can assure you that you’re wrong! You’ll never be anything like Chrysalis! But I still understand and don’t blame you for it. I won’t blame you if you decide that you want him punished after all, either! Do what your heart tells you is best! You’ve followed it so far and it hasn’t led you astray! Whatever you decide, you have my support!

How is Sunburst doing? I sent him a letter too, but I expect he’ll tell me that he only has a couple of scratches and not to worry. I want the truth, please!

Hoping to see you guys in person soon,

Your friend,

Starlight Glimmer

I hugged both letters. Starlight had figured out the best part of my reasons against wanting to punish Shining, and though Spike’s view on the matter clashed with mine, it meant a great deal that he wanted what he thought was best for me!

Sunburst had by then read or skimmed through his letters, set them aside, and moved on to the magazine. I started to get up in order to write back to Spike and Starlight, but then I noticed that Mercury’s bag wasn’t completely empty. Something pretty big was still inside!

“Uh, Sunburst?” I said hesitantly. “Did Mercury give us somepony else’s mail too?”

“What? Oh, you mean the parcel.” He took it out of the bag. “Let’s see… no, it’s addressed to you.”

“Me?!”

“There’s a Ponyville stamp on it. Were you expecting anything?”

“Other than the usual letters? No, why should I?”

“It’s not unheard of. Go ahead, open it!”

I bit through the binding rope and the wrapping paper. An envelope was stuck to the lid of the box. I took a piece of paper out of it.

Thorax, darling,

Sincerest apologies for taking this long to fashion you a stunning ensemble like I promised! It took me forever to get the patterns right, and I’d just finished designing a fabulous tuxedo for you when Spikey-Wikey paid me a visit and we struck up a conversation about changeling couture, and he suggested that it would be simply marvellous if I could design a whole new fashion line for you personally! I must say, I absolutely love any opportunity that lets me expand my creative horizons and improve my dressmaking skills, and it’s such a thrill to do it for a kind and gentle creature such as yourself! Now, since you’re living so far north with that dreadful weather looming over you all the time, Spikey and I agreed that it would make the most sense that I begin with something to help you endure the cold, and here it is! I regret not being able to invite you for a fitting, but if the size isn’t quite right, do tell me so I can make the necessary adjustments, will you? I absolutely refuse to force you to shapeshift in order to fit into my creations! Oh, and I had to make a guess about what kind of design you’d like; so sorry if I made a mistake! If you’d prefer something different, that’s no problem at all! I want you to love what you’re wearing, so don’t shy away from telling me exactly what you’d like!

I’ve only had time to finish this one piece before we heard about the upcoming storm around the Crystal Empire, and I’m hoping it’ll reach you in time. But rest assured, I have not forgotten about the tuxedo I’d promised you! I expect it’ll be finished by the time the storm calms down, and it’ll be simply divine! I just know it’ll sweep you off your hooves, and all the mares are sure to be lining up to bask in your presence! Or all the stallions, if that’s what you prefer. But do forgive me; a lady shouldn’t be so indiscreet!

Au revoir, my friend!

Love, Rarity

“Wow,” I muttered. “Is she always this… uh, I’m not sure if ‘dramatic’ is the right word…”

“It’s an understatement, and yes, she is from what I’ve seen of her, not that I’ve known her for much longer than you. But now I’m interested to see what she sent you!”

To tell the truth, so was I. I opened the box.

Inside was a winter coat made of blue fabric, similar in shade to my carapace, and soft to the touch but sturdy-feeling, and I got the impression it might be waterproof, too. The design was simple but attractive; it had a high collar to protect my whole neck against the cold, there were plenty of buttons to keep the coat closed tightly, and a hood to cover my head, and a few pockets on the flanks. I tried it on and found that the sleeves covered my leg holes and that the wing holes on the coat’s back were at exactly the perfect spots; the coat was warm as promised, and she’d not only gotten the size right, but also somehow made the thing look like it could easily be part of my own body!

“I love this!” I squealed. “Now I almost want the storm to come so I can test the coat in its intended environment!”

“I think I can help you with that,” Sunburst replied.

“How so?”

“Wait here,” he said and left the room.

He was back a few minutes later with Cadance and Shining in tow.

“You look wonderful, Thorax,” she said, looking at me all dressed up. “Rarity’s outdone herself again! I almost want to borrow that coat!”

“Oh… of course, you can have it...” I started to take it off, but she stopped me.

“Do keep it, silly! That was just an expression!”

“Uh, okay.”

“Sunburst came to us with an idea,” Shining continued, “and we like it. How do you feel about joining us on a little trip to the city outskirts tomorrow afternoon? The storm is starting and some snow should break through the Crystal Heart’s protective barrier by then and create a nice playground for Flurry. I expect there’ll be more ponies there too, and you might end up making a few friends!”

“You’d actually let me join you? Won’t I be intruding?”

“You won’t be! Don’t you see, Thorax? We’re doing this for you, so you can start having fun, Crystal Empire style!”

“What about working on Sunburst’s room?”

“We only have one more piece of furniture to assemble,” Sunburst interjected, “and it’s a simple one. I expect we’ll be done by then.”

“If you say so... Okay, I’ll be honored to join you!”

The snowy outskirts were already bustling with ponies when the five of us arrived there the next day, but there weren’t so many of them that we’d struggle to find a patch of show just to ourselves. The scenery was nice even with so much of the snow disturbed by ponies playing in it, and I imagined it had to look unforgettably beautiful when still untouched! The Crystal Heart wasn’t keeping the intense blizzard entirely out of its protective bubble, though, and snowflakes were drifting through even now. Maybe they would create a fresh layer of untouched snow during the night? It would be nice to come back at dawn to see it!

Flurry, on the other hoof, was unburdened by such aesthetic considerations. As soon as she saw the snow and the ponies, she started babbling and squealing excitedly and prodding Cadance as if to tell her to hurry up. Cadance simply chuckled to this display of eager anticipation.

“Alright, Flurry, we’ll be there in a couple of minutes!” she told her daughter. “Be patient just a little longer!”

But it was to no avail; Flurry was getting increasingly restless with every next step.

“I could fly there with her if you want,” I offered.

“I know, Thorax, and I could have flown with her too, or even teleported us all there! But she needs to learn to be patient and humble. She may be a princess by birth, but that doesn’t make her any more deserving of things than the regular ponies, and allowing her to have everything she wants right away and every time she wants it would only make her think she’s entitled to more than her fair share, and that never turns out right, even at a young age, and is hard to set right later. It’s even more important to teach her that because she’s a princess.”

“How so?”

“If we don’t,” Shining continued, “she’ll grow up thinking everything has to be exactly the way she wants it and not caring how the others feel about it or whether or not she’s causing harm by having her way at all cost. And she’s expected to ascend to the throne one day! You know first-hoof what it’s like to live under such a leader!”

“You mean she could become like Chrysalis?!” I looked at the little filly. I couldn’t imagine her growing up into a monster!

“Maybe not inherently and irreparably evil, but that wouldn’t make much difference if she can’t put her kingdom’s well-being before her personal whims and wishes.”

“And you can prevent such an outcome with simple things such as making her walk a few minutes to the playing field rather than teleporting there?”

“Nothing can absolutely guarantee it, but yes, consistently following such rules and principles is how it’s done. But it has to start at the youngest age and without making exceptions, or if you do make an exception, the foal needs to understand that it is indeed an exception and the reason why you’re making it.”

“Within their ability to understand things at their age, that is,” Sunburst added.

“Yes. You won’t get anywhere trying to explain to her today that this is actually an investment in her future, but in a few years, it’ll be different.”

“Parenthood is complicated,” I mused.

Sunburst chuckled. “What did you expect? That you just create offspring and yell at them to behave or you’ll take away their favorite toy?”

“That’s pretty much how it’s done in the hive,” I shrugged. “Except that we never met our actual parents, and our caretakers threatened to have us beaten to a pulp if we got too undisciplined. And we didn’t have toys. I secretly made myself some dolls a few times, but the other drones smashed them within a day or two, so eventually I gave up trying to make new ones.”

An awkward silence followed.

“Well then,” Cadance said eventually, releasing Flurry from her harness. “Here we are. Go on and play now! But don’t stray too far away from us!”

She brightened up instantly and went away prancing through the snow, kicking it up, burrowing through it, giggling and squealing all the way, radiating the warm love that I half expected to thaw the snow around us… it was a delight to watch! Sunburst took a camera and snapped a few photos of her as she played.

Eventually her initial excitement faded and she returned to us, babbling something while looking at me.

“What is it, Flurry?” I asked.

She babbled some more.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

More babbling followed, this time with a hint of frustration in her voice, and with her gesturing at a nearby group of ponies.

“You want to play with them?” I guessed.

Now she waved her hooves around furiously while babbling some more. Cadance and Sunburst chuckled.

“I think she wants to build a snowpony,” Shining said. “Why don’t you help her?”

I looked at the group of ponies she’d been gesturing at again. They were just standing around chatting, but another group a little further away in roughly the same direction was sculpting a pony out of a pile of snow. In fact, I could see a few other groups doing the same with their own snow piles!

I got to it. Shining and Sunburst helped me pile up some snow and then stepped aside to let Flurry and me continue on our own. This meant mostly me; Flurry simply hovered around, examining my progress, attempting to make suggestions on what to improve, and still failing to get me to understand without referring to her parents for help. Sunburst snapped some more photos of us.

“Okay, I think that’s close enough,” I said eventually, and Flurry sat on the snowpony’s back, grinning blissfully.

“And it’s a masterpiece!” Cadance said. “You even managed to make the tail out of snow!”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“No reason, except that ponies rarely bother with it because getting the snow to stay like that can be tricky.”

“Then how do they-” I looked around me. Some of the other snowponies were finished too, and they looked nothing like mine! They had black marbles in place of their eyes while I’d carved out actual eyes on mine, none of the others had bothered to make the snowponies’ legs, and theirs had brooms sticking out of their rear ends where the tails were supposed to be. “Oh.”

“Whoa,” a colt’s voice spoke behind me. “That snowpony is perfect!”

I turned around. A group of fillies and colts stood there, staring wide-eyed at my creation.

“And I thought my mommy made a great-looking one,” whined one of the filles.

“Did you make this?” asked another.

“Um, yes,” I said. “Why?”

“Can you make one for us?”

“Well…”

“Pleeeeeeeeease?”

“You know what?” Sunburst interjected. “I think Thorax can do better than that!”

“Really?”

“Yes, indeed!”

“But this one almost looks alive!”

“Exactly! Thorax, if you could do your magic for these foals?”

“My magic? Oh, right!”

I burst into a spiral of blue flames that turned me into a snowpony version of Crystal Hoof. The fillies and colts responded with awed murmurs.

“Is this good enough?” I asked.

“Good enough?! You’re perfect!” one of them said.

“Come play with us!” another invited me.

I looked at Cadance and Shining. They smiled and nodded.

“Sure,” I said to the little ones.

One of them trotted up to me, touched my foreleg, and said, “Tag! You’re it!” before running away.

“Uh…”

“They want you to chase them,” Sunburst explained. “When you catch one, he or she becomes the next chaser.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m not supposed to hurt them, am I?”

“Of course not! What gave you that idea?”

Some of the drills I remembered from basic training. “Nothing,” I said hurriedly.

“Well go on then! They’re waiting on you!”

Sure enough, the group was gathering around me again after having dispersed in all directions in anticipation of me knowing the rules of the game and following them accordingly. I’d disappointed them and now I hurried to correct that mistake! They were dodgy, but I managed to catch a colt before long.

“Hey!” he protested. “You’re not supposed to grab me in your mouth!”

I put him down. “Sorry! Did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine. But for the next time, touching counts as catching, okay?”

“Okay. Sorry again!”

At that moment, before the game could continue, something hit me in the back of the head.

“Ow! What gives?”

A salvo of giggles clued me in on the source of the projectile even before I turned to face it completely. But what had she thrown at me this time? I couldn’t see anything lying around in the snow!

“Hey, a snowball fight!” one of the nearby fillies exclaimed. “Great idea, Princess Flurry!”

Before long, the group formed a rough circle and was throwing snowballs at one another. Flurry joined too. I got down on my belly and covered my head, but not before getting hit by a few snowballs myself.

“C’mon Thorax, don’t be such a spoilsport!” Shining yelled. “Throw some snowballs of your own!”

I tried to obey, but the only thing it did was get me more snowballs in the face that knocked the disguise out of me.

“I can’t! There’s too many!”

But the salvo of snowballs had stopped.

“Are you okay?” one of the fillies asked me.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” a colt said. “I didn’t think I could throw that hard!”

“You’re not hurt, are you?” the first filly persisted. “Please tell me you’re not hurt!”

“No, I’m fine, it’s just that I’ve never done this before and you startled me.”

“Sorry again, I-”

“Amber! Granite!” a mare shouted somewhere. “Where are you? We’re going home!”

“Oops, that’s auntie,” the filly I took to be Amber said. “Gotta go! See you tomorrow!”

The rest of the group got called away similarly pretty soon: some to go home, the others to rejoin their families. I was once again alone with the four friends who had brought me here.

“Well that was anticlimactic,” Sunburst muttered. “Though understandable; it’s starting to get dark. But I have an idea!”

“What kind of idea?”

He lit up his horn and another snowball hit me.

“Standing your ground against a dozen ponies may have been too much for you, but I bet you can handle one!”

Uh-oh. Another snowball fight?!

I flinched as more snowballs travelled in my direction. I managed to dodge a few, but most of them still hit me.

“Come on!” Sunburst taunted. “Are you even trying?”

I tried to grab some snow and form it into a ball, but couldn’t under the salvo of incoming ones! Frustrated, I kicked some of the snow up instead in a pathetic attempt to do something, but all it did was create a cloud of snowflakes until the sleeve of my coat went up and some of the snow passed through my leg hole as I kicked, forming something that could marginally pass for a rough snowball.

That gave me an idea. I created more marginally-passable snowballs by dragging my hole-riddled foreleg through the snow on the ground, then flung the resulting balls at Sunburst. One grazed him, and the others went all over the place, but that was the best I’d done yet!

“Keep going!” Cadance shouted from her vantage point a little away from the battle zone. “You can do it!”

I made some more sort-of-snowballs and threw them, still with little success, and Sunburst was still doing much better. If only I could use magic like him! I was trying to come up with a strategy to compensate for my disadvantage when something cold and white came out of nowhere and hit me hard enough to kick all air out of my lungs, and then I was buried in a freezing pile.

I was sure I had to have fainted from the ordeal, but how long had I been out? I couldn’t tell; the only thing I knew was that everything around me was dark and unbearably cold and I couldn’t move! Did I still have my coat? What was this heavy thing sitting on me? And why was the world spinning and my head threatening to explode?

I tried to move again, but it was no use. I tried to scream, but couldn’t open my mouth! I tried gasping for air, but there was no air to gasp for!

Was I having another nightmare?

Princess Luna, I begged silently, if this is a dream, please help me!

But Luna didn’t come.

Was I dying? No, please no, I didn’t want to die! Not now that I finally had friends!

Was I dead already?

But something stirred then; the weight crushing me lessened, a bit of light seeped in, and I heard muffled voices, growing louder and clearer.

“Oh, thank Celestia we found you!” Sunburst exclaimed, peering into the hole in the snow pile with Shining. “I thought we’d never get to you!”

Shining lit up his horn and some of the snow I was buried in melted. I tried to get up and the world started spinning painfully again.

“Ow…” I moaned, clutching my head.

“Easy there!”

“What happened?”

“Flurry must have thought I was trying to bury you in snow and decided to help me. I’m sorry! I should have guessed she’d get such an idea!”

“It’s alright,” I said. “She’s unpredictable.”

“That doesn’t make it right!”

I looked at her, sitting dejectedly at her mother’s hooves, kicking at the snow.

“Maybe not, but she might have thought it’d be funny.” I chuckled, imagining what the incident must have looked like to a casual observer. “I guess it was funny, in a way.”

“You’re right,” he agreed. “It was funny! It scared the heck out of me, but it was funny!”

“You know what’d be funnier?” I asked, kicking some snow in his face. “If she’d thrown it at you!”

He snorted and pushed me out of balance. I grabbed his cloak to keep myself upright, and we fell together. He kicked some snow at me and I kicked back. I didn’t realize we were both laughing until my belly started to hurt, and then I laughed some more!

Cadance and Shining were staring at us. Then we all burst out laughing, Flurry included.

“Whoa, that felt good,” I said, catching my breath.

“In that case,” Sunburst replied, “I’ll tell Flurry to avalanche you again!”

“Uh-oh..”

“Hey, you asked for it!”

Whether or not it was true, it had been a good day, and a little laughter made all of my buried-in-snow aches disappear! And if she buried me in snow again, at least I was going to be ready!

Crystal Flu

The next day, I snapped awake startled by the horrendous ringing of the alarm clock and covered my head with the pillow. It didn’t help; the ringing was still drilling through my brain! I groaned and flung the pillow at the clock, which fell down onto the floor, but gravity hadn’t been enough to destroy it. The noise was even worse now for some reason! Why couldn’t the pillow have landed on top of the clock?

And why was the thing even ringing in the first place? It was still dark outside!

As if that wasn’t enough, a muffled banging sounded from one of my walls, followed by what sounded like a clearly displeased shout: “Will you shut that thing already?!”

Yes, okay, I’m trying to!

Groping around in the dark, I found the clock again and, fumbling frantically, somehow managed to put an end to the noise from Tartarus. A muffled ‘Finally!’ sounded from beyond the wall, and I sat down on the floor, trying to figure out what had happened. Was there an important event I couldn’t afford to miss? But why set an alarm so early? It wasn’t even dawn yet-

Of course! I’d set the clock this early so I could get to the snowy outskirts before the ponies started arriving and messing with the scenery!

I put on my coat and shoved a sketchbook and a few pencils in the pockets, then opened the window and flew out. The city itself was a little too warm to be dressed like this, but that would change closer to the snowy outskirts. Sunburst had directed a telescope towards the clouds last night upon our return and reported a blizzard breaking through the protective barrier, so I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be a wasted trip… assuming I could stay awake.

But by the time I got there, I found that the cold and the effort of flying had cleared my head of the drowsiness. The dawn was yet to come, but the fresh snow glistened magically under the moonlight, and I was instantly glad that I’d sacrificed a few hours of sleep in exchange for an opportunity to marvel at this unworldly landscape!

Still airborne to preserve the smoothness of the snow, I took out my sketchbook and pencil and began drawing. The movement of my wings and the occasional gusts of wind disturbed the paper, but I wasn’t letting that stop me! When I got back to the castle, I would use these sketches for reference while painting the landscape!

Every now and then, I took a moment to take my eyes off the paper and simply enjoy the scenery. I wanted to preserve as much of it as possible in my memory as well as on paper! I sketched on under the moonlight, focusing on a dozen of different motifs, and when the first rays of dawn finally broke through the storm clouds, I flew higher up where the clouds wouldn’t obscure the rising sun as much, and simply basked in the warm light before making a few more sketches and returning to the castle.

Someone’s prodding roused me from my nap a couple of hours later.

“Rise and shine, buddy,” they cooed. “Flurry is waiting for you!”

“Mmh.”

“You’ll be late!”

“Five more minutes, Pharynx…”

“I’m not Pharynx,” he chuckled, prodding me harder. “Seriously, wake up!”

I finally cracked one eye open and rubbed the other.

“Why so early?”

“It was early when you flew out your window,” Sunburst stated. “It’s after breakfast now.”

Oh. I must have fallen asleep again after returning from my adventure!

“How did you know I flew out?”

“Your alarm clock is the loudest thing in the world. I thought at first it was the firefighters’ bell, but nothing in the city was burning as far as I could see, and then I saw you fly into the distance. Nice sketches, by the way.”

“You took a look at them?”

“Of course! I had to take them out of your pocket so they wouldn’t get all wrinkled up!”

“Huh?”

“You do need to wake up, Thorax. You’re still wearing your coat.”

“I am?” I was. “Huh. I must have passed out immediately upon returning...”

“Will you be awake enough to foalsit Flurry? It’s your turn today, in case you forgot.”

“I think so…” I finally dragged myself out of bed and undressed. “Is she in her room?”

“Yes, and Cadance is waiting for you to take over.”

That kicked some speed into me, and soon I was in Flurry’s room, taking over for Cadance as the filly’s bouncy-ball opponent. There were magical bubbles around everything that looked fragile, so that at least was one worry off my mind! Cadance had assured me before leaving that hey would last till evening, but in case something happened to one of them or I needed to get to something that was enclosed in one, all I had to do was find a unicorn and ask for assistance.

Flurry kicked the ball to me and I returned it, then she returned it to me, then I gave it back. For a few minutes, such a simple game satisfied her, but eventually she added a twist to it: the ball now had to hit at least one magical bubble before reaching me. I was still happy with returning the ball straight to her and kept doing so, and she didn’t seem to mind. The bubbles were proving themselves as sturdy as Cadance had claimed - much to my relief - but I still didn’t want to test them more than absolutely necessary! Flurry, on the other hoof, was getting increasingly more invested in the game: she’d started out sitting on the floor, then stood up after a few minutes, flew up eventually, until she was chasing the bouncy ball around almost all by herself, only sometimes letting it come to me! It couldn’t last forever, though; I was beginning to ask myself what the next phase would turn out to be when the ball bounced off in an unexpected direction and she crashed into a cupboard trying to follow it! And as if that wasn’t enough, the plushies on top of the cupboard toppled down on her and knocked her onto the ground!

“Oh no!” I exclaimed, springing up on my hooves and rushing to her side. “Flurry, are you alright?”

Her eyes were rolling for a moment, but soon she blinked them into order and stood up on wobbly legs. She coughed a couple of times and babbled something.

“Oh, thank goodness! You are alright, aren’t you? You got me worried there for a moment!”

She babbled some more, then strode through the pile of plushies and grabbed a coloring book and some crayons.

“You’re right,” I said. “That’s much safer!”

I watched her color for a while, then realized I was getting sleepy again and decided to do something to keep myself from dozing off. I didn’t want to find out what she’d come up with this time if she saw me sleeping on duty! I got up and started picking up the plushies and putting them back onto the cupboard. She sneezed once or twice as I was doing it.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “I’m kicking up dust now, aren’t I? The place looks clean, but hey, what do I know? Do you want me to open the window? Would that help?”

She didn’t respond. I went to it anyway but remembered a bubble was in the way.

Find a unicorn, Cadance had said. But I couldn’t leave Flurry unattended while looking for one who wasn’t already busy doing something more important than sitting at the ready on the off-chance that an awkward changeling would come asking for help!

I put the remaining plushies back onto the cupboard. Flurry coughed again. I waited for her to finish coloring the page - it was almost done - and then picked her up to place her on my back while looking for available unicorns. I didn’t get around to actually placing her on my back; she was unusually warm to the touch, and when I took a closer look at her, she was kind of pale and her love aura was weaker than usual!

“Flurry?” I said gently. “Are you okay?”

She babbled something half-heartedly.

Okay, Thorax, forget the window! You need to find Cadance!

But where to look for her?

Throne room, an obvious answer popped up in my mind. But what if she wasn’t there? The throne room couldn’t be the only place she could conduct her royal duties!

Listen to yourself! If she isn’t there, somepony will know where to find her!

But my freakout had been unfounded; Cadance was in the throne room alright, and it occurred to me too late that my barging in there could have interrupted an audience and possibly caused a major incident if somepony unaware of my existence were there to see me undisguised! But only Cadance and a few guards and assistants were there - all of which I’d seen in passing a few times already - and the Princess was engrossed in paperwork.

“Princess Cadance!” I panted, skidding to a halt in front of her. Flurry was holding on to my wings, but only just barely, and my frantic movement nearly toppled her over!

“Thorax? What’s wrong? Has something happened to Flurry?”

“I think she’s getting sick, Princess!”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s been coughing and sneezing and I think she has a fever.”

“That’s impossible! I cast a spell on her to keep her from catching diseases! I remember refreshing the spell just the other day! It should hold for another-”

But a salvo of coughing and sniffing interrupted her protests and quenched her disbelief; her aura of love went murky and she flew over to us while levitating the moaning Flurry off my back.

“You’re right, she is burning! But how? The spell should have kept you nice and healthy, my poor filly! Let’s get you to bed right away! Gleaming Quill?”

“Yes, Your Highness!” one of the assistants spoke up.

“How soon are we expecting the Maretonian ambassador?”

“In about twenty minutes, Princess.”

“Good, that should be enough time,” she said with relief. “Can you find something to entertain him with if he shows up early?”

“Of course. Don’t you worry, Princess! Everything will turn out fine!”

“I hope so,” she mused. “Come on, Thorax, let’s go!”

Soon we were back in Flurry’s room. Cadance had found some potions to give to her, and the filly had gulped them down with a grimace and an exclamation that probably amounted to a yuck, but she hadn’t made a fuss otherwise, and now she was in her bed with Cadance casting more spells on her and murmuring soothing phrases. I stood in a corner, fidgeting nervously, unsure what I was supposed to do.

“There, that should do it for now,” Cadance said eventually and turned to me. “Can you keep an eye on her a little longer? She’ll probably still be coughing and sneezing, but not as much, and her fever shouldn’t return for a few hours, but she’s going to be weak regardless.”

“Didn’t you heal her?”

“No, there aren’t any known spells that can do that. I can keep her magically protected from germs, but if the spell is undone or allowed to fade, restoring it won’t help if she’s gotten infected already. The spell and medicine I used now will only alleviate the symptoms temporarily. It’s the best anypony can do!”

“Is there at least a way to know how soon she’ll recover?”

“Not too long, don’t worry. These things usually last about a week-”

“How is she?” Shining burst into the room suddenly, startling both me and Cadance and almost waking up the poor filly who had only just managed to fall asleep.

“I’ve given her medicine so she should be more or less okay for a few hours,” Cadance replied. “How did you find out this quickly?”

“The guards told me.” He approached the bed and caressed the sleeping filly. “I wonder when she removed your spell…”

“We both know that’s impossible to guess, dear! She uses magic all the time!”

“And I hope that’s all there is to it.”

“What do you mean?” I interjected.

“I hope she’s the one who undid the spell,” he explained. “Or that somepony else did by accident. But if I find out that someone sabotaged my daughter…”

Was he implying what I thought he was implying?

“If someone did, it wasn’t me!” I blurted out. “I swear!”

He shot me a look and I retreated all the way to the wall.

“Uh…” What had I been thinking? Now he was going to be sure I had something to do with it!

“What do you know about this?!”

“Nothing! I didn’t even know the spell existed!”

“Shining, listen to yourself!” Cadance interjected. “It’s probably just a common cold! How would anypony benefit from our daughter catching a cold?”

“They could have just been testing-” He stopped talking abruptly and sighed. “You’re right, Cady. I’m overthinking things again. And Thorax, I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t really mean it!”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I understand you’re worried!”

“Well, we’ve done what we could,” Cadance said. “And she isn’t in any real danger; we’re just overreacting a little because this is the first time she’s ever been sick! Thorax, you can handle things from now on, can’t you?”

“I’ll do my best! Hmmm… if she’s sleeping, I guess I can write letters to Ponyville while watching her. I forgot to do it yesterday!”

“Didn’t anypony tell you?” Shining asked. “The railways are closed due to the storm. The mail that arrived yesterday was the last to come until the weather clears, and nothing is going away, either. I mean, you can write if you want, but maybe your friends would like to read about everything that’ll have happened until things are normal again.”

“You’re right,” I sighed. “The letters can wait, and I might as well start making notes on what I want to write to them.”

“Do what you want, but try not to leave Flurry’s side when she’s awake, please?” Cadance asked.

“Don’t worry, Princess!”

“Thanks! I must get back to my duties now.”

“Yeah, me too,” Shining agreed. They were almost out the door when Cadance stopped in her tracks.

“Almost forgot!” She hit me with a spell; I flinched but didn’t feel anything beyond the slight tingling of magic. “This should keep you protected so Flurry doesn’t infect you, if it isn’t too late for that already.”

The spells and medicine hadn’t helped much.

A couple of days down the line, Flurry’s cough was getting stronger and more persistent, and her fever rarely dropped. Cadance had taken her to a doctor and he’d confirmed this was the crystal flu and recommended the same spells and potions that she’d previously been trying to help Flurry with to little avail, but apparently there wasn’t any other treatment known to work. Not that this was much good, either; any slight alleviation of Flurry’s symptoms lasted much shorter than expected, and the harder Cadance tried, the worse it got!

In a desire to make things easier for everypony, I’d decided to put painting on hold for now and made myself available to Flurry and her parents at all times. This hadn’t been entirely necessary yet, as Ruby and Sunburst were there too to take turns in caring for her, but I still felt like I had to do something more to help! Not even everypony’s insistence that things were still as much under control as possible had dissuaded me!

Even now, they were still telling me there was nothing to worry about, but whether they were doing it for my sake, to keep me from going into another fit of panic, or for their own, to convince themselves their fears were unfounded, I couldn’t tell; but worried they were, and it showed painfully obvious in their love auras! It wasn’t without reason: the first night had been mostly calm, but the next couple of days and nights were much worse, and none of us had gotten a decent enough sleep, as Flurry’s relentless coughing had reverberated throughout the castle!

This must have been what my screaming used to be like for the others, I’d realized with a good measure of guilt. If they’d had to endure it for so many nights, there was no end to the apologies I owed them!

For whatever it was worth, Flurry’s predicament had drained her of the energy to push the limits of her creativity with pranks and other antics and our endurance to tackle them, and I was ashamed to think even for a moment that it was a good thing. Her liveliness in health had challenged us, yes, but her sickness was quickly proving to be just as challenging if not more! Today was my turn to watch her, and though I was extremely exhausted after a sleepless night, her ongoing coughing and sneezing was keeping me from dozing off better than anything ever!

With spells and potions failing, we were left with little choice but to resort to the more mundane strategies, such as warm tea to ease the cough and wet cloths to rein in the fever. It was sort of working for now, though I was beginning to ask myself how long it would last. The first batch of wet cloths seemed to me to have lasted much longer than the umpteenth one that I was just taking off Flurry’s forehead and putting a fresh one in its place. If I was right, we could run out of options pretty soon!

And her parents couldn’t hide their concern anymore.

“Please tell me she’s getting better,” Cadance begged from behind me as I sat at Flurry’s bedside, racking my brain for any ideas on what to try next.

I turned around. Cadance and Shining were both there again, probably for the fiftieth time today, and though they’d made an effort to look presentable for their subjects and the dignitaries arriving for audiences from all over the world, nothing could hide the bags under their eyes anymore, and all the usual energy in their movement and mannerisms had evaporated by now.

“I’m sorry, still nothing definite,” I said with some hesitation.

“Don’t sugarcoat it, Thorax,” Shining said. “We want to know. She’s still getting worse, isn’t she?”

I hung my head, and Flurry’s profuse coughing answered in my stead. Cadance came closer and fumbled around her; it looked like she was torn between the urge to hug her daughter and the desire to let her rest. Eventually she found some middle ground in the form of a light kiss and the gentle stroking of her mane.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “I’ve tried everything you told me to try! It’s no use! Well, not longer than a few minutes at a time, but how much longer can we keep it up like this?”

“I wish I knew… do you have any ideas of your own?”

“Have you talked to the doctor again? That’s the only thing I can think of.”

“Yes, and he told me crystal flu tends to act like this but that there shouldn’t be any lasting consequences, no matter how bad the symptoms look like at times. He should know; he’s been treating crystal ponies all his life! I’m still trying to believe the… the…” she trailed off and fixed her eyes upon Flurry.

Shining put his foreleg around her. “There has to be something we haven’t tried yet, something we haven’t thought of!” he exclaimed. “But what?”

Well, there was one more thing I could think of, but would it work on ponies? As far as I knew, it had only ever been used on changelings! And even if it could work, would Shining allow it? He most certainly wouldn’t want me experimenting on his own daughter! Not unless he was really, really desperate, and he’d probably need a good deal of convincing even then!

Well, he was desperate… but was he desperate enough? I didn’t want him to start seeing ulterior motives in my suggestions, but what if I missed the chance to attempt one last approach and then it became too late?

Should I discuss it with just Cadance at first?

No, Thorax, if you’re going to make that suggestion, better make it to both of them! Shining might only see it as the proof of you pulling something if you keep him out of it, and after all, it is about his daughter! He should have a say in what happens with his filly even if the decision isn’t to your liking!

But what if they both decided I was pulling tricks now? What if they started thinking I’d been buttering up to them until now so I could suggest something benign on the face of it that would actually allow me to take their daughter away from them?

But what if Flurry paid the price for my indecision?

I took a deep breath and decided to speak up, come what may.

“There might be someth-” My throat suddenly got impossibly itchy and I broke into a coughing fit.

“Are you alright?” Cadance asked.

“I think so… well, maybe a little tired, but yes…”

She touched my forehead.

“No you’re not! You’re burning! You must have caught the crystal flu yourself!”

“But you cast that spell on me…”

“Yes, but you could have already been infected by then! Don’t you remember me saying the spell wouldn’t work if that were the case?”

“Why didn’t I get sick sooner, then?”

“The symptoms don’t show right away, and you could have developed them gradually. You said you were feeling tired, but maybe that isn’t entirely the result of not getting enough sleep over the past couple of nights.”

“Should I go see a doctor?” Another coughing fit. “Or should I keep away from ponies?”

“We won’t stop you if you want a doctor, but crystal flu has been around for as long as crystal ponies have existed, and most of them have already had it and become immune, so don’t worry about putting them in danger.”

I nodded. The doctor might be a good idea, but could I leave Flurry all by herself?

Cadance read my mind. “Go on, you can’t foalsit while you’re sick anyway. We’ll get Sunburst to take over for you.”

I thanked her and turned to leave, but started coughing again almost immediately, this time so hard that I ran out of breath and got dizzy.

“Before you go, Thorax,” Shining said, “you were trying to say something a minute ago. What was it?”

“Oh. I was going to suggest something to try to help Flurry, but it’s pretty unconventional and may not even work, and now I’m not sure it’s even feasible.”

“We’re clutching at straws by now. Go on.”

“I’m also not really sure you’ll agree to it,” I rasped.

“Why wouldn’t we agree to something that could help Flurry? What are you talking about?”

“A healing cocoon.”

He winced at this and an ice-hot surge shot through his love aura, but he reined it in. Cadance drew in a breath and glanced at her daughter.

I coughed some more, now feeling so weak that I had to sit down. “But now I think I might be needing one myself,” I moaned.

“Cocoon yourself if you want,” Shining retorted, “but I’m not letting Flurry get put in one of those things, not ever, and I don’t care how good your intentions might be!”

“I’m afraid I have to agree this time,” Cadance sighed. “Normally I’d do anything to help Flurry, but this… the idea is a little too much even for me. Not to mention that our subjects might get all kinds of wrong ideas if they see her cocooned up! It could only make things worse!”

“I understand. But even if you’d agreed, I can’t-” I broke into a coughing fit again, and they waited patiently until I caught a break. “-I can’t promise it would work on a pony, and I don’t think I’m strong enough to build two cocoons by now anyway.” I got up shakily. “I guess I’ll be in my room.”

“How soon can we expect you back?”

“I’m not sure. A few days at the very least. The cocoon will-” I coughed some more. “-open on its own when I recover, but you can release me sooner in case of emergencies without putting me in danger. I just won’t have recovered completely if you do and will have to go through the rest at a slower rate.”

“Need help?”

“No, I’d rather build the cocoon by myself. I’m pretty sure you’d be disgusted by how it goes.”

“We’ll be checking on you regardless. Get well soon!”

“Thank you!”

They both hugged me and I left. Once in my room, I got up on the ceiling and started hacking up resinous slime and molding it into a cocoon. It was tedious in my current state and I had to stop every so often to cough and gasp for breath; by the end, I was wheezing and my head was spinning so hard that I wouldn’t have been surprised if I fell off the ceiling! Filling the cocoon with healing slime drained me even more, but I hoped it would be worth the effort. I waited for another fit of violent coughing to pass, then got in the cocoon and closed it.

As I was surrendering myself to the sleep-inducing effects of the healing slime, I caught a glimpse of Cadance and Sunburst coming into my room. Before unconsciousness overtook me completely, I saw Cadance fly up to me, put a hoof on the cocoon’s outer surface, and heard her say something muffled by the slime that sounded like ‘sleep well, Thorax, and know we’ll be watching over you’.

I let myself slip into darkness.

A peculiar shifting stirred the void. I became aware of light attacking my eyes, something sticky surged over me, and gravity pulled me back into reality. A startled yelp from somewhere above - or was it below? - found its way to my ears, and suddenly I was floating again.

I rubbed my eyes and squinted at where the yelp had come from. The room was upside-down and Sunburst was standing on the ceiling, next to a sickly-green blob, and his horn was lit up.

“Whoa, you startled me,” he said, levitating me to himself and turning me what I realized now was right-side-up. Also, the room hadn’t really been upside-down, heh... “I didn’ think healing cocoons really open just like that, and I certainly wasn’t expecting one to explode while I’m standing underneath checking up on you!”

“Well, they do, and it’s a heck of a wake-up if you’re high up enough. How long has it been?”

“Five days. Welcome back! We missed you!”

“Thanks. How’s Flurry?”

“She recovered two days ago and is getting impatient for her favorite changeling.” He chuckled. “I have no idea how we managed to keep her from finding your cocoon, because she would have certainly blasted it open!”

“How do you know it’s me she wants?”

“She keeps pawing at photos of you and doodling you everywhere and throwing tantrums with the phoenix you bought her. We usually manage to distract her with something, but not for long.”

“Then I have to see her right away!”

“Not so fast. She’s taking a nap.”

“Oh. Okay then, I’ll find her later! What time is it?”

“Just after four in the afternoon. She should be up in about an hour. Anyway, I’ve been studying the spell Cadance used on you and it turns out it doesn’t work on changelings, so you weren’t really protected from getting sick like we all thought you were. And I’m sorry about it; I should have realized it sooner!”

“It’s alright, Sunburst. What could you have done?”

“It only took me an hour or two to come up with a variation of that spell that should work on changelings. Had I noticed it right away, Cadance might have still used it before it was too late to make a difference!”

“But we don’t know when either Flurry or me got infected! It could have been at the same time and changelings might simply need more time to start showing symptoms!”

“Actually, I have a theory that she picked it up from Ruby and transmitted it to you. Remember Ruby was sick recently? It was crystal flu. Remaining infectious for a short time after recovery from that is not unheard of but almost never happens, and you’ve hardly been around Ruby at all. Even if you did catch it from her, I’m pretty sure you’d have gotten sick sooner, and the doctor is inclined to agree even though he’s never treated a changeling.”

“Makes sense when you put it that way… So what should I do now?”

“Cadance has been waiting to cast the updated spell on you. She wanted to do it while you were in the cocoon, but I told her to wait because I wasn’t sure how the spell would behave with the cocoon in the picture. I’ll need to do more research on it. Do you still need it? I’d like to take it for studying if you don’t mind.”

“Sure. I guess I’ll go find Cadance then.” I got up and started towards the door.

“Uh, Thorax?”

“Yes?”

“You might want to take a bath first.”

Author's Note

Disclaimer: Any similarities with any pandemics of any magnitude, past or ongoing, in any parallel universes, real or imagined, are purely coincidental.

No, really. I drafted the outline for this chapter before Covid started.

Spreading the Word

By the time I’d washed the remains of healing slime off myself and tracked down Cadance to be given the protection of her modified spell that would hopefully be more effective than the original version, Sunburst had already dislodged my cocoon from the ceiling and taken it somewhere, along with most of the healing slime that had oozed onto the floor while we talked. A bit of mess still remained and I helped him clean it up. He was curious about the process of building the cocoon so I described it to him, and he grimaced a little but did his best to hide it. I got the impression that he’d originally planned to ask more questions, but he must have decided this was plenty enough for one day.

Eventually I was left alone again, and my eyes searched the room for ideas on what to do now that I was back among the living. They stopped on the far end of the room, on the little green object on the window sill.

It was the cutting of my flower! How could I have forgotten about it?

I examined it closer. The leaf looked pretty much the same as I remembered it, but its cocoon had turned a brownish-white hue while I was sleeping encased in my own. My heart skipped a beat; what was going on? The cocoon shouldn’t have looked anything like that! I opened it hurriedly and a wave of relief washed over me as strong roots revealed themselves as the source of the unusual color! It hadn’t been the cocoon itself, it had been the roots inside it! My experiment had worked!

Okay, now I had to plant the new flower. But where? I’d never discussed the details with anypony! I didn’t mind keeping it in my room a little longer, but I still needed some soil or it’d have to get a bigger cocoon. But could it grow into a fully-developed plant while in a cocoon?

I decided to pay a visit to Emerald Leaf.

“Hey, you’ve recovered!” he exclaimed with a grin as soon as he saw me.

“You heard?”

“Of course I’ve heard! The whole town knows Flurry was sick, and Shining dropped in one day to buy some roses for Cadance to try to cheer her up, and he mentioned you were the collateral victim. Did you really cocoon yourself?”

“Yes.”

“I wouldn’t have the guts, but it’s probably normal to you, so…” He gave a noncommittal shrug. “Anyway, what can I do for you today?”

“I came to see if you have any flowerpots and soil. Something to plant the buttercup cutting in.”

“You actually did that thing and it grew?”

“Yes!”

“Well I’ll be damned! Are you sure you never posed as a gardener?”

“I never posed as anything.”

“Ah, yes, you said so. Been a disappointment to your queen, huh?”

“That’s an understatement! Unless you consider me a punching bag, in which case I did pretty good.”

He bit his lip awkwardly. “Okay, let’s see… flowerpots… Do you have any preference for a particular color?”

“I didn’t get that far into thinking about it,” I admitted. “Which colors do you have?”

He showed me a few.

“That one,” I pointed to a light purple one, similar to Spike’s scales.

“And some planting soil?”

“Yes, please.”

He grabbed a relatively small bag from the pile behind him and passed it to me.

“Anything else?”

“No, I think that’s it. Unless you’d recommend something?”

“Well, you could buy some fertilizer, but that’s more useful to farmers. Your flower should grow just fine either way.”

“Hmm. I can buy fertilizer later if I decide I need it, right?”

“Sure!”

“Then it’ll be just this.”

“Forty-five bits, please!”

I paid for my stuff and left. Time to give the little flower a proper home!

Back in my room, I filled the flowerpot with the soil I’d bought, placed the little plant in the center, and added the remaining soil over the roots. Now, to find a good place to put it… The window looked promising; it would provide plenty of light that the flower needed, and it looked nice already! I couldn’t wait to see the fully-grown plant adorning my window!

Now I just had to dispose of the empty bag of soil. I’d forgotten to ask Emerald if he needed it back! Maybe somepony else would know?

I’d barely set hoof into the hallway when I heard familiar babbling from the direction of the stairwell.

“Flurry?” I asked. “Is that you?”

A cloud of pink mist tackled me and latched into a hug. I let go of the soil bag and returned the hug.

“I know, I know, I missed you too,” I murmured. “I hear you’re feeling better?”

“She is,” Cadance replied, joining us. “We were just about to have dinner. Would you like to join us?”

“Sure! I need to make up for the time I wasn’t around to play with Flurry!”

She squealed some more and sat on my back, and I carried her to the dining room.

The days went back to routine after that. I returned to foalsitting duty, and thought Flurry and I had both recovered from crystal flu, the memories of it still lingered fresh in my mind and I often caught myself wondering if one of us might contract it again if not careful enough. Luckily, either there was nothing left to contract it from, or Cadance’s spells were holding this time and working as intended.

I continued painting again, too. The last set of sketches I’d made were proving themselves very useful, but there were still details I had to fill from memory, and when that too failed on a couple of occasions, I resorted to imagination. I hadn’t wanted that for this set of paintings, but Fine Line had assured me it was alright; after all, who was to say that the scene depicted had actually looked a certain way or that it had existed at all? And who was to say that I couldn’t improve a scene by adding or removing something? And how was I to know that it hadn’t looked exactly that way at a different point in time? The reasoning made sense, so I followed it, and though my skill could still use a bit of work, I was overall pretty satisfied with the result.

As for studying with Sunburst, though we weren’t going to end it just yet, we’d agreed that it wasn’t such a high priority anymore now that I’d made more friends and gotten pretty used to living in pony society. We were therefore continuing with our duties and hobbies and only meeting once or twice a week for a study session. In the meantime, I was still mostly following Sunburst’s literary recommendations, sometimes looking them up in the library myself, sometimes borrowing them from Sunburst, and sometimes yielding to a moment of inspiration when we were in the library together.

Everything was back to normal.

Except for one thing: the snowstorm was still keeping the railways closed. I was still cut off from my Ponyville friends with no way to exchange letters!

So, with the shortage of new letters from my friends, I’d taken to re-reading their old ones to fill that gap. I’d gathered up a fair amount by now, most of them from Spike, but most of the others had written to me at some point too: Princess Twilight to inquire about various things that my letters to Spike had hinted at but not described in detail, mostly related to my process of adjustment to pony society and to Sunburst’s lessons, but also about changelings and our way of life; Pinkie Pie to tell me things about ponies living in Ponyville, and Rainbow Dash to discuss Daring Do books. There were also a few letters from Applejack, mostly related to my visit to Appleloosa, and one or two from Braeburn and Little Strongheart. Rarity had only written the one that came with the coat, and though one or two of Spike’s letters had mentioned Fluttershy having things she wanted to ask me, I had yet to receive any letters from her. She struck me as pretty shy, so that was probably the main reason why she hadn’t written yet. Unless she was scared of me? She hadn’t seemed so except for the first few minutes of knowing me, but for all I knew, that fear could have kicked in later… Maybe I should write to her? But how to go about it knowing so little about her? Did we have any mutual point of interest?

With so little to go on, I decided to pay special attention to any hint in any of the letters that would help me approach Fluttershy. I believed we could be friends, and there had to be a foundation on which we could build that friendship; I just had to find it! But nothing I could go on presented itself as I read and re-read the letters! Was I going to have to ask the others for advice? But how to do it without making it look like I was more interested in Fluttershy than in any of the others?

I read on and still found nothing. Eventually I reached the end of the pile and was no wiser on how to start a conversation with Fluttershy than I’d been in the beginning! Though, now that I’d gone through the last few letters, the matter of Fluttershy kind of fell into the background as I was reminded of the events that had transpired shortly before the snowstorm left the Crystal Empire isolated from the rest of the world, namely Shining Armor’s change of heart about me and the punishment he was supposed to receive for the way he’d treated me. Cadence hadn’t made any attempts to discuss that with me in a while and I must have assumed the matter was either settled without anypony informing me, or forgotten. I wanted it to be forgotten so I wouldn’t feel guilty for Shining’s predicament, but knowing Cadance and Sunburst, they probably would have told me what the verdict was… unless they both assumed the other one had already done it? But how would I know? I didn’t want to ask questions in case they’d actually forgotten and this reminded them!

Could I ask somepony close enough to them to be expected to know? Would Berry or one of my former guard escorts be of any help?

It turned out pretty soon that I didn’t have to go looking for any of them; Cadence and Shining came to find me.

“I hope we’re not disturbing?” Shining asked as he and Cadance sat down next to me on a bench in Sapphire Street, where I’d gone to sketch the statue of Princess Amore in an attempt to clear my head.

“Sure,” I said and moved the pencils to make room for them.

“So… we’ve been thinking…” he continued.

“Yes?”

“About my punishment for the way I treated you… I know a lot has been going on lately, but have you had the time to give it any thoughts yet?”

I hung my head and sighed. “I was hoping you’d forget about that,” I admitted.

“We didn’t,” Cadance said. “We just waited for your decision.”

“I think you already know my decision, Princess.”

“You said you wanted to let it go. But that was when we first told you about it, and we can’t let it go even if you want to. It wouldn’t be fair!”

“Fair? No offense, Princess, but asking me to approve of punishing someone is pretty much the same as asking me to hate them, and I can’t do that! I don’t want to hate anyone! Not only that, but I’ve spent my entire life refusing to hurt others - it’s as good as an oath I’d made to myself - and now you’re asking me to break that oath! It doesn’t even matter that the punishment wouldn’t cause any physical pain; I just can’t do it!” I took a couple of deep breaths. “Starlight has a theory that I’m afraid of becoming like Chrysalis if I allow myself to condone punishment even if it’s justified. Maybe she’s right. And maybe she’s right in assuming that I can’t be like Chrysalis no matter what I do. I don’t know. All I know is that doing what you want me to do goes against everything I’ve ever wanted and hoped for. If you want to disregard my input, that’s your choice, but I’m not going to change my mind just because somepony thinks I should… even if that somepony is a leader of a country or the first friend I ever had.”

“Spike wrote to you about it too?” Shining asked.

“He did. He said he thought… you…”

“Yes?”

“...nothing…”

“Tell me.”

“No, really, nothing!”

“Nothing my hoof! Do I have to dig through your letters to find out?”

“Um…”

“Tell me!”

I swallowed a lump in my throat. “He said… you deserved it...” I whispered.

“Hm.” He frowned, then closed his eyes and sighed. “He’s right. I wish he weren’t, but if he can see it from half the world away, then you should too, Thorax.”

“So I could convince myself to punish you?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t even convince myself to want to punish Chrysalis, and what you’ve done doesn’t even come close to a fraction of what she’s done to me! It’s so much worse that I can’t even begin to compare it!”

“So, in other words,” Cadence interjected, “you’re not going to change your mind no matter how long we wait for it to happen?”

“That’s right, Princess. Were it my decision alone, I’d forgive Shining and never regret it, and that’s my final word on the matter.”

She sighed. “I wish you felt differently about it,” she said with a poorly-suppressed hint of anguish in her voice. “It would have made things much easier to decide and to bear. Please understand that, as the ruling princess of this land, I can’t let Shining’s behavior slide no matter how much I hate the idea of punishing my own husband.”

“If you want, I can try to pretend to approve-”

“Don’t. I want you to be true to yourself and unafraid of speaking your mind regardless of whether or not I agree with you!”

“So do I,” Shining added. “We may be the leaders of a country, but that doesn’t make us infallible, or we wouldn’t be needing this discussion.”

“I suppose you’re right,” I said after a moment, “but that’s not making me feel better about the whole thing. Princess Cadance, if punishment is inevitable, can it at least be something mild?”

“I’ll try to arrange that within reasonable levels,” she promised. “And I’ll keep you informed.”

With that, they both got off the bench, excused themselves to discuss the matter, and left me to my sketching.

Cadance came into my room the next morning while I was sifting through the sketches I’d made on that snowy morning just before Flurry had gotten sick, wondering which one of them I wanted to use as a template for my next painting.

“Good morning, Thorax!” she said. “Slept well?”

“I have, Princess! How can I help you?”

“I’m not here to make demands. I came to inform you on Shining’s verdict as I promised yesterday.”

I bit my lip and set down the sketches. “Oh. Um. What did you decide?” Did I want to know?

“His punishment consists of several elements, but in the light of your stance on the matter, I made every one of those elements as mild as I could. Firstly, I suspended his status as the Captain of the Royal Guard for one month, starting today. Lieutenant Sabre will fill in as the acting captain during that time. Shining will still be a Royal Guard but will temporarily hold the rank of corporal and will be assigned to night shifts wherever Sabre sees fit to put him. I talked to her, and she’s considering border patrol or jail cells. After the month is up, unless something happens that forces me to prolong his suspension, he’ll resume his rank as Captain, but with a couple of restrictions. He may not conduct interrogations without at least one more guard present in the room to witness the procedure and intervene if necessary, and he may no longer imprison or otherwise discipline anyone on his decision alone, except in emergencies such as somepony’s life being threatened. I’ll have to approve of his decisions first, or if I’m absent or indisposed, a committee of five members will be asked to do that instead, and they’ll be selected based on criteria that I won’t bore you with. If he acted in an emergency, then I or the committee will decide on further course of action at the soonest convenience. This will last for as long as I deem it necessary but not shorter than six months. Next, he is to attend anger management classes. I also promised him that, if he ever again harms you willingly in any way, I'll divorce him, expel him from the Royal Guard, banish him from the Crystal Empire, and forbid him from ever seeing Flurry again, which is what I almost did before he came around, no matter how much I didn’t like it. Lastly, he is to remove the changeling-proofing spells from any and all weapons that still have it. He’s actually doing that now.”

“Huh. I get the logic behind most of it, but why remove the protection from weapons? Aren’t we trying to make sure the changelings can’t use them if Chrysalis decides to invade?”

“We debated this and came to the conclusion that the spells probably won’t matter if that happens. Chrysalis will have supplied her troops with weapons of their own so they won’t need to steal ours and risk their lives to get to them, and if we see them coming, there’s enough unicorns here that they should be able to changeling-proof everything again in time.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “We’re doing it for you… so that, if all the aforementioned measures still fail and you’re left with no other choice, you can use one of those weapons yourself.”

I stared at her wide-eyed. Had I heard that right?

“Princess, forgive me if I’m being rude, but… did you just give me permission to kill Shining if he loses control over himself?”

“I hope it’ll never come to that, and he assured me I have nothing to worry about… but yes, it’s the last resort. I don’t like the idea of losing my husband before his time and Flurry growing up without a father, but if the worse comes to worst… I don’t expect anyone to sacrifice themselves to please someone’s whims or delusions, and that includes you. Ponies recognize self-defense, so don’t worry, you won’t be held accountable if you’re left with no other choice.”

“And Shining is okay with that?” I asked after a moment of awkward silence.

“He’s the one who suggested it, Thorax. I tried to dissuade him for his own sake and for the sake of everypony in case the changelings attack us again… but part of me knew it wouldn’t be fair to you in spite of all that. So I relented.”

For what seemed like forever, I didn’t know what to tell her. She was willing to lose her husband for my sake? What had I ever done to deserve that dubious privilege? I took a closer look at her and realized her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Had she been crying? It was because of the decisions she’d had to make, wasn’t it?

“Princess,” I said, “for what it’s worth, I don’t think I could bring myself to kill Shining under any circumstances, not even to save my own life.”

“I know,” she sighed. “That’s probably the main reason why I agreed to it without more convincing. But I still thought it fair for you to have that option, and if you ever do use it… I’ll take solace in knowing that you didn’t do it lightly.”

“That’s an understatement. I’d probably end up killing myself too if things play out that way!”

“Don’t. Come to me instead, or to Sunburst, or to any of your other friends, and we’ll do our best to help you cope with it. Your life is too valuable to all of us, so don’t throw it away in a fit of despair! Can you promise me that?”

I considered it for a moment. “I’ll try,” I said. “But what about Shining? Isn’t his life valuable too?”

“It is, and seeing how he feels about what he’s done to you, I’m pretty sure I can trust him not to repeat his mistakes and put you in a situation with only one gruesome way out… but I also don’t want you to pay the price of me being wrong. Neither does Shining in case he’s wrong about himself.”

“And there’s no way to talk you out of it?”

“No, but do realize this is only a precaution. We really don’t think it’s likely that you have anything to worry about!”

I said nothing.

“I have to go back to the throne room now. Will you be okay?”

“I think so…” I wasn’t so sure.

She nodded. “If you need anything, or anypony to talk to…”

“Thank you.”

When she was gone, I took the sketches in my hooves again and kept sifting through them, this time half-heartedly and not really seeing any of them. I wasn’t in the mood for painting anymore. How would I be? Shining was getting punished against my wishes! Why had they even asked for my input in the first place if they’d had no intention of heeding it? Not only that, but I’d been given permission to kill Shining if he went at me again! So what was the purpose of his punishment if they still expected me to have to defend myself from him? Was it really as unlikely as Cadance had claimed? And what was the point of telling me I’d be spared if I had to do it? She knew I still hadn’t forgiven myself for Soothing Dusk, and she was alive and recovering; how did she expect me to live with the knowledge I’d ended somepony? How was I supposed to forgive myself for that?! I felt bad enough about it just by thinking about it even though the situation was purely hypothetical!

There was a knock on my door again.

“Yes,” I said automatically, not really wanting to talk to whoever was on the other side, and quietly enough that I wasn’t sure if they’d even heard me. I hoped they hadn’t.

Cadance opened the door, but didn’t come in.

“I forgot to tell you,” she said. “The snowstorm is letting up, and the railways should be open tomorrow again. If you want to write to Ponyville, they’ll be able to receive your letters now.”

That got my attention. “Really? Thanks! I’ll get right to it!”

She chuckled. “I thought as much. Well, I won’t delay you!”

I may have lost the will to paint for now, but these news reignited my desire to write to Spike and the others; they were sure to make me feel better! I sat at the table, pulled a stack of papers to myself, grabbed a stylus in my mouth, and went to unburden my soul.

Dear Spike, dear everypony,

I’ve just been told that the storm is ending and we won’t be cut off from the world for much longer and couldn’t wait to start writing to you again! I’ve missed you all so much! How are things in Ponyville? Had any adventures? You must tell me everything!

Your last letters arrived just before the railways closed, and I wanted to write back right away, but it was already too late by then. Let me begin with what I wanted to tell you then. Spike, I appreciate your stance on the matter of Shining, but I can’t bring myself to want retribution. Starlight, you’ve guessed pretty accurately why I don’t want to punish him. I never thought you’d understand me so well after spending so little time with me! And Rarity, thank you so much for the coat! It’s so beautiful and warm and fits me perfectly! I love it!

Now, one of the big things that happened in the meantime - just today, actually - is that Cadance passed judgment on Shining. She demoted him to the rank of corporal for a month and restricted his authority for another six months, or for longer if she deems it necessary. I suppose it could have been worse, but I made it clear on several occasions that I didn’t want him punished at all and she did it anyway! Why did she ask for my opinion if she was going to ignore it? Also, remember those changeling-proofing spells he placed on everything and then removed from most things when he decided to start trusting me? The spells only remained on weapons and now he’s removing that too, and they explained it as giving me a chance to fight back if he relapses into his old behavior even though they say they find it unlikely that he will and admit they can’t imagine me actually using the weapons. Allegedly it was Shining’s idea and only a precaution, but I’m confused. I don’t know whether to believe them or to think they’re testing me for some reason. You’ve known them longer. Can you make any sense of their behavior? Do I have a reason to be worried? Please be honest!

On a lighter note, I’ve started to grow a new flower. Remember the one I told you about earlier? The one I brought with me from Vanhoover? I used its leaf to grow this new one and it seems to have worked! My painting skills are improving, too. I made some sketches of the snowy outskirts of the Crystal Empire when the storm was starting and even painted a couple of the scenes later! Would you like one? I can send you some! Inspiration struck me when Cadance and Shining took Flurry and me to play there. That’s also when I wore the coat for the first time and it did wonders against the weather, and even remained dry after an intense snowball fight! Unfortunately, Flurry got sick with crystal flu the next day and ended up missing most of the fun, and I got sick too a few days later, but we’ve both recovered. I’m still foalsitting her from time to time and she can be challenging sometimes, but we’re getting along really well otherwise.

Are any of you coming to the Crystal Empire anytime soon? I’d love to see you again!

Your friend,

Thorax

I set the stylus down and read what I’d written, just in case I’d forgotten to mention something. I couldn’t think of anything, but now that the storm was ending and I could keep in touch with Ponyville again, it didn’t matter; I could always mention something I’d forgotten in one of the next letters if it became relevant! I was itching to go to the post office right away to send the letter, but decided to postpone it in case something else happened later today that I’d want to write about.

In the end, nothing out of the ordinary happened for the rest of the day. Writing the letter had restored some of the spirits I’d lost upon hearing Shining’s verdict, so in spite of my expectations immediately afterwards, I was able to continue painting for the rest of the day as intended. The only downside to it was that I’d lost track of time, and by the time the painting was finished, the post office had already closed, leaving me no choice but to send the letter first thing in the morning and hope it wouldn’t be too late for the first train out.

I was in luck. The postmare informed me that the mail accumulated during the storm hadn’t gone out yet and agreed to add my letter to the pile that was about to be taken to the train station. I thanked her profusely and promised to return the favor at the first opportunity!

Now, to wait for their reply. It was usually a few days, but the storm hadn’t yet ended altogether, so there was no telling whether or not mail would be delayed for any length of time.

But when I returned to my room that same afternoon after a day of foalsitting, a thick letter was already waiting on my table. The address on the envelope matched Spike’s claw-writing perfectly! How had they replied already? I started to wonder if faster mail delivery had been invented in the meantime when the postal mark caught my eye: it bore yesterday’s date. This wasn’t a reply! They’d written to me as soon as they heard about the storm ending just like I’d written to them!

I bit through the envelope and pulled out a stack of papers.

Dear Thorax,

Boy am I glad that the storm is ending and we can finally hear from you! How have things been over there? Made any new friends? And please tell me Shining got what he deserved! Nopony treats my friends like that and gets away with it! Yes, I’m still mad at him, in case it isn’t obvious. Dragons can hold a grudge for a long time, and though living with ponies has dulled that trait in me, it still exists and I draw the line when it comes to hurting others. You have no idea how many times Twilight had to physically stop me from boarding the train to the Crystal Empire with flames coming out of my ears ever since he first started acting like that! I didn’t want to tell you that, but I guess the long separation has taken its toll and now I have the urge to unload everything that I haven’t told you before. Don’t mind me; I calmed down a little when Shining started behaving himself, but I really want to see him put in his place!

Okay, enough of that for now. It’s probably already settled anyway. (It is settled, isn’t it?) We’ve all been busy since the last letter we sent you, and since everypony wanted to share their thoughts with you personally, I won’t repeat what they’ll probably tell you. They’re writing to you right now, and when they’re done, we’ll put everything in the same envelope and send it like that.

Personally, I’ve been making inquiries in the Dragon Lands about how likely they’d be to accept a changeling as a friend… okay, their idea of friendship isn’t even close to how ponies understand the term, and it would be better described as ‘not-enemy’ than a friend… Anyway, most of them ridicule the idea of changelings being anything but ‘annoying pests’, but then again, they also ridicule the idea of me being a dragon, so I doubt we’ll get anywhere trying to convince them. The new Dragon Lord, however, is a slightly different story. She’s a little more open to the idea of friendship the way we see it than an average dragon, but though she didn’t outright reject the idea of befriending a changeling, I got the impression she’s pretty skeptical about the whole thing. But I think she’s the most likely out of any of them to give you a chance, so don’t lose hope yet! I’m pretty sure I can win her over eventually! It just might take a while. You weren’t planning on travelling to the Dragon Lands anytime soon, were you?

I know this sounds pretty pessimistic, but the others have better news, as you’ll read in a moment. Unless you’ve read their parts of the letter first?

Write back soon! Okay, you probably already have, but in case you haven’t, we’ll be expecting your letter eagerly!

Your friend,

Spike

His report on the progress with finding friends for me wasn’t very encouraging, but his letter brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my lips regardless. Just knowing that they were still trying meant more than I’d expected!

I moved on to the other letters.

Dear Thorax,

I hope the days spent separated from the rest of the world due to the storm haven’t been too hard for you. If I know Cadance at all, she would have done everything in her power to help you get through this challenge. Has she passed judgment to my brother yet? Please accept my sincerest apologies for his behavior! It was my duty, both as the Princess of Friendship and as his immediate family, to help him understand the errors of his ways, and I fear that I’ve failed at that task despite my efforts! Can you forgive me?

I’ve tried to compensate for that failure by spreading good word about you to other ponies. Here, I’ve been somewhat more successful. The ponies in Ponyville remain overall skeptical about the idea of a friendly changeling, but since it is me spreading that idea and they know and trust me, most of them have been willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. Mind you, there are still ponies who wouldn’t hear of it and ponies who aren’t sure what to think, and until I’ve convinced them, it probably won’t be entirely safe for you to visit us undisguised. There are also a few whose reaction puzzles me. One of them is Zecora, a zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest. She told me once shortly after the invasion of Canterlot that her home village was destroyed in a changeling invasion, and most of the villagers killed or captured, when she was just a little filly. Her parents sadly didn’t survive the attack and she narrowly escaped herself. Knowing this, I breached the subject to her gently, expecting her to get upset and scold me for being so gullible, but instead, she got lost in thought and wouldn’t tell me why. It was almost as if she’d met you already, but she flat out denied it. I don’t suppose you have any theories?

I also mentioned you to a few ponies in Canterlot. Don’t worry, I chose them carefully! Two of them are my parents, who were unsure what to think of you because of what Shining Armor had told them, but now that he’s changed his mind, Mom and Dad are okay with meeting you. So are a half-dozen of my friends that I went to Celestia’s school with. Their names are Moondancer, Minuette, Lyra Heartstrings (she lives with her marefriend in Ponyville now but visits Canterlot often), Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts, if you ever need to look for them before I introduce you to them officially. Lastly, I discussed you with Princess Celestia, who has already been receiving regular updates about you from Cadance. She seems to be taking an interest in you, and in a good way!

That is all from me for now. How have you been, and how are Cadance and Flurry? Give my love to them!

Hoping to hear from you again soon,

Your friend,

Twilight Sparkle

Okay, that was unexpected. Ponies from Canterlot willing to give me a chance? I’d never thought I’d see the day!

The next piece of paper launched a flurry of confetti in my face.

Hi there, my super-duper changeling friend!

I’m so excited to write to you again after all this time and to expect your letter! Are you excited to hear from us? (Or is it ‘read from us’? Stupid grammar or whatever!) Oh, come on, what kind of a question is that? Of course you are! You’re our friend and we haven’t seen you for soooooooo long thanks to that nasty storm… but hey, it’s over now, so everything is superific again! Did you have fun in the snow? Ooh, I bet you went skiing and ice-skating and had crazy awesome snowball fights and built the BIGGEST SNOWPONY EVER!!! And you must have met everypony and I mean everypony there is in the Crystal Empire and made bestestest friends with all of them! Right? Right???!!! I hope Shining wasn’t too much of a party-pooper, but if he was, tell me and I’ll sort him out pronto!

Where was I? Oh! I visited my mom and dad and sisters at the rock farm the other day and they’re super excited to meet you! It definitely didn’t take hours and hours and hours of convincing and they absotutelylutely didn’t say anything I wouldn’t want to repeat so it doesn’t make you sad and get you to start crying and thinking there’s no way you can ever go there in the entire eternity of forever, nosiree! Daddy even said, ‘Pinkamena, if you think you can trust this creature, we’ll see if we can do the same’, and I said, ‘Whippeeeee!’ and see? You’re already bestest friends forever and they’ll probably invite you there any day now! Except they don’t have your address, so they’ll have to tell me to tell you that you’re invited, and I will tell you and bring you there and we’ll have a smasherific, unforgettable, dance-till-you-drop, biggest party ever!

Gotta go find more balloons!

Oh. Almost forgot: what’s your favorite cake? Do changelings even eat cakes? Oh silly me, I’ll make a love-flavored cupcake just for you! Easy-peasy!

Pinkie Pie

Wow. How much energy did that pony have? She’d outdone all of her previous letters combined!

I took a moment to recover from the written outburst and moved on to the next letter.

Howdy there, partner!

How have y’all been doin’ in that snowstorm? The crystal ponies are used to it but y’all must have been in one heck of a pickle! Good thing Rarity sent y’all that fancy coat, ain’t it?

Y’all must be wonderin’ what’s been goin’ on in the rest of the world. Truth be told, not much more than on any summer day, just the same ol’ usual stuff as far as this corner of the apple farm is concerned. That’s not to say we’ve been lazier than an overfed pig when it comes to findin’ y’all some friends! The Apples have relatives all over Equestria and we’ve been talkin’ to them ‘bout y’all and sendin’ letters to those livin’ too far away to visit. Some of them have yet to write back, but most are pleased as punch that a changeling can be good and some say they’d like to meet y’all! Yes, even the branch of the family that lives closer to Canterlot than an apple can fall from the tree, if y’all believe it!

Twi and the others have made some progress too, but they’ll tell y’all more about it. Betcha y’all will be comin’ here for a visit any day now if nothin’ throws a rotten apple in that barrel of cider!

Yours truly,

Applejack

P.S. Braeburn and Little Strongheart say hi!

Her accent transferred to paper always made me chuckle. It was kind of adorable, I had to admit!

Thorax, darling,

It’s such a relief to know that this dreadful storm is finally over and we can hear from you again! Was it so very cold? Has the coat I sent you been a match for the weather? Do tell me if something wasn’t right! I have yet to meet a fashion conundrum I couldn’t fix!

You might be interested to know that I took the liberty to expand my network of potential allies for you by telling your amazing story to my friends and associates in Manehattan and Canterlot. Don’t be alarmed! You’re most certainly not in danger of retribution; I chose very carefully whom to speak to! I must admit that I expected the Manehattanites to be a little more open to the idea, but not to worry! Everypony with any sense eventually agreed that a changeling can be friendly and wouldn’t mind meeting you! Admittedly, there were a few who wouldn’t hear of it, but don’t let that discourage you! There have only been a couple of them and I know they’ll dance to a different tune when they see all the others accept you into their circles! A good reputation is everything over there, and you already have it with the ponies whose reputation carries the most weight! Which reminds me: did the coat fit? Can I use the same measurements for the tuxedo I promised you? You’ll need it when you start getting invitations to all the high-society events, and I want it to fit perfectly!

Do write back, dear. Perhaps we can hope for your visit anytime soon, too?

Love, Rarity

Okay, the answer to that was already on its way, though I doubted any high-society invitations would be coming my way anytime soon. I read on.

Hiya Thorax!

Was the snowstorm awesome or what? I bet you won every snowball fight there was to be won! Wish I could have been there to challenge you! Or would you have preferred a race through the storm clouds? That would have ended predictably, though, so maybe we should stick to snowball fights if you want to have any chance of winning it. Not that I totally wouldn’t beat you in that too!

Okay, we can discuss winter adventures later. You wanted friends, right? I think I can get you a few from Cloudsdale if you’re interested. Can changelings walk on clouds? It’d be good to know for finding a place for you guys to hang out. And, the Wonderbolts are interested in you. They say one of the Academy dropouts is a Royal Guard over there. The name’s Sentinel. You mentioned somepony like that once or twice, didn’t you? Mind asking her why she left the Academy? Or better yet, can I come ask her?

Seriously though, we’ve got to meet again soon. I wanna challenge you to a race! Land or air, doesn’t matter to me!

Rainbow Dash

A race? No way would I win! They might as well unleash Chrysalis to chase me and I’d still lose!

Okay, moving on...

Hello.

I’ve wanted to write to you for a while now but wasn’t sure if you’d have the time to read my letter. Can you spare a moment for this one, please? I hope at least you’ll want to read it? Please don’t be mad at me if you don’t! Um, it’s okay if you don’t, just throw it away and forget it existed! I won’t take offense!

Okay… Assuming you do want to read my letter and have the time, I’d like to tell you that I have a few friends who didn’t run away in fear when I mentioned you to them. A few of them don’t live in Ponyville, but if you’re interested, I can try to arrange for you to meet them. The other girls have their own candidates, too, so I’m sure you’ll find somepony friendly even if none of the ones I can bring you work out. I can offer you plenty of animal friends, though! I’ve talked to them and I’m pretty sure they’ll give you a chance. You might have to be patient with the more timid ones, if that isn’t too difficult for you. Can changelings understand animal language? It’d help you befriend them but isn’t a requirement.

Again, please forgive me if you didn’t want this letter.

Kind regards,

Fluttershy

Gee, and I’d thought I was the timid one! Though, truth be told, I probably wasn’t very far from this.

There was only one letter remaining.

Dear Thorax,

As Spike and Twilight (if not the other girls too) must have said in their letters as well, I hope the matter of Shining Armor is settled by now, and hopefully in a way you’re okay with. If it isn’t and you need to talk about it, I’m listening, whether you need advice, emotional support, or simply someone to vent to.

I’ve been in touch with ponies from my old village, the one I mentioned in my last letter to you. It hasn’t been easy reaching out to them as I still have lingering fears that they’ll chase me away and tell me to never come back, even though they forgave me and are acting as if I’d done nothing wrong. I feared telling them about you might become the grain of oat that tips the scale and they finally decide that they don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore now that I’m conspiring with a member of an infamous, despised species, but for some inexplicable reason, it didn’t happen. They were a little cautious at first, yes, but they accepted the idea quickly. Part of me is glad it turned out that way, but another part thinks it happened too quickly. Their cutie marks may have been restored a long time ago, but could I have damaged them beyond that in unexpected ways? Could my magic have brainwashed them into believing and accepting everything I tell them unconditionally and irrevocably? I want their acceptance of you to be genuine but I don’t know if it is and it’s driving me crazy! Will you be able to tell if it’s genuine?

I have one more friend I’d like to talk to about you, but she’s a travelling performer with no fixed address and getting in touch with her can be problematic, so I can’t promise anything until she passes through Ponyville again. It shouldn’t be longer than a month or two if I remember her schedule correctly. You can wait that long, can’t you?

The others will have covered everything of interest in their own letters so I won’t repeat their statements. Nothing much has happened, really, except for a few ponies who have just moved in to Ponyville recently. They seem decent enough from what I’ve seen of them, but I don’t know much about them yet, and I don’t think any of us have gotten around to trying to find out how they’d feel about you.

But enough about Ponyville. How are you? Did you survive the storm? I hope it wasn’t too bad! Did anything interesting happen in the meantime? And how’s Sunburst? Has he recovered yet?

Hope to see you again soon,

Your friend, Starlight Glimmer

I read all the letters again, savoring every word and every bit of the love aura that permeated the paper, then set them down and wondered where to begin. It was wonderful to hear from them again, and learning how busy they’d been to get the whole world to accept me as a friend blew my mind! If only half of it was true, it felt like we were really making progress! Maybe there was something to hope for on the matter after all!

But they hadn’t simply sent their reports; they also wanted to know how I was doing. I’d already written to them about some of it and they were going to read it soon, but there were also a few things I’d neglected to mention.

I grabbed the stylus and the stack of papers again and started writing another letter.

Bright Future

“Wouldn’t it be easier to get a pitcher or a watering can for that?” Shining asked me one morning as he returned from night patrol and saw me hauling the flowerpot with my buttercup sapling across the hall to the bathroom.

“Uh…”

“I mean, if you want to keep doing it like that, it’s fine, it’s just that it’d be easier the other way. A pitcher could hold enough water to last for several days and you wouldn’t have to go fetch it as often as you’re carrying this thing all over the place. Same for the watering can. Ask any florist or gardener!”

I glanced at the flowerpot on my back. “Makes sense. Are those things expensive?”

“I’ve never bought one myself but they probably aren’t. Why? Do you need extra money?”

“Well… I didn’t want to say anything, but Sunburst’s been lending me his old saddlebag for a while now and it’s getting awkward and I was thinking of getting a saddlebag of my own, but any of the ones I’ve seen at the market would kind of eat up my entire savings-”

“You need a pitcher?” a pony passing by suddenly asked.

“Um… yes, why?”

“There’s an old one in the kitchen that we barely use for anything anymore because it’s, well, old and hardly presentable. Berry and I were thinking of throwing it out since we can’t bring it to the guests or anything, but it’s good enough for watering the potted plants if you ask me. That is, if you don’t mind it being old and worn and the paint falling off and such.”

“I don’t see why that would be a problem. Unless it leaks?”

“It didn’t the last time we used it. Tell you what: I’ll check the thing, and if it’s intact, I’ll ask the rest of the kitchen staff if it’s okay to give it to you. How’s that?”

“Sure, thanks!” I looked at Shining. “Do I need permission?”

“Why would you need permission to repurpose an old pitcher?”

“...nevermind.” I wasn’t in the mood for turning this into a discussion on probably everything that had the potential of raising some unpleasant topics. At least his question had sounded like he genuinely didn’t care what happened to the pitcher!

“Um… I’ll just… water this… the usual way…” I stammered out and disappeared into the bathroom. I could almost feel his puzzled glare on the back of my head, but at least he didn’t press the matter further, and by the time I finished watering the flower, he was gone.

The mare was back not long after, carrying the blue-and-white pitcher in her mouth.

“Ere’f ve fing,” she said. “Mwere fhav I ffuf if?”

“Um, wherever you want,” I said.

She trotted to the window and placed the pitcher on the floor next to the flowerpot. “I filled it for you on the way here. Like I said, no leaks!”

“Thank you! Uh, I don’t think I got your name…”

“Funnel Cake.”

“Well, thanks then, Funnel Cake! I’ll be sure to repay the favor!”

“I think you already did by relieving us of this, but now that you’re living here, I’m sure something will come up. Look, I’d love to stay and chat, but the breakfast table isn’t going to clean itself up. See you later!”

“Bye!” I waved to her and she waved back from the hallway.

I went to examine the pitcher. Okay, it was worn and chipped in more than a few places and the paint looked like it had faded over time, but it was full of water, and Like Funnel Cake had said, not a drop had leaked anywhere. It was big enough to hold probably ten days’ worth of water for my flower, and didn’t even seem very heavy! I picked it up and tilted it over the flowerpot to pour a little bit of water out, and that went fine too: I didn’t spill anything where it wasn’t meant to go, and not a drop more than intended left the pitcher! This was going to be perfect!

“So how soon are you replanting that?” Cadance’s voice from the doorway startled me into nearly dropping the pitcher and spilling everything onto the floor, but thankfully, I managed to catch it just in time.

“Huh?”

“When you started growing it,” she continued, “I had the impression you were going to place it in one of the streets. Aren’t you going to do that?”

Good question. Where did I intend to ultimately put the flower? I must have intended it for the streets somewhere near the castle if Cadance thought so, but I’d somehow forgotten about that at some point, and the flower was still here. And it was almost blooming already, even though it wasn’t exceptionally large!

“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “I must have gotten so used to it being here that I forgot it was intended for somewhere else.” I looked at it wistfully. “I’m going to miss it…”

“Then why don’t you plant one more?”

“Another?! That’s…” I deflated a little. “I… I promised the flower that I wouldn’t take any more of its leaves unless absolutely unavoidable. How can I let it down now?”

“But you’re going to miss its brother. I think the flower will see it as a good enough reason to part with one more leaf to help you miss it less.”

“You do? But Emerald Leaf said not to take too many leaves or the plant would suffer…”

“He meant too many leaves at once, and you only took one leaf, and that must have been a month ago! Plants can survive much worse!”

I said nothing. I still wasn’t sure this was a good idea!

“Don’t get me wrong, Thorax. I admire your principles and I’d hate to push you into doing something you don’t want to. But don’t you think one of your two flowers could spare a leaf? The first one is certainly big enough to hardly notice, and this one is growing nicely too and will probably be the same size as the other one soon. It already looks strong enough to survive a storm like the one we had recently! There’s really nothing to worry about!”

“Okay… okay, I’ll think about it,” I relented. “Suppose I decide to grow one more flower. Where should I put this one?”

“That’s up to you, and I’m open to suggestions. I can think of a few places where it would fit nicely, but in the end, it’ll be your decision.”

I looked at the window. The streets spread beneath the castle in all directions; the homes and public buildings glistened in the morning sun, the trees and flowerbeds in parks and backyards whispered promises of rest for the soul, the ponies mingled, and in the midst of it all, the statue of Spike the Brave and Glorious stood tall and proud, holding a heart-shaped piece of crystal in its claw, the symbol of everything this city held dear.

Yes, there were plenty of spots down there for my flower to fit in, but as I looked on them all, my heart whispered one where it would fit better than anywhere else, and I knew right away it was right.

It was more than right, I realized. The flower wouldn’t fit there; it belonged there!

“I know where I want to put it,” I stated, picking up the flowerpot and placing it on my back again.

Cadence smiled. “And I reserved a street planter for it. It’s in the Municipal Service supply depot, full of gardening soil and ready for you.”

“How did you know I was going to need it?”

“Let’s just say I had a hunch,” she winked. “Can you go there by yourself? I have a meeting pretty soon.”

“Uh, sure… where is the depot?”

“In Beryl Street, a little past the intersection with Turquoise. The Municipal Service office building is upfront and the supply depot is in the back.”

I went there, wondering how they would react to me and how I should explain what I was there for. Surely this would be an unusual request! Would they believe me? Then again, a changeling with a potted plant on his back wasn’t exactly an everyday sight, either. So, either it would help me convince them, or they’d think I was pulling a prank.

The depot attendant was reading a newspaper when I got there, but he pushed it aside as soon as he heard the door open.

“Morning!” he said. “You’re here for the planter, aren’t you?”

“Uh…”

“Oh don’t be so shy! We don’t bite!” He winced at his own words. “Sorry, that came out wrong. It’s an expression… I didn’t mean-”

“It’s alright,” I assured him. “How did you know what I need?”

“It isn’t every day that the princess comes here with a request, pal, especially one on behalf of a changeling. Us crystal ponies weren’t around when that thing in Canterlot happened but we heard all about it afterwards. Then we heard every rumor imaginable about you. I’m afraid I believed the worst of them myself at first but I don’t see a reason to anymore, and if Princess Cadance trusts you, I guess I do too.” He turned to the back of the depot. “Spotless Road!”

A crystal head poked from behind some shelves. “Yes, boss?”

“Bring that planter Cadance reserved!”

“On it!”

The cart with the planter was wheeled to me shortly.

“There you go,” Spotless said. “Need help taking it to where it needs to be?”

I didn’t want to impose, but now that he’d asked, the planter did look heavy… My gaze moved from one stallion to the other.

“Uh…”

“Pfft!” the boss snorted. “Go with him. You aren’t doing anything useful anyway!”

“Aww, boss…” Spotless protested, only to be waved off. “...fine.”

“Sorry about that,” I said when we were in the street. “I hope I didn’t get you in trouble?”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. We always act like that. He’s actually a good guy and there really isn’t anything to do in that depot at the moment.”

“If you say so…”

“So where are we taking this?”

“Emerald Street.”

“Okay!”

We pushed the cart in silence for a while.

“So…” he started eventually. “Been in jail again after that time?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t you remember me? I was in one of the cells across from yours. Sapphire Tower was directly across from you and Lush Meadow and I were in the cells on either side of Sapphire’s.”

“Well, I do remember a blue pony sleeping in one cell and a green one craning his neck to get a better look at me… but I don’t think I noticed you…”

“No problem, you had bigger things to worry about!”

“Yeah… and no, that was thankfully the only time.”

He nodded. “Good.”

“So what did you do?” I asked after a moment. “If you’re willing to talk about it…”

“Sure, why not? It’s not exactly a secret… My pals and I were hanging out at a bar and had a little too much cider. You ever tried cider?”

“No.”

“If you do, be careful with it. Don’t drink too much or it’ll mess with your head. That’s what happened to us. It was good cider and we had too much of it. Couldn’t stop! None of us remember what we did after a certain point, and we all woke up in jail the next day, and a bill for new chairs was waiting for us when we got out.”

“Ouch…”

“Yeah. Ouch. Chairs aren’t the most expensive thing you’ll ever see, but they aren’t cheap either, and that bill ate up half our paychecks. And if that wasn’t enough, I got yelled at at work - really yelled at by the guys further up the chain of command, I mean, not like that thing you just saw - and Lush got fired and Sapphire’s marefriend left him.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be. We brought it upon ourselves, and I think we all learned our lesson.”

“Did anypony ever tell you what you did?”

“Honestly, we were ashamed to ask and glad to only have to replace the chairs we broke. We could have ended up in prison for a long while!”

And I was lucky that I hadn’t ended up in prison for the rest of my life, I thought. I’d narrowly slipped such a fate on several occasions!

“Okay, Emerald Street,” he announced. “Where exactly?”

“Right here.”

“Yeah, okay, you said so, but-” His gaze fell on the statue in front of him and he grinned sheepishly. “Oh. Right. Heh, makes sense.”

“Let’s get it off the cart.”

It took some effort, but we did it eventually.

“Well, that’s that,” Spotless said, wiping the sweat off his forehead. “I’d better return this cart to the depot. See ya around, pal!”

“Yeah, see you!”

I pushed the planter around a little until I was satisfied with its exact position, then reached for the flowerpot I’d deposited on the ground earlier, dug the sapling out of its soil carefully, and placed it into the soil in the planter. Then I moved away a few steps to get a better look.

The sapling already looked great next to the feet of Spike’s statue, and I imagined it would look even better when it grew bigger! This was the perfect spot for it!

And the flowerpot and its soil needed a new plant now. But I had to get it first, and I wasn’t feeling so bad about it anymore.

I put the flowerpot in the corner of my room to wait its turn to be needed again, grabbed Funnel’s pitcher to water the flower in its new soil, then returned the pitcher and went out again. This time, I was headed in the opposite direction, into the outskirts of the city.

“Hello, buttercup,” I whispered to it once I got there. “Your brother is growing nicely and I found the most honorable spot for it I could think of. I wish you could see it there! But I have one more thing to ask of you, one more sacrifice. You see, I’d like to borrow one more leaf so I can grow another sapling, this one for my room. I know I promised not to hurt you anymore, but would you mind terribly if I made this one little exception? I promise to take good care of it, and I won’t forget you just because I have two other flowers now!”

The flower swayed in the breeze, silent as always, but my heart told me it wouldn’t refuse my plea if it could talk back. I hoped that it was indeed so.

“Well, um… okay, this might hurt a little but hopefully not too much…” I grabbed one of the leaves in my mouth and bit into its stalk until it broke away. “Sorry again… I’ll take good care of your leaf, I promise!”

I hadn’t asked myself how feasible it would be to water the flower next to Spike’s statue on a regular basis on top of my other responsibilities, but a few days had passed since putting it there and problems were yet to arise. Even foalsitting Flurry hadn’t interfered; I’d only had to make sure not to get distracted with something, and the whole process would be done well before the royal family was be done with their breakfast. By ‘distractions’ I’d meant mostly things that would catch my attention as a possible motif for one of the next paintings, but in the end, my first distraction turned out to be of a completely different nature.

“Excuse me,” a mare said pretty close to me as I was pouring water onto the soil around the buttercup sapling.

Thinking she saw talking to someone else, I ignored her. She waited a few moments, then repeated herself, and eventually cleared her throat and poked me.

“Oh! Sorry, were you talking to me? I didn’t realize-”

“No, okay, it’s fine! I mean, yes, I was talking to you, but I get it, you were busy and I should have waited-”

“It’s alright,” I said, setting the pitcher down next to the planter and turning to face her fully. “How can I help you?”

“Actually, I wanted to apologize.”

“Why?”

“Remember a while ago when you were walking down Turquoise Street in disguise and my sister and I were just leaving home and we didn’t realize you were a changeling until that guard told us?”

“Oh.” I’d thought she looked familiar! “And then you dashed back inside and locked yourselves in. What about it?”

“Do you have to ask? We acted like first-class bigots! I yelled at you for no reason and it’s a good thing sis pulled me into the house or Celestia knows what I would have said to you!”

“Well, I did startle you…”

“And we acted on an impulse! Everypony said you were an evil monster and we believed them for the longest time and avoided you like the plague, but realized over time that there wasn’t really that much to support the claims of you being… you know. I’m afraid that realization fully struck us only a few days ago, and we’ve been paying closer attention to you since, and… well… Painting? Watering a flower? I can’t imagine anyone truly evil doing such things… so yeah… we’re sorry.”

“It’s alright, I didn’t blame you. You were hardly the only ones who felt that way!”

“But that doesn’t make it right! Look, we get it that you probably weren’t expecting an apology after all this time, but we think we owe it to you, even if coming to you now is awkward as heck.”

I chuckled. “You’re talking to the guy who does awkward things all the time!”

“Heh, some people are like that… Look, I gotta go now or I’ll be late for work. I’d love to stay and chat otherwise… so, see you later?”

“Sure, have fun at work!”

She was already galloping away but managed a smile and wave in my direction.

I picked up the pitcher and returned it to my room, and since I wasn’t due to foalsit today, I went to visit my first flower on the city outskirts again.

No matter how many times I came there, the beauty and serenity of that hill and the flower growing on its peak always struck me deeply and washed over me; I could never remain gloomy here for very long! Not that I was gloomy at all today, but there had been a time when this flower was one of the few things that could help me forget all my troubles and difficulties and shed some light and hope onto my uncertain future. Was it because I’d received it at a turning point in my life? Because, though danger had lurked at me from everywhere, I could feel better days coming? Because I’d earned it by helping a pony - probably having been the first changeling to have willingly done such a thing - and because of the love imbued in it, love unstolen for possibly the first time in history? I didn’t know, but whatever the reason, it had been worth it then and it was still worth it! Life had gotten better and my future brighter, and I didn’t have to rely on this flower to get me through the days anymore, but I wouldn’t be here today without it and I never wanted to forget that! The flower had once been my lifeline, but it had become something more by now: now that my life was finally getting to where I’d always wanted it to be, the flower was a monument to all the tears and hard work it had taken to get here.

And just like me, it wasn’t alone anymore. There was another one, two hopefully in the near future, that shared the same blessing of love and hope.

I enjoyed the presence of the flower a little longer, then checked if the site of the second cut-off leaf was doing alright, and satisfied with its state, I bid the flower farewell for now and flew back to the city.

I was just over the intersection of Sapphire and Turquoise Streets when I heard somepony shout “Hey!”, and instinctively turned to the source of the sound. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me, but a mare stood in the nearly-empty street, looking at me and waving.

“Hey, you!” she shouted again.

“Me?” I looked around myself. Nopony was in the sky in the immediate area, so that answered my own question.

“Yes, you! Thorax, is it? Come down here, will you?”

I did. Now that I was looking at her up close, I thought I recognized her too, though her mane was different this time.

“Did Diamond find you?” she asked.

“Who?”

“Diamond Lily? My sister?” She facehoofed. “Ugh, she forgot to introduce herself again, didn’t she?”

I’d thought so. This was the sister of the mare I’d talked to earlier today!

“Uh, no, but she was kind of in a hurry…”

“Doubt it. Yes, it’s her workday, but she left home a good twenty minutes earlier than normal and I can’t imagine what she’d have been doing that could explain her being late anywhere.”

“Maybe she couldn’t find me or wasn’t fully comfortable around me…”

“I thought we sorted it out! I knew I should have gone with her!” She took a deep breath and let it out. “Anyway, I’m Opal Blossom and I think you remember our first encounter.”

“Yes,” I said hesitantly. “Diamond apologized for both of you-”

“Good, at least she did something right! We are sorry, you do understand that, don’t you?”

I nodded. “But it’s alright. As I told your sister already, I didn’t really take offense. I was only frustrated that nopony wanted to have anything to do with me, but that was to be expected. In hindsight, I might have actually gotten suspicious if everypony had been eager to befriend me right away!”

“I don’t get it. Isn’t befriending ponies the very reason why you’re here? I mean, that’s what Diamond and I heard.”

“You heard right. What don’t you get?”

“If that’s what you want, why would you get suspicious for seeing it happen?”

“Because it would be going too well in the context of my kind’s reputation. Sure, I would have been happy at first, but I’d probably have started worrying that it was some kind of elaborate trap or something. Friendship isn’t exactly a popular concept back in the hive, and I got in trouble all the time for advocating it.”

“And now you have friends here.”

“Yes, and I’ve never been happier!”

“So… any more changelings like you?”

“Not that I know of. Why?”

“Just wondering if we’ll be getting more of you guys anytime soon. You know, it won’t do if my sister and I start screaming at any more new neighbors again…”

I chuckled. “Yeah, that could go better. But I don’t think we should expect anyling else in the foreseeable future. “Unless Chrysalis were to find out about me…

“But you’re staying here at least, aren’t you?”

“I am. This is my home now.”

“Good to know! Sorry for not inviting you inside, but I haven’t been expecting any visitors and the house is a royal mess. How about you drop in for a chat some other time when you feel like it?”

“Sure! Do you need help cleaning up the mess?”

“Nah, I’ll do it. It isn’t the first time…”

I decided it was better not to press the matter further. “Okay, see you later, then!”

I left her to whatever she’d been doing and flew back to my room, then made a quick detour to the bathroom to refill the pitcher for tomorrow’s watering. It might not have been necessary right away, but I’d developed a habit of having the water ready at all times, so the action was almost automatic. Then I returned the pitcher to its place near the windowsill and checked the buttercup leaf and the cocoon around its stalk. It was still green, but I thought I could see tiny roots beginning to form; if I was right, I could open the cocoon a few days from now and plant the newest addition to my floral family into the flowerpot that had briefly belonged to its older brother, and then my room would be complete!

But would it be complete? I’d thought so a few times before but ended up finding things to add to it anyway; who was to say that I wouldn’t decide to add something more a year from now, or ten years, or fifty if my lifespan was to stretch that far? Chances were that I would need more things, but-

A sudden realization struck me hard. I’d called this place my new home before, and I’d arranged my corner of the castle to suit my needs, and I’d learned to fit in among the ones who had been here before me, but for some reason or other, the full implications of those actions hadn’t sunk in until now: this was my home, and barring any unforeseen developments, I would spend the rest of my life here! My flowers had taken root in the Crystal Empire soil, and unbeknownst to me until now, I’d followed their example and taken root in the Crystal Empire myself along with them! This… was home…

And why not? I’d made friends here, I’d found duties to contribute to the society with, I’d found hobbies to brighten my days, and no less important, Chrysalis hadn’t found me yet! Whether she was unaware of the Crystal Empire’s existence, unable to send her troops here, or something else, I didn’t know, but if I’d been safe from her this long, chances were the trend would continue. Even if it didn’t, I was sure the ponies would come to my defense! They may or may not succeed in protecting me from her, but unlike ever before, they wouldn’t give me up without a fight, and for all the right reasons; I was sure of it! Though there were still some who disapproved of me, they were getting fewer in numbers, and all the love my friends had shared with me couldn’t have meant nothing; and even if I died by Chrysalis’ doing, I would live on in my friends’ hearts and memories as the first changeling to have sought friendship!

But was I the first? There were no historical records known to me, nor legends nor rumors, of any drones who had yearned the same things as me, but though it may have been wishful thinking on my part now that the idea had crossed my mind, my heart found it unlikely that not a single drone in the entire history of the changelings’ existence had even considered the benefits of friendship over hatred and of sharing love over stealing it! How many of them could there have been? Had they quenched their desire in the face of overwhelming disapproval of their peers and their Queen? Had fear and survival instinct forced them into silent suffering? Or had they spoken up bravely, attempted to fight for their cause, only to invariably pay the highest price for their act of rebellion? There was no way to know, but I could understand how easily their names would have been lost to history in each case: either they’d never shared their ideas with anyling, or Chrysalis and her loyal subordinates would have made sure to erase all knowledge of such drones lest it inspire further disobedience. Of course I couldn’t have known of such individuals; at least one of them would have had to coexist with me and be daring enough to speak up, and since I’d been actively searching for friends all my life, I was sure such a drone would have learned about me sooner or later and attempted to join forces, covertly at least if not openly!

No matter how many benevolent changelings might have existed in the past, I was in all likelihood the only one alive at this moment, and possibly the first one who had managed to reach out to non-changelings to satisfy the urge for friendship, and to succeed against all odds to gain that friendship! It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact, but there it was: I’d done something no other changeling had done before, something huge, something that had the potential to change the world!

I realized I was still sitting next to my window, staring at the buttercup leaf in my hooves, with clear sight of the buttercup sapling out there in the streets, next to the statue of the first individual to have ever called himself my friend.

The buttercups were a reminder of my struggle to get to where I was now, of the hardships I’d faced along the way and the trials I’d had to overcome to earn what I desired most. They’d been a gift, and a lifeline of hope, and a light to dispel the darkness of despair, and a soothing companion, and a source of inspiration. But today, more than anything, they were a symbol of friendship.

And just like I’d used the part of one buttercup to create more plants, I believed I could do the same with friendship: now that it had taken root in the hearts of ponies and grown strong, I could take my friendship to the changelings and plant it there and let it grow and spread…

No, that was an understatement, I realized. Still holding the leaf that would soon become the young buttercup plant, I vowed to it: I was determined to find a way to take my friendship to the other changelings and let it grow among them!

How I was going to do that, I had no idea at this time. They’d always ridiculed my ideas and dismissed them as impossible, even sacrilegious; I’d never succeeded in shaking their convictions that accepting friendship would bring about the downfall of our kind. But that had been before I’d made friends, while I’d still been weak and hungry! I may not have become significantly stronger physically, but I’d never cared to, and through sharing love, I’d sated my hunger long ago, so much that I barely even remembered the pain of empty love reserves and the overwhelming, desperate cry of instinct! Would that be proof enough to get the other drones to reconsider everything they’d ever known? A sated changeling was unheard of in the hive; no matter how much love any drone devoured, it was never enough to silence the pain of hunger, and it had always been so. Would they believe me that I’d found a way not only to end hunger, but to keep it at bay permanently and without having to fight for food all the time? Would they even care to listen to a wanted traitor, no matter how appealing his words may sound?

A few might, I hoped, if desperate enough. But would that be enough to sway more? Not likely; they’d be punished sooner than taken seriously! But maybe, over time, word would spread and more drones would be drawn to give it a try… but even then, I doubted there’d be a whole lot of them at once. The practice of sharing love would end up spreading sporadically and slowly, and unless I had an epiphany on how to get them to accept the idea en masse, it would take years at best until the results became obvious to the average drones and motivated them to abandon the old ways in favor of the new. This was the absolute best I could hope for; with my reputation and track record, I doubted it’d take less than decades to get anywhere, and I most likely wasn’t going to live to see any solid progress, but I was determined not to give up, now more than ever! I’d already done what had been thought impossible: I’d braved the uncharted territory and blazed the trail from hatred and despair to friendship and love, and I refused to let that trail fade into oblivion; I intended to invest every effort to keep that trail alive and, if possible, to pave it into a wide road!

Warmth of glorious proportions filled my heart as I made that decision, that oath to give everything I had into spreading light and love across the world. Was this how getting a cutie mark felt like to ponies? I knew I’d never develop an outward manifestation of my destiny similar to what a cutie mark was to ponies unless I consciously morphed it onto myself, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I’d just realized in my heart that friendship wasn’t a mere desire, nor was bringing friendship to my kind an empty fantasy; it was my destiny, and had been my destiny all along!

It would be a difficult destiny to fulfill, one that might even claim my life, but I didn’t care. Ensuring a bright future for my kind was a worthy task, and I couldn’t imagine a higher honor than being the one who would have made it possible!

Princess’ Awe

I stood at the edge of a cliff, alone, gazing at the wasteland before me. The sky was heavy and ominous, overcast with dense clouds that made it impossible to tell whether it was day, night, or anything in between, and my wings and ears fluttered in the cold wind that was howling all around me.

Dust whirled and danced in the distance, carried on the same relentless wind roaring through the endless wasteland with nothing to stand in its path save for a scarce rock or a dry twig that had long ago given up the hopeless struggle to survive in this unforgiving valley. No living being disturbed the gloomy expanse.

I was alone, and there was nothing to stand in the way of the wind.

Nothing except for the tall, imposing spire far away in the barren land; the magnificent, severe, crooked spire riddled with countless ever-changing holes, dominating the lifeless landscape, fitting into it with gut-wrenching perfection.

It was a spire I knew well, one I’d known for as far into the past as my memory could take me. It had been my entire life, filled with pain and anguish and bitter emptiness. It was the entire life of many others beside me, and I knew there should be countless souls within it and all around it, living and breathing and working tirelessly for the well-being of this unforgiving place, living and fighting and dying for its future.

But I was alone, and the swarms that should be all over the frightening spire and milling about through its countless tunnels and caverns were nowhere to be seen... nowhere to be sensed.

The spire was empty, forgotten. Dead, just like the wasteland that surrounded it.

I was alone, all alone in the world, and the wind howled on, playing with the dust in the distance and the wings on my back.

The wind howled on, playing a mournful ballad on my heartstrings.

I gradually became aware of a presence. Not a physical entity, not a love aura, not even a sound or a definite location, no way to tell who or what it was, and yet, it was there, and it was there because I was there, and I knew it without needing to ask or verify.

It was a curious feeling, knowing someone was there but not knowing who, but I wasn’t disturbed. Whoever the mysterious presence was, I’d known and felt all along, it wasn’t trying to hurt me.

Perhaps it was because a part of me had known all along, recognized the mysterious companion long before she finally took shape and joined me at the edge of the cliff.

We observed the lifeless wasteland together, never taking our eyes off it, and though I had yet to cast my gaze at the mare at my side, I knew exactly who she was and why she was here.

“Intriguing place, this,” she mused eventually. “Monumental, fearsome. I can envision great power being wielded here. But, alas, forlorn and empty, lost to time and to the world. One cannot help but wonder what could have brought upon its demise.”

Was this a vision of the future? I’d heard of such things happening, but to have one happen to me… But if this was the future presenting itself to me, I realized with sudden clarity that I knew the most likely cause for the place’s downfall.

“It was themselves, Princess,” I half-whispered back. “It was their ever-growing power-lust and their insatiable greed for stolen love. Their worst instincts overpowered them and they turned on themselves. Their whole civilization was founded on those instincts and it crumbled when it couldn’t uphold itself any longer.”

“You knew them well, did you not?”

Didn’t she know? Hadn’t she guessed where we were?

“They were my entire existence ever since I was brought into this world, up until I turned my back on them. They told me about places beyond this barren land, places I would have given everything to call my own, but those places might as well have been empty fantasies… fantasies that I all but gave up on by the time I first got a glimpse of one.” I closed my eyes and hung my head. “My whole life went upside-down that day, not that it ever really was right-side-up to begin with. I knew then that I wouldn’t have peace until I brought that fantasy into the reality of my life, no matter how high a price I had to pay for it. And I tried, believe me, I tried… It was pointless.”

“So instead of bringing the fantasy to yourself, you brought yourself to the fantasy.”

“Something like that. Only, I wouldn’t call it leaving reality to get to the fantasy; it was more like escaping living death to finally have life.”

“Indeed. I can perceive it being so by a mere glance at this forsaken wasteland!”

“Only, I never realized they were so close to the brink!” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “If only I’d stayed, if only I’d tried harder… this might not have happened…” Openly crying now, I turned to face Luna for the first time. “Could I have saved them? Am I the reason they’re… gone…”

She took her eyes off me and fixed her gaze into the distance.

“All I ever wanted was to get them to give friendship a chance… I never thought-” My voice snapped and I took a few breaths to compose myself, with little success. “I failed them, Princess. I should have stayed here and persisted… but I couldn’t see past my own comfort… now they’re gone and it’s my fault!”

“Are you certain that they are entirely and permanently gone?”

The question pulled me out of my remorse-filled trance and I let out a soft gasp. Instead of elaborating, she held out an outstretched hoof and my eyes followed its direction. In the distance, barely noticeable at first, a few specks were milling about at the base of the hive. I took a closer look and recognized their unmistakable, grotesque forms: they were changelings! But where had they been before? Could they have been hiding in their own land? But why? Suddenly I realized there were more of them than I’d noticed at first: the ones around the base were more numerous than I’d thought, and there were some on the hive’s outer surface and scattered around in the wasteland! Even more, I could swear there were eyes peering out of the darkness of some of the hive’s holes!

“They’re… they’re back…” I said, awestruck. “But where did they come from?”

“Perhaps they never left,” Luna simply said.

“But I thought-”

“What you saw was the darkest fear hidden deep inside you: the undoing of your kind apparently caused by your failure to keep them from stepping over the proverbial edge. I must admit I cannot see what could have caused that fear to surface so suddenly after your slumbers have been most tranquil as of late.”

“It could be because I’ve been thinking about my destiny lately,” I mused. “I’ve come to realize that if I have a destiny, it would be to convince my kind to embrace friendship and sharing of love, but I just can’t see how to do it! The best I’ve been able to come up with would only work sporadically and there’s no telling if the drones I do convince that way would live long enough to make a difference! If Chrysalis finds out what I’m trying to do, and she’ll have to find out sooner or later, she’ll undoubtedly kill anyling who sides with me, and that defeats the whole purpose!”

“Your goal is admirable, dear Thorax, and though I cannot at this point offer any solutions to your conundrum, I have every confidence that you will succeed on your own.”

“But what if I don’t? Finding a way could easily take longer than my lifetime! What if no one will care to continue my efforts after I die?”

“I find that outcome most unlikely. One only needs to get a glimpse of your vision to know that it is worthy of all the effort! It is a vision of hope, and of friendship, and of harmony; such visions outlive their creators and inspire generations to come, ever after having been fulfilled!”

“How I wish your words were true, Princess,” I sighed. “There’s nothing I’d want more than to see my kind abandon their violent ways and turn their enemies into allies! I can almost see how much more beautiful the world would be!”

“I would like to see it too,” she said.

Something in her voice stirred a wistful chord in my heart. She might have meant it as an encouragement to persist in my efforts, but a tiny voice inside me whispered: what if you could see it now? I realized I couldn’t wait; I didn’t want to wait a moment longer! This was a dream - it had to be if Luna was here like this - and though I didn’t think I’d ever see the realization of my desire in the waking world, there was no harm in creating such a place right here in my own mind! Maybe, hopefully, one day in the distant future, the immortal Luna would look upon its real-life counterpart and remember one little changeling who had dared to dream of starting it all…

I focused my heart and mind onto this vision, this dream of a dream, and let it seep into the world around us. The wave of change rippled out gently and gradually, but the result was gloriously breathtaking! The skies cleared, the sun shone brightly, no longer stifled by the heavy clouds, and the raging wind calmed to a slight breeze. The barren wasteland became overgrown with meadows and forests as far as the eye could see, transitioning gently into the cliff we were standing on, now just as lush as the rest of the landscape, and encircling the hive, which was now somewhat softer in contours and not at all menacing, and plants adorned its holes similar to how ponies kept potted flowers on their homes’ window sills. Around the hive and scattered throughout the wasteland-turned-paradise were clusters of pony cottages, each complete with parks and gardens and fields and an occasional lake or river, and all connected with dirt paths and railroads. Everywhere I looked, ponies and changelings were together: working, playing, having fun, helping one another… Gone were the days of fear and hatred and mutual despise, and nothing remained but friendship and unity! The aura of love was bright and strong, even more than that of the Crystal Empire at the climax of the Crystal Faire, and it permeated the world as far as I could sense it, and possibly way beyond!

Luna and I watched in awe as the sight unfurled before us and allowed a few moments for its beauty to sink in.

“A magnificent vision, indeed,” she said eventually. “Truly powerful!”

“If only I could carry it over into the real world…”

“Visions like these tend to become reality,” she continued, “if only one strives to uphold them. You are doing just that, dear Thorax, and I have no doubt that you will one day lay your waking eyes on such a sight. It would not surprise me if that day should come sooner than you or I can imagine.”

“You really think I can do it? Just like that?”

“I did not say it would be, as you put it, ‘just like that’. Few changes of that magnitude can happen in an instant. No, yours will likely be gradual but not so much that one cannot see it happening. And it will be a tremendous change, have no doubt; salutary to some, world-shattering to others, and, I regret to say, terrifying to all. It will take time for everyone to adjust, and this will in fact be the longest phase of the change, one that might require more effort and patience than any other. But rest assured, young Thorax, for I have no doubt that you are up to the task.”

I pondered this. It made sense in some strange way…

“You’ve seen it happen before, haven’t you, Princess? Not here, I mean, but somewhere else.”

“Indeed I have. Such was the state of Equestria shortly after the unifications of tribes, though I was but a filly then and do not remember much of what was going on. But more recently, my return from banishment of a thousand years was not without the kind of difficulties that remind me of what you are experiencing. Thanks to legends deeply rooted in ponies’ minds, I was known at the time as a creature of nightmares and many saw me that way despite my sister’s best efforts to do away with such preconceptions. I was not immune from those preconceptions myself, and I dwelled on them for a long time, letting them consume and torture me and feed off my guilt, and had it not been for the same six ponies who had resurrected me from my crooked state, the consequences would have most certainly been devastating not only for me, but for whole of Equestria! I learned since that my subjects had all forgiven me in the meantime even though I could not forgive myself for what I had done so long ago and embraced me as a force of good, but still, learning not to linger on the past was much harder to me than it was to the others, and a much longer process than reacquainting myself with the world after a thousand-years-long period of solitude and adjusting to the everyday standards of the modern era.”

“I never realized… I mean, Sunburst told me about Nightmare Moon and her… your… restoration, but he never said anything about it being so difficult!”

“An omission not unexpected, Thorax. The burdens of the aftermath of a victory rarely make themselves known to the public and few find their way into the history books, but that does not make such burdens any less real, nor does it dispose of the need to address them.”

“Princess, if you still need help dealing with any-”

“Your offer is most appreciated, kind Thorax, but I have healed. It is you who will need help - and by ‘you’ I mean your kind as well as yourself - in ridding yourselves of your unenviable reputation after you have relinquished your dark ways, only I expect it will be harder for you than it was for me. I was but a legend told to foals at bedtime, but the wounds your kind caused are still fresh and will need time to heal. How quickly they will heal is up to you, but when you are ready to make that step, I will be there to light the way if you should need me.”

I smiled and my eyes welled up with tears again, only this time, they were a different kind of tears, ones driven by the light of gratitude rather than the darkness of despair.

“Thank you,” I said. “But what if I fail?”

“You will not; I am certain of that. Your vision is laudable and your desire to fulfill it strong, and fulfill it you will, have no doubt. You will find a way, no matter how long it takes, but do not let yourself succumb to discouragement, no matter how hard and daunting the fulfillment of your dream may seem. Hold on to it, Thorax, never give it up!”

“I’ll do as you say, Princess… I think you’re putting too much trust in my abilities, but I’ll do my best.”

“On the contrary, dear Thorax, you have made the first step, the most difficult one thus far, and I firmly believe that you will know better than anyone how to tread on and bring the journey to its rightful conclusion. But I do know of one other step you will have to make, and the sooner you do, the easier your journey will become.”

“Yes?” I asked eagerly.

“Cast off whatever doubts are holding you back, and have faith.”

An aura of powerful, blinding love enveloped her and she was lost to sight, but the aura didn’t stop there; instead, it grew in strength and size until it engulfed the entire vast landscape with the hive and its surrounding villages and meadows and forests, and all the ponies and changelings in sight, including me.

I opened my eyes and found myself lying peacefully in my bed, instilled with a sense of hope and tranquility so overwhelming that, for a moment, I wondered if I was somehow still asleep. I gradually realized that I wasn’t, but the dream and my heart-to-heart with Luna had stirred something in me, something I could only describe as a purpose rediscovered in a completely new light, and the irresistible urge to fulfill that purpose… and, somehow, a conviction that it might not be so unimaginably far out of reach as I’d thought.

I got out of bed and approached the window. The starry sky beckoned to me and, careful not to disturb the flowerpot with my newest buttercup sapling, I opened the window and flew out into the open.

The skies were clear and the stars shimmered between the ripples of the Crystal Heart’s magic. Maybe it was just the effect of the freshly-restored spell, but something was different about them tonight. It almost felt like they were trying to encourage me, promising my star would one day shine just as brightly!

The first streaks of light appeared on the horizon. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they were trying to underline the point of what had transpired in my dream. Whether or not that was indeed the case, there was something soothing and encouragingly ominous about them, and I watched the break of dawn with a strange feeling that I was looking at the breaking dawn of a new chapter of my life.

By the time the rest of the city woke up, I’d already been busy with the brush and canvas for a few hours. The ecstasy caused by seeing what the future could hold and, perhaps to an even greater extent, by Luna’s confidence that it would one day become reality, had worn off somewhat, but the awe at the sight remained, feeding the hope that it would indeed one day be brought into existence. Whether I would live long enough to do it myself or end up having to pass the torch to others, only time would tell, but I knew one thing: no matter what happened, I wanted to keep that vision alive and beckoning to be fulfilled. Who ended up doing it didn’t matter to me as long as they succeeded permanently! But if that were to happen, it was no use to keep my vision to myself or to share it with a select few like I’d been doing so far; I wanted to shout it from the highest mountain so that all the world would hear it!

Thus, the first step: in order to maintain my goal vivid in my own mind and the minds of those who already knew about it, I wanted to immortalize the scenes from my dream in a more tangible fashion, one that would not only serve as a revered reminder of my life’s destiny but also inspire others to embrace the idea and join me in securing a better future for the world. And, by now, I’d developed passable skills in one possible way to do it.

I only regretted not having thought of it a few days sooner. I could have brought a few such paintings to sell at the Crystal Faire! Oh well, I was still going to be here next year, which gave me plenty of time to paint as many hopeful scenes as I could think of, and they wouldn’t have to be miniature this time! By then, I might even figure out how to proceed further!

The possibility of Chrysalis finding out about me this way wasn’t lost on me, but for some curious reason, I wasn’t nearly as afraid of the consequences as before. She would undoubtedly try something and would likely succeed, but I wasn’t going to let that discourage me! I couldn’t afford to if my dream was at all achievable! She could do her worst, but I’d already made a difference, and I had friends to rely on to keep my legacy alive and continue in my hoofsteps from where I no longer could!

Then again, I was sure I could count on them to not let my life end tragically if there was any way for them to prevent it, or at the very least, that they wouldn’t give me up without a fight, whatever that fight entailed.

Maybe it was the lingering after-effects of last night’s dream and conversation with Luna, or maybe it was the hopeful aura of the powered-up Crystal Heart so close to me. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the scent of impending reality, begging to be taken. I didn’t know and it didn’t really matter; what mattered was that it had silenced all fears and inhibitions I’d had, and now, I was sitting in my room surrounded by dozens of sketches of the hopeful future and working on the first of many paintings that all ponies could see and admire, not for the quality of their technical execution, but for the power of their message.

I worked tirelessly for hours. With no other duties and engagements waiting for me today, I could devote my whole self into creating as many pieces of dreamlike art as I wanted! I’d barely even taken a break to go water my flowers, and for probably the first time ever, I felt little remorse over neglecting to spend more time with them than had taken for the water to be poured out of the pitcher; I knew I’d make it up to them later, but for now, the paintings were a priority!

By mid-afternoon, I’d finished the landscape of the hive and its surroundings as they had been in the dream, a portrait of a changeling tending to flowers, and one of a changeling and a pony sitting on a park bench, engaged in a conversation. I was about to begin painting a group of ponies and changelings chasing a ball in a meadow when a knock on my door interrupted me.

I set down the paintbrush and went to the door. Mercury was waiting in the hallway.

“Oh good,” she said. “I wasn’t sure if you were here!”

“I guess I am,” I chuckled.

“Nopony’s seen you since morning…”

“Yeah, I was a little busy.”

“Oh. Am I interrupting?”

“Not really. I didn’t realize I needed to stretch my legs until you knocked. Can I help you?”

“No, I’m just here to deliver your mail.” She took a parcel off her back and gave it to me. “Have a nice day!”

“Thanks, you too!”

The postal stamp was from Ponyville, and the address was written in an ornate script that looked a lot like Rarity’s hornwriting. I tore up the parcel’s outer wrapping and once again found an envelope attached to the lid of the box inside. It contained two sheets of paper. I unfolded the first one.

Thorax, darling,

I hope you weren’t too put off by our absence from the Crystal Faire? Sincerest apologies for the mess-up! On the other hoof, I’m sure that a fabulous gentlecolt (or is ‘gentledrone’ a correct expression? Please excuse my lack of knowledge on the subject!) such as yourself would have had absolutely no difficulties in securing himself a companion either way! You did have a delightful day, didn’t you? Do tell us about it! We simply can’t wait!

On an unrelated note, I have finally fulfilled the promise I gave you! You’ll find it in the box. I do hope it’s to your liking! If I may say, something tells me you’ll be needing it any day now…

Spikey is writing to you too so I’ll let him tell you about the conference. I’m positively exhausted myself and looking forward to some beauty sleep!

Hoping to see you again soon,

Love, Rarity

A promise? What had she meant by that? I was itching to open the box and find out, but Spike’s letter was arguably more important.

Dear Thorax,

First, let me apologize once again for leaving you stranded like that. I promise we’ll take better care next year! Did you find somepony else to go to the Faire with? What was it like? Did you buy any cool trinkets?

Let me tell you, the conference was properly exhausting. You didn’t miss anything by not showing up! At least I’m guessing you didn’t show up without coming to say hello to any of us… You weren’t any of the pigeons, were you? Anyway, we were all roped into pretty much every activity there was and our schedules were so packed that we barely even had time to grab a snack. Twilight attended these conferences before and had a better idea of what to expect than me or any of the other girls, but even she was swept away with how intense it is when you’re an active participant! The rest of us simply collapsed when everything was over (yes, even Pinkie)! I was initially planning to write to you on Saturday from Canterlot, but this whole thing drained me so much that I had to postpone writing until now (Monday afternoon) even though I started on Sunday after returning home. Oh, and Rarity was working on something for you during the conference and we agreed to put my letter in the package along with hers. I saw the finished thing and wow, she’s outdone herself!

Twilight and I are thinking of making another trip to the Crystal Empire soon. We were discussing the upcoming weekend but she got called to solve a friendship problem. These things usually don’t take very long (a couple of days at most) so I’ll wait for her to come home before visiting you, and I’m hoping she’ll be back before the weekend, but in case she isn’t, would you mind terribly if I waited for her to come back? The friendship problem can’t take forever, don’t worry! Worst case, we’ll drop by a week later than expected! I’ll send you a letter when I learn more!

Your friend,

Spike

I couldn’t believe it! I was finally going to see Spike again soon, maybe even this weekend! But what had he and Rarity meant about the contents of the box? I decided it was about time I opened it already.

I was in the process of doing that when Cadance and Shining showed up at my door, which I’d forgotten to close in my eagerness to open the parcel.

“Are we disturbing?” Shining asked.

“Um, not at all… I was just opening this package from Ponyville…”

“Is it from Rarity again?”

“Yes, how did you know?”

“She promised to sew you some clothes, didn’t she? That mare has never missed an opportunity to make an outfit! I wonder what she came up with this time?”

I finally opened the box and pulled out something black and something white. A fancy jacket, apparently, and a matching shirt. Oh, and there was some peculiar red ribbon in the mix too! I wondered what it was for…

“A tuxedo!” Cadance exclaimed. “She said she’d make you one!”

“This is a tuxedo? Hmm… I think I remember some ponies wearing such things in…” I gulped. “Canterlot…”

“You sound like we’re going to fry you for mentioning that you’ve been there. Haven’t we made it clear that there’s nothing to be afraid of?”

“Uh, I guess…”

“Well then.” Cadance took the clothes in her magic and held them in mid-air. “Try it on!”

I fumbled a little while trying to figure out the proper procedure for dressing up in this. It was a little more complicated than the winter coat, but I got there eventually. Rarity had once again gotten my size perfectly!

“What’s this for?” I asked in the end, holding up the red ribbon.

“It’s called a bow tie,” Cadance explained. “It goes around your neck.”

I tied it up and they burst into laughter.

“Not like that, Thorax,” Shining said. “‘Around the neck’ means under the shirt collar, and then you… uh, I forgot the next step…”

Cadance rolled her eyes slightly and snickered. “Why is it that stallions always have a problem with that thing? Here, let me help.” She grabbed the ends of the bow tie in her magic and twisted and tangled them around each other in some peculiar way that I had a hard time following and definitely wouldn’t be able to repeat on my own, but the end result proved that she knew exactly what she was doing.

“Wow,” I muttered.

“Wait till you see yourself in the mirror,” Shining said.

I approached the smoothest crystally wall I could see and was stunned with my own reflection! The tuxedo fit me better than it would have had I morphed it onto myself, and I realized just now how expensive the fabrics looked! If I didn’t know better, I really could pass off as a high-society gentlecolt… uh, gentledrone? Gentleling? What would be the appropriate term, anyway?

“When you’re done admiring yourself,” Shining nudged me, “there’s something we came to tell you.”

There was nothing in his voice or love aura to suggest trouble, but I snapped out of my trance instantly and got serious anyway.

“Relax, it isn’t bad news!” Cadance assured me. “We just got a letter from Princess Celestia. She’s planning to make an official visit to the Crystal Empire soon. We haven’t set the date yet, though it’ll probably be sometime next week or the week after that.”

“Oh. You want me to stay out of the way, I take it?”

“On the contrary, she’s hoping to meet you.”

How I’d managed to remain in my own form and standing upright at that moment, I would never know.

“She what?!” I half-whispered, half-squeaked.

“Her letter included an addendum addressed to you.” She gave me a scroll. “I think it’ll answer your questions.”

I sat down and accepted the scroll. My hooves shook as I attempted to open it, but helping myself with fangs felt disrespectful so I struggled a little longer than I might have with a scroll from anypony else. I managed to get it to cooperate eventually and took a deep breath before starting to read.

Dear Thorax,

I understand that you may not have anticipated a letter from me, and likewise, I did not expect until recently that I might be writing such a letter. If receiving it has caused you distress, rest assured that you have no reason to worry, as a conversation wouldn’t have been the first thing on my mind if I considered you a threat.

Princess Cadance and your Ponyville friends have spoken very highly of you, and so has my sister. I’ve gained some insight into your situation and your past from them, and to say that I am in awe at your integrity and moral code feels like an understatement. I trust you will forgive me if I had any initial doubts about you brought upon by Shining Armor’s cautious stance; I have grown to dismiss those doubts now that he’s started to trust you, and I have every confidence that I can consider you an ally.

Still, though I have no reason to doubt everypony else’s judgment, I prefer to form my own. This is why I would like to meet you in person when I visit the Crystal Empire. I would very much like to hear about your journey from the changeling hive to where you are now as well as about your current life. Shining Armor mentioned that you made a brief return to Canterlot early on and that you might know more about a certain incident involving a lone changeling that transpired in the city about a year ago. Likewise, I will be very happy to answer any questions that you might have for me.

With kindest regards,

Princess Celestia

I remained sitting there for a moment longer, staring blankly at the scroll, somehow managing not to drop it in the process. Princess Celestia, the leader of one of the most powerful enemies of my kind, wanted to meet me, a lowly, insignificant drone? Not only that, but she admired me and wanted me to be her ally? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it! Me, an ally to such a powerful individual? Me admired by the leader of a nation so filled with love? It was uncanny!

“Well?” Cadance asked.

“I… I can’t believe it…”

“I know you’ll make a great impression!”

“You read this, didn’t you?”

“No, but she told me the gist of it in my portion of the letter. Don’t worry, Thorax, you’ll do fine!”

“If you say so- Oh no.”

“What now?” Shining asked.

“What if Chrysalis finds out about this? There have to be infiltrators in Canterlot! If they find out where Celestia is going and why-”

“Relax, we always have increased security for royal visits! Besides, Celestia comes here every so often. She’s Cady’s aunt and there’s nothing strange about visiting family. You’re not the only reason for her visit this time, and I’m sure she’ll take precautions against any undetected infiltrators finding out where you are.”

“But what if she fails?”

“I’ll start working on the strategy to deal with that-”

“Shining, dear,” Cadance interjected. “I’m not sure if military action is the right answer here.”

“What do you mean? My troops can fight any changeling swarm!”

“Yes, I know, and I’m sure they’d do a great job if it comes to that, but it’s only a temporary measure. You can keep security increased for a while, but not forever, and I don’t think Thorax would want to spend the rest of his life surrounded with bodyguards like he was earlier. What will happen when you inevitably leave him alone? Or what if Chrysalis replaces one or more of your soldiers with disguised drones?”

“You’re right, there was a fake sergeant in Salt Lick City not that long ago… Any suggestions?”

“None yet. Thorax, can you detect if someone is a changeling in disguise?”

“No. No changeling can.”

“And how good is your magic?”

“Only good enough to shapeshift, but pretty much useless beyond that. I can’t even levitate objects.”

“Then there’s little point in teaching you defensive spells,” Shining mused. “You used your fangs against another drone once and it worked, right? Could you do it again if you had to?”

“Maybe, if I get the chance, which I probably won’t because I’m no good at fighting. That one time was pure luck.”

They were both silent for a moment.

“We could tell Celestia that you’re too concerned for your life to risk meeting her…” Cadance suggested.

“I’d hate to disappoint her, and let’s face it, I’ll have to come out of hiding sooner or later anyway if I want to introduce friendship to my kind and have ponies ready to accept the change. I didn’t expect it to start happening so soon but… well, I have a chance to take a big step towards that goal and who knows when I’ll get another, or if I’ll get one at all! Besides, there’s nothing stopping Chrysalis from tracking me down and killing me regardless of Princess Celestia. What if this is the only chance I’ll ever get to reach out to the whole nation?”

“It isn’t the only chance, Thorax; you’ve been doing it for months now just by being here!” She looked at the sketches and paintings I’d made today, strewn about the room. “And you keep finding new ways to do it every day. But I do agree that talking to Celestia would indeed be a significant step forward.”

“But we’ll all understand if you’re not comfortable with taking it yet,” Shining added. “You have so much to offer to the world and we’d hate to lose you!”

“Thank you, both of you,” I said and meant it. “But if we’re to look at it that way, it’ll always feel too soon. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid, but as long as Chrysalis sits at the changeling throne, I’ll be in danger, maybe even if I do succeed in getting plenty of drones to accept friendship. I’ll never have the luxury to be able to stop looking over my shoulder, so if I’m a dead bug anyway, so to speak, why not go all out?” I chuckled sheepishly. “Besides, I have a tuxedo to wear to a formal occasion.”

They both laughed.

“Fair enough,” Cadance said. “Well, whatever you decide, I’ll be writing to Celestia tomorrow morning to suggest the particulars of her visit, in case you want to add a reply of your own. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

“I will!” I looked at my sketches. “Do you think she’ll be interested in my paintings too? I doubt that my skill is good enough to be displayed in a palace, but do you think she’d like me to give her one? Or would that be rude if the painting isn’t a masterpiece?”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Thorax. She’ll love your art! Though, if you’re feeling awkward about it, why don’t you show her what you’ve made and then give her the one she likes most?”

“Good idea, Princess! I think I’ll do that!”

When they left, I sat at the table, moved the sketches and canvases and the rest out of the way, and grabbed some writing paper and ink.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am honored beyond words that You saw me worthy of your time and even more honored to learn that You wish to meet me in person! First of all, please forgive this lowly drone if he has overstepped his boundaries by daring to write a reply to Your Royal Highness in case such a letter was unwanted. If that is the case, I perfectly understand if You will stop reading now and cast the letter away, and will hold no objections or ill will because of it. Likewise, please forgive me if anything in this letter offends You or Your royal status in any way, as it was by no means done deliberately.

In regard to Your visit to the Crystal Empire, it will be my great pleasure to welcome You and to answer any questions You have for me to the best of my ability. If I may, I should warn You that the tale of my journey away from the hive may take a while depending on how detailed a recounting You are expecting. It is not for my convenience, as I humbly put myself to Your service and will do my absolute best to fulfill Your expectations, but purely for the sake of allowing You to better plan the time You intend to spend here. I do not consider myself more important than any of Your other reasons to visit the Crystal Empire and would hate to throw off Your schedule even for one second.

Please, if there is anything I should do in advance to make Your visit more pleasant, do not hesitate to tell me.

Once again, I am deeply honored by Your impending arrival and looking forward to meeting Your Royal Highness.

With utmost respect,

Thorax, the friendly changeling

To Belong

A couple of days later, I returned to the castle from the city and made a quick detour to my room before going to look for Sunburst, only to find him about to knock on my door.

“Oh… hi,” he said. “Were you going somewhere? I can come back later…”

“No, come in,” I said, opening the door wider. “I was actually about to come to you.”

“You were? I mean, how can I help?”

“Believe it or not, there are days when I don’t need help with anything, and today happens to be one of those days.” I took the saddlebag off my back and gave it to him. “I wanted to return this. Thanks again for letting me use it for such a long time, and sorry if it isn’t in exactly the same condition as it was when you gave it to me!”

He frowned. “Don’t you need it anymore- Wait, you finally bought yourself a new one, didn’t you?”

I reached under the table where I’d stashed my newest purchase and brought it into view.

“Found it on a discount today. Pretty sweet, huh? I was going for a cheaper one, but this one is sturdier and I got it for only ten bits more than the one I originally wanted to buy would have cost.”

“It looks great! Do they still have any-”

A knock on the door frame interrupted him. Berry and Sentinel were standing in the hallway beyond the door that I’d forgotten to close behind Sunburst.

“Mind if we come in?” Sentinel asked.

“Sure!”

They joined us, and Sentinel closed the door.

“Are we discussing saddlebags?” Berry asked eagerly. “Why wasn’t I invited?”

“I’m not sure if we were really discussing them,” I said. “I just bought one and returned Sunburst the one he’d lent me a while ago.”

“Hey, I’m teasing you! But that saddlebag does look good! May I?”

“Uh-huh!”

She examined it with gusto and seeped some warmth into her love aura.

“Where did you find it? The market?”

“Yes.”

“Now you’ve given me the urge to go there myself-”

“Berry,” Sentinel interrupted her.

“Oh. Right.” She gave me back the saddlebag. “We’ve been looking for you guys.”

“Both of us?” Sunburst asked.

“Yes. You see… I’m not sure if you know, but Sentinel told me a few days ago that Trusty Shield’s birthday is on Monday…”

“...and we’re making him a surprise party,” Sentinel continued.

“Well, not just the two of us. There are a few others involved, too.”

“And we were wondering if you’d like to be on the guest list.”

I glanced at Sunburst and he nodded.

“You want me to be at his birthday party?” I asked the mares. “I mean, are you sure he’d want me?”

“You’re his friend!” Sentinel said. “Why wouldn’t he want you?”

“Well, he didn’t like me at first, and he was around mostly by duty…”

“So what? That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends!”

“I know… it’s just awkward…”

“There’s no reason for it to be awkward,” Sunburst interjected. “If I remember correctly, Trusty said he was sorry about the way he treated you and wanted to redeem himself.”

“He did say it, and we have been on friendly terms since, but I don’t see him that often anymore. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea if I show up out of the blue.”

“And by ‘wrong idea’, you mean what, exactly?”

“Um…”

Berry chuckled. “You don’t even know yourself. Okay, that settles it! You’re going!”

“And I’m coming either way,” Sunburst added. “We can go together if that’ll make it easier for you.”

“Okay,” I relented. “Anything I should know about in advance? As in, any specific rules of behavior or such things?”

“Nothing, just be yourself,” Berry said. “Except for all the worrying, that is. The point is to relax and have fun!”

“We mean it,” Sentinel added. “Everypony on the guest list has been screened for opinions on friendly changelings and they all passed.”

Sunburst nudged me. “See? They thought of everything!”

I smiled sheepishly.

“Okay, it’s settled. We’ve booked the Crystal Goblet for six o’clock on Monday.”

“Where’s that?” Sunburst and I asked in unison.

“Aquamarine Street, a little past the intersection with Aragonite,” Berry said. “You guys really need to get out more!”

Now we both smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

“Okay, see you there. Don’t be late!” they said and started to leave.

“Uh, Berry, Sentinel?” I asked. “Are we tasked with helping with the preparations for the party in any way?”

“No, we’ve got it all covered, unless you want to add any bits to cover the expenses of more cakes and drinks.”

I deflated at the thought of the sorry state of my pouch of bits after today’s trip to the market.

“Why don’t we spare Thorax?” Sunburst suggested. “I haven’t seen him eat a single cookie ever since he came here and something tells me you won’t get him to start at the party, not to mention that the new saddlebag probably cleaned him out.”

Now Berry smiled sheepishly. “Right. Of course.”

“I’ll bring you my share of the money when I come to dinner,” he added. “How much did the others give?”

“We didn’t specify the recommended minimum price, but most of the donations were around fifty bits, some of them more.”

“Okay! See you at dinner!”

“Fifty bits?!” I said after they left.

“You’re exempt from paying, in case you haven’t heard,” Sunburst reminded me.

“I know, but wow, parties are expensive!”

“Well, there’s the food and drinks - ponies do sometimes gorge themselves at parties - and the music if there are live performers, and the decorations, and the price of renting a venue unless the party is held at somepony’s home, maybe the cleaners depending on the situation… This is actually pretty cheap compared to some birthday parties I’ve heard of. Berry might have opted to take care of the food herself rather than to hire somepony to do it.”

“I really should have asked to help somehow! I can’t just barge in without having paid a single bit or lifted a hoof to help!”

“Why don’t you ask if they can find an assignment for you if it means that much? Or pay if you want. It doesn’t have to be fifty bits!”

“I’m down to my last seven,” I sighed. “And my next allowance isn’t due for another two weeks and I promised myself I wouldn’t beg for money even if Cadance or whoever I asked wouldn’t mind giving me some!”

Now Sunburst grimaced. “Yeah, you can’t even buy a passable birthday present with seven bits…”

Birthday present?! I slumped down and moaned.

“I can’t go to the party, Sunburst! I can’t just wash up there with nothing to offer! Do you think I can get the money back if I go to the market and return the saddlebag?”

“Probably, but then you’d be left without the saddlebag that you’ve been saving for for months, and you might not get the full refund, and even if you do, the saddlebag was on a discount today and might not be when you try to buy it again. You’re too tight with money to afford such unnecessary expenses.”

“How did I spend my entire life without money and not feel like I needed it until I got some for the first time? Why does money have to complicate life like that?”

“I’ll take that as a rhetorical question.” He adjusted his glasses. “I don’t think anypony will care if you show up without a birthday present, Trusty included, and nopony’s going to know that you weren’t expected to pay for the party expenses unless you tell them. Berry and Sentinel certainly won’t tell! They can be talkative at times, but they know which matters are not to be discussed.”

“Still, it’s incredibly awkward showing up without a present at least… Do you think I could sell something?”

“That depends on what you’re planning to sell and whether or not you can find a buyer within the next day or two. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

“Well, I could see if anypony wants a painting…”

“...or you could give Trusty a painting,” he suggested. “They’re certainly good enough!”

“If you say so…” I pondered this. “You know, that’s a pretty good idea! What would he like?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know him that well, and I’ve never been to his house so I can’t guess what would fit in. Sentinel or some of the other guards might know better but I can’t promise that, either. Shall I look through some of your finished work to see if anything stands out?”

“Sure!” I went to the cupboard for the early ones, some of which were leftovers from the Crystal Faire, and a few others that I’d painted since. “You’ve seen most of the old ones already, but I’ve made some new ones too, only, I’m not sure if he’ll care for those.”

He sifted through the pile, quickly at first except when he came across ones that he liked, and eventually slowed down, taking a closer look at each one.

“I see you’ve gotten bolder with your expression,” he said in the end. “Visions of the future, I take it?”

“I hope so!”

“Any of them for sale?”

“Probably, but I haven’t made a definite decision yet. I do want ponies to know about them, but whether I’ll sell them or try to put them in a museum is anyone’s guess at this point. Why? Do you like them?”

“They’re a bit unconventional, I admit, but that’s the point of modern art, and I’m sure they’ll be popular! Also, I like the one with the changeling reading in a hammock.”

I found the one he’d referred to and pulled it out of the pile.

“You can have it,” I said.

“Oh no, I can’t take your painting just like that!”

“It’s a gift. You’ve done so much for me and I never returned the favor. This is the least I can do!”

“I don’t know, Thorax…”

“Please?”

“Can I buy it instead?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re down to seven bits and I’m really not comfortable with accepting gifts from people with hardly any money!” When I didn’t say anything, he continued, “Look, Thorax, I’m not doing it out of pity or a sense of obligation or whatever it looks like on your end. I really like the painting, but I also want its creator to benefit from the effort he put in it. There’s nothing wrong with that, even if the benefit may come in a different form than the one you had in mind when you painted the thing. Just because you did this to promote the idea of interspecies friendship doesn’t mean you can’t accept some cash!”

“Ugh, fine,” I relented. “But next time, it’ll be a gift and that’s non-negotiable!”

“Good. How much do you want for this one?”

That caught me unprepared. “I dunno… five bits?”

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Four?”

“Thorax.”

“Too much?”

“What is wrong with you? The canvas and watercolors alone had to have cost more than that! And don’t start with all that ‘I can’t demand money from you’ thing because I’m tired of hearing it!”

I hung my head. “I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. Why don’t you mull it over and tell me the price when you decide on it?”

“I’m not sure I can decide. Can you use your best judgment?”

“Yes.” He took the painting and the old saddlebag and left.

He was back about an hour later with what looked like a pouch of bits.

“Here’s the money for your painting,” he said. “And I came to tell you earlier but got distracted and forgot. Princess Celestia is coming next Friday unless the weather delays her. There’s a snowstorm brewing again, and though it doesn’t look to be as strong as the last one, you never know for sure around here. Anyway, she read your letter and said to tell you that there aren’t any special arrangements that she’ll be expecting from you and to loosen up a little. You didn’t plead guilty to genocide and beg for a quick death, did you?”

“What?! No! I simply expressed the highest respects to royalty!”

“Knowing your criteria, I better not ask what that entailed,” he groaned with a facehoof.

“Is something wrong?”

“Celestia is as friendly and easy-going as Cadance and doesn’t normally need to tell people to loosen up, and she’s used to freakouts after being Twilight’s mentor. If she had to tell you to take it easy-”

“Okay, I get it. But I really can’t think of anything in my letter that could have made her think I needed to calm down… Should I apologize?” Was I sensing signs of rapidly-rising panic in his love aura?

“No! Uh, I mean, I’m sure it won’t be necessary. Look, I gotta go or I’ll miss dinner. See you tomorrow?”

“Sure, enjoy your meal!”

When he left, I opened the pouch he’d left behind. Sure enough, there was money in it. I counted two hundred bits.

Two hundred?! No, it couldn’t be!

I counted again. I hadn’t made a mistake; there were two hundred bits there alright. Feeling bad about the idea of taking that much, I set ten bits aside and went to return the remaining one hundred and ninety into the pouch and sneak it back into Sunburst’s room while he was away, but then I noticed a piece of paper in the pouch. I took it out and unfolded it.

I’m pretty sure I can guess what you intend to do with this, buddy, and let me warn you that I’ve inventorized my whole room and counted all the money I have. If at any point in the future I find one single bit more than I’m supposed to have after giving you this, or any unexplained object that proves itself not to be a disguised changeling, I’ll get the whole city to stop talking to you and that’s a promise!

Sunburst

On Monday afternoon, Sunburst and I arrived at the Crystal Goblet with gifts in tow. Sentinel stood at the entrance, attempting to look casual, but her military training seeped through the façade, and if this were my first time seeing her, I would know right away that she was a Royal Guard even though she wasn’t armored up at the moment.

“Good, you’re here,” she said. “I was starting to wonder!”

“Why?” Sunburst asked. “We said we were coming!”

“I know, it’s just that Galea is due to bring Trusty any second now!”

“Oh, right. That would have been awkward,” he chuckled.

“Why?” I asked. “Doesn’t Trusty know he’s having a birthday party?”

“It’s a surprise party, silly!”

“But it’s his birthday! If you’re luring him to a place where people go to have fun, won’t he guess what you’re up to?”

“Yes, that often happens,” Sentinel agreed.

“So why call it a surprise party?”

“Because the pony whose birthday it is wasn’t the one who organized the party and might not have even intended to have a party at all. His or her friends organize the party instead as a sign of affection. Besides, sometimes it really is a surprise.”

“Oh. Heh. Interesting.”

“I take it you’ve never been to- Get in! They’re coming!”

She held the door open for us and we stumbled into a room so full of ponies that I thought for a moment the whole city had been invited! They stopped chatting momentarily and I felt a brief pang of instinct warning me to disguise myself as all eyes were on me. Involuntary flames engulfed me as I cowered and took a reflexive step back.

Sentinel nudged me forward, coming inside and shutting the door.

“Quit hogging the door, will ya?” she hissed. “And why did you decide to look like Sunburst all of a sudden?”

I got out of the way and reverted into myself. “Sorry.”

“Come on, let’s join the crowd,” Sunburst said.

We did. “What do we do now?” I asked.

“We wait.”

The wait wasn’t long, and everypony shouted “Surprise!” when Trusty trotted in.

“Why didn’t you tell me to shout ‘Surprise!’ when he enters?” I whispered to Sunburst.

“I thought you knew,” he whispered back. “You’re right, I should have figured you wouldn’t if you’ve never been to a surprise party before!”

Meanwhile, music had started in the background, colorful flashing lights came to life, Trusty had gone through the motions of displaying due exaltation at what had been set up for him, and Galea levitated a party hat onto his head. Ponies went back to mingling and Trusty joined one of the groups. They hugged him and gave him presents.

“Wanna go to him now or later?” Sunburst asked me.

“I don’t know. Will he come to us? I don’t want to interrupt him if he’s in the middle of something…”

“Gee, Celestia was right. You really do need to loosen up!”

“What do you mean?”

“This is a party, not a court of law. See all the ponies around you? At least half of them are Royal Guards! If they can set their discipline aside, so can you! It’s normal here to go a little crazy!”

I looked around. Okay, ponies were talking and dancing and eating cupcakes or drinking stuff. Maybe I should try something similar? At the very least, it might help me stop feeling out of place!

“Here, let’s set these presents aside for now,” Sunburst continued, levitating them off our backs and placing them under a nearby table. “How about a dance?”

“Are you sure? I’ve never danced! I’d look ridiculous!”

“So what? There’s a first time for everything, and the only thing that matters here is to have fun!”

“...okay.”

He started dancing. I watched him for a moment, then tried to mimic his moves. It was a bit awkward at first, but I caught on eventually, and even tried to add some moves I’d seen with the others.

“That’s the spirit!” Sunburst exclaimed. “Told you you can do it!”

“Huh, I guess I can. You’re right, this is fun!”

We danced on. More ponies joined us, and somehow, it got more fun with every new pony! And the longer the party went on, the brighter the love aura around us grew, which in turn brightened my mood even more, and before I knew it, I was dancing so hard that I couldn’t stop!

But then I did stop, and rather abruptly, as I caught sight of Cadance and Shining watching me perform some crazy spins on a tabletop.

“Uh…” I said, buzzing myself down to the floor.

“Aw, why did you stop?” Shining protested. “That was the best thing I’ve seen all month!”

“I… I’m not even sure how I got up there…”

“What does it matter?” Cadence asked. “You were enjoying the party! It was such a relief to see you spontaneously happy for once!”

“You mean, you don’t mind me acting like that?”

“Not during a party, though it might be a good idea to stay off the tabletops on a regular day.”

“Uh, sure. I was going to.”

“Well then. We won’t bother you anymore. Have fun!”

“What are they doing here?” I asked Sunburst when they went to mingle with a group of ponies a little away.

“They were invited. Didn’t you know?”

“I guess I didn’t… and they actually showed up…”

“Why wouldn’t they? Just because they’re royalty doesn’t mean they’re above partying with their subjects! Sure, you won’t be likely to see them dancing on tabletops, but that’s not stopping them from having a good time!”

“Good point.”

“Now, wanna dance some more?”

“I don’t know… I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for one night…”

“Okay, that would you like to do?”

“I’m not sure. What else do ponies do at parties?”

Trusty Shield joined us before Sunburst could answer.

“Hey guys! I didn’t expect to see you here!” he said, looking at me.

“Uh… are you okay with me being here? I can leave if you don’t want me around…”

“Nonsense! Why wouldn’t I want you around? I got past that months ago, remember? You’re my friend now and you belong here just like the rest of ‘em!”

You belong here. For some reason, those words filled my heart with so much warmth that it flooded my eyes with tears!

Trusty and Sunburst chuckled at that and I wiped my eyes. Just then, Paladin showed up out of nowhere and snapped a camera in my face. The flash startled me and I fell on my rump and blinked a few times as if that would clear my vision.

“Sorry, buddy,” he said. “You okay?”

“Yeah… I think so…”

“I didn’t realize you’d get startled so easily!”

“Neither did I… I guess I’m just overwhelmed. I’ve never done this before.”

“But that didn’t stop you from showing off some dance skills,” he said with a smirk.

“You saw that?!”

“The whole crowd saw it!”

I let out a whimper.

“C’mon Thorax, it wasn’t nearly as bad as you think! You looked really happy there and that’s the only thing that matters!”

“Thanks, but can we talk about something else now?”

“Okay. Trusty, did you know we had two Sunbursts here just before you walked in?”

“No way! You were that drunk already?”

“Very funny!” He nudged him playfully. “Someling just forgot himself, is all. Or maybe he wanted to confuse you.”

“I’ll bet ten cupcakes that he wanted to confuse you!”

“Uh…” I muttered, then leaned in to Sunburst. “Do they even have cupcakes here?” I whispered to him.

“Yep! Berry made plenty.”

“Speaking of which, where are those cupcakes?” Trusty asked. “I’m getting hungry!”

“I’ll get them,” I offered. “Um, where should I look?”

“I saw some at the bar,” Paladin said.

“Okay. ...where’s the bar?”

He pointed to the far end of the room.

“Okay, be right back!”

I trotted over to the bar, happy to be of use and also to have gotten a moment to catch my breath. I liked those guys and it was great to be in a crowd that didn’t want to kill me, but there was so much going on that I found it hard to keep up! I wondered if it would be a good idea to leave early; after all, I was due to foalsit Flurry tomorrow! Would Trusty be offended if I excused myself before the party was over? Or should I wait and try to get used to all the bustle?

I found the bar easily and, sure enough, there were several trays of cupcakes there. I grabbed the nearest one and headed back to where I’d left my friends. I was almost there when a dancing somepony made an unexpected move and knocked me out of balance, sending the tray and the cupcakes flying in all directions! As if that wasn’t enough, Paladin had decided to take another snapshot of me and caught the exact moment of collision!

Great. My every blunder of the night, immortalized! At least Sunburst caught the cupcakes in his magic…

“You okay?” All three trotted over to me and helped me get back up on my hooves.

“Yeah, thanks. I think I’ll fly with the next tray.”

We returned to the table we’d occupied earlier and the three ponies got right to eating as they chatted. I watched them, rarely saying something, especially after more ponies joined in the conversation, but it was okay. I didn’t mind being the silent one in the group and simply observing their interactions; every word and every laughter came bundled with an outpouring of love, and some of that love flowed in my direction even though I wasn’t actively participating in the conversation. I savored it, knowing it would have been impossible only a few months ago!

Eventually, Berry found us and deposited a large cake on the table that we all cleared hurriedly to make space for the newly-arrived delicacy. It looked to be rich in chocolate and there was ‘Happy Birthday, Trusty Shield!’ written on top. A crowd gathered around almost immediately, and I assumed they’d been drawn by the inscription on the cake. Unless they were simply hungry?

Somepony levitated a small candle and stuck it into the center of the cake, then lit it up. The crowd cheered, Trusty made an exaggerated thinking gesture, and a few seconds later, he blew out the candle while Paladin snapped pictures.

Berry showed up again, this time with a knife, and I braced myself to flee momentarily until I remembered she needed it for the cake. Sunburst noticed my moment of apprehension and chuckled.

“You thought the knife was for you, didn’t you?” he asked.

“I admit, it caught me unprepared. But I know better!”

“Yeah… but I gotta ask: you’ve been a little jumpier over the last few days than what was looking to be the start of a relaxed trend over the past month. Is something wrong?”

“Not really. I think it’s just this business of getting more proactive about my plans to introduce friendship to my kind. Like I already told Cadance and Shining, it could easily attract Chrysalis to me and then I’d be in big trouble, so I guess that’s what’s making me nervous, but I’ll probably relax a little once I get used to the extra visibility. I mean, why should I be worried? I used to be alone against her and now I have friends to back me up! That’s got to count for something, right?”

“More than you think! I’m sure Twilight and her friends can tell you plenty of stories about how friendship saved the day on their adventures!”

Trusty joined us, carrying a plate with a half-eaten slice of cake.

“Have you guys tried the cake yet?” he asked. “It’s to die for!”

“No, not yet,” Sunburst said. “Still waiting for my turn.”

“You, Thorax?”

“No, I don’t eat cakes, but thanks for offering!”

“Oh come on, you won’t even try out of curiosity? I’m telling you, it’s amazing! I don’t know who baked it, but they’ve outdone themselves!”

“Thanks, Trusty, but if it’s that good, then I don’t want to deprive the ponies of it. I’m getting plenty of love from them already and it’s wonderful!”

“Figures, since you’re in the Crystal Empire. Love’s gotta be the gift that keeps on giving around here, ain’t it?”

Gift.

“Oh! Almost forgot! Sunburst and I brought you presents!”

“Right… um... “ Sunburst fumbled with the slice of cake that he’d acquired in the meantime. “One moment. Where did we put them, again?”

“You shoved them under the table soon after we arrived.”

“Oh.” He found them and levitated them to ourselves, then gave his to Trusty. “Happy birthday!”

“Aw guys, you shouldn’t have! But thanks!”

“Well, open it!”

He did. Inside was a box that looked like it could be anything.

“Spit Shine’s Class A Armor Polish…” he muttered. “Really, Sunburst! That thing’s expensive! Did you sell half the Crystal Empire library on the black market to buy this one bottle?”

“C’mon Trusty, it’s not that expensive!”

“Yeah, sure it isn’t.”

“...okay, I miiiiight have dabbled with the alchemical portions of the recipe of another of Spit Shine’s inventions at some point when I had too much time on my hooves and found a way to improve it, or better said to save it from being dismissed as a failure, and I suggested it to Spit Shine, and she maaaaay have remembered the favor now and given me a discount…”

“It better have been a hefty discount, then!”

“I’m not saying another word… um, Thorax, you wanted to give a gift to Trusty too, didn’t you?”

“Um…”

“Don’t change the subject!” Trusty said, feigning annoyance at Sunburst. It was to little avail, though; Sunburst had already pushed me towards the pegasus.

“Oh… um… I’ve… I’ve made something for you… it’s not much but… well, I hope you’ll like it… or I can make something else if you don’t…”

“Thorax.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you acting like I’m still being a jerk to you?”

“Sorry, it’s just… I’ve been trying something recently but I’m not sure if it’s appropriate or if you even want that kind of thing…”

He tilted his head at me. “Okay, now I’m not sure whether whatever you brought is genuinely that bad or if it’s just your usual insecurity-driven caution. Why don’t you just skip it and show me? I promise, whatever it is, I won’t take offense or yell at you or whatever else you’re afraid of!”

“Your outward reaction isn’t the problem, Trusty. I know you’ll at least make an effort to be polite! I just want you to genuinely like the gift, and I’ll know if you don’t no matter what you do or say!” I gave him the gift. “Let’s just get it over with, I guess.”

He unwrapped the paper and looked at the painting I’d made. It was a landscape of one of the Crystal Empire streets, but with a twist: though most of the houses were entirely crystally, some featured dark, hole-riddled spires similar in appearance to the changeling hive, a few had hive-like sections as part of the lower levels, one or two had several such parts, and I’d even included a couple of little hives that had no crystally elements at all. Changelings and ponies both lived in these houses, some of them sharing a dwelling or living in a home more characteristic of the other species, and there were mixed groups in the streets and in the sky, talking, playing, flying, doing things together with genuine smiles on their faces, seeing no differences between themselves and accepting one another as true friends. If Trusty were a changeling, he would have sensed the love I’d imbued in every painted figure, pony and changeling alike, and in the ripples of Crystal Heart’s magic painted onto the sky.

He kept looking at it for a long time, so long that nearby ponies caught on that something unusual was up and came to take a look themselves, and I could sense Trusty’s love aura warming slowly but steadily with every passing moment.

“Wow,” he said eventually. “It’s your vision of the perfect future, isn’t it?”

“Um, yes, and I’m hoping it’ll become reality one day, though I don’t think I’ll live to see it. Are you okay with getting such a thing as a birthday present?”

“Believe it or not, yes, I am,” he said. “It’s a bit… unconventional, I admit, and if somepony had shown it to me a few months ago, I’d have sent them to a mental hospital because I’d have thought they weren’t quite right in the head if they expect that ponies would ever agree to live with changelings, let alone be happy about it… but being around you really made me think and reconsider some things I thought were a given, and so have others if you standing here like an equal to any of us is any indication. Somehow, this future you painted doesn’t seem so crazy and impossible after all, and I never thought I’d say it, but I’d really like to see it happen!”

Affirmative murmurs spread through the crowd, and more ponies craned their necks to see the painting. Trusty noticed it at last and flew up above them, holding the painting in front of himself so everypony could see it, and see it they did! If any were still confused, they shook it off quickly, and another wave of wows and woahs filled the room.

“Fillies and gentlecolts!” he spoke out loudly. “If I may have a few words here. I know I see a lot of you every day and spend so much time around you that one would think I’ve had enough of you all by now, but they’d be wrong because I’m glad you made it to the party! Whoever organized it has outdone themselves - thanks for that, too - and I received so many wonderful gifts that I don’t know how I’ll carry them all home! Now, I like all the gifts you gave me, but I’d like to show you one I got from someone you’ve all gotten to know to some degree, or at the very least you know who he is if you haven’t gotten a chance to talk to him yet. This painting may be his gift for me personally, but it isn’t just any painting; it’s a representation of the vision of what he wants to give to all of us: a better future, one where our enemies have become our friends and allies! If one changeling could do it, it’s only a matter of time before more figure out that they’d be better off like that, and I don’t know about the other guards here, but if you ask me, I’d welcome the day when I have one less enemy to be on the lookout for! Now let’s give Thorax one big thank-you hug for everything he’s trying to do!”

The crowd closed in on me and embraced me in a group hug full of love and high spirits, so full that I felt almost intoxicated at the outburst of it, and I could swear it would have triggered an outburst from the Crystal Heart if we were anywhere on the crystally roads that could channel that energy to the artifact! The aura of everypony around me was so bright and warm that it felt like my head was spinning! This was what I’d always wanted: this was friendship in its purest form, this was the magic that could thaw the coldest of hearts and welcome everyone to its blessing! This was my life’s dream, and here, among these ponies, was the fertile ground in which I could plant that dream and let it grow and flourish and spread into the hearts of my kind!

I’d searched for love, and for friendship, and for acceptance. I’d found it all. It had taken guts and persistence and patience and a lot of pain, but it had been worth it!

This was Friendship. This was Love. This was Happiness. And they were all mine, at last, against all odds! They were mine, in spite of everything I’d been raised to believe!

They were mine, and I would defend them to my last breath.

Here, in this home away from what I’d used to call home, I had friends. I was loved. I was happy. And try as she might, there was nothing Chrysalis could do about it.

If only Pharynx could see me now!

Author's Note

Be careful what you wish for, Thorax, you might just get it.

The next day will become the last day of Thorax’s life in the Crystal Empire. During the course of the morning, while the changeling is watching over Flurry Heart, Paladin will have the photos of the party developed and deliver a set to Sunburst, who will add them to his photo album. That same evening, a team of changelings led by Pharynx will infiltrate the Crystal Empire on the mission to replace the Royal Family, only to be spotted by Thorax and Sunburst, upon which Thorax will leave for Ponyville hoping to get help from Twilight and her friends. Sunburst, concerned for Thorax’s safety, will meanwhile attempt to hide as much evidence of his friend’s existence in the Crystal Empire as possible before the invaders can get to it, only to be caught in the act and captured by Pharynx, who will then see the photos of Thorax and the paintings he made, and come to realize that he himself is in danger from Chrysalis’ wrath.

Unbeknownst to Pharynx, his team, the citizens of the Crystal Empire, and Chrysalis herself, Thorax will soon find himself with no choice but to undergo a rescue attempt personally, along with a few unlikely teammates, which will, against all odds, result in the fulfillment of his lifelong dream.

These events are covered in my other stories, Winds of Change and Blood Thicker Than Venom, which will soon be followed by a sequel. I'll give myself a break until roughly the end of the year before I start publishing that one. As things stand now, it'll be the final part of the series, though I am considering a spiritual successor, in case any of you will still be interested to read it by the time the Walk Where There Is No Path series is finished.

In the meantime, feel free to read the other stories if you haven't already... or re-read them, if you need a reminder of what's going to happen before tackling the upcoming story.

New Home

If anyone had ever told me that a changeling might be accepted into pony society as a friend and an equal, I would have thought they’d meant a changeling disguised as a pony. But an undisguised changeling welcomed by ponies, and at that, by none other than the very alicorn princess whose wedding had nearly been ruined by the invading swarm and the Queen who had imprisoned her and stolen her husband-to-be? And that the said alicorn’s sister-in-law would be the first pony to offer a hoof of friendship to a changeling in his true form? Such a thing was unheard of; if anyone had ever told me it would happen, I would have laughed in their face!

But that laughter would have been a mere façade intended to conceal my true feelings, ones I knew would have gotten me in trouble if I revealed them too openly… ones that had in the past gotten me in trouble more times than I cared to count because I’d dared to reveal them too openly. Outwardly, I would have laughed and ridiculed the aforementioned situation; inwardly, I would have been jealous of that changeling who had somehow, miraculously, managed to befriend ponies and have himself accepted among them! I would have longed to find out how that lucky changeling had done it, I would have done everything I could to seek him out and get him to reveal the secret of his approach to me so I could attempt it too! All my life I’d wanted a friend, and all my life I’d suffered because of it; the rest of my kind had no patience for those who wanted to share love and friendship. In their eyes, those things were merely food to be taken by force from other creatures; no changeling warrior worthy of his carapace would waste time on such folly pursuits!

No changeling but me. But then again, I wasn’t a warrior, not in the least; I was a wimp, an anomaly, a disgrace of my kind and a freak of nature that needed to be wiped from existence, even more so after I’d escaped from the hive, having come to the realization that there was no future for me there, only pain and suffering! I’d had no guarantee that wherever I ended up would treat me any better, but it had been worth a try, so I’d run off regardless of what might happen. Had it been better away from the hive? Hardly, for the most part. There had been occasional bright moments, yes, but mostly I’d just experienced different flavors of misery… so much that, by the end, I’d nearly given up hope of finding what I’d been looking for so desperately!

So if anyone had told me that I was going to be that changeling who would befriend two alicorn princesses of Equestria and their dragon assistant, and that one of them would grant me permission to take up residence in her own land and become her subject, I wouldn’t have believed them! It would have been a dream come true, but I wouldn’t have thought it possible to achieve such an ambitious friendship despite my best hopes!

But that was how things had turned out, and once the paperwork was completed - whatever that meant - I would officially become a citizen of the Crystal Empire, and free to do whatever ponies were allowed to do and befriend as many of them as I wanted to befriend.

A dream come true at last! I couldn’t wait to make it official!

Of course, things weren’t quite so simple. Princess Cadance may have accepted me as a friendly soul and her subject, but Prince Shining Armor still had his misgivings about me, despite Spike’s and mine best efforts to convince him otherwise; not only was it his duty as Captain of the Royal Guard to take claims of a member of a hostile species with a grain of caution, but he had every right to suspect my motives after what my now-former Queen had done to him on his wedding day! I wanted to convince him about my good intentions, but admittedly, getting him to instantly believe my every word would have been too good to be true.

Oh well, I would just have to prove myself to him, then. Hopefully it wouldn’t turn out to be impossible! His willingness to trust his wife’s decisions about me had been a good sign, though, so maybe it wouldn’t take the rest of my life to get there!

And in the meantime, I hoped the friendships with Princess Cadance and Sunburst would balance out his animosity and suspicion. Spike, Starlight, and Princess Twilight weren’t going to stay here forever, but they had already assured me that they wouldn’t forget about me, either, and had promised to write regularly.

“‘Write regularly?’ What does that mean?” I asked Spike once we were out of the ponies’ earshot upon being given permission to leave the throne room.

“It means they’ll send letters to you,” he replied cheerfully.

“Oh.” I pondered this. “How does that work?”

“You don’t have letters in the hive?”

“There are written military reports, but I’m guessing this is different.”

“Okay… say you want to tell your friend who lives in another town about something. You take a piece of paper or parchment and write your thing, and when you’re done, you put the paper in an envelope, write your friend’s address on the envelope so the mailpony would know where to deliver the letter, stick a stamp on it, and throw it in a mailbox or take it to the post office.”

“Are there any restrictions on what I’m allowed to write, or how long the letter is allowed to be?”

“No, you write whatever you want, in as many or as few words as you need. And it isn’t supposed to be all stuck-up and formal like I’m guessing a military report or other kinds of official correspondence would be. You just write in your own words, the same like you’re doing now talking to me!”

“Just like that? Wouldn’t the mailponies disapprove of casual language or misunderstand things from time to time?”

He stared at me blankly.

“Wha- oh no, the mailponies don’t read your letters, silly!” he chuckled. “That would be a breach of privacy! They just deliver them!”

“Wow... So I can write anything I want without being randomly called to explain myself?”

“As long as whoever you’re writing to knows or can figure out what it’s about, yeah!”

This was amazing! I suddenly wanted to write a letter to Pharynx and tell him that I’d found a friendly place to live and was doing fine… but how would the mailpony deliver my letter to the hive without getting captured in the process? And wouldn’t the other changelings fail to see the importance of privacy, as Spike had called it, and read the letter themselves? And even if it did manage to reach Pharynx untampered with, what promise did I have that he wouldn’t report everything to Chrysalis?

Oh no. If Chrysalis found out where I was…

Reluctantly, I dropped the idea of writing to Pharynx. Just because I’d momentarily imagined him to be worried about me didn’t mean that he really was! In fact, he’d more likely be relieved at no longer having to protect me all the time! Better to leave things be, let him live his own life, and embrace my new life here!

“Why so glum all of a sudden?” Spike nudged me.

“Nothing… just thinking about… things.” I shrugged. “Does the Crystal Empire have a post office?”

“Every city does! The one in Crystal Empire is on the corner of Aquamarine and Amethyst Street.”

“Okay. Uh, where are Aquamarine and Amethyst Streets?” I asked sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot right now!”

“Why, because you don’t know the city layout? Pffssh! You’re new here, and nopony expects you to know everything right away!”

“But I’ve been here ever since Flurry Heart was born…”

“You’ve been hiding in a cave ever since Flurry Heart was born! That’s like not having been here at all, and that short walk we had earlier today wouldn’t have taught you much about the city, even if I had known that you needed a tour!”

“If you say so…”

“Hey, why don’t I show you around now? You probably won’t learn everything right away, but at least it will give you an idea of where to look for things!”

“Sure!” I pranced excitedly. “Oh, thank you, Spike! Thank you!”

“Don’t mention it,” he winked. “That’s what friends are for!”

By now we’d reached one of the exits to the outside, and I stopped briefly and unleashed a burst of my magic.

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Crystal Hoof?”

“Princess Cadance hasn’t yet announced to the crystal ponies that a changeling will be living among them. I don’t want to cause a mass panic by looking like myself before they know to expect it!”

“Yeah, good idea. I haven’t thought of that!”

He opened the door and we stepped out into the street.

Several hours later, my head was spinning with all the new information from Spike’s tour around the city. So many street names, so many shops and public gathering spots, and so many ponies to meet and befriend everywhere! Spike had been right; I couldn’t hope to remember it all right away! I intended to try anyway; he’d tried so hard to familiarize me with my new home, and I didn’t want to disappoint him by letting that effort go to waste!

Home. How strange it felt to call a place that after such a long time on the run! But a good kind of strange! Would it live up to that word’s meaning and to my hopes and expectations? For the first time in forever, I felt confident that it just might!

Please, if I’m dreaming, don’t wake me…

“Okay, now that we’re back,” Spike spoke to me as we sat down on a couch in one of the castle’s hallways, “what do you think about the city?”

“It’s… big… and has more things of interest that I expected,” I replied. “And it’s beautiful! And there’s so much love everywhere in it, I can’t imagine ever going hungry again!” Then, pulling myself together, I added, “Do you really think the crystal ponies wouldn’t mind me feeding on it?”

“Hey, that’s entirely up to you, but I’m sure they’ll like you! Just, you know, try not to hiss… it’s kind of scary and they’re prone to freaking out for the smallest of reasons.”

Kind of like me. “I’ll make sure to remember that,” I assured him.

“Oh, there you are!” Princess Twilight came around a corner and joined us; my old reflexes kicked in as soon as I saw her, and I sprang from the couch to the shiny floor and bowed deeply. “I was wondering- oh, Thorax, you don’t have to do that! Please get up!”

I did, though half-expecting to find that her wish had been a test of my submissiveness. Would I get blasted now? I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever was coming.

Nothing happened to me, though, and her aura of love hadn’t turned menacingly dark, so I opened my eyes again. The Princess simply turned to Spike and continued, “Where did you guys disappear to? I couldn’t find you anywhere in the castle!”

“No worries, Twi, I was just showing Thorax the city!”

“Oh. Wait, didn’t you do that earlier today? Before all that… erm, ruckus… in the throne room?”

“Hardly. Between the crystal ponies demanding stories and you teleporting us away, there just wasn’t a chance!”

“You’re right. So, Thorax, how do you like the city?”

“I love it! It’s so much better than anything I’ve ever seen before, I can’t even compare it!”

“Has Spike been a good tour guide?”

“Yes, Your Highness, he’s shown me a great deal!”

She winced slightly.

“You don’t have to call me that, you know! Just Twilight is fine!”

I smiled sheepishly and nodded. “I’ll try, Your Hig- uh, Twilight.”

“So, I was wondering… now that you’re here, would you mind answering a few questions? Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble! I was just thinking, you’re the first changeling I’ve gotten to know, and I’d like to know more about you, both you individually and changelings as a species, and because not much is known about your kind beside what little was observed during the invasion of Canterlot and glimpsed from changelings discovered sporadically and what studying the few deceased changelings available to us was able to reveal, and now that ponies have a non-hostile changeling among them, this is a perfect opportunity to gauge your abilities such as memory and learning-”

“Oh no…” Spike groaned and buried his face in his claws. “Here we go again…”

“-so,” Twilight continued excitedly, oblivious to Spike’s response and my sudden caution about her eagerness, “where is the Crystal Empire Library?”

“Huh?” Had I missed part of the speech?

“Oh come on,” she threw up her hooves, “don’t tell me Spike didn’t show you where the library is!”

“Well, he did, it’s, um…” I thought about it and pointed my hoof in a direction I thought might be correct. “That way? In the Opal Street?”

“Excellent! And the post office?”

“Um… there,” I pointed in a slightly different direction. “Corner of Aquamarine and Amethyst Streets… but why-”

“Crystal Museum?”

“Quartz Street?” I pointed again. “What does this-”

“Twilight…” Spike interjected.

“Sunburst’s house?”

“Granite Street, wha-”

“Twilight!”

“The hospital?”

“Corner of Jade and Ruby-”

“TWIIIIILLLIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

“Yes, Spike?”

“Give Thorax a break! I know you’re perpetually hungry for test subjects for everything, but come on, he doesn’t have to be one on his first day here! I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time for that later!”

Test subject? That didn’t sound good... I cast a worried glance at Spike.

“Don’t worry about it, bud,” he assured me. “Twi here just likes to know everything about everything and doesn’t know when to stop. She has no foul intentions! She’s just naturally over-curious!”

“Ooookay,” I said.

“Well then, I’ll leave you alone now,” Twilight said. “Just one more thing: have you two made any plans for tomorrow?”

“No, not really,” Spike and I said in near-unison.

“Great! Thanks!” She turned to leave, then glanced back and said, “Oh, and which building is in Peridot-”

Spike crossed his arms and huffed loudly, interrupting her.

“Right. Sorry!”

Spike and I spent some more time on the couch, him telling me more about Twilight and her scholarly pursuits, focusing mostly on her tendency to investigate and experiment and have things backfire in the most glorious ways imaginable. I listened eagerly. If only a fraction of it was true, no wonder that she’d submitted me to an interrogation the first chance she got! And by the sound of it, I’d gotten off easily!

Some time into the storytelling, Spike let out a yawn.

“Sorry!” he apologized. “I must be more tired than I realized!”

“Well, it has been quite a day!”

Just then, Princess Cadance arrived. I bowed again.

“Hello, Thorax, and do get up,” she said with a warm smile. “You don’t have to bow all the time, you know. Anyway, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind spending the night in Spike’s room just this once? I’ve assigned you an unoccupied room in the castle, but we haven’t had the time to fully prepare it yet. Do changelings have any special preferences?”

I looked questions at Spike and he nodded.

“Whatever you have is fine, Princess,” I told her.

“And there’s plenty of space for you in my room!” Spike added. “Remember how I’m a celebrity here? That means I get to use the biggest guest room in the castle whenever I come for a visit!”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “To both of you!”

“Well then, I’ll leave you to settle in. Good night!”

“Good night, Princess!”

When she was gone, Spike stifled another yawn.

“Why don’t we turn in for the night?” he suggested.

I agreed and he led me to his room. It was indeed big, much bigger than I’d expected! And every surface looked clean and comfortable, too!

I curled up in an empty corner and closed my eyes.

“Oh no Thorax, you’re not gonna sleep there!” I heard Spike complain and opened my eyes.

“Why? Is this your spot? Sorry, I-”

“No, it’s- why would it- what were you- Why do you want to sleep on the floor?”

“Where else am I supposed to sleep?”

“In the bed, or on the couch, or some other such thing! Don’t you know what a bed is?”

“Yeah, but aren’t beds reserved for royalty and other distinguished individuals?”

He stared at me incredulously.

“Of course not! Everypony sleeps in a bed, or sometimes a couch if a bed is unavailable!” Then, as if a realization hit him, “You’ve never slept in a bed before, have you?”

“No, lowly drones like me would be punished for even daring to think of a possibility of sleeping anywhere other than the floor… unless they’re on a mission that requires sleeping in a bed for the sake of maintaining disguise credibility, I suppose. But in the hive, if anyling has something that resembles a bed, it would be Chrysalis and noling else.” Now that I thought about it, would Pharynx have a bed too if he weren’t tainted by having me for a brother? Or had he been offered one and refused?

“In that case, may I have the honor of presenting to you the first bed you’ll ever sleep in!” He motioned to the large bed in the middle of the room and gave a theatrical bow.

“Oh, Spike, I couldn’t! This is your bed; I couldn’t possibly take it from you!”

“Don’t worry about it, I normally sleep in a basket, and anyway, this bed is too big for me! I can spend one night on the couch!”

“I don’t know, Spike…”

“Thorax.” He fixed a stern glare on me. “Either you’ll get in that bed willingly, or I’ll tie you up and throw you in it!”

“Fine, if you insist…” I got in the bed, still unsure if this was a good idea. “Hey, this is soft!”

“Why else do you think ponies use them?” he chuckled, then grabbed himself a blanket and threw it over the couch. “Well then, now that that’s settled, good night!”

“Good night, Spike!”

“And if I find you on the floor in the morning, you’ll be in for it!”

Heroes

Spike didn’t find me on the floor in the morning. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t planned to humor him for a bit and then move to the floor once he was asleep despite his objections, but the day’s events had worn me out more than I’d realized! Or was it relief that I didn’t have to run and hide anymore? Or both? Yeah, probably both. The comfortable softness of the bed and the warm blankets hadn’t helped any; I’d fallen asleep almost immediately, and had remained soundly asleep until well into the morning hours.

I might have slept longer, had persistent but gentle shaking not aroused me from my dreams.

“Hey Thorax, wake up already, you lazy bedbug!” Spike called, chuckling as he kept prodding me.

“Huh what?” I mumbled, cracking an eye open. “Something happen?”

“Not really, it’s just that everypony else is awake and you missed breakfast.”

That got through. I was instantly on my hooves, eyes wide in panic.

“Eggshells!” I blurted out. “I’m getting punished, aren’t I? How bad will it hurt?”

“Whoa, relax, you’re fine! No one’s gonna punish you! Why would they? Skipping breakfast isn’t a crime!”

“...and oversleeping?”

He sighed and shook his head.

“Ponies aren’t barbarians, Thorax. Why would they go around punishing people for the smallest things?”

I avoided eye contact. How was I supposed to tell him that my whole life had been like that?

He caught on.

“It’s what the hive does, isn’t it?”

I nodded.

“I don’t know whether I’m more interested to hear it or afraid to ask.”

“I’d rather forget that place altogether!”

“That bad, huh? Anyway,” he continued, “Twilight asked me to find you. There are a few ponies here that she’d like you to meet, if you’re interested.”

“Are they friendly?” Please say yes!

“As friendly as they come! You’ll like them, I promise!”

“I’d love to meet some new friends! Lead the way!”

He took me through a couple of hallways and down a stairwell to the part of the castle bustling with activity. The crystal ponies and Royal Guards eyed me curiously as we walked on, keeping their distance, a few of them whispering something to one another, but none of them assaulted me or ran away screaming. I took it as a sign that the Prince and Princess had informed them of me. Whether that was the case for the whole empire or just the castle staff, there was no way to know immediately, but I trusted that they would take the necessary steps if they hadn’t already.

Spike then approached one of the doors and opened it, ushering me inside. I assumed this was a dining hall: a large table dominated the center of the room, and a dozen chairs were placed around it. Flowers and sculptures adorned every nook and corner, and there was a tray with a stack of cups and a funny-looking pot on the table, and seven separate cups placed around, one in front of each pony sitting at the table.

Twilight and Starlight I already knew. Well, that wasn’t completely true; I’d been introduced to the two and had interacted with them, but I knew the other five too well, by sight at least if not by names. Seeing them here made me freeze in place; my smile vanished, my eyes widened again, and my eager anticipation gave way to dread and panic.

With the exception of Starlight, the ponies before me were the same ones I’d watched and rooted for in Canterlot as they fought Chrysalis’ army, the same ponies who had reignited my desire for friendship and ultimately inspired me to persist in seeking it against all odds!

But I was a changeling, and they had fought changelings at least once. It was safe to assume that they didn’t hold my kind in high regard, to say the least. Would they set that hostility aside and give me a chance to show them my real self? Would they believe me? Could they even bring themselves to try?

If only I’d remembered to disguise myself! It might have helped break the ice, or at the very least, it might have curbed my panic until I deemed them ready to see my true form!

But it was too late now; the opening door had interrupted their conversation, and now they were all staring at me as tense silence filled the room.

I cast a frantic glance at Spike, and he gave me a reassuring nod and a pat on the shoulder.

“Everypony, this is Thorax!” Princess Twilight finally announced after what seemed like forever, but was more likely a mere second or two.

The yellow pegasus had already cowered in her chair; the white unicorn looked undecided between screaming and fainting, and the pink earth pony stared at me with exaggerated, almost comical suspicion. The blue pegasus and the orange earth pony looked like they were just waiting for the signal to pounce me.

“Whoa nelly, Twi, Ah thought ya were just spouting a lot of hooey,” said the orange one, “but ya really brought one of them changelings here!”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?” the pink one joined in. “It sounded like a perfect prank, and I get that you’re not much of a prankster, but what do I know, maybe you found a reeeeeeeaaaaaly good book about pranks and decided to try some of them on us, but COME ON!”

“Enough with the talking!” the blue one interjected and flew up from her chair. “I say we kick his rump before he gets any ideas!”

I braced myself to run.

“Rainbow!” Twilight caught her in her magic before she could tackle me and placed her back in the chair, then looked around the table. “I wasn’t lying to you, I’m not pranking you, and I’m not conspiring with the enemy! Please don’t make me repeat the whole speech I just gave you!”

“You made a valid point in that speech, darling,” the white unicorn had recovered enough to voice her opinion, “but you do remember all the dreadful things these ruffians did in Canterlot, don’t you? You simply can’t be suggesting that we should… forgive them?!”

“You forgave me,” Starlight muttered. “Why not him?”

“Ooh! Ooo-ooh!” The pink mare suddenly waved a foreleg and sprang onto the table. “Girls! What if Twilight is a changeling? Maybe she wasn’t pranksterific earlier - maybe the changelings are planning another invasion and stole Twilight and sent the fake Twilight to convince us to befriend an undisguised changeling and make us think they aren’t evil anymore so we’d give him valuable intel and then when we’re careless, BAM! They attack again and eat us! Everypony for herself!” She dashed off and hid inside a flowerpot, her eyes somehow poking from underneath the roots of the plant that had already occupied the said flowerpot.

The yellow pegasus closed her eyes, let out a whimper and started shivering.

I looked at Spike, wondering how this had gone so bad so quickly when he’d insisted that it wouldn't. He opened his mouth to say something, but the orange mare beat him to it.

“Pinkie’s right, y’all,” she said. “Twi, Ah hate to do this, but how’d our first slumber party go?”

“The one with just you and Rarity, or the one where we were all present?”

“Me an’ Rarity was first, so that.”

“It was a disaster because you two couldn’t stop arguing, but a tree saved the day by falling into my bedroom and forcing you to reconcile. Or saved the night… what’s the proper expression?”

“And what was the name of the chicken that got petrified?” the yellow pegasus finally spoke.

“Elizabeak.”

“Remember that time when I ended up in Ponyville Hospital?” Rainbow asked. “What was the reason?”

“You had an accident while attempting a flying stunt and broke your right wing.”

“Hmmmmm. You’re close enough,” Pinkie said, emerging from the flowerpot, “but explain this!” She made a series of quick gestures that I couldn’t even begin to guess the meaning of!

“You zipped your mouth, locked it with a key, dug a hole, threw the key into the hole, filled the hole, built a house, and slid the house on top of the hole.”

“And when did you first see me do that?”

“Years ago, when I was having second thoughts about keeping Rarity and Fluttershy’s secret confessions from one another.”

“Okay, you’re clear!” Pinkie grinned widely as she declared the conclusion that the others must have already reached.

But I wasn’t off the hook yet. She approached me with that exaggerated suspicious glare and looked me over, rubbing her chin. Then, without warning, she peered into my eyes, opened my mouth and peered inside, stretched out my tongue to its full length, examined it, released it abruptly so it nearly hit me in the eyes, stooped down to poke at my leg holes, then sat on my back and wiggled my wings and neck fin - all of which took less than two seconds. Maybe three if I’d counted wrong.

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” she said cheerfully. “Congratulations, you’re friendly!”

“Um…” I started, puzzled by how she’d reached that conclusion, only to be interrupted by her loud gasp, after which she dashed out of the room faster than eyes could follow.

“What just happened?” I asked nopony in particular.

“Heh, it’s Pinkie,” Spike said. “We’ve learned to just roll with it!”

“So, a friendly changeling, huh?” Rainbow flew closer to me. “Did something happen to you or were you always like that?”

“I was always like this.”

“I didn’t think it was possible,” the yellow pegasus spoke again; she had stopped shivering at some point and decided there was no need to be afraid of me after all. “Are there any more like you?”

“Friendly? No, I’m the only one as far as I-”

Pinkie’s speedy return interrupted my reply. She zoomed back into the room, nearly knocking me over, and she hadn’t come empty-hooved: she carried a large plate of cakes in her mouth and another in her hoof, and balanced one on her head, one on her tail, and two on her back. I watched in awe as she deposited each plate onto the table with stunning speed, somehow managing to keep every plate and their contents intact. I would have definitely dropped half the cakes and broken the plates even at normal speed, maybe even if I’d shapeshifted some extra appendages onto myself! How did she do it?

The last plate had barely made contact with the table when she ran off at breakneck speed again, only this time, she was gone a mere second, and returned with-

“Gah!” I squeaked at the sight of a cannon that she was pushing into the room, and as-good-as-teleported under the table, shivering again and regretting every decision I’d ever made in life, especially the one about agreeing to meet these ponies. What had I been thinking? I should have demanded to know whom to expect! And Spike should have known better than to put me at the mercy of cannon-wielding ponies without warning! He had to have known what Pinkie would do! He had known, hadn’t he?

My instinct screamed at me to put on a disguise, but what kind of disguise would help me in this situation? A cannonball would injure or kill me even if I turned into a rock or something similar, and I couldn’t outrun or outfly these ponies, not if I had to dodge cannonballs! Not to mention that a disguise wouldn’t fool them into thinking I wasn’t a changeling at this point!

“Pinkie!” I heard Spike shout at her. “How ‘bout a warning next time?”

“But then it wouldn’t be a surprise- oh.” Her reply registered in my mind but was quickly drowned out by the frantic attempts to think of a way to get out of this mess.

Then, Spike peered under the table with a concerned expression on his face, and the yellow pegasus crawled under and gently stroked my hoof.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You’re not in danger. That isn’t a real cannon; it shoots confetti and streamers. Pinkie uses it for parties and only for parties. I’m sorry we forgot to explain it to you in advance!”

Her voice alone, soothing and warm, would have calmed and reassured me pretty quick, but the pure love she radiated was even more powerful! It wasn’t as strong as that of Princess Cadance - I didn’t think I’d find love stronger than hers if I searched for a million years - but it was powerful nevertheless, and I knew as sure as I’d ever known anything that I could trust this mare with my life!

“A fake cannon?” I mused. “That exists?”

“Yes. I don’t know how many there are in the world, but Pinkie would never fire a real cannon. She just wanted you to have fun, I promise!”

I tilted my head to take a closer look at the cannon. Pinkie leaned in and offered a hoof.

“I’m so so soooooo super-duper sorry for scaring you with my party cannon! I guess I’m so used to everypony liking it that I never thought about what it might look like to you! Can I make it up with extra hugs? Please please please pleeeease let me make it up to you! And I’ll get you twice as many presents for your next birthday party than you normally get! When is your birthday, by the way?”

“I’m not sure… changelings don’t celebrate birthdays.” She gasped again. “Or anything, for that matter.”

“Aww, now we have to throw you a party every day to make up for what you’ve missed! But don’t worry, Auntie Pinkie Pie is on the job and will not disappoint you!”

“I appreciate the gesture, but let’s not overdo it. One party is fine,” I said, getting out from under the table at last. “And thank you for snapping me out of it,” I said to the yellow mare. “Um, I don’t think I caught your name, sorry.”

“No problem! I’m Fluttershy, pleased to meet you! Oh, and these are Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity. And Twilight and Starlight, but you’ve met them already.”

“And I’m honored to meet all of you,” I said with a slight bow. “You’re kind of my personal heroes, if I may say so!”

“Whatever do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked. “Not that we aren’t flattered, that is!”

“I saw you defend the other ponies in Canterlot during the invasion. Your unity is what-”

“Wait, you were there?!” Rainbow got in my face. “I thought you said you’ve always been friendly! And now you’re telling us that we fought you?!”

“Not me personally! I was just hovering around, avoiding conflict!”

“Why were you even there if you didn’t want to fight?”

“Because I wasn’t given a choice! No changeling ever gets to choose what they want to do! We have to obey orders or risk punishment! And I took a huge risk by escaping the hive - Chrysalis will kill me if she ever finds me!”

That calmed her down a little, but unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for myself. I was shivering in terror again at the thought!

“So why’d ya take the risk, then?” Applejack asked.

“Because it was still a lesser evil than what I was going through in the hive on a regular basis,” I sighed. “Please don’t ask for details…”

“There, there, Thorax,” Fluttershy stroked my back. “It’s all in the past, and you’re safe here. If anything happens, you have us to rely on! Right, girls?”

They all agreed readily. Did that count as friendship, even if we’d only just met? It sure felt like it did, especially with all the love coming from them right about now!

Oh, how wonderful it was to have friends!

“Why don’t we sit down?” Starlight invited. “These cakes look delicious!”

“Sure thing!” Spike was the first to accept. “I’m famished!”

The rest of them returned to their seats. I hesitated. Was I expected to sit with them? Would I be allowed to?

“Aren’t you gonna join us?” Spike asked me.

“But… I don’t eat cakes… or any pony food…”

“So what? You can still talk to us!”

“Yes! I can’t wait to hear about how your trip to the Crystal Empire was and where you’ve been and who you’ve met and how many super-duper friends you’ve made!” Pinkie squeaked, then deflated. “Wait, you haven’t made any friends at all, have you? Twi said you were starving when Spike found you and you wouldn’t have been starving if you’d made friends! And I didn’t even hug you like I promised I would!”

She somersaulted off her seat and over the table, landed next to me, and wrapped me in a squeeze that seriously threatened to crumble my carapace.

I gasped for breath. This was a hug? I felt like my eyes were about to pop out of their sockets and fly out the window!

She finally let go. “Better?”

“Yeah… thanks…” For releasing me. I’d have to check myself for injuries later if my body didn’t stop hurting after a while. On second thought, I’d have to check for injuries regardless of when my body stopped hurting.

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” She returned to her seat, this time trotting at a normal pace.

I decided to take a seat too. I had been invited, after all - at least Spike had made it sound like that - and I sure needed a seat after that hug!

“That’s better,” Rarity said and levitated the strange pot I’d seen earlier. “Care for some tea, darling?”

So that was what it was. Should I? It wouldn’t have any nutritional value for me, but I decided I might as well, for the sake of fitting in if for no other reason.

“Sure, I guess,” I said.

She filled a cup and levitated it to me. “Careful, it’s hot!” she warned.

I took the cup in my hooves and attempted to take a sip. A slight problem presented itself: I’d forgotten about the shape and hardness of the cup and hadn’t taken my fangs into account. I pondered briefly whether to shapeshift them away, maybe even turn into a pony while drinking, but decided to postpone the matter, and put the cup down without actually drinking anything. If anypony found it weird, they weren’t showing it, or maybe they decided not to force the matter. Or had they simply assumed that I found the tea to be too hot for drinking right away?

“So, Thorax,” Starlight spoke, “how do you like Equestria?”

“It’s better than the hive, and from what I’ve seen of it, you ponies are living the dream. Though I can’t say that I haven’t gotten in trouble…”

“How so?” Twilight.

“Well, some of it was simply the consequence of being revealed as a changeling, such as in Canterlot and Manehattan-”

“Whoa, hold on just an apple-picking minute,” Applejack raised a hoof. “Ya said ya were in Canterlot before, and Ah know how it ended for y’all, so why upset the apple cart and go there again?”

“The… apple cart?”

“It’s an expression,” Spike told me.

“Oh. Well, I snuck onto a train and didn’t realize where it was going until I got there… otherwise I would have avoided the place at all cost!”

“Fair enough,” Starlight admitted. “But getting your cover blown wasn’t the only issue, I take it?”

“No, there were a few other incidents. For example, I got arrested on my first day in Equestria because some guy called Braeburn or something like that thought I was an apple thief-”

“Braeburn?!” Applejack got on her hooves. “He’s mah cousin, dang nabbit!”

“Really?”

“Darn tootin’ he is! He said somethin’ about an apple thief a while ago, now that Ah think about it! That was you?!”

“I wasn’t stealing anything, I swear! I just tried to hide in a tree and he saw me!”

“Ah suppose ya wouldn’t have much of a reason to steal apples,” she mused. “But why didn’t ya tell ‘em?”

“Tell them what, that he’s a changeling?” Rainbow interjected. “As if that would have made things any better!”

“Yes,” I said. “I don’t suppose you can help me explain it to him somehow, sort out the mess I made? I wanted to apologize, I just couldn’t think of a way to do it without sending myself to the dungeons for the rest of my life!”

“Ah’ll see what Ah can do,” she promised.

“I bet that would have never happened in Ponyville,” Pinkie muttered.

“Well, the problem I had in Ponyville was of a different nature…”

“Goodness!” Fluttershy gasped. “What happened? You didn’t get hurt or anything, did you?”

“I was disguised as a bird and ran into you… Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with you; I couldn’t! Your love is so pure and sincere and… actually, that kind of was the problem, but not in the way you think…”

“I don’t follow.”

“Right. You thought I was a bird and nuzzled me, and love came off from you in droves, and it did wonders for my hunger, but then I freaked out because I was feeding on you without your consent and I’d vowed I’d never do that under any condition! So I broke off from you and fled, and you were visibly sad because of it, and I wanted to go back and comfort you, but couldn’t! Please forgive me if you can!”

“Oh, of course I forgive you! Why wouldn’t I? By the way, you didn’t have to leave so quickly! I’m sure I would have understood even then!”

“I don’t know, Fluttershy,” Twilight said. “You might have gotten past your fear and understood, but the rest of us probably wouldn’t have listened! Even I needed some convincing yesterday when Spike brought him along, and I’m the Princess of Friendship! I should have been the first to befriend him, not wait for Spike to practically give up his status of a hero for Thorax’s sake!”

“That status wouldn’t have been worth the ash from last year’s fire if I’d neglected to help someone in need,” he said.

“We understand your point, but it shouldn’t have come to that,” Starlight said. “It only goes to show that caution can’t justify prejudice! Who knows how many other potential friendships and alliances haven’t been forged because somepony couldn’t look past their preconceptions and see the good in others!”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you did at least in my case!” I said.

“Aww, grouphug!” Pinkie called out.

Everyone got right to it and snatched me up to partake in the hug before I knew what was happening, and it was one of the best moments I’d ever had!

Old Misunderstanding

I woke up early the next morning. The train that would take me to Appleloosa was due to leave at what would be breakfast time for ponies, and though I didn’t have much to do in terms of preparations other than to put my pouch of money into one of Sunburst’s old saddlebags that he’d lent me for the duration of my travel, I wanted to be sure I wouldn’t miss it. My escort, Sentinel, was already waiting with her Royal Guard gear stuffed in a suitcase. Though I knew today’s shift was supposed to be hers normally, I hadn’t been sure that Shining wouldn’t assign somepony else to keep an eye on me outside of Crystal Empire’s borders. Unless he’d arranged for more guards to join us further down the line?

I was about to head for the train station when Shining and Cadance intercepted me.

“I didn’t say this was a casual trip, soldier,” he told Sentinel.

“I understand, Sir, but there’s no need to attract attention by being in full body armor.” She tapped her suitcase. “I’ve packed it anyway. The crossbow, too.”

“This isn’t an undercover mission!”

“Permission to speak freely?”

He frowned. “Granted.”

“It isn’t a mission to spread panic and confusion, either. How often do Royal Guards travel by train to remote villages that aren’t their hometown? What I’m trying to do here is to maintain order by ensuring I don’t become inspiration for rumors about some unknown enemy or a government conspiracy or whatever else ponies with wild imagination might deduce.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little paranoid?”

“Maybe, but aren’t all military operations paranoid to some extent?”

“Fine,” he relented. “Do as you wish, but if the bug gets out of control for one second…”

“He won’t, Sir! I promise you that!”

He nodded as if not fully convinced and trotted off. Cadance remained with us.

“Do you have everything you need?” she asked me. “Enough money for the ticket? Blankets if it gets cold? Something to pass the time with?”

“I didn’t think I’d need any of that except the money. How much is the ticket, anyway?”

“I haven’t travelled that far in a while and can’t tell you for sure, but it’ll probably be somewhere between one hundred and one hundred and fifty bits.”

“Oh...” I let my ears drop. “I can’t afford the ticket. Guess I’m staying here after all…”

“No worries,” she said, teleported another pouch to herself, counted two hundred bits, and gave them to me. “Now you have enough.”

“I can loan you if you need more,” Sentinel added.

“But Princess, you gave me that much money less than a week ago!”

“I did, but that was never going to be the only money I’d ever give you! I would have done it tomorrow anyway!”

“But I can’t keep leeching you off like that forever!”

“Thorax, it’s called an allowance, not leeching, and it’s a common thing for parents to give to their not-yet-adult children. Now, I’m not your mother and you’re probably an adult, but you’re still finding your place in the world and I’m responsible for you, therefore our relationship is somewhat akin to that between a mother and a child, and because of that, you have no reason to feel bad about accepting money I give you.”

I glanced at Sentinel. She nodded encouragingly.

“Uh, thanks, I guess.” I accepted the bits hesitantly and put them in my saddlebag. Sunburst’s saddlebag, I corrected myself. “Well, time to get moving!”

“Safe journey, and good luck!” Cadance wished.

“Thank you!”

The walk to the train station was uneventful, and so was the wait for the train. Sentinel and I bought return tickets for one hundred and sixty-five bits each and that was the only thing worth mentioning until the train rolled lazily onto the platform. I adopted my Crystal Hoof disguise and we entered the train car and found our seats. A few more minutes passed until the train started moving, and only three other passengers had arrived in the meantime.

“I kind of expected more ponies would be on the train,” I said at some point, not really expecting an explanation.

“This is the first station on this train’s route and it’s still pretty early in the day,” Sentinel informed me. “There’ll be more in the later trains, and this one will pick up more passengers along the way.”

“Do you know how long this trip is?”

“All day. We’ll arrive after sunset, but I’ve never actually travelled to Appleloosa, so I can’t be more precise.”

“That late?!”

“It’s across Equestria. What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. But honestly, Sentinel, the more I see of pony society and lifestyle, the more my expectations are proven wrong. I never expected that ponies and changelings would be this different! What if we’re so different that I won’t be able to find a common language with Braeburn and the sheriff to convince them that it was all a misunderstanding and that I meant no harm? What if I fail to get them to even listen?”

“You’re forgetting something.”

“I am?”

“Yes. You probably would struggle on your own, but you aren’t alone in this. You’ve got Applejack and me to back you up.”

“You? Didn’t Shining order you to keep me disciplined?”

“Why, do you need to be kept disciplined?” She smirked. “Shining is proving himself to be an idiot, to put it politely. I mean, how much proof does he need to finally realize that you’re not a bloodthirsty monster? Unless he actually knows it and is taking out his frustrations on you because it’s convenient for him, in which case he’s a jerk.” She leaned against the window. “Seeing him like this makes me wish I hadn’t quit the Wonderbolts Academy. I bet Spitfire would have at least tried to be reasonable if you’d landed on her turf.”

“Wonderbolts? They’re the group of fliers that Rainbow Dash is in, aren’t they?”

“Yes. The most talented fliers in all of Equestria, and dare I say, beyond! But Rainbow and I never crossed paths. My time with them was over long before she became a cadet, in fact before they even knew of her.”

“How do you know that they didn’t?”

“Because they met her in a competition where Rainbow saved the lives of three Wonderbolts, one of which was Captain Spitfire.”

“She did that? Wow! What happened?”

“One of the competitors got a little carried away with her performance and knocked them out while they were all in mid-air. I wasn’t there. I heard the story from several different sources and each version was different, some of them all the way down to ridiculous.” She snickered. “For example, one claimed that the competitor was a unicorn, and another that she had butterfly wings. Ridiculous, huh?”

“Maybe she was a changeling,” I suggested jokingly.

“You know, that’s the most likely theory I’ve heard yet!”

We both laughed.

“So why did you leave the Academy?”

“I had a change of priorities. The Wonderbolts seemed so cool and awesome when I was a filly, and I was thrilled when they accepted me into the Academy, but about halfway through, I realized I wanted more from my life than popularity and fancy flying. I thought it was just a phase I’d grow out of, so I pushed myself almost to the graduation before I realized it was pointless and transferred to the Royal Guard. Good thing is, the Wonderbolts have a historic connection with Equestrian military, so my Academy time was acknowledged as the agility-and-endurance part of their curriculum and I only had to spend eight months in bootcamp, learning hoof-to-hoof combat and weapons usage.”

“Did the Wonderbolts forgive you?”

“For leaving them? Spitfire had quite a mouthful to unload on me when I came to tell her, and she and some of the others still pretend to be mad about it, but I don’t think they are, not anymore, anyway. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“C’mon, everypony says you guys only attack other lands and steal love, but I can’t believe that’s all you do! You for one don’t strike me as the military type! So, what did you do before you decided to go away and live with us?”

“I’m going to have to disappoint you. Attacking or infiltrating other lands and stealing love really is all we do! Unless you count those deemed incompetent for battle or infiltration or prey hunting, who are relegated to basic maintenance tasks, which are considered a disgrace even for those who got there by being too injured to fight. I was a janitor in low-clearance areas.”

“Hold on, a disgrace? Really?! You consider your war veterans a disgrace?!”

“I don’t.”

“I didn’t mean you personally! But why?”

“Chrysalis says that they wouldn’t have allowed themselves to get that injured if they were any good at fighting, or loyal to the hive, or both. That’s if the injured soldier is a low-rank grunt, at least. The higher-ranking ones get assigned to less disgraceful non-combative positions such as archive duty, but everyling is supposed to pretend they don’t notice the double standard because, you know, ‘they used to be loyal sub-commanders and they deserve better than to sweep floors’ or whatever.”

“Mother of Celestia, I don’t believe this… And you all put up with that?”

I shrugged. “What else can we do?”

“Well, you escaped! Why don’t the others? Or why don’t you organize a riot and force her to respect you? Or-”

“We can’t! She’d kill us all! Not to mention that I can’t think of a single changeling beside myself who doesn’t agree with her!”

“Talk about brainwashing… Okay, let’s change the subject. I’m afraid to ask anything more about you guys!”

“And I’d like to forget them. Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

She thought about it.

“I have no idea. You?”

“No,” I admitted.

“You mind if I eat my sandwich, then? I skipped breakfast so I wouldn’t be late for the train.”

“Sure!”

She pulled the sandwich out of her suitcase and took a bite. I looked through the window. We were passing between mountains; the Crystal Empire had long ago disappeared on the horizon, and Equestria had yet to come into full view. I caught a glimpse of green terrain between the mountain peaks once or twice, but whether that was Equestria or some other land, I couldn’t tell.

“You want a bite?” Sentinel asked eventually.

“The sandwich? No, thanks, I don’t eat that.”

“Of course you don’t. Silly me,” she forced a chuckle.

“Don’t worry about it. Now that I look like a crystal pony, it might be easy to forget that I’m not really one.”

“That it is.” She took another bite. “What does love taste like?”

“That’s complicated. It doesn’t have a fixed taste, for the lack of a better word, or even a physical taste akin to pony food as far as I understand pony food. I’m not sure if I even have a proper frame of reference to compare it with. But generally speaking, and this is only a rough comparison, it’s like a calming warmth, with nuances that depend on whether it’s friendly, familial, romantic, and so on, as well as varying a little between individuals. It’s also influenced by other emotions. For example, being happy will make the love aura brighter and warmer, being sad will darken it, and fear will cause it to become murky and cold, to name a few. But whatever it tastes like, it’s invariably the best sensation we can imagine! I know this is vague, but did it at least give you an idea?”

“A vague one, like you said, but yes.” She grinned and ate the last bite of her sandwich.

The train came to a halt. We were at a train station; the sign at the platform said, ‘Green Neigh’.

“Welcome to Equestria, Thorax,” Sentinel said.

Like Sentinel had predicted, the train gradually filled up with ponies as the journey went on. This had an effect on our conversation: by an unspoken agreement, we decided to avoid discussing changeling-related topics, lest we draw too much attention to ourselves, so we ran out of ideas for maintaining the conversation a little after Detrot. We spent most of the rest of the journey looking through the window, and I even dozed off at some point.

Contrary to Cadance’s assumption that I’d grow bored enough to require something to entertain myself with such as a book, I found the travel itself an entertaining and pleasant experience. Watching the landscapes from the comfortable seat in a train car, surrounded by the warm aura of love of my fellow passengers, was the kind of experience I’d never known before! My only contact with trains up to that point had been a ride in cargo space away from Ponyville in somewhat of a hurry, and as luck had had it, I’d ended up in the one city in Equestria I’d intended to avoid at all cost! But this was different; I’d planned this trip, I’d had the money to buy the ticket with, and next to me was a pony who intended to help me if she could. Not even Shining’s wrath or the possibility that I was heading to my doom were enough to shake my good mood!

It was dark by the time we arrived in Appleloosa, and seeing the village again killed my spirits as memories flooded my mind. I hadn’t really been in danger then, especially compared to everything that had happened since, but that hardly made it easier to walk down the street and act as if I’d never seen these ponies before, as if they hadn’t watched my differently-disguised self get dragged to the sheriff’s office in chains, thinking who-knows-what and murmuring among themselves. Chances were I’d face a reprise of that soon! Would they understand what I’d tell them and ask of them? Would they care? Would they even bother to listen?

Did they already know?

“Sentinel,” I spoke to her quietly, “where do you think we’ll find Applejack?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “We could ask around in the morning. She might be with that cousin that was mentioned, but it’s a little late for visits, even if she is expecting you. She’s said to be a farmer, therefore she’s probably an early-rise, early-to-bed type, and could be asleep by now.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“Villages like these usually have an inn, and sometimes the inn has rooms one can rent for the night. Some even sell food. Even if Appleloosa doesn’t have that, it might be worth asking. Somepony might have a spare room we could use for a price.”

“What if I don’t have enough money? I might have to find a place to hide instead…”

“Isn’t that what you tried the last time you were here? Relax, this isn’t anything like a five-star hotel on Bridleway! The rooms should be cheap!”

“If you say so…”

“And since you’re a crystal pony for the time being, it wouldn’t be very convincing to claim that you’re my brother or cousin. What would you prefer: friend, coworker, coltfriend, husband?”

Husband?! Wasn’t that a little extreme?

“Wait, forget the coltfriend or husband. You look a little too young to be romantically involved with me.”

“Wasn’t going to pick that anyway. I prefer friend,” I said.

“Okay, but don’t be surprised if they insist that we take separate rooms. I’ll try to get them to put us in the same one if they have such accommodations. Should be cheaper that way.”

“You’re the boss! Um, is that the correct phrase?”

“Yep!”

We found the inn and got inside, and Sentinel approached the pony who I assumed was working there. She must have started a discussion about rooms, but I tuned her out quickly. The noise might have had something to do with it, but I mostly cowered under the odd-tasting aura of love coming from the other ponies and their curious glare. Even a few buffalo were there, gorging themselves on pies! I knew they wouldn’t recognize me in this form, but their presence alone tugged at my composure. And the more I tried to focus on acting normally, the worse it got!

“Hey! Equestria to Crystal Hoof!” Sentinel gave me a gentle shove. “Do you copy?”

“Huh? What?”

“Are you drunk from the fumes already? C’mon, we got a room upstairs.”

“Oh. Good,” I said absent-mindedly and followed her. To my marginal relief, the ponies and buffalo weren’t showing much interest in us anymore as we ascended the stairs.

The room was small and basic, with two beds, a small table between them, and a dresser in a corner. There were no decorations other than curtains, not that I expected or needed any, and the noise from below was only slightly muffled.

“I’m going to find a bathroom,” Sentinel said. “Choose whichever bed you want, but stay awake and leave the door unlocked until I return. I don’t want to spend the rest of the night banging on the door trying to wake you!”

“With this noise, I might not realize it’s you even while awake,” I agreed.

“Yeah, good point. Be back in a minute!”

We overslept a little the next morning, thanks to the inn’s patrons keeping us awake well into the night, but not so much that anypony would have come looking for us. For once, I’d correctly assumed that might happen; Sentinel had only paid for a single night and was eager to get us out before either the ponies assumed that we’d stay for one more night, which was still a possibility if we failed to find Applejack and Braeburn and do what we were here to do, or they decided to kick us out, which wouldn’t bode well for Sentinel’s reputation if the course of the events forced her to act in official capacity as a Royal Guard. Plus, she was hungry, her food supplies had run out on the train, and apparently the inn didn’t serve breakfast. There weren’t even any leftover pies after last night.

Finding Applejack turned out to be an easier task than expected: we’d barely stepped out of the inn when I heard a familiar voice call at me.

“Crystal Hoof? Ya made it here already?”

I turned to the source of the surprised-in-a-good-way shout. Applejack was trotting toward me, followed by none other than Braeburn! I gasped a little at the sight of him and prayed that he hadn’t noticed, or if he had, that he’d misinterpreted it as an expression of surprise for finding Applejack so quickly. Surely he wouldn’t have recognized me in this form, right? Even if its basic features were similar to those I’d used in the disguise he’d seen before?

Relax, Thorax, of course he wouldn’t recognize you! Earth ponies don’t randomly become crystal ponies so far away from the Crystal Heart! He might notice the similarity but probably won’t think any of it! And if he does catch on, isn’t that what you’re here for?

“Um, hi, Applejack,” I said. “We came here last night, but you were probably asleep by then.”

“An’ who’s yer friend?”

“Sentinel,” she introduced herself.

“Well howdy, Sentinel!” They bumped hooves. “Pleased to make yer acquaintance! Y’all ever been to these parts?”

“No, I’m afraid not. It’s a long way from the Crystal Empire.”

Applejack’s posture and facial expression changed ever so slightly, but I was sure she understood the implications: I’m a Royal Guard escorting Thorax and we don’t want it known yet.

“Well that’s just dandy!” Braeburn interjected. “Crystal Empire’s said to be pretty and all, but I say you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced all that we have to offer, and that starts with me showing you the town of Aaaaaaaaapplelooooooosa!”

He’d barely finished his sentence when his aura of love emitted a warm surge and he pranced excitedly, grabbed all three of us, and dragged us on a tour of the village that we struggled to keep up with in terms of speed, and that made me so dizzy that I feared I’d lose my disguise any second! What was up with this guy? He clearly loved his village, but seriously, even Pinkie didn’t have that much energy!

The hurricane ended abruptly and we found ourselves standing in front of a cottage, eyes spinning wildly, and somehow still in possession of our luggage. Disguise, too, miraculously. Applejack recovered quickly, almost as if she’d already been subjected to such a treatment before, and so did Sentinel, who definitely would have been subjected to similar treatment in bootcamp, but I needed a moment longer. Okay, maybe more than a moment.

“And this is my humble home,” Braeburn concluded. “Do come in! Care for some apple fritters? Apple pie? Applejack here is a superb baker!”

“It sounds wonderful,” Sentinel accepted as we entered the cottage and set the suitcase and saddlebag aside. “I think I’ll take a slice, thank you!”

“And you?” Braeburn asked me.

“Um… thanks, but I’m… I’m not really hungry.”

“Oh come on! Everypony loves my cousin’s fritters and pies!”

“Everypony except Prince Blueblood,” Applejack muttered.

“Maybe later?” I pleaded, hoping to avoid it altogether.

“Now you’re just plain offending my cousin!”

“Braeburn, really,” Applejack interjected. “If he says he ain’t hungry, Ah ain’t gonna push him!”

“I say it’s a darn shame, but have it your way.” We sat at the table and he fetched the food. “You’re welcome to change your mind, you know,” he told me again.

Sentinel forgot all manners and got right to it: three fritters were gone in less time than it would take me to shapeshift, and a big slice of pie followed it at only a marginally slower speed. I couldn’t help but sympathize with her; I knew hunger to its most desperate depths! And judging from how her love aura warmed a little during and after the meal, Braeburn hadn’t lied about the food being delicious! It made me wish I could digest pony food, but as it was, the results could eventually turn… rather unpleasant… to say the least.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding!” Sentinel said. “This must be the best breakfast I’ve had in years! Where do you get the apples?”

“We grow them. See that orchard?” He pointed at a window.

I hadn’t noticed it on arrival, and apparently neither had Sentinel, but sure enough, a vast orchard stood proudly behind the house. Was this the same one I’d been in before? Probably, but why didn’t I remember this cottage? Had I been so distraught that I’d stopped paying attention, or had the sheriff led me away by a different route?

I snuck a questioning glance at Sentinel and Applejack. They both gave a barely perceptible nod as if to tell me to trust them.

“Wow, impressive! Must be a lot of hard work!” she said.

“That it is, but we don’t mind! The orchard’s our pride and joy! Though its history isn’t entirely without trouble…”

“What do you mean?”

“The village borders the buffalo territory, and they didn’t like where we planted the orchard and were trying to sabotage our efforts to set it up. Turns out the field is their traditional stampeding grounds, but we didn’t know that, and even if they’d bothered to tell us, it wouldn’t have mattered because this is the only fertile stretch of land for miles!”

“An’ they nearly went to war over it!” Applejack interjected. “Ah’m glad they agreed to compromise in the end, or Ah don’ know what woulda happened to the town!”

“What did you do?”

“We cut a path through the orchard wide enough for the buffalo tribe to stampede through, and they agreed to let the rest of the orchard remain.”

“You share the land,” Sentinel nodded in awe.

“Yep! And let me tell you, the trees are prospering somethin’ fierce! They even attracted a thief, what was it, about a year ago? I caught him in the act, sheriff put him in jail overnight, but he was gone in the morning! Never found trace of him again!”

Applejack, Sentinel, and I shared a meaningful glance. I knew what they wanted to tell me: Braeburn had just mentioned the incident that I’d been involved in, and this was the perfect chance to come forward. But I was beginning to second-guess myself nervously under the weight of possible bad outcomes: was this really a good idea? What if it went wrong? I didn’t want to go to prison, and I especially didn’t want to die there, which was pretty much guaranteed if I ended up locked in the same cell as any other captured drones! But I’d promised myself that I’d come clean to Braeburn if I ever got the chance!

Okay, Thorax, take a deep breath and calm down! You’ve got friends with you; they’ll make sure things go fine! Just gather up the courage and speak already!

“Actually, Braeburn, I... I might know something about that thief,” I finally said.

“You do? How? Has he been stealing in the Crystal Empire?”

“Not exactly,” Sentinel interjected.

“Then what?”

“I’ll tell you, but…” I fumbled. “The sheriff should hear it too, and I’d rather not have to tell the same story more than once. Can you take us to him?”

“Or bring ‘im here?” Applejack suggested. “Ah’ll keep them guests entertained, an’ ya know sheriff loves mah pies!”

“Sure, cousin,” Braeburn agreed. “Be right back!”

When he left, so did my composure. I let my disguise drop and started shivering at the thought of what was surely coming, barely controlling the urge to turn into a pebble and fling myself into the orchard where he wouldn’t find me so easily.

“Burst mah buttons, Thorax, Ah can’t believe ya had the guts to actually go through with it!” Applejack said, looking through the window after Braeburn. Then she turned around and noticed my pitiable state. “Ah’m guessin’ y’all are wishin’ ya hadn’t?”

“Sort of,” I squeaked.

“Come now, Ah know it’s terrifyin’ to think y’all are bound for prison, but dontcha worry! Ah’ll keep ya out of it if it’s the last thing Ah’ll do!”

“What if it won’t be enough?”

She stomped her hoof. “That’s just stinkin’ thinkin’! Ah know ya did nothin’ wrong an’ Ah’ll make Braeburn and Sheriff listen! An’ Ah ain’t one to give up!”

“Your determination is admirable, Applejack,” Sentinel said, “But Thorax has a point. This isn’t going to be easy!”

“Whatcha suggestin’, sister?”

“You might be able to handle Braeburn, but the sheriff will be a whole different ballgame.” She opened her suitcase and started taking out armor plates. “Something tells me I’m going to have to back you up in official capacity.”

“Right. Royal Guards outrank a sheriff.”

“Exactly. I’d rather not have to pull that card, but I will if I have to.”

“What will Shining Armor say to that?” I asked.

“Do I look like I care?” She finished putting on the main section of the armor and reached for the horseshoes. “If you ask me, he should have come here himself to speak on your behalf, not thrown you into the lion pit hoping you’d get eaten!”

“I sure feel like I’m about to get eaten,” I sighed.

“Aw come here!” Applejack embraced me in a friendly hug. “Easy there, buddy. Ah know it’s hard, but there ain’t no backing out anymore, an’ we’ve got yer back!”

“They’re coming!” Sentinel announced, looking through the window. “Get ready! And Thorax, we’ve got you!”

She put on her helmet, took her crossbow, and hid behind a cupboard. Applejack and I sat at the table again, and I became Crystal Hoof again - and right on time, as the door opened and Braeburn and the sheriff trotted in.

“Howdy there, I’m back!” Braeburn announced.

“So this is the fellow?” the sheriff asked, eyeing me curiously, though without hostility. “Gotta admit, we’ve never had a crystal pony ‘round these parts.”

“Sheriff, this is Crystal Hoof,” Braeburn introduced me. “Crystal Hoof, this is Sheriff Silverstar. Uh, where’s Sentinel?”

“She’ll be along,” Applejack said vaguely. “Said we can start without ‘er.”

Braeburn and Silverstar sat at the remaining chairs, the ones we’d strategically left vacant so that they’d have their backs turned to Sentinel in her hiding spot.

“So, Crystal Hoof,” Silverstar started, “Braeburn here tells me that you know something about the thief we caught in his orchard some months ago?”

I opened my mouth to confirm, but Applejack halted me with a hoof on my shoulder.

“Before ya say anythin’,” she said, “Ah wantcha ta promise me somethin’, Sheriff. Promise y’all will listen to the whole story before ya do anythin’. Dontcha make any moves until ya hear ‘im out, okay?”

“Don’t you worry, Applejack, I’ve learned my lesson after Troubleshoes. I’ll listen.” He turned back to me and raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

His posture and aura of love were too relaxed to suggest that he might be suspicious of me, which would have been a good thing in any other circumstance, but I remembered too well how readily he’d arrested me last time. Not that I hadn’t given him what had looked like a reason… but this time, he was about to have every reason to arrest me right away! Could I count on him to keep the promise he’d made to Applejack? Had it even been a promise? Would he refuse to listen to Applejack and Sentinel too?

Enough, I told myself. I’d made a vow that I’d do this, and there was no turning back now! Stalling would only make things worse! I took a deep breath to calm myself as much as I could, at least to keep my voice from quivering too much, knowing it wouldn’t last long.

“Um, you all assumed you were dealing with a thief, but you weren’t,” I started. “The whole situation was a misunderstanding.”

“Then why didn’t he explain it then and there?”

“Because telling the truth wasn’t an option. Not at the time, anyway.”

“That’s not helping, son, and it’s too cryptic to make any sense. He couldn’t say anything to us, but telling you was fine? How do you even know him?”

“I am him,” I finally stated.

They looked at me as if I’d said that cows grow on trees.

“Excuse me, how am I supposed to believe that? Granted, there is a bit of similarity between you and him, but he must be twice your age, not to mention that he’s an earth pony and you’re not!”

“That’s what I’m getting at. I don’t normally look like this, but I had to in order to come here safely.” I dropped my disguise. “See what I mean?”

No more words were required. Braeburn recoiled so hard that he fell off his chair, and Silverstar sprang up furiously.

“Bloody Tartarus!” he growled. “I will not have a changeling roaming free in my town! Seize him!”

“Dang nabbit, Sheriff,” Applejack countered, “y’all promised ya’d listen to the whole story!”

“Cousin?” Braeburn said incredulously, getting up from the floor. “You knew about this?!”

“Course Ah knew!”

“And you let this thing come here? To my house? Are you out of your mind?”

“Or worse,” Silverstar interjected, “she could be a changeling herself!”

“Ah’m not a changelin’!”

“Likely story!” Both of them tensed up their muscles; they were going to beat us into submission if my previous experience, both with drones and with ponies, was anything to go by!

“Alright, that’s enough!” Sentinel flew out of her hiding spot to hover above Applejack and me, holding the other two on the other end of her crossbow. “No fighting on my watch, or I will put these arrows to use! Sit down, all of you!”

They obeyed, but their auras of love were piercingly ice-hot; they passionately and furiously hated me, or the situation they were in, or most likely, both.

“Sentinel?” Braeburn muttered, dumbfounded. “You’re a Royal Guard?”

“Yes. I was tasked to escort Thorax - that’s his real name, by the way - and to provide assistance if necessary.” She landed next to me, crossbow slightly lowered but still ready to use it if given a reason. An excuse? Perhaps it was better that I didn’t know.

“Escort? From where?”

“The Crystal Empire, where he’s been living for the past few weeks.”

“Now, I know that’s a lie!” Braeburn said. “Applejack here went to the Crystal Empire recently and said nothing about changelings on the prowl! That’s it! You’re all changelings!”

“Only me!” I said urgently; as I’d feared, this was getting out of control fast! “They’re both ponies!”

“Prove it,” Silverstar demanded with a scowl.

“How?” Braeburn protested. “I don’t think we can believe anything they say!”

“The only way I can think of other than asking questions,” I suggested cautiously, “is that changelings can’t maintain their disguise while unconscious, so if we can achieve that-”

“Nopony’s knocking anypony out on my watch!” Silverstar shot back.

“I have another way,” Sentinel said grimly, “but I was hoping we wouldn’t have to resort to it.”

What was she talking about?

“I’m listening,” the sheriff said.

She trotted to her suitcase, took something wrapped up in a piece of cloth, put it onto the table, and unwrapped it. It was a rolled-up chain.

“Captain Shining Armor cast a spell on this on the eve of our departure,” she explained. “He said the spell automatically extends itself onto any metallic object the chain comes in contact with, for as long as that contact is maintained. It was meant primarily as a security enhancement because he still doesn’t trust Thorax, but I think it’ll just as easily clear your doubts.” She turned to me. “You probably have an idea by now which spell that is, and believe me, I wish I had a better option. But I’ll understand if you don’t want to go through with it.”

“I don’t think I have a choice,” I replied hesitantly, looking uneasily at the chain. Yes, I knew what the spell was, and I too wished it didn’t require my cooperation to prove my friends’ identities. But they were here for me, and I owed it to them!

“So how does it work?” the sheriff asked.

“The spell is activated by physical contact, and it’s changeling-specific. It does nothing to ponies.”

“So we touch it? Like this?” Braeburn put his hoof on the chain.

“Yes.” Sentinel put her hoof on it too.

Applejack and Silverstar joined. Now it was my turn, and all eyes were on me: Braeburn and Silverstar’s frowning, Applejack’s puzzled, and Sentinel’s pleading, probably for forgiveness for what she’d suggested.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and cringed as I moved my foreleg slowly toward the chain. Beads of sweat rolled down my head, and I bit my lip about halfway there. When my hoof was close, I closed my eyes; I’d come in contact with the chain any moment-

ZAP!

Before I knew it, I was oozing down a wall.

What a jolt! I might have forgotten the details, but hadn’t the spell he’d used on the bars of my prison cell been weaker than this? Was it simply the case of having had the time to perfect a freshly-learned spell, or had he deliberately made it stronger this time? And what had been the reason? Avoiding the risk of spell weakening when transferred onto any prison bars he’d hoped would hold me? Wanting to make sure the spell would last long enough for me to reach prison without needing to be refreshed? Pure spite?

All eyes were still on me, as wide as they could get, when my head stopped spinning and allowed me to dare to open my own eyes and attempt to get up off the floor. All eyes but Sentinel’s; hers were avoiding me as if her life depended on it, and her face was distorted in a grimace.

“I’m sorry, Thorax,” she whispered. “I didn’t think it would be that strong!”

“What in tarnation…” Applejack muttered.

“I’ll be damned,” Braeburn said. “This really works!”

“On an undisguised changeling,” Silverstar corrected him. “How do we know the spell recognizes a disguise as such?”

“It does,” Sentinel said.

“Forgive me if I don’t believe it until I see it,” he insisted.

“Haven’t you seen enough?”

“Ah know Ah have,” Applejack stated, then got off her chair and approached me. “Are ya alright, sugarcube?”

“Sugarcube?!” Braeburn exclaimed. “That’s no ‘sugarcube’! That’s a disgusting, filthy-”

“We get it!” Sentinel interrupted him.

“Consarn it, Braeburn! He ain’t no disgustin’, filthy-whatever-y’all-were-gonna-say, an’ Ah ain’t lettin’ ya treat ‘im like this!”

“Calm down, Applejack,” the sheriff interjected, examining the chain more closely. Was he looking for a mechanism that could fake the spell’s effects as needed? “This wasn’t a pretty sight, I agree, but I’m afraid I still need proof the spell works on a disguised changeling too.”

“Oh, for the love of zap apples… Why’re y’all just standin’ there, Sentinel? Ain’t ya gonna say somethin’? This is crazy!”

Sentinel sighed and hung her head. “I’m afraid we’ll have to do this, Applejack. The sheriff requested proof and we’re obliged to give it to him, whether we like it or not.” She turned to him. “May I at least request that Thorax is allowed to recover before subjecting him to this again?”

He shook his head and placed the chain back onto the table, apparently satisfied with it. “I don’t have all day, missy, and I’m sure Braeburn doesn’t, either.”

“It’s okay, I’ll do it,” I said, getting up shakily. “Let’s get it over with.”

“No you won’t!” Sentinel protested. “Look at you! You can barely stand on your hooves as it is! Do it later if they insist, but right now it’s too dangerous for you! We’ll think of something in the meantime!”

“I appreciate your concern, Sentinel, but I’ll be fine! I think. It can’t be the worst thing I’ve ever been through, can it?”

“I’m not going to talk you out of it, am I?”

“Don’t worry, I’m ready!” I wasn’t. “The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go on with the rest.”

“Okay, fine. But for the record, I still think it’s a bad idea.”

Braeburn and Silverstar were already waiting with their hooves on the chain. Applejack and Sentinel joined them reluctantly. I took a deep breath and became Crystal Hoof again, then approached the table, gritted my teeth, squeezed my eyes shut, and reached for the chain.

ZAP!

I felt my disguise dissolve on impact with the wall, and the world went dark.

Author's Note

I know there’s going to be some confusion so let me try to explain.

I imagine changelings being able to differentiate two different flavors of aura coldness:

Ice-cold implies a passive coldness of a love aura, meaning an absence of positive emotions that would warm the aura, while also lacking any notable negative emotions, sort of an emotional vacuum if you will. Such an aura primarily implies indifference or aloofness, but may in some cases be found in mild sadness as well.

Ice-hot, on the other hoof, implies an active coldness that comes with strong negative emotions, most notably hatred. Does not contradict the red-hot anger, with which it can and often does coexist.

Light and Love

The buttercup sapling was growing nicely in its new planter. I watered it daily, and every now and then, a pony or two came to me and struck up a conversation. Most of those revolved around two things: either they admired my flower, or they wanted to let me know they’d grown past the distrust they’d had for me originally and wondered if I’d like to hang out with them. The invitations were nice enough on the face of it, but whenever I asked for particulars, the replies were something along the lines of ‘I’ll get back to you’. Though somewhat disappointed, I took it in stride; at least they were making an effort to be polite, and it didn’t feel right to me to force the matter just so I could say I’d spent time with somepony new! Having many friends would be great, and though I’d used to think purely in terms of quantity, I’d learned since that having a few close, genuine friends meant more than being on just okay terms with everypony. Of course, that didn’t mean I was going to dismiss further chances to forge friendships, but I wanted those friendships to grow spontaneously from the heart rather than be forced into existence out of a sense of obligation, which, I was beginning to discover, was mostly the case with the ponies stopping by my flower when I was around.

Not all of them fit that pattern, though; groups of fillies and colts had asked me to join their games a few times when they were short on participants, and I’d obliged and had a wonderful time! Some of the little faces had been familiar: one or two I’d played in the snow with, and I was pretty sure a few had run away from me in my first days here. It warmed my heart to find that they’d gotten past their initial fears and decided to include me in their lives!

A few adult faces made their return, too. Spotless brought fertilizer potions for my buttercup and promised to bring me along to his next hangout with Sapphire and Lush as soon as all of us could make it, which could take a while now that Lush had found a new job at which he needed to leave a good impression and Sapphire reconciled with his marefriend and was trying to make it up to her for what he’d done, but I was willing to wait. Diamond had made a habit of stopping by for a quick chat on her way to work, and a few days ago, she’d invited me to her house. I’d spent a nice afternoon with her and Opal and learned that they made cheap jewelry together; Diamond’s job at the spa made it easy for her to follow the trends and inquire about her customers’ ideas and wishes, and Opal sold the finished pieces at the market. They’d shown me some of their work, and I had to admit, they had talent! If I had any romantic interest in mares, I’d know now where to buy gifts for my special somepony! But that wasn’t all: they’d still felt bad about our first encounter and made me a decorative piece inspired by my buttercups to compensate for their initial reaction!

I hadn’t been sure at first what to do with the thing so I’d placed it on the windowsill next to the leaf cutting until further notice. I looked at it every day as I examined the leaf but didn’t pay much attention to it otherwise. But when the newly-formed roots grew big enough to fill the cocoon and I decided it was time for the leaf to swap the cocoon for a flowerpot, placing the potted plant onto the sill next to Diamond and Opal’s jewelry gave me an idea: I tried to attach the jewel onto the flowerpot and it snapped perfectly as if it had been specifically made to fit that very flowerpot! Well, since they knew about my hobby, it wouldn’t be impossible that that had been the idea in the first place…

A knock sounded at my door just about then.

“Come in,” I said. Sunburst trotted in and sat next to me.

“Do you have any plans for the next weekend?” he asked.

“Not at the moment. Should I have any?”

“That depends. Crystal Faire is to be held that Saturday. I think you were interested in seeing it when I first told you about it, weren’t you?”

“Yes, of course! I’d love to! Can we go together?”

“I’m afraid that might be difficult. Don’t get me wrong, it’d be great to hang out with you, it’s just that I’ll probably be too busy.”

“How so?”

“I’ve been signed up as one of the hosts. It’ll involve a lot of mingling with everypony, and though we could in theory spend some quality time together, I can’t guarantee that I won’t be too distracted. It all depends on how many ponies will show up, which includes the tourists, and how talkative they’ll be, and how much encouragement to partake in activities they’ll need, and whether or not I’ll be the most popular host, that kind of stuff. And being the Royal Crystaller, I’m not really in a position to opt out of it without a very good reason, most of which would prevent me from being there altogether as far as I can think of, or things could get awkward.”

“Okay, I understand. I’ll ask somepony else, then. Any ideas on who might be interested?”

He pondered this.

“Cadance and Shining will be hosting too, Ruby will be in charge of Flurry, Berry is working the pie stand, and the Royal Guards are either performing in the jousting tournament or overseeing security… not sure about your other friends. Though, if Spike and the girls from Ponyville are coming-”

“They are?!” My wings buzzed in excitement. Why hadn’t he said so already?!

“They did the first two times - except for Starlight, that is - but they didn’t say anything this year. Why don’t you write to them?”

“I will! Thanks, Sunburst!”

“You’re welcome,” he said, but I was already writing and had barely registered his words.

The reply came back a few days later.

Dear Thorax,

I don’t know if there’s an easy way to break this to you so I’ll be direct. There’s an Equestria-wide wizard conference going on that same weekend in Canterlot, Celestia selected the date and organized the whole thing, and all of us got roped into various assignments, and nopony realized the overlap with the Crystal Faire until you sent your letter. I’m sorry, buddy! Twilight went into a major freakout when I told her and I’m no happier about it than she is. We informed Celestia about it (she intended to show up at the Crystal Faire too, by the way, so I got nothing on how she forgot to check for date overlaps) and she promised to see if the conference can be rescheduled, but it’s pretty short-notice and everything will be booked by now so I’m not convinced she’ll get anywhere. Twilight is writing to Cadance about the possibility of rescheduling the Faire in case the conference rescheduling doesn’t work out, but if I remember Twi’s explanation correctly, the Crystal Heart’s magic is involved in keeping the Umbrum at bay and the Faire serves to periodically refresh that magic, and I think timing is important in the whole process so this might be impossible to move to, say, a weekend later unless Cadance is willing to risk the Umbrum ravaging the place. They didn’t show up when the Heart was shattered just before Flurry’s crystalling, but they only had a few hours’ window to notice and make use of the opportunity before the Heart got restored, and that might be the only reason why the city is still standing.

I’m sorry I can’t offer any other solutions. I’ll see if I can get Twilight or Starlight to teleport any of us there in intervals when they’re not needed at the conference, but it’s a pretty big distance and I’m not sure if it’s feasible even with their magic. Alternatively, if any of us can find a replacement for our tasks at the conference, there might be hope to show up at the Faire, but that still doesn’t solve the problem of Twilight wanting to spend that day with her family, and she’s scheduled to hold three lectures and two practical courses on Saturday alone. We also can’t expect you to give up the Faire and come to Canterlot, disguised or not, after seeing how excited you were about it in your letter.

I’m sorry, buddy. I know this is starting to look like we’re avoiding you, but we aren’t! We’ll think of something, I promise!

Hope to see you again soon somehow,

Spike

My spirits deflated upon reading that. Why was it that, whenever I got my hopes up about seeing Spike, something turned up to crush them? The possibility of him avoiding me deliberately had never entered my mind; there was too much love imbued in the paper to make it likely!

I went looking for Sunburst and found him in the throne room with Cadance.

“Is that Spike’s letter?” he asked, pointing at the sheet of paper in my mouth.

“Yes,” I said, setting the letter aside. “He says he can’t come to the Faire.”

“The magic conference in Canterlot,” Cadance said, holding up another piece of paper in her magic. “We know. Twilight wrote to me. We’re trying to think of a solution.”

I nodded. “Any ideas yet?”

“None that are feasible,” Sunburst sighed. “It’s too short-notice to move the Faire any sooner and postponing is out of question or we risk the Umbrum invasion.”

“Can we power up the Crystal Heart some other way to make it last a little longer?”

“It doesn’t work that way, Thorax. It’s either pretty much the whole city at their highest spirits, or nothing. Otherwise we could power up the Heart gradually throughout the year and wouldn’t run the risk of losing its protection at all!”

“Sounds impractical.”

“Well, that’s the way it is. Whether the Heart was created in such a way deliberately with a particular purpose in mind or because nothing else had worked, I haven’t been able to discern, but it’s all we have, and unless we can figure out how to create a new artifact with a different recharging pattern or to modify the Heart’s pattern without destroying it permanently, we’ll have to keep doing what we’ve been doing so far.”

“What about what happened at the crystalling? If the ponies powered it up then, isn’t there a chance that it’s strong enough to last a little longer than usual?”

“The Heart didn’t get powered up then,” Cadance explained. “It got restored from a shattered state, and almost all of the magic went into the restoration process. I examined the Heart later that day and found that it was just about strong enough to last until the date when the Faire would normally take place.”

“We’re still not sure how it happened,” Sunburst continued. “Most magical artifacts lose their magic when destroyed, so either the Heart is one of the exceptions, or the spell we used to restore it somehow modified itself to match the exact spell the Heart had before.”

“Didn’t you say the Heart was powered by light and love when you taught me about it? And now you’re talking about magic?”

“Didn’t I explain it then?”

“I don’t think so… though I might have forgotten if it’s complicated.”

“It isn’t really. There’s the light and love that powers the Heart, and there’s the Heart’s intrinsic magic that amplifies the light and love it receives so it can emit it around the world. But the two are interconnected, and a percentage of the light and love the Heart receives is used to feed the Heart’s intrinsic magic and keep it in existence. I can go in more detail if you want-”

“No, this is fine,” I hurriedly said.

“None of that matters right now anyway,” Cadance said. “I’ll examine the Heart up close again, but from what I can sense from here, I’m not hopeful about it lasting any longer than the Faire’s current date, and even that could be cutting it close. We might have to come to terms with not seeing our Ponyville friends this year if Celestia fails to postpone the conference.”

The final verdict on the matter came the next day. Cadance summoned Sunburst and me to the throne room, and this time, Shining joined us too. The sour expression on the Princess’ face didn’t inspire confidence to expect to hear anything desirable.

“I’ve just received a letter from Celestia,” she stated. “There was nothing she could do about the conference. Everything from venues to catering to the attendees’ hotel rooms is already booked, and though most of these were willing to negotiate, almost all are already booked with other things for months in advance, and the soonest available date when all parties involved could guarantee their services is so far into the future that this year’s conference might as well be cancelled.”

“And it’s the most renown wizard conference of the world today and cancelling without a very good reason would seriously harm its reputation,” Sunburst added, then hung his head and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve been going through recent editions of Wizard’s Journal, and one of them featured an announcement for this conference, but I guess I didn’t pay attention to the date when I first read that edition because I knew there wouldn’t be any good in me going… If I had, I might have realized in time that it clashes with the Faire! We could have rescheduled the Faire to the weekend before if only I’d bothered to read the entire announcement!”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Cadance reassured him. “It could happen to anypony! In fact, it happened to Celestia herself, and she knew when the Faire was supposed to be held!”

“I know, but that doesn’t change the fact that I could have still done something about it!”

“Why did you dismiss the conference, anyway?” Shining interjected. “You thrive on magic, maybe even more than my sister, and she’s hard to surpass!”

“I thrive on the theory of magic, yes, but you know that casting spells is a whole different story for me. Theory of magic is only a part of that conference. It also includes a lot of practical sessions where all attendees are expected to perform the spells discussed in lectures and encouraged to experiment. These sessions are extremely popular and few wizards skip them, and if they do, it’s almost exclusively because a session overlaps with something closer to the wizard’s field of interest. I actually attended the conference a few years ago, not knowing what to expect, and…” He cringed. “Uh, let’s just say it could have gone better and leave it at that.”

“That bad, huh?”

He sighed. “I don’t think I can ever show my face anywhere near that conference again for as long as I live…”

I didn’t know what to say so I hugged him. A bit awkwardly, maybe, but if it helped…

“Thanks, Thorax. I’m sorry about all this. Princess, does the letter mention any chance for our friends to get some time off?”

“Celestia is looking into it, but I got the impression that she isn’t expecting to find good replacements for them this late into the preparations, especially for the crucial ones like Twilight. Starlight and Spike have pretty significant roles too, otherwise Starlight might have been asked to fill in for Twilight, but if there’s a way around it, she’ll figure it out.”

“They’re not coming,” I muttered to myself, deflated. “Might have known…”

“C’mon, don’t be so pessimistic!” Sunburst said. “She can still think of something!”

“But what if she doesn’t? I was so looking forward to spending time with Spike and the others… mostly with Spike… If there was any real chance of him being available, I’m sure he would have said so…”

“Thorax…”

“I guess I’d better start looking for someone else to go to the Faire with…”

Crestfallen, I dragged myself out of the throne room.

“You’ve been moping for days. Wanna talk about it?”

I pushed myself up from the planter I’d been slumped against and looked dejectedly at Sunburst.

“What’s the point?”

He sat next to me. “Still no news from Spike?”

“I gave up expecting any when Celestia sent that letter. I’m sure he would have figured out something by now if there was anything to figure out in case I’m wrong, but he hasn’t written a single word to me since. He’s probably too busy with preparations for the conference.”

“So… have you tried asking somepony else?”

“I must have asked the whole city! Everypony not running a booth or having some other role in the Faire has already made arrangements to come with their families and friends, and it’d be too awkward to tag along with any of them even if they were too polite to admit it. I even sent a letter to Appleloosa, but Braeburn and Little Strongheart said they have too much work in the orchard to plan trips. And showing up alone… I’d probably be the only one like that.” I slumped back onto the planter’s rim. The buttercup had bloomed some days ago, but this time, it was failing to relieve me of the hopelessness stifling my heart. “It’s no use, Sunburst. I might as well stay in my room the whole day!”

“Come on, Thorax, don’t be like that! You wanted this! I’m sure it won’t be that bad!”

I didn’t respond.

He sighed. “I’ll ask Cadance and Shining if they can handle hosting without me.”

I sat up and glared at him. “Why?”

“So I can come with you.”

“I can’t ask you to abandon your duty for me!”

“And I can’t bear to see you like this! They’ll understand!”

“No… They might, but I can’t expect them to obey my every whim!” I looked at Spike’s statue towering over us. “They’ve already done way more than I had the right to expect from them… giving me a room in the castle to live in and money to buy stuff with… letting me foalsit their daughter… spending their personal time with me… maybe even revising the law for my sake…”

“Thorax-”

“I didn’t deserve all that… probably still don’t-”

“Thorax, snap out of it! They did it because they care! And I care! I’m trying to help you!”

“I know, and I appreciate it, I really do, it’s just that-”

“What, you ‘don’t deserve it’? I thought we were past that by now!”

I dropped my gaze.

“Thorax, listen to me. You’re one of the kindest, gentlest, most honorable people I know. You had the misfortune to have grown up in an environment that thought the worst of you for your good sides and it shattered your sense of self-worth, but all that’s in the past, and now you’re here, in the land that values what you have to offer, so don’t ever, even for a moment, think that you don’t deserve what we’re trying to give you!”

“Okay…” I sighed. “Okay.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“I’m sorry… It’s just that, whenever I start believing that things are going well for me, something like this happens and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I don’t deserve any better.”

“It isn’t. Everyone’s lives have ups and downs, and it’s got nothing to do with what you deserve. Sometimes it can’t be helped, but sometimes there are things you can do about it, even if it’s just a change of attitude.”

“But what can I do about this? Neither the Faire nor the conference can be postponed, our friends can’t be in two places at once, I haven’t found anypony who wouldn’t have to change their plans so they could spend the day with me, I don’t have any assignments to take-”

“That’s it!” he suddenly exclaimed.

I tilted my head at him.

“We’ll find you something to do if that’ll make you feel better!”

“Isn’t everything already taken?”

“Not necessarily. You could be an additional host, or help oversee security, or enter a jousting match-”

I winced.

“-okay, not jousting… Let’s see… maybe one of the ponies running a booth will need help, or the foals’ playground, or the ewe garden… There’s normally enough ponies to cover everything, but you never know, somepony could drop out at the last minute…”

“One request, please, if possible. If I’m going to be involved in something, I’d rather not wait for something last-minute. What if I end up with an assignment I know nothing about?”

“Good point… Hmm. Of course! You could sell your own stuff! We already have a traditional crafts booth and a sketching course, but not an art booth, and there’s no reason why we couldn’t!”

“Uh… yeah, sure, I could do that. But will anypony want to buy anything?”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“My art isn’t that good.”

“So what if you won’t be offering a set of world-renowned masterpieces? Nopony here will be looking for that, and your art is certainly good enough to be framed on somepony’s living room wall! Now, the Faire is the day after tomorrow. Do you think you can prepare a few dozen paintings and sketches by then?”

I rose early on Saturday morning to get my booth set up in time. As per Fine Line’s advice that I’d sought upon arranging things with Cadance, I’d spent the whole day yesterday creating miniature paintings and drawings - miniature so I could produce enough of them to avoid running out of stuff to sell too early, as my pre-existing collection wasn’t very big. I still had to carry them to the booth, arrange them, write out price tags, and prepare my painting gear to work on more art in between customers.

The booths were distributed around the castle and extended some distance into every street. A lot of them were going to sell food, but there were others as well, such as Emerald’s flower booth, Whirligig’s toy booth, Opal’s jewelry booth, and some selling books, pottery, or beauty potions, and that was barely scratching the surface! It looked like everything imaginable was going to be on sale! Maybe even affordable saddlebags… though there was no telling whether or not I could spare a moment to go looking for any.

Though numerous, the booths weren’t the only things set up. I saw a couple of fenced-off areas, one with little sheep, and one containing all kinds of toys but otherwise unoccupied. A stage was set up near Obsidian Street, and I assumed it was for music and karaoke that Sunburst had mentioned at some point, as Cadance and Shining, who had only just reclaimed his rank as Captain of the Royal Guard, were to hold a speech right next to the Crystal Heart; for that purpose, the entire area underneath the castle was kept clear save for the decorations around the castle bases. Sign posts all over the place invited ponies to a jousting tournament in the stadium, pampering sessions in the spa, literary debates in the library, and a sketching class in the museum.

The booth assigned to me was located in Emerald Street, just next to Spike’s statue. It could have been an accidental coincidence, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Sunburst and Cadance had arranged it that way deliberately, so I could spend the day with Spike in spirit since he couldn’t be here in person. Whether or not that was the case, I made a mental note to thank them at the first opportunity.

Setting up my stuff took a little longer than I’d expected, but the others were going at a similar pace as far as I could see, and by the time the Crystal Empire anthem sounded throughout the city, we were ready to go.

“Wish you could be here, Spike,” I whispered, looking at the statue.

The place was soon filled with ponies strolling about, talking, laughing, looking at the booths, buying things, partaking in games. Most of them were in pairs or groups, and though a few seemingly lone ponies passed by my booth every now and then, they weren’t really alone; every time, their companion or the rest of their group caught up with them pretty quickly and they continued enjoying the Faire together.

I’d debated with Cadance and Shining whether to show up as myself or as Crystal Hoof. We trusted the crystal ponies to be perfectly okay with my real self by now, but as the city was always open to tourists and an increased number of them was expected for this particular occasion, we couldn’t predict how any of them would react and whether or not the situation would require any intervening. The tourists who had so far seen me on a normal day had sometimes made a fuss about a ‘monster skulking about’, but the locals had always managed to calm them and explain; could we count on the same thing to work now? We were all inclined to believe that we could, and that the facts that I’d been allowed to run a booth and that none of the crystal ponies were afraid of me would most likely be enough of a reassurance. The bigger problem remained whether or not any changelings would show up disguised as tourists to scout the area for any future invasions. Shining had said this would be a perfect opportunity for any scouting party, as they could study the crowd, blend easily, and maybe even attempt to get admitted to areas inaccessible on other days without putting in additional effort. Though I could see his point, I’d reminded him that any such scouts wouldn’t have to wait for the Faire, as they could do their thing just as easily on a normal day, and that there was no telling that they hadn’t done so already or wouldn’t at a later time. With no way to collapse their disguises other than to knock them out or kill them, neither of which we could do unprovoked no matter how suspicious someone might be, there was no way to be sure either way! In the end, Cadance had decided that although somewhat risky, as long as I was comfortable with it, going undisguised would show the ponies from other cities that they didn’t have to fear me and help build the bridge of friendship between our species, and maybe even gain a new friend before the day was over. They were both going to check on me often just in case, and Shining had assigned extra patrols to Emerald Street.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous after that discussion and all the risks for me it had unveiled, but as time went on, I managed to relax. Tourists were present in higher numbers than on an average day, and though most flinched or did a double take upon seeing my undisguised face, only a few went as far as to voice their disapproval and disgust. The crystal ponies managed to calm them down, though it took some effort in a couple of cases, and the Royal Guards didn’t have to intervene after all.

Word about me must have gotten around the tourists, as the incidents became less frequent as the day progressed, though stares on their part never completely stopped.

Sales were going pretty well, too. Some ponies only stopped to take a look at my art before moving on; others made a purchase after a certain amount of time deciding which one they liked best. Some even asked for details about a particular piece or struck up a conversation with me and the other potential buyers! A few of those were tourists, too, and their love auras suggested that they liked me! Maybe Cadance had been right after all to recommend against putting on a disguise! If I could get more of them to warm up to the idea of friendly changelings…

Eventually I realized I wasn’t feeling so bad about Spike not being here. I would have still liked to share this day with him, but with how well everything was going, I’d stopped feeling alone and out of place pretty quickly, and by the time Cadance and Shining began their speech, my spirits were high and my heart content.

The speech began with words of praise and gratitude to all who had participated in the Faire, either by organizing and running it, or by simply visiting. Cadance relayed apologies of the three other princesses and our friends for their absence. Shining recited a quick review of the historical events, and Cadance continued with an explanation of how history reflected itself onto the modern times in the spirit of the Faire.

Finally, together, they spoke of the impact the Faire had on the world.

They spoke of the Crystal Heart and its magic. They spoke of love and hope. They spoke of harmony, of friendship; they spoke of virtues that could be found in any living being if one was to look closely enough - a nod to me, maybe? - and of the power of all of us to spread the light throughout the world.

All through the speech, I could sense the collective love aura growing rapidly in strength, getting brighter, warmer. The ponies were readying themselves for the climax of the Faire, for pouring out their high spirits into the crystal roads, and through them, to the Crystal Heart in the very heart of the city, so it could augment this positive energy and bestow it upon the world. It was going to be a magnificent sight and feeling, I could tell!

When the speech ended, the ponies bowed gracefully and went aglow, crystal and non-crystal ones alike. I followed suit and bowed in my booth as had the ponies in booths near mine, not expecting anything to come of my act and only doing it out of respect for the ceremony. I almost leaped into the air in surprise when I saw my own forelegs gleaming and a wave of intense light pouring out from me just like from everyone else! It was a curious feeling: tingling like magic, and draining my love reserves somewhat, but not hurting at all and not leaving me hungry in the process… almost as if it was feeding me at the same time as helping itself to my love…

The crystal road beneath my hooves went ablaze, and the next moment, a glorious flash of light and love spread from the Crystal Heart in all directions, transforming everypony into beautiful, shimmering, translucent, almost ethereal beings permeated with a new, and yet so familiar, flavor of love.

A surge of magic shot up into the air at around the same time, exploding at a certain point in the sky and sending out familiar rainbow-hued ripples in all directions.

The taste of sweet, powerful love intensified; the ponies cheered, and the orchestra began playing a triumphant melody. After a few moments of collective savouring of the moment and the Princess’ heartfelt congratulations to all present, the ponies slowly returned to strolling around and browsing the booths.

Those who turned in my direction suddenly went wide-eyed.

“Whoa,” one of them exclaimed. “Did you do that? Cool!”

“Do what?” I absent-mindedly placed a hoof on the horizontal surface of my booth and couldn’t believe my eyes! My leg holes had become kind of angular, as if they’d once harbored gemstones, and my chitin was not only gleaming in a way reminiscent of carved crystal, but also translucent! I looked myself over as best as I could and then bent to check my reflection in the crystally road. The rest of my body was in a similar state: shimmering, ethereally translucent, with multilayered wings and crystally reflections in my eyes.

“Unbelievable…” I muttered. This ancient sorcery, whatever it was, made no distinction between ponies, nor did it care for differences between ponies and non-ponies! It had worked on me too! But was the change permanent, and how would it affect my shapeshifting ability? I decided to look for answers later; the Faire wasn’t over yet, and I had some more customers to attend to.

After everypony had gone home, the crystallized Sunburst and Cadance came to my booth.

“Looking great, Thorax,” Sunburst said. “How did you get the idea to shapeshift into a crystal changeling?”

“I didn’t,” I shrugged. “It just… happened.”

“It did? Fascinating…”

“Are you feeling okay otherwise?” Cadance inquired.

“Yes, I’m happier than I expected. I didn’t think doing this would cheer me up so easily!”

“I’m glad to hear that, but I meant your physical condition. Did the Heart affect anything other than your appearance?”

“Not that I’ve noticed… Hold on.” I tried to conjure up a disguise and failed. I tried again, harder this time, with the same result. “Uh, I can’t shapeshift.”

“Well, at least we know there weren’t any other changelings there,” Shining interjected as he joined us. For some reason, I found it weird to see him looking crystallized like this while it was perfectly normal on everypony else.

“That’s assuming they would have lost their disguise under the Heart’s spell,” I corrected him. “I wasn’t disguised when it happened so there’s no way to know for now.”

“Assuming it works that way,” Sunburst added, “it’d be a bit impractical as a method of revealing them or locking them in their own forms. Though I suppose it’d be better than nothing. I wonder if we’ll be able to test it if the need arises.”

“I’d rather that the need doesn’t arise,” I muttered.

“Right. That too.”

“How did the sales go?” Cadance asked me.

“Pretty good! I sold most of what I brought along. I’ll have to count the money, but I’m pretty sure I can afford a saddlebag now and maybe even have some leftover money.”

“So you don’t need help carrying your stuff away?” Shining asked.

“Uh… well… actually, I think I can manage in one trip… maybe two…”

“I’ll take some of it,” Sunburst offered.

I shoved the unsold paintings into the saddlebag and passed it to him, then grabbed the painting gear to carry by myself.

“So… this new appearance… is it permanent?” I asked after a moment.

“No, it’ll wear off in a few hours. I’m guessing your shapeshifting will be back too when you revert to your normal self.”

“Okay. I hope we don’t get an invading swarm by then,” I replied, only half-jokingly.

“Heh, that would be a bit problematic for you. But I’m pretty sure the blast would have dealt with them!”

Suddenly I remembered something. “About that. Why did the Heart transform me now when the shockwave threw me away the first time?”

“Good point. Maybe it started to recognize you as its own because you poured love into it this time? Or maybe what threw you away the first time wasn’t the magical shockwave itself but the layer of condensed storm clouds that was being pushed away by the shockwave… Also, how can you be sure it didn’t transform you the first time too? You said you were unconscious for a while. It could be that the spell wore off before you woke up.”

“Wow… I never considered that…”

I turned back to face Spike’s statue. If it could talk, what would it tell me about that day?

Whatever the case, I couldn’t wait to write Spike about this unexpected occurrence! Part of me wished again that he’d managed to show up for the Faire after all. I wondered what he’d say if he could see me like this!

Maybe next year, I told myself. Maybe next year.