Memories of Chaos
A wayward spell. A burst of magic. I could almost taste the chaos as the unicorn sent itself flying back, the spell flying every direction possible. I grinned and reached out my paw in hopes that this would be the one.
My paw closed on nothing and the grin vanished. Chuckling, I sat down and shook my head. “So close, yet so far. Sometimes, I think I can almost touch the chaos you work so hard to stifle. Sometimes I think you made the barrier between me and it as thin as possible to taunt me.”
I looked around my prison, an endless void of a misty darkness. If I swished my tail, the almost cloud-like substance at my hoof would swirl around wildly, rising to my chest before disappearing. Each time this happened, another swath of the stuff appeared. In all honesty, it reminded me of the cotton candy clouds I used to make for fun. Perhaps it was another taunt from the princesses, but I shook my head, banishing the thought. She may not have cared for me, but she was kind hearted enough for me to avoid dirty blows.
I looked up again, staring straight ahead. The games I had played a million times over with the fog no longer sufficient enough to appease my desire for chaotic fun. For a few minutes, an eerie silence prevailed. Finally, I could stand it no longer.
The isolation was getting to me, I could feel it. I didn’t feel like my normal self. Stifle a flame long enough and it’ll die down to nothing but an ember. That is what I had become, a fraction of my former self, and I knew it. I felt so out of character. Perhaps I was out of character. I didn’t care at that point.
“Did you know, if I didn’t talk, shout, scream out loud, I would have gone crazy ages ago?” I yelled. “Huh? Did you know that, Luna? Is this what you wanted? It’s certainly not what I wanted!”
I fell to my knees and slammed my talon into whatever surface I stood on. I couldn’t see it, nor did I care at the moment. All that mattered is that it was solid and I could vent some of my frustration on it.
With each strike, another memory of my time spent on Equestria came to the forefront of my mind as they did every day, if you could call them days. That was another thing about this realm. For all I knew, I could have been here for a minute, a day, a hundred thousand years. For all I knew the seal set by the princesses could have been complete and I would be trapped here forever.
“The Princesses... Princess Luna.” I gritted my teeth and hit the ground yet again. “I knew the relationship was one-sided, but I would have never guessed. Even I didn’t foresee your betrayal.”
Her eyes, or rather the memory of her eyes seemed to float in front of me. They were filled with anger, determination, and a touch of confusion. I couldn’t help and sigh with a small, but sad smile. “You still have the cutest eyes of any pony I’ve seen.”
The rest of the memory formed slowly, but surely. Her eyes were followed by a face, a head, a neck, her body. Finally, she stood in front of me in her entirety. She trotted around me, her lips moving, but no sound coming out. Though, I had watched this scene so often that I no longer needed her to speak. I knew the words by heart and I would never forget her voice.
“We do not know what to think of thy proposal,” my mind supplied. “We are an alicorn. The ruling body of Equestria. And thou art a—”
“Abomination to some,” I whispered, finishing the line spoken who knows how long ago. “But that’s what I like about you. You see past that. You’re willing to see me more than just a patchwork quilt of creatures. As out of character of me it is to say this, you were just the right amount of harmony to balance me out.”
Luna stopped and rested a hoof on my paw. My resolve nearly broke as it did every time I lived this memory. Reaching out, I put my talon on her leg, but as usual, it fell through, meeting the soft fur on my own paw.
“That may be true, but thou know as well as we do that our task as bearer of the Elements of Harmony and thy position as god of chaos puts us on opposite sides.” She patted my paw and continued her walk around me.
I could have said anything there. I could have let it drop. But I didn’t. I tried to push the issue. I used a bad example. Maybe if I hadn’t used that example, she would have remained more neutral and refused to help her sister lock me away when the time came.
I waved my talon at her and sighed, the example was bad, but I felt compelled to finish the memory to the latter. Thought, she would speak the same lines no matter what words came out of my mouth. “Couldn’t we be like Poneo and Muliet?” I said. “Look at that story, it’s a prime example. A pony and a mule getting together in true love.”
Snorting, Luna stopped and glared at me. “May we remind thee that both Poneo and Muliet ended up dead.” She brought her face close to mine and growled, “Doest thou wish we kill ourselves for the sake of thy fantasy?”
Fully immersed in the memory now, I waved my talon and paw frantically, backing up. “Of course not! I would never imply such a thing!”
If the memory had been real life, I would have backed into the magical shield containing me. I had been foolish that night. Thinking I was in the company of absolute friends, I had snuck into Luna’s bedchambers in hopes that she would hear out my proposal.
The change in scenery had been drastic. Outside, one could see my work, chaos at its finest. Buildings floating upside down, candy clouds, a checkered lawn at the base of the mountain. Birds half flew half drifted through the air. The sky was a weird part blue, part green. All in all, it showed the struggle between chaos and harmony quite well, with me winning of course.
However, inside, everything was neat, clean, and harmonic. Not a single wrinkle had marred the bed against the center of the back wall. The desk in the corner looked like it had been organized recently. Well, as recently as a million years ago, for all I know. Papers lay neatly stacked on it with the quills sitting in their holders on the corner.
Along the wall opposite the window ledge I would sit on, there were two bookshelves, their books all nice and orderly, alphabetically arranged. On the wall, maps and posters were tacked up one after another. Oh, how I would have loved to introduce chaos to the room. But Luna, who stood in the center, had been smart that night and trapped me in a temporary bubble in which I couldn’t use my magic.
For a few moments, we just stood there. She glared at me and I stared back, a forlorn look on my face. Though, at the time, I had grinned, confident the containment bubble would break or Luna and her sister would fail to banish me. Finally, I looked over her shoulder and from the misty darkness, Princess Celestia emerged. Her usual flowing mane hanging limp at her side due to being just woken up. I could see the hazy grogginess in her eyes and she stifled a yawn just before she walked into hearing range.
“Luna! I came as soon as the guards came to me!” She stopped in the doorway, her eyes filled with concern, searching for anything that may be wrong with her sister. “They told me that you trapped...” Her gaze fell on me and her eyes narrowed. “Discord. Why are you here?”
I couldn’t help but smirk, even now that I was trapped in stone. “Oh, you know. Trying to get with your beautiful sister. Though—”
“And you know very well that she’s not interested!” Princess Celestia cried. “You’ve only hurt her! Your attempts at destroying harmony, everything she’s worked so hard to build! It... it—” She stomped her hoof, leaving deep indents in royal red carpet that covered part of the evenly spaced stone floor.
Before Celestia could finish, though, Luna interrupted her. “We can speak for ourselves, sister.” She turned to me and said, “However, she is right. We are displeased with thine attempts to disrupt our harmony. We are duty bound to the land and thou make the job more stressful than needs be.”
My face fell, I had to swallow back tears. The painful part was coming. The rejection. It was never easier to bear than the first time it happened. The way she had looked at me, there had been confusion there, but beside her sister, that look had been overshadowed by an anger that wasn’t quite anger. It’s hard to explain, even to myself, but that’s the impression I got. It was almost an anger tinged with regret that neither of us could be swayed.
For what seemed like an eternity, though probably only a minute, we stood there, examining each other. With each passing second, I could sense the bubble around me dissipating. Soon, I could make my escape and try again later. However, I wasn’t sure I would have run if the bubble had disappeared in time anyways.
Perhaps it was my obsession with Luna that was my downfall. I really did want to be with her, but I was too wrapped up in my fantasies to see that it wasn’t the time for an attempted relationship. Or maybe I just underestimated their magical skill. Whatever the case, what happened next sealed my fate.
I had never bothered to memorize the words to what happened next. I only knew that they had hurt me more than a knife or blade ever could. What they said had something to the effect of Celestia asking Luna to help her use the Elements of Harmony to lock me away and Luna agreeing.
They stood together, charging the spell. Even now, I still hit my paw against the shield. Though in this stone prison, I found myself on my knees yet again, smashing my fist against the floor. The magic reached its peak strength just as my magical prison melted away. I reached my talon as far as it would go through the hole slowly widening in the shield, my mind pushing the two princesses closer than it had happened in reality. A vain attempt to touch my beloved one last time before taking my forced leave from Equestria.
My talon barely touched the crown Princess Luna always wore just as I shut it down, the entire memory. I had been sealed away once, and I wouldn’t be sealed away again. Even if it were only a memory.
Just before it faded completely, something strange happened. Something that never happened happened. A small object of medium weight dragged my talons down, its cool surface alien on my skin. Blinking in surprise, I pulled my arm back and examined the item.
It was a small circlet meant to be worn around a horn. White points of light seemed to emanate from the black, shiny surface. Realization hit me like a bolt of lightning. By some unknown force, I now held the crown of Princess Luna.
Focusing ever so slightly, I could feel her presence. Enough magic connected my realm to Equestria that I could also feel her surroundings. Upon experimentation, I found I couldn’t widen the hole, but I could worm my magic through. A drop of chaos here, a splash of wayward magic there. Nothing noticeable or traceable to me. While there was harmony, there did have to be some chaos to balance it out and I would use that to my advantage.
A familiar anger, one brought on by a sense of betrayal clouded my judgement. In a single instance, I decided on a plan. My ultimate plan. Corruption, her own banishment. Even the playing fields a bit and maybe someday I could get together with her. That is, if I could escape my own punishment. I knew better than to expect her to be banished to the same realm as me.
The crown fell from my grasp, hitting the ground with a soft, song-like ping.
“The sweet, sweet music of chaos.” A grin spread across my face as I rubbed my talon and paw together.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and extended my magic. I must have prodded too hard because she jumped in surprise. I’m sure that with my slip up in using too much power, she recognized my stylistic magic. I could almost see her looking around the room frantically, worried that I had escaped and was messing with her.
For the first time since ever, I grew fearful. The last thing I wanted her to do was freak out and get her sister to plug the hole I had inadvertently created. However, after a few moments, she settled down, able to recognize my magic, but unable to trace it.
I chuckled to myself and shuddered in excitement. I now had a sense of time. It wasn’t much, and I couldn’t tell how many years had passed since my imprisonment. But, I could now feel the seconds wash over me. They quickly turned to minutes and hours, but I didn’t care. I had all the time I could possibly want.
Over the next few days, oh it felt so good to recognize the days, I worked on controlling my magic. Time lost its meaning and I focused on nothing more than training, unaware of my surroundings. I would nudge a pony over a few steps so that their spells would misfire. A levitation spell broken so something smashed against the ground. A illumination spell snuffed so some small unicorn foal would start crying, afraid that a monster hid in the darkness of their room.
Soon, I extended my magic beyond unicorns. I would force a pegasus to fall off a cloud and giggle at their anger as they blamed faulty clouds. Or I could move a stone to trip an earth pony and burst out laughing as they kicked it angrily.
However, that was the extension of my powers. I never could use more than fit through the hole and I couldn’t make the connection wider. No matter how much I tried, the only pony I could use actual spells on was Luna. I chalked it up to the connection being through her, but after two or three weeks, I didn’t care.
As I learned just how much magic I could push through before Luna noticed, I focused more and more on just her. I would cause the things around her to crash to the ground. I would interrupt a spell of hers. I would amplify her voice slightly to make her seem more mean than she really was.
Finally, I worked up the nerve to enact my plan. I was confident. I could never get her to free me. Her sister would see through that plan too quickly, but I could get Luna banished. Maybe after a few years, she would see things my way. We could finally be together. So, with a little push I clouded her mind for a mere three seconds.
In those three seconds, she saw a world much different from what actually existed. I grinned wickedly as she suddenly saw an Equestria where ponies only saw the moon and by extension, her, as a convenience. A time to rest before returning to their worship of the sun.
Over the next few months, I would make a game of it. During a meeting, I would impair her judgement and suddenly, a noble’s request would seem to be directed at Princess Celestia rather than both princesses. I might strike during a meal and suddenly, a passing comment by her sister would remind Luna that the food she ate had been grown during the day, not the night. I did this once, maybe twice a day.
Slowly, I didn’t even need to prod her. She would see these flaws in Equestrian society on her own. She grew paranoid. I only had to watch as her sanity collapsed on its own. Thus, Nightmare Moon came to be, replacing the once kind, noble princess. To top it all off, it wasn’t me that caused her transformation. Oh no, she did that on her own. I only got her started down that path.
“Soon, my darling. Soon you will see things my way, and then perhaps we can be together for an eternity.” I smiled and laughed deeply. Everything was going according to plan.
Memories of Chaos
I twirled the tiara around my talons, watching the pinpricks of light glitter on its surface. It’d been nearly a century and Princess Luna still had not been dealt with. Every time I looked through the little hole that had been created all those years ago, I saw the same few scenes.
Luna had taken to stalking the castle, snapping at anypony that happened to get in her way. This quickly became infrequent as ponies learned to avoid her. Even her sister began to tread lightly around Nightmare Moon. Soon, I often found myself staring into her room where she slept day and night for weeks at a time.
It pained me to watch her downward spiral into depression. I had meant for her to see the world in a chaotic way, not in some twisted world where she perceived ponies with pitchforks and torches around every corner. I could feel her depression seeping through the connection between me and her.
Over the course of a few weeks, I spent a lot of my time reflecting on my actions. In the end I came up with a short list of observations. First and foremost was that gods are not infallible. What I had done in the beginning of this mistake had been done in anger, grief, and maybe a touch of chaos. It had been uncharacteristic of me and I was reaping my reward.
The second, and last thing I noted was that Luna’s emotions could trickle down through the connection created by her crown. It opened up a world to her that I had not known about. I thought I had loved her then, but now, I absolutely adored her.
I realized that I had loved her as a two dimensional pony. A rather flat character. I loved her for her looks and intelligence. If I hadn’t been so blind, I would have looked deeper than that. I would have examined her wisdom, that is to say what she knew and how she applied it rather than her ability to learn, intelligence.
As the years passed and her emotions passed on to me, she began to have depth. She became a well rounded character with purpose. I discovered her true intents, and possibly the more subtle reason I had been attracted to her.
Deep down, she wished no ill intent on anypony, myself included. She wanted nothing more than to help Equestria flourish. But on top of that, she acknowledged the need for a balance. She recognized that a world in total harmony, or rather a world without any chaos, would eventually collapse in on itself. But she also knew that a world in complete chaos would end in nothing more than a bloody civil war.
That is why she had been so willing to trap me in stone. She may have seen me as more than a monster, but she hadn’t known all of my plans. She only knew about my desire to spread chaos.
Once I realized this, I formed a plan. Maybe I could fix this entire mess. I only needed Luna’s cooperation. Yet, I knew this would be nearly impossible. Nightmare Moon had completely blanketed the pony I had once loved. Digging through the mess I had created would be tough, but I’m the Lord of Chaos! I would get through to her, even if it took me another hundred years!
I bided my time, waiting for the perfect opportunity. I couldn’t do it when Princess Celestia made her routine visits to Luna, and I had to time is that I didn’t catch her when she was asleep.
Finally, Luna stayed up to study rather than sleep after a brief visit from her sister. I jumped on the chance.
“Luna, my dear rose of chaos,” I whispered.
She jumped up, knocking over a chair and spilling ink over the desk top. She looked around frantically, a low growl issuing from her. “Who’s there? Reveal thyself!”
“Only me, the one that you tra...” I clapped my paw and talon over my mouth. I wasn’t doing this to tear open old wounds. “It’s Discord,” I answered simply.
“Thine tricks will not work! Thou have been punished, and no matter what thou say, we shalt not free thee.” She magiced the ink mess off the desktop and levitated over some books from the bookshelf at the far end of her room. She lay down in her bed under the window and opened up the book, clearly trying to ignore my presence.
I let her be for a few minutes. I had to wait for her to open up a little. Like a clam, she had slammed shut at the first sign of “danger.” Slowly, as she calmed down, she would be more willing to listen as long as I was careful.
Finally, I said, “As much as I want freedom, that’s not why I came to you.” I shrugged as if she could see me. “You honestly don’t think I’m shallow as that. I don’t run on a one track mind, you know. No pony does. We often only see and acknowledge one aspect of anypony we come across.”
“But we know thou, Discord. Thou always have an ulterior motive behind thine actions.” Luna waved a hoof dismissively.
“I just want to talk.”
That got her attention. Her head shot up, and she closed the book. “About what?”
“You,” I replied. “It has not escaped my notice that—”
She cut me off, assuming that I was once again trying to woo her. “We gave thee, our crown. We felt thou reliving our memories. We thought we could do something for thee, so we risked a lot to give thee a momento. Was that not enough?” she hissed.
“I—”
She snarled, again cutting me off. “Do not think we couldn’t feel thine magic seeping through. We kept thine secret and that was how you repaid us? Thou abused that privilege.” She tossed her head back and laughed bitterly. “Though, we must thank thee. Thou opened our eyes to the true face of Equestria.”
I stamped my hoof in frustration. “That’s what I—”
The connection suddenly slammed shut. Her crown shimmered briefly and then vanished. Along with it, my view of the Equestrian world also disappeared. I was alone once again.
Suddenly, the cold prison around me became more pronounced. Without the hole, I was more aware of the fog swirling around my legs. The air seemed more frigid, and the darkness even blacker.
It was akin to being shoved under a lake of freezing water. The change surprised me, and for once I wasn’t sure what to do. For what could have been a second, or a thousand years, I just stood there. Finally, I tried cast a spell, but nothing happened.
Once again, I found myself completely alone in a cold, unfeeling prison.
