Twilight "SciTwi" Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer walked into Taco Hut. Behind the counter, wearing a Taco Hut uniform, stood Sonata Dusk.
"(Is that really her?)" SciTwi whispered.
Sunset whispered back, "(You mean Sonata, one of the Dazzlings from Equestria? Yes.)"
Sonata smiled at the pair. She raised one hand and waved.
SciTwi whispered, "(She doesn't seem obviously evil.)"
"(Well...maybe. Even when she was a Dazzling, Sonata often seemed to have trouble focusing on being evil. Like she'd rather be doing something else.)"
Sonata went into the restaurant's back room.
"(Is she hiding from us?)" SciTwi asked.
"(Maybe she's running away.)"
"(I hope she didn't go to get the other Dazzlings.)"
The restaurant's front door opened behind Twilight and Sunset. A voice whispered, "(Welcome to Taco Hut!)"
Startled, SciTwi jumped. She and Sunset turned to see Sonata Dusk, still smiling under her official Taco Hut cap.
Sonata whispered, "(Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Whispering secrets to each other just seemed like so much fun, I wanted to do it too! But I guess welcome to Taco Hut isn't really a secret. We want EVERYONE to know that every good customer is welcome at Taco Hut.)"
Driven by her perpetual hunger for knowledge, SciTwi had an idea. "(Sonata, do you have any secrets that really ARE secret?)"
"(Yes, I do,)" the Equestrian siren-turned-human answered. "(Do you want to know why I'm working here at Taco Hut?)"
Sunset decided to play along. She whispered, "(Sure, why not?)"
Sonata's smile grew even wider. "(It's because by working here, I can learn all the secrets of how to make tacos.")
SciTwi whispered, "(That seems like a good plan.)"
Sonata squeed, her volume rising, "I know! It is SUCH a good plan!"
Sunset whispered, "(Is that person over there who's waving at you your manager?)"
"(Yes, she is. But that's not a secret.)"
Sunset commented, "(I think she's trying to get your attention. Maybe you should go and ask her what she wants.)"
As Sonata walked over to her manager, SciTwi whispered, "(Why did you have to interrupt? We were just learning her evil plans. Okay, her not very evil plans. Maybe not evil at all.)"
Sunset said in a normal voice, "I don't really want Sonata to get in trouble with her manager because of us."
Sunset continued somewhat loudly, to make sure Sonata's manager could hear, "Although Sonata was doing a good job of making us feel welcome as Taco Hut customers!"
SciTwi chimed in, "Yes, I feel very welcome too! I certainly look forward to eating some of the tacos that Sonata so highly recommends!"
The manager rolled her eyes.
"So," Sunset said, as she walked up to the counter, "Sonata, I know you're a serious taco gourmet. Out of all of these choices, which taco is the best?"
"Oh," Sonata said sadly. "That's a hard question." Her eyes teared up.
"I'm sorry," SciTwi said. "I don't think Sunset meant to make you feel sad."
Sunset said, "I really didn't mean to. But why is it a sad question? Aren't they all good?"
Sonata jumped up and down and waved her fists with enthusiasm. "They ARE all good! That's why it's so hard!"
Sunset remarked, "Sounds like we can't lose! I'll pick...number fourteen."
"Me too," SciTwi said.
The pair paid, and sat down in a booth. A few minutes later, Sonata carried two trays of tacos to their table. "Two number fourteens!" she said cheerfully as she dropped them off.
After Sunset took her first bite, she said, "This is really good."
SciTwi tried her own, and said, "I have to agree."
A few bites later, Sunset looked impressed. "I mean, really REALLY good."
After another bite, SciTwi said, "I agree. These roasted Brussels sprouts are wonderful."
Sunset looked a bit surprised. "Brussels sprouts? But mine has...asparagus with Nutella. And...marinated mushrooms?"
SciTwi quirked an eyebrow. "I HATE nutella. But these....um, never mind."
Sunset moved her head back and forth, trying to see inside SciTwi's taco. "Is that a dog biscuit?"
SciTwi blushed. "No comment."
Sunset raised her arm to wave at the staff behind the counter. "Excuse me...could I please ask Sonata a question?"
SciTwi blushed redder. "Stop it, Sunset. you're embarrassing me."
Sunset said heatedly, "I think we deserve an answer."
Sonata walked over, and bent over the table. "Hello, ladies. Is everything super good?"
SciTwi said quickly, "It's great it's wonderful thank you now Sunset let her go do her job."
Sunset whispered to Sonata, "(Are those really dog biscuits in my friend's taco?)"
Sonata said innocently, "I guess they COULD be?"
"What in Tartarus," Sunset said, "is in a number fourteen anyway?"
"Oh!" Sonata said, "That's our newest menu item! It's the Chef's Special! It's everyone's favorite!"
Sunset clenched and unclenched her teeth. "Yes, but what IS a number fourteen?"
"It's what I said!" Sonata enthused.
Sunset looked angry. "But. What. Is. In. A. Number. Fourteen?"
"It's everyone's favorite!"
Sunset looked even angrier. She reached over into one of SciTwi's tacos, and fished out a dog biscuit. She waved the pet snack in front of Sonata's face. "Sonata, are you telling me THIS is everyone's favorite? I'm pretty sure it's not MY favorite."
"Of course it's not YOUR favorite," Sonata said cheerfully. "It's not YOUR number fourteen. It's Twilight's."
SciTwi leaned towards Sunset. "Really, Sunset, it's okay. Please don't make a scene."
"Sunset, please don't hurt me!" Sonata pleaded. "I was just trying to make everyone happy. I'd never worked at a taco restaurant before. I was afraid I couldn't get such a great job! So I told the boss about my special qualifications."
Sunset said, "WHAT special qualifications? A resume full of experience feeding on negative energies like anger and hate? Is that what you're trying to do here? Because I guess it's working!"
Sonata said, "I've always been...different from the other sirens. They always fed on those negative emotions like you were talking about. But the only thing I was really good at was pony feelings about food. POSITIVE feelings about food.
"I could feel what foods a pony loves. I could feel what a pony's favorite foods are, even when the pony isn't eating them. But when a pony IS eating the foods they love, and loves what they're eating, those delicious happy yummy feelings are so good!"
Sunset looked skeptical.
"I promise!" Sonata insisted. "That's the only siren magic type thing I'm any good at. I can do it even without my gem! When ponies enjoy eating food that they love a whole lot, that feeling is like food to me.
"But all the other sirens couldn't do what I could do, and they didn't like that I could, and they said I was a weirdo freak. And I guess you think I'm a weirdo freak too."
Sunset clenched her fist and cocked her arm back, as if getting ready to punch someone.
SciTwi said softly, "Sunset, would you please stop embarrassing me in front of everyone? (Because when you make a big scene, and you make sure as many people as possible hear I've liked dog biscuits since I was a little girl, I'm pretty sure that's what you're doing.)"
Sunset said, "Dog biscuits."
"Shh!" SciTwi said.
"(Yeah! Shh!)" Sonata whispered. "(The love between Twilight and her favorite food is so beautiful. You shouldn't try to keep them apart.)"
Sunset looked horrified. "(Those lips. Have touched. Dog biscuits.)"
Sonata said, "(Dog biscuits are very nutritious.)"
Sunset whispered, "(Dog biscuits. In Twilight's mouth.)"
Sonata insisted, "(Dog biscuits taste better than you think. Why do you think dogs like them so much?)"
Sunset replied, "(I don't care what dogs like. Dogs like to lick themselves. They even lick their--)"
Twilight interrupted, "(On our date last night, you seemed to LIKE me licking your...you seemed just fine with it. Does this mean you're never going to return the favor?)"
"(But I'm not a dog! YOU'RE not a dog! Twilight, we're not dogs!)"
Sonata said, "(I'm not exactly Doctor Lovetalk, but I'm pretty sure when you find yourself arguing with your girlfriend over whether the two of you are dogs, it's time to give in and apologize.)"
Sunset said, "(Twilight, you know I used to be a magical pony in another world. Since coming here, I've been able to cope with this whole weird ape-shape thing. But kissing lips that touch dog biscuits? French kissing someone whose teeth CHEW dog biscuits? Doing THAT with a tongue that...I think I've finally found my limit.)"
SciTwi said, "(Does this mean...?)"
"(Yes. I am so sorry, Twilight, but I can't take it anymore.)" Sunset started crying. "(Goodbye, Twilight. See you next week at school. As friends.)" Sunset got out of the booth and walked out of the restaurant.
Twilight looked through the restaurant's plate glass windows at Sunset walking down the street. "Well, that was weird."
Sonata said, "If she can't accept you and won't love the real you? She doesn't deserve you. That...naughty word. That naughty word I so much want to call her. But I'm not supposed to say that word at work, even when I'm on break."
As Twilight thought, her hand distractedly touched her lips. "Oh!" she said, "This IS really delicious. I can taste the taco juice on my fingers."
Sonata said, "I'm sorry about you and Sunset. My siren senses are strong, but narrow. I could feel what foods you'd love the most in your number fourteen. But I didn't know Sunset would get so upset about it. I can feel love, and I love love. But I'm not much good with hate and anger and disgust. I'm sorry."
Twilight gently punched Sonata's shoulder. "There, you're punished." She laughed. "I guess the thing between me and Sunset was doomed, no matter what."
Sonata laughed too. "So, I guess you're single now."
"I guess I am."
Sonata said, "I have a special sense for what somepony--I mean, someone--will really like." Sonata pulled a pen out of her apron, and scribbled a phone number on a napkin. "I promise, I taste pretty great."
Twilight snorted. "What a pickup line."
"I know!" Sonata said. "You would think it should work, right? But you're the first person I've tried it on." Sonata licked her lips. "You know why? Because until I sensed what YOU would really like to taste, I never even thought of it."
Twilight giggled nervously. "I'm starting to think you're serious."
Sonata nodded enthusiastically. "Now that I'm not working with the Dazzlings, my life is SO much better. I get to be nice to people and try to make them happy and I hardly ever get in trouble for it.
"I know it might not work out, between you and me," Sonata said. "But we should try going on a date. Because I'm really enjoying getting to be nice to people now! And also, I'm really good at picking restaurants."
Twilight picked up the napkin and put it in her pocket. "I'll think about it, Sonata."
Sonata jumped up and down with excitement. "If you say yes, it'll be such a fun date!" Sonata whispered in SciTwi's ear for a minute.
SciTwi blushed a little. "I'll DEFINITELY think about it."
"Okay!" Sonata enthused. She noticed her manager waving both arms at her. "Sorry, looks like my break's over! Gotta run!"
***
Sitting in her home lab, SciTwi said to her little dog Spike, "So what do you think?"
Spike grinned. "It sounds like you two had a really good date. She's enthusiastic, affectionate, very open-minded about you liking to eat weird things...I have a thought here, and it's a positive thought, but you might not like it."
SciTwi said, "Spike, I always hunger for knowledge and understanding. So spill it."
Spike said, "Along with all the other things I said, she really wants to make people happy. But some people think she's kind of stupid. You know what she reminds me of?"
SciTwi shrugged. "Nope."
"She reminds me of a really nice dog," Spike said.
SciTwi stared at Spike. "Did you just compare my date to a dog? Because Sunset tried something like that, and it did NOT turn out well for her."
"No, just give me a chance. I just mean, dogs are nice people, or can be nice people. And it sounds like this Sonata has the good qualities of a nice person who's a nice person in the same ways that a dog can be a nice person."
SciTwi shouted, "I am NOT dating a dog!"
Spike said, "Of course you aren't! That isn't what I meant at all. What I was really thinking is, if things between you and Sonata don't work out--and I'm not saying they won't, I just mean just in case--do you think you could invent some kind of gadget to temporarily turn Sonata into a dog?"
SciTwi said, "What."
"It's just, I don't meet a lot of talking dogs to date. And most people wouldn't want to be dogs, and most people probably wouldn't be very good dogs anyway. But this Sonata sounds very open-minded. I think you should ask her about it. If she's single, I mean."
SciTwi said, "I REFUSE to be in a love triangle with my dog."
Spike shrugged. "Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just asking. I mean, I warned you that I probably shouldn't say anything, but you told me to tell you."
***
Sitting on a park bench, Fluttershy scratched behind Spike's ears. He panted happily. Sitting beside them, Sonata looked sad.
"So like I was saying, I don't feel like it's really fair for Twilight to tell me I'm not allowed to date Spike. I mean, I guess it's fair that Twilight doesn't want to build a species change machine, if she has other things to do. But she says, dating while he's him and I'm a human girl is like, double off-limits. She says it's really weird or something. But in my native Equestrian form, I'm like a giant magic merhorse. No matter who I date in this world, some people are going to think it's weird. Because I've visited the ocean and the Baltimare Aquarium, and I just can't find giant magic merhorses on any of the dating services."
"Mmm-hmm," Fluttershy said. "I guess I can understand. For Twilight it would be really weird if someone she had dated started dating Spike. But I know she's built a weird gadget to turn someone into a different species before. One time she heard me mention that I love how trees are so beautiful, and so helpful to lots of different animals, and I said I'd like to be a tree.
"Three weeks later," Fluttershy continued, "Twilight just showed up at my door with a weird gadget, and asked me to pick out a spot, and she turned me into a tree for a day. I was a cherry tree, and it was cherry blossom season. Do you know what it feels like to have lots of bees licking nectar out of your flowers? It really tickles!" Fluttershy giggled.
Sonata looked amazed. "Why didn't I ever think of it?" she said. "If I had hundreds of bees drinking nectar out of my flowers, that would feel so good! I would get so much positive energy out of their happiness from eating their favorite food! And pollination is totally, definitely how plants have sex! Food and sex all in the same wonderful flowers all over my body! I have to go talk to Twilight right away!"
Sonata leaped to her feet and ran out of the park, towards Twilight's house.
Spike gave Fluttershy a dirty look. "Thanks a lot."
"What did I do?" Fluttershy said. "I was just trying to be sympathetic."
"Now that you've given Sonata an idea for someone--hundreds of someones!--she'd rather get involved with than me, I don't even have a chance. Twilight will probably turn Sonata into a tree for as long as she wants, just to get her out of the way. Maybe forever."
Spike shook his head. "Fluttershy, you're the worst wingman, I mean, winggirl, ever!"
***
Sonata, now a transmogrified dolphin, swam a spiral with two other dolphins, corralling and crowding together a school of fish. As Sonata swam, she projected unearthly tones and chords into the ocean around her, conversing in whalespeech.
"So then," Sonata explained, "I was a tree for a few weeks. But it turns out it's not nearly as sensual except when you're flowering. And then I got allergic to my own pollen, and I gave myself hayfever! So as much fun as it was to be a tree, I had to give it up." She sounded a weird dolphin note roughly equivalent in meaning to a sigh.
The dolphins opened their jaws, grabbing fish and eating them. Sonata joined in.
After the meal, Sonata said, "So do you think I'm weird?"
One of the dolphins said, "You came here from another world. You've been I can't even count how many species. So what if you ARE weird? After all that, maybe it would be weird if you WEREN'T weird. But is there anything really wrong with that? Even if you might be weird, it doesn't sound like you're a bad person. Have you done anything that's really all that bad, that didn't get fixed?"
Sonata opened her mouth in an undolphinesque expression of shock.
The other dolphin asked, "What's wrong?"
Sonata exclaimed, "The taco warmer at Taco Hut! I forgot to turn it off before I left! What if it burns down the restaurant! It might ALREADY have burned down! I have to go check! I have to go get turned into an otter so I can swim upstream and try to find Twilight to turn me back into a Taco Hut Taco Artist!"
Sonata swam rapidly towards land.
The first dolphin said, "That dolphin has some interesting stories. She's really been places."
"Yes," agreed the other. "But you have to admit one thing."
"What's that?"
"She IS a bit weird."
Author's Note: Choose Your Own Author's Note
Pick 1 and AT LEAST one other other number between 2 and 8.
Nutella is a registered trademark of the corporation that legally owns it.
Yes, I do know someone who's eaten dog biscuits.
His name is Spot.
Yes, some people believe dolphins are the hippies of the sea.
Probably the well-produced fan song "Fluttershy's Lament." Hardly anyone bothers to watch the season one episode about Appaloosa, because its preposterous greatness is too powerful for most humans to handle.
I haven't written any other story quite like this one. But I do have several other stories with the Comedy tag.
Unless I changed the chapter title and forgot to revise this Author's Note, by the time you're reading this sentence, this story probably already has three comments pointing out that in some cultures the number fourteen is considered UNlucky. Did I know that? Did I know that, huh? Isn't that ironic?
The story image is a cropped frame from Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks. (By way of footage copied into a fan music video and slightly blurred against automated copyright detection. The cheapest special effect!)
