A Quick Trip To The Home Improvement Store

by Speedy Quill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Starlight Glimmer, Princess Celestia
Length: 1697

Twilight needs to get light bulbs. Her friends tag along. It doesn't go well.

Twilight needs to pick up light bulbs. All of her friends decide to tag along. Should be an easy trip, right?

Nope. Turns out nopony can handle going to this Home Depot-esque store.

———————

Also enjoy a reading done by StraightToThePointStudio!

Published 2020-09-02 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-02 18:30:01 UTC

Twilight Needs Light Bulbs

The carriage landed towards the back of the lot, taking up a couple spaces due to it's size. It would mean a longer walk into the store, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Alright everypony! We’re here!”

Twilight looked at her friends with a smile. All of the girls and the Crusaders had been happy to come along, though Twilight wasn’t sure why. She was just here to pick up some light bulbs.

The girls all squirmed in their seats, ready to exit the cramped carriage. Applejack spoke up.

“This thing looked roomier on the outside.”

Rainbow Dash nodded.

“I can’t stretch my wings at all.”

“Imagine if you had larger wings.”

Twilight turned to look at Celestia and Luna. She was even more perplexed as to why the former Princesses had agreed to come along.

Twilight opened the door to the carriage and bodies spilled out into the parking lot.

“Ow! A little warning would have been nice!”

“Wee! Let’s do that again!”

“Could you move your elbow out of my ribcage? If it’s not too much trouble that is.”

“Does my mane look okay?”

“Is that my hoof or yours Scootaloo?”

Twilight sighed as she stepped around her pile of friends.

“Come on girls. We don’t want to waste any time.”

Celestia stepped out of the carriage, took a deep breath, and stretched her wings.

“That’s much better.”

She looked at Twilight and smiled.

“Ready to get some light bulbs?”

Twilight smiled back.

“You really didn’t have to tag along Celestia.”

“Well, I needed to get a bulb for my reading lamp. Since you were already planning a trip, I thought it would be easier.”

Twilight chuckled, looking around at all her friends.

“I still don’t get why everypony came along. It’s just a hardware store.”

Applejack piped up.

“A home improvement store Twi. It’s not just hardware inside. There’s lumber, floorin’, garden supplies, doors, windows, appliances-”

Rainbow put a hoof over Applejack’s mouth.

“We get it AJ. There’s a lot of stuff. Besides, it’s just fun to browse in a store like this!”

The girls all nodded. Twilight had to hold back her laughter. They all looked so excited over such a trivial thing. But she wasn’t going to deny herself time with her closest friends. Every second she got to spend with them was a treat.

Twilight glanced back at the carriage and noticed somepony was missing.

“Luna? Aren’t you coming?”

Luna leaned forward, appearing in the doorway.

“No, no. I’m quite fine. There’s a nap with my name on it here.”

Pinkie jumped back in the carriage and spun around a few times.

“I don’t see anything! Were you hiding it?”

Everypony laughed as Pinkie jumped back out of the carriage. Luna waved them off and the group moved toward the store.

Twilight really was so happy to have her friends around. Even for the mundane. She let out a content sigh as they crossed the threshold of the store.

And then all Tartarus broke loose.

Everypony, besides Celestia, dashed away from Twilight. The Princess wasn’t sure what had just happened.

“Wow...I guess they were really excited to browse?”

Celestia chuckled.

“These big stores tend to bring out the filly in everypony. It’s like you’re seeing all these things for the first time in a way.”

“Well at least you're old enough-“

“Sweet Me!! Are those hedge-clippers?!”

Celestia was gone.

Twilight stood there, alone, wondering what she had just witnessed.

“Ooooh-kaaay. That was weird.”

She shook her head to clear it and focused on her task at hoof.

“Light bulbs, daylight, four of them.”

She trotted down the aisle in front of her, starting her search. When she reached the end of the first aisle, she placed a hoof out into the intersection.

That’s when a flatbed cart nearly ran her down.

Twilight yanked her hoof back as Rainbow Dash flew past her, pushing the flatbed down the walkway.

“Dash takes the lead! The fastest pony in all of Equestria proves yet again she can’t be beat!”

Dash threw the cart into a Cloudsdale Drift, which is when Twilight noticed a body on the cart. She watched in dismay as the cart disappeared down another aisle, the frightened voice of Fluttershy crying out from the flatbed.

“How did you talk me into thiiiiiissssss!”

This was much worse than she’d realized.

Twilight raced to another aisle to discover an employee shouting at his rolling staircase.

“This is for employees only!”

“But you weren’t here to get this doohickey for us!”

Twilight looked up to the top of the staircase and found the Crusaders attempting to pull something off the top shelf. The employee looked about ready to have a conniption.

“The stairs are for employees only!!!”

Suddenly, another set of stairs appeared at the other end of the aisle. Twilight watched in horror as Pinkie pushed the staircase over to the others.

“You girls have the right idea! I tried climbing the shelves, but they don’t like that here apparently. Then I found these cool moving stairs!”

Pinkie began climbing her staircase and the employee lost it.

“No, no, no, no, no!!! Employees! Stairs! Only!”

Twilight had never seen a grown pony throw a tantrum like this. It was rather terrifying.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!”

Twilight’s ears stood up straight at the sound of a pony in pain. She ran toward the gardening area and skidded to a halt as she spotted the pony in question.

“Starlight?! What happened?!”

Starlight Glimmer was stuck in the middle of at least two dozen small cacti plants. She had needles sticking out all over her body.

“I just wanted to get a friend for Phyllis.”

“But how did you-?”

“What did you do to the lights?!”

Twilight spun around. She wanted to help Starlight, but there was too much happening at once. She followed the new voice, scared of what she might find.

“I had them set up just right!”

“Surely you’re kidding?”

Twilight reached the aisle. Rarity was having a heated argument with another employee.

“How can I take a good photo of myself if the lighting is just hanging there?”

“It’s meant to hang there! It’s for display, not actual use!”

Twilight looked up at the lighting display. The lights had been adjusted to shine on Rarity, putting her in a (Twilight hated to admit it) flattering light.

“You can’t just move things where you want them!”

Twilight realized the comment wasn’t coming from the employee in front of her. It was from somewhere else!

She raced over a few more aisles, finding Applejack with two employees.

“Look, y’all have this place all kinds of mixed up. But if you put these screws in the proper order, like we do on the farm, then you wouldn’t have ponies bein’ all confused tryin’ to find these things.”

One of the employees was rubbing his temples while the other responded.

“We have a specific system for our inventory! It’s going to take hours to undo this!”

“Why in Equestria would you want to undo it? I told y’all this is the right way!”

The sound of breaking glass made Twilight flip around again. She ran towards the source, only to discover Rainbow Dash had crashed the flatbed into the display of windows. She and Fluttershy were lying in the middle of a sea of broken glass.

“Tsk tsk. You really should watch your friends closer Princess.”

Twilight slowly turned her head. What she found would haunt her dreams forever.

Discord was reading a newspaper.

And he was on one of the display toilets.

Twilight felt a lump in her throat beginning to grow.

“Please tell me you’re not...”

He flashed a wicked grin before disappearing in a flash.

“OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH!!!”

Twilight covered her ears. Who in Equestria was that?!

She turned her gaze back towards Rainbow and Fluttershy to discover they were being picked up by employees. In fact, all of her friends were reappearing, escorted by employees. And in the center of this gathering, a large pony with a tag that said ‘Manager’.

“Please escort these ponies out of the store.”

The employees nodded and led everypony away. Twilight approached the manager.

“I’m so sorry! I don’t know what happened!”

The manager held up a hoof.

“Trust me Princess, this isn’t my first rodeo.”

“I can’t begin to apologize for everypony’s behavior.”

The manager smiled.

“It’s okay. A few windows got broken, but that’s the worst of it. I’ve dealt with much worse at this store. But I will have to ask that you and your friends shop elsewhere for a few weeks. It takes my employees some time to get over these events.”

Twilight nodded.

“Of course. I understand.”

The manager walked her to the exit, where her friends were all sitting. They all looked ashamed of themselves. What Twilight didn’t understand was why Celestia looked more ashamed than the rest.

The manager cleared his throat.

“You’ll all be welcome back here in a few weeks. Maybe by then you’ll all have learned a little self-control?”

The girls nodded. The manager suddenly pointed to Celestia.

“Except for you! You’re banned from this store permanently.”

Twilight looked at the manager in shock.

“What could she have done to deserve being banned?!”

The manager shook his head.

“I couldn’t say.”

One of the employees behind him began sobbing. Twilight glanced back at Celestia, but the alicorn wouldn’t meet her gaze.

Twilight returned her eyes to the manager and lowered her head.

“I apologize again for everything that happened here.”

The manager nodded back.

“Thank you, Princess Twilight. I appreciate the gesture.”

Twilight spun around, glaring at her friends.

“Carriage. Now!”

They group tripped over each other as they raced out into the parking lot. They all piled into the carriage before Twilight. A she stepped in, she found they were all silent and avoiding her gaze.

Luna was stretching and yawning.

“Hello Twilight. Did you get your light bulbs?”

Twilight’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull. The one thing she’d come for!

“HORSEFEATHERS!!!”

Everypony flinched as the lavender alicorn screamed at the sky.

Author's Note

Inspired by this post/meme.