The Conversion Bureau: The Big Lie

The Conversion Bureau: The Big Lie

A Story by Talonmach5

Chapter 1: Meet The Brilliant Dr. de Lancie

It is melancholy to reflect that Mankind has suffered more from ill-judged philanthropy than from calculated malice. The road to Hell is no less harrowing for being paved with good intentions.
-Tell a Friend-Giles St. Aubyn, biography of King Edward VII

Turning towards you, the narrator strokes his crooked white goatee once, before taking another small sip from the glass in his hand leaving behind its chocolate contents. “Meet Dr. John de Lancie Ph.D.,” the narrator says. “Occupation, theoretical physicist. A man ahead of his time in search of the answer to a single problem. A man destined to forever change the course of two worlds and two hearts."

Theoretical physicist, Dr. John de Lancie was busy rechecking the latest calculations his A.I. supercomputer had been running for the past month. This A.I., one Norby was an oddity due to the circumstances of its manufacture. In traditional A.I. manufacturing the human brain is used as a template of sorts to create the framework from which to build the artificial neural pathways that an A.I. requires to operate. However Norby was not based off a human brain. On the contrary, he was based off an equine’s.

The equine in question was a pony named False Positive, a member of the joint Human Equestrian Science Society or H.E.S.S., based in New York City in the NAU. Originally an experiment in whether the equine mind could interface with human technology. The A.I. Norby turned out to be an expensive failure. While indeed proving that pony minds could indeed interface with human technology, the actual results seemed rather lack luster. A.I.’s based on the human mind follow their programming precisely. While Norby on the other hand, was only interested in following its own inane protocols. Having discovered that equine based A.I.’s were a dead end, the society was about to repurpose the super computer for another project before it was rescued from the scrap heap by the brilliant but eccentric physicist, Dr. de Lancie.

Dr. John de Lancie, an expert in the field of theoretical physics had for years been a proponent of using wormholes for interstellar travel. However until the advent of the singularity in the Pacific Ocean in 2081, no one had ever taken his theories as being anything more than being on the fringes of acceptable scientific research. Once the discovery of the barrier and Equestria had become public knowledge and his theories vindicated, he ran into a new problem. The great barrier. The barrier separating Equestria from the Earth was slowly expanding, and in a few short years would consume the planet. Unfortunately, the human body was incapable of withstanding the thaumaturgic radiation emanating from it. The fact that the combined efforts of human and equestrian scientists had developed a work around for the problem, gave the theoretical physicist little comfort. With the barrier slowly devouring the planet, there were scant few resources being spent on theoretical studies anymore.

“If only there was more time,” Dr. de Lancie muttered to himself, looking over at the scores of calculations and formulas that covered the numerous whiteboards on the walls of his office. Yes time, the one thing the doctor had very little of. While he was at least safe for another two years before being forced to ponify or relocate, the funding he was receiving for his research from the world corporations was perilously close to being cut off for good.

His assistant Floating Point, a light grey earth pony mathematician wearing her pale blonde mane in a bun poked her head into their shared work space, “Hey John,” she cheerfully said from behind her thick rimmed glasses. “They have fresh muffins from one of the conversion bureaus in the break room!”

While the thought of freshly baked muffins would usually set his stomach a growling, Dr. de Lancie was too engrossed in trying to break the riddle of the problem that had been eating away at him for the last three weeks. The problem was the classic conundrum, ‘How to connect two separate coordinates along the curvature of space time, without the ensuing entropy that usually accompanied the bending of space time’. The physicist was so close to solving the problem he could nearly taste it.

“John, did you want me to bring you one?” Floating Point asked, confused why her colleague was ignoring her.

“Uh, sure whatever,” John mumbled to himself, unwilling to take his eyes away from the problem staring him in the face.

Minutes later, Dr. de Lancie was startled when he felt Floating Point nudging his side. “Ah,” he yelped in surprise, causing the mare to throw the muffin she had brought for him into the air, landing on his desk and covering his work with pieces of buttery muffin.

Looking down at the mess covering his once pristine notes, the veins on Dr. de Lancie’s head started throbbing as he scowled murderously down at his assistant. Worried for her safety, Floating Point began slowly backing away from the enraged physicist. “Now John,” she said, trying unsuccessfully to calm him down. “There’s no need to do anything either of us will regret.”

Standing up and gathering his full height, the physicist took a deep breath and held it for about half a minute causing his face to turn a rather striking shade of burgundy before exhaling. “Floating Point,” he hissed, through his tightly clenched teeth, “perhaps it would be best if you were to leave early for the day.”

Floating Point nodded her head in relief, and began gathering her things to go home. “Sorry, Dr. de Lancie,” she said, picking up one of the papers that had fallen to the floor with her teeth.

Annoyed, Dr. de Lancie snatched the paper from his assistant’s mouth and scanned its contents. Slowly he switched his eyes from the paper in his hands, to the contents of the papers on his desk, and back once more to the paper he held in his shaking hands.

Concerned that her boss was having a seizure, she tried unsuccessfully to grab his attention by nudging her head against him. Unsure what to do, Floating Point was about to contact the front desk to call for a doctor when Dr. de Lancie let out a mighty whoop scaring her half to death.

“Aieee!” Floating Point shrieked in abject terror, frightened by her boss’s sudden outburst.

Rushing to Floating Point, Dr. de Lancie scooped up the confused pony in his arms and planted a wet kiss right on her muzzle. “You beautiful mare,” he exulted, staring deeply into her lavender eyes, “do you have any idea of what you’ve just done?”

“Uh,” Floating Point stammered, blushing profusely and feeling flustered over having been kissed by a human for the first time. She began wondering if she needed to consult the manual on sexual harassment in the workplace. “I’m not quite sure.”

“You just helped me solve the problem,” Dr. de Lancie said, placing her down on the floor.

“What problem was that?” she asked, not quite sure which problem he was referring to.

“The problem,” he shouted, scribbling furiously against the closest white board.

Floating Point’s eyes grew wide when she saw what the equations on the board represented. “You mean…” she said, scarcely able to believe what she just saw him write on the board.

“Yes,” Dr. de Lancie said wearing a grin as large as a Cheshire cat’s, tapping the marker against the whiteboard as he finished writing the large equation. “I just figured out how to create a wormhole stable enough to allow living matter to pass through it.”

*****

News of the discovery didn’t have the effect that Dr. John de Lancie and Floating Point thought it should. Although a wormhole stable enough for humans to use to travel through was the stuff of most sci-fi nerds’ wet dreams, once again time was the enemy. Time, he bitterly thought. It was always destroying his dreams of receiving accolades for his work. Although his funding was no longer in any danger of being cut off and in fact had even been significantly increased, the world corps hadn’t seen fit to give him additional personnel. Dr. de Lancie scowled in anger at their rejection notice for his latest proposal.

‘Dr. John de Lancie, We regret to inform you,’ the letter read. When he saw the regret to inform you part, he balled it up and threw it into the trash. Seeing her boss throw the letter into the garbage, Floating Point fished it out of the trash and began reading. “I’m sorry John,” she apologized, before he lifted his hand to silence his assistant. “But is having more pony help really that bad?”

Dr. de Lancie sighed in frustration. Floating Point couldn’t possibly know how badly he wanted more scientists. Well more human ones anyway. After all, the ponies weren’t in danger of having their whole world devoured. They could never know the true importance his work entailed. “Floating Point,” he said, turning to look back at the latest simulations he was running, “you’re an excellent assistant. But you’ll never have the same sense of urgency this work requires.”

Floating Point nodded politely as her boss lectured her as why he didn’t want more ponies helping him. Inwardly she seethed, ‘I’ll bet he doesn’t think ponies are as capable as humans,” she thought angrily to herself.

Scanning the letter, she saw something that piqued her interest, “John look,” she said, running to her stressed out colleague to give him the crumpled letter. Spitting out the paper into his hand she looked at him excitedly. “It says we can have access to the GHC in Los Alamos, New Mexico!”

The GHC, or Gargantuan Hadron Collider, was the former United States answer to the LHC in the EU. In typical American fashion they hated to be second place in any category, so they build the GHC. At nearly 56 kilometers in circumference and buried nearly a kilometer deep in the earth, the GHC is capable of operating at over 18 teraelectronvolts. The GHC its age notwithstanding was still top of the line as far as atom smashers went.

When he reread the letter and saw the time frames that had been scheduled for his experiments, he inwardly groaned. Although having the use of the GHC was a necessary step to achieving his goal of creating and maintaining a functioning wormhole, once again his age old nemesis raised its ugly head. Time. The physicist simply didn’t have enough of it to prepare for the required experiments properly.

“So when do we go?” Floating Point asked excitedly. Thinking about actually using the GHC in an experiment she would help design sent shivers of excitement running through her entire being. Say what you will about humanity, their technology was awesome! Experiments she could only ever have dreamed about performing at the university in Canterlot were an everyday occurrence thanks to the marvelous number crunching A.I. supercomputers they had made available to her.

Her scientific wet dreams of discovery were shattered when she heard Dr. de Lancie speak, “We can’t go,” he said, sighing in defeat. “We don’t have enough time to properly design and setup the experiments with the time slots they’ve provided for us to use.”

“What about Norby?” Floating Point asked, desperate to have her most likely one and only chance to use the GHC to repeatedly violate the laws of physics.

“What about Norby,” Dr. de Lancie irritably said, “it can’t be trusted to setup the experiments. It’s barely able to run the numbers without constant supervision.”

Floating Point wrinkled her nose in annoyance. Yes it was true that Norby had a slight issue with staying focused, perhaps if they offered the pony based A.I. some sort of incentive… “Maybe Norby might be willing to be more cooperative with us if he had the proper motivation?” she said suggestively from behind her glasses and wearing a coy smile.

Dr. de Lancie rolled in eyes at the ridiculousness of such an idea. “Floating Point,” he said, trying to be as patient with the mare as possible, “A.I.s aren’t anything like biological creatures. You can’t expect that something as base as sex to work on one.”

“Well maybe not human based A.I.s,” Floating Point defensively said. “But think about it. When Equestrians go into estrus their biological drive for sexual reproduction goes into overdrive. Perhaps we could convince Norby that the server cluster is a willing mare?”

Dr. John de Lancie Ph.D. wanted to laugh, but something about the idea had merit. Perhaps Floating Point did have a valid idea after all. Very little was known about equestrian based A.I.s after all, perhaps there wasn’t any harm in pursuing this academic exercise after all. “All right,” he said, looking at his assistant, “if you can somehow manage to convince Norby the server cluster is a mare in heat, we’ll proceed with the experiment as scheduled.”

“Yes!” Floating Point squealed with excitement. Inwardly singing to herself, she imagined the paper they would present to the Human Equestrian Science Society when they successfully created the first ever stable wormhole known to science. Now while magic was all well in good, only unicorns and the princesses could actually use it, leaving whole segments of equestrian society out in the cold. Now armed with humanity’s genius, the mare longed for the day where technology could supplant magic as the dominant power for progress for her people.

“So where are we going to find a mare in heat?” Dr. de Lancie asked his assistant pointedly.

“Erm…” Floating Point said, biting her lower lip nervously. “That is to say… Perhaps we could find a volunteer?”

“The intellectual requirements for A.I. are pretty stringent,” Dr. de Lancie pointed out. “Additionally, since we don’t have the specialized equipment to work with pegasi or unicorns, we would need a brilliant and willing earth pony mare to be in heat when we do the brain mapping.”

Floating Point laid her ears back and sighed in defeat. “It’s going to have to be me isn’t it?” she said, desperately hoping she was wrong.

“Just think of it as your little sacrifice to expand the realm of knowledge for science!” Dr. de Lancie said with a slight chuckle, as he sent their proposal to their department head.

“For science,” Floating Point said with much less enthusiasm. Growling inwardly to herself, she shook her head when she thought about how inconvenient this was going to be over the course of the next fourteen days. Hopefully she could control herself before she found herself impregnated by some stallion. “Okay I’ll do it, but I don’t want end up having foals as a result. I expect you to protect me from the stallions in the building.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about them,” Dr. de Lancie replied. “I just got a response from the department head. They want us to move down to Los Alamos in anticipation of the experiment working. If it succeeds we’ll be ready to run our experiment, otherwise we’ll still have an opportunity to run some alternate experiments.”

“Well that was fast…” Floating Point said, confused by how quickly the ponderous wheels of the bureaucracy were moving.

“Yes it is rather curious,” Dr. de Lancie mused, curious himself why the response was received almost immediately.

Only Norby the supercomputer remained silent as it continued crunching the numbers from the latest data sets it had received.

*****

Floating Point sat nervously in her seat, as the massive jetliner flew towards their destination. Nervously she eyed the case that sat between her and Dr. de Lancie containing the hormone injections that were guaranteed to put a mare into estrus. Inwardly she groaned as she thought about how difficult the next couple of weeks were going to be. Secretly she envied human women for not having an estrus cycle like hers. But on the other hoof, the possibility of getting pregnant at any time was also a downside.

Looking up at Dr. de Lancie, she wondered when the time came what kind of pony he would end up becoming. She wondered if he would find her at all attractive. Blushing at the thought of an interoffice romance with her ponified boss, she quickly hid her behind her hooves. Now romances between humans and equines were not unheard of, but most humans who became romantically entangled with a pony usually went to a conversion bureau. All too eager to trade in their amazing hands for a set of boring hooves. She often wondered if not for the barrier how relations between their two peoples might have been.

“Floating Point, is there something on your mind?” Dr. de Lancie asked her in curiosity. “Or do I have something on my face?”

“Oh no John,” Floating Point replied, her face flushing with embarrassment at having been caught staring at him. “I was just wondering how things might have been if the barrier wasn’t going to swallow the Earth.”

At hearing mention of that accursed barrier, Dr. de Lancie scowled. Once again he had to be reminded of that damn barrier, and what it represented. The end of his research, and pretty much everything else he cared about.

Seeing his mood change, Floating Point reached out her hoof to his dexterous hand. “John, don’t worry about the barrier,” she said, giving him a warm smile. “I’m sure things will work out in the end. Besides, even if you eventually have to become a pony, at least you’ll already have one friend.”

“Humph,” Dr. de Lancie grunted, not at all pleased that all he had to look forward to in Equestria if he failed was friendship. Seeing the hurt look in her eyes at the dismissal of her friendship, the physicist softened his scowl. “Look Floating point, I’m sorry,” he said, giving her hoof a gentle squeeze. “It’s just when I think of the barrier I feel so overwhelmed and helpless.”

“I understand,” Floating Point said, keeping her hoof inside his hand. “But I believe in your work, I know you’ll be successful.”

Somehow hearing her words of encouragement lifted the miasma of depression that had been clouding his mind these past few months. “Floating Point I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said, looking through her glasses and into her lavender eyes, “why don’t you have any pictures of your boyfriend at your workstation? Most of the other mares I’ve seen working at H.E.S.S. usually have at least one picture of their spouse or significant other on their desk.”

“Oh I just haven’t found the right pony yet…” Floating Point replied, while the slight blush she wore on her cheeks grew.

“Well with all the humans becoming ponies lately,” Dr. de Lancie said, removing his warm hand from around her hoof, “finding someone suitable should be even easier now more than ever,”

Reluctantly moving her hooves away from his hand and back to her seat, Floating Point tapped them together lightly and sighed. “You’re probably right,” she longingly said. “Perhaps I already know the human and they haven’t been ponified yet.”

“Yes, imagine that,” Dr. de Lancie said with a chuckle, “you’ve already met and neither of you knows it yet.”

“Yeah, imagine that,” she replied, with a nervous laugh while looking up at her boss. “What about yourself. I’ve never ever heard you mention having somepony special in your life.”

“Science is the only mistress I’ll ever need,” Dr. de Lancie adamantly said.

“Nopony ever managed to capture your fancy then?” Floating Point asked with baited breath.

“Human women have never much interested me,” Dr. de Lancie admitted. “I’ve always found them a distraction to my work.”

“What about your colleagues?” Floating Point said, “I know there’s many single women still working at H.E.S.S., and even a few mares I know who wouldn’t mind having a human romance.”

“So how debilitating is estrus for equestrian mares?” Dr. de Lancie asked, carefully changing the subject back to work related matters. “Will you still be able to function and perform the necessary research?”

“It depends on the mare,” Floating Point replied, giving the case between the two of them a rueful look. “I think for simple tasks, I should be okay. But anything too complicated might be a bit much for me to manage.”

“Did you need anything special to help handle the urges?” Dr. de Lancie asked.

‘Yeah a stallion,” Floating Point thought ruefully before biting her tongue. “Uh no,” she said, masking her dread at her upcoming unavoidable predicament. “I’m sure with plenty of cold showers and a few breaks every so often will make it manageable.”

Looking out the window at the New Mexican desert far below them, she sighed resigning herself to her fate as they descended towards the Albuquerque airport. “For science,” she whispered.

*****

Floating Point was feeling miserable. They had decided to wait a full three days to ensure her mind was fully inundated with the flaring signals that she was a willing mare in desperate need of a stallion. Impatiently she played with the wire frame helmet sitting on her head. Fortunately they didn’t need to shave her mane in order to perform this procedure, she didn’t know what she would have done had that needed to happen. “Are you ready over there?” Dr. de Lancie asked, interrupting her thoughts about how lucky she was on not having to be the only bald mare on Earth.

“I’m ready,” Floating Point replied, feeling the heat from her body overpowering her. “All the systems are showing they're nominal.”

“Excellent,” Dr. de Lancie replied, cracking his knuckles loudly as he prepared initiating the procedure.

“Do I need to do anything besides stand here?” Floating Point asked.

“The bio chemist ponies I asked about this, suggested that you should actually be in mid coitus for maximum effect,” Dr. de Lancie said, typing away as his keyboard.

“What!” a mortified Floating Point shouted, “There’s no way in Tartarus I’m going to do that.”

“Somehow I thought that might be your reaction,” Dr. de Lancie replied, stifling a laugh of embarrassment. “Instead I decided we should try the next best thing, an erotic equestrian holorecording and some vigorous manual stimulation.”

Floating Point bit her lower lip in anticipation and embarrassment. After hemming and hawing for a few minutes she broke the awkward silence. “Fine John,” she said, her cheeks flushing crimson. “But nopony ever hears about this, and I get to present the scientific paper to H.E.S.S. if this works.”

Dr. de Lancie grimaced inwardly he’d wanted to present the paper! But thinking about how much his assistant was willing to go through with to ensure the success of his project, he decided that she did deserve at least a small bit of the credit. “Floating Point, you strike a hard bargain,” he said, nodding in agreement. “You can present the paper to H.E.S.S. for peer review, but my name is going to be listed as the primary author.”

Floating Point ground her teeth in frustration. “Academics are the same no matter the place,” she grumbled to herself, unhappy about how unfair it was that assistant’s never got their proper due.

“Fine it’s a deal,” she said, giving her boss a hard look. “I get listed as providing at least 49% of the attributing authorship, get to present the paper to H.E.S.S. for peer review, and your buying me a nice dinner.”

“All that and dinner too?” Dr. de Lancie asked, raising his right eyebrow. “What do you think this is a date?”

Looking at her boss, she gave the physicist a hard look, “I could say the exact same thing myself,” she replied.

“Fine, you’ve got yourself a deal,” Dr. de Lancie said, holding out his hand to seal the arrangement.

Gingerly, Floating Point reached her hoof forward, and felt a small tingle of excitement run through her when he shook it.

“So John, how’s this supposed to work?” Floating Point asked, confused at how the holorecorder was supposed to fit on her head.

Dr. de Lancie picked up the holorecorder and placed it gingerly around her ears. “Alright,” he said, activating the holorecorder. “Do you see the test pattern?”

“John, yes I do,” Floating Point said, amazed at the clarity of the 3D she was seeing.

“Floating Point, I’m going to activate the program shortly,” Dr. de Lancie said. “Once it starts playing, let me know when you’re feeling your arousal beginning to hit its peak. Then we can move on to the manual stimulation.”

“How exactly are you planning on doing that?” Floating Point asked from beneath the holorecorder, suddenly feeling nervous in the pit of her stomach. “Are you going to be using your hands on me?”

“No, of course not,” Dr. de Lancie replied, sounding slightly insulted at the idea. She heard him flick a switch then heard a muffled buzzing in the background. “I’m a professional scientist, so we’ll be using the proper tool for the job. In this case, I was advised a martial aid would probably work the best.”

“Oh of course John…” Floating Point said, flushing with embarrassment and a trying her best to hide her disappointment. “I didn’t mean to imply you would take advantage of the situation.”

“Floating Point, that’s alright,” Dr. de Lancie said, turning on the video feed. “Now just relax and let me know when you’re feeling the most aroused.”

For the next fifteen minutes, Floating Point watched a rather attractive stallion and mare engaging in carnal acts. Perspiring greatly, she felt herself beginning to feel light headed and hungry for some reason, which she found rather odd since she had just had breakfast less than an hour previously. As she licked her lips in anticipation, she felt her mouth water as she thirsted for something but didn’t know quite what.

The voice of Dr. de Lancie broke her immersion, as his hand pressed against her trembling flank, “How are you feeling now?” he asked in a clinical voice. “If you think your ready I’ll begin with the stimulation.”

Floating Point’s tail twitched in anticipation. “Oh yes,” she excitedly said, “I’m definitely ready.”

She heard the faint buzzing getting louder. Closing her eyes, Floating Point allowed herself to be carried away with these wonderful new sensations she was feeling. “Tell me when you think your Climax is going to occur,” Dr. de Lancie said.

“I’m close,” Floating Point loudly gasped, “so close. Begin the mapping now!”

Moments later, she felt the electric hum of the device on her head start scanning her brain. As she entered the throes of her climax, she lost herself to its pleasure and blacked out. After an indefinite period of time, she felt Dr. de Lancie’s wonderful hands gently shaking her awake.

“Floating Point are you alright?” Dr. de Lancie asked in concern, removing the scanning device from her head.

“Yes John…” Floating Point said through ragged breathes. “Just let me just catch my breath first. Did we manage to completely map my brain with the scanner?”

“Yes, I’m showing a successful full map,” Dr. de Lancie said. “However I’d like to have at least three complete maps before we commit one to a new A.I.”

“Does that mean we have to do this again?” Floating Point asked, looking at her boss hopefully through her half closed eyes.

“Yes, I’m afraid at least twice more,” Dr. de Lancie said. “I was thinking we should wait six hours and try mapping the second scan then.”

“Alright John,” Floating Point said, leaning against her boss slightly for support.

“Get some rest,” Dr. de Lancie said. “I’ll wake you up in about five hours.”

Floating Point nodded sleepily, before exiting the lab and heading towards her room.

*****

Floating Point worked at her console in silence as she ran the latest simulation to determine if the unreliable A.I. Norby had been following his directives. Amazingly enough he had been, and in fact his performance had even increased over what it had been previously. Normally this would have sent the mare into joyous celebration, but now ever since the brain mapping sessions had finished she felt self-conscious around her boss.

As a scientist she had always found everything about humanity fascinating, from their multitude of cultures, literature, technology, and especially the human form. Something about their hands made her feel jealous on a primitive level. Intellectually she knew that being a pony conferred with it certain advantages, especially if you were a pegasi or unicorn. But as an earth pony she was absolutely fascinated with hand and fingers. Every time she saw her boss’s hands fly down the keyboard typing over one hundred words a minute, it gave her a little thrill.

Secretly she felt she might have actually developed a small crush on the physicist, but had never had the courage to act on it. But now after having shared such intimate events together, she was finding it harder to concentrate on her assigned tasks without thinking about Dr. de Lancie and his lovely hands. Being stuck in estrus with no way of relieving herself wasn’t making things any easier for herself either. Sighing to herself, she reluctantly brought the latest test results to his desk.

Spying his assistant, Dr. de Lancie gave her a friendly smile and grabbed the test results from her mouth. After spending a minute reading them, he placed the results down and picked up Floating Point and hugged her. “Do you know what this means?” he excitedly asked.

“That A.I.s based on pony brains just needs sex to control their behavior?” Floating Point said, with a slight blush across her face.

“No,” Dr. de Lancie replied. “If this data is accurate, we’ll be able to perform all the needed experiments plus more.”

Floating Point had been so worked up over the brain mapping sessions from earlier that week that she hadn’t even bothered to read the results. The moment she heard the words pass his lips she forgot all about her worries and hugged him right back.

“So I was thinking Floating Point,” Dr. de Lancie said, putting his assistant down, “I still owe you that dinner from earlier…”

“Oh I’d love to go…” Floating Point said, before seeing her colleague’s reticence. “What I mean is, I’d be happy to join you for dinner once we’ve setup all the experiments for the GHC to run.”

Nodding in agreement, Dr. de Lancie, resumed working on his console oblivious to his assistant’s desires towards him.

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Floating Point said, lusting over the chance to finally play with the big toys. Thinking of her oblivious boss, she sighed, “I wonder if the idea of blowing stuff up turns him on as much as it does me.”

Just thinking about finally getting the chance to use the GHC made Floating Point feel weak in the knees. Feeling tempted to take a personal break to relive the burning hunger she was feeling, but resisted the temptation. As a respectable scientist she decided to wait until after she had inputted the simulations into Norby before acting on her lustful desires.

As always Norby remained silent and said nothing, instead it was content running the simulations in exchange for access to the A.I. they had affectionately named Perl.

*****

“Okay Floating Point, let’s start it off at 12 teraelectronvolts,” Dr. de Lancie said, checking his monitors.

“Affirmative John,” Floating Point said, adjusting the power accordingly. “We’re now at 12 teraelectronvolts and holding steady.”

“Alright increase power to 15 teraelectronvolts,” Dr. de Lancie commanded, staring breathlessly at the flashing displays of his monitors.

Floating Point carefully increased the power of the GHC as adrenaline built up in her body. Even during their brain mapping sessions, the high hadn’t been this intense. Being allowed to operate such powerful equipment filled the mare with such a quivering desire she could scarcely contain herself. “We’re now at 15 teraelectronvolts,” she said, checking her monitor’s readouts and making sure everything was in the green. “John, all readings are nominal.”

Dr. de Lancie began sweating bullets. This was now the most critical phase of the experiment. Even a single error at this stage could prove catastrophic. Once the GHC approached 17 teraelectronvolts, the right environment for forming a proto wormhole should be in place. “Alright, I want you to start increasing the power by gigaelectronvolts,” he said, not daring to remove his eyes from the displays in front of him. “Use your best judgment, if you think the experiment is starting to cascade, reduce power. I trust you Floating Point.”

When Floating Point heard the words, ‘I trust you’, from the one person she respected the most, her heart practically melted. “John I won’t let you down,” she said lacing her voice with determination.

Gradually she increased the power, doing everything in her power to ensure the experiment was a success. As far as Floating Point was concerned, nothing mattered more than this experiment. She was determined that Dr. de Lancie would have his wormhole even if it killed her. “We’re approaching 17 teraelectronvolts,” she tensely said, afraid to even breathe lest it disrupt the experiment.

As Dr. de Lancie stared unblinking at the data his monitors were feeding him, his eyes grew as wide as saucers. They were so close to the creation of a stable wormhole he could nearly taste it. “Floating Point, we’re almost there!” he shouted, “just 500 gigaelectronvolts more and we should start seeing some magic happening!”

Floating Point sat transfixed at her position on the console, inching the dials forward by millimeters and hoping against hope that the experiment would continue running smoothly. “John,” she said, we’re approaching 17.4 teraelectronvolts!”

Dr. de Lancie checked his instruments readings and could scarcely believe what he saw. A micro wormhole had just opened inside the particle beam of the GHC. “Lower the power!” he commanded.

Floating Point complied and lowered the power slightly, which should have caused the wormhole to collapse in on itself. Instead the wormhole stayed stable. “John you did it!” she shouted excitedly.

“No Floating Point, we both did it,” Dr. de Lancie replied, pausing to study the readings from the wormhole on his monitor. “Alright let’s resume increasing the power, and see if we can’t get it a bit larger.”

“John,” Floating Point said, feeling that now was as good as any for her to confess her attraction to him, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about what you said on the plane earlier.”

“Oh?” Dr. de Lancie replied, watching his monitors like a hawk.

“You were right about me having met the human and not realizing they were the one for me,” Floating Point said, looking tenderly at the man who had captured her heart.

“Whoa what’s this?” Dr. de Lancie said, as his monitors started flashing.

“I… I don’t know,” Floating Point replied, “I haven’t adjusted the power!”

“Shut it down!” Dr. de Lancie shouted.

“I can’t, a cascade failure is imminent!” Floating Point said, as the air around her began smelling of ozone.

“Floating Point!” Dr. de Lancie screamed, “Get out of here now!”

“Ahhh!” Floating Point screamed in terror, as the space around her began warping.

Dr. de Lancie rushed over to his assistant’s console and threw her out into the hallway just before a new wormhole formed sucking in the room’s atmosphere, and threatening to swallow the physicist whole. “Close the door and cut the power!” he screamed at her.

“John, grab ahold of my tail!” Floating Point shouted, digging her hooves into the carpet. “I’ll pull you to safety.”

Dr. de Lancie reached out but couldn’t quite grab it. “I can’t reach it,” he shouted, over the roar of the room’s atmosphere being vented into the wormhole.

Gulping once, Floating Point stretched herself out trying to give her boss the additional inches he needed to reach safety. “John, try it now!” she shouted over the screaming wind.

Once again Dr. de Lancie attempted grabbing hold of the tail in front of his face, but found he could only brush against it with his fingertips. “It’s no good Floating Point,” he shouted shaking his head. “Leave me and save yourself.”

“John, I won’t leave you!” Floating Point screamed, inching herself as close to the wormhole as she dared.

Dr. de Lancie saw his chance and grabbed ahold of the tail holding on for dear life. Feeling John’s grip on her tail, Floating Point started walking forward trying her best to save them from being swallowed by the certain doom the wormhole offered. Feeling his grip weakening he called out, “Floating Point, please hurry,” he said. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for.”

“No John, I won’t lose you now!” Floating Point demanded, slowly crawling forward. “You will hold on! I can’t lose you, because I…”

Before Dr. de Lancie heard the rest of what she had to say, his grip on Floating Point’s tail loosened and flew he horrified into the event horizon of the waiting wormhole.

“No!” Floating Point cried, wetting her muzzle liberally with her tears. “We were supposed to submit the paper together.”

Looking sadly at the empty room behind her, the heartbroken mare made the final push to escape the ravenous appetite of the wormhole.

*****

Dr. John de Lancie felt the warmth of the sun shining overhead. Opening his eyes he was surprised to discover that he wasn’t dead, but instead was alive and breathing. Taking a closer look at his surroundings, he discovered he was in a lightly wooded area. All around him the boughs of the trees swayed back and forth as a gentle breeze blew past. Looking down, he discovered that he was on a dirt path that lead towards a wooden shack. Turning around, he saw the wormhole was still open. Deciding by the look of his surroundings, the cleanliness of the environment notwithstanding, he must be somewhere on Earth. Walking towards the shack, he was shocked when he saw an elderly light blue earth pony walking up to greet him.

“Well hello sonny,” the earth pony said, hobbling forward to meet his new guest. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

“I’m sorry to be a bother,” Dr. de Lancie said, “but could I borrow your phone?”

“Phone?” the earth pony replied, scratching his bald head in confusion. “What sort of newfangled device is that? Sounds like something the unicorns in Canterlot might cook up.”

While ponies being unfamiliar with Earth technology wasn’t uncommon, as far as Dr. de Lancie was aware all visiting ponies were given a primer on at least the basics. Deciding that maybe his host’s age was the issue h asked, “If you don’t have a telephone, could you at least point me towards the closest city?”

“Certainly sonny,” the aged equestrian said, pointing a hoof towards a mountain behind him. “The Canterlot train stop is a good forty minute trot away if you follow this path here.”

Looking up at the mountain Dr. de Lancie saw it clear as day, the home of Princess Celestia and the capital of Equestria itself, Canterlot. “Are you saying that’s actually Canterlot the capital of Equestria?” he asked, not quite believing that he was in Equestria and not dead yet from the environments deadly thaumaturgic radiation.

“Sure as the sun shining overhead is raised by Princess Celestia every morning,” the earth pony said. “Sonny where did you say you came from again? I’ve never seen anypony like you before.”

“I’m originally from Manhattan myself,” Dr. de Lancie said.

“Oh Manehattan!” the ancient pony exclaimed. “Well that explains everything then. Manehattan always did have all sorts of odd folks living there.”

“You definitely could say that,” Dr. de Lancie remarked, as he started piecing together the mystery behind why he wasn’t dead yet, but still alive here in Equestria. The more he thought about it, the only theory he could come up with was that Equestria wasn’t toxic to humans in the slightest.

“Well youngin,” the elderly pony said, hobbling down the path, “I’ll wish you good luck. Hope that you reach wherever it is that you’re headed.”

Looking back up at Canterlot and realizing what it meant. Dr. de Lancie ran back towards the wormhole as fast as he could, in hopes of reaching the safety of Earth before anyone else discovered his presence. Spying the still open entrance to the wormhole, he leapt into it leaving Equestria behind him.

*****

Dr. John de Lancie found himself on the lab floor of the GHC, nursing a massive headache and being tightly hugged by someone whose face was wet with tears.

"Oh John, I thought you were dead!” Floating Point cried. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to save you.”

Dr. de Lancie looked down at his sobbing assistant, gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, and returned her embrace. “It’s alright Floating Point,” he said, getting up from the floor. “Were you able to at least save the experiment’s data?”

Wiping the tears away from her muzzle, Floating Point gestured towards the monitors showing that Norby still had an active link with the G.H.C.’s mainframes. “I think he’s got everything,” she replied.

“Oh thank god,” Dr. de Lancie said, relieved that their work hadn’t been lost. “Floating Point, I want you to disconnect Norby from the GHC system and begin compiling the data.”

“Okay John,” Floating Point said, beginning the process of disengaging the link that the A.I. had with the local computers of the GHC. “What are you going to do?”

“I have to make a call,” Dr. de Lancie said, giving his assistant an affectionate pat on the mane before exiting the room.

Dr. de Lancie, walked down the hall towards his room, and entered the small bathroom attached to it. Turning on the faucets, he splashed some cold water onto his face. “Oh god, should I tell Them what I know?” he murmured to himself.

The ‘Them’ in this circumstance was none other than the science council of the World Government. It had been setup to collect any new technologies that might overcome the current peril posed by the barrier that was greedily devouring the entire planet. The reasons for his hesitancy were none other than what he feared that the final outcome of their possession of such knowledge might be. Although he’d resented what the appearance of Equestria had represented to him, namely an end to his academic career. He still didn’t want to have any harm come to the ponies that he’d grown close to over the past eighteen months, especially Floating Point. The earth pony mare had somehow wormed her way into his heart. He found he enjoyed their time together, and would hate losing her companionship if their worlds went to war.

But he had a responsibility to his species as well. The Equestrian government had lied to everyone about the true nature of Equestria. Not that he could fault them for it, what humanity could do to the technologically inferior equestrians would make what the age of colonization had done to the western hemisphere and most of Asia look like a tea party in comparison.

As Dr. de Lancie sat contemplating what he should do, he felt the gentle nudge of his assistant Floating Point’s head against his leg. “John,” she said, giving him a warm smile, “Norby’s begun the compilation process. It should take him another eighteen hours to finish.”

“Listen, Dr. de Lancie said, “about what happened earlier…”

“No John,” Floating Point said, looking up at him, “I need to tell you something, before I lose my nerve.”

“Floating Point, I’m listening,” Dr. de Lancie said, sitting down on his bed and motioning for her to sit down beside him. “What’s on your mind, something unexpected regarding the data?”

“No,” Floating Point said, her mind desperately trying to say the words her heart was too afraid to say. “John, when I thought I’d lost you today my world ended. It took losing you to make me realize how important you were to me.”

“Floating Point I…” Dr. de Lancie said, before being interrupted by her placing a heartfelt kiss on his mouth.

To say John de Lancie was surprised would be an understatement. Feeling Floating Point’s passion and desire for him, made his resistance slowly erode before he finally gave in and returned her kiss with his own. Wrapping his arms around the mare he gave her a loving embrace.

Floating Point sighed with relief as she felt the object of her desires returning her affections. Breaking their kiss she looked up at her colleague with hope in her eyes. “John, I know you probably don’t find mares as attractive as human women,” she said, steeling herself to confess her desires. “But I Love you, and if you’re willing to give me a chance I know I could make you happy.”

Dr. de Lancie didn’t know how to respond. On one hand she was of a totally different species, but on the other hand she was an intelligent being, with a wonderful personality, and most importantly of all was as wild about theoretical physics as he was. Thinking back to all the science fiction he had read as a teenager, he thought back to all the green skinned alien women the protagonists always seemed to get. As odd as the idea of being with a pony physically might seem on the surface, perhaps they could treat this all like an experiment. After all they had already spent several intimate moments together.

“Alright Floating Point,” Dr. de Lancie said, looking down at the vulnerable mare who had opened her heart to him. “I’m willing to give us a chance. How would you like to proceed?”

“Perhaps we could resume the experiment from earlier?” Floating Point said, looking down at her hooves nervously. “Maybe you could use your hands instead.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dr. de Lancie asked. “We could wait until after your estrus ends, to make sure this is something you actually want.”

“No John, I’m sure,” Floating Point said, looking up at him with determination. “If today taught me anything, tomorrow might never come.

Reaching her head up towards him, Floating Point closed her eyes and waited expectantly for him to kiss her.

Running his fingers down the silken coat of her neck, Dr. de Lancie kissed his assistant and responding to her gentle moans of pleasure. Continuing to run his hands down the length of her body, he stopped and rested his hand on her cutie mark. It was a copy of the equation for Newton’s second law, F=ma. Running his fingers gently over it, Floating Point shivered with anticipation and moaned appreciatively into his mouth. The closer his fingers drew towards the center of her desire, the more passionately she responded. He could feel her heart beating in time with his as they reached the culmination of what they had started over a year ago when they first met and the seed of their attraction was planted.

*****

Many hours later, he woke up next to his assistant’s prone form. Floating Point wore a look of pure bliss on her face as she continued sleeping peacefully. Dr. de Lancie gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, and walked out to the lab where Norby was stored. Looking at the control console, he knew it would be a simple matter to make all evidence of what he’d seen disappear forever. No one but himself knew the truth. As his fingers flew across the keyboard to setup the kill command to delete all the stored data, all he had to do was press a single key and Floating Point would be safe from the fall out that would surely follow if his discovery was reported. Thinking about ponification and knowing that he could still have her even as pony made the hard choice a little easier to make as he pressed ‘Y’, deleting all the stored data on Norby.

With the weight of holding the fate of Equestria in his hands lifted from his shoulders, Dr. de Lancie returned to his room and gave the mare he loved a tender kiss on the cheek before returning to sleep.

*****

Hours later he was woken up by frantic shouting as Floating Point violently shook him awake. “John I’m so sorry!” she cried, staining her fur with tears of regret. “Everything, all the data is gone. I’m so sorry. I thought I’d transferred everything to Norby.”

Dr. de Lancie held the hysterical mare, and gently caressed her neck. “Floating Point It’s alright,” he said. “I don’t even care about it anymore.”

“But your life’s work!” Floating Point objected. “You’ve spent nearly twenty years trying to prove stable wormholes can be created, and now that you have you accomplished the unbelievable you have no way of proving it.”

“It’s alright,” Dr. de Lancie said, stroking her mane comfortingly. “If I had to choose between what we shared last night and the data, I would choose you every single time.”

“Really?” Floating Point asked, looking up at him with love and wonder.

“Yes,” Dr. de Lancie said, giving his assistant a small kiss on her nose. “The wormhole wouldn’t have been of much use anyway. The only other place we know of with a habitable atmosphere is Equestria, and that’s toxic to humans.”

“Oh John,” Floating Point said excitedly, “I just remembered, I actually sent a data stream to the data cluster back at H.E.S.S. when I uploaded it to Norby. Isn’t it wonderful? Now the culmination of your life’s work can be recognized!”

“No… no… no!” Dr. de Lancie shouted, at the ceiling. “You were supposed to be safe! You were supposed to be safe.”

“Who John? Who’s supposed to be safe?” Floating Point asked, feeling a bit frightened by his sudden outburst.

Grasping Floating Point tightly, he held her face close to his, “I’m so sorry. I truly am,” he whispered.

“Sorry for what?” Floating Point asked, not quite sure what the physicist had to be sorry for.

Saying nothing, Dr. de Lancie left Floating Point’s side to make the call he dreaded.

“Tell me please!” Floating Point shouted desperately, not understanding why the survival of the data bothered him so much. She thought he would have been overjoyed.

When Dr. de Lancie returned, his eyes were as red as hers. “Did… did I do something wrong?” Floating Point asked, looking up at the man she loved with the fear of being rejected being reflected in her large lavender eyes.

“No…” Dr. de Lancie numbly replied. “The fault lies with me.”

“John, would you please hold me?” Floating Point asked, desperate for comfort and reassurance of his love.

Without saying another word, Dr. de Lancie scooped up the pony, kissed her hooves gently, and held her in his arms. “Floating Point,” he said, at peace with himself, “I was thinking about what you said last night, how there might not be a tomorrow. I want to spend today with you as if there was no tomorrow.”

Leaning upwards to kiss him, Floating Point nodded her head. “As long as it’s with you, I’ll be happy to spend every day from now on as if there was no tomorrow.”

Returning her kiss, Dr. de Lancie smiled. “That is all I could ever hope for,” he replied, holding her tightly. For he knew that for them tomorrow most likely would never come.

*****

Elsewhere in another world entirely, she tossed restlessly in her bed. Premonitions of the world burning plagued her dreams. Ever since their two worlds began merging, she worried about what might happen if they somehow managed to bypass the barrier. Never before had she met a species so well equipped to take whatever they wanted with impunity. She could only hope the barrier held until they had all accepted the gift of ponification. She truly pitied them, all alone in the world with nopony to guide them gently towards peace and prosperity. When their two worlds began merging, she nearly gave into the fear that they would overpower her little ponies, and bring the ills that plagued their world to hers. But at the same time she couldn’t sit back and watch an entire species end through no fault of their own.

In compassion, she ordered her top scientists to work with the newcomers to order to discover a beneficial solution for all. While some might say that the final solution was a bit radical, none could argue with the results. Humans turned to ponies, which they dubbed newfoals. To her delight, these newfoals were indistinguishable from native born equestrians. She hoped that the influx of the former humans into her world would solve the two great problems her people faced, the first being the technological stagnation that seemed to grip her nation. The second, strengthening their gene pool with billions of new ponies.

Granted it wasn’t a perfect solution that would please everypony, but it was the best she could offer given the circumstances. By melting both populations into one harmonious whole, everypony would be changed for the better. Her ponies would gain a newfound drive to innovate and explore, thanks to the humans inherent need to invent and learn. Meanwhile the humans would receive a new home and a more equitable way of living, away from the harmful influences of their world government that was ran by the elite, and only for the elite’s benefit.

Every time she thought about how such a thing could have ever come to pass, made her want to weep. It was almost as if humanity had conspired against itself over the centuries to ensure that the creation of something so vile would become reality. In its own way it was almost inevitable. Humanity, without somepony like her to ensure that those in power didn’t take advantage of their stations, was bound to be enslaved to the ruling classes’ greed sooner or later. She could only be thankful that such a thing could never happen here. She had even banished her own sister to the moon, rather than subject her little ponies from her tyranny. Knowing that Equestria and all its inhabitants were safely protected by the barrier, she laid her head back down to sleep unaware of how her premonitions were about to become reality.

*****

“Dr. John de Lancie and Floating Point,” an overweight bureaucrat said, from behind the large conference table in the middle of the room, “I’d like to thank you for presenting your findings to us regarding the wormhole. Do you think it could be generated outside the GHC?”

Floating Point walked forward and flashed a dazzling smile at the human. “Yes,” she said, changing the projected image to one showing several three dimensional models and graphs of the energy cascade that had created the worm hole that had swallowed Dr. de Lancie. “As you can see here in figure 4b, the wave harmonics that actually created the wormhole in the lab shouldn’t be too difficult to reproduce with the proper equipment.”

“What about the frequency found on figure 12c?” a rail thin human with thinning grey hair and a hooked nose asked. “It almost perfectly matches the thaumaturgic radiation of the barrier, doesn’t it?"

“Well that certainly is interesting…” Floating Point said, before being interrupted by Dr. de Lancie.

“What Floating Point means to say,” Dr. de Lancie said, “is it’s still too early to tell what exactly the significance that specific strata of the background radiation might indicate.”

Floating Point shot her lover a dirty look, before smiling sweetly at the rest of the board directors of H.E.S.S. She didn’t appreciate being interrupted in front of such important people, and being treated like a foal still in grad school. “While the radiation does seem to match the waveform of the barrier,” she said, pointing to figure 22d. “We don’t have enough information to draw any sort of correlation between the two, well at least not without a significant increase in our budget and manpower.”

When the H.E.S.S. board members heard Floating Point’s little barb regarding their funding, they broke into laughter. Once the laughter had died down, the Director of H.E.S.S. an elderly man with wisps of white hair and spectacles pointed a bony finger at Dr. de Lancie. “There’s still the issue of what happened to you after you passed the event horizon of the wormhole,” he said narrowing his eyes. “The data indicated you were gone for nearly fifteen minutes, yet you claim no recollection of the time you spent inside it. How do you explain that?”

Floating Point looked at Dr. de Lancie and waited to hear his answer. She never really believed the same excuse he gave her every time she asked what it was like on the other side. Her mare’s intuition told her that he was hiding something, she was sure of it.

“I’m sorry,” Dr. de Lancie apologized, giving his assistant a warm smile. “I have no recollection of what happened. The last thing I remembered happening was losing my grip on Floating Point’s tail, and then waking up with her above me.”

“Are you sure you’re not telling us everything?” the elderly man asked, giving the physicist a hard look.

Looking down at the pony at his side, Dr. de Lancie smiled. What he had with Floating Point he wouldn’t risk losing, he’d continue concealing the truth to protect her. “I’m sorry I can’t recall what happened. I’m just glad I survived the ordeal,” he said. “I think until we have a better understanding of the wormhole phenomenon, we should take a cautious approach.”

“I disagree,” Floating Point said. She knew something had deeply affected him inside the wormhole, and she wanted him to stop running from it. “We know because Dr. de Lancie was able to survive passing through the event horizon unprotected, that wormholes can potentially be used safely. This is humanities best chance for survival outside of ponification.”

“You’ll have to forgive my assistant’s excitement,” Dr. de Lancie said. “She gets rather excited about particle physics I’m afraid. We should consider the ramifications before announcing this. Currently ponification is the only proven means of man’s survival. I think it’s premature to announce this to the public.”

“People have a right to know the truth,” Floating Point argued. “They aren’t children needing protection from reality. H.E.S.S. should announce the discovery. It might lessen the tension and resentment among some of the population, especially among members of the HLF”

“Dr. de Lancie and Floating Point, thank you for your preliminary findings,” the Director of H.E.S.S. said. “We’ll give you our answer regarding your findings tomorrow.”

“Thank you director,” Dr. de Lancie said, terrified that he might discover the truth of where the wormhole had led. “My assistant and I look forward to hearing your decision.”

“And also the opportunity to present our findings regarding equine A.I.s next week,” Floating Point added.

“We certainly look forward to your presentation,” the fat bureaucrat replied.

Exiting the conference room, Floating Point shot Dr. de Lancie an angry look. “John, what the buck was that all about!” she hissed. “I’ve never been more embarrassed in my academic career. I didn’t appreciate being treated like some brainless know nothing…”

Floating Point’s tirade was silenced by Dr. de Lancie placing a gentle kiss on her muzzle. “Did I ever tell you I love you?” he asked.

Flustered and blushing by her man using such an underhanded tactic to disarm her, Floating Point turned her head away from him and stuck her nose in the air. “John, don’t think I’m still not upset with you. Because I totally am, and it’s going to take quite a bit of groveling to get back in my good graces.”

Dr. de Lancie said nothing, instead opting to place another kiss on her muzzle making her blush even further. “Let me buy you some lunch,” he said.

“Lunch is a very good start,” Floating Point replied, laying her head against his side. Ever since they had returned from the GHC in Los Alamos, everypony had noticed the sudden change in their relationship’s dynamic. Pony human romances weren’t unheard of but were uncommon enough to raise some eyebrows, especially here at H.E.S.S. She was disappointed to find many of her fellow equines were giving her such a hard time over it. She could handle the good natured ribbing and teasing she got from a lot of her friends, but the outright hostility she received from someponies was quite another.

Brass Tacks the unicorn overseer of all the ponies assigned to H.E.S.S., gave her a scowl when he saw her being overly affectionate with Dr. de Lancie. She didn’t know if it was because he found the thought of ponies and humans being together revolting, or because he felt that humans should become ponies as quickly as possible. But whatever the reason for his dislike of their relationship, she found his bigotry unpleasant.

Seeing the disagreeable black stallion approaching their table in the cafeteria, made Floating Point completely lose her appetite as she prepared for the worst. “John can we finish lunch elsewhere?” she asked, hoping to avoid a confrontation.

Dr. de Lancie oblivious to the subtle cues ponies gave through their body language, smiled at Brass Tacks as he approached their table. “Oh in a minute Floating Point,” he said. “Brass Tacks I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your presentation on the effects of thaumaturgic radiation on the human genome yesterday.”

“I didn’t take you as one with an appreciation for the magical disciplines,” Brass Tacks replied, tilting his ears back in dismissal of the human’s opinion. “I find most humans don’t have the intellectual capacity to appreciate it, well not until they’ve joined the herd so to speak.”

“I was wondering if any research had ever been given into what might happen to human tissue if it ever entered Equestria proper,” Dr. de Lancie said.

Brass Tacks pulled back his lips showing his teeth in disgust at the idea of a human polluting his homeland with their taint. Not that I’m aware of,” he said, tiling his head slightly to show how much he disapproved of a human and pony being together. “With the barrier in place, no such study could be possible. But since Equestria and the barrier share a similar thaumaturgic waveform, it’s most likely that Equestria beyond the barrier is just as deadly to humans. Thank Celestia, for small favors!”

“Well it’s been a real pleasure as always Brass Tacks,” Floating Point replied, tilting her ears slightly forward and flicking her tail showing that she had claimed Dr. de Lancie as her lover and to back off.

“Word of advice human,” Brass Tack said, walking away from the table and lifting his head slightly to the right indicating a rather rude gesture. “Mares can be quite a handful if you don’t know how to keep them in line.”

“What was that all about?” Dr. de Lancie said, confused by the sudden hostility between Floating Point and Brass Tacks.

“Oh nothing,” Floating Point replied, laying her chin against the table.

As they took their trays back towards the trash receptacles, Floating Point looked up at Dr. de Lancie. “So John…” she drawled, using her front right hoof to scratch the back of her left front leg.

“Yes Floating Point,” he said, looking down at her questioningly. “What did you want to ask me?”

“John, what are you hiding from everypony, from me?” she asked, giving him a look that demanded answers. “Why are you jeopardizing everything you’ve worked for your whole life just to keep it secret?”

“Floating Point, some things are more important…” Dr. de Lancie said. “That night after we we’re first together I had an epiphany.”

Being reminded of their first time together made Floating Point blush, “About what specifically John?” she asked, hoping to coax the secret out of him.

“About you, about me, about us,” Dr. de Lancie replied. “I decided that if I had to choose between you and fame, I’d rather have you.”

Taking aback by her lover’s sentiment, Floating Point pressed her head against his hand. “John, you sure know how to flatter a mare,” she said, giving him a sultry look. “But why can’t you have both the girl and the fame?”

“Because if I have one I’ll lose the other,” Dr. de Lancie replied.

“John, please tell me…” Floating Point begged. “I have to know what it is.”

“I don’t dare tell anyone,” Dr. de Lancie said, trembling under the weight of what he knew.

“John, if you ever loved me, tell me!” Floating Point pouted. “I promise we’ll get through it together!”

Unable to bear the terrible secret alone any further, Dr. de Lancie knelt down and whispered four words into her ear. “Oh sweet Celestia!” Floating Point gasped, finally realizing the implications of what the wormhole represented. “What are we going to do?”

“What do you mean, what are you going to do? You’re going to do exactly as we tell you to,” the voice of the director of H.E.S.S. said, walking around the corner accompanied by six heavily armed members of the PMC that guarded the building. Holding in his hand he held several blurry pictures of Canterlot recovered from the wormhole data. Pressing a button on a recording device in his hand, they heard the voice of Dr. de Lancie say, “I went to Equestria…”

“Floating Point,” the director said, “thank you for helping us uncover the truth. As promised, I’ll ensure you’ll have all the resources you need to continue your project.”

Dr. de Lancie couldn’t believe it, Floating Point had betrayed him. “How could you do this to me?” he asked her, heartbroken and angry.

“John I did it for you,” Floating Point said, crying with shame over what she had just done. “They told me they were going to take the project away from you entirely if I didn’t get you to say what really happened.”

Dr. de Lancie said nothing covering his face with his hands. “They’ll destroy it, I know it…” he moaned into his palms.

The lead mercenary lowered his weapon at him. “Dr. de Lancie,” he said. “You’re under arrest for conspiring against humanity.”

“What!” Floating Point cried out in disbelief. “But John didn’t do anything!”

“He’s a traitor to the human race, and withheld information vital to the survival of humanity,” the director coldly replied.

“You’ll never get away with this!” Floating Point shouted. “When the Equestrian Embassy hears about this I’ll guarantee you’ll be forced to step down.”

The director nodded once to one the mercenaries, and they approached Floating Point menacingly. “Incidentally Floating Point, I’m afraid you know too much,” he replied, before addressing the mercenaries. “Don’t hurt her too badly, we need her alive to control Dr. de Lancie.”

“What about the rest of the equestrians in the building?” the lead mercenary asked.

“Once matters have been settled here,” the director said, “initiate the protocols for a bomb threat, and then put the building under lock down.”

“Affirmative sir,” the mercenary said, before giving the frightened earth pony a cruel smile.

As the Director of H.E.S.S. walked away, he smiled when he heard the screams of terror and the heavy thuds of plasteel against flesh and bone followed by several thuds as their unconscious bodies fell to the ground. Entering his office the director sat down behind his large desk and activated his secured terminal. In front of him, the holographic images of several shadowy figures appeared. “We have confirmation,” he said.

“Have you secured the asset?” one of the shadowy men asked.

“Mr. Black, It’s in the process of being secured now,” the director explained.

“Do any of them suspect?” another concealed figure asked.

“Mr. White, Dr. de Lancie told only one other and she’s being held as well,” the director said.

“Good, then we can initiate Operation Megiddo,” Mr. Black said. “Celestia and the Equestrian nation will pay the price for withholding such vital information from us.”

“I urge caution,” Mr. White said, “so far their power has been benign towards us. If the operation fails we face extinction.”

“We already face extinction thanks to the barrier,” Mr. Black retorted.

“Mr. Black what if they didn’t know?” a third shadow pointed out. “Perhaps negotiating first would be more prudent. There’s no reason to resort to violence as our first course of action, and we always have Operation Megiddo to fall back on if diplomacy fails.”

“No Mr. Green, we are proceeding with Operation Megiddo,” Mr. Black said with a tone of finality.

“What about manpower, do you plan to conscript an army?” Mr. Green objected. “There are fewer than five million combat ready personnel on the planet, and we need them on Earth to keep the masses in line.”

“There are nearly three million HWS’s in active service or in mothballs, available for the expeditionary force,” Mr. Black said. “Unlike mercenaries they don’t have the luxury of saying no.”

“And who will you send, to lead your army,” the Mr. Green retorted. “No one living has the combat experience to lead such a massive campaign with a reasonable chance of victory. A war of this type hasn’t been fought since before the fall of the United States.”

“We’ll send the god of war,” Mr. White said. “He has an impressive service record, and he’s greatly respected among his fellow HWS’s.”

“I hope you see the flaw in your logic in sending an HWS to lead other HWS’s,” Mr. Green pointed out. “Without human commanders to compel them to fight, what’s to prevent them from turning rogue or even joining the equestrians against us?”

“We’ll be sending a small officer corps to ensure the HWS’s stay on our leash, as well as a large number of volunteers.”

“Volunteers?” Mr. Green asked, unsure if he really wanted to know.

“Yes,” Mr. White replied. “We’ve been in contact with the entirety of the HLF’s leadership regarding Operation Megiddo. I’ve been assured they will be lending us a sizable contribution of manpower to assist in upcoming campaign.”

“I object to this,” Mr. Green said. “An invasion of this magnitude is totally unnecessary.”

“Are you naive, blind, stupid, or just a pony sympathizer?” Mr. White hissed. “They invaded us first, and every hour they steal more of our world from us. They’re lucky we just don’t go there and kill the whole lot of them in retaliation!”

“So we’re in agreement then?” Mr. Black asked.

“Yes,” Mr. White said.

“I’m refusing to be party to this massacre,” Mr. Green said.

“Fine, we’ll leave the management of the ponies trapped here on Earth in your hands,” Mr. Black replied. “Before this council ends, let me remind each of you that whoever speaks of this outside the council will face the full wrath of the World Government.”

“Agreed,” the Director of H.E.S.S., Mr. White, and Mr. Green said in unison.

“Send word when preparations for Operation Megiddo are complete,” Mr. Black commanded the Director of H.E.S.S.

“Of course,” the director said before disconnecting the conference call.

*****

Floating Point looked up from her prison cell, and looked over towards the one person she cared for more than anything else, Dr. John de Lancie. “John, please forgive me!” she begged, towards his cell. “I didn’t know. I just wanted to help you fulfill your dreams.”

Dr. de Lancie refused to answer her heartfelt pleas. Instead he shot the mare a cold look before turning his back to her.

“The path to ruin, destination unknown…” the narrator says, gesturing towards the weeping mare, “is often paved with good intentions. However, much like Floating Point, we usually find out too late that its final destination is one we’d prefer to avoid. The careful traveler should remember that as they journey on the unfamiliar highways of “The Twilight of our Outer Limits.”

Authors Notes:

Thank you gentlereader for reading Chapter 1: Meet The Brilliant Dr. de Lancie of The Conversion Bureau: The Big Lie. As always your comments, critiques, and discussion relevant to the story is always welcome.

My apologies for two things. First I never intended to add sex to the story but Floating Point just had to be uncooperative. Second for Tinman not making an appearance this chapter. He was only mentioned in name, but I plan on rectifying the lack of robot action with kung fu grip in the next chapter. Now I know you're gonna say what's up with all the romance, didn't you say last time you wouldn't write that sort of dreck. The story got a bit out of hand, but I think in the end it setup the how humans actually managed to enter Equestria rather nicely. Once again I apologize if the sex scene wasn't to your liking. I don't anticipating writing any more in future chapters. But judging by how easily clop seems to get views etc, perhaps I might revisit my stance against writing erotica in the future.

I think the dynamic of Dr. de Lancie and Floating Point is rather interesting. The good doctor did all in his power to protect her from the truth, and she undermined him in order to make his dream come true dooming her people in the process. It's kind of like the story: The Gift of the Magi, but with giant killer robots and inter-dimensional war instead of pocket watches and hair brushes. The author wonders if Floating Points breach of trust against Dr. de Lancie has forever earned her his enmity, or if there might possibly be hope in the future for these star crossed lovers?

Regarding the Shadow Council, I know some readers might be saying hey humanity wouldn't behave like this! I would gently remind them that as an apex predator man bends the knee to no one. A government that would run a global war racket would have no compunctions against invading Equestria for resources or even petty revenge. But I wonder who the mysterious Mr. Green might be? Perhaps even among the elite there are some that still have a shred of conscience still left. But the author personally agrees with Celestia regarding the current state of affairs, at least regarding to the government humanity is being forced to endure under.

I wonder what sort of blow back the Shadow Council will receive once they send every last HWS into Equestria with only a handful of fleshbags to reign them in. Will Tinman heel like an obedient lapdog for his corporate masters, or will he cry out Viva la Robolution! But seeing as he hates those dirty hippies and red commie bastards, we'll have to wait and see.

Well once again for thanks for reading gentlereader. Until next time!

P.S. What did you think of the cover art? see if you can spot all the easter eggs.