Just Like Me!

by HapHazred

Rating: teen
Tags: Cozy Glow, Starlight Glimmer, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Trixie
Length: 6718

Starlight, in an attempt to uncover Cozy Glow's past using reflection magic, has to confront her own dark past.

The headmistress of the Friendship School, Starlight Glimmer, is worried. Where did Cozy Glow come from? Who or what made her to be the force of evil that she was?

In her quest for answers, Starlight uses reflection magic to interrogate a shade of Cozy, a reflection, but finds that even as a mere memory, Cozy wields more power over Starlight than she had anticipated.

Rated Teen. Written for the Cozy Glow short story contest.

Published 2020-09-01 11:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-01 11:20:01 UTC

Mirror Mirror Memory Mare

The school wasn’t quiet. The rumble of hoofsteps echoed through the walls and muddied Headmistress Starlight’s otherwise coherent thoughts. She got up from her desk, leaving the litany of notes, diagrams, and magical formulae on her table as she paced around the homely, cluttered office, clearing her muddled thoughts.

Outside, the chatter of her students as they headed home distracted her. She couldn’t afford distraction right now; distraction meant loss of control. Right now, control was something Starlight felt in desperate need of.

Starlight was not comfortable around children. They brought back… unpleasant memories from before she had left to found her town, such a long time ago. She didn’t understand how to take care of them, and it made the reality of being in charge of them much harder.

She could cast a little spell to quieten the entire school, yes… but then again, she had been trying to learn not to overly rely on magic. Advice from Twilight. When she began to use something as a crutch, even if it was great and mighty, it would begin to only hold her back. Instead, Starlight paced. She liked pacing. Putting her body into motion gave her trigger-happy neurons something to fire at. It also stopped her from thinking too much about foals, her responsibilities, and the past, which were things that would all-too-often consume her thoughts.

The spell should work, she reassured herself. Backfires had been accounted for. Even if Cozy did have some hidden trick up her sleeve… which she might… She would still be trapped and unable to escape.

She would…

Starlight heard a knock at her door, and nearly jumped out of her skin. She should really install a ‘do-not-disturb’ sign on her door for when she was in the middle of an intense thinking session…

“C-come in!” she said, collecting her scattered thoughts. Her horn flickered to life and she threw levitated the many magical formulae into her drawers, stuffing them in without any care for whether they’d be wrinkled or not. Some of them didn’t quite make it in.

Her office door opened, and a semi-familiar face peered inside. Starlight breathed out.

“Ah yes,” she began, beckoning to the middle-aged mare to enter. “You’re the new teacher here, is that right?”

The mare… a unicorn, by all appearances, and with a particularly vibrant white coat and pink mane, trotted inside. “That’s correct.”

Starlight nodded, and trotted to her desk. “I… almost remember. Hang on, I have the documents in here somewhere… oh…”

Starlight began to rummage around in her desk, but in her haste to put away her notes she had made a real mess of things. No wonder Twilight kept Spike around… she could do with having an assistant as well. Trixie? No. That was a terrible idea.

The new teacher levitated one of the stray papers up from the ground, glancing at it momentarily. Starlight plucked it out from her grasp with her hoof and quickly put it away.

“Don’t mind those… just little scribbles.” She opened her last drawer. “Sorry, remind me what I’m supposed to call you?”

“Sunbeam will be appropriate,” replied the unicorn mare.

“A little on the nose, no?” Starlight sighed. “It’s fine.” She glanced at the mess she had made in her desk. “Oh, where is it...?”

Sunbeam trotted over to a large mirror in the corner, looking at it quietly before leaning down and picking up a small folder on a chair next to it. “Would this happen to be it?” she asked.

Starlight trotted over. “Yes, that’s it!” She began flicking through the pages. “Thank you. You haven’t caught me at my best, ha ha…”

Sunbeam glanced back at the mirror. “It’s all fine. Running a school is quite difficult business.”

Starlight sat down at her desk and flicked through her papers. Yes, Sunbeam Scribe… that was the name of the new teacher at the Friendship School. History teacher. How very fitting.

“Let me give you your schedule,” Starlight said. “These are your classes… four times a week, all afternoons. Does that suit you?”

“It does indeed,” Sunbeam said. She sat down opposite Starlight. “You have a very nice school.”

“Y-yes, thank you.” Starlight twitched nervously. “It always seems on the brink of getting out of control at times, but I’m told I run it quite efficiently.” Starlight clicked her tongue. “Actually, speaking as a historian…”

“Yes?”

“You wouldn’t happen to know anything about Equestria’s latest little… crisis?” Starlight asked. “I only ask because, well, it’s been quite a thought consuming thing… windigoes, chaos magic, and forced alicornisation of all things…”

“Yes, those are all exceptional things,” Sunbeam said. “I confess there’s a lot I don’t understand about it all, though I’d be happy to shed some light on the matter if I can. This is, however, quite recent history, so I’m not entirely sure what you expect me to say…”

Starlight leaned forwards. “I want to know where in Equestria Cozy Glow came from.” She tapped the top of her desk. “No matter who I ask it’s as if she didn’t exist before enrolling at the school. It… alarms me, honestly.”

To think; out there, in the big wide world, there could be something worse than Cozy. A place that made her, a pony who moulded her… to not investigate further would be to accept that something like Cozy could happen again. Did Cozy have a family? If so, what would they do? Were they more powerful? More dangerous? Starlight didn’t know, and it haunted her.

Sunbeam tapped her chin. “Equestria in the past was full of blind spots. It’s entirely possible that she might have originated from one of those. Many orphanages were haphazard and didn’t communicate with Canterlot for centuries, for example. Many old knightly orders as well.”

Starlight frowned, her expression darkening. “We should find that blind spot, then. Who knows what they might be capable of if they raised… her.”

Sunbeam tilted her head. “I can only speculate. I suspect, however, that you might be worrying over nothing. Cozy seems to be an anomaly. I’m not even sure if she was a child, or if Cozy is her name.”

Starlight glanced towards her notes, and back to Sunbeam. “Yes, well… I still intend to do some digging. If you have any information about such things in the past, I would like you to tell me.”

“I will consult my sources,” Sunbeam replied with a warm smile. “I expect you have work to do.”

“As do you, miss Scribe,” Starlight said.

As Sunbeam got to her hooves, she turned back towards Starlight. “Myself and my sister are quite new to town. Would you like to join us for an evening out? To familiarise us with Ponyville.”

Starlight’s eyes flickered towards the grand, ornate mirror behind Sunbeam. She then nodded. “Yes, that’ll be great. I’ll tell Trixie!”

Sunbeam nodded, and opened the door to leave. “Oh, and do let me know how your little magic spell works. It looked quite fascinating.” She tilted her head back to the Headmistress of the Friendship School. “Reflection as a form of abstract memory storage? The places your mind goes.”

Starlight swallowed. “Yes, I… I’ll be sure to let you know, Miss Scribe.”

Sunbeam then left. Starlight sat down again heavily. She looked at the mirror and levitated her scattered notes back onto the table.

She shouldn’t put this off. She would just keep going on in circles and her nervousness would only get worse.

It was time to call in her assistant.

Starlight had no more patience to be nervous. She was a master of magic, potentially outstripping even Twilight in terms of sheer knowledge of spellcraft and innovation in the field of thaumaturgy (friendship magic notwithstanding). She was a titan in her field, and it wasn’t befitting of her to tiptoe around a spell, no matter how complex, just because she was nervous about tampering with one of Equestria’s most volatile threats.

Behind her, a somewhat less magically knowledgeable unicorn, Trixie, peered over her friend at the large mirror Starlight had left leaning against the wall of her office.

“That’s quite an impressive piece of furniture,” Trixie said. “Remind me, what is it I am supposed to do?”

“Watch,” Starlight said. “Watch and if something bad happens… like a rebound, or if for instance something escapes, you’re to act appropriately.”

“Drop a smoke bomb, run away and tell Twilight?”

Starlight clicked her tongue. She had been hoping for something that specifically didn’t involve her mentor, but, well, admittedly if Starlight couldn’t handle it, running for help probably was the smartest option.

“Yes, that would be perfect,” Starlight said.

Trixie flashed Starlight a confident grin and stepped back to admire the headmistress’s handiwork. Around the mirror were glowing runes, letters, and numbers, each drawn from a variety of cultures and dialects… only a novice would restrict themselves to one society’s worth of magical meaning. By the mirror was a small table, upon which was laid a modest bowl containing several locks of hair, a few scraps of what appeared to be old homework, and dust.

“What’s that powder?” Trixie asked.

“It’s from the latest addition to Canterlot Castle Gardens. A rather morbid piece, but historically relevant.”

Trixie couldn’t help but swallow anxiously. “I am not certain it is very proper to joke about villains trapped in stone.”

“Well… I am something of a former villain myself,” Starlight said. “It’s in my nature, I suppose.” Trixie rolled her big, elegant eyes. Starlight snorted, a chuckle escaping her. “Point is I can make those jokes and other ponies can’t.”

“Naturally.”

Starlight turned back to the mirror, and focussed. She needed to concentrate. This was a difficult procedure, an amalgamation of several spells rolled into one. There were elements of the cloning pool, a process that Pinkie had once used to… problematic effect. There were strong aspects of the mental projection spell, and there were bits and pieces drawn from changeling mental manipulation magic as well as Starlight’s own extensive expertise on that field of spell. Naturally, because this involved reaching into the recessesses of Cozy’s mind, which was currently trapped in stone made from friendship magic, Starlight also needed to use friendship magic to work the material. This was the part she was most concerned about. Despite her time being mentored by Twilight, despite learning the value of friends and love, none of it came naturally to Starlight. It was always an effort, even if it was a worthwhile one.

That was another reason why it was a good thing Trixie was there with her. It wasn’t just a precaution. Due to the forces at play, Starlight may very well not be able to perform this spell without support from her closest friend.

Magical energy swirled around Starlight’s horn. The delicate balance of the forces she conjured were interwoven around her like a braid. First, to infiltrate the memories within the dust…

Trixie glanced at her friend, noting the intimidating, blinding glow that emanated from Starlight’s horn like a solar flare. She took a cautious step backwards. Trixie might not be close to Starlight’s level, but she knew dangerous power when she saw it. Trixie dealt in illusions, misdirection, reversal. Raw power, the kind that could pulverise rock and melt the sun, made her blood run cold.

Trixie’s ear flicked back. She could swear she heard voices… shrill and on the very edges of perception, intermingling. Coming from Starlight? Yet her lips weren’t moving.

The mirror shone, seeming to bulge and warp under the eldritch weight. Starlight gasped, and Trixie, in a rare moment of concern, felt herself move an inch forwards… but then Starlight went still, sweat forming on her brow, but a look of confident concentration etched onto her face.

The light began to dim. The bowl containing the ingredients rattled and shattered. The mirror became flat once again, and Starlight collapsed, panting for air.

“Glimmer!” Trixie exclaimed, lowering herself to examine Starlight. “Gimmer?”

Starlight rolled onto her side, her face red from all the blood rushing to her head. “That… was a complicated spell.”

Trixie raised her eyebrow. “Did it work?”

“Yes. I… may have forgotten to account for the distance between here and the Canterlot Castle Gardens… might have made it a bit harder for myself than I needed it to be.”

Starlight, with Trixie’s help, got to her hooves and examined her handiwork. Inside the mirror, standing perfectly still, was the image of a pony. It overlapped with the reflections of Starlight and Trixie uncomfortably, the light struggling to both indicate reality and accommodate for the strange interloper upon the physical world.

Starlight stood up as tall as she could, emitting an air of authority… or at least, as much authority as she could muster.

“Cozy Glow?” she asked.

That’s me. Hello there! replied the reflection.

It was a perfect recreation of the Cozy Glow Starlight had known. Small, uncomfortably saccharine in appearance, a broad smile and sporting eyes glittering with intelligence. There was no malice in her gaze… not right now.

“What is it? Can you see her?” Trixie began.

“Yes. Just her reflection.” Starlight’s brow furrowed. “...I hope.”

Starlight leaned closer towards the image of Cozy. It was… perfect. Eerily so. The curls, the pastel pink, the round, expression-full eyes… The only thing that was off was the face she was making. There was no malice, no hint of manipulation. Just a simple, honest expression.

“Hello, Cozy,” Starlight began. “Do you remember me?”

Of course I remember, Principal Starlight! Cozy exclaimed. Her tone was absent of resentment or haughty arrogance. That was consistent with the objective.

“Cozy Glow, I have some questions for you.” Starlight paced around the mirror a bit, collecting her thoughts. For the past few days her attention had been consumed by the actual casting of the spell, not the questions she’d be asking afterwards. “Can you answer my questions honestly?”

Well, gosh, of course I can! So long as I can remember them, of course.

Trixie shuddered. “I don’t see anything in there… can you hear that little vicious piece of work?”

Starlight nodded. Interesting that Trixie couldn’t see Cozy in the mirror… a quirk of reflection magic, perhaps. “That’s good, Cozy,” she said. “Let’s start with an important question.” Starlight tapped her chin. “Before the final confrontation between us and your group of villains, you turned yourself into an alicorn. I do not understand how you were able to do this.”

Oh, that! Cozy smiled broadly. It wasn’t that hard! I had the bewitching bell. I read all about Twilight and the other princesses! It’s possible to become an alicorn when you combine an awful lot of magic with enlightenment!

Starlight frowned. She had heard this, but that didn’t make sense. Cozy hadn’t been enlightened, and by Starlights estimation, raw power alone did not make a true alicorn.

“Were you a real alicorn? Were there any differences between you and, say, Princess Twilight?”

There was a slight blip, a twitch in Cozy’s composed expression. No, none I’m aware of.

Starlight glanced over at Trixie. She raised her eyebrow at her friend. In response, Trixie only shrugged. “Don’t look at me. Trixie is a master of the stage, not… alicorn magic.”

Starlight examined Cozy. She leaned in. “Is there anything you’re not telling me, Cozy?”

A hint of Cozy’s intelligence flashed through her eyes. Well golly, of course there would be! We’ve only just met!

Starlight ground her teeth. Despite having her former foe trapped in two-dimensional space, Starlight felt uncomfortably out of control. This, despite that Cozy wasn’t even the real Cozy, just a shade transported and visualised using light through the medium of a simple reflective surface.

“Where did you come from?” Starlight asked, seeking to regain a sense of control and command over the situation.

I don’t come from anywhere, really. Nowhere special.

Trixie glanced at Starlight. “Dear Glimmer, perhaps we should put this to one side for now? You wanted to take me to see the new teacher, yes?”

Starlight glanced over at Trixie. “I’m perfectly in control,” she told Trixie. “This is just a reflection.”

“It’s clearly doing something to you. You’re sweating.”

Starlight raised her hoof to her forehead. It was wet. Huh. It must be exertion from the spell…

Is something wrong? Was it something I did?

“V-very well.” Starlight turned to the reflection of Cozy Glow. “Don’t go anywhere!”

Where could I possibly go? Cozy asked. Does this mean we get to be friends?

Starlight clicked her tongue. “Sure. Whatever.”

Oh, that makes me so happy! Cozy grinned. I always wanted to be friends with a villain.

Starlight went cold. Trixie took a hold of her hoof.

You know, I always liked you. I'm so happy you're going to talk to me from now on!

“Come along now, let’s not let the evil filly in the mirror get under our skin!” Trixie declared. “We have a bar to attend!”

The little drinking den, slotted neatly between the market and town hall, was run by Carrot Top. It had once sold carrot wine only sporadically, but with the influx of ponies from across the world to visit the Friendship School, it had expanded to become an actual regular bar.

In the cramped but comfortable seating area were four ponies. Starlight was sandwiched between Trixie and the former Princess Luna’s impressive bulk. Across the table from her was ‘Sunbeam’, who had at least been considerate enough to wear a form that took up a lot less space.

“It is Trixie’s opinion,” Trixie began, “That if laying low was your goal, madam, ah, ‘Sunbeam’, then it has been somewhat undercut by your sister refusing to wear any kind of disguise.”

Luna took a sip of her carrot wine. “That sounds to me like a Celestia problem.”

“It sounds to me like a me problem,” Starlight wheezed. Luna was much too big for the small cramped tables.

“I like this form. It speaks of power and regality!”

“It’s a very nice form,” Sunbeam pointed out generously.

“You’re my sister,” Luna grumbled. “You saying that doesn’t count.”

Starlight chuckled.

Are these your friends too?

Starlight sat up with a jump, startled. Luna and Sunbeam looked at her, curiously.

“Are you all right?” Sunbeam asked.

“F-fine.” Starlight glanced around her, and then looked down into her drink, peering at the faint outline of her own reflection. “I must simply be imagining things.” She looked up at Sunbeam. “Did you find any information like I asked you?”

“You have the former ruler of Equestria doing homework?” Luna asked, aghast.

“It’s quite alright. As you remember, Luna, I had always wanted to be a teacher before being put in the position of princess of Equestria. This is exactly where I want to be right now.”

Starlight chuckled. “Before I worked at a school, I… um, actually, perhaps that’s something I had best not go into?”

“If we’re sharing, Trixie wanted to go to space!” Trixie took a sip of wine. “I grew out of it.”

“Yes, I heard you had set up a rather… unique village,” Luna said. “Of dubious ethicality.”

Starlight sucked the air in through her teeth. “Yes, it wasn’t… great. In my defence, the villagers all did sign up willingly, though!” She swallowed. It’s just that I then lied to them and used them… a lot, which, uh, ruffled feathers so to speak…” She breathed out. “It wasn’t all bad, though. I had some… interesting relationships, back then, when I was still studying magic.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. Starlight giggled, causing the unicorn illusionist to glower at her.

“I’m sure they’ve forgotten all about me. Those aren’t ponies I’m interested in seeing again, so your friendship position is secure,” Starlight added.

Luna sighed. “Perhaps I am too old-fashioned. All this talk of what we wanted to be once is not something I feel comfortable with. I for one am quite content with who I am.”

Sunbeam smiled. “I fear my nature is a bit too old-fashioned as well to be what Equestria needs right now. I, too, am quite content with who I am now as well.”

Starlight cracked a small smile. “I know a thing or two about trying to overcome one’s own nature. I don’t think I’m a very good pony by nature.”

“You are better than some,” Trixie pointed out. “At least you don’t want to be bad.”

Starlight nodded. She supposed that was true, at least. It came less naturally to her, being nice and understanding and, in general, good, but what mattered is that she took the steps to make it come to her.

“Anyway, with regards to your problem…” Sunbeam leaned in. “Largely, in preparation for Twilight’s rule, I had made a point of scouring Equestria of places where hidden evil could hide. I didn’t want to leave things to chance.” She tilted her head. “There were some regions I did not look into, however. The Everfree was one such place; there was still a significant aura of superstition around it, and although my bravest agents were comfortable to take the risk, they were too few to explore it thoroughly. Outside Equestria’s borders was another place.”

“Silly nonsense,” Luna declared, taking a swig of wine. “The Everfree is harmless. I would go on strolls there during the night when I was younger. You only have to be careful of a few manticores, hydra, poisonous plants, and other things.”

“Yes, that sounds positively safe,” Trixie muttered.

“I doubt Cozy would have survived there as a young foal, though. I suspect she would have originated from an organisation that remained somewhat… opaque to me.”

“Old knightly orders, vestiges of the old times, that sort of thing,” Luna explained.

Sunbeam nodded. “There were regions far to the north, near the borders of the Crystal Empire, which had old unicorn sects that resisted my attempts to bring them into the Equestrian fold. Additionally, many old monasteries insisted on their independence. Many of these formed orphanages and places to rear lost foals.”

Starlight darkened, and peered into her glass. “I’ve been around orphanages before. A long time ago.”

Sunbeam raised her eyebrow at that. “They are not all pleasant. I wish they had not been so stubborn in their attempts to remain independent.”

Golly! It looks like your friends are all pretty villainous too.

“What did you say?” Starlight asked, her eyes flashing.

Sunbeam frowned. “I said that—”

“Not you, sorry…”

Nopony ever cared about me before I arrived in Ponyville. Nopony cares about anyone until it affects them, you know! I guess you could say I was just trying to make a difference in ponies' lives, like you. Was that so wrong?

Starlight glanced around and found her eyes drifting back to her glass. There, shimmering in the reflection, was the faint-yet-unmistakable outline of Cozy, replacing Starlight’s own reflection. It was distorted from the shape of the glass, but that didn’t make it any less frightening to Starlight. She put the glass down hard, causing some of the carrot wine to spill out onto the table.

We’ve got the illusionist liar who only thinks about herself and what makes her look good, the manipulative schemer who had all of Equestria in a stranglehold and is now playing teacher in a tiny town, pretending to be nice, and the vicious two-faced monster who wanted to drown Equestria in eternal night! They look like they’d get along with you really well, Starlight!

Starlight felt Trixie’s hoof on her own. “Glimmy, you’re not looking well at all.”

You're the worst, though! You were pretty awful back then. It's just you started lying to yourself about it. Is that why you don't like me? Because I remind you of you?

Starlight realised she was panting. She wiped her hoof on her forehead. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”

It couldn’t be that she was losing control. These must be hallucinations brought on by fatigue from the spell, and all this talk about their pasts and… orphanages, of all things. She grit her teeth. Those were not memories she wanted to recall.

What's wrong? Is my friend unhappy about something? What could it be...?

Sunbeam’s horn glowed bright across the table. She wore a serious face, more serious than Starlight Glimmer had ever seen before. Instantly a ray of white light flashed across the surface of the glass Starlight had dropped.

“Reflection magic is a complex thing,” Sunbeam said, and looked up at Starlight. “I would recommend you stay with Trixie for the evening.”

Luna narrowed her eyes at Starlight. “I sense something is troubling your thoughts. Was it something we said?”

Sunbeam looked at Luna. “Starlight attempted a complex spell earlier. I have confidence that she will have taken all necessary precautions, and I have no doubt that she has thoroughly estimated the benefits and risks, however as with all things, at times things can slip through the cracks.”

“I can tell that already, sister. I meant something else.”

Starlight got to her hooves abruptly. “I would like to go home. I don’t feel well.”

Sunbeam nodded to Trixie. “You know what to do. I expect a close friend will be more supportive than us.”

Starlight glanced at the glass of carrot wine, holding it in her gaze for a moment. She could still feel… something. Something uncomfortable in her head, in her heart. An aching she hadn’t felt since before she had left to found her Town…

Trixie downed the remainder of her wine and then, for good measure, finished Starlight’s as well. “There,” she said. “Whatever you saw in there has been consumed by none other than I, the great Trixie. Consider it vanquished.”

Starlight flashed Trixie a grateful smile, and allowed herself to be led away from the table. “I think a good night’s sleep will do me good.”

“Of course. You shall naturally be staying in my mobile home.”

“Excuse me?”

“I intend to keep an eye on you as instructed. And I do not intend to sleep on a meagre couch! Therefore, I shall sleep in my bed at my home and you shall be on a roll I shall set up for you.”

Starlight sighed. “I… of course.” She smiled. “Thank you.”

The pair of them exited Carrot’s bar and began walking through the streets of Ponyville. It was a quiet evening, as most ponies had work the next day, Starlight included. She hoped that whatever was going on in her head wouldn’t disrupt her sleep.

Perhaps she should have questioned Cozy more thoroughly before leaving for the evening. At least then she would have a little more to show for her efforts than a potential spell rebound and fatigue. Not to mention, she would barely be able to rest with all the unanswered questions floating inside her mind…

“I believe her former Highness Luna had a point,” Trixie said as they trotted through the streets. “You seemed upset when talking about orphanages.”

Starlight bit her lip. “I was just remembering my years before leaving to… well, try and eradicate cutie-marks in my own little corner of the world.” She shrugged. “It was a stressful time in my life. I didn’t really know what direction to go in, only that I needed to make a change somewhere. I made a few mistakes back then.” She breathed in. “They had made sense at the time. Not any more.”

“As large and consequential as founding your cult of equality, lying to them and manipulating them for your own gain?”

“... Perhaps.”

“Well, you can tell old Trixie all about it.” Trixie patted Starlight on the back. “I don’t judge.”

Yup! I’m always happy to listen to all your secrets.

Starlight didn’t even react to the voice this time. She blinked, and behind Trixie, she could see her. Cozy, flying on her stumpy little wings comfortably. Her expression was just as absent of malice as ever.

What was it about the filly that made Starlight so uneasy?

“It’s rather embarrassing. I mostly just… you know. Went through a rather wild phase.” She blushed. “Did whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted. That sort of thing.”

Trixie went bright red. “Oh good.”

Scandalous!

The floating image of Cozy held her hooves to her pudgy cheeks. Starlight couldn’t tell if she was faking it or if she was really surprised. Wasn’t Cozy inside her head anyway? Starlight frowned. Interesting. Just a hallucination?

“I made some mistakes. Um… big ones.” Starlight breathed in. “I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not something I ever thought I’d bring up again.”

Trixie nodded after a moment’s hesitation. “Very well, Glimmer. You can continue when you are comfortable and not a second before.”

Starlight nodded.

Together they reached the little mobile home that Trixie lived in. Starlight had visited many times before, and whilst it was small, it was cosy and homely. Inside was a vast array of tricks, tools and spell components. Starlight sometimes felt more at home in Trixie’s parlour of illusions than her own office.

Trixie jumped onto her tiny, slim bed. There was no point even offering to share. No matter how cosy they got, there simply wasn’t a possibility of one of them not falling onto the wooden floor throughout the night.

Cozy Glow trotted around the tiny interior with a curious look. Ooh, it’s so homely!

Starlight didn’t reply. She still wasn’t certain whether she was hallucinating or not. If she was, it wouldn’t do to worry Trixie. If she was real, then there also wasn’t much Trixie could do, and Starlight didn’t want to potentially endanger her friend.

“Here, let me get out a small mattress for you,” Trixie began, working away as Starlight acquired a glass of water.

What’re you thinking about? Cozy looked over at Starlight. You got real nervous when they talked about an orphanage. I saw everything!

Starlight didn’t reply. Rather, she racked her brains to think. This was one of those times when her feelings wouldn’t help her. She couldn’t afford to feel things like guilt or shame. They would get in the way of analysing the situation at hand.

Why’d you get all sweaty when they mentioned that, Glimmy?

Starlight closed her eyes. Still she could see the dancing vision of Cozy, taunting her.

Starlight held the side of her head as if nursing a headache. She felt Trixie’s hoof on her back, supportive.

“Are you sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?” Trixie asked. “Not past related, of course. Purely… spell related.”

Starlight put her hooves together, thinking. It felt horrible to admit, but perhaps she had made a grave mistake.

It’s really not very fair. We’re basically the same, Glimmy! We both pretend to be nice when it’s convenient, right?

It was true, Starlight thought. Perhaps there was a version of events where Cozy, like Starlight herself, could have been coerced to see the value of friendship in its truest sense and overcome her innate need for power. It had been hard enough for Starlight to overcome.

The similarities between Cozy and Starlight were undeniable to Starlight. Perhaps that is why Starlight found her so… uncomfortable. So unnerving. So similar it was as if they were made from the same stock…

Starlight’s eyes snapped open. No, she thought. It couldn’t be possible. Or at least, shouldn’t be…

She got to her hooves, brushing Trixie’s hoof off of her.

“I’m sorry, Trixie. There’s something I need to finish,” Starlight declared, and with a flash of her horn, disappeared from the little mobile home in the blink of an eye, leaving the illusionist pony alone, confused, and concerned.

In a blinding explosion of pale blue light, Starlight erupted into her office and whirled towards the mirror she had attempted to trap Cozy inside.

Oh, no! You wouldn’t want to trap your own daughter, would you?

Cozy emerged from the corner of Starlight’s eye, holding her cheeks and putting on the most sinister-sweet look she could.

Starlight didn’t show any hint of even having heard Cozy. Any other pony might have flinched. Any other pony might have at least hesitated upon coming face to face with the realisation that the foal they had refused to take care of, the one they had thrown away to an orphanage in the middle of nowhere because they were too consumed with thoughts of control, of domination, had come back to haunt them in the most literal of senses.

I figured it out! You’re dearest mommy Starlight! You’re why I got sent to the orphanage and left to fend for myself, aren’t you? Cozy giggled. Does that mean you can help me? I just want to be set free!

Starlight was not just any pony. She was a pony who was naturally inclined to cruelty and mean-spirited behaviour. It had taken effort to turn that around. It had taken sweat to force herself to learn how to trust, how to abandon control, how to adapt to others and listen and be kind. Any other pony would have been helpless, the effort of forcing themselves to put down the dangerous monster in their heads too much for them, the strain of hurting others too difficult to bear. Not so for Starlight.

All she needed to do was stop trying.

Her horn flashed and her eyes boiled. A mistake on Starlight’s part. She hadn’t made sure that the reflection of Cozy’s spirit and memories couldn’t take up residence upon the reflective surface of her own eye. It wouldn’t be hard to burn her out again. Painful, but not hard.

No! I don’t want to go in the mirror!

Starlight was still utterly silent. To Cozy, she must have looked as lifeless as a stone statue. As cold as the day she had abandoned the tiny foal.

It had been the best decision, at the time. She was going to attempt great things, to bring true equality to ponies, to wrench back the control cutie-marks had taken from her. To force ponies to her side, to a place where even destiny couldn’t touch her! There was no place for a tiny foal in that world.

A mistake, in hindsight. Cozy must have had the same cruel and controlling streak as Starlight. What lessons must Cozy have drawn from being abandoned by her, Starlight wondered? Cozy wasn’t normal. She would have taken the abandonment personally, and like Starlight, would have drawn very dark conclusions from it.

The pain in Starlight’s eyes was excruciating. Cozy had infested every cell of the surface of her eyes, and each cell had to be seared clean of her taint. Starlight cleansed every single one, until the job was finished.

“Back in the mirror with you,” Starlight growled.

You’re a monster!

“Takes one to know one.”

Starlight shot the shade of Cozy at the mirror, and with a grunt, she cast the spell sealing the path back shut. Cozy erupted into unspeakable fury, hammering her tiny two-dimensional hooves against the apparent surface of the mirror, to no avail. A creature with no mass could not shatter anything, and even if she could, the spells that held her put were strong.

Starlight wiped her eyes with the back of her hoof. That had been harder than she expected.

“I see now where you get your manipulative streak,” Starlight snarled. “I never considered we might be related, but now that I know it makes perfect sense. Of course it would run in the blood.”

Nopony wants to be related to something they hate. So they don’t think about it!

Starlight needed to be sure. “Madam Taskmistress’s Home for Youngsters. That was where you came from, yes? A small little orphanage near Fillydelphia?”

Golly, only just now figuring it out? Cozy’s face was contorted with contempt. You’re pathetic. Maybe if you had actually taken care of me, you wouldn’t have nearly doomed your friends.

Starlight shook her head. “If I had raised you, you’d have turned out worse.” She stepped forwards to the mirror. “It’s time you learn that I am not nice.” With a swift kick of her hoof she rattled the edge of the mirror, and inside the reflection, Cozy stumbled.

Hey! Cut it out!

“Tell me what power you used to become an alicorn. I need to know.”

Poor Starlight Glimmer! You’re so afraid of me being right that you can’t even admit that I reached enlightenment and you couldn’t!

Starlight huffed. “I very much doubt that you are enlightened. Delusional, perhaps. Otherwise, I’d be in your position and you’d be in mine.” She leaned in. “What enlightenment?”

You’ll have to figure it out yourself.

Starlight moved backwards. She breathed in, and then slowly, mustering all her strength, breathed out again.

“Very well. I’ve learned enough, anyway.” She turned around to levitate a large, thick blanket. “I don’t need your enlightenment. I have everything I need.”

You need me! We’re family. The same. Golly, you wouldn’t hide me away in a mirror like this?

Starlight threw the blanket over the mirror, covering it up. It was just a reflection of Cozy, after all. Yes, it could speak and act like it was real, but it was, at the end of the day, just an illusion. The real Cozy was still stuck in stone, all the way in Canterlot.

Hey! Let me out!

Starlight grit her teeth. Illusion or not, Cozy felt real enough to her.

I’ll be your friend!

The headmistress sucked the air in through her teeth. She would keep the mirror, she thought. Perhaps, if she could teach Cozy the true meaning of friendship, make her into a good pony… even if she was just a shade… it meant that there would still be hope for Starlight, too.

They were the same, after all, right?

Starlight opened the door to her office and walked out. She soon found herself stumbling, the weight of countless regrets causing every muscle to ache.

She forced the darker, crueller side of her away. It had perhaps saved her from Cozy’s maddening reflection, but in the world of Equestria today, it was just a weakness. She began trying to be good again, and it was hard.

She gasped for air. Her eyes still stung, not just from the pain of extracting Cozy from them, but also from the burning of tears welling up inside them. If only, she thought… if only she had tried to be a good pony sooner. Years sooner… before she had contributed to setting all this in motion. Perhaps things would have been different then...

Struggling with the regret of her past actions had never been as hard as it was now.

Twilight stood in front of the School as Starlight arrived. Starlight’s eyes were red and puffy, and her expression was pained and fatigued. She approached Twilight belatedly. “Hello, Twilight…”

Twilight offered Starlight a small smile. “Hello, Starlight. I… Luna sent me a message from Celestia. Something about you trying to explore Cozy Glow’s memories? Discover where she came from?”

Starlight nodded. “That’s correct.”

“It looks like it… um, did a number on you.” Twilight tilted her head. “What happened?”

“I found out.” Starlight walked past Twilight unhappily. “A long time ago I didn’t care about anything. Only power and control and magic. You know that better than anypony. I am afraid that Cozy was just one more mistake that I had made when on that path.”

Twilight put her hoof on Starlight’s side. “It’s all right. You’ve changed. Do you want to talk?”

Starlight didn’t feel like she’d changed. If she had been working to be a better pony now, why did it still feel so hard? Why did she feel so empty?

You’re just like me, really.

“Yes.”

Author's Note

Hey hey. Darker stuff isn't really my usual bag, so consider this one something of an experiment. It's a bit rough around the edges; I don't usually practice this sort of thing, but hey, if you enjoyed it, feel free to comment below and do throw it an upvote if you feel like it. I always enjoy seeing conversations in the comments so don't be shy.

Cheerio.