The Gods Must be Zany

by No one is home

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1007

It's a great big Multiverse and we're all really puny, And Dot ships with Self-Insert, but Yakko ships with Moonie...

The multiverse is slowly collapsing under the weight of it's own memes. Will our heroes unite to save reality as we know it? :ajbemused: Did you really think that was going to happen?

Published 2020-08-29 14:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-29 14:10:00 UTC

And then that happened...

“This is impossible,” the aging man with hair the color of dirt exclaimed, “You’re a cartoon character from the 90’s…”

“Say’s the man from a parody universe of the dark future where Donald Trump is president?” The little puppy/kitty/maybe-bug girl smiled coyly.

“Fair enough.” The man replied.

“Really you’re just going to take this on face value?” The tiny toon was momentarily taken aback.

“I’m from a parody universe of the dark future where Donald Trump is president?” The man shrugged. “Honestly, this is only the weirdest thing to show up in my store this week. Also can you put a shirt on? Last thing I need is a nine year old toon girl running around my store topless. There’s cameras everywhere in this store, you know?”

“More like 90, handsome,” the toon girl said with a wink, “I was locked in a water tower since the Korean War. Besides? What have I got to hide? There’s not even a semi-suggestive white chest stripe… Does my noodly lack of anatomy make you feel funny mister night clerk?”

“Maybe a little…” The man averted his eyes.

“Fair enough,” Dot crooned, “So, you, me, the multiverse collapsing… let’s smooch…”

-=-=-=-=-

“What are we gonna do tonight Brain?” Pinkie asked with glee.

“The same thing we do every night, strange pink pony I just met,” the insane lab rat with an impossibly large head responded, “Try to take over Equestria!”

-=-=-=-=-

“Wow,” the toon girl cleaned her tongue with a toothbrush that wasn’t there before, “That was like kissing a half empty beer can that had been used as an ashtray.”

“Well,” the man shrugged, “You’re the one who invaded my place of work and sexually assaulted me. Still not sure whether to file a complaint or just check it off my bucket list.

“I’m just saying, I’m gonna force feed you a tin of breath mints before I do that again,” the tiny toon continued with a scowl.

“What are you even doing here?” The man protested.

“I’m making out with my fave fictional character, duh,” Dot replied, “And honestly, as long as I’ve watched your show, I’m kinda embarrassed that I thought that was not gonna be both horrible and awkward. Not that I won’t do it again… but still horrible and awkward…”

“Well, that doesn’t raise even more questions at all…” The man sighed heavily.

“You know you liked it,” the toon girl grinned.

-=-=-=-=-

“So… you’re a fan of strategically revealing outfits always drawn to keep it PG-13? Faboo!” A toon boy of dubious species adjusted his hat and winked at a young cat girl, “Nice shtick… nice shtick… My thing is not wearing pants!”

“You’re weird,” Willy Kit squinted suspiciously at the toon.

“I really need an adult right now,” a young unicorn with a pink and lilac mane tucked her tail and backed up nervously.

-=-=-=-=-

“Wow!” Dot wandered the aisle. Examining a package of cheese curds. “So THIS is where the magic happens? The show is always focused on the zany infowebs future Bulletin Board Posts. But this is the actual store! Ooo! Who do you ship with? Yakko ships Charlie/Michelle, but I’ve always been more one to ship you with D-”

The older man silenced the toon by sticking his entire hand in her mouth. “If you end that sentence I will strangle you.”

“Oookay,” Dot twirled her foot innocently, “Too much... I get it… WOW! Is that a BBQ Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza! I want a slice, I want ALL the slices!”

“Because this is my life,” the night clerk sighed.

-=-=-=-=-

“Spike, take a letter!” The crowned princess of Equestria commanded.

“Look, I’m sorry your little brother is missing, luv, really I am,” The exasperated blonde vampire rolled his eyes, “But I already told you, I am NOT going to fill in as your secretary until we find him!”

-=-=-=-=-

“Okay Dot Warner walked in my store and kissed me on the mouth.” The Old man stated plainly.

“To be fair to me, that’s a standard Warner greeting.” Dot admitted with a blush. Then narrowed her eyes. “Although it’s mighty suspicious that you already know my name. I only drop that after at least one ‘I’m cute’ gags.”

“You’re a cartoon character from twenty-ish years ago.” The older sales clerk stated plainly.

“Wow! I’m a cartoon character in your universe too?” Dot swooned. I bet you’re my biggest fan?”

“I’m a fan.” The store clerk replied flattly.

“But you’re one of the biggest fans, right?” Dot’s left eye twitched. “President of the… at least a fan club? GIVE ME SOMETHING HERE!”

“I wrote a collaborative fan fic once 20-odd years ago on the Prodigy BBS?” The older man shrugged.

“But your self insert shipped me right?” Dot’s eyes took turns twitching, “I can not possibly be the weird stalky one in this equation!”

-=-=-=-=-

“Sooo, let me get this straight, you’re the retired god-queen of your country, immortal and powerful beyond belief…” Yakko Warner monologued. “And you ceded authority to your… I’m going to go with student/surrogate-daughter… and your edgy, incredibly cute younger sister is single?”

“I am neither a goddess nor a queen,” the alicorn of the sun rolled her eyes. “Equestria is a constitutional monarchy, that I co-ruled with my sister Luna, further more…”

“Tia!” The alicorn of the moon interrupted. “He thinks I’m ‘cute’ and ‘edgy’! Let. Me. Have. This! Tell me more strange visitor, of your standards of cuteness…”

“Well, it can all be summed up with one standard, your majesty,” the eldest warner grinned, “The ‘Hello Nurse’ factor, and you either have it or you don’t. And let me be the first to say, Helloooo Nurse!”

“Indeed.” Luna smiled.

-=-=-=-=-

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking Pinkie?” Brain declared without adequate context.

“I think so Brain,” Pinkie Pie scratched herchin absently with one hoof, “But how are we going to fill out the prerequisite thousand words for an openning chapter without two fat hippos, an old grumpy squirrel, and Dashie?