The Conversion Bureau: Entropic Karma

by dragozon

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Tragedy, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 1375

As Celestia finishes humanity, Discord breaks free

Princess Celestia finished the spell that would finally cleanse the Human Earth of its last inhabitants.

Deep within the forbidden Canterlot vault, the statue of a certain Draconequus vanished.

-- This is my response to a certain series of misanthropic TCB fics

Published 2012-08-29 04:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-29 04:14:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Princess Celestia finished the spell that would finally cleanse the Human Earth of its last inhabitants.

Deep within the forbidden Canterlot vault, the statue of a certain Draconequus vanished.

Celestia rested on her throne, exhaustion written on her face. Her actions over the past days left her tired and weak. Even an immortal God-Princess needed rest and so the court had been suspended until she could recuperate. The only souls present in the throne room were she and two Royal Guard by the door.

The Guards disappeared without so much as a sound. Celestia blinked. Did she just imagine the- no. There are always guards present. Something was wrong. She sat up and cautiously approached the door. As she walked, the room's windows shifted into the shape of a Draconequus.

This did not go unnoticed by her, and so she whirled around to gaze into the window closest to her. Discord grinned back.

“What? Oh...no.”

“Hello to you, too, Celestia.” said the windows.

“Discord. Why are you here? How are you here?”

“So much for a friendly greeting.” The glassy eyeballs rolled in their non-existent sockets.

“I tire of your games already! Show yourself!”

“Alright, alright. But only because you asked so nicely. The window trick was getting old anyway and you know how much I hate repetition.”

With that, the windows morphed into limbs and torso and assembled the Draconequus sitting on Celestia's throne.

Celestia tried to calm herself. She really wasn't in the mood for this. But attacking another god would be futile. Even at full power and with the help of her sister, she couldn't hope to defeat the spirit of chaos. She needed the Elements of Harmony. And an Aspirin. The humans were good for some things, after all...

Discord continued. “Can't I visit an old friend before performing my charge? Oh, and you look absolutely dreadful! What have you been up to, my dear?”

“That is none of your concern. The Elements of Harmony will-”

“Elements, Celestia? Elements, elements, elements...ah, yes! The Elements of Harmony, I remember. The Elements of Harmony that have recently become useless, maybe?”

He had her there.

“What? I can assure you-”

“Ugh. Save it. The Elements have shattered, haven't they?”

Discord's grin confirmed that this question was rhetoric.

“How do you know that?”

“Oh, if you're living as long as I have, you tend to pick up on those tiny, minuscule, world-shattering events."
“Speaking of events, I love what you have done to your ponies. I never thought you had it in you, Celestia!”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you did learn something from me after all! The way you molded and twisted and perverted their feeble minds, like chocolatey cotton candy clouds. Brilliant!”

Celestia's eyes widened.

“I have given the newfoals new lives and an opportunity! They are of no concern to you, wretched creature!”

“But they are! I find them quite interesting, really. Twisted and malleable. But that is besides the point. What fascinates me are these delectable mind whammies! I couldn't have done it any better, really.”

She glared at him. How could he compare his mind corruption tricks to her gifts?

“Oh, don't give me that look, C. Did you think I wouldn't notice? I can quite honestly say that I am proud of you! Princess Celestia - substitute spirit of Chaos and Disharmony!”

“You are pathetic, Discord. We are nothing alike.”

“How rude! Hmpf! From God to God. We are not so different after all. What did you think set me free once again? Here is a hint for you: It involved entropy. Lots and lots of it!”

“What matters is that we … wait. are you saying that … How? No! We had to convert them! We were acting in the name of harmony! For the good of ponykind! And theirs!”

How could her actions possibly have freed the Draconequus?

“Ohoho! How wonderfully ironic! That must be why the Elements stopped working, isn't it? Harmony, hah! But do not fret, you did the best possible thing! You only wanted to help them overcome their chaotic nature, and instead you buttered their entire world in entropic goodness. Or should I call it Equestria now? You did claim it all for yourself, after all.”

“That is ridiculous, coming from the spirit of disharmony! There is only one being who would so selfishly drown ponies in chaos, and he is standing before me! I would never do such a thing.”

“But my dear, you already have! The seeds of Chaos are planted and ripe for harvest! I barely even have to lift a claw and your precious Equestria will float in discord the likes of which even I have never seen!”

“What? What are you planning, Discord? Let it rain chocolate milk? Have deformed animals stampede through the cities? Flip everything upside down? I can assure you, these ponies have been through much worse. You won't impress them!”

“Oh no, I already did that last time, remember? And I have already told you, I won't even have to lift a claw. Chaos will find a way and I can sit back and enjoy the show. In fact, I am already finished.”

The Princess winced. Something about this situation was completely, utterly wrong. She was never able to sense Discord's magic, but he wasn't one to announce that he was finished. Discord was never finished, always trying to one-up his latest spiel. He would eventually throw the thaumatic fabric into such disarray that no mere magic could possibly hope to restore the pony way of life. Celestia had to know what he was up to.

“You are...finished? Discord, what have you done?!”

“Not what have I done, Celestia. The question is, what have I undone? I'm sure you can figure it out.”

If Celestia's coat hadn't been white already, the colors surely would have drained.

“No. NO!! You mustn't undo the mind warp! Do you have any idea what you have wrought upon this world, you selfish abomination?! They will destroy everything!”

“Will they now? All I did was give them back their personality and identity. I just revived the people you thought you had rid yourself of, Celestia. But they have been living peacefully until now, why would they...oooh, of course! How could I have been so blind! If I had been a prisoner inside something that wasn't me, what would be the first item on my agenda? Mhhh...”

"No..."

"Speaking from experience, of course."

Celestia slumped to her haunches as Discord's unnatural grin spread further. He began laughing manically and shouting at her.

“I know exactly what I am doing, pony! I am a spirit of Equestria, nay I AM Equestria! You have destroyed an entire world and inadvertently fed me more power than you could even begin to comprehend! You have done the unthinkable and stooped so low that even the Elements of Harmony shattered!”

Though no pony was present outside, thunderclaps accentuated Discord's sentences.

“You were so obsessed with your own species that you did not even realize how many lives you have ended. Only you didn't end them properly, because they are back, they are angry and they are coming for you.”

Celestia shouted back at him through teary eyes.

“No! I did the right thing! It was meant to be! You will not ruin everything we've worked for. My sister and I will defeat you! We will find a way.”

“And how do you intend to do that? I am more powerful than ever before. I have escaped your stone prison twice. The Elements are useless. What are you going to do, Celestia? Destroy them? Kill billions of your little ponies? Could you do that?”

That was too much. She couldn't. Not to a pony. Celestia broke down.

“You thought they were beyond redemption, but look at you now. Hehehe, the immortal God-Princess, the judge, jury and executioner, reduced to a sobbing pile of fur. You have no idea how much I am enjoying this chaotic turn of events.”
“It is the new era, Celestia! Cheer up! And do you want to know the best thing about it?”

Discord cupped her head with a claw and looked into her eyes.

“I have front-row seats.”