Wrong Genre Savviness works just as well, doesn't it?

by Sefton

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy
Length: 1825

HiE, with someone who THINKS he knows what he's doing. Tip: He doesn't. First try at a story.

A lightning bolt to Celestia's horn, aside scaring a brony crapless on his own dimension, also warps him to a random plain on Equestria. After being rescued by Twilight Sparkle who watched the whole thing, he's brought to a hospital and now is keen on making sure not to fall on any of these crazy situations that always come up when someone decides a human appears in Equestria. And he can do it. After all, who would be best suited to avoid being dragged into weird situations than a fanfic reader?

Aside that person you just thought of. And the next dozen, too. (I'm not experienced with stories, but I promise I'm trying to make a good one for the first real try.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-28 06:04:01 UTC

The Call should choose better who to strike

I’m dead.

Seriously, I know I’m dead.

That sound was a thunder strike, it hit through my window and killed me, I’m now having electric seizures on my room looking like toast. With no butter.

What are the odds of a thunder coming through my window? One in a million? If that’s the case then I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, it’s ALWAYS the one in a million chance, but still….

“What…Oh! Hey!! Ohmygosh, Is he all right? Where did he come from?”

Oh, hey, maybe I’m not completely dead. I do hear the voice, and slowly opened my eyes. Oh. So THAT’S why it was dark. Nice. I looked up, and above me was a sky full of dark-gray clouds, and a strong wind was blowing just everywhere. I started to pick out small things like that I was laying on some grass, that I was on my back, that I for some reason had the taste of apples on my mouth, and that my hooves and four legs were flailing madly like I was some kind of turned-upwards mad turtle.

…

Did I say hooves?

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?!” A voice called again. I tilted my head backwards (Or in this case…Kind of backwards-upwards. That thing when you’re laying on the ground and look at someone behind you, I’m on a bit of a situation to try and remember the word right now!), seeing a figure quickly rushing through the grass my direction. It was wearing something that looked like a brown rain coat. That much was normal, it looked like it would rain WORLDS in just a few moments, to be fair. I wish I had an umbrella. The girl with the rain coat lowered her head at me, though, staring straight at my face, squinting her eyes as if she was trying to make it like a microscope on my face.

“Hey, watch the horn!” I said when her horn poked me in the jaw.

“Oh, you’re alive!” She said happily, straightening herself up on place. “I wouldn’t have known what to do if that somehow had killed you or put you in comatose or—“

“Uh, did you summon me or anything?”

“Well.” The unicorn (Oh, yeah! She’s an unicorn, that’s why she had a horn! I would have snapped my fingers if I still had them) stopped for a moment, rubbing her chin with a purple hoof. “No, not really, I was just kind of watching closely and helping on ground while Celestia dealt with some rogues. Then a lightning bolt came and zapped Celestia’s horn, and then there was this huge flash of light and I came to check…”

Celestia?

….

Oh, shit.

Righ, I know the name; I’m a brony on my own right, though I really don’t have much to do or say about the show, and I’m the closet kind. Which means I’ll be taking this secret with me to my grave, but that’s not important right now; what IS important is that there is a purple unicorn saying a LOT of smart-sounding stuff that I’m not even trying to understand while the whole thing is slowly sinking in my head.

This is going to suck. The whole human in equestrian thing never ends well.

“So I think the Griffons made a really well-aimed shot with that lightning bolt, they’re being really annoying to deal with, and the sudden burst of energy overcharged the magical aura around her horn and—“ She continued to speak in science, waving one hoof around in the air as I kept there laying on the ground.

I bet it would have been hilarious to see my face; my eyes were probably slowly growing,  going like two really huge plates. And then the realization came, and it hit me in the mental nads.

“Uh, hey.” I asked, on a weirdly calm voice, interrupting her. “Is your name Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes, do you know me?”

“Hold on, gotta faint.”

I flopped my head on the ground – okay, more like I HIT it really hard on the earth – and I was out like a lamp.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

And in case I forgot,

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwie.

I woke up with a pounding on the inside of my head, like my brain had decided to throw in a rave inside my cranium. I lifted my head a bit, opening my eyes (Again. Why do I have a feeling I’ll be doing a lot of waking up on a short time around here?) and looking around. I was in a clean, light-blue room with some desks full of papers, on a small bed. Looked like a clinic room.

“Right, no unicorns, I just bumped my head and someone brought me over to a hospital, right?”

I paused.

“I’m screwed.” I complained, looking down. I was laying on my belly, strangely comfortable despite having two more legs than what I was used to.

“Right…” I said slowly. “The first thing to do is…” I flopped my face on the mattress soon as I realized I was going to quote about a thousand dozen people at once. This is just the kind of situation you don’t think it’s going to happen but when it happens, blam! You can’t think of anything else to do aside that thing everyone else always think they should do.

“….Find out how to get out of here” My muffled voice started off again while I kept face planting on the mattress. “And ask for a teleport ticket back to earth. Celestia spell going awry, she CAN fix it if she does it on purpose. I think. Maybe. Probably. Please?”

Okay, I’ll be sincere; this would probably be awesome in any other circumstances. I mean, it’s like the oldest cliché in the fandom, but heck, Equestria is a really nice place! And they have dragons and all! But at the time I was just scared out of my mind because, well, I suddenly got hit by a lightning bolt that wasn’t a lightning bolt, but was a spell fired by the controller of the sun from another dimension, and then I flopped into a stormy plain and fainted twice in a row!

And that was not even counting my life back then. Maybe wasn’t the closest with my family, but I care about them. They’ll go insane if I’m not there, and there are my friends too. And my girlfrie—Wait, no, she broke up with me weeks ago. Still, I have people to get back to, so—

“Oh, hello, you’re awake?”

I raise my head from the mattress to look at the pony walking in the clinic. It’s a thin-looking white unicorn, holding a paper file in air with some blue magic stuff. Okay, that’s always cool to see.

“Yep.” I say.

“Well how are you feeling?” She asked professionally, tilting her head and looking over me. “You didn’t have any broken bones or head injuries, or minor bruises, but if what they told you is true you might have some short lasting effects from the magic.”

Wait, what? I stared at her for a moment, my mind still kicking into gear as I took on all the medic-y stuff. I shook my head once to snap out of it.

“Well, I feel….Fine…” I said, frowning, moving a bit to try and test everything out. It all worked well, though it was still weird as heck. “Yeah, all good. Where is this?”

“Canterlot clinic” She answered, taking out a pencil from a desk and making a note on the file “You’ve been here for about five hours. What is your name?”

“Ah, it’s…” I started, but slowly stopped as my mind handed over me a huge, big, tasty plate of complete blank. “….Don’t know” I said, trying to put on my best pokerface. It was horrible.

“Do you have amnesia?” The nurse asked, frowning.

“No!” I said quickly. “I can remember some stuff fine. Erm….Call me…I don’t know, what do I look like?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“What do I look like? I mean, when someone does not have a name they always get one that seems to fit them. It works in books” I said, rubbing my chin with one hoof. The nurse looked at me unblinkingly.

“I don’t know, uh….Books…..Quill?” She shrughed.

“Like a writing one?”

“Yes?”

“Perfect!” I said, standing up. It was….Surprisingly easy. I expected to fall flat on my face soon, but the balance with four hooves wasn’t so bad. I trotted around a bit, testing my legs, and after some initial shaking and weirdness I got the grasp of it. I wouldn’t be running anytime soon, though. The nurse looked at my testing with wary eyes the whole time.

“So, can I walk out?” I asked. “I don’t really have money to pay for the treatment. Did you guys treat me? Well, you said I didn’t have anything, but I don’t know how hospitals work AT ALL so maybe you…” I started to talk, before she raised one hoof, exasperated.

“No, no, you’re fine. But you’re only leaving with somepony watching over you.” She said. “Miss Sparkle did say she would take responsibility if anything really wrong was up with you. You don’t seem crazy or anything but you don’t remember your own name. That’s a bad sign.” She said. “And you speak weird about some  things.”

“Do not!” I said, defensively.

“You decided your name would be Quill after I suggested something because you said it works on books.”

“….Details. That’s nothing but a detail.” I said, looking out of the window. The Nurse sighed, and walked over to me, placing a hoof on my shoulder.

“Don’t hesitate to come back if anything else happens. Normally we’d keep you here for observation for a longer time, but we are a bit crowded today. So, don’t get in trouble.”

And with that she conducted me out of the room, and into the entrance of the hospital. I’ll tell you, even though I managed to walk, the stairs were a complete failure. I must’ve given that nurse a health attack judging by how many times I almost tripped over my hooves! Her face was priceless, though.

“Miss Sparkle will probably be here soon and sort out anything else that you still have questions about, since she was the one on the place of the whole thing.”

“Right” I sighed. Okay, so I would have to do this the slow, slow way. They never had anything this boring happen on the internet, normally it’s always ‘hey I just got here and this is crazy, but I’m a brony so date me maybe” within three minutes! Not looking for a date, but darn, getting shoved into a hospital!

…

Darn, “call me maybe”? That was bad. I made a mental note to buck myself if I ever said anything like that again.