Bad Touch!!!

by SkekSil the Chamberlain

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Sex, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Spike, Comedy
Length: 40687

Anon gets sent to an Equestria where males don't exist, and touching triggers sexual responses.

Equestria has a problem. A Big problem. For several thousand years the world was cursed never to receive a male heir, and only through will of the Sun Princess Celestia and the advanced magical sciences, was the world able to allow a means of procreation for all the races. As efficient as it was, Twilight Sparkle was not satisfied with this arrangement, and summoned a human male from another world. Unfortunately she did not consider the side effects of this, and now every female that he touches goes into an irresistible heat.

(Takes place in season one.)

Warning, Contains: Foalcon, Rule 63, Cum Inflation, Pregnancy, Incest, harem, etc.
M/F M/F/F

Published 2020-08-27 20:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-06 19:12:57 UTC

Do my Assistant for Science!

For once, things around Ponyville were quiet. The markets ran smoothly, ponies got to work on time, and school was in session. There wasn't even a peep from the dark and evil Everfree forest that the town resided besides. Even so, most of the denizens were expecting the other shoe to drop at some point during the day. This attitude was because they knew, if it wasn't monsters coming out of the forest, it was something involving the town's latest denizen, Celestia's personal student Twilight Sparkle and her friends. As grateful as the town was for them acting as their protectors, all of them attracted trouble like parasprites to anything they could digest. Those who had money on it being the purple bookworm herself to cause a disturbance this time around should have got their due.

"Barb, can you hand me my fine magic chalk please?" Twilight asked the small purple dragon as she rummaged and rearrange things. She had to clear a large space in her lab for this experiment. Drawing magic circles were usually recommended to be done outdoors or at least done in a large enough room. Due to the sensitive nature of this particular summon, it was probably best to do it in an enclosed space, even if it were smaller than required by standard regulation. She trembled in delight at what she could learn if this experiment came out successful. It would be the first male seen in a thousand years. She read ancient tomes on the biological differences between males and female anatomy, and how both operated in the procreation process. Concerning the subject, she was practically the leading expert. Most ponies these days believed males were fictitious imaginings invented by fillies, but Twilight knew better since the princess said they were in fact real back in her time, and she would eat her hoof before she doubted Celestia.

Barb complied, handing her the violet glowing tool with a sigh. She just knew she would be collecting somepony's money today, "Are you really sure about this Twi? It seems kinda dangerous to me."

Twilight was already drawing up the magic circle on the ground, "Don't be ridiculous Barb. If anything, should this work out as intended, we may find a way to never need artificial insemination for childbirth ever again!"

The little dragon winced, "Yeah, I'm not sure many ponies would really go for exactly what you're thinking. From what you describe, this sex stuff actually sounds kinda gross. Also, aren't I too young to know about those kinds of things anyway?"

Twilight rolled her eyes, "What book have you been reading Barb?"

"Tawny Wind's Appropriate Intercourse and Relations volume IV. It says underage species shouldn't know or do those kind of things with each other." Barb rebuttaled.

"Ugh, out of all of my ancient tomes of Sexology to read, you had to pick the preachiest. Even Celestia says that author was a prude, with a superiority complex to boot. Honestly its just archaic ideology from a reserved and ancient society. These days you need as many children as you can get to keep the population up, and if you can afford to make them you should. Also, doesn't it make sense that sexual pleasure and joy should belong to everypony?"

"Well sure, when you put it like that. I don't know what this sexual pleasure is though.
I always thought anything that had to do with babies were relatively unpleasant. At least that's what I remember from Mrs. Cake. She called it morning sickness or something like that."

Twilight stopped and seemed to contemplate for a moment, "Well, I suppose Celestia wouldn't be too mad if I told you. But you can't tell anypony. Got it?" She gave Barb a serious look.

Barb crossed her heart and held up a claw, "I solemnly swear on the honor of my dragon heritage."

Twilight nodded as she lifted her head to magically lock the door and put up a sound barrier before working on more of the finer details of the circle inscription, "This matter is a bit of a National Secret. According to Celestia, the trouble of the males disappearing was not the end of Equestria's worries when it first began. Males and females are symbiotic organisms in nature, and to prompt procreation between the two, evolution built the process to feel pleasurable for both beings in the form of biological urges. Males could do it all the time without worry. But in females, there were times in the year during ovulation when their urges were strongest, and without relief from the males for years on end, many females of each species went mad or became suicidal. To prevent further disaster, Celestia casted a spell on every creatures that blocked any and all sexual desire. Any mention of it was censored out of history."

Barb's eyes were wide, "Wow, that's serious stuff. It must have been pretty bad if Celestia had to go that far."

"That's not the worst of it though." Twilight's gaze was downcast, "Apparently the spell would only works on the mortal races. She could help her ponies and the rest of the world, but she couldn't do a thing for herself. To this day, Celestia and her sister still suffer from it, and to my understanding is part of why Luna turned into Nightmare Moon."

"Really?" Barb winced, "Gosh, thats awful. But if the spell prevents any of us from feeling it, whats the point of bringing it up for this experiment?"

"Well, we may not be able to feel it, but if I'm correct, the male we bring will still be able to feel their sexual pleasure. I want to observe and collect as much data on that as possible. For that I'll need your help to stimulate him."

"Ah… wait, what?! Twilight, are you crazy!? Why me? Can't you do that since you are so interested?"

The lavender mare raised a brow, "As much as I want to, a good scientist always separates themselves from their research. Besides, I'll be able to take better notes as an observer." She finished the next iner circle with a flourish.

"Well what kind of male are you summoning anyway? If it's a gross monster, you can kiss that idea goodbye." She crossed her arms.

"Nothing like that. Actually that's one of the exciting things. This circle I'm using is derived off of an ancient hero summoning spell that predates even Celestia herself. From what I read, it always summons a biped being called a human. The gender of the summon is typically randomized though, so I tweaked it to specifically target a male specimen."

"Hero summon huh? What exactly made these humans such great heroes?" Barb asked, now mildly curious.

"From what I gathered in my research, the world these humans come from is magicless, so when they suddenly get transported in a magic rich environment like Equestria, they suck it up like a sponge. Making them stronger and more resistant to magical and physical attacks." She placed a hoof thoughtfully on her chin, "The last human to ever appear in Equestria was said to have grappled the kraken itself, and single handedly vanquish the last true Demon King. At least according to what Lyra told me."

Barb gaped, "Twilight are you crazy?! That can quickly turn pear shaped if this thing turns out not to be all that friendly."

"I did say that it was based on a Hero summon didn't I? Anyways, I did take some precautions by locking the door to the lab in any case."

The poor little dragoness felt like she could faint, "Yeah, with us in it." As much as she praised Twilight for her scientific brilliance, common sense in the lavender equine was severely lacking.

"We shouldn't have anything to worry about." Twilight finished the inner circle and stepped away. "Right, now all I need now is to power it up. You ready Barb?"

"Hold just a minute." She placed a welding mask on her head, "Ready."

Twilight rolled her eyes before pouring her magic into the circle. The runes glowed a vibrant purple before brightening into a pure white. She winced. Perhaps Barb had the right idea for eye coverage. Like the gears of a cog, the magic wormed its way into the base function of the circle before tearing a small hole into the fabric of reality until it localized and latched out onto another one with the target locked.

With a loud Poof, Anon blinked. One moment he was going to work, and the next he was on the floor of someone's basement staring at the ceiling. He blinked a couple times more as he tried to process. Okay, one moment in my house with a mug of Joe, next basement floor with a flash in between. Was I knocked out? Chloroformed? But who would do something like that? Got no money, no ties with important people, and nobody I've pissed off enough over my life to want to pull something like this. Boss might have been ready to wring my neck, but he wasn't the type to do any of that. Welp," Anon thought, "might as well find out."

With surprising ease he sat up, thankful that at least he was not bound in ropes of any kind, however, he had a new problem. No joke, in front of him was a purple unicorn standing stocks still staring at him with a small similarly colored creature at its side with a mask on. "... Uh… hi?"

Twilight blinked as the words registered in her head. It was much deeper than most ponies. She read that this was the case with beings of the opposite gender. As a result of the chemical hormone known as testosterone, males have more elongated vocal cords that produce a deeper pitch. Suddenly she remembered the being greeted her, "Umm, hello there. I'm Twilight Sparkle."

Anon stared confusedly. This pony just talked. Either he was drugged and was now tripping balls, abducted by aliens, or there was something else in the works. In any case, she looked cute, so he just rolled with it, "Err… um, nice to meet you? My name's Anon. Can you please tell me what I'm doing here?" Never hurts to be polite.

She cleared her throat, "Ah, yes. Welcome Anon to the magical land of Equestria. You were brought here because we need your help with something that only you can do."

"... Sounds legit. Am I some prophesied hero meant to take down some demon lord or something?"

She laughed nervously, "Ha, ha, ha… not… quite as such."

Anan shrugged, "Eh, worth a shot. Magical land though? I'm all for that scene compared to my life back home."

The purple pony turned to the small creature next to her, "See, I told you it would be okay."

"Yeah, this time at least." The little creature said removing the mask to reveal a cute reptilian face.

"This is my assistant Barb. She's a dragon hatchling."

"Nice to meet you."

"Ditto." She looked him up and down with curiosity before turning to Twilight, "You were right about them looking strong."

Anon for the first time looked down at himself, surprised at what he saw. He was an average build who didn't really work out much, but now, his dress shirt was tight on his skin from the muscles rippling underneath. The buttons looked fit to burst under the strain, "Whoa, I don't know what you did but I love it. I'm totally ripped!" He flexed, feeling the new power in his body. He could get used to this. It was too bad he couldn't show this off at the office, heck, anywhere at home. He'd be very popular with all of the the ladies.

"As expected, your transfer to this world has increased your strength. You may even be able to cast spells at some point."

Anon grinned standing up, "I can't wait. What did I need to do again?" He was taking this surprisingly well. Many would have been upset at having been displaced in such a manner, but he was just glad that he had an excuse to not attend his soul sucking job anymore. In any case, his mundane life was getting boring for him, and he wanted a change of scenery anyway. Magical pony and lizard land would definitely be more his speed.

"Ah that." Twilight grinned and Barb moaned in complaint. She magiced some reading glasses to her face and held a notepad and pencil, "I want you to…" She thought for a moment, "What's the word, oh, that's right! I want you to fuck my assistant here."

The room was silent.

"... eh? Wha!!!" Anon with a sinking feeling turned to the small dragon who was looking a little bit irritated. "Why would you possibly need me for that?!"

"Oh, yeah, you wouldn't know about that." Twilight replied.

"Know about what exactly?!"

Twilight cleared her throat, "Well, you see, it goes like this…"

After an explanation, Anon sat in thought, "So you have no guys in this world whatsoever and you want to figure out what sex is like?"

"More or less." Twilight shrugged, "I mostly want to see if there is anything that can be done about our land's curse, but learning about how sex is done firsthand might lead me to an actual answer. "

"I get that, but why her?" He pointed to the dragon, "She looks like she's just a child?"

The mare tilted her head and the dragon, "Seriously? Why is age even a variable? Is it copulation abilities you are worried about or something?"

Anon was stunned, "You mean to say you don't have any laws forbidding that sort of thing?"

"We don't have any kind of laws regarding sex at all since nopony does it."

For something that isn't ever a problem, no laws regarding the subject does make a bit of sense. Though the thought that it wasn't the least bit messed up must have been born from their naivety around the activity. All in all, it was a matter of perspective, Anon decided. Japan's age of consent was sixteen wasn't it? In any case, he was being presented some ass from a cute fantasy creature, so he was not going to complain. "Ah, I... see. I guess I'm gonna have to learn more about how this place works." He looked towards the dragon. He would not say he was a furry per say, but he certainly wasn't picky, and he had to admit she really was cute, "What say you on this arrangement?"

"Honestly it feels more like a chore. I'd rather just get it done and over with."

Twilight laughed, "Alrighty then. Get started you two. We have a lot of research to cover."

"Wai-what, now?! I just got here and you really want me to stick my dick in something immediately?"

"Preferably. I have a bit of a busy schedule to take care of, so I want this out of the way quickly. Soon afterwards I would like to talk about mating habits on your world." She squeeze in excitement, "We have so much to learn!"

Huh, they really didn't understand the idea of intimacy, "Alright, but can I at least do it on a bed or something? Can't really get in the mood for it on a concrete floor."

Something seemed to click in Twilight's brain, "Oh, is that where the term, 'bedding a mare comes from?" She quickly wrote something down, "Of course! Silly me. You two can use mine since Barb's is too small." Her horn glowed and the three suddenly found themselves in her room. Anon felt like he was going to throw up from the sudden jerk it had on his body, but held it in. "Alright, I know there will be sexual fluids involved, but since this is for science, I don't care if you make a mess. Now get started." She giggled, "You should count yourself lucky Barb. You'll be the first to experience this in over a thousand years."

The Dragon rolled her eyes as she walked over to the human, "So how are we doing this?"

Anon shrugged. By his best estimate, she was two, almost three feet tall. Was this even going to work mechanically? "Guess I should take off my clothes first." He began removing every article starting with his shirt, undoing his belt, and looking over his inventory all the while. He's seriously never looked this good before. He thought he might be taller too, but that was difficult telling since he had no telling in this small pony world. Slipping off his boxers, he stared in surprise. Holy hell! He was definitely bigger downstairs with grapefruit sized mounds underneath.

"Oh… fascinating." Twilight commented, scribbling something down. "Alright, to get you erect, you need to be physically stimulated right?"

"Or just aroused." Anon added, "Sex is also a psychological thing too. Words or imagery of things tied to the suggestion of intercourse can get a guy going." Great, Anon thought, explaining it like that makes me feel more like a sex ed teacher.

Twilight wrote everything down excitedly, "That's some great data, though if that's the case, how come you aren't already erect?"

Anon scratched the back of his head, "Well, so far everything about this feels more like a business transaction than an intimate experience, which honestly is a bit of a turn off for me."

The mare nodded as she wrote that down, "I see. Very well then, I won't ask any more questions as you do your thing. You ready Barb?"

"Do I have a choice?" Barb sighed.

That rang some alarm bells in Anon's head, "Whoa, wait a moment. I'm only gonna do this if I get consent. There may not be any laws regarding all this here, but I draw the line at doing it with someone who is forced or doesn't want to do it."

Twilight wrote something down, "Sexual morals? Huh, interesting. Very well. How about this. Barb, I'll give you five sapphire cupcakes if you help me in this experiment. I'll understand if you say no."

The dragoness' eyes widened, "Really?! Five of them?" Her mouth practically watered, "You'll hear no complaint from me." She turned to Anon with a hungery look in her eyes, "Let's get this started dude. I want to dig into those as soon as possible."

That's a new one. Anon thought scratching his head, sex for cupcakes. What is this world coming to? "If you're okay with that." If he wasn't going to Christian Heaven before, he certainly wasn't now, but to pass up fucking a dragon would be a waste, even if it were a young one."

"Sure, sure. Help me up on the bed already." Anon reached out to offer his support as the dragon took his hand. He stopped, suddenly feeling an internal snap, not from himself, but from his companion. She froze with her small hand in his hand, eyes wide.

"You alright?"

She began to shake a little as her legs began to buckle. Her hands immediately went to cover her crotch as her face turned bright crimson. "Twilight… som-something is going huff on…I feel strange."

Twilight looked up from her notes, "Strange? Strange how exactly?"

'I, I-I I'm… U-umm…" there were clear fluids dripping from her legs.

"You okay there?" He could smell a strong scent from her. Combined with the lewd display, he felt himself harden up. She turned around to look at him and shook more between pants. Her eyes focused not on him, but on his member, which was a shocking eleven inches. An impressive size, but was it one this little dragon could handle? At this time it seemed like the only thing she could focus on.

With a surprise strength and speed, she jump-tackled him onto the bed. Before he knew it, she was on top of him panting and drooling before she gritted her teeth with tears in her half lidded eyes, "Puh-Please help me." She grinded her crotch on his chest with her tail swishing back and forth with moans of ecstasy escaping her mouth. "I… huff, I don't know what's going on, but I I know you did this, please… take responsibility."

If he wasn't rock hard before he was now. Placings his hands on both of her small butt cheeks, she let out a squeak of surprise as he flipped her around. He starred to meet her gaze below him on the bed, which was a mix of bewilderment, lust and a little of something else. His cock slapped against her belly. It was almost half as big as her and almost as wide. Despite the impossible odds, he knew that he was going to rut her. Her small slit was gushing with welcomingly slick fluids. Slowly he rubbed against her and she arched her back with a moan, "Please! please, I need it!"

Anon nodded in understanding. He didn't know what it was that flipped her switch, but it was obvious that she was right now such a horny mess it ought to be painful. The head of his cock positioned itself against her soft wet folds. It was like trying to shove a tree down a rabbit hole. It should have been completely infeasible and yet…

Her lips parted as he pushed against her resistance. A little too hard in fact. His member bowed at the pressure before he popped inside her at lighting speed before crashing against her cervix that also gave way until he was all up inside her womb. The pleasure that shot up and down his length was completely unreal, and the bulging impression he left in her was clearly defined on her scaley belly. The dragoness in question was twitching with her eyes rolled almost to the back of her head as she squeaked and babbled something nonsensical.

"Umm… oops. Are… you okay?" Anon tried to pull out but her inner wall clung tightly to him like a vice. Thankfully he knew that her body wouldn't be acting this way if she was seriously hurt. The sensations were strange. He'd only had sex a handful of times in his life from a couple of different flings, but he immediately knew this was different. Compared to a human woman's, her insides were cool, likely due to her cold-blooded reptilian nature. And then there was the vibration. Puuuuurrrrrr. Holy Shit she was purring like a cat! As strange as it was, it really turned him on, and it took every ounce of willpower not to immediately plow this creature he impaled accidentally.

The pleasure, the pain, the fullness. Barb's mind was in a haze. The sensations she felt from his entry were completely indescribable, and suddenly she realised what Twilight was talking about. She wanted it so bad. The member pulsed inside of her, radiating a warmth in her depths that she never wanted to leave. It wasn't enough though. Her instincts were screaming something else, something primal that laid dormant until now. I want to breed. She looked up at Anon's face, putting a claw on her bulging belly, "Br-breed me." She managed. Her grip lessened, and he was able to slide out a little. He nodded before sliding it back in with a grunt as she tightened, but not quite vice-like as before as she moaned in ecstacy. He's so warm… That was her last sober thought before he began pistoning back and forth into her.

No more room for error. Anon thought as he started thrusting into the small dragon; slowly at first, but with increasing speed. The sounds she made, squeaks and vulgar mewlings took him by surprise, but were supremely arousing. She really was almost like a kitten. Their bodies, pressed tightly to one another, moved in unison, as they committed themselves to this act of carnal pleasure.

She was moaning now, visibly shaking, and her breathing was bordering on hyperventilating. Suddenly with a more powerful thrust she dug her claws into the beds fabric as she rode out her first ever orgasm. The blanket was torn asunder, and for the first time since really getting into this session, he heard the Unicorn grumble in annoyance.

Anon leaned back and held her there as he once again grinded his length deep within her, making sure there wasn't a gap of empty space inside her. He stayed like that for a moment to allow her to catch her breath, and come back down from that rapturous high that still shook her body, while building up the foundation of pleasure for her next journey over the edge that was soon to come.

With a Zeus worthy thrust, he began pistoning again, his balls slapping against her. Like that, Barb climbed from the valley of her last orgasm to the peak of her new one almost instantaneously. She was light headed as her eyes rolled back into her skull. The little dragon was completely checked out in euphoric bliss. Anon's own pleasure was just escalating as his cock pulsed and throbbed inside her cool moist entrance. With his stronger physique, he imagined he could go for hours, but as intense as her first time was being, he was pretty sure that would break the poor reptile, so it was just about time to end this.

Timing it to her own he began accelerating his pace until he was fully hilted, and they both gasped from ecstasy. His balls tightened as his seed poured straight into her womb like a faucet. Her belly bulged and grew like a balloon from the warm baby batter that now filled her until she looked at least several months pregnant.

He panted, and with a pop, his member slid out of her, though strangely, not a single drop spilled from her sore and pulsating pussy. Another quirk of dragon biology maybe? He thought. With a sigh, he sat on the bed next to her. Looking over, her tongue lolled as she stared at the ceiling in a daze.

His eyes turned to find Twilight staring at him with a crimson blush, and a look of thoughtfulness. To be honest, he had almost forgot she was there, "Manage to collect any good data?" He joked.

She nodded quietly, turning her gaze to Barb, "I'm… absolutely speechless to be honest. What just happened, I didn't think it was possible."

Anon frowned, "Think what possible? I mean, I know I was a bit rusty, but I still know how to please a lady, even if it was a bit unexpected at the beginning and didn't last real long. Who knew dragons could be that stretchy?"

"Well, since dragons typically vary largely in size, they are generally built to accommodate most phallus lengths and girths. Main reason why I had her do this experiment. That's not what I mean though. Somehow you were able to break Barb's Sexual Instinct Barrier."

Anon blinked, "Sexual what now?"

Twilight grimmanced, "Since we don't have any males to satisfy our urges, Princess Celestia casted a spell to repress our sexual feelings and urges. Somehow you broke through Barb's." She grimaced as she wrote something down

"Wait, are you saying that all the females in this world have never experienced an orgasm?" The idea seemed horrible to him.

Twilight nodded. "Barb's probably the first in over a thousand years."

"Jesus. That's terrible. If that's the case, what was the point if you didn't know that would happen?"

Twilight sighed, "The main reason is that Equestria's population is dropping fast. Inexplicably so. Our magical means to create progeny is supposed to be sustainable, but between the expenses and rate of genetic distribution, our population is projected to drop exponentially over the next few centuries. I wanted to see if there was a cheaper way to create progeny by observing and studying how it's done the natural way. On that note," She walked over towards Barb with her horn glowing, but this time in a white glow. As she scanned the little dragon, the light turned pink, "As I thought. You actually impregnated her."

Anon sat stunned, and the little dragon who was still in a reverie at this point snapped to attention. She jutted upright.

"WHAT!!!" The both of them exclaimed at the same time towards the startled unicorn.

"How the heck does that work? We're completely different species!" Anon rebutled.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no?! I thought I was too young! I can't be a mom yet! What will Rarity think?!"

"Easy guys. It's not that big of a deal." Both looked at her like she was crazy, "Anyway, to Anon's question. According to Starswirl's Book on Reproductive Species, Equestrians are able to breed with almost any species provided that they are in fact fertile breeding partners. As a result though, to maintain the balance of species the offspring will always turn out the same species of the mother who gives birth to them, while the father just creates genetic variation with maybe a few phenotypes such as pigmentation or height. And Barb, you shouldn't worry so much. I mean, yeah, you should be too young, but isn't this exciting?! You're getting a free hatchling! Not many mares can say that. You shouldn't worry too much. I'll of course be there to help out any way I can. I always wanted to be an auntie."

Somehow this didn't seem to brighten her mood. Anon placed a hand on the small dragon's back. As unexpected as it was, he was ready to take responsibility. She looked up to him, and he smiled, "I know this all may be too sudden Barb. To be honest, i'm scared stiff, but I'm ready to grab the reins and haul up Davey Jones himself if it means I help you through this whatever way I can." He didn't know it, but he was smoldering right then.

Her face turned bright red again and she turned away with her hands over her swollen belly, "I-i'm glad you feel that way." She squeaked out as she purred.

Twilight hummed to herself, "I think we derailed just a little bit. The important part of this subject concerned how you broke the Sexual Instinct Barrier."

"Yeah, how did I do that anyway?" Anon asked.

"I have a hypothesis, but there is only one way to test it." Before Anon could even protest, she touched him with her hoof. Crack! He felt it reverberate through the both of them much more fiercely than with Barb. He could practically see it in slow motion the way her eyes widened, pupils contracting, and face contorting in a mixture of shock and pleasure. Her horn fizzled and sparked with smoking magical energy as she suddenly fell to her side with a gasp of ecstasy, twitching with a pool of sexual fluids growing on the floor from her nethers.

Barb and Anon looked down on her with shock at the mess he made of her. Barb jumped down from the bed, "Twilight! Are you okay?" The mare only responded with a moan.

Anon gulped, looking from his hand to the mare. It was obvious. Any and all physical contact with him broke that spell she was talking about. "Well… I guess that confirms it I guess." He replied. Normally he'd take pride in the ability to make the ladies wet just by touching them, but in a world where he was the only male in the entire world, made that thought seem like it would create more problems for himself and others around him. As such, he knew he had to refrain from touching anyone else. That shouldn't be too difficult right?

Author's Note

You expected just mindless porn, but it was I! Story Plot!!!

Here Comes the Sun

"So let me get this straight. You managed to open up a portal between dimensions and summoned a mythical male from an alien race to here in your lab?" Rainbow Dash restated her friend's testimony shaking her head, "Sorry Twi, but I'm not buying it. Males? Psh, those are just little filly tales!"

"As much as I want to believe you, darling, Rainbow does have a point. This all feels too fantastical." Rarity added as she trotted along with the group. Applejack nodded her bit of skepticism while Fluttershy just looked pensive.

Too fantastical? Fighting Nightmare Moon with the Elements of Harmony wasn't fantastical? The lavender mare tried making sense of that statement in her head. The only one who wasn't skeptical was Pinkie, "You guys are silly! Of course, males exist! My Granny Pie said so, and she never lies!"

Twilight sighed as she led all of her friends to the Library. It was always a trial convincing them of things outside their realms of preconceived notions. "I know it's hard to believe, but I summoned him yesterday. He's waiting for all of us at home right now with Barb." Just thinking about him, she could feel her heart quicken and her nethers ache with desire. After she initially came back from her stupor, what he did with Barb was constantly at the forefront of her mind. It was completely analytical when she first started. She documented every detail empirically from the rhythm of his thrusts to the effect he had on his partner. It was a remarkable discovery that his touch could reawaken a pony's sexual instincts. She wanted to know what it was like, but she failed to realize there was no going back, and even now she tried to shake the feeling away to no avail.

Though he as a person was relatively harmless, the way his touch instantaneously clouded her mind in euphoria scared her and has refused any further touching. It was a pleasure beyond anything she imagined, but her ability for logic and reason was completely impaired by it. She refused to let that happen, even if it meant denying her instincts. If Celestia could set a standard and keep herself together for a thousand years, who was she not to follow?

"You left Barb alone with a strange creature!?" Rarity gasped with alarm. "Not sweet little Barbie!"

"Relax Rarity. You have nothing to worry about. He and Barb actually have really hit it off pretty well together. Before I left to get you, she was showing him her comic collection and edition of Ogres and Oubliettes." The latter, they were actually talking quite extensively.

"Well that's nice and all, but why aren't we supposed to touch it again?" Applejack asked.

"Well… it's complicated." Twilight began, "There are some matters of national security involved, so I'll have to ask Celestia's permission."

"Oh! Oh! I get it! It's a spy, isn't it? Are we going to become spies?" Suddenly Pinkie put a black mask over her face and hid in a box, "Agent Pink reporting for duty colonel."

An exclamation point appeared as Twilight magically removed the box from her, "Come on Pinkie, we don't have time for games."

Pinkie gasped in surprise before letting out a sigh, "You're right. I'm too dummy thick to be a spy anyway. The clap of my cutie flanks always alerts the guards." Everypony stopped and gave her a strange look.

"Right…" AJ shook her head trying to forget what she just heard, "Twilight, reckon you're right, and this is a legitimate, bonafide mythical male. What do ya plan to do with it? And have you told the princess?"

"I sent a letter to Celestia right before I left to get you all. I'm sure she's probably responded by now. As for what I intend with him? Mostly study of what he's capable of right now."

Fluttershy spoke up, "Is it true that males can easily impregnate us with foals?"

Rainbow laughed, "Ha! As i-"

"Yes." Twilight cut her off. All the ponies stared at their lavender friend.

"You say that with such certainty darling." Rarity raised a brow.

"Of course. I had Barb test him personally. Though it was not my intention, she ended up pregnant. Checked it and everything."

All the ponies mouths gaped at the incredulity of the statement. "Ya mean to say, there is literally a free foal maker sitting right now at your library playing board games with Barb?" AJ deadpanned.

"More of a tabletop RPG, but essentially," Twilight replied.

Applejack suddenly had a business mare look about her, "Ya know, me and Macareina could use some extra hooves on the farm a few years from now… If you're right about this…"

"Oh, to have my own little princess." Rarity's eyes twinkled at her fantasy, "The status and popularity between the two of us would be absolutely grand!"

"Sign me up!" Pinkie beamed, "Imagine all of the parties I can do with a partner in crime! Which reminds me, I need to do a Baby Shower Party for Barb!"

"A foal of my own." Fluttershy said wistfully, "I'd teach her to be gentle with animals, and cuddle with her, and help her with whatever homework she had, and…"

"Eh, you guys can keep your kids." Rainbow shook her head, "Taking care of foals can be a pain, not to mention pregnancy would keep me from flying. No thank you."

"Aww, don't you want a foal who you can teach to be just as awesome as you?" Pinkie asked.

"Might be nice to have somepony to show the ropes, but come on, awesome as me? let's be real here."

Rarity rolled her eyes, "You know Rainbow, I heard-"

"Girls!" Twilight cut into their conversation, "We can talk all about that later. Right now I just want you to meet him. Also, Rarity,"

"Yes, Darling?"

"Anon has requested upon hearing of your seamstress skills, wondered if you would make some new clothes for him? Apparently, his species is very shy of walking around in public naked, and his current ones don't fit him quite right."

The seamstress' eyes twinkled, "Creating clothes for a being from another world?" She smiled, "I'll create all the clothes he would need!" She said with flair, "and as a token of gratitude, maybe…"

"Rarity." Twilight groaned. Thankfully for her, the library was now coming into view.

"Well, a girl can dream can't she? Foals are the leading status symbols in Equestria. I always thought I would need to take a mortgage out on my boutique as my parents did for Sweetie and me, and when you say you have a means to provide foals for free… it's hard not to think of such things."

"What does this feller look like anyhow?" Applejack asked. "I always heard from stories that males were bigger and stronger than most mares."

"He's no pony, but he is definitely that." Twilight sighed as she approached her front door and turned to her friends, "Now remember Girls. Until further notice, I repeat, no touching him. Is that clear?" They all nodded as Twilight began to open the door, "Good, now let's all step inside and say- Princess Celestia!" She gasped, along followed the rest of her friends. Sitting at the table of her home was none other than the leading diarch herself playing Ogres and Oubliettes with Barb, and Anon with a black baby dragon sleeping in his lap.

The goddess turned to the stunned group, "Oh there you are Twilight. Has Barb ever played this game with you? It's actually quite captivating."

Nopony knew what to say when Twilight's face scrunched up and began babbling, "But, but, how? why? when!? Princess, what are you doing here? And why does Anon have a baby dragon?!"

Anon stroked the slumbering dark creature affectionately, "Well, a funny story all that. So it happened like this…"

Earlier

"Wow, this is awesome!" Anon looked over the core set of Ogres and Oubliettes, the map layout, rulebook, dice, and character sheets, "It's almost like Dungeons and Dragons back home. I haven't played anything like this since high school."

Barb smirked, "Glad you approve. Bet you'll find this one the superior game."

Anon hummed to himself as he read the rules, "We'll see. This version is a bit looser than D&D. Mine has things like armor class. Stats and modifiers to bring just a bit more variation. It involves a bit more math, but it definitely makes up for itwith the features it adds. Here, I'll write out some of what I remember." Quickly on parchment, he began scribbling. It was rudimentary, but he'd played enough times years ago to recall most of the important stuff.

Explaining it to Barb her eyes lit up. "That's genius!" She exclaimed, "This system of ability scores and modifiers makes each character so unique. And brings a whole new level to characterization and storytelling."

"Exactly, and having a DM specifically and only in the role of setting the scene allows for the organization of the bigger narrative."

The dragon laughed joyfully, "How has nopony thought of this?"

At that moment a clopping of hooves was heard going down the stairs, "Barb, I have a letter for you to send." The Lavender mare floated over a wax-sealed scroll to the little dragon, who stared down at it dumbly. "Oh, you wrote this one yourself?" Barb asked feeling just a bit self-conscious.

The mare nodded, "It's just so Celestia knows it's important. I want to be sure she reads it as soon as possible."

"Isn't that what the seal is for though?" Barb asked, raising a brow as she pointed to the wax sun symbol that was used only for urgent letters.

"The princess knows my horn writing. I can't have her think I'm not taking this matter seriously, or worst, divulging state secrets out loud for every pony to hear!" She looked out the windows just in case. "Anyways, I've written everything that has happened down in there. I'm off to go grab the girls so they can meet Anon and weigh-in on this matter. I should be back in an hour or two."

"Alright, see ya Twi." She waved and Anon followed suite. The mare magically opened the front door, "Bye you two. It may be a while, but don't be surprised if you get a letter immediately back. I'm sure the princess will treat this with the same seriousness I do if not more." With that, she closed the door behind her and left.

Barb shrugged and blew a green flame at the piece of parchment, which burned immediately and flew out the window.

Anon looked at her perplexed, "Did you just… burn her letter to the princess?"

"Message magic. Any paper I burn with my flame will reappear either in the royal letter room if the Princess is busy, or right in front of her if she's not."

"Huh, neat." Magical texting. He thought as he stood to stretch, "Aight, I'm gonna grab a snack. Want anything Barb?"

The dragon looked thoughtful. "A couple of rubies would be nice actually. I think I'm starting to get those pregnancy cravings I've heard so much about." She rubbed her belly.

Anon smirked, "I think you have a month or two before you get those. I don't know how long dragon pregnancies last, but I'd eat my own foot if you got that immediately the day after."

She shrugged, "Doesn't make me any less hungry. Maybe also-" suddenly there was a flash of light, and staring eye level in front of Anon was the Alicorn princess herself decked in full regalia and flowing multicolored mane. The man staggered with a yelp as the tall sun goddess stared him up and down with curiosity. "It's true. How extraordinary." She tilted her head as she walked around the confused human, "You look… so much like him."

Anon opened his mouth to ask, 'like who?' But barb spoke first.

"Princess Celestia!?" She blurted, "What, what are you doing here?"

The sun pony turned to her, "Sorry for my sudden appearance, but when I received Twilight's letter, I knew I had to see for myself." There was a look of wonder as she looked right back at the human, "To think my student would come up with something as inventive as this. Magic so old that even I only have the foggiest accounts of its existence." She suddenly broke from her thoughts and cleared her throat, "Twilight said your name was Anon correct?"

"Er… yeah, your majesty." Fuck! Anon thought to himself frantically, How are you supposed to talk to royalty again? Bow, bow you, idiot! He was about to lower himself when she chuckled, "Just Celestia will do. It is nice to meet you Anon."

"A… pleasure. Sorry, I'm not used to meeting royalty." He admitted, scratching the back of his head.

"It's quite alright. You may speak to me freely." Anon let out a breath of relief, "Actually, I'd like to get to know you quite well. I was curious. It's been a couple thousand years since the last human hero existed in our world. Does the Roman Empire still stand?"

The Roman Empire? Despite the odd and unexpected question, he cleared his throat and did his best to answer, "Uhh… no. I'm not much of a historian, but I know it fell a couple of thousand years ago."

She seemed taken aback by that and a hint of sadness penetrated her gaze, "Oh, I see. I suppose that does happen from time to time…" She seemed thoughtful for a moment before looking back up at him, "What nation do you hail from then, I might ask?"

Anon shrugged, "The United States of America. We're a democratic country. Most of the world is now that I think about it. Lots have happened on Earth since the time of the Roman Empire."

Celestia nodded, "I see. I would be happy to talk about it sometime." She brightened up somewhat.

"No problem. So the last human was a Roman huh?" That was a crazy time difference that was mind-boggling to him.

Celestia smiled as she explained, "Indeed, my father told me every detail about his home many, many years ago. He used to be a gladiatorial champion in the coliseum before Clover Charm the Wise summoned him here."

Anon nodded, "Ah… wait what?" His brain did a double take to process what she just said.

She giggled, "Oh I neglected to mention that. My father was Kaneis Erotisi, the last great human hero of the realm."

Both Anon's and Barb's jaws dropped at this sudden revelation, "Princess, is that true?" Barb's eyes were as wide as dinner plates as she digested this piece of exposition.

The princess smiled warmly, "It's all true. After he came to Equestria and defeated the Demon Lord, my father Kaneis won my mother's affection and ruled this nation at her side for nearly seven hundred years. They had both me and luna in that time, and the rest is history."

"... Wow. Epic doesn't even begin to describe that. Seven hundred years? Your father must have been one hell of a guy." Anon praised. He put it on a mental checklist on how to get whatever he needed for that kind of lifespan.

"Yes, he was." She looked drawn back as if recalling a fond memory.

"Is that why you're so much taller than anypony?" Barb asked, "Cause Anon is really tall."

Celestia blinked back to the present, "Yes, actually, but that's not important right now. The main reason I came was actually because of you Barb."

"Me?" Barb asked with a measure of trepidation in her voice.

"According to Twilight's letter, Anon here managed to impregnate you. If that is true, you will have been the first in thousands of years to ever give off a natural offspring since this curse was inflicted upon the world. It is critical to see if this circumstance has brought a change in that. If you would allow, I would like to accelerate that process so we can be sure."

"Wait, what?" Anon looked confused between the two of them, "What exactly do you mean by that?"

"It's actually a fairly common process amongst the nobility." Celestia replied, "Pregnancy is a long and arduous task for mothers, so we've invented a way to speed that process up a bit, as well as make it safer for both mother and child."

Anon could already feel the pit forming in his stomach. He was still getting used to the idea of being a dad. He felt he could be ready in however many months it took, but now of all times? He wasn't so sure, "How quick is it?"

"A couple of minutes. With Barb's permission of course." She looked expectantly at the dragoness as Anon sat to process his feelings.

Barb looked with a similar level of uncertainty, but mustered the courage from her sense of duty. This was the princess herself requesting it after all, "I'm willing to help however I can, Princess."

The solar ruler nodded, and her horn glowed. Barb was surprised when she was plucked from the ground and immediately placed carefully on the couch as Celestia hit her with various complex spells. She pulled barbs legs apart, revealing her puffy slit, "You'll want to relax and take deep breaths. The spells I just placed you under will prevent any pain, but it's still going to feel strange."

Barb nodded, trusting the Ruler as Anon sat beside her, "This may be the absolute strangest day and a half I've ever been put through in my entire life, and I think you can say probably the same. Even so, let's uh… maybe get to know each other better after this?"

"Uh… yeah. Yeah! Sure! That would, umm… be nice." She blushed.

He held out his hand, and Barb took it firmly. "Whatever this is, I'm sure a grand adventure awaits." Anon didn't know it, but he was smoldering again, and this time the timing was right for a soft gale to brush against his hair with a beam of golden sunlight hitting him just right to give him a glowing halo. Barb and Celestia stopped to gape in awe at the hilariously oblivious sexy human.

Celestia blinked quickly with a shiver of delight before turning to Barb with a fire in her eyes, "You're not keeping him all to yourself right?"

"I desperately want to…" The little dragon was drooling before shaking her head, "Uh, I mean… I'm happy to share." She let out a nervous laugh and squeezed Anon's hand harder.

"Uh… what?" Anon blinked trying to think of what spurred this line of dialogue between the two.

"We'll discuss this later." Celestia said, "In any case, the outcome of this offspring will determine how he should best utilize his… gifts. Are you ready Barb?"

The little dragon nodded. Celestia lowered her horn over the dragon's belly with a yellow pulsating glow.

A static of magic filled the air. "Oh, that feels rather warm." Barb noted as she began to feel the sensation of something growing inside of her, "Is that normal?"

"It is." Celestia affirmed, "Brace yourself. This is where it will feel strange." Her horn glowed fiercely, and suddenly Barb's small pudge grew into a quickly expanding baby bump. Appearing as if someone hooked an air pump to her uterus and started filling her. Anon watched with a nerve wracking thrum of his heart. Even though the princess said it was safe, he couldn't help but think of all the things that could go wrong. Mostly surrounding the idea of the little dragon exploding one way or another, or something like a chest burster popping out, and it was all his fault for doing this to her. He realised this must have been the infamous dad anxiety he's heard so much about and he hated every minute of it. Luckily though, the painful claws digging into his hand from her discomfort was helping to distract him. Barb may have been small, but she was still a dragon with the strength to prove it. The growth seemed to be endless, and when it reached the size of a basketball, Barb gave a nervous whine when her first contraction hit. Her claws dug further into his skin until there was a small trickle of blood.

"You're almost ready dear." Celestia comforted before the glow of her horn disappeared, "There, now you are ready to give birth."

"I-It's going to tear me apart!" Barb cried in fear. Considering her passenger was larger than her hip radius, it was a reasonable assertion. As malleable dragon bodies were, it was clear her underdeveloped body was not ready to birth something so large.

"Not to worry, young one. Though I'm sure you could handle it naturally, you will not need to concern yourself with that." Her horn glowed again, and in a poof Barb's belly deflated as Celestia held a dripping black egg in her magical grip. "There now, that wasn't so bad."

Barb gasped before replying with a groan as she put a hand on her sore stomach.

Touching her horn against the drake's belly, Celestia stopped Barb's contractions. Anon let out a sigh of relief when his hand was freed, "Wow, that was… nerve wracking. Are you alright Barb?"

The little dragon weakly held her thumb up, "Ugh… I feel like I was being eaten from the inside out. Need… food." She was noticeably skinnier. Any baby pudge she had was eaten up by the egg and replaced with a more lean figure.

"And that will be the pregnancy cravings." Anon got up and grabbed a box of rubies from the cupboard. "Here you…" He couldn't even finish. The little dragon lunged at the box and started devouring the jewels like an animal. Celestia and he watched as she sat in the box eating the last one with a satisfied belch.

Anon shrugged, now turning to his shelled spawn, "Damn, as scary as that was, for humans that's usually ten times more terrible. Magic sure does make things easy."

"To an extent." Celestia admitted, "Normally the accelerated growth magic is reserved for nobles with money, and the in-utero teleportation is something only I have ever tried." Gently she placed the egg on a pillow. She stared at it inquisitively for a moment before turning to the two, "Before I hatch it, you both need to be close so the child imprints on you."

Anon took a breath, feeling butterflies in his stomach. He turned to Barb and helped her up. She looked exhausted, "Can I maybe sleep for just a bit?" She groaned.

"I'd rather get this done quickly, but I do have a few more tricks up my sleeve." Celestia's horn glowed again as it wrapped around Barb before dispersing in a puff around her face.

The dragon rubbed her eyes and blinked a couple of times before standing straighter, "Hey that a pretty neat spell there. I wonder why Twilight doesn't use something like that."

"Do you think Twilight would ever rest if I gave her a spell like that Barb?" Celestia asked with a look of amusement.

"You have a point." She looked at the egg and felt a twinge of something unfamiliar to her. Deep and primal like what she felt with Anon, but altogether different. Were these maternal instincts those books were talking about? She was stumped by another thing, "Why is the egg black? Shouldn't it be… I don't know, more like my color?"

"In most cases, yes. Humans are known to add a little extra… flair to their Equestrian children." She pointed to her perpetually flowing multicolored mane. "I'm not quite sure why if I'm honest." She peered at the new life with a sense of unease. Why it does seem… familiar. Her face scrunched up in thought. She had read maybe a couple of hundred years ago about dragon types in Equestria with something mentioning a phenomenon in the egg groups relating to black eggs, but the memory was hazy. Perhaps I should slow down and research a bit.

Anon sighed, "I'm no scientist, but the genetics in your world are operating by bat shit crazy logic." He bent over and stared at the shiny egg. His heart was still pumping hard in his chest. The only thing going through his mind was the fact that he was going to be a dad. No, not just that. He was going to be a motherfuckin dragon's dad! That was the epitome of awesome now that he thought about it like that. Mixed in with the fear of becoming a parent was a welling sense of pride. He touched the warm and smooth outer shell, "But you know what? I'll take it all in stride. I think I'm read-" He stopped as he felt a tug from his hand. All at once, he seemed as if in a trance as he involuntarily placed his other hand on the other side of the shell.

Celestia and Barb's eyes with concern, "Uh, Anon?" Barb began. Celestia's hackles raised as she felt an almost static quality in the air. She recognized this feeling quite well for what it was. She has seen it many times before over her long life. It was a magical awakening, and the egg was using Anon as a conduit to hatch itself.

All at once, and far too late her memory clicked, and realization dawned on her with blood draining from her face.

It was a black night in Equestria's history. A rogue ancient drake from the badlands had laid waste to several of her cities before she could personally put it down. She was underprepared in the fight and nearly lost her life before she slayed it. Her father's words came to mind, 'To defeat an enemy, you must know them. Not simply their battle tactics, but their history, philosophy and art. It is the fundamental should you seek victory.' He was a military genius and she was a fool not to heed his words sooner. Since then she did just that, and collected and documented everything she could on the elusive fire lizards. Amongst such scoured works, there was an ancient tome of Draconic lore one of her mages brought with them years later titled The Kurokami. The words held a certain power to them.

Celestia was well versed with the dragon classification at that time. Based on power and type, they ranged from the D class lesser wyrms, to the cataclysmic A class Dragon Lords. But this tome described a wyrm of legend of far greater power. One who could destroy nations with but an afterthought. This wasn't a B class Great Wyrm like Barb, or even an A class like Dragon Lord Lantern. This egg was the Kurokami, an S Class Black Dragon God said to be born only once every thousand dragon generations. The princess's pupils constricted as her eyes widened, "Mother of me."

Anon picked up the egg as his eyes glowed a fierce white. The wind swirled around him, pushing both Barb and Celestia away as papers and books flew all around the library. Anon felt a tugging at his mind, a new presence worming its way through his psyche.

Barb held onto the princess' leg, "What the heck just came out of me?!"

Before Celestia could answer, a loud resounding crack echoed through the house.

…

Hello, are you there? The voice echoed through the human's mind as everything seemed to stop.

Uh… yeah? Uh oh, hearing voices in his head was definitely not a good sign, Sorry, uh… can I sit down for a moment. I think I may finally be having a nervous breakdown.

Suddenly he felt as if engulfed on the warmest, most comfortable bed in the universe, I've seen your recent memories. You have quite the mental fortitude to handle all of that at once, and no, your mental state is quite stable at the moment.

That's good to know, I've just been trying to go with the flow. Anon replied, feeling quite comfortable, and easily able to open up. Life back home was soul crushing and boring. At least here it seems people like me. Barb is really cool to hang out with, and Twilight seems nice so far. They seem to really be in a pickle with their no guy problem, so I just wanna help any way I can. What's your deal?

He could feel the mental shrug, Just an old soul looking to be reborn. You are the first in a very long time to provide a strong enough bloodline for my awakening.

That's kinda neat. Anon replied, So, you're my kid then huh?

Well, not me per say, but for my next incarnate. It replied.

He couldn't see it, but he could feel a sad smile from the voice. You're quite the curious person, you know that?

At least I'm not boring. He chuckled.

The voice chuckled along with him. You have a fascinating head. Seems I have chosen wisely. Very well, from this day forth my avatars consciousness will graph itself from your mind. Be well, Anon.

Before he could ask what the voice meant, time returned to normal as silver light poured out of a rippling fracture along the shell's surface. A shickwaveriped forth and both Alicorn and Dragon were thrown back and blinded by a brilliant explosion.

Moments passed, and as Anon's feet touched the ground, he felt a massive headache slam against his awareness, "Ah fuck, wow was that intense. Did someone get the license plate on the car that hit me?" He groaned, stumbling a little when his feet touched the floor.

Someone giggled, "You're funny, daddy."

Daddy? That immediately got his attention as he turned over to where the voice came from. Right in front of him was a small fluffy black dragon no bigger than Barb staring at him with big red eyes. Two of which were normal, but on the center of her forehead was a wicked unblinking third. His immediate reaction was, "Holy shit! That's so fucking badass!"

She giggled again, "I'm glad you approve. It's a pleasure to meet you daddy."

Wait, why was she calling me daddy? His memories suddenly caught up with him, "Holy..! I'm your dad?! Wait… how can you..? This is nuts!"

She tilted her head with a frown, "You were teleported into a magical land of ponies and a baby dragon talking after it was born surprises you?"

"In retrospect that does seem kinda silly." He thought about it for a moment, "Still, this is a big moment!"

"Yep, cause I'm Nacho average kid. Don't dragon your feet now." She winked.

He blinked, "Wait, that doesn't… Hey! I'm supposed to be the one with dad jokes!" He looked indignant.

She laughed, "It's your fault that there are so many memes and jokes in that head of yours. Humans are too funny."

Anon squinted slowly, "Not sure if impressed or if I should be unsettled." She giggled. "Anyway, how are you like this and not just a tiny and helpless little ball of dragon stuff? You look about as old as your mother!" Wait, where was she? Anon turned his head to see the pony princess and drake sprawled on the floor beneath a pile of books groaning, "The fuck happened to them?"

His dragon child folded her arms, "Magic to both questions. Being a helpless baby for a while seemed kinda boring, so my past self bumped my age up a bit. I can have much more fun being with you this way!"

"Oh, nice." Anon gave her a thumbs up, "I won't have to potty train you though, right?"

The little wyrm's cheeks grew crimson, "Daddy…"

"Just checking sweetie. I can call you sweetie right?" He questioned, feeling just a bit out of his depth.

She latched onto his leg with a hug, "Call me whatever you want." He panicked for a moment but realised that his touch wasn't affecting her. With only a little hesitance, he petted her soft fuzzy head. No reaction. He sighed in relief. That would have been a nightmare.

Celestia blinked away spots in her vision as she wobbled back up. Barb stood nursing her head.

Anon turned back to them, "Hey Barb, take a look at our new daughter! Isn't she awesome?"

"Hey, mommy." The black dragon waved with an adorable smile.

Barb stared, her jaw dropped unable to find any words. Celestia seemed to suffer from a similar problem but was the first to recover. She stared at the creature trying to weigh in on what to do. The panicking part of her brain told her this was an extremely dangerous situation, and should act while she still could, while the rational part of her mind told her that any action against this wyrm would be a grave mistake. Trouble would brew either way, especially when Dragon Lord Lantern got involved. Suddenly a new idea entered her mind.

"So Celestia, didn't you want to check a thing?" Anon asked, breaking her train of thought.

The princess blinked, "Er… yes." She gulped, switching her gaze at the little dragon before flipping to her motherly mode, "Hello little one. Mind if I check you for something?"

The little dragon tilted her head with a frown, but shrugged, "Sure, if it's alright with my Daddy." She looked up to him.

Anon shrugged in the same manner, "It's fine. I trust her well enough."

"K." The newly born reptile replied, walking over to the princess.

Barb meanwhile was twiddling her thumbs awkwardly. At least Anon had relatability going for him. How was anyone supposed to respond to this?

The dragon stood before the princess, looking up with her big eyes. Despite her adorable appearance, the Kurokami's third eye unnerved the solar princess. Thankfully thousands of years of politics helped her mask her expression into one that was only kind and motherly. "Are you ready, young one?"

"May I ask what I should be ready for?" The young drake asked. Celestia was a little surprised at the question. It was quite unusual for most ponies to just reply anything but yes to her. Still, she formulated an answer at the ready, "Just a simple check up. I want to see if being your father's daughter makes you special in any way."

"Well that's a given, but okay." She shrugged.

Anon couldn't help but burst out laughing, "Ha, ha! Oh, you are so my kid!" The little drake giggled along at the praise while Celestia glared enough for him to stop. Without further ado, she touched her horn on the dragon's head. A moment past, a moment more, and Celestia came back up looking slightly in a daze with a ponderous look.

"So..?" Anon asked. It was another moment before Celestia realized she was being spoken to, "What? Oh, right." She cleared her throat and smiled, "It would appear that the curse is indeed absent. Any female you perform intercourse with will bear an offspring that can have her own male child." Despite the good news, her mind seemed elsewhere.

"Well, that's great!" Anon clasped his hands together and first pumped, "Mission accomplished. No more artificial insemination for your people."

"Well, there is a long and arduous path to tread before that, and I haven't even delved into the politics of the matter. It is a first step though, and one that was long overdo. I'll have to speak to Twilight extensively about all the details so we can create a game plan." Celestia replied.

"It seems kinda obvious to me." The little black dragon replied. All heads turned to her, "All you need is for daddy to make more babies."

Anon cleared his throat nervously, "Well, uh…"

"You're not wrong little one. But there are many things to consider. Things that you are too young to understand."

The black dragon pouted, "I read through all of daddy's memories. Talking to me like a child is self-deprecating."

"I gave birth to you not ten minutes ago." Barb replied.

"Yeah yeah, semantics mom. I'm just saying Equestria needs a bone, and Daddy can provide it. Just like in those mangas he's read!" She said too cheerily.

"Let's talk about something else for a while!" Anon frantically suggested with a bead of sweat growing on his head. He cleared his throat, "So, uh… does anyone want to play my revised version of Ogres and Oubliettes?"

Present

"... And that is pretty much what happened." Anon finished, stroking his slumbering draconic child.

"More or less." Celestia added, rolling the D20. "Sixteen?"

"That's a hit. Roll for damage." The princess picked up two D6's and threw them on the table, "nine?"

Anon looked at his sheet and smiled, "Your barbarian has successfully slain the goblin chief. With that, the remaining goblins and goblinoids flee the camp in mass terror and confusion"

"Attack of opportunity!" Barb shouted, pointing finger pistols at the scattering models, "Can I shoot fire bolts at the runaways?"

"Sure, roll with advantage."

"How can you calmly be playing a game after all of that?!" Twilight called out. Her hair seemed to grow progressively more frazzled as the story concluded. Her friends we're still gaping from the tale of what occurred in the tree an hour ago.

"This game is actually a really good stress reliever." Celestia replied, "Unlike me in real life, Azamoth the Barbarian doesn't have to worry about ruling an entire nation or managing political disputes. It's quite a refreshing perspective actually."

"You should come by more often princess." Barb offered, "My Dragonborn wizard Garbunkle the wise would be happy to have you in her party more often."

"I'll see what my schedule looks like. For now," Celestia sighed, "I must return to reality. Thank you two for this." She stood from the table and turned to Twilight, "Come my most faithful student. We should talk where it is most quiet."

"Yes, Princess." She snapped to attention and bowed, following the ruler to the upper recesses of the library before she turned to her friends, "Remember, no touching."

They all shook out of their stupor and respectfully cleared their throats. "So, you're this human Twilight has been talking about?" Rarity began, assessing the man and his too-tight clothing, "It's a pleasure to meet you. I am Rarity Adora Belle."

"And you can call me Pinkie!" The pink curly-haired mare pronked, "That's Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy! Is that yours and Barb's baby?!" She pointed to each respectively before I landed on the small bundle in his lap.

Applejack cleared her throat, "Pinkie, I'm sure we all could have handled our own introductions."

"Sorry." The mare chuckled, "I just got so excited that I wanted all introductions out of the way so we could get to the most interesting part!"

All of the ponies rolled their eyes before turning to a laughing Anon, "She's quite the character that one, isn't she?" They all nodded with smiles, "Heh, well, it's nice meeting you all. My full name is Anonymous Enigma Nemo."

They all raised their brows, even Pinkie "Umm… darling, I have to ask. Are you…"

"Aware that my first, middle, and last name literally means Nobody?" Anon cut in scratching the back of his head with a sigh, "Yeah, my Dad thought it would be a hilarious joke. He's kinda an asshole."

There was a little yawn from his lap, "I like your name, Daddy." She stretched, "You're right though, he is an asshole."

"Quit teaching Evie bad words Anon." Barb grumbled.

The man in question scoffed, "She literally poured my entire vocabulary into her head. We're well beyond teaching them. The only matter now is how creativity she uses them."

"There are so many creative uses too." The Fluffy drake giggled.

"You named your child Evie? What an adorable name you two have given her." Fluttershy said with a small smile.

Barb shrugged, "I wanted to go with Doom Fist or Triclops, but Anon and her disagreed. I mean, why wouldn't anypony want cool names like that?"

"Ugh, You're killing me Smalls." Anon and Evie said at the same time. They turned to each other and fist-bumped before pointing fingers, "Ayeeee."

Barb rolled her eyes and turned to the five ponies, "See what I got to deal with?"

The girls giggled as they became more comfortable chatting amongst their new acquaintances. Even so, they kept their distance as they settled around the living space. Anon got up with Evie and helped Barb put away the game at the table as he delved into things about his world from history, society, and technology. Sitting at the more comfortable couch, the little dragon hopped back in his lap. The ponies were all entranced by his tale, especially concerning the gender ratio of humans and the mechanics of reproduction. That topic was asked about a lot by the ponies. His 'paternal instincts' funny those, he thought, told him that this was an inappropriate discussion in front of his child, However, considering that she was literally inside of his head and seen all of his memories, (including the raunchy ones as well) he supposed the damage was already done as uncomfortable as that was. She didn't comment, and he just kept petting her as he described everything in detail. The process, the mechanic, the necessary organ's, and their function. They hung onto his every word. Even Rainbow Dash who pretended not to care.

Pinkie grew more fidgety as time passed. She was a very touchy-feely kind of pony, and the line drawn was bothering her. He was just finished describing the penis when she asked, "Can we see it?" She looked at Anon intently, more specifically his crotch region.

"I… er…" Anon began, taken aback by the question, and grew more uncomfortable when Evie suddenly shifted around on his lap. Nononononono! Don't do that! His brain panicked.

"Pinkie!" Rarity gasped, "Don't ask him that. Especially since the dear said his species was shy about such things in public settings."

Anon let out a breath of relief. Thankfully he mentioned that part.

"I don't know." Rainbow began with a scrutinizing gaze, "Seems suspicious to me. Why would anypony wear clothes at all times if not to hide something?" Somehow she rallied the majority of them to that line of pondering.

She seemed pretty proud of that line of reasoning until Anon deadpanned, "Because we're near hairless apes that are sensitive to the exposure of the elements." Evie giggled.

"Oh… that makes sense." She ducked her head momentarily but shot up with flushed cheeks, "I knew that!" She exclaimed. He and everypony else really didn't think she did.

"I do admit, I am a little curious." Fluttershy confessed softly with a blush, "I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable though."

Anon shrugged, "I mean, It's not that big of a deal for me. I'm just worried about whether or not you can keep your hands err… hooves off of me if I do."

"Why are we not allowed to touch ya anyway?" AJ asked, "Barb and your foal seem fine doing it."

Anon placed his arm on the armrest, how to put it? "Well, it doesn't do anything harmful. The only problem is that touching me apparently makes anyone from this world want to mate with me." The matter of his daughter though… She didn't have the curse, so he concluded that she was different. She after all didn't react to his touch like Barb and Twilight, thankfully. He petted her head again, feeling for anything just in case. There was nothing.

"It's pretty intense." Barb added, "Even now I'm still craving it." She licked her lips but shook herself, "No, no. I do not want another baby."

"Damn, and here I was wanting a sister." Evie pouted.

"I hardly see that as a problem." Rarity began, "Foals are like gold. I would be all too grateful if you could give me one."

"I second that." AJ nodded.

"Me too, me too!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"If you don't mind." Fluttershy softly asked.

At that moment, Celestia and Twilight returned. Everyone readied themselves at attention, "Alright everypony, after much consideration, the Princess has reached a decision."

Celestia turned to Anon, "Henceforth from this day, the human known as Anon shall be granted the title of Reproduction Officer. Stationed in ponyville, he will be provided a cheaper sum than normal for his services."

Everypony gasped while Anon gaped, "Whoa, whoa, what? A Reproduction Officer?" His thoughts grew erratic. One part of his brain was pumping his fist and thanking God for his gifts, while the other was screaming in absolute terror of the implications.

"It's one of Equestria's most esteemed titles given to our Biomancers." Twilight explained, "It typically takes years of study before one can make a foal and get the necessary certifications, but since you do it naturally, the title still applies to you."

"Earning a sum will also make sure that your presence will not drastically affect our economy, and having it at a lower price will bring you more customers, which means more uncursed young for the next generation."

Anon processed it all, "What about my effect? Won't that create problems for people I won't regularly see?"

"I actually… have a solution to that." Celestia blushed, "A thousand lonely years have allowed me to think up of rather… creative solutions. I've made facsimiles of the male organ and other stimulating devices. They don't completely sate the desires as a true male would, but it works well enough." She cleared her throat and stood up straighter, "Since Ponyville is the focal point of this enterprise, your business will include selling these as well."

Anon raised a brow, "Well if you could do that, then why remove every creature's sex drives to begin with?"

"We didn't have the technology at the time." Celestia admitted, "Everyone was desperate and horny. Ponies were killing themselves because they couldn't take it anymore." The princess said remorsefully, "I did what I had to do."

"I'm at a bit of a loss." Applejack butted in. The other ponies nodded with frowns. Twilight turned to explain everything to them.

"In any case, with your help Anon, we can slowly begin to undo the Curse of Katrina. Will you do this and help me save our world and return the natural order?"

Well, if it was a moral obligation… He didn't fancy planting his offspring in so many women, but if Ghengis Khan could do it, so could he. Anon took a breath, set Evie aside, and stood up saying with as much conviction in his voice, "I will serve you to the best of my ability, your highness." Once again his unconscious smolder shone through.

Celestia felt weak in the knees. There he was doing it again. "Then… then may I have the honor to be your first customer?" Beneath her regal gaze was something that seemed like desperation. She ignored all of the gasps behind her and focused squarely on the human.

Having sex with an immortal goddess in a world where he could fornicate as a paying job? Even his more reserved side didn't have anything to say about that. His mouth curled to let out a Y sound before he was enveloped in a yellow glow and found himself sprawled laying naked on the most comfortable bed he's ever been on. The princess stood above him with a wild look. Suddenly she dove in for a passionate kiss, worming her long tongue into his mouth and danced around his with a moan. She pulled away gasping with a dribble of spit connecting them, "It took… every ounce of my strength… not to immediately pounce on you when I first arrived you know." She panted. Where her hair before appeared as if it was carried in a gale, it now looked like it was being thrown by a violent storm, "I've been so lonely for so long. I didn't even have my sister to help through it all." She licked his face, "My human, my champion. Please I beg of you. Make me your mare tonight."

Anon didn't know if it was the crazy lust filled words, or the best French kiss he's even been given, but he was rock hard, and ready to literally roll. Grabbing her by both sides, she was taken by surprise when he flipped her onto her back with him looking down at her. His throbbing meat stick slapped on top of her belly. She looked down with wide eyes, "You're so much bigger than my facsimiles." She was drooling by this point as she looked up, "Rut me. Now! Or I'll put you in the dungeon for all of eternity!"

Anon replied with a grin, "As you wish." That day, Celestia discovered that when he said, 'As you wish.' What he meant was, 'Prepare yourself for the fucking wildest ride of your life.' His tip pressed against her puffy entrance. She was already unbelievably wet. When she said she needed it, she really needed it. Without further ado, he placed a guiding hand where his member met her entrance. With a mighty thrust of his hips, Anon rammed his cock down to the base inside the princess. Smashing past her cervix and hitting the deepest parts of her womb. She reared her head back, throwing her crown off of her head and stabbing the pillows with her long deadly horn.

Something deep and powerful inside radiated off in the human as he felt power building into him. Hot and searing like the surface of the sun. With a grunt, Anon kicked himself into gear as he began plowing hard with near-limitless endurance. The princess moaned and squeaked with every earth-shattering thrust. Her eyes were rolled to the back of her head completely lost as the human went to work inside of her tight immortal body. She knew there was no toy in the world that could give her this.

The princess was a drooling mess as centuries of tension eased out of her. The weight of the entire world, the secrets she's held, the burden of her feelings were pummeled and replaced by a sea of ecstasy that flooded her senses. Not even a stallion of old could jackhammer himself into her like this. This was the power of a human man, a man like her father. Her visage of power and strength was using her like a needy sow. That her mother kept this kind of power to herself filled her with incredible jealousy. Before she knew it her body seized up for her first mind-bending orgasm in equestrian history.

All of her pent up energy built up from that tension circulated into her horn, and as she let out a scream of pure bliss, the golden energy wrapped around her arcane tool and expanded out rapidly in a colossal shockwave that shook all of Canterlot and the surrounding towns and villages below her mountain kingdom. Anon was thrown back against the stone wall and fell to the floor with both fists on the ground in a crouching position. steaming energy wafted off of his naked muscular body.

Celestia panted as she came back to her senses. Suddenly aware of what she did, she jolted upright with a frightful look, "Anon! Are you okay?!"

The man slowly stood up.

There was a frantic knocking at the door, "Princess! Princess! Are you alright in there!?"

"I'm fine! Don't come in here!" Celestia shouted.

The guard was stunned for a moment, "By your orders… your highness."

The solar princess sighed with relief before turning to the human. There was blood dripping down his face, "Oh my stars! I'm very sorry Anon. I don't know what came over me. It's been so many years and…" she had a mixed look of remorse and shame, He probably hates me now. She thought. "I'll heal you. Please forgive me. We'll… we'll end this session right now. You've already satisfied me so…" There were tears in her eyes and he walked towards her still rock hard.

"I need healing? Who decided that?" His eyes practically blazed, "You're satisfied? Who decided that?" Celestia's heart raced as she looked at the titan before her. Her nethers began aching again, feeling empty asshe felt the searing heat of the sun, "The only one who gets to decide such things… is me." She squeaked as he picked her up and placed her onto her belly with her rear pointed towards him. Once more he thrust into her deepest depths, squeezing every last inch of himself into Celestia's folds with a wet squelch. She moaned with rapturous bliss as he pistoned himself back and forth. At this rate she wasn't going to last very long at all after her last orgasm. Her mind pushed back into a daze as he moved at a frenzied pace. Her last lucid thought before she lost herself again, was that No amount of healing magic was going to make me walk straight for a while.

Minutes turned to many blissful hours as Celestia spasmed into her twelfth orgasm. Her bed was a completely wet mess that was torn in places from her horn. He was close now, she could feel it in a primal animalistic way. He was going to fill her with his baby batter.

His thrusts were erratic and with a final thrust, he punched his cock as far as it could go inside of the princess. He wrapped his arms along her midsection and she could feel the enormous load of her human begin to travel up his cock, surging forth into her depths before splashing against her womb with enough force to make her cry out in alarm. Her legs bucked and spasmed out in the air as she felt the seemingly endless tide of cum shooting inside her and claiming her utterly.

A seeming eternity passed when finally, his dick stopped twitching and his balls stopped churning, Anon stopped and his cock popped out of her as he collapsed beside the pony. A veritable flood of sperm rushed out and soaked the bed. Have pity on whoever had to change the sheets.

Drunkenly the princess looked towards Anon, "That… was… amazing." She panted completely exhasted.

"I… aim to… please." He huffed.

There was a chime sound from an overhanging clock. Celestia moaned, "Time to put the sun down already?" Lazily she looked out at her balcony. Her horn glowed as the sun ungracefully wobbled beneath the horizon. She sighed, "Why does this day have to end?"

Anon sat up with a grin, "Who decided that?"

Celestia shivered in delight. It was going to be a long and wonderful night.

Author's Note

Had tons on fun writing this! Only time will tell what kind of shenanigans will ensue from here. If you enjoy, let me hear your thoughts down in the comments.

Promotion

The scent of sex in the royal chamber was a thick, pungent aroma. Heavy enough that one could almost taste it just by breathing through the mouth.

The entire room was in disarray. Sheets were torn, an entire wardrobe broke, a curtain was in tatters, and that's ignoring the love juice drenched carpet. It seemed almost impossible, but with some magic, and several gallons of water provided by the guards, the pony princess and human had perhaps the best night of lovemaking in equestrian history.

It was fantastic, but now as the passion died away to sleep, Anon was tucked away into the depths of his inner sanctum of slumber.

Captains log, Stardate 41209.2. The Enterprise has just entered the Fantasia system to rendezvous with the Millennium Falcoln. After negotiations with an alliance, we hope to discuss matters of pursuing the malignant AI entity known as Glados, who is currently taking refuge on planet Kake 3.

Captain Anon sat in his chair looking at the Falcoln in front of the Enterprise, "Open all hailing frequencies Number One. We should keep this discussion brief. Who knows when the Romulans could attack."

Sans nodded, and with a skeletal finger pressed a button on the console before pulling out to play the 'Cantina Band' on his trombone.

Anon nodded with an approving look, "Good thinking Number One. Music ought to cool the tension between us." The music ended and was replaced with 'I'm Han Solo'. Vader appeared on the screen doing the floss, and Anon blinked a few times, mesmerized by the dark lord's skillful dancing before shrugging, "Well, if you can't beat them, join them." He began dancing and the whole Bridge floor followed suit. Spock taking center and doing the worm while Q and Scotty did an Irish jig.

In the corner of his eye, Anon saw a blur of blue. Blinking a couple of times he felt a veil on his mind lift as he focused on a blue alicorn mare with a dark flowing mane appearing as if it were full of stars. She was looking at him with a mix of confusion and awe.

A sudden wave of lucidity hit him and the music died. Everyone but they disappeared on the bridge. "Uhh… hi there?"

"Greetings Anon." She gave a short bow, "That is thy name is it not?" The mare asked, looking him over with an appraising gaze.

"I think so, and who might you be, and what is going on here exactly?" He looked around the bridge and space outside.

"We are Princess Luna, Goddess of the night, and Ruler of Equestria." She did a pony version of a curtsy, "Currently we are in the private domain of your dreamscape. I must say it is the most unique we have encountered thus far in our long life." She chuckled.

"Wait, this is a dream? Awesome! I always wanted to try lucid dreaming." Suddenly the dream shifted into renaissance Italy landscape with Anon draped in a white cloak atop a building.

The sudden shift of scenery took the lunar princess by surprise, "By the stars! The detail of this dream is staggering! How is this possible?"

Anon shrugged, the hood of his cloak hiding his face, "2000 plus hours of gameplay I imagine. Even through all of the sequels, Brotherhood was by far the best game Ubisoft created."

She blinked, "We understood none of that so we will assume that this was some manner of… human jargon."

Anon looked apologetic, "Sorry, I forgot for a moment how different your world is from mine. I haven't explored very much, but I have a sneaking suspicion that your world is quite primitive from mine."

She scoffed and pointed out to the city, "Primitive? This hardly seems more modern than the cities that existed before my banishment. In fact, it's very close to what Papa described to me."

Papa? Anon ignored it and instead looked out, "Oh, actually this is how it looked several centuries ago on Earth. This is what my home looked like before I left." Suddenly they found themselves in Uptown New York. People walked up and down city blocks, cars moved along the road, and Skyscrapers hung tall and proud above them. Luna gaped at the magnitude.

"We've come a long way since the Roman Empire, your highness. Instantaneous global communications, advanced medicine, and science, we've even put a man on the moon and are working towards expanding out into the depths of space beyond to other planets and stars. I should mention that I'm probably only scratching the surface." He omitted everything sucky going on before he left, but he was trying to make his species look impressive.

"Extraordinary." Luna looked around in awe, "Papa always spoke highly of his home, but this… Manehattan isn't even this big, and that left me speechless."

"Manehattan? Wait, wha…" He shook his head, "Never mind. If I think about it too hard my head is going to hurt. Did you have business here princess?"

She turned back at him as soon as she was addressed and cleared her throat. "I've read the letter Twilight Sparkle left my sister. I simply had to verify whether her founding was true." She gazed at him with bedroom eyes, "And I am quite pleased to confirm it with thy own eyes." She walked up to him and Anon gulped. Her gaze lingered on his face before turning to her hands and suddenly her composure dissolved as a fierce crimson blush spread over her face. She stepped back, "A-apologies Sir Anon! I'm afraid mine own feelings are clouded at the moment. Sleep well!" Suddenly she popped out of existence, leaving Anon alone and completely confused. He scratched the back of his head and sighed, "Why do I suddenly have the feeling I'm going to die one day from my pelvis being crushed?" With another sigh, he shrugged and suddenly found himself in a leather duster. "Worry for future me. For now, it's time I begin to believe." He put on a pair of sunglasses and shot out into the air.

___

Anon stretched on the bed with a yawn. Yellow sunlight from the balcony hit his face with a pleasant warmth. He looked up and around to find he was all by himself in clean sheets with the room in perfect condition as if his nightly romp with the princess never happened. Either the maids were exceptionally quick and thorough, or magic has proven once again to be a badass essential skill. Note to self. Learn how to do magic as quickly as possible. Climbing out of bed, he realized that his clothes were nowhere to be seen. Thinking back, he didn't believe he arrived with them. Before he could ponder how much of a pickle that left him, he flinched as he noticed a unicorn maid standing at the corner of the room previously undetected. She was rose color with a light pastel blue mane, wearing a Gothic Lolita style dress. She looked through her half-moon glasses at him with a rather unfazed expression, bowing slightly, "Sir Anonymous Nemo, a pleasure to be at your service. I am head maid to her royal highness, Rosey Andromeda."

"Uh, Howdy." Anon reciprocated while covering himself with the blanket, "Likewise." A thought occurred to him. Did she say my last name? He didn't recall giving it to Celestia, who could have been the only probable person to tell this mare. He ran with a guess, "I see you're quite adept at collecting information."

She looked up retaining her stoic expression, "You are a deal quicker than most. I can see why her highness likes you. Hardly anypony pays mind to the maid." Maybe for someone who hasn't watched hundreds of spy or mystery films. Anon thought. "I have instructions to be at your personal care once you have awoken. First I shall bathe you, and then you will head down at breakfast to meet the princesses. Come now, we have a tight schedule."

She's really cut and dry, Anon thought. It would make sense considering he guessed correctly that she was the Princess's Intelligence. "Uh… you wouldn't happen to have something to cover me with would you?" He asked, "My species is a bit shy with exposure without clothing."

"This should not be a concern. Her Highness has provided for you some daily attire." She replied, "However, it would be improper to wear them before you bathe." She walked towards the chamber's bathroom. "Hopefully my presence will not be too much of an issue?"

Good to know Celestia though ahead. "That shouldn't be a problem. I should warn you in case you haven't figured it out that touching me has a… unique side effect on you ponies."

She seemed almost insulted by the insinuation at that suggestion, "The princess has made me aware of this phenomenon. In this case, I shall aid you magically without any physical contact. Come along now. I did say we do have a tight schedule." She pulled out a pocket watch with a frown, "Less time now. I implore you to hurry up lest I levitate you over Sir."

Anon sighed and complied, standing up out of bed fully in the nude. For the barest second her composure faltered before switching back to her stony gaze. She walked right into the bath chamber, which was almost as big as the bedroom itself. Mirrors and golden wall ornamented with jewels lined the space. The bath built into the floor sat in the middle of the tiled space, seeming much more like a hot tub lined also with gold at the edges. The lavish nature of the room was almost enough to break his peasant brain that operated on a limited budget Ramen fueled diet.

Suddenly Anon was plucked from the ground in a light blue aura before being properly dunked into the warm waters, "Apologies sir, but you were taking far too long staring blankly." She suddenly had a lufa, scrubber, and an assortment of bottles in her magical grip.

Anon gagged and coughed some of the water out, "Ugh, that wasn't very cash money of you." He groaned as his hair was suddenly assaulted by cold goo being thoroughly pressed and rubbed as it foamed up. Simultaneously the lufa worked its way over the exposed areas of his body.

"I don't even know what that means." She replied as she lifted him from the waters and began working on his lower regions, "If it is an assertion of displeasure with my care, which I assume it is, just know that I am a platinum class servant completely unrivaled in my field. There are many reasons besides my special talent as to why I am the personal carer of her royal highness."

"It is an impressive feat, I will say. Still, though, I feel my comfort isn't quite being taken into account here." He finished saying before a bucket of the water was dumped over him.

"I do apologize, but I did mention that there was a sensitive time frame. I may not know who or what you are, or even your specific relationship to the princesses, but I must make sure everything in this castle runs as smoothly as is possible. A little discomfort shouldn't cause us to deviate from that now should it?" As soon as the soap washed away from him, she pulled him out and began drying him off with a water purging spell.

"You do have a point." Anon admitted, "I suppose it is moot to argue with you."

"Wise of you to consider." After she was done with that, she pulled out an old trunk that looked well used. It was smooth and worn, and decorated with intricately carved leafy vines that twirled and extended inward towards the center where Anon could barely make out a script written in what looked like Italian 'Hai qualcosa chiamato "determinazione". quindi finché resisti, finché fai ciò che è nel tuo cuore. Credo che tu possa fare la cosa giusta.' "What's it say?"

"Hard to determine since this language only perpetuated amongst ancient inner circle nobles and died out." Rosey explained, "The Princess herself barely even remembers it, but she believes it's a quote referencing the ancient fable of the Mountain King."

"That's pretty neat." He replied.

Without further time needed to be wasted, Rosey clicked the case open to pull out a garb that left Anon speechless. Blue robes lined with intricate gold symbols and pauldrons. "This is a personal artifact from the Princess that she wishes as a gift to you. The runework carved into the gold frame shares similar protective charms as her own regalia, and the fabric is resistant to any sort of physical damage. It is entirely a masterpiece of perfect defensive magic."

Anon gaped, eyes wide, "Holy shit. Shouldn't this be some sort of end game loot? This… this is incredible! Haha!" He laughed. It was certainly an upgrade from his flea market suit and tie.

"I'll be sure to let the princess know how much you appreciate her gift. Now let's put it on you." Despite his strange anatomy,, she put it on him in record time. The robes were fitted to him almost perfectly. He turned to the mirror and stood there stunned for a second. In it was a man of great physically imposing demeanor with a regal air about him. Is that… me? He thought. It was the first time he actually saw himself since arriving. He still looked like himself, only his more flattering features were amplified, while his less embellishing features were carved out. Overall his physiognomy was perfect. As much of a gift as it was, he found it slightly unsettling. It was easy to hate someone who looked this good. You often begin to think that life was served on a silver platter for such folks. Now for example. He just bedded a princess in her lavish castle. Everything he ever had in life before this he earned. It wasn't glamorous nor fun, often painful in fact, but he always carried the ideology that he had to work to have good things happen to him. Such luck was unheard of, and it was frankly overwhelming. But life wasn't supposed to be taken for granted, not even this one. Doing the only thing he could to combat these feeling, he looked at himself with determination and resolve to pay back these gifts granted by him. This world called to his aid afterall, and he was sure as hell going to try and save it. Even if it killed him. He turned, feeling strength course through his body. This was the new him, and he needed to own it, "I'm ready." He turned to the maid.

Rosey actually looked impressed, "The outfit suits you. I suppose this is that masculine charm that her Highness was referring to." She nodded, "Follow me please."

Anon nodded and did as he was told, strolling out of the room and into the halls, "I've been meaning to ask about that. You don't seem surprised that I am a male."

She shook her head, "Princess Celestia receives a variety of strange and unique guests from time to time. It's a part of life here at the castle." She replied. "Though," She looked at him again, "I will admit that you are one of the more unique guests we've had in a while."

The two passed by guards who stood straighter upon their appearance. Several more did the same with tense looks about them. Anon frowned, "What's up with them?"

Rosey exchanged looks between the room, "Word spreads fast around here, and guards like to gossip. I am afraid one of the leading rumors is that a mystical male came from above to challenge the Princess to a duel within her bed chambers before in a powerful shockwave, formed a powerful bond akin to the Flames of Friendship." He could feel her internal eye roll, "Since she confirmed that she was indeed visited by a male fitting your description, it began to spread like a wildfire." She explained with a look of disdain.

"So my presence intimidates them?" Anon said, surprised.

"Precisely." She nodded. They passed another troop along with a sharp turn, "Inquiry if you wouldn't mind?"

"Shoot," Anon replied.

"How did you find yourself in the princess's chamber? It is quite unlike her Highness to invite anypony in such manner. Let alone a being completely unfamiliar in Equestria."

Anon scratched the back of his head, "Well… it's a bit complicated, and from what I've seen of you ponies, you wouldn't understand anyway."

"Indulge me."

Where to start? Anon thought, "So, you know I'm male. You must then know of the… qualities that entail."

Rosey raised her brow, "I am quite familiar with filly stories referring to your kind. Are you proposing that they are valid?"

Anon shrugged, "I don't know the stories you ponies tell in detail, but regarding procreation, that is very much an ability I possess, and why the princess needs me."

She tilted her head for a moment in thought, "Forgive me, I will end my inquiries there for now." She stopped by a large double-sided door, doing a quick look over towards Anon. She stepped back satisfied before opening the door with her magic. A long dining table extended away from him where the white and blue alicorn princesses sat. Luna was a mid-bite in a croissant before choking on it as soon as she stared in his direction while Celestia looked up with warm fascination.

"Anon, so glad for you to join us. Come sit with us. I hope you like our gift to you." She nodded to the maid, who curtsied back before walking to stand next to four other maids stationed in the room.

"I love this outfit very much so. I hardly recall ever wearing something that fits so perfectly." Anon replied before walking along the table to find a spot near the princesses.

Celestia smiled, "I'm glad you approve. It fits you well." She turned to the slightly shorter blue mare, "Anon, allow me to introduce my sister Luna."

The mare looked a bit nervous, but after a deep breath, she turned to him with her composure reestablished, "A pleasure to see you face to face Anon. I am glad you arranged to meet with us." She greeted.

Anon walked over and sat next to them, "Likewise. That dream thing you did was really cool. I dreamt lucidly for the rest of the night."

"We are glad. Apologies are due, however. I should not have left you so abruptly. That was most rude of me."

Anon waved his hands, "You're cool. From what I hear, I can understand that being the only other human you've ever seen might be a bit… overwhelming." From the table, he picked out some scones and boiled eggs with a side of grapes.

"My father was a great man. Perhaps the best to have ever walked both worlds. One can only strive to live by his example." She said proudly.

Celestia smiled, "Well said sister, though I have a feeling that our good friend here may prove to be a worthy successor to his title as Human Hero." She cleared her throat and looked at him, "Speaking of titles, I have already arranged for the necessary legal work and documentation for your new role as Reproductive Officer. I had to jump through a few hoops, but being a princess does have its benefits at times."

"I appreciate the gesture." Anon replied, " On that note, are you..?"

"Pregnant?" Celestia giggled, "After last night I'd be surprised if I wasn't."

Luna's eyes bulged, "Tia! You, him… Out of wed-lock?!" Uh oh. Anon thought privately.

Celestia sighed, "I said it once before, and I will say it again. We no longer legally required marriage for copulation. Such practices are archaic and inefficient with our modern day population crisis."

"But what about the declining value of family? Morale obligation for a devoted partner and the creation of kin? Should not we set ourself apart from the mindless rutting animals in the pursuit of purer things?"

"What's the matter with mindless rutting?" Celestia teased, "I will say, in that regard, this one does not disappoint. I haven't been this clear-headed in centuries."

"But, but," Luna's cheeks were crimson, "Agh!!!" She suddenly teleported out of there in a flash of blue.

Anon blinked, "Uhh… what was that?"

"Oh dear, please excuse her." Celestia asked with a sigh, "My little sister is somewhat of what the ancients would call a prude. The last one for that matter." She rolled her eyes. "As a result, she has always been at odds with her mind and body. The toys I invented have helped her manage her lust, but her early exposure to my dear old mentor's 'chastity' ideology has been of no help to her." There was a shift of sadness and regret on her face, "I was hoping you would help her when the time comes. As the only existing male, and a human for that matter, she will inevitably be drawn to you when her instincts eventually win out."

"I'll do what I can, Princess." He kept looking back where Luna was with a frown, "Though, I must say it's a bit of a culture shock for a lady to want to ask a guy like me to fuck their sister."

The mare's sad look faded and was once again replaced with a smile, "Humans are not fond of sharing I take it?"

"It's certainly not the norm. I'm pretty open compared to most people from my world. Sex is one of those things that are typically reserved for two people who are romantically involved with one another as what Luna but is far less ridged. At least in my time anyway. I guess as a species we are what you would classify as a bit 'prudish.'

Celestia tilted her head as she thought about his words, "That's different from the flexible sexual culture father told me. I wonder what changed?"

Probably something called Christianity. Anon thought to himself. Rather than opening that can of worms though, he felt the need to ask a question, "Let's talk about another matter. So you're having a kid?"

She nodded, "Yes in fact. Unlike Barb though I will be gestating this child for the normal duration. My natural urges will be lessened significantly from now until conception, so I will take as much an advantage as I can receive from that."

"I see." Anon nodded, "Will I… be involved in that in any way?"

"If you really wish it." Celestia replied warmly, "I would be all too happy. That's a discussion for another time, however." She turned to her maids, "Ms, Andromeda if you would."

The maid broke from her group and walked over with a small box in her magical grip. Anon inspected the dark lacquered wooden box, "Your badge of office, Sir Anon." She bowed.

Anon lifted the lid with a raised brow. Within the box was a gold medallion with a long vertical line meeting two round shapes at the bottom, "A little on the nose don't you think?"

"Males are our symbol of fertility. It only makes sense that the tool necessary to engage in reproductive activities are represented for the only ones capable of producing children." She giggled.

Anon chuckled along, "What do ponies call this symbol anyhow? The Holy Johnson or something like that."

"Actually it is most known as the Tallywhacker." Celestia replied.

Anon's eyes widened, and all at once he couldn't contain his mirth as he burst out laughing loud and hard, Celestia joining in, "Oh God! oh God I can't breathe! That is simply too good!"

"I… fail to find the humor." Rosey tilted her head with a frown. After a good minute,, Anon recomposed himself, taking a deep breath, "heh heh, whew... Sorry about that. You wouldn't quite understand. In my culture, genitalia is a large source of comedy. Hearing a cock being called something as ridiculous as a tallywhacker is completely hilarious." He giggled. Even so, he put the silver chain around his neck.

"I hardly find anything ridiculous about that name. It's rather dignified in my opinion." Anon laughed again, and she turned her nose up with some offense, "What's so funny now?" She asked.

"You don't realize it. That's the kicker! You all take it so seriously and are completely forgetting that this symbol is based around a ding dong like the one between my legs."

Celestia and a couple of the maids giggled at that. Rosey turned her head to the other maids and they all immediately quieted.

"Do relax Rosey. I've always found it quite humorous, actually." Celestia said.

Rosey sighed and bowed her head, "Yes, your majesty. I only seek perfection in your staff's services to you."

"You're too hard on yourself and others, my little pony. I wouldn't mind you all having fun time and again. In fact, now that we bring that up, I believe you have a hoard of vacation days I requested you to take." The mare visibly flinched. "It is unhealthy for you to work as hard as you do without any break." Celestia sighed.

Rosey had a concerned look, "I'm afraid that's unacceptable your highness. Things around the castle would fall in disarray with my absence, and who would take my place as your personal carer?"

"I'm sure Cocoa Mint would be up to the task in your absence. She is a well-studied mare under your tutelage."

Anon saw one of the chocolate brown maids with a mint green swirl in her hair stand straighter and beamed at the praise.

"That may be so Princess." Rosey countered, "But as matters to defense, I am the only mare fully capable of seamlessly acting as your last line of defense. As skilled as the other girls are, the formation would be incomplete without me."

Last line of defense? Anon questioned, "Wait, are you like some sort of battle maid or something?" That was actually awesome.

"That's exactly what they are." Celestia affirmed, "Miss Andromeda is an expert in a great many things from tactics, martial and magical combat, speaks eight different languages, and has quite the knack for domestic services. Her and all of the other maids act as my unassuming guards."

"That's very badass. Color me impressed." He would be lucky to have one of those things.

"Impressive indeed. Her one flaw however is that she doesn't know how to do anything but work. A decade of service and not a single vacation. It's her prerogative which I can't force, but still… Would you please reconsider your position Rosey?" Celestia turned to the mare with her most motherly concerned face.

Rosey stood her ground against the front, "My life is solely for servitude, your highness. I will live for you, I will die for you. I would take any order you give. You are singularly the most important being in this world and need all of the protection I can give."

Celestia sighed, looking down, before looking to Anon, and he could practically see a light bulb flash above her head. She stared at Rosey with a warm smile, "If that is the case, then I've no choice. I have an assignment for you." The mare snapped to attention while Anon looked curiously, "You are wrong about one thing, there is a being amongst us who is just as, if not more so important as me and my sister who currently requires protection. From this point forward, you will be assigned to Sir Anonymous as his maid and bodyguard in Ponyville."

"What!" Both Anon and Rosey said in surprise at the same time. They looked at each other, then back at the princess, "Your highness, you cannot be serious. My place is here within the castle by your side. Without offense, this being cannot hold precedence over your security." She replied with a degree of exasperation.

"Anon holds the key to our world's very future. His protection is of the utmost importance, which is why I'm putting the best mare on the job to make sure he is unharmed. This is my order to you."

Rosey had a conflicted look about her, but yielded, bowing her head, "Yes, your highness."

Anon scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "Celestia, are you sure this is a good idea? I don't know the first thing about having a maid." Let alone a battle maid.

"Not to worry Anon. It will be more convenient than trouble I assure you. All of her income will still directly come from the castle, and she will follow your every direction. This way also saves me the trouble of finding somepony to protect you. As advanced as the spells on your attire are, you are still not completely immune to danger. Anyways, I imagine having her company will be all sorts of… fun." She winked.

Suddenly a loud chime came from a clock, and Celestia sighed, "That time already? Guess I really should get that backflow from yesterday all sorted out." She sighed again before standing, levitating one of her half-eaten pastries, "Ms. Andromeda will lead you to the carriages back to Ponyville. It was good to have you Anon, and I must thank you for your gift."

Anon stood to bow, "As I do for yours. Your hospitality has been splendid, and I hope to visit again soon."

"I would be all too happy. Just send me a note through Barb and I would be… glad to have you again." She said under some bedroom eyes. Anon grinned, "I bid you adieu my dear human." She turned to Rosey, "Take care my little pony, and do try to enjoy yourself." The mare bowed her head and Celestia walked out the door.

Rosey turned to Anon, "I will escort you to the carriages. From here on out, I shall… be under your service sir Anonymous." She said reluctantly.

"Just Anon is fine. I know you're not too thrilled with this arrangement, so I'll do what I can to make sure you're comfortable."

"What I desire is irrelevant. If her majesty seems my skills better utilized this way, then that is the end of the matter." She began walking towards the opposite door, turning only once to make sure Anon was following down the hall. She didn't speak again until they found themselves on an outdoor platform with various carriages, coaches, and chariots. She spoke to a mare in a blue uniform awaiting them as six pegasi began to hook themselves up to a nearby carriage and trot towards a runway that led off a cliff.

Anon observed nervously, and he expected that this wasn't going to be a conventional ride on the ground, "Is this uh… safe?" He asked. A couple of horses the likes of Celestia would be one thing, but these ponies were tiny compared to him. He was no expert on physics, but he was sure that something like this was not aerodynamically sound.

The mare Rosey was talking to looked up at him, "Not to worry big fella, Solar Chariots are the safest modes of travel that aren't on hoof. You're more likely to get in an accident aboard a train than in one of these babies." Something about her southern accent made him think of one of Twilight's friends. The orange one he recalled. He hoped they were all alright with him just disappearing out in the blue with the princess, especially his new daughter.

He looked at the carriage dubiously but sighed. When it came to a magical world, he might as well throw out all of his conceived notions about how reality works. "Alright, I'll take your word for it. Thank you very much." She looked surprised at first before she smiled wide and nodded. Based on her reaction he guessed receiving thanks was somewhat uncommon here.

Opening the door he found that it was quite lavish inside. The seats were lined with red velvet and completely plush. The amount of luxurious living from today is seriously going to give me a heart attack! He thought to himself as he sat down. Rosey sat across from him with a neutral expression as the mare outside gave her goodbyes before locking the doors.

Rosey sighed, "First things first, I might as well get this over with since I shall be in your care." She held out her hoof, "Touch me."

Anon blinked, "Uh… Come again?" That was unexpected. Based upon her personality and expressed reservations, he figured she would avoid touching him the entire time.

Rosey stared at him stoically, "The princess assigned me to protect you, which means there will be circumstances where I may have to pull you away from danger. My body shouldn't go into shock when you might need my aid and focus the most."

Oh yeah, I forgot that she was a professional with sensibilities. Anon thought. If this were a show, she'd likely avoid touching me until some villain tries to destroy me, only for her to jump in and push me out of the way and learn something about friendship before we copulated. Good thing this is real life. Who the heck would write something like this anyhow? "You kinda have a point, but are you sure you want to do this? I don't think that there is a way to easily undo it."

She rolled her eyes, "I have built up resistance to several poisons and drugs throughout my lifetime. The princess described to me the reported effect and I'm sure this is hardly anything comparable to that."

Anon shook his head, "Ok, I admit that's pretty fucking awesome, but the fact you are comparing that to this makes me think that you don't know what this is. Are you prepared for…"

"Yes, just grab my hoof." She said impatiently.

Anon sighed, "Alright then. Brace yourself." He grabbed her hoof and felt the expected snap. Her eyes widened slightly, but she kept her gaze steady. He let go of her, and her hoof kept itself held out for a moment before shakily putting itself down. She gulped, slightly shaking.

"Are you okay?" Anon asked with concern. At least he couldn't say he didn't warn her. Still he felt a bit of a nagging tug on his conscience. A dark thought occurred to him, but he quickly stamped it out. Consensual, only Consensual.

She didn't reply right away but slowly nodded her head. It wasn't very reassuring. Both instances of his touch of beings under the spell were intense for the being in question, and he had a suspicion that this mare was only holding onto her composure by a thread. "This is… more intense… than I imagined. I understand what the princess meant by heat now. Somewhere between… pain and p-pleasure." Her legs twitched, and she cleared her throat. There was a new shade of scarlet on her pink face, "I… huff, I was hoping to be more tolerable, but it would seem I will need your… aid after all."

"You want to do it here?" Anon asked knowing what she meant. He suddenly thought about airplane sex and felt himself getting arroused. "Shouldn't we at least wait until we take off?"

"We already have." Rosey said impatiently, "The carriage has interior anti-motion charms. Now please assist me in relieving this infliction you have given me!"

Anon held up his hands, "Hey, alright, alright. Geeze." He began undoing his pants. Gotta get used to doing this… What am I saying?! Don't treat it like a chore! "You should probably get that outfit off if you want to keep it clean."

"Sensible." With her magic, she seamlessly undid and climbed out of her maid attire before adjusting her glasses, "Now, alleviate me." She prostrated herself in front of him. Looking at her pink peach it wasn't very hard to get, well… hard.

One more question, "So do you want me to cum inside or outside?" Anon asked.

"What?"

"Sorry, sex term." Anon scratched his head, "Do you want me to ejaculate my sperm within, or outside? Inside will definitely get you pregnant."

"I can't get pregnant either way, so I don't care." She said dismissively with some bitterness, "Get going. I want this done quickly."

Anon wanted to bring that matter up, but seeing as she was trembling from her heat, and sopping wet, he figured it was probably best to oblige to her request sooner rather than later. His head touched her entrance and she immediately flinched as her small outer folds spread needily to try and accommodate his mast. If his time with the princess was any indication, he doubted there was a pony who could ever fit him if not for their elastic nature. Slowly he pushed his head through, and her walls immediately tightened around him. She squeaked out a sound unbecoming of her proper demeanor and breathed heavily, "Is… is that all of it?"

Rather than answer her, he continued pushing through until there was a sizable bulge around her belly and his tip kissed her cervix. This was still only a third of the way in.

She gasped somewhere between surprise and panic, "S-stop!"

He complied, wincing as she held him in a vise hold within her warm velvety confines, "Are you alright?"

"I don't, ah!" She shivered as he slid a little inside her, "Are you sure this is safe?" She panted, looking down on her bulging form. If this were a normal carriage ride he imagined that it would have been a lot more difficult to keep still.

"Not to worry, I'm a professional. I know what I am doing. " Technically that was true. No one could refute him there. "Do you wish me to continue?"

She looked in thought for a moment before slowly nodded. Despite her prim and proper, duty-bound demeanor, she was really cute and soft despite herself. Grabbing her around her midsection, she squeaked as he lifted her and sat back down at his end. With gravity at his side, he began working her down his shaft. She tried to look indignant but instead moaned in ecstasy as the pressure on her cervix was built until he popped through into her uterus. The pleasure was too much, and she screamed her very first orgasm. With that, he began pushing her up and down on his member. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as the pleasure began building again, her inhibitions dissolved to the carnal act and she more freely gave cute squeaks each time he pushed through her second entrance. Her legs kicked out instinctively from this gesture as he picked up the pace, half-standing now to buck his hips into her.

She was close again, and so was he. With a final primal ram, he slid himself to the hilt inside of her, prodding the back-most wall of her womb with the tip of his spearhead. Her passage constricted all around his length, a silent scream coming from her mouth as her body was crashed into by her erupting climax, twitching against Anon as he fired a tidal wave of his seed into her waiting womb before she went completely limp in his grasp. Spurt after spurt of his baby batter, her belly expanded until he was completely dry. All at once, his body reminded him of his previous night of passion as his sack ached from the recent abuse, and felt the need for an ice pack.

Panting for breath, he slid out of her snatch, leaving a trail of copious amounts of spunk from her pussy to spill on the expensive floor of the carriage. Placing her beside him, they both caught their breath.

"So…" He panted, "How was that as your first time at sex?"

She didn't respond immediately since she was still coming down from her newfound taste of euphoria, but after she collected enough of her senses, she replied, "It was… not what I was expecting." She panted. "I… don't even have… the words to describe how that felt, but I guess it was enjoyable."

It grew quiet between them and Anon had a sudden compulsion to take out his phone, only to realize that he didn't have one anymore. Damn, how do people fill silence again? He turned to see her rubbing her swollen belly, "So, uhh… what was that you said about not being able to have kids?" Don't ask sensitive topics like that stupid!

She stopped, and sighed before adjusting her glasses to look up at him, "It's… a condition I have. I'd rather not speak of it, but since I am currently under your employ, you should know." She sat straighter and looked at him with her composed stare, "There isn't quite a name for it, but from what the physicians determined, my body is resistant to any form of external magics. It just washes right over me, which has made me so useful in combat and protection services to the princess. The downside to that is that there are no Reproductive Officers in Equestria who can create a genetic sample that can survive me. It is what it is I guess. You would know how hopeless it is considering your expertise, so I'm sorry that your seed will go to waste."

Anon scratched his head, "Err… so wait, it's a magic problem?" Suddenly he had a distinct suspicion that the Sun Princess schemed on deeper levels than he initially thought.

"Indeed, other than that, I would be perfectly capable of conception. I'd rather not dwell on it. I have long given up on the idea of having a foal of my own. Still… the thought is nice from time to time. "

Anon made a mental check to always think critically at the princess's words. Now to explain, "So, uh… guess I should tell you about a particular quality about my baby making mixture." He was about to continue when a little bell inside the carriage rang.

"Oh dear, it's our stop!" She frantically looked at the messy state of the carriage and themselves. With a burst of magic from her horn, it was all cleaned up with a flash.

Anon blinked, "Huh, that's handy. Is that what you did in the Princess' room?" Also, holy shit that was quick! Did we break the sound barrier or is the town closer than I initially thought?

She nursed her head and groaned, "Yes, and it's quite taxing to do more than once a day." She grabbed her maid uniform and quickly slipped it on with some difficulty from her still cumfilled belly. In the sudden display of supernatural domestic care, he almost let it slip, "Hey uh, got a minu-" But she already unlocked the carriage and trotted outside of it. Anon sighed and followed. As soon as he jumped out, he was met with the view of the treehouse library. It was his first good outdoor view of it and now realised it kind of ironic that a library was housed inside the carved frame of a still-living tree. Closer though outside the carriage was Twilight Sparkle, who was currently greeting Rosey. Considering Twilight's relationships with the princess, it would make sense that the two would know each other. Turning his attention he spotted alongside the lavender unicorn was Barb and Evie. As soon as the little black drake spotted him, she ran and jumped into his arms, "Daddy! You're back, and you look awesome!" She looked him up and down before snuggling against him with a purr. He hugged her back and as soon as he was clear of the carriage, it took off on its own accord back in the direction of the mountain they came from. Passersby looked up in awe before whispering amongst themselves about the strange well-dressed creature.

The others turned and smiled, "Hey dude! How was laying the princess? That's how you say it right?" Barb rubbed her chin in thought and looked for confirmation.

Anon laughed, "Yeah you nailed it. Good to see you guys."

Barb fist-pumped, "Yes! It's good to see you too." She flushed and twiddle her thumbs, "Uhh… you think maybe we can have… sex again?"

Anon felt a twinge of pain in his groin and winced, "Maybe in a bit. I'm kinda all dried up right now." It was probably overly dramatic, but he felt like another round of lovemaking would reduce him to a skeleton. He was already cumming in supernatural amounts within a fantasy world, so he couldn't discount that small possibility.

Barb looked disappointed. "Oh… uh… alright then I guess. In a bit." It was obvious that she was horny as hell right now, and needed it badly, Twilight on the other hand looked quite a bit more worse for wear now that he looked. Her hair was all over the place, and her left eye was twitching. She noticed him staring as they began heading inside her abode and gave a smile that looked forced, "Great to see you Anon! Glad to see your back. Since you have been gone, we've begun preparation in setting up your new home and business here in Ponyville! We already have a building that the mayor was willing to provide! Isn't that great?!"

Anon took a moment to process her gabble of words, "Uhh… Twilight, are you okay?" That was probably a no.

"Couldn't be better!" She giggled hysterically, "I feel great!"

Evie rolled her eyes, "She's horny as fuck, and hasn't been able to sleep." She deadpanned as he put her down, "What she needs is the D."

"No I don't!" Twilight said too quickly.

Rosey blinked, "Uh… is there something I'm missing?"

Barb sighed, "Twilight touched Anon a couple of days ago and refuses to have sex with him. Something about 'living by Celestia's standards'." She said with air quotes.

Rosey winced, "That sounds very unhealthy. Several days of heat? I could barely handle it for several minutes."

Evie smirked at Anon, "Sly dog." She turned, "Pleased to meet you. I am Evie Nemo, firstborn daughter to Sir Anonymous Enigma Nemo.

The mare did a horse equivalent of a curtsy, "Rosey Delilah Andromeda. A pleasure. From this point forward I am a maid under the service of Anonymous and by extension any of his claimed offspring."

"Neat." Evie gave a thumbs up. "Did Daddy give you a thorough dicking?"

The mare blinked, "If you are referring to sex, then yes I have."

Evie turned to the lavender mare, "See! Even the maid had sex with Daddy."

Twilight gave an annoyed groan, "It's different for me. The princess went without sex for thousands of years. I'm her student so I have to know how to go without as well."

The black fluffy drake raised her brow, "Uhh… Did you miss the part where sun butt jumped his bones almost immediately after finding out about his existence? She may have gone without for a long time, but clearly not by choice."

"She was very thirsty." Anon added. It was fun watching them all trying to figure out what he meant. Also, Sunbutt?

Twilight stood silently, eye twitching. "Well that's, err… umm…" Her words fizzled as beads of sweat formed on her forehead.

"I'm kinda confused Twi," Barb stated, "A few days ago you were all about outwitting the curse and restoring the natural order of things. Now that you have accomplished a way to do that, why don't you want to join in on it?"

"Because I don't want to be dependent on it okay!" Her face was completely flushed, "When I touched Anon, I didn't think through all of the consequences it would bring. The last thing I expected was that he was capable of undoing the Spell of Forbearance. Pleasure is one thing, but being completely driven by instinct is another thing entirely! I'm a scientific, cerebrally centered unicorn. I should be the last pony with a need to let loose her base desires!"

Anon held of his hands, "Look, I totally get ya. It's your choice not to have sex with me and I respect that, but you can't just leave yourself pent up like this without some kind of relief. With as strong as all of your sexual urges are, I highly doubt total celibacy is advised without chugging down the train to crazy town. Not to mention your snap was stronger than these two."

Twilight blinked, "Wait, snaps?"

Rosey chose that moment to butt out of the conversation, Curses? Spells? Snaps? She shook her head. That's all above my paygrade. As she left to check the perimeter, she was beginning to think that this would be one of her strangest of assignments.

Anon shrugged, "I feel a sort of snapping sensation whenever I break the SIB. Those under the spell anyway. I didn't feel it when I touched Celestia." Though he now recalled a faint hum at her touch. It might have been his imagination but he knew he should probably test it.

"Fascinating." Twilight said with curiosity eroding her irritation. Her head shot up with a laugh, "Of course! Excuse me but I got to check something. Bye!" Her horn fizzled erratically before she disappeared in a flash of purple light. "That was abrupt." Anon blinked.

"She's been kinda annoying like that since you left. Besides all of that awful testing she had me do." Evie shivered before sitting on the couch, Anon alongside her, and Barb on the other side. They all let out a long exhale before the two drakes cuddled into his warmth. Before long he was vibrating on either side from their motorboat like purrs. It was nice and quiet like that for a bit, letting Anon wash away his exhausting night and a half. It was good though. Despite it all this was the happiest he ever recalled being, and in the end, he had his purring dragon gals. It seemed sacrilege to break the silence, but he couldn't help it.

"You two gals have been getting along alright?" He asked.

"More or less." Replied Barb. "It's been interesting though. Parenting in Dragons is way easier than with ponies."

Evie rolled her eyes, "Only because I did the favor of skipping to a self-sufficient age. I may have been born yesterday, but I have a mature noggin up here. Trust me when I say you're not quite ready for a real kid, Mom."

"Anon, our daughter is picking on me." Barb whined half-heartedly.

"Be nice to your mother Evie, or there might be a spanking in your future." Anon teased.

Evie smirked, "Like those naughty girls in your manga collection?"

Anon's eyes widened as the lewd imagery passed through his memory. He swiftly removed himself from the couch, wiping a bead of sweat that started at his head, "I-I uh… gotta go to the bathroom!" He said flustered as he made a hasty retreat.

Barb blinked with confusion, "What was that about?"

Evie giggled, "You'll find out when you're older."

Author's Note

Finally got this one done! Thank you all for your support. Be sure to comment on your thoughts or if you find any errors. This story is really gonna pick up after this. Hope you enjoy! For me, it's back to more writing!

The Art of Diplomacy

Life In ponyville was quite hectic the week following his meeting with the princess. Though Anon's arrival in Equestria occurred not that long ago in relative time, it was clear that the presence of the summoned human was already sending ripples through the fabric of Equestria society. All sorts of rumors about the near hairless biped were spreading fast, and not all of them were… flattering. As such, Celestia began the effort of politicking the situation, and cutting the narrative into nicely served pieces as only a veteran ruler could. Meanwhile Anon was to for the time being, remain in the residence of Twilight Sparkle as she prepared the world for his presence. There were many things to work out, especially in regards to his origins.

Considering the unprecedented nature of his arrival, Celestia thought it best that knowledge of his summoning shouldn't float around. As a rule for summoning, hero summons such as the one he was brought by only works if the previous hero is deceased or unsummoned. That went for all summoning as dictated by the 'Interdict of Otherworldly Entities'. Even so, it would be bad if any rogue magic user got the idea of outsourcing their reproductive issues from unknown dimensions when a possible eldritch horror might be on the other side.

Anon shivered at that notion with agreement when it was explained to him. No Chuthulu in ponyland today, thank you very much!

In any case, since he couldn't just reveal his origin, it was decided that he would need a cover story. He was quite impressed with what Celestia's people provided for him. They had an entire plausible backstory built and ready for him. In summary, he came from an obscure corner of the globe on an island in the west Celestial Sea as the the last surviving member of his species, who was then found by the Equestrian Flag Ship Slepnir, and taken in for protection as an endangered species. Later after proving himself, he was granted the title of Reproduction Officer after displaying his 'unique' talents. There were many forged documents that led a neat paper trail to this false origin, and he couldn't help but admire the dedication of this handywork. Of course he had to study all of this so as to be able to relay this falsehood. A tedious process but necessary.

It wasn't the strangest aspect of his time spent in this new world that he had to get used to, rather, it was the unabashed naivety and unfiltered nature of how these Equestrians reacted to things revolving around the thing they completely lacked an understanding for; sex. It was just plain weird having come from a culture where courting is typically a private matter that involves flirtation, subtle hints, clever wordplay, and building up the courage to take the next step in the relationship. It was thus a little jarring whenever the little purple drake sharing the Sparkle residence would blatantly asked if they could have sex at a given moment. No matter who was in the room. It hardly helped that his daughter Evie only seemed to be amused at his predicament.

Thankfully Celestia gave Twilight an ancient contraceptive spell widely out of use (for obvious reasons) to handle their… salacious activities.

Despite this, Twilight was still not inclined to relieve herself with his aid. He would have normally been fine with this. She made her desires clear and he was going to respect them. Unfortunately it was clear as day that her continued celibacy was having negative effects on the poor mare, and he wasn't quite in a position to head an intervention. As friendly they were, the two were still strangers to each other, with only the dragons so far bumping up the familiarity scale born of passion and kinship.

His new maid/bodyguard Rosey was another matter entirely. Diligent, dedicated, and elusive beyond comprehension, she seemed more like a ninja than anything. Anon only seemed to notice her whenever he had need of her, or when she had need of him (more specifically his dick). At some point during the day, she would request politely for her itch to be scratched, and wait until nightfall where she'd sneak into the guest bed where he slept for passionate copulation. The man had to give her credit, for as inexperienced as the pony was, Rosey was a quick study in finding his pleasure niches and always left the both satisfied.

It was incredibly difficult to speak with her about things though. Each time he tried to formulate a way to relay the likelihood that she was pregnant from their activities, she would say or do something that made him falter before she left to carry out her 'special duties'. Whatever those were.

As gifted as the mare seemed to be at service, protection, and probably some degree of espionage, she was clearly not a social pony, as any conversation with him or anyone else was always brief and cut to the quick. Despite this, he refused to let this be a running line of drama.

He ruminated on the idea that he might just have to say it with all the bluntness he could muster one day, when suddenly there was a polite knock on the front door.

"Who wants to bet that's another tutor trying to drill an alibi." Evie sighed as she picked up a chess piece. She was playing against Barb who grew increasingly frustrated at her daughter beating her six times in a row. The piece took the king unapologetically, "Checkmate."

"Gah! How do you always do that!?" Barb exploded.

"Victorious warriors win first, and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first, and then seek to win." Evie replied with a slight hint of smugness that caused Barb to groan.

Also, was she quoting Sun Tsu? The last time Anon recalled reading that was in high school, and though he's internalized the lessons, even he had trouble quoting it exactly, let alone that exact one. It was an odd thought for him to think that she might remember his own memories better than he himself did. He decided to put that thought aside for now. Since the black dragon was lecturing on what Barb was doing wrong, he was designated to answer the door.

He sighed as he made way. They were probably right in that it was another one of Celestia's officials trying to test on whether he got his story straight. Thourogh as they were, it was becoming a bit annoying.

Turning the doorknob, he was surprised to see instead of a purple and yellow robed unicorn, was a light brown earth pony mare with a grey mane and green tie around her neck. Her eyes widened as she looked up at him, realising that she had been mistaken to think that Ponyville's foreign guess would be somewhat pony size rather than the giant that stood before her.

"Howdy." Anon greeted, and it worked to put her out of her stupor.

"G-greetings." She adjusted her half moon, golden framed glasses and fiddled with her collar, "My name is Mayor Ivory Scroll Mareon. You are Officer Anonymous, correct?"

"I am." Anon nodded, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

She cleared her throat as she tried to find her courage. You can do this Ivory! He's not that scary! "A-as Ponyville's first ever Reproductive Officer, I as representative of Ponyville would like to formally welcome you to our town, and extend my hoof in friendship." She lifted her hoof, and Anon bent down to reach it, before catching himself halfway. The mare blinked for a second, confused.

Uh oh, better say something so she doesn't think you're rude, "Er, ahem! Ah, apologies, ma'am. I would shake your hoof, but I'm afraid I possess properties that would make such action in this instance uh… undesirable." Nailed it!

"Oh, um… I see." She put her hoof back down. She didn't seem to want to delve deeper into that.

"Anyway, I appreciate your welcome, Miss Mayor. I haven't been out in town much since my arrival, but I can tell that I will thoroughly enjoy it and it's residents."

"I'm glad you think so, Lord Officer. I will try to make sure you are well received." She seemed to perk up a bit at the praise of her town, though Anon could see that she was still somewhat uncomfortable. "Now, there is another matter at hoof we must discuss. May I… step inside?"

"Sure." Anon moves out of the doorway to let her in.

She did so gingerly, looking around the library before spotting Barb and Evie, "Yo, Mayor Mare!" Barb waved.

"Good day to you, miss Barbara. I see you have a friend with you." She flinched slightly when she noticed the black drake's third eye. Anon frowned. This mare was awfully skittish.

Evie nodded, oblivious to the Mayor's discomfort, "This is just my daughter. Anon helped me make her about a week ago." Barb explained dismissively before looking back at their chess game. She moved a knight to take her rook, "Ha! I have you now!"

Evie smirked as she seamlessly moved her queen diagonally across the exposed space the knight previously occupied, directly to the king, "Checkmate."

Barb's eyes bulged, "What the- How…" Evie meanwhile was giggling, "The game is just as much about defense as it is offense, mommy. You should know better than to leave your king exposed, especially in a manner that won't force me to reveal when you're in check. Plot out your own pieces better rather than just try to claim one of mine."

The mare stood perplexed at the scene for a moment, "Is… that normal?"

"Seems to be." Anon admitted, "Evie beats most of us at games on a regular basis."

The mare shook her head, "No, no. I mean the progeny. You made her, right? Do they always come out like that?"

Anon raised his brow and crossed his arms, "Like, what?" He said slowly, and deliberately. His energy around the room became pensive for his daughter's sake, "I hope you're not saying anything negative about my daughter."

The mayor stiffened, "Oh, no no no! She is a beautiful child! I was merely wondering whether the third eye was a dragon thing or a result of your genetic materials."

After a moment, Anon shrugged, releasing the tension, "Ah, I see. Probably a bit of both. I forgot exactly what the princess said about it." Honestly it was hard to recall anything over the drudgery composed by all of those advisors she sent.

"She said you are genetically supercharged, Daddy." Evie elaborated. She looked to the mayor, "Human sperm is extremely virile for Equestrians, and most children he produces will have the advantage of full genetic benefits attributed to each species. Though it is a rarer occurrence, some will even have added benefits, a potential for… I believe 'Divine Selection' was the word the princess used? I don't know, I was also only half listening, but that is essentially the instance that created me."

The mayor binked.

"His jizz makes perfect foals and can potentially make God level babies." Barb cleared before pointing to her daughter, "So she's essentially a dragon version of an alicorn."

"The Legendary Kumosami." Anon added with a nod, trying to sound grandiose.

"Kurokami, daddy." Evie giggled.

"Ah… that's what she called you." Anon muttered in embarrassment at his error.

"I… see." The mayor finally said as she tried to process all of that.

"Anyway," Anon took a seat at a table, "Let's talk business. I imagine this isn't just a social visit." The mayor nodded as she followed and occupied the opposite end.

"You are correct. Though you have bypassed most academic requirements due to natural talent and the princess' authorization, there are still some steps to officiate your role as an officer."

"Housing included?" Anon asked. As much as he'd come to appreciate Twilight's hospitality, it would be nice to have a place where he could set down roots. He was glad that particular thing wouldn't be just given to him for free. Like all Officers in Equestria, he would be designated a space, and would pay it off over time through his service. The princess offered a waver any fee for him, but he wouldn't budge on that particular issue. He'd already had too many things just given to him.

"We already have ponies setting up the most suitable location. If you are worried by the housing arrangements, Lord Officer. Rest assured my ponies will do our best to suit your requirements."

"Well then, I have faith in your, and your people's abilities, Mayor Mareon." He replied.

"You can call me Mayor Mare, my lord." She chuckled, "Most everypony else does."

Mayor Mare huh? He could already envision the political poster emphasizing on the play on words.

She awkwardly fidgeted for a moment, causing Anon frowned. It was clear something was troubling her. Perhaps he hadn't taken into account that his alien appearance might be off-putting for her? It didn't help that he was short with her about a particular comment, "I do hope my appearance isn't disturbing you in any way."

She looked at him horrified, her face going pale, "no no no no no, Lord Officer, I apologize if I seem that way. I have presented myself most rudely. It's just…" She trailed.

"Just?" Anon raised his brow.

She sighed as she pulled out a scroll, fiddling with her glasses as she read from it, "According to the articles of the Reproduction Act, it is the requirement of any leading official of the residence to the Reproductive Officer, to at least bare one child derived of their own craft so as to build faith of her skill, and strengthen the bond between the newly located officer and their ponies."

Anon sat up in his chair, "I see. I take it you're less than thrilled by this?"

The mare had a rosey tint to her cheeks as she looked away, "Er, umm... well I admit I never really thought about it." She let out a sigh, "Foals are a status symbol, but I never really felt the need for one myself. Now it seems only later in life that I require one. I'm afraid I feel too old for it."

Anon looked deep into her. Besides her grey mane, there didn't seem to be any real indication of age, then again, she was an entirely different species, so the tells might have been different. "You don't look that old to me, Mayor Mare."

She lightly chucked, "It may not appear so, but I assure you I am. You may not know this since you're not a pony, but Earth ponies have a little longer lifespan than unicorns and pegasi. We retain our youth longer to extend our laboring years, or so most of us would say. I myself should at least have another twenty before my age really starts to show, well, besides my hair."

Anon scratches his chin, "Huh, that's pretty cool actually." After observing these ponies and their abilities, he was beginning to think that the earth ponies had the shittiest of luck compared to their other horsey cousins, but it was nice to see that they too have their own sort of advantages.

"So, this Reproduction Act. Do you not wanna go through with it?"

She swallowed, "I am obligated to so long as I'm capable of it. Progeny from a typical household is commonly a steep payment that for some take a lifetime to fully pay off. It's a personal choice though. In this instance Lord Officer, it is more a manner of politics built to ensure there are no doubts about your abilities."

Anon furrowed his brow, "Doubts? Why would there be doubts?"

She cleared her throat, "From what I've been told, you can produce genetic material near effortlessly, and in high quality. This is more difficult to do for most reproductive officers, so it isn't unheard of for there to be… defective batches."

"Yikes." Evie scratches her chin uncomfortably, "That sounds awful."

Anon seemed to put the two pieces together, "I think I get it. Since I'm new in this position and generally unknown for my capabilities, it's your job to advertise the quality of kids I can make for those fearful of ending up with a defective offspring under my service."

"Exactly on point." She nodded, "Which is why I will schedule an appointment as soon as you are capable. I… may have my personal reservations, but I am duty bound to fulfill the role my country and her royal majesties requires of me." She takes a deep breath and looks at him intently, "Just give me the time and day for when you are prepared, and I as a representative of Ponyville will bear your seed."

Anon nodded, "Alright. Shouldn't take long. We could do it right now if you want."

She looked taken aback, "I… what? Now? Do you not need any prep time?" There was a look of profuse confusion on her face.

"Not really. Perhaps a water break every now and then for more intense sessions, but I can go every couple of hours."

Her jaw drops, "You mean… you can do in hours what takes our most renowned officers weeks and even months of preparation to do?"

Months? He didn't know that, but replied matter of factly, "Basically. Though really I can do it at any given time."

"He sure can." Barb giggled, "Trust me Mayor Mare, the way he does it is absolutely amazing." She emphasised, staring at him with bedroom eyes.

"It's pretty cool. Not that I would know personally." Evie said cheekily.

"Amazing? What do… Don't tell me…" the mayor gasped, looking at Anon with realization, "C-can you actually perform the legendary orgasm?!"

Evie let out a burst of laughter, "The legendary whatitz?!"

The mayor looked at Anon in newly minted wonder, "My grandmother once told me as a filly legends about males. About how reproduction with a real male was almost like a spiritual awakening. A way to bring forth one's mind in a state of nirvana." She chuckled nervously, "I always thought that was a silly filly tale. I never hoped, but I always fantasized what that would be like, even now." She looked at Anon with those newly mystified eyes. Her hesitance vanished completely. "Are these legends true in any way?"

Anon chuckled to himself, "I doubt I can give you a proper answer. In the regards of an awakening? I would definitely say yes."

She nods a little too excitedly, "Then I am in your service." She pulled from her saddlebag a hefty bag of bits, "Most of the expenses are waived and will be provided by the state due to the financial burden the act could put on town and city leaders, this here is the amount I am required to provide." Still, that looked like several hundred bits! The pony's monetary system was new to him, but it wasn't hard to distinguish the value of the bag.

"You know, I already have discounted services." Anon said as he stared down at the bag.

Mayor Mare nodded, "I was informed of this, however the Act overrules any price change in this instance."

The feeling of being overpaid was niggling at him, but he resigned the thought of rebuttal. Legal matters were hard to refute, "Very well." He replied as he got up, "In that case would you follow me into the bedroom?"

She seems confused, "The… bedroom?"

Evie smirked as she stood between them, "Reproduction, or 'lovemaking' as Daddy so elegantly puts it, is usually done in comfortable private quarters where he is from." Evie explained.

"Ah, I see." The mayor said before something registered in her mind, "Wait, lovemaking?"

Anon waved it off, "Just some terminology of my people. Generally this is an intimate experience done between lovers, but it isn't too strict in this instance of business."

She blushes, "Oh my… your culture sounds so fascinating."

He shrugged, "We had some things going for us, but Equestrian life has its benefits too. I feel I can do a lot more good here anyway with my… abilities."

"A lot of good indeed, I should say." Mayor Mare nodded as she walked beside him, "Our birth rates have been dropping substantially for some time now. If what you say is true about your abilities, I think you alone will bolster our numbers by a staggering amount in only a single generation. In that regard, I'm honored to help."

"Have fun you two." Evie and Barb waved as Anon and her walked off into the guest bedroom.

"Alrighty. You good for this?" Anon asked as he closed the door to his guest room behind them.

"I think so. I must admit that I am a little nervous though. This is not what I thought I would be doing today. To experience the legendary orgasm…" She giggled like a school filly, "If only my Granny were still with us."

Anon cleared his throat trying not to think of wrinkly old horses, "Anyway, you should Brace yourself. This first part can get a little intense."

She stood at the ready, slowly removing her spectacles, "Whatever is necessary."

Anon started by cracking his knuckles and neck before taking a breath, "Showtime." He readied his index finger, bracing himself for the perfect snoot boop, "Bo- Oh shi-!" Upon touching the Mayor's snoot, he felt a massive crackling of energy, causing the mayor to light up like a Christmas tree followed by a rippling shockwave that sent him straight through the door.

He blacked out only for a second before hearing a pattering of frantic tiny feet, and the shaking of concerned drakes that jumped on top of him to stir him back to. "Anon!" They shouted in distress. He coughed, feeling surprisingly numb, "Oy... I really hope that isn't going to be a common occurrence." He got up, brushing off the splintered door from his body. Note to self. Be prepared to be blown up at any attempt to boop the snoot.

He looked through the room, "Miss Mare? Are you alright?" Once the dust settled, the form of the mayor could be made out, with her head on the ground, rear in the air, tongue lolling, and spasming like crazy. That wasn't the only thing. Her hair and mane somehow changed into a light pink, her coat more vibrant, and any age lines she might have had were gone.

Her mind was lost in a reverie of intense pleasure as she repeatedly twitched and squirted juices, "Miss Mare?" Anon repeated with concern.

"Mrrrr…" She muttered.

"I'm sorry?" Anon drew closer.

"More…" the pony looked and suddenly lunged at him, only to find herself yanked by a rope that suddenly came out of nowhere.

"Oh dear, you've been here for less than a month and you already have somepony trying to blow you up and assault you." Rosey said as she stepped out of the shadows, pushing up her glasses, "Honestly I'm surprised it wasn't sooner."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Anon replied with a frown.

"Is that the question you should be asking?" Barb replied, exasperated, "She just suddenly appeared from the darkness?!" She pointed to the maid.

He shrugged, "Not the first time I've seen her do that. Besides, why would a bodyguard/maid tell her secrets in order to protect her charge?"

"My lord is quite wise to understand such things." Rosey nodded in approval before looking down at the mare she captured, "What do you wish me to do with this one? Considering she is the mayor we should tread carefully in our decision to avoid a political incident, but I'm sure I can arrange an adequate punishment without any blame pointing to you."

The way she said that so easily told Anon that she might have had a history dealing with problematic political leaders before. He repressed a shiver imagining her methods, "That won't be necessary. She just seems to have a very strong reaction to my touch." He looked at her mane and youthful appearance, "... With some new side effects as well. You should probably make a note of this to Twilight, Barb." He turned to the purple drake who nodded.

He cleared his throat, "Anyway, the poor thing likely needs a good dicking for her coherence to return." My God did I really just say that? My life has turned weird. "She shouldn't be a danger, Rosey."

She raised a brow, "You want me to let her go? She might cause further damage to you."

"I just got blown through a door and only got a couple of scratches. I think I can handle her." Anon replied, "Besides, It's not right to leave her in that state. The sooner we do this, the quicker it will be to figure this all out."

Rosey looked in thought before nodding her head, "Very well. Two conditions however. One, she will remain restrained so as to prevent negative actions toward yourself, and two, we will all watch to make sure she doesn't make any moves on you."

Anon blinked, glancing at Evie.

Sensing his thoughts, she folded her arms and rolled her eyes, "Chiilax Daddio. Ya being a prude’ll mess with my funky flow."

He crossed his arms in a similar fashion, "I don't jive with my young'un watching me make consensual love to a desperate woman. Ya hear me homeslice breadslice?"

She grinned and shot up her fingers, "Aye, I got you covered, my dude. I have more memories of you wanking off to hentai than I can count. Wait, no I can. 1507 times over a course of twenty five years after puberty. Can't corrupt what's already corrupted. Booyah!"

The others blinked in their ignorance. Anon however blinked for an entirely different reason. Does she really know that to an exact number or is she messing with me? "We gonna have a chit-chat later about that. If you're so insistent though..." He relented with a sigh as she stared at him with her expectant eyes, "fine." They say that corruption begins by planting the seeds, but then again there was no helping it if the tree was already fully grown and modeled after an already existing tree. That was something to think about later though. Now he needed to focus on the mare in front of him.

The light brown mare struggled in her bonds as she panting heavily. Drool running down her mouth as she twitched on the floor. In a single motion, Anon scooped her up from the floor and onto what was left of the bed. She squeaked as he did so, and looked straight into his eyes, her own blue globes looking large and needy. Anon swore that he even saw residing hearts in them.

"P...please…" She pleaded through pants, "nirvana…"

At this point, Anon didn't even think she could properly visualize what her body yearned for. Her hips bucked slightly with her entrance clearly visible and dripping. Like all the others, this was a completely new and foreign experience for her, and he was going to make it count.

In a swift and graceful motion he removed his clothes with practiced ease. His chiseled body was almost a source of radiance and divinity that reached out towards the bound mare. A scene that Michelangelo would shed tears in envy knowing his skills could not capture such majesty.

His hand moved to feel her plush posterior. Lightly groping at her fuzzy cheeks. She spasmed and screamed at his mere touch as she grew wetter from his fingers sliding over her soft and subtle rear.

"I hope you are ready, because I'm not holding back." His member rubbed against her sopping sex. Taking a small step back, kissing the tip of his shaft to her entrance, he slowly drove his hips forward and sank into her sweltering, inviting depths. Her belly visibly bulged with nearly half his length sheathed in her. In response her tongue lolled and her eyes fluttered in ecstasy as she immediately orgasmed.

Her pussy was a sopping wet mess that almost acted as a waterfall of vaginal fluids that sprayed everywhere with each of his thrusts, which was good considering how vice-like her grip was as it tried desperately to keep him inside of her.

She wasn't even yelling out in pleasure anymore. Only light moans as her tongue lolled out of her mouth.

'Good God, I might have broken her. Well, I might as well finish the job and hope she comes back to her senses.' He thought as he got a steady rhythm going.

Feeling his climax approaching, he buried himself as deep into her as he could and let loose the torrent of his baby batter. Her belly swelled right before his eyes until she looked several months pregnant already.

"Whew, that was a workout. Are you doing alright, Mayor?" Anon said as he wiped his brow.

"Stars… so many stars…" was all she muttered.

"Alright, we should give her a minute." Anon said as he unhilted himself from her, spilling a trail of cum.

All the girls looked a bit red in the face, Barb herself stroking a finger lightly over her sex, "Y-yes, I agree. And maybe if you have another one in you..?"

Anon smiled, "Always, my little drake." It was probably going to take a bit of time for the mayor to recover, so a quick romp with his favorite gal wouldn't hurt.

Rosey adjusted her slightly fogged up glasses, "I too would like to participate, if you would allow, sir." She tried to remain professional, but he could see the subtle twitch from her.

He glanced at Evie, looking just a bit bored, "Ah you guys go on ahead. I'll keep an eye on The cream pastry until her brain boots back up."

"Sounds good." Barb said quickly as she gripped Anon's arm tightly, "Let's get him to a much less destroyed room."

"Whoa-hey! Wait a minute!" Anon yelped as the two women pulled him through the splintered doorway and into his own room.

Evie waited for a moment and grinned as they were suddenly out of earshot. She turned to the stuffed mayor, rear up in the air and heavily dripping white fluids.

Her heart drummed in her chest as she approached. She took a sniff at the mare's sex and felt a warmth between her legs.

With a clawed finger, she hesitantly scooped up a glob of her father's cum and stared at it for a minute before sticking her forked tongue out to taste it. Her eyes widened at the salty cream that seemed to have a zest of citrus.

"Delicious…" There was hunger in her eyes now as she licked her claws clean, and looked to the font that leaked more of it. It may not have been from the source, but she wasn't complaining. Spreading the mare's winking lips apart, she stuck her muzzle in and began guzzling down the excess baby batter, the barely conscious mayor moaning in pleasure in response.

After a minute, Evie freed her face from the mare's snatch with a gasp for breath before wiping her mouth, 'Wow, I can really get addicted to this stuff.'

Licking her lips, she began lightly stroking her pristine puffy virgin folds. She knew what she wanted, but she would have to wait for the right moment. Everything here was still so new to him, and she'd hate to scare him away from the idea.

"What a dork." She giggled.

Author's Note

Long time no see. Guess what!

Recently got a little inspiration to finish this chapter after so long. Can't promise that the next one will come out in a timely manner, but I'm still going for it if y'all are enjoying it. Peace!

Setting Down Roots

"I must say, Sir Nemo, I cannot express enough how fortunate we are to have such a talented Reproductive Officer in our own little town!" Mayor Mare said with a kick to her step as she led Anon and company into the outskirts of ponyville.

After she recovered from the booping incident, and left rather more satisfied than she expected, the mare had a practical glow about her, and even looked decades younger as well. It was a curious phenomenon, and one Twilight has been working on trying to figure out the reason for. The lavender unicorn was none too pleased about the destruction wrought in her home, but as Anon discovered, giving her curious mind something interesting to distract her was the best way to circumvent her anger. There was no definitive answer considering the limited data, but Twilight's leading theories on the Mayor's regression in age is either a product of a rebound effect from the Sexual Instinct Barrier being broken at a more advanced age, or the ambient magic from Anon's body causing a chain reaction to her vitality. It would likely take a few more similar instances to get a clear answer.

"I'm just honored to be of some help." Anon replied. Besides him, Evie rolled her eyes with a smirk as she sat atop a very alert Rosey, who was constantly looking around the perimeter. It was a surprise how far on the outskirts of town they were taking him, figuring he would be more centralized. Voicing this, the mayor sighed in response, "Our town's Home Owner Association had some minor difficulties in finding a building that is… up to standard. Sadly the necessary defensible pony-built infrastructure doesn't quite exist in these parts of the country." She frowned but quickly brightened up, "Thankfully however, there is one unique building just a little outside of Ponyville that meets the needed standard."

"I'm grateful for you and Ponyville's efforts on my behalf Mayor Mare." Anon thanked her, trying not to snicker whenever he said that. Say what you will, but he couldn't get over these ponies punny naming conventions.

"The pleasure is all mine." She replied, nonethewiser to his thoughts, "Ponyville can only prosper with your installation in our small-town society, so we are only too happy to help." Suddenly they could make out a structure emerge over a hill, "And we are here."

Anon looked up at the building before him. His jaw practically fell to the floor as he looked in utter amazement at the premise that was soon to be his home. A few days of staring out the window had him envisioning living in one of those old fashioned thatched houses that littered the town, but now he was greeted with what looked to be a large house built into the side of a hill. Reinforced by an arcing wooden frame with various nordic looking runes inscribed. The front held in the center a deep red hexagonal door with two round windows on either side. It looked old, with the newest edition being a sign that read 'Reproduction Center'. Evie had a similar expression as he did. "Holy cow! Who built this place? Tolkien?!"

While it did look Tolkien-ish in nature, it sure wasn't small enough to be a hobbit hole. Unlike the doorways in ponyville where he had to watch his head whenever going in and out a doorway, this one was several inches above him in height. "This was the former residence of an old ram years ago before she sadly disappeared in the Enchanted Everfree forest." Rosey looked annoyed by the implication of this info, but Anon mentally brushed it off, thinking it likely some kind of trigger for a new side quest line to archive in a corner of his brain. "Rest assured, this house has a clean bill of health with approval from the Princess herself."

"Don't get me wrong, it's a really cool looking house." Anon let his gaze linger over the rustic fantasy exterior, "But what exactly makes this place better for me than within the town?"

"A great many things!" A cheery voice said as a light magenta unicorn mare with a saddlebag stepped out of the house. She paused for a second as she looked up at Anon, "Whoa! They weren't kidding when they said you were tall." She cleared her throat, "Amethyst Star. It's nice to meet you."

Anon nodded his head, "Anonymous, but you can just call me Anon."

She smiled, "In that case you can just call me Amy, and thank you so much for having me."

"Your very welcome." He chuckled, feeling the infection nature of her enthusiasm.

Mayor Mare cleared her throat, "Sir Anonymous, I would like you to meet your newest Secretary. Miss Star here is a high ranking graduate from Trottingham University."

"Best in my class!" The mare interjected with enthusiasm. The mayor only blinked, "Anyway, she will be helping you manage your income, records, and appointments. With that, I'm afraid I must leave you. More pegasi movers should be coming shortly to finish the interior decorating. Good day to you all. I may see you soon. Very soon, hopefully." She winked at Anon before trotting off. Anon stared at her flank for a moment before turning to the magenta mare, "So, uh, could you give us a tour of the building?"

"I'd be happy to." She turned to the open door, "Right this way." The party complied, following her into the spacious front room where a desk was set up, already with a stack of papers on one corner of it, "This is the reception area where I will be doing most of my work. It's barebones right now, but once the movers come back with more furniture, it should be a rather pleasant space."

"I assume you will also be doing background checks?" Rosey asked.

The mare nodded, "Of course! Priority one, section three of the Officer Protection policy demands absolute diligence in ensuring at least a level Five Clearance Certification."

Rosey nodded with the faintest outline of a smile. This kid's got potential. She privately thought, "If you're unsure about anything, check with me first. I have my own means of digging for hard to find data."

"Certainly. If Sir Anonymous is fine with that." Amy looked up at the man for confirmation.

"Good answer." Rosey nodded, liking the filly more and more.

"Rosey has the trust of the princess, so I have no qualms about it." Anon shrugged, "Back to the tour?"

"Right." Amy nodded, leading to a hallway that branched into a kitchen, storage room, gift shop, and a Master and three guest bedrooms. It was very beautiful and ornate. Running his hands over the wood, Anon couldn't help but note all of the runes on the doorways, "What are all of those for?"

Amy looked up, "Good question actually. One thing about ram architecture is how heavily defended it is. New Shearland was a place full of wild magical predators that would constantly prey on the sheep, so they devised of ways to make home intrusions impossible. These ones can sense malicious or bloodthirsty thoughts, and throw up shields whenever a malignant entity ever tries to enter, while the one on the front door goes a step further by only allowing entry when invited. They've all been turned off now, but will reactivate once the spell relegating the transfer of ownership of the property finishes."

"There is a spell for property management? Who would have thought?" Evie shrugged.

"Leave it to bureaucracy to turn magic into something as mundane as indoor plumbing." Anon joked. That aside, at the very least they did have that.

Suddenly the mare stood in front of a full body mirror installed within the wall of the master bedroom. There was something about it that immediately caught his attention. Though it reflected them like a normal mirror, Something seemed a little off. It was faint, but he could make out a strange refraction of air that seemed to hum with power around its edges.

"Scio te." Amy spoke to it. With that, she pushed a hoof through the mirror and walked right through, leaving Anon and Evie stunned.

The mare popped her head back through, "Well? You coming?"

"Most impressive." Rosie began. Nodding at Anon, they both passed through into a descending stone corridor, "Yes, this will do just fine. How long does the mirror gate stay open for?"

"A minute exactly if the alarms are undisturbed. Ten seconds if any of them are triggered. Several layers of wards will also activate on this side after the house master is secure."

Anon whistled as he looked all around, "These rams are pretty paranoid, huh?"

"Pragmatic is a better term." Rosey replied, "They are quite cunning, and exceptionally crafty. They had to be in order to survive the constant barrage of magically enhanced beasts that would often claim them and their kin."

Anon stroked his chin, "Huh, that's some pretty interesting history there, as awful as the 'constantly being preyed upon' part is." He grimaced for a second as he tried to imagine what it's like to constantly live in fear like that. They passed through a stone archway covered in more runes. His eyes lingered on that as it came overhead, "So, one thing I noticed were the size of the doors here. I would think the sheep would be closer to your pony size."

"Smaller, actually." Amy replied, "Though their leader, Jarl Thor the Graceful, is much closer to Princess Luna's height." She mused, "Anyway, the doors are so big because of the space needed for adequate defensive runes to work around the frame. At least that is what I read."

"Mostly correct, though there are other factors." Rosie replied. "We can get into that later. I'm afraid to say that I do believe we are not alone." She said it with such graveness it made Anon and everybody else physically flinch. They were just outside the door to the main area of the bunker when Rosie plucked Evie off of her and hugged the side of the wall to the door which was slightly ajar with a light blue light emanating from it. She gave a quick gesture for everybody else to take cover and be quiet. All members complied almost immediately. Her horn lit up as she whispered what Anon could only guess was some kind of incantation. The energy of her horn strengthened for a moment before hearing an alarmed squeak from the room.

Rosie rose and bucked the door open. Inside much to Anon's surprise was what looked like a science laboratory mixed with a library and living space upheld by wooden pillars of an entire tree trunk scribed with spiraling runes. Held in the center of the room, lifted into the air was a small pale purple filly trying to get away from the magic that held her.

Amethyst looked in and gasped, "Dinky! What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be home!"

The filly in question stopped flailing and looked at the purple pony sheepishly, "Umm… I got lost?" She tried with a cute smile.

The purple mare was unfazed, and raised her brow. The filly sighed, "I guess I might have overheard you use the password on the mirror the other day and thought it would be fun to try exploring a secret bunker."

Amy sighed as Rosie let Dinky down, "That wasn't very smart, young lady. You could have been seriously hurt." The pink mare bore down on the filly with a stern glare that made the small pony flinch.

"I… I'm sorry miss…" the filly looked close to tears. Amy wanted to intervene, and comfort the filly, but didn't want to undermine this clearly experienced mare, or risk this lesson on sneaking off.

"As you should be." Unexpectedly her gaze softened, "It is a common rule of adventuring and exploration to at least have a partner that has your back in case of trouble. Should I have been an enemy, there would have been little you could have done." Anon smirked. Perhaps his little maid wasn't quite as uptight as she presented herself.

Everybody's jaw dropped in surprise. That was definitely not the kind of reprimand that anyone there was expecting. Dinky's eyes looked up at the mare, twinkling. From Rosey was the barest of a smile, "I think I understand. I will keep that in mind for my next adventure!"

"See that you do. It's important to have trustworthy ponies to have your back." She turned to Amy who stood dumbfounded, "Mind introducing us?"

Amy blinked and shook herself as she realised she was being addressed, "Oh, uh, right, this is my cousin Dinky Doo." Amy explained, walking over to the filly and checking her over real quick, "She was really excited about seeing where I would work, so I decided to bring her along the other day to show her."

"Except the coolest room in the entire house." Dinky mumbled.

Anon laughed. He remembered being a little rascal like that, "Well I think it's safe to say that a secret bunker is meant to be a secret don't ya think."

The filly seemed to notice him for the first time, and looked up with amazement, "Wow… um…" she blinked, getting a hold of herself, "I guess that makes sense. Are you the male Amy was talking about?"

"Indeed I am. My name is Anonymous. A pleasure." He nodded.

The filly continued to look in wonder, "Awweeesooome. So… you can really make foals?"

Anon cleared his throat, but Evie spoke up, "Of course he can. He helped make me." She stated proudly. "Bet he'd be glad to help you make one too." She winked.

"Wait, what?!" Anon exclaimed with befuddlement. If he chose that moment to drink anything, he'd make a spit take, drink, and spit take again. What is she thinking! Obviously he knew what she was thinking. She had been teasing him since he got back for how much of a prude he was being in a world where there are literally no sexual inhibitions or moral boundaries and was being paid just to have sex. Barb was one thing, a filly like this just seemed too... innocent, and that is not even taking into account the mechanics. She was only as big as a cat. These Equestrians were stretchy, but something like this might be going too far. "Evie! You can't just-"

"Would you really, sir?" The filly asked with adoration and glee, "That would be so cool! With that I can show off to all of the fillies at school! Be respected by everypony, and even make Diamond Tiara jealous!"

Anon couldn't speak. There were too many conflicting thoughts in his head, so in that silence, Amethyst cleared her throat, "Well, Mr. Anon's services aren't free dear. You'd have to pay him first."

"I can use my savings." Dinky replied, "I've been saving up mowing lawns and delivering the newspaper. I also still have my birthday money from Grandma. Will it be enough?" She asked, hopeful.

Amy bit her lip, "Well, it is significantly cheaper… where normally they cost a down payment of a thousand bits with a monthly fee of a hundred a year for ten years," The filly looked down in disappointment, "But, Sir Anonymous will be charging a fee of only a hundred and fifty bits for a single payment." The filly looked back up with hope returning to her.

"I already have eighty four bits in my piggy bank!" A determined look crossed her, "Don't worry sir! I'm gonna work harder to earn more bits."

Anon bit his lip. She seemed so excited that he didn't have the heart to tell her no. "Uh..."

"Yay!" She exclaimed. Anon had a bad feeling about this.

"Don't think you're off the hook though, young lady." Amy said. "I'm still going to be telling your mother that you were sneaking around in places you shouldn't have."

"Aww…" The filly deflated.

Amy cleared her throat as she addressed the entire group, "Alright then, I think this concludes the tour of the place. Would you all head back up?"

"I've seen all that I need to." Evie stretched, "It's a pretty sweet pad. Can't wait to settle in."

"Alright. Let's call it. We should get back for lunch plans with Twilight and Co. When was the time set?" He turned to Rosey.

"Two o'clock sir, so you still have an hour and a half before your presence is required at the restaurant."

"So that's some time to kill. I'd like to discuss some things in the meantime regarding this whole operation."

"Of course." Amy nodded as we all started walking back. "I wanted to talk with you anyway."

"Alright, first order of business though. I gotta get this off of my chest now because I'm a terrible procrastinator and hate being confrontational." He swiveled on one foot turning to Rosey before pointing, "Human sperm ain't magical. That biz is all natural baby making batter, so check to see if you actually got knocked up." A little blunt, but he supposed it was effective.

She seemed stunned for a moment as she digested that, "And this wasn't brought up earlier, why?"

"Already explained that. I just said it now so I don't dig myself a deeper hole and create unnecessary drama that would have been easily solved in the first place."

"God I hate movies like that." Evie scrunched up her nose, "Also, I'm going to be an older sister!" She exclaimed happily.

Yeah, to the whole next generation. Anon thought to himself, "Anyway, you cool on that?"

"I'll have to verify first." Rosey said, for the first time looking a bit unsure, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. If I suspected that your Reproductive Serum didn't have a magical basis, I would have proceeded with more caution."

"Is there something I'm missing?" Amy questioned with blinking eyes.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with." Rosey replied. "Just some… personal matters."

Amy shrugged and looked at Anon, "You wanted to discuss some things?"

"Yes," The man straightened but looked pained, "I've been dreading this but I must face it." He took a deep breath as everypony in the room leaned in anticipation, "I need you to explain to me how Equestrian economics work, and what my financial situation looks like?"

The ponies just blinked in confusion. "Uh… sure, I can do that." Amy smiled. "That's what I was supposed to do anyway."

Evie was the only one who stood frozen with a chill running down her spine, "Sweet mother of God…" She was the only one who knew his horror of managing finances, and she prayed silently for his survival.

Anon felt like beating his head against the desk in his study as he tried to get a grip on figuring out Equestrian economics. No matter the situation, arithmetics were never his friend, through school, or through life. He would much rather just glaze over the details and just wing it. Not a sound strategy, but he made enough income at his old job for it to work well enough. It wasn't responsible though, and considering how everybody in this world was relying on him, he needed to show some self management skills and that he was capable of adapting without them holding his hand.

At the very least, the Celestial Equestrian coin value was much simpler, and divided between the value of silver and gold coins, which were largely due to their diets, interestingly enough. Cooked, and hoof made foods were seen as more of a luxury done every once in a while rather than a commodity in most of its history, seeing as there were plenty of edible greens that they could just graze outside their homes. This was not true of all Equestrian settlements, but it was a reality at the hub of pony civilization. As a result, even the poorest of ponies hardly ever starve or go hungry, and money was primarily used for housing, education, and of course, reproduction. The latter which typically was a lifelong investment. Unsurprisingly, the art of magical copulation was really difficult, and generally took a reproductive officer months of magical alchemical work to create a single viable batch. As of currently, there are only eighty one reproductive officers in Equestria, including him. Most were unicorns, but there were a few zebras, griffons, deer, and even a dragon. Needless to say, they were the wealthiest and most respected members of their community. The price was a heavy ten year payment, but most sentient beings were willing of any price for the continuation of their lineage. Enter him, the cheapest and most reliable source of genetic material in thousands of years. Creatures all over the world will be after his dick. It didn even matter if his price was exponentially lower than average, once he started, the bits were gonna be pouring in, Amy assured him.

Anon let that tantalizing thought soothe his headache, "This world I've entered into is crazy." He said, already knowing it the moment he popped in here. It could have been worse though.

"It's not that bad." Amy comforted, "Money is really fascinating when you look at it as a whole, and how it's used culturally. Now, onto the legal documents regarding our services and employee pay."

Anon's head hit the table.

"I think that just about wraps it up." Amethyst finished. "Right on time too."

Anon blinked, his head swarming, "Uh, right. Lunch with friends." He could consider them friends, right? Barb was definitely a friend (with benefits), but he guessed he'd have to get to know the others better first, hence the lunch he supposed, "You want to come?"

She smiled, "I would love to, but I got some work here that needs to be finished. The rest of our inventory should be arriving soon, and I need to be here to finalize everything."

Anon got up from his chair and stretched, "Alrighty then. Thank you for filling me in on things."

"No problem. Oh! There is one more thing I almost forgot." With her magic she pulled out a black pouch, "This is payment for your first service of three hundred bits from the princess."

"Ah… wait, wasn't it one hundred and fifty per conception?"

"It came with a note." She levitated a folded piece of paper to him.

He grabbed it, unfolding the parchment. It simply read in elegant hand writing, Thank you for the twins! Anon's heart skipped a beat as he staggered a bit.

"Is something wrong?" She looked concerned.

"... No, I'm… I'm fine. I was just suddenly reminded that I'm going to be making so many children." And that Ghengis Khan may soon have a contender to the most spread genes in history. "Er, thank you." He grabs the bag and stuffed it in a pocket.

"You nearby, Rosey?" Anon called out.

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, "Of course, sir." Turning, he saw her in his peripheral vision, standing in the corner as if she'd always be there. "The princess said she is having twins, hmm? I shall have to train my little one to protect them when they are born. I do believe I'm starting to get used to the idea." She smiled, "And before you ask, yes I did confirm it."

Anon opened and closed his mouth. Well, Celestia did give you her elite intelligence officer, so you can't be surprised. Don't know how to feel about her training our offspring to be a royal bodyguard for my other more royal offspring though… Discussion for a later time. For now, "Are we ready to go?"

"Of course, sir. Should I summon Ms. Evie from her chambers?"

"Nah, I'll do it. Don't want her thinking she isn't good enough to be summoned by her own father." Honestly It was still a bit of a weird thing, but fatherhood was growing on him. At least there was one of whom he could be a full time father for.

After debating with her and Barb, they all decided that she would stay with him, and have visiting days with her mother. It made sense considering she shared more in common with him for (obvious reasons), and in a way acted as a lifeline for his human culture. Already the little drake became an important part of his life, whom he loved and cherished. That said, her one obnoxious quirk was her lack of inhibitions. As mature as she claimed to be, it was evident there were some articles of childish mentality paired with her intimate knowledge of his inner psyche, which made for some rather awkward moments. For me at least. It was quite clear that these ponies didn't care about age in the equation of sex, and his standpoint on it faltered considering his first sexual experience in this world was with Barb. Granted, he was led without much context for her age considering he'd never seen a real dragon, but he reasoned she was old enough when prompted to give her the dicking. Still, he was gonna have to face the fact that things were different here. Evie needed to know what he was and wasn't comfortable with though. She should all things considered, so why did she continued pressing it?

Walking to the door of the room she chose out, he knocked, which elicited a small eep! and a scrambling sound.

Must have startled her, "You alright in there?"

It was a second before she responded, "Uh… yep. Everything is alright, Dad."

That sounded suspicious. What would a parent do in this situation? I respect your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway! He smiled at the thought. She would probably think it funny, but it seemed hardly appropriate for this instance, "Can I come in? We're about to leave for lunch with Twilight and the others."

"Err… now?" She asked with some reluctance. “O-okay.” He heard some awkward scampering towards the door. The knob turned to open, revealing a disheveled fluffy face peek out the door. There was something about the face she had that suggested discomfort.

“You alright?” Anon asked with concern. She was clearly bothered by something.

“Yes… no… I, umm…” She stumbled over her words, “I… I’m stuck.

Anon blinked, “Err… stuck?” He could see her going red.

“I might have… taken a dildo from the shop and… put it up my butt…” she was completely crimson as she covered her face, “I’m sorry, Daddy.” She said in a small voice.

Anon tried processing this information over and over again in his head trying to keep his face neutral and not shocked and horrified. What is a father to do in this situation? He tried turning to any words of wisdom his own father might have suggested, but all he could hear was the knee-slapping condescending laughter of the old man pointing at him. Fuck you too, Dad!

Despite himself, he decided to ask, “Do… you need help?” How many pornos has he seen where its premise started up with questions like that?

She nodded slowly before opening up the door more into her room. She was standing completely straight with her butt clenched and tail curled between her legs. She was dripping with what he assumed was lube, "It has a knot at the end of it. That's how it got stuck."

Anon facepalmed and sighed. He barely glanced at the inventory during the tour, but the fact Celestia made shaped toys without much reference was impressive of its own. It was too bad that it resulted in this awkward moment, "Alright, well… let's get it out of you." No point in beating around the bush.

Picking her up by the waist, he placed her on the bed by her back, and looked down between her legs. Her puffy slit was moist from arousal. He stared a second too long, and only noticed when he felt a growing pressure in his pants.

"I know you like what you see, but I really want this thing out of me." She bit her lip and he noticed her breathing heavily.

He decided to not waste his time denying it and just sighed, "I know, and I feel awful for it." He looked lower where he saw the white cap with a sun emblem protruding from her anus.

Her three eyes looked at him with shame, "I'm sorry daddy. It's too soon for this."

"Too soon?" Anon questioned.

She had a pained expression, "I… wanted you to get comfortable with all of this before I did anything. I know you hold your reservations since I'm your kid, but I thought that once you got used to everything, I could love you the way I wanted." Her gaze casted down, "I guess I was too hasty and overplayed my hand when we found Dinky." She gritted her teeth, "And then I had to go and screw it up further with this!" She wiped her face at the beginning of tears.

Anon didn't know how to respond to that, so he did what felt right. Reaching out he took her paw. She squeezed to hold onto his comforting touch. A faint hum reverberated between them. Now that he wasn't quite so distracted by the throws of passion, it felt more discernibly warm and pleasant. Unlike the snap that awakened a pony's sexual instinct with explosive primal force, this had elements of tenderness and passion. It was… love. Small and new, but it was their love.

He had to ask, "Why me? Why do you want this from me?"

She looked back up at him, "Time is… perceived differently in the mind. The other me said I needed to follow your life and learn from you. So… I watched. Your entire life and all of the years it took up to when you hatched my egg. In that time, I… I fell in love with you, and since then… I wanted to be with you. Even if I am your biological daughter." She pulled away from him and covered her face, "Gah! This is not how I envisioned this!"

Anon felt he was beginning to understand. She spent her first moments following his life for what was worth his entire life time. It was no wonder she felt that way. He was all she ever knew. "How, exactly, did you envision it?" He asked if only to diffuse the intensity.

She huffed, "Mood lighting, witty dialogue on my part, perhaps some scented candles."

"Maybe a few Julia Quinn novels to spice things up?" Anon joked. He was feeling a little better about the situation. There was still some trepidation but these were the first steps to exploring this new horizon.

"You beat me by one second." She rolled her eyes. "Can you help me now?"

He nearly forgot, "Uh, right, right. Sorry." Without further ado, he spread her legs apart to get a better view of the plug. It was lucky Celestia had the foresight to make ends one could pull the toy out from, though come to think of it, she did have a long time to perfect these. They might have been more innovative to sate the needs of females than what they had on Earth.

Anon's heart raced as he reached out and grabbed the device end, which he found to be quite slippery. He tugged slightly, causing her to flinch. He stopped, "Does it hurt?"

"N-no. It's just very stimulating." She huffed, "I don't think it's an average dildo. Butt stuff shouldn't feel this good."

Anon raised a brow, "What possessed you to try it?" He pulled again, and was surprised by how much resistance it was giving. Her anus spread out slightly before sucking the ball shaped object back in. Her legs kicked up as she moaned.

"I was ah! curious. I didn't want to g-go vaginally because I was saving that for you."

"That's very forward." Anon commented, trying not to be any more aroused than he was. He pulled harder on the plug, causing her anus to stretch out over the ball form again. She moaned as it reached the halfway mark of the ball end. He had to strain for it not to get sucked back in. How it got inside her in the first place boggled his mind.

"You're the one pulling a dildo out of my as- I, oh god! Oh!" She moaned. "Can we talk after gaak!"

Pop!

With the rest of the knot pulled out, the dildo easily slid from her gaping pulsating hole. She panted heavily, "God, I'm so horny right now."

"That's gonna have to wait." Anon sighed, placing the dildo on a nearby drawer, "I've made up my mind. This adventure wasn't started by me moving forward with cold feet."

She looked at him with surprise, "You mean you'll d-" She was interrupted by him lifting her up and pressing his mouth against hers. Her eyes widened as a feeling like electricity surged through her whole body before melting into his embrace. Seconds felt like an eternity when his lips parted from hers. She panted heavily, trying to catch her breath, mind completely blank, "What, huff, what was that?" She asked, still feeling tingly.

He seemed to ponder for a minute, "That was me testing the waters of… whatever this is." He sat her back down on the bed, still looking deep in thought, "I think… I think I'm willing to try this."

"Really?" She said just a touch louder than intended. The affirmation made her loins burn with sensual want to their already aroused state, "Can we-"

"Not now." He cut her off, "We still have someplace to be, and now we are running a little late. In your state right now though, I would think you should reconsider."

Something was different about him. He stood straighter and looked sharper. It was the way he got when he moved forward without any doubts, she realized. Once his hesitation was gone, it would be difficult to stop him in anything.

It really turned her on, which also meant he had a point, "I'll stay home then. I'm gonna take a cold shower if you're not going to finish the job."

"Expect me later." The meaning behind that buzzed in his head. It was a weight inside him that bore the similar shape of responsibility and consequence. He'd carry it just like he'd carry this world's future. "I'll bring you back something to eat. Any requests?"

"Sapphires sound pretty good. If not those, then maybe some opals."

Anon nodded, "Very well, take care little one." He turned to go, but stopped at her voice.

"Daddy?"

He turned, "Yes?"

"I love you." He gave a warm smile and went back to her, kissing her on her forehead, "I love you too little one."

Despite having a ton on his mind, Anon did his best to enjoy his walk back to town. Nature wasn't really his scene, but it was a nice change of pace from his usual concrete jungle dwelling, and brought to mind the camping trips as a kid with his Grandpa Onceler. Those were the days…

It was after he got to town where his good mood soured completely. Rosey walked him into the market place when he spotted what looked like Fluttershy cowering in front of what he assumed to be a Griffon, but was only slightly bigger than a pony. The entire market froze, and a few ponies quaked in fear as the mare backed away from the aggressive predator that seemed to be stalking her, hackles raised and looked ready to pounce. Anon didn't have time to think in fear that this thing might attack the gentle and soft spoken pegasus.

Much to Rosey's dismay, he rushed over to the scene thinking back to when he played football in highschool. Without warning, he ran with a kick that met the side of the large cat bird. It seemed to have been inhaling moments before squawking as he knocked the wind out of the thing. The force he brought sent the griffon flying into the air before crashing into an apple stall. He took a deep breath as the adrenaline subsided. He looked at the victim, "Are you okay, Fluttershy?"

She just stood shocked as a bunch of ducklings scrambled to get behind their mother, "Anon! Wha~" She was cut off by the sound of a roar emerging from the splintered stand as the griffon got up. Durable little sucker. "I'm gonna kill whoever did that!" Marketeers backed away from the scene.

Anon stood in front of Fluttershy, "Are you sure you're up for the challenge that would ensue?" She turned to him, eyes widening in surprise for a second, but she forced herself to try and brush off the intimidating effect of the massive biped.

"What are you? Some kinda hairless gorilla? And a pony lover to top it off!" She spat as if marking it as an insult.

"I am Anonymous Nemo, Reproductive Officer of Equestria." She flinched at the title. Good. Anon thought, That means something to her. "By what right do you have to harm a defenseless bystander?"

"What's it to you, huh? That sissy pony got in my way!" She growled, "I wasn't gonna hurt her anyway. Just scare her off."

Anon raised a brow, "A simple, 'Hey, I'm walking here' before continuing on your way would have sufficed." As any good New Yorker would know. Anon crossed his arms and glared down at the creature, before turning to Fluttershy. "Do you have anything to say?"

She shrank a bit at the attention, but mustered up the courage from knowing that she was supported, "I, I was just trying to help a momma duck and her babies cross the road safely." She shrunk trying to look at the griffon, "I'm sorry I bumped into you…"

"Sorry doesn-"

"Enough!" Anon cut her off, "At this point you're just being a bully. She apologized, so just drop it!"

The griffon growled in anger, "Why you!" She leapt at him in rage with her claws fully extended, but was suddenly blasted back with a blue energy beam.

"Mind if I take it from here, sir?" Rosey asked.

"Go ahead." The man nodded, figuring she would probably be better equipped for this sort of thing.

Rosey kept her gaze on the griffon, "I request you to cease and desist." She instructed, but the griffon seemed to lose all reason as she roared back at her in rage, charging at the newest member of this conflict. Gilda swiped her talons at the maid, but she effortlessly ducked and weaved around the claws effortlessly while maintaining a neutral expression, "I'm warning you now. End this before you suffer worse consequences for your actions."

Suddenly a crowd formed around them, cheering on the battlemaid. This did not seem to improve the griffon's mood at not only being outmaneuvered by what she perceived as a prissy pony in a maid dress, but was now actively being humiliated in front of many ponies. Every time she missed, she grew more vicious and agitated to the point she began acting more and more like an animal, "Stay still you coward!" She was panting hard while Rosie seemed completely unfazed.

Rosie sighed, "Alright, I've seen enough." Her horn glowed. "I've given you fair warning."

"Hey! What the!?" Almost instantly the griffon was immobilized in a telekinetic grip.

Rosey walked up in front of the growling griffon. The icy glare she gave made her stop, "Gilda Romana Hearthstone," The griffins eyes widened, "In violation of Article 66, of both the Griffin-Pony accords, and Section B of the RO defense initiative, I hereby place you under arrest. You have the right to remain silent."

Suddenly the Griffon's eyes widened as her brain caught up with her, "Hold on! This is just-" She disappeared in a blue flash.

"Whew! Serves her right!" A pony cheered as others applauded.

"Nothing to see here citizens, carry on with your day." Rosey adjusted her spectacles and walked over to Anon.

"Wow, that was… really something. What did you do with her anyway?"

She allowed a smirk, "I started my career as one of Celestia's secret police force. Technically I still carry the title and authority. As for what I've done with her, she was sent to the Canterlot dungeons until her case can be reviewed. I'll have to file that later.

Much to everyone's surprise, the sound of a party horn blared, followed by the impossible appearance of Pinkie Pie over Fluttershy, "Yes yes yes yes yes! You two sure showed that mean bird! She went all like 'rawr!' And you were all like, ''kapow!' And she was all, 'ugh!' Then you were all standing there really cool all like, 'check please!' And now she is in jail!"

Anon chuckled and Rosie raised her brow at the sudden appearance of the energetic mare,

"Well, we couldn't leave a friend in a potentially dangerous situation." The man replied, "Honestly, I was probably a little quick to throw hands." A violent response probably wouldn't have been his first choice if he didn't think something like that griffon might have cause some legitamate harm. It was a predatory creature, and for all he knew could have been ready to eviscerate the gentle yellow pegasus.

As he pondered, his brow wrinkled as his mind latched onto something from the mouth running a mile a minute, "Wait, 'Check Please'?"

"Oh! It's a catch phrase for you two that I was working on!" The pink pony explained, as she bounced concerning close to his face, "Twilight said that you're like a hero or something, which clearly you are since you helped beat up that big meanie, and everypony knows heroes needs a catch phrase! So…" She made a dramatic pose, "Check Please!"

Rosey shook her head as Anon guffawed, "I'll admit, it's a good one, but I think I'll let you use that one. Seems to fit you better than us."

She gasped, "Really?! You think so?!" All of a sudden she was decked out in a trench coat and a fedora, "You're right. I'm feeling it! It's the perfect catch phrase to match my hard boiled personality!" She sucked on a pipe and blew out bubbles from her mouth, trying to look all suave.

She was just too adorable. "Man, I wish I could touch you, because you are just asking for pets or ear scritches." He was curious as to what effect his touch would have on the zany mare, but was wise enough to not even try, at least not without some kind of protection or countermeasure. Durable or not, he didn't fancy being in the blast radius of a possible magical explosion or worse.

Pinkie giggled, "Maybe later." Her outfit disappeared as she gave him her bedroom eyes.

He grinned at the implication, but was suddenly distracted by a small voice that had been trying to get his attention. "A-Anon… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get anypony arrested… Is she going to be okay?" The shy pegasus looked wary as she partially hid her face behind her mane. Anon's heart melted at the sight. That she would spare consideration to even those who were undeserving of it was a testament to her character. What a wholesome mare.

"She'll spend at most a day in the dungeon considering she hadn't done any lasting harm." Rosie answered, pushing up her spectacles, "Though I could make sure she stays locked up for good if need be."

Fluttershy gave a horrified look, "N-no. That's okay, really…"

"That meanie old bird was a big jerk, but I don't think even she deserves that." Pinkie added.

"Probably overkill." Anon nodded in agreement. "A day in jail ought to make her think twice about attacking such a sweet pony."

Fluttershy blushed at his compliment to her, "O-oh my…"

Rosie cleared her throat, "Ahem, yes. Perhaps now we can continue on to our social luncheon?"

"Ah, right." Anon remembered. The whole debacle nearly made him forget. "I imagine that was what you two were also heading for?"

"Yup yup yup!" Pinkie exclaimed, "After I was done spying on Gilda, of course."

"Gilda?" Anon questioned, "You mean the griffon?" He guessed.

Pinkie nodded her head vigorously. Before he could wonder why she was spying on the brutish creature, her motor mouth began racing once again, "She's one of Dash's old buddies who was coming for a visit, but I realised that she was actually a super meanie pants and tried telling Twilight about it, but she thought I was just being jealous, so I went out trying to see for myself just how mean she was when you came along to the rescue!"

Anon frowned, "I see, and you said she was one of Rainbow's friends?" That was a surprise considering the griffon accused him of being a 'pony lover'. His interactions with the pegasus speedster were often brief over the last week, but he figured that she was a better judge of character than that.

"Unfortunately." Pinkie said with slight disdain in her voice.

"I-I thought she looked familiar…" Fluttershy sighed softly, "She and Dashie had been friends since they were fillies. I always stayed away when they were together because Gilda was always kinda scary and possessive." She shivered at the thought as she seemed to shrink into herself.

Oh, well that's not good. Anon thought to himself. Not only was he involved with putting one of Rainbow Dash's friends in jail. But it was one of her longtime friends from childhood. That's probably not going to reflect well on him or Rosie in the pegasus' mind, but hopefully he will be able to calmly explain the situation to her. Surely he could reason with her without there being hard feelings, right? "Well, looks like we'll have to explain the situation to Rainbow at lunch. Would you ladies care to join me?"

Pinkie giggled while Futtershy blushed and looked away. "Okie doki loki!"

"I… I would like that."

"About time." Rosie grumbled as she led the way.

Author's Note

Not a lot of sauce this chapter, but guess you can say that Gilda is now a 'jailbird? Eh? Eh?

...

... worth it...

To Be Continued...

(Posting it now, will likely tweak it later.)

Taking the Heat

Taking the Heat

The restaurant in question, called The Cozy Cove, looked like a decent establishment with a casual atmosphere. Rarity had suggested a much fancier place called the Golden Apple, but Twilight made the point that most places like that only catered to a pony's diet, which was mostly indigestible for a human. Thankfully he was an omnivore, which meant his natural diet wasn't totally dissimilar. Meat on the other hand was something very hard to get in a country that was primarily herbivorous, save for some embassies or the occasional fishery. This one was pretty nice because it actually did have fish on the menu. So far he's had to get his protein from beans and eggs. He'd kill for a hamburger or steak, but unfortunately most livestock from his world were sentient here, as well as most other kinds of animals he enjoyed eating. As much as he would miss it, he refused to even contemplate consuming something that was capable of speaking to him. It would be just as bad as cannibalism as far as he was concerned. The only thing that would probably pass were chickens since they weren't sentient as far as anyone knew, however there wasn't really a market for them in that way. The only option there was to buy and raise them himself for that purpose.

As they all approached the restaurant, they could make out the forms of Rarity, Apple Jack and Barb talking to each other at an outdoor table. Soon as they saw them, they waved them over to come sit. Anon taking a seat at the long end of the table so as to not accidentally touch anyone.

"Howdy! Y'all doing well?" Apple Jack asked.

Anon shrugged, "Well enough. Got into a bit of a scuffle with a griffon picking a fight with little flutters on the way here, but we resolved that easily enough."

"How dreadful!" Rarity gasped, looking worried for her friend, "That brute didn't hurt you, did she darling?"

Fluttershy shook her head, "I was so scared, but Anon came in to help me." She smiled a little but then frowned, "Those I do wish it didn't come down to such violence…"

"Same." Anon replied, "But I didn't know if she was going to attack you or not. I've never met a griffon before, but stories of them in my world have always depicted them as ferocious predators. I didn't know what else to do."

"I'd say you acted right proper." Applejack said with an approving nod, "Way I see it, anypony who would be nasty to little ol' Fluttershy here deserves a good whacking." Nods of approval went around while Fluttershy herself tried to will herself invisible.

A waiter not long after came up to take our orders, "Vhat would you all have Madamozelles?" She asked in the most outrageous attempt at a french accent.

"I'm afraid we're still waiting for the rest of our party." Rarity replied, "Give us another ten minutes if you would, dearie."

The waiter nodded, and moved off to another table. Soon as she was gone. Rarity frowned, "Quite peculiar. While Rainbow Dash has a penchant for being late to these sorts of things, Twilight is usually quite punctual."

"Well, things have been a bit difficult for her lately." Anon replied, before sighing. Ever since she touched him, he couldn't help but feel responsible for the lavender mare's current state of constant discomfort. Neither he nor Barb were able to convince her that satisfying her biological urges was a natural and healthy thing. She was just too headstrong for her own good, and wouldn't listen to anyone once she's decided a course of action for herself. The only pony who could probably reason with her with guaranteed success was probably Celestia herself, but when he brought these concerns to the princess' attention, she explained that this was a lesson that Twilight needed to learn and reach for herself. Largely he agreed, but he just hated to see the mare suffer and know it was because of him.

"That's an understatement." Barb scoffed, "All she needs is a good dicking and she'll be more than fine. Honestly that would be so much easier than having to take a cold shower every couple of hours and apply special medicated cream that only gives her mild relief."

"It's her choice." Anon shrugged, "Ya gotta respect people's wishes, ya dig? I'd like to help, but the only thing that will really help her is the thing she doesn't want." It would also be very immoral in his mind to force it. Honestly he cared more about his partner's enjoyment than his own, and since he would be taking care of a lot of ponies first-times, he wanted to take extra care that they were all good and memorable experiences. Acceptance and trust was required for that, and Twilight was far from the right mental state to properly engage anyway.

He fully accepted that it also might not happen between them. He didn't need to lay every mare afterall. He considered her a friend, and while friends with benefits were good, it wasn't his prerogative to require that of her.

"She does always tend to take the hard way…" Barb sighed.

The other mare's just sort of looked at them like they were speaking in tongues. "I'm afraid I don't follow." Apple Jack responded, "What exactly is up with Twi? She has been a bit twitchy lately now that ya mention it."

"It's a bit difficult to explain." Anon began, "You all know about my touch and the mechanics or reproduction at this point. Twilight touched me when I first arrived, but she is having a bit of a negative reaction to her previously repressed instincts."

"What kind of negative reaction?" Rarity asked with concern.

Hmm, how to put it in terms that wouldn't confuse them? "The simplest way to explain it is to say she's trying to ignore her body's needs. Her instincts are trying to tell her to mate, or at the very least satisfy her sexual libedo, but she refuses to relieve them in any way. Think of it as having a really bad itch, but you're trying very hard not to scratch it, and it doesn't go away."

"That's Terrible!" Pinkie gasped, "So that's why she was so cranky when I went to go see her."

"Suppose that explains her loopiness," AppleJack put her hoof to her chin, "but why the heck doesn't she just… 'scratch' that itch of hers?"

Anon sighed, "She doesn't like the idea of being lost in pleasure. I'll admit, it's pretty intense, but it's also a perfectly natural thing your body is supposed to do."

"And it's really fun." Barb giggled, "I take every moment I can to have sex with Anon. Strongly recommend it."

"Oh believe me dearie, I intend to find out." Rarity smiled at Anon as she fluttered her eyes at him, "Considering his very low prices, I might ask for his services repeatedly for the next few years."

It's a good thing Anon didn't have anything to drink, because he would do a spit take, drink, and spit take again. The statement still got him really red and Rarity and the gals just giggled at him getting flustered. Before long, the waiter came again and Rarity eventually relented by starting the round of orders.

Many of them ordered things like hay fries, daffodil sandwiches, and even rubies for Barb, while Anon ordered the fried and cooked fish sticks with potato fries. Weird that he had to specify the cooked and potato part, but that's what you get for having a very different diet than the species whose country you currently resided in. At the very least they had some catering to the occasional non-herbivorous species that would occasionally come into Equestria. The civil ones at least.

He was munching on a fry and engaging in pleasant discussion with the girls when he looked to the other empty seat at the table. Rarity said she could sometimes be late to these things, but they were already half an hour into their lunch, "Has Rainbow Dash ever been known to bail completely on these sorts of things?"

"Not really." Apple Jack replied, "Sure I mean she's lazy, arrogant, and barely understands the meaning of responsibility." The farm pony gripped, "But she always shows up in the end when it matters, even if it is fashionably late."

"Indeed." Rarity nodded, "Why, she's probably on her way here right as we speak."

"Good to know, because I have something important I need to- urk!" Unfortunately right as he spoke, Pinkie's tail started twitching uncontrollably followed by a rainbow streak that flew through their table straight towards Anon. Before he knew it, a pair of hooves punched him right in the gut at breakneck speed, winding him as he flew through a wall. The mare's all gasped as suddenly his form found himself landed in the remains of a fish tank. Ponies that were inside screamed at the sudden commotion and rushed around as Anon clutched his chest with gasps for breath.

If it was the old him, an impact like that would have blown him apart into raining chunks, but thanks to both his increased durability, and Enchanted robes, the damage ended at the breath being knocked out of him. Before he could process what just happened, he looked to see a seething Rainbow Dash, "You bucking put my friend in jail?!" She screamed at him.

Oh… shit. His mind whirled as he tried to get his bearings to stand. "Wait a moment, this is a big misunderstanding!"

This seemed to enrage her more, because as soon as he said it, she barreled into him again at blinding speeds, and they found themselves outside again though the other side of the wall. Thankfully he managed to brace himself this time though, and caught her hooves with his arms. After a few seconds of air time, he landed on the ground with an ungraceful roll, but quickly picked himself back up with a defensive posture.

"I knew you were nothing but trouble! You're going to pay for what you did!" Rainbow shouted as she flew circles around him, quickly jabbing him in the chest, back, and legs. Seems in her rage she knew it wasn't a good idea to touch any exposed part of him, and unfortunately nothing he did seemed to counter her attacks. The mare was too fast, leaving only a blur of rainbow in her wake as she repeatedly struck him. His defense might have been ridiculously high, but those hooves hurt like hell! "Can't you- fuck! Can't you just listen to what I have to say?"

She responded with another hoof aimed at his stomach, but before it could reach him, he was suddenly enveloped in a blue magical bubble. "What the?!" Dash yelled before turning to see the unicorn mare dressed in a maid attire appear to Anon's aid. She said nothing as she stood by her lord. Her icy blue eyes bore into the pegasus, face free of any expression. It was enough to make the pegasus freeze in place.

Anon felt a chill go down his spine, "Don't kill her." He requested compulsively, because from how Rosey gazed at Rainbow Dash, he felt she very much wanted to do just that.

The mare didn't reply at first, but released some of the tension when she looked over at him, "Are you alright, my Lord?"

"Just some scratches." Anon replied as he dusted himself off, "She seems to be mad about that griffon."

"I had guessed that. I apologize for not adequately protecting you this time, my lord." She said, looking deeply remorseful.

"It's fine. We'll worry about that later. First let's try to cool her down." He reasoned. Hopefully Rosey had means of defending against her speed. He was regretting not having any combat skills, or at the very least practiced learning magic that might even the odds a bit in his favor.

It wasn't long before Rainbow broke from her stupor and looked at Rosey with a scowl, "You! You're the mare in a maid dress that helped this bozo send my friend to the slammer!"

"I did." Rosey regarded her coolly, "Did you ever stop to wonder why before coming to attack my lord?"

"Shut up! I heard all I needed from the townsponies about how you and this hairless monkey attacked Gilda out of nowhere!"

"Did you miss the part where she was about ready to attack Fluttershy?" Anon asked with an annoyed expression.

"Liar!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"Dashie stop! No he's not!" The sound of Fluttershy's voice came in as she ran towards them with the other girls. She was crying while the other mares looked confused and dismayed.

Rainbow Dash flinched at what she just heard, "W-what?" She asked shakily, touching down to the ground as she turned to the yellow pegasus.

"Please, no more Dashie! No more fighting! I-its sniff it's not his fault. I, I-I wasn't looking where I was going, and I bumped into her and she looked ready to attack and… I'm so sorry."

"S-shy… I don't… She tried to attack you?" Rainbow's face was a conflicted mix of emotion. She didn't want to believe it, she didn't when Anon said it, but she knew that the timid yellow pegasus wouldn't lie to her, "Why would she do that?"

"Because she's a big meanie!" Pinkie interjected, "I saw the whole thing! Anon was only trying to protect Fluttershy!"

"But… I… That's ridiculous! Gilda wouldn't attack anypony, not without reason…" The cyan pegasus faltered.

"Yet she did, or would have if I had not intervened." Rosie added. "The griffon was quick to use her claws against my lord when he intervened, and you even quicker with your hooves." The glare she gave Rainbow Dash made the offending mare grimace, but she held her ground.

"Honestly, I don't consider myself blameless in this situation." Anon scratched the back of his head, "I might have escalated things a bit at the beginning, but in my defense I felt it to be the best decision considering my very limited knowledge of griffons, and that I saw a friend I knew to be in danger. Doesn't make it better, but she was clearly the aggressor."

"They are making a fair bit of sense, sugarcube." Applejack nodded, "They didn't tell us that this griffon was one of your friends, but I trust they're telling the truth."

Rainbow Dash wanted to tell the farm pony off and explain all the reasons she was wrong, but she couldn't find the words to refute. Besides Gilda, these were also her friends. She knew the griffon longer than most of them, but the bonds forged by saving the world together weren't shallow. That both friendships seemed to be at odds deeply strained her loyal senses. "But why though… That's not the Gilda I know."

Anon shrugged, "That's something to ask her. She's only spending a day there if I'm correct." He turned to Rosey for confirmation, which she gave with a nod. "So… Can you please hold off a bit on the beat down? I'd rather not have to resort to using my hands."

The mare grumbled, but she conceded, "Fine! But just know that I'm watching you, and your little maid too!"

"Alright with me." He shrugged, "So are we all on the same page?"

"Not exactly." Rosey frowned at Dash, "While I'm sure Sir Anonymous will probably waver the assault charges given his whole attitude on this matter." She watched as Dash flinched, "Property damage is something that is more difficult to overlook." She pointed to the restaurant that had two gaping holes in its walls, causing Dash to cringe.

"Yeah… fair. I can pay for all that." She grumbled something about 'wonderbolt savings', but relented nonetheless.

Rosey rubbed the bridge of her nose as she felt an oncoming migraine, "Honestly, there's been nothing but trouble since I arrived in this town." Can't a mare protect her charge in peace?

"So… uh… still want to have lunch?" Anon asked, scratching the back of his head?"

~~~

"That probably could have gone better." Barb sighed as she walked alongside Anon, munching on some rubies he got for her. The rest of the girls walked or flew just behind them. They didn't look all that pleased.

"It's not my fault the manager in that place was such a stick in the mud." Rainbow scoffed as she flew up to them, keeping scrutinizing eyes on Anon and Rosie.

"You did put two me-shaped holes in her restaurant." Anon deadpanned, "She has a right to be pissed." He was still kinda still upset about that as well, but he was willing to let it go considering the circumstances.

"He does kinda have a point." Applejack frowned. She wanted to give Dash an earful after the stunt she pulled, but it would seem that the manager of the restaurant beat her to it.

"She didn't have to ban all of us though!" Rainbow interjected. "I'm already paying for all the damages."

"I thought it was a bit overboard." Rarity added, slightly put out, "But she is within her right to refuse service. Unfortunately I don't know any other places that cater to… what was your diet type again, dear?" She asked Anon.

"Omnivore." He explained.

"Right." A curious mix between a plant and meat based diet. A very rare one too if what Twilight said was accurate. Rarity was accepting of predatory races as long as they were respectful and didn't eat ponies, but the thought still made her shiver a bit from time to time. "There are not many places that cater to such a distinct appetite, unfortunately."

The man shrugged, "I can get by. The consideration for me was very much appreciated though." He said sincerely.

Rarity smiled as her thoughts drifted. He was an odd one, but at least he was proving to be quite the gentleman. Anon didn't even retaliate when Rainbow Dash went in to attack him out of nowhere, which to her spoke a lot about his self control as she herself would not have so easily overlooked something like that. Then there was his generosity to consider. As a reproductive officer of Equestria, his going rates from what Twilight explained to her were practically a steal! It won't be long now before I get my own little princess. She giggled.

They all casually chatted a bit until the familiar treehouse came into view. Anon went to knock on the door, but Barb casually opened it and strolled on in. Shrugging since she could do whatever she wants in her own home, he entered himself, while the rest followed after.

"Yo Twi? Did you forget about lunch?" Barb asked. There was no response. "Twilight?"

Looking around, they could see several books strewn around with notes all over the place, "Were these always here?" Anon asked since he remembered this place being pretty tidy this morning. Picking up one, he could make out several iterations of circular patterns with strange runes.

"Must have made a magical breakthrough or something." Barb shrugged, "She can forget her own name sometimes when she really gets into it."

That explains her absence, however… "Where is she though?"

"Oh oh oh!" Pinkie bounced, "Maybe she went somewhere really cold!"

Everyone turned to her with a raised brow, "Er, what makes you say that, sugarcube?" Applejack asked, looking dubious.

Without any warning her motor mouth began moving at full blast without any pause in between, "So, before Anon and Rosie kicked the flank out of Gilda and sent her to jail, I came over here and was trying to tell Twilight about how mean she was being, but Twilight suggested that I might have been acting jealous, which is totally ridiculous and not in the funny way. Anyway, I noticed that she was scribbling on all of these circles and asked her what she was doing, and she told me that she was trying to find a spell that counters the heat, which is really weird since it's nice out today, but I guess she really needed to cool off."

Anon couldn't help but facepalm. "I don't think she was talking about that kinda heat, Pinkie."

"What do you mean by that?" Rarity asked.

"You'd have to touch him to find out." Barb said with some smugness. It however disappeared when the pink menace replied, "Okay!" Before bouncing towards Anon, much to his and Barb's horror.

"Pinkie no!" He yelled, bracing himself for impact when her hoof stopped millimeters from his face.

"Aww." She deflated, "But I want to know what it means."

"Later Pinkie." When we can get a reinforced bomb shelter. He felt his heartbeat going a mile a minute."Now is not the right time."

Barb took a breath of relief, "Yeah, the last thing we need right now is a hyperactive sex crazed pink maniac."

"Guys, I think I hear something." Rainbow interjected, pointing a hoof to the entrance of the basement level. We all turned and heard what sounded like tiny muttering beyond the door.

Walking over, he gave a tentative knock, "Twilight?" The muttering stopped. He waited a few seconds for a response but none came, "Twilight, It's me, I'm coming down." Frowning, the human cautiously opened the door and led the way down into the lab. The place was an absolute mess of books and papers strewn all over the place with various technical science devices all in use.

"I recommend not touching that, Ms. Pie." Rosey said to Pinkie who was about to poke at a boiling beaker of an unknown pink solution. The party pony was reaching for it, but stopped and shrugged when the maid advised her against it.

"I don't see her." Rarity said, looking around.

"Well where in tarnation is she then?" Applejack asked with some frustration in her voice.

Anon scratched his chin, "Rosie, analysis."

"All evidence indicates that she is likely hiding from us, sir." She replied.

He hit a fist against his palm, and the atmospere in the room completely changed, "I knew it! This calls for a search and rescue operation." His eyes shifted back and forth between the group, "We'll need to do a sweep of the town. This is not going to be easy, and will require everyone's cooperation. Everyone will form up in groups of two. Applejack and Rainbow, you two will be team Tomboy. I want you to keep a lookout for our purple friend by covering a visual of the land and sky." Something in his commanding tone made them stand straighter and salute to him. "Rarity and Fluttershy," He continued, "you'll be team Queen. I'll need you two to collect information on Twilight between the townsponies and animals on whether they've seen her whereabouts and point us in the right direction." Both also nodded, Rarity looking quite pleased with their team name. "Pinkie and Barb, you're team Joker. You guys are the wild cards of the group. When things get desperate, you're the ones we'll need to rely on. Can you two do that?"

"You can count on us." Pinkie nodded her head vigorously, before pulling Barb closer to her."

"Sir…" Rosey tried to say, but Anon was already continuing.

"Rosie and I will be team Brain. Obviously because we are the brains of this operation. Using the collected data attained by all of you, we will pinpoint target 'purple smart.' Remember, Twilight is a smart cookie who will be difficult to find if she doesn't want to be found. I expect you to report within the next few hours. What are you waiting for?! It's now or never!"

All of them immediately stood to attention, saluted, and bolted out the door. A moment passed.

"... You do realize that she is still down here with us, right?" Rosie asked.

He shrugged, "Obviously. Considering how much those girls have overreacted today, I thought it best to have them somewhere else." Sometimes all it took was a confident tone for people to do what you tell them to, even when it didn't make any sense.

"... Very wise." Rosie nodded, looking a bit impressed at his management of the situation. There were very few ponies she knew that could create such convincing misdirection.

Anon craned his head to look at a corner of the room, "You can come out Twilight. I can see your tail."

In a spot behind some boxes, he heard a little squeak before the tail disappeared followed by a shuffling sound. Did she really think I didn't notice? Anon asked himself. Walking in that direction, he found a shaking box that seemed too small for the mare. Did she shrink herself, or something? He frowned.

With only one thing left to do, he opened the box… only to find the most adorable ball of purple fluff he had ever seen. His eyes widened and he gaped as he looked down at the purple filly huddled inside of the box with her eyes closed. It took all of his willpower to keep himself composed, "Twilight? Is that you?"

"M-my name is Twilight Sparkle! Please don't eat me!?" She begged, still shaking.

Did she lose her memory? Anon questioned. That would make this far more problematic than he initially thought, "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you." He tried to say in his most reassuring voice, "I'm a friend of Princess Celestia, so you need not be afraid." Considering how much Twilight idolized the wielder of the sun, this seemed like the best approach.

Her ears perked at that as she dared to open an eye to look at him, "Y-you are?"

"You may be able to trust him, Ms. Sparkle." Rosie added, catching on to the matter rather quickly.

The little filly suddenly sighed in relief at the sight of the mare, "Ms. Rosie!" Apparently Twilight still remembered her, "What's going on here? Where am I?"

‘Oh boy… why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a big pain in my neck?’

Author's Note

Howdy folks! Been a while huh? I'll be honest, I forgot this fic for a while, but after finding it and my notes again, decided to get back into it. I'll try not to make you wait another year for the next chapter.