“Well, that’s obviously not true,” Twilight said, frowning at her computer, where the ad interrupting the video she had been watching had just ended. She was sitting on the floor against a wall in Rainbow Dash’s bedroom, legs crossed and a laptop in her lap.
“What isn't true?” Rainbow asked, lying on her back on her bed, her head toward the foot of the bed as she held the latest Daring Do book above herself in outstretched arms. Twilight had already finished it a week earlier and was letting her borrow it.
Twilight paused her video, an educational piece about hypothetical methods of travel through space. “Oh, an ad for Olive Garden claimed that they had ‘unlimited’ breadsticks. But nothing is unlimited. That’s ridiculous.”
Rainbow put down the book and tilted her head backward over the edge of the bed, upside-down. “No. It’s true,” she said, suddenly deathly serious despite her slightly comical position. She flipped over and held her head up with her arms as she lay on her stomach. “You know Bulk Biceps, that guy from school? I heard that he got, like, a hundred of them once.”
“That’s just a rumor,” Twilight said. “And even if it was true, it wouldn’t prove anything. Unlimited is unlimited. There aren’t unlimited ingredients to make breadsticks in the world, or even in the universe. That’s just basic science.”
“Science, huh?” Rainbow said. She sat up and smirked. “Then why don’t we make it a science experiment? Let’s go to Olive Garden and see how many breadsticks they’ll let us order.”
“They’re not going to let us order unlimited breadsticks,” Twilight said, just a hint of irritation in her voice. She turned the video she had been watching back on.
“But what if...they do?” Rainbow asked, punctuating the last two words by suddenly getting out of bed and slamming Twilight’s laptop shut, her face about a foot from Twilight’s.
Twilight sighed. “Fine. Let’s do it.” Then it was her turn to smirk. “But let’s make it a little more interesting.”
“A bet?” Rainbow asked. “Now we’re talking. How about...uh...whoever’s wrong has to do...whatever the other one says for a day!”
“Really?” Twilight asked, a bit surprised by Rainbow’s suggestion. “Seems a bit cliché...I was just going to say that when they don’t give us unlimited breadsticks, you’d have to buy me a book or something, but if that’s really what you want…”
“Sure,” Rainbow said without hesitation.
“Alright...” Twilight said, a bit confused as to why Rainbow was willing to risk such a prize on an obviously one-sided bet, but deciding not to question it.
“They can’t advertise something that isn’t true, can they?” Rainbow asked as they left the room.
Twilight just rolled her eyes.
About forty-five minutes later, Twilight and Rainbow had just been seated at the downtown Olive Garden. Despite a bit of unexplained reluctance on Rainbow's part, they had called their friends to see if they’d want to come, too, only to find that they were all busy with one thing or another - Pinkie Pie babysitting the Cake kids, Fluttershy volunteering at the animal shelter, and so on. So it was just them.
“Would you like to try a drink sample?” their waiter asked. “The special today is the strawberry sunrise.”
Rainbow looked at Twilight and raised an eyebrow, but Twilight spoke up before Rainbow could say anything. “We’re not twenty-one yet,” she said. “I’ll take an ice water, and so will my friend.”
“Ah...my mistake,” said the waiter. “Will you be needing menus?”
“Just breadsticks,” Rainbow said. “Lots of breadsticks.”
“Alright…” the waiter said. “So I presume you want the unlimited breadsticks deal?”
“Right,” Rainbow said, and smirked at Twilight.
“Well, now that we’re here, I think I’ll get a salad,” Twilight said. “Whatever typical house salad you have should be fine.”
“And…?” Rainbow said.
“And I’ll do the breadsticks, too,” Twilight added, a bit reluctantly.
“The unlimited breadsticks?” the waiter said.
“Suurre,” Twilight said, holding the word out longer than necessary as her voice dripped with sarcasm.
“Very well,” the waiter said, and left.
“A salad? What were you thinking?” Rainbow said.
“I was thinking that I wanted a salad,” Twilight said. “And it’s not like we’re going to eat infinite breadsticks. What exactly are you hoping is going to happen here?”
Rainbow just shrugged.
A few minutes later, Twilight got her salad and the two of them got their first basket of breadsticks to share. Twilight began to eat her salad and Rainbow started on the breadsticks. In a gap between bites, Twilight asked, “So when are you going to admit this is pointless?” Rainbow just took a bite of her fourth breadstick.
As they continued their meal in silence, Twilight soon finished her salad. By this point, Rainbow had finished the entire basket of breadsticks - about seven or eight - by herself. Their waiter soon returned and Rainbow asked for more breadsticks. Twilight rolled her eyes.
When the waiter returned with the breadsticks, Twilight took a couple for herself as Rainbow did the same. “Come on, you’ve got to have more than that. You agreed to the bet - let’s do this!” Rainbow asked. “It’s science, right? You like science.”
“Again, what do you even think we’re doing?” Twilight asked. But she took a couple more and Rainbow took the rest.
The next time the waiter visited their table, Rainbow opened her mouth, about to ask for a third order of breadsticks, but Twilight broke in before she could say anything.
“When you say ‘unlimited’ breadsticks, you don’t really mean ‘unlimited’, right?” Twilight asked the waiter. “It’s just however many you want to eat while you’re here?”
“No, it’s unlimited,” the waiter said, seeming confused that she had even asked.
“What?” Twilight asked. “But we have...to eat them, right?”
“It’s unlimited. ‘Unlimited’ means there are no limits,” the waiter said. Now even Rainbow was starting to look confused.
“But…what?” Twilight said.
“If we said you had to eat them, then that would be a limitation,” the waiter said. “And we can’t advertise something that isn’t true.”
Already recovering from her confusion, Rainbow smirked and winked at Twilight, who was now too baffled to say anything. Then, to the waiter, she said, “We’ll take a hundred.”
“Coming right up,” said the waiter, and he left.
Twilight finally broke out of her stupified state. “Well, obviously he’s lying,” she said. “People probably try that all the time. It’s just a joke. He’s really going to get the manager and kick us out.”
“I don’t know. He seemed pretty serious,” Rainbow said.
A few minutes later, the waiter returned with a serving cart loaded with breadsticks. “I’ll just leave this here,” he said.
“Wait…” Twilight said, her face clouded in disbelief. As the waiter stood nearby, impatiently tapping his foot, she opened each separate bundle of breadsticks that had been stacked on the cart, checking each to see if it was in fact breadsticks and counting the total number. “98...99...100,” she mumbled.
“We’ll take a thousand more,” Rainbow said.
“As you wish,” the waiter said, and left. By this point, several other diners at the restaurant were staring at their table.
“Unlimited breadsticks?” somebody called.
“Yep!” Rainbow said.
“Right on,” the person who had called out said.
“Maybe I should get that,” said someone else, looking up from the menu that they had still been perusing.
About ten minutes later, the waiter returned, taking several trips to roll out cart after cart of breadsticks. By the time he was done, Twilight had finally moved beyond her shock. “Where are all of these coming from?” she asked. “How can you afford this?”
“They’re unlimited,” the waiter said.
“They couldn’t possibly be unlimited,” Twilight said. “That’s nonsense. Where are all the ingredients coming from?”
“They’re unlimited,” the waiter said.
“How many are left in the kitchen?” Twilight said.
“They...are...unlimited," the waiter said.
“Do you just have to say that for legal reasons?” Twilight said. “I’ll...I’ll sign an NDA or something. I’ll agree not to sue. Just tell me how many you really have.”
“We’ll take a billion!” Rainbow shouted. Various gasps and cheers came from around the restaurant.
The waiter stared at Rainbow for a long moment. “Very well,” he said. “However, I do have to warn you that this will take some time.” He turned to leave.
“What? Can I...can I just see the kitchen or...or something?” Twilight asked. The waiter just kept walking, and after a moment of hesitation Twilight got up to follow him. Rainbow briefly considered going with her, but shrugged and put her feet up on the table, lying back and enjoying the attention from the rest of the diners in the restaurant.
As the waiter went through the kitchen doors, Twilight followed him, too curious to care about breaking any unwritten rules. A few workers were preparing various food orders - spaghetti, lasagna, etc. - but to her surprise, no one was doing anything with breadsticks. They looked up as she entered the kitchen, then returned to work, no one taking any action to stop her.
The waiter went to the back of the kitchen, an area with less light than the rest of the room, and stopped in front of a heavy steel door with a square panel on the wall beside it. He raised his hand toward the panel, then lowered it and turned around. “So you did follow me,” he said. Twilight nervously nodded. “Hmmm...we aren't normally in the business of giving tours, but you said you would sign an NDA, correct?” he asked.
Twilight hesitated for a moment, but nodded again. “Sure…” she said.
The waiter opened a nearby drawer and took out a stapled sheaf of papers and a pen. “Olive Garden will have no choice but to take severe action if you violate this agreement,” he said. He turned to the last page of the document and pointed to a signature line. “Sign here if you like.” He handed her the pen.
“I’d like to read it first…” Twilight said.
“Please sign it or leave the kitchen,” the waiter said. “I need to fulfill your friend’s order.”
“A billion breadsticks,” Twilight said.
“Yes,” the waiter said.
Twilight sighed and signed the paper. The waiter took the document, then put a hand on the square panel. The door slid open. It was too dark to see much of anything inside, but the waiter gestured for Twilight to enter and she stepped forward.
[THE SECTION PREVIOUSLY INCLUDED HERE HAS BEEN REMOVED FOLLOWING A THREAT BY THE OLIVE GARDEN LEGAL TEAM.]
After about half an hour, Twilight finally returned to the table, the waiter following with a cart of breadsticks. Rainbow had eaten a few more breadsticks, but had passed the rest out to everyone else in the restaurant.
“You win,” Twilight whispered, her voice wavering. Her eyes were wide and her hands were shaking.
“What happened in there?” Rainbow asked, her expression a mix of surprise at Twilight’s admission and concern at her tone.
“Anti-breadsticks...dark matter...entropy…” Twilight muttered. The waiter glared at her and she fell silent.
“I apologize for the delay,” the waiter said to Rainbow. “I will continue to bring your order out momentarily.”
“Cancel the order,” Twilight forced out. “Cancel all the orders.”
“Are you sure?” the waiter said, and looked at Rainbow since she had been the one to place the order in the first place.
“Yeah, I guess,” Rainbow said, looking at Twilight in concern. “I think we’re done.”
“Very well,” the waiter said. "Please come back any time. You are free to order more breadsticks whenever you like at no additional charge. There are no limits."
They paid for their food and headed toward the exit. As they passed by a diner who hadn’t ordered yet but who was enjoying a few breadsticks from Rainbow, Twilight stopped without warning and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Don’t...order...the breadsticks,” she croaked, her face only inches from his.
“Okay…” the man said, slowly putting down the breadstick he had already been eating.
“What are you doing?” Rainbow asked.
“Don’t...order...the breadsticks!” Twilight screamed, shaking the man vigorously. Rainbow looked awkwardly around the restaurant, then took Twilight's arm and led her out the door.
“So I won, huh?” Rainbow said, trying to ignore Twilight’s strange behavior and move on. “Somehow…” Though she wouldn’t admit it to Twilight, she had fully expected to lose even when she first proposed the bet - if they had stuck to regular breadstick orders, she would have conceded after messing with Twilight for maybe one or two orders more - but she was still happy to take the victory. “You’ll have to do whatever I want for a whole day!”
“Sure. Whatever. It’s not like it matters, anyway,” Twilight said.
Her eyes stared vacantly into space.
The End
