Insertion

by Ferrus Caballio

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Slice of Life
Length: 3017

What happens when you mysteriously show up in Ponyville? Pinkie Pie throws you a party, of course!

What happens when you mysteriously show up in Ponyville? Pinkie Pie throws you a party, of course!

Others, however, are not so accepting, looks like its time to get a job and earn their trust, but you are definitely going to do it in your own way. But when luck takes every oppurtunity to screw with you that may not be as easy as it sounds.

A story about trying to find acceptance and a place in the world, and trying to avoid blueberry pies.

Okay, I didn't want to have to add this but it seems some people are misinterpreting the story, this is NOT a self-insert, nor is it a story of a human-turned-pony. What is it? Wait and find out.

NB: Yes, I know I put human in the check-boxes, and humans do feature, just give me some patience here, the story may not make sense until it is finished.

Published 2012-08-28 02:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-28 02:34:02 UTC

Prologue

‘What do you think?’

‘It certainly merits investigation; first one we’ve come across that actually could be viable for our purposes,’

‘Good to know, we’ve already started preparations,’

Spike hummed to himself tunelessly as he arranged the books on the shelves, only pausing to move the ladder, which, due to his diminutive stature took quite some effort, it was when he was moving the ladder that a group of fillies burst in.

‘Hey Spike! How’s it going?’ The small dragon yelped and dropped the ladder, it knocked all the books of the shelf he’d just been tending to and he sighed with frustration.

‘Well, it was going fine until now,’

‘Sorry,’ Replied Sweetie Belle, shrinking back a little, well aware of how Spike’s temper could get if he were pushed.

‘So what can I do for you, then?’ He asked, a little huffily.

‘Well, we were looking for some books on activities we could try,’

‘Right, I’ll grab a selection for you, just try not to lose any of them, you know what happened last time,’

Apple Bloom grinned sheepishly, last time she’d left a book somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres, it had taken almost two days to find it, the other two giggled silently at her discomfiture as Spike bustled around the library, muttering to himself as he evaluated the worth of certain books.

‘I have the template set,’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, it should serve perfectly for the job in hand,’

‘I see, that all seems acceptable, now, on to the hard part,’

Twilight wandered into Sugarcube Corner to visit Pinkie Pie ‘Pinkie! Pinkie! Are you here?’ This question was asked while leaning on the counter and now she jerked back as a pink head shot into view.

‘Hey there, Twilight! How’s it going?’

‘Once my heart ceases it’s palpitations, I’ll tell you,’ She replied, one hoof on her chest while taking calming breaths, once she was done ‘Anyway, I just came by to see how you were doing, after all, I thought you might need some help,’

‘Nope! All’s fine here! Promise!’

‘You sure? The Cakes have never left you to run the store all by yourself before…’

Pinkie suddenly gave her a hard look ‘Twilight, we’re not gonna see a repeat of the Smarty Pants incident, are we?’

‘No, no,’ Twilight quickly reassured her friend.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Absolutely,’

‘Okie Dokie Lokie! But if you had a problem, you’d tell us, right?’

‘Of course Pinkie! I came here to ask if you needed help and you managed to turn it on its head,’ Laughed Twilight.

‘’S’ what I do,’ Pinkie laughed ‘So, what can I get you?’

‘Just a blueberry pie, thanks,’

‘You having someone over? It’s a big pie,’

‘Not really, just felt like indulging a little, it also means I can try out a preservation spell I found recently,’

‘Ooh, what number is that?’

‘I can’t remember, Spike probably has it written down somewhere, but it’s not being added to the list yet, not until I can get it to work with no side effects, besides those desired, of course,’

‘Well, good luck with that!’ Pinkie pushed a box across the counter to her and Twilight lifted it with her magic.

‘Thanks, Pinkie!’

‘Are you sure this is all the data we’ll need?’

‘We’ve reached the end of the official research cycle; it’s the best we have to go on,’

‘I know, it’s just that this is our first opportunity and I don’t want something to go wrong,’

‘It won’t,’

‘What you up too?’

‘Unlike you, Rainbow, I’m working, you could try it sometime you know?’ Applejack looked up at her friend with exasperation.

‘I do work, it’s just when I do it, it’s so awesome that it doesn’t seem like work,’

‘Of course not,’ AJ rolled her eyes, before walking away with the cart strapped to her back.

Rainbow Dash quickly became bored and flew off somewhere else to have a nap, hardly unusual.

‘You’re certain this is the most potent set-up possible that will not attract too much attention?’

‘Yes, we have confirmed that this is the most powerful form available, so we decided it would be the best to use,’

‘How’s the construction coming along?’

‘Implantation and then insertion will be soon, we’re almost there,’

‘Fluttershy! How can I help you?’

‘Um… we-well, I found these whilst looking after some of the animals, I think one of them dug them up m-maybe you could use them?’

Fluttershy pulled out a hoof-ful of clear diamonds.

‘Oh darling! Those are simply fabulous, are you sure you want to give them away?’

‘Y-yes, they’re not really my style, I hope you can put them to use,’

‘Thank you so much Fluttershy! The moment anything comes up, just let me know, I owe you one for this, the moment I use these, I’ll let you know,’

‘Um… okay,’

‘We’re ready for insertion,’

‘Really? Ahead of schedule, you’ve done well,’

‘Thank you, now we just have to wait,’

‘Indeed,’

Chapter one

My eyes blurred slightly as I woke up, shaking my mane from eyes I attempted to stand before my body decided otherwise, forcing me to land unceremoniously back in the dirt as the world span around me. Doesn’t it normally do that anyway? No, don’t be ridiculous, why would the world spin? But I thought it did. No the world definitely does not spin, this is your own personal problem.

I rolled over onto my belly, deciding it was best to take it slow trying to get back to my feet again, erring on the side of caution worked and soon I was stood, if in a slightly wobbly fashion. Okay, systems check, four hooves, check, tail, check, eyes, really? That’s on my checklist? Whatever, check, mane, check, marking, check, teeth, check, nose, check, tongue, check, fur, check, cloak, check, horn, check. Alright! Let’s get going!

I stepped out of the shallow crater, it was only a couple of feet deep at its lowest point and smoothed out nicely, making getting out no issue, though all the grass had been burned away. Odd, wonder why I wasn’t burned? Oh well, count your blessings and all that. I cracked my neck at the same time as my back legs, stretching in some rather undignified ways as I grunted at the relief this granted, I then reared up onto my back hooves to do the same for my back and my forelegs, leaving me feeling much more limber I shook myself out and made as if to head off.

‘Woah! What happened here?’

I turned to see an orange earth pony mare wearing a Stetson over her blond mane, her eyes were wide in astonishment.

‘Honestly, I have absolutely no idea,’

‘But, but, there was a tree there,’

‘Really? That’s odd, maybe it burned up, the evidence does seem to point towards that conclusion,’

‘But, a fire potent enough to burn up a strong apple tree like that should have done far more damage,’

‘That is true,’ I planted a hoof on my chin ‘Well, not much can be done about it now,’

‘I, I guess not, say, you didn’t have anything to do with it did you?’

‘Don’t know, maybe, can’t remember doing anything,’

‘Well, I guess I’ll take your word for it, though if I find out you had something to do with it, you’ll be in trouble,’

‘Only fair I guess, wait a minute, how much does one of these cost?’

‘Sweet apple trees are priceless,’

‘I see, so how much would it cost to facilitate you to grow a tree of comparable quality?’

‘I don’t know, something like 40 bits for the high-quality sapling, then it pretty much needs leaving be,’

‘Alright then,’ I reached into my cloak and pulled out a pouch containing a hundred bits, it was always worth carrying separate packages where money was concerned, especially if you were carrying a lot.

‘There you go,’ I threw it to the mare ‘Just in case it turns out I did do it,’

I turned to walk off when a thought occurred, made me feel rather foolish for not thinking of it before, really.

‘Is there a town near here?’

The mare was staring at the money pouch balanced on her hoof before she snapped her gaze back up to me.

‘Oh, yeah, Ponyville, it’s just that way,’ She gestured rather absently with one hoof.

‘Much obliged,’ It didn’t take me long to find the road leading from what I’d gathered to be an orchard, the trees were just too uniform for it to be anything else, not to mention the fact that the mass of trees had belonged to someone. The walk to the town was surprisingly short, first impressions were not great, the individual homes were rather nice if a little overdone in terms of decorations. But everything still looked almost unbearably twee as a collective, maybe it was a building regulation, maintain the aesthetic of the town or something, one thing was for certain, I needed more information on the place, with that thought in mind I collared a passing pegasus.

‘Excuse me, do you know where I could find out more about this town?’ Her reply was completely inexplicable due to the volume at which it was uttered ‘Beg pardon?’ Once again, completely incomprehensible ‘One more time, at a volume that a pony might actually be able to hear,’ My patience was starting to wear thin.

Next thing I knew, a rainbow-coloured blur knocked me to the ground and made its way to some point above me.

‘What were you trying to do, sleaze-ball?’

I sat up, rubbing my head and feeling rather annoyed.

‘My dear psychopath, I was merely trying to converse with somepony else, I only just got here and I do not appreciate being assaulted upon sight,’ I blinked ‘Well that sounded bloody posh, much better, maybe I could use that-?’

‘Excuse me, I believe you were talking to me?’

‘Oh yes, sorry, got side-tracked, the mind does tend to wander after a blow to the head,’

‘I’ll show you a blow to the head,’

‘Alright, a little less belligerence, please-,’

‘Are you a new pony? You sure look like a new pony! Wow! You’re tall, no offence, does that make it easier to look over fences? I bet it does, oooooooh, party!’ And then the pink earth pony was gone without a trace, I blinked a couple of times, not sure whether that had actually happened or not.

‘Yo! Over here! Eyes front!’ I turned my attention back to the pegasi before me ‘I believe we were having a conversation,’

‘Oh, yes, we were,’ At that point I really wished I had some glasses, and a hoofkerchief to wipe them on, just to add to the impression ‘Do either of you have some glasses I could borrow?’ The rainbow one looked at me like I was insane and the yellow one was trying to sink into the floor ‘Anyway, where can I go to find out about this town without being attacked?’

The rainbow pony seemed to be utterly derailed by me changing subjects so quickly ‘Um, I don’t know,’

I snorted and turned on my hoof before wandering off randomly, hopefully I could find somepony more helpful along my way, before I could get anywhere, though, a blur streaked past my head, ruffling my already untidy mane to such a degree that it flopped over my eyes. With a puff and a toss of my head I returned it to its regular position.

‘What now?’

‘You think you can just grab Fluttershy and then walk off?’

‘I hardly did anything to her! I only asked whether she could give me some direction as to how I might avail myself of some enlightenment about my current whereabouts!’

‘What?’

I sighed, realising that I had a tendency to over-complicate things when annoyed ‘I thought maybe she could help me find out where I was,’

‘Why didn’t you just say that?’

‘I did, just not in so many words, now, if you’ll excuse me,’

‘Um… alright then,’ She slowly floated out of my way, apparently bemused by my reasonable responses to everything and I continued upon my way humming something to myself as my good mood returned, not loud enough for someone else to hear, mind. However unwillingly I found that the look of the town was growing on me, great, just what I need, a sense of belonging.

‘Right, so far ponies in the middle of town have been less than useful, maybe I should have stuck with, what was her name again-?’

‘Cutie Mark Crusaders go!’

‘What?’ *CRASH* several small fillies ploughed into my legs, causing me to topple right on top of them ‘Well, this is certainly turning out to be an interesting day…’

The three fillies bolted to their feet in a perfect line ‘Are you okay, mister?’

I sighed as I got up and started to dust myself off ‘I’ll be fine, just look where you’re going in future,’

‘Don’t worry! We will!’

‘Ooh, girls, maybe we could get a cutie mark for it!’

‘For looking at stuff?’

‘For being look-out ponies!’

Then they all piped up together, nearly blowing my ears off in the process ‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LOOK-OUT PONIES GO!’

And then they all shot off as I stood there dazed.

‘Sweetie Belle? Is something happening?’ I barely managed to make out what they were saying through the ringing in my ears ‘Oh dear! Are you alright, sir?’

I shook my head to clear the buzzing and managed to get my eyes pointed in the same direction ‘Oh! Yes, thank you, just a little dazed,’

As I turned she let out a little shriek ‘What? Is something wrong?’

‘My good sir, your cloak!’

‘What about it?’

‘It must be replaced at once!’

I unintentionally raised a hoof as I looked at it, I was kind of fond of it, unfortunately, whoever this crazy pony was decided that was an invitation to drag me inside, and so she did so, I had, and indeed still have, no idea of exactly what happened, it was all a blur of fabric and critical looks until finally I stood there in a brand new black cloak and waistcoat, I had to admit, as much as I hated the ‘creative process’ the end results didn’t stack up too badly.

‘There, much better,’

‘Um, I’m afraid that in my current circumstances I find myself unfortunately destitute,’ Damn, I have got to stop doing that! ‘Ah, I mean-,’

‘Don’t you worry about it, dear! It’s nice to find a pony here who is willing to use their full vocabulary, not to say there aren’t others, of course…’ She trailed off ‘And don’t worry about the cost, I simply couldn’t resist, dear,’

‘Um… well, thank you, I guess, but could I have my old cloak, just to hang onto?’

‘Of course! I can understand why you might want it for sentimental reasons,’

‘Thank you,’

‘It looks well worn, are you an avid traveller, then?’

‘In a way, general wear and tear, really,’

She handed me a box which had my old cloak folded up inside it and I took it off her.

‘New in town, then?’

‘Yes, only arrived today, how did you know?’

‘Well, I saw Pinkie going along, excited about throwing a party for somepony new, she does it whenever she has the opportunity, so when you showed up, looking as careworn as you do, I thought it likely that you were our mystery visitor,’

‘Ah, well, I’d best be on my way, before I go, do you know where I could find some information about the town?’

‘My best suggestion would be to find the library,’

‘Oh really? Could you tell me where that is?’

‘It’s inside a tree, I’m sure you’ll be able to find it,’ She pointed down towards the centre of town, where I had been headed originally.

‘Right, thanks again,’ I took a good look around to make sure I had my bearings, in the process I got my first good look at the store I had just come out of. Oh, you have got to be kidding me! It made sense, I suppose, that the outside be just as gaudy as some of the creations I had seen on the interior but really? A full model of a carousel?

‘I really hope that isn’t a building regulation,’ Deciding to leave it be for the moment I headed off.

I was looking up at a huge tree with a door in the front along with several windows, I could even see a balcony near the top. Well, I guess it isn’t so bad, at least it’s not over the top.

I knocked, not receiving a reply I pushed the door open slowly and spotted a lavender unicorn mare with her back to me, concentrating hard on something.

‘Um, excuse me?’

She let out a little shriek and jumped a good few ponylengths into the air, knocking the table in front of her over and sending something flying onto the stairs at the back of the library, as she hit the floor she stumbled into a bookcase, sending the books flying, one of them slammed down on an inkpot, sending it shooting across the room to collide with a hat stand which toppled over. Once that was done with, I sighed, glad that nothing had happened as a result of all this.

‘Twilight! Is something wrong?’ A small purple dragon appeared in the upstairs section and made to rush down the stairs, before he could do so, though he slipped on whatever was on the stairs, he landed flat on his back and sent it flying towards me, before I could do anything about it, it smashed all over my face. I licked some of the mess off my face and sighed.

‘Blueberry,’

A/N This has been heavily modified, I believe it improves how the chapter reads.