The Great Cross Country Smartphone Mix-Up
Applejack groaned as she stepped away from the ticket booth, already feeling exhausted and she was still hours from home really. Now came the truly painful part, just waiting around for her flight. Yeah, this was going to be agonizing. From one side of the country to another, from Manhatten to Los Angeles. That was the easy part, actually just snoozing the whole flight away. No, the ‘fun’ part was just waiting around in the airport for the next couple of hours.
Who said public transit was fast and efficient?
So here she sat.
Oh well, with any luck she could catch a quick nap until her flight was ready and she could board. Tilting her hat over her face, the woman prepared to drift off to sleep before her phone buzzed. Or rather, played a snippet of a harmonica tune. Applejack, with a sigh, quickly checked it.
“Oh, just got the news from your Auntie Orange. So glad to hear you’re finally coming back home. Oh, you really must tell me what Manhatten’s like, I’ve always wanted to go!”
Applejack chuckled to herself. Never change, Rares.
“Really, it’s mostly very busy people going about their very busy days. There’s no sense of romance to it rares, it’s no different than Los Angeles!”
Another ping. Another harmonica. Rarity had rapid fired off another text.
“Oh ho ho, but it is dearie! It’s Manhatten! It’s New York, New York. Broadway, and the Statue of Liberty! Give me your tired, give me your poor! ...oh dear, I seem to have been infected by a case of the patriotic. But it’s Broadway, mostly Broadway for me. Did you see Cats?”
“I saw plenty of cats, yeah, they were pretty much in every other alleyway. Along with a couple hundred raccoons.”
“No no, I mean Cats. The Musical! Carbucketty, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer! Rum Tum Tugger and Skimbleshanks. You know, dearie?”
“Wait, isn’t that the one they made that terrible movie out of?”
“We do NOT talk about that… that… abomination against cinema!”
“No Rares, I didn’t get a chance to catch any musicals. At least, any interesting ones. Auntie and Uncle wanted me to come with them to a ballet show. Said it’d teach me how to function in high society.”
“Well, they have good taste at least! Oh the grace, the poise, the elegance!”
“And me getting put to sleep Rares. Like, I’m sorry, but I just don’t care for ballet. I’m not sure what it is but…”
“Well then! Remind me to just take Fluttershy for any future showings!”
“I’m sorry Rares, I just don’t like it. You always said I should always be honest with you, and now here I am doing just that.”
“Oh well, I suppose I can’t fault you for that really… I guess I did say that way back when didn’t I? I have no one but myself to blame for that…”
“I doubt I’ll be home for a while yet, like you probably won’t see me again until… oh, I want to say Saturday but with this airport who knows! I’ll see if I can pick up some soaps and some salts from the gift shop, but I wouldn’t bet on seeing me any time soon until very late tomorrow night. If at that!”
“I suspected as much, really. Oh, the one thing they don’t tell you about travel! The waits!”
“Hahaha, yep. Ee-yup. From Thankfully, it’s just one long flight. Straight across the heartlands. No other connections. From John F. Kennedy to straight to Los Angeles International. That’s it. If all goes well, I’ll be home soon.”
“If. If all goes well. There could be so many things that could go wrong dear!”
Applejack suppressed a groan, knowing exactly what was coming next. She had to deal with this on the way to New York. Her friend was so paranoid at times.
“Your plane could get high-jacked, it could run out of fuel, any number of things could happen dearie!”
“We went over this on the way here. What did Fluttershy say…? Oh yes, that statistically flying is the safest way to travel.”
“Well now, you can’t blame a woman for being a wee bit paranoid. After all, I can’t see where you are, I can’t even talk to you face to face once you get on that plane!”
“Relax, I’ll be fine okay? What’s the worst that could happen?”
Another ping. Here, Rarity sent an image of her unamused face.
“Don’t trifle with me, Applejack. I’m not in the mood for jokes right now.”
“Relax Rares, the worst that could happen is I could get a layover and I’ll be a bit behind schedule getting home okay? Give Apple Bloom a kiss goodnight for me, tell her that her sister’s coming home.”
As Applejack walked to the airport’s admittedly rather small gift shop, she smiled. She liked her friend, she really did even if she worried far too much. Honestly, Rarity could stand to go to a few more of Fluttershy’s sessions. Become more ‘zen’ as Fluttershy put it. Find her inner center or something like that.
“Yes, but all the same I’d think she’d like a kiss good night from her actual sister…”
“I’ll get there when I get there, fretting about it won’t make me come home any faster!”
“Sorry dear.”
“No, no. It’s fine. I miss her too. I miss home in general really. Manhattan’s fine I guess, but it’s not… home. I miss the streets, the familiar smells, the shops. Yes, even the shops. I just said that. You’re free to look very smug.”
Another ping, and Applejack suppressed a snort at the look on Rarity’s face. Applejack hastily sent another text, otherwise, her future looked very bleak indeed.
“But no, this doesn’t mean that when I get home, you’re free to take me shopping.”
“Damn.”
So focused on her phone was she, that Applejack didn’t get a chance to see what happened next. Or rather, who happened next. She barely registered the angry squawk and the yelp of pain even as she tumbled to the floor, another body crashing atop her own.
“Hey, watch it you asshole!” the woman spat at her, and Applejack swore she’d leaped out of a Japanese cartoon with that hair of hers. Grumbling to herself, the woman grabbed her phone out of the mess that was now the contents of her purse.
“...no need to get so snippy, miss high and mighty…” Applejack grumbled to herself as she found Rarity’s bath salts, and marched out of the gift shop. The rest of the day passed without much incident, and the flight really was nothing notable. At least, not that Applejack could tell. She’d been asleep the entire flight home.
And really, that’s where the trouble started. If Applejack had just been that little bit more vigilant…
“Hey, Rainbow Dash?”
“I’m not Rainbow Dash. Are you sure you don’t have the wrong number?”
“That’s not what my phone says…”
She might have noticed before it had been too late. Damn.
Rainbow Dash, for her part, had just discovered she was having similar issues.
“Uh, dear, I hate to bring this up but… uh… Well, I suppose I’ll come right out and say it! You are not Applejack!”
“No, no, no what do you mean? I’m as Applejack as Applejack can be! I live and breath Jack Daniels! Like I drink it every evening!”
“Uh-huh. Yeah, so what do you know about Granny Smith apples then?”
“I know that they’re… red?”
“...yes, surely you truly are Applejack as Applejack can be.”
You could practically hear the deadpan in Rarity’s text.
“Okay, so I’m not your friend. So sue me. God, I don’t know how this even could have happened! Wait, unless… Oh crap.”
“Alright, I hate to ask but I must as a friend. ...what did you do, Not Applejack?”
“First off, please don’t call me Not Applejack. I’m not Not Applejack!”
“But you do freely admit to not being my best friend?”
“Oh shut up. Yeah, I’m not your best friend. Name’s Rainbow Dash. Memorize it, don’t you ever forget it!”
“Oh, I doubt I’ll be doing that any time soon!”
“Secondly, I think I might know exactly what must have happened. See, me and your friend bumped into each other at the gift shop. Like, I mean literally bumped into each other.”
“...well, at least I know she got me those bath soaps… And it’s your friend and I, dear. Not me and your friend.”
“Don’t use your grammar skills to muddy the issue!”
“See, now that does sound a bit like Applejack. If you were a bit smarter, you probably could have me going for a bit.”
“Yeah, I probably could hav… Hey!”
“Forgive a lady for having a bit of fun at your expense. But in any event… as you were saying?”
“Yes, anyways! So we crashed into each other, and well, must have mixed up our phones in the chaos! ...oh god, I hope she doesn’t go poking around in my pictures.”
“Relax dearie, breathe. Applejack’s not that type of woman. I’m not sure what you have to worry about. Not unless you’ve got pornography stored on your phone or something…”
“Well, I… Uh…”
“You have pornography stored on your phone, don’t you?”
“Pretty much yeah! But so sue me, I’m a healthy woman! I have needs!”
“...I’m not even going to try actually responding to that one.”
Meanwhile…
“Oh for the love of… Well, this is rightly embarrassing ain’t it? Like, this is rightfully embarrassing! Oh lord, Rarity’s never going to let me live this one down!”
“Well, sounds like your friend and I have one thing in common! I’m certainly not going to let Rainbow ever live this one down! Name’s Twilight by the way. Twilight Sparkle!”
Another ping, and a photo was sent. This one of Twilight extending her hand. Applejack couldn’t help but laugh. It was so corny, but she felt the sentiment that was there at any rate.
“You… you haven’t looked through Rainbow Dash’s phone yet have you?”
“Noooo… why?”
Applejack wondered if she should be concerned really.
“Let’s just say you really don’t want to. I did… once. Once. I have regrets. Many regrets.
Curiosity overtook her, and soon Applejack was the one with regrets.
“God, what is wrong with this woman!?!”
“You looked into her pictures didn’t you?”
“Again, I ask, what’s wrong with this woman?”
“I can hear her now, ‘I’m a healthy woman, I have needs!’. Like, that is basically what she said to me when I looked. When I was… traumatized.”
“I’m traumatized!”
“There there…”
“Well, so enters another chapter in The Great Cross Country Smartphone Mix-Up.”
“Oh, I’m so calling it that from now on!”
“Well, I don’t rightfully know how I was ever stupid enough to… oh wait, the literal crash landing at the gift shop right? God, I’m such an idiot! I should have checked!”
“No need to beat yourself up over it, sounds like a simple honest mistake. Anyone could have made it.”
“Yeah, but it’s such a stupid little mistake! Now I should have known better! Don’t you see, this is a matter of personal pride now!”
“And here we go… Okay, apologies if I laugh, but you sound just like Rainbow! You’re both very stubborn women, it seems.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Yep, definitely a very ‘Rainbow’ like response.”
“Now now, I’ve had enough of being compared to someone that I’ve met but only once. I want to talk to this woman, really!”
“...this is either going to go really good, or really bad…”
In any event, Applejack called her own phone number which was a weird experience in itself. She waited a few minutes, before realizing it was entirely possible her phone was still on silent from the plane ride over. So she texted Rarity, hoping the woman would take the text from a strange number and told her to tell Rainbow to text her. Or at least check her voice messages every once in a while.
God, this was so completely bizarre.
Oh yeah, Rarity was definitely not going to let her live this one down.
And so she waited for a minute or so, and then another minute. And finally…
“Yo, I heard you were the one who stole my phone!”
“Funny, way I’m seeing it you’re not so blameless yourself Dash! You committed phone robbery yourself!”
“Man, do you even know what my phone means to me? It’s my deepest thoughts, my most secret desires, my…”
“Yeah yeah, cut the crap. Your desires are one way of putting it, you poon hound!”
“You looked!?!”
“Course I looked, you idjit. Kinda hard not to, what with you basically all but labeling it! Hoo boy, did I get a surprise when I looked in your pictures... You know, most normal people store pictures of their gal pals or whatever. But you? Oh, you’re something else.”
“I’m a healthy growing woman, so sue me!”
“I ought to, for the damage done to this here psyche of mine!”
“Admit it, you got off on some of it…”
Applejack flushed, not wanting to give Rainbow the satisfaction of knowing that.”
“Dagnabbit, you’re a completely infernal woman!”
“I’m going to take that as a yes then…”
“Look, just give me back my phone!”
“Hell no, not after you peeking! I’m going to tide you over with it for another week, just because you peeked into my privacy!”
“Tarnation, woman!”
“Man, you are a stereotype. And I thought people as Southern as you only existed in cartoons!”
“You’re really aiming to test my patience aren’t you woman?”
“Yep, it’s kinda what I do.”
Accompanying this was a little wink emoji. Applejack suppressed a groan, well she supposed she had that coming. Oh, this was going to be a very long week…
Then something struck her.
“Wait, you still watch cartoons?”
“Yeah, duh. Doesn’t everyone?”
“....”
“...wait, wait! You don’t watch cartoons? Oh, man! Are you missing out!”
“Look, it’s not like I have the time okay? I work on a farm, therefore I get up, get to work, and don’t get a break until after the sun goes down.”
“Man, that’s sad…”
“I bet you haven’t worked a day in your life!”
“Uh, excuse you! Just so you know, you happen to be looking at the next Olympics Champion! You think practicing for both the 500 Meter Dash and the 200 Meter Backstroke isn’t work?”
Applejack, for her part, felt a great sense of shame overtake her. Now, Rainbow could have been lying but Applejack honestly doubted it. She’d always felt a great deal of pride in being able to tell when someone was making falsehoods about themselves or not. And Rainbow, for all of her narcissism definitely seemed to be telling the truth. Even without being face to face with her, and being able to read her body language, Applejack could tell that much.
“Okay, uh… look. I’m sorry. I might have misjudged you, just a tad.”
“Just a tad?”
“Oh hush now and accept your apology when I’m giving it to you!”
“So why were you in New York anyways? You certainly don’t look like the high-class society sort…”
“Well, you’re half-right. I’m not, but my family is. They wanted me to come out there and see them, and with the Oranges? Yeah, you really don’t take no for an answer, you see.”
“Wait wait wait, the Oranges? As in… wow, didn’t you were related to one of the richest families on the planet…”
“Yeah, I don’t really like to talk about it… I don’t want people treating me any different, you see. If anyone even knew who I was related to, I’d never get a moment’s peace. My family farm would be mobbed! Poor old Granny Smith, and little Bloom? I should at least spare them that!”
“Yeah, yeah, I getcha. Loyalty to your family and all. Hey, maybe you’re alright!”
“So what about you, what’s your family like?”
“They’re… well, I suppose enthusiastic would be the word right? They’re supportive of every little thing I do. I love my mom and dad and all, but I need my space you know? Like…”
“Yeah, I getcha. Your family even on the best of days can be a mite exhausting. But they’re still your family you know?”
“Yeah, I know but… Still!”
“So what were you doing in Manhatten anyways? I doubt you have a swim meet all the way across the country really…”
“Tourism, actually. Always wanted to see New York!”
“Yeah, wish I was so lucky. I really didn’t get to see the city, unless you count being shuffled off from place to place as seeing the city. Man, didn’t even get to see Broadway!”
“...you wanted to see Cats, I’m guessing…”
“Les Miserables actually. But… all I got to see was the ballet, which…”
“The Nutcracker I’m guessing? Yeah, that’s cool I suppose. Look, don’t let anyone know I told you this, but I kinda respect the ballet. It’s not easy to do, all of that twirling about. It actually requires balance like you wouldn’t believe!”
“...Yeah, Fluttershy, that’s one of my friends along with Rares, they keep telling me that… Hmm, maybe I should try it one day. Just to shut the both of them up.”
“So you and Rarity? You got a thing going on that I don’t know about, because you both seem awfully close…”
“NO! Heck no! She’s more like a sister to me more than anything else!”
“Oh, if that’s the case, then I hope you won’t get too overprotective of her when I say I would totally hit that!”
“Your mind runs the gamut from X to Triple X, Dash.”
“Annnnnnnnnd proud of it!”
“Touche. Well, that didn’t backfire on me horribly at all now did it?”
“There are two things you need to know about me Jackie dear. One, I’m shameless and two I’m shameless!”
“This is going to be one of those weeks isn’t it?”
“Yep! And I intend to make sure that what a week it’ll be!”
“Joy.”
It was certainly a week, that was for sure. With Rainbow around, one thing it couldn’t be called was ‘boring’. Every other odd day, she seemed to come to Applejack with something new.
Whether it be the weird…
“Hey, you ever wonder if the author of Jaws is looking at all of these shark movies and wondering: “What the hell have I started?”
Or the just plain mundane.
“Uuuuuggggh, I can’t believe my boss today! I was supposed to have the day off, and no at the last minute, he decides to go up and change it on me! No warning whatsoever! What happened to Vivica, right?”
“Vivica’s the girl who’s always breaking off from work to go chat on her cell to her boyfriend, right? Maybe she finally got fired!”
“Oh, if only… No no, she’s still working at the same job. She just decided to take the week off for a vacation! And she’s probably never worked a day in her damn life!”
“Well, some people are like that Dash. I don’t like them either, but it’s your boss’s decision on what to do with them. Not yours. Best you can do is to grin and bear it!”
“Yeah, swell. Oooooohhh, I swear I’m going to go crazy before she gets back!”
Applejack couldn’t resist the chance for some good old fashioned snark.
“Well, crazier, really…”
“Oh shut up.”
Applejack, meanwhile, wiped the sweat off her brow as she put the phone down for the moment and gave a powerful side kick to a nearby tree. Like lightning had struck it, it shook and apples tumbled down into a basket.
Applejack frowned even as she kicked another tree. Hmm, normally she’d have had half of the field done by this time. She was only a third of the way done right now. She was slowing down. This was… kinda concerning actually. She had to pick up the pace! No distractions!
“Hey, you’re slowing down sis!” Apple Bloom called as she leaped down from a tree, a bushel of apples slung under one of her arms. “All of that texting isn’t good for you, ya know!”
“Well, it’s not my fault that there Rainbow Dash doesn’t know when to shut her trap!” Applejack said grumbling to herself. “And anyway, don’t you have work to do? Instead of lecturing me on my work ethic, you’ve got trees of your own to handle!”
“I’m just sayin’...” Apple Bloom said letting the apples fall into the basket. “You could just ignore Rainbow, really…”
“Well, that’s not really the polite thing to do now is it?” Applejack replied. “Besides, for all I know, whenever she texts me she could really need my help with somethin’!”
“Okay, but I’m just sayin’!” Apple Bloom said before checking Applejack’s phone and fighting back a laugh. “Hey, you sure you’re not like this Vivica girl? Always ditchin’ work just so you can chat up your girlfriend?”
“She’s not my…” Applejack’s face flushed, and it wasn’t from the heat. “Hey, now you mind your own business! Stop snoopin’, that isn’t your texts to go ahead and read!”
“But you’re not denying anything about Rainbow I see…” Apple Bloom laughed. “Applejack’s in love! Applejack’s in love!”
“Oh hush!” Applejack said. “We got work to do!”
Yeah, this was definitely going to be a long week. The sooner she got her phone back, the better! But the problem was, well! As it turned out, Rainbow Dash just wouldn’t let up with the texts for the life of her!
“Woman, you really have to pick some plum inconvenient times you know that right?”
“Ooooh, testy! Catch you at a bad time?”
“Your constant texts are starting to interfere with my work! I’m running behind schedule as of today!”
“You need to loosen up, you know that right? Like, you’re more tightly wound than a… well, if I was you I’m sure I’d have some southern colloquialism for the moment! I keep thinking something relating to rattlesnakes…”
“...why do even I bother? Look, I’m already behind schedule with the harvest season as it is after getting home from New York. I’ve got to put in the extra work hours just to get back up to speed!”
“So?”
“So? SO?”
“Geez, no need to shout… So, just hire a few extra farmhands here and there! I’m sure there’s a few people jumping at the bit just to work with you. I mean, let’s be fair here, you are an attractive woman Jackie, don’t sell yourself short!”
“I’d rather not have people drooling over me instead of getting actual work done thank you very much!”
“Still, you get my point, right?”
“Yeah, I suppose I do. And maybe you’re right, maybe it is time to hire some extra help around the farm really…”
“Oh, you know I’m right!”
At this, Rainbow sent a selfie of her unbearably smug self.
“Wipe that smug grin off your face Rainbow. It’s just so…”
“Infernal?”
Applejack could hear the smugness in her voice.
“So, just asking, being part of the Apple family. Like, does that come with a physical requirement to eat apples in their every conceivable form?”
“Is that a marriage proposal?”
Applejack had to fight the blush down once more.
“NO! It’s just an honest question!”
“It’s a rite of passage, yep. If you want to be like us, you got to eat like us!”
“Well, I suppose nobody needs to actually call the doctor in your family then!”
Applejack actually burst out laughing at this.
“Okay, yeah, that’s actually pretty funny.”
“Well, I do try!”
“Honestly though, if that’s an offer well… Can’t rightly say I wouldn’t mind you asking my older brother Mac out on a date! Goodness knows he needs a woman! Not like he’ll ever ask one out for himself really! So durned shy and all…”
“You’re a good sister, playing matchmaker and all that.”
“Well, I do try! Mac’s so gall-durned shy it’s not like he’ll ever ask one out for himself, so it’s up to me!”
“There’s a few crude jokes I probably could make, but I’m not going to. Way too easy.”
“Good on you, I would have to go around to your house to come and smack you silly if you did.”
“Love you too dear. I mean, I certainly wouldn’t mind a smack or two from you.”
“Is your mind always on sex?”
“Pretty much, yeah!”
“...jeez, small wonder my sister mistook you for my girlfriend really…”
“Awwwwww, she’s so cute. I mean, not that I wouldn’t mind dating you. You shouldn’t count yourself out really! You’re ‘mighty fine’ as I guess you southerners would -probably- put it.”
There came another blush, damn her.
“Guess that means you dating Mac is out of the question then?”
Rainbow Dash, probably laughing her ass off sent her a certain gif in reply. Namely, the whole ‘both’ exchange from that one movie. Applejack couldn’t help but laugh at it.
“Well, there’s certainly plenty of me for the whole world to go around!”
“Careful now, I’m not sure the other side of the globe heard your boasting just yet!”
“Ah well, I’ll have to try harder then!”
“Haha.”
“So, hypothetically, if your sister was right and I was your girlfriend would you date me?”
“So you are proposing to me then!”
“Well, no, not really! Just hypothetically and all! World of difference and all!”
“Well, hypothetically, if I were to be interested in you, might be an interesting experience. It’d certainly never get boring with you around.”
“If it did get boring, I’d be worried. Means I’m not doing my job right!”
“And hypothetically, if we were to start dating this would probably be the weirdest start to any relationship in the history of starts of relationships.”
“I… I see. But well, hypothetically, if we were to be interested in each other, would you have me?”
“...”
“Uh, AJ?”
“Hush, let me think okay? I mean, we just met and I don’t want to jump into a relationship right off the bat, you know?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s fair…”
Back in her bedroom, Applejack sighed and she took a deep breath to calm herself. Had she said the wrong thing back there? She needed advice! And fast! Biting the bullet, she texted her other new friend.
“So, uh, Twilight, I kinda need your help on something…”
“If it’s anything related to homework, sorry, I don’t do that kind of thing anymore. Not for free at least. I want to see something out of it, I’ll send you my fee.”
“Not that! It’s about Rainbow Dash…”
“Oh. Alright, I’ll bite.”
“I… may or may not have said the wrong thing a few minutes ago…”
“Like insulting her?”
“I don’t know, honestly… I kinda get the feeling she wants to date me but I’m just not so sure about any of… well, this! I mean, I like her but I’m not sure if it’s in that way. I don’t know if I like-like her, y’know?”
“Ah, the classic trope! Internal doubts between the two partners! I’ve been studying literature and this is kind of a common thing really. One party worries they’re not good enough for the other party, like say with sex-”
“This isn’t about sex!”
“Let me finish. As I was saying. Or they just don’t believe themselves worthy of the other party’s affections.”
“Yeah, except for one thing. This is real life, not a book!”
“Eh, same sorta thing really. Authors do tend to draw on real world experience really. Write what you know. So, undoubtedly, it’s happened somewhere in the real world really…”
“And.... and you believe that’s what I’m going through?”
“Oh, I don’t just believe, I know.”
Meanwhile, in her home, Rainbow was basically getting similar advice from Rarity.
“Oh relax darling, this is just a thing she does. You’ve met Applejack right? Well, not met met but you know what I mean. She can be as stubborn as a mule at times. And alas, woefully insecure as well really.”
“So I didn’t screw up?”
“No, dear, you didn’t. See, the thing about Applejack really? She’s always believed herself to be one of the boys, and alas, this has had a negative affect. If she’s asked to be treated like one of the boys, that means the boys won’t see her as a potential girlfriend but just one of their own.”
“That’s bull!”
“That’s how boys work, Rainbow dear. They’re woefully inept in some areas really. We women are supposed to be wiser after all!”
“Yeah… yeah, I suppose I get what you mean really. I’m… kinda in the same boat as well, actually. Wanted to be treated just like anyone else, like another dude. A gyaru, really, if you follow Japanese anime conventions! I didn’t want to come off as intimidating to the rest of the guys when I beat them at sports. Like, I wanted them to know they could treat me like anyone else.”
“I imagine this really hurt your chances at dating in the long run, correct?”
“Yeah… yeah, I suppose it did. They didn’t see me as a ‘girl’, and yeah I suppose I don’t like being seen as some girly girl -bleagh!- and… oh, no offence!”
“None taken.”
“But yeah! Basically means they see me as another guy, not… you know, a girl!”
“Well, I can’t imagine this matters much in the long run given you seem to be swinging towards the softer side of the spectrum really…”
“I’m bi. Yeah, sure, my hair looks like a walking lesbian pride flag but that doesn’t mean I’m lesbian myself! Sure, haven’t heard that one before!”
“Stereotypes are rubbish, really. I know what you mean, Most people write me off as some air-headed fashionista really.”
“I didn’t even know you were interested in fashion.”
“Really now? AJ never brought it up?”
“Not once.”
“Huh. That’s… slightly annoying, as I love it when she gets me new customers by bragging all about me!”
“Well, it’s not like I make a point out of wearing dresses regularly so it would have been kinda moot in my case to be fair.”
“Oh ho ho, we’ll see about that. I can make even the most hardened of tomboys look good…”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Count on it! In any event, don’t worry about Applejack, she’ll come around. Personally, I’m going to be happy when she does. With as much texting as you two do, I’m more amazed you two weren’t dating.”
“...please tell me you weren’t placing bets on us.”
“Oh no dearie, I am a lady. I have standards! Placing bets, no. Taking them on the other hand…?”
“Rarity!”
“Kidding!”
“Yeah, haha, very funny.”
“But in all seriousness, the only way you’ll be able to swing Applejack around to your side is if you talk to her yourself. I’m sure she’s talking to your friend Twilight, just as you’re talking to moi. But she needs to hear this from you alone. And only you alone.”
Sure enough, another text from Applejack popped up onscreen.
“Hey Rainbow, you there?”
Rainbow quickly texted Rarity.
“Ulp, that’s her!”
“Well, what are you waiting for then? Go talk to her! Go on, shoo! Shoo!”
“Yeah, yeah! I’m going!”
So Rainbow Dash sucked in a deep breath, and texted Applejack back.
“Uh… hey again.”
“Hey yourself.”
“So…”
“I apologize if I went silent, you kinda scared me a bit there.”
“Yeah, I… I sorta figured. You sorta scared me as well.”
“We’re even then, I suppose…”
Rainbow laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her head.
“Yeah, I guess…”
“So where do we go from here?”
“Hmm… Wherever we want to go I guess? Like, we either don’t date or we do. Seems pretty straight forwards, really!”
“Yeah, uh, sorry I scared you there. It’s just… well, I guess I kinda froze up really. Like, this is basically the first time anyone’s asked me out on a date.”
“Seriously?”
In her room, Rainbow’s eyes widened in disbelief. She honestly couldn’t believe that she of all people was the first person to really have asked the farm woman out on a date! Her, of all people!
“But… but you’re a good looking woman! Boys should be jumping over the fence to try and date you…”
“Yeah, you’d think that wouldn’t you? But I suppose Rares told you about my little… insecurities?”
“Yeah, she did. Those guys really don’t know what they’re missing! I mean, how could they, they don’t even want to give you a chance! And, uh, truth be told I’m sorta in the same boat as well really…”
“So is that what this is then? Basically, we’re so desperate for dates we’re just going to date each other?”
Rainbow sucked in a breath, she really hadn’t thought about it that way… Was Applejack right? Was that what all of this was?
“I mean, possibly? I dunno really. I guess there’s really only one way to find out, and no, that’s not by desperately screwing each other.”
“So no try before you buy then?”
“Haha. Yeah, no. If we’re going to do this, we gotta do this right! If we end up screwing, yay for us. But I’m not really looking for sex. I just want a meaningful relationship you know?”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. Someone to come home to at night, kiss and hug and then have dinner with and basically talk about my troubles with.”
“Well, we’re basically halfway there already! I mean, aren’t we? You basically vent to me already, and I to you.”
“Better to you than over a bottle of beer.”
“So, it’s a date then?”
“Oh yeah!”
And so a date was set, and really when Apple Bloom heard of it she was over the moon. Rarity as well actually. But Apple Bloom was worse in that regard. Jumping around with her “Applejack’s in love!” whole song and dance thing. It got old really quickly.
Mind, Rarity was little better about any of this
“See what happens you listen to me?” the fashionista said as she adjusted Applejack’s straw hair, pulling it back into a braid. “Now, have I ever steered you wrong before?”
“No Rares, you haven’t,” Applejack admitted with a sigh. “But now honestly! Is it really all that necessary for you to gussy me up like this? It’s not like I’m actually going out to some fancy smancy dinner with her!”
Rarity, as ever, begged to differ.
“Oh, but first impressions are always the most important! You need to look your best!” she said in reply. Applejack tried to wrestle herself away, but Rarity was having none of that and pulled her back into her chair. “Now sit still, and stop squirming! I’ll only just take a second!”
A ping as Rainbow’s text chimed in.
“Rarity giving you any trouble?”
Though it was obvious she disapproved, Rarity just sighed and let Applejack text her date back.
“Yeah, gussying me up and everything! We’re just meeting up for coffee for land’s sakes!”
“Well, if you happen to look very beautiful I doubt I’ll be complaining…”
Accompanying this was a little flirtatious heart. Applejack groaned to herself.
“Damn it all woman, why must you be so… so… infectious?”
“All part of my charm!”
Applejack couldn’t wrangle herself away from Rarity soon enough, really. But eventually, the woman let her go, and with a goofy grin on her face Applejack hailed a cab. It wasn’t long before she was at the agreed meeting point and soon felt a pair of arms encircle her from behind.
Applejack turned and gently pulled her new friend into a hug of her own.
“Hey you,” she whispered softly after pulling away.
“Hey yourself…” Rainbow smiled as both took in each other’s appearances. After eying each other up, both broke out into soft smiles, before Rainbow said: “...so glad to finally meet you…”
Author's Note
Ugh, if I ever get the idea to do this ever again, someone please smack me upside the head. This was... an interesting write. Like, I've seen texting stories done in this format, but it's such an unusual way of writing I'm not sure I ever want to do it again.
Also, Krazy? Just donate whatever money you planned to give me to a charity of your choice.
